Hour 2: The Best of This Week's Samson Sounds
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I need to, I need a tone for my performance today. Okay. Hand up. It's not done yet. I mean, you still have time to mess up again. Or to be better. Thank you, Billy. Exactly. I want to get to something that we've been building to all week, though. In the course of our, hopefully still, four-game series. Sweep. Sweep. God damn it. We have a list. We have a list, Dominique. A list that Dominique, I want to credit Dominique for.

I don't need any credit. I just want to win, man. I don't care who gets the MVP trophy. I can share it with Jason Tatum, but I just want to go ahead and get this championship. That's a leader. That's exactly right. The best things that David Sampson has said in the course of a four-game sweep on the Dan Lebitard Show with Stu Gatz, without Dan Lebitard or Stu Gatz. Let's start with the OLIs. Billy, OLI number one.

All right. This is a top five, but we have many OLIs. We have at least 16 total here. So we're looking at 11 OLIs, I believe. That's outrageous. A record. Only 16? A record. Jess, I feel like Jess probably has a list of her own. So coming in at the first OLI, our number 16, is from today's very show. Twigs and berries in the grundle. What?

That's not terrible. It's terrible. Number 16, David. That's what came in at 16. It smells so bad when they're done hibernating. How do you know? You're not allowed to make more sound bites while we're doing this. Stop talking. All right, so let's keep it moving. Here's number 15. Is it Brandon Bass's text? What?

Discovering the difficulties of playing two things on the same computer here. Same volume. I had to jack it up a little bit. What's going on there? It's tied right now, just so you know. It's tied. You know what I think we're going to do? Down two. Down two. There we go. We're back. Okay, here we go. Number 15. Is it Brandon Bass's texticles? What?

Worth the wait. Is it Brandon Bass's testicles? What? I don't even remember vaguely even what the context of that was. Is it Brandon Bass's testicles? So he actually made a great joke about, they said that he, I don't think it was a joke if he thought it was true, but someone said that David Tepper had bronze testicles on his desk. And he was like, LeBron's testicles on his desk? And so then...

He was coming back with a joke saying, oh, are they Brandon Bass's testicles when we were talking about the Drake chain? No, it was after Pablo read the story about Tepper and said that they were brass testicles. It was a callback and an advancement. It was a Brandon Bass pun. Yes. On brass. And testicles. And testicles. That's what it was supposed to be. Number 14. Ha ha. Ha ha.

That sounds like a bad evil cackle. That's like what sits at the foot of your bed when you're sleep paralyzed. That's like a squeaky door closing. I don't think that's me. Who do you think that is? It might be Gargamel's nephew. Shador Gargamel? Or you keep twigs and berries, I've heard. What?

Dominique for the win. Dominique's on the floor. Twigs and berries in the grundle. Is that number 10 also? We haven't even cracked the top 12. You can see Dominique's grundle. Is it Brandon Bass's text? It's a good one.

Mr. Thighs. Here's number... Oh, wait a second. Here's number 13. No, that's number 14. Making the triathlon a duet...

You fumbled the snap, man. Oh, Lord. No, that wasn't a snap. That was the pitch exchange. Don't try this at home. You took the snap. Then you're going down the line. And you got nervous because the in-man wasn't giving you a good read. And then you... Make in the triathlon a duet. Do... Fumble. Number 12. Shake his hand, you get a little tickle. Alfonseca, you really do get a tickle. Shake his hand, you get a little tickle. Billy knows.

Do I? You've never shaken hands with an Elf and Psycho? No. Does he still have it? Did he have it surgically removed? No. Okay, good. He's got four of them. What? What? Each hand, each foot. Really? What? So he's like Ernest Hemingway's cats? I've never shaken their hand. I don't know. Go down to Key West and check it out. Still time. I've never been to Key West. Oh, I have. You would love it, Dave.

I don't like the one-lane highways. Eh, you'll be alright. Super enumer- super numen- super numerary fingers is what they're called. Okay. Extra digits is really what you'd call them. Number 11? I just pulled my back. Oh, that was off of the dib. Oh, that was- That's what we were dibbing. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That was the chair. That was the chair. Yeah. Alright, not rememberable. Game three. And there was some violence and some bad stuff.

Who was this about? That was the Civil Rights Movement, I think. Oh! Is that not properly described? Great context add there, Pablo. It's actually labeled Violence and Bad Stuff Otani. Oh! But Civil Rights, too. It's way better for them to think that I was doing that about the Civil Rights Movement just because of Black History Month. Oh!

Oh, we'll get to that. I'm sure that's gotta be in there. I've actually never been able to do that.

Oh, this is, I do remember this. Contrary to what you may believe, this was not a conversation with the sex therapist. This was where we asked David, could he freestyle? I've actually never been able to do that. And Pablo actually pointed out that we don't need actually. I've actually never been able to do that. The least necessary actually in human history. Love. I actually couldn't find the hole fast enough. Sorry.

I actually couldn't find the hole fast enough. That's just another Tuesday. Also not the sex therapist? I don't know. Still not. I don't know. Funnily enough, still not. I'm 65 inches. That was the sex therapist. Hell yeah. I actually couldn't find the hole fast enough.

What was that one about? I don't know. I don't want to find out. This is actually our last OLI. This is number six now. Is that the one where you squeeze the nipple? Again, not the sex therapist. Still not the sex therapist. This was, we were talking about gateway pranks. Is that the one where you squeeze the nipple? Nope, and he was wrong. It was not the one. All right, number five. Knock what you buck. Deserved.

Zerbia. Number four. Black History Month. Why is that? Now that one. No explanation needed. I take exception to that. No explanation needed. Number three. I think that there shouldn't be a mental health month anymore. I stand by that. Number two. Extra thighs. Number three.

Straight thighs. That was windy. I've been sitting next to his thighs for five, four straight days. Okay. Number one. Brad! Thank you all. It's been a pleasure. Standing O from Dom and Pablo, if you're not watching on the DraftKings Network, or if you're not listening on YouTube. Hey, thank you all. All the 70 inches are standing up back here, too. He doesn't like being called Dom.

I know. Oh. Wow. Rad. Have you not noticed sometimes I do Dominique, sometimes Dom, sometimes nothing? Charlie gave me some scouting report on how to deal with your condescension and all the things that you do. And a lot of it is with a name. Just business. You also, as you proved on the show all weekend with that list, you do love Doms.

Could you give a little thing, please, Billy? Exactly. This is unfortunate for the podcast audience that the true number one on the list is when he got koala'd. There's a picture of...

That's a real hug. The end of our dap. AR, I'm looking good on you, by the way. Who, me? Oh, nah, get out of here, man. Come on, come on, come on. You saw that camera and you're like, let me throw a little extra. I didn't want to. I mean, I had to hold up a whole person. That's me. Digital and cray. I forgot what it stands for already.

By the way guys, I don't know if you have heard about this, but I think I figured out where Stu Gatz has been all week. I saw this story in the news about the Mirage in Las Vegas and apparently it's closing and they have to give away 1.6 million dollars in cash by the end of the weekend.

Why aren't we all there? That's a great question. I heard Stugatz was in Vegas for the dead or something, but I think that this may be the actual thing that he has fled Miami for. What could be easier for a casino than giving away money? You could just reset the slot machines and you can give away a million dollars in 10 minutes. I don't know if it's that easy. I think you still have to win it, right? Well, someone just has to play it. No, you can absolutely set the slot machine to pay off...

Immediately, on the next spin. I'm assuming they don't want to do it that way. And they're still open. So they're trying to do it before they close. Are they trying to...

Like roulette, take away zero and double zero? I'm not sure. And still pay 36 to one? I saw a video on Twitter of all these people swarming the Mirage, playing the slot machines, trying to win. And apparently this weekend, they're giving away $200,000 in guaranteed winnings each day this week. And then Friday and Saturday, it jumps to $250,000. And then on the 16th, it's $100,000 in guaranteed winnings.

- Now, you don't mean for everybody. - No, no, but like-- - Like in the aggregate. - They're not going to not give that away that day. - But you realize that many people will still lose. - Yes. - Of course. - Of course, yes. - I don't want to give the impression to people that they should spend money to fly to the Mirage where they have the ability to win money gambling at the Mirage.

My assumption is that people are not that foolish and they recognize that. Have you been to a casino recently? No, I think people who go to a casino recognize that they are paying. Well, there are some people who have a problem. That's a different conversation. But most people know you're going to a casino to have a good time. You're not going to a casino to get rich. I take exception to tell you that if you speak to, and I've had this conversation and I would like to share it with you.

Casinos, and I don't mean necessarily Vegas ones, but local casinos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Local casinos are a different story. Are the busiest on what day of the week? Payday. Payday. Payday.

Yeah. I'm not surprised by that. Well, those are people who are not there for entertainment. I apologize. I need to clarify. I feel like the Vegas casinos on the Strip are very different. I've been to casinos in Colorado. Very depressing. Been to casinos in Detroit. Also very sad. And casinos off the Vegas Strip get a little sad. But I assume most people who are in Vegas are in Vegas and have a good time and don't expect to win money, right?

Well, the whole dynamic with this is that, yes, you have a chance to win $1.2 million in slot machine prizes, $400,000 at table games, not at card games. So the video you saw was those tables empty and these lines of Stugatzes waiting to pull the lever. And what's funny to me is I think Stugatz left Vegas...

to go elsewhere prior to this opportunity because he doesn't want to compete with all the other Stugatzes. I think that is too upsetting to him, not having the monopoly of Stugatzim. Monopsony. I don't know about that, David.

I just don't think it's a good plan to go to the Mirage and try to win money. That's because David right now is going to fly there by the end of the show and take it all for himself. You don't seem like a gambling type or like a, I mean. I love craps and blackjack. Yeah. Okay. Nevermind. Take it back. It's mental health month though.

- No, I love poker, craps, blackjack. I do not play slots, I've never played slots. Once in a while, I'll put a stray bill in the machine where you hit the buttons to play five card poker, where you keep the two jacks and you try to win something, but those are all, you lose. - Have you ever been in like a big, like a high limits poker game? - Tournaments? - Yeah. - Oh, high limit poker game? No. - You've been in tournaments though. - In blackjack tournaments?

crafts tournament. Do you think you have a good poker face? I won a lot of money at Horace Mann in high school playing spades. We played a lot of spades. That's a card game. Dominique, David is explaining spades to you now. Black History Month. Why is that? Please. So you didn't know that spades is like a big deal for like black people?

I did not. Okay, cool. I didn't think it was a colored card game. I thought it was just as big for black people and white people. I didn't like that. Clip it. We got to do this again, guys. Number two. So, yeah, I mean, I think there are certain different things that become important. It's technically the absence of color. Well, there's red and black suits. Yeah, so it's always. That's the color he was talking about. Yeah, that's what he meant. I mean, it's not Uno, so there are not that many colors in it, but.

So they're cultural things. So like Domino's is a big like West Coast game. Domino's is a huge Cuban game. Agreed. But I'm saying they're different things. I'm sorry. Don't. I just need to acknowledge that this is how far we've come as a show. David has endeared himself in his goodwill to such a point where David spoke in a way that was clearly unintended.

and actually said a thing that we needed to, as a team, try to protect him. And we all tried. And none of us bought it. But that might have been the most inspiring thing I've seen all week. It was one of my favorite parts of the show because I know exactly what was happening. Okay, you should not have said that. Twigs and berries in the grindle. The answer is I love playing cards. I've always loved it. I had one of the biggest fights I ever had with my wife is that I never let my kids beat me in any card games or board games.

I don't know what you do with your kids. Did you ever let them beat you? We have a rule that is 10 years old. Once you get to 10 years old, then it's real competition. So below 10, you let them win everything? Yeah, we mess around, have a good time, but they know. And it was like a running joke from our older two as we were coming up to 10. They better have some fun now. It gets real now. It's going to get real. No more open jump shots. I did not have that rule. Yeah. It was immediate.

Whether it was started with battleships, Stratego. These are old school games. I've been hard on my daughter for tic-tac-toe. I'm like, you can't let her win tic-tac-toe. Sorry. It's not preparing her for the real world. Hey, Dominique, how badly would you beat Tony in one-on-one? You know the answer to that. In what sport? In basketball. Pick one. We can go upstairs right now. Let's do it. Let's go. Get cooked. Let's do it.

I don't want to embarrass you. Pablo had this experience. And you got those low top shoes on. I don't want to do you like that. I'll beat your ass in socks. You please. You please. Don't get nervous on me, mustache. I feel you getting red. Is Tony taller than you are? I can feel it. It don't matter. How many inches is Tony? Oh, Tony's here. Vertical. You do the math. 6'4". Are you really 6'4"? Yeah. Wow. Okay. 6'3".

Equal who's 63 no David? You're not you are 63 or not. No, I'm not 63. He's nobody 63 Tony's not 64 either you you have to know everybody's line No, it's a thing that people I think generally people in like the world who haven't been like professionally like I

Measured at combine and stuff. They always say they're a little faster. They're a little taller They're way a little bit less like it's the thing I guarantee you Tony's not 64. I'm 65 inches. I am 65 inches Well, yeah, you you're probably honest about that and I don't lie about my weight Who talks about their speed? Do you walk around? Hey, I got a four nine No chance, what do you mean no chance? What do you mean no chance? Oh

You're probably a 5-3. 5-3. Dominique, what was your 40 time that you thought going into college versus the first time you got it actually electronically timed? So, all the little magazines, and that's how old I am, had me listed as a 4-3 going into college. Old-ass magazines. Yeah, and...

They are old. And then I went and had my first time at college, and I ran a 4.7. And were you upset? Yeah, I was shocked because I thought these were accurate times. I was like, I had been telling people I ran a 4.3. I didn't run an actual 4.3 until I got to the combine. But, like, it happens to all the kids. Like, you go to your little high school, and you run your 38-yard 40, and your coach with his stopwatch doesn't know what he's doing, and all the kids think they're faster than they are.

And Tony, I'll cook you in basketball. Seriously. Pablo knows how this happens. It happens often. Bro, I'm ready. Whenever you want to play. Like, I don't duck the smoke. We can play whenever you want, however you want, with socks on, barefoot, with shoes on, upstairs, outside, wherever you want to go. Let's go. Stilts? Oh. He might need them. You play to 11? We can play to 11, we can play to 21, we can play to 100. Three dribble or just? You play whatever you want to do. However you feel comfortable playing. I was asking, man. If you want to play three dribbles, you can play three dribbles. I feel like Tony would win. I know.

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Don Levitard. Pablo leads all of podcasting in reading while smiling. If you listen to ESPN Daily, he sounds like he's having the time of his life. Stugatz. Coming up next.

I'm going to tell you, the Savannah Bananas are changing faces. Savannah Bananas. How do you know I'm smiling? That's how I find my vocal range. Sometimes I just say, Savannah Bananas. Savannah Bananas. Yeah. This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stugats.

I think Tony has age on you, Dominique, that you're not factored into. You're not young anymore. Possibly. I mean, you know you have a four-handle. 41. Yeah. I assume Tony's looking at a two-handle, though I don't know his age. But I'm assuming a two-handle. Well, I am kind of in this room. It's kind of like how... Why are you looking at me? Because, you know, it's like I agree that I'm old. I'm probably the...

Not including you. I'm the oldest person of the potential athletes in this room. Just say you're the second oldest. Yeah, that's a fair point. Double nickel. That's my first turnover of the game. I apologize. Thank you, though. I think that kind of like LeBron's career without athleticism can be extended because his low version of athleticism is still high enough to compete. I think that my age athleticism...

Pretty close to Tony's. So what is the difference? When you're 60, a 20-year-old will get you? An athletic, because we're saying that Tony's an athletic 20-year-old. Tony will beat me. A 32-year-old. Tony will beat me when I'm, I'll give 63. But LeBron can't play until he's 50. No.

Because they're closer to LeBron than you are to him. LeBron would be playing the NBA. He's playing you. And the Tony. It's quite a big difference. No travel. Probably no defense. You actually play basketball, though. How this started, that Charlie's bringing it up, is like I've been... What level are we talking here? Tony, you play like... I play Juco. Rack League. Got hurt. Oh, that's bad, man. Burned out.

What did you hurt? That's the classic thing. I had my meniscus redone on both knees. I tore every ligament in my right ankle. It was just a lot. That's like the pitchers who say, man, I was so good at pitching. In high school. In high school. I was blowing 87. You know, the other one is...

I heard from a lot of guys that went on to work normal jobs. When they find out that I played football, they'll say something to the effect of, yeah, I was great. I was about to beat all state, but the coach didn't like me. And the politics always get in the way of people making it very important. Boy, you can't play. You got to play a day to put your ass out there. But, you know, just because you go to football doesn't mean you go to basketball. I know. I'm not good at basketball. But still you can beat him? Yeah, just on sheer athleticism.

What's the athleticism in one-on-one? Do you not think looking at them that Dominique is in better shape than Tony? But I don't think you need to be in... If they're doing full court... Have you seen Luca? Have you? It's...

Not in this room. He's better than everybody. He doesn't look like anybody. Not in this room. I'm sorry. I can't handle these comparisons. Tony, did you just comp yourself to Luka? No, but what Billy's doing is look at Dominique's physique and look how better his physique is than Tony's. That must mean he's better and more athletic. Have you seen Luka's physique versus everybody else's physique in the NBA? Completely different. It's not just his physique. It's that he was a professional athlete.

Hold on, are you saying you're more athletic than Dominique? It sounds like it. Tony, I understand exactly what you're saying, which may not be good for you, but I totally understand it. There are baseball players, and you know some of them because they have rings. When they take their shirts off, it's mind-boggling how flubby they are and how... How many years did Bartolo Colon play?

Bartolo Colon was not always as fat as he was at the end. I know that you are nobody that we're talking about. I mean, I was a Division I athlete. Just don't worry about it because you've never touched a basketball, so don't worry about it. He's not the one. See, the insecurity is making me gain confidence. This is making me gain confidence. I was actually a Division I athlete. I didn't practice with an invisible football or tear my meniscus in Juco.

Way to go, Charlie. It was your topic. Charlie was an offensive lineman in high school. Oh, yeah. We had 80 pounds more. Only a harsh man would he have been an offensive lineman. It was St. Albans. It was the same thing. Oh, that's the same thing? Were you really a football player at St. Albans? Oh, yeah. That would make you the biggest guy in the team. Oh, we had Ogden at the school before. That's awesome. Jonathan Ogden, only the biggest human ever. Speaking of the 90s, I have an update.

I asked Chris Cody, why did you write 1990 on your notepad while listening to the sex therapist? And he responded, I don't remember. Thanks. Thank you so much. Someone did tweet at me and said that apparently she said that a lot of this information only became known in the 90s about, I guess, orgasms and sex and these sorts of things. She did open with that. It was the percentages about when women...

orgasm with penetration versus not. Thank you for clarifying. Important clarification. That's why he wrote it down. And I think he was joking during that time, but when we got to the CRs, he started taking real copious notes. No, I think he wants to go back to, like, he's going on JSTOR tonight, and he's looking up scientific research, peer-reviewed journal articles about the female orgasm. He's checking the flip notes. Yeah, we talked a bit about...

about about Lexus Lexus and vulvas easy class about easy classes in college all right do you remember having this conversation yeah and I took women's sexuality when I was in college so like were you the only guy in the class or was it all athletes no no no no it was mostly um women I think uh yeah I think it might have been one other guy in the class other than me did you meet anyone cool

No, I honestly did not go for that reason. I went because, I took that class because. Did you meet anyone cool? I assume that he was, yeah. Are you asking what I'm referring to? Nope, nope, nope. Like Leather Jacket, Fonzie, Stella. Rizzo, I'm talking. Lizzo? Rizzo. Oh. Anthony? Nope. Clippett? I don't know, maybe. We'll figure it out later. Okay.

Yeah, it was in the summer we had to try to take easy classes so we could get some credits and also be on campus and it was one of the only easy classes that were left because I was too young to get priority and there aren't a bunch of classes but I took it and I learned a bunch of the stuff that we're talking about yesterday and it was like helpful. Did you take notes? Yeah, I mean we had exams and tests. I took notes. What grade did you get? He doesn't remember. You have to ask them. Anyone who remembers their college grade?

That's just awesome. Anyone who tells you they remember two things that are lying to you. Their SAT scores and any grade. You know your SAT scores. Actually, I never took the SAT, but I know my college grades, but I also graduated like less than 10 years ago. So I know my SAT scores because it's funny.

And I know Pablo knows his SAT score. And I know Charlie knows his SAT score. Yep. Charlie and Pablo wear it on their... Well, actually, Charlie doesn't mention this to anyone except for Pablo. He mentioned it once, and it's been the defining description. Do you find the need to now explain when you tell your SAT scores that now it's out of 2,400, but when you did it, it was only out of 1,600? Because he doesn't say the number. He explains his SAT score differently. Pablo, go ahead. Well, first off, I believe it's back to a 1,600 scale now.

Did not know that, thank you. Is that on your Google alerts? How do you know this? Hold on, I'm just checking. 2016, the SAT changed from a 2400 point test to a 1600 point test. Coincidentally, that was the end of my kids taking those exams. So Pablo, would you like to, since you don't use numbers when you talk about your SAT score. I don't know what you're talking about, Dominique. Okay, cool. Charlie, what'd you get on the SAT? I don't know. I don't remember. Cool.

What was the point of this? That nobody remembers except for a problem. But they do. They're all just pretending that they didn't, it seems. I don't think any of them actually do. And whatever they say, I assume they're lying. It's like height and weight. I assume they're saying that they got more than they got. What did you get on your SAT? I have zero recollection. Zero. I know I took it once. If you did really poorly, do you think you will remember the number?

No, I have a terrible memory. Do you think if you got a perfect score, you would remember the numbers? Yes. Okay. I definitely didn't get a perfect score. You say you got a perfect score. I'm not. You didn't say anything. Because you did not get a perfect score. No. No, no, no. I did not. That is a great stone face. I can't tell if you're bullshitting me right now. You got a 1600 on your SATs. So now I get it. Now I get the power that I wield in this industry. Everybody thinks I should be the nerd genius. Yes.

That weighs in on matters like whatever the SAT score I should have gotten is, I should know that and have that. If I betray these film nerds, I should be a traitor in their eyes for doing so. Meanwhile, Charlie Kravitz got a 1580. Perfect score on math. How proud your parents must be right now.

Look at you. Yeah. 15 minutes. You guys can't have him. We're taking him. How about Dominique versus Tony? Winner keeps Charlie. No. Yes. I will not play for his love. And we can spot you the 20 points that he didn't get on his SAT. They're objectifying you, Charlie. That's why you stay with me. I'm so uncomfortable. This is the first time a compliment has actually made me uncomfortable. It sucks, doesn't it? It's weird. I'm good at those. So what'd you get, Pablo? I don't remember.

I don't believe him at all. Starts with a one and a four. Ooh. You traitor. Honestly, no, I'm the loser. I just took, like, SAT shame somewhere. How do you know his SAT score? Because Pablo tells everybody. This is the only reason. I was early pandemic producing a show that Dan didn't show up for with Pablo and Mina, and they started talking about their SAT scores, and it got really awkward when they asked me, and I sheepishly said,

admitted that I did pretty well on the SAT and I saw Pablo and Mina start to actually respect me as a human. That moment and the moment after. And now she respects you less, Pablo, after yesterday, right? Because of this whole debacle. Can we call it a debacle? It didn't raise to that level, I don't think. Maybe today now.

If it's still going on. On the scale of disasters that we've been trying to workshop. I think this has to go two days. I think if one thing gets aggregated today, it should be Dominique talking about the 18 game NFL schedule. That was our best. I think our best stuff. Tony. Second thing would be Twig and Berries in the Grundle. Agreed. SAT, Tony, spit it out.

I know I scored less than four digits. Oh, me too. Yeah. I scored like 970 or something. No, you did not. You get 400 for signing your name. No, you don't know I'm well enough, David. I got a 970. Good enough to get me into JUCO, which is all I needed. To be an athlete. Thank you. Until you got hurt. I like what David tried to do there.

Thanks for thanks for getting me. You're one of the very few it happened today in the grunt Happened today at the start of the show is what bothered me the most about the start of today's show is you not? Getting me, you know, I hate that I need someone to know exactly what's in my head and it's usually you but this morning you were off your game badly That's what you think

So, Tony, all jokes aside, you really think that you could beat me in one-on-one? Yeah. Okay, cool. There's highlights of him playing basketball if you want to see them. Oh, let's see that. Cash, look at him. Oh, yeah, look at that. I'll pretend like I'm comfortable on the court. Oh, that's the problem. Uh-oh. That's the problem. You don't think this—wait. Can you beat Amin? See? They think I'm here to play. You don't get to—

A mean? Tony, have you played a mean? I don't need to. Come on. Oh, that's a game. I don't need to. A mean? You should be willing to play for Charlie if you're so sure you can beat Tony. Well, that's how you don't play for people. I don't play for somebody. I have agency. Yeah, I would never do that to you, Charlie. UTA, baby. I think it's UTI. No, it's definitely UTA. That was a question for you yesterday, Billy. Yeah, I would never do that to Charlie. Go where you want to go. Treat him good.

I really wanted to do something yesterday that I didn't do. And normally I do do it on the show. You can do it now. Nobody wants to find out what this is. Black History Month. Why is that? I wanted her to confirm what's been told to me for all of these years. If you don't use it, you lose it? No. That after sex, you have to go pee-pee or you get a UTI. I mean, that's a fact. I've never seen it. Playing the hits, too, with go pee-pee. Well done by you, sir.

I mean, I don't think that you automatically get a UTI, but I do think that. So you've heard that. People, it's known that you're supposed to. It's been used with me to excuse from snuggling. By you or with you? Against me. Yeah. Oh, you're a snuggler. I am a huge snuggler. Big spoon or little spoon? What do you think? That was too quick.

65 inches of spoon. That was way too quick. Just like you. We've never spooned, and I resent the implication that we have. David, David. I don't think that was the implication. That was definitely not the implication. David, David. I believe when you...

When you go koala someone, it's obvious that you got a little spoon energy. I'm 65 inches. There are times that I am both the little spoon and the big spoon. That's called masturbating. Going number three. We may win. We may have just won. That's what David says after he's both the little spoon and the big spoon.

- What? Oh my gosh. - I do tend to cheer. - What happened? - It's true. - Oh, gosh. - I do tend to give myself a standing ovation. - Oh, gosh. - But I do love snuggling, but I often hear, and I wanted to ask her, and I meant to ask her, and we had that time limit, and so I wanted to speak to her longer. - She'll come back, I'm sure. - Do we know whether she enjoyed the segment? - I don't know if it's up to David.

Has there been any follow up to whoever got her on the show? I feel like we were quite respectful and transparent about what we were. She kept seeing Chris taking notes though in a weird way and there was a guy twerking. And Lewis was twerking. That was a bit much. Are we totally sure she was okay? I think so. Yeah, the Lewis twerking was like... That was Lewis, right? It was Lewis. Yeah. Yeah.

It was a twerker. Can we get that video? No. No, thank you. It's very good video. It's not. Lewis is offering to do it again. No. No. Please. Do less. No more. No. No. No. He's doing it. How does he? That's not. Get it out of here. Get it the hell out of here. I think we lost again. No, no. We still got time. I'll bring it back. Speaking of college grades, I graduated cum laude. Nice.

That was supposed to be a jizz joke. I know. You told me not to explain the jokes. I know. I know. So why don't you help give her a lesson? Because she delivered it in a funny way. No, it's very different. I was actually just laying out because I thought Pablo was going to say same, but like earnestly about his grades. Yeah.

There's no way to make a joke that it won't make me sound like an even larger asshole. That's the whole point. Did you graduate with some honors? He had a lot of strings around his. Just a word or two before the come. A lot of sumas and maxims. Magmas? Magna? Magna come. You can't go magna. I'm not coming in tomorrow.

We won. No, it's a four game sweep. You have to come in tomorrow. I mean, maybe for the trophy presentation. Show's canceled tomorrow, guys. Maybe we come in for the parade. Maybe we get Jeremy to just toast in his raincoat, get sick for another six days because this series is over. We never got to talk about Jalen Brown. I know. I was looking for a segue the entire time. No, you weren't. I know you better than that. What a sore loser. And there's our take.

We don't need a segment. We got it. Nike's in charge. Jalen Brown has no chance to ever be on the team. And he wasn't happy for his teammate. I'm happy for you two, and I'm very happy for the container. We are a team. Do you know who I'm happy for? Man, Pablo. Lucky we got a good lead. Hey, Billy, can I protect you for a second? Brad! There it is!

Summer's the best time to run the way you want. Dial it up with new challenges and programs and bring your workouts with you to make the most of outside sunny days. Stugatz, guess what? What? You know what you can do with Peloton? What? Get the app, go outside, ride a bike. Well, I thought you ride Peloton inside. Well, you do, you can ride Peloton inside if it's a rainy day or if it's cloudy or you just don't want to get outside, maybe it's too hot.

summertime, go outside. I record a lot from my office with you and you've noticed it's sitting there yet. It hasn't been used. Well, now's the time. Summer's the best time to start that push. Right. Can we do it together? Not on the same bike, but we could join a class together. I used to do that. We used to have Guillermo Tan. I'd invite people. We'd all take a class together. Okay. So I think you're starting to get concerned about my health and my age, Billy. I,

I sense that with you. We're beyond starting. Okay. Whatever road lies ahead, your training starts here with Peloton Tread and Tread Plus. It's not just a bike, a treadmill too. I'm going to go outside. I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to do it with Billy Gill. I want to be in your class. I want you to be my instructor. You know what? I won't be your instructor. You don't want to spend more time with me. No, I can schedule a class and we can ride together.

I won't be the instructor of the class. We can have Camila could be our instructor. I like the Grateful Dead class. My daughter, she uses the Peloton. She was on it once and an instructor who was playing Grateful Dead tunes. Let's do that. Okay. Why don't we go for a run outside? Guided run. Peloton. Me and you. That's something we can do together. Okay. Turn on the app. Me and you go outside. Enjoy the summer. Call yourself a runner with Peloton at onepeloton.com slash running. All right.

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