Local Hour: Chris Cote's Night On the Elser Couch
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You're mad that Trader Duberto for a brand new love and I'm like a junkie. Your name is Chris winning and you said it wasn't enough. I'm like a junkie. It's crazy. You disperhagate. Lombard's kicking it in my gear. You pick Trojan. Well, I'm rolling with Barkay. The pain when I don't need you here. You're missed on Matthew Hay.

And all they do for you, well, he's a gold winning M.S.O. I got some news for you, coward. Go tell your little New York friends. You're mad to trade it over dough for a brand new love. And I'm like, Kachuk, your name is Chris winning M. You said it wasn't enough. Like Kachuk, you Kachuk, you told who you slept with a stranger.

the New York Rangers. And that's some cowards. That's cowards. And while you still fancy dress, the ice cats are the best. That's right, Ka-chunk you. Ooh.

Hitting the penis. Somebody writes in to start our morning, a private company refusing your business because it offends their local market is not censorship and has nothing to do with freedom of speech. You don't get the show. Censorship is the word I meant to say, not shenshership. Like Sean Connery. Happens.

Well, we're in bad shape today. Nobody more so than Chris Cody. Did you sleep here? Did you sleep on the couch here? There weren't a lot of options at 4 o'clock. I was like, my car's an option. I'm definitely not paying for a room at this hour. Yeah, I slept on the couch here. And I was told by Tony when he did the 24-hour thing that it was not a pleasant experience, and he was right. The problem is that we have, like, auto lights here, so anytime that there's movement of any sort... Yeah, you can't move. No.

All of the lights turn on in the entire building that we're in. It took me like 20 minutes to get it back to dark. And I was so happy, but I was so afraid to move. And then I just like, I swear I moved my elbow and shining lights again. It is a lot of sensors here. Welcome to the future. At every point in your future, Google's just going to decide how you live and turn on the lights when they want to. Am I missing something? Why did you sleep here? Oh, what a night I had.

He's not the only one. So the Stanley Cup made its way over to Miami. And I'm going I'm going to explain to people what 11 is, because I don't think there are a lot of places like this outside of Vegas in the United States that go all night, half cabaret. Was Ekblad on the stripper pole?

Multiple people were. I can't confirm Ekblad was. I saw Lomberg up there. I saw Cousins up there. I saw Bennett try to get up there, but he was wearing jeans. Hard to climb a slippery pole with jeans on. How many places in the United States are there that have places that don't close? Because they just made their way over to space afterward. South Florida, I think, correct me if I'm wrong, in terms of having this stuff that goes all night, it's live...

It's space. It's 11. I don't think revolution goes that late, but I don't think the United States has as liberal laws as Miami does on this stuff. 7-11. Stugatz was... I've had a conversation with Stugatz this morning. He doesn't even know what 11 is. He's like, what'd you do last night? I'm like, 11. He's like, why so late? I'm like,

I'm like, I don't like who's on first. I don't think you're understanding what happened last night. Well, who was with you and what's the story? Because you came in here and said, I'm going to hide behind my glasses all show. We're going to give 30 carries to Lucy. We're going to give 30 carries to Jessica and we're going to get out of here because you said you want to hide your bloodshot eyes away from view. Who was with you? It was easy. I saw Mike Ryan was Lombard with you.

It was Izzy's birthday. Izzy's the only reason we got the hookup. We had a table. Mike was there. A couple people from the group chat was there. Inexplicably, Taylor, the Rangers fan, was there. I don't know how that happened.

But yeah, Lomberg came over. Basically, these guys were right in front of us. So if we just as a group, Mikola, he would come over and we had our time with him. It was just like, I'm a little unsure of what videos we, like we partied with these guys a little bit and it was fun. And I just want to be back there right now. I'm regretting it right now because I feel like death. But Barky was just in his element, getting Barky chants going. Just what a time. Lomberg, Kachuk, no Bob, the only missing person.

He didn't show up? He was getting a haircut.

He hadn't gotten a haircut in a while. Stolarz was there. Spencer Knight. It's great to see him having a good time. He's had his struggles with mental health. So it was good to see everybody just, man, they were letting loose. These hockey players can party, dude. You sound awful. I mean, I've talked enough. Please move on to someone else. Mississippi, Louisiana. Minneapolis. New Jersey. They have places. These all have 24-hour. Brooklyn. Okay. All the places I would not want to be. Yeah.

I associate that mostly with Vegas because I know that what Eleven is trying to do, they are part of the group here that houses us and the Elser and everything else. They're trying to bring a slice of Vegas here. I think eight of the top ten nightclubs in the United States are in Vegas now.

because you just go all night the way those guys went all night. And yes, hockey players can party. Notoriously, it's hockey players and basketball players are known for owning the nightclub scene. It was funny, Izzy, who goes there often and has been there for when Lil Wayne's there and Drake, and he's just like, these Panther fans, who a lot of people in here, even though they're wearing Panther stuff, couldn't even tell you who's who. It was just funny seeing the Panthers in the spot

that like Drake is and Lil Wayne. It was just a wild night seeing the Panthers in that element. Drake doesn't have to start a chant for himself the way Barky did. Barky had to start the chant for himself, correct? It wasn't anyone else starting the Barkov chant. It was him. I saw that video too. It's a little misleading.

Is it? How is it misleading? Because there were people chanting his name. Like in this one clip that I saw, yes, he is saying he's for some reason chanting Barky. But who started the chants? The crowd. I don't know. The what? The crowd. Please stop making me talk.

We should do nothing but ask you questions. The NBA had its draft last night. I tend to have exactly zero interest in drafts of all kinds. Tony, do you want to update me on what it is that I have to know from last night's draft? The Heat got a seven-footer that they weren't really scheduled to get. Like 10 guys from France went, and then like 14 other guys that we've never heard of got drafted.

This is the first time in my lifetime that the WNBA draft has been more interesting than the NBA draft. That is more attention, more worthy of the attention, more interest, more analysis that was, you know, that I saw that was good about the WNBA draft because a whole lot of people are guessing about what you saw last night. They're just guessing. Well, that's because we've never seen most of these players. I mean, France won the draft last night. They,

They did. They have won the last two drafts. I thought Spain was the powerhouse. In Europe, it's not anymore. It's France. I was shocked to see that. I mean, France owns it. And I'm concerned about the NBA and the state of basketball here in the United States. What happened to the lock number one overall picks? What happened? Ralph Sampson, Patrick Ewing, Len Bias. There was a time where Michael Jordan wasn't good enough to go number one overall.

What happened to players playing long enough in college that it's not just Zach Eadie that you know when he is drafted, that you have an attachment to players who have put in some longevity in college? We're not that far from Zion being the absolute number one lock pick. We're like four or five years away from that. And you're going to have Cooper Flagg, a white American, next year likely go number one. He's really good, by the way.

the way. Really? Yes. Everyone is saying that he is exceptional. I like the idea of France winning the draft. They got the number one overall guy two years in a row. They win. It's like there's nothing. The teams don't win. France wins. Stugat said 10 French players. I don't believe that that number is accurate. I thought it was three. Yeah, there you go. Felt like 10. I gotta be honest. Three of the top six. It was like

Huh? That's 10. That's the first six guys. Do you have a top five list of any kind today off the draft, as you want to do very often when there are big sporting events? I have a top five people in sports who can out-France.

You do? Okay. All right. That's great. We'll get to that in a second. Jeff Perlman, who is an author of many great and well-reported books, says the following, Stugatz, and I'm curious whether you, the group here has, and we've got journalists here in the group, but the day of sports journalism is being gobbled up.

if it hasn't already been gobbled up and spit out and your choices are basically to watch it and complain or watch it and give up because you're not going to win trying to make arguments for journalism these days in sports coverage. But Jeff Perlman, he was the reason that winning time get get got made on Max because he wrote the book about the Lakers. And again, he's an exceptional reporter. This is what he has to say about some of the coverage last night.

Something has snapped in sports coverage. Absolutely snapped. Yesterday, I saw a video of Stephen A. Smith celebrating a Knicks trade, like the unbridled giddiness of a child. And today he covered the draft as an analyst. I don't understand when or slash how ESPN became accepting of this.

I remember the moment. It was when Wilbon threw the first pitch wearing a Cubs jersey tucked into his jeans. That's when it happened at ESPN. That's the day journalism died. That is the day that sports journalism and fandom mixed in a way that awkwardly threw a pitch while having a jersey tucked into jeans. Genuinely asking, did he know that there was a show on ESPN and a show on ABC? Because the ESPN show was giving great analysis of every single pick, and it was actually really well done. Mm-hmm.

I was watching it on mute, so I didn't really get anything of, like, analyzation, but Jeff Perlman, dork. Like...

You try and go talk on TV and radio for 17 hours a day and then go do more after you're done with that. Tony, you need to sit in your room in your closet, you know, writing a book. Give me a break. I'm not even saying you're wrong, but just understand who Jeff Perlman is. No, no, I got that. He cares about this stuff as much, if not more than Dan does. Okay. Oh, wait a minute. I wouldn't say, look, I've given up. I don't care anymore. I'm noticing it. You're not happy about it. No, I don't care. I really don't because

It's not like we're doing very much journalism here. Like, it's not something that I actually care about anymore. You're just shouting at clouds to care about it. But if you're going to dismiss the writer, Jeff Perlman, Tony, I think you have to use the word analysis instead of analyzation. I think that I'm not totally sure that analyzation is a word. Look that up.

I'm not positive. I know you're not positive, so look it up before you say that. It might be. It might be a word. It didn't sound right to me, though. Look it up. The act or an instance of analyzing something. Come on, Dan. Joke's on you, Dan. You've done this to me like three or four times where I've given you the parate, and then you're like, no, that's not the right word. I'm a writer. And then we Google it, and it's exactly.

I didn't point to Tony, honestly. Another death of journalism moment for me. I can't complain very much about any of this stuff. Analyzation doesn't sound like a word to me. It sounds like it's wrong. It sounded wrong coming out of your mouth. Sounds like it's wrong, but it's right. Never thought about it. I understand. I saw this, and I was surprised by it.

The Knicks are now the second betting favorite to win the title. Second. And I think people are underestimating how hard it is to recreate some of this stuff. Atlanta got this far recently, and I'm reading yesterday that Trey Young's not worth anything. That people want DeJounte Murray more than they want Trey Young. And it's all fallen apart in Atlanta. But I just watched Dallas beat 350 win teams that are better than the Knicks.

They beat three 50-win teams that I believe are still better than the New York Knicks. It's June. Yeah. But it's still a betting favorite. Right now, it's June, but it's money. It's money, and you can bet money on whether or not you believe that the Knicks should be the second-best betting favorite to win the NBA title. So is Colorado football, all right? We can't really trust...

Colorado football is not the second favorite to win the title. They're like top five. There's no top ten. They're like the most bet on team. They're like top ten. Their wins total that I looked yesterday was like five and a half. Top ten. People are betting on Colorado like crazy.

They always do. But Lucy, you went from number two to top five to top ten. I don't remember. I don't remember what you're talking about. I don't think I said that. Lucy, your analysis can't be that Colorado is the second favorite to win the title when the betting total on them over under five and a half wins. Dan, journalism is dead. My analysis can be whatever I want it to be. Okay, fair enough. She got your ass. I really do think that that's where we are with things. Yes. Dan?

Journalism is dead. She got your ass. Yeah. They're tied for 31st in odds for the national championship. That's still crazy high. That is too high. Top 30. She's right. That's basically top 10. Her point was right, Dan. They're just missing the playoff. That's right there. Juju, put it on the poll, please. Is being ranked number 31 basically top 10? In the ballpark. I mean...

Everyone vote yes. Journalism is dead. We're rigging the polls. I don't feel like it's the ballpark. I don't feel like we're playing the same sport. I think one of those is cricket and the other is baseball. Speaking of ballpark, because this little purple piece of shit, Grimace, he ruined my whole weekend. I went to the Cubs-Mets game last night. Dan, I know you've been talking about Grimace. The Mets went on like a 7-0 win streak after Grimace threw the first pitch, but that has now extended 2%.

two more weeks and now the Mets are 11-2 I think since Grimace threw the first pitch. So I went to the Mets-Cubs game last Friday thinking, oh, first time back at Wrigley Field. This is going to be so much fun. I can't wait. The Mets are kind of crappy. The Cubs haven't been playing well lately either. But Shota's on the mound. It's going to be a great game. I think the Cubs are going to win this one. First inning, Mets-Cubs

Three runs. Second inning, Mets, another three runs. The Mets blew out the Cubs. It was the most boring game of baseball I've seen in years, which is saying a lot. And it's all because of frigging Grimace, and it's so stupid. Ha ha ha.

Mr. Met, hot seat. Stu Gatz came in here today saying, told you about the Mets, he says, because he had in his weekend observation, look out for the Mets. And so now he is taking credit for their hot streak, even though they are still one of the worst teams in baseball. 13-2 since Grimace. They're 39-39. They're at 500. They're a game out of the wild card. The Metropolitans, Dano. I mean, here they come.

So you're in on the Mets now? You've changed your mind? You've changed your mind on all things Mets because we were describing them not three weeks ago, and I think...

If they didn't have the worst record in baseball, they had the second or third worst record in baseball when we were talking about them. Now you're saying that they fixed it? Everything is okay now? Because they keep clubbing the Yankees? Aaron Judge is playing well for the Yankees, but nobody else is? Yeah, I'm in. For now. All right. You got your top five list? That doesn't mean anything. I'm in for now doesn't mean anything. We'll see how the rest of the season goes. I'm in for now. It's baseball. It's a long season. I mean, we'll see what happens, you know? Haven't even hit July yet. Yeah.

I know that it's a long season, but you've already given up on them once. Right. Whether it's a long season or not. But now I'm back, right? I gave up and now I'm back in. I apologize for giving up the first time. I might give up again. But for right now, Dan, this moment, I am in. I am glued to the Mets game in large part because there's nothing else to watch. How about that?

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This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stugats. Top five players that you associate with France based on only their name. Any OLI? Yeah, one. Todd France. Number five. Paris Campbell. Hi, France, by the way. Number four. Really? Tony Khan.

I think that's spelled differently. Number three. Red Grange and Clay Matthews. Tied for third. So Red Clay. Yeah. That's all yours. Okay. Number two. Napoleon Kaufman. Number one. Michelle Wee. What about Channing Frye? Oh.

That would have been a good one, though. Unfortunately, it's his list. Red Grange and Clay Matthews. I mean, come on. Galloping Ghost. I'm really proud of that one. Feels like a bit of a stretch there, I think. I'm actually not sure if I get it. Can you mansplain it to me? You know, like Red Clay? The Red Clay of Roland Garros. Oh, I see. But it's two names. I left out Mariano Riviera. Both names to get Red Clay. Mariano Riviera. That is correct. That was a better one. Thank you.

I did enjoy the recreation yesterday of somebody wrote to Kachuk when he was traded to the Panthers. Good riddance on Twitter.

Enjoy the beach. And so a lot of people were showing the photograph of Kachuk in the ocean holding the trophy over his head. Yes, he seemed to be enjoying the beach more than most people. First of all, as a threat or as a dismissal, good riddance is good, but enjoy the beach. Have fun being rich in one of the best places ever. You're telling him to enjoy something that everyone enjoys. That's correct.

Enjoy the beach doesn't sound very much like good riddance or something that you're wishing a plague on somebody. Was this Whittingham, by the way, that sent this letter? Where is Whittingham? I've asked for him as a guest because he's got to be feeling great, great remorse because he's

he bailed at a really imperfect time. I don't know if the rest of you have any kind of experience like this with this, where you gave up on a team at the wrong time, where he went over to the Rangers and

upon leaving our show because he was so mad about a trade that he dismissed that ended up being what we can call the best trade in the history of South Florida given the result. And he didn't like it.

And not only was it the best trade in the history of South Florida, it was also a seismic management change that I have never seen a team in South Florida do so quickly after what would otherwise be regarded as a successful playoff season. I know we've changed sort of how we're doing this stuff now where, uh,

Fred Hoiberg gets fired after a year. The mayor. Monty Williams gets fired after a year. Teams are going to have less patience about a lack of success than they used to have. But the Panthers overhaul as an architectural marvel is really interesting given rarely do you get

that quick a trigger pull on we're blowing up the best offense in the regular season that the sport has ever seen and two years later you're holding up the trophy rewarded for that change with 21 active players 18 of them were acquired via transaction whether that's free agency or a trade it's an unbelievable overhaul over the last several seasons under Bill Zito but what Dan is saying it is it's

right? To have a team that won the president's cup, that was the best team in the regular season. And then to break it all up because they didn't do anything in the post season. And for that to work,

Like, when do you see that in sports where a team has that kind of season, the season they had three years ago? You break it up. You have the balls to break it up, the guts to do it, and then it works out and you win a championship a couple of years later. That is crazy. I was hearing Goldie say there's not a miss on there. Of all the people he brought in, like, there's not one that's like, oh, that one didn't work out. He's just hit on all of them. I simply can't tell you how rare it is, though, when –

I've covered sports long enough to see that people who are in leadership so very often end up leaking confidence and then just go routes that seem scared and safe in the name of ass coverings.

because you don't want to be the one blamed for something. And so the Panthers go from, again, the best regular season offense we have ever seen to getting choked out, Python strangled,

by Tampa Bay in a way that made it obvious to all, oh wait, Tampa Bay is clearly the dynasty, the ruler of the state, they have your number. Made it clear, but it would have been so much easier to just keep the team the way that it was because your fan base had fallen in love with a couple of the players. But the answer was so stark that Tampa had passed them, for them in two years,

To knock off specifically Tampa. Knock them off in the first round. Couldn't you make the argument? Because the organizations that you're dealing with here in getting to this title, Tampa, Boston, are the Rangers not...

The most successful franchise in New York right now of any kind? Have the Rangers not been that now for a couple of years? Any kind in New York the last, I don't know, three or four years? I would say Rangers. Yeah, the Rangers. Maybe the Yankees. Maybe. Not the Yankees. It would not be the Yankees. They made the postseason once, I think. The Yankees were terrible last year. I'm saying that recently the best team, the best run franchise...

has been the Rangers. I guess some people might make an argument now for what the Knicks are doing. And the Liberty. They have fixed some things. Yeah, the Liberty is also a good choice. Commissioners Cup losers, though. At home. At home. It wasn't actually at home. They had to move the game because of the draft, which was a massive self-owned by the WNBA. I did not realize that. I thought that was simply a home game.

Did the rest of you get enthused with the NBA draft last night? Did any of you get excited? I did see the reports beforehand of not just Bam signing an extension, but also the report by Shams that Jimmy Butler is going for free agency in 2025, that he will not be signing an extension with anybody. Well, just as far as the drafted players are concerned, I still...

I still enjoy, even though I didn't really know a lot of the names and faces, I still like watching players get drafted. And I feel like it's kind of, I kind of felt bad because so much of like the commentary this year has been like, who are these people? These are a bunch of nobody losers, but it's still obviously like a great night for them. And some of these players probably will end up being all-stars at least and playing hopefully long NBA careers. So I did feel bad that it was overshadowed by like, man, this year really sucks. Cause like these guys have worked so hard to get drafted by NBA teams.

And I thought ESPN did a good job on the main ESPN broadcast that I was watching of like, yeah, this guy's game isn't perfect, but he's going to work on it. And this is a great choice because of this and X, Y, and Z. And so it kind of made me feel a little bit better just getting to see them have their moment. But yeah, it would stink to be part of this draft class and have everyone just talking about how, I don't know who this person is. I've never seen them before in my life.

This is how you know it's bad when you don't know people on screen. Where the camera guy, they're talking about Dalton Connect from Tennessee, and they're showing a completely random guy who's not Dalton Connect. And the camera's like, wait a second, hold on, over here. They did it three times during the draft. It wasn't just him. It was three times. I do wonder about the long-term corrosive effects you've got. You've heard me talk before about how

The draft is an unjust cartel-oriented thing that has, before the G League, protected the pro sports ability to have a free minor league in college sports, in football and in basketball. And I do wonder about the long-term corrosive effect of

The guys who are being drafted, you do not have any connection to. The WNBA draft, people were connected to the human beings and their stories being drafted. There was a disconnect last night between people who love this sport and not having anything.

access to who the young players are who represent the future pipeline because college basketball isn't what it was before. It's just, it's a, it's a way station. It's just, it's a rest stop along the, along the turnpike.

It just doesn't feel like there's been a huge men's college basketball star the way that there's been several women's college basketball stars over the last couple years, and I don't know how you change that. But even that being said, I was still really happy to see some of the players that I watched in the NCAA tournament this year get drafted last night. Spinoff knows there's no I in football. It's a we thing, an experience best enjoyed together. Whatever.

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The Smell Not Company, New York, New York. Please do not share with anyone under legal drinking age. Don Levitard. For weeks, months even, during the regular season, I wondered aloud what Kevin Stenland did. And then about three weeks ago, it hit me. Stugatz. He gives them one of these, and he gives them one of those. This is the Don Levitard Show with the Stugatz. Stugatz.

A listener has written in to demote Lucy, I'm afraid, writing in Colorado, Lucy is not ready for 30 carries. Maybe a third down back? Return a few kicks? I actually agree with him.

You know what? He's right. I know it was a man who wrote it. Women don't say mean things. Little scat back. Yeah, he's got a point. In Lucy's defense, the college football season starts when EA Sports college football comes out, which has not happened yet. So you can kind of say anything you want right now and just be like, June.

I say anything I want all the time. You do do that, and you're not the only one who does that. Stugatz does that as well. I am told that we have some sound, some voyeuristic video and sound of what the mighty Stugatz monster is during breaks. He will have to run off here at some point to do a little bit of God bless football. Evidently, were you talking to Billy here? Do you know what it is that we're playing here? Because they've caught you.

Stugatz is always giving takes, whether the microphones are on or not, whether you're listening or not. He does drive-by takes. He mutters them under his breath so that some point in the future he could say, I called that. I had that right. Remember that time I told you that you weren't listening. Just say it somewhere, Dan. Yes. And so what is this sound that they caught you doing? Are you talking to Billy about something?

We're doing God Bless Football, and during a break, as you know with me, the show never stops. And so I had no idea it was being recorded, but I'm afraid, Dan, that I am rubbing off on Billy Gill. All right, let's see what this is here. You don't know? Do you know what you're talking about? I talk about a lot of things, man. Okay, it's just you giving your opinions to Billy, who's got to be at this point really tired of you just blowing cigarette breath in his face. Argentina survived a messy scare. What happened to messy?

Probably got kicked or something. Messi said he hoped his injury scare was nothing serious. See, this f***ing f***ing guy. They pay him how much to come here and play for Inter Miami and MLS. Dicking around in some stupid Copa tournament that doesn't matter. Buddy, you won the World Cup. You won the international tournament. You're going to win. Why are we playing this other ridiculous cup? He's already also won that tournament. So what is he doing? Like, enough already. Enough's enough. Who?

agrees to have their employee come and just not show up to work to go work at another company and then have him get injured. I don't get it. A desperate soccer team. They still haven't actually won the real MLS championship. They won that made up one that they throw in the middle of the season. It's like, no, it's one of three championships, the MLS that you can win. Like, no, there's one championship. Like, enough. Enough for this. You know who agrees with you? Mark Cuban.

He was the first one I ever heard say, hey, I don't want my guys playing in the Olympics because they play for me. That's the thing. Soccer, World Cup. Soccer in the Olympics, no. Right. Copa America, no. Oh, I'm tired of soccer. I've been tired of soccer forever, though. I mean, seriously, NFL, Super Bowl, that's it. Boom. That's right. Baseball, World Series, boom. Hockey, Stanley Cup, boom.

Right? Imagine if all of a sudden you get someone who's like, you know what? I'm going to play in the UFL championship games. Like, no, you're not. No. No. No. No, thank you. No, you're going to play in the Super Bowl. Yep. Yeah, if you make it. If you make it. If you're lucky enough to make it. That's right. I mean, enough of this shit. Enough. I mean, soccer, they have a million in-season this. They have Copa this. They have Cabana this. They have this. They have that. Just get to the world, f***.

cup and play it every year. That's right. Or the MLS. Yeah. That's all that matters. MLS World Cup. Yeah. No Copas, no Cabanas. I don't even think the MLS matters. No one cares. I mean, Messi doesn't even care. That's the thing. How am I supposed to care about the MLS and Inter-Miami if he doesn't? He's telling us that he cares more about the World Cup. The Copa Cup. Copa America Cup. Exactly right. Yeah. It's an outrage. It is. I'm outraged. Ha ha ha.

I mean, enough. He doesn't respect the MLS. He doesn't respect Miami. He doesn't respect anything in America. They just bend over backwards for this guy. They bring all his friends to play with him, and none of them feel like playing. It's really messy with friends. It's ridiculous. Win something. He's won a lot. What? Win something here. There you go. Name something he's won.

He won a made-up MLS tournament. Yeah, the World Cup. That's fine. He got it. Look, check that box, okay? And you're in the point of your career where, respectfully, you can't play in the big leagues in Europe. So now you're here in America. Focus on this league. This is your job now. That's what the MLS is. We get Europe's best players when they're past their brides. That is what it is. Name something he's won.

It's a building block, a staple of sports radio, Dan. Listen, you say it, you throw it out there, you hope the other guy has no idea if he's won anything. I know, but all Messi has done recently is won. I'm familiar with what your move is. I don't need it explained to me. Well, name them. I mean, the scariest thing about this was, like, Billy is just becoming mini-you, I guess. Like, that was...

That was all Billy. That was concerning. Well, in a number of ways, I would say Copacabana is redundant, first of all. Those are the same thing. One of them is in Spanish. One of them is in English. Copacabana did crack me up. Copacabana is not a thing. I mean, it's a song, but there's not a cabana. Yes, thank you, Stugatz. I appreciate you singing Copacabana poorly. Nobody wins a cabana in soccer. That's not something that happens.

You mentioned the Olympics in there, too. And I saw a story here where Al Michaels, Dugatz, as good a announcer as there's ever been in sports, is now being recreated his voice for the Summer Olympics in a way that he's heard the rest of us haven't. He called it astonishing, amazing, frightening. Right.

That they can replace now Al Michaels. They don't need Al Michaels in order to be able to recreate Al Michaels. I don't know if you guys have been reading some of what it is that Google's doing. Google owns YouTube. At this point, you're really used to feeling like your devices are listening to you and manipulating you because the algorithms are such that they've got a lot of information about you.

And I think all of this is well beyond frightening. Like, if this is what has happened over the last five years of...

artificial learning, I can't imagine what the next 20 years are going to look like as hedge funds and corporate greedy monsters end up grabbing all of our information because it's such currency and then using it against us to manipulate us. Because I already feel like I'm being manipulated by my devices. And, you know, there are a lot of reports that Google is lying about how it does things, what it is that you're searching for. What? No way. That can't be true, Dan. A big...

A big company like that that has access to all of our information is lying to us. I want to go back to Messi for just a quick second because he has his own Wikipedia page for list of career achievements because it's too long to put on his main wiki page. And I don't know if you want to scroll through it. Stugatzon just glanced at it before the next segment, but...

It's a long list. I trust you. But Dan, I'm with you. It is the Al Michaels thing. I wonder why he even agreed to it. I assume he had to give consent for them to make this for him. But if they're paying him, why don't they just pay him to actually do the voiceover? Why would they? I don't understand. I don't understand. They can pay him to not do it, though. It's a dream job. They're just paying you to use your voice and you don't have to do anything. I'm in. Dream job is fired NBA coaches. We know.

We should get a soundboard, Chris, for when Stugatz leaves to go do a little bit of God bless football later in the show to see if we could create not. We haven't. The reason Stugatz is safe is because we haven't figured out a way to create artificial stupidity. We could do it. We could do it with with intelligence. But I think Stugatz is going to be difficult to recreate in any form. He's going to confound the robot. This messy guy has won a lot of things. Yeah.

Do you have AI Al Michaels for us? Can I hear if this, will I be able to tell the difference? Hi Kelly, welcome to your daily Olympic recap, your personal rundown of yesterday's most thrilling Olympic moments.

Since you're a swimming fan, let's head right to the pool. Team USA secured a stunning victory in the men's 4x100 meter medley relay, smashing the world record. Over at the diving venue, Krista Palmer showcased resilience and skill, overcoming past knee surgeries to qualify for the women's springboard final. Meanwhile, a tough break for Canada's Pamela Ware as a failed final dive scored zero, ending her bid for the final. Check out these highlights now.

from yesterday's action. Okay, I understand they can pay him. I'm not sure what the payment situation is, but they can pay him just to give authorization to create...

highlights with his voice, I suppose. But wouldn't it be better if you actually had a human Al Michaels doing this with his actual voice, right? With intonation and like delivery and emotion. It would sound less stiff and starched than that sounded. It would sound...

He would use better words like those are. It's still the primitive form of whatever it is that this is going to become 10 and 15 years from now when we replace everybody with the robots, because you can tell that there's not there is no emotion in what's being said there. It found it sounds like it's being printed on a factory line by a machine, but it sounds like him. Got to be honest, not impressed. I mean, I do better. Seriously. I mean,

I mean, you're supposed to be the future. I mean, do something better than that. There's no emotion. I had a terrible job by AI.

I mean, they're going to have a hard time recreating artificial emotion. Like intelligence seems like it would be easier to recreate than emotion. There's probably a dozen at least people on the Olympic broadcast that would like have happily taken this role. And so that's, I think, where the bummer is, because like you can get the next Al Michaels if you give the opportunity to someone to become that. Oh, but Jessica, why would we do that when we can reward an 80 year old white man again?

Like, why would we why would we give it to anybody else that's diverse? We don't need to do that. Let's just give all the stuff to the 80 year old white men. It's what we're going to do with the debate tonight. Like, let's just give all the stuff to 80 year old white men. They need more stuff. Does this just mean that Al Michaels is going to call every Olympics for the rest of time, like forever? Because now if we have his voice in AI, why would they do anything different?

Can we bring old voices back, like Howard Cosell? Can we do that? That'd be great. Now we're talking. You feed all his old stuff to AI. You don't like what you're getting back. Trust me. I think that's a great idea that Stu Gatz has. Like Harry Carey on the Olympics? Are you kidding me? I would love... Can we figure out... Can we have video go back... I don't know whether ChatGBT uses this or not, but I'd like to figure out how to create a fake Harry Carey talking about the Olympics. Yeah.

We already have that. You almost threw up. I'm burping so much. Alleged young person, Jessica. I'm going to shock, I think, America right now when I say this.

during game seven of the Stanley Cup final. I said that in confidence. No! Dan, I was really excited for it, but it started so late and I woke up and I expected, yeah, it started to like,

825. They've always started at like 820. The intermissions are so long. Here's what happened. I was flying back from a golf tournament at Notre Dame. This is the whitest sentence ever. But there was a thunderstorm over Miami and the pilot said, guess what? We're going to loop around Tampa for an hour until this thunderstorm blows out of here. And then I had to go wait for the shuttle to get my car, to pick up my dog, to bring her back. And then we found a lost dog on the way home. That was an hour long side quest.

Dog ended up going back to his house. Thank God. It was just a long night. So by the time the game started... White woman! White, white, white, white, white! Just all of it. I can make it whiter. It was the goal at golf tournament. Thank you. Thank you. I needed that.

By the time I got home, I was pooped. And I had a whole pizza box full of nachos for dinner, and that didn't help either. So I fell asleep, and I woke up at 11, and I said, I don't hear any cowbell outside. Did we win? Did we lose? But it turns out we won, and I just live on a really quiet street. We don't do cowbells. It's cazuelas and pots and pans and things of that nature. By the way, I want to add something. Miami does the best celebrations ever.

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