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cover of episode Outsmart a Narcissist: A Proven 4-Step Plan to Take Your Power Back

Outsmart a Narcissist: A Proven 4-Step Plan to Take Your Power Back

2023/11/20
logo of podcast The Mel Robbins Podcast

The Mel Robbins Podcast

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Rebecca Zung
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Mel Robbins: 本期节目的目标是帮助听众学习如何应对生活中的自恋型人格障碍者,例如父母、前任、老板等,并保持自身力量和理智。重点不在于结束关系,而在于学习策略和工具,以便在与自恋型人格障碍者相处时占据主动地位。 Rebecca Zung: 自恋型人格障碍者并非真的自我感觉良好,而是内心空虚,需要从外部获取价值感。他们通过贬低他人来提升自我价值感,但这种需求永无止境。自恋型人格障碍者主要分为三种类型:夸大性、隐蔽性和恶性自恋型。夸大性自恋型容易辨认,而隐蔽性自恋型则更具危险性,他们善于伪装,表面友善,内心充满愤怒和嫉妒。恶性自恋型则具有极强的破坏性。自恋型人格障碍是童年创伤导致的结果,创伤会影响大脑发育,造成情绪调节障碍。童年持续的压力和创伤会导致大脑发育迟缓,特别是负责情绪调节的边缘系统,从而造成自恋型人格障碍。自恋型人格障碍者容易被一些刺激因素触发,这些因素可能是言语的或非言语的。他们具有“分裂”现象,看待事物非黑即白。当他们被触发时,他们的边缘系统会接管大脑,导致他们做出伤害自己或他人的行为,事后可能不记得或不在乎。“自恋供给”是指任何能满足自恋型人格障碍者自我膨胀感的东西,分为“钻石级”和“煤炭级”两种。“爱炸弹”是自恋型人格障碍者在关系初期表现出的过度热情和关注,目的是迅速掌控对方。贬低阶段是自恋型人格障碍者关系中的第二个阶段,表现为热情消退、说谎、操纵等。抛弃阶段是自恋型人格障碍者关系中的第三个阶段,关系结束,可能会出现诽谤等行为。在抛弃阶段,只有三种选择:留下来、迎合对方或反击。为了摆脱自恋型人格障碍者的控制,需要停止一味忍让、自我辩解和过度分享。一些可以用来化解自恋型人格障碍者愤怒的语句包括:“我同意你”、“我同意这是你的观点”、“你的情绪不是我的责任”。“SLAY”方法是一个处理自恋型人格障碍者的四步框架,包括战略(Strategy)、杠杆(Leverage)、预期(Anticipate)和自我(You)。制定强大的策略的第一步是明确你的目标。杠杆作用是指创造动力,促使对方与你达成解决方案,这可能包括利用对方的弱点或利用证据。预期是指预测自恋型人格障碍者的行为并提前做好准备。“自我”是指以自信和积极的心态面对自恋型人格障碍者。

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Chapters
Introduction to the topic of narcissism and its prevalence, setting the stage for Rebecca Zung's expertise on identifying and dealing with narcissistic individuals.

Shownotes Transcript

Is it possible to be around narcissistic people and not lose your power? Especially when it's your mom, dad, ex, or boss who’s acting toxic?

Today, Mel is joined by Rebecca Zung, an expert on narcissism and a globally recognized high-conflict negotiator. Rebecca is also a top-ranked trial lawyer who has studied narcissism so that she could win against them in the courtroom. She’s written the playbook, *SLAY the Bully: How to Negotiate with A Narcissist and Win. *

She is here to make the case that you CAN stay in power no matter how toxic the people are around you. And by following her 4-part plan, you can even win when dealing with narcissism.

 

In this conversation, Rebecca discusses topics like:

Narcissism: what is it?

The 3 types of narcissism.

What a covert passive-aggressive narcissist is.

What a malignant narcissist is.

What a grandiose narcissist is.

The link between narcissism and divorce.

The exact phrases that can change the dynamic between you and a narcissist.

The top 3 sentences to disarm a narcissist without causing rage.

Why “cutting off” a narcissist won’t work.

The physical symptoms you can have when dealing with a narcissist.

Why being “the victim” is keeping you trapped.

What narcissistic supply is and why it is so important.

The 2 ways a narcissist gets their “narcissistic supply".

What happens in a narcissistic brain in childhood that flips a switch.

The tie between trauma and narcissism.

What the 4 non-verbal triggers for any narcissist are.

Why a narcissist is just an 8-year-old throwing a tantrum.

The reason why a narcissist actually fears you.

The definition of love bombing and why it’s so addictive.

What the 3 phases of a narcissistic relationship are.

How you can be physiologically addicted to a ‘love bomber’ (it’s as addictive as cocaine).

What narcissistic rage is and why it happens.

What your 3 options are in a relationship with a narcissist.

What happens when you become the focus of narcissistic rage.

What those passive-aggressive or back-handed comments mean to a narcissist.

What triangulation is, and how to protect yourself.

The biggest myth about narcissists.

The real reason why narcissists string you along.

The 4-step process to getting your power back from a narcissist.

The $2M apology.

What to do when a narcissist is raging at you.

When it's okay to tell a narcissist what they need to hear.

The 3 things to stop doing now in a narcissistic relationship.

How to respond to an accusatory email at work.

What you need to know about negotiating with a narcissist.

Why saying “I’m anticipating…” disarms any narcissist.

The first boundary you need to create with a narcissist.

What to look for as signs that you are dating, engaged to, or married to a narcissist.

 

You can purchase Rebecca’s book, ‘SLAY the Bully: How to Negotiate with a Narcissist and Win’, here: https://a.co/d/bLWp5YZ)

 

Follow Rebecca Zung:

Instagram: instagram.com/rebeccazung)

Webpage: rebeccazung.com)

Watch the episodes on YouTube: https://bit.ly/45OWCNr)

Check out my book,* The High 5 Habit*: https://a.co/d/g1DQ8Pt)

Follow me:

Instagram: https://bit.ly/3QfG8bb)

The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram: https://bit.ly/49bg4GP)

LinkedIn: https://bit.ly/46Mh0QB)

TikTok: https://bit.ly/46Kpw2v)

Sign up for my newsletter: https://bit.ly/46PVnPs )

Want more resources? Go to my podcast page at melrobbins.com/podcast).

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