Hour 1: It's Largely Performative
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So the media landscapes really let me down in terms of really riling the base up and getting Greg Berhalter out of here. As I mentioned earlier, the United States Soccer Federation did come out and say that they're going to be taking inventory of things and seeing where they go from here. But there is a pretty huge soccer game that does not feature the U.S. Amin, I'm talking to you. You're wearing your Roberto Carlos No. 6 blue Brazilian jersey.

Big game or not a big game, because there is something at stake here. And there's always something at stake whenever Colombia and Brazil get together. But there is positioning within the group, and that affects your opponent in the knockout stages. Brazil fortunate to be in a really top-heavy group, because they are not playing well presently. The first game, they did not play well.

They haven't been playing well recently. Yeah, yeah. Especially for Brazil. Yes, they are below standard. We mentioned yesterday that Ronaldinho has just thrown his hands up and said, I'm not watching any of these Copa America games. There's a lot of weird stuff. Some of it honestly feels a little homophobic with some of the public stances, like we're not going to allow pink hair. The vibes around the Brazilian soccer team right now are pretty bad, and yet they're going to easily get through this group. And they have a Colombian opponent, which...

Again, miss me with all the talent on the U.S. roster talk. You don't necessarily need talent to be a really successful international program. Colombia's still relying on James Rodriguez. They're still relying on the dude. That's crazy. Lucho's a good player. Lucho plays for Liverpool. He's, I would say, like...

You can make an argument Lucho's better than anybody on the U.S. team. I think a lot of people that live and die... Columbia's talented. No, no, I'm not saying... For a Columbia national team to get there, they're on an absolute heater right now. A big unbeaten streak. Like, they're really, really good. The talent in terms of Colombian teams from previous years is not...

They have James playing the same position that he did in Brazil. They're asking him to do the exact same things. Lucho's a nice player, but this isn't an uber-talented Colombian team. If you sack up the talent on the U.S. roster to the Colombian roster and the clubs that they play for, not that that's the end-all and be-all, I wouldn't venture to say with conviction that the Colombian team is more talented than the U.S. I would not. I would not.

But they're really good on the international level. Brazil needs this. Brazil, for their vibes, for their program, they could use this and they could use an easier opponent in the knockout stages. Yeah, exactly. The number one reason is you want to be the number one team in the group because then you get an easier draw in the knockout stage. And I will say, for the sake of this conversation, my favorite player in the world right now, the player that I would say is the best player in the world right now is Vinny. Yes. Vinny Jr. is my favorite player.

Dude, he's my favorite player too, man. And like honestly, his name should be in the conversations with dudes that overcome such horrible, blatant racism. Like not since Cap has there been an athlete that has had to deal with this, both on social media and in person. Leagues and federations doing nothing to curb it. I'm going to say this, and I know Cap went through a lot of shit, particularly when you go to social media, but like,

cap at an NFL game is not getting a fraction of the racism that Vinny gets at a league game. And he caught some heat from the Federation too. Everybody was upset that he had braids. Some of this stuff is mad coded.

Yes. Mad-coded. Absolutely. But Brazil's not in a good place right now, despite having a player that we both immensely rate. I'd call him the best player in the world. What is going wrong with this Brazilian team? You always like Brazil's chances. You're always going to be cocky. For those that don't know, African nations, they root on Brazil. That is essentially their adopted team. My dad told me a story. My uncle watching Brazil versus the Netherlands. This is years and years ago.

and like brazil wins and he comes home and he sees his son he's like oh yeah brazil won and his son has a sad look on his face and he says i was rooting for the netherlands and my uncle was like where did i go wrong like he literally had like an existential crisis of like oh what have i what have i done i raised a child who's not rooting for brazil but um yeah no i think

All of this is the weight of expectations. The weirdest thing, Juju, were you with me when, what's his name, when Joe Mazzulla started talking about Brazil? Yep. So Joe Mazzulla, in the middle of the press conference, because one of the reporters was from Brazil, he starts asking him, like, yo, what's it like for, like, Neymar and those guys?

Like, yeah, they get crushed every time. It's like, yeah, is it fair? So he's trying to compare the pressure that Tatum. It's always dicey whenever Joe Mazzulla starts asking questions. Dude, I was, look, it was, we were. Could have been a jujitsu conversation. I don't know. We were all like, where is he going with this? Very strange. Where are we going with this? But eventually. NBA champion forever. Yeah, Jesus. Eventually, like, he landed the plane. And the plane he was trying to land was at, like, Jason Tatum and Jalen Brown are unhooked.

under an undue amount of stress and pressure from a fan base that has expectations of greatness all the time. The weight of the badge, the weight of the shirt. It's a big thing in soccer. And playing for that country in particular, people are wondering, and the Carton Show is wondering,

How was Ronaldo crying after missing a PK? It transcends reason and logic. You just don't understand in this country. You really don't. That's the thing when, you know, I remember maybe it was a year ago or so we were having a conversation here about like the greatness of individual careers.

and you guys were saying, well, Messi won the Ballon d'Or. I'm like, dude, none of that shit matters. Like, I know it matters and they get paid for it and all that stuff. No, Messi's legacy was totally hinging on winning the World Cup. On a World Cup. Like, there's nothing. When you're playing for your national team. Because the all-time greats have that to their name. Exactly. It's what we were having with the McDavid conversation. The greats win that game. You've got to. You have to. You don't get to be in this conversation without –

A, a World Cup, and B, never. Welcome to the Carton Show. Does Ronaldo belong in that conversation? Where's Tim Hardaway? I saw a story on ESPN that I was wondering your guys' thoughts on because I don't know the actual answer to this about Messi. And it said, this was written last week, at the time it said, Messi has yet to score in the Copa. Is MLS making him worse? Yes.

I love that. Billy, I'm familiar with your Copa America work. Congratulations on finally getting that to catch fire. No, I... What was your weekend like? What, mine? Well, I was at a wedding, but I did see that I had leaked tapes come out that I did not authorize where an off-air conversation happened between Stugatz and myself. You weren't performing at all there. No, we were actually in a break of God Bless Football, and I read an article, and I just read it out loud. I mean, you were talking into the mic. I mean,

Well, we were in a room with microphones in front of us. What were we supposed to do? I was supposed to know I was going to be betrayed. So, like, why is this grenade exploding?

Yeah. No, like this. Mike, it's like this. Correct. I don't understand this. Pulls the pin out. A lot of hate all of a sudden. I didn't understand where it was coming from. You've been a volume shooter with this messy Copa America take, too. That's an actual article. Juju saw it. I showed Juju the headline. I was like, I don't know the answer to this question. I think you were genuinely confused. Like, what did I do different for it to finally catch attention now?

Did it catch attention? Yeah. Really? Where? In soccer worlds? Yeah, in soccer worlds. Really? Why? People don't want to laugh at America World. Why?

I don't want to get into it, Billy. I think it was the cabana after the football. That's two guys. I was just repeating that. We were just talking, having a good time. You know what I mean? Just two guys talking some football. I mean, dismissing one of the more prestigious competitions in the world. If it was so prestigious, they wouldn't have let America in. That's a good point. Big, little, messy. They've let America in a couple times. That's a weird one because they only have a certain amount of teams. Sometimes you'll watch a Copa America, which is South America's competition, and you'll be like, what's Japan doing here?

Why do they do that? Qatar is here. I was just told that they use us for the stadiums. I don't know if that's true or not. No, they did. And they did it for the Centenario too. Like we...

for a bigger Copa America, like, it makes sense to invite... It should always... It should honestly be one qualifying region. CONCACAF and CONMEBOL. But there's a lot of people in the U.S. Soccer Federation that'd be out of their cushy jobs if they actually had to compete with the likes of that to get into a World Cup. Oh my God! They'd never make the World Cup? They would never make the World Cup. No, they'd get more slots in the World Cup that's expanding, but it'd be... They struggle at Trinidad and Tobago. Dog. Panama. You gotta go play a road game in the mountains of Bolivia. Oh man.

Not the segue, but I've had the chance to think about it, and you guys are right. I think I'm more interested in seeing Zach Eadie on the Memphis Grizzlies than believing that it's going to be awesome. Sorry about that, guys. Accountability. Close the loop, yeah. Close the loop. Okay, but back to the original point of today's game for Brazil.

Usually, the international game is so funny, especially in these single elimination tournaments. You can have poor performances like France has had, like England has had, and you keep surviving and advancing. Argentina, multiple World Cup runs. Argentina came out of the eights and lost to Saudi Arabia. And lost to Saudi Arabia. And lost to Saudi Arabia. So it's a strange sport. Take me back to that time. You were so happy. Oh, my God. Because the second game they played, I remember –

Like, they were, were they down 1-0? Or was like, there was a moment. And that wasn't your vintage giant slaying performance? Like, Saudi Arabia was good. Good. Oh, they went out there. They didn't sneak one by. No, man, that was a time. And I was like, they're going to get knocked out in the first round. Wow.

I was beside myself. - Can you imagine the pressure that was surrounding Messi at that moment? I digress. - Oh my God. - It's not like the pressure that's around-- - It's the thing I'm most upset about is that now he gets to walk around like he got a World Cup. - Like he got a World Cup. - That's PKs, man, come on, come on.

Like he got a World Cup. He was also electric in a final against another player that can lay claim to arguably best player in the world. That's the best player in the world. I still like Vinny a little bit more, but we'll see. They're going to be playing on the same team right now. Mbappe...

No question. On the international stage, on the biggest stage of them all, he's delivered for his country. Club, he's come up short, but he also plays in... He's been playing in France, where it's not the best competition. That's why he's moving. Where Vinny, he steps up to every big moment. Club and country. And he's going to need to step up for country now. He really is. Like, it's not... Yeah. I love that guy. Everyone's saying, like, this Brazilian team has fallen off. And I see Vinny still, like, first name on the team sheet. I'm, like, trying to wonder, like... It'll never fall off. Kill for these kind of problems. It'll never fall off. It'll never...

There's this little kid that's coming next. It never falls off. That's the beauty of Brazil. It's like there's always someone. You're in a doldrum right now. Not really. What are you going to be feeling if they lose at Columbia?

Like, it's still going. I mean, it's still, I mean. They'll still likely make it to the knockout stages. They'll make it to the knockout stages. That's not a big deal. Unless like a crazy. I want them to win because I want Brazil to win every game. I want them to win because I want them to have an easier draw. I want them to win because I want Columbia to feel like, no, man, it's still, you're still down there. You're not up here yet. Right? You know how, like, we were saying, like, African nations support Brazil. Like, it's something that you have to do. It's essentially your birthright. That's kind of like Miami folks with.

Columbia. Dude. Everybody in Miami needs to have a yellow Colombian jersey. I got the blue and orange one. You need to have a Colombian jersey in case of emergency when you're living down here. Master Tesfassian spent the holidays... Oh, get out of here! Get out of here, Jason! We don't want to see you! My buddy Master spent the holidays down here with me, and for a Christmas present, I gave him a Colombian jersey. He's like, why is this? I'm like, trust me, for as much time as you spend in Miami, you're going to need this. So, when Christian Polanco of

Kooligans was here

there was an Adidas event, a pop-up. So he invited us all. He said, come through. We went through and they were giving out jerseys. Like, get a token and you wait in line and you pick from like this vast collection. You get to pick. It wasn't a mystery jersey. Yeah, you get to pick. And some of them were like really great kits. Yeah. Right? And others were like, the DC United jersey from 2002. Adidas has great teams that they manufacture for. Right. And so I got there and like it was picked clean because I didn't want to wait in the long line. And I was like, I'll get it later. And then when I got there, I was like, damn.

But I found a Columbia jersey in my size. And shout out to Fuentes. He was like, trust me. You're going to need this one. You're going to need it. But you're not wearing it today. Nope. I didn't even pack it. I didn't even bring it with me. You know why? Because around here, these stars mean something, boy. These colors mean something. I'm not saying that Brazil doesn't have them. He became Eduardo Geronimo all of a sudden.

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Brazil is going to have some good watch parties around town. Don't stray. I don't know if I want... But the Colombian parties are better. I'm going to say this. I don't doubt it. I don't doubt it. I realize one of two things. I can't watch games in public for one of two reasons. If it's Brazil...

I get emotional. It's funny. I make fun of fans. Yeah, I've watched a Brazilian game with you before, and you're pretty close off to the world. I don't. I just can't. My kids were laughing at me watching the Costa Rica game because they were like, what's wrong, Dad? And I'm like, shut up. Get out of here. Leave me alone, right? And then if it's anything else, I like making fun of, like, you know, if it's U.S. men's national team, you know. Yeah, you? Yeah, I was like, Fuentes was like, hey, let's go to Brightside. I'm like, ah.

I don't know if I made it out alive. Oh, you would have loved it. I would have been cackling the whole time. I've been there for a Columbia USA game. You know where I'm at with Greg Berhalter. Did you wear your Columbia jersey? No, I didn't do it. It was like the day of a Panthers game, so I was wearing my Panthers stuff, but I was high five when Columbia scored. I hate what I've become. I'm

rooting against this nation in soccer just because I want to see change that bad. One of my fondest memories ever was 1995. I'm in high school. I'm at Central Park. I'm playing soccer and

with a bunch of, you know, just pick up soccer or whatever. And the dudes had the radio on the side and it was like, it was Columbia's like revenge against America because they lost in 94, 95. They beat them like 4-1 or 5-1 or some shit like that. And like every time... There was a lot of fallout from that. Oh my God. Everyone was... That was, I think, my first like pangs of actual joy. Like, oh, America getting destroyed. I love it. I mean, it's like rooting against the Clippers historically though. Like...

There's not a lot of opportunity for...

Like, get an ad somebody. You know how the story always ends with the U.S. And it's not like this is a country that will give you the tears. It's largely avoidable on the networks that cover this thing. Oh, yeah. There's a really passionate U.S. soccer fan base. You know, the outlaws, they live and breathe in this. So I don't know. You get a lot of satisfaction from the troll, and there's not a lot of people there to troll. Oh, first of all, Twitter would pick to differ. Yeah. Oh, man, I love it. They're like, we love it. What's

what's Sudan doing? And I'm like, well, Sudan's about to qualify for this World Cup. And by the way, you think I'm obnoxious in Brazil? Let Sudan make it to a World Cup in America? Imagine if they're in the same group. As Brazil? North Korea might make it. I've been asked that one, man. I don't know what, I honestly don't know what, I think I would just show up wearing black and be like, just like tennis, just clap for everything. Because I...

I can't even fathom. Me on Bill's Eagle Sunday. There you go. You get the half and half where you got the half jersey, whatever. Or if you're traveling to see the Eagles and Packers in Brazil, you're going to have to wear black. No green allowed. What? Yeah, it's because of the stadium that they're playing in. The gang violence. It's a rival. Where are they playing? Oh,

Which is the stadium that they're playing in Brazil? What's the team that they play? There's got to be someone who doesn't keep up with the news that's just going to show up in green. Hi, guys. Have a nice day. We have two teams that both wear green. A place you can't wear green. I kind of blame the NFL on that one. What are you thinking? Eagles have the black set. They're not like that stadium. They're playing in Sao Paulo.

I'm going to send Raiders commies. No green. But if Sudan makes it to the World Cup, I've decided that I'm going to have at least one event where I'm going to take the entire team out. I'm going to foot the bill.

We're going to have a big dinner and I'm going to give him a speech about like, hey, man, we're like really proud of you guys, whatever. In my dreams, they play Argentina. And I'm like, we're going to beat those assholes. I don't give a shit. I don't see none of you high five that little over there either. We're doing this shit. Hold on. So you're just going to reach out to someone and you're going to host the entire World Cup team on your tab? Yes. Not just the players. There's a big group that comes with it. Staff, everything. Do you have that pull?

It's Sudan, man. It's like one phone call. Imagine. It's a World Cup team. There's security you have to get through. His confidence in this makes me feel like it's not a difficult task. Gringo, we're going to talk about security. As an owner of the Cyclones, we took our team out for dinner, and we had a terrible season after that. I said, f*** the Wall Warriors. It's been all downhill from there. We made a final. Argentina's my Wall Warriors.

Any time that we've given our highlight team anything in advance of a season, they don't reward that faith. Didn't you give them jackets or something? Yeah, and we had another bad year. They're better when we ignore them. Really? Yeah. We've tried to get more hands-on as we've gotten closer with the sport and the players. What? What?

Didn't they warn they were going to take the team away from you because you weren't hands-on enough at one point? No, but in terms of communication. It takes from like six seasons ago, Billy. Yeah, that was like six seasons ago. We really have gotten closer to the guys. Meddling. It hasn't helped. You guys are meddling. We're emotional now. We're keeping Manu forever. We don't have the cachet of a Ray Lewis, but I would say in terms of involvement, we are the prototype.

We are the template. We are the standard for ownership groups that don't actually pay any of the money for their teams in highlight. This year, all red shoes. Everybody on the team, red shoes or just a unified shoe because it's a lot of shoes that be mishmashy. And that blue and that white sometimes don't be coordinated. I like the red accent on the uniform. I think you're onto something. I don't want to mess up the players and their routines. They get to pick the shoe, but I pick the colorway.

All right. I like that. Can you redesign the uniform or something? You're part of the ownership group. Can you redesign the uniform? Change it. Change the uniform. We can't redesign the uniform. That's a league call. Talk to the league. I think we got one of the better logos in all of professional sports. Change the colors a bit. Meet our new head of marketing, Jujugati. Billy said talk to the league. What do you think this is, a Sudanese national team? You can just talk to someone?

Me and Tony were talking about taking over this team. There feels like a hostile takeover. I was talking to Scott, and he's interested in possibly a hostile takeover. You're taking it over? We can give them knockoff Panthers logo shirts and the whole thing. All right. Knockoff. Two Fridays a month. You guys got it. See you there. I mean, look, every time I've gone, I leave with 80 bucks. Every single time. There's free gambling there, and they're just giving you money. Really? Yeah.

Now they have an app. You go on there. This is what you do. All right. Because I showed it the last time I went. It was one of my friend's birthday. You know what? I'm not going to tell you what I did. Tell me. I don't want to tell you. He went for his friend's birthday. I'll tell you. Not to support the Cyclones. I've been, I think, three times. Two times for my friend Nick's birthday and another time I went to support the Cones because Chris is like, we really need people. We're going to take away the team. That's where I got that information from. Nick really likes the Cyclones, huh? He likes Highline. No, I don't think I've seen the Cyclones either time I went. Actually, no. One time I did see the Cyclones and no one was there. And I'm like, oh boy, I'm going to see people from work. I'm like, nope.

No one's here. And then the other time, it was two weeks before the championship. It was the semifinals. It was a big one. This one, Greg fainted? No, I haven't seen Greg faint. Thank God. Look at that beautiful logo. We won that match. Best logo in sports. Yeah, but I'm saying, this jersey's white. You get like a teal jersey going. Or like, get a black jersey. Oh, man. Get like, you know like the old no fear or whatever? You get like a black jersey with just the cones on it.

eyes there, like right in the chest, right in your nips. Two eyes. Save that, Billy. Save that. Dude, fire. The white Cyclones kits, they're essentially the pinstripes to baseball. Like, this is an iconic look. You don't mess with it.

But the red shoes I like. It's like the white shoes of the Oakland A's. It looks nice. I like that accent. Head of marketing right there. Congratulations. Welcome to the team. You honor me, sir. No, you honored me. You get an ownership stake too, right? Yeah, you get an ownership stake. You get the whatever. I'll buy you beers one day. You should sell the team. Like the Celtics, you should sell the team. They should have done that two years ago when they won it all. What do you do if you sell the team? I don't know.

Well, we don't sell the team. Well, you're the owners. Basically, we have a marketing partnership with Battlecourt. They're essentially allowing us to play owner, even though we give back. Mike buys beers after the game. I buy beers. I buy them presents. I support the sport. Chris and I, we became fiends about this sport. Sickos watching...

Tons of highlights that didn't even feature our team. And then we've gotten worse as we've gotten more. No, last year was a good year. We got bone on a bad draft pick. Everybody knew what was going into it. The draft didn't break our way. We went into this year realizing, like, we should make the playoffs, but this is not a championship caliber side anymore. Y'all made the sport more popular, though, because UD's there now, Ray Lewis, everybody. Who's to say that...

at all were not for Cyclone's ownership. LT's there? LT's a champion. The LT? The LT. Wait, the real LT? The real LT. Or the one from San Diego? No, no, the real LT. Roger Stone was there inexplicably one week. Yeah, Roger Stone was there. I had no saying that. He wasn't on my list. He was on Tony's. We're told we're drafting the second best backcourt player in the world in Lopez, and we find out he cares more about real estate than he doesn't.

I mean, it is booming. The Pikachu dog is there sometimes. That one always makes me uncomfortable. The Pikachu dog. But look, their festive atmospheres. When the Cyclones Nation really comes through and they, you know, there's a real solid smattering of applause there.

You could say sometimes maybe more than a spectacle. It's an exciting spectacle. It's a great sport. It's a great time. I look forward to those Fridays. It's a little difficult when it's lined up against game season. Are there Cyclone fans who are like, ever since those two schmucks took over, you've ruined this for us? Well, we won the championship. We won the championship the very first year of Battlecruise. Look, hey, man, people blame ownership groups all the time even after they win a championship. Yeah, Fan Labrador Show's been vocal.

Like Mike Fuentes, he's on the hot seat. Fuentes is... I think he just kind of got replaced. He's still... He's our head of scouting. Wait, Juju, do you want to be head of scouting too? No, I defer to Mike Fuentes on that scouting. I got to do my numbers. It's not working though. Welcome to the team. Billy, do you want to do anything with our team? We can give you a bullshit title. That works. We'll put that on the business card. We actually need a coach. A coach? Do you guys have practices? The champion...

I've had this long-standing theory. You should hire Berhalter and then he can't coach the U.S. men's soccer team. I was about to say, like, there are some convenient things that fall into place for some of the more prestigious ownership groups.

So I'll just leave it at that. But now the shine of year one has worn off. UD won in year one. LT and Ray Lewis won in year one. Okay, cool. LT shows up and the Wall Warriors turn into the 98 Yankees.

Is that a good year for them? Wait, hold on a second. You guys, wait, everybody wins a championship year one? So is this sport fixed? Well, Masvidal didn't win one, and Masvidal, he doesn't have a team anymore. What happened? He got taken away from him. Pipple was an owner of a team, and then all of a sudden he was just like a figurehead. I think Pipple's still hanging around.

He went from being an owner to just a figurehead. Do these people show up to the games? Yeah. Yeah. Masvidal didn't, but I saw Masvidal there once, but he obviously was definitely there. I've seen LT. Udonis shows up. El Duque is there randomly sometimes. El Duque? He's a fan of the game. He just likes Highline. He loves the game. Some of them love America.

Some of them try to subvert it at every turn. Big bounce back year for us. I think so. When's the draft? I don't know. Yeah, I'm not sure. I've got to check my calendar. I don't know if I can make it. Isn't it August? That's Fuentes' job. I don't know. That's why he's on the hot seat. He doesn't even tell us when the draft is. We care about the draft. We care about our players. Even though we may only bring back one of them. Manu? Two. Salute to Manu. I think two. I think you've got to run it back. All-star. He was an all-star his last season.

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Don Lebertard! Again, started on the Breakfast Flan. Oh man, I've been singing a song to myself all morning long. Breakfast Flan, da-da-da-da. Stugatz! Have you never heard the Breakfast Flan song? No, hit me with it. Okay. I wish I had some Breakfast Flan, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Breakfast Flan, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Where can I find a breakfast like that?

This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stugats. I want to shout out Juju Gatti, who does such a great job with our social media. Now, we've all felt a little raw sometimes. We say these things into the microphone. We have to be responsible for what we say. Sometimes these things are out of context. Sometimes you say things off here in the air. Yeah.

Sometimes you're going to have to explain to your daughter 15 years down the line, why did you say into a microphone, what could possibly be the context why you said into a microphone you love Matthew Kachuk more than me? And then I have to say, it's largely performative. It's largely performative. But in that moment, I meant every word. You just have to say that. It doesn't have to be true. You just have to say it. The burden of performing for this audience and the host that sits in this seat usually is heavy. It's like the badge of Brazil. There you go. But I saw the Greg Berhalter clip.

And I usually, I've been trying, I've been working on myself. Like, don't, stay away from words like loser and dumb. Like, stop assassinating the man's character. No, no.

But in this instance, I will not walk that back whatsoever. I will change my tone. But I don't think Greg Berhalter is any good at this. And I actually don't like his attitude. I think he thinks he's smarter than everybody. I think it shows you a lot that he didn't just recognize what was going on and remove his name from consideration. I think there's a considerable ego there.

And there is no real success to back it up. So I want to see you gone, like away from this program forever. Take your brother with you. I want the U.S. Soccer Federation to realize what's in front of them, realize that they've wasted really valuable time. You could get Mourinho in there. You could get Klopp in there. You can get Pep Guardiola in there. And I don't think we have enough time to fix this mess because of your decision several months ago.

So please, listen to me. Greg, you do the right thing. Because I have zero faith in everybody else doing the right thing. Walk away. Do what you should have done 18 months ago when that played out in public. Go away.

And then the U.S. Soccer Federation, if and when he does or you decide by some miracle he's not good enough, do what you did for the women's national team. You went to the very top of the chain and you got Emma Hayes, someone that has been there, done that, won at the highest level, commands respect. Do that because these opportunities, they don't come around often. Sometimes they don't come around at all. You're hosting a men's World Cup, the biggest World Cup ever hosted

Do something that meets the moment. I think you cleaned that up. I mean, you just flew in from San Francisco. I did. Did you raw dog it? I did not. Well, no, I didn't raw dog it because I went to sleep. But raw dogging, I'm fascinated by this new cultural phenomenon. You guys familiar with raw dogging? Lewis invented it, man.

Tony's going to be a dad, so he at least has seen of it. No, no, no. I know exactly what you're talking about. Not wearing underwear? No, that's commando. I'm wearing underwear for the first time in several weeks right now. These joggers don't have the inner lining. Nice. In South Florida, dude, I just realized six years ago, underwear and I, done. Done. No more underwear. There's got to be a protective barrier, man, between me and you. There's a lining in a lot of the pants. No, that's not enough. Why? Too thin. Too thin of a lining. No, it isn't.

No, you want a thin lining. No. No, I'm telling you. I'm a little bit thicker of a line. Look, guys, we're not going to agree on this. I like my balls hanging free and clear. The only thing that's in its way is the very thin lining. It is really muggy down here. That's the issue. That's the issue right there. We need a couple layers between us. If you want to be snug, be snug. But anyways, back to raw dogging. That's not raw dogging. Raw dogging. Chris, do you really not know what raw dogging is? I do. Okay.

Jeremy, you know what raw dogging is? Yes, but Billy doesn't, so would you mind explaining to him? So raw dogging is you get on a plane, you get on a flight, and you don't listen to music, you don't listen to podcasts, you don't watch a movie. Oh, maybe I didn't know what it was. I know both. You don't watch TV.

You just. You don't read. You don't read. And you're not wearing a condom on the airplane. That too. Yes. I usually do. Very important, by the way. Yeah. But I recently stopped. You just sit and you watch the flight plan on the map.

Or if you have one. Some planes don't even have one. They stopped doing that. Like, I stopped being able to see where in the world I was. I was just hoping we're on the right flight path. Here's an image. That's raw dogging right there. He's not in the air, though. It's easy to raw dog when you're at the gate. Anyone can raw dog on the ground. Also, I don't believe anyone is actually raw dogging because they're taking their phone out to record themselves raw dogging these really minuscule moments.

You're at least getting your phone in to post it on social media. Like, that's not a raw dog. A raw dog, there's no visual evidence. Well, there might be if someone else records you, but not of your own. You have to be in a middle seat for it to be a real raw dog. Yeah. You could do, like, the Chipotle thing. You could raw dog from the side. Have you ever, like, been turned off by all the Chipotle videos, which is not the actual person recording? It's someone recording the person recording? Like, how do we set this shoot up?

What's our intention? What Chipotle videos are you talking about? The Chipotle videos where someone hosts? No, no, no. Like where you basically put your phone out and you force them to just pack your bowl with more meat. You missed that whole thing? No. That was like a thing like, talk to a girl, this is your future. Three weeks ago we were talking about the Chipotle packing the bowls thing. Yep. So they're making them pack more meat.

It's a pressure. It's a social pressure of having a phone and being like, I'm recording you. Don't be light on that. I wish I worked at Chipotle and someone tried to do that. I'd be like, and? So? Tell my boss. You're not going to be at Chipotle the next day because the CEO made a video of how to get this done. He said, give them a look and be like, really? We actually have that video. Let's play it.

First, I can tell you the portions have not gotten smaller. One of the things I think is great about Chipotle is if you come into the restaurant and you want a little more rice or you want a little more pico, all you got to do is kind of like, and usually our guys and women give them a little more scoop. Guy looked a lot like Buzz Lightyear. Not protein, by the way. Or guac, by the way. I love how he said our guys and women.

They didn't show his face there, but he probably looked around like, I got you. I showed enough of his face. That was a real square jawline on that guy. Can we just throw, we don't have to play the video, but can we just get a look at his face again? Because he reminds me of Ken Marino. Do you guys know Ken Marino? Yeah, he does look like Ken Marino.

He was the host on the show. Party Down? No, he was one of the guys in Party Down, but I always remember him from Eastbound and Down. The late stages, Kenny Powers was on this sports show.

And the main host of the show is Ken Marino. Oh, yeah, he was really good in that. Dude, so here's the funny thing about that show. When I was watching Eastbound and Down, I was still working for the Suns. And so I remember watching that clip where Kenny goes, Kenny's cutting in. And I said, yo, it would be so cool if I could do that on a TV show. Then I swear to God, I remember saying, when am I ever going to be on a TV show? Yeah.

on everything. And then I completely forgot about it until I re-watched it like a couple weeks ago. Camarino's also like the...

The sound engineer on the rock and roller coaster in Hollywood Studios. Huh. When Aerosmith, yeah, look for Camerino there. He's also the stepdad in Role Models. Yes, he is. Oh, my God. He's great in that. Billy, did you know that Camerino was in that Aerosmith ride? Yeah, I think they're revamping that. Yeah, they are. It was closed when I went. I don't like that. They have to. Yeah, they have to. After the Michael J. Fox video, it has to be Coldplay. Get him the stretch. Make that a super stretch. Classic line. Wait a second. Rada.

I love that idea. Yeah. Who said that?

Remember when they used to have, like, I don't know if they still did at the end or if they still are going to, but they would, like, there was an employee who was paid to, like, pretend to be tuning the instruments. So, like, they would have, like, the video where you see Aerosmith and, like, the person at Camarino's there, and then they'd have, like, a person who works for Disney who would be like, oh, hey, Jim, get me my guitar. And he's like, and then he'd pick up a guitar and be like, I got it. And then he'd just put it back for the next thing. Pandemic killed that guy. It really breaks my heart. Actually, yeah.

It breaks my heart to see these once great amusement rides, and now you see people go through the motions. The first time I rode Transformers, it was like, get in, get in, get in! Get in, Evac, right now! And you're like, whoa, this is crazy. And now it's just like, whatever, measure yourself. How many? How many in your group? Cool. Welcome to Transformers. I like the added theatrics. It's because Gen Z, man. They're too cool for school.

That's who's getting these jobs now. A bunch of kids. They're taking our jobs. They're taking our jobs! You fell asleep on your flight over from SFO. You haven't actually successfully raw-dogged a flight. That's not raw-dogging if you fall asleep. The reason I brought this up about Lewis raw-dogging being the first person I've ever seen do it is because not only does he have 18 kids like Phillip Rivers, but when we went to Vegas for the Super Bowl,

I was on the aisle side, and he was in the middle seat. And then all he was doing was sitting there. He didn't have headphones. He didn't take out his phone. No gummies. He didn't do anything. No boots. I don't know. There's no way he wasn't baked. He was just sitting there, just...

Did you hit him with the Elaine and putty? I was like, yo, I'm watching something. Do you want me to share the headphones with you? Oh, the share thing? I'm not doing that. I mean, dude, at some point, you got to help your boy out. He's just sitting there doing nothing. He's like, no, I'm good. Five and a half hours just sitting there. That's crazy.

Didn't get didn't drink water. That's up that that didn't get like one of the snacks in UFC No sustenance wait like they asked him and he said no he didn't want yeah, why? He did invent raw dogging. I'm telling you he was the first person ever seen decline everything every every did he think they charge you telling you he was so big

That's what I wanted the Panthers' flight from Edmonton to be. You all feel this right now. I heard a great interview with Caliposo on Spin Chicklets, and apparently they were just playing poker, as they usually do. Nice and light. No, you raw dog that flight from Edmonton. That's how I want the Atlanta Dream to do sometimes. I'd be like, no, we're down 100 points. I don't want to swag surf. Get your arm up here. I forgot headphones this past weekend I was flying. I forgot headphones for myself. My daughter got them, which is like, come on.

I'm daddy, I should get them. But she got the headphones, I forgot them. Yeah, so I like... The ultimate sacrifice is like, my life is going to be a lot more difficult if you don't get the headphones. Exactly right, yeah. So I watched the show on mute on my phone. Nice. Subtitles? No, no subtitles. Which one? I'll figure this out. Was it Lucy that watched A Quiet Place?

And it was like the perfect movie. Yeah, it was her. Yeah, she watched A Quiet Place without... Watching it over the shoulder of someone else on a plane. But it was like a show I've seen. It was like Brooklyn Nine-Nine or something. I'm like, ah, I'll piece together what's going on here. You know what their voice is. Yeah, I know what's going on here. I'll write my own story. This is fine. Ken Marino, also on Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Do a Terry Crews voice for us. What? Do a Terry Crews voice. Don't do it. Don't do the voice. Why would I do that? Just speak in the third person. Or just sing Vanessa Carlton. Who do you think that song was better for, her or him? Him. Her. 1,000%. First of all...

As I told this story on the Dan Levitard show a few months ago. What is she doing now? She's not hosting America's Got Talent. I'll tell you that right now. Number one. Number two. As I told the story months and months ago, she was about to be kicked out on the street and evicted and everything. And then her agent called and said, you'll never believe what happened. Your song's number one. I was like, how? How? I thought it flamed out. And her agent was like, no. He was just lying about all of it. Do you know who the Wayans brothers are? Couldn't have been less than two. And she was like, what? You're doing this again. The song was gigantic. Who named it the Berry Garden? Literally years before. Wow.

Who do you think gets asked about the other person more, Vanessa Carlton or Terry Crews? Because I think it's synonymous. You can't picture that song without thinking of Terry Crews haming it up. Vanessa Carlton looks like everyone. No, no, no. But I'm saying when people approach Vanessa Carlton. I don't think people do. Yeah, because they don't know. They just say, hey, can I have more beans on my Chipotle?

Don't. I'm just trying to make my way downtown. She's a multi-millionaire. She made $10 million. Yes, thank you, Wayans. It worked out for Terry Crews, too. Summer's the best time to run the way you want. Dial it up with new challenges and programs and bring your workouts with you to make the most of outside, sunny days. Stugatz, guess what? What? You know what you can do with Peloton? What? Get the app, go outside, ride a bike. Well, I thought you'd ride Peloton inside. Well, you do. You can ride Peloton inside if it's a rainy day or if it's cloudy or you just don't want to get outside. Maybe it's too hot. Maybe it's too hot.

summertime, go outside. I record a lot from my office with you and you've noticed it's sitting there yet. It hasn't been used. Well, now's the time. Summer's the best time to start that push. Right. Can we do it together? Not on the same bike, but we could join a class together. I used to do that. We used to have Guillermo Tan. I'd invite people. We'd all take a class together. Okay. So I think you're starting to get concerned about my health and my age, Billy. I,

I sense that with you. We're beyond starting. Okay. Whatever road lies ahead, your training starts here with Peloton Tread and Tread Plus. It's not just a bike, a treadmill too. I'm going to go outside. I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to do it with Billy Gill. I want to be in your class. I want you to be my instructor. You know what? I won't be your instructor. You don't want to spend more time with me. No, I can schedule a class and we can ride together.

I won't be the instructor of the class. We can have Camila could be our instructor. I like the Grateful Dead class. My daughter, she uses the Peloton. She was on it once and an instructor who was playing Grateful Dead tunes. Let's do that. Okay. Why don't we go for a run outside? Guided run. Peloton. Me and you. That's something we can do together. Okay. Turn on the app. Me and you go outside. Enjoy the summer. Call yourself a runner with Peloton at onepeloton.com slash running. All right.

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