The Rules of Time Travel
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Hello and welcome to the Hatchet Podcast! It's episode number 183! I'm Chris Trott.

Hi Chris, I'm Ross Hornby. I'm Alex Smith. Thank you Jonathan Cortez for that lovely fingle there. Yeah. Real dainty little piece with some strings and they're from Chicago. Is that Jonathan with an H or not? Because I put Jonathan without an H. It's J-O-N-A-thon. So I did get it right. So Craig got it wrong. I'm just going to call him out now. All right. Sorry we spelt your name wrong. Sorry Jonathan. We didn't do shit. Well now we've corrected it. It's fine. We are praising your work. Thanks for sending a fingle in to...

It's a really special day today. Today, the 12th of December. 12th of December 2009 is when we made the Hat Films channel. I saw it in the back end today. Today is a special day. So 15 years old. That's crazy. The birth of a channel. The birth of the channel. We're 15 years old. Did we upload any videos at the time? Do you know? I think we just made the channel. Maybe we did like an interview with Chris Trott.

I don't know if we did it on day one, though. It wasn't day one. But we made it with intention. That's it. To upload silly stuff. That's crazy. That's the beginning of what this is. The channel was established, apparently, December 12th. Well, good catch, because we've missed some big ones in the past, haven't we? We have. Yeah. It was such an underwhelming notification in the back end as well. It's your birthday, and then the button underneath that is View Analytics. Yeah.

And it just goes to the analytics page. And what does that tell you? Just like, since your birthday, this is the views or something? What does it say? It just shows you the analytics page. Literally just the last 28 days. What it shows you is in 15 years, YouTube still doesn't give a fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's what it boils down to. Years later, the time you've dedicated to it. It just doesn't care.

Somebody somewhere surprised you. A soft shrug in the background. Oh, yeah, if you're still doing it. We're keeping the server costs alive for your shitty channel of 15 years. Well, I feel like somewhere in YouTube, someone's going to realize that they've been taking revenue from creators for the last 20 years. You know, I reckon it seems like such a badly run and badly connected company from the content creator side of the experience. We've had... So for the first, like, what, five years of...

There was only two people in the whole UK that were responsible for how YouTube liaised with its creators. Oh, for us. All the reps. Yes, there were a few reps. So you had people within the UK, you know, the Yogscast being an excellent example. You know, Yogscast were one of the biggest channels at the time, I think, and they were making YouTube and Google huge amounts of money via ad revenue. Yeah.

And there was just barely any communication with them at all. And then eventually, like, reps would turn up and try and start to give us information or advice on, like, try doing this. It wouldn't be much more than you'd get by Googling, how do I make a YouTube channel? Exactly. That's the thing, that their advice was very much just like, yeah, we can't help you really, but, like, just here's an idea. It's just like you can get that from any kind of tutorial or on YouTube. And how it works nowadays is we get an email through once a month saying, hey,

I'm your rep. Book in a one-to-one with me. I'm filling up fast. And then I just know that that's going to be an online call with someone that just doesn't know the questions we have questions for, we don't have answers for. So it would be like, so how do we get more views? Is our channel blacklisted? Is there something in the back end you can do to check? Yeah.

It's going to be all the generic shit of like, yeah, maybe stop swearing and maybe stop doing this and that. Maybe change up your thumbnails. Yeah, try a new thumbnail. It's just all those things that you would think of before you even post a video anyway. So yeah, YouTube, by and large, and being people who have, much like yourself, if you're members or if you've contributed to us in the past via YouTube, they take your money and provide a terrible service. So there's that. How do we get onto YouTube bashing?

15 year anniversary. Ah, yeah, of course. And then they wouldn't even think to have something exciting and celebratory like that to even mean something to the creators. Cause there's no relationship between the amount of money that we've made them, the amount of time and effort we've put into the channel.

There's just none of that. There's no tracking of any of that kind of thing. Unless you're like Jake Paul or one of the top 10 creators that live in LA and YouTube want to make their entire brand about you. It's just like Etsy or being on eBay, isn't it, really? I think the way to be successful is probably be...

based in America I think that's the one big hindrance based in America is a big help I guess breaking America is a big deal breaking America because obviously you've got such a wider market like most of our audience comes from the UK anyway um

and then it starts trickling over the US. There was times where we used a VPN and upload from the American YouTube to see if that made a difference. It doesn't. I don't think... Nothing noticeable. Yeah, nothing noticeable changed. I just think it's us as well. Oh, of course. It's probably us. I think it's us. And this is the thing. Obviously, like... We're the problem. I think if you were to advise anyone who was starting a YouTube channel, you still need to say that it's mostly luck still.

Almost certainly. You have to have an idea, obviously, but luck is a huge factor in it, and it's just holding onto that for as long as possible, which we've clenched our fists tightly and held it for this, which is quite a long time, really. What, 13-odd years? Yeah. Most people would have boomed and busted by now, but we're like one of the... Huh? Oh, shit. We've lost... We are still on audio. We are still on audio.

on or no no the uh well yeah technically i can pause it and then so a funny thing that's happened right now in a headshot is our our live stream pc just blue screen yeah blue screen continues yeah so if you're listening to us right now this is how quickly we can recover from a crisis exactly the crisis is happening start the timer luckily i do have a backup so i record on the laptop i'm looking at yeah if you were to watch it but they can't because it's bloody gone blue screened

But yeah, anyway, thank you very much for supporting us all these years. You have meant that we are still here and that we're still able to do this job, which is a great job. Oh no, YouTube just said we're shutting you down. Your ass is down. I see. I know this is a stream on Twitch and YouTube, to be fair, so they could have just...

heard what we said, used the algorithms to be like, they just said this about us. They sent a Trojan to the PC. Now they'll see our value and then cut us off. But they inadvertently cut us off from Twitch as well, which isn't their property. So that's unfair, really. And I think YouTube has just declared war on Amazon by the sounds of things. So they've hit Amazon web services as a preemptive strike. Yeah.

Do you reckon it's like nukes where they all have, they're just ready to go with the big guns to like just annihilate each other on a software level? They're going to deploy their best bugs. Yeah. Oh, I hate these things. I nearly just dunked. I did this. It's referring to the lid. It's the lids that are stuck on bottles. So, and there is a good reason for that. It's because I think somebody was walking along a beach and was pointing out all the bottle caps that were loosely on their own.

And I think the intention is that the larger the bottle, the more plastic stays together. Right. That makes sense. Less smaller particles. You're more likely to recycle. In the scheme of things. To put it into a bin. Even though it is annoying to have to push it to one side. I violently rip them off now.

off now so you just actually take it off and throw it I mean yeah in anger I think it's annoying that plastic makes it into the ocean at all well yeah so beyond wind carrying things right so the reason that the plastic is going into the ocean is because somebody hasn't put it in a closable bin um

and then that transport needs to go to somewhere that, again, doesn't get blown away. But I do think... It also gets shipped off to countries and they just dump it into the ocean. Well, of course, and that's absurd as well. That's the other thing, where they get a surplus of it and they're like, oh, we can't deal with this much, and dump it. Yeah. I'd love it to be a focus of trying to create super clean environments. I mean, the whole rivers situation in the UK is obviously a big one. It seems like...

I'm hopeful and I look forward to a time when we get our act together and start all these nice, natural, amazing spaces we have start actually getting looked after again and they become awesome. What was it the other day? I've got maggots in my office. Like whereabouts? The 3D print. I'm trying to encourage you to eat my plastic. You have not real maggots? No, I've just got a whole floor of them and I'm throwing filament on them so I hope that they evolve to eat the plastic.

It's just we have had maggots in our third year. I don't think it's just maggots. I'll try different insects. There are certain bugs, aren't there? There is a plastic eating bug. Which I think they're working on figuring out how to make that workable. Because what does it excrete if it's eating it? More plastic? I think carbon or like base...

Components that are then easier to recycle. Exactly. It's not just literally just making it into a tiny microplastic for us all to just ingest in our bloodstreams. Put it back into a filament reel, ready to use. They just poop out like a spider web. Yeah, I think the idea is that the problem with disposing of plastics is that they're complex to break down the bonds, right? To make them recyclable, to break them into constituent parts, it's a lot to do. But by using bugs...

I'm guessing enzymes within their digestive system. It's a bacteria. It's a bacteria. Jesus. That breaks down the bonds. Idianella saccanissis. Okay. That's got to be a cool nickname for that. That's probably an easy way to say it as well, probably. This bacterium was the first to be discovered to use plastic as a food source. It was isolated from a sediment sample outside of a plastic bottle recycling facility in Japan. Amazing. And it can break down and consume polyethylene terephthalate,

terephthalate? It's not a spelling bee. It's difficult, guys. I can't say some of these words. Is there an acronym for that? PET. That's used in all plastic bottles. Okay, so they consume that. Um...

Vibrio natribiens. Okay, those researchers have genetically engineered this salt water bacteria to break down PET. That's cool as hell. They did this by incorporating the DNA from Indianella sarconiasis. And the blood of a frog. And the blood of a frog. Into a plasmid.

Which is then introduced into the Vibrio natrigens bacteria. I've said all these things wrong. Now, is this something that they can gain energy from and therefore survive? Or are they just dying every time? I'm not sure. I assume it's something they can thrive and reproduce on. It's a good point because if you had to put energy into the system, then it would be almost redundant. The other thing is like where I thought you were going, which is another interesting idea is

The bacteria is probably exothermic in that it creates heat. Maybe you could create a mild geothermal power source for the broken down plastic. So basically we have radiators in our homes that we then just put like plastic bottles into. You just throw your plastic waste into. We put it into a plastic shredder that then goes into like a grinder at the top of your radiator. Like a coffee machine. Into what is a hub of bacteria that's about to eat it. Oh no, my cat's got into the grinder. And then your radiator will be warm for a few hours and then... How many cats in the grinder situations do you think you get from... Many.

Yeah, so many. Put a lid on it. Kittens especially. Kittens especially. Or like a step flap that you step on it and then opens up like a can. What are you doing, step flap?

Oh my god, step flap. You look stuck, step flap. There's a cat stuck in my step flap. How's the coffee machine? My coffee machine? Yeah, Ross has got a really fancy new coffee machine that I'm jealous of. You say this, I looked into a coffee machine. What's exciting is it's an accessible coffee machine. It's an accessible coffee machine. Accessible and quite modernised one. And it's not, this isn't, it's not an ad. I want to clarify because obviously this is a well sought after product.

Don't raise awareness because I kind of want one. Do you drink a lot? Check the website because I think they came in stock a couple of days ago. Strap in because this is about to get boring. Tea and coffee and the uses of those two things, right? So I've been trying to pay attention to getting a good sleep and things like that because like busy days and I want to make sure everything is going great. Exactly. And I know I drink a lot of tea and coffee.

And so like, and I saw a really funny thing the other day about how like tea and coffee in the mornings, right? When you first wake up, I prefer a tea because I find coffee's too extreme, right? And somebody's described it as the prison warden's wake up. I wish I felt that way. I wish I did. The prison warden's wake up is coffee. And then I can't remember how you described the other one, but it's like the gentler wake up. So it's like tea's like, oh, hello, mate. Time to get ready for your day. Let's go. And coffee's like, come on, we're going, you know? Yeah, that's true. Because like,

Well, there's a thing you can set this. It's called a Ninja Cafe Lux. And it's 500 quid or 550, I think.

Are they available? See, they're available now. You can order it right now if you wanted to. He's thinking about it. Oh, my fucking man. The thing is, I've been, yeah, like... What? When you consider the... Well, you've already done it. Oh, we told him. Right, right. It's not an example. It's in stock. It's hard to get a hold of. He's ordered one. Just then. But I'd say it's a really good purchase because, like, if you're not, like, I don't know, some of the ones I saw in John Lewis were, like, 1,600 quid. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Same... It is. It's great value. I mean, it's...

I'm sorry to sound like such a fucking corpo shield saying it's great value. 550 is an accessible amount for a coffee machine. Exactly. Other than the coffee machines are fucking over a thousand pounds. Exactly. You can get... Once you start reviewing these things on YouTube, suddenly it becomes your feed. All my feed is latte art. Yeah. Because I can't do it for shit. Is it really hard? Craig will tell you, it's really fucking difficult. And it's like...

It's really difficult. When you walk into a coffee shop, they do it instantly. Like, it's nothing. And obviously, it all depends on the crema that you've got as well. There's a really funny... The way you've done your milk. It's just fucking crazy. There's a guy that's, like, really into his coffee at the place that we get coffee from now and again. And he was just, like...

bantering with the girl that's been there for ages yeah and he was just like oh man 24 grain you're a mental woman that's crazy wow look at the crema on there that's insane how'd you do that? well the grind was 24 yeah oh right okay that's crazy what's so crazy about it? well it's strong it's like that's thick that's thick is that like Turkish coffee? so this machine will grind it all for you it'll weigh it it's got scales built into the grinder

It's got a little foamer, but you can also manually do the steam as well, which is recommended. But to be honest, it does a good job just on its own. So going to habitual home use, a couple of questions. How many coffees a day do you think you're now drinking?

Two. Two, okay. Yeah. So bags of coffee. Not enough to practice my latte. How many bags of like 10 pound coffee should we say? Well, so I bought like a 250, no, it was a 200 gram bag. I got it from coffee number one, which isn't very big though. Hey there, Ryan Reynolds here. It's a new year and you know what that means. No, not the diet. Resolutions. A way for us all to try and do a little bit better than we did last year. And my resolution, unlike big wireless, is to not be a raging a**.

and raise the price of wireless on you every chance I get. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited. See mintmobile.com for details. That was a fiver. Yeah, yeah. That was just a coffee number one, like, tester. I literally just went in there. That lasted you quite a while as well. And it's lasted, yeah, how many coffees do you reckon you get out of that? About 12, 15? Yeah.

maybe for a fiver when you consider it's like four quid now for a coffee that's not yeah it's not bad i think i worked out that if you're just covering the cost of the actual machine 138 coffees and you're done

which is you know it sounds like a lot you're not gonna have 180 coffees like in a very short space of time how many do you think you could have if you i think i've already probably made like 30 yeah since i've got it do you have it do you have a setting you like now in terms of do you change yeah yeah so i've yeah i've made a little bit stronger it's got a saying it recommends the settings so it has a recommended so like it recommends i grind it at eight but i was grinding it at 15 earlier because i wanted it a bit stronger a bit more flavor i've been you kind of just mess with it so it's pretty good for that

um i just i just love it anyway but yeah and yeah it's just enjoyable to have your own coffee not have to spend the extortion amounts i have been spending at coffee shops and i just take this little thermos everywhere and you feel bad about getting those takeaway cups as well yeah so now that's less of a thing and you make it how you want it so that's that's good anyway our audience has finally come back to us on the videos that's how long it took um if you are um listening back to this because you missed a chunk um we're

We mainly talked about Ross' new coffee machine. Which is also now Trott's new coffee machine because he literally just ordered one whilst we were talking about it. He did. I've wanted one for a long time. It's the Ninja Cafe Lux. It's a really great coffee machine. The reviews on it are fantastic and it's really usable. What's it called? The Ninja... Ninja Cafe Lux. Yeah. And it's really useful. But again, we aren't sponsored. They're selling out left, right and centre.

I think you did get the right one. Lux Cafe Premier. Yeah, so on. Yeah, yeah. Espresso Machine ES601UK. And you feel like a barista. I've got like an old coffee bar set up now. I've even got the little spindly thing that you brush the... You massage the... You brush the ground coffee. Does that put air in there? I think it's supposed to just let you evenly distribute, but it's really good. It comes with its own tamper and stuff. Because you can't get blockages and things. Again, not selling it.

you can take the photo down from trusted reviews but it's good it's it's i've got it recently and i can't get enough of it i'm having too much coffee

Although it does really good hot chocolate as well. Just because you put the foam setting. Really nice hot chocolate. Good, decent hot chocolate. Make a little mix and then pour the milk in. It's great. Anyway. Well, that's Ross's coffee machine. Yeah. I'm interested by technology. We were talking about this just before, but wireless LEDs just blow my mind right now.

Wireless LEDs. Just discuss that. But it's using the same technology as wireless charging, basically. I guess. So it's like just near a coil that's like giving off a... They managed to make the chip that is attached to the LED small enough to be like an independent thing now. And you're going to try and apply it in minis. So you put a coil nearby. It's like a power source. Then the closer you get an LED to it, it lights up.

It's just incredible. I'm going to get so many and twist LEDs and everything. I mean, I find wireless charging more impressive even though it's obviously quite low charge but like because you're just charging something by slapping onto what is essentially a magnet. I will say Apple's MagSafe thing where they apply a magnet

to the charger was genius where it's just like you slap it on it locks into the correct place and then charges that's the next level what I don't really get is how these magnets aren't interfering with everything I know because like you know there's magnets in the back of those phones in our phones they're right near screens and if you you know

I just grew up knowing that you don't put magnets in your screen. That was the older technology. Nowadays, magnets don't really affect current technologies. I guess it's because there's no ferrous material inside the screen or something like that. Someone's accusing me of influencing Trump and I have influenced you.

And maybe even Smith. I was looking at that machine before. I've not even actually made you a cup of coffee out of this thing yet. I think we both discovered this, but I think I knew about this machine before you. Yeah, we all get the same YouTube recommendations, guys. I saw the videos as well. We saw the same Australian guy, however it was, getting way too high on caffeine. And...

I don't even know why. I mean, I love ninja stuff as well. I've got the fucking ninja foodie thing. You've got the air fryer. Yeah, yeah. I've not tried that. I've not air fried. You're just like everybody else. But I don't feel like I've got room for the air fryer now that I've got a coffee machine in my kitchen. No, they're fucking big appliances. They're massive, yeah. What's another oven?

You need another space for essentially. Whereas my oven is a rattly piece of shit that I inherited from the house. And if it gets to a certain temperature, the fan comes on the back and it rattles like crazy. How come you haven't replaced that one then? Just haven't got around to it because I've got the air fryer.

Fair. And also we just deal with it. And you just bought... It's one of those things, isn't it? I made some beef last night in an air... That was in my coffee cooker thing. Did you sous vide it? No, that's not right. You air fried it. You air fried beef. It's a steam roasting. So you put the jus engraved at the bottom of the thing. I would say that second, that top half is looking pretty well done. Yeah, that's too done. But I mean like... I guess it's one of those things you learn how long...

put these things out exactly it was the first time but that was a kilo of beef in 20 minutes 20 minutes fucking hell it's not a particularly good picture I was just kind of what do I do with that do I just hold it up vaguely in front of my no you don't get to see the picture it's basically just an okay beef in an air fryer on a chopping board anyway let's move on from kitchen appliances what have we got oh let's have a look any hilarious news this week hilarious news there's always alien updates some funny news

Oh, man, let's talk about alien updates, but not in the... General sense. Yeah, more just the fact that there's loads and loads of sightings of... I'm not saying they're aliens, but aircraft or something. Unidentified. Unidentified aircraft in the US at the moment, and in other places, but what's most interesting is the whole New Jersey thing. So it seems like New Jersey is like...

There's just loads and loads of unidentified aircraft. None of the local police, the FBI are involved, all this other stuff. What's happened with the UK American bases? Well, I guess the same sort of stuff. It just kind of died out or is that still going? I don't think it's died out. I think they're just, nobody, like nobody's giving any answers. And beyond just like... They're turning off nukes. Owning a light aircraft and going up there and looking yourself, there's not really much you can do because they fly at night.

at a distance and even people with really good cameras can't get particularly clean shots of them. This is why we need our UFO camp out green lit so that we can take our technology. Get some real answers. I'll send a drone up there. This is happening in New Jersey in America, right? Yeah, exactly. The main one I was talking about then is New Jersey. Yeah, that's getting the most press because like

law enforcement and local government and larger governments are actually like making statements about it and going we don't know what this is I'm not saying it's aliens it's just kind of interesting even from the point of someone is yeah if they're just like reconnaissance drones if they're hobbyist drones apparently they're very large so about the size of a car it's just weird that if they were surveillance or reconnaissance yeah why they're not

more obscured. Yeah, exactly. It's just weird that they're like right there. Yeah, exactly. So maybe, you know, it could be a really mundane answer like there's some local aerospace company that's just testing a load of drones for use. Do you feel like they would, if it was actually an official company, they'd inform someone? Well, this is it. They're not supposed to be flying anywhere, right? Yeah, exactly. Military base. This is what's so confusing is like,

It seems like there would be a mundane explanation, but then the local government got involved and they were all like, no, we don't know what it is either. So you're like, well, it's not that then. Maybe it's not designed to be

hidden it's more indestructible yeah it's like even if we're there you can see a spot and you can't do fuck all about it so this is one of the theories as to why one of the ideas as to why governments or whatever even if there were unidentified things that aren't necessarily proven to be like you know

from other countries, you know, like spy balloons, for example, which do exist. It's balloons. It's balloons. What's that balloon that everyone keeps saying that these sightings are actually, these shiny balloons? Mylar. Mylar balloons. That's material, yeah. So, you know, when you go to theme parks and you get the shaped balloons and stuff, it's a really durable material. Right. It just exists in the upper atmosphere. If you let it go, exactly. It doesn't let any gas out, so it'll just keep going up. But, yeah, no, it's...

It's just strange. Someone's asking here what your recommended news source for UAPs would be. Just Reddit. I mean, I'm just looking at stuff on Reddit. It's nothing. I mean, you know, again, don't trust anything you read. I'm not living my life based on this being aliens, you know, is what I'm saying. I do sell antennas, though, and there's a specific radio frequency that I broadcast on that the police can't pick up on if you want 24-hour news.

Actually, that does bring me to this question, which I just thought was your final point. Just one second. The point is what you made, basically. It's like one of the strongest arguments, I think, as to why governments, et cetera, would keep on just going, we don't know what they are and we can't do anything about them. It's because they can't do anything about them. Like literally that. And the more that they have to say that, the more embarrassing it is because it makes people feel less and less safe. So it's like, well...

So another technology in another nation is breaking our defenses. Yeah, spying with impunity. Or it's external alien stuff, which we are not equipped to deal with. Either way is bad.

because you can't get on top of it. Yeah. So yeah, and it's happening more and more. Very strange. So an article here just, which I feel is relative, it's just explaining which side, does it matter which side of the aluminium foil faces up? When protecting your own brain. Obviously, I think this is in terms of cooking, but maybe we need to know because obviously we need to put those hats on.

At some point. Isn't the inside just shiny because it hasn't oxidized yet? Well, this says the difference between the shiny and dull sides of the aluminium foil have nothing to do with how it performs. So we can put those hats on either way. Well, it depends if you want to use it as a mirror or not. Well, is it a flavor thing then? I don't think it makes a difference. I think that's what they're saying. It comes down to how the foil is made. So even if you're looking at the dull side or the shiny side. What preference do you have?

I'd put the shiny side out. So it's like dull side in, shiny out. But again, we're using it for heat-based things, right? And it just needs to be an insulator. Whereas if you're using it for light, bouncing light around, which I often do. You're always bouncing light around. I try and smooth out foil as much as possible and use them as mirrors where I can. You want the shiny side. A lot of people don't know this about Trot. So he only has one actual light source in his home. Yeah.

Everything else is bounced. It's like that thing in Indiana Jones where he turns that one mirror and it lights the entire room. Technically not in a home. I'm just in a hole which has one light source. And that one shiny light source you then...

tilt a mirror just right and then it suddenly illuminates the entire house. You've all seen like Indiana Jones. That's it. He walks into a room and he just sort of taps a mirror. That's why you're so fascinated by the magnetic lighting thing we just discussed. I can have wireless light in my house. You can have wireless lights. I think I'm obsessed with aluminum foil and not just because it's great for smoking drugs but like because it's one of these things that I think

One day when we're all using rocks again to bat open the skulls of urban foxes we're feasting on, I feel like we're going to look at things like Aluminium Ford and go like, wow. Like, we just had sheets and sheets of this thin, rolled up... Which we could essentially wrap ourselves in and...

keep warm for the night yeah but it's just it seems crazy it's like treasure for me aluminium foil you know like that metal it's quite remarkable it's really pure as well like the way it comes out it's just like it's a pure sheet of aluminium have you ever seen someone completely like cover someone's like lounge yeah wrap it in tin foil

The effort involved is actually astounding. They did it down to the individual desk objects and things like that. If they go to that level, you're like, fair enough. To also just wallpaper the walls and stuff. That's so much money, though. The time you've taken to do that. To make it look like a weed grow room. Yeah, and it's just like a prank. Now I've got to unwrap it all. That's going to be a hot room as well. If the sun gets in there. Just in there like, you okay? Yeah, man, it's us. This is great. Nice. This is great. I don't know if I'm getting a tan, but I'm certainly red.

Aluminium. Yeah, you're right. With the post-nuclear fallout and dystopic future that we're all facing. How many vape batteries do you think a roll of aluminium foil will cost? What, in the new currency? Yeah, when we're using 18650s as our primary form of currency. Is that bullets? What is that? No, 18650s are the standard lithium-ion batteries. Right, we're using those to trade. They were both in cars, but they were also in traditional vapes. No, they're fucking everywhere. Oh, okay. They're like the most commonly produced batteries. More so than just the coins we have? Well, like button cells. No, like...

I can't know because it's about inherent use. Currency only exists because you believe in a structure of society. But if you can trade something that actually has a use, an 18650 battery... It would be a bartering system. It's actually a useful thing because you can put them in cars. Because they have really high discharge rates and that's why they're used in loads of things. They're lithium. Much like the game show...

that Craig hosted for us on Jingle Jam. We did it yesterday, but there was extra value with the point system this time around. I felt it had heightened value with the fact that it was booster cards, not just points. So same thing applies. The booster cards are kind of like the lithium batteries where it's like, I can actually do something with the things I'm accruing. Therefore, I care about the game show more. Obviously, Pokemon cards are going to be useful in the apocalypse. Yeah, we'll be trading cash. Charizard's still a Charizard. Ball caps in Fallout are Pokemon cards in...

our world pokemon cards are a spiritual thing really that you pass down through the generations and like art everyone respects the charizard yeah spiritually passing them down to the generation whereas currency people don't care about that no you know more people recognize the charizard full art on a gold bar exactly i reckon i think that's true i don't think some i think some people would struggle to recognize so if there's you're in a room there's a gold bar on your right and then there's a

PSA 1 grade. I'm taking the Charizard. For sure. And it's there on the left. Which one are you walking out with? How big's the gold bar there? And you can only take one of them. How big's the gold bar? Gold bar is... Regular gold bar. What are they called? Troy ounces they use. So nine Troy ounces. What's the actual thing called? A gold... Cougarand or something. Oh, Cougarand. Cougarand. That's a kind of coin from South Africa. They used to use the rand. Arrested... Yeah, gold Cougarand. She had loads of gold Cougarands in her purse.

But yeah, anyway, that's... Just a bullion. What's that fucking... A gold bar. Trapezoid bar thing. Yeah, a gold bar is going to be worth about 60 grand, I reckon. All right. I take the Charizard. I think I might walk out. I don't need the Charizard. Is he going to bring out more money than... Which one's worth more? Because it's how we're working on it.

It's going to keep going up in value. Whereas that gold. Gold's fine. The gold's going to stay its value. So fucking hell, I was completely wrong. Okay. So a one kilo gold bar is 69,000 pounds, but a 12.5 kilogram gold bar, which is the one you're thinking of, which is a big traditional trapezoid ones. They're worth 160,000 pounds. 160K. So, and how much is a, uh,

PSA 1 mint condition Charizard. Because if they're even close, we need to know this in case you do stumble across that room and you've seen a giant gold bar. About 20 grand. Or just a 20 grand card. What was the one that fucking Dickhead Paul Brothers sold and got scammed out of? I thought it was like a million or something. I got scammed out of? Of a Charizard for like a million dollars or something.

Me? No, not you. One of the Jake Paul brothers. You're not getting scammed out of any fucking... I don't remember that. Who's offering you and then scamming you a million dollars? You haven't been scammed again, have you? I think I might have.

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But the good news is you own a small, unmapped island off of PSA 10. Oh, it was 150,000. PSA 10, not PSA 1. Yeah, no, there's about 20 grand. It still said that. Like, I think a top... I thought PSA 1 was the best. Apparently, the value of this specific Charizard rocketed to $420,000. So it would be worth more than that. Not Cucarand. It's just a 12.5 kilo gold bar. Which still... I'd hedge my bets on the Charizard. And I think that's the current price. You lunatic!

lunatic if I saw a gold bar you take the gold bar even though it looks great you gotta trust that people care about Pokemon in like 50 years time you're gonna go to sort of go deal with a dictator and just put a Pokemon card down like there you go PSA 1 what we could do is shave down that gold bar make little coins

And then just start your own currency. But you don't have an official way to shave it down, so you just have to take little bites. I think it'd be easier. It's an official way to shave it down. Couldn't get hold of a blade. If we consider the civilization as a whole, right? Gold is gold, sure. It has a value. Everyone looks at it. That's shiny. Got a nice weight to it. Great. Charizard. I could form a whole... Also shiny. Also shiny. I can make a whole religion about this thing.

And the value of that would be priceless. We'd all bow to the Charizard. People would make golden statues of Charizard. But the Charizard would never turn up.

Well, that's what you think. I'd still have wireless LED technology in my back pocket. Now you're sort of deus ex machina-ing me a bit here. Why? Well, because now you're telling me things you've got in your pockets that weren't necessarily there. Oh, wow. You didn't know about the iPhone yet as well. So you know they said Jesus was coming for like 100 years at least before. So you could be that guy. Yeah, exactly. You could be all the people that successfully ran religions until a guy that fit the description turned up. There he is. Well, did you know that Jesus died with a Cassia watch on?

No way. I knew that. So that technology was a bit of a... Riding a 30,000-year-old frozen baby mammoth. Was it on the calculator? Yeah, it was the one with the calculator. It's solar-powered, so... Incredible. He was fine. But you don't see that in the illustrations. You don't see a little kind of Casio watch on... Because they get copywritten. They don't have the permissions to use the rights to it. That's why they couldn't decide whether it was in through the wrist or the hands.

It definitely wasn't through the wrist because he had a casual watch on. Yeah, you don't wear a watch across your palm, do you? They wouldn't have touched it. They would have left it. Do you know that his favourite dog was a Chihuahua? No way. Was it? Yep. Named after the Mexican region of Chihuahua.

That's amazing. He went to Mexico. Do you think they would have known? What was their geography like? I thought it was the Middle East area. That was just quite far away. What was their relationship with America like at the time? Do we know? What was their relationship with America like? Oh, America, I'm sure it was like... Which president was it?

Bush, I think. It was one of the Bushes. One of the Bushes. Early Bush. Obviously Bush Senior, not... It's a smart choice. Extremely early Bush. Yeah. Because at least you got, like, you got double the chances to get it right, I always think. Go Bush. Or, I mean, you could try Clinton. Depends on the question, it really does. Yeah, it does, yeah.

Yeah, that was a crazy time. I was going to say he loves tequila as well. Yeah, he must have been. Jesus loved tequila. Jesus loved tequila. He had his Casio watch. That Last Supper was a fucking madhouse. If you look at the painting, there's Patron on the tables. There is Patron. No one zooms in on that bit. They're always focused on red wine. Branding laws, branding laws. And also he owned some Crocs as well. You couldn't see under the table. First generation Crocs. Yeah. Wow. Wow.

What are they, actual? Are they crocodiles? No, I think they're made of crocodile leather. This is how easy it is to establish a religion and facts which are loosely based on reality. What facts can you give us about how Charizard lived his life as a man? He wasn't a man. He was never a man. He went through three stages of life. Charmander, obviously. So you need to turn these into gospels? Yeah, so...

charm and it's all about the story of maintaining your light right keeping your fire lit through the tough times through the harsh weathers um genesis yeah yeah and then you got charmelian which is like you got to deal with your own ego at this point you think you're stronger you think you're better but there's a better form out there for you if you're a good charizardian charizardian charizardian i'm still working out the religious charizardian charizardian um

There's a greater form out there for you if you deserve it, but right now you're stuck in Charmeleon form. Charastafarian? Charastafarian's pretty good. That's really good. Charastafarian. Charastafarian. It does kind of take the whole of Rastafarianism and bung it, bung Char on the front, but... It's a clean slate at that point, though. In the dystopic future, I think we could...

On their photographs of people saying that there's like people using like cell phones and stuff, but like these photos are of time periods. Well, there's time periods where they're like, this isn't, this doesn't add up, but this guy's got a phone in his hand.

In a painting? I've seen things like this. In a painting or in a photo? Again, from here onwards, we can't trust any media anymore because AI can make this shit. But prior to that, I have heard about this prior to AI imagery being a thing. You just see a guy that looks like he's holding a phone in a crowd of something and you're like, that can't be anything but a phone. But I'm sure it's something else like a notepad. Facebook convinced time travel is real after cell phone spotted in World War II pic.

It's just a guy holding something to his ear. Which, obviously, if we saw that now, I don't even think we'd double take. But, obviously, there is a... I mean, I don't know how to... You might just be holding something to his ear to hear if it's rattling. Exactly. You could be doing anything. Just like a... What's that sound? I'm sure there's a very easy explanation, but, yeah, it's funny that it... He could be checking his watch is still ticking by holding it up to his ear. Also, why would they have... Okay, say that's a time traveller, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do they have...

present day's style of phone why is it not the one 10 years ago or 10 years from now why is there a time traveler from this specific time period with an Apple iPhone basically why isn't it from like what way in the future where they're just using that is so spurious the real time traveler in that photo you wouldn't spot basically because they would yeah they'd be able to blend in perfectly why would you use we'd have time travelers from the now which doesn't make any sense why would they use an iPhone

I think it'd be more shocking if he was just wearing a Nike hoodie. A Casio watch. He's got Yeezys on or something. And it's like, whoa, shit. Hold on. When was this fucking photo taken? And obviously it could have been taken on the set of the latest World War II drama. This would be an easy AI genre of imagery. What is this? Craig's now put up another image of... A phone. That's a Renaissance painting. 1930s. There's a guy just looking at a phone. That was only 1930s.

1930s painting proves time travel exists as mobile phone is painted in the hands of a person. If time travel existed and that's the only way you knew, isn't that mundane? That's shit. That could just be a notepad or literally a stone tablet. This guy is holding up and staring intently into what looks like an iPhone. But like...

If you wanted to discover that time travel was real, how do you think the best way, the most impressive way? Yeah, rather than just like, oh, there's a guy on a fucking iPhone. Sorry? Die. Die. Yeah. You'd want to die to figure out that time travel existed. If there are other ways to do things like that,

In this world. I think I would just want to see someone come through some sort of time portal or something. Whoa, that would be freaky as fuck. In like a full mech suit or like... Or just appearing out of nowhere. Yeah. Beyond like Criss Angel magic trick style or David Copperfield style, I want it to be a real treat for the eyes. But you want it to be a spectacle. A huge spectacle, like the portal thing. There are some really cool aliens out there that look really cool.

like as in their ships doing all this like like you've seen the ones that have the roiling light and color over there um over the outside of them there's like fireballs and there's lots of close-up stuff it looks like the surface of the sun essentially very kind of what you're describing like portland isn't a lot of that like the um the camera zooming in too much and it's like the sensor so that is one time they think that happened was when there was triangles filmed over a boat um a u.s boat and they were filming it through night vision yeah and you

Yeah, basically the aperture of lenses can affect the shape, the perceived shape of the light coming into it. So that can happen, yes. But again, I don't think it's every circumstance. It's the opportunity arose. Do you think you'd try and travel in time?

Yeah, absolutely. Or would you be too fearful of its consequences? Fuck that. I'd be quite selfish. You might not be able to come back to what you just left. That's true. So if you're like, well... You have to be willing to give it all up. It's basically you do have to, yeah, mentally prepare yourself to lose everything you have right now. But then I get painted in a painting holding my phone up, which would be cool. I mean... So there's a Rick and Roy style hole that's just appeared in the side of a wall. It's like, yeah, you can go through this.

And time travel to a time that you want to go to. Holy shit. But you will not be able to come back to the exact same place. That kind of sucks. And you don't know how it's going to change. You don't know what's going to actually happen. It could be a better situation. You might come back to some sort of crazy utopia, but you don't know. So you can come back. But it won't be the same time. Where are you going to go? I guess it's time. So where in time do you want to go? I want to be a god, so I'd go back quite far. You'd go back, not lost. Early Egyptian. Right, okay. Pre-pyramids.

I've got to tell you, to be a god is probably quite, still extremely hard. It's like trying to be, I don't know. But again, I try and make a spectacle of it. A god in this time. I take all my wireless LEDs. Right. That's the best technology. Oh, I see. So you try and woo them with technology that you have now. Well, they probably get scared of me and try and kill me. But I try to find things that are like, I could benefit you. Like I've got loads of maggots.

They break down plastic. You don't know what plastic is yet, but oh my God, in like 2000 years time. Okay, maybe not that. Guns, I bring guns. You take weaponry. Yeah, assault rifle. I guess that's ultimate power. If someone comes at me,

How much ammo do you have to take on? I'd take reels. It sounds like a nation. I'd be Rambo'd up. Back then it was less people though. Less people, sure, but you're still going to need a lot more bullets and or like, I'm sure they would just literally throw a spear in your face or something. I'd bring a solar powered generator. I'm taking items. Or like battery thing so I could recharge my phone and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then show off. Those portable hand chargers wind up, wind up radioing.

I'd show them I'd download the back catalogue of Hat Films VODs Yeah Standard Show them like Dr. Jesus Trot Why are you showing them that for? What's that going to teach them?

What education value does that have? I've been going to remote Amazonian tribes. Is that you just showing that that's you? This is me. I've overcome things. I died on the cross. Fuck's sake. He just... He tried to convince them that what's happening with you really happened. Which, to be fair, visual imagery in the form of a video is magical to somebody from pre-1990s. Yeah, it's crazy. It's like, whoa, what the fuck? There's a moving image in your hand. And that's me. Yeah. Yeah.

Definitely. Like, that would spellbind most people. You would be the new Jesus. I mean, what did he do? Turn water to wine? He did some stuff we still can't do. If you piss blood? Yeah. He walked on water. I mean, there's a lot of shit that we can't still do that apparently, you know, Jesus did. The walking on water thing. Resurrect. I've seen shows where they have done something. Resurrecting, yeah. He resurrected. I just reckon he just had a low heart rate and stayed inside a cave for a bit.

If the things happen that he said that has been written about, let's presume Jesus existed as a person. It was Christmas time after all. Yeah, exactly. And let's presume that the descriptions of what was done were done in some approximation and it wasn't just some sort of really impressive showman.

who made people think that. Darren Brown. You've got to believe it's either... I mean, and you're still a person that's trying to work out a way that isn't just God is real and heaven has powers that is given to this guy. You've got to think he's either a time traveler or an alien, right? No, I don't. I think the populace were probably moronic in comparison to... Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Ruling out them not...

Right. In comparison to who? Well, in comparison to today's... Because he's still part of that populace. Yeah, but like people... Today's knowledge is much better. There's like education systems in place. So you think he was just the greatest showman at the time? I think he was probably a really good showman. Okay, that's fair. I think that's probably the most likely thing. Just like people like, oh, how did Darren Brown do that cool trick? It was like the Darren Brown of that age. Yeah, charismatic and intelligent. Smart. Yeah. So I'm going to David Blaine. Convincing.

Is it David Blaine? What about David Blaine? He's a bit of a show-off. He tosses cards and they go behind the glass. How is that possible? I don't know how he does it. That's Jesus. But then he also does weird body stuff. Where he just stays in a crate for over 10 years. Stays in to a cave for a month and then comes out. He's a survival guy. That's a trick. Remember when he went inside the ice for ages? I do remember that. A man stayed inside ice and we all applauded it and watched it.

Did the box learn? Everyone was like mooning him and throwing rocks at him? Throwing bugs and stuff, yeah. Yeah. What do you think happens to civilization when time travel does become like standardized? As in like... Standardized? Like imagine if people... What controlled you? So at some point, it would... I mean, obviously it's hard to get your head around and it depends on... Because isn't the idea that if time travel exists, it's existing now and it's happening now? Yeah. Right. It's a paradox. If you can travel through time... It is a paradox. It's a problem. Yeah, because...

It would have already happened a while ago. So let's say it has, and you had to do something to society or people's perceptions, or not society, existence, reality. To wipe the memory of it. Yeah. Or like everybody who exists within those realities has to be fixed within their realities for a period of time or something because none of it would make any, there'd be no timelines. You know, everything would just be like, what, what, what, what, like, so maybe, you know, we need to start. It's more perception from the individual. Yeah.

That's more about perception of the individual, isn't it? Because an individual can't perceive all of those timelines. No. You can only perceive the timeline you're in at one single time. But say you do the thing you're describing where you step through a portal into another place, another timeline, and it would make sense that it would be a portal or some sort of plane of change, right? Because you'd have to move through space-time to go to something else. You still would have to move, according to our... It's very fucking... I mean, I'm nowhere near smart enough...

or have any of the resources to think about it properly. It's okay. It's very interesting. Why is time a worm? It's because we're evolved to only see slices of time existing in the present, whereas time itself is a worm. We're just seeing a single slice of that three-dimensional, four-dimensional object, and all time exists at the same time.

Okay. And you're looking at it through, you know, the... Does it have unlimited bandwidth then? Because in that theory, if we're all, everyone's experiencing time at the same time... Well, people don't know if it then comes back around or itself. Why are we traveling one way around the worm then? If the worm is a circle... It could be a donut, yeah. Yeah, a donut. Why would we be traveling in one particular direction around it? This is the thing. This is why it's... Why are humans only experiencing time in a slice that looks in this direction specifically? Mm-hmm.

But yeah. And what is the implication for that for our existence? You know, like, what does it mean we are? What does it mean we do? And also like, you know, obviously I'm always searching for reasons things are aliens, but only because reality is mundane and boring. I'm not saying I live my life by the concept that everything we understand and look at is wrong or, you know, there's some grand conspiracy. And I think people are just like, no, it's not that. It's not that. And it does tire me out a little bit when people are like, that's ridiculous. No, don't like,

Look for answers. Look for alternative reasons. I'm not saying live your life by them. I'm not saying find reasons vaccines are bad and then don't take them and make sure nobody around you don't take them. I'm not saying do that. And I think a lot of people associate trying to think of other reasons or other ways things are the way they are. Have you seen the new thing people are pissed off about? The milk thing? Raw milk. No, not just raw milk, but milk that has something called Bovair in it or something.

Oh, it's the Arla product. To reduce the methane production of the animals. And stops them fighting. It's kind of crazy how the reaction of that is because you look at the chemicals in every single product you've ever touched or eaten or pesticides used in farms and stuff. It's like the uproar just from someone talking about or mentioning something that they're unfamiliar with slightly. And then they're willing to boycott it to that degree. Yeah.

It just shows you how fucking dumb people are. Yeah. And just how reactive people can be to something that's just like, what's in fucking Coke? Yeah. People are like drinking that like it's nothing. Like, you know. Also, it's... What's in any of these things we're consuming that somebody else is having? I don't believe there's fucking Coke Zero caffeine free. And it's like...

On the can, with our current way that we describe the health of this product is our traffic light system with carbs, fats, etc. It's all fucking green. So it's like this is a nothing product, but it very much tastes of something. There's lots of stuff in it. How can it be green?

considered a green product but it's all green trot so that must be healthy right this is like a bar next to it showing what chemicals are in it and what chemicals they but yeah it's just like we need to revisit maybe the traffic light system because these companies are finding ways around oh yeah well like i said that about the tic tacs not the aliens

Sorry, I saw his eyes widen slightly. The Tic Tacs, the rule that they had, technically, they're allowed to say they're sugar-free because each Tic Tac weighs under the amount of sugar that you're allowed to put in a product before you say there's sugar in it. So they're allowed to say sugar-free.

Which is fucking nuts, but it's all sugar. I just don't eat Tic Tacs. Well, no, I don't eat Tic Tacs, but like, I'm just saying, companies will find a way around these regulations. I think, honestly, if you're not eating, I mean, I know it's not possible to do. I really do. But if you're not eating whole foods, you can understand how they were made, how they were created, where they've got from being grown or being raised, and then...

you eating it, you've got to presume you're doing damage to yourself. Like, that's literally, and that's all, you know, that's, and then make your choices. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love a cheeseburger. You know, I'm not preaching here, but I'm just saying, like, if you're going around thinking that... That one chemical or that one thing is wrong. Yeah, like, it's okay to drink soft drinks that don't have sugar in it, or, you know, like, it's okay to eat, like, just...

All the things that are not natural, real things, your body finds difficult to process and it will eventually increase your chances of getting ill. But I think most people know that. I wonder how long that car's reversing for. Sorry, that's my MSG delivery. It was coming out. 50 kilograms of MSG. MSG isn't even as bad as they thought it used to be. But yeah, I don't know. It's just...

For me, that all falls under the same umbrella of like, well, yeah, obviously. As in, don't eat and drink shit, otherwise it's going to damage you. People being outraged by one thing and not everything else. It's just like, it's so funny. Also, because that's good for climate change as well, that particular example, where we're reducing the amount of greenhouse gases that... Oh, they're sneaking these...

products and it's like sneaking what in when have you ever had a conversation with people putting these products together and said oh can we all vote on what's going on it's like it's never been the case it's just because they've been made aware of that and their fear has been struck uh but going back to the time travel thing yeah go back to time travel obviously you know you're giving up your current life for it so my aim is to be be cheeky where possible get in a photo and

show a Casio watch just in the corner a little bit you'll get a Casio watching I'd do some winking like for paintings and stuff and then in my pocket oh what's that in there there's a piece of technology it's a Casio iPhone I'd allude to it and then leave messages for my current family and friends so that by the time they see this painting they're like oh my god I know who that is because I've

There's a whole story there. So you're looking for the ultimate gotcha moment. The last one is a painting where I'm like, holy fuck. Sistine Chapel. He's on the roof, Sistine Chapel. What product do you think would be the best thing to show though? That exists now that you could go back and... The Oculus Quest 3. The 1800s.

An Oculus. I think so because like you put it on, you can go to a different planet and show them things in three dimensions. Like that's the most visual, like there's no barrier to entry there. You just put this on. I'm going to show you space. Yeah.

absolutely no for sure and in the experiential element of it as well like it puts that person in that place it's similar to a screen in that you share an experience on that screen and but yeah no I agree actually it's I suppose showing people things also just I mean even going back to when we were growing up the idea of having that much imagery in a pocket to lift into your hands and then

I think that would be impressive in itself. So there's your glass showing moving pictures on it. Obviously you can't really demonstrate that in a still image that you have to sit for God knows how long back then. But I think VR is just a little above that. It's like you can walk around a thing and it's like it's not there but it is and I'm seeing it. You're not going to fit VR in your pocket though, mate. No.

So it has to go in my pocket. I can't take a backpack of goodies. I guess you can, but even then you need a laptop, I guess, that runs it. I'd wear Yeezys. Yeezys, yeah. Some of the dates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like that couldn't have been made in any other time than the modern era. I mean, even now people say they look like space shoes, don't they? Yeah.

What's a material that, like carbon fiber? Carbon fiber, yeah. I have a carbon fiber motorcycle helmet. Right, nice. Okay. So there's a lot of things, yeah. Full leathers. A helmet seems like a recommended thing to go anywhere. If you're going into a pool. Can I drive like a Harley Davidson through the pool? Probably.

Or a super bike. I don't know where you're going to end up. You might just end up in masses of ocean and then just die. That would suck if you had no idea. You can't just peek your head through. You have to go through fully. And you just end up, oh, you're in the mariner trench. Good luck. Or I'm dying underground because of the sea level of the current area that I'm in. Yeah, yeah. Because like Time Team, they dig up stuff, right? Right. I imagine there'd be more land, if anything. There would be, I guess, yeah.

Maybe. I don't know. It depends on where you, I don't know where you're going. Where have you gone? If you want my answer as to what time period I'd go back to, it'd be the Carboniferous period where there were giant fucking insects everywhere. Why? Why do you want to go there? It'd be metal as fuck. It'd be like being sucked into Jumanji. Yeah. You'd be like, because I believe that any form of time travel, especially in the way that we were describing earlier, how badly, like, you know, Trot going back

I mean, we're going to get ill. We're going to get sick real quick and probably die. You know, we are. So you'd rather go and visit the giant insects? I'd go somewhere that was so extreme. I could take a first aid kit from Boots, though. Oh, yeah.

That's good. Might get you through a day or two. Does it have any penicillin in there? No, it doesn't. You should get some. Yeah, no, I would go somewhere really crazy or alternatively to like the beginning of time. Like, you know, like imagine you step through a wall. If you could go back to the start. You just saw creation happening as much as you could. You need to be in a space. In a secure bubble. Yeah. And you're there at the beginning. Yeah.

Yeah. Would it track? Do you think it would feel as slow as it feels like? Oh, yeah. We look out of space. That's technically still moving at the speed of which it was like flowing out. You could speed it up. I mean, you're already a time traveler. And if you're time traveling, the prevailing theory would be you'd be in a warp bubble. All that's open is a panel in the wall. You've got no control. It's just a hole in the wall. And you walk through, and then you're in a different time. Yeah. I don't know how you're controlling that now. I don't know.

So if you're going, oh, they just take me to the beginning of time, and you're like, ooh! The vacuum of space dead. I'm in nothing. You got a glimpse, though. I'd like to go to nothingness, please. Got a glimpse for a second. Shit, there's nothing here. And you don't die, but you do have to wait real time to get back to your current time. Oh, shit.

Oh my god. Fucking hell, I can't wait for these. Why'd I go so far back? This is taking ages. Yeah, you're in the glory of not aging or changing state in any form, but you just have to watch. You gotta wait. Sit through 13 point however many billion years. Watch all the humans' mistakes. And just, yeah. Man, he's not even come around yet. It's like, ugh. Still giant insects. Fucking weird. Galaxies are still forming. Nine foot centipedes. Centipedes?

creatures at all to begin with oh right that you've got billions of years before you even get to the centipede age those are volcano like jets that's where life formed wasn't it uh volcanic vents the vents yeah uh yeah potentially yeah the single cell organisms came from anyway

Speaking to our single cell organism audience out there. Yeah, hello. Dumbasses. Single brain cell. Are any of you time travelers? If so, you have to tell us. Just a little gotcha moment would be nice if you could just send in tech from your time. That would be great. Yeah, start releasing images of you in random places, just holding up like a... Technology that's... Yeah, any technology that's kind of bizarre or even if it's like a McDonald's toy or like featuring...

you know, Woody from Toy Story. If you saw that in World War II, you'd be like, what the fuck? Have they based it off of that? Maybe they have. Then you start kind of questioning where that came from.

Wait, so Woody in World War II. Someone's holding a Woody toy from Toy Story, the 1994 film. I think that's more plausible because that kind of toy would probably exist. And now I'm thinking maybe it would exist. It has to be Buzz Lightyear. It has to be Buzz Lightyear. I think if there was a painting... You would just question that it was stolen. I think the only way for us to be... Because of AI imagery and stuff, if you were to look at a picture of someone...

They'd have to hold up an orb like this and you could infinitely zoom into that orb and it goes into a galaxy or something like that. Yeah. Or it's like beyond a picture at this point. They're holding up a technology that even though it's in a picture. Information capsule. You can look into that infinitely. But the weird thing is you have to crack it open, rack it up on a table and do a line before you. Yes, do a line of it. It's, I had an idea about this for D&D about. Cocaine. Sloth.

Slow release memories. So it's like a extended release memory So you take a tablet at the beginning of the day and then throughout the day as the character you roll on a table It's a bit like the wild magic system. Yeah, you see what kind of memories been unlocked by the medicine you've taken that morning So you've had suppressed memories. Yeah, you take somebody else's memory Oh, you're taking so like you go into a shop like an alchemist store and in each of the bottles there

They have, it's a little bit like... British Heart Foundation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's take their memories. Yeah, yeah. Well, this person died, but yeah, basically it's more of like a time-based skill system. So yeah, you take it and then you'd eat it and it might give you some information, but then also you'd be like, oh, I can do a fireball now. Oh, I see. Oh, I know Kung Fu. Yeah, it bestows information on you over time. Cool, that's a cool idea. Yeah, anyway.

What if you could create those little worlds, but there's actually an existing life in there? It's like Men in Black. Like in Men in Black, I guess. Or the marbles. Micro. It's like also in Black Mirror. Where he puts heads inside the AI. Oh, I thought about the fridge. But then they're an actual living, sentient thing. Would you ever make one if you had the opportunity? No.

make it live there if you knew it was actually like there's life in there they don't want to be trapped in there but you've just made them you'd have to be able to enjoy it wouldn't you but you can't cuddle an orb um no but like you know if you could get involved with them and be like get down there oh i want to see what you're doing but that's incredible but that's one of the episodes is where they play video games with it with with all those people around them and then they just go i'm done now and they all stay there and they just have to exist in that state yeah yeah for a bit

And they're like, okay, well, when are they coming back? It's like Toy Story, isn't it? You then have to deal with the moral quandary of entrapping souls, essentially. It's quite the quandary, isn't it? To trap one soul unconscious within an immovable pebble? Yes, Ross, you've just... I mean, it's a good idea. I was asking if you would do that. No, no, I don't think I would. No, I don't think I would. I would. You would, yeah. Trot would. How many souls? As many as I could fit in.

A World Full of Souls. The title of Chris Trott's next book coming out December. Would you kill somebody to extend your life by 50 years? Definitely. You can't hear it, but Ross is nodding. I don't know if I would because extended by 50 years from... Do you know when I'm going to die? From when you're expected to do it. You're going to die. From when you're expected to die. But if it's like, oh, you're going to be decrepit in your late 90s,

But you could extend that for another 50 if you want. I mean, 50 for now... I'm okay. That's like 86. Yeah. Which is not that good. What was that vampire film with... But like, unless it regenerated you...

You're not going to have a high quality 50 years from killing someone, are you? You're going to be a bit fucking decrepit. You can kill someone and you stay this youthful for 50 years. Okay, well, we're changing the rules and yes. Remember Daybreakers, Ross? That's my answer, yeah. Daybreakers. I know of it. It had Ethan Hawke in it and William Dafoe. Ethan Hawke.

And it's basically a world where it's a... I thought it was really good. Daybreakers is a 2009 American-Australian sci-fi action horror. Basically, it takes place in a futuristic world where the world is overrun by vampirism and centers around vampiric corporations which set out to capture and farm the remaining humans while researching a substitute for human blood. So what you would get to is...

going down that road is this situation where you're looking for a new pantsy to shoot to give you another 50 years. Yeah. And you're going to get corporations that literally, it gets pretty dark as you can imagine. It was released on 11th of September 2009. Oh, wow. Which is three months before our 15th anniversary. Yeah, which we are now celebrating. Yeah, it's come full circle. Time is a worm.

Thank you for listening today, everybody. We've covered the length and breadth of everything our vast minds could cover today. We hope we've filled your brain with lots of juicy thoughts about time travel. And if you do see a portal, just think about what technology you want to bring with you. Yeah, and if you watch this online, I don't know what version you saw, but it's probably shorter than the version that's available for the audio listeners. So check that out if you want more information.

I think we just talked about coffee machines. It was mostly a coffee machine chat. But if you want to listen to the whole thing, it's on. I don't know how this is going to look in terms of an intro for the video, but we'll see.

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