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cover of episode How To Help Anyone In Your Life Who’s Struggling - Fantastic Strategies From A Yale-Educated Psychologist

How To Help Anyone In Your Life Who’s Struggling - Fantastic Strategies From A Yale-Educated Psychologist

2023/5/18
logo of podcast The Mel Robbins Podcast

The Mel Robbins Podcast
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Lisa Damour
Topics
Lisa Damour: 心理学家评估心理健康关注两点：情绪是否符合情境，以及情绪是否得到良好管理。心理健康不等于感觉良好，而是指情绪与现实情况相符且得到良好管理。青春期始于11岁，因为这时青春期发育已经开始。很多人无法区分“不舒服”和“无法掌控”的区别，而区分这两者很重要，因为不舒服是生活的一部分。心理健康意味着情绪与生活中的事件相符，而并非总是感觉良好。负面情绪（悲伤、焦虑、愤怒等）在适当情境下出现是心理健康的表现，而非疾病。区分正常情绪和需要关注的情绪的关键在于，情绪是否妨碍了生活。判断情绪问题严重程度的两个标志：情绪是否影响生活功能，以及应对机制是否代价高昂。帮助陷入困境的人的关键在于承认他们的应对机制有效，并以此为基础解决问题，避免冲突。与有自我伤害倾向的人沟通时，应认可其痛苦并支持其寻求帮助的一面，避免冲突。与有不良行为的青少年沟通时，应先认可其行为的有效性，再引导其寻找更健康的应对方式。帮助青少年改变不良行为的关键在于指出其当前行为无效，并引导其寻找替代方案。女生倾向于通过讨论来应对压力，男生倾向于通过转移注意力来应对压力，这两种方式都有其优缺点，关键在于避免走极端。帮助无法放下痛苦经历的人，应建议他们暂时停止谈论，待情绪平复后再讨论。青少年将负面情绪倾泻给亲近的人是正常现象，称为“外部化防御机制”。寻求专业帮助的时机是当家庭尝试的应对方法无效时。寻找青少年心理治疗师时，儿科医生是不错的资源。 Mel: 作为成年人，我们对青少年的角色是提供稳定的存在感，给予同理心和支持。

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Chapters
Dr. Lisa Damour explains the difference between mental health as perceived by the public and how psychologists assess it, emphasizing that distress is a normal part of being mentally well.
  • Mental health does not mean feeling good or calm all the time.
  • Psychologists assess mental health by looking at whether emotions fit the circumstance and are managed well.
  • Distress is a sign of mental well-being if it is an appropriate response to a situation.

Shownotes Transcript

I am thrilled to share this conversation with you. It is packed with practical strategies that will help the people in your life who may be struggling. 

 

Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist and author of three New York Times bestsellers.  She earned degrees from both Yale and the University of Michigan and has more than 30 years of experience working with teens and families.

 

Her latest book, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, has been nothing short of life changing.

 

Today you will learn…

 

-five words you need to know when someone you love is struggling

-the signs that tell you when someone is “costly coping”

-what to say that will prevent a conversation from turning into a battle

-why your kids dump all their emotional garbage on you

-when it’s time for a therapist

-why struggles are signs of being “mentally WELL”!

 

I started using Dr. Lisa’s strategies with my family the moment we finished recording this episode. They work! 

 

You will leave this episode full of the resources you deserve. Plus, you’re going to love Dr. Damour (and how hopeful she makes you feel) as much as I do. 

 

Xo Mel 

 

And if you need to take the reins in your own life, sign up for my free Take Control) mini-course to get inspiring support, guidance, and motivation.

 

In this episode, you’ll learn: 

  • 4:00: Two things psychologists look for when assessing mental health.
  • 5:15: Too many people are not distinguishing between these qualities.
  • 6:15: When exactly IS adolescence?
  • 8:30: We’ve had the wrong idea about what it means to be mentally healthy.
  • 12:45: What’s the difference between a “normal” reaction vs one to be concerned about?
  • 15:10: Do you know someone who is managing by “costly coping.”
  • 16:45: So how do you help your kid?
  • 20:00: This is how you don’t turn a conversation with your child into a fight.
  • 24:00: Take these steps when it’s time to confront your teen.
  • 27:30: Here’s how I wish I’d handled Chris’s depression differently.
  • 30:20: Let’s look at the difference in emotions between genders.
  • 34:15: How do you help people in your life who just can’t let it go?
  • 39:00: Do your kids do this, too? It’s called the “defense of externalization.”
  • 41:40: This is how my own mother set me straight.
  • 44:00: How do you know when it’s time to get a therapist involved?
  • 46:30: Can’t find a therapist for your child? Use this resource.
  • 48:00: Here’s how the lockdown impacted our kids. 
  • 54:30: When are suicide thoughts normal and when are they concerning?
  • 58:00: What happened to our nervous system during this time?
  • 1:00:00: These are the concerns of Dr. Damour that we should watch for.
  • 1:01:30: When do healthy habits become an obsession?
  • 1:08:15: How do you let kids have emotions without letting them run the home?
  • 1:14:00: Here is the most important thing you can offer your teen.

 

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