315: Exes
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How have you been? I feel like I haven't seen you in a while. I've been good. You know, it's crazy. This, you know, we're going to do X's today. That's our big recap episode today. And once again, don't remember this episode at all. But man, could not be a more perfect thematic episode for you and I to discuss. Oh, really? Well, because we're on opposite ends of the spectrum.

of our idea. Like when I watch this episode, I'm like, I'm Nick Miller and you are Jack. You think it's possible. And I'm like, no. So I'm very, I got so excited when I was like, oh, this is not just like a show where like an X shows up. This is an episode where they actually deep dive and unpack the whole thing. It was a great episode. What's weird about it. And this is my question for you is that when I went to go look for the script, um,

I couldn't find it because what we shot after the Prince episode was not this. It went straight into Sister and all the Sister ones. So this one, if you notice, story-wise doesn't really tie into anything else that happens during the season. So I don't know when this one was shot, but it was slotted in between Prince and Sister, but it wasn't shot as our 15th episode, if that makes sense.

No, that makes perfect sense. I do remember that. I remember, you know, I mean, we did that a few times. We would shoot out of order. And to make things make sense or to place, you know, some of these non-linear episodes in there, we would just kind of find a place to put them. I wondered if it was like a Linda Cardellini thing where they couldn't get her...

You know what I mean? So they had to bump this one in, then we shot that later, then aired it. But it's funny because you look up 315 script-wise, and its sister is the 315 script, not this one, which is X's.

So I couldn't really do because I was like, I wonder how much like the script change. And I couldn't really look. I couldn't find it because, of course, none of those scripts, like when you look through your emails are titled X's. That's something that would be on the page, but not in like the email. So it's very hard to find anyway. So I don't know. But I did love this episode and like huge guest stars in this episode. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The biggest huge guest stars.

Okay. Well, let's dive in, okay? Let's get into it. I'm excited. I don't even need the banter. I didn't know how you're doing. I don't care today. I want to get into this. I mean, I care. You know I care. I care what you're doing today. I was going to unleash and unload and unburden myself with what has been unburdened by what's unburdened. That's what I was going to do, to be burdened by what's unburdened.

But now I got to keep that burden because you don't want to be burdened with my unburdening. Not today. But you know what? Next week, we'll deal with the burdens. But this week, this is a very... This week, we can do it with Birdie. We can do it with Birdie this week. This is from time. This is a When Harry Met Sally episode. It's an age-old question. And I want to get after it. So let's go. Okay, fine.

In this episode, Hannah, after Nick awkwardly bumps into his ex, Caroline, Jess tries to argue that it's possible for exes to maintain a friendship. Meanwhile, Schmidt, Winston, and Coach get crazy by bringing three girls all back to Schmidt's place at the same damn time. At the same damn time. Leading to a possible sixsome, which is what I hear they do in Montreal all the time. We'll be right back.

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Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome. My name is Paola Pedrosa, a medium and the host of the Ghost Therapy Podcast, where it's not just about connecting with deceased loved ones. It's about learning through them and their new perspective. Join me on the Ghost Therapy Podcast. Whoa, my lights in my living room just flickered.

I'm a little nervous. I'm excited. I'm excited, nervous. You know, I'm a very spiritual person, so I'm like, I'm ready and open. That was amazing. I feel so grateful right now. I got to speak to my great-grandmother, Abuela, and she gave me a lot of really good advice that I'm going to have to really think about. Wow. Okay. That's crazy. Yes, that is accurate.

Listen to the Ghost Therapy Podcast as part of the My Cultura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This episode here, X's, was directed by Alex Hardcastle and written by Nina Pedrad. Now, Alex Hardcastle, imagine Hardcastle being your last name. That's cool. I mean, you're setting some expectations up.

What kind of expectations are you talking about? That you have a castle. That you own a castle. That's very hard. What are you...

Alex Hardcastle, you don't deserve this. And Nina Pedrad, for those of you that don't know, is Nassim's sister. Sister. Nassim Pedrad's sister. Her little sister. Super talented, incredible. That's a crazy family right there. How do you have that many gifted people in the family like that? And gorgeous. Like stunning, gorgeous, talented, wonderful. I dated both of them, so I know. You dated none of them. None of them. Wishful thinking. None of them.

Okay, so Winston, in the beginning, this is the top of the episode, Winston is on his computer. He's in the kitchen applying for the LAPD entrance exam. So we do see more about Winston's career objective here. And then Nick and Jess, they come storming in as one does at the top of every episode. Yeah, sure. They let Winston know that they ran into Nick's ex.

Yeah. At the farmer's market. Yeah. Which was awkward. Which is very, very awkward. Does it happen to you ever? I remember, you know that restaurant Toast that was by my old apartment? Yep. Love that place, by the way. Delicious breakfast. Beverly or Third or one of those two? Beverly. Yeah, yeah. On Third. Third. And it was just like, it was like the, I feel like at least 10 years ago, that was like the breakfast spot. Yeah. And it was right next to my apartment. So I'd always go like walk down and like meet a friend who would have breakfast. And I do remember once.

seeing at a far table an X. And then what happened? I just, no, I just kept it moving. You guys did it at the table? It was like, I'm just kind of like,

I don't know if they saw me. I don't know. It's fine. And I just, I slunk out, man. That was me. I was a slunker. A slunker? You would walk over and be like, what's up? No, I'm not going to. Oh, wait. Were you with? Okay. So when you saw an ex at the table, were they with another woman? No, they were alone. They were reading the newspaper. Were you with? Eating their breakfast. Were you reading the old school newspaper? Did you date a professor? He kind of was a professor.

And Alyssa's Kanye. So you, and then who are you with? Who is I? I don't remember. I don't remember. I was with a friend. I wasn't alone. And then I was just like, I'm going to interrupt the newspaper just to say hi. Like, why? There's no why for the hi. Bye. Okay, well, if you guys weren't friendly. I turned into Dr. Zeus. That's how nervous I am even talking about this. There's no why for the hi. Bye. What am I doing? Hannah, that's so childish of you. We haven't even gotten to the episode. I'm short-circuiting. Yeah, you're on another level today. What?

Okay. I just have to say the Damon line where he says you can't spell sex without the X and does the thrust. Definitely not scripted. No thrust was scripted. No, you can't script a thrust. I don't think you're allowed to do that. You can't script a thrust. So funny. My favorite though in that flashback was when Nick

threw himself back onto that table. He's so awkward. He's so awkward. Just to get out of the conversation. Yeah, you could just be like, peace, you know, I'm about to go on labor or something and just walk away. On labor. Say something believable. Do something believable. My baby's on the way. I will say my funniest thing I saw at the cold open, I don't know if you remember this, is when Max is trying to like pull your hand in the scene. Yeah. Right. And it's on your back.

You're just openly laughing at him. He obviously had done it so many times and now been yanking at you that you were just... I love that so much that we know each other so well that I'm like, oh, this is Lamorne, just...

That's Lamorne's body laughing. This has nothing to do with Winston right now. I wanted it to be like in threes. I wanted him to like, he had done it in a couple of takes where, but they only use the one where he lifts my hand, he lifts my hand and it falls and makes that sound. And he does, I want him to do it again. He's falling and making that sound. When I watched it, I thought that was a take they were going to use, but they didn't use that one. But anyway. So funny. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are we? Okay. Man, now they dive into the conversation. Winston says he's still friends with all his ex's families. Yes. This is just weird now. He sends Shelby's dad a Father's Day card. He sends Winston five bucks on his birthday. I will say this. I remember going home one Christmas and finding out from my stepmom that my ex-boyfriend from college and her...

Would email at Christmas, like, Merry Christmas. Your ex-boyfriend from college and your stepmom? What? She's like, what are you doing? I'm married. And I'm like, oh, you guys just have a friendship now. Okay, all right. Your current stepmom? Yeah.

no she's passed oh but like i didn't know what you're talking about yeah i was like wait what yeah i know my son-in-law you know was she's in my life for 30 years but she's passed now but i remember going home whatever it was 10 years ago and she was just like i don't know how his name came up and she's like oh yeah i just heard from him he's doing great and we were like how would you know she's like christmas we send each other a little note and i'm like what

I had a horrible joke, but she's passed and I don't want to say it. Don't make any horrible jokes. I'm just saying. It'd be so funny if she was scrolling through her phone like, he's doing well. And then there's like a picture of his chest shirt. She's like, wait, stop. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah.

was a good looking man. I would not fault her if that was actually the reason. She's only human. So Coach is still friends with all of his exes for sex. Can't spell sex without the X. But that's my belief. That's my belief. I believe that people are friends with their exes because they're still holding...

or out for something. Yeah. Well, I wouldn't say that all the time. It's different. It's different with every scenario. I'm friends with some exes that I don't want to be involved with whatsoever. I value them in a different way, which is one of the reasons why maybe it didn't work out. The romance wasn't there.

But they're awesome people. And it just was like, oh, okay. Maybe we've seen each other naked, but I don't have to, we don't have to do that again. You know, I value you as a friend. You know what I'm saying? I don't. But then there are some exes where you just like, or there are some exes where you just want to be diabolical, especially if your ex is with somebody else. You know, you want to be diabolical. You want to get in there and see if she can, see if you can shake things up a little bit. And then just...

That's what I'm saying. I feel like that's the big motivation. So I love this. I love that they get into this big deep dive conversation where Jess says to Nick that he needs to get some closure with Caroline. Obviously something's going on. If your body's reacting like that and you were throwing yourself into a fruit stand, like obviously you need to figure this out. She obviously needs to hear something from you. Go talk to,

which then brings up a whole other conversation. How important or necessary or needed is closure? And can you get closure from the other person? Or is that something you can just figure out by yourself? I think you can figure it out by yourself, but you do need distance. If you live in the same neighborhood and you shop at the same places, I think that's what Jess was probably saying. We're going to keep running into each other. Now you have to actually put some action into each other.

you know, breaking the tension. You know, if I live, if I live in one part of town, you live away, you know, 40 minutes away, the odds are I probably won't see you on my local Saturday. You know what I mean? I probably won't see you. And which is fine. You don't necessarily have to have that conversation, but if y'all live down the street from each other,

You gotta have it. I agree with you, actually. I'm a little surprised, but I agree with you. Surprised? Why? Should I bring it to you? I don't know. I just feel like you and I have different points of view on this ex-situation, but I do agree with you. I do think that, oh, this thing like closure, you have to always sit down and talk it out and do it. Sometimes the person who hurt you or that you're whatever, because, you know, Caroline's hurt. You don't need to go to the person who hurt you

To like figure it out sometimes. Just be like, no, I'm going to work on this by myself. And then like I can close my own door. Thank you so much. Yeah. But yeah, you're going to keep bumping into each other. Right. Then just like figure it out. Have the conversation. Like if you're an NBA player and she's a cheerleader, you guys are dating, you're going to see each other every game.

Have the talk. Have the talk. You're making it weird for us as the fans. Awkward. I do love that Jess's ex is called Berkeley. That was intentional. That was funny. So intentional. We had a writer called Berkeley who also by the way was like yeah that's

of like him that's a Berkeley sweater for sure Berkeley was a writer for New Girl who was incredibly talented one of the funniest writers and the kindest men a gorgeous man tell them how you really feel I feel like that was like a known thing Anna wait whoa revelation alert whoa you

should i what do you mean was he still is i mean i haven't seen berkeley in a minute oh things changed for you berkeley berkeley what are you single you single hell oh my gosh he had this beautiful long flowing hair he did um he did um but but berkeley played by adam brody um

The fantastic Adam Brody. So funny in this episode. So, so funny in this episode. He was very funny in this episode because somehow he played cringe perfect.

yes you know what i mean like he had this he could walk the line of being so cringy but you could kind of get where they're like little chemistry like why he would have been like great with jess yeah it was perfect casting perfect acting choices he crushed it oh yeah he crushed it let's rewind a second yeah schmidt schmidt uh-huh

You know, he moved out and he has his, you know, he has a new loft and he's finally finished it. Right. So we talk about that. So we go, we're inside of his place. Is that where we are? Yeah, we're inside of his place. No, we're not there. Is this the grapeys part? Because that's my favorite thing where they do a little cutaway to how great it is to live alone. And he goes like, grapey.

Come here, garapis. And then he starts crying. And I was like, I don't, you know, I remember living in my apartment by myself. And the amount of, I just, I would talk to myself a lot. You do, you just start talking to things. What do you mean? What do you mean? I just do. I was like watching it. I'm like, that's exactly what it's like when you live alone. You just like, you know, you.

Do I talk out loud more? You also can like cry more freely. When you have roommates, you probably can't just be like, that's insane. When you're at home by yourself, what are you crying about exactly?

think of something and you could just cry I think crying is very cathartic just go watch I'm here for a good cry it's a very British thing I have a British mother to be like just have a good cry you just go watch Medea goes to jail and just sit there and have a moment that's your go-to that's your go-to of where the tears come from no but I'll put it on the list

I love when you're at the bar and Schmidt comes to let you, well, Schmidt comes and he's trying to talk to this girl and he's a stalker a bit. It comes off as like creepy. He's like, my apartment, no one can hear you scream. What the fuck? It's so funny. Most terrifying thing. Yeah. You know that, I remember having someone once said to me,

sitting at a bar they said something and they kind of like moved in a certain way i guess i kind of i reacted and they went don't worry i'm not gonna hurt you bye goodbye look at your eyeballs goodbye what don't ever why would you say that as a don't you're a murderer for sure no i'm shocked at you he's telling you he's not gonna hurt you

He's giving you all the... I'm not going to hurt you. I was like, that's what Schmidt reminded me of in this scene. I was like, what is happening? I'm not going to hurt you. You won't feel a thing. Let's talk about this girl that they wrote that he was so rude and so weird and the parking thing was so uncomfortable and she still showed up. Oh, yeah. Who hurt her? Who hurt her? You mean when he just comes by and he tells her. That's so funny. But yeah, yeah, it happens. I've done that before.

There's nowhere to park. Figure it out. I don't know you. I've said one thing that's genuinely terrifying. Goodbye. And she's like, you know what? Yes. I'll be there. I'll be there. And she goes there. And well, Schmidt gets home and he realizes that Tiffany Haddish is there. Tiffany Haddish is. Oh, wait. No, we missed a huge part of this. We got so excited. The part where he brings Winnie

right and he brings coach over and shows him the bang spots what are we talking about we just

episode. Oh my gosh. We missed that part. That part where you guys come in, you get your free coupons for like the sub and what did you say? Probably get ham. One of the funniest lines ever. I cried laughing. What? Also not scripted. For sure. You go in and the bang spots, which ends up being the tag at the end of the episode. All these crazy names. I love the bang spots because it's a throwback to episode two.

Season one, episode two, where I believe Schmidt is trying to show Jess all of the places that he could do it in his, when he, in the room. In his room. He's like, I'll go over here. I can do it over here. I can do it over there. Um,

And that's why I thought it was very, very funny. Now that he has his own place. He has 15 of them in one room. That's why he has so much seating. Also hysterical. A single man and he's got like nine couches. But they're different shapes to support different sexual positions. That he has named himself. Yes. The glass menagerie? The glass menagerie. I can sit right on top of that thing. Yeah.

I mean, it's so, but also the other move, by the way, I was like, who came up with this idea? Cause it's actually genuinely smart with the coffee table that lifts and it's a cooler inside. Yeah. I was genuinely impressed by that. I think I've seen that in like a beer commercial once. It does. It feels like a real Bud Light thing.

yeah 100% gotcha but it's a great idea though it's a great idea that's what I said too I was like oh man you've got these guys for sure wanting to come hang out at your place now I'm sure they have those though like I'm almost positive they have refrigerator refrigerated tables sure why not I don't know go buy one you're rich I don't know but I feel like they should if not it's kind of like the swoot

We're serving up some good ideas here, you guys. The swoot happened, too. That's the funny thing. Okay. So then he gives them a key. This was where the trouble starts for whatever his name is. Frank Scarfalopoulos. Scabopoulos. Scabopoulos. Mm-hmm. Is because of the key that he then gives, which that's a huge move, right?

I don't know if I've ever just given anybody like, I feel like you have so many friends that come by your place all the time. Do they have keys to your house or the code to your house? Yes. Yes. But I, the way my gate is set up is that they all have their own individual codes to the front gate. So when someone's coming in, it tells me who that person is and there's a video of it. So you trust them. Cut.

Well, it's not them. It's also for delivery folks. Oh, sure. Like UPS, Amazon, they have their own code that they use. Really? Gardner has their own code. So whenever someone is entering the premises, there is a record in the law. Do you give UPS and Amazon and everybody a code to your house? It's not my house. Or to your property? Yeah. It's the gate. Oh, wow.

yeah i mean this is also a big difference between you and i my trust issues there's no chance well here's the thing here's the thing um you don't want to try to get into my house that and there lies the problem because i have 10 soldiers on standby uh ex-military that just that just live in my front room that's true

and they have all kinds of weaponry. Some I've never heard of. Some medieval stuff. Slingshots. There's a person with a slingshot. BB guns. The actual slingshot that was used to take down Goliath, that David used to take down Goliath in the Bible. I remember you got that on eBay. That was a big day. Big, big purchase. Easiest $30 million ever spent. I know. Just like a pop.

Yeah, so nobody wants to try to actually do harm to me. No, no, no. You got the turrets with the molten lava. Yeah. They come down from the turrets. I don't know how many times I got to show you fools this. But like, people think I'm playing games. Did Vin Diesel send you an axe? People think I'm playing games. I can't. I'm dying. Why would I just say that right now?

You guys, we don't rehearse these things, okay? We're just sharing a brain now. Don't try me. We spent too much time together in our life and now we're just sharing a brain. Okay, wait. Go back to the episode for a second because we also have to talk about this is when Nick looks at the text that Jess sends her ex because she's like, you should talk to my ex. We're super good friends and he's like healed and grown and evolved and wonderful. Then she sends a text. Okay, and I wrote this down because it starts, hey, babe.

Do you understand? Jaw drop. Hey, babe. And then ends with my, or then she says like, my boyfriend is having some problems. What? And then ends with XOXO. Yeah. Crazy. Crazy. Don't you think if like your girl sent that to her ex and you saw the text. Mm hmm.

That's problematic. She out the house. I'm buying her a bus ticket. For sure. She gonna have to move to Pomona. Like how naive do you have to be to be like, that's fine to like text an ex. Yeah. It's a problem right now. XOXO. And I was like, no. People take security to a whole new level. There's one thing. You know, you can be secure, but then there's also stupid.

Like, let's just not even cross that line. I thought you were still talking about your house. I was like, did you not hear that we've moved on to talking about the ex and the text? No. Like, people talk about security. I was like, Lamar. No, no, not that. Not that silly. But that is true, too. No, no, no. I know what you're talking about. I'm with you.

But, you know, people go, oh, it's OK. Like, you know, my man's secure. I'm going to send this other guy a picture of my butt just, you know, to see how it looks in these jeans. He's a friend. You need to stop. That's too much. No, too much. Yeah, that's too much. And the fact that Nick calls her out on it. He says, like, what are you doing? You can't text that. And she's still standing by it. Again, I didn't remember this episode. So I was like, this is going to somehow show that Jess is right.

But I was sitting there in my full Nick Miller being like, this is so inappropriate. This is so crazy. That's why I love this episode. Okay, continue. No, so we're, they're having a, there's a bit of a, there's a bit of a mix up. Carolyn wants to know when Nick walks out on her, right? They chat, then it's fine. Then she sees that they're together and then she goes crazy. Crazy.

Oh, they're outside. They're outside. Well, so right before that, Jess convinces Nick to go and actually sit down with Caroline and have this discussion, which I think is stupid. But they go and they do it. And Nick obviously can't get it out. He's just like...

you know, I wonder what it would be like to like not have any thumbs. You know, he's just kind of moving about the cabin in a very Nick Miller fashion. And then, you know, he sees Jess and he's like, oh, it went great. It went great. Then they kiss. And then that's when Caroline sees him. Then she clocks it. And she's like, oh, it's you.

It was you. Let me just put it out there. Caroline crazy. It ain't got nothing to do with it. She's crazy. Yeah. But he also knows. I think that's where a lot of his hesitation is. It's like she's got a side to her. Yeah. That scares me. And I don't really want to like activate the side. Yeah. That's nuts.

bananas yeah so i i kind of get his hesitation too to be like do you really need to tell somebody that like i was in love with somebody else and yes i did actually like lose interest in you for someone else do we have to really say all those things isn't it kind of evident exactly um so jess is trying to convince nick that he should talk to her ex about how to fix this whole situation because you know um

You know, he's this guy. They figured it out. They've mastered. They have a healthy relationship now. You know, he's a stay-at-home dad. You know, he knows the what. And so, and yeah. He's a grown-up is what he's saying. He's like a grown-up with grown-up relationships and talk to my ex. And even Nick Miller is just like, why would I call your ex to talk about how to deal with my ex?

Exactly. I think this is where the bang spot part happened. Okay, we'll rearrange that. Okay.

Oh yeah, the backward oops. Yeah, you're right. Okay, then this is the part that happened. My favorite part. This is the favorite part. You want to talk about it again? Are we good? No, I think we can just drop it in. But my favorite part happens now. So now Jess is downloading Berkeley on all the happenings, right? She wants to know that Nick didn't tell his ex they were together. Berkeley says, exes are a lot like babies. And Nick doesn't get the, what Berkeley calls, a classic fatherhood metaphor for

So Berkeley tells Nikki to face her. OK, just face her. Let her get everything off her chest. Meanwhile, Jess and Berkeley, they keep making each other laugh. It's silly. They're being silly gooses. Jess tells Berkeley that he's incredible and that she's so lucky to have him in her life. Just get out. Get out the house, Jess. Bus, bus, bus, bus ticket to North Dakota. I don't want to see you again.

If this is your behavior, that's what I would have done. It's crazy. You know me. I take it real quick. Yeah. And Nick's watching it. By the way, we're talking about grown, mature responses. I feel like the fact that Nick didn't fly off the handle and just was like witnessing what is genuinely nuts. Yeah. And was cool about it. I was like, he's actually the grown one. He actually is. Or he's just stupid.

One of the two. Because men know men. I would have been like, bro, I see you, dog. And that's what he was trying to say. He said guys who are still friends with their exes, they're trying to get back in there a little bit. Sure. And, you know, we'll find out later on, obviously, spoiler, that he was right. But we're going to go to a break first and then we're going to get into it.

When you think about our government, is it clear how it serves us, the citizen, the human? Empathy, affect,

In late 2024,

Strange aircraft began mysteriously appearing in the New Jersey skies, sparking rumors and questions that no one could answer.

But before that, an equally bizarre and possibly connected phenomenon unfolded over Colorado and Nebraska. I'm Gabe Lenners from Imagine, iHeart Podcasts, and Lenners Entertainment. This is Obscurum Obscura.

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like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome. My name is Paola Pedrosa, a medium and the host of the Ghost Therapy Podcast, where it's not just about connecting with deceased loved ones. It's about learning through them and their new perspective. Join me on the Ghost Therapy Podcast. ♪

Whoa, my lights in my living room just flickered. I'm a little nervous. I'm excited. I'm excited, nervous. You know, I'm a very spiritual person, so I'm like, I'm ready and open. That was amazing. I feel so grateful right now. I got to speak to my great-grandmother, Abuela, and she gave me a lot of really good advice that I'm going to have to really think about. Wow, okay. That's crazy. Yes, that is accurate.

Listen to the Ghost Therapy Podcast as part of the My Cultura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. We are back. Yes. We are back. Yes. Okay. So at the bar,

You know, this is the moment in which Schmidt is inviting a lovely young lady back to his place. That's right. Terrifying. Shockingly, she's going to show up. But Jess is doing the dishes. This is the part that when I watched the show, I genuinely like yelped out loud. I was so happy that this happened because this is what I think is truly happening to most people. Most people. Yeah. Especially with dudes with sweaters like that.

For sure. You know, he comes in, Berkeley runs up to her just to tell her that he's been wanting to end things with his wife for years. Boom, there it is. So that he and Jess can finally be together. What a real piece of S word. You know what I mean?

he's got a baby like he's married with a baby yeah like you know what i mean like if you're gonna go and you're gonna try to you're gonna try to swoop in on someone's relationship and you have a wife and a baby at least give the baby and the wife back and then show up and try to like you know what i mean do it with a babe in arms so weird um

Yeah, Berkeley says Claire, his wife, doesn't appreciate him. Like, just as he closes his eyes and goes in for the grossest kiss. Yeah. So funny what he chose to do, Mr. Adam Brody. And then she tries to rip the sink hose right out to, like, spray him back. She's like, get back.

It's broken, I guess, because of Winston? Because of Winston. Yeah. Winston probably tried to fix it and it didn't work out. Didn't work out. And then he thinks now this is like a little like sexy moment of like water spraying all over his body and get so... What does he say? Make my mouth wet? Bye. So gross. He gets so gross and so weird with the whole thing. Yeah.

So funny and such a great moment in the story because now is Jess grown enough to say to Nick, you were right. This ex is trying to get back with me. Also, new thought, maybe don't go hang out with your ex. That is mixed messages. So let's reevaluate. But she doesn't. No. She does not make these choices. Meanwhile, over in Schmidt's apartment. That's right.

And Schmidt comes home to find the Tiffany Haddish. I was surprised, too. Forgot about that she was even on our show. Yeah. I remember the shame of it, meaning like they didn't really let her gun it.

They didn't let her go, you know, go full Haddish, which would have, I mean, you know, and I think there were moments where she was improvising a little bit. They didn't use it. Like, you gotta be kidding me. But this is before, this is before she had really taken off. For sure. Like Damon knew her from the comedy circuit. You know what I mean? Like I'd seen her at comedy clubs and that's how they knew each other. But she hadn't, she hadn't done Girls Trip yet.

So she didn't really have that big pop yet. And so people didn't see it coming, but we had a golden opportunity to just have her go. - Showcase. - Showcase. But anyway, so her and Coach are about to get it in. And this whole time Coach has been pretending to be Schmidt and that this was his apartment. Schmidt comes in and he calls him, "That's my good friend, Frank Skopopoulos." - What a funny made up name.

frank scabopolis is amazing and you know what's funny is that they always said that about berkeley the writer that he had a genius way of coming up with names in the show so i wonder if this was talking about meta like berkeley naming the schmidt schmidt frank scabopolis you know what i never asked if who named winston who named winston

I feel like all of those names, I feel like came from something like Cece is the name of Liz Merriweather's best friend. Yeah. I got to ask. I got to ask that. Yeah. Like where did the Winston, what was the origin story? All of them. All of them. Like who did the naming? You know what I mean? Yeah. Of the core characters. Yeah. I wonder. We'll find out.

I think, yeah. So Jess, you know, she's a little concerned. We're back in the other half now. Jess is a little bit concerned. Well, obviously concerned. She's like, where is this coming from? And he lets her know that she's been playing games with him this whole time.

You know what I mean? The text messages. It's been clear. You want me. You send me kisses and hugs and say, I need you. And you tell me you have problems with your boyfriend. And you are telling me how great I am and how you didn't know how you would do life without me. Like, I'm picking up what you're putting down. It's wild. Wild. And then he says, I love you. This is my motto. My motto is, you never tell the woman you love her. Ever. Never.

This is my full-blown way to have healthy relationships. Never say it out loud. Yeah, you can wink a lot. I can buy you things. I'll never tell you I love you. So here's where now Jess has to make a decision. And what does she do? She says, put a sock in it. I can't let Nick know that he was right. Huge mistake.

Ridiculous. Because Caroline is outside trashing a car, not Nick's car. She thinks it's Nick's car, but she's out there and going crazy because she thinks she's trying to math the math and she's going like, you cheated on me.

Like you didn't break up with me. Like you cheated on me and lied. And now you're texting like, let's be friends. So she, by the way, rightfully so, is now just like pissed. Yeah. Oh, 100%. 100%. You know what I find interesting about her being so upset? When we find Nick in the beginning of this series, isn't he crying over Caroline? Yeah. Yeah.

But he also, but she's upset with him. Later on, he reveals that he's loved Jess ever since he saw her. That's what he says. Yeah. But Caroline should be like, yeah, you're right. I did break your heart. Yeah. They weren't together. Most breakups are messy. They're messy. They're confusing. You're kind of putting a toe in. You're putting a toe out. You're trying to figure it out. It's emotional. She's going on dates with Tyrese. You know. Yeah.

You know, they had a big, deep relationship for a long time. It was a bit of a disaster at the end. Everybody got hurt.

But he tells her to come. She's pissed and she's destroying the car and he's like, he's trying to like fix this. So she's, she's about to like come up to this, you know, come up to the loft. Yeah. And he's panicking because she's now violent. Right. And it's at the exact same time that Schmidt's lady is coming on. So there's this newfound lady is coming up to the loft as well. I remember they live on the exact same floor. Yeah.

That's right. They go upstairs and Caroline is just, I mean, she's going crazy. She's trying to kick that door in. Trying to kick the door in. And the other woman across is being very, she's very weirded out by it. She's extremely frightened. And Berkeley whispers to Jess, you know, she's scared. Be brave. Who's going to be the one to tell Nick? He still isn't getting it.

And Jess is going like, you have to go back to your wife and your baby. You have to go. Yeah. And Nick now goes like, no, we can't have him go because Caroline's outside. And so please be here and be safe, which is now hysterical. Perfect comedy writing. Nick is now keeping Berkeley in. He's keeping it. He doesn't know because he doesn't know there's a wolf in the hen house. He doesn't know that. Is that a saying? No.

Okay. It is a great thing. Well, there we go. Okay, so now we're back in Schmitzloff.

yeah where it's getting confusing it's getting confusing that's right i love the fact i love when he when coach tells her to go back to the room he's like that was i wonder if this was a descript but he tells her not to drink the water by his bed he's got his contacts in it it's such a demon thing to say again i couldn't find the script but it's such a demon thing to say also this back and forth

about i'm about to get some squish also sounds like damon it is damon he made that and the donkey and the way schmidt by the way just is just like look as a feminist basically no i don't know her don't call her a donkey

I love Schmidt for that. And I love that Schmidt. So Schmidt gives in. He says, you know what? You can have that room. I'm going to use the guest bedroom. This part. When he opens the door, he finds Winston in bed with Bernie playing bad cop, black cop. Is that what they said? I thought they said bad cop, bad cop. And now I'm reading this and it says bad cop, black cop. I don't know. There's no way it's called bad cop, black cop. There's no way. There's no way. It's bad cop, bad cop. It was bad cop, bad cop. Yeah. It's got to be.

That's wild otherwise. So Caroline, you know, she's going nuts. She's going nuts. Berkeley at this moment, Berkeley suggests that he and Jess give Nick some space by going to a hotel. Jess tells Berkeley out loud with the baby. Yes. I don't love you.

She goes, I don't love you. Oh yeah. She's just like enough. Like she's had enough. So she just tells Berkeley like, it's not happening. I don't love you. Which now his whole world has been rocked because he had made a decision to leave his wife for whom he thought was clearly in love with him. So he thought he would like had this whole new life all mapped out and it was going to be beautiful. So now he's rocked. Yeah. Yeah. What a real dummy. Uh,

Now, OK, so this is when they have to have that come to Jesus moment. Nick is now forced to have this conversation with Caroline. You know, Caroline tells Jess, hey, you stole my boyfriend. Caroline is, you know, she wants a timeline.

She's like, okay, well, prove it. You didn't steal it. I love, by the way, how she did that, Mary Elizabeth, when she was just like, timeline, now. Yeah. Because it's exactly what it is. She's like, did you cheat on me or not? Like, I need to know and somebody better tell me the truth. Right. 100%. And...

She eventually... So she gives her the timeline, which is a pretty funny timeline. And then she, you know, she wishes them luck and tells her it's only a matter of time before Nick stops letting her be the little spoon. Yeah, she kind of eviscerates Nick. She's just like, you're the girlfriend now. But eventually he's going to fall out of love with you and treat you badly and ignore you and you're not going to be important and you're going to be me and you're going to be the ex. Okay, so you think you're so great, but that's not what's going to happen, which makes Jess...

leave and go stand in the shower stall and cry because it's kind of like the crappiest situation. Like you don't really want to hear that. I mean, and here's the thing. She's kind of done it to herself. She says...

One of the funniest things, and I was like, man, this is, again, such beautiful, perfect writing, because she's like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And then she says, I've lived a very fortunate life. And I loved it so much, because sure, it's like high stakes and whatever, but if this is the worst thing that's happened to you, you still might have the guy who's in love with you, is not mad at you for leading on your ex, and is here giving you a hug,

when his own ex is going crazy it was very funny i was like what a perfectly written line made me laugh so hard oh yeah um but jess is in the shower he brings her back out says okay i'm gonna finally tell caroline the truth the deal i'm gonna tell the truth and uh you know that's when he lets her know hey you know you're right i was i fell in love with jess the moment i met her

Which is so sweet. Now before we dive into that anymore, let's just rewind. Let's just go back to Schmidt's loft. Schmidt's on the couch. She's in one of his bank spots. Already unleashed the glass menagerie on said young lady. And then that's when Tiffany comes in. She's trying to go to the kitchen looking for water.

And she can't drink the water by the bed. So she's got to get some water because it's got contacts in it. And yeah. And then it turns into a bit of a hectic situation where she's like, who the hell is this dude? And he's like, well, who the hell are you? And it turns into a big back and forth.

I love, I don't know, this whole moment, I remember shooting this episode. I remember the ins and outs of this room going in and out, doing a bunch of dumb bits in my underwear. And I was like, literally, I was like, can I just be wearing regular night clothes? And they're like, no, you gotta be in your underwear. I was like, okay, cool. But I'm like, well, they're fully dressed still, so they clearly haven't gotten started yet.

And then I'm here, here I am sitting in my underwear. And then I just like the fact that Tiffany's like, what is this? Some kind of freaky, what did she say? This freaky, you know. Nasty group sex game. And then Bernie's like, well, it's been a while, but...

let's go my favorite part was when they're sitting there the girls are like it's tiffany right and then it's schmidt's girl and they're just like well then who's frank scabopolis and then you open the door and walk in the room you're like i am frank scabopolis like schmidt i forgot the

the plan i bet you're like i forgot the story wait what was the plan again then like totally give the whole thing up immediately totally because it could have worked it could have worked i could have been frank out loud i know winston be making mistakes in the words of coach he'd be making mistakes and then birdie's sort of like oh did someone say group sex thing it's been a minute but i think i could figure this out yeah so funny oh my gosh man so then the night is over and

The night is over. The girls are out. Except for Birdie. She's just like, this mattress is amazing. I'm going back to bed. She's going back to bed. We was getting it in. Getting it in. So then, yes. So then, you know, we go back to the place. Caroline's very thankful to Nick for telling her the truth. Jess apologizes to Berkeley. You know, she takes some blame, finally. That, yeah, maybe I shouldn't be sending you, you know, sweet kissy faces and stuff like that.

And then Nick and Jess, they share a passionate kiss as one does at the end of an episode. And we'll be right back. When you think about our government, is it clear how it serves us, the citizen, the human? Empathy, affect,

In late 2024,

Strange aircraft began mysteriously appearing in the New Jersey skies, sparking rumors and questions that no one could answer.

But before that, an equally bizarre and possibly connected phenomenon unfolded over Colorado and Nebraska. I'm Gabe Lenners from Imagine, iHeart Podcasts, and Lenners Entertainment. This is Obscurum Obscura.

Listen to Obscurum, Invasion of the Drones, starting February 11th on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City and Narcos and Roadhouse and so many commercials about back pain. And now I'm starting a podcast because honestly, guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough. Get ready for Greatest Escapes, a new comedy podcast about the wildest true escape stories in history.

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We didn't talk about one of the funniest lines in this episode. Which one? Where Jess starts saying something when they're all together, when it's Caroline, Berkeley, Nick, and Jess, and says something funny, and then she's like, I have a great instinct for comedy. I love those moments. I love those little moments where you're watching as a fan, and yes, Jess is saying that in the moment of the scene, but also it's Zooey Deschanel getting to say, bye.

for comedy. I loved it so much that that line made me laugh too. Oh, also in the tag, the Nia Vardalos as one of the names of the sex positions made me laugh so hard because I love Nia so much as a human being. Well, that was one of the, that was a line that they didn't use when they said Nia Vardalos and I said, I said, I said, what's that? What's a Varduga? What's that? What's that?

I'm not familiar with what that is. They cut that out.

But anyway. So funny. Yeah. The tags are always great. And I'm sure in the tag, Schmidt was just, or Max was just going for it. Oh, for sure. Making stuff up. 100%. Making everything up. Also, all of you guys egging each other on and being like, so what is it? What's this one? Describe it. What did you just say? How does that one work? It's like, I like that one. I can sit down in that one. I don't know what that is. Yeah.

All right, babe. Let's get into it. We are gonna mess around. Can you truly ever be just friends with an ex? We talked about it a little bit. We talked about it a little bit. Here's what I will say because I have grown a little bit in my life. I feel like

Man, everybody's different. Everybody has different things that they can live with and not live with and be comfortable with or not comfortable with. And I think you just have to be truly honest with yourself and then your partner about

Right. And then just stand by it. So for me, I was always like the truth of my thing was it wasn't like I couldn't be friends with my ex. Like all my exes would have loved to be friends, I'm sure, because it was like cool at the end. But I didn't want to meet somebody, fall in love. And they're just like, hey, here's this girl I was naked with a week ago. Let's go brunch with her. Yeah. Yeah.

So for me, I was like, well, you didn't want to be a hypocrite. So I had made just like my own policy, which was sort of like and I would say it to me when we started dating, like, hey, I hope this lasts forever. But if we ever break up, just so you know, I don't bring like exes into like my life. So then that, you know, we'll be done and love you. Goodbye.

And so I always let people know that. So it wasn't like a surprise, like they felt like ghosted or deaded or something. They just kind of knew that's how I operated. And I was like, I hope that's how it is with your exes. And if it's not, then I know we're not meant for each other because it's going to bug me. So I could at least be honest and tell the truth. That's just me and my truth.

I think it's insecure to like say something, but like it's not the real thing because you're not comfortable with yourself to actually tell what you're truly where your comfort level lies. That's my comfort level. But other people have different ones. I heard everything you said and I think it was BS, Hannah. I heard it. I heard it and I don't like it. I don't like it. And here's why. Different strokes for different. Hannah, you have to be like the nature of water. Yeah.

You see it seems I'm washing away on my exes. Bye It seems weak but it can penetrate why It seems useless, but if it's any container be like the nature of water my friend. Oh my gosh Yeah, before these things I believe I believe you can I believe you can be just friends But like you said it's on a it's on us. It's on a scale. It's on a sliding scale depends on this it depends on the person you are with not your ex and

If you're willing to go, like you said, the full mile with a person and they don't like that, then you have to be willing to sacrifice that element and don't bring your exes around.

I will say I've heard from lots of my exes. I feel like every single one of my exes have surfaced. Because you got famous. They're like, oh, wait a minute. Uh-oh. Baby, I've changed. I've changed. You look so successful. You're so rich. You're so manly. What's the word? Okay. Caroline does some wild stuff in this episode.

Some wild stuff. What is the, and I know you have, what's the craziest thing you've seen or heard an ex do? Because I know, I know personally you've done some crazy stuff, but like, what about your exes? What about you? You have crazy ex stories. Exes doing crazy stuff. I do. I do. Let's see. I've had an, I mean, I've had, yeah, I mean.

Yeah, I think both of us actually had some crazy exes that we've met of each other's that have done things where you were just like that's I think they're struggling with this breakup. Yeah. Are you okay? Do you need a place to go while they figure out while they keep showing up at your door? That's what I was going to say.

There is one person that definitely wouldn't leave my apartment at the time, other than Hancock Park. And I, we, I broke up, I'd broken up with her for a very good reason. And, and it was a peaceful breakup. It was one of those like,

You know, it's time to go. You got to go. You got to. She knew why. That's fine. But you got to go. And I had work the next day. So I was like, I was I needed to get some sleep. I had to be on set for the show. And I was like, you got to go. And she wouldn't. You know, I lived in an apartment complex at the time and she wouldn't leave. She just kept banging on my door and screaming. And like, I remember that. Yeah. Crying. And, you know, I don't leave me. And I was like,

I was just like, so security had to come and remove her. Yeah. So that was an interesting one. Lovely, lovely girl. But you know, sometimes what happens is,

When you give a woman what she wants, when you give her what she needs physically, like she's never had it before, it's hard to detach. You know what I'm saying? Separation, separation, anxiety, because her body will never feel the same again. You understand? And that's what I had been doing to this woman. And now the tap was off. You know what I mean? The fountain was unflowed.

You know what I'm saying? And so she wasn't able to receive thine divine intervention. You know what I'm saying? So she wasn't able to get that no more. So she couldn't handle it. And that happens to a lot of women. A lot of women. I haven't seen you like try to pick up a woman in a long time. But if this is like the slipstream of like of the bit that you do, it's impressive that you land anybody.

I don't land anyone to be quite honest with you. Um,

Let me tell you something. I am as dry as the desert sand out here. I don't, I just, I'm all talk. I'm all talk. I can see that. Yeah. Ladies. Do you remember the beginning of this podcast where basically every single episode we just described your dream lady and we're like, please DM us. We want it. We were like, this is where we're guising this as a new girl podcast, but really we're just here to try to find the one. This is the bachelor.

It's never gonna happen. It's never gonna happen. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay. You know, I will find that special someone. I will. She's out there. You know, she's in these streets. Not like that. Maybe she is. I don't know. You know what's really wild? Okay. So when I rewatched the episodes last night, I was thinking about it. It was like watching you do all this super funny stuff on screen. I just remembering this now that we're talking about this. This is 100% true. I was like, oh, he's gonna meet her this year.

She's going to come into your life. Whoever she is, is coming into your life this year. Oh, I'm calling it now. Calling it now. It's February. We got 10 more months. She's going to come for sure. We're going to revisit this clip in December and she's going to be sitting right next to you. Oh, I know it. I can see it and I know it. Oh, this year. Oh, okay. All right. Well, we just got to figure out a way to get Zoe Gravitz in my house. Okay.

Okay, last question. Do we think Berkley and Caroline could have been a couple? That woman pretended to drop the baby. It's a no from me, Doug. Well, he's crazy. He was trying to take his baby...

He was trying to go to a hotel, a motel with the baby. They're both crazy. They're both unfit. I do not recommend them for each other. I do not recommend them for that baby's well-being. Well, someone was going to say, I recommend Child Protective Services comes in. They take the baby, give the baby back to the mother, and then he can go off. That's getting Claire involved. Yes, he can go off. Give the baby back to Claire. Claire needs to leave Berkeley. Bye-bye. And then, sure, Berkeley would like to date Caroline. I think they would have a lot of fun.

Yeah, they're both crazy. They're both crazy. It would be weird. It'd be very, very weird. Yeah, folks, thank you for listening. We definitely appreciate all of your love and your fandom for this show.

Please make sure you follow us on IG at TheMessAroundPod. Please share our clips, send them to your friends, you know, and sound off in the comments. We definitely love that. We appreciate that. You know, send us questions, videos, anything at TheMessAroundPod at gmail.com. That's TheMessAroundPod at gmail.com.

And, you know, go ahead and buy one of those lovely little shirts that Hannah's wearing. If you truly are a fan of the show, and you truly... This is how sales works. You just be like, listen, if you love me, if you ever loved me, you will buy this shirt from this website.

Please. We'll be back next week with episode 316. Sister. Sister. Sister. That was The Mess Around, an iHeartMedia production. Our executive producer is Joelle Monique. Our senior producer is Abu Zafar. Bay Wang provided engineering and editing services. Additional production from Daniel Goodman, Wendy Heisler, and Kyle Chevron. Our theme song was written and composed by Ronald Jukebox Jackson.

Catch you next time. Bye. When you think about our government, is it clear how it serves us, the citizen, the human? Empathy, affect,

Affect is Fors Marsh Media's podcast that explores the human side of government. Our show reveals how personal experiences and dedication drive these individuals to serve the American people, from addressing our health and well-being, to issues affecting our veteran community, to public service and more. Hear inspiring stories from the people at the heart of our government.

Tune into Empathy Affect on your favorite podcast app. We've all been there. I mean, I've been there. In the line at the grocery store, waiting for your latte at the coffee counter, pick up at your child's school, everyone standing around in silence, eyes down. But what if you smiled first? Colgate is here to give you the confidence to do just that. One smile can break the tension and open the door to a real connection. It's a small gesture with a big reward. Colgate helps you show the world your confident smile. Hi.

I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City and Narcos and Roadhouse. And now I'm starting a podcast because honestly, guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough. Get ready for Greatest Escapes, a new comedy podcast about the wildest true escape stories in history.

Each week, I'll be sitting down with some of the most hilarious actors and writers and comedians, people like Ed Helms, Diane Guerrero, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I love storytelling and I love you, so I can't wait. Listen and subscribe to Greatest Escapes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him.

From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.