#101 Spies & Secret Agents
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Hello, folks. Welcome to the Nateland podcast. Let's go, folks. Welcome. Here we are, episode two, Dusty Slay. Second episode. Yeah. Yeah, we made it. We made it. 101. 101. This is it. This is the new beginning. I'm pumped. Seems like people didn't like the first one. Start over. We don't know yet. We had to record this one now. So we're...

Because it was Memorial Day or something, right? Right. We got Memorial Day coming up.

Memorial Day is coming up. That's fun. We were just in Woodstock. I did great. Aaron struggled. There you go. I just got back from Dolphin Island, lost a leg from a shark attack. That's fun. Yeah. That's a lot of stuff. We'll get to it when we get to it. Start with the comments. Katie Fidel Holtz. What would you say? I would say Fidel Holtz. Fidel Holtz.

I went to the Cubs-Diamondbacks game on May 22nd, and the giveaway of the day was an ice pack to support gout awareness. While everyone else thought the ice pack was a piece of junk, I told them this was the perfect opportunity for me to send in my first comment to the Nate Land podcast. There it is. That's awesome.

That's great. I love that. Yeah. Brian was like, yeah, you got to get me to throw out the first pitch out there, dude. That'd be the one. Walk out there, take some time. It takes him a little bit longer to get out there.

They start him out. You're like the Ollie Joe Prater that's already sitting out there. Yeah. Already on the mound. Yeah. We told that story on you. Yeah, with a sheet over me. He's got this sheet. It's too big to walk out there, so they just unveil him. And there he's out there and throws the first pitch. And then a team of –

They're like, give it up for the airborne 21st arm. They're going to carry the gout Aaron off. It's a whole military unit. It comes out.

Wheels them off and it's like, ah, everybody's good. I think that's a pretty fun thing to get an ice pack. Yeah, that's something you can actually use instead of a little cheap bobblehead or something like that. It's like something that would be in your freezer and you're like, you know what? Use it more than anything else you would be getting. You'll forget about it until you need it. You're like, oh, thank God I went to the Cubs game. Yeah. Gabe Phillips. How do comics decide where to focus their eyes when doing their act? I took my wife to see Nate's show in Spokane on May 19th.

Nate chose to look directly at me or my wife quite a bit. It was a lot. I'm convinced he was looking at me because he could tell I'm a fellow quadrigarian and that we would be friends. My wife is convinced that he was staring at her and she was getting a little uncomfortable. Can you actually see people's faces when you're up there in the bright lights? I am right that Nate and I developed a connection. My wife and I have a shot at being friends. Or do I need to schedule a fight with Nate for staring at my wife? Yeah, I can't see anything.

So I have the spotlight to my eyes. So I can't, I don't know what I'm looking at. But I do it for that reason. I don't want to be, I'm not looking, if someone's in the crowd, I'm not looking at you directly. I do it so I would, because I always had a hard time when the lights are not, when they're up, I have a hard time making, I don't want to look, because of that, I don't want to make someone feel uncomfortable.

You know, because you can feel uncomfortable and I don't want to feel... You know, some guys like it. I would always either look above their head too sometimes. I try to kind of stare to the back, especially in a theater when you've got the upstairs. Like if you kind of stand, stare straight back so it's at least... But it's hard not to be... You know, I try to look everywhere, but it's... I'm only going to... I mean, I don't move around a ton, so my eyes are probably always going to hit kind of the same spots. Yeah. But yeah, I have... A comic has a spotlight in their eyes.

that's you know yeah i like to look middle of the room too yeah and some you know and it's like i feel like the moment i make eye contact with someone i'm like now like a real person and i'm not like the entertainer on stage yeah and i it's too weird i'm like i don't even know what's happening up here if i'm locking eyes with someone yeah one girl was like you were looking at me a lot during the show and i was like i don't i don't know if i was or not but i did see you yeah

Yeah, I would always, like in clubs, I would always kind of always be looking like right above their head. Yeah. And then it looks like you're looking kind of at them, but you're not.

But yeah, and I like it. I like the audience very dark. Yeah. I get the audience. Usually it's for me, the audience is blacked out where it's as dark as it can be. And I have spotlights in my face. Well, you want it up a little bit if you're Brian and you're zip zap zopping with the crowd a little bit. Oh, yeah. Good old crowd work. Yeah. Talking about people are wearing. People still getting seated. Yeah.

Yeah, they got to be able to see their seat, right? It's a lot of, I would imagine your crowd is there before you show up for the, it's your audience would be an audience that's there before the doors are open.

And they go, once again, we're going to start an hour early. Literally every ticket here is an hour early. And they're all there. Or like when I did your show and the girl, I recognized the girl the next day and she didn't recognize me. Yeah. I've had that happen.

It's a, what's a quad? Forties. Forties. It's like a, you know. Okay. It's a new. It's a science word. Septic.

What is it? Octogenarian, receptitarian? Octogenarian is somebody in their 80s. There's terms for all whatever decade you're in. So you just had a birthday. Yeah, you just joined. Yeah, I've just joined that club, the quadragenarian club. Oh, you're 40? Yeah. Oh, welcome. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. It's fun times. Yeah, I'm excited to be here. Yeah, it's good. Yeah. Yeah, that's... I can't see you. It's not that I don't want to...

that I wouldn't stare at you. I don't want you to be offended by that. So you don't want to see it? Your wife's attractive enough. You got a beautiful wife, Gabe. Gabe, I was looking at you. No, it's there. Yeah, I have it like that just so I can't see. And then that way I feel like you do have some personal kind of things. But, you know, that's what it is.

Tom Stanton. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, I don't want to just, yeah, I have a joke about that. I'm not going to tell you. It's pretty crazy, though, that you would. What the joke is. But I guess as a kid, you just listened to adults and. Yeah, I mean, I did. I didn't, you know.

My whole, yeah. You're afraid you'll get in trouble even if someone else's parents. Well, you don't want to lie to your parents. I mean, I don't, I still to this day don't want, I mean, I don't want to disappoint my parents. But in this case, her friends who parents may have been fine with it even didn't watch it. Yeah, I mean, that, you know, that seems like that's probably a little, but that's on that mom. And so maybe the mom kind of, she just said, my parents would just say, well, why don't you come home? And then instead of

saying well no one's allowed to watch it so that yeah and if they and i'm sure they listen to it i mean yeah if you're a kid if an adult says something right you end up going okay yeah no we would have told that girl to go home if we were the kids we would know why don't you just go home yeah well i don't know trailer park i doubt you are that no no we were not that's right yeah

There's, yeah. My mom was not home and we were all smoking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I would think the rules of the trailer. I mean, we're talking about regular people. These people are in brick houses. Yeah. Yeah. This, uh,

Christina Barja. Last weekend, I went to a cabin in Minnesota with some friends, and we did not have any small sticks or papers to help start the bonfire. We did, however, have a huge box of Doritos.

I remember the Life Hacks episode and decided to give it a try. We used the Doritos to help start the fire, and it turned out great. I never knew this podcast would provide such practical advice. Thanks for the Life Hacks. There you go. How about that, Brian? We're doing it. You did it. That's really good to hear because that was the episode where I remember during it, I was like, I don't think this podcast will be around much longer. Yeah. During that episode. Yeah. I was like, we might have reached the bottom. We were just lifting. Yeah, we were just listing stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

It was a real low point in the pod. Yeah, but it helped. For sure. It helped people. It did. Yeah. It's real advice. There you go. You thought it was good? Yeah, I loved it. Yeah. That was cow gate. That was that episode. That was what? Oh, that was cow gate. Yeah. Oh, and I called you a cow? No, it wasn't. Oh. Oh.

Well, I read one on that episode, but this was the one, the Life Hacks episode was the one with Caleb Elliott as our guest. Oh, okay. And we pivoted halfway through to World Records. Oh, right. Yeah. Right, right. Just list.

Well, yeah, because the life hack was just like put a different tag on your suitcase so you can locate it. Yeah, that's how I got started. That was the wrong one to jump off with, I guess. Yeah. Just saying that and then you look at me going, hey, go with that. You're like. Well, you went with it. Yeah. That's the one that went and went and went. Well, because I couldn't, you know, but it wasn't like a good topic to like be funny with. Right. It saved Christina's life. So it saved Christina's life. Yeah.

They're in a cabin. They're trying to have a nice fire. I don't know how they didn't have any sticks around, though. They could have went and looked. Yeah. Yeah. They're in a cabin. So her weekend just goes from, we didn't get served the fire, but we had a nice trip in the cabin. I mean, she wasn't. We were just in there lighting Doritos on fire. Yeah, not on Mount Rainier.

And I mean, yeah. It is crazy to think who, we didn't have any small sticks or paper, but we did have a huge box of Doritos. Plenty of Doritos. What kind of party y'all having over there, Christine? Like, you guys.

Tanner Baldridge.

Nothing takes your confidence away faster than watching your opponent's son come up, hug him, and say, beat him up, daddy. Two seconds into the fight, he kicked me in the face and broke my nose. He then proceeded to beat me up in front of his family and my own. Needless to say, it was not the best way to end my final tournament. That's when it got real. It's like when I quit baseball. Once all the kids start getting bigger and you're not, you're like, I'm out. I'm out of here. Right, right, right.

Yeah, the physical difference between an 18 and a 35-year-old is staggering. 35's a grown man. It's a grown man. The life experience, too, is just... They've just been through so much more. It's a different thing. I mean, yeah. He's protecting a family. An 18-year-old's got nothing to fight for. Yeah, just like, oh, yeah, I was just trying to do...

I'm just doing some karate. Trying to have fun with my friends. Yeah, he goes, I started when I was nine, and now I made it to 18. So I was like, all right, I guess I'll see what I can do.

Up in the big leagues now. Yeah, that seems like they shouldn't be allowed to fight. It's a huge range. Yeah. Like, yeah, that's a big, I mean, 18 to 35, I mean. And what kind of guy's beating an 18-year-old up in front of his kids? Yeah. Beat him up, daddy. I would say one that's still taking karate at 35. Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. That's a guy. Kramer. Yeah.

Rachel Cordell. This year, our son Eli was on his high school's scholastic bowl team, which is basically Jeopardy for middle schoolers. There are several questions that he was able to answer because of listening to Nate Land. Like who came up with Gregorian calendar? I don't think I even remember that. Gregory. Greg. Pope Greg. Pope Greg. That's right. His team ended up making it to state. I would get us if they gave me multiple choice. I mean, I'm sure this is smarter than that.

His team ended up making it to state for only the second time in school history. You guys played a small role in helping them make a historic run. So keep up the good work of teaching us random things, at least for the next two years while he's on the team. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's great. Little things, you know. We're just little stuff. We're not trying to change the world. We're trying to make the world better. Just helping people learn, you know. Yeah. Little Eli.

Eli Cordell, I assume. Yep. That's a fun name. I was on the Quiz Bowl team in high school. Oh, you were? Yeah. Put on Paul II. How was that? The Knights. We were all right. We did an episode on TV once against Davidson Academy. Yeah. What TV? They wiped the floor with us. Some local television network. Well, I didn't think it was national. Davidson Academy is on CNN. CNN 2. Well, local. 4.5? You working at the station?

Oh, were you? I don't know. No, I'm saying 4.5. I don't remember the channel that it was on. God, even as a kid, people just don't care about local television. We'll throw some quiz for our kids on there. You went to Davidson Academy? No, no. That's where I played on carpet basketball. My old joke about playing for church, I played on carpet. The first time I remember seeing it was Davidson. I think I played it too somewhere else, but Davidson Academy, I remember going there. They had carpet.

All right. Andrea Montefus. I'm a teacher and you were my first thing in the morning. I listened while doing my workout and preparing lunch for me and my husband. I'm just laughing at 6 a.m. and saying my opinion out loud. I just love this podcast that I feel like a part of it. P.S. I'm thinking about hello folks being my opening line while entering the classroom. I like that. Give a nice hello. Let the kids know what's up.

I think it is a good movie. Yeah. I agree. She makes lunch for her and her husband. Real classic opening, really. Yeah. I mean, that's... Hello, folks. Hello, folks. Yeah. I know what happens now is people say it. You hear a folks, and then sometimes I can't... I'm like... But then you try to guess if it's just a guy saying it or if they're saying it on purpose. Because sometimes people can say it and just kind of... They'll be like, hello, folks. They just say it kind of quickly and...

And, you know, they don't really talk to you or anything. And then you're, so you, you didn't, you know, you're like, I don't know. I want to go up and like, well, that was your whole reason behind let's go folks.

Because it would make it 100% sure. Yeah, that's the... Yeah. You could say... Yeah. But you say that back to them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then you figure it out. Dusty on a recent podcast, he'll say, I hate the word folks. I'm like, well... Well, I don't hate the word folks. I hate when politicians use folks. I do too. Because they're always trying to pretend like they're our buddies. Yeah. They're like, listen, folks. It's like...

They act like, oh, I'm just one of you. You know what I mean? I got a billion-dollar house, folks. You know what I mean? We've got the good folks down here in Alabama. You're like, you went to an Ivy League school and you're a billionaire. Biden said, well, I guess he said one time, I don't know. He goes, they're not bad folks, folks. And he was just like, okay, dude. He didn't even know how to use it. He was just talking to us.

Aaron. This is maybe from Aaron. I love that every name that Nate can pronounce, he immediately says after. That's a good name. That is true. Aaron is a good name. Jordan Lane. I was at a wedding last summer where a group of hefty folks collapsed a bench while the bride was reading her vows.

The crunch of the woods snapping was so loud, everyone turned around and started snickering. It was awful, but my favorite part of the wedding. That is. Yeah. That's a tough one. You know, that's a tough one that's, it's funny. I get it. It's very funny. It's very funny. The bride probably wasn't happy about it, if I had to guess. I mean, if that, yeah. But the bride's the bride. I mean, it's her family. It's the only thing anyone remembers about the wedding. Yeah. I don't even remember whose wedding it was. Yeah. Yeah.

What if that's the, well, the bride with the, like, I would say like, what if it's the groom then looks and he's like, wait, is that your family? Like, you know, she's like, she's skinny. Yeah.

Well, how much older are they than you? 25 years ago, we got the same genes. You're like, huh? He backs out right there. Really tough for that group of hefty folks to enjoy the reception after that, though. You know what I mean? It's tough to really chow down on the crab cakes after you've already collapsed a bench. Well, I mean, what do you do then? Do you all get up and...

What do y'all do then? I didn't mean it to you. I was just saying, you know, but like, you just have to get up and go, all right. Yeah. Okay. Happy to be here. You just got to kind of lean into it. You can't pretend it didn't happen. Yeah. It's a little bit on them. You know, if you're a big guy and you're hanging out with big guys, maybe don't sit on a wooden bench.

Yeah, but at a church... You've got to assess your situation. At a church, though... Stand up in the back. You've got to assess the situation. I have no sympathy for them in this scenario. Yeah. As a church, though, I would think those are pretty... The pews are strong. Are these just regular church pews? I mean, I imagine. I mean, it's, you know...

I'd like to see the bench. I agree with you. You're right. Let me see the bench. Regular church pews, I don't blame them. We got to sit in the pews. I was picturing something outdoors and they've got kind of makeshift wooden benches. In that case, you walk up and you go, nah. You go. I'm just going to stand up in the back. Y'all, you get in a circle, you meet before you go and you go, we're splitting up. You meet up with them.

You meet up. Spread out. And you go, how's this one, boys? You go, we're spreading out. We're spreading out. And sometimes you go, we can go together. I go, we come in, you know. Listen, I know we're all groom side, but a couple of y'all need to go to bride side. Bride side. And three of you need to stay in the car. You just have an office. We all just carpool together to the wedding.

You bottom out everywhere. He can't. It's up a little bit of a hill. You do your own shuttle. We have a good system, Dan. Daniel Fauci. F-O-U-C-H-E. Yeah.

Last week, my wife and I had to take our son to the doctor for a checkup. The nurse that first came in to talk to us was asking questions about our family medical history. When she asked about diabetes, my wife responded that her grandmother had it, but she couldn't remember if it was type 1 or type 2 diabetes.

So she asked the nurse, which one is the urn kind? I said in disbelief that she asked this while the nurse looked at her like Aaron and Buckwheat look at Nate after he tries to pronounce a word with more than three syllables. Yeah. That, man, it's an honest question. That's really funny. And I'm sure that the nurse knew what she meant. Yeah. If she didn't, you're like, you know what I mean. And she's trying to be professional.

Have you heard about this new reading style, bionic reading? No. It's supposed to change the game for people with dyslexia. I was reading about bionic. Yeah, I was doing a little bionic reading this morning, actually. Why? Because it came up on social media and I was reading about it. Oh, okay. Is that what you were just talking about? Yeah. What is it? They highlight, they put in bold the first couple of letters of each word in a sentence. It's supposed to help you move it along and not get stuck. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Well, I just looked up a news article. Yeah. Okay. Well, I was looking up. And so it's like the first words are bold. First couple of letters of each word are bold. I think it's supposed to help you see it better. Yeah. It almost looks random the way that it's bolded. Yeah. But yeah, it'll trick your brain into focusing on the important parts of the word. Let me see if I can read this. Yeah. I bet you can read this really fast.

With bionic reading, you read text faster, better, and more focused. Bionic reading is a new method facilitating the reading process by guiding the eyes to text with artificial fixation points. As a result, the reader is only focusing on the highlighted initial letters and lets the brain center complete the word. In a digital world dominated by shallow forms of reading...

That seems like insulting. Bionic reading aims to encourage a more in-depth reading and understanding of written content. So you nailed that. Might have been better. I got hung up at the...

It was a long one. Yeah, that was a long paragraph there, but you can kind of feel yourself flying through it. But I don't remember any of it, what it said. Oh, that's probably not good. Yeah, comprehension. Yeah, do you think if it just were not bold that he just would have read it the same? I have trouble reading, but I mean, comprehending it is the hard part. That's the part that, you know...

And ultimately, that's the more important part. Because it almost makes me like, well, I can get through it faster. But, you know, it's like, what does it say? I don't know. It's a speed test, baby. It just feels like something somebody invented all of a sudden. You know what I mean? Because it's like, we've been reading just fine. You know what I mean? Like, some of us read better than others, but we're all right. Yeah, but I would have trouble. Like, bionic reading is a new method facilitating the reading process by reading.

By guiding the eyes through text with artificial fixation points. As a result, the reader is only focused on the highlighted initial letters. Dude, you're cruising. No, I'm reading the other one now. Oh. In a digital world dominated by... But I'm saying I was... Like, I could see it. Bionic reading is a new method... I would have had trouble there. Yeah. Bionic reading is a new method facilitating the reading process. But see, that's a narrow... I think you have trouble when it's...

spread out don't you yeah when you have to go all the way to the right and then go all the way back to the front of it yeah that's a lot of it yeah maybe we do yeah i wonder if we could do two sentences one not by they can't be the same sentence though and see which one i do better okay uh all right something fun yeah uh sarah chi chia

Nate, can you ask your mom if she was dismissed from jury duty in the late 70s, early 80s? I work in the legal field doing case law research, and I came across a Tennessee court of appeals case where the defendant appealed a conviction claiming he lost because the judge unfairly dismissed a female juror with the last name Bargetzi. The reason the juror got dismissed was because she said it would bother her too much to vote for a punishment if the guy was guilty.

The dude lost his appeal and was sentenced to 25 years in prison. I mean, this has to be someone in your family, right? Yeah, I was going to say, Brian, not my mom. If it was late, eh, meh. I don't know. My mom listens, so she'll be the one to tell you.

The reason the juror got dismissed was because she said it would bother her too much for punishment. So it's the female juror. Yeah. I'll try to see. Is this supposed to all be confidential? It might be. Wait, so the guy lost his appeal and sentenced to 25 years in prison? And he's saying he lost it just because of her? I think so. Unfairly dismissed a female juror. Well, he was originally sentenced...

Yeah, he's arguing his first trial, a jury got dismissed that shouldn't have been, and therefore that led to him losing. And then, yeah, and then I guess he lost his appeal later. Yeah. You might not ask your mom if that was her. You might not want to clarify for this guy who's been in prison for 25 years. Yeah, that was her. He's getting out next week. Yeah, that was her. This is her address. Almost perfectly. I mean, it's not. Well, 25 years, that was...

I mean, he's- He's already out. Yeah, he's out. He's old. He's out. He's looking for your- He's listening. Yeah, he's listening. I love that he, yeah, he lost because of the juror, not because of he committed a crime. Yeah. Yeah, I would imagine a lot of that is like, well, you didn't let that person- Oh, yeah. You're trying to find a technicality? Yeah, yeah. Chris Nicholas. There's a Facebook group named Make Nate Bargetti Famous. It only made it to 45 members, so it's not doing well.

Maybe if y'all mention Nick, he can finally get famous. Nate Bargetzi is a very funny guy. I first saw him on Live at Gotham on Comedy Central. He's just a dude from Tennessee, but his delivery and style are perfect, and he never does dirty jokes. This guy deserves to be famous. Please help me spread the word and watch him on www.youtube.com. See less. That was your credit back then. There you go. YouTube. When was this made?

I think it was made a long time ago. A lot of these comics, these are 2008, 2008, 2009. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. We know him, Michael Clay. I know everybody on there. Yeah, there's two. Yeah. Yeah, that's funny. Noah Needleman. Can you see who created it? Rusty Greenman. No, I don't know. Yeah. All right. Well, they tried. They did the best they could. Hang in there, buddy. That's very, it's all very nice. Uh,

Oh, can I mention I have a new favorite NFL football player? Yeah. And we all should. Unfortunately, he's not a Titan. He's an Atlanta Falcon. Nate Landman.

That's his name? Nate Landman. Nate Landman. Yeah. Wow. Oh, wow. He plays for the Falcons now. He just signed as an undrafted free agent, so I'm going to be rooting for him to make the team. Nate Landman. Yep. Kind of looks a little bit like all of us put together. Yeah.

We're doing NIL. I don't see me in it, but. Can we do an NIL for him? Yeah, we should. He's sponsored. We're sponsoring him. Nate Landman. Yeah. All right. That's awesome. We're getting the Titans.

Well, we'll keep up. We'll follow his journey to see if he makes the team for the Falcons. He'll make it. He'll make it. He'll find a way. He follows us on Instagram. Oh, he does? Oh, great. Well, I mean, yeah, we ripped his name off. Nate Landman. All right. Yeah. All right. That's fun. Yeah. We got a guy. We're making moves. Yeah. We got a guy in the NFL. All right.

All right. So this week, what are we talking about this week? Spies and secret agents. All right. That's fun. I was looking into it. I feel like of the four of us, I'm the only one to pull off being a spy or secret agent. I could never do it. I can't lie about... I can't even do a practical joke. People are like, hey, don't tell him I'm in here. And I'm like, oh, he's in here. Yeah.

I can't do it. I'm like, don't put your secrets on me. Yeah. You know what I mean? I think I'd have to harm... Yeah, I would be like, can I use my real name? Like, you know. Well, James Bond did that. He did? I mean, I guess, right? Yeah. Yeah, I guess it was him. Yeah. Chuck Johnson was James Bond's real name. Why you more than... As a college booker. Why you more than me? They're both too famous. They're on Netflix. I'm Suave. I'm Devin Ayer.

They would never expect it. That's right. Where would you be hanging out that we would need a spy? Do you know what I mean? Let's go check in on the CBS. It wouldn't be my normal life, but... A lot of people would give him information because he's weak. And he goes, what is the number? I'll tell this...

idiot my number yeah I would trick him yeah he'd trick him and he goes the number that's gonna fire the bombs he goes look at it that's right he's not gonna do anything he goes that guy he's walked in the wrong room he just everyday walks in and goes I don't know how did I get here and they don't believe it that's right like the real Columbo effect yeah is that what he did well he was a detective but yeah he was like always like acting like he didn't get anything and he's like oh he's like always so confused and he's like oh just one more thing and

they're giving it and they just underestimate him the whole time. Yeah. And that's what your strength would be. Yeah, I think so. That would be good. You'd have trouble with late nights. Yeah.

Yeah, I couldn't work nights. Yeah, that would be... I don't see it. They go, did you get the information of that party? You go, that party was started at 10 o'clock. So I think you're out of your mind. You thought I made it to that. You're like spying on breakfast. Yeah, yeah. You know how in the movies they were like, this message will...

Self-destruct. In 30 seconds, Nate would be like, wait, wait, wait. You'd have to ask the person who handed it to you to read it. What's this word here? Self-destructs loose. Well, yeah. But I'd be afraid of where you're going to throw it.

Me? You would throw it just in. I mean, the only way they would catch you is they go, we don't know what's happened. There's been small bomb attacks because you're just throwing notes on like, you walk over a bridge and just throw it onto a boat underneath it and then just, because you might die. You get a lot of burn stuff. It's not that crazy, but it's just remarkable how much this,

It's perfectly hitting people. Or it just wouldn't make it off the bridge. It bounced back on me. Like a paper airplane that just loops back at you. And this would be after three times of it just blowing up in your pocket because you're not really like it. You're just going, I'll get rid of that. And then just boom. You just got a little. They see you with a limp and you're like, what's that for? Yeah, don't worry about it. The letter blew up.

What's your favorite from all those movies? Like James Bond, Jason Bourne, Mission Impossible. Oh, National Treasure. Does that count? I don't know. He wasn't a spy. He's going undercover. He's stealing stuff. He's lying to people. He's being sneaky. What was his job? To steal the Declaration of Independence. What was his profession? He was a professional treasure hunter. Yeah, I don't know if that counts. I like the Johnny English thing.

Rowan Atkinson. Oh yeah. Yeah. Mr. Bean. Yeah. Those are the best. Yeah. What does he do? He's a spy, but, but a bumbling spy that, that like fumbles his way to victory. That dude like me is, is Mr. Bean is so famous. Yeah. And,

Yeah, it's pretty... And he only does that, right? Yeah, he does Mr. Bean, and then he, like... Johnny English is basically Mr. Bean as a spy that talks. Oh, he talks in it? Yeah. Because he never talks in Mr. Bean, right? It's all physical. Yeah, he'll say a word or two. Okay. But, yeah, it's like his whole... Man, that is crazy. He was in Scoot, I guess...

Yeah, it's crazy. His whole thing is just this Mr. Bean. This dude's like, I've never heard an interview with him. I've never heard anything. Yeah, I think he makes cameos in British films and he's just a huge star. Yeah.

Austin Powers is another one that, a funny spy movie. Yeah. He kind of makes fun of all the spy movies. I think I like the Bourne ones the best. Those are great. Bourne one's good. Some of them are just a different feel. Yeah. Those seem, like I know, but seems like the most realistic to me. Yeah. Except the one with Jeremy Renner where he's like a super soldier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's jumping on the...

people's roofs and stuff like that. As far as not seeming real? Yeah, I mean, the inside, yeah, the own government wants to kill their own spy. Yeah, I know. It's not real real, but it's not like James Bond where there's some secret car or gadget or something. Oh, you know, there was one back in the day called If Looks Could Kill. Did you ever see that one? James Bond, right? No, no, that's If Looks Could Kill was like a teenager...

It was a fun one when I was, you know, when I was a kid. Yeah. What did he do? Just kind of, well, he was like crimes of the high school. He's at, yeah, he's, he's about to go on a school trip. And then there's a guy by the same name as him at the airport. So they call him over the intercom, but he shows up.

And then he ends up going and being the spy. Oh, wow. But he doesn't know, you know, he's not a spy really. Yeah. He's just getting all the gadgets. Not a spy really? Not a spy at all. Not a spy at all. Yeah. He's a high school student. He could do it. Yeah. But he gets all the toys and, you know, all the fun stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. He's having the adventure of someone else's life. Yeah. That's the tagline for this. Yeah, it was a good one. Mm-hmm. That was a real fun movie. That franchise didn't take off, though, did it? Nah, I don't think Richard Grieco really took off. Nah, he was big there for a while. Yeah, but that's all I remember him in. Yeah.

So the spies have been around at least since biblical times. There's a story in the Old Testament about Moses sent 12 spies into the promised land to scout it out before they went to invade it just to see what it's like in there. They went undercover for like a month.

came back and reported what they found. So a lot of people consider them to be the first spies. Is it true that if you ask a spy if he's a spy, he has to tell you? I don't know. Wait a second, are you a spy? The one question. Yes. The one question. That's what everybody says about cops, you know. They're undercover. You ask them, they got to tell you. And I don't think they do at all.

Yeah, I don't think so either. Yeah. You don't think they tell you? I don't think they have to tell you. I don't think they have to tell you. Yeah. But that's like, you see everybody, and people would really just ask him. He has to tell you. Yeah. Because there's so many movies and TV shows say that.

Yeah, that's what we all thought before, like, you know, smoking weed with somebody. You'd go, you a cop? And if they say no, you're like, all right, here it is. Did that ever backfire on you? No, no. I mean, they never were like, yeah, yeah, I am. Gotcha. Yeah. A police officer does not have to tell you he's a cop if you ask. Yeah. There you go. Spies like us.

I remember liking that movie. Spies Like Us was a kid's movie. I love this line. No, no, no. That was Jimmy Chase. Jimmy Chase and Dan Aykroyd. Dishonest is not entrapment. What'd you say? Well, there was a line in that definition about the entrapment. He goes, dishonest is not entrapment. Yeah. And I don't know if that's true. Yeah. I'm just like, yeah, he's lying to you. Yeah. But he's not trapping you. Yeah. Yeah.

There was a TV show a few years ago that was very popular with the Americans. Those were Russian spies living in America as everyday people. And that's based off true stuff. There was, back in 2010, 10 Russian spies that were just living in the U.S. as doctors, lawyers, whatever. I mean, I just named two very rich jobs. I don't think they were all that big, but...

Tech billionaires. It wasn't that. Just trying to blend in. But the FBI was on to them, so they were watching them for years, and they finally busted them. One of them was a Russian model. Oh, yeah. What were they doing? What were they getting information on? Do we know? I think they were trying to get into some tech stuff and some chemical engineering stuff. Wow. So like real stuff.

Yeah, but they were just living around the Northeast, New Jersey, New York City, stuff like that. But they knew about them almost the whole time? I think the FBI found out about them pretty quick, so they were just watching them, and they finally picked the right time to go in and arrest them. Yeah. But people are like, this guy's been my neighbor for like a decade. Wow.

That's how long they let him go? It was a long time, I think. They let him watch for 10 years? Not yet. Now's not the time. I don't know if they watched him for 10 years, but I think they lived here for like 10 years before they finally arrested him. Wow. Lived here for a long time. Would you go be a spy for America in another country? Yeah. You would? The heartbeat.

Where do you think you could go? If they're listening, I'll do it. Maybe I can do it now because I said that. Well, maybe now it's like they suspect you less. Yeah, exactly. I said on my podcast. Yeah. Yeah, I think it would be very nerve-wracking. Oh, God. It could be fun. I think I could easily be flipped to be a double agent. I think I'd go there. They'd catch me. They'd tell me some stuff. I'm like, you know what? That's some good points. I think you would suggest it. Yeah.

You guys got a program for double agents? Yeah. They gave me a brochure. It would take...

Yeah, I mean, to be a spy, you almost can't have a family, I think, right? Like, you kind of got to go get lost over there. Well, there's a great spy movie called The Good Shepherd, which I think gets slept on a lot. I think it's a very underrated movie. You ever see that? I did not like it. Oh, wow. I tried to start watching it. I got so bored. Oh, it is a slow movie. It's got a good cast. It looked great. Angelina Jolie, Matt Damon. Matt Damon's a spy, works with the CIA, I believe, and he has a family, and...

And basically, I'll just spoil it. It's an old movie. I'm not going to finish it. Okay. Matt Damon's son marries a double agent, and he has to kill his daughter-in-law. They throw her off a plane in the middle of Africa. It was like a scene that haunted me as a kid to see a person get thrown out of a plane. Yeah. That's a great movie. Well, this is one of those I would sneak off and watch it. You know what I mean?

People think I'll watch Friday the 13th. You think I'll watch The Good Shepherd? It's got a deceiving name. That is for sure. I mean, I had to watch Southern after all the president's men. Yeah. Just the Weber family. West Wing's over. So I guess I'll sneak into this 18-year-old up and watch –

I can't even think of him. Yeah. What about True Lies? Was he a spy in that, Arnold Schwarzenegger? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's a good one. He had a family. I might watch Good Shepherd now. But is it slow? The whole thing's slow. Oh, dude, it's super slow. It's so slow. You would probably hate it, Nate, to be honest with you. Oh, gosh, it's so awful. It's a pretty slow movie. Yeah. Yeah.

Some of the tools they use, they had a device where if they wanted to read a letter but not open it, like if they got a hold of it, they'd have a little tool that would go in the side crack of the envelope, could pull the letter out.

And somehow you would roll it up, pull the letter out that little slot, read the letter, then roll it back up, put it back in. Wow. All through the envelope. Yeah. Through that little slit of the. Yeah. And that's easier than just getting a new envelope for it probably.

I guess there was some way that they could tell that it was the envelope. Email really changed the game on that. He goes, I just got it. He goes, well, all right, I'll take a look. Email it to me. I'll take a look. But they have a lot of, they have a, a, a shoe phone. That was a real thing. Yeah.

The director of the CIA was complaining about they didn't have enough cool devices like in James Bond. And they made stuff just because of the... James Bond.

Because they wanted to feel cool like James Bond. I get that. Yeah, they made stuff because of James Bond. Because of those movies, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, give me some gadgets, dude. Yeah. I want a laser watch. You know, I want some cool stuff. Poison-tipped umbrellas. That was a real thing. That was real? That was real. A guy was strolling in London, and he felt a twinge in his leg as an unidentified man passed by. Four days later, he was dead. Oh, wow. Pathologists found a tiny metal pellet lodged in his leg. Oh, wow.

That was from a Soviet spy. Yeah. I mean, how does that, how do you don't, yeah, I guess you feel it in your leg. I mean, how do, it seems like, how does, how does he get the tip to that guy's leg? Maybe it comes out. I know, but it's like, does he have to go, like, fall on the ground, go sideways, and then kind of get back up real quick? I think he'd probably shoot it at an angle, you know, 45 degree angle. He'd just kind of. Yeah, just, yeah. I guess, yeah, I guess like right there. And it just dives in there.

And you're like, God, what was it? You got bit by something. Bit by a bug. He goes, did you see anything around you? One guy walked up out of an umbrella. Was it raining? You're like, no. It's like the day you would never need an umbrella. You know, he's like not even. Some people like to keep the sun out. He goes, but the sun wasn't really out. Yeah, it was overcast. It was overcast. And I know you can still get sunburned during overcast, but it wasn't that kind of overcast.

It was a day where umbrellas were like, what's the point? Yeah, also he was kind of holding it like a gun. Yeah, yeah. He came in. When he rolled off, all I heard was, gotcha. And he goes, none of this. You didn't think you could follow this guy at all? He goes, no, I thought it was just kind of a crazy thing. You know, all right. Well, I think you should be fine. He goes, I'm sorry.

How long did it take to get four days? Four days. You don't get it checked out at all. You're like, I felt that thing on my leg, and then you don't rub it at all and give it a little look. Yeah, but how soon would you get medical, professional medical advice? Well, I don't know. You personally, you wouldn't. No, I mean, I would have died. But, I mean, a lot of people will get stuff checked out. He might have gotten medical advice quickly about being sick. I don't think the first thing you're going to think is that bug bite back on my leg was bad.

Fair point. Fair point. But if you're doing stuff where you think a spy could kill you, I would imagine you should be aware of any kind of weird feelings you get on your body. If you're living a life where you're like, a spy might be after me, maybe get a strange bite checked out. Yeah. Maybe if you feel – I mean, if I felt – if I bumped my knee on a table, I would be like, was that on purpose? Just any kind of – Even if you did it? Yeah.

Yeah, even if I did it. Even if I did it, I would be like, well, did someone want me to do it?

They're that good. They're that good that they, you know. How long has that table been here? How long has that table been here? Table used to be a little higher, I think. Yeah. What if it's a lower table? And then I do it. It's just a little bit lower and you're like, God, you know. It's like when you walk through a doorframe that's just a little bit lower than it should be and you can hit your head. Yeah. Like it's like that. Like if you go on a subway, the first month is just boom. Like people just get, you're not used to that. Do that with a table. Yeah.

Then I'm out. Yeah. Remote-controlled insects. That's another thing they do. Oh, yeah. Dragonflies that look like real dragonflies, but they can have little tiny cameras on them to spy on people. Oh, that's cool.

Wait, is that real? That's real. That's what's happening out here right now. Well, I don't know right now, but that's been around since the 70s. Wow. 70s. So it's probably better than that. Yeah, it's way better. That's what hummingbirds are now. Yeah. I'm going to get rid of that feeder I have. You might have a kid that that's what their whole point is. You find out it's a robot kid you had that just has its eyes are just filming you.

When it was first launched, it proved unwieldy, even in light winds, so it was never deployed on a mission. The winds would catch it and just blow it away. But yeah. I don't believe it. That feels like what you say when you're like, actually, let's don't let people know we have the dragonfly spies. I saw a movie with a spy movie with Helen Mirren. I forget what it was called, but they used dragonflies or something like that. You can buy them now for...

40 bucks or something. In the movie Richie Rich, they had the remote-controlled bees. Remember that movie? Yeah. I don't know if that was a spy movie. That's what Kanye West said he would do if he controlled the world. What? He'd get all the smartest people in the world together, and he'd make them work on mechanical bees. Really? Yeah. Why? When did he say that? Joe Rogan, he said it. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Why would you work on mechanical bees?

I think, you know, there's a lot of concern about bees dying off. Yeah. And bees serve a pretty important purpose. Yeah. Pollinating plants and stuff. So he'd just build a bunch of mechanical bees. I think the easier way might even be to find out what's killing the bees. Yeah. And then stop doing that. Well, that's one way of doing it. The mechanical bees. It sounds a lot more fun. It does sound more fun, but it seems like you're like, I'm going to fix this problem by making bees. Yeah.

I'm going to make a mechanic. He goes, well, what killed the bees? You go, well, the mechanical ones we got. He goes, they really finished them off, you know, to be honest. But I'm glad we did them, you know. And now we've lost control and they don't pollinate the plants like we wanted. Oh, yeah. They're hard to, yeah, they don't listen. But, you know, that's why we're doing robot spiders. To kill the bees. Yeah.

Exploding pencil case. This was back in World War II when people still used pencils. It had a time-delayed detonator so you could set a pencil case on, I guess, someone's desk and then be out of there before it exploded. It's like you just do a bomb if you're going to do that. Yeah. In the movie, if looks could kill, they had exploding gum. You chew the gum and then you put it back together with the wrapper, then it's a bomb. Yeah. The first Mission Impossible had something like that too. Emilio Estevez. This would have been out before that though. Yeah.

It looks good, Caleb. This laid the groundwork for Mission Impossible. Yeah, it really revolutionized it. Yeah. Glove gun, that was a real thing. You had a gun on your glove. You'd reach to shake someone's hand and then you'd shoot them. Oh, I like that. Oh, really? There are pictures of it? Yeah. Oh, yeah?

Oh, that's a lot of fun. It looks like, well, you got to encounter somebody where you were gardening. Yeah. You're like, what's on your work glove there? Because this is not a glove you could just wear into like the ballet or something. That controls my, it's cold. Yeah. Yeah. God, that snow is just. That's pretty good.

It doesn't look as slick as I thought when you said, I mean, that is a straight up. I'm working on fence gloves. But I mean, it's the, the idea is, ah, you can wear some of those gloves. I mean, you could, it depends if you're, you know, if it's like a, like if you're wearing those kinds of gloves, you probably carry a gun. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. You could just have a gun and a holster.

You hear the gun go off and you're like, I don't know. Anybody know what happened? I don't see it. He goes, where would I have a gun on me? Can I take my gloves off? Do you care if I take my gloves off? Take my gloves off and help you all look real quick. He drops his gloves off and just hears boom. He goes, well, why was your glove on? It sounded like that. He goes, I don't know. He's only wearing one glove.

That's pretty fun. Oh, that's where I've seen this. This was in the Inglourious Bastards, the movie. They use a glove gun like that at one point, right? Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. You get searched. Yeah. Getting onto an airplane, you're like, listen, this is gloves. He just had gloves on, so I let him through. Where's he going to put the gun in the glove? He's kind of stupid, don't you think? Yeah.

During World War II, the prisoners of war were sent bicycle playing cards and the Ace of Spades had a hidden map on it to help them escape. You had to dip it in water before it would come up. But the map was very small, so they had to send multiple playing cards to put the whole map together before the guys could escape. Oh, wow. But they would do it. Yeah. The Japanese wouldn't realize it was that...

Until it was too late. Yeah. He goes, these guys. He goes, how's those prisoners doing? Play a lot of cards. You know what's funny? They play a lot of cards and then lose those cards. So much so that they keep sending them every week. I mean, it's like. How much go fish can you play? Are they just putting it on the ace too? Yeah.

Ace of spades, yeah. Well, why would they, if it's going to take a while, you're like, hey, if we're already doing the ace of spades, maybe just do a card, one card, all 52 cards. Yeah, let's do the whole deck. That's a good question. Let's do the whole deck. And he's like, no, no, no, no. It only works on the ace of spades. We're going to have you guys out about two months before they would let you out.

Yeah. Like they're about time he gets done. Yeah. It takes 20 years. Yeah. He goes, all right, you boys ready to escape? You're like, well, I think I'm going to just hang in. I'm like seven months from getting out for real. So if I do your thing, it's going to be, I'll just be sent back in here. And he goes, we'll do the car thing again though. The car thing will already be in there. Something you can, you can get out. So I mean, it's perfect. Yeah.

And is that the plan beforehand? They go, if you ever get trapped, look for a deck of cards. Try to get enough water to dunk it down in. You know what I mean? How did they know to do this to the cards? Yeah. I don't know. Maybe they got visited by someone that they could speak privately and tell them. They let the POWs have private visits with friends and family. Yeah, it seems like the POWs get a lot of leniency. Yeah. Get all these gifts sent to you. It doesn't seem like it's that bad of a gig. Yeah. Yeah.

Apparently you have all the time in the world to play cards. Well, there's clearly some things I don't know the answer to. Maybe they would think the whole deck, it takes a while. Well, the picture looks like it's the whole deck. Yeah. Well, that is a five right there, isn't it? Yeah, five of spades. So maybe everything I just said was incorrect. That's all right. According to that, you nailed it. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for looking into it. This says the Ace of Spades, according to this. Okay.

Sex spionage was a big thing. That's still going on, apparently. There was the movie Red Sparrow a few years ago with Jennifer Lawrence. Yeah. Russian, beautiful Russian women being trained to seduce, I guess, anybody. Just men that come over there. Yeah. Is that movie good? I haven't seen it. Oh. You guys seen it? I haven't seen it. 45% Rotten Tomato. It's not good. It's not good. But I don't, you know, send them what they know.

They're called Honey. Exactly. Those are the critics. Those aren't the real Americans watching. Oh, every movie, the real people that do the voting, I mean, every movie's Godfather 1. I mean, they're all just the greatest movie that's ever been made. Like, you look at, like, I mean, it has to be bad for... Oh, audience score, actually, 49%. Never mind. I made all that up.

There's a lot of times where the critics are like, this movie's an abomination. It's 98% of people like it. Go look at it. I mean, Amazon will be, when you look at stuff, Amazon, it's tough for a movie to not be four and a half stars. Because they want you to buy it, right? No, but it's like the- The user reviews. Oh. Yeah, unless they're faking the user reviews. But I mean, it would usually be mismatched where it's like Rotten Tomatoes is bad.

But yeah, I mean, who's really going on writing a review of a movie? I mean, I don't know that I've ever done that. Yeah. I mean, it's 4.4 out of five. 4.4 out of five. Yeah. Like people used to go on Facebook that I knew and like do a lot of reviews of movies they saw. They would give like really in-depth reviews. And I'm like, who's asking for this? Yeah. One guy's first review says, at first, this film seemed mediocre. Yeah.

At my first screening. He goes, it was okay, you know. But however, after the second and third viewing, he goes, not by my choice, but by circumstances, the film sort of grew on me. And I would rate this- As one of the best films. Released this year so far. That guy flipped. I like this guy. He flipped so much. Once it became the only movie I could watch. Yeah.

I mean, that's so crazy. He said, I will not reveal the plot to us, but if you do get to see it the second time, do watch out for the subtle nuances and speech patterns. That's very funny. Yeah. I mean, that is- When y'all have to watch it multiple times like I did, keep an eye out. Not by choice. I just been caught in a red sphere. I go, what? Got stuck in the VHR. What is it? VHS? VCR? VHR. VHR.

I guess I walked out, I guess I bought a ticket to another movie and then they tricked me. I was trying to watch Red Pharaoh and the guy thought I said Red Sparrow and I go, dead gun. So I had to go watch it again. And then he goes, so after the third time, I thought, well, I'm not going to that movie theater anymore. But I also did enjoy Red Sparrow a lot more.

Don't you think it's a lot easier now to be a spy probably? Because, I mean, they used to have hidden cameras like on their buttons of their coats and stuff. Now, everyone has a phone. Everybody's a spy out here now. Yeah. Everybody's ready to snitch. Spying on ourselves. Yeah. They almost don't have to use a person as a spy. They could just be...

It's like if they can get someone's number. I would imagine the high up, the hardest people to get to, it's going to be hard to get to those guys. But I mean, yeah, you just find a guy that like... That's why they probably would use celebrities now. Or if they use like... Dennis Rodman went over to...

North Korea? Yeah, you'd just be like, I don't know, just like, he probably brings his phone over. Do you think Dennis Rodman's a spy? No, no, but I mean, why would you not? If he's bringing his phone over there, you don't think they're going through his phone? He's like friends with that guy. So like, I mean, you don't think they're reading every single thing that he's ever sent to that person? Yeah. Or when he goes and meets him, you know, it's like, they don't even need you. They don't have to go, hey, be a spy. Maybe if they want a question to ask, you know,

Just like in the middle of you talking about your run in the Bulls, could you bring up nuclear weapons? See what he's got. Maybe. Yeah, just see. Just go. You know, our basketball team was a – you know, we were like a nuclear weapon.

And that we had just guys, just so many people that could destroy. And we could hit some from such far range. Do you? Is that South Carolina? Do you? Ring any bells? Would you?

Be able to say that about your life. And then he goes, oh, Dennis. He goes, yeah, I got a lot. He just falls for it. Yeah, I got a ton of them, man. I got a warehouse full of these things. I got a way because they can go anywhere. I can shoot them that way and they come back and hit me over here. Dude, we're doing so good with them. All the way around the world. All the way around the world. It just comes back, boom, nails me.

They're all named Bulls players. It's the Tony Coup coach. Yeah, the Tony. What you got to watch out for is the B.J. Armstrong. Slept on. Yeah, slept on. But very important. But that one, it fires from underground. I was reading where now they get to people by – they create fake conferences, like educational conferences where the scientists and – No, no.

People go to, they think it's a real thing, but it's really created by like, any country can do it, but the CIA does it. And then once they go back to their hotel room, then the CIA, when they get alone with them, they'll come to them and try to convince them to come with them to escape, like to come to the US and be under their surveillance. Okay. So you're talking about this is how they recruit people? Well, like if there was a Russian...

Chemical engineer. Yeah. They might put on a fake conference in Europe somewhere. Yeah, okay. And they think it's a real thing and they come and speak or whatever. As soon as they get away and they can get on one-on-one, the United States will come to their hotel room and be like,

We want you to come to the United States. They pressure them somehow into coming. And if you don't, we're going to do this, this, this, or whatever. Or they just try to brainwash them or just try to convince them what you should be doing. And both countries do that. So that's how now they recruit people some way just like that, scare people. So have you ever got a speech?

And you're like, I've never given a speech before. Yeah. Or like when a club hires me. Yeah, book your own hotel. Yeah, book your own hotel. Yeah. I'm driving back right after. Yeah. That's how it doesn't work. They do it. And he goes, you got him? He goes, no, he lives like an hour from here. Yeah. He already drove home. And you're like, why did you book him that close to the – because I didn't think about it. Okay.

I didn't think you could drive at night. I didn't think, yeah, I don't know where he lived. That's my first day. He's like, yeah, I'm in an Airbnb, actually. I can't have guests. Yeah, he goes, I'm not allowed to. Do you mind if we just talk to you for a second about, would you like to come to America and play for us?

There was a spy that was so dumb. He was like a double agent and they were about to catch him. And there was a meeting set up in the New York public library and he got lost in the library and never made it to the rendezvous where they were waiting. And he finally just left. So they didn't, they didn't arrest him because he couldn't find where he was going. Oh, good for him. Wow. And he's still doing good.

No, I think they eventually caught him. Oh. But he was so dumb, he missed his drop point, so to speak. He sounds smart to me. It sounds like they were like, nah, he was dumb. Like, they messed up, and they were like, nah, nah, nah, it's him. He's dumb. Yeah, that's true. It could go the other way. Yeah, you're right. We couldn't find, yeah, he couldn't find us. We knew where he was. Yeah, I mean, at that point, you think he would just go, you know, if he's truly dumb, why don't I go, Jerry? Yeah. And he goes, ha.

I've been looking everywhere for you guys. And he just comes up there.

So the new thing now that's going on is this thing called Havana syndrome. Oh, boy. You know this? A little bit. So this is just the last few years. People in U.S. diplomats in Havana, Cuba started saying they had this weird, they got sick and this weird vibration going through their ears and they didn't know what was going on. At first they were like, oh, it's just nothing. But now it's happened a bunch of different places, including on the grounds of the White House. Like people have gotten sick.

And they say they hear this like ringing in their ears and they don't know who's doing it, but it's happened a bunch of different places. They think Russians maybe, but it's become like a big problem. So, all right. I thought you were going to say someone put a chip in someone or something. It's like a microwave signal, they think. Yeah. We don't know. We don't know. They think maybe they're just trying to steal... 5G, you know what I mean? 5G. Boom. Boom.

They think maybe they're just trying to steal information off their laptop or their phone, and they have a way, some type of device that pulsates a signal. Yeah. And that's just causing the side effects is that. But they don't know. Maybe they're just trying to make people sick and mess with them. But it's happened on the grounds of the White House. Why would it be? Yeah. And it seems funny to be like, what are you doing? We're trying to like, they're nauseous more than usual.

Yeah. Why do they call it the Havana syndrome? Because it first happened in Havana, Cuba. And at first they're like, you guys are just- They're sick and they get ringing in there. It sounded like they went to a concert. They're all hungover and they're like, ah, no, I'm not. It's a syndrome. They really dove into it. They could find out all of them went to a concert. Yeah. Yeah. And it started in Havana. A lot of big concerts, a lot of cigars, a lot of parties going on. What would- Yeah. If it was another country doing it, what would they do?

What's their purpose? Yeah, it's like how do they get it in the White House? Or does it really need to be in the White House? Well, it was on the White House grounds. And I guess the grounds are pretty big. I saw this on 60 Minutes. They were walking into the White House and it was like paralyzing to them. And they got real sick. One guy was just in a hotel room and he said he saw like a white van outside his window and it affected him and his wife and their kids.

Oh. So it could disable you somehow. I don't know. Maybe they're just testing it before they do it on the president. I don't know. Yeah. Scary. Yeah. He's getting suggestions. Bates is trying to help him out. I don't know. It seems like it's working. You're already a spy. I think you should try on bigger targets, to be honest. Biden, he'd be ripe for it, I think. Here's his schedule. Yeah.

There was a spy who found out four months before Pearl Harbor that Japanese were going to attack Pearl Harbor. And he alerted the CIA and they didn't believe him. He wasn't from America. He was from another country. They didn't believe him. And so they ignored it. But he was right. Did it happen? Yeah. I think about that a lot. People always say if I had a time machine, I'd go back and I'd stop 9-11. How would you...

How would you stop it? Me. Let's say me. I come back. I land in Montgomery, Alabama on September 10th. Who do I even call? Who believes me? I wouldn't start in Montgomery. Well, that's where I was at the time. Well, then I would at least ask to come back like the 8th or something. I'll fly out of Montgomery trying to get to the 10th. You're going to need some travel time to be –

There's no direct flights for sure. Yeah. I would, I come to ask to come back. I mean, if you were talking about, you get the power. It gives you a couple of days while you're in town. Yeah. What would be the move though?

I don't know. I don't know if anyone would believe me. You heard this. Some guy predicted or said that he had information that Pearl Harbor is going to happen. Nobody believed him. He's a CIA agent. That's what I'm saying. I'm a regular guy. I'm a guy from Montgomery, Alabama. I'm a kid from Montgomery, Alabama. What am I? And on top of all of this is also just time traveled back here. That's true. So in everything.

I mean, the thing that would almost make you really not say it, because then if you said it, then you would be probably just in prison right now. Because they would be like, well, you had something to do with it. Right. That's what you could do, though. You could tell them a bunch of other stuff's about to happen before that, and they would believe you. Well, you better say something good. Look up sports scores, everything, before you go back and say, look, all this stuff happened. And then build a case, build a reputation. I can predict the future.

And then drop 9-11 on them. Yeah. This is about that. And then you'll get so into like predicting the future that you'll rise to fame and you'll go, actually, maybe I won't even tell him about 9-11 because I got a lot going on right now. Yeah. What is today? It's actually going well. Yeah. You wake up hungover doing a bunch of drugs and you're like, see it happen on TV. You're like, dang. That's the whole reason I came back. I got to go back to the past. Yeah. And then it ruins your whole career. Yeah.

They said Nostradamus predicted 9-11. Yeah. He said two still birds would fall from the sky in a metropolis. But then people debunked it and said still wasn't even a thing during the time of Nostradamus. So they don't think he really wrote that. Yeah. God, that's so funny for the guy that made that up. He didn't do any research. Like 200 years later, still came out. Yeah. Well, everybody believed him.

A few people did, I guess. I mean, I think a lot of people, I think a lot of people, I remember seeing it. Yeah. But did it, did you do anything about it? Did you change it? You know, I don't know, but I'm saying you can see people believe in it. Cause it's like, you hear it. That's just like, it doesn't really matter. The belief doesn't matter. Cause it's like, it's just kind of like, Oh, that's crazy. Like you're, you're, it's a,

People still like conspiracy. You like something like that. Then you go, oh, that's cool. So your belief in that being real is like you're never going to go look and see what's still around. But then it's like if it gets popular and just one person, that just goes, no. Yeah. And this guy, the one who told him about Pearl Harbor, was the basis for James Bond.

He was friends with Ian Fleming, the guy who wrote James Bond, and he based his character, they think, off of this guy. Oh. I thought you said, like, the basis. I thought you meant the song basis, too. I was like, James Bond's a band? Because that's what I thought that meant completely, was the basis of, I was like, you know, he was in Lynyrd Skynyrd. What? Thank you.

That guy that said that about poor Harbor? He did it all. He goes, he was in the first Aerosmith? That's insane. This guy had quite a career. He really knew how to pick bands, too. Julia Childs worked for the CIA. She did? What did she do? She cook for them? She was a typist for them or something. And then she got into cooking? Yeah, much later. Wow.

Was she undercover? Like a spy? No, but I think there was a rumor like, oh, Julia's child used to work for CIA. And everybody's like, no, it's just an urban legend. But it was real. I thought that was the actress, Julia. Julia Louis- Julia Stiles? Yeah, Julia Stiles, yeah. This is pretty different. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, she just did that. All right. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Okay.

You see how he's still around. You know what I mean? She could have worked there. That's true. She may work for them now. Oh, yeah. She's 41. She's in the Bourne movies. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. So she's probably involved. Yeah, she's involved. She's got an in. Here's another shark attack in Egypt 2010. Several sharks attack people at a popular resort. Oh, my God.

They found a GPS tracking device on them. And someone said that the Israelis used them, sent the sharks to attack people in Egypt. You think that was what was happening in Missouri? Might have been. Might have been. Yeah, those were their big targets. But... How does it...

Captured a shark with a GPS unit plan on spec. How does it tell the shark where to grow? Well, that's the point. The Israelis said, we can't do that. We don't have that power. They said, this is just the thing. We track sharks' migrations. That's what they said. Yeah, they had the GPS on them to just track where they are, not to send them to attack particular people. It's unfortunate, though, if your tracking shark attacks some people. Yeah. That feels linked back to you. You go, look, it looks bad. All right?

I'm not one to act like it doesn't. And I'll be honest with you, I'm flattered that you think we could send a shark to you. To Egypt. I don't even know how it gets to Egypt. Yeah. Is there sharks? Where are the sharks in Israel? So this is funny. They think it's because two weeks before that, during the Islamic festival of Eid al-Adha, they dumped a bunch of sheep carcasses into the...

Into the water. So they think that's where the sharks came from. They just saw a bunch of sheep. That sounds about right. Yeah. Oh, Israel did that. No, I think Egypt did that, right? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. But they're saying that's why you have stupid sharks. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, you dump a bunch of dead animals in the ocean. They go, well, then you tell me what it is, sir. And you go, well, I mean, look, I'll be honest with you, dude. You're a festival for your whole country. Yeah.

killed all these sheep and put it in the ocean. Then you're out there swimming around in it. Yeah, and then, you know, I mean, the fact that that beach wasn't just shut down forever is remarkable. That you all within a couple weeks were back out there and had major shark attacks. How far, how good did the shark get from Israel to Egypt? Where's the map? Like on that? Oh, right there. But I think this is a little bit like... What's the map? Yeah. Yeah.

Like you said, the Nostradamus thing where people just believe it. And the Procter & Gamble thing on Phil Donahue. I think just enough people hear it and then it just becomes a thing. Yeah, well, most people go, no, he did that. And if you told that person that's not true, they'd be like, that's fine. But I enjoyed it while it lasted. I enjoyed it while it lasted.

I mean, not that far. They border each other. Oh, yeah. Oh, the Mediterranean Sea. At first, I said, how's a shark even getting to Israel? Oh, by the Mediterranean Sea? I had no idea Egypt had all that oceanfront property. I didn't either. I thought they were... I mean, yeah. I had no idea. You should tell me, go. Now, you tell me, look, if you say Jordan is...

A shark from Jordan came over here. He goes, yeah. He goes, then we're talking. Where was this shark at? He was at a bar. He was at a bar eating next to me. And they go, all right, I'm listening. He made it all the way in. They didn't check his ID. There was, they've tried numerous times to use animals for their service. Operation Acoustic Kitty.

was where they're planned to turn cats into portable spying devices. So they inserted a microphone in a radio transmitter in the ear of a cat in the base of its skull. And they sent it to a park to listen to some foreign nationals. And the cat ran across the street and got hit by a cab.

Really? Probably committed suicide because there's a microphone in his brain. $20 million. First try, gets hit and killed by a cat. How does that cost $20 million? How on earth does that cost $20 million? Research and development. You got to put the thing together. You got to pay the scientists. When was this? This was a long time ago. That's insane, dude. Maybe things cost more back then. No, that's insane. You're telling me $20 million. The cat is- Can you Google that?

It seems like money laundering, right? They're like, oh, yeah, the cat got hit by a car. Let's say that. So the cat's free. So we're done with that. And then there's no way. This is in the 1960s, more than $20 million. There's no way. Well, you had to buy the cats. Let's think about all the expenses. You got to buy the cats. You got to raise the cats. You got to feed them occasionally.

I mean, the equipment, I mean, the cat has nothing to do with it.

I mean, look, it's not negligible. You got to buy the cats. You can't get just mutts off the street. That's true. You got to get some good cats. That's true. No, but $80 then? Like $20 million in the 60s, dude? Yeah. That's so much money. Small technology was expensive back then. Everything's huge. I mean, when y'all were growing up, a personal computer was a whole room of your house. Now you can fit them all in. Yeah, do they not have like scientists on salary?

Does anybody like- Just on retainer. Yeah. Like to go like, yeah, dude, we're going to bring something to you. Do you try to fix this? Is it like, how does that work? I think the individual projects get funded. You get grants like that. Could you not get the microphone out of the cat's head after it was dead? I mean, did the car completely crush the cat?

Yeah. Well, I don't know about that. Maybe they did get it out, but they- Who were they trying to spy on? Yeah, did they do- Is that the first time they tried it? Yeah. They didn't even go into a fenced area and go, let's give it a go? Well, I don't know about that. It's the first time they tried it in the real world. I just don't know where that $20 million- That seems like-

Where are they raising that money? It's government. It's like taxes, right? It's government money. So dude, the screws are probably $600. That's true. That's how they do it. Just dangle the mic around the collar. Yeah. In the 60s,

I don't know, walk up and say, sorry, my cat got loose. And then grab the cat. You didn't have to destroy its brain. A normal cat. And then walk away with it. And then leave a microphone there under the bench. Yeah. So here's what happened. As soon as the cat made it about 300 meters. And then it got ran over by a taxi. And then they lost all financing for this project.

They already got $20 million for it. So they didn't even have any saved? No. Who are you even buying this from? You're paying for the labor, right? Because this stuff is all made up. So they're not going to Home Depot or Radio Shack and buying this stuff. So it's in the 60s. All this stuff's made up. You don't have a room that's got a bunch of stuff in it? Now, what do you mean by made up?

Like, this is a new device that's being built. Yes. That's where most of the money went. You got to research and develop. Yeah. Okay. But there's not a room that's like, you're like, all right, dude, what about building a thing for a cat? And you think the guy's in the room and he goes, I need like $20 million. You're like, you don't have any of that stuff in here, man? You don't have any piece? Like...

They don't have metal and stuff. And I like that they lost financing. It's like, yeah, you spend it all? Yeah. You spend...

You were looking for more money after this? They go, but I think we figured it out. You go, what? You want $20 million more? They go, $20 million? $40 million. If we want $40 million, we're going to do ferrets. $40 million to get a cat that won't run into the road. We just cheaped out on the cat. That's the problem. We had a bum cat over there. He goes, I found that guy last night. He goes, we're going to train this cat. We're going to have its family be spies. So we're going to have two spy parents, cat

parents that will raise a kid cat spy parent so they understand how it all works can you imagine a guy who came up with the idea though when they tried it out and he just sees the cat oh it's going it's going it'd probably you probably say more it'd be less expensive just to make every bench in that city be a microphone yeah and then just take a shot in the dark at which whatever they sit on just go well you know spies like to sit on benches they don't ever talk like standing up

right a bench heavy group and so let's just do microphones on all the benches then you're like are you crazy dude you go well all right then here here johnson's idea all right i need 20 million dollars i'm gonna put it in a cat and then hope you know and then see what happens and we'll hear everything they say and they're like that sounds pretty good the reliable cat the reliable cat i'm putting benches

We could then move the benches everywhere. Yeah, I guess we just hope the cat is around important people, I guess. And not just hanging in an alley all day. Was the cat somebody's pet? I mean, that would be one way to do it. Probably Johnson's, I'm guessing. Yeah. I mean, even if it was somebody's pet, I mean, he's not going to trust you after you

cut his head open and put a yeah i guess apparently not that small of a 19 maybe that was the problem like the cat shows up and it's it's like when you get a when you get a christmas present and you're like i don't know what that is and you just he just comes in it's got a microphone just sticking out of his head and he's like walling around it's like a stage microphone like a stage microphone his tail is just the it goes up there's a big bubble at the end of it

And he can't keep it up. He's just dragging it. And you're like. One of those satellites over his head. Yeah. And you're like, that's crazy. Why is that? Does that cat seem, seems weird? Just feedback. Every time he opens his mouth, you just hear someone talking. Nine or four or two.

Maybe they asked for the money back after it ended. The government said, can you give us $17 million back? I would ask for it back, yeah. Yeah, I don't think they're giving it back. I don't think the government goes, okay. I wish you could find all the money wasted on stuff like that. I bet it's got to be outrageous. Astronomical. I mean, more money than probably, yeah, than stuff that's worked.

And because it's classified, you don't even know what it is. Yeah, it's a perfect job. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I would just think you just go get the mic out of the cat's head. Yeah. You know what I mean? Unless the cab smashed it. You think they had that cab driver killed? Oh, maybe.

Well, I think it'd be like... Yeah, you track that guy down and go, listen. I'm here, too. There's a buzz. We're hearing a buzz in here. I don't like that. That's interesting. You're in the spy episode. Oh, boy. Ryan, we talking about the cat's present? Oh, yeah. I don't hear anything for what it's worth. Okay. Well, now we know. I hear it. So me and Bates here, you don't hear it? I do hear it now. Okay. Now that we call you out for it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, Ben, we're talking about all this stuff, and weirdly right now... Uh-huh.

You see there's, Laura, see there's a white van outside. It goes out there. That's like in the movie Citizen Four where Edward Snowden's talking about- Harrison Ford? Citizen Ford. When he's talking about all the steps people spot on and then the fire alarm goes off in the hotel room while they're doing the interview. What? What?

I don't know. What's Citizen 4? It's a documentary about Edward Snowden. Oh. And they're interviewing him. Oh, is it good? I'll watch it. Yeah. Yeah. And he's, it's some secluded place. And then while they're interviewing the film crew, the alarms, fire alarms are just going off in the hotel. And it's just like, that's weird. Yeah. Like what's going on? He's like looking out the window and stuff. Yeah. So. Oh.

If you're Edward Snowden, you just think nothing's a coincidence. Yeah. Well, how do you? The boss is late. Yeah. That's everything. You could never. Yeah, it'd be a weird way to have to live because you got to guess what's coincidence and what's not. And you would think everything is. Yeah. Man, that would be tough. And then a lot of it you would because it's like how many coincidences do you have? Probably a bunch.

Probably a bunch. Probably a bunch you don't even notice normally. Right. So when you notice them, you're like, so it's... Your life is just full of them. Yeah. Yeah. Which is crazy, you know? Well, it's like people always talk about. Like you asked, do people get pop-up ads? Yeah. Are people spying on us, these companies? And...

It does seem like you've sometimes just been in her house talking about something. And then next thing you know. I don't like that Holly just showed up. What do you know, Holly? What do you know? What's in your head? What's on that collar? She wants to tell you something. Yeah. It's a bump on her head. I was an on off switch in there. But have you ever gotten an ad pop up and you hadn't even looked anything up about it? You've just been talking about it in your house? Yeah. Yeah. But that's scary, right?

I thought, I mean, I didn't know we had to explain it after he was talking about it. I think that's why I got confused. You're talking about that. I just want to make sure it wasn't just me. No, yeah. It happens. Well, yeah, we talked about it earlier, and then you brought that up there. That's the only thing. And then you're like, you know, like when you say something about it, you're like, I mean, yeah. Yeah. I think you're part of the government. No, I'm not. You would be. Something doesn't work. If something doesn't work? Yeah. Yeah.

That's pretty... He's more the government. Oh, because the government doesn't work. I agree Brian Bates would be the best spy. Really? Yeah.

All right. Yeah. I think he'd miss his flight. He'd miss his flight getting over there. I think he would be a night, you know. Your spy can't, has got to be kind of like able to get places quickly. I would just sleep in the airport. I know, but you're- Southwest. But as a spy, if there's a meeting, you can't be like,

I got to be at the airport three hours early. That's where the tickets sit. You go, I know, dude, but go like an hour early and just try to get through quick. But it said I didn't be there three hours, and then you're just sitting in there and you can't adjust from your – I don't think you're – you're not a good adjuster. Like you have your system, and then you go, you know? That's what I want you to think. Oh. No, I mean, I've seen it. You're doing a great job. That's not – No airplanes never showing up. Yeah.

The CIA during the Cold War for a while used mind readers. Oh. Another $20 million project. Yeah. You can see what people are thinking, right? No, they didn't admit to this until 2017 when 12 million pages of records got declassified, but they were using- Who's writing that many pages? That's so many pages. Who's on earth? There's 12 million pages? Mm-hmm.

Oh, he was saying 12 million pages got declassified, and this was part of them. Oh, I guess so. I don't know if they're all about this five. No one's even reading these pages. No, of course not. I don't believe anything, because you're like, so who's reading these 12 million? I don't know if you could read 12 million pages. I can't read 60. Someone sent me a thing the other day, and I'm like, oh, no, I don't think so. I scroll up and go, oh, if it's more than 10, I'm out. Yeah, well, it's like when the Supreme Court issues some big ruling,

It's multiple pages, and then the news reporters have to come out and immediately tell you what it said. So they have to really, really read fast or just skip to the back and try to find a summary.

Yeah, yeah. I can. Yeah. Like, well, I'm sure that people that are read where it's like you can just kind of like jump and you kind of you're like, all right, I get the point of it. But did you say? Yeah, just lag for a second. But so let's assume you can read average reading speed. Yeah. Which is half a page a minute. I mean, that would take you 400,000 hours to read. Yeah. Which is a lot. Which is a lot.

Yeah, I mean, there's, yeah. I mean, what do they go? Well, we let a computer read it. And go, what does he do? He takes it down to 11 million. That's something. 16,000 days.

Yeah. Do we take to read that? Yeah. I mean, how, like, yeah, I don't know how. I mean, obviously, you've got to have a lot of people, but I mean, 12 million pages. 45 years to read all that. Wow. Yeah. So, it's a lot. Now, there's probably some diagrams that probably cuts into it a little bit, you know. It's probably not 1,200 pages of wall-to-wall text. 45 years? Yeah. For one person. How long to write?

It's over the years. It's all AI generated. Yeah. Yeah, it's all... So it's all just stuff that's collected. So they give you 12... It's almost like that's what they do. They give you this thing that's so long and then like now we declassify it. You're like, oh...

They've told us about UFOs and we just haven't read that page yet. Yeah, you summarize it for us. Every time they pass a bill on the news, it's like the bill is 900 pages long. They had 20 minutes to read it. It's crazy. I don't even know. What's what I said about? Who's writing those bills? They just vote. Who puts the thing in the bills? All the Congress people? They just say their things. And they go, I want this. Like an auction.

Oh, right. We just start earmarking stuff. The pork barrel buffet. Yeah. That's what they call it. That's what they call it? Yeah. It's called pork. When you load on pork to a bill. Oh, really? Yeah. Say I want $20 million of funding for this thing down the street in Tennessee. We'll tack that onto the... And then I'll vote for your bill. Yeah. And then you vote for my bill. Oh. So... Yeah. It's the way it's set up. It's crazy. Yeah.

So yeah, they use these mind readers. They're called, it was called project Stargate and program was finally shut down in 1995, but they would use these psychics. They called them remote viewers and they would locate hostages kidnapped by terrorist groups or fugitive criminals here in the U S and,

And they used this guy, Uri Geller, who was on... There he is right there. He was on Tonight Show numerous times. He said he could bend spoons with his mind. He could cut Larry with his mind. His ability to bend metal, cut Larry with his mind. Yeah. I didn't know what I was saying. Yeah.

He said he could read other people's minds or do mind control. Did he demonstrate bending the spoon on... He said he was on The Tonight Show? Well, one famous episode of The Tonight Show, he comes on and Johnny Carson's producers have

come out with their own spoons their own stuff and it stumped him and he was like oh i'm not feeling it i'm not feeling it tonight well we just want you to do it and he's like i just i don't i don't feel strong right now energy's off in here yeah that's basically what he said so is that what he said on live tv yeah yeah i watched the clip last night he's on johnny carson he's like i'm just not he's like this scares me and they're like well we just want you to show what you can do and he's like i'm just not feeling very strong right now that's kind of mean

That's what he said. Huh? That's what he said. It is. He's like, you set me up. Yeah. I'd be mad about that. Like, so you want to go like, I mean, either you're dumb and you really think I'm doing this, or you're being mean. But a lot of people were falling for it, and they were trying to show- He's trying to tell people that he really does this, that he bends a spoon. He's a magician. No, he's not claiming to be a magician. He's claiming to be a psychic that can really do it. Yeah, but it's like-

It's still a form of entertainment. If your dad came on here and did a bunch of tricks and tried to say it was real, we'd be like, well, no, it's not. It's not real. But who's believing that? I mean, I don't... I get...

The CIA. Did he bend his own spoons while on The Tonight Show? Yeah, he had his own spoons. So he bent his own and then they brought others. Well, it's almost like they just go like, obviously, just say that guy's an illusionist. Johnny Carson, just say that. Why do you bring the guy out and embarrass the guy? But I don't think he was calling himself an illusionist.

It doesn't matter what he ever called. Like, it's just, it's someone, it's like, just don't, why do these, why does everybody have to be, you can just be like. Not to debunk everything. Well, not to debunk everything, but you got to do it so that person feels it. Like, that's the thing that I don't understand. Like, when you want to make someone feel bad, why do you have to like make sure everybody sees them feel bad? That's true.

It's like if they're lying, then just go say they were lying. You could have done that off air. You could have done one of these. Yeah. And they might have talked to him. I have no idea. But yeah, I mean, this guy is... Is he a false prophet? I don't know. It's like he's bending a spoon with his... What else is he doing? And then the CIA hired him. To read people's minds, not even just to bend spoons. So you're like, they're all...

hey, go over there and bend all their – If he worked for the CIA, maybe the CIA would be talking to Johnny Carson and be like, hey, don't bring out your own spoons. Yeah. Don't mess our guy up here. They go, why not? He goes, this spoon stuff's stupid. I go, all right, so you all admit it? He goes, yeah. He goes, what are you all doing for me? He's reading minds for us. Yeah, that guy needs a better manager. He needs a better manager. You know what I mean? There's no other way you got to be mean to someone.

Don't bring the real spoons. I mean, the whole world's watching that, and you got to be just – you make someone look like a fool. Yeah. And, I mean, you know, I don't know. You thought it was cool that he could bend spoons with his mind. What did you expect him to do? You brought him on as an entertainer, right? Right. So, like, what did you expect for him to come on and go, no, it's a fake spoon? Well, it's pretty great TV to watch somebody –

be revealed to be a liar on TV. I get it, but it's... But it's mean. But it's mean. But it's mean. It's very, very mean-spirited, and Johnny's the king of the world at this point. Yeah. And that guy's not, and you just were very mean to that guy. You hired him on to bit now, unless this dude is... I don't know what this guy was doing, but... Yeah, maybe Google him and Johnny Carson, see if I got my story straight. Yeah. If it seems like he's bending spoons, I would think that you're just being...

All right. Read some. All right. So anyway, so there's this program called Project Stargate. It was declassified in 95, or they ended in 95. The report says that it was a failure. It remains unclear whether their existence of paranormal phenomenon, remote viewing had been demonstrated. So the CIA is not admitting that it worked, but they tried it and they hired these people.

for a long time to see if they could locate people. Maybe the CIA set this whole thing up. Go embarrass this guy on Johnny Carson. Yeah. Until they got out of their contract with him. They could have done that. Johnny Carson was with the CIA. Yeah. Look how easy it is. Maybe. Was it Mr. Rogers that there was a rumor that he worked for the CIA or something? Yeah, sure. I feel like there's a lot of celebrities that felt that way.

All right. So the Rosenbergs were an American family whose brother, her brother worked in Oak Ridge, Tennessee, making the atomic bomb. And he shared secrets with her, which these couple shared with the Russians. And they were first people put to death for being despised. When was that? This was back in the 50s, I think.

But they were just this American couple, and a lot of people thought they were falsely accused and that they really weren't involved in it. But when some information was released in the early 90s, it showed they really were involved in sharing government secrets. I don't know if I believe that. I messed it up. Yeah. So they said they were registered by the way they killed them. Yeah. And then...

Her brother worked on the Manhattan Project, which was building the atomic bomb. Oh, okay. He shared with her some of the secrets for making the bomb. She and her husband shared it with Russians. On purpose? Yeah. They were getting paid to do it. They were like Russian spies. But they were supposedly just this American family that no one was suspected, but they got caught and they were put to death. Yeah. Wow.

And they live in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. That's where the Manhattan Project was going on, yeah. Oh, really? Yeah, part of it, a big part of it, yeah, building an atomic bomb. Yeah. Right there with the Oak Ridge boys. Yeah. All right. A lot happened in that part of the country you would think about. It could make sense now because you're like, I feel like in the South we are about family, but if you find a new way to make money, you're like, yeah, I'll get this dumb secret. You're like, all right, that makes sense. Yeah.

Who cares? Did you figure anything out? Yeah, I figured out the story. So this is a guy who I think we talked about before on this podcast, the amazing Randy. Yeah. He was a former magician who devoted his life to exposing people who were lying about stuff like this. And so he would come on Johnny Carson a bunch. He exposed a couple like false stories.

televangelists and stuff like that. So this guy, Yuri Geller shows up and he's blindsided with the amazing Randy. Amazing Randy comes out and goes, confronts him and says, do this trick under my conditions. And he can't do it. So it was a trap.

set by johnny carson did they have him on before amazing randy's been on the show no multiple times it looks like this is the first time yuri geller was on the show oh so they brought that guy in just for that yeah they brought him in yeah the clip i watched last night the amazing randy wasn't in it oh really it was just him setting yuri geller sitting down with johnny carson with a bunch of stuff laid out there okay and then johnny was like we thought you could show us what you could do

Yeah, even like, so yeah, see, that's even a weird spot too, like magician, like revealing these tricks. You're like, yeah, man, we're doing magic tricks, dude. Like, A, the sleight of hand, there's stuff my dad will do. He could tell you what he's doing. You're not going to see it. I know. But it's in the idea that you like, it's like, to me, sometimes that stuff feels like,

It's a guy that can't make it as one way, so his other way is to just blow that world up. And then you're like, well, that's not, you know, it's a trick. Yeah. You're doing your own little side game. I get it if somebody's taking advantage of people. Like some of these guys he exposed were lying to people and taking money from them and stuff like that. But if it's just a guy bending spoons...

It's like, who cares? Or not bending spoons. Bending his own spoons. Yeah. Even if you bend fake spoons, though, that's pretty impressive. I don't know what you're doing, but...

Even if you have your own spoons that you can bend, I'm like, okay. So you can't bend all the spoons. That's where you should go with it. I can't bend all the spoons, guys. Who do you think I am, dude? I can't just bend any spoon. There are spoons I can bend, but not these. Yeah. You think I can bend all the spoons? Don't be unreasonable. I'm doing forks now. I forgot how to do spoons. And they go, we can find... He's just trying to...

I'm just getting into it. So many prongs on that fork. There's a vibration in here. I got a Havana thing going on. I really can't do it right now. I went to Indeed.com. He should have just asked for... He should have said, like, I'll bend a knife, and once he gets to him, stabs that other guy. And it bends, and he goes, huh? Yeah.

Indeed has how to become a CIA agent or how to become a spy CIA agent. You can earn a bachelor's degree. How long did you go to school for that? Oh, that's the first one? Yep. That's four years. That's just a regular school.

CA normally requires applicants to have a GPA of 3.0 or higher. That's not that high. No. So, so far. I'm out though. I mean, I'm already out, but it's down to me and Aaron. Yeah. Oh, my GPA is way below that. Your GPA is below 3.0? Oh, yeah. How did you get into Notre Dame? Oh, I was in high school. It was good. I'm talking about college. Oh.

They probably don't care about your high school GPA. It's your college. That's all I have is my high school GPA. I care quite a bit about it. And I take that stuff serious. I'm sorry, man. Mr. Kramer. Consider earning a master's degree.

Don't have to have it, but they would like you to have a specialized field like security technology, foreign affairs. They're like, don't do it, but consider it. Yeah. You have a better chance. Did you do it? I didn't do it. I have been considering. I Googled how to become a spy. I think if you Google how to be a spy, you're probably not going to be a spy. That's what I was going to say. The number one on this list would be, if you're reading this list, you're out. You're out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Become fluent in one or two foreign languages. Arabic, Korean, Russian. Farsi. But with Babbel, you can do it. With Babbel, you can do it. Gain relevant experience. What? Gain relevant experience. Like spy on your parents. Like do... They go, what experience do you have? He goes, I've been living in my neighbor's attic for 15 years. And they go...

He doesn't know you're there? He doesn't know I'm there. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. I like this guy. It's got to be like that kind of experience. Well, they meant like working law enforcement, the military, security, something like that. I'd rather do the other stuff. Yeah, the other stuff. I've been stalking this woman for years. Yeah, what experience do you have? He goes, he goes swimming in a pool every day and I don't own a pool. And they know nothing about it. And they go, huh.

Is it poor in your neighborhood? He goes, not in my neighborhood. But it's in the neighborhood. In a gated neighborhood. In a gated neighborhood. He goes, but I do it all the time. He goes, I get in and out. He goes, I sleep in people's garages. I use a lot of free Wi-Fi. Yeah. A lot of free Wi-Fi. A lot of the garages. He goes, how do you get in the garages? He goes, the key is you got to step over the beam.

He steps over the beam. The one at the bottom. The one at the bottom. As they shut it, you got to step over it. But also remember to bend down. Step over, bend down. It'll hit your head. It'll hit your head. Go in a corner. Wake up the next morning when they leave.

Swim in the pool. He goes, I always leave an ace of spades in their car. Because they never see it coming. And they're, this guy's good. And they don't detect you at all. No one's ever detected me. Because I've been back and forth, no one's ever brought it up. You have to complete a required testing and medical exam. They want you to do a polygraph test and do a credit check. Okay.

Important for your criminal record to be clean. Now, I had friends in college who applied for government jobs like this, and they would call you. The government would call you former roommates, former classmates, and go like, do he ever lose his temper? Did he ever bring home weird stuff? They ask you all kinds of crazy questions. I got that call about Daniel Rucker. Did you really? What he did.

I forget. It was when I started comedy, but they just called out of nowhere asking. I think it was like that kind of stuff. He listed you as a personal reference on one of these? I guess so. I mean, yeah. I think he's told me before and I keep forgetting. But.

I would fail all of those things. Yeah. I mean, gosh. He never loses his temper. I go, he's your teammate when he doesn't. You should take a road trip with him. Yeah. He goes, hit a four-way stop with him. See what happens. Yeah.

Just something basic. And he goes, you don't see that guy in yellow lights, if you know what I mean. What? What does that mean? Nothing. He's a good guy, though. Great dude. Great dude. I'd hire him all the time. He goes, but yeah. Don't get him to start on tree houses. But he's a good family man. And they're like, what? They don't even know what...

But it'd be good where I think they would be like, well, we just want to talk to this guy now. Yeah. You leave them enough intrigue to go, I think I set you up right. I built some mystique for you, Dustin. I built some, yeah. It goes, yeah. Is he a problem? You go, I don't know. If you guys never used the bathroom inside a building, then if you look past that, one of the best guys I've ever met in my life.

And then I was, CIA now has spy satellites that has a zoom that can photograph your license plate from 50 miles up in space. So just think about that driving home today. Yeah. Why don't we do it the other way and see what's going on up there? Turn it around on? Yeah. No, I mean, why don't they have it to go here? You're like, well, why don't you spin it and then go out and

Outer space. 50 miles outer space? Yeah. Or anything up there, really, honestly. Yeah. I mean. We do have pictures of outer space. It's always like, oh, yeah, it's a picture. All right. You know what I mean? It's a picture. 50 miles up. That's it. 50 miles up. It goes from here to the side of Nashville. Not that high up. All right. That's probably a good stopping point. All right.

All right, that was fun. Spies. Spies. If you're going to be a spy, Google www.comhowtobeaspot.com. Thank you, guys. As always, I will be this week. I'll be in Atlantic City, Beacon. Oh, wow. Two shows at the Beacon. That's awesome. It's awesome. And then Northampton, Massachusetts. We had to reschedule. That show canceled on me the day before.

Because of COVID. Yeah. We were like in the, we were like, it was the next day. So we had to reschedule it, schedule it to June. And, uh, and I think we're doing a show there. Awesome. Yeah. Well, I don't know where we're at dates wise, but this is the first weekend in June. This is next week. Okay. So, all right. Well,

My show will have already been passed. Yeah. There you go. All right. Well, I got nothing. We're having a good time. Yeah. Go to Dusty's website. Well, I'm with Dusty at Stand Up Live in Huntsville in a couple weeks. Yeah, mid-June. Yeah, mid-June. It's going to be great. Stand Up Live, Huntsville. It's going to be a hot show. Yeah. There you go. Shows. Shows. Got a couple. This weekend, I'm at Cap City in Austin. Ooh, fun club. Headlining the side room. It's pretty small. Would love to fill it out.

So get some tickets. Come. Yeah. Austin, Texas at caps. They have two rooms. They have a side room. Yeah. I'm doing Friday, Saturday. Oh, wow. At the, uh, the side room. And then later this month, sorry, hilarity comedy club in Cleveland. I've never been, I'm headlining the cabaret room. All right. Which is the side room. It's small. I'd love to fill these rooms up. It'd be really cool to come through. If you fill those, uh, those rooms up, uh,

I mean, next step is those. That's the hope. So if you're in the area, spread the word. Thank you. Aaron's career relies on your hands.

If he can't go next after that, you're like, this week I'll be at the Funny Bone. I'll be in the building right down the street. And it's MC. It's a shed. It's just a dinner theater kind of thing. But with just me. All right. We love you as always, everybody. Thank you very much. See you next week.

Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.