RQ Original Feed Drop – Neon Inkwell: Broken Hearted Monsters
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Hi everyone, it's Shahan here. Today we are sharing the first episode of a brand new series on Rusty Quill's Neon Inkwell podcast feed, Broken Hearted Monsters. Classic horror meets joyful, bittersweet road trip dramas in this series about grief and acceptance.

After Dr. Frankenstein is killed by an errant bolt of lightning, his estranged creature, Frank, must travel to his former home for the funeral. Frank, not wanting to face the bitter reality of an unresolved relationship, chooses instead to use it as an excuse to plan the ultimate road trip across America and inviting his ex-boyfriend Dracula along for the ride. The wounds from their breakup are still fresh as they make their way across country, stopping at mundane tourist traps, eating at tacky diners, and dissecting their former romance. The good and

and the bad. Before they reach their destination and a monstrous family reunion, Frank and Dracula have 2,000 miles, nine states, and a whole lot to unpack. Brokenhearted Monsters is releasing weekly now on the Neon Inkwell podcast feed. To listen, search for Neon Inkwell wherever you listen to podcasts, click the link in the show notes, or visit RustyQuill.com. Have fun and enjoy the episode. Rusty Quill presents Brokenhearted Monsters, Episode 1, and Romance.

Wow, I guess 5:30 on Monday is a bad time to start a road trip. It is alright. Just put on your podcast and take deep breaths. Who needs podcasts when we've got each other? Put on the podcast. Come on Dracula, we haven't talked in months. That is how breakups work. Yeah, totally.

So, see any good movies? Read any good books? Date any cute guys? Let us get something clear. I am here to deliver you to your evil dad's funeral, and then I am on the first plane back to L.A. We are not discussing my personal life, we are not on a romantic getaway, and we are not, under any circumstances, getting back together.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I was just making casual conversation. You were making a casual incursion into a part of my life you are banned from. Okay, we are not there yet. Message received loud and clear. Personally, I'm doing great.

Been hitting the gym, meditating, going to therapy. You know, I think he really needed this time alone to find out who Frank is. You have been going to therapy? Well, I've been listening to a podcast about therapy, so, you know, I get it. Okay. Is she letting us go? I do not think she's looking at us. How am I supposed to tell? She's wearing the biggest sunglasses I've ever seen. Frank, don't. Ma'am! Ma'am!

Are you letting us go? Frank, you are going to tip the car. She was not. Well, she is now. Everyone is.

Oh, I knew this was a mistake.

Ignore him.

Why don't we put the top up for a bit? You know, like I suggested before we left? Why would we rent a convertible and keep the top up? I don't know, Frank. Why would you rent a convertible? Oh, just because of a little thing called the Great American Road Trip? This is not a road trip. What do you call driving across nine states in a convertible? The biggest mistake of my life. Oh, there's an opening!

Yes, all you have to be hearing is your... What am I talking about? It's a war of attrition, baby. We are getting there. Look...

When you asked me to come on this trip, I thought it would be less vacation and more processing. Because of the dead dad thing? Yes, Frank. Because of the dead dad thing. Right. Um, I don't know if I'm emotionally there yet, babe. I'll definitely be ready to talk about it after the funeral, though. I am not staying for the funeral, Frank.

If you want a shoulder to cry on, it is here, now. Once we get to Pennsylvania... Yeah, yeah, I get it. First flight back to L.A. It's a real pity that you're gonna miss the Carnival of Souls, though. I do not want to go to your family's weird funeral party. I want you to get this stuff out in the open so you do not explode like an atom bomb when you get there. Okay, okay. Can we get out of the city first? We've got 2,000 miles of open road ahead of us.

I don't want to blow through all the juicy stuff in the first hour. Sure. When you are ready, I am here. You still have not told me how your dad died. I haven't? Your dad is dead, right? Oh, yeah. Super dead. Not undead. Or technically dead because he transferred his brain into a fresh corpse. No. No.

I made sure it wasn't that before I rented the car. I swear, if I walk into that funeral and there is a head in a jar making shitty comments about the way I dress, I will never speak to you again. No, no, no, no, no. He's like very dead in a totally regular way. Like a heart attack or a stroke? Yeah, something like that. Something like that.

I am so sorry. I am so sorry. Oh, Frank. Oh.

Really, Dracula? Did you find something funny about the way my dad died? No. Polishing the big round knob on the end of his lightning rod. Stop! This is serious. I am serious. You're the one who's laughing, babe. You know what you're doing. Look, I get that I'm supposed to feel bad about this, but I haven't spoken to him in years. This has literally no effect on my life. Frank. No, honestly. I just...

I just feel bad for mom. She had to put up with his miserable ass for all these years and now she has to plan the dude's funeral. That sounds like hell. How is she holding up? You know mom. No, I do not, Frank. In six years of dating we never met. Really? That doesn't sound right. I would be inclined to agree. I don't know.

I love mom, but she's always been weird about dad stuff. It sounds like she's thrown herself whole ass into carnival prep. Ah, the ancient art of avoidance has been passed down through the generations. She's from a different generation. They're not as, you know, emotionally mature as you and... Monkey Rick. You're jerking my stitches, but yeah, I've really grown thanks to Monkey Rick and the Mind Jungle. Oh, yeah, yeah.

How is your brother, Frank? Hey! Look, it's Rosemary's. Yep, there it is. God, we haven't been there in years. Should we... Absolutely not. Come on. You love Rosemary's. I do not love it. It was just a dark place to go during the day. The floors were sticky and the bartender called me Ichabod. Yeah, we had some good times on those sticky floors. Drinking beer, shooting pool...

Not a worry in the world. I do not drink beer, I do not play pool, I worry constantly. Camilla rigged the jukebox so we could keep using the same dirty old quarter over and over again. And Wolfie would sit on that thing playing the Goo Goo Dolls on repeat until someone tore him away. Yeah, the dog man loves the goo.

Hey, remember the weekend we spent wallpapering the bathrooms with your old anime books? How could I forget? You got through half a wall before I realized you were tearing up my prized collection of Vampire Prince Crybaby. Well, in my defense... Do not say it. Babe, all your horny vampire mangas look the same. Do you really want to re-litigate this argument?

Do you remember who won last time? I remember we agreed floor piles wasn't a cool way to organize a book collection. Well, I remember someone spent the next six months trolling yard sales in the boonies to replace them. Sounds like a grand romantic gesture to me. It was a little bit romantic.

Though half of them were in Italian. Ah, and you speak Italian? Yes, but vampire seduction has a distinctly unpleasant flavor when read in Italian. Oh, okay. Yeah, that actually makes a lot of sense. You see the old gang much? Camilla? Wolfman? The creature from the Puce Lagoon? Not really. I was indulging in some post-breakup wallowing for a while. I was not in the mood for friends. Yeah? Yeah.

Wow.

I don't think I knew that. There are many things you don't know about me. I don't think that's true. It is. I can't believe I never clocked you as exes though. What? I bet you all look cute together. All gothic and moody and pale like a couple of haunted dolls. Gods, no. Camilla and I never... She was my business partner.

Ah, forbidden love. Stop it. It was a purely transactional agreement. She wanted to live forever, and I needed an accountant who would not die every 50 years. And are all Transylvanian accountants six foot four beautiful goth women? God, Frank. Camilla is like a daughter to me. Well, a daughter probably would have, you know, invited you to her wedding. Wow. Look, Frank.

All I'm saying is, everyone misses you, Dracula. Okay, well, whose fault is that? Wait, what? Nothing. Please, can we stop talking about this? They're your friends too. Just because we're- Frank! Please! Fine. Thank you. Sweet baby Satan, I am hungry. You hungry? I ate before we left. Alright, well, you let me know if you need to pull over and grab one of your capri-sons from the trunk.

Frank? I am fine.

You've downshifted three shades of pale since I picked you up. I said I'm fine. I just have a bit of a headache from the sun. Oh yeah! I'm so glad you still had the Dreadlord's Ring. I spent an entire paycheck on this beaut, and it would've sucked if we couldn't pop that top and let loose. You know I'm not really meant to wear this thing every day. Yeah, I know. It's for special occasions. Emergencies. Think of this as an emotional emergency.

Is it? Is it what? Is this an emotional emergency, Frank? Is that why I'm here? I... I didn't... It is okay. Gas station! We need fuel. We need to stop at the gas station. We are 20 minutes outside the city? Yeah, yeah, but this thing is a real gas guzzler.

Oh, Frank. I will get the snacks.

What do you want? You don't have to do that. I think dead dad stuff is worth a couple of bag of chips. What do you want? Okay. I could get used to this dead dad stuff. Can I get a big thing of iced tea and sharing bag of blastos? Flavor? Uh, the limited edition Stevie Nicks edge of jalapeno, if they have it. Speakeasy chutney if they don't. Yeah. Thanks, Dracula. No problem, Frank.

Keep it together, Dracula. You're not falling for that meathead again. Could I get a pack of Stoker Blues as well, please? Anything for you. Well, look who it is.

I don't want any trouble, dude. Should've thought about that before you cut me off. I'm sorry. Is that what you want to hear? I'm sorry a very normal thing happened to you in your car and you let it ruin your day. My day's going fine. I'm having a great day. Your day though? It's not looking good, body bag.

Look, I am not who you think I am. No, dude, you totally are. I can feel it in the pit of my soul. Clearly you are going through something and you need help, but I am not that person. Please, it hurts all the time. Take your hand off me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just, maybe work on not being so miserable all the time, dude. You know, for all of us. You will get used to it.

Come on, man! That's not funny! I said I was sorry! That's my dead ma's car! Uh... Dracula. I-I can explain. We have to go. Nobody's going anywhere until I get somebody's insurance. Shut up! What's going on? Get in the car. I will explain later. Have you tried therapy? Or maybe getting a dog? Who's that? Nobody. Car. Hey! You can't just flee the scene!

You! Call the police! You should check out Monkey World as hard! What? They're getting away? Sorry, dude. Can't call the cops on the dragon. What? You're smoking? Yep. But you worked so hard to quit. Yes, um, after the breakup I, uh, kind of fell off the wagon. Which wagon?

You know, all of them. Oh. Oh, okay. So you've been drinking? Drinking, siring, just sort of doing the whole thing. The whole thing? Mm-hmm. So that lady was one of your... Probably. Probably? It has been a bit of a blur. A lot of shirtless twinks in dark and alleyways, you know? Oh, okay.

After we broke up, I... After you broke up with me. After you punched a hole in my kitchen wall. Yeah. That night, when you left, I sat on the kitchen floor and stared at the wall for hours. No tears, no anger. Just before we met, I had been alone for decades. I was used to being alone. It was actually quite comforting. Like an armor of silence. But when you left,

And the loneliness returned. It felt different. It felt cold and dangerous. And I needed to feel anything other than that feeling. So, I started making friends. Cheap, disposable friends that could not reject me. Camilla? Pusey? Wolfie? They were your friends. They're your friends too, Dracula. They care about you. They miss you. They're worried about you. I know.

They are good people, but they will always be your friends first. I could not face them after everything that happened. All of them have been... Can we not do this right now? Please. Okay. So why did you agree to come on this road trip with me? I don't know. Maybe I am not exactly operating with deliberate intent at the moment. Well, I guess that makes two of us. Yeah? Yeah. Asking you to come with me was crazy. But I wanted to, so I did.

Maybe it was a stupid and selfish thing to do, but I'm starting to think through some sort of mystical alignment of spiritual woo-woo, it was like the only right thing to do. God, I wish I had your brain sometimes. Well, you got it, babe. For the duration of this trip, my brain is yours.

You help me get to the dead dad thing without freaking out and running away, and I stop you from creating an army of svelte shadow twinks. It's a perfect symbiotic relationship. I would not go so far as to call the situation perfect, but I guess it makes some kind of messed up sense. Yeah. Frank, are you sure? I've never been more sure about anything in my life, babe. Okay.

In that case, I think I would like to go to the funeral with you. Oh, you don't have to. No, I want to. It is not about you. I need to meet your family. You owe that to me after six years of dating. Okay.

Anything for you, babe. Oh, and Frank? Yes, Dracula? We are putting the goddamn top up so I can take this goddamn ring off. Oh, yeah, oh yeah, of course, of course. I have got an abyssal migraine so wide you could squeeze an elder god through it. I'm on it, I'm on it. You know, Dracula, I'm really glad I asked you to come with me. Me too, Frank. Me too. Uh, did I see you flip a car over back there?

Broken Hearted Monsters is a Neon Inco podcast distributed by Rusty Quill and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Sharealike 4.0 International License. This series is written and created by Shane and Morgan Ormond and script consultation and directing by Amani Zardoni.

This episode was edited by Nico Vitesse, Catherine Seaton, Tessa Vroom, Meg McKellar, and Catherine Brunella, with music from Nico Vitesse. It featured Kai Partenia as Dracula, Marcus Bobisic as Frank, Evelyn McCauley as Esme, Alistair Caddo as Perfy, Beth Ayr as Camilla, with additional voices from Ash Kelly, Ted Hazard, Paul Kondarian, Philomena Sherwood, Shahan Hamza, and Karim Krumflin.

Neon Inkwell is produced by April Sumner with executive producer Alexander J. Newell and showrunner Elizabeth Monger. To subscribe, view associated materials, or join our Patreon, visit RustyQuill.com. Rate and review us online, tweet us at TheRustyQuill, visit us on Facebook, or email us at mail at TheRustyQuill.com. Thanks for listening.

Find the next episode of Broken Hearted Monsters on the Neon Inkwell podcast feed, which you can find wherever you listen to podcasts, linked in the description or on RustyQuill.com. Thanks for listening.

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