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cover of episode Local Hour: Dan Le Batard Wears Fake Glasses

Local Hour: Dan Le Batard Wears Fake Glasses

2024/7/8
logo of podcast The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

AI Deep Dive AI Chapters Transcript
People
B
Billy Gil
C
Charlie Kravitz
D
David Samson
D
Dominique Foxworth
J
Jessica Smetana
L
Lucy Rohden
P
Pablo Torre
Topics
Pablo Torre认为自己今天格外英俊,并调侃其他人因其英俊而感到不安。他还提到保安Frankie在保安台放了一把枪。 David Samson认为其他人穿的短裤过时了,并解释了他穿的短裤有防盗设计。 Dominique Foxworth不喜欢人们戴假眼镜,因为他觉得这在嘲笑视力受损的人。 Charlie Kravitz认为Dan戴假眼镜并不令人惊讶,并透露Dan之前曾声称自己看不清提词器,然后开始戴假眼镜。 Jessica Smetana讲述了她曾经在夜店被偷手机的经历。

Deep Dive

Chapters
The panel discusses who among them had the biggest ego and took the 'Dan' seat, leading to a humorous exchange about appearances and insecurities.

Shownotes Transcript

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You're listening to DraftKings Network. Now's a good time to remember where the story of tequila started. In 1795, the first tequila distillery was opened by the Cuervo family. And 229 years later, Cuervo is still going strong. Family owned from the start. Same family, same land. Now's a good time to enjoy Cuervo.

The tequila that invented tequila. Go to Cuervo.com to shop tequila or visit a store near you. Cuervo, now's a good time. Trademarks owned by Bekle. SAB, the CV. Copyright 2024. Proximo. Jersey City, New Jersey. Please drink responsibly. This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast. ♪

Today's episode is sponsored by DraftKings. Stay tuned because you'll hear more about DraftKings and all it has to offer throughout the show. DraftKings, the crown is yours. Yes, first one to speak. Me, I won. In your face, Dominique. Stop it, man. The insecurity is oozing, man. Stop it. I apologize. I didn't realize...

that I was gonna be this goddamn handsome this morning. Some mornings I wake up and I look like a normal guy, but I walked in here and I felt the insecurity just seeping out of me. - Is that your good chain? It's sort of a refracting light. - Nah, nah, nah, nah. I don't have a good chain. This chain was $130, but it looks like a million bucks on me.

Because I got great pecs and abs. Frankie does, for the record, have a gun at the security desk. So you're good. You don't need to lie to us. It's not that expensive. It's important to note Frankie's the security guard, not just someone walking around with a gun. I can't be sure that there's not another guy named Frankie with a gun. But we have a Frankie with a gun. Samson's also here. What is the material of your shirt? I didn't get a chance to say hi to you in that way this morning. It's sex appeal.

I'm not familiar with what material is it like the that's the material it's an actual material called sex appeal yeah is that your cologne or your material no it's the material it's a fabric that I created David's wearing a polo David looks like a retired umpire personal polo no I think it's the shorts more than a polo like the shorts and a belt combo you look like you would like to say you're out of here are you not gonna mention the thongs sexy he came sexy today

We're in Florida in the middle of summer helping out Levitard. Toes out. You can expect I'm not wearing either pants or closed-toe shoes. No, the issue is I have on shorts, too. I wasn't knocking you for wearing shorts. It's the 90s-ass shorts that you got on. Like, they stopped making those shorts in the 90s. They're brand new. As Chris Cody would tell you. They're actually brand new, and you all know them. I believe they first got made fun of by...

Not by you. They've been made fun of before. You may recall these shorts from the last time David Sampson was harassed for these shorts. You got to raise them things up to the rafters, man. No, they're my special we'll never get pickpocketed shorts. Have you not heard about these shorts? Oh, there's like a spot for everything and it makes you feel safe. Like no one's going to pickpocket you. You can't. It's all backwards. All the zippers are backwards. His shorts have a panic room.

That's exactly right. Have you ever been pickpocketed? No. Of course not. But do you go to places that would pickpocket you? Any place. Any place in Europe? Have you ever been to Europe? I agree. I agree. Well, we're not there now. Ever been to New Orleans? Ever been to the Elster Lobby? Pickpocketing happens, but it's never happened to me, so I don't feel like I need special pants to protect me from it. Have you guys been pickpocketed? Billy?

Lucy, Jess, Jess is vigorously nodding her head. I got my phone stolen out of my purse at a nightclub in Scottsdale on New Year's Eve once before the Fiesta Bowl. If you had my shorts on, you'd still have your phone. I had a purse. It was zipped up in my purse. You said you were in a club. If you had those shorts on, they would not let you in. Hold on a second. Also true. This is New Year's Eve.

Yes. Was there any consumption that day? No, of course not. I wonder what percentage of pickpockets is people just lost their stuff and they don't remember where they put it. Are you victim blaming Jess? I'm not doing that. I would not do that. This is how I know I didn't just like drop it somewhere. My friend also had her phone stolen out of her purse. And then we went to the security people at the club and we were like, hey, did anyone turn in missing phones? And they were like, you're like the 30th person to say that you lost your phone. And I was like, maybe

you guys should do something about that. So there was someone just that went into the club that night and just took a bunch of people's phones. So you tried to like assert your dominance of the show. I did successfully. I mean, but you didn't. This is what dominance looks like. Listen, you only person you acknowledge is

No, it's not. The only person you acknowledged was me. You didn't even tell anyone David Sampson was here. I did. I said, also, Sampson's here. You didn't. That came a couple minutes in. You didn't paint the picture for everyone in the shipping container. Like, it's okay. All right, all right, hold on. I think I make you nervous. We worked together so long, so well together, and you normally, like, you got to a point where you were comfortable around me. You didn't feel intimidated or insecure, but you're flashing back, and I don't like it. I found Dan's glasses.

There you go. Let's shift it to Dan's glasses. Don't want to see dominance? Let's see. Dan's in Africa telling Valerie someone pickpocketed his glasses. I'm going to posit a theory. Okay. I just found out something. I think these glasses are purely cosmetic. Really? I don't think there's any, like, action. I see them immediately. It's basically... Are they reading glasses? They bet. I assume they're reading...

They've got food on them. I think they're just goggles to protect him when he's eating. David's trying not to confirm what you said. They're blue light. It can't be that he's doing it only for cosmetics. What's wrong? Hold on. Why not? What's wrong with David? That's the same thing. I'm with you, Luz. I mean, Jess, why are we against the whole thing? It all looks the same. Oh, I'm sorry. All right. Now I'm insecure. I'm going to glass shame.

Those are fake glasses? Those are fake glasses. They're definitely blue light. I don't know. Which blue light glasses are good for you? Do you think that Dan looks better in them? Then they aren't fake. If they help him look any bit better, then they're real glasses. But why does he use them when he's pretending to read something? That's not what glasses are for. Is he reading it on his phone? That's not what they're for for you. Performative reading. Haven't you seen him during a show? I try not to pay attention during the show.

I gotta be honest with you. I don't like when people wear fake glasses. Because I feel like as someone who's awkwardly handicapped, you're making fun of me. Yeah, your culture is not our costume. I mean, it is if I put them on and I look great in them. It's pretty good luck for you, Dominique. They don't look good. They're slanted. Dan's head is bigger than yours.

And I don't mean that in any other way other than actual size. What other? Oh, okay. Thank you. What do you mean? There's the whole other side. Charlie Kravitz is here, too. My dog. Hey, guys. What's your take on the glasses situation, Charlie? I don't know if I have a take on the glasses situation. Although, I will say, 0% surprising that Dan wears fake glasses.

That's a take. So Dan was produced by Charlie on Highly Questionable for years. Kravitz has seen a lot of things. He's seen the inside of many rooms that few others have gained access to. I saw the beginning of the fake glasses when he claimed he couldn't read the teleprompter on Highly Questionable. And he started doing the fake glasses to read bumps before the show. Wait. Yeah. What?

Is this like a placebo thing? Like he said he couldn't see the prompter and they gave him fake glasses. I don't know. One day he just came with glasses. This can't be real. They're not fake glasses. All right. This is an investigation now. This could be a fake. Find out, Pablo. This is an episode of my show. We're going to put a pin in this. By the way, when I sat down here, I don't know if Dominique also clocked what had happened, but David goes to me and says, I just got an email from Dan. And I said, David, is this something that we should talk about?

And David looked sort of white with fear. Whiter with fear. Thank you. I'm actually not that white right now. It's summer. There is a thing with Dan when he's not here. And I think that you're all very aware of it. I don't know that he contacts you all. Pinkish. But it's a...

He is paying attention to the show. He's supposed to be away now. Seashell. Are we still talking about the color of your shirt or my skin? Both. David, do you wear sunscreen every day? This is a huge debate before the show. Only when I'm sitting outside in the sun. So not for just everyday chores. Correct. Okay.

Does anybody? Everybody else does. Billy feels like he's on an island because in the pre-show, we mostly talked about who's wearing sunscreen. And everybody behind that side of the glass, except for Billy, is wearing

Well, no, because this is what happened is I said that I go to the dermatologist. We were talking about like lies and people that you lie to, whether you're going out and then, you know, if we get to it, we get to it. But people that lie to their doctor. Have you ever smoked? Yeah, stuff like that. Like you lie to your doctor about your own health situations out of pride. Right.

So then I was saying like at the dentist, if they say like, do you floss? The lie that I've perfected is not as often as I should. Right. That's what I say for everything, because it's not a lie. It's not a lie. Right. That's just it covers it. And then my soul doesn't feel like I'm lying to someone. I'm just saying not as often as I should. So I say that to my dermatologist when they're like, do you wear sunscreen every day? And I'm like, not as often as I should. Right. So that's more of a yes or no question. It is. It is. But I get away when I say it, I get away with it.

Right. So everyone else, I guess, puts on sunscreen every day in the back row. I do not because it's not as often as I should, but they tell me that I should. And then we got into like a whole debate about sunscreen. Real. Does it cause cancer? Is it a hoax? All of that, as one does when you talk about sunscreen. I mean, I don't put sunscreen on every day, but I kind of wear it every day.

Melanin is kind of a bit of a protection against the sun. God's sunscreen. Yeah, it is. I know they say that everyone should wear sunscreen, and I put sunscreen on my kids, but I'm blacker than them. You can't laugh at that!

Summer's the best time to run the way you want. Dial it up with new challenges and programs and bring your workouts with you to make the most of outside sunny days. Stugatz, guess what? What? You know what you can do with Peloton? What? Get the app, go outside, ride a bike. Well, I thought you ride Peloton inside. Well, you do, you can ride Peloton inside if it's a rainy day or if it's cloudy or you just don't want to get outside, maybe it's too hot.

summertime, go outside. I record a lot from my office with you and you've noticed it's sitting there yet. It hasn't been used. Well, now's the time. Summer's the best time to start that push. Right. Can we do it together? Not on the same bike, but we could join a class together. I used to do that. We used to have Guillermo Tan. I'd invite people. We'd all take a class together. Okay. So I think you're starting to get concerned about my health and my age, Billy. I,

I sense that with you. We're beyond starting. Okay. Whatever road lies ahead, your training starts here with Peloton Tread and Tread Plus. It's not just a bike, a treadmill too. I'm going to go outside. I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to do it with Billy Gill. I want to be in your class. I want you to be my instructor. You know what? I won't be your instructor. You don't want to spend more time with me. No, I can schedule a class and we can ride together. I won't be the instructor of the class. We can have Camila could be our instructor. I like the Grateful Dead class. My daughter, she uses the Peloton. Mm-hmm.

She was on it once and an instructor who was playing Grateful Dead 2. So let's do that. Okay. Why don't we go for a run outside? Guided run. Peloton. Me and you. That's something we can do together. Okay. Turn on the app. Me and you go outside. Enjoy the summer. Call yourself a runner with Peloton at onepeloton.com slash running. All right.

Don Levitard. We love you. We've got you. We've all got each other. Let's go right now. Stugatz. One, two, three, Brett. One, two, three, Brett. This is the Don Levitard Show with the Stugatz. Stugatz.

So Dan emailed you? I love that Billy steered us away from the Dan email conversation only for me to make it uncomfortable enough for Billy to steer us back. That's how bad it was that he wanted to get back to a subject which we don't want to get into. Wait, you're saying that I cannot laugh at Dominique's kids' blackness or lack thereof. Is that not a thing I can do? Nope. I don't think you can even ask the question. I regret asking it.

I like this. We're live. What did the email say? I'm curious. How is this going? He just gets worried when he's not here. And that worry manifests itself in certain words of instruction and thought that masquerade as inspiration. But in fact are more of, hey, is it going to fall apart?

When I'm not there. Dan gives a bad pregame speech. It was not. It was not. I think he's undermining us. Can I just cut to the J's here? I think he's trying to undermine us. He's trying to shake our confidence. He's trying to prove that no one can host this show but him. Did he reach out to either of you? No, he knows better. Nope. So no email, no text, no nothing. I think like two weeks ago he was like, hey, good luck down there. Have fun.

And you didn't respond? Or just thank you? Nah, I was like, thumbs up. Dominique's also one of the worst texters in human history. Did you do the actual thumbs up emoji or you just clicked the words and then you hit the thumbs up? I reacted to his message with the thumbs up. I didn't actually go through the process of finding a thumbs up emoji because I do believe that it's too much effort. So you got this email right before the show today? Well, in the middle of the night last night. Oh.

when I was in the El Sur getting ready for shows. I have a little bit of stress about the thumbs up emoji. - Why? - Because of the different colors of the thumb. - Yeah, I thought so. - You can't ask about this, Dave, we just established. - Oh no, no, no, we can talk about emoji colors.

I mean, you gotta go with the one that represents you, right? Not the person who you're speaking to. Like, that's condescending. I go with generic because I don't want people to like think that I'm assuming what color is generic. What color is generic? What shade am I? What color is generic, Billy? The preset one. I just go with the preset. Which one is that? Wait, which color is that? It turns out that's too white. Wait, why are we guys calling it generic? What color are we talking about? Simpsons. Yes. That is the original. You guys are avoiding saying the color. Did you guys know that Marge is black?

She is! It's true. It's true. Marge is black. What is your evidence?

Look at all the Simpsons characters in their hair. You can tell that Lisa and Bart have hair that is a bit curlier than anyone else's hair and any of the white people in The Simpsons. Marge's hair is spiky. Yeah, it's spiky. Look at all the other characters in The Simpsons. Do any of them have spiky hair? No. I thought it was like a beehive. No, now we're talking about Marge. Marge's hair is curly and stands up. White people's hair doesn't do that. Marge is black. Bart?

It's biracial. Told you. You're welcome. That feels right. It's true. Why wouldn't they have just made her black? Because you guys can't handle that. It's the truth. Nobody can. You want me to make her shrimp salad pink? I don't do the thumbs up ever. Why not? Because I'm self-conscious about... So you don't use any of the hand gestures? So you don't send anybody a middle finger, a fist, a...

No. I'll do GFY instead of a middle finger. I'll change what color emoji I'm using based on what season it is. Because I'm more tan during the summer. Always go with the darkest thumb. I googled, is Marge Simpson black? And I'm getting a number of responses here. One says she has French ancestry. The other says she is white passing Creole. Yeah, it's black. Creole is black. I don't know what that means. Well, in order to pass...

means that you aren't white. So she is white passing Creole. I mean, she's black. And it's the French connection being Creole also.

She's black. I've never heard this, which is obviously such a white thing, but I've never heard it. Oh, no, I think it's a theory more than it is a factual fact. No, this is definitely a thing that David Sampson should be aware of and tell other people about after this show. This is going to come up because we have Azaria. I mean, in theory, we could ask him. I don't think Hank Azaria wants to delve into any more racial topics with the Simpsons. Marge is black as Babe Ruth, I promise you. I think I'm going to say Hartenstein.

I'm seeing an article here accusing Marge Simpson of appropriating black culture. That would make her not black. Marge Dolezal. Dan was right. I love Jess. So what was the nature of this email? Oh, man. Jess is doing a show just for me, guys, and it's pretty hilarious. Not Lucy. Dan would love the show that I'm doing in 10 minutes here, by the way. I think.

I think Dan sends the email to be like, "I'm watching, just so you know." I might not actually be watching, but I'm watching. So I take it as though he's not watching, because I'm aware of the time difference where he currently is, and I would put it at close to zero that he's watching. No way. I just said he's not actually watching. Right, I agree with you. But he's watching. But what does that mean? You know what it means. But is he getting scatter reports from, is he going to reach out to people and say, "How did that go?" Or is he going to look at views or look at numbers?

I want to know how it's going to manifest itself. He's going to ask Ryan Cortez, how are the shows? And Cortez is going to say, David Sampson couldn't stop talking about this stupid email. And Pablo accused me of having fake glasses. I think that it said something about who he sends the email to. Because he's worried that I'll derail it. He had a pregame speech with the one player that he's concerned about. I think that...

We got to be honest about this. Maybe it's the one person who's up in the middle of the night who will respond to him. Is it possible that that's it? Yeah, whatever spin you want, Samson. I don't need spin. I'm just laughing. I love hearing from him. But I can't say it was motivating. Which one of those pockets do you put your confidence in? You might want to reach in and grab it. That's front. Front center. Oh, good one. Can't even. Do you know why the zipper goes the other way?

So people can unzip it and steal it. Because zippers are a spectrum. You cannot pickpocket a zipper that goes the other way. So if someone is so skilled that they can unzip my pocket and take my things out of the pocket, they earned it. They deserve it. Don't you have any appreciation for their craft? I do not. I have no appreciation for people who use their intelligence to break laws.

See, this is now, now, now we. Oh, oh, yeah. This is not. I don't know. We got enough time to get into this one. So there's a conversation to be had there about opportunity. And there's a conversation to be had with like what is legal and what's not legal and whether people who have power break laws, whether they get convicted of them or not. So, like, there's a whole debate.

different place where Dan probably doesn't want us to go. I'll go everywhere, but I'm referring like people, How to Rob a Bank is a documentary. If anyone watched it recently, it's quite good on Netflix maybe. And there's a brilliant Harvard educated guy. Why are you pointing at me? Because you rob banks. You're a Harvard educated guy who if you spent all of your intelligence robbing banks, I find that to be a waste. Dan accuses me of basically doing that at this company, but I digress. In terms of people.

So, I would say a couple things, David. I think people could argue that there are lots of people who you probably respect and revere that have broken lots of laws. Like, I mean, you could say the foundation of this country was built on breaking laws. It's just really rare to, or it's really odd to put a hard and fast line and say, I don't respect anyone who breaks laws. I don't mean speeding. Hold on, hold on, hold on. So, I mean...

The entire civil rights movement was based on the idea of breaking laws that were unjust. So I think that pointing out that I don't respect anybody that breaks laws just seems like a little odd. Because I imagine that there are confluences of events that have put people in a situation where they feel like they need to pick people's pockets. So I don't think that they woke up and had every opportunity in the world. I was like, you know what I aspire to be? A fucking pocket picker.

Oh, wait, Dan did send me an email. He said, make sure. No, he said, make, hold on, let me read it. Pablo, comma, space, make sure that David doesn't condemn the civil rights movement. Oh, you failed that one. Shoot. I thought we were going to make it out of there first. I could have said almost anything, and he had that ready. No, I did have it ready. It's just a fact of life. No, I think that I'm always. You think I was referring to the civil rights movement? No, I'm.

You're an idiot. By the way, the number of people who have gotten in my ear basically being like David Sampson, man who was investigated for moving a stadium. Yeah.

Is telling people that using intelligence to break laws is the one line you can't cross? I think this is because I find... I've never been convicted. So I have no idea. Why are you looking at me? Anyone could have said that to Pablo. Stop looking at Lucy. I, um...

There's no way Lucy said that to Pablo. I knew at some point. Why? Because you're way too nice. You don't know me that well. Nice. But I also didn't say it. I was thinking about the time I got pickpocketed and they stole my wallet and then spent a shit ton of money at Buffalo Wild Wings. And then I was like, hey, bank, this wasn't me. And they were like, that was you. You definitely spent that money at Buffalo Wild Wings. I was like, no, it wasn't.

But based off all my previous purchases, they were like, yeah, that was you. So I didn't get the money back. What? But I'm glad that they enjoyed a night at Buffalo Wild Wings on my day. Wait, can we take up this cause? Can we vindicate Lucy Rodin for not actually using that money at Buffalo Wild Wings? That feels like an injustice. No, I think she did it. No, I really didn't do it because...

one, I was hammered. There's no way I could have gotten to Buffalo Wild Wings. Your Honor. And I didn't realize my wallet was stolen until the next afternoon. I'm siding with the bank. No, no. I think it's... Buffalo Wild Wings isn't open that late. Is this how the call went with the people investigating you? Not a great case. I'm pro-bank. I was about to throw up and I was like, I did not spend that money at Buffalo Wild Wings.

So, but it's okay. I'm glad they had a good night. They tried to go to Target later. That didn't work, which that feels weird. I feel like they would have known that, like, Target also feels like something they would have been like, you did. But Buffalo Wild Wings, they were like, 100%, Lucy, we know you spent the money there. That feels like an impulse robber.

Like, you should go to Target first, I feel like. Get what you maybe want to keep that won't just be pooped out in a day. But they went with the Wild Wings. If you stole someone's credit card, do you just make a series of small purchases or do you just go big immediately?

The majority use it for things like that. So I got into this with a bank and it's so funny you're mentioning this. I don't understand how they know when you're at a gas station you've never been at, my credit card would get flagged, for example. And I would say, well, yeah, because I haven't driven to this part of the country, but I'm here now. Don't make me call you every time.

But the bank has these algorithms now where they'll say, oh, Lucy doesn't go to that Buffalo Wild Wings. So that we're not giving you credit or she could have gone to that one. And they like pretend that they know what you're doing. And I hate it. It's too Orwellian for me. You want to be able to spend money wherever you want without. I don't want the credit card company telling me surveillance. Right.

I don't know how this works, but I've never had this happen before. Like, I've never had... It's happened to my wife. It's happened to people where they reject your card, even though you're trying to use it. It's never happened to me. And maybe it's because I travel enough where I create a situation where I never know where he's going to be. But I've never had that happen to me. And I've lost my credit card in Miami. Like, five years ago, I lost my credit card. And they went to the liquor store and spent $130.

And I had to make a police report and they put me on hold for 30 minutes and I was like, all right, that's your $130. You guys got it. Bought you some drinks, had a good night. I'm not about to talk to you. You did the math. Yeah. It's what your time is worth. Lucy spent how much time trying to get Buffalo Wildlings money back? Probably 30 minutes. There was a point where I was like, I'm going to get sack. So it's really just not worth it. Can you hold, please? Like, I was like,

I was like, you know what? Can you hold, please? I'm out of Buffalo Wild Wings right now. I'm going to throw up right now. And so I just said, you know what? If that's what you spent your money on, that's fine. Because when they tried to spend like $600 at Target, my card was like, hey, I don't think so. But Buffalo Wild Wings, they were like, that's Lucy. That's Lucy for sure. So I just let them have their fun little night. You know, I forgive them. I've moved on. But I am a little hurt by my bank being like, yeah, you ate there. That's what you were doing.

- I'm proud of myself that it held off for like 10 minutes before fighting with David Sampson about the hierarchy of society. I made it longer than I thought I would. Congrats. Oh, we're coming back, baby. - So the yellow emoji.

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Should we discuss the sports that we consider talking about today? David sent some topics in. Nobody responded to those topics. Billy sent a text asking for topics. Dominique. Oh, no, Charlie and I have a whole other side thing with a bunch of real topics. Charlie made a dock, a secret side dock full of sports topics. I feel like we all need to get on the same page because that's not super helpful. We...

Because if Pablo doesn't know and David doesn't know, then it's not, they don't know what you want to talk about and then they can't prepare to respond to what you want to talk about. Now, Charlie did include us on the doc. I opened the doc. Billy, you too. Okay. But not me or Lucy. That's very helpful then. That's interesting. Why did you leave them out? So I think what we need to do is look at the email from Carl and send that doc to everybody who's going to be on the show that particular day.

I think that would make the most sense if we could do that going forward. David, we agree. So we will do that. And I'm guilty because when I go on this show, I send topics only to the EP and to Dan. Oh, I'm sorry. And you guys never participate in the segment, and now I realize I should be giving you the topics. Yeah. I was trying to, like, go have a good time, loosey-goosey. We're not going to be too structured. But if we want to, like, be...

we should have the hierarchy in this room properly established. Because I'm a kind guy, I allow Pablo to sit in the middle. Because clearly, I'm the star. Yeah, well, before the show started, that's kind of what was going on, is figuring out who sat where. Also, I was told that the Google Doc was sent to my ESPN email, which has not been active for three years. It's what auto-populated. That's why that happened. That is perfect. That sums it up.

I assume that Pablo would be in Dan's chair. But if you, are you saying that that was a discussion pre-show while I was taping Nothing Personal live? That there was a discussion of where people are sitting? Yeah, Pablo came and asked me, like, do you mind if I sit in the middle? That is not what happened. Okay, tell her how you want to tell it. I said, I should sit in Dan's chair, and David Sampson coughs all of the time, so he should sit in the other chair that has a cough button.

I knew Pablo that you were going to sit there because you have to do the arm thing. Yeah. Listen, guys. I'm from the wrong side of the tracks. Oh, God. That's all you had?

I'm still workshopping. Also, how predictable was it that Dominique was going to be fake aggrieved by Pablo sitting in the hosting chair when he had no desire to actually sit there? Oh, here it is. Kravitz, yes. Zero desire. Yes. This is Charlie's only reason to be here because he's the only one of you guys not scared enough to challenge me. It is amazing that you came with somebody. I mean, it's great to see Charlie. Hold on, hold on, hold on. You come alone? That is the goal. Yes.

Okay. Mostly. Okay. But my point is that it is interesting that you came with reinforcements and you're still in chair two. Okay. See, this is the thing is you guys think that you can do the like insecurity move that I do to you guys on me, but that move doesn't work on me. Like I'm not. Yes, I came with somebody. I need help. Charlie's my guy. You made a doc. Yeah. It's a good doc.

Billy, you should see it. I'm looking at it right now. Hold on, hold on. Let me assert power and dominance. Play the video of the guy barfing on himself. Say his name, Pablo. I don't know his name. Hold on a second. I'm going to give him a heads up so we can get that ready. You can't do that. Yes! I did not respond. Lucy, I think that's the guy that stole your credit card. I bought you a wild card.

He bought lemonade. That's lemonade? I once fired a guy for doing this. The milk challenge. Wait, wait. You fired a guy for getting sick? What? Yep. What?

Why? Oh, gosh. Do you know what this video is? So this is the July 4th Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest undercard in which they are chugging lemonade. And I believe, is that Eric Badlands Booker who won? It's a gallon of lemonade. I hope it is. Yes, Pablo, it is. Thank you. Not racist. Eric Badlands Booker. Champion, hand encouragingly on the shoulder of that dude whose name is... Airsoft Fatty.

Did he do that in 21 seconds? Yeah, it was a world record. A gallon of lemonade. It's insane. And you would fire somebody for that. So we had a player pay a ball boy to drink a gallon of milk.

And do you know that you cannot drink a gallon of milk without vomiting? There's a little known fact. It's a myth. No, it's not a myth. Definitely a myth. I watched it. It's not a myth. Well, who's going to try it now? Don't. Do not. We're not doing that. Can we get a top five list at some point? Who wants to get fired? At some point in the show. Of myths? No, no, no, no, no. Of ridiculous reasons why David Sampson has fired someone.

I fired someone for throwing up? That's got to be number one. No, it's not. I don't even make my top five. What? Oh, so this, I was joking. So OLI, do we have the sound? No, we got to give them some time. I don't have a top five off the top of my head. But we'll start with OLI, the time that someone puked because a player made them chug a gallon of milk. So a player paid a ball boy and the ball boy did it and puked.

And way too dangerous. You can die from doing it. You can go to the hospital from doing it. We weren't going to release the player, though we were upset with the player. Who was it? But we said to the ball boy that that's it. Sorry. Done. You cannot just do things for players like that. Can we guess which player did that? You could guess, though I don't think that you will be able to. Melky Cabrera?

Melky Cabrera. Well played. Melky Cabrera was never a Marlin. Antonio Alfonseca. Going for the joke here, buddy. Well, what was the joke? Because it was milk. Oh. I didn't hear Melky. It's funnier when you have to explain it. It's very funny. Good by you. Thank you so much. So when did you, like, you called him in, like, the same day, the next day, or? Did he change shirts? It was. So in the video, to be very clear, um,

As the guy whose name is again... Airsoft Fatty. ...was vomiting on himself, like facing forward to the crowd. Seemingly despondent, but not so despondent that he turned around, which is just an interesting psychological space to be in. He also, if you look at the video, drank very little lemonade. Like, there's probably three quarters of that lemonade left in that jar. Oh, that's so funny.

Did anyone else think of Stand By Me when they watched that video? Or is that an age thing? Nobody? No one's ever heard of that movie? Thank you. Lean On Me. Lean On Me is a great movie. Morgan Freeman. Why is Morgan Freeman so amazing? He's getting older. We all are. We're all doing that. And when we celebrate him, I hope he lives for another 25 years, I think he goes down as a top five actor of my lifetime. Because I've been watching him since The Electric Company.

Oh, yeah, that was like a kid's show, right? Yeah, with Sesame Street. What's your favorite line from Lean on Me? It's only one right answer. I'll give it to you because I don't think you're going to get it. Okay. You smoke crack, don't you? I would not have had that. That's the best line at all. I can't tell this is a test. Oh, no, it's not a test. It's not a test. No one had that. Well, 13% of the audience appreciated that. You're welcome, guys. So this player paid how much?

It's less than you think. You can get people to do a lot of things for not a lot of money. It's really quite staggering. It is. It's sort of the Divine Brown situation. So, can I ask a question? Was... I don't... So, this... Hold on. My mental computer is processing 19,000 Divine Brown jokes. This, yes. And I hope they're being deleted as we speak. As you're processing? This ball boy got fired because...

Why? So like, what is it? What's the justification? Assuming that you were your lawyer, you're prepared for like, well, they're all at will. Right. So you don't have to. But anyway, I still think that you had to tell what did you tell him his reason for being let go? Well, one of the most common reasons that you fire people is when they're not doing their job.

They're instead hanging out with players or they're watching BP or they're doing things that they shouldn't. You're in the sales department. They shouldn't be watching BP. That's not your job. Your job is to be in sales. Or if you're in in-game entertainment, what are you doing on the field? Things like that. Or why are you coming down to the clubhouse and getting autographs? Why are you taking tickets and reselling them? It's things that are not your job and you get fired for it.

So ball boys, they have a hard job. It's really a brutal job. You're working for tips. You're cleaning up crap. You're doing favors for players all the time. And when a player asks you to do something, they're always going to do it. That would be a top five list, things that players have asked. And I think you can appreciate this. We got two top five lists coming from you later in the show. They will be.

Putting it in the doc. I think that you'll appreciate the top five things that have been asked by players. I can't wait. Because you'll relate to it. So football is different. We're not around the facility nearly as much. We're not traveling as much. So we mostly do the things for ourselves and maybe have rookies do stuff. But we don't have the same relationship where the baseball players are there every day. You're traveling all the time. So I would understand why the relationship with ball boys might be different. But I still haven't gotten to...

understand why you would fire the ball boy after you just said that they don't say no to anyone. It would seem that the person- We need them just to have the judgment to know what to do and what not to do. It's a very, there's, judgment's a big part of being a, were you ever a bat boy or ball boy? I was not.

Oh yeah, I'm assuming you're talking to me. I was. You're looking at me. Well, I mean, judgment's a big part of being a human being. He's looking at the person who has the most ball boy energy behind the glass. And Billy was like, yeah, that's probably me. I don't think anyone would be a ball boy. It would be you, Billy, as a Marlon fan growing up. You've never got a chance to be a guest bat boy or ball boy? No. Is that a thing they do? Yes. Really? Never too late. Yes. It's too late. Yeah.

Even though it's not. Am I? I feel like it's like an old person job now, right? No. Because after Dusty Baker's kid ran on the field at three years old, then they made it like you have to be 18. And then like at 18, you also kind of lose the like, I want to be a ball boy. Oh, there was recently. And by the way, Bat Boy, Ball Boy.

I'm using them interchangeably. Just a point of clarification. They are different. So there's a bat boy and ball boy who travels with them on the road. That's not an adult? No. Oh, it's not. There's clubbies who travel on the road. Oh, and they do the bat boy. You have to supply bat boys for the road team and the home team. And you supply clubbies. The road clubhouse has its own clubbies that are paid for by the home team. We still haven't gotten to the bottom of why. So you fired him because he has poor judgment.

I'm trying to think if there's a better reason to fire somebody. Was it Brad Penny? Lack of... Was it $500? There was an article about it. No, there's...

Someone came in and told me. So unless there was a spy. Suspended Batboy mulling two offers. August 25, 2005. Got milk? An unidentified Florida Marlins Batboy does. Batboy. Batperson. After the Batboy was suspended six games for accepting a dare from Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Brad Penny, a former Marlin, to drink a gallon of milk in less than an hour without vomiting, the Milk Processor Education Program wants to compensate him. Uh...

This is a rabbit hole that I wasn't ready to go into. Why are people complaining about Google? I have not found that to be anything. Why is it bad? I think it's worse than it was. It's not bad. You just found something from 20 years ago. Because I'm really good at using Google, but it's bad.

Yeah, I think that, like, I mean, capitalism. So, like, Google has gone from a place where you go for information to a place where you go for ads. Well, hold on a second. I have a question for you. If Brad Penny was still on the Marlins and this was a home player doing this to, like, a home bat person, would you have still fired said bat person? Yeah. And you don't think there would have been, like, outrage? It's easier when it's, like, a road team. There's always outrage. Really? They're very protective of the guys.

There's always a player outrage when you do anything, when you release a player, when you trade a player, when you create any difference within their environment. There are always people who are upset. What if Dan did something different around here? You guys, I don't know, would you? Would you care? Did the milk cause, like, damage? Like, did you have to replace a carpet or something? No. Like, what damage was done other than to the person? That's it.

I don't recall seeing a bill for damaged property. I mean, it seems like you made a, this is actually, the more we talk about it, it actually seems like a more justifiable fire. I still don't think that it should have happened, but it seemed like you made a calculation that the value of this bat boy is not worth the risk of him eventually doing something that would hurt himself and then eventually having you guys be sued. Well, yes. I mean, that is the equation that you do often. I mean, when you're firing at somebody, you're thinking that somebody who replaces them can be better.

And do better. Is there no like...

Like a first offense, you get a suspension? - There should be, but generally the process is what a CEO wants the process to be when you're not in the legal system. Obviously in the legal system there's due process. When you're not covered by a union and these employees are not unionized, process-- - That's why we love unions, David. Me and you both. - I get it. It gives you a process. - I mean the union actually is more valuable to you than it is to me, but that's a whole 'nother conversation for another time. Maybe for a sporting class we can talk about how it gives you antitrust exemption.

I'm going to put this in the doc too. Will you do that, Pablo? I'd love to have you at a sporting class. Summer's the best time to run the way you want. Dial it up with new challenges and programs and bring your workouts with you to make the most of outside sunny days. Stugatz, guess what? What? You know what you can do with Peloton? What? Get the app, go outside, ride a bike. Well, I thought you ride Peloton inside. Well, you do. You can ride Peloton inside if it's a rainy day or if it's cloudy or you just don't want to get outside. Maybe it's too hot.

summertime, go outside. I record a lot from my office with you and you've noticed it's sitting there yet. It hasn't been used. Well, now's the time. Summer's the best time to start that push. Right. Can we do it together? Not on the same bike, but we could join a class together. I used to do that. We used to have Guillermo Tan. I'd invite people. We'd all take a class together. Okay. So I think you're starting to get concerned about my health and my age, Billy. I,

I sense that with you. We're beyond starting. Okay. Whatever road lies ahead, your training starts here with Peloton Tread and Tread Plus. It's not just a bike, a treadmill too. I'm going to go outside. I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to do it with Billy Gill. I want to be in your class. I want you to be my instructor. You know what? I won't be your instructor. You don't want to spend more time with me. No, I can schedule a class and we can ride together. I won't be the instructor of the class. We can have Camila could be our instructor. I like the Grateful Dead class. My daughter, she uses the Peloton. Mm-hmm.

She was on it once and an instructor who was playing Grateful Dead tunes. Let's do that. Okay. Why don't we go for a run outside? Guided run. Peloton. Me and you. That's something we can do together. Okay. Turn on the app. Me and you go outside. Enjoy the summer. Call yourself a runner with Peloton at onepeloton.com slash running. All right.

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