Rerun - 107: Bells
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I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Ring, ring, ring, ring. May I please speak with Zoe? Oh, hello, Lamorne. Let's patch in Hannah. God, I forgot what it was like working with you guys. Welcome to our show. Welcome to our show. Hello, everybody, and welcome to our show. Welcome to our show.

us. You don't know who we are by now. This is Lamorne and this is Hannah and we are friends. Yes, we are good friends. Hey cuties, what's going on guys? Churro! Churro!

Life is happening. Life is happening. I will say re-watching the Bells episode directed by Peyton Reed, written by Love Raque. Love Raque. I got a story. Remind me to tell you a story about love. It was so interesting to me because I was not in that episode.

And if I watched it, it was maybe when it originally aired a decade ago. So I had zero recollection of that episode. You were in Spain. And it was surprising to me. So much of it, I was like...

Handbells? You don't remember this at all? This was the episode that we shot second, but it aired seventh. So it's funny to me looking at it. I'm like, oh, this was the episode. I still really felt like I was figuring stuff out. I was like, how far do I go?

go with this? I don't know. I also, it was like the first time I got to like have a storyline with Lamorne, which was super fun. I have to say, I think Jake and Max's storyline was really...

great in this. So funny. The scream fight to me was one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. Their banter was just so good and you feel like they've been friends forever. I really like that storyline because everybody knows the storyline is, if you haven't just watched this episode like we have, that Nick is always fixing stuff

In a kind of like he's kind of jerry rigging stuff to fix it, but they're not the fancy fixes that Schmidt wants. And so they get in a fight like that Schmidt. Schmidt's always throwing his money at stuff. He's getting fancy fixes. He's actually hiring professionals to do stuff. Whereas Nick is scrappy and likes to...

Jerry rig and fixes stuff in weird ways. And so Schmidt starts like taking all of the stuff he bought away and then

Nick starts unfixing stuff. It's very, I mean, it's very fun. It's a simple storyline, but it's very funny. Last time on New Girl, episode 107, Bells. Jess's school is running out of space, so she brings her delinquent students back to the loft to learn the art of hand bells. Schmidt wants the plumbing fancy fixed in the loft ASAP, but Nick is confident in his craftsmanship. Eventually, Schmidt hires a plumber, who's a great plumber.

who compliments Nick's bottle trick. Meanwhile, Winston has joined the Bells team, but he's too damn good and too damn competitive, and Jess has to kick him off the squad for being mean to the kids.

Nick and Schmidt begin a war that ends with everything Schmidt ever purchased being stuffed into his room. The guys make amends on the roof where Nick explains that Schmidt knows him all too well and that he'd prefer a friend who would lie to spare his feelings. The guys make amends on the roof where Nick explains Schmidt knows him too well and he'd prefer a friend who would lie to spare his feelings. Jess tells Winston that he can't be one more person disappointing these kids.

At their recital in the park, Winston shows up and is welcomed back to the team. They do a mediocre but spirited version of Eye of the Tiger that everyone can rock out to. Now, back to the show. There are two categories of people, and they really clearly define them in this episode, of fancy fix versus fix to the point of working. Right.

Which is really funny to me. I prefer either. I could go either way. When I was looking at some of the fixes that Nick was, you know, some of his fixes made sense to me. Some of his fixes reminded me of how he grew up. He had a single mom. So sometimes when things would break, she wouldn't necessarily know about it or have the time to fix it. But we as boys in the house would just kind of

you know, mend it together. We wouldn't MacGyver it the best way we could. And she'd got to go, Oh, it works for you. It works for me. Anyway, got to go to work. My favorite is his soap dispenser while he's talking. He has a wooden spoon, a wooden spoon in the soap dispenser. I mean,

Who hasn't had like a soap dispenser not working and you're just like, oh God, I'm just going to take the top off. Exactly. Because soap dispensers for some reason always break. They always break. It's true. It has to be the right angle to get the pump, man. What are you talking about, Hannah? It's the part that unscrews like doesn't seem to want to unscrew. You know, like we're supposed to like screw in one part and then unscrew this top bit. You guys are on some weird stuff today.

Wait, Peyton Reed. Can you talk to me about Peyton Reed? Because Zoe, I feel like... Oh yeah, Peyton is so fantastic. Peyton directed the movie Yes Man that I was in. A great, great fun movie. A movie that was great fun, if you will. And Jim Carrey was in it. Huh? Did he do Ant-Man as well? I think Peyton did, yeah.

He did Ant-Man? Yes, ma'am. Ant-Man. He also did Bring It On. Directed Bring It On. He's directed all kinds of great movies. He is just a fantastic person. So sweet. So sweet. He directed one of my favorite She and Him videos that we've ever done. Really? Yes. He did this one for In the Sun and it was a really fun video. Oh, I love that video. So Peyton's hopped on and gotten involved in a bunch of things that I've been involved with and it's

made my life so much better because he's wonderful and he actually directed a bunch of New Girl episodes in the first few seasons so we were lucky to have him oh yeah also written by Love Rocke and Love Rocke was there from day one day one one of my favorite people overall just in life he's such a great guy great family and

One of the best laughs you could have ever heard. Oh, yeah. Can you give us an impression? I can't. It's so high pitched. I mean, have you heard your baby voice? Is it really that high? Yeah, if he gets going, it's like a baby being tickled. It's very, very sweet. We have to have love on. We'll just have him laugh and then he can go. He doesn't have to share any stories. Well, funny story about love. So I have security cameras all over my house, all outside of my house.

And sometimes when I go travel, well, so here's the thing. Sometimes when I travel, I'll just check in. Now, obviously my brother is still here, but I'll just check the security cameras outside just to check him randomly. Lamar's trying to tell you all he's rich.

He's rich. He's watching you. And he's paranoid. I'm trying to tell you somebody tried to rob me before and it didn't end well. Oh, yeah, yeah. For them. It did not end well for them. But I'm checking the camera. And now they're filming a TV show. They're filming that show Dave. They film it right across the street from my house. So constantly there are like trucks and things and people outside of my house. I love Dave, by the way. Love that show. Love Dave. Love that show.

I've never seen it. I'm not saying silent because I don't like it. I'm sure it's amazing and I've heard great things. I just haven't seen it. I'm putting it on the list.

Funny guy, tremendous actor. But Love is a writer on that show. And I remember checking my cameras one day and outside, they leave the porta potties, and I was so pissed off about this. The porta potties were right in front of my house. So my security camera is looking right at the entrance of the porta potties. And I checked the cameras one day and who was standing right outside of the porta potty is Love.

Love is standing right outside. So I texted him a picture of it. I text Love a picture. How did you know it was him? Oh, just because he's right next to him. It's very clearly him. It's very clearly him. He has a certain stance right before he has to use the bathroom that's recognizable from afar. I think it was when he was leaving the bathroom. That can't be true. Look at this. If you could see this photo. Clear it.

that's pretty clearly love I mean he's wearing a mask like in a very generic outfit and I can still tell it's him that's kind of yeah but look at look at the disrespect look at the trash cans the porta potties I have the most my I have a ugh

Are you kidding me? Right outside your house? Right outside of my house. I was so mad. I was so upset. But love brightened the moon. So you send him a picture of himself waiting to use the bathroom? That maybe is my nightmare. And he's looking and I say, is this you? And he goes, yeah. And he goes, is this your house I'm staring at? Oh my God. Yes. And he goes, I thought so. I wasn't sure. I just want to add that we've talked about...

love waiting outside of port-a-potty but he's a really really great writer oh yeah super talented guy love having him around he's so so funny love love love and really smart i love love which is a little dickie song i love love and i cuddle for enjoyment that's one of his one of his yeah anyway i'm dave oh wait does his laugh sound like like that

If he gets, if he's really in it, I'm telling you, it goes high pitched like a little baby and like the greatest joy. It's the most innocent, beautiful laugh. That's going to be the goal. We're going to get love on the show. We're going to interview him about all this great body of work. We're going to tickle him. We're going to try to get him to giggle. Yeah. So he's going to run over to where he's taping and just tickle him. It's going to happen.

With his permission, of course. Consensual tickling. Yes. I really have so many questions for you guys about this. Yes, please. I can tell you, I watched because I was like, Zoe, you are a very accomplished musician. Have you ever played them before? I'd never even heard of them, honestly. I'd never heard of this instrument. Also, they... So... What was so funny... Okay, so...

When they went back in post and made... Because we had the bells. We did practice with bells that had... We had a bell expert, I think. Oh, yes. Kind of teach us a little bit of something. They didn't have any... What do you call the... Ding-dongs inside? Ding-dong thing inside. I don't know what you call it. Mallet? Whatever. They were removed. So the bells made no sound. And then when they went back... So...

Okay, yeah. There's going to be a difference in terms of... Obviously, each bell is going to be different and they're all different pitches. And how you ring the bell, it will sound better or worse and ring out. But they're not going to be like flat just because each one is just the pitch it is. It's the sound, yeah. But then when they went back and added sound to make everyone sound bad, they made them all sound flat.

flat like they were flat and i'm like well this is just not like at least in my experience i i would i would certainly defer to a handbell expert but um that's just not how they're gonna sound bad but of course it really emphasized how bad we all were and how wonderful uh winston was oh our wonderful producer joelle has just told us that it's called the tongue of the bell okay yeah

Which makes the bell feel so human. Yes, the tongue of a bell. The part inside that swings to make the bell ring is called the clapper. I think I like ding dong better. Oh, it's called the clapper. The clapper. Okay. Joelle, our wonderful producer, has told us that the tongue of the bell is called the clapper. The clapper. So folks, go out there and get yourself some hand bells and try to practice. And I will warn you, though.

I now I can't speak for Zoe. Actually, I can speak for Zoe. Her hands were fine after playing the handbell. My hands. I don't know why we're swollen. I think I think I know why. It did hurt to hold the the the handles for a long time. And you were having to play them a lot. And you had to do the like three in one, the three in hand and the two in hand and stuff that.

you know you have to get used to it so definitely and and um you know yeah but for all the handbell people out there for all the handbell folks out there um we're gonna change the name all you many many people yeah the name is no longer called the three in hand it's called the winston yeah so just know that let's just let's just make that a popular thing now make the change do we put handbells on the map

I think we did. I think we did. You did for me. Us and a few churches. I'd never heard of them. And I am a musician. So there you go. That's either embarrassing or just maybe reassuring. I'm not sure. I'm not going to lie to you. I did get pretty decent at it, though. I did get pretty. I started to really enjoy doing it. Like once the episode was done, I was kind of I thought that I was going to go and buy a set at church.

Really? Yeah, and I planned on it. Because, you know, I don't have too many hobbies outside of what we do for a living. I don't play any instruments. Your hobbies are like creating other shows and writing podcasts. You are always busy with something new.

Yeah, I'm a creative person. You're very creative. Yeah, but like, if you guys can't see this, I'm sure there'll be a photo at some point. Zoe has 114 guitars behind her. But that's another... That's my job. Like, that's a job. Yeah.

so that is a profession but um yeah like no it's sometimes like it's hard to find things out like if your profession is something that's fun it is like you're like well i'm kind of busy with something that's fun that like actually is my work so um but yeah it's hard to find hobbies outside you know your profession if it's fun i wasn't going to be a professional cool guy but you are yeah

You are. Teach losers how to be a cool guy like me. That's kind of what you did in this episode. Ha ha.

That's what I tried to do. After rewatching it, I realized I was a dork. Not Winston, Lamorne. I was just watching going like, Jesus, you took yourself way too seriously. I wish I had played, you know, even going back and looking at playing a character a certain way, I watched it and I wished it was season six Winston or seven Winston. Hmm.

Playing the hand bells because it would have been such a, it would have been a different episode, I believe. Right. And this one you were actually trying to be good to sell the fact that you were really good and very serious about it. Way too serious. You needed bird shirt Winston. Bird shirt Winston would have been. That's a whole other episode. I'm shocked we never brought bells back later on, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because this was like a...

This was a window into Birdshirt. This was like a foreshadow. Foreshadow, yes. Of Birdshirt Winston. Which reminds me of something. We skipped over something very, very important on this show. What we love to do, or what Hannah loves to do, is find the bear. Hannah. Bear hunt. Where's the bear? Or watch the episode.

didn't find the bear. So then I go after I've looked for myself, then I go online to see. And what was interesting is that nobody else has found the bear either. And I was like, but then I went back and found it.

I found two bears. Okay, so can I tell you the bear that I found on my second rewatch last night? Yes. The bear is actually a picture in Winston's room. A standing bear looks kind of like a grizzly bear. And that's when Jess is like...

Reminding Winston near the end of the episode, like these are just kids being kids. So be mindful what you say of them. And there's a huge picture of a bear. Massive picture right behind, right behind Jess's head. That's right. But right before that, during the Nick and Schmidt fight,

Schmidt goes in his room and the refrigerator is right there. As he opens the door, there's a bear right there on the refrigerator. So here's the thing, though. We need to have some bear hunt rules because I've already used that one now.

Well, right. So how many times can we use the fridge bear? Well, the fridge bear doesn't mean the fridge will always be used in an episode. Well, it's there a lot of it. So I'm going we have to come up with some like the barefoot thing from wedding the wedding episode. I'm going to come up with some real hard and fast rules, guys, where we can't reuse. You said there's two, though. Where's where's the other one? Yeah, the fridge, the fridge bear and the bear picture hanging in Winston's room. And but I don't use the fridge bear.

So I'm going to come up with some real rules. And when Liz Merriweather is on at the end of this season of our podcast, I'm going to ask her if this was all intentional because I'm a little obsessed with finding this bear in every episode. I think that's important. I want to say we had some great guest stars as the kids in this episode. Raven Goodwin. Ooh.

Ki Hong Lee and Esther Povitsky. They were really fantastic. Yeah, we also had Tiffany Ariani as well. Oh, Tiffany Ariani. Yes. I have something very exciting for you guys. Actually, when we come back from the break, I reached out to Esther and she sent me a few voice notes about her memories of shooting bells. And she spilled some to you guys.

I'm Jason Alexander and I'm Peter Tilden and together on the really no really podcast our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor we got the answer will space junk block your cell signal the astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer we talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth plus is

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You know what's funny is that I can't figure out how I know Esther. So here's the thing. I rewatched the episode and or watched the episode, to be honest with you. I don't know if I've ever seen it before. And I'm like, is that Esther? Yeah.

Like I didn't know she was ever on it because I wasn't on the episode with her. You see what I'm saying? And there are also all these people who came on our show as kids, like when they were in middle school. And then I don't or they were like 18, but they looked young. And I don't.

don't and they're like hey I was on your show and I was like oh when you were a child like it's hard you know now you have a mustache yeah yeah yeah I feel like I met Esther at a party many years later and we said like hey and we chatted

And that was it. So it's not like we know, know each other or kick it. Like when I, and I was like, I think I got her number at that party just because we like chatting to each other. So it was almost like a cold text that I sent her. Right. And I've seen her shows. She created a show called alone together. She's on doll face on Hulu right now. She's super talented. She's done like, you know, standup specials. Um,

But it was almost like a cold text where I was like, hey, I had no idea you were a new girl because I wasn't on that episode with you. Do you remember anything? Y'all want me to play these voice notes? Yes, please. Yeah, as long as they're... Appropriate. Appropriate. They're appropriate. They have swears in them? No, no, no. There's no swears. All right.

There we go. There's two. Okay. Hi, this is Esther Kavitsky, stand-up comedian and original star of New Girl, the belt episode. Just wanted to say this is my first ever TV job, and I literally felt like a movie star when I found out that I got it. I was so excited and then quickly became really sad and upset because I

We had to learn, actually learn how to really play the handbells. Because when I read the script, I was like, obviously we're not going to learn it. We'll just fake it. No, we had like a really strict, serious teacher. And I was struggling so hard with it. I remember calling my parents crying, being like, I just wanted to be an actress. Like, I don't know how to learn music. Like, I can't do this. Okay, second part.

And also, I remember Lamorne had actually seen me do stand up before at the comedy store and told me and was like, yeah, I've seen you. You actually bombed. And then Zoe was standing right there and she was like, well, that's not very nice to say. And like she felt so bad for me. And then Lamorne was like, no, no, no. She bombed really gracefully. I was like, OK, thank you.

Oh my gosh. I was just right before you played the voice though. And I was just about to explain that. So what she's leaving out of the story is that it was her, it was her first time doing standup in LA and I was also doing standup and she, when she went up, it was part of her bit was that she was bombing and she was telling really bad jokes on purpose and,

At least that's what I thought the bit was. Make sure that's what the bit was. Well, because that's what she kept saying. She kept saying it. She kept going, well, this is... If you haven't seen her stand up, her delivery sometimes, at least back then, was very dry. And people were laughing their asses off. But it was like telling intentionally bad jokes. At least that's what I thought was happening. So when I said she bombed, I thought she would...

understand that that's, that's, that was kind of, I thought that was the bit. I thought that's what she was doing. And I, cause I have friends who are comedians and that's what their bit is. They'll go on stage and they'll just bomb as hard as they can. And the comedians in the crowd are laughing their asses off. Like some of the patrons are confused. Tim Heidecker had, did you ever see him do that standup show where his whole thing was that he was

was a bad stand-up. And he kept, like, looking at his, like...

notes in a really like I mean beautifully awkward way it was like just great acting and then he'd have his wife planted in the audience and he'd make mean jokes about her and then she'd get up and walk out and then it was like such a good it was but people would actually think it was real it was so well done that people would like get really uncomfortable and

I, my buddy, my buddy, uh, and then we'll move on. But my buddy, Rick Glassman is the exact same way. He, I think he's banned from multiple comedy clubs. Oh my God. Like because of, he's so funny though. Like he's like, like people come to see him, but his bits are still out there. He's, uh, he did, he does a bit where he has a hoodie on and he comes out talking and

and it's funny and it's like, it's just charismatic. It's just a casual conversation. And then he'll pull the hoodie down and he's got ear pods in and he'll pull the, and he's like, all right, mom. Okay.

All right, mom, I'll talk to you later. And they'll put the ear pods away and then he'll start the show. So the entire time everyone was like, wait, what? He'll do a bit with a puppet where he'll go, you guys like puppets? And everybody's like, yeah. And then he goes, cool, me too. And then he'll just move on. Wait, why did they ban him? Because a lot of times when I think...

I think he goes and he gets so obscure, obscure on stage that some of the crowd isn't, they don't know. They don't, they don't catch on. And he's so obscure. Like I'm talking like it's, he goes so far left. He's one of the funniest people I've ever, I've ever been around. But, um, and you guys should do this podcast at some point. Yeah.

Yes. You guys should do his podcast at some point. He's really funny and weird. He hasn't invited me yet, but he has. I just, I just haven't relayed the message yet. Oh, well now he knows I'll go missing link. I'll do it. It is interesting what those, these incredible guest stars we've had over the years have

Like, this was their first... For a lot of them, it was their first TV job. Esther, you are a star. You are a star. You are a star. She's created a show. She has, like, her own now stand-up special on Comedy Central. I mean...

She's a star. You never got to play handbells again. But she said the big thing was she got to like order lunch from a restaurant every day. She said that was like so crazy and cool. And then when she went in the hair and makeup trailer, she said she remembered Zoe Yu playing a gym...

Don't say Jim Crow. Jim Croce? Yes. A Jim Crow song? No Jim Crow songs. Jim Croce, you know. She remembers you playing it. Like it was so vivid. Like you remember your first time ever on a set. Yeah. Yeah. It was a 70s singer songwriter. If you don't know who he is, he's saying like New York's not my home. And, um,

operator lots of um lots of like 70s singer-songwriter style hits from jim croce jim croce i gotta go and download some jim croce um but she was talking about that twist right her first tv job and it felt so exciting she was a fan of bring it on and the director's there and it was this huge thing but then she had to actually learn the handbells but i don't know why they made anybody learn and it

I don't know why, because honestly, they just took the clapper out of the bell. I don't know either. But there was a I do remember coming to work the next week and Lamorne telling me two things that his wrists still hurt. Yeah. And that the bells instructor was quite intense. Yeah.

Like life or death. It was like, and you know, us being actors, we, we, especially Zoe at that time, this is one, this is my first regular job.

But Zoe, you had done so many things. You probably already knew it's not necessary for us to actually learn how to play. We know what's going to happen in post. Like varying degrees of those things. Yeah. And especially on a TV show like you're shooting so fast, there's no way they're going to like use the audio. I mean, I'm sure they they wanted it to look. The main thing is they want it to like look like people can play. But the kids are supposed to not be that.

great right at playing i think it was partially because they were like okay well you guys have time i remember you know lamorne had to look like he was really good right away i thankfully um was just conducting and that was easy for me because i did choir from the time i was like a a small child did you have a choreographer because you did you did dance in one part i'm

multiple did you have a choreographer for that i'm asking you oh no no no no choreographer they were just like it's kind of funny because it circles back to like the nick schmidt storyline about the learning the handbells thing which is did you need the fancy fix like did you need to really learn how to play handbells or did you just fix it till it worked like a movie about handbells

If we were doing a movie about handbells, then yeah, we got to learn some handbells. But this episode, probably no. But like, I get why, you know, normally you have to learn a little something. But but they probably, you know, there probably weren't that many handbell teachers available. And, you know, probably the woman who was teaching us was like, this is.

a chance for exposure for this instrument and maybe, you know, she was, she was serious. I didn't get, I didn't work with her very much. Cause again, I was conducting, but in terms of, you know what, I will say this, this is just a pivot, but I was, I was going to say this earlier that like, if you go into a house that's been Jerry rigged for like, you know, 30, you know, you have a guy that's like Nick, but like older and he's been just Jerry rigging his house for like,

30, 40 years, that house is...

A messed up house. You have to fancy fix. Sometimes you got a fancy fix. Sometimes it's cool to have that, you know, it's great. It develops creativity, but like sometimes you just got to call in a plumber, you know, or like electrical things. Let's just leave that. Let's not mess with that. So if you had to pick sides in this Nick in Schmidt beef, whose side, just, just left or right.

You know, Nick or Schmidt, whose side would you be on? Can we have a disclaimer with it?

Sure. Small disclaimer. Okay. Cause I'm like kind of 50, 50. Like, I think it's great. And so creative that Nick can fix things in that weird way. Like it's, it's great. But ultimately like you have to like that water bottle situation above the toilet was, that was, that was creative, but not something that you don't want your,

toilet like you know what was the water bottle like yeah was the was the water passing through that water bottle like what was going on there yeah um i'd actually like to talk to a real plumber but um but yeah you gotta hire you gotta hire a professional because otherwise you know eventually like it's great i i'm on the side of like jerry rigged for now and

uh for you know to get us through the next few days while we wait for the plumber you know what i mean right as a stop gap for me i don't mind like a you can if you can fix it and then i don't know any different

Great. But if I have to now, like in this episode, turn on a faucet so I can use the bathroom? No, sir. We're calling a plumber. If I have to do some weird extra random step that I always have to remember and then remind people coming to my house, to me, that is not fixed. That's not fixed. You have now just created more work for me and things I have to remember in an abnormal situation. But if you fixed it and I can't tell the difference...

But I will say this. What do you think, Lamorne? Well, I'm on the side of Schmidt. I'm on the side of Schmidt. But I'm on the side of Schmidt if we had owned the loft. Yeah. We didn't own the loft. So why was the creepy landlord not there? They should have been calling the landlord. Why didn't he fix it? That's not on us. We don't own the place. Because he was kind of creepy, maybe?

maybe oh yeah yeah he wanted to later on you if we find out that but some people really do like the challenge so they're not gonna call the landlord because they're just like no this is like i'm not gonna bother anybody i can figure it out and they enjoy it personality type that doesn't like to read directions that's like things direction reading directions is some kind of you know weakness that feels like a nick miller thing oh yeah and i'm gonna say like okay so my boyfriend is a

contractor and really good at fixing stuff. And he's like, you know, call the plumber. Like if something needs a plumber, like he can do a fix, but he's like, a lot of times you need somebody who just does this. That's their thing, you know? Yeah. Cause I think if, I think if your boyfriend did it, he'd do it. He'd do a really fancy fix. Yeah.

I've seen the shows. He does a fancy fix for everything, you know, like, but he can fix stuff himself. But there are, you know, there are certain jobs, you know, certain like there's a certain level at which you're like, you got to call the plumber. You got to call the electrician. You got to call, you know, whoever it is that's going to do the super fancy fix.

And shout out to all the plumbers and electricians out there. Where would I be without you? The amount of times... You'd be in the dark with no running water. I'd be in the dark with a backed up toilet. Yeah.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, is

Does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's what I'm talking about.

The opening? Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to our show.

Also, another interesting thing I found out about that this episode brought up for me, the argument again between, again, it was so funny and so informative, a Midori Sour. Oh, that was so funny. Because that was a Midori, believe it or not, I didn't have my first drink until I was 22, which is apparently very late in the year.

- That's great. - First alcoholic beverage. - Yeah, first alcoholic beverage. - You ain't been parched for 22 years. - No, no, no. - You drank other stuff. - I drank other stuff, yeah, yeah. This is not alcohol. - What, water? - Water, warm milk, nipple milk when I was a baby. Yeah, but Midori, that was my first drink.

At a bar. And then I kept ordering it. Was it Midori Sour? Was it Midori Sour? Is that like straight up or is it a cocktail? I do not know. It's a cocktail. It's a cocktail. So it's a, it's a. It's a melon liqueur with Asian influences.

A melon liqueur and then a sour mix is like lemon sugar, something like that. So it would be like, there's a lot of drinks that are like sour. It has like a sour mix as sugar and lemon. And then you mix it with something that's already sweet, like Midori. It gets extra sweet. Yeah. Is it like a highball or a martini glass? Like what's the presentation on a Midori sour? Both. Okay.

It can be both. I've had it in martini glasses before. In fact, I used to order it. I used to order it so much. I thought I was cool until I started getting around like grownups. I would order a drink. You would hear people go, I take a scotch neat.

or I'll take this or I'll get a margarita or something. I don't know. And I would go, Hey, I'll take a, uh, the door is extra umbrellas. And the, the bartender sometimes would look at me like, what? Sure. Like the guys went with it. Like what? Uh,

I think you like automatically get carded if you order that no matter what age you look because it's like the drink that somebody would order if they like you know have never had it before the conversation goes Midori Sour and then the bartender goes ID ID got it yeah again I just got carded at the door

Yeah. Another thing that I realized about this episode that was interesting in how it correlated to my life was the sushi bit. The amount of sushi that Schmidt was eating and ordering, I thought that was normal at the time. However, I hadn't had sushi at that point in my life. While filming this episode, I had never had sushi. And I later on went to get sushi.

And I said to myself, that amount of sushi that Schmidt had ordered was a was a damn party platter. That was a lot. You can't eat that much. That's a lot. You'd be very full. I think I think he was or I think the I guess maybe the joke was that he had ordered a party platter thinking you guys were going to go in on it. And you guys were like, no, we don't want sushi.

Oh, okay. Maybe that was what it was. I think that's... So scrummy. I just remember that line was so stupid. $80 worth of sushi for yourself? Well, have you been a sugar fish? Yeah, I know. You get two rolls. Yeah, it's pretty expensive. That's $80 right there. It's a fancy fish. Lotus berry relax. Have you guys ever used that?

No, there were so many funny Schmidt lines in this. Shout out to our writing team and Love Rock A. Schmidt is on fire. I think the Schmidt and Nick exchanges are just so perfect. And so many good. Lotus Berry Relax. I looked it up. I couldn't find it. I think they just made it up. They made up all kinds of things that were...

So schmitty perfect. But the fun thing about it. It was such like a little kid perfect fight of trying to get then the product out of Nick's hair. Yes. Because he realized he was using it as a, he was using the conditioner as soap. Now, I once had, I once had an ex-girlfriend who said, I'll do your laundry for you.

There's one particular time I was like, yeah, sure. And I go and I realized, I realized something once I went into the laundry room afterwards, take my clothes out of the dryer. I said, wait, we ran out of soap. I said, wait, where's, there's no laundry detergent here, but on top of the washing machine is the fabric softener. And I said, I said, Hey, would you, did you, did you, did you, did you throw the soap, the, the, the, the, the laundry detergent bottle away? And she said, no, no, it's right there on top of the,

On top of the washing machine. I said, I thought so. Yeah, that's fabric softener. Yeah, that's fabric softener. Yeah, that's happened. And it's happened multiple times. With different people? Very soft clothes. Not clean, but soft. It once happened with my former cleaning lady. Okay. Did an entire four or five loads of clothes with fabric softener.

I think you need to separate the fabric softener away from the detergent if this is a reoccurring situation. It is. You know what? A lot of people use dryer sheets. They don't use liquid fabric softener. Yeah. I don't use fabric softener at all when I do laundry. Right. You just had it in your house. It's just there. It's just, you know. There in case. Just in case. Keep getting used up. Yeah, I know. Yeah. I think that's the confusion probably. But.

You know. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Competitive nature. That was also a really fun thing to watch, like to learn about the Winston character. Do you, either of you have a very competitive nature?

No, I mean, I love playing games and I like I'll be like, oh, yeah, like I'll set out to to win. But it's but for me, the reason why I like playing games is like the process of playing games. If you're too competitive that you're like mad if you lose, you're just not fun to play with. So there are some people that I like that that'll flip a Scrabble board.

Oh, yeah. No, I know. And you're like, I don't want to play Scrabble with that person. They're crazy. Speaking of games, should we play one right now? Let's play one. We're going to play True American. True American. True American.

Welcome to True American, where the rules change weekly and you leave more confused than when you showed up. Now this week, we're playing Nikola Tesla's Problems and Solutions. In this week's episode, Nick has a solution for every problem in the loft. Today, Hannah's going to come up with a problem and Zoe and myself are going to use objects in their immediate vicinity to help her come up with a solution.

Okay, so I genuinely have a problem at the moment. I will share it and you tell me what I should do to fix it. So in my shower, the handle that you use to turn the water on came off in my hand.

And so now there's just like a hole in the wall of my shower. And I may have somehow misplaced like the handle, the actual handle. Yeah. And so I don't know. I don't know where it is. I just took it on a drive.

I know where I left it, but there are multiple people in and out of my house. I just took it on my bicycle and I held onto it loosely. I wanted to get to know it better now that it didn't live in a wall. And so there's a hole in the wall. So they need to be inserted, I would think, to turn so I can get my shower to run some water. Help me. I have a microphone stand here, right here, that I'm using for this podcast. That could possibly work, right? That's right.

What do you think? We need some ridge thing though to catch, right? I could tell you. I could help you out here. I could help you out here. You see, your problem is that your shower is broken, correct? And what's the real issue there? That you can't clean your body. Okay. Okay.

So instead of fixing that problem, I have here a bottle of hand sanitizer. Instead of showering, you take this hand sanitizer that I have here. You take a little cloth. I'm holding a cloth in my hand. You pour the sanitizer on the cloth and you proceed to aggressively rub your body until it is clean.

Got it. Problem solved. And then you're probably... Well, then you're going to create another problem. It's also called dry skin because hand sanitizers... Got a problem. I got a solution for that. Okay. You got lotion? No, but I do have...

candle here right oh just put the candle wax all over your body and then after that you're gonna be cold and I have a heating pad right here because it's cold in my office and I have it in my lap because the heater is too loud so you're welcome Hannah we fixed your problem I feel great I'm covered in hand sanitizer and wax sitting on the heating pad with a hole in my shower that's right I can't help you with the hole I can't help you with the hole at all Hannah

You're going to have to fancy fix the hole. If you guys have solutions, please just hit us up on social media. Oh, wait. Do you have deodorant, too? I have deodorant, too. Okay. Because you're going to smell bad. I don't know how you have all this stuff right next to your desk. I got bug spray. All my stuff is technical. I've got lots of pluggy things. They're not going to help you. Okay.

Oh, you have one of those bug zapper things. I'm like, yeah, I'm like you. I get a lot of my stuff from like Instagram pop-ups, from infomercials. I got a bug zapper right here. How does the bug, it's going to land on the zapper? You just got to slot it. Don't let your child near that thing because it will electrocute you, I think. Oh, no, not at all. Not at all. I'm going to teach her how to use it though. Okay, she's one. Light tasing. Light tasing.

Anyone coming into the house? I do need parenting advice. So yes. Okay. Don't let her use the words after. We're going to talk after. Hannah and I are going to talk to you after the podcast. Thank you guys so much for joining us on Welcome to Our Show. Please like and subscribe and give us five stars to make us all very happy. Mostly Lamorne because five's his favorite number. Aww. Thanks guys. Thank you. You should see all of our smiles. We love you. Bye. Bye. Mwah.

Welcome to our show.

Our engineer and editor is Daniel Goodman. The Welcome to Our Show theme song was written by Zooey Deschanel, performed and produced by Zooey Deschanel and Pierre Derrida. Follow us on Instagram at Welcome to Our Show Pod. If you have a question you'd like us to answer, you can email us at Welcome to Our Show Podcast at gmail.com. Don't forget to rate, subscribe, and share far and wide. Thanks for listening. We'll hear you next week. Welcome to Our Show.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.