Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
For some reason, Robert, Jack Bodybuilder, the first time you meet him, you decide to start hitting on his girlfriend. Robert was not happy about that, and so they decided to strip me down to my underwear. Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon.
Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.
a few shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon, spend less, smile more.
Hey guys, I don't mean to say anything, but my belly button is showing. What? It is. That is actually pretty gross. Can somebody cover him up? Oh, please. You've been on my belly button. You guys see that? Oh, here. Yeah, that's a gross belly button. I don't know how I feel about that. You guys see that? I'm not going to lie. You may want to shave that. Oh, thanks. Thanks. Appreciate it. You may want to shave your belly button. It's a little hairy. Okay. Thank you. Appreciate it. Guys, but what's up?
Welcome to our guest. Wait, wait. Are they going to see my feet? Yeah. And everyone's going to comment on it. It's too late. They already see your feet. He's actually zoomed in on your feet right now. I got to put socks on. Everyone has already commented on it. Everybody comment rate Parker's feet one out of ten. Oh my goodness. All right, let's not draw that much attention to him. Ten being really good feet, one being nasty feet. I did just get a pedicure. What the? Do you like pedicures?
No, I've never gotten one before. Show them now so they at least get a better look so they can judge you fairly. No, I'm not showing you my feet. Right now you're going to get ones. I give them your best toe right now. I can show them your best foot angle. I can show you my athlete's foot on my pinky toe. Let's see. Wait, what's out there? It's highly contagious. What? So I don't, like, yeah, if I touch you right now, you're going to get athlete's leg. Bro, what the frick? Don't touch me.
- You're about to get athlete's leg 'cause he can't move. He can't move. - Hey, stop it, don't get athlete's leg. I actually don't want that. - You're an athlete. - I actually don't want that. Hey, stop, stop, I don't want it. - Oh, no, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. -
I put it back. All right. Well, anyways, like I was saying, welcome our guest. PP. Parker panel. Parker panel. My name is Harper Zellmer. Parker panel. And this is Harper Zellmer. She wanted to do that. Parker panel is known for. Please, please don't make the same joke you've been making. Wait, wait, what's he known for? Anybody knows what he's known for? Uh,
A list of accomplishments. Like destroying cash in pickleball. Right, right. And basketball. And anything with a ball. Literally anything involving cash I always win. I dunked on him in basketball. He's also 6'8". And I'm 4'3". But on a for real note, Parker Pennell is known for Daddy's Money. So he clearly didn't do any research on his guest. Jimmy Fallon would.
What else? Have you been on Jimmy Fallon? No, that would be awesome though. Oh, wait, how can we forget? All I'm saying is that a true podcast host would research their guests before I come on. Sorry, I can't exactly check my notes now, can I? Guaranteed if you check those notes, there's nothing on them. There is. Oh, see, here's one now. I remember one. You're an American star and a YouTube actor. Let me check. Oh, here we go. Here it says, Parker Pannell, best known for his...
Not hit show. You're 21. You're 21. You're putting 395, 25. I'm reading it. Yeah, I have it right here. Ready? Parker Panel is known for his not hit show, Nickelodeon. And for one season until they...
They didn't kill him off. They didn't want to kill him off, so they sent him off to college. And then that show was to never air again. You have 3.2 million followers. I have 4.7. So tell us more. Is there a follower off now? Dude, it's kind of crazy. She's sizing you up. She is. I mean, she has 14. 15. 15. And I had TikTok for a year.
Hey, hey, hey. You know what they say, the quicker they rise, the quicker they fall. That is what they say. You know, what's crazy about that too is that I started making videos when I was 12 years old, so two years before you. 14. These are your headshots. I'm 15. Oh my god.
When I was 15, I started my YouTube channel, my TikTok page at 14, and I didn't get any followers until I was 17. When me and you were 15, we were running around LA. Crazy, right? We were your age. Oh my gosh. Did y'all see that? I didn't do that.
I'm not doing that. That's what the doctor does where they go like... Point is, you're off to a great start, so kudos to you. You're beating us at 15. Oh yeah, at 15? No, tell them or she'll be at 20. Probably falling off. If you don't start posting on Instagram, we keep telling you. You'll end up having a Nickelodeon show that's only aired for one season. Tell us more about Nickelodeon. We're knocking it, but like...
Raccoon selfie! It was pretty sick. Oh, you watched the episode! I watched like all the episodes. That I did really on one episode? Oh, right. And you were like, I remember so specifically. Raccoon one was the best one. Yeah, on a real note guys, Parker is actually a Nickelodeon star. Even though we give him a hard time about it. So go ahead, tell him about your stardom. And while you're at it, tell us how much you made on that show. Yeah, how much do Nickelodeon stars get paid?
You guys would love to make that the title of your video. Yes. Because you know that would get so many views. Wait, wait, wait. Actually, hold on a minute.
How much do they get paid? They've been trying to ask me for the past month how much money I made from Nickelodeon. Just tell us, man. And I will never tell them. Everybody's recording me. Okay, you know what? Just for the podcast, I will. Let's go. Let's go. How much you got paid? I make... Yeah. He's trolling so hard. He's not going to do it. Say it. Please, please, please. You know this video is going to go so viral. Now I'm building up all the watch time. Everybody's like, oh, here we go. Here we go. We like potential. We like potential. All right. All right. Let me wait another five seconds. Oh.
I'm not gonna tell you. What the dick? And now everyone, you know how hard it is for me to get my camera on?
Take his hands. No, just tell us how much you made on Nickelodeon. Hey, no, because she's actually sending in Disney audition, your competitors, so she needs to know. What are you auditioning for? Just multiple different things. No, like actually, I have new managers. What the? In case you're wondering, hold on, wait, wait, wait. In case you're wondering, I'm still your manager. You are? Harper doesn't know anything about her. Did you know you even uploaded a YouTube video today?
Mm-hmm. I literally posted your YouTube video today. No. Wait, what are you auditioning for? Just Disney Channel stuff. Like, if my mom was here, she would tell me. I mean, like, I... She would tell me. See, exactly. Her mom, me and her mom. You probably, I don't even know, like, what you're... It's, like, the main character stuff, so that's good. Yeah. Are you telling me she's never acted a day in her entire life? No, I haven't.
I do acting classes. I've never heard anybody ever describe somebody by saying, just the main character stuff. Hey, listen, she doesn't understand the industry, but she's an actor. Listen, let's see some improv. Okay. Wait, both of y'all. Y'all are both actors. Let's see some improv. Should we do a scene? Yeah. I'll give you the scenario. Give us a script. The scenario is you two are arguing over who makes more money. Walking down the street. You two are walking down the street.
And you guys come to the street, right? And on one side of the street, there's a Nickelodeon building. And on the other side of the street, there's a Disney building. And you guys each walk out of the buildings and you see each other, right? And Harper knows you're a one season wonder on Nickelodeon. And she's just now getting casted. This is the longest scene ever. I'm not even lying. How about this? Oh.
You guys are in a taxi. You're the taxi driver. You're in the back seat. And you're trying to get directions to Disney. Wait, so just to be clear, we're not doing mine? No. Yours was really bad, actually. Yours just didn't stop, so we had to cut it short. So I come in the car. Hi, what's your name? Well, hello. Sorry, what did you say? Well, hello. I'm off to Disney. Do you know where that is?
I don't like Disney, I only know Nickelodeon. I need to go to Disney though. Okay. You're going the opposite way, Disney's that way I'm pretty sure. Okay. You guys are horrible actors. What do you mean? Watch, watch, watch. Get in my taxi. Is that not good? Get in my taxi. Okay, okay. Hop in, Harper, hop in. Okay, okay. Hi. Not English. Can I go to Disney? Not English, very little.
One, two, three Disney Disney
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Oh, that's here in Texas. I heard that name before. I go there like a lot. Is that where you went? No, I mean, I don't live in Texas. But you went to one when you were here. You did go one time. Oh, you're right. I did. I did a self-tape. At Catherine Sullivan's? I don't remember her name. I just looked up self-tape studios. Yeah, self-tape studios. Merrily?
I don't know. I didn't book it, so whoever did it didn't do a good job. I mean, I just taped mine at home and I got a call back. Nice shot. Wait, how many self-tapes do you do like a year? Congratulations. Well, I mean, so the strike happened, right? So that slowed everybody down. That made me so
I know. Whoa, whoa. What's the strike? I was so mad. Wow, you don't watch news? I don't. It actually ruined my whole year. Wait, what's the strike? The writers' strike in Hollywood. To put it in layman's terms, people wanted to get paid a lot of money. People didn't want to pay a lot of money. And so they said, all right, we're not going to work until you pay us money. Yeah, that's a strike. Yeah, the writers. Right.
The people that write the shows. But it was writers that did that. So that's why there was no shows. So nobody really got any self-tape auditions unless it was like student films. Yeah. Or somebody who agreed to those. But there's no more strike anymore, right? But there's no more strike anymore. Yeah. But the problem I'm dealing with now is that I want to find a new agent. And so in the meantime, I'm not. My agents are Maddie and Riley for acting.
No, it's number one.
Arguably. I mean, you got CAA. CAA is number one. WWE is probably either two or three. Yeah, no, no, no. No, but... Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. But is that for social media or is it for acting? Acting and social media. So Riley, I don't know which one is for my acting, but one of them is better. You don't know much, do you? No, no. One of them is better.
Who runs her career? I met me. Her mom is very good at helping her. And Cash, right? Yeah, what the frick? What about me? Cash, I guess, got me started. You're forgetting about the guy in the pic right now. No, Cash actually got me started and actually I blew up from there. Oh, you're going to make me blush.
So when you win an Oscar, are you going to go up on stage and say, hey, I owe this all to Cash Baker? No. I'll say I owe this all to Cash Baker. Might as well quit now. If you got like an Oscar, you know how sometimes they shout people out? They're like, what's your Oscar speech? Like, give it real quick. Maddie and Ryan. Oh, okay. Okay. So I just want to thank. Oh, thank you. I just. Oh.
Kind of broken. I just want to thank my mom, my dad, my sister for supporting me. Cash, Mav, Kate, Maddie, Riley, WME, and Ariana Grande. Yo, did you just fart? No, that was my phone. I think she farted. I heard that. That was my phone. You farted in your Oscar speech. That's crazy. No, no, no. I didn't fart. All right, well.
You know guys this episode is supposed to be about Parker. Yeah, and wait wait when you guys met wait no y'all were friends when you met but at one point we became enemies. I didn't like you. I was never like close with you at first. Oh Maverick did not like you. Literally when I remember seeing him at VidCon I was like Cash I don't know if you should be hanging out with him. You said that? Yeah. Did he actually say that? You were like walking through the hotel like screaming.
Because I'm 30% deaf in my right ear. That's an excuse. He's been saying that since the day I met him, and I'm starting to believe him. So I don't really know. You know, I didn't take medicine for it a couple years ago, so I think it's probably better now. I'm going to roll with it for now. To give you all a background story, me and Parker met about, what, five, six years ago? Five years ago? Yeah, it would have been 2018. Okay, we met in 2018, like five years ago, six years ago, whatever that is.
And we've been best friends ever since. But Maverick. Best friends. That's crazy to say because I feel like you never really texted me. And there was a period where you weren't. For sure. These are my acting headshots. They're a little sus looking, but it was when I was younger, okay? Those are cool. Very nice. Yeah, and now let me show you my film. Hey, if you think he's, since he worked at Nickelodeon, he's going to get you a job or something. Is that what it is? She's like, look,
Yo, Harper, he got fired. Remember that. Who got fired? No, I still work at Nickelodeon. Yeah, but they kicked you off the show. They didn't do that either. Okay, well, are you on the show anymore? There's no winning this conversation. That's not what happened. The show just didn't get picked up for another season. I mean, just from outside, you were on the show, and now you're not on the show. I mean, because the show is no longer a show.
I still work in the Nickelodeon building. You're like the door greeter now. Yeah, I just restocked the fridge. Yeah, sure, yeah, sure, whatever. Are you mocking my voice? No, I swear I'm not. You're definitely not getting your job at Nickelodeon now. I'm trying to. He's going to tell him to never hire that Harper Zillmer girl. Never hire her. Guys, what if I become like Ariana Grande? Like, what would y'all do?
Probably. I worked with Frankie Grande the other day. Frankie Grande? I love Frankie Grande. All right, well, anyways, like I was saying, we've been friends for a long time, but when we became friends, Maverick did not like Parker. He was all right. He was all right. So you really did say that you don't think you should hang out with me? I think I did. 100%. I don't care what he says. 100%. Really? And then I started to warm up to you, and then...
When we got our house, I was like, do not. I did something that made him really mad. No, this was before you did anything. I said, do not invite Parker to our house. You see, I'll tell you why. And Cash said, he's my friend. I'm going to invite him over. He invites him over. What happens? He comes over.
I said, if you invite Parker over, he's going to break something. And he breaks a chair. A chair that was a really nice chair. He breaks it. He did. I have a very strange tendency to break things. I don't know why, but Cash has this chair that is somewhere over there. He's had it for his entire life, right? Literally up until, I mean, you got it back in 2015. Never broke it once. He jumped up and down on it. As soon as I came over the first time, I broke the chair. So you leave-
I'm like, well, I told you this would happen, bro. Yeah, whatever. I said, don't invite him back. Cash was like, okay, about three or four months go by. Cash decides that it's his time. In these three or four months, I've been going to Parker because Maverick didn't want him at our house. Yeah. So you finally decided to invite him back over. Well, Maverick was also a little bit of a bitter man at this time, too. Okay, well, whatever. Because his girlfriend broke up?
No, actually that was not accurate. That was a stupid statement. Maddie broke up with you. Who's Maddie? I don't know. Yeah, Maddie, your agent? Listen. And whatever the other guy's name is. Anyway, what? It doesn't matter. Cash? Yeah, so you come back over and I'm like, okay, no, he shouldn't be here, whatever. I leave. I'm like, I'm not going to be here. If Parker's here, something bad's going to happen.
So I'm gone and I'll let you pick up the story because I was gone. I don't know how things led up to the next. Is this the story where he destroyed our house? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So pretty much me and Parker and our other two friends went to Taco Bell like at 1 a.m. Little 1 a.m. Taco Bell run. Who were the other two friends? I think it was Robert and Michael.
- Okay, yeah it was. - We did a little Taco Bell run. We go through the drive-thru of Taco Bell. I'm driving, Parker's in the back. - Nothing good happens in the Taco Bell drive-thru. - So Michael, who's editing this, vividly remembers this story. - Yeah, I think me and Michael. - So he's on my side. - It's crazy, six years we're all still together, Michael's editing, we're here. - Crazy how that works. - I think I'm driving, Michael's in shotgun, you and Robert are in the back. - Except Robert, he stole our best friend's girlfriend and then left. - Okay. - There's that. - That did happen.
I was in the back left corner of the car. I remember that. That did happen. I remember, vividly remember, forgetting my wallet. And that's a very important part of the story. Very important part. All right. So we're at the drive-thru. It comes to time
Time to pay. So, I pay for my meal. Michael, dude, what the heck? Now you're vulnerable. I feel vulnerable. Can you tell me my ball back? Dude, your belly button's out. Yeah, I feel my belly button out. It's getting air. Yeah, I don't like belly button air. Where should it be getting air? Hey, I'm trying to find it. Oh, okay. Cameraman's keeping our ball. All right, so...
my gosh. What? Why did you expect him to catch you at the fans? How do you want me to catch now, bro? What the heck, man? What, you think I was just going to be like, oh, got it. I got it. You know what? We low key need a new TV anyway, so it's not even that bad. That was out of nowhere. You were real crazy though.
Okay, so Taco Bell drive-thru 2 a.m. Yeah, we're at the Taco Bell drive-thru 2 a.m. I pay, Michael pay, Robert pay. We all pay for our meal. And I forgot my wallet. I got a partner. It's time for you to pay for your meal. And I'm in the driver's seat, right? So obviously I'm the one talking to him. And he goes, I left my wallet.
And I was like, but before you left the house. And then he looked at me and he goes, I left it on purpose. So you'd have to pay for me. No, I probably said that as a joke. I make those kind of jokes all the time. He goes, but I left it on purpose. So you'd have to pay for me. So I was like, okay. Okay. But still, like, it's funny. Like this was like over a $6 taco. Is it really that serious? Well, I mean, it's serious for me, but I don't know about you. How much money do you make on Nickelodeon?
This was pre-Nickelodeon. Struggling actor. Right, right, right. Did you work with Dan Schneider? No, I never did. He got kicked off of Nickelodeon, remember? Yeah. Oh, yeah, right. Not what happened. No, no. Dan Schneider? Wait, wait, wait. We got to finish the story. So I pay for the tacos.
And I was like, whatever. I'll pay for your tacos. So I paid for them. And then we drive through. We drive like 20 feet forward out of the drive-thru. And I take his bag out. And I can't really demonstrate. But I take his bag and I hold it out the window like this. And I was like, all right, Parker. You want me to pay for your tacos? And I'm going to drop it. So I went.
and i dropped his tacos out the window in the bag so they're still eating you're sitting still yeah it parked we're parked they're all just kids having fun pretty much the tacos are just on the ground right now in the parking lot but in a bag in a bag and i was like right like this was nothing no hard feelings we're having fun but he made it not fun no i was still joking right here so partners i was still joking you're gonna make me get out and get the tacos on you know i was like yeah so he gets out gets the tacos and when he gets out i floor it and leave him i
messed up right can we all agree that's pretty messed up sounds like something i would do in the morning on the side of the street that's not cool that's obviously in the bottom you are a grown 15 year old you'll be fine that's honestly like leaving harper on the side of the street two in the morning that sounds really bad no she would drop you as a manager that's not horrible that's different i wouldn't i wouldn't do that would kill you i like what's the difference i like harper
What? Hey, on the contrary, Cash did. That's so weird. Everybody says on the contrary at my school and it's just giving me such bad deja vu. Okay, I'm sorry. On the other hand, Cash paid for a man's tacos and then gave them to him and then drove off and the man's mad. Yeah, but wait, wait, this story's long, so let's be through. So I leave him for like five minutes. I come back around and pick him up after leaving him for like five minutes and
And when I come back to pick him up, I'm like, all right, joke's over, get in the car. He takes his taco and throws it on the windshield, and it splatters everywhere. Pretty funny, isn't it? Hey! Right? How did that go for you? It was like a taco that he paid for, so why would I not want to throw it on the window? So then I go, okay, you can walk home. And I went, wee! And guess what happens next? He drives home, and so I thought, well...
The only thing I can do now is hitchhike. Because why would you Uber? Right? Or walk. It was only like a mile away. No, it was like a mile and a quarter. At 2 in the morning. Obviously, I wasn't going to do that. The only thing safer than walking at 2 in the morning is hitchhiking. It was literally like four blocks. Again, a 15-year-old. I stuck my thumb out. And I said, who wants to pick me up? And thankfully, some guy, he was probably about 23. He picked me up in a red truck.
And I said, listen, man, I don't want to get inside of your truck, but can I get in the truck bed? He was like, yeah, sure. And I said, all right, drive down that way. I don't know the address. And then turned left and like a mile. He was like, all right, sounds good. And he dropped me off at the house. He did. And Parker rolls up in this truck and we're like, oh my gosh, he hitchhiked. So we're like, let's lock him out of the house. So we all lock him out of the house, lock all the windows, the doors. Side note, by the way, I've hitchhiked like four times in my life. I wouldn't recommend it. And-
Yeah, just fix your mic a little bit. There you go. Like that?
And we lock him out of the house. Parker gets up on the roof to try to try one of the windows. It's locked. So he gets up on our roof and he's yelling, screaming. And it's like 2, 3 a.m. And we're in a neighborhood. And everyone's, he's making a lot of noise. And so he picks up one of our shingles. Okay, you're going way too fast because this is making me look bad. It escalated slower than that. It escalated way slower. Yes, but we got to speed it up. The story would take like three of a long podcast. The way you keep telling it like this is going to make me look like I'm 100% guilty. All right, you speed it up.
Okay, so basically... You're on top of the house. Basically, no, let's slow down. I was trying to get into the house, but they locked the front door, and they're like, ha, ha, ha, this is so funny. Two in the morning, right? Sure, at first, 15 minutes is cool. Like, it's fine. This is all over $6 tacos. Right, over $6.
Then this slowly starts to progress. It goes to about 30 minutes outside. Now it's about 3 in the morning. Actually, by this time, it's probably like 3.30. I'm like, all right, guys, you can let me in now. They still would not let me in. I could see through the windows. Then I was like, all right, the only thing I can do is climb up.
And it's the middle of winter. Right, the middle of winter. I was freezing cold. Your boy was chilling. Possibly, possibly going to freeze to death. Your boy was in negative temperatures in Los Angeles. He was starting to have to think about life or death situations. I was. And so the only answer was to climb up to the roof, hoping that one of the windows were open.
As one person would possibly do. So then I climb up, and once I get up there, the windows were closed. They run upstairs, and then they grab my Gucci backpack that I had. By the way, bad purchase. Don't spend your money on Gucci or Louis Vuitton. It's just— Don't you say that. What? You're mixing up the story. Well, I'm just saying because I realized that was my first big purchase, a Gucci backpack. It's super sad. No, just don't spend it on Gucci. Okay, so Carter's on the roof. Anyways, we get on the roof. No, no, no, no, no.
I've been on this roof and then I grabbed a shingle and they grabbed my Gucci back. Yeah, but important, important, important, keynote, keynote, keynote, keynote.
I have a keynote too. Keynote. Keynote. Parker grabs the shingle first. Yes, I grab the shingle first, but here's the very most important. And when we say shingle, it's a, no, no, they gotta know what we're talking about. It's a stone. It's a giant stone brick. You have to hear my keynote first. Okay, what's your keynote? This shingle was already broken. What's a shingle?
It's like what's on the house roof. But all the shingles like in Texas and the South. It doesn't really matter what he grabbed. Just know it was a stone brick. It's so important to note that it was already broken. It's like a clay shingle. So it's like a brick. It was probably cracked from him climbing up on the roof. No, no, it was already broken. I picked up the broken part. They showed me my backpack and they grabbed a flame and they were like, we're going to burn your backpack. Well, we only got to burn your backpack.
because you were like, I'm going to smash your shingle. And I was like, I'm going to smash the shingle. That was already broken, so what's the difference? So then we grabbed your backpack and we're like, if you smash the shingle, we'll let your backpack on fire. Dude, I'm not following with the story. I don't understand it. All right, that's what I was trying to do. Is that what's throwing you off? You don't know what the shingle is? The younger audience will never get this.
They might. Do you know what a shingle is? Is that what's confusing you? It's like a roof tile. Like a stone roof. You know when you see those stone roofs? Parker climbs on a roof. Parker grabs shingle to smash. We grab Gucci backpack to light on fire. Parker grabs broken shingle to smash. We're at a standoff. Parker... We are literally at a standoff. Just looking through the launch window like...
I completely remember that. There's like five people inside the window going... Yeah, everybody's inside the house like, no way he's going to let the backpack on fire. And then the neighbors come outside. Yeah, wait, hold on, wait. Everybody's like, no way he's going to smash the shingle. And then boom, he smashes the shingle and we were all like... This is a rental, by the way. And before I could let the backpack on fire, a neighbor comes out and starts yelling because it's 3 a.m. and we obviously are being very loud and we woke him up. Get off the roof. Get off the roof. You'll call the cops. Actually, they said, we are...
We are the cops. And I was like, what? And remember that? Then they tried to come in our house. Do you remember that? They tried to come in the door and we were like, you can't go. They did try to do that. Yeah. It was a person and a cop and it was crazy. But I mean, long story short, I mean, where do we go from here? Yeah. I mean...
That's pretty much the end of the story. Oh, no, no. Oh, yeah. Because then once they finally let me in after I smashed the shingle, I'm glad my message got across. Thank you. Then they kicked me out of the house. I was supposed to sleep over that night. Well, he calls me and he's like, hey, Maverick. And I'm like, what's up? And he's like,
Or no, he's playing video games with me. I'm playing video games and I hear on the headset, Cash goes, oh, one second. And I hear somebody in the background go, the police are at the door. And I'm like, what's going on at the house? Oh, yeah. And then Mav drives home. Mav drives home because he was over at Kaylee's house. He's like, what? I'm like, oh, my goodness. Right.
You're why the police at the house so I Drive home and yeah, I lost my this story's very long But anyway, I have this site when maverick literally opened the door took my backpack and threw it out I forgot about that. I didn't know it out in the house. Well, I don't say a word No, he doesn't he has mad he walks in the house grabs Parker's Gucci backpack through
Parker's freaking out thinking I'm going to break it or something. Yeah, he throws it in the front door. Parker's like, why'd you throw my bag back? I didn't throw it. I just dropped it on the front door. Parker goes out and grabs the bag. Mav shuts the door, locks it, and says, Uber home. Oh. Did you hitchhike home?
I should have. Would have saved me a lot of money. But I Ubered home and then we didn't talk for a long time. Who? All of us. All of us. Why? I mean, you talked. No. Maybe we talked a little bit. Maverick and I, we were on pretty bad terms. But also, I didn't really know Maverick very well because he was so caught up with his girlfriend. Oh. Then once he broke up, well, she broke up with him. And I didn't know you that well because you were so caught up with yourself thinking that you could just destroy people's property. See, look, did my self-tape. See, again. Self-tape. She finally found the self-tape. That's what I'm saying.
That's what me and my braces did. I did destroy your property, but out of self-defense. Wait, it was a rental property. It was not. It was a rental property. But I mean, this story goes on and on. And then eventually they got a leak in the roof. And I was like, yo, this is not my fault. The thing was already broken. And you want to know my favorite part? I was like, Parker, we got a leak in our roof. You going to pay for it? And he was like, he was like, sending pictures. Can I destroy your rental, your crank? What? Did you just say to me? Can I say?
Cuz I really like you to clarify. Can I stroll you around? Oh a dolly? Yeah. What did you call it? A crane. Go. I don't know if she can hold me. I think she's got it. I seriously don't know if she can hold me. Guys, no. Can y'all do it? She can hold you. She's got it. She's got all her body weight trying to lift you up right now. No, she's got it. Look. Okay, I've never felt more fat in my life. You're dumping me. Hold on.
Oh man, I feel so bad. This is horrible. Alright, here we go. Let's push him. Help him. Hey, it's not good for my ego! No, he's just too close to the wall. What's your problem? Can you try to scoot yourself out a little bit? No, like, ow! Scoot this way a little bit. No, stop. Stop. Oh, there we go. That works. That works. There you go. Oh, honey. Are you okay? You really did three people.
Here I'll help. Oh, you're a big boy. We just stretched our wall doing that. What a big boy you are. Wait, push me. Watch my feet. Watch my feet. There we go. Okay, put him in backwards and then leave him down. Put him in backwards that way. Where are we going? You're going that way. Wait, what's happening? Push, push, Harper. Wait, what? Hold on, guys. Wait.
That's even better. Oh, my butt itches. Oh, my butt itches so bad. And your belly button's showing. Oh, no, not my belly button, too. Oh, this is astronomically uncomfortable. I promise you this has never been done on a podcast. Oh, my gosh. Horribly uncomfortable. Oh, my gosh. Keep him upside down.
I low-key just like want to tape you to the wall. I think you should tape his mouth shut. Wait for one podcast. Are you okay? Huh? Are you okay? I don't know. Why does it feel like I'm upside down? Because you kind of are. Can we get neck support? Neck support? I got you with my athlete's foot. Put the phone down there. Athlete's foot. Is that better? How's that?
Wow. That helps a lot. Honestly, that feels really good. I feel like the mic's awfully close to my mouth.
She's going to hit him in the face with a mic. Oh, please don't hit my teeth. I spent $20,000 trying to get those fixed. $20,000? Wow. What did you get? Veneers? Oh, they were jacked up. Expensive teeth. Oh, they were bad. No, I spent like zero on my teeth. Really? You had braces. That had to cost at least $4,000. No, my aunt is a dentist. What the? But Parker, you worked. That means your aunt lost money.
She's the owner of the business. But like, doesn't mean it's completely free. No. Someone bought the product. Right, right. Somebody has to spend the product and the time, right? She spent the time. I spent the product. Time is money. No. Okay. What? I think she's confused. I spent the time. She spent the product. I got her a nice gift. End of story. Okay. What was the gift? We got a nice jewelry, I think. I don't know. How much was it?
20K. What? Parker, you were probably my most... Probably my most like... Nemesis? Nemesis, I'd say, yeah. That's a crazy thing to say. Evil friend at one point. But I'm going to argue he was also evil to you. Wait.
Wait, what? You know, I will say it's crazy to say that because you would argue that maybe you and I are closer than Cash and I are. I mean, we do a little more trips together. We do because Maverick is way more spontaneous, way more fun because now that Cash has a wife, it's like boo. What in the world? Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Cash didn't come to stage, coach. Shots fired. I don't like country music. Shots fired.
You're a retired. We went to the other country music festival. I don't like country music. What else has Cash not done ever since he got away? I went to LA just to hang out with you one time. He went to just hang out like good friends would do. Parker's very evil.
of a New Yorker. Oh, right. Really? You got to throw this back on me because you know what I'm saying is true. Hey. But it's okay though because you're maturing him. You're making him a better man. You are. Really? You're settling him down. I mean, he really was a bad man. He's like, he was like a free ship and you're like an anchor. Wow. Amen. Wow. That was honestly a crazy analogy. Where'd you read that?
Huh? Where'd you read that? What? You came up with that yourself? Is that from the Bible? No, it's not from the Bible. No, that's from the Bible. No, it's not from the Bible. I was kidding. I just called your wife an anchor. I mean, okay, actually, Kate, I'd be pretty mad if I was you right now. I basically called her a ball and chain and you guys are saying like it's good. Literally though. Literally. Yeah. That's not true though. In my defense, I do try to get him to do fun things. Yeah, she's actually the ship and he's the anchor. She's trying to be a free person. He doesn't want to do nothing. He don't want to do
There's no way y'all are just ratting on me about how born I am and how evil I am. Bro, he don't even want to play cards. Just look at our sitting positions right now. It's just you. Yeah, but you volunteered for that. We're punishing you for being so evil. Actions have consequences. Can somebody wipe my tear? Yeah. Your tear? Is that bad? Nope. What? Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. No. Here, let me fix it. No.
No, not Alex. Alex put it in your ear. Please give me a pillow. Okay. So, Parker. Thanks, babe. At least I have a wipe to wipe my tears. I would say you crossed the line with the roof. I'm not going to lie. But, Cash, I remember some times when Cash crossed the line with you. Specifically in the townhouse apartment. Do you remember that townhouse Airbnb? He's talking about when I assaulted you with candy.
oh no that's not what he was talking about no no no that time we're like we can't talk about that i think you want to talk about that no we can't talk wait when i assaulted him with candy no no no no no when i actually assaulted you in our apartment no we can't talk about that don't why would you say that i insulted you no stop saying can you cut that wait wait no no no no no no no no like i can punch parker that's assault why do you think assault's a bad word because it is a
See this right now? Y'all are assaulting me. This is assault right now. No, because we literally have on video you saying, take me to this dolly. No, you assaulted me on video. That's what has happened here. And Kate, you were part of the assault team. Yeah, but the crime ministers have to go. All you four are assaultees?
And I'm the assaulted. I'm about to throw my phone at you. I can tell he didn't graduate high school. Yeah, he did not. Yeah. I graduated middle school. I actually don't remember what you're talking about, though, with the townhouse situation. When I assaulted you with candy. Oh, my goodness. You blacked out that part of your life? It was that bad? Are you talking about the candy? Yeah. Of your nose? Oh, of course I remember that.
Yeah, that was really bad. They held you down and shoved Sour Patch Kids up your nose. That was really bad, but that's the thing. I feel like you deserved it, so it was okay. That was just your friendship. Well, yeah, I thought that was our friendship, but sometimes it just got taken to the next level where people actually did get pretty mad. Here was the situation to my recollection. My parents gave me a curfew, and they wouldn't... Which camera should I look at, by the way? It doesn't matter. Uh, video.
My parents gave me a curfew and they told me I had to be home by, we'll say 12 o'clock, right? And Cash or Maverick, we all wanted to stay out pretty late as young kids would want to do. I was a little bit rebellious. And so I did. I wanted to stay out late, but that one time I stayed out. Sorry. Okay. So I stayed out late. My parents got really, really mad. And the following day I went back to- I remember because I tried to talk to his mom on the phone and convince her. Yeah. My parents got really, really mad because I stayed out past curfew. I even serenaded her. It did not work. Yeah.
Is that what happened? Yeah, he sang her a song. She played along too. Do you want my mom?
What? I would never change. Serenading my mom? That's a little weird, right? I would never change. Anyway, so I stayed up past curfew, and then the following day I hung out with them, and they said, come on, man, don't leave. Don't leave. You don't need to leave. Let's all hang out. And I said, guys, I have to go. But you guys would not let me go. And so a couple events happened, and then they took Sour Patch Kids, and I kid you not, imagine you're sitting behind the camera, and somebody...
with all of their might starts pelting you with rock hard sour patch kids. - Throwing them hard.
That's got to be assault, right? That's ironic considering Parker. I also want to mention this. It was one versus about five. There was these two. There was a guy named Robert who was a bodybuilder. He is huge. Biggest man I've ever seen. There was Michael who was constantly going to the gym at that time. Michaelade. And so it was one V4. I had literally no chance of getting out of there. They start pelting me with these Sour Patch Kids. And I was in pain, period. Well, you're emotional about it. Pain, period.
Period. What's even worse than that is when you, for some reason, Robert, jacked bodybuilder, huge dude, the first time you meet him, you decide to start hitting on his girlfriend. Okay. Right in front of him. Okay. Well, Parker hit on any and everybody. This is why I say you're not the most evil best friend. Okay. Just to negate what she just said. No, Parker literally would hit on any and everybody.
He would just do it. I didn't like any of these people, but I just find it very fun. I'm a struggling stand-up comedian, and so I thought it was funny. Struggling because no one laughed. Right, right. I thought it was funny, but instead they all just got really mad at me. And this story is actually even better than the first one. It's even better. If we're talking about the pool, right? Yes. Okay.
Oh yeah. This one, I guarantee the viewers have to be on my side here. 15 year old boys are crazy. Wait till you hear this. We were staying at an Airbnb. They always came to town because they're from Oklahoma. I live in Los Angeles from Kentucky. They got an Airbnb and there was a pool in this Airbnb. This was December. It was a colder day and that pool was really, really chilly. I was making jokes. Can you fix my pillow?
We're trying to tell a story. I can't look at that. That's so gross. All right, we're good. Sorry. Harper, you won't spit on him.
Oh, please. No, no. Please don't spit on me. Drool straight down his face. No, please. Drool. Let me see it drip down his face. No, please. Please. I really want to see it. Hey, hey. Think about the short. Cash for the short. I am so much stronger than you. I will beat you. I will beat you strapped to this dollar. Think about the short. I will literally beat you strapped to this dollar. Think about the short. Harper, don't spit on him. That short will make at least $1,500. I think it's worth it. No, Harper. Harper, I'll pay you.
Harper, I'll beat you shot to the dolly. Harper, don't spit on him. Hey, we need a good angle. We need a good angle. Yeah, that's good. No. You got it? No, Harper. Harper, I will. I will. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Try to beat me. Do it. Well, I don't really know how to do that. Should we give you some water to put in your mouth? Oh, no. Please don't. Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am. I'll beat you. I'll beat you right now. I'll beat you. No. No. No, please don't. No, no, no, no, no. No, I'll spit on you. I'll spit. Oh, my God.
For the views, Cash. Clearly you don't care about the views. Okay, put him back. Get back in your position. You can literally justify anything by views. Oh, man. Oh, man. Okay. Okay. All right. So we're at this Airbnb and you're hitting on a bodybuilder's best friend. Or a bodybuilder's girlfriend. Hitting on is really not the best term. No, you literally grabbed her hand and you were like, what's up, baby? You're with me now.
Okay, I don't think I said that. I think that's what you said. There's no way you remember exactly what I said six years ago. Okay, but did you hold her hand? I don't remember. Oh, well, I knew you did. Well, whatever it is, maybe I did, maybe I didn't. It was a joke. As a whole, it was a joke and I didn't really do anything that crossed any lines. Bro, imagine I just walked up to your girlfriend and kissed her and I was like, part. Okay, I did not do that. I was like, dude, it's
It's a joke, man. That's a crazy analogy. I did not kiss anyone. That is a crazy analogy. I didn't do that. I genuinely do think that I didn't cross any lines. I think they crossed the line with this. So anyways, Robert was not happy about that. Yeah, they were pelting star pounds. No, this is a different story. Yeah, this is different. Robert was not happy about that. Hey, we gotta speed this story up because we've been...
get there, but everybody keeps interrupting. Robert was not happy about that and so they decided to strip me down to my underwear and throw me into the freezing cold pool. Not they, Robert, the bodybuilder. You guys were involved. I'll say this. That's the story you're talking about? Our friend was gone and they were wanting to throw him into the pool? No.
Listen, it was me and Michael and Robert against Parker. But the only reason me and Michael were against Parker is because we had to pick a side. We had to be on Team Robert. And it's so much more fun to be against me. No, no, no. It's not that it's fun to be against you. It's that it's unfun to be against Robert.
Imagine being thrown into the pool just wearing your underwear. And guess what happens next? So, Robert, I'm now in this pool by myself. Robert dives into the pool. Well, I don't know. This is making Robert look really bad. He's not here, so I probably shouldn't. Okay, we'll use a random name. Wait, talking to you, Mike. Use a different name. Well, we should cut the part out wherever I say Robert. Can we bleep Robert's name or something? I don't want to make him look bad. You've said it so many times.
We can probably vape it right? It doesn't make Robert like bad. The thing that happens next is Robert takes off my underwear. Yes, but I was the one that gave him that idea. Guy takes off my underwear. Literally I'm now naked in the pool because of Cash's idea. Imagine. Think about how vulnerable that puts you. Dude, you're naked in the pool. That's so gross. That's a pretty messed up story.
Because now that I think about it again, like, that was not cool. You literally just threw his underwear on the roof. Oh, yeah. Then they threw my underwear on the roof. And then you went up there naked and got it. And I had to go up there naked and get it, of course. Because the towel they threw out. They wouldn't give me a towel. No, they threw you a towel, but it was about this big. It was a little towel. Yeah, me personally, I would not talk to anybody that did that to me. But you guys are creating the part. But the problem is.
You're forgetting the part where he hit on his girlfriend. Sure, but you guys know that's not equal. I hope that really makes you guys look bad. Listen, no, no, no, no. First off, I wasn't there. Kate's on my side. I wasn't there. If this happened to a girl, you know, girl drama, they would be so mad. But the problem was, Parker, in every single one of these situations, it never happened to Cash or me or Robert or Michael. It only happened to you because you would push people to that point. I was an instigator. I'll admit it. You crossed the line too many times.
And you would put everyone against you. You just would do it. I'll admit it. I was an instigator. You crossed the line. I would argue that Robert had no other choice. But to strip the man. But to strip me naked. What? So now I'm trying to do what you gotta do. Robert had a, he had the choice to just take his girlfriend and leave. I'm team Robert in this one. It sounds bad, but you had to be there. Team Robert. No. Team Robert. As it reflects. There is genuinely. As it reflects about.
You can do it he's so big Okay, give him his mic Just sit backwards Oh Kate doesn't know how to work the arm. This is so sad. You bend it. Okay Bend the mic
There's no shot. Okay, at least I don't... What's the time? We're good, man. At least I don't have acid reflex. You can make a really weird face without anybody knowing. But honestly... Gosh, your fart smells so bad. I know, but... Ew, Jordan. Hey, guys, can we...
Like, I feel like this is a horrible angle of me. No, I think you look good right there. This is honestly, usually you have like a low quality face, but right now it looks good. What does that even mean? Cash, it smells so bad. Ew, you stink. I farted, I'm sorry. For real, that's gross. Wait, for real, no, why Parker's using the bathroom? Can like we flip me around or something? No, no, no. I'll flip myself around. Yeah, yeah, flip yourself around. He's so Spencer Shea coded.
Your hat is under the wheel Your hat's done brother
You got yourself into this situation you can get you out. You're fine. Hey Sit down for a cookie Linda? Edna! Edna! Edna!
Alright, thanks. Thanks, babe. What was that? I can't even get my hat. Dude, we've had some crazy stories. I remember one time we went out to a missile silo. You weren't there. I was there. No, you weren't there. Yes, I was. I don't think you were. Oh, he met us there. He met us there. Yeah, I met you there. I just didn't drive with you. I met you at the missile silo. And then we went to the hospital. Yeah, there was this app.
There was this app where you could literally find a bunch of haunted places around Los Angeles. So we downloaded it and we went, oh my gosh, it was crazy. We almost got jumped. Oh my gosh.
We did. We were almost in a gang fight. Yes. Oh, my gosh. That was crazy. So we went to this abandoned. It was called Devil's Gate. I think we've told this story, but we can tell it again. Oh, you guys have told Devil's Gate? I think we have. I don't know. But, dude, I almost had to freak up another gang. It was bad. No, I don't think so. We went to Devil's Gate, and we heard these people screaming. You weren't freaking up nobody. That was wild. But the real jumping part, we went into the Jack in the Box parking lot. My buddy Connor was sitting outside. Cash was driving. In Compton. No, it wasn't Compton. You were in Compton. No, we were in Altadena.
Next to Compton. Nowhere close. What? No, Altadena is like East. Dude, I'm telling you, bro. It was crazy. Point is, another car pulls up slowly. Was it Pasadena?
Bypassing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Slowly next to Cash's car within about 10 feet, right? And then Cash looks at Connor. It was one parking space over. One parking space. And this is, again, 2 in the morning. We stayed out late a lot. And not just that they just parked there. They whipped in. Whipped in, yeah. And then we looked at Connor. We said, Connor, get in the car. Get in the car. He's on the phone like this. Yes, he's on the phone. He's like, hey, boss.
Yes. And then those people, they open the door and they get out. All four doors. Straight out, straight up like a movie. Connor runs back into our car. They get out and come straight up to our window. Cash whips out, puts it in reverse, and we're like, go, go, go. Dude, it was one of the most scariest moments of all time. But me, I mean, I was going to be cool because, like, I know CGG would have messed up the Crips. I mean, it was fine. What? What are you talking about? Our gang name. What?
Cash, what's GG? Cool guys gang? What else would it be? You forgot Cash is part of YH4. No, no, no. No, we can't talk about them. They were saying some mean things to Harper. Oh, were they upset? Oh, okay. I don't want Harper to get bullied. We don't want Harper to get bullied. No, it was really bad. Yeah, but I wasn't really scared in that fight.
But Parker was crapping his pants. I was inside the car. I wasn't. It was Connor. I'll say it all. We were all crapping our pants. We were all scared. No, dude. These four giant guys tatted up. And it was me, Parker, Paige, and Connor. Yeah. Collectively, all together, we weighed about 380. Then, collectively, all together...
1,120. That's bad. 380 is wild. It was bad. We were all rocks, man. 380 is not far off. I mean, I weighed one probably at the time, like 120. I mean, at the time, I probably played like 150, 140. 150, probably 150. No, we had four people, then Paige and Connor. Y'all were probably like 420. Y'all weren't much. Right, right. We were probably somewhere around there.
Sounds crazy. Yeah, it is bad. You're just scrolling on TikTok right now. No, there's this really rude... Yeah, she does that a lot. She just ignores the podcast completely. No, there's this really rude TikTok about me. It's like, let me just say I'm the biggest hater and then it's a photo of me. I saw that. I hate the way... I love to comment. I saw it. Thank you. What? You're commenting back to hate comments? No. Your comment only got one like. It was me. And it was her. And it was her.
My comment got 8,899 likes. I said I was so young just to be myself. Look at me now. I can barely even show who I am, let alone get hated on everything. Wait, pause. Your comment got 8,000 likes and Kate's got one. Well, I just said that this morning. Let it cook. Let it cook.
I just said I said something very nice You haven't even gotten her verified yet Kate said you're the Harper You guys are the reason she's scared to be herself Yeah because every time I literally meet with Harper I'm like Harper post videos like yourself And she's like I can't I can't people make fun of me I do sometimes I mean like recently I haven't I just I Cause people make mean videos about you like that Yeah Wait guys what's going on we can't see the phone Yeah It's just a video of her with James Charles Parker I have a question Yeah
So how did you feel with a previous girlfriend of yours when you got her license suspended and then broke up with her right after? Oh, yeah. That was the same night at the Missile Silo. What were you feeling in that time period? Why are you laughing? That's a crazy conversation. Yeah, you got her license suspended then broke up with her. I'll tell the story. It's very short, actually. Yeah, we were at McDonald's. This is when Parker's the evil best friend because he just causes everyone else's life to be in shambles. Yeah.
And he just recovers. If you guys ever meet Parker, he'll get you in trouble and he will cause your life to fall apart. Oh, we're kidding, Parker. Hey, ever since you met me, your life is actually on the uphill, all right? Really? Think about it. You started the podcast since you met me. I met you like seven years ago. No. I have something to do with this, right? I started the podcast seven months ago. Well, that's a great question. And to answer your question...
Were you planning on breaking up with her, or did the guilt eat you alive and you had to break up with her after that? No, nothing to do with the guilt. We were all out again. Again, every time that something happens, it's because of cash. We stayed out past curfew, and then that was actually a misdemeanor. Did you get charged for that? We did not get charged for it, and the reason being was...
Oh, it's because I was under 18. And when you're under 18, you have the option. And you can't drink alcohol. Oh, I wrote a letter. I wrote a letter to the police officer. You guys didn't have to because you were over 18. I think you were 17 at the time. I wrote a letter to the police officer. And I said, hey, I'm so sorry. No, I didn't have to because I didn't get pulled over. Oh, you didn't get pulled over. It was Paige and I. You know why you got pulled over? It was Paige and myself.
Do you remember why? Wait, guys, this is what I'm saying. The story's confusing again. Y'all have such an eventful life compared to me. Okay, you have to... You guys are in two separate cars. Yeah. We were in two separate cars. This all plays into what Kate just asked me. We were in two separate cars, Connor and Cash, and then Paige, myself, and my ex-girlfriend. Like, listen. We were in two cars driving down the road, 1 a.m. Parker sticks his head out the window like...
His whole body. His whole upper torso. Because I was looking at Cash and them waving like, hey. In the passenger seat. A cop going down the highway. Cop pulls in. No, no, not the highway. We were just on a side street. And then a cop happened to be right there on the next block. And we were like, oh, no. And so cop pulls this over and they said, hey, you're out past curfew. We were like, oh, we didn't realize there was a curfew. And so then I lived by myself in L.A. at the time. And I couldn't technically legally do that because I was under 18.
And so I had to, my parents, I had to call my parents and my parents gave Connor's mom legal rights to me for 24 hours so that she could get me out of the situation. So I went home with her and my ex-girlfriend was driving to answer your question. So her license actually did not end up getting suspended. And I didn't end up getting a charge because I ended up writing a letter to the police officer saying, I'm so sorry, I would never do this again. But I
But I ended up breaking up with her because I just kind of fell out of feelings. We only dated for three months and it wasn't a very serious relationship. Dude, I couldn't even date for three months. Like, I can't hold a relationship. But you're 15. I can't.
relationship. Have you ever been in a relationship? Mm-hmm. Are you in one now? No. Actually, yeah, two. Really? No, you're not. Don't say that. Sorry, that was my favorite line ever. That's a great YouTube short. No, no, I'm not. Wait, actually, two. She's not in two relationships. Actually, no, I actually am. I got two
Do you have multiple boyfriends? No, it's not like that. It's hard to explain on the podcast because I don't know if my mom will see...
Oh, then just don't explain it. Yeah, you don't have to talk about it. Wait, I actually kind of want her to explain them. Well, she can explain it to you after, but she's gotten in trouble before talking about stuff. Really? But think about the viewers. The viewers want to know. Maybe later in life. And I want to know. Well, good news for us is once the cameras stop rolling, we still get to hear about it. But what about things... I'm going to post about it on my TikTok. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Go to Parker. No, but yeah, but like main story...
Okay, have y'all ever snuck out before? Never. No. Never have. We're cool. Would you sneak out? No. Good. I was going to say that'd be crazy. That'd be really bad if you snuck out, dog. No, guys. Okay, so you didn't sneak out. Are y'all trolling me? You did not sneak out. Y'all are trolling him, right? You never snuck out. But Harper, if you were to sneak out, how would you have done it and what would have happened? Not out of my house because my parents, they caught my sister every single time freshman year. But let's say you did sneak out your house.
How would that have happened? Well, I would go through my sister's shower window, go on the roof, climb onto the trash cans, go out of the gate where the cameras aren't showing. And this did not happen? No. This did not happen? You just chased out your entire house for a thief.
Your mom's definitely going to be mad about that one. So all they have to do is jump over the trash cans, climb in through the sister shower's window. And you will avoid all the cameras. My sister shower window is like this big. So it's really, it's like, it's literally. You got to be like 90 pounds. I'm still going to be a small thief.
Okay, so bleep that out. Stop saying that. I hate bleeping things, man. I know. Everyone's been getting mad at us because we've been bleeping stuff, but the only reason we had to start bleeping stuff was because we kept getting in trouble. And you know when y'all bleeped the... Yeah. Yeah. They read my lips and know that I said... Well, just stop saying it. Yeah. Stop saying everything because I don't know what you're saying, but what you're saying, you should probably stop saying. What ended up happening with that beef with the dish truck?
Oh, the diss track beat? We don't have to talk about it. You didn't see the box? The boxing match? The boxing match was so fun. Oh, the other chick didn't want to fight. Yeah. No. That is the truth. Piper, let's
No. Heck yeah. Wait, why no to that? Cash. We can tell you. It started huge, crazy. I mean, I thought it was fine. It was all for fun. It was fun. And then it wasn't. Do you guys know each other? Are you guys friends? Me and Piper? I mean, I have her number, but I think she's like five phones, so I don't know. I think she's just ignoring you, honey. We could always try again. Harper, if you were to fight somebody, who would you fight?
No, Harper don't do that. Harper don't do it. Piper Raquel. No. Coco Quinn. No, no, no. You gotta call out someone good. Yeah, everybody likes Coco Quinn. She's so much prettier than Harper. Like, me. So who's like equal to your relevancy? Maddox Paxton. Maddox Paxton. I would fight him because he's a girl. Female versus male? This is crazy. Maddox, don't take that fight. Don't do it. Maddox, you'll lose no matter what. See me personal?
on my side because they don't like Maddox because he gets all the girls. No, Maddox is a lose-lose. If you hit the girl and you lose, you lose. All the girls want Maddox, so Maddox, let's fight. Do you want Maddox to come on the podcast? Because I see all the comments section and they want Maddox to come on the podcast and you two to talk. I don't think he wants to. You know, real quick, I do find it crazy that people listen to you guys just sit here and talk for hours. Yo, bro, what the f*** is this supposed to mean, man? Is there really an audience for this? Yeah!
I get it. It's a fun conversation, but is it really that entertaining, guys? Well, it's normal. Yeah, it's the last time we have you on, man. It's better when you're not here. I'll tell you that. Well, I'm also saying this because I've never been on a podcast before. It is better with no guests on here. We are very selective about guests, honestly. Do you guys do a full Spotify show? Yeah.
Yeah. Really? Yeah, you guys should go follow us on Spotify. It's the LOL podcast because our rankings are going down on Spotify. So you should go follow us. Yeah, we're only top 30 now. If Maddox came on the podcast, y'all don't know how good I would be looking that day. What was that? No, my makeup will be all done because I don't usually do my makeup in the pod. I am literally on the heart.
the Harper and Maddox until I die. It's not that I like him. I would just do it. You just have to look good. It's not that you like him. And also, like... I'll tell you what, I ain't doing my makeup better for Maddox, I'll tell you that. Yeah, he wears concealer. Not anymore. Yeah, you guys did. I've seen both Dash and Maverick wear concealer. We'd go out one day and they're like, gotta put my makeup on.
What? Okay, that's very exaggerated. That's true. I had bad acne. I had an acne issue. I did too. I never wore makeup. Look at your face, little pretty boy. You ain't got nothing on there. Look at Alexis' face. You know what's crazy about that? I don't even have a... Yeah, he does have a good face. I know. Alexis' face is amazing. I don't even have a skin coverage, and I literally just do water on my face and say, all right, that's good. Wow, that must be so nice. It is nice. Thank you. I'm so happy for you. You know, we're...
Saying we normally don't do them without guests. We've had probably about, I don't know, six or seven guests on. And I think you'll probably be the audience's favorite guest so far. Probably. Really? What makes you say that? The other ones weren't good. That is not true. Maybe next time I come, you guys will pay for my flight.
No. No. That's what you do for a good game. We do for all the other guests. That's not me. Let's see. Right now we've had on Kalani from Dance Moms. Kalani. Paige. Harley. Chick-fil-A girl. Preston Plays. Preston Plays.
Parker. Pretty much it. Comment down below. The Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. Comment down below who your favorite podcast guest was. Yeah, everybody comment down below. And who you want to have next. And do you want Parker to stay? Yeah, do you guys want Parker on more episodes? When we started this podcast, I thought I was going to be just a guest for the first one. Really? Yeah. You didn't know you were...
Wow, she did not know anything because there was a percentage discussed before we started filming. I want to make a TikTok that will go viral and that makes me go viral even more. Okay, do it. But what should I do? Throw up. No, no, no, no. That would do it. It has to be something like the fight between me and Piper, but like bigger and better and no fighting. Yeah, I feel that.
So you're trying to get canceled. No, it's not that. You can start screaming at Parker for no reason and just say a bunch of mean things. No, no, no, no, no, no. That would be really good. To put me in the good light, the other person in the bad light. Oh, good light doesn't work. Okay. Wait, other person in the bad light. What the heck? Yellow. Did you just answer your phone? No. Well, I'm here. Well, I'm here. Ron, when you were on speaker on the podcast, just so you know. That's awesome.
Your garage is open, just FYI. Oh great, that's awesome. All you have to do is sneak through the garage. Oh, by the way, just so you know, your daughter is sneaking out of the house through the shower window over the trash can so the security cameras don't see her. No, I actually swear I'm not. Oh, this guy is so funny.
You're definitely getting grounded. Oh, you're done for. No, Mom. I was talking about that one time with Reese and her guy friends that snuck into the house. No, she specifically said, if I'm going to sneak out, this is how I'm going to do it. Yeah, but... I would just put a camera up by the trash can in the window. But my mom wakes up very easily and my dog would bark, and so I can't risk that. Listen, I would just move the trash can.
Move the trash can. And I would re-angle the security cameras. I'm going to put a special lock on that window. Good call. There we go. Okay, bye, Mom. Okay, bye. Wait, you guys know, I actually... Parker, I can't believe you threw her under the bus. That was crazy. That was crazy. Is your mom not going to watch the podcast? No. No! Oh, sorry. You know what's crazy?
I think you were everyone's favorite guest, but now I don't know. No, that was great. Harper's never going to be on the podcast again. No, no, no. The Harper defenders are not going to like it. No, guys, I don't know what to say because I actually never snuck out of the house, but only in sixth grade and I toilet papered my friend's house as a joke and I got grounded. It happens. It was literally like 10.
like 10 at night. You know what's actually, have you ever toilet papered a non-friend's house? Yeah. Really? You've actually toilet papered a house? Yes. Wait, was that like an enemy's house or a random stranger? Enemy. An enemy? Enemy. Wasn't one of those evil friends like him? And then I got back, yeah. Oh, so as long as it's your friend, but they're evil. And then I got it back and then it rained and then it... Oh, that's bad. I feel so bad. I did that one time to a random too and then the person that opened the door was very, it was a sad thing. Yeah, one time instead of...
I don't sneak out. Like, what's it tell? Like, my, I, cause, it was one time my mom, or Reese, like, snuck in these guys, um, with her friend, and like, So you just throw your sister under the bus now? Yeah. Trying to save your own skin. Do your parents know this? What? Do your parents know this? Yes, they do. Oh, okay, okay. Does Reese want this said? Probably not. Let's not. Sorry, Reese. Um,
We should have Reese on the pod. We should. Yeah. We should. You're the one that never wanted us to have her on the pod. Now I do. I'm glad you're opening up. Yeah. One time instead of toilet paper in someone's house, Katie. No, no, no, no, no, no. What? No, no, no. I'm serious. Please don't say that. Did you egg somebody's house? I don't want to. We have to say it. No, no, no. You were a bully, weren't you? Oh, wait. Is it because they don't know who did it? Yeah. Oh. Oh. We still haven't
No, I'm serious. No, no, no. No, guys, I'm serious. I don't want to talk about that. What? I don't want to talk about it. Okay. I'm being very serious. I don't want to talk about it.
But it was five years ago. I don't care. I'm not talking about it. Five years is a long time. It is a long time. I probably will never talk about it on the internet. I think it's okay. No, I'm not going to. After? Okay, well, we won't say whose it was. We're just going to talk about the time. No, because it's very obvious. It's a very obvious thing we did. It's like no one else does this. No. No. It was not that. Oh. I don't know what it is. Okay, now we got to...
Matt, can you stop blabbering things? Everyone in the audience, everyone in the comments is like,
Please stop bleeping things. I hate to bleep. And you guys make us bleep everything, man. Did you guys not just cut this part out? No. It just gets bleeped. No, we just bleep it. And we just bleep it. And that couch is always the bleeping couch. And it still is because all three of you had said things that need bleeped. Hey. Sorry. Let's go. Wait, I don't think I have. Yes, you did. I said I think we should for the sake of him. I mean, just to not put somebody else down. You know, you say gossiping is not good. Guys, bleep this. And move.
I don't think you gotta worry about that. That sounds like a bleep already. That was mean. It's a joke. What the? I'm thinking about leaving now. You should leave. Yeah. You should leave. No, my
I was getting flashbacks from that one time. I didn't say anything. Microphones? You guys never talk into y'all's microphones, man. Y'all know how to use a microphone? I talk into my microphone all the time. Dude, my mom's actually going to think that I sneak out of the house. Yeah, you should probably go fix that. Parker's going to have to have a conversation with your mom now after the pod. Like, listen. Hi, Ms. Bronwyn. She doesn't sneak out of the house. Sorry, Harper fans. I was just joking. Yeah. Crazy. My mom was actually concerned. Should I call her again?
Maybe I should. No, it's fine. Okay, okay. You can just tell her after. Wow, you can be talked in and out of things so easily. You can. You were about to just dial up a kid and go, I don't know, and you go, okay, never mind. I'm going to actually call her. I'm not joking. No, I don't have to. Oh, wait, no, you really don't need to. Who's the boy that's Snapchatting you? I don't know. Why don't we open that Snapchat? You don't even know. Tell her she's on the pod. Yeah, you're on the pod.
Harper sneaks out of the house. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Mom, I want to tell you I do not sneak out of the house. Okay. I don't.
I'm going to talk to your sister about this. I was kidding. We were just joking. Okay, all right. No, Mom. Mom, seriously. I don't know. It sounds like she believes you. You're fine. No, she doesn't. We asked if you were to sneak out of your house, how would you do it? And then I said the way that those boys sneaked in one time. Not you. Well, that makes sense.
Okay. I don't think she was worried in the first place. Yeah, I think you're really... Yes, she was. She was like, no, no. I feel like you're stressing, Harper. You're not in trouble. You can hang out. You're good, Harper. But you said, let's have a conversation with your sister. I'm too tired to be upset with you right now. Well, that's good. That's a freebie. That's a freebie. Great. Now tell her everything bad you've done. All right, guys. Let's open a Snapchat real fast. Real fast, real fast. Oh. Oh, what's on my camera? Wait, are you Snapchatting someone?
Whoa, that's a lot of dudes. That's a lot of dudes on Snapchat. Wow. Wait, I want to see.
What did y'all's Snapchats look like when you were 15? So many dudes on Snapchat right now. I did not have that many dudes. Dude, it just keeps going. Cash, it keeps going forever. She's still going. Are they all opened? Let's open a couple. Oh, fine. Oh, my heart thumb is moving fast right now. Scroll it. Okay. I don't. Oh. Oh. Blake can't wait for summer. Blake can't wait for summer. Whatever that means. Let's narrate her Snapchat. Let me go.
Oh, Blake streaks. Okay. Now, now what do we say? Same. Nickelodeon. Wait, did you ever like get to do the cool thing with the wand? That's Disney channel. Yeah, that's Disney channel. How did you ever wish you could be, would you ever go on Disney channel after doing
Absolutely. Yeah, because I never sign anything that says it's like a non-compete. You know, growing up, my goal was always to be on Nickelodeon or Disney Channel. Either or. I like both. Just Nickelodeon happened to be the one that picked me up. Yeah. And so fortunately, my goals came true. So dreams do come true, but only if you plan it. All right, guys. Thank you so much for watching. Peace out, bro. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Try to break out. Peace out, bro. Shaka. Shaka.