401: The Last Wedding

2025/4/8

The Mess Around with Hannah and Lamorne

AI Deep Dive Transcript

H

Hannah

一个在网络上表现活跃且具有复杂心理状态的个体。

L

Lamorne

Hannah: 我认为《New Girl》第四季是这部剧真正找到自己节奏的时期。角色们更加鲜明，剧情也更加成熟，我们对角色的把握也更加自信。这次的婚礼主题拍摄，我们选取的地点是在麦克阿瑟公园附近的一栋建筑，我们之前也经常在那里拍摄，比如Cece和Schmidt的婚礼以及宝莱坞舞蹈场景。在拍摄过程中，我感到非常安全和自信，这和剧集的成功以及我们获得的金球奖提名有关。此外，这一季的客串演员阵容非常强大，Jessica Biel和Reid Scott的加入为剧集增添了更多精彩。在拍摄过程中，我们也发生了一些有趣的事情，比如我女儿误解了我说的台词，以及剧组的一些即兴发挥。总的来说，第四季的拍摄过程非常愉快，我们都非常享受这个过程。关于婚礼，我个人参加过很多婚礼，这让我对剧中人物参加众多婚礼的情节感同身受。我也谈到了我对婚礼的一些看法，以及我对婚姻的个人态度。我更喜欢大型婚礼，因为这样更容易悄然离开。我还分享了我对婚礼上伴郎的看法，以及我朋友的一个独特的舞蹈动作，这个动作非常性感，后来还被用到了剧集中。最后，我还谈到了剧组编剧和制作人会将演员们日常生活中的一些事情融入到剧集中。 Lamorne: 我同意Hannah的观点，《New Girl》第四季是该剧的巅峰时期之一。这一季的开场镜头非常惊艳，仿佛一部电影。我们邀请了Reid Scott和Jessica Biel等优秀客串演员，提升了剧集的吸引力，他们也为剧集增添了性感元素。Trent O'Donnell执导了这一季的首播集，J.J. Philbin则担任编剧，他们的专业能力为剧集的成功奠定了基础。在这一集中，我们主要围绕一个婚礼展开故事，剧中人物为了寻找性伴侣而参加婚礼。Jessica Biel在剧中的表现非常出色，她所扮演的角色台词幽默且令人印象深刻。我本人并不喜欢竞争，更倾向于在生活中寻找自己想要的人。我还谈到了婚礼上伴郎的受欢迎程度，以及我朋友的一个独特的舞蹈动作，这个动作非常性感，后来还被用到了剧集中。此外，我还分享了我对剧中一些情节的看法，比如Schmidt和Cece的关系，以及Nick和Jess的关系。最后，我还谈到了剧集的结尾部分，大家一起撕毁婚礼请柬的场景，我认为这体现了剧组演员之间良好的关系，以及我们对这部剧的热爱。Jessica Biel是一位非常友善和乐于助人的人，并且她在剧中的表现非常出色。

Deep Dive

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know you don't know so I do a lot of these loft meetings and I'm always like loft meeting and then my mom calls me and goes your enthusiasm with the it's a lot and I'm like

I know. I don't know why I have to do air horns every single time, but I can't help it. And I just genuinely felt like that was my own thing. And you just did it. And I feel so much better. Hannah, it's because you used to party a lot. You used to party a lot. You were in Ibiza. Is that how it's pronounced? Never been. Sure. Never been. Hannah, stop it. Have you been? No.

Oh, well, we've both never been. I don't buy it. You haven't been because you used to live near there. Yeah, but I've never been because you know why? Why? In Cyprus, they have Ayia Napa and Ayia Napa is- Is better? Basically the same. There was no need to go to Spain for it. Well, I just assumed- You can get those giant fish bowls and those Euro DJs doing just fine in Ayia Napa. I'm not a fan of the Euro DJ stuff. Really? Really?

It just seems because every time I go and do something similar to that, what I, I, it just becomes a hassle. What are you talking about? A hassle? What's a hassle? Who's hassling you? Just like getting a table, getting a drink. If I want to go grab a drink, it's going to be like,

here we go looks like i gotta show my tits again just to get a free drink and i'm like i don't want to have to go through all that i want to be able to sit down jazz smooth like give me like a smooth jazz night give me like a by the way i'm with you i will go to a jazz night here's my question why does it always why do the steps always have to go down to get there i don't like being underground and so why is

Why? Because back in the day, you know what I mean? In order to, like jazz was outlawed. So they had to play it in the shadows and in the bowels of places. In the cellars. In the cellars because jazz was a black music form, right? And so we weren't allowed to be celebratory. So we had to go hide. In the cellars. And lurk. You know what I mean? In that juke joint. A little jazz night.

You know what I'm saying? I do know what you're saying. I don't know if any of that's accurate. The why? It could just be like a real estate thing. I like how you're trying to be like a music historian right now. Let me tell you about the origin. Speaking of jazz. Speaking of jazz, season four. Season four is here. And I remember when we kicked off this season. And I truly feel like it's when New Girl fully embraced and fell into its groove.

Like we truly now knew who our characters were. We had full permission. Schmidt and Cece are like back on in their own way. Like all, you know, Nick and Jess are back into their will. They're what will they won't they. Winston's got a job. That's nice. Yeah. So fucked up that he didn't have one. That's right. And so also all like all the things I feel like they had a such a strong start with

To this episode. And it was so fun to rewatch. I remember where we shot it. Because we shot it down by MacArthur Park. Yeah. In that building that we used the rooftop for. Oh, the rooftop for, yeah. Yeah. And we used your wedding for it, too? Mm-hmm. Yeah. They used the Cece Chevrang wedding for it, too.

No, the Bollywood dance. You're talking about the Bollywood dance. Okay, yeah. Yeah, we used that when my mom comes and everything. We used that building a lot. Crash was also filmed there. That's right. But yeah, I remember. And I remember the first time feeling really safe and confident in the job, in the show. It was a huge hit. Everybody loved it. We'd had the Goldbergs.

Golden Globe noms, I think, at that point. And so we were just like, oh, like we have a job and we can like just fully fall into this thing now. And it was a lot more comfortable. Season four is great. Oh, yeah. And then, you know, we were picking up, too, because our guest star game. Oh, my God. Reed Scott, Jessica Biel. Oh, my gosh. This episode, we clicked. We clicked immediately on this episode.

They just went and grabbed all the most good looking people. They're like, we'll take the most good looking man and the most good looking woman and put them in this season premiere. No, I've always been on the show. You and me both. Okay. So Jessica and Reed joined too. Yeah. They added to the sexiness. Thank you for that. It was also really cool because our beloved Trent O'Donnell, who guided so much of New Girl on set every day,

got to direct the season premiere, which is a big deal. And J.J. Philbin wrote it, who is one of the greats. Yeah, man, what a great episode. All right, give us the rundown. Okay, so here we go. In this episode, the gang all agree to attend the last wedding of the summer for one reason and one reason only. Sex, as Jess puts it. Sex fist, which we've all been there.

Schmittler and CeCe is single. Nick agrees to a foursome. Winston ices his injuries. Coach gets called out by a grandma. And Jess competes with a super impressive cat, a.k.a. Jessica B. For the attention of the best man, a.k.a. Reed Scott. Let's go to a quick.

As you stated before we went to break, we've got Trent O'Donnell manning the ship. And then we have JJ Philbin who penned this thing right on up. So you know it's going to be a great episode. Yeah. Shall we dive in? Let's dive in. I feel like, let's just say this off the bat, because they talk about how they've gone to like 11 weddings this summer. I feel like you are that person.

Because you're a shower upper. So you have gone to a ton of weddings, I feel like. A lot. A lot. A lot of weddings. I just came back from one. Yeah, exactly. And so I feel like I've gone to three in my life. Including your mom? Including my mom's. Yours, your mom's. Those are my mom's weddings. I feel like I've gone to three or four in my entire life. And are you married?

Yeah, that's two. That's what I'm saying. I showed up. You know what's crazy is that it's, I don't know what it is. It's exactly the situation. There was like two years where it was like 20 weddings a year. Something crazy. Everybody got married. People were like doing big guest lists. So it wasn't like just close friends. Can you remember what year this was?

Yeah, new girl. You know what I'm saying? During the filming of this, all these people started getting married in real life. In real life. My friends and friends of mine. So 2013. Yeah. This was 2014. That was the emergence of Trey Songz.

Emergence of Trey Songz. The little Van Dross of our generation. Once he started going, yeah, then the panties came off. The babies were making. Everybody's like, we need to get married. Everybody's like, invite the city. That's right. And so my way of dealing with it is because I didn't want to show up to so-and-so's wedding and not to anyone else's. I would just say I'm working. And I didn't go to anyone's weddings because I was...

So worried about someone's feelings getting hurt that I could go to one person's and not the others. But because of that, I went to no one's weddings. And in retrospect, that's also crazy. It is crazy, Hannah. I mean, weddings are quick, right? The ceremony itself is not too long. It's the festivities following the ceremony.

Which takes a while. Because it's speeches, it's dinner, it's dancing, it's fun. But sometimes it's like locations. Like you got to go somewhere. When you get married, what are you going to do? Are you going to keep it in LA? Are you going to be on some island you'll have to fly to? It's whatever she wants to do. I'm easy. I'm easy. Actually, I'm not a marriage person, to be quite honest with you. I don't see it happening for me. But I'm not opposed to it. You would have the best wedding.

I mean, maybe if I could like stay awake through the whole thing. But like, you know, weddings are cool when you don't have to be the one getting married. So here's the thing. When I was just recently a groomsman, and like I said, Peter and Sharon's wedding, and they had requested that Lily be the flower girl. So Lily and her friend Hazel, they were the flower girls and they are wild.

The rehearsal, in the rehearsal, they were climbing over the pews. They were running through the aisles. They were doing everything but throwing flowers. And I was like, oh, this is going to be fun. This is the one job where you get to make a mess. What do you do? Yeah, this is going to be entertaining. Why is it destroying the building? But here's the thing. I'm standing up there and Lily starts walking down the aisle and she's throwing the flowers perfectly. Her and Hazel were killing it. And I immediately burst into tears. I just started, I was so like,

Proud of her, but also like imagining like she's going to get married and then I got to like be OK with it. It's a really strange like way we've set up what like a wedding looks like of like giving your daughter something.

to like a partner. Like, yeah, I walk you down and then I give her away. Yeah. Is a very, we should, that, that means there needs to be a refresh. We need to take a second look at that. Yeah. That did. Yeah. Because I think it needs to be like, I'm not giving her,

You just stand next to the groom during the whole vows. I'm going to be here. I'm going to Biden my daughter for life. Can you think about it? You raise a kid for so long. They're literally a part of you. And then some fucking weird dude is like, she lives with me now. I'm like, no.

This is why you have to do the thing where you buy a huge property and put some sick houses on there and you're like, I give you this house. Yeah, you can stay in my house. And then you're just there with binoculars from the main house like a cat. They're in there. They're done. Great. Okay, we have to get back to this episode because before we get to the wedding, forget all the stuff they talk about. Forget the really great...

Game of Thrones references. Winter's coming. That's become like a huge meme. Forget all the stuff. Forget how great and cool of an opening shot it was with Zoe on the bed. It looks like we're in a movie. Forget it. Because the funniest, weirdest, most confusing thing happens when your character from another room falls and then shouts, I can't close my ass. Funny story. That was playing yesterday. I wasn't here. Someone was watching it.

Kyle was watching it. And apparently Lily was in the room. I come home last night. I come home last night and the nanny is telling me, oh, yeah, Lily, she was trying to wait up for you to come home from work. And I said, okay, well, she's in bed. I'm going to go lay down with her for a second. I lie down with her and she's half asleep and she leans over and she goes,

Daddy, can we watch you on TV? You can't close your eyes. And I was like, what is she saying? I can't close my eyes? She's like, remember you said, I can't close my eyes. And she's just half asleep. Thank God for children. She's half asleep saying this to me. And I'm like, can't close my eyes.

I said, were you watching Daddy on TV when I was gone? She said, uh-huh. And you say, I can't close my eyes. And I was like, as soon as that happened, I was thinking back and I was like, in my mind, I was like, I know what I said. I can't close my ass. I'm so thankful she didn't realize. The innocence of a child saved you from a very difficult conversation. Yes. Which you cannot avoid with me. What does it mean? I don't even know what that means. He fell. Yeah. And it split open.

There's already a split. Even more. It's a deep, go up the back. Yeah. He might have fallen. And around the front. He fell on a blade. No, I was thinking stitches. I think he closed my eyes. I don't even, it's Damon's reaction. It's the funniest reaction, his face he makes. Anyway, it caught me really off guard and it really made me laugh. Yeah.

All right, so then we're at the wedding. We show up at this wedding. New Girl loves a wedding. We have so many weddings on the show. It's crazy. It's one a season, at least. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we've had it. This is our third wedding, right? Or fourth wedding? I don't know. It's a lot. It's called The Last Wedding. It is not. This has probably been our fourth or fifth wedding. Yeah, and they call it The Last Wedding...

Because it's in the show. It's the last wedding of like the summer season. But for our show, there were many more weddings to come. Yes, 100%. Really funny to watch Schmidt try to get Jess ready to meet men because he grabs two cubes of ice to turn the headlights on.

Yes. Wild. What a wild line to write. Which was so strange. I was like, all right. I love that she just hits his hand away and she's like, and now. And I love the fact that when we're sitting there, and this happens from time to time when you're bouncing around town, a waitress comes up to say, you know, say hello to coach. And then he introduces himself, completely forgetting that he already hooked up with her. And she throws a glass of wine on him.

Which I thought was too much. The repeats, right? He's like, I can't remember all the repeats. Yeah, he's like, wedding season's almost over. All the repeats. The repeats. And the fact that this wedding is like just wall to wall.

with every woman he's hooked up with every summer at all the weddings. The photographer, he was, see, this is the thing. He was going with people who work at the weddings. That's a mistake. That's the problem. You can't do that. Everybody knows that. And that's something I've learned at a young age, you know. Young age with wedding sex behavior. Yeah, you got to keep it to the bride because you know she won't be getting married again anytime soon, so you won't see her at a wedding. Oh, my God. Or the bride's mom. It's one of the two. Oh.

They make it seem that way with one of the conversations that Coach has, which is really funny. Yeah, Schmidt. So, you know, Schmidt clocked CeCe arriving, which surprises him because he thought that she was in Australia. I feel like that was Trent dropping that in. He's like, can we get a shout out to Australia? Oh, 100%. Trent O'Donnell is Australian. He is for sure. Can we just mention my home country? My home town?

And then Schmidt asked Nick how good he looks. Is it good Jewish or bad Jewish? He said, that feels like a trap. Yeah.

Oh my gosh. But Cece, well, Jess whispers to Cece that she hasn't told the boys that Cece broke up with Buster yet. She feels like she might have to tell Schmidt. Yeah, but Schmidt should be near a hospital when he's told. So she's waiting for the right time. 100%. 100%.

And then Nick tells Schmidt, you know, that his obsession with CeCe, it's not good for him, man. This is ridiculous. We got to figure this whole thing out. He's like, dude, you know, Schmidt's been killing it. You know, Schmidt's been killing it in the summer. He had sex with a bridesmaid on a 45-minute flight to San Jose. And he was in boarding group D and she was in boarding group B. How does that work? He's killing it. You know me, I would genuinely actually have questions. I don't even know how that would work. How would you approach a stranger that's halfway up the thing and then get them, like,

I genuinely don't understand sex in an airplane bathroom because it's really small. Well, you got to know the angles. Yeah. And it's very gross. Yeah, you got to. It's the most disgusting place. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Like just trains of people coming in there to anxiety poop.

No one's washing their hands. They can't figure out all those weird taps and buttons and the thing. And then like the toilet that sucks your whole body. And like, that's where you're like, guess what? Well, you gotta know, you gotta know yourself. Um, and you gotta know angles like, uh, you know, you gotta know angles like a mathematician. Um, and that's something that I have. I possess all the, I know myself, I know my body and I know my angles. So all the times that I've done it in tight, like closed spaces, I once did it under a couch.

I once did it in a drawer, a desk of a drawer. You know what I'm saying? So if you know you and you know your capabilities, so I think Schmidt could have pulled it off. The idea that you board a plane with a protractor and Tia's like, what's that for? You're like, sex, man. What you think, baby? Come on.

The angles. What about the angles, bro? I can't. Okay, wait. We're going to go to break. When we come back, I'm going to tell you about the party trick dance that Cece teaches Jess on how to outwit Jessica Biel and where it came from on a little trip that I took with Liz Merriweather.

This episode is supported by FX's Dying for Sex, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. Inspired by a true story, this series follows Molly, who after receiving a terminal cancer diagnosis, decides to leave her husband to explore the full breadth of her sexual desires. She gets the courage and support to go on this sex quest from her best friend, Nikki.

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Liz Merriweather and I and you, the rest of the cast, we did a press tour in New York. We did something in New York. Or maybe it was after Upfronts. No, because that would have been years before. No, we were all in New York for something. No, we did Upfronts every year. Oh, true. We did Upfronts every year. I forgot. Wow. Yeah, so I guess it was after Upfronts. We were all in New York. We all went to like a club. We all had a great time. It was super fun. We danced. It was great.

And we were talking about dancing. And one of my best friends, Sabrina, lives in New York, who is one of the most beautiful women I think that's ever been created on planet Earth. She-I.

She's gorgeous. And I remember when we were in school together and she would go and dance in the club and she would do this like everybody else is like dancing and kind of like moving to the end. She would just do this like roll with her body. And every man in that nightclub was just like, yeah.

Now, I don't know if it was the move or was her or the combo of the two, but it was something that stopped everyone in their tracks. Men, women was just like, what is this? She's moving differently. And it was very sexy. And so I remember talking to Liz about it just candidly. And I was like, I have this image. And then I showed Liz and she was like, put that all away. Oh, my. That that that is something. Forgot about it.

Then I got this script for the season four premiere. And it's like, Hannah does that dance she does that she talked to me about. It's like in the script. Oh, wow. And I remember Liz being like, because I was like, what sexy dance is this? And she's like, don't you remember? You told me the thing. And I was like, oh, my gosh. Okay. In front of all these people and the world, I will try to like.

remember the sexy dance that my 14 year old sexy friend 14 yeah i know she had the moves she was like no we were probably 16 i'm exaggerating she was 16 years old but i remember she could just dance and i was like whoa so she was buster in the scenario and all the old dudes looking were you

They're all weird. I was younger than her. Anyway, I just remember. So I remember doing that dance move, but I was like, oh my gosh. And it's the truth of this show. You had to be careful what you said and did around our writers and producers because it could end up

in the show and that dance is one of them 100 um that's why i never i've never told liz about any of my sexy dances because i don't want to have to do them on tv that's that's personal between me and the group of women that i do it for for money i get it i get it i made that mistake and look at me now um let's chit chat a little bit about

the best man reed scott he is delivering one hell of a hilarious speech as the best man does and everyone's like hey jess what about him won't you go over there and sex fist that man and she's like really best man no he's like you know sought after and go do it well they say he's like wedding royalty like the best man is like you're going for like the top dog

Yeah. Is that true? I don't have them into a lot of weddings. It is. The best man, numero uno. Numero uno. All right, so it's true. The women, they want them. They line up for them. I don't know why that is, but I've been the best man a few times. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. You got to sneak out the back, though, because they waiting for you. It's Beatlemania. Oh, my gosh. I feel like Justin Bieber out here. And so-

So they walk up. She walks up to him and then Kat intercepts, played by Jessica Biel. One of the most beautiful women alive. Oh my goodness. Jessica Biel just walks up and then the speech she gives of why she's a catch is so good and so funny. Oh my gosh, yeah.

She lost her virginity to Malcolm Gladwell? Like, what is even happening in this speech? She watches 30 minutes of porn every night to stay up to date on the latest sex trends. She thinks missionaries coming back depends on what happens in Syria. Is that what she said? I mean, that is crazy. And she clearly thinks she's the best option for Ted. And so then they keep telling each other that they love each other's shoes. Oh, yeah. Because then it starts to get really pissed off of just like, listen.

Don't try to button this with being nice to me. You've declared war. So that little... You ever compete for somebody? No. I'm too lazy to compete with somebody. I feel like I'm competing with society to get the woman that I want. That's different. It's so different. But I'm taking now. I'll tell you about it later. Your boy wifed up.

If this is true. It's true. I'm off the streets. Hannah Simone, I'm off the streets. What did you say? I said this year is the year. You said that? Multiple times. I have said that this year is the year. Yeah, that I'm off the streets. I'm cleaning up my act. I'm cleaning it up. I'm running a tight ship here. I don't have room for that many more women. That many more? You should be down to Wednesday at 1. No, I'm polygamous.

Like, nah, moving to Utah. Okay. So Jess asked the boys for help. You know, she's trying to compete. You know, that's not her thing. She don't really do all that stuff. She asked Winston if guys still want an Oakland face and an LA booty. In my mind, I was like, yup. Sure. You give, your character gives, I think,

The best advice in this scenario, and it is something I have thought about like for years, just as a be there thing, the Biden thing.

It's real. I don't know if that's real because upon further review, I don't know where Biden is. I haven't seen or heard from this man in a very, very long time. Yeah. And I know he's dealing with some stuff, but I was like, I think about this episode a lot. He was, but I think about this episode. Just doing his thing for a long time.

where he been sleepy joe yeah joe we miss you joe anyway yeah hope he's all right he's been being there for everybody i know i hope he's alive and well he's trying to be there for himself right now him or him or his body double i hope one of them are alive oh my goodness the more this is gonna be a different podcast we're gonna have a whole segment called the lauren's conspiracy theories i got i gots a few i got i know me too

All right, when we come back, we're going to talk about carelessness on women. What? This episode is supported by FX's Dying for Sex, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. Inspired by a true story, this series follows Molly, who after receiving a terminal cancer diagnosis, decides to leave her husband to explore the full breadth of her sexual desires. She gets the courage and support to go on this sex quest from her best friend, Nikki.

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Imagine you're scrolling through TikTok, you come across a video of a teenage girl and then a photo of the person suspected of killing her. And I was like, what? Like it was him? I was like, oh my God. It was shocking. It was very shocking. I'm Jen Swan. I'm a journalist in Los Angeles, and I've spent the past few years investigating the story behind the viral posts and the extraordinary events that followed.

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Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How? Go slower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all-new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. And Santi was gone. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Hmm.

Mmm, pillow talk. The most unwelcome window into the human psyche. Follow our out-of-his-element hero as he engages in a series of ill-conceived investigative hookups. Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex. And, as I was about to learn, no amount of showering can wash your hands of a bad hookup.

Take a big whiff, my bra. Listen to The Hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. And we are, um, you know, I've never, I personally have never gone completely hairless. Never. Not once. There's this, you know, and I like to scape it up.

Man-wise, if you know what I mean. Yeah. Sometimes. Sometimes it's like the outback in there. It's like the bush. Can I just say that if you think about a man manscaping, having to like

Crane his neck all the way down. Like you're trying to bend like a giraffe going down for water. Yeah. Right. And then you've got like whatever scissors or a razor. And it's the most. Scissors. Ain't nobody using those scissors. Whatever. I don't know what people do, but I'm just saying like this. Just the image is so beautiful.

um awkward and uncomfortable in my brain like i don't want to know that anybody like i'm happy that everybody does that's great it's wonderful but like the image of like the hunched over thing just is too weird for my brain hannah you just hire a manscaper what's wrong with you

i got a few people on the play roll on the payroll i got a pool guy i got a landscaper and i got a manscaper okay all same person you're just you're just when you're done the hedge come inside you're just spread eagle on your bed just waiting there scrolling on your phone on your bed who gets manscaped i don't know we got tarp down i

I don't know what happened. It's the same way the ladies do it. Hannah, we go to the salon. The salon. I bet you that's actually true. That is actually probably true. Some people go to professional. I never thought of that. It's actually a job. People do that. Thanks to Jessica Biel for saying that crazy line and putting us on this insane tangent. So, Coach, this is funny. Coach is apologizing to yet another wedding attendee for not calling her back.

She asks, why is he so scared of intimacy? Cut to another woman says he's arrogant, sexist, and stole her phone charger. Cut to, this is my favorite. Older ladies say, coach lied to her about being in the movie Best Man Holiday. And the best is you can see Damon's face because it's not like they told him it is going to be this

respectable woman that's going to come and be next to you and say this line. She's going to be a little older than the other one. And you're watching Damon's face try to hold it together because that kind of stuff to him is genuinely funny. Oh, yeah. He's dead. He's absolutely dead in that scene. Shout out to the best man holiday. Shout out to Malcolm Lee. Great movie. All right. So let's get into the meat and potatoes of this episode, which is the

four-way that Schmidt really would like to do with Nick. He seems heavily invested in the fog of war. Right before this happens, though, can we just talk quickly about what was the line that Schmidt said

about the one girl who was that happened right before this right where he sees he's pointing out two different women yeah and he's like oh look she's the she looks like the girl from the uh he's like the beautiful one she looks like the girl um from the tennis commercials where they're selling tampons the tennis commercial while she while she's playing look like the girl who's in the commercial where she's playing tennis with a tampon that's right that's right

This is true. They got those beautiful women and they were always wearing head to toe white. Yeah. And moving. Just moving at a speed. Let me tell you something. When it's that time of the month for me, I am not wearing white. No, we are not. We do not. No, we don't. We don't. Oh, I know it. No. Gotta cancel the manscaper. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Okay, so now they're talking to these two girls who want to do what they call a four-way. So open, by the way. I love a direct approach. These women were just like, so you guys want to go home with us? Great. We want to do a four-way. All of us together. You in. And Schmidt is like, this is the greatest moment of my life. And then looks over and there is no Nick Miller. Just evaporated.

He's gone. Gone. He's gone. You know, I've been there. You know, you're in an awkward situation. You know, it sounds on the surface cool. Sure. But you're smart enough. Your mind is 10 steps ahead and you're like, this ain't going. This ain't going. No. This ain't what I want. You'd be so...

What's the opposite of inhibited? Hibbited. You'd be hibbited up. You'd be so hibbited. You'd be like, my hand is touched. You know, it's like that planes, trains, and automobiles where he's like, oh, like I kept my hand in between two pillows. And he's like, those aren't two pillows.

It's that. It's that moment or whatever of like, you'd be so hibbited. Yeah. You're like, who am I inside of? That's weird. Who's inside of me? Why is there a person inside of me? There's too many bodies. There's too many people. Even though I think the Nick and...

Schmidt storyline. That's the real will they, won't they? Sure. And I think people were anxious to see what would have... I always said if we get a chance to record some more New Girl episodes, we got to make them for HBO. So we could just actually show

True girls, how they were showing stuff. Just get it in. Schmidt and Nick. Just go ahead and have it. I feel like if we did a reunion movie, like if we did a movie, it should be White Lotus style. Oh. Let's call Mike White. That's what I'm saying. Watch New Girl. You got the cast of New Girl. Make a movie. Make it happen. Get weird. I need 10 million.

That's where your mind first went. I need $10,000. Cool $10,000 plus some backhand. What do you think? Fair. Favorite nations. We all get $10,000. That's right. $10,000 across the board. Well, now that we've worked out the deal, the terms, the conditions, the points, we can move on. Yes, let's do that. So, Jess, goes full Biden.

Full Biden, which I don't think she did it right either. She did it awkwardly. Well, I don't know if there's a way to Biden in that situation without it being awkward. Because it felt like that Ted had made his choice. But you know what I think? But what she could have done was just, and I've done this before too.

Well, you just keep letting that person know that you're still there. Sure. Like, you just walk past, put a hand on her chest. Oh. You could just, not me. I'm going to hurt her. Yeah, I was about to say, this is what you're. So you walk by, grope her. Walk by, touch her, go to jail. But then she'll know because she's got to go press charges against you. So you're always there. You've got a relationship. There's a dynamic there. Now she's coming to see you in court, you know? Yeah.

uh yeah no i think you just walk by touch a shoulder hey i'm going to the bar you want something i'll be back you know just keep walking kill him with kindness you just gotta keep being there it don't always work out but you know the people it doesn't work out for they're all nasty nasty people um this unfortunately goes all the way south and ends up with just sitting in a disgusting place the men's

Toilet. Fun fact. She's a toilet person. Fun fact. Women's restrooms, I hear, are far worse than men's. No. That's what I've heard. Women's are either, I will say this, it's like a zero or a ten. Like you never go in and it's slightly disgusting. Either it's like, bye, you gotta go. Or it's like, oh, a bunch of like normal women use this stall. And it's fine.

I don't think that men's bathrooms, I think they all, it lives between an eight and a 10 for all of them. - No, no, no. I've been in some pretty clean bathrooms before. It depends on where you are. - You're not pooping in public bathrooms. - Airport lounge? Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's different. They brought in someone coming in cleaning at every, an airport lounge? - Yeah, when you're in the lounge at the airport. - Go to the bathroom by the gate. - No, I don't do that. - That's what I'm saying. - I don't go to the gate bathroom. What's wrong with you?

I'm trying to say to you. Oh my gosh. Okay, we have to get back to the foursome. Okay. Because Winston just, what the heck, man? The demonstration. Yeah. I remember you trying to figure out how to do it to make it uncomfortable. I do remember there was a conversation of like, how do you make the bit

right just from the casual knocking work i remember there was like a little chat around that i don't know yeah yeah i think we did it a few times where you have to make it and i think that i think the the the that came from my reaction the goal of making it really uncomfortable and awkward and weird and disgusting i had to i was playing with it like oh wow how'd that get in there it's all shoved in there like i'm improvising a lot of

Well, all of it for the most part. So you have to just keep adding it, adding, adding disgusting things, little innuendos. So they know that that's what's going to happen to them. Sure. You know, no way to not get the salt and the pepper. Yeah. Nick has disappeared himself. He's like, I'm not doing it. I'm not interested. There's no way before the whole Winston thing happens. I'm out. And then he bumps into CC at the bar and CC goes, Oh,

I'm also single and kind of going through it and trying to figure myself out. And then he's like, yeah, because if Schmidt knows that we're all back in this CC Schmidt disaster where he's hyper obsessed over you and then it's insane to live with.

So now I've got to go and have a foursome. Yes. I have to go do this thing for my friend because you just told me you're single, which is such Nick Miller thinking it's crazy. So he goes back. Winston does the worst live demo of all time.

Yes, he does the salt in the pepper hole, etc. Salt in the pepper hole. So Nick can't do it again and he goes to hide in the bathroom. But of course, in true New Girl fashion, there's always someone hiding in the bathroom at a party. That's right. We've done this bit many times before. And there is Jess where she's like, look, I guess there's fridge people and there's toilet people. I'm a toilet person. Clearly a toilet person.

Which sounds bad, but it's accurate. And he's like, just be yourself. Just be yourself. And she's like, really be myself? Do my Tina Turner impression? Then she sings one of the weirdest songs of all time. All the wings of love. Wait, what was the song? Well, love was in there. Yeah, that song. And then he's like, I kind of get it. And then she says, well, and he says, look, none of us are closing tonight. So the sex fist has become...

The sex finger? The sex finger. Which is gross. Where are we right now? I think we've been bouncing around. We're near the end because then Jess goes to Ted and she's like, look, I'm going to be myself. I'm going to tell you all the weird things about me. But those are the things that make me me. And she just like, blech. She goes down the list and says all of her things. Her first crush was on a Batman cake. Okay. Yeah. Teenage Simba awoken her sexually.

And then... Jessica Biel. Just shows up. Here's a photo of me naked. I like how that camera is like not even...

yeah it's at the elbow of jessica beale because i wonder how many people were watching it how many guys were watching it going like move the camera they're just like i just did they know writing the email to us can you just check with the director did he know if he panned left the show would have gotten better i love how jess brings out her phone and goes this is a photo of me with a guy she thought was larry king

That's your big celebrity brag. But what's funny, though, what's funny, though, is after all that, he still can't make up his mind. This, you know what? I heard there's a term for this. What? There's a term for this in the board game world, in these like fantasy board game worlds. Uh-huh. And it's called analysis paralysis. Oh.

where you could do this move, but then this is, or that move, but then, and then you just get trapped

paralyzed, analyzing your two options. And you just like the whole game starts to suck because one person is like for 45 minutes, just like going through the thing. And that is just what Ted is doing. It's so annoying, which is so great because then the women are like, I don't even know why you're still like humming and hawing, bro. Like the moment has passed. We are like, we've both got full ick now. Bye-bye. And then Beale grabs the pastor. Yeah.

Joyce's plan B. I love the fact that he kept trying to pretend as if this doesn't happen all the time. Where do you live? She's like two inches above your mouth. I can't. Very funny. Very quick. Paralysis or analysis. Paralysis. I think I suffer from that. Me too. 100%. I think it's stuck in a spot where I'm like, I don't know. You could go left, but then you could go right.

Yeah, that was Schmidt with Elizabeth and Cece. That's right. Analysis paralysis, you guys. Welcome to the new term I'm bringing into the season four recaps. Then we go back to the place where you know you want to see him, which is the loft. That's right. They're in the loft. Jess is at the refrigerator, and she's just throwing away all these wedding invites. Coach grabs one and says...

it's a sheer chocolate pocket it's like what is that it's my butt chocolate i can't it feels like that's the bookend for this episode because it starts with you saying you can't close your ass and it ends with damon's chocolate pocket chocolate pocket

I like that they took a real big dig at Cece and Shivrang's wedding. Oh, yeah. Needed. Necessary. Finally, they just chucked that one out the window. Yeah.

Yeah. And then they all bond over ripping up wedding invites. I loved it. I loved that big group shot at the end where they're just slowly pulling away. And there's no, like, we just got to like all be ourselves in that moment and walk around and we're laughing and showing each other the invites. And those are the moments our friendship was so well formed and we were so bonded, like, you know, outside of our characters, just in our real lives. And those moments where they would just kind of let us do our thing while they were

You know, they're like, just walk around and laugh and talk to each other. And then it makes it to TV is really sweet. It was a sweet way to end the premiere of season four. Yes, it was. Yes, it was. All right. Well, let's take a little break, a little siesta. And then when we come back, I feel like messing around a little bit.