The Big Suey: Jessica Becomes Dan
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Welcome to the Big Suey, presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Lebitard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it. And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face, and the habitual liar.

Like, obviously, we can't just do just golf. Like, I'd be cool with Trump picking a competition, Biden picking one, and then the American people. And it's two out of three. And that's how we decide. So this is like the show Olympics all over again. Trump will probably pick golf. Biden will pick, like, you know, Scrabble.

Scrabble. And then the American people get to pick. I do think he'd beat Trump in Scrabble. Yeah, absolutely. Bigly. How many points is that? What would we as the people choose as our third thing as the tiebreaker? Because I think even after that debate, I'm going to go, I would bet on Trump to win in golf. Steeplechase. Have you guys ever seen Steeplechase? No.

I was watching, there was a, I guess like the steeplechase trials for the Olympics were yesterday and I was watching it and I genuinely like, what is this event? They run around the track and jump over the hurdles, I guess. And land in a puddle. And one of them's in a puddle randomly. Oh yeah. And they get wet and then they keep running. It looks so hard. That's like the winter sport where they're like on ski

And then they start shooting guns. And then all of a sudden there's like a bow and arrow. And it's just like... Oh, man. I can't wait for the Olympics. There was this weird news story that I saw about protesters in Paris who were trying to organize an event where they were going to poop in the Seine because they're supposed to be... I guess France has been spending all this money trying to clean up the Seine to make it like swimmable for the events in the Olympics. And I guess it's not going well. It's still pretty dirty. And so protesters...

were trying to organize some event to purposely contaminate it so that they couldn't hold the events there. Did you guys see those? No shit. Yeah, they were going to shit inside the river or something. People don't have better things to do. Like, we're just going to collectively go put, drop trowel and just shit in a river. And then on top of that, the bank is like 10 feet. I saw the picture. The bank's like 10 feet down from the street. So you're just going to be hanging your ass over the thing, shitting on the floor. I would go in a bathroom.

nearby shit into like a oh in your hand and then throw it in my hand i'd get like a bucket or something or can i just bring willows i'm not squatting at the i'd fall backwards i feel like i would fall into the river if i was trying to squat i mean these people must have real command over their bowels to be able to plan it to like the minute of when they're all gonna go do this i actually had a hilarious so i leave 11 the other night and i'm walking to the elser at like

3 a.m. You walked to the Elser from 11? I put my car at 11 and then I I was gonna drink in a little so I didn't want to drive It's not a far walk No it's like it was like 7-8 minute walk Really? Yeah it's right there Not bad So I'm walking About 11 minutes and I get this feeling like as I'm like I'm like I still have a long walk left and I have to and it hits me I have to pee bad

Like, bad. Pee. Pee. Okay. And I'm like, it's late at night. I can't get arrested for, like, public urination. So I was just like, I need to make it. That would be tough. I don't think Metal Ark would cover that bill. Like, just imagine, like, me at 3 a.m. getting arrested on the streets of Miami for peeing, like, on a sidewalk. I think we can all imagine that happening. And as you, I actually, I was like, I can imagine everyone imagining that, so I can't let that happen. So I'm going to just, like, I'm, like, speedwalking. I have to pee. Like, I'm telling you, I'm feeling, like.

Like I might pee myself like and it's but and then I see the else there so now I'm like 50 yards from the else there and I'm like I Once you see that you ever have to really pee once you like and you walk into the bathroom and you're like oh boy Oh my god, and I I mean this is not really a climactic ending because I made it I just want you to know like toilet I dropped trowel and that like pee came flying out of instant like I had to clean up a little afterwards I

My guys, I don't know what you're talking about. Ladies maybe don't have this problem. It's the moment you see the bathroom. When you have to go as bad as you can go, that motion of like, it's going. It's like when a sprinkler gets untethered. As soon as it feels air, it's releasing. So now he was describing it. We were talking about pooping, so I thought about that. So that was me the other night. And if you want more poop talk, Mystery is great. I'm telling you, I got my speed walk on. I had to pee so bad. I was not just like walking. I was like, you guys ever speed walk?

That is an Olympic event, too, I believe. I saw people speedwalking. Biden versus Trump. Who do you got? Oh, man. I got Trump. Yeah, on that one. He's probably got a longer stride. He's, like, ginormous. Biden's got to work in some arm motions when he's walking.

He's not moving his arms while he's walking, right? I feel like it's all in the hips. I mean, he's just like... It's all in the hips. They're both 80, so the hip mobility can't be... It's all in the hips. Not a lot of fluidity in the hips. If they were safeties, I wouldn't like it because he can't switch direction. Yeah. Oh, man. Watching both of them just try to play cornerback. That's the competition. Watching them try to defend an NFL wide receiver. Who can do simple things like backpedal? But then Trump doesn't say anything that's true, so... Right. Pretty bad. Pretty bad.

I mean, Biden lied a lot last night, too. They both lie. But it's just like, man, it is just it is one outpaces the other's lies by like four thousand percent. It's a dark time, folks. That's that's my analysis. The sun's out. The Panthers won at least. Yeah. Yeah. We have this week as long as we have this weekend. You know, it's before Trump got elected, like three days before that, the Cubs won the World Series. And I was like, wow, this is really the end times. And now the Panthers have won a Stanley Cup. And it's I feel like we're back in history. We're back.

Ah, damn it. Anyway...

The second round of the NBA draft being in the afternoon was really bizarre. That was odd. It was really strange because if you're going to break it up into two days for the first time, wouldn't you want to try to have a primetime slot to put the focus on those players? It wasn't a good show. I don't know if you guys watched it. I did not watch a second of it. It was just four people at a desk doing... It was very like... There were no interviews. There was a couple packages. It was not... I don't really understand the decision to put it on TV for a second day if they're not going to...

do it the way the NFL does it, I think. Yeah, that was what confused me. Maybe they're going to build up to that in a few years or something. I guess they just wanted to see how the process would work. But to have the combination of

Guys who were at the draft in round one then having to wait until the next day Yeah, which is just such a shame to have the videos that come out of them. Oh, I'm on draft It was all just building towards Bronny like the whole show. They were like we're waiting for number 55, right? We think if Bronny is on the board and I was like, oh someone gonna like pull some shenanigans and like another team's gonna try to like hold him for Picks no nothing like that happened Jeremy. What was the most interesting interesting aspect of

Don't look at me. God, Tony, you're not even paying attention to what we're saying. I misspeak for a split second. You're fine, Chris. Tony just perked up. What was that, Chris? Did you stumble? For the Heat. Interesting. Was there anything interesting in the draft for the Heat? Yeah, I mean, I think that Khalil Ware is a fascinating pick at first.

at 15, considering there were a couple of other players available who people had already linked to the Heat, Jared McCain being one of them. Dalton Connect slipping as far as he did. He sort of fits that Heat mold. He started his college career at a JUCO. He then ended up at a D1 school, then transitioned to another SEC school, white guy who shoots threes. That's like textbook Miami Heat over the last few years. But Khalil Ware is an interesting fit because

Because a lot of people have spoken about the idea that Bam could play more time at the four. So what it used to be is, hey, who's the perfect power forward to pair next to Bam? And with the way the league has changed with so many, A, big centers that are now shooting from distance and things like that,

But also, all of these wings, with Bam as a versatile defender, having a center who could be there who's athletic, who's a lob threat, who shot 40% from three on low volume in college, seemed like an interesting pick, especially because a lot of people project him as a bit of a project. But the things that he can bring to the heat right now that they did not have...

Being a lob threat the way that he is, doing some of the things that Derek Lively did for Dallas, for example, being a really good off-ball shot blocker, these are things they didn't get from their backup center last year. And I'm intrigued to see how those minutes grow to work. But I think the future plan is he's the five next to Bam at the four. So no.

Sure. What was worse for America last night? The U.S. men's national team losing to Panama in the group stage of the Copa America Cup. Copa Cup. I know we made fun of that yesterday. Playing a man down for like the whole game after a bad foul. Bad one. That's all I really have. Or you watch that over the debate there. I was I was watching the debate. Yeah.

It was a bad loss, though. Now they have to win this next one, I think. Yeah. Brutal. Brutal. I'm sure Mike was tweeting at Berhalter. Was he out of option?

For what? It was a debate. It was a debate, Roy. Oh, it was a debate. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, there you go. Soccer. Also, my wife is watching Modern Family for the ninth time. I'm watching Modern Family for the first time right now. Oh, really? First time all the way through. Really good show. That is a good idea. It's great. I've always seen it. It's one of those shows that's always on that you watch an episode here, an episode there. You don't feel like you need to know the plot. But watching it the first time all the way through, I'm

really, really, really enjoying it, actually. One of the fun things about having kids is they just give random names to things that aren't the actual names. For that, my daughter just calls that the family show. Older parents do that, too. She's like, are we watching the family show? And that's Modern Family. Little cute names for things. How do you feel about mockumentaries? Because...

I'm tired of it. They had a moment. I think the moment has sort of passed. Which one are you... Like The Office. Where did it jump the shark? Oh, yeah. The Office and Parks and Rec. Parks and Rec. Yeah, like where you look at the camera after a joke. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, even that style, like even that modern family without telling you it's a mockumentary is sort of that style, at least where they have like the side interviews with the characters so that they can let you know what they're thinking. But you're right. No one does the side interview better than Phil Dunphy.

I'm seeing a lot of my future in that character. Yeah. Your future? My present. Yeah. A corny dad. Whenever I'm actually a father. Corny dad. I channel a lot. I'm already trying to embarrass my daughter and do Phil Dunphy things. I don't think you have to have kids to be a father. I think that there's certain... You could just be a dad. I mean, I know I am. Like a mentor? I feel like for Lehman, the moment he started putting those screens over our windshield when we park in the sun... Oh, yeah.

Like that's a dad move. That's dad behavior. I think you could be a dad without being a father. Yeah. I think that's the important distinction. Or a daddy. Some could say. How do you guys say no to children though? Like so I don't have kids yet. It's different. Are we talking about my kid or someone else's kid? Because my kid, easy. Well, no. So I guess that's a question. Because we had our niece and nephews in town a couple of weekends ago. And I realized instantly like I cannot say no. If they ask me to do anything, I'm going to do anything for them.

You look at the parents. It's easy for me, for my daughter. I'm with you on other kids. If we're at another kid's disappointment, yeah.

Dude, your kid is going to get so much shit that you're going to be the guy that's like, this kid needs no. My daughter needs no in her life. Like my daughter gets so much of, yes, sure. Would you like this? Would you? And my mom like, oh, I just saw you. Here's another shirt. You're like, she's getting so much. Yes. That like, I am happy to be.

Sometimes I feel like a jerk, and sometimes I just give in and do say... I'm not like a... No, I don't think you're painting a bad picture. No, but I'm asking you genuinely. Me and my wife have talks about how do we get more no in her life. I feel like I'm just going to end up deferring to my wife to do it because I won't know how to do it, and that's the Phil Dunphy in me. If it's someone else's kids, you just look at the parents and you give them the look, and then they say no. I'm glad we're keeping Willow's attention with this show today.

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Don Levitard. He seems like a not nice guy, and he's always been a not nice guy. I don't care for him, and I hope he has the day he deserves. Oh. Oh. Stugatz. I hope he has the day he deserves. That's how I get people when they're really mean to me. I'm not like, go F yourself. I'm like, I hope you have the day you deserve. It's a great kind insult. Yes.

It's beautiful. It's leaving it to the cosmos to sort it out. That's a less Southern bless your heart. This is the Don Levitar Show with the Stugats.

So this is very exciting. The Marlins and Burger King have created a limited edition crown. And I know what you're thinking. This thing's got to be pretty cool. Yeah. But it's not. It's a little paper sad crown. It's one of the saddest promotions I've ever heard of. It's one of the Burger King...

crowns Chris I always hated these I always hated these I thought it would be I don't know I thought when I hear limited edition I thought maybe they'd give them out at the ballpark it's got teal pinstripes I thought it would be like an actual like something of substance something of substance all I know is I hated these paper things because I used to get them at Burger King all the time and they never fit my head because I have a larger head so like I would always be like on that last sad thing yeah

This morning, when I walked into the Elser, I saw that someone had DoorDash Burger King at 7, like, 25 in the morning. The question is, is that an early breakfast before work or a coming home from the club? Coming home from the club. I don't think... But does Burger King do the menu...

like not breakfast in the morning? Right. It probably is breakfast. You're right. At some point it becomes just breakfast. What is Burger King's breakfast? Oh, they have a nice little breakfast. Don't sleep on that breakfast. French toast strips. Yep. Those are actually pretty fire. They've got croissants. They've got a bunch of stuff. I think this is the Marlins trying to be like, oh, we've got to draft off this Grimace thing and do something kind of cool. Yeah, they already have the deal where you can get a Whop

Whopper Jr. after? You're asking us. Ron Burgundy? Yeah, I don't remember which one you can get if there's a Marlins win. And they had the partnership with Jake Burger last year. So I guess this is just sort of good relations continuing. I kind of think it looks cool. Burger King gets a bad rap. It doesn't get talked about a lot, but the chicken fries are strong. The onion rings? Oh, yeah. I love the chicken fry. I'm sorry, Chris. I want to apologize to you.

I mean, you're right. Every time you do it, it is funny. It feels like a lot of Burger King's offerings are in the form of sticks or strips. Is that what I'm gathering? Everything is rectangular at Burger King. What, you've never gone to a Burger King before? I don't think I've seen a Burger King since I was like four years old. There wasn't one near my house. Go to one. I don't want to. Go. Group outing today? Now I can't eat anything. Well, Friday lunch? You can eat it. Gluten. I don't think I can eat it. You can eat it. I don't want to eat it. I'm okay. The fresh toastings do sound good, though. The chicken fries, I'm telling you.

A little ranch. But why wouldn't I? I mean, they don't want to do a nugget form because it's a McDonald's thing. I think they're just like, how can we make this different? All right, we got this chicken thing, guys. How do we make it different? Make it a rectangle. Thin and long? Call it chicken fry. I used to think that's what the Zac Brown song was. It's a little bit of chicken fry. I like my chicken fry.

Cold beer. How did they not use that in a commercial? That would have been genius. I just thought of that, actually. Right off the top of my head. Never thought about that before. You know what? You should work for marketing. I'm like a freestyler, but for podcasting. I just freestyled that. Tony, right now, freestyle podcast form. Go.

I don't understand what the medium is. What do you mean freestyle podcast? I guess this is all freestyle, right? Oh, for sure. It's your time. You get a minute. Go. Spit. You want me to do a beat?

Oh, so you want me to rap? No, I'm not going to rap. Sorry. I have a better idea. Lucy came into the studio this morning. She was really unhappy because EA Sports put out their rankings of offenses and defenses. You didn't go with the Dan transition. I heard Lucy talking at the water cooler today about... I heard Iowa talking at the... In the commissary. Lucy, what did you say that made everyone laugh? He said Lucy walked in really unhappy this morning, and I said, always am. Yeah.

So I'm glad I said that on air. We could. I find you to be happy. I just did the Dan thing of what was that private thing you said? Say it out loud now on the mic. That's my bad. That's my bad. Something about this chair. It makes you reveal things that aren't. Okay. Jeremy, start crying. You walked in particularly unhappy today because not because your team's rankings weren't as high as you thought they should be. Your team's rankings on EA Sports College football were too high for

What's the offensive ranking? Or both. Am I wrong? I didn't look where Iowa was ranked offensively. I don't really need that today. I don't need that for a while. It's okay. You don't have to look that up. But I saw that the rankings came out, and the offensive ones were absolutely batshit offensively.

Clemson was in the top 10. Now, at my last job, we used to play this game called Clemson or Iowa, where we would read stats out loud and not tell you if they were Clemson or Iowa, and you would have to guess. And it was surprisingly hard. Clemson has a very bad offense. They put them 10th.

They ranked 98th overall in total offense last year. They put Colorado 9th. They finished 99th nationally. Now that's fine. Your list is bad. You have to follow it up and put Iowa in the top 10. EA Sports has Miami as the number 7 offense. That's crazy. Really good offensive line. They've got Martinez. They've got Cam Ward. They've got Sam Brown now from Houston. Very exciting team. They're basing this off of recruiting. What's going on here? It's usually like

based off of like, they'll give players like, yeah, really high rankings because you might have a really great player. Like Colorado, Shadur is great, but the rest of Colorado isn't that particularly great. I know there's Travis Hunter, but that obviously doesn't apply to him. It's just not, it's just wrong. It's just inaccurate. Clemson has a bad offense. Clemson has been bad at offense for a hot minute now. It's just not right. But let me tell you, as angry as I was, it's kind of nice to feel, you know, angry about it again.

I was happy to get mad about a list. I can only find top 25, so I can't find where I am. Yeah, that's all they've revealed. All they've revealed is the top 25. We should be top 25. Out of, what, 120? 20?

Defense, we were 13. I said, that's ridiculous. I think S&P Plus preseason rankings had Iowa's offense at like 117 or something like that. That's a step up. Shout out to Bill Connolly. We're moving in the right direction. But yeah, I think EA's done a really good job of like the slow trickle throughout the summer of like, we'll give you a little teaser. We'll give you a little list of the toughest places to play. We'll

We'll give you a little list of some player rankings and stuff like that. Maybe we'll do a little offense-defense, piss everyone off. And it's just like the perfect slow trickle to get people hyped for this game and in turn get people hyped for the season. It's working. Taylor took off the day it's coming out. Yes, he did. He already put that on the schedule? He put it on the schedule like five days ago.

four months ago. I went to put in like an off day in July and it was like Taylor out of the office and I was like, okay, I'm sure there's just, it's a coincidence here. Love that. A lot of streaming of NCAA 25 coming to the YouTube and Levitard shows. Do we have like a PS5 or something? The boy, the boy just bought a

PS5. I somehow convinced my wife, guys, this has been just an incredible negotiation for me. Probably the best negotiation we've ever done, for sure. Tony and I were just having a long conversation yesterday about how expensive, he has all these big life changes coming up and it's so expensive. You have to buy a crib! And he's like, I got a PS5. He's buying two cribs.

To a crib, literally. A crib and a crib. And a crib. That was a good one. I'm renting, but whatever. Not the point. The point is that I took all of my old stuff, right? I was an Xbox guy for a long time. And...

and I took my Xbox One, my old Xbox 360, I took a ton of games. So I've been a sports game guy. I'm not really a first person shooter. Any of these role playing games, I get dizzy trying to find where my guy is in the first person shooter games. So I had Maddens from '05, '06, '07. I had the entire run of all the NBA Lives, all the Maddens, all the NCAA footballs, NCAA basketball. So I took all of my stuff to a vintage shop that would sell vintage games.

Like GameStop? No, GameStop rips you the hell off. I went to an actual vintage shop. Like a mom and pop shop? Like a mom and pop shop, yeah. Cute. And we started going through all my games. I didn't even know those existed. I know, me too. Like a mom and pop video game shop? Yeah, because it's all vintage stuff. So anything you want vintage, like figurines or video games or whatever, they have it there.

They have yo-yos there too. They might have some yo-yos. Slinkies. They might have some stuff like that. It's just like a trinket and fun little hobby store. No, it is. Next time I go, I'll show you videos. Rubik's Cube. Full length size like Star Wars people. Sports cards. Sounds kind of awesome. Is this place in Miami? Yeah. Collectible shop. By Tamiami Airport. Nice. Anyways. I don't know where that is. It's far. There's more than one airport in Miami?

This is like a private airport. This is where Tony flies out of. Exactly. Thank you. And I went over there. So we started going through all my games. And he's like, this game is the most valuable game you have. And it was NCAA basketball 2009 with Kevin Love on the cover. He's like, dude, this is like a $50 game right now. And I was like...

Why did that guy tell you that? A $50 game? I feel like he could have just been like, you got nothing here that's valuable. I'll take it all for like $200. No, because he knows that I'm a solid guy and a loyal customer. I'm picturing the Pawn Stars guys where you bring something in and you're like, I'm asking for $1,000. And they're like, this is actually worth. I'm going to have to call my guy. No, my favorite is when they're super honest and earnest. They're like, this is actually worth way more than you're asking for. So we'll give you $1,000.

Wow, they do that? Yeah, one of the episodes. This is what I love about the ACC on the CW because sometimes you watch a women's basketball game and it goes straight into Pawn Stars with no break. We now join the show in the middle of progress. You end up midway through an episode of Pawn Stars and someone's selling some World Series 1908 commemorative Cubs pin and they're like, this is actually worth way more than you're asking. We're going to be fair and we're going to give you more than what you asked for. That happens like once a week.

14 seasons of Pawn Shop. We were right near the Pawn Shop in Vegas. Yeah, we were right next to it. We saw it at Pawn Shop. We should have gone in just for fun. What were we doing? I don't know. Dispenser content. So as I walk in, the guy's like, this is your most expensive game. But it was still only $50. But Jess, you don't understand. GameStop is like, they'll see that game and they'll be like, I'll give you 11 cents for it. And I'm like,

No. I'm not going to lie. I haven't heard anything you've said the last two minutes. I've just been thinking about what a video game about role, like a role playing video game would be like. Like Final Fantasy? Yeah, like, I don't know, like these games that these nerds play. I don't know. Role playing like Sims? No, not Sims. It's like little dragons and...

fairies and whatever it is that the it's like World of Warcraft or something I had this video game very different I was thinking yeah thank you so long story short I took all my stuff and then I actually chopped the price of the PS5 in half so that's how I was able to negotiate with my wife and tell her look only cost me

$250 instead of $500. So you had a bunch of games that you brought in. That I gave to the guy. He gave me cash for them. And then I went and bought a PS5. So now I'm locked in. PS5 in hand. Ready to play. NCAA football comes out. If you get the early deluxe version, you actually get it three days early. Which is something that Taylor forgot to do. Because...

He took the 17th of July, which is when the game actually comes out. But real hoopers know the 15th of July is when the extendo package comes out and you get it for free three days early. That's actually good to know. How much was that?

The deluxe package, I want to say, is $100. You better take off the 15th before Taylor switches it in the calendar. Yeah. We can't all be off that day. I don't have a game system anymore. I used to be a Nintendo DS girly, and I was really into my Nintendo DS. I used to play FIFA. I think I had Madden on it, maybe, and...

Mario Brothers, everything. And I used to get so angry at my DS that I would bite the corner of it and there were teeth marks all over it. I was like 12, guys. This was... Wow. Damn it. I should have done the I was 28 years old thing. Oh, come on.

You know, the good thing about these systems now is you can watch your apps on your Disney Pluses, your Hulus and stuff like that. I don't need another screen. But I do want a new game system. Yeah, so do I. I want the X series for Xbox. That's my next big percentage if it allows me to.

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Don Levitard. While I was gone, a third Zagaki was born, and I think I heard, correct me if I'm wrong here, Jeremy trying to partake in a fourth Zagaki, and I am here for a future where I am surrounded by a chorus of clucking Zagakis. Stugatz. You know what it means when you have four Zagakis, Dan? I don't. You don't have one. This is the Don Levitard Show with the Stugatz. Oh.

Tony, do you have any games to barter for Roy? Well, you're going to have to get in negotiating. You got to start negotiating. We do the best negotiations. Buddy, there's nothing that's non-negotiable. Let me tell you. Start with that right there. I don't know about that, man. Everything is negotiable. Mm-hmm.

I saw a video the other day that was pretty alarming of a sinkhole in the middle of Illinois. Do you guys see this video? Is there any scenario where that wouldn't be terrifying? If you saw a sinkhole and you're like, I saw a sinkhole and it was just, it fit. I don't know. I mean, my family's from Pittsburgh and sometimes you just see a sinkhole. Really? I've never seen one. Knock on wood. Well, we are in a place where everything is very... I know, trust me. I can't walk through this parking garage without thinking the worst.

Really? Yeah. Nah, I don't like to hear that. I walk around with a general sense of like, if something weird's going on, Chris Cody will tell me about it. Like, I'm new to Florida, but apparently you're just walking around like, yeah, this is actually terrifying. Yeah. This is not normal. I don't like, I've never liked parking garages. There's something about a parking garage to me. I hate parking garages too. It just, yeah.

And then we have at our parking garage, you walk out of the elevator shaft and the way that that door slams when you walk out of the elevator shaft, I think it's taking down the entire building every single time. Oh, no. It's like every morning I'll walk in, open the door. Boom. And when that thing shuts and it doesn't come like, all right, we're good for the day. I'm not sure if I know which elevator. Oh, my God. I want to go out there right now and join like a zoom for my phone and show the audience. Can I do this?

Yeah. Sure. Can I do this? You have 10 minutes. You got nothing else to do. Go ahead. Go for it. Okay, well, I saw this video. Lucy, did you have sinkholes in Iowa anywhere? I don't believe so. Our football team, but I don't think I can. Okay, put up the sinkhole video. It was in the middle of a field in Illinois, and the field just opens. Apparently, there was like a mine pit.

underneath and it just opened up and devoured a light pole in the middle of a soccer field. Luckily no one was there. Yes, that's exactly what it looks like at Heinz Field during the Dark Knight Rises where they just, the field opens up and like swallows the Gotham Steelers or whatever that team is called. Heinz Ward returning kicks too. I didn't like that. Never realistic for me. I liked it. I mean, why not? It's a movie. That team plays on turf.

Yeah. Anyways, I thought this video was horrifying. I was trying to think of like athletes who connote sinkholes. And I did not. What did you say? Do you have anything? I didn't get very far. I ended up with three, but one with an asterisk because I don't know if this should count. So would you like to do your top two and a half list of? No, it's not. It's not even really good enough to put it in the top five format. I had Stuart Sink. Nice. That's it.

It's really the only one that was worth a damn. And then Lehman was like, what about Tiger Woods? Because he sinks putts in holes. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get the game. It's a stugat stretch. And then Carl, no disrespect to Carl, but he suggested Taco Fall, which is kind of funny. Not terrible. But not really playing the game. No. Nah. That's more of athletes who connote timber. Yes. Yeah. Tim Duncan. Sure.

Tiger Woods, Taco Fall, Timber Falls. Timber. I get it, woods. Tree Rawlins. Nice. Not bad.

It's a classic right there, man. I have some kind of random stats that I've collected throughout this week. Do you guys want to hear them? I don't know. What do they pertain to? There's a baseball stat, and then there are two basketball stats, and one of them is truly sports-oriented, and the other two are just kind of silly. Okay. Yeah? We can start with the basketball one. Okay, so there's two basketball ones. Let's save the silly one for last.

Yeah, we'll do this and then we'll throw to Chris Cody on who's on the Zoom. You want to do the serious one first? Wait, Chris, okay. Wait, Chris is on the Zoom. Let's get to Chris. Let's listen to this. All right, we got Chris on the Zoom. Chris, can you hear us right now? This better pay off, Chris. I can hear you. It's very echoey in here. How is my signal? It's good. Yeah, you're good to go. Go ahead. All right, so here's our elevator. Here's our elevator staff, all right? Uh-oh, this is not good. All right, so you walk out. Here's the door.

Ready for this. Watch this. All right, you walk out. Is that a good payoff? That could not have been more anticlimactic. I think it was so loud that the audio like clipped it. You got a silencer on that thing or what? Ready? Try again. Yeah, quiet. And you turned on the original sound. How's this going? It's like a soft close cabinet. Yeah. Hold on. Oh, man. Those are nice, by the way. Love a soft close. I could use some of those. It's the best.

I have a cabinet in my house that's too soft of a close, and it just gets left open all the time. Because you'll push it to close it, and it will not close. And it doesn't close? It will just sit there. The technology has betrayed you. Yeah, and it's the worst. Because something about boyfriends, they like to leave a cabinet open. I love leaving a cabinet open. There's nothing better than leaving a cabinet open. You do it on purpose, right? Yeah, because I'm going to come back.

No, but you're not. I'm not. I hate it. Sometimes I come home and I'm like, why are all these cabinets open? Who's doing this to me? All right. Give me your funny. Give me your silly stat. All right. So you want the silly stats first? Yeah. Give me the silly ones. All right. So the first one, as of two nights ago, LeBron James's career is old enough to drink. Yeah.

21 years of age to the day that he had been drafted as of a couple of nights ago. That's a little silly, I guess. That's a little silly. Here's another one. On June 26th, so a couple days ago, it was the 40th birthday of every point guard on the 2015-16 Dallas Mavericks. That's pretty quirky. Speaking of the Mavericks, they just traded Tim Hardaway Jr. to Detroit. Yikes. Right now? Oh, wow. He's going to waste away over there. How'd that go?

What? Did it sound loud to you? Yeah, really loud. It did not go well. They can't all be winners, alright? No, that's not your fault. That's technology. Yeah, I think Zoom was like, this is so loud that we're gonna clip it and not, you won't be able to hear it. After the show, I'll get a video of it and put it out on social. I think part of the thing also is that it's loud, but also like the entire wall shakes. And you can't really capture that well on Zoom. Yeah. When it's already a shaky connection. Yeah. Oh, okay.

It was Raymond Felton, J.J. Barea, and Darren Williams, by the way, who were all on that team. And then the final stat, this one's just an interesting baseball stat because I feel like we should all be celebrating it more, but no one cares about baseball the way we once did. Aaron Judge became the third player in MLB history...

to hit 30 homers prior to an All-Star break three times in his career, joining Mark McGuire and Ken Griffey Jr. That is crazy. That's a crazy stat. He's just one of the greatest home run hitters of all time, and we're just not really caring that much? At least the first half of the season he is.

I think we cared a lot the first time he did it. I'm not going to lie. Right. We've already seen this. Right. We cared when he actually broke the non-steroid record and everyone was breaking into college football coverage to tell you about it. That's when I turned on him.

Lucy, you weren't working here yet. I was trying to watch Wake Forest Boston College. Thank you. Wake Forest Clemson, too, they cut into. That was like a nine-touchdown game. I wanted to see Sam Hartman. Little did I know how much he would mean to me the following year as the Notre Dame quarterback. There was a thing that happened in baseball that we didn't cover this week, which was involving Shohei Otani. I haven't seen this video yet, and neither has Chris, but I'm being told that it is crazy and a bat boy saved him from a foul ball.

Yeah, that's right. Before we look at it. So you're saying it's a foul ball. Batboy saves Otani. If this is a real if this is like you're saving him from genuine injury and like a real thing, there needs to be like a check cut. Watch because that's what's happening here. Let's play the video because it is spectacular.

Oh. Oh. That's a catch on a line drive that was headed right for Shohei Otani's face. Do we have a slow motion capability? On our video? Asking our video team that now with three minutes left to go? I just got a no in my ear. That is impressive. There's not enough celebration in that dugout for that. That's a $10,000 check. Oh, at the very least, that's a $700 million player. I know. That's why I like that. I would say triple that. All right.

I mean, that is terrifying. I mean, Shohei's not great with his money, so maybe. When you go to a baseball game with people, are you ever like, hey, by the way, if a foul ball comes, you're in charge of catching it, and I'm not going to go for it. Can't really do that anymore because they're going to defer. We are getting something that looks like a slow motion thing here. That's slow motion. He was going to catch it right in the jaw. Yeah, he was. He does have quick reflexes here. The more I see this in slow motion, he might have gotten out of the way here. Frame by frame, I'm not sure. He put his hand up. It would have broken his hand. Right.

Man, that's crazy. Oh, wow, you're right. He goes right hand to protect the face. Yeah, he might have broken his hand there. Now, he's a DH for this year at least, so that's a little better. If he was a pitcher as well this season, breaking that right hand would have been a disaster. How about Batboy thinking the catch where, like, the guy, there's another player in the blue shirt. He just ducks.

And he gave it to a fan. That's what I mean. Some people's instincts are to like fend for yourself, cover yourself. When I go to a baseball game, their instincts are supposed to be to protect me. I'm not going to be able to catch things that fly at me. I know there's nets now, Roy, but there's still foul balls. It's wild how often you see a one-handed catch at a baseball game. I saw one on Friday. It was crazy. I feel like you do see one like every two games you go to. You're going to see a fan just catch a ball. And it's like 300 feet away. It's kind of shocking every time.

They're usually holding something, right? Like a baby, a beard. And I'm telling you, if it were me, that would hit me in the head. Like there's a 0% chance I'm catching that. I don't have the reflexes to catch foul balls. I'm someone who, I stopped by the time I was like 13 or 14, but brought my glove to games. Like I'm always still to this day going to be the one. It's like, don't worry guys. If a ball comes our way, I'm going to be the one to try to catch it.

That's just the attitude that I have. Someone needs to step up. I should go to baseball games with you. All right, let's do it. Because they have a DH. I have a designated catcher for foul balls. DC? Yeah. One of my earliest Marlins memories is being like a little child and like, I want a foul ball. I want a foul ball. And then like in the seventh inning, I want ice cream. We go get ice cream and we get back and a foul ball came right to our seats. No way. That did not happen. I could call my mom right now.

Call her Kyle. We'll call her Kyle. Do it. We have a minute. My greatest foul ball experience was in 2003. I caught a Barry Bonds line drive hit. I was sitting like right at the front on the first baseline and he hit like a one hopper and I reached over the wall and I caught it and I held it up in the air and my cousin went to go grab it and hit it out of my hand and it

fell onto the field and thank goodness the first base coach for the Giants walked over, grabbed it and gave it back to me. And I still have it in a little box in my house. I feel like I should explain where my fear comes from. My earliest baseball memory was the Steve Bartman thing. So my whole life I've always been like, I don't want to be the guy to do that. The person next to me can do that and save my life. Ironically, that was the series before. It was during the playoffs when the Giants were down. That's why I hate the Marlins. What do you think Bartman's doing right now?

Right now. Right now. Probably just living his life. Probably just living his life. He's probably at work. I bet he's at a diner. He probably loves the whole work from home thing, right? Yeah. He doesn't have to see anybody. What a time that was. I loved that. Yeah. I bet you did. Yeah. I hated it. I've never gotten over it. Two kids just feeling different about things. MMA Hangout UFC 303 on YouTube.

Summer's the best time to run the way you want. Dial it up with new challenges and programs and bring your workouts with you to make the most of outside sunny days. Stugatz, guess what? What? You know what you can do with Peloton? What? Get the app, go outside, ride a bike. Well, I thought you ride Peloton inside. Well, you do, you can ride Peloton inside if it's a rainy day or if it's cloudy or you just don't want to get outside, maybe it's too hot.

summertime go outside i record a lot for my office with you and you've noticed it's sitting there yet it hasn't been used well now's the time summer's the best time to start that push right can we do it together not on the same bike but we could join a class together i used to do that we just have guillermo tan i'd invite people we'd all take a class together okay time so i think you're starting to get concerned about my health and my age billy i i sense that with you we're beyond starting okay

Whatever road lies ahead, your training starts here with Peloton Tread and Tread Plus. It's not just a bike, a treadmill too. I'm going to go outside. I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to do it with Billy Gill. I want to be in your class. I want you to be my instructor. You know what? I won't be your instructor. You don't want to spend more time with me. No, I can schedule a class and we can ride together. I won't be the instructor of the class. We can have Camila could be our instructor. I like the Grateful Dead class. My daughter, she uses the Peloton. Mm-hmm.

She was on it once and an instructor who was playing Grateful Dead tunes. Let's do that. Okay. Why don't we go for a run outside? Guided run. Peloton. Me and you. That's something we can do together. Okay. Turn on the app. Me and you go outside. Enjoy the summer. Call yourself a runner with Peloton at onepeloton.com slash running. All right.

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