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Pickaxe.
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Oh, good day and welcome to the Hat Chat Podcast, episode number 171. Wow, I was going to say the same thing, Ross. I know you were. My name is Chris Trott. Hi, Chris Trott. I'm Ross Hornby.
Bloody hell, you are. I'm Alex Smith, and thank you, Hayden, for that thing. Hayden Carter. Big up, Hayden Carter. That was a really good remix. You'll hear the full version at the end of our little Meta Mart song that we made a few weeks ago. There'll be some jaws swinging for that one. Doing so. Yeah? I mean, why not put it in... If you are a DJ, play it to an audience of people and see what they think, because...
It's a banger. It is a banger, and it's based on improvisational music. Jesus Christ. God, what happened? I had some of those nuggies from McDonald's. Well, I had loads of those nuggies, and I don't know where you are. Nice. Pepsi. Pepsi.
Oh, now I want to drink. Uh, Craig, is there anything we've got in the background? We're in, we're in the warehouse again. We are in our Crockerman set. If you're not watching any, any form of video, uh, our Crockerman series has began recording. Now, um, we, uh, we recorded our first session last week and that'll be going out to, um, everybody on our YouTube channel. Uh,
And then going forward from them if you like what you see and you'd like to see more it's gonna become a members show That's right But yeah, we're in we're in the set right now. I am immersed. I am ready to do anything with these dice Well, we're not going to Yeah, no, I know I know I know it's hot chat being a confused I'll do you know what other things what do you want to roll for? You know a success
And if I roll a success, then I will choose the topic. You've rolled a success. No, you roll it. You have to roll it. You've rolled a success. Why wouldn't you roll it? That's an advantage? It's just an advantage. I get to set the theme. Have you seen that they've extended the lives of mice by 25% using some sort of protein treatment? I did see that, yeah. That's pretty cool. Is that something that they think will work for humans? Well, they're already testing it on humans.
Usually you hear these things and you're like, obviously it works on rodents, but we're worried if we use it in people, it's going to cause like terrible cancers and things like that, right? There are so many factors involved. How do they figure that? Like what? So basically they identified a protein. I'm regurgitating this from last night, so forgive me if I'm slightly wrong. Let me Google it. There's a protein that they've identified that becomes more and more present within the body as you age.
Um, and inflammation is a huge part of, um, how your body ages and breaks down over time. Right. And, and a lot of fields of medicine are obsessed with reducing inflammation as a way to improve health and perhaps reduce, increase longevity. Anyway, they found something, a protein that builds up, that provokes more and more inflammation over time, things like that. Um,
They found a drug or a treatment that essentially reduces the amount of that protein in the body of an animal. It turns it off, apparently. Turns it off, right. The protein IL-11.
Switches it off. Yeah, and they saw the Leukin 11. So they had 25% increase in lifespan of the mice. They also had an improvement in hair and bone quality. So not just like lifespan, but you're also becoming healthier again. You're getting your body more able to absorb nutrients and things like that. And then you're like, okay, yeah, this sounds incredible. And you're like, here comes the bit where they're like, but we can't use any humans yet. But the article was like, and trials on humans have started.
I thought, like, how? You can't just do that. Why do they get it, says Chris Trott. Sign me up for the clock shop. It usually takes decades for it to go from animal testing to human trials. Yeah, but I think people are easily bought these days. Possibly. So maybe that's it. It's just, well, offer a few people a couple hundred quid to inject stuff in their balls, which I think is what they do. And they'll go for it. They're like, oh, well, you'll get extra life or you'll die early. So would you take that gamble?
Honestly, I'm looking at this from a slightly different perspective of I'm kind of pissed off that the mice have better health care than we do.
They're being tested on before they even know what. It might be devastating to their health. They could lose all their hair. Maybe their skin starts rotting off. You play that. You have no idea. You run that gamble. Everybody runs that gamble, right? Like in our world. Not with tested products we don't. Yeah, but you could be born into the world as like one of the mice that they fill with toothpaste anally. Or you could be one of the mice that gets the like ultra great. They get the Captain America super serum.
You don't know if it works yet. They're testing on the mice and the mice are happily just... I say happily, they're just in cages taking injections in their balls. I'll be putting with the mice if you want.
I just, sometimes I guess, like, I just guess why, why would you want to extend your life? That's a really good point. 25%. I mean, maybe I should just die there for everyone. But how do they, they don't know. I mean, is it just that they've noticed the qualities in, like you say, the hair and the teeth as well? Everything, like a lot of rejuvenation and also just the extent of they live, they live like 25% longer, significant increase. And this is how long does a mouse live normally? Uh, yeah.
Do you have any details there? So I'm on the UK research and innovation website.org. This was five hours ago, by the way. So fresh news. Okay, go on. And the IL-11 protein apparently is linked to chronic inflammation and frailty.
After about the age of 55 in humans, more IL-11 is produced. And past research has linked this to the chronic inflammation, fibrosis in organs, disorders of metabolism, muscle wasting, frailty and cardiac fibrosis. These conditions are the many signs that we associate with aging. And so by literally blocking that, by stopping it, extends your life. Reduces the damage the body takes over time.
A mouse usually lives for 12 to 18 months, which I thought was really short. That is short, yeah. I'm not getting one as a pet now. They treated 75-week-old mice, which is equivalent to about the age of a 55-year-old human, with the antibody. And, yeah, it extended 75 weeks until the age of death by 25%, so they got up to 155 weeks. Wow. Versus what's the average, did you say? 120. 12 to 18 months, 120, so weeks.
That's interesting. That is very interesting. Do you think so if they offer that to you now would you take that now to test it out? It has to be the same injection that the mice have. And they have to inject you in each ball. I don't think I
I don't think I'm in hell. They're like, we'll give it to you. It's free. This will cost tens of thousands when it comes out, but we have to administer it. And it goes up your ball, up the ball. You know, the longer up ball. What do you mean? So like, well, you don't have perfectly round balls, do you? No. No. So your ball is more like a kind of an oblonging. So it goes up, up the ball on both. I don't know if I could. I don't know if I could. It's actually, it's going to go up the ball, through the ball. Through ball. Just,
Just threw ball into tube. It's got a through ball. Surely that's the other way to admit it. This is drug, Doc. I'm afraid not. This is unbelievable. I'm afraid not. Yeah, the other way is underneath your nails. Jesus. Can you not find a different way? Any other way? The only other way. Well, I mean, have you tried between your toes? No, no, come on. Doc, please. Look, it's either... Give me a chance. It's either these harmless tongue drops or...
Yeah, sugar cube. Yes, please. Sugar cube. We just ran out of sugar cubes. So we got the testicle shot or the nail shot.
Anyway, yeah, no, I would, I think in 10 years, I think right now I wouldn't take that risk because I'm healthy enough. - But surely now you have it, like you'll extend what you've got. - Well, absolutely, I'd love to see. - Rather than you rotting away and then being like, well, this is my default status. - Yeah, I think that I can do a lot of work to stop myself rotting away for the time being. But I think in 10 years when I'm mid 40s, I'm like, man, my body's getting like, that's a lot of effort. - Haggard. - Yeah, you're like, I'm not saying that mid 40s people are haggard, I'm just saying that I think
now knowing how I feel now give me another decade I'll be like yeah I think I'll be ready to be have that useful shot I mean a decade away guys it's not inconceivable but you could actually get one of these shots in a decade right because if they're being tested already on human beings imagine signing up for the early trial for the through ball injection and then finding out a year later it's an inhaler
Or just a tablet. What? What? It went through the bowl. These are just my life extension pills. Oh, right. Oh, so you haven't... Did you do the injection? No, no, no, no. Oh, no, no. That was the first trial. They cut that out instantly. Stage one. Well, I mean, it was a six-month regime of twice-daily bowl injections, but I got an extra five years. Oh, nice, nice. But it made me completely infertile. Of course. Oh, what's that you're taking? Oh, that's my life extension. It's just like a throat spray. Yeah.
It's not compatible with the through ball injection. No, no, they've had through ball. You can't have this. You have to keep doing through ball. Because you've got that in your body. You can't have anything else. It's like in the Deus Ex games where like the people that adopted augmentation early, which I really like that idea, were like freaks basically. They were like scary, like half machine, half people. And then as augmentation got better, it became a lot more sleek and a lot less like hideous. Invasive. Yeah, and exactly. Messing up your mind. So,
It's a cool concept to play with in a dystopic future campaign. TTRPG style, wouldn't it? It is. Yeah. Well, I'm not exploring any of that. No, okay. Keep it unexplored. Keep it locked away. We didn't lock anything away to be in that England game. Just a real harsh turn. Well, the Meerkats were right. Oh, going back to the Meerkats. The Meerkats predicted correctly. 2-1. Was it 2-1? Yeah, it was 2-1. Yeah.
They predicted the score as well. Did they predict the score? I think they just predicted they would win. I think that's pushing it for the Mayors. What about the psychic? The psychic also... The psychic? Oh, they're dead now. No, I don't know. The brain exploded from psychic feedback. The psychic... We found him in a suitcase. I don't care about the psychic. I decided I don't care. Well, there was predictions from last week, right? That this person gave specifics. Well, he didn't give that specifics. Who scored first?
Yeah, he didn't do anything. Your chair's still wrapped in bubble wrap. I know. He's still got bubble wrap on his chair. We keep bubble wrapping them so they don't get dusty when we're not in the room because a warehouse is dusty as shit. I'll take it off. So we just literally wrap our chairs in condoms, I suppose. Large...
bubble wrap like condoms and that's fine that's just what we do anyway England lost 2-1 some people care some people don't yeah I was very happy when they scored which camp are you in? I think that you know the reason I wanted him to win is because I thought it would be very useful for a Labour government to have a victorious Europe I thought you had money in it no no no money I don't support that not a sports bet but yeah no the
The game was fun and exciting. It was grating at times. Yes, of course. And I have a large family that does enjoy football. I've got quite a few of my family that don't, and that's fine too. But yeah, so I get a lot of like splashback of opinions. So I could probably field an opinion, but I don't hold it close and feel like I wouldn't really care to share it. How about you guys? Did you watch it? Was there a cross, which was a medium to long range pass that really changed the game?
That's such a broad statement. A medium to long range pass cross. They always change the game. They're called fast breaks. That happens a lot. That happens loads. Did either Kyle Walker or Jude Bellingham score? No, I don't think so. It was actually Palmer. I think he came on the moment he came on and scored within the first couple of minutes of him coming on, which is great. That was what the psychic said, though. What, that Palmer would come on? No, either Kyle or Jude. Are you telling us the psychic's wrong? Bellingham nearly did have a really great goal. He was robbed.
They always are. The amount of robberies that happen on these fields is unbelievable. Yeah, there should be police presence. They should. And they should be looking at the crowd. They should be looking at the fucking field. Yeah. They're always looking up at the crowd. Turn around, there's a football game on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's a very complicated psychic procedure for the meerkats. Of course, yeah. But to reiterate what happened for them to decide the fate of England was three meerkats were in a cage and they put out two buckets of blood. Wow.
One said Spain, one said England. Yeah. And they were ravenous for the Spain one. They were. That's as much as we got. Okay, yes. They come out and they go, well, we've looked at the form, we've looked at the rosters. This one was a little bit closer, actually, so that's why they've come...
The shortest route to the nuts. One of the meerkats walks up to the buckets and goes, well, obviously Spain have won all seven games in the tournament, so best team won, best team's going to win. I guess we'll eat from the Spanish bucket then. Strengthen the youth of the team. Yeah, exactly. Nothing comes up if you're weak. I feel like Kane's on his last legs. Yeah.
whilst a great player and top goal scorer undeniably his pace and fitness doesn't match the rest of his young team and perhaps he was better off on the bench it turned out almost immediately he was better off on the bench and then they reach and it reaches into the spanish bucket and takes another bit of feed and the third one comes up and he goes i just fucking hate gareth southgate with an absolute fucking passion he plays it too fucking safe there's somebody in bristol that's like he's retired now so you know black boy hill
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In Bristol. I don't know it. So you know where the college group, Clifton Downs are? Right, yeah. The large green area where there's often circuses and shit right at the top of Bristol? All the way up? He's always at the circus. I'm with you. He loves clowns. He does love clowns. So there's a shop there called Black Boy Cycles and it is...
It had a flag out the front of it, like hanging down from it. This is a business that just had like, fuck Gareth Southgate, get him out. And like all this like crazy shit that the guy just hung in front of his shop for the entirety of the Euros. It's just like, why do you feel the need to like share that you're that like unhinged? It's so polarizing as well. Like for customers coming in. It was some upset when he quit. I don't know why.
Did he quit? Some pundit referred to him as the father of the UK or something. He was like a father figure to the UK over this period of time. I'm like, are you fucking living in a bubble? Do people like football think that that's like everyone's life? Yeah. Obviously, I guess some people do saying that, you know, like. And also there's more of them than there are of us. I mean, our office took the whole Monday off. There's more of. Assuming that everyone was that G'd up for football. And also, I guess, also alcoholics. We're all going to get so fucked that the next day is just a wipeout.
I find that living in England, one of the hardest things I find living in England is not being a football fan. Like as in that for me, obviously I don't have difficulties, but for me, that's one thing I would change is if I was into football because so many people are into fucking football. Yeah. And when you're not, it's just like, yeah. I mean, it seems, I don't know why you're all so interested in it. It's quite a simple game. It is a very simple game. That's the point though, isn't it? Everyone can pick it up. They're incredibly overpaid.
dumb asses most of the time. That's the part that I don't really like. And then the fans are like, shit. It's just popular. You watch the Euro adverts and you see all these super diverse fucking adverts they put on and everyone's in mixed race relationships, which I...
Again, this is not me being anti-woke. It's just crazy. It's just unrealistic. They're manufacturing it for the image. It's gesture politics. They don't actually give a fuck. But basically, they show all this stuff. And they're like, everyone's having a great time at the football. And then it cuts back to the actual England crowd. And it's exactly what you imagined. You know, like literally change their shirts to green and they're orcs. You know, like...
And so just this disconnect with like, like you said, you were talking about Gareth Southgate being the father of an ocean. It's like...
Yeah, I guess so. There'll be always going to be the diehard ones there. Do you know what I mean? There's always going to be the diehard fans that are there that actually went through the effort and actually going there. Yeah, and I don't want to take it away from them. And those ones will always be sometimes the more loutish of the lot. And that's fine. What I think is the disconnect between them trying to put football as this all-inclusive thing when I think in reality they do have a certain fan. And I've got no problem with that kind of fan going and watching football. It was just a bit like...
What does everyone think this is? This isn't like... The emotional investment that it's able to harvest from our population, right? Why can't people be more fucking invested in the actual important things rather than football matches? It's like...
The opiate... I hate to do this because it's such an easy, low-hanging fruit thing, but have you heard the term the opiate of the masses, right? It's literally like gladiator games. It's the gladiator games of Rome. Like, it's a way to placate and unify the masses around something entirely controllable and entirely, like, manufactured, right? It's...
It's just a waste of social energy. What would you think would be a better thing? I'm not entirely sure. Obviously, our culture and our society is now built around these things. And it's not easy to just go, stop doing that. But it isn't great. What about tennis?
You upset that Andy Murray's retired? I don't give a fuck about tennis either. Andy Murray's gone. Sports are a hobby. Murray's gone. Doing great things like those cave divers that pulled those people out of that cave in Thailand, that is a noble and amazing application of dedication to a sport, right? That is all I care. I don't really care about who the fuck wins the same cup every year because these people just play their sport constantly.
It's like going, who can pack the most boxes in an Amazon warehouse? Weren't those kids playing soccer? Yeah, they were. They got stuck in there. So football is causing... Football's causing cave death. Statistically, it's caused more cave calamities. I don't know how many... Did any of them die? I'm pretty sure they all came out alive. They all came out fucking caged up.
They did. They did. They drugged them to get out. I love that it was like completely, like they completely removed that from the news, the stories until like later. It wasn't legal. Well, yeah. It wasn't even vaguely legal. There's no way they could do it. Should we just get them fucking whacked out of their brains? I don't care. Yeah.
And then we'll take them out. - Do you reckon that was the conversation? - Yeah, yeah. - Let's get them fucked. - Have you guys seen the film with Viggo Mortensen? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's a fucking fantastic film. - "All the Rings" is fucking great. - It's such a good film. And the dwarves. They're in the barrels. They sent them out in barrels to go. - Oh, this is a hobbit. - Yeah, yeah. - I hated that scene. - Anyway, yeah, no. Just imagine being those Thai cave kids and there's that Australian fucking doctor pops out the water.
You're right, kids, watch them kick! You know, they're all like... It's just such a crazy idea. They're just like, yeah, well, you know, obviously like eight hours of intensive cave diving for the average brain is just insane. So we're just going to knock them out. You would rather be, though. Yeah, you would. It was one of them that woke up halfway through, which was the panic. They had to kind of re-dose him. More cat! He's like, get back in your hole! Put a cat in his mask. Sorry, I didn't mean...
I didn't mean it to sound so unbelievably negative. I don't really mind... Which part? ...that people enjoy football. Oh, yeah, I don't mind. As long as they're not violent and too tribalist, it's all good, isn't it? Like, you know, it's just, you know, supporting my team. Unless they get really, like, kind of like, oh, you support Chelsea, then you're a cunt. It's like...
calm down like who cares yeah jesus that's when it becomes just a bit like well now you're you are the cunt yeah for doing that for saying so you call them a cunt back they call you a cunt and then we start smashing glasses and he starts throwing chairs that's the the pinnacle of cursing at each other you start so high you start like nuclear like where do you go from there you don't have to start cunt you don't you don't have to some people don't find it that's not death on one
I guess. Get it. You know, I'm gutted about the slam ball didn't take off. Slam ball? The trampoline basketball hybrid. The trampoline basketball hybrid sport. Now that is something I've never heard of. That was a spectacle. How do you bounce the ball on a trampoline? You kind of don't. You don't. You just hold it.
It's more like netball with trampolines. So you just have to... Are they small mini trampolines or is it a whole big... There's a whole... It's like a whole arena of trampolines. Of trampolines. Look at... Just Google slam ball. Just look at slam ball. Okay, but do you get caught... Can you easily get caught in those... Oh, constantly. No, of course not. Because the springs... Design it in a way that... Have you ever got your leg caught down one of those fuckers? Yeah. That sucks. That is a death trap. Squeaking around over there. Yeah, just trying to do slam ball over there. Yeah.
Slam ball, that's fucking, I don't want to figure out what slam ball looks like, but. Slam balls are made, just trampolines. When was the last time you replaced the basketball court with trampolines? Ross, are you a Chelsea fan? No, I'm not. What are you? I'm not a fan of anything really, like, I don't give a shit who wins and loses, doesn't care. Swindon? No. Big up for Swindon? The Oval Town FC. My nan's a big Swindon fan, she goes and watches them a lot, she loves Swindon Town. Where the Swindon blows.
The Swindon Blows. Well, saying that, that's a good point. There was an article from the Swindon Advertiser that an England fan gets a Euro 2024 winner's tattoo before the final. Oh, yeah. Which got a lot of coverage. And he said, I think he said that he thought it was a good thing for people to do.
do in the future as well because it really gets the team behind them. I don't think the team are thinking twice about this guy. It's delusional that he may think that. Did you notice that Franz Ferdinand... Did you notice that Rio Ferdinand said like... Franz Ferdinand. I know, I know, right. The band or the guy who was assassinated? Was he assassinated or not? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kicked off World War II. But yeah...
He said like after that like thing that rolled before the game of like, come on England, we're all behind you even though literally everything we do has no tangible impact on your performance on the field. There is quite literally nothing I can think of I can do to impact your appearance on the field. But anyway, we're all behind you. And like all these different messages like, come on England, you haven't bought it over 58.
she is you know all that fucking shit and um and then um then it cuts back to the studio and rio's like you know it's really nice and all but of course the players aren't gonna see any of that they're in the dressing room yeah okay when i was just like later focused on the game all that is it's all just for the viewer yeah to be like yeah i mean obviously like on the day i'm sure they want their you know the crowd to be roaring and cheering them away like whatever but like
What about crying? What about crying about how sad they are? There will be tears. There's always tears. But it's just, they're not going to be looking and going, did anyone get a winner's tattoo before we've won? Oh yeah, there is actually one. Isn't that called Jinksy? One Tosspot in Swindon did. Oh, I feel much better. We can all rest well and feel like we're going to win now. All you have to do is remove the word winner underneath. So basically it says England Euro 2024 and then there's a cup.
And then underneath it says winner. Winners. Loser. So all they have to do is just remove that winners and I'm sure that's a fine... Just put finalist, yeah. I feel like they probably did this to get in the paper because statistically if you looked at any of the stats, England weren't going to win that. No. But still, I mean, yeah, you're right. Maybe he's got some sort of OnlyFans going on. I don't know why that's what we always go to for...
for social media fame. Maybe they've got a fucking OnlyFans. Because it's like one of the few ways that you can expose yourself and make quick money because like the regular stuff doesn't actually make you quick money anymore. If you were at school and two of your dinner ladies had OnlyFans, would you check them out? Fuck yes. Hell yeah. I wish. All the dinner ladies at our school were super fit. My dinner lady has OnlyFans. If you are watching, of course you are available. This is available on Spotify.
YouTube chat you can see the tattoo of course the winners is actually cropped from the image that we're showing I'm just saying it like I don't know why I'm saying it like a nature documentary but it's a shit tattoo anyway it's wonky 2024 is all wonky it looks like they did it with a kind of a it's very roughly done so either way it's a removal job really let's be honest or just maybe cover it with I mean you can put a different team name put Spain winners
I don't know. Somebody tells me it doesn't. I just wouldn't. I probably wouldn't put that on my skin forever. Yeah. Okay. Tattoos are stupid anyway. That's fair enough. Yeah, but one where it's a specific sporting event on a specific year. I mean, obviously, I guess if you're a diehard fan, you do remember specific matches, but like,
There's so many. It's like, do you remember all of them? Do you remember the third goal in 1992 from... Championship game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wolverhampton and I think it was Southampton. Bristol Rovers. The Hampton. Oh, it was the Hampton off. It was the Hampton off. Oh, yeah, the classic Hampton off. Southampton. Yeah, I remember that. That was a great goal. Yeah, good goal. Bloody good one. Good goal. It was Tim...
Tim Watson, I think, left back. He died after that. Drive home. Well, that's memorable. That's way more memorable than any other fucking football. Of course you'd remember that one. Don't remember that one. You remember the inocular skulls. I'd say who really remembered the crash that he careened into as he left. Oh my God. Well, that's an extremely memorable moment. I'm thinking more like... I don't know why I had to build a crash next to a zoo though. Well, Nathan's got a... Nathan was a massive fan of Newcastle and he has a videotape of all of Alan Shearer's goals. Every single goal.
He goes, yeah, 99% of the tap-ins. Just boring tap-ins. And it's just like, you've got it on tape. When do you sit down and watch that? When do you go, oh, I'm going to now chill. It's like watching fireworks back. No one's really watching that. Like you're not going back and watching old games unless it's like within the last couple of weeks and you're like, oh shit, this is a really good game. Like, are you watching those back? Do you think...
there is footage of someone scoring a goal down to like the millimeter of them being the exact same position the exact same pose and the goalie doing the exact same dive like you could put them the footage on top of each other and it would be exactly the average player plays enough games for that no no no just like of all the footage of football yeah probably i think if you yeah if you've
I mean, I don't think... Because if you're a certain standard, an angle of attack will provoke an angle of defense from the goalkeeper that's probably going to be similar, right? So if you're both good strikers and both good goalkeepers, if, yeah, I think it's possible. But what's your point? Yeah, why do you want that? It's fucking weird. Just the repetition of football was all in change. Oh, I see, yeah. Infinite monkeys, infinite typewriters. Yeah, no, that's what I said. I'm not sure there's enough games played by the average player, but I was thinking the same player. Just a general football player? Maybe, Trot, maybe. Damn.
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Wow. On Steam and as a special offer for our Pickaxe listeners, you can pick up a copy of the game for an unbeatable price at fanatical.com slash Pickaxe. No way. Thank you very much. On with the show. I think we need people that are making footage. Going to sit down and watch a specific strike and just score every single goal they've scored.
and just sit down and watch them all. I mean, there's montages and stuff of good players doing their thing. I mean, obviously Ronaldo and Messi are big ones. I think they should introduce more interesting, wacky rules to football. Like, for example, you get pickups and also you can change the shape of the goal changes. I saw dance. There was a dance football the other day where people had to keep dancing. I saw that. I
I don't know if that was just like a one-off. Was everyone slaying? I think they were. Oh, they were slaying. Yeah, they were all slaying. I didn't hear the music at the time, so it was muted. It was really funny. I watched the same thing. I don't know if it's a sport that's a continuing thing or just a one-off, but that looked quite interesting. That's the parameters you're talking about there, right? Like ads and dance mechanics. But also like modifiers and stuff, like rocket boots and propulsion and jump pads.
stuff like that you know like rocket somebody just tosses a load of trampolines onto the pitch suddenly yeah robot wars it up a bit like have a pit four more balls drop on a lot more pits no there's four balls on the pitch
We've got four balls to contend with and two more keepers have just gone in goal. Oh, is this the dancing one? He's found the dancing one. There's a nice little clip of them doing pirouettes whilst trying to get to the ball. I assume it's like basketball where like you like with the dribbling rule, you've got to keep dancing as you approach the ball. Someone's twerking over the ball there just to keep defensive of it. That's incredible.
Can you kick normally or do you have to kind of like dance it in? No, you've got to really dance it out. Look at the dancing ball. That's no way. That's so good. That's hilarious. That is an interesting way to play football. But parameters, I mean, they didn't top gear do golf, not golf, car football, where they got a load of like Toyota iGo. That was Top Gear. I think it was Top Gear, yeah. That did that, right? Yeah, yeah. And that was pretty cool. Like...
Probably extremely annoying to just... Using like Fiat 500s or something like that. It was Toyota Igoes, yeah. Tiny little, yeah, yeah. They do look like fun cars to do that in. Yeah. If all of us got smart cars, that'd be quite good. Smart cars look silly. Obviously, we could pick them up. They're so small. We should. Next time we see one, we should group together and just move it out of its position and just hide it somewhere. Yeah.
Where's my car gone? I don't think three of us can pick up a car. No, I still think it's extremely heavy. They're about 700 kilos, I think. I'm surprised smart cars aren't the victim of trolling like, you know, rental scooters and things are. Because, like, you see one and you imagine, like, a group of drunkards on a night out, like, oh, look at that smart car. Let's lift it or tip it. I mean, you could definitely pivot around the motor, you know, as in, like, that's easy to do. Yeah.
so you can change the direction we should tip them next time we see them are they tall enough I mean that is a crime I do that with those Japanese minivans no you don't the Daihatsu whatever they're called how often do you see those frequently I know the ones that are really thin yeah and then they look like a van but they're very scaled down the one that Hammond literally made it fall over as he turned around in a corner yeah yeah yeah it's like a that's Clarkson
No he did He was in a similar one That was a Robin Reliant Similar things Although they've ended Their partnership Do you see that recently They have Top Gear's done Top Gear and Grand Tour Is now done No Top Gear has done No wait Top Gear was done a while ago Jeremy Clarkson The trio Is done The wording of it said That Jeremy Clarkson Is no longer Working with Richard Hammond And Really Captain Slow His name just literally Just dropped out of my head And I don't know Keith Moon Keith Moon It's not Keith Moon
James May. James May, of course. I mean, I get the feeling... Which is a very weird wording because it's like, surely they were just all like, yeah, I can't be fucked to do Grand Tour right now again. Like, we've earned shit loads of money and it's probably extremely exhausting for them to travel all over the world and do this stuff at their age. Like, they're probably knackered. So you're saying... And he's obviously focusing on the farm thing, which is fair enough. Yeah. They need a new trio to really take up that mantle. They've tried a few. They've tried very many. They did try, yeah. They have tried a few. Well, they haven't tried the trio. And they got to a point where they just mutilated one of them and then thought, actually, let's call it here.
I think he's doing all right. Who? Is it Flintoff? Oh, Flintoff, yeah. Well, he's literally been... His face is like facially scarred and it's like... His face got destroyed because he...
In a car crash? I don't know. He was wearing an open-faced helmet in an open-top car that flipped over. Is that what it was? And then he just got fucking red crayon across the ground. Red crayon across the ground. Oh my God. I don't believe that's what happened. Red crayon is not the term they used. He was wearing an open-faced helmet, right, in a car that had an open top. The car flipped and
And I think his face or chin caught the road. They just dragged up through his face, which broke the center of his bottom of his jaw. Like they basically predated him. I think people who came language, people who came up to the wreckage afterwards had to get like months of therapy because of the PTSD they got from seeing the injuries. Yeah. Yeah.
he got fucked people had people got PTSD from seeing google it it's 100 I'm looking now so it's Flintoff who was wearing a helmet at the time of the incident along with a crew member of the passenger seat it's Freddie Flintoff was airlifted to hospital and suffered multiple facial injuries in broken ribs but not before having to wait 45 minutes for the helicopter to arrive Flintoff's injuries were described at the time as being non-life threatening but his son Corey said he was lucky to be alive
Freddy has been seriously emotionally and physically affected by the crash. He is a daredevil. That's what he does. And he doesn't feel like he is able to continue to play that role on the show.
What's the thing about daredevils? It doesn't say specifically whether he was red crayon is the term. I don't think you'll see that term. You won't. You won't see that term. Is that not the term? No. It's used for motorcyclists that don't wear appropriate protection, basically. So if you're wearing shitty jeans and no helmet...
You've been called out for your severely lacking in safety standards. Yeah, kind of. But yeah, I mean, it's going to be... I mean, wasn't he in an accident before that as well? A serious accident that kind of like slowed the filming down and then... Yeah, this one was a lot more disfiguring, unfortunately. Kind of the Arbiter from Halo, some people said. The Arbiter from Halo.
For fuck's sake. He's alright now though. Whoever's done the surgery, I saw some recent pictures of him. He looks alright, considering he got predated. Predated? I saw the other guy, what's his name? Harry? No. He's a short dude who actually knows what he's talking about with cars. Oh yeah, he's really good. Chris? Chris Harris. I saw him the other day just down the road from me. Cool. I swore at him. Did you? Top gear prick!
- No, I didn't mean it. - No, it was one of those weird moments where you look at somebody and go, "I know you from somewhere." And then it clicks and then he notices you look at him and goes, "Oh God, that fucker knows who I am." I'm gonna look away and then keep walking. I'm like... But I wouldn't dare approach him. I would find that really hard to do. - I saw another Chris. - What would I say to him? "Oh, I know you're from telly." - I know you're from telly. - That's it, that's all the information I've got. - I like your opinions. - I don't want a photo, bye.
Yeah, I mean, that's fair. I saw Chris Packham, the nature guy. Oh, yeah. A Tesla charger once. He was next to me. Nice. Was he sabotaging him? No, he has a Tesla. It's got like a Model Y. Just unplugging everyone's things. Yeah, he's just going, I'm Chris Packham. This is why... He's not Chris. You know, I really like Chris Packham. I really like what he believes in. But his politics, he's not very political, is he? He pisses people off very easily.
Bless him. Not very political. No, as in he's not very politic is what I mean. He's very political, politically engaged. And yeah, no, I do. I like him, but I didn't say hello to him either. But that was one of those situations too where I'm like, oh,
- Nature man. - Nature man sat in car. - Spring watch dude. - I literally got out of my car. I was walking past the front of his, like to go to like the toilet or something. I just looked right and he's just there sat in his car waiting for it to charge. I was like, oh. - Packham charging a car. Did you film him? - All right, Packham. All right, mate. Sorry about this. Just bring my phone up.
All the lads are going to hear about this, mate. Give us a tune. You know if it's a clean energy. Let's see your bird, mate. He loves birds. Egg on your face, yeah. Let's see your bird. Let's see your bird. When he was a teenager, he had rescued or I think kind of abducted a bird from a nest. And he really got obsessed with it. How obsessed are we talking? That's kind of what got him into nature. Like really sad. Like apparently it died and he had like basically like an absolute breakdown and stuff. He's on the spectrum.
and he acknowledged it. Is that the terminology? Yeah, he's on the autistic spectrum. He is. I read his book. It is quite interesting. He's a good dude. Anyway, that's Chris Packer. Book reader, eh? Book reader. We're not about that here. We're about podcasting and speaking. Apparently Chris Harris does live in Bristol. Well, that makes sense. You should get him on the podcast.
- What for? I don't know what we would say to him. - To have nothing in common. - Just sit there, just ask him innocuous questions about cars and him just going, "Yeah, it's a three liter TDI." - Yeah, yeah, it goes. Gets you from A to B, doesn't it? - Yeah. - Oh, Christ, that's boring. - He's probably quite pissed off that he's not doing Top Gear anymore. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - They completely canceled it. - Yeah, you'd be fucked, wouldn't you? - Yeah. Do you reckon Clarkson's quite smug that it didn't work out?
I think, yeah. Yeah, 100%. There would be a, probably a mini gloating party. I think you would. I mean, like, it was clearly some problems with him. Like, he acted like a dickhead, but like, there is clearly some sort of charisma to Jeremy Clarkson that makes those things work for the people that watch them. Um,
But I did like, I liked the other trio. I didn't like Paddy McGinnis much. I used to really like Paddy McGinnis. I did not like him in Top Gear at all. I liked the other two. I don't think he was too bad, but I don't think, I don't know if he suits car reviews slash...
Car content. I don't know. Let somebody else do it. I like Freddie Flintoff. I like Chris Harris. But anyway, any funny news, Ross? You're looking at butter made from CO2. Well, this isn't funny news, but it was interesting because they've been making butter out of CO2, not cows. Not that they make it from cows. Sorry, let's just clarify. Carbon dioxide. We're making butter from cows now. They're making butter from the cow's milk normally, right? They're turning cows into milk. They're not doing... Okay, hang on.
Alright. Do you choose whether the cow becomes beef, butter or milk? Well this cow's... this one's for butter, right? This is a butter cow. We're writing it down for butter. But basically they're making butter from CO2 which apparently tastes like the real thing. Which obviously they've claimed. So butter made from CO2? CO2 is... It's Savr, backed by Microsoft billionaire Bill Gates. Says the product has lower carbon footprint as it doesn't need cows.
scared finally get rid of the cows guys finally they are like one of the biggest contributors to um greenhouse gases they are actually yes i want to know the process of this co2 butter um because at the moment all i can think of is people breathing out into a tube they fucked up somehow it becomes butter a complex process that eliminates the need for animals while making its dairy-free alternative taste just as good
Let's see how they... It's a thermochemical process that allows it to build fat molecules, creating chains of carbon dioxide, hydrogen and oxygen. The company has now announced a new animal-free butter alternative. That's amazing. That sounds pretty cool, doesn't it? I mean...
It's not butter though, is it? Well, I guess not. I guess I'll have to call it something else. It'll be a spread, yeah. Is it butter replacement? This is just a fucking... So it's just once there's a new... I can't believe it's not butter. Do you reckon they're going to do C-O-W and then cross out the W and put a 2? If they do, that's fantastic branding. Become a copywriter. How do you even pronounce that? Stop giving those copywriters ideas. Go pick that up. C-O-W.
It's going to be reducing meat and dairy consumption as one of the key ways that humanity can reduce its environmental impact as livestock production is a significant source of greenhouse gases. Ross, I need you to tell me right now. The exact details. Off the top of your head. How much energy is required to produce this butter versus a cow's?
That's a good point because it's... And can it be adopted into a kind of weapon that you spray like a flamethrower and it turns all the CO2 in the air mixed around you into butter? Into butter. Just like... It's like a spell. A magic spell. It's like... I got it reversed. Everything in its room. I'm covered in butter! You turn the room into butter. It's mildly warm. Okay, so the butter could potentially come in at less than 0.8...
grams co2 equivalent per calorie there is those stats uh the standard climate footprint of real unsalted butter butter with 80 fat is approximately 2.4 grams co2 equivalent per calorie so going from 2.4 grams to 0.8 grams co2 equivalent so that's pretty damn good right that's a that is a real reduction i hope it scales well percentage wise that's a great reduction so
I'm interested to try that. I would definitely eat me some CO2. You're dropping the production of greenhouse gases, is that saying essentially, or the amount of carbon produced? Yes. By over 50%. We're increasing our lifespan by 25%. Can we just all agree to not have any fucking wars and just let the scientists work so we can all have as much butter as we want? Yeah, but the people doing that don't read.
- No, yeah, that is an issue. - The people in charge. - Yeah, yeah. - You know what I think? They don't read, so they wouldn't be aware of that. They're too busy. Well, they do read. - Just want my butter. - They read parts of the Bible.
The parts that they care about and the rest is just like, yeah. You realize that's in the Bible. Oh, is it? Oh, yeah. No, I have read the Bible probably once. Yeah. I don't know. I just don't like it. It's so easy to Bible bash because it's such ridiculous fiction. We've got to have little uplifting news segments in halftime breaks at football. Yeah. Yeah. So things like this no cow butter should be introduced to the Euros, for example. Yeah.
It's like stop war, have no cow butter. Yeah. And they could do a whole thing in the stadium. Hear me out. Right. So you know how you have a covered area where everyone sits in stadiums above them. You know how like, like big like rallies and elections, they have like ticker tape and glitter and stuff being dropped. Instead they drop popcorn kernels.
that they instantly hit pop with boiling heat. Like the butter in the sky? Yeah, and then we sky butter them. So basically, so we hit them with the corns and as the corn kernels are coming down, we turn on like, you know, those outdoor heater style heat lamps. So they pop in the air. So they pop in the air. Firework effect. Firework effect, nice. And then we switch on the CO2 butter converters and just shower the crowd that are now covered in butter in a popcorn in a butter as well.
- I can't, and now you sit there for 90 minutes and watch a football game. - It sounds like you've really simplified the process that it takes to make this butter, which probably is way more difficult. - We charge everyone per seat. We don't even ask if they want popcorn. We just put a levy on the seat. - You're in the butter section? Sorry? You're in the buttered section.
Do you want salted or sweet or butter? I'd rather be in the salted section, actually. Oh, no, you don't want to be in the salted section. Just so you don't want to be in the salted section. You do, because you have to pay an extra for goggles. I was literally going to say, have you got your goggles? You're not goggles. We're in the salted section. Here we go. It's going to get pretty dry. Oh, my God. My eyes. Everybody...
paste yourself with like they're using like lard and fats to keep their skin hydrated here we go can we get real salty and raise your fries get your buckets out okay the salt wind cometh the salt wind yeah
5,000 lose their teeth to high velocity popcorn. That's in the sugar. That's in the sugar. That's the sugar section. That'd be funny. Too much sugar on them. You've got people in shower caps and goggles just waiting for their food to be salted. I think, I think we are missing a trick in treating sports crowds as individuals and instead treating them as masses and appropriately. Spraying them with things. Yeah.
Just spraying them with stuff. I think we cut out the queue for the drinks by just spraying the drinks all over everybody. And that way you're encouraged to bring like bucket hats and like ponchos and stuff together. Catch it. Catch it. Hygienic. You make sure your ponchos are hygienic. Yeah, you don't want to pick up the floor ones. We could have courses. It would stop queuing. Exactly. They wouldn't have to get out of their seats.
You don't get to choose what drink is being consumed. Well, you just put your umbrella up for the one you don't want. Yeah, that's true. You need a blocker and a catcher. Yeah, there's a lemonade, there's a Coke. Every 20 minutes it changes the drink. It's raining. Is that gin and tonic now? Yeah, I think so.
I didn't think that was past Watershed. It's like Willy Wonka's football stadium. I'm totally in for that. Nice. Willy Wonka. Willy Wonka. I think that's plenty for Hatchet. Yeah. That is pretty much the other crazy stuff happening in the news as well. Quick summary. Someone's trying to shoot someone. He was quite important apparently. Oh, yeah, that. That's a real head turner. It was a real head turner.
If he didn't, then it would be very different news. I just can't wait for God to choose the next leader of the free world. That's what I kind of wait for. I think that's the thing. It's when the thoughts and prayers are working. They're working. God saved the righteous one somehow. You know, in the morning, Ross, when I get up and I get ready for my day, I load my AR-15 magazine with 30 rounds. Then I get another magazine and I load that. It's important that you've got them.
I rack it into my rifle. I go out into the street and I shoot thoughts and prayers. Sometimes the magazines get mixed up. Oh my God. Are these thoughts and prayers or are they just... Can't remember. I loaded two magazines this morning and God chose the right one for me today. I say that. It's going well so far. Only had it a couple of days. Something to admit, isn't it? Yeah. That you got two airhorses. Yeah, that's the first thing. How did you get hold of those? This is obviously all satire. Don't worry, guys. I won't do you...
Like Jack Black did that guy. Don't cancel us, please. If you're going to Jack Black me. Well, I was saying... I'm not going to Jack Black you. I kind of... I don't... Jack Black's gone down in my estimation. Hugely. I wouldn't... I'd back you guys if you said that shit. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't say that it's a good thing to say. It's not the most intelligent fucking comment and I understand why people... It's not a good idea to... So basically... But what a fucking cunt. Kyle... Kyle Gass, his...
his second half of Tenacious D second half of Tenacious D who has had a far less successful career hasn't made anywhere near as much money as Jack Black he made a kind of an off the cuff comment about saying like oh next time don't miss yeah right
in reference to the president's assassination. And of course... Also, contextually, this is at a tenacity concert where their lyrics and everything are, you know... Also, Donald Trump is a fucking cunt and he's one of the worst people in the world. Exactly, but I agree that nobody... You don't wish death upon anyone, really. No, you do. You can. You can wish death upon people. Even though this person has... No, there's montages of him wishing death on many people. You can. He has incited violence. He has done a lot of... There's a lot of violent rhetoric from that man and the Republican Party.
But obviously, it would be hypocritical to say that we want someone else to die. I don't want someone to die. It's just a case of he made that comment and then immediately Jack Black fucking pulled back and said, no, we're canceling everything. And then there's Agent split up with Kyle Gass as well. So he's just been tossed aside. I think that's just a bit of shit for an off-the-hand comment which...
you could brush off afterwards and just apologise for it. At his birthday celebration as well. Yeah, as well, yeah. He's like, make a wish. And it's like, you know, yeah, like, obviously he doesn't want someone to die. Like, let's be honest. Like, no one's, when they're saying it, you're saying it in jest. And also, objectively speaking, any ex-president being assassinated is a bad thing for America
Of course it is. Yeah, it wouldn't be good at all. But it was a joke. I think a lot of us were thinking it as a joke. Yeah. And this guy, it's just... It's almost miraculous that it shaved the side of the guy's fucking ear. Isn't that nuts? Yeah, it's crazy. But yeah, like, yeah, we don't wish death upon anyone, but, you know, he's been deciding it for a long time and I'm actually more shocked it's not happened more. Yeah. Like, it's...
I know one guy tried a while back in the first presidency or something. Some guy brought a gun to an event. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. But there were like 10 other mass shootings that day as well. So it's just, I mean, it's the funny thing. And the fact they haven't really addressed their gun situation is even worse. Because that is the biggest problem that that country has.
I'm not going to wade into it. I don't know enough about it at this point to make another comment about it. But yeah, clearly it's a big challenge. Demolition Ranch took a bullet for that. But like as in the assassinator attempt or whatever they call him.
was wearing a YouTube fan shirt. And then he had to make an apology video where it was just to explain he had nothing to do with it. Well, he was just explaining that it's just like, well, he's not related to that. He made a fucking bank, 5.3 million views or whatever I saw it was last night. It's an incredibly successful video. He literally said the Trump shooter was wearing my shirt.
But like, that's crazy. I like Damo Ranch, but like... But like, if any fucker's wearing a hat film shirt and does something crazy, it's like, why would you take risk? It's not like, are they doing it on behalf of the person you're wearing? I think it was a cash grab, personally. I guess it doesn't help that his content is weapons-based, but like, I don't think he's ever said, oh, let's go do fucking crazy shit to other people. So like, I don't know. That was an interesting angle. But anyway, it's... How would we wheel our way out of that? If he was wearing a fucking hat film shirt
You piss-colored yellow shirt or something. He's wearing a hat filmed with Merchant Bram. We'd probably benefit from it in terms of views, like you said. Which is awful. I'd Kyle Gassett. You'd Kyle Gassett. Don't make a joke about it. Don't miss. Oh, my God. Jesus, yeah. It's all jokes, satire. Well, we're fine here. I think it's worse if you're an American because I think, you know.
We don't actually have a say in the vote. Yeah, indeed. But it affects everybody. And that's why we hear about it all the time. I'm sure you guys also hear about it all the time. So we'll shut up now. Yeah. And end the podcast. That's enough of that, isn't it? Indeed. Well, I hope you all enjoyed the butter. I'm looking forward to try it. When that's available, I'll give it a go. Nice. I'll butter my... CO2 butter. I'll do a live taste testing. We'll butter each other's crumpets. Yeah.
Thanks for listening, everybody. See you next week. See you next time. Thanks to our Patreon supporters as always. Thank you to our wonderful Discord community that's out there. You can join them too. And if you're a Patreon, YouTube, or Twitch subscriber, you get access to the special channels where all our extra content is uploaded as well. So thank you very much, and we'll see you all next week. Bye.
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