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Hello folks, welcome to the Nate Land podcast. Let's go folks, welcome. I am sitting here as always, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber, and the new...

But you're here to stay, Dusty Slate. All right. We're having a good time. It's going good. We have good new microphones. Our microphone stands, which is fun. You know, it doesn't feel, we can see everybody's faces a lot easier. It feels very fancy. Yeah. I wish I would have kept yours still the same. Just keep Bates's up. Get one of those mic screens. Yeah. I mean, this feels right. Yeah.

Aaron doesn't care for it. No, I'll figure it out. It's just. It's still like kind of cornered. A little bit. Yeah. I'll figure it out. It's just, you know, I got a lot going on over here. I got a laptop. I got a cup. I got pens. This really is a left-handed mic. See, I'm left-handed. This is perfect for me. I'm free here. This is your highlight. Yeah. This is the first time in history that something has really been built for the left-handed person. Yeah, yeah.

Have you struggled your whole life with that? Like, I'm thinking spiral notebooks. Yeah, you know, when you write, you just write, and then it smears everything, and then people go, your handwriting is terrible. And I'm like, no, I just... Well, it is, but I just smeared it. And then it's all along here. Yeah. You know. I'm left-handed, too. I always loved it, though, because I was just like...

I would play Little League Baseball and everybody would be like, shift, shift. And then I'd strike out. They're like, he's going back. It doesn't matter. There's no shift. Have you tried batting right-handed, Brian? Yeah, maybe you're not left-handed. Yeah, maybe that was the problem. Well, being left-handed, nothing's made for you.

No, the desk in school would have the nice armrest for right-handed and then we're like this, right? I don't know why, but that seems to – because I guess you're coming around like this. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. But you feel smarter when you're left-handed. There's a lot of stuff that's not against left-handed people.

like stuff that's made for just right-hand, like so much so that it seems like left-handed people were made pretty late. Yeah. Like it was like, we already, there's just everything that's like, oh, we've already got a system. Everything's going great. And then the first one walks in and you're like, a dead guy. I mean, how many are there going to be of you? Left-handed is like what happens when they're like, let's let the kids figure it out. Yeah. Yeah. My dad was left-handed and went to Catholic school and they made him be right-handed.

Really? They would hit him every time he wrote with his left hand and they would hit him and then he had to switch to his right hand. Now, let me ask you this. Did it work? How good is he with his right hand now? Yeah. Well, he can do a little bit of both with magic. That's why he's a magician. Everything else is right hand. He's right hand. He's had to trick people into being right handed his whole life. And they did it just the pure nightmare of the stories of just going, when I go buy another desk,

I mean, you know, they should have all left-handed people. When you go to the next grade, you got to bring your left-handed desk in. You always got to move it in. Well, the worst is like when you're a kid and you're at a friend's house and they're like, hey, you want to play baseball, but you didn't bring your glove. Oh, yeah. So now you got this glove and you're like having to throw right-handed. Yeah. And it's... You should do it like Jim Abbott. He was a pitcher with one arm. And you just put the glove like on your... On a nub. On the nub. Switch it, catch it, put it on the nub, throw it back.

Yeah. I mean, well, that's what you have to do. I could always catch or whatever. I don't know what hand it is. I guess it'd be this one because I'm left-handed. You throw with your left and catch with your right. Right. But I mean, if you're left-handed, you could catch with it too. So you're really gifted in a way. Oh, yeah. You could. You have to do both. Yeah. Yeah. Or like guitar. Guitar's backwards. I always blame that. You know, Jimi Hendrix was left-handed, but he would just play a right-handed guitar upside down. Oh, wow.

Dusty, you ever thought of that? If only I had turned it upside down. I could have been Jimi Hendrix. Instead, I failed at a guitar class. I think in baseball, when they would see you, Bates, come up, they're already like, oh. And then you get in the left-hand batter's box, you're like, of course, dude. Oh, man.

Of course, he's also left-handed. There's probably some truth to that. Yeah. And the umps, even annoyed, and he just like doesn't... Wherever the ball goes, he's like, strike, who cares, get it over with. Don't they say you have an advantage if you're left-handed? Like batting, like you're a little closer to first base. Yeah. That's what they would always tell me. And I'm like, I don't know if that couple of little steps is really doing a lot. Sometimes it does. It does. If you're close play at first. If...

I would imagine, I mean, the level of the pros of your fast, I'd imagine that's a gigantic advantage. Like they're just taking off, you know. And there are certain positions that benefits you to be a left-handed. If you look at first baseman, they're disproportionately left-handed.

because of, there's certain positions where it does benefit you a little more. Yeah. It's the only position in the infield you can even be in. You really didn't know the answer to that. Couldn't finish the thought as strongly. You go, yeah, because the main, it's because it's, you know, a lot of them are. Yeah. And so. My dad wanted me to be a pitcher, you know, and that was a real disappointment for him. That I was not good at any sports. Oh, wow. I wanted him to buy me a guitar and he was like, you ain't gonna learn to play the guitar.

guitar and then i never did so he was right but was it a self-fulfilling prophecy so he didn't see it when you had this hat and hair when you're a little kid walk around that oh no i imagine you always looked like this yeah my dad hated my hair until i like what had us was successful in comedy yeah and then he was like all right you know he can't really argue with it yeah i don't think he gets it but he's like all right you you're working it i can't

people like it yeah have you ever had short hair oh yeah i've had all kinds of hair i had a slick back haircut my dad my friend called it my rachel maddow look and i was sitting at my aunt's house one day and my dad goes oh i love that i love your hair like that and then we got in the car and i was like oh my hair does look good like this he goes not like that it doesn't yeah and he had just given me a compliment inside

And it's like, what are you doing here? Yeah. It'd be tough to. Oh, yeah, there it is. Don't let this. Let's look back. But it's short here. Not even that one. But if you go under that one. Yeah. The way. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Look at that. Yeah, there it is. Yeah, look at that. Look at that guy. Wow. That's just slick back. This guy's not having a good time. Look at that guy. Yeah. I mean, I was having a good time. People thought I was very serious. I was trying to get it done. I mean, that's... Can you imagine your comedy coming from that? I know. I mean, it's just...

I actually had a guy in New York tell me one time that he said, you're very funny, but when you took the stage, I said, this guy's not going to be funny. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah, you go up now, right? Yeah, I can see it now. You're an older comic and you go up and you're like, oh, yeah. Let me go and recite his act before he gets up there. You just know.

I was, you know, I was in a real train. I quit drinking right now. I was in a real transitional phase. This is my trying to figure it out haircut. You look, I mean, like I changed my everything every four years. So, or even more, I do it. So I get it. Yeah. I have no problem. I looked horrible. Let's get up these comments. So this is for the end of the world comments.

All right. Thanks, Alexis J. Yeah. Alexis J. That's a good name. Yeah. It's a hot name. Not a bad name either.

Nate and Dusty are literally my two favorite comedians. I can't believe this is real. All right. That's nice. They're into Dust. You would think that they would be a fan of a Dusty comic. Yeah. Yeah. My favorite comment I saw so far was, I can't believe it took Nate this long to think of adding another comedian to the show. Yeah, that was really funny. I like that one.

Oh, what is this? I'm trying something out. Putting some comments up here. I like that. That's fun. Look at this. Some visuals. Lee Parascandola. Nate, what are you doing? If it ain't broke, don't fix it. The three amigos were perfect. I am with Weber on this one.

You didn't want to. Yeah. I said that as a joke up top, and a lot of people thought I was serious. Oh, you were serious. There was a little debate going on in the Facebook group of whether I was upset about this. And they're like, I think Aaron knows Dusty's coming for his job. Yeah. On the podcast. That really took it. Lee Periscandola really took it down a notch. Yeah.

Yeah. I was feeling pretty good about those first two comments, and now I've just found out Aaron didn't even want me on the show. Yeah. They said, was it just me or was Aaron a little off today? Seems like he really is concerned about... Yeah. No, it's all good. I'm super excited about it. First me, then the mic stand. It's just really falling apart. It's a lot of change. A lot of change. Yeah. I like the comments are going up. I think that's neat. Yeah.

You know, Dusty, me and you will always be on this podcast. Look, a lot of people, they were like... I've been trying to move baits into another room for...

80 episodes. I mean, what if you do it downstairs? Like the real radio setup where there's always one person behind the glass. I never understood that. I was going to put a glass right there. Somebody suggested that after episode two. A comment. Just have him in another room. Yeah, I mean, I've wrote it.

What were you saying? I was going to say a lot of people said Greg Warren was great. And I'm like, yeah, we know. We had no idea he was going to be that good. And we'd already asked Dusty. So what are you going to do, right? It's true.

Well, Greg Warren is great. I mean, I'm a fan. Yeah, yeah. So you might not be here. No. Gen Z Walker. Taco Bell's Chili Cheese Burrito is available at selection locations. She said selection locations. Just none in Tennessee. Here's the list.

Wow. All right. All right. That's good. There's a lot. Mm-hmm. And only two in Tennessee, if I remember correctly. She said none in Tennessee. No, we got a couple here. In Dyersburg. Dyersburg and Union City, which you probably know the counties, right, Brian? Dyersburg. Dyersburg's Dyer County. Yeah. I mean, like you're eating chili cheese burrito.

dire in a dire situation I mean up all right all right this is good I like that there's a website chili chi dot se yeah well it's like the website's living moss calm Oh CC dot living moss calm yes I've been CC well these URLs can redirect to different so you can type in either of those okay okay good and then you don't do WWE no more no you don't have to no one does that that never really took off

The WWW? I think the browser will automatically do that for you. You don't need to type in HTTP either a lot of times. You don't? This is how you know a person doesn't use the internet a lot. When they go, you go, what's the website? They go, WWW. And you're like, okay. You know what I mean? You're like, nah, nah. HTTPS colon backslash backslash. But the WWW wasn't, I mean, did you ever have to do it?

Well, I don't know. I've never had to. But you can type in something else if you're like FTP or like a local file. You type in something different. Yeah, like I see sometimes it tells you to do that HTTP. You're saying I never have to type that in? I don't think you'll ever have to type that in. Oh, because I've done it. Yeah. Wow.

I mean, I don't do it all the time, but I feel like I've been sent that direction. And you've wasted a lot of time, I think. It probably adds up. Yeah, where you're typing a dot and a colon, and I'm like, what slash is that? Is that forward or back? I don't know how to get to it. All right, I'm very pumped about this. Oh, yeah? Yeah, very, very pumped. Good. Craig, wait. Ben. Ben Slatton, Slayton.

After seeing the shark attack map, I did some research into the Kentucky shark attack. It was not in the Ohio River, but it was a group of people who were bitten by small sharks at an aquarium in Newport, Kentucky, where the exhibit was to pet the sharks. No one was seriously hurt. I was surprised that either Nate, Aaron, Dusty, or Bald Bronco caught Kentucky on the map after talking about Missouri and Illinois.

Yeah. So why would they even put that in there? Because it's a shark attack. I mean. Yeah. But everybody knows what we're doing here. I mean, that's, that's, that's, you know, it's like, well, you got, isn't it a query? Like, that's much different, you know? Yeah. They said most of these didn't even break skin. Yeah. I just love that people. Yeah. I mean. Let's pet the sharks. That'd be like, well, this. Yeah.

Shark was like trying to pet them. I would like it to happen to me just so I could say I've been bitten by a shark. Yeah. It says minor injury similar to paper cuts. So I think it's borderline. I mean, that's yeah. You can't put that as a shark attack. You head over to shark attack data dot com to check out the shark attack database. It's pretty interesting. They have a exhaustive records. And what's the United States? How high does it go?

We've got a timeline of unprovoked incidents. I think if you're in the tank with the shark, that's provoked. So they're on a decline right now.

Which is good. So at the peak, seems to be what? 2017. It was just happening. I mean, all unprovoked. I mean, 48. If you weren't bit, you're lucky. It seems to be. These numbers are pretty encouraging. All time since 1900.

which I guess is when we started keeping track of this, there's only been 144 fatal and unprovoked incidents. I thought it was a much bigger problem than that. 144 over 122 years. It's pretty good. Provoked is 204. That means, you know, they're saying bad things about the shark. They're calling it names. Right.

And so just don't do that. Just don't be like, oh, yeah, well, you can't live it out of the water. And does the shark get a say on what was provoked and what was unprovoked? Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, that's true. He goes, unprovoked? Are you kidding me? I should have heard the things that guy was saying about my mother. 1910, not a lot, but I can't imagine where were you putting those in?

You know, 1910, I don't think they could call someone and say, yeah. No, yeah, you'd have to write a letter and report this. I don't trust any data before the year 2000, to be honest with you. Yeah. If you're thinking about it like that. I mean, how did they even get this? Yeah, yeah. If you went back in time to 1960 and you had to see a doctor, or you had a medical issue, would you trust the doctor more than you would trust just what you know now? I would. Well, I don't know anything now.

What if you could still access the internet on your phone? I would still probably just... Why would I not give the doctor the internet? Oh, just show them your phone? Yeah. You have a lot of explaining to do. They wouldn't even be able to do anything. I'd change that doctor's life. Yeah, that doctor would be like, wow, this is amazing. How did you get this? Yeah. But I think I would trust the doctor more back then.

Oh, that you do now. Yeah. Even if he didn't know what he was doing, I'm like, yeah, at least you're not trying to hurt me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could get that. You're trying to get a big insurance claim. Yeah, there's not too much stuff. I can understand that. You're like, it's a local, probably the real family doctor knows everybody. He probably married my parents. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I could see that. I like that. Hmm.

What are we going back to have? I'm going back to have back surgery. Is it a cold or are we –

Is it a real big... I don't know. I was just thinking, how far back would you have to go before you trust yourself more than you would the doctor? That's an interesting question because you can go back only not that long and you would wear gloves and you'd be light years ahead of what they're doing because they didn't even know to wear gloves. They didn't know that bacteria existed. If you went back to George Washington time and you're like, don't drain all the blood out. That's what they did to George Washington. They thought he had bad blood.

They did? Bloodletting? And that's how he died. That's what I was told. Yeah. So he'd still be alive today. Yeah, he could be. How did he, that's, they took all his blood out? Yeah, like they would say that he had like bad blood, so they would drain some blood. Yeah. Well, yeah, we talked about bloodletting during the Middle Ages. I didn't know that happened to George Washington.

Over a 12-hour period, they removed more than 80 ounces of his blood or 40% of his total blood volume. Yeah, that's not going to be good. And then he died then. Oh, in horrible death. Yeah. Oh, man, he was two weeks from making it to the 1800s. Oh, wow. That's got to be a bummer. You're like, I'm about to see this. Like, just let's not let all the blood out. Yeah. How old was he?

In 1799. You know his birthday? God. That'd make him. He was 67. Oh. Not that old. Not that old. I mean, that's, yeah, 67, young. Probably pretty old for back then. Maybe. Yeah, you didn't see that coming. All right. Craig Hutto.

How about that?

Did you talk to him? No, I don't personally know him. Like I said, he was younger. His brothers were older. I know his uncle, who's the mayor of Wilson County, but I don't know Craig. But I guess he listens to the podcast. That's awesome. I'm glad you listened, Craig. I'm sure Bates will look into you. I'm sure Bates will show up at your house. Oh, I know where he lives. Oh, that was it? He got a bionic leg?

He has a bionic leg now. What does that mean? There's a whole write-up of him from CBS News that's very interesting. Wow. There's the bionic leg. Oh, wow. It really does look bionic. Yeah.

Yeah, that does have to be crazy. You walk around Lebanon. I mean, everybody's going to think you went to war, obviously. And then you're like, no, it was a shark attack. People are like, thanks for your service. Yeah, I mean, everybody would say, no one's going to imagine you because it's not that. It's a shark attack. They should have prayed for him.

Also the veterans. They should throw him in with the veterans. He should be like Santa Claus at the end of the veterans parade. At the end of it's him at the end. It goes, hey, we got a shark attack. This guy didn't even have to go to war to lose his leg. Tyler Cooper. What if people are killing themselves before the rapture on May 21st, 2011 to avoid the long lines at the pearly grates and beat the rush?

Kind of like those, I was here first, people who sleep outside of the Apple store when a new iPhone comes out. Talk about your all-time backfires. That is true. Yeah. You should get there early. Yeah, go ahead and do it. Leave before the game ends. Beat the traffic. Just beat the traffic because I'm going to try to beat this traffic.

And then you end up parking in a different parking lot. Then you find out they actually got a lot of things going at the Pearl. It's not one gate. There's really not a line. They really got it down. Yeah, I would imagine. You're like, you know, there's a good system in place. It's not like a Walmart cash register. Yeah, yeah. It's not, you know, you're not going to have Jesus just being like, all right, guys.

Hello. Back up. Yeah. You ever see one of the most impressive things ever, like a busy gas station and there's only one employee and they start running two registers at the same time. That's like as close as I've gotten to wanting to high five a stranger. Like it blows my mind. People. Wow.

No, I mean, I think it's very impressive. I think it's the closest I've come to high five a stranger. Well, you know, the closest to being like, dude, I'm impressed by you to a total stranger. Yeah. Just to see him running, dude. Why don't you just say that to him? That'd be nice. I mean, I say thank you. Have a good day. I don't want to make it weird. It's like the Michael Scott where he goes, I would never say this to her face, but Pam's one of the best workers we've ever had. Spies and secret agents.

Pride Rock 92. I have never been more proud of a grown man reading as I was when Nate did the bionic reading. I was driving and listening in disbelief, pushing my head all the way into the headrest. I want to say hardest. All the way into the headrest when he was reading. Literally taking a back.

Even with that little wobble, Nate should be proud to finally be reading at an eighth grade level. How about that? And I took that comment and I made it into bionic reading. See if you can attack that almost more strongly. I've never been more proud of a grown man reading as I was when Nate did the bionic reading. I was driving and listened in disbelief, pushing my head all the way into the headrest when he was reading. Literally taken aback, even with that little wobble, Nate should be proud to finally be reading at an eighth grade level. Wow.

I do do better at it. I'm trying to read a book, and I wish they... Do they write it? Can they make it be this? You can, on this Bionic Reading website, you can input any text, upload any file, and it'll do this for it. I know. Do you have a hard copy? No, I got a Kindle, because I was like, I'm reading U.S. History for Dummies, because I don't know anything about... I'm going to go through the dummy books.

start there I feel like that's what this podcast is though I know but I but I forget even what this is about yeah and so like I just ended up I'm trying to just go read I'm gonna go through all like how many I can go through yeah those are pretty good some stuff yeah

You might say this guy was as impressed with you as Aaron was a gas station cashier. That's true. I mean, Aaron got in the car and threw his head back in. And this guy was really taken aback. He goes, I can't believe it. Are you kidding me? Go. Did you sit and watch? You go, no, I'm just watching. I'm just admiring. I did. I was back in line. I did kind of look around like, y'all seeing this? Yeah. It felt like nobody appreciated what this woman was doing. Yeah. Yeah.

And you said nothing about it, just like they did. Maybe they all did, and you should have all said. You might have started an applause. If you had said something, look at this, they might have all said. Cody Bond. I can say without a doubt, Dusty would be the best spy. Have you seen that man take a hat off? It's two different people. Talk about incognito.

I can hide, but I can't lie, though. They would be like, are you the spy? I'd be like, ah, you got me. You know what I mean? We're having a good time. I'm going to go ahead and get out of here, though. Don't be upset with me. I did tell you that I am the spy. I'm sorry that I did it. I knew that it wasn't a good idea. Well, your only kryptonite would be if someone asked, are you the spy? That's true. So basically, you could be good. You would just almost tell your spy bosses,

Look, I'm going to fall apart if someone goes, are you a spy? Yeah. And maybe I could go, you know, what is a spy? Yeah. You know what I mean? Listen, yeah. Am I the friend that I claim to be? No. Are you a spy? You'd ask them. Yeah. How do I know that you're not a spy? We're all spies. You know that you could get a little, you could probably conspiracy it up in your head enough to then go like, I don't.

Yeah, probably. You know, maybe if I prepared for them to ask that question, you know, and just not lie and try to work my way around it. Yeah, I don't really understand what a spy is, but... What was George Costanza? It's not a lie if you believe it. If you believe it. That's true. Yeah. You can't conceal your voice at all either, can you? You can't do any voices. I could just go, yeah, I do sound a lot like that guy. Yeah. Like,

Like they have a spy, but they won't have a voice of a spy, so it doesn't matter what he talks like. All right. He's wiretapped, though. I'm just thinking of how he can blink. They're not going to be like, are you in that spy movie? And you're now a spy, and you're like, I can't do it. Kyle Regan.

Nate defending Uri Geller is so funny. The guy was fleecing people as a fraud, and Johnny exposed him to help people not be taken advantage of.

What was this? This was the psychic that you defended who's on Johnny Carson. Oh, yeah. Spoons with his mind. Yeah. Yeah. I think the disconnect was you thought he was maybe just like a magician just trying to entertain people. And then he was exposed. He was actually a guy who was defrauding people and claiming that it was all real. Yeah. That's the difference. People were sending him money. I think, yeah, he was defrauding people. Yeah. Claiming that this was all real stuff. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I don't know if that changes how you feel about it. I feel like we said that last week, but... Yeah, I get it. It's something about just the meanness that it's like to do it. Like I figured there's a way you could stop this without like doing that. Doing it publicly like that? And then it's, yeah, it's, you know, I don't know why I feel... It's just, I don't like publicly shaming someone.

I just don't ever like it because it's like I like stuff to get solved. And, yeah, you should get this guy and get arrested. But it's the idea that you're publicly shaming him feels very much like the person doing it is like I'm better than you. They're in a weird way. They're playing. They're not talking to him. They're not trying to help him. They're not trying to, you know, they're just it's a clap like to be like we made that guy look like a fool. And you're like to me something like that feels weird.

But I mean, the guy should be in prison, in jail or whatever, and had to give all the money back and all that kind of stuff. But imagine the people that were defrauded that also like were still believing it. That like ruined it for them too. Yeah. Because they were like, you know, you think that you're exposing this guy, but really the people are like, oh, that guy ripped us off. Yeah. I thought that was real. Yeah. I was believing it. Just let them live in that. Because if you believe people can bend spoons with their mind, that's your bad. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Like, you got to know people. It's a little bit on you. Yeah. I mean. Well, you want them to. Yeah, I don't know. I guess it depends on how. It's like an own. You're owning someone. And I don't know. I mean, there's a lot of that now, like on social media, where it's all like we're owning you. And like, you know, like you took those Chris Hansen and that stuff like.

That I don't mind, but that's such a crit. That's really bad. I think it's helping people see. I don't know. Maybe they're both the same thing, and I don't know. You know what's interesting about Uri Geller? He was best friends with Michael Jackson, this guy. Yeah.

when he got married in like 2001, Michael Jackson was his best man. Wow. And then towards the end of his life, Michael Jackson put together an enemies list of people that were out to get him and got really paranoid at the end. Yeah. And Uri Geller was on it. Oh,

Oh, wow. It was on his enemies list. So nobody really knows what happened between you're his best man and then you're on his list of enemies. But you're his best man in 2001. Michael Jackson watched that episode of Johnny Carson. Yeah. And he was like, I was your best man when I thought you could bend spoons. Yeah, but that was before 2001. So he maybe missed that episode. Oh, yeah. Okay. And so then he was like, this guy can bend spoons. Michael Jackson didn't have time to watch Johnny Carson. He was busy, yeah. But then YouTube came along and-

Oh, wow. Maybe it's YouTube. Did Michael Jackson, was he on Johnny Carson? I'm sure he was at some point. The Jackson 5, probably. I feel like they were on Ed Sullivan or something. Oh, maybe. Did Michael Jackson ever was just a guest on late night shows? Like in the interview? I feel like he was on... Excuse me. Sorry. I was doing my Michael Jackson impression and I got something hugging my throat. Guys, please welcome to the stage my grandmother. Go ahead.

There he is. I think he was on Arsenio. Oh, Johnny Carson, yeah. Jackson 5 was on in 1974. But that was early. That was Jackson 5, so I get that. It's like when he became Michael Jackson on his own. He never moonwalked out there. Yeah. Yeah, that was way before the moonwalk. Yeah. Wasn't he on Arsenio? Yeah, that's what I mean. Was he ever on...

As the Michael Jackson we know. Yeah, like when they were Jackson 5, it was like, that probably blew them up. They were just, you know, a young band. But then they, you know, when he became, you know, our... Yeah. Answers now. Yeah. Yeah.

thanks, Dusty. Uh, they just showed a picture of you. That's what I said. Okay. Uh, Craig Brannon. Next time you guys are in Washington, D.C., check out the Spy Museum. Tons of pretty crazy gadgets on display, including fake poop that has a transmitter inside. Worth a visit if you get tired of looking at monuments. I've been to the Spy Museum, uh, on reference to Keith Alberstadt, who was a giant Spy Museum fan. Very funny comedian. Check Keith out. Uh,

I remember nothing from it. Where did we go? No, we went to it recently. And then Travis, our tour manager, went. And he, of course, you know, he has a knife on him. And so they had to... Did they hide it? Yeah, they said you can't take it in. And so he had to hide it in a bush somewhere.

And we were hoping that it's just gone when he gets back. Oh, I think you told this story on the podcast. It looked like he was a spy. Like, oh, yeah. Search it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Just having to. Yeah. He walks around to the bushes and just like fills a few of them and then just one of them just slides in. No one's on the block. No one's near us. No one's paying attention to this.

I've been there so many times. When I did the opera the first time, Aaron came. I had a knife. Aaron had a knife. My dad had a knife. His friend had two knives. We all had to go back to the car and put our knives away. Yeah, your dad's friend had like, he had an arsenal. They kept being like, well, let's see your leg. He's got like a huge knife on his ankle. They're like, my God.

Why would you carry the knives? Like, I would see a gun more. The knife seems... I get like a little one just you got to cut stuff or like it's a little safety. It's a little blah, blah, blah. I don't know. My dad keeps a gun in his overall pocket. Yeah. Loose. Yeah, just right in the mouth. Yeah. I understand. Like, I think I understand that more than you have a knife on your leg. Like...

Well, my dad's friend, he's really, he had the full cow. He does a lot of rodeo stuff. He had the full cowboy thing going. He looked like he was from tombstone. I mean, he was ready to go. Do they even have to say they're here with you or do they just, they, they, Opry feels it. Like when you're in these, when they, while your dad walks in and, and you're his buddy and you're, it's like, yeah, I mean, obviously, you know, they're here, they're dusty. Well, my dad wears a lot of dusty slag gear now. Yeah. So, uh,

It used to be Alabama shirts, but he's really traded them in. But now he's changed it up. Yeah. Last one, creative. Are you interested in seeing the doo-doo transmitter, by the way? Yeah, I guess. This is what was mentioned in the comment. This was just dropped into Vietnam, and it had a transmitter inside of that. Mm-hmm.

Seems more effective than a cat. I mean, yeah, why could you not just lay the transmitter in the grass? Yeah. I mean, I just don't like it's, yeah, like where were they by air? Dropped along the trail. It was dropped on a trail by air and it transmitted a warning when supply movements occurred during the night.

But it's like, I mean, so it's at night and you want to be like, we could throw... A rock might be better. I mean, a box truck. It's midnight. It's just like they're not... Because somebody might be like, go clean up that poop out there. Yeah. What's this poop doing out here? Get that out of here. Who's walking their dog? Maybe they would even notice it and be like, is someone like walking it? Like, I mean, you have to... The Ho Chi Minh trails? I don't think that's where...

A lot of dog walking was going. Yeah, just see like ladies out there walking. You know, they're just, are you going to clean that up? All right.

Creative, funny name. Sounds to me like Nostradamus predicted still too. That's a good point. People said that his 9-11 prediction couldn't be real because still wasn't a thing, but maybe just predicted still would be a thing too. He said there's two still birds. But yeah, so...

Did he predict still? So he named it? Because it wouldn't have even been named still yet. Yeah, he also came up with the word that it was going to be called, but he couldn't come up with building. Yeah. He had to say bird. I'm not saying I believe it. I'm saying that's a fair point. It's just very funny when you start to dissect it like that. Yeah, two still birds. What if it were like when he said it, he meant still, like S-T-I-L-L, and we took it as steel. Nostradamus had your accent? Yeah, because still and will, yeah, it's all the same.

The sky will burn at 45 degrees latitude. And that's just... I think New York is about 40 degrees latitude. So they're like, oh, that's pretty close to New York. Oh, it's a little close. Yeah. No, Nostradamus just does a lot. He goes, I think he's in the ballpark. Everything's in there. He goes... Give or take. Water will rise. And you're like, we had a flood, I guess. And he's like, what? Where was that? He goes, it wasn't?

I mean, he's no different than Uri Geller. Yeah. Is Nostradamus. Too bad Johnny Carson wasn't around to get Nostradamus on the show. Well, he mocked him, right, when he would do the... Carnac? Yeah. Yeah. Kind of making fun of that. All right. So we're going to... This week, before we talk about it, everybody had, I think, a fun little weekend. Also want to say hello to Shireen.

a new listener. She's an artist. Yeah. Very good artist. Cool stuff. She acts like she's not good at it. And then I was like, and then she sent it and I was like, I was like, well, I mean, I was like, I don't know if you think, what do you think I think of art? Like, I was like, I expected it to be like real bad. Yeah. She was, I mean, she's very, and I was like, oh, this is, you're like, it's like real art. Uh,

So hello to you. Also, I went to, so I was this weekend, I was at Atlantic City, The Beacon in Northampton. All of them, unbelievable shows. So nice everybody came out. Atlantic City was great.

You know, it's cool to go there. The Beacon, obviously, is the Beacon. It's wild. It was kind of overwhelming. The Beacon, I was, so when I was in New York, I'd go to Stanton, New York, a comedy club. And we'd walk down to the train, walk around. You'd always walk kind of under the Beacon. And it was, you know, it was just crazy to walk under it. It's unimaginable to even, I don't mean, I don't even think I could imagine that I would be playing it.

But it was truly special. You might look at it tagged or something. Okay. It looked huge. Is it a huge theater? Yeah, yeah. Had you been to shows there before this? Before the Beacon? Yeah. Okay, sorry. And then there's the Beacon. I don't know where. Yeah. That's the outside of it. There's the outside of it. Okay.

That's what we all wanted to see. That's what we wanted, everybody. The Beacon Theater is a very big deal. I mean, everybody's performed there. And it's just, you know, my friends Derek Trucks and Susan Tedeschi have been done like

46 something shows. The Allman Brothers did 223. I think Derek Trucks, because he's a guitarist, and he joined the Allman Brothers when he was like 13. He's like a child prodigy. And so he played it whenever. That elevator, look at that picture of that elevator. Right here? Yep. And so that's the big, there's a famous, they put all the pictures up and the elevator's signed by everybody. And they take your, so I took a picture in there and this was me, Justin, Mike doing the picture.

in uh the beacon and then northampton shows was great which you can show i uh justin's got a wild outfit on here huh yeah just look at justin's outfit i told uh so in justin's outfit i told uh i told him i said hey uh chase didn't make it to time squared you might even take a picture of your shirt it was uh it was fun i mean joe list came

Joe List's got a new movie coming out. Yeah. It's a real movie. Yeah, it looks real. You're like, wow, dude. He's so great. Joe's got a special on YouTube. Joe's not... If you go in there for the cleanness of it, it's not that. But Joe is an unreal comedian and truly one of the... Just a great, great comic, man. So it was fun to see all of them. Big J came and...

You know, it was a good time. Ari. Ari got his hair cut. Ari Shafir got his hair cut on the street. And Ari looks like a homeless person. And then we went to North Hampton and we saw the Batesville. The Batesville. Yeah. Creator. Yeah. I got a picture right there.

It's right there. Oh, right here. So it was awesome. And Batesville podcast, the Instagram, she made it to a show. She tried, she missed it a couple of times. Her foot's broke still, but she still came out. It was her husband and her brother.

I've never met her, but we are spirit animals. Oh, yeah. You fit perfectly. She has another account, too. And she's an artist as well and does a lot of stuff. And I mean, I'm a big fan. As I told her that, I think she's very funny with everything she writes. And so it was finally good to meet her. And that was fun. And then y'all did a show.

We did a co-headlining show in Woodstock, Georgia, and it was great. Packed it out. I think sold out, right? Yeah, it was sold out. Wow. It was really cool, man. Yeah. A lot of folks came in. I mean, I felt like it.

everybody there. The line afterwards was crazy. It was our first time doing something together. Yeah. And where that was kind of our selling point was this podcast. Yeah. And man, people turned out. It was awesome. That's awesome. And that, you know, when people are there to see you, they're there to see you. Yeah. Yeah. And you can tell, I don't know, I could tell right when we walked out, it felt a little different. Yeah. Yeah. Where they're

Oh, man, they all know who I am. I'm so not used to that. I just launched it in my dating's heart. Whatever my joke is, I can just tell they're like,

well we know who you are just you know some acknowledgement yeah yeah and I sold t-shirts for the first time ever yeah after the show and I told Ruth beforehand I was getting my square reader my phone I was like I gotta figure this thing I don't want to be the old guy there who can only take cash only first time standing there with shirts or first time they actually bought it because the way you said it I sold shirts for the first time ever yeah yeah that's a fair point that's yeah that's a fair point uh and I

And I thought Aaron would have some way to blink and you accept Bitcoin or something. So I didn't want to be the old guy. I get there. Aaron's card reader's not working. So I have to do all the credit cards for his shirts. And a lot of times people are only buying his shirts and not mine. So basically I became his merch guy. He's taking pictures over in the corner of fans while I'm like 2X, 3X. What do you got here? We're out of them. We're out of media. Yeah.

If you're in line for a medium, don't order it online. Yeah, that's where you go. It's a separate here. He's cash only. I know. He was very nice to offer it. He regretted it immediately. They thought I was Chase. They thought I was his dad. What was your merch? What was your t-shirt? The ones that Kevin made. Hello, folks. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then what did you? I have an Aaron Land shirt. Yeah, yeah. Oh, look at that.

Dustyville. You need to get Dusty Town. Yeah, Dusty Town, yeah. It might be Dusty Town. Yeah. It feels more, you know, a little tumbleweed coming through. You do feel like a town. Yeah. You do feel like a town. Yeah, I'd like to be a mayor. Yeah. That is my goal, to be a mayor of some small town that nobody really cares about. Just running things. Just running things. No responsibilities, really. Yeah. Just going from store to store being like, you got to take this down. Yeah. Well,

What are we doing here? You want to be a king, not a mayor. That's what it sounds like. Yeah, let's repaint this. Yeah, you go in there, you're like, look, you got to take this thing down. He's got something in the window. It's got all these colors. You can't take this. And they go, it's a Ukrainian flag. He's like, oh, my fault. All right, my bad. Do you feel like that's making the town look good? Yeah, yeah.

That's my approach. You went to Dolphin Island. Yeah, I went to – took my family to South Alabama, where the money is, as I like to say. And, well, I wanted to – I got this tent. When my daughter was born, Leanne Morgan, comedian Leanne Morgan, she was like, let me send you a gift. So she sent me this tent, and I didn't understand why she sent the tent. I was appreciative, but she was like, when I –

my grandson was born. We took this tent to the beach and we had so much fun. So a year goes by. My daughter's one years old now. We finally go to the beach. We take this tent. It's so windy. The red flag is out on the beach where they're like, it's danger. You know, we had to put every stake that came with the tent down just to hold it down.

I mean, the wind, the wind's blowing sand in my nose and my mouth. We're out there. But you know, my, my wife's putting sunscreen on and the sand sticking to her. It's windy. Yeah. But we get out there. We have a good time. My daughter sits in the tent. She eats watermelon. And I get why Leanne bought the tent. It's really fun. But then when we leave, I tell, uh,

my mom, and I say, you guys go ahead and go back to the car. I'll break down the tent. I'll bring this all back. Yeah. And so they leave. I go in the tent. I do a little CBD. You know what I mean? I'm having a good time out there. Yeah.

And so I start breaking the tent down one by one. I'm wrapping up the stakes, taking my time with it. And then I do the last two stakes and then the wind is really blowing. And this pop-up tent is like, well, you throw it out and it just expands. It's got this one piece at the top and all the things fold in really nice. Oh, yeah.

So I put my hand on the top to grip this and the wind takes the whole tent, closes it on my fingers and I'm holding the whole tent. The wind's blowing it. My hand's just whipping in the wind. My fingers are smashed in there. So I think, oh, I got to turn it towards the wind and the wind comes in and it's like closing it tighter and my fingers are just clamped in. It feels like I'm in...

like a movie where I'm about to lose my fingers. It feels very traumatic. I get the tent down on the ground and I see a family and I go, help. I got one good arm. I'm going, help.

And nobody hears me. And my whole, I'm 40 years old now. My whole life, I've never yelled for help. But I'm going, help. And no one's looking. No one sees me. And I just feel like I'm going to lose my fingers or at least the skin. But I'm just like, I got to get into it. So I just get down and I pry it open. And I finally get my fingers out and they're smashed up. This is two weeks ago. My finger's still numb. I feel like I've done nerve damage. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

And then I get, I finally get that. And I'm like, I don't even care about the tent now. I'm dragging it basically back to the car. And it feels like my wife is only a hundred feet away. Like she said, she was looking back at me going, he's really struggling with his head. Like I'm over there thinking I'm going to lose my fingers. And they're like, Hey, come on, come on. And then we get back to the, to the, uh, a part of the house.

Me and my wife are laughing about it now. It's all fun. And my mom goes, well, I hope you don't lose your finger. Your aunt hit her finger with a rubber stamp and lost the end of it. And I'm like, where's this been the whole time? We're all eating ice cream, hanging out. You think that I could lose my finger? She's like, well, I told you to put ice on it. I'm like, stress it. Stress it. Yeah. Well, the fact that you...

I mean, like it runs in your family. She told you like that it was like diabetes. Right. Yes. Yeah. Like you're. Yeah. Hope you don't lose your finger. You're predisposed. It happens to us. We're here. And then my mom thinks I'm making fun of her. And I'm like, no, just stress that I could lose my finger. Yeah. She's like, yeah, your aunt had two red lines. As long as that doesn't happen. I'm like, well, what do I do to stop that?

Did you go to the doctor? Nah. I don't use that finger a lot. Yeah, you're a lefty. Yeah, left-handed. Would you have went to a 1960 doctor? Yeah, I can trust that guy. He'd probably come to the house. Yeah. Because that hurt? It hurts. Well, we'll see what happens. See what happens. Wow. But, so...

You know, that was a wild time. Sue Leanne Morgan. Yeah. Well, I wanted to tell Leanne Morgan that. I just never found the time to call her. But I still have the tent. Okay, that's good. I didn't throw it away. What's up with that wind down there? I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I mean, it's like an entire... This is probably a two-person tent. The entire tent folds up. The wind's holding it while it's gripping my fingers. Yeah.

And I'm triggered by the tent. I don't even want to touch it. Yeah. I'm so triggered by things clamping my fingers now. Yeah, that gets hard. I'm worried that I'm going to lose appendages now. Yeah. There's not a lot going on in Dauphin Island. I went to a guy, I go, hey, you guys got coffee here? He goes, nah, we got ice cream. I'm like, well, that's the complete opposite of what I'm looking for. Did you get some? I did get some. Yeah.

Something. All right, I'll take it. You got ice cream. Ease into your day with some ice cream. And what... You have a little squirrel update? I have a lot of squirrel updates. Since I last talked about it, they've hit my car twice. Twice. They might listen. I...

Light came on in my car. This is just like two weeks ago. And then I took it in the shop and they're like, yep, squirrels bit through your fuel line. And we're going to... They fixed it or whatever. It was in the shop for a week. I bring it home like...

A week later, that light comes back on. I was like, they didn't fix it, so I'm taking it back over there and have them fix it. I take it back over there, and they're like, no, no, they did it again. It's happened just since that. So twice in the last three weeks, I've had my car in the shop for these Ronin's.

Biting through the line. If I didn't know your wife, I'd think you lived in the complete wilderness. Yeah, I know. That's what everybody thinks. The squirrels, the pole cats. We have so many critters. We have a groundhog, a snake of the day. Oh, so then I go... Oh, there's the... You got it. That's the mechanics...

took a picture of it, showed the line. It tore through that thing. What are the squirrels playing? I don't know. Do you think they can smell weakness? And they just... I mean, these... Like, I don't even know what the squirrel was trying to get. That seems malicious. It does seem like... There's something in the lines that... What have you been up to out there?

So then my father-in-law is very stressed about it. He has nothing else going on. So he's like, I'm going to, I already put out a fake snake, a fake owl, but now the squirrels just think they're friends. So they're like, that didn't work. So my father-in-law, I'm going to get another fake snake, but he doesn't know how to order stuff online or something. So he went to Phillips Toy Mart and,

and just bought a toy snake and put it out in our driveway. That's what that other one was. So that's what we're using now to deter. I thought it was real. Squirrels. Okay. Well, I guess it works. It's pretty good. Well, maybe it's a little overdramatic and that's a good thing. Maybe so. Are y'all going to move it around every now and again? I mean, right now I have two snakes under my car and a bar of soap because someone suggested on the podcast, the Irish spring original soap. And they said, put it in a sock and,

It's fastening your car. I don't know how to do that. So I just put a bar of soap under my car. Yeah. But it's raining today. So when I get home. The driveway's clean. Clean. Yeah. You might think about getting a real snake. Yeah. You just found it. You said you had one? I saw one the other day in our yard. Yeah. There you go. Did you talk to him and ask him? If he was available for parties. I mean, what would. That's wild, man. Yeah.

So does anybody, like your neighbors, no one, have you ever asked any of these people? Yeah, I mean, I put it on the neighborhood Facebook thing, and tons of people commented like it's a real problem. Now, most people have garages, and I guess we're going to have to do that, but that's not a quick fix. Well, it's good that they're not just going after you. No, it's a big thing in our neighborhood. That would make me feel better. Yeah, we have just tons of squirrels. Maybe think about putting some food out.

for the squirrel maybe go ahead like a bird like a bird feeder happy Gilmore moment eat this leave us alone yeah

Yeah. Someone said maybe just get a cat, scare them away out there. Oh, yeah. I mean, there's no just... What about your dog? I was talking to you the other day. That dog barks. I mean, that dog's vicious. Yeah. They can't leave it outside at night. These squirrels, they know when he goes to bed. Squirrels are bigger than my dog. Yeah. Even the skunks are trying to get rid of the squirrels. Yeah. Yeah. Talk to the animals. Why don't you talk to the local animals a little more and ask them to...

I mean, it's crazy. There's just a lot of critters. Yeah. That's a lot. All right. So what are we talking about this week? Restaurants. All right. I went to one. All right. I said over half Americans' first job was working at a restaurant. I think I'm the only one here that hasn't worked at a restaurant. That's right. And you can tell. If you go to a restaurant, you can tell. Tell. Oh. Who hasn't? I can tell you haven't been.

What does he do? Just the way you treat servers. He talks down to them. He's always running. Yeah, that's true. He's always getting them to run air. My wife gets mad at me because I'm so over-the-top polite to the server. I always go, hey, when you get a chance, absolutely zero rush. Would love some silverware to eat this food with. That's over-the-top. The main thing. I'm nice too, but I'm like, I would like some silverware.

Let's go ahead and take care of that. What's the most annoying question y'all got as servers from people? They're just like, oh God.

I mean, I think it would be like the, I think one of the amount, working at Applebee's, the amount of ranch you get asked for, it could never be enough. And then the other one was like in a Long Island iced tea, when people drank, they would always be like, this doesn't taste like it has alcohol in it. And you're like, it has, it's nothing but alcohol. So much. And so they would always want to send it back.

And there was a trick that you could do. You could just...

make the long island because then people would want three of them and then you're just these people are out of this control and so what you could do you put uh liquor right down the straw so their first sip is just boom and then they they're like oh wow and then it kind of it sounds like you worked at the applebee's that i first drank at i mean i used to go to applebee's and get long island iced tea all the time thompson lane applebee's thompson lane no it was it was an opalite

But it's, I mean, it just feels like Applebee's is known for the LIT. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I- People go for it. Yeah. I mean, I got so drunk. I mean, I've been hungover many times off LIT. Yeah. Threw up in the car, you know what I mean? On the way home. There you go. Well, you know, I used to, ranch was a big one too. I worked at a seafood restaurant and I had this girl go, can I get a ranch? And I was like, you know, you're thinking, you want a side of ranch or a whole farm? What are you looking for here? Yeah.

People used to pronounce things wrong. And then, you know, then I would repeat it back to them. And I'm faced with that decision of, do I repeat it back to them wrong just so I don't show that they're wrong? You know what I mean? Like they would go, let me get a tilapia. And I'm like, do I repronounce it tilapia or tilipia? You know what I mean? Tilapia. I would say. Tilapia. Let me get a tilapia. Yeah.

I would always order French dressing and I would get ranch all the time. Like if I go to a restaurant, especially when I moved to New York, I'd be like, oh, do you have French? And they go, yeah. And they bring ranch. And I'm like, well, that's not. That was the opposite of. And I just would be like, I just go with whatever they say. Because they misunderstood what you said. They misunderstood it. And sometimes it would be like, oh, I said French. And then they're like, ranch. Like they just couldn't.

figure it out and then i would just be like this is fine and i would take i'm an extra i'm an extra sauce guy i always like got it like so if someone asked for a lot of like ranch or barbecue stuff like that i'd never i was like yeah yeah i would i would want as much as you do sure

I was irritated by every single thing someone asked for. After you wait tables long enough, just everything they asked for. I would try to anticipate the need. Yeah. But then if they asked for something I didn't anticipate, I'm irritated. I won't yell at them, but I take it. But I'm like, I'm like these idiots. When I would lose my patience, I would just get a whole, whatever they're drinking, they're drinking. I just get a whole pitcher and just leave it on the table, which I think is you're not supposed to do that. Nah. Like health code violations. Yeah.

but i'm not gonna keep running dr peppers over to these people i'll just give them a whole thing i had this guy come in one time he goes he goes let me get out he's like a real like a 50 year old like cool dude he's like let me get an artesian water and i was like what you know artesian water i was like i don't think we he goes you ain't got no bottled water back there man i was like oh yeah we got bottled artesian artesian yeah i don't even yeah i mean i guess there's a

Where did you work at? Where did you work at again? I worked several places, but for a long time, I worked at a seafood restaurant called Hyman's in Charleston, South Carolina. Okay. And, um,

Which has become a tourist destination for me every time I'm in the area now. I have to go check out Hyman's. Well, I think Hyman's is awesome. People criticize it a lot because it is a tourist spot. Yeah. But I think it's awesome. I mean, I love working there. I worked there for a long time. And I got a lot of restaurant jokes. I mean, you know, people would come in there and they would go, let me get a lot, let me get a water with a lot of lemons and a lot of sugar. And I'm like, you know, you know we have lemonade. Yeah. Like, I see what you're doing here. Yeah. You don't have to make it.

Just let me charge you for it. Yeah, they don't, you know. I had a table come in one time and it was like, because if you got six or more, you could automatically add the gratuity. So I had a table one time, there was four of them. They came in, they ranked up like a hundred dollar bill and then they didn't tip me. So the next time they came, it was five of them and a baby.

And I was like, that's six. You can't have the baby. And they didn't have enough money to tip. Wow. They only brought enough money for it. And they were like, we're going to have to go to the bank. And I'm like, there's a bank right there. Yeah. And it was the best. I loved it. They had to leave, go to the bank, get more money, come back, tip me. Do you think they were doing it on purpose? Not like tipping you on like...

Out of spite? I just think some people don't. They're just not going to tip. Yeah. They're just not going to do it. They're like, I'm just going to eat. I don't. Yeah. Some people, you had ag gratuity and they would ask, what's this? Yeah. What's this? Yeah. Yeah. Who ordered gratuity? Yeah. Tipping is. Yeah. You didn't order no gratuity? Tipping is always a weird. I wish. I kind of wish it would go away. But. It's a uniquely American thing, right? Yeah. Yeah.

I think it's like you should just, it's like you pay them or it comes with everything. It's like, even if you just got 20%, it's always added on, just sign it, never move, you know. It's too much tipping now. Like everywhere you go now, you go to, you know, the coffee shop, you just get a black coffee. They do like this, just, and then there's an option to tip. I'm like, what am I tipping you for? Yeah. You didn't do anything.

They made the coffee. Yeah, but it's like, what's their job? Well, now they flip the iPad around and right there in front of you. Yeah. Some people will go, would you like to tip? And then you're just like in this weird spot where you're like, not really. Not since you asked. But sometimes you're like tipping before they do anything. Like you go to a restaurant and they've not waited on you. And you don't know how it's all going to pan out. So I'm tipping. I'm pre-tipping.

Oh, yeah. If I get asked if you want to tip, I'm tipping every time. Yeah. It's like you just got to do it. Can I tell you, that's my favorite model for a restaurant, though. I don't know what you call it, but I always think of it as like a barbecue place where you go in, there's a line, you order.

You pay, then you go to a table and they bring it to you. Yeah. You know that model? That's my favorite. That's my least favorite. Really? What don't you like about it? Well, they're still going to ask you to tip. Yeah. So I might as well get a server.

I don't mind tipping. I get up and get my tea every time. Yeah, but you don't tip when you go to that restaurant. Oh, I do. I do tip. But I don't like... It cuts out so many steps. Yeah. The normal restaurant, you get there, they come, they say, oh, you need a few minutes, and they come back, and they come back. There's just all this...

I just knock it out, order it. Then it's minimal interaction with the server. I'll pay my check before the entree comes. Really? Oh, yeah. At like a regular restaurant? Yeah. I'll get it. I mean, way before everybody's done. I want when I'm done, we're gone. Yeah, I like that too. And I mean, I would like...

I always liked it, but then you also start doing it when you first have a, uh, when Harper was young and you have a baby and you're like, I don't know how this is going to go. And like, so you just try to pay is like, just so you can be like, if something goes nuts, we can just get out of here. Uh,

Sometimes you got to be careful with it because maybe you want to order. Let me get one more Diet Coke before you pay. Because sometimes once you pay, it's like you're gone. And the server just kind of forgets about you. And so I'll ask for that kind of stuff. But I mean, I'll pay.

I mean, you know, when you bring the entree, go and bring the bill. I just give you the credit card. Yeah, I think when you waited tables enough, you like know what everybody's up to. So it's like, I know you're off doing drugs in the walk-in cooler. It's like, so I don't have a lot of, like in Dolphin Island, this one restaurant, we had bought my daughter this, it's like a snail that is real colorful and it moves. And our server was like, oh, that's cool. I'll take that to a festival with me next time. It's like, I like how you just admitted to us that you do a lot of drugs.

Yeah. For sure. Where'd you get that? Like the thing for my daughter. Yeah.

Could y'all sense, though, when you served, who was going to be a good tipper and who wasn't? Look, I think I was a great server. It's funny, I almost wore the jacket, but Jake Melnick, I worked at Applebee's where I met Laura. Then when I moved to Chicago, I worked at Jake Melnick's in Chicago, and they actually sent me stuff, and I don't have it on. Jake Melnick's the guy, Willie Neal, that –

like hired me and Michael when we first moved there. I just did. They were really big about sense of urgency. And so I've always like taken that to heart, uh, for everything that I do is to have a sense of urgency. And I think most people like, I think stuff goes wrong when you don't and you think that's fine. I'll get to it. Like, it's like,

Not saying you don't ever procrastinate or something, but it's like have a sense of urgency. And so I enjoyed... What I liked about waiting tables is like you're just in your own world. You could have eight tables and you know kind of where everybody's doing and what they're at. And you're just... You're lost in your world. And you just know that you're doing it. I didn't... The tipping was like I wanted to... Yeah, you wanted people to tip. People didn't tip me. But I never...

If they didn't tip me, I just... You know, because, like, I mean, honestly, I would be like, maybe they don't have money or something. I don't know. Maybe they ate and then they shouldn't. You know, it's like I have no reason to, like... I never took it personal. I never...

It was like, it's all going to just even itself out. So you would just kind of go with it. I wish I had that mindset back then. I approached two tables that left me nothing, completely nothing. I would go up to them and I went, hey, just want to check with you. Make sure your service was okay. I noticed that you didn't tip. So I just want to make sure everything was okay. You couldn't do that if it was a low tip.

If it's no tip. Yeah. What would they say? Well, one said, oh no, we left something on the table. It wasn't there. And then the other one said, oh yeah, no, no, everything was good. I go, okay, I just wanted to check with you. Yeah.

Yeah. Just wanted to make you feel bad a little bit. Yeah. But that was my, I worked at this restaurant twice. So that was my second time around. So I was a lot bolder. You're no nonsense. I was sober. The hair slicked back. Yeah. I was not playing around. Oh yeah. You're like a Wolf of wall street. Yeah. Yeah. Hair slicked back cargo shorts. I was ready to go, man. Uh, we, I remember a girl once, uh, uh, uh,

I remember. That guy coming up. You just see that guy. Welcome to Hyman's. I'm Dusty. I'll be taking care of you. I remember we had one girl, and she, a Cubs player was in and didn't tip. And she called the sports station and said they didn't tip. She got fired for that. And I agreed with her firing. We were friends. I liked her, but I agreed with her. Because it's like you just can't. Yeah.

I didn't like servers took stuff so personally. Be like, well, dude, you're working. It's an experience. It's all kind of a crapshoot. You hope it all works out. You hope everybody tips. Overall, everybody's tipping. You're going to get your occasional that they don't, and maybe they've run you to death and all this kind of stuff. But if you get hung up on that, you're like, I mean, you can't look at this as you're going like, well, maybe if I looked at it as like, this is my career. Mm-hmm.

I'm hoping to be the best server ever one day or something. But you're looking at it to be like, yeah, I'm just trying to make money. I would love it if no one came into the restaurant. I remember those days. I mean, if someone was like, it's like, because people are like, I need money. I need to make money today. I mean, if no one came in.

That was my favorite. Like now we're all just hanging out and talking. Just hanging out, TV's on. TV's the best thing ever. You know, the thing about tipping too is it's like everybody just expects to get tipped. So you can't even use the tip as a way to show that you didn't do a good job. Right? Like when I go to a restaurant and people don't do a good job, I want to not tip. Yeah. But I just think that they're going to go, oh, that guy's a redneck. Rednecks never tip. Yeah. You know, they're not going to think they did a bad job. I've left people notes before.

I say, normally I'm a good tipper, but I want to let you know that you did a bad job.

Really? Oh, really. But I've also left people notes where I go, hey, you did a great job. Yeah. Sorry I didn't leave a tip. Are tips pooled? Like, are you hurting other people? Depends on the restaurant. Depends on the restaurant. Yeah, my restaurant wasn't here. Every place I worked, it was customary, though I think not required where I worked, to tip the bartender. Yeah. To give a percentage of your tips to the bartender because they were making all the drinks. Yeah. Yeah.

My first waiting tables job was a restaurant called Western Sizzling. That's where I worked for a long time, buffet style.

I was the only dude. It was all like 50-year-old women, and I was 16, a 16-year-old boy in there. It's like a Garth Brooks song. I did not know that. Are you a waiter or more of a busboy? Well, yeah. Well, there is a busser, I think. They come through the line. It's Aaron's favorite. They come through the line. They order, and then you sit down. And then you got a little number. And I come over and write your number down, give you your buffet plates.

And mainly giving people extra butter and sour cream. That's mainly in tea. You're refilling the tea and then you carry a lot of butter and sour cream in your apron. Yeah.

And would you get tipped there? A dollar. Yeah. You know, the women would get more. This is a Western citizen off the interstate. Yeah. A lot of truckers would come in there and be real disappointed when I walked out. Yeah. They're like, we wanted this old lady. Yeah. We wanted to flirt with her a bit. Yeah. And they get you. And they get me. I got a shaved head. I had bleached hair. I had a real M&M look on. Oh, my gosh.

The opposite. Yeah, I'm like... You're the reason they're reminded why they drive a truck to stay away from their family. They're just like, God, give me my son. You're the reason I'm on the road. They go home in the car, ruin their whole experience. We had a lady that worked there. She'd bring her own broom and dustpan in. Oh, what? Why? Because the others were all raggedy. And the joke was that she flew in on the broom. That's what all the other waitresses said. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And I had a lady one time, like she was, she got frustrated with me that worked there and she grabbed me by my neck like that. And I spilled all my drinks on her on purpose, just right in middle of the shift. She got all mad at me. I was like, I don't know why you're grabbing my neck like that. And I just spilled all the,

You're a little more confrontational than me. I mean, this is all put it like... Eye-opening. We're having a good time. We're having a good time. If it goes the way I think it should go. Exactly. But it's like, you know, I'm having a good time now because I don't have to do these jobs. Yeah. Right. We're like clean...

like in the back or is there just stuff like, oh, you only need... Well, it's tough to say. I mean, it was... I felt like it was... Like, I'll say this. I would still eat there. Yeah. But I did see a guy one time, like, he spilled a whole pot of, like, chicken in the kitchen. It was, like, going everywhere and I walked back there and he's just raking it back in. His name was Tyrone. On the floor? Yeah.

Or on the counter. Yeah, on the floor. Oh. His name was Tyrone. They called him T-Bone, which I always thought was a weird nickname because it's like almost the exact same. Yeah, it's pretty close. Really. But I did see there was a guy one time he was refilling the green beans in the buffet and he was sweating. And he was like, as he was pouring green beans in, he was pouring sweat into the green beans. A little salt, dude. Yeah. A little salt, too. And a little spice to it. Yeah. They had like...

My sister used to work there too. And they had a, she saw a guy drop a steak on the floor and then just put it back on the grill. And they had a, she said there was a lady that used to mix the tea and she would get like a little spoon and then stick her whole arm in the tea. Oh,

I would still probably go to these places. It's out of sight, out of mind. If you're like, if I don't see it, you're like, I mean, this is the kind of food that I would love. This is like you eat on this food.

Because it's like, I mean, like you grow up and you're like, I mean, this is the only place you could afford to go eat. And so you're just like- It was a treat to go. It was a treat place. Yeah. It was such a popular place. I used to work a lot of Sundays and around 1230, you know, white church would roll in and it would just be, have a line wrapped around the building.

And then about 2.30, Black Church comes in. And it's like, by the time you get it cleaned up, a new church group rolls in. They pull every table together in the whole restaurant. You got 40 people at a table. I mean, it's wild. You have a 40-person table with three bucks laid on the tips. Yeah.

I mean, it is. I mean, people- Well, you're getting paid more hourly though. Oh, no. Oh. I mean, it is really, like if you're a woman working there, you're relying on those $5 tips from the gross perverted truckers. But if you're me, you're lucky you're not getting change. Yeah. There is one guy, he used to come in, he had like a Civil War hat on all the time. Oh, good. And he had the beard that comes down, but it's just the mustache. Oh, boy. And I would get change from him.

Yeah. He had eyes going two different ways. I used to work in high school. We had to do, we had to volunteer places to graduate. Yeah. They put a certain number of hours in. I worked in the kitchen of a nursing home in Hendersonville and I just did dishes every day after school. And, you know, you get sent plates back and it's like any,

Like there's people leave stuff on the plate. Right. So I'm 17, 18 years old. French fry day. I'm just pounding French fries when they send the plates back. Right. Yeah. I remember one day I've been doing this for months and I'm just eating French fries off this plate. And one of the old nurses comes in and she goes, Oh honey, no.

And I go, well, why? I go, what's the problem? Like, I'm not going to let it go to waste. She goes, so many of our residents will suck the salt off those French fries and put them back on the plate. And I'd never touch food again. That was wild. Oh,

Wow. Just the look on her face when she saw me, she's like, oh no. That's so crazy. I used to eat the food off people's plate all the time, but I've never heard anything that disgusting. That makes me retroactively sick. It's almost like, yeah, you don't even want to think about it because I ate a bunch of those, man. I ate.

a lot of fries. I used to say- Would you ever go to the cook and go, I think we should put more salt on these fries. I think you'd sell more. They always come back and I think it's because they don't have enough salt on them. He's like, all right, man, I guess I'll throw some more on there. I thought I was putting a lot on there.

I used to say, I used to eat all people's plates too, but I would only eat all people's plates if it was a girl and I would make out with that girl. Yeah. That was your rule? I would make out with her, then I would eat her food. Because that's essentially what you're doing. Right. Right. And sometimes, like, a lot of food that came back on the plates of guys, you know, and I'd be like, would the girl that I would make out with make out with this guy? Yeah.

Yeah, how far would you go? How far would you go? You bent some rules. This looks like that girl's parents. Those crab cakes are delicious, and I hate to see them go to waste. And people used to make fun of me. Would you eat it with bites taken out of it? Well, it depends on what was going on. If it's a hot dog, you eat the other end of it, right? A bite out of a hot dog. It's like George Costanza with the...

People used to make fun of me about it. But then as time went on, I mean, everybody started doing it. I just think they saw me kept doing it. I was never sick. And they just, we would be like, I got a crab cake over here. And we had a whole thing going. I mean, it was, I mean, I remember being hard. I don't think I, I don't think I ever did it. And it's, but it was out of like, just pure embarrassment. Maybe I did. I don't know, but it would have been out of pure embarrassment of being caught doing it. And, uh,

Like people are thinking I'm crazy, but it's hard not to. You see it and you're like, they didn't touch this. Yeah, yeah. It's just going to go right in the trash. I want to see a sketch where someone, some old lady sucking the salt off a fry and then Aaron's eating it. That is disgusting. And then I'm like, well, I'd make out with her. I'll think about that for the rest of my life.

Well, did you ever think like these fries are just not salty? They're soggy. Yeah. I don't know. I think I just thought, well, it's nursing home food. None of this is great. Yeah. But it's coming to me every few minutes. Oh.

What'd I make out with her? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, how old is she? Could you see them at all? No, they had me just in the back corner. I'm just looking at a wall. See, that was my thing, too. I wouldn't eat off other servers' tables. I would watch it. I would see. That feels gross. If you go, you're like, wait, who waited on these? And then you're like, oh, Aaron did. You're like, I don't know these.

It doesn't feel like he's a part of your family. You're like, no, I know these people. I've been talking to them all day. Yeah, we're practically family. Did you ever have servers who would sit, who would like, did you ever lean down to get eye level with the table? Some people did that. That always made me uncomfortable. I wanted as much separation as possible. I wanted it to be like, I'm going to do a good job, but let's keep a distance. Because they would always go, are you going to college? No.

And then I had to get into this whole thing where I'm like, no, I plan to go. And eventually you hit the age where you're like, nah, never going. Never doing it. This may be it for me. Except that this is my job. I thought I was successful until right now. You just doing this to get through school? No, this is the best I could do. I applied a lot of places. I put in a resume to get this job. And that is true.

They did a survey of servers and their biggest pet peeves. And there's a few. And one of them is order for your kids. They don't like it when there's a small kid and then the parent says, what do you want to, and they don't know how to do it yet. It takes, it takes up their time.

getting the kid to do it. So just order for them. Yeah. We order... Harper and Larve share their food a lot. And then... But we order for her. But usually... I mean, sometimes we do have her order, but she's going to be like, cheese pizza or kids' chicken tenders. Like, you know, it's not...

I mean, you know, she's not ordering a jambalaya asking to hold the peppers. And now she's old enough that she can probably do that. Oh, sure. Yeah. Right. You just don't want somebody that like, go ahead and order. And the kid's like crayons. And then the whole table laughs. And you're like, well, come on, let's wrap this up. I got other tables. Yeah. Yeah.

Another one they said is they don't mind if you have coupons, but realize when you tip, tip on what it would have been, not after all the discounts have been put in. Yeah, I do that. I still, even though I worked on tips, this sounds, there's an arrogance I think that people that live off tips kind of have. And that's what I think bugs me. Because I don't think it's fair. I don't think it's fair to be, you chose a job that's a job that's risky.

And then there's like that arrogance of just being like, I understand, like I tip off whatever the thing would be. And I understand you're supposed to do that. I don't think it's like, it's something that should be, we're saying it on this podcast. It should be learned like that kind of way, like this kind of way. But it's, there's an arrogance with,

waiting tables that's like you know because their job the ones that are gonna get mad are the ones that usually are kind of doing not great at service yeah I work with people they go if you can't afford to tip don't go out to eat and I'm like well maybe slow down on the Adderall you know what I mean like take it easy

Yeah, I would think that too. Like sometimes though, you're like, I don't know, man, what if these people saved up and this is their, you know, we could never go out to eat. Should have saved up 20% more. Yeah. Well, we can never go out to eat. It was a big deal. It's like a family and they're very nice. And like, yeah, they leave a little bit of a tip, not a ton. And you're like, it's not about they, you know, that was a lot for them.

Yeah, I would take a tip deduction for them to just be friendly to me. Yeah. I would almost trade those two. A big one I learned, this is one that you do learn, especially when I was in college.

Well, maybe everywhere. But it would be... I used to give free sodas. Like, you'd always be like, I hooked you up on the soda. There's free sodas because you think you're getting tipped more then. And that's... It never worked. No. You want their check to be higher, I learned. Yeah, but I would do that because I was lazy to input every drink. Yeah. We had a thing where they said... They would have a sign that says, if you didn't get charged for a soda...

let a manager know you may be eligible for a $20 gift certificate, something like that. That's to keep the servers honest. Right. But one time I had this guy and something happened and I was like, well, just, I'll give you the soda, you know, so that, you know, I let him know, I'm going to give you this, but it's all part of a, you know, because we've made some mistakes.

He goes down to the bar, tries to claim the $20. The bartender calls me. It's like, hey, there's a guy down here trying to claim the $20. And I go down there and he goes, oh, oh, I thought I won something because you didn't charge me. It's like, no, dude, we talked about this. Yeah, yeah. Now you're going to get me fired down here. Get out of here, dude. Yeah, yeah.

Get out of here. And you went and confronted him. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude. I was like, let's go outside. Let's get to the bottom of it. I worked at a country club. These guys would get done playing golf, and they'd go to the gentleman's card room. They'd all get steaks, right? So I'd bring down like four or five steaks. And then about an hour later, you'd go get the plates, and they were all like, well, it's cooked. It wasn't cooked right. So we want to –

taken off the bill and they eaten all of it yeah you know so i'm bringing back five empty plates and i was like well they didn't they didn't like the way these were cooked like well they liked a little bit you know they ate all but they get it off yeah they take it off you know it's a country club they're like everything they say you just do everything they say you know even if it's nonsense if someone asked y'all if something's good or not good could you be honest with them

I think I've done it with Diet Coke or something, like a soda I will. I'll be like, hey, this is a little flat or whatever. Because that sets the tone for the whole meal. You mean as a customer? As a server. Oh, as a server. It's read that most restaurants will say, just say it's our most popular dish, and that's code for...

I don't really like it, but some people do. I used to straight up go, even if they didn't ask, I'd go. Oh, you're talking about as a server. Yeah, as a server. I would go, I wouldn't get that. I'd go, you can do whatever you want, but I'm just telling you, people don't like that.

Yeah. And that gives a little more credence to your recommendation. Yeah, I mean, I may get fired for it, but I'm just saying. And then people would go, no, I want it. And then they wouldn't like it. I'd be like, well, I told you. I used to lie and say we didn't have dessert at my restaurant if I was lazy. Oh, yeah. You guys get – we used to have the – You're like the real live McDonald's ice cream. Yeah. I know. They're like, I see it right here. There's a pattern here. Yeah.

Well, I had already collected the menus at this point. We used to have a s'mores pizza. It was a pizza place. It was terrible. It was awful. You had a lot of jobs, huh? Just two or three different restaurants. He's only doing two of them now.

But they would go, hey, what do you got for dessert? And I'd be like, nothing, dude. It's just a pizza. Sorry, we don't have anything. Yeah, you really are the real life. Just if you want to just come on, get out. Like y'all been here a while. You're taking up a table. No, I don't have dessert. I can get you some to-go coffees if you want. Yeah. Kind of force it like that.

That was friendly. Another one, server said they hated it, and I'm guilty of this, starting a deep conversation as soon as you sit down at a table, but you don't know what you want to order yet. Yeah. Wait, what do you mean? Like, you come in, meet a friend, hadn't seen them in a while, you sit down, and you immediately get into a

catching up, talking, whatever. And then the server comes over. You guys ready to order? Well, we ain't even looked at the menu. Oh yeah. And then maybe they come back five minutes later, still haven't looked at the menu. Cause you're still catching up. They're like, figure out what you want to eat first. And then you come back and they go, where you been? Yeah. Yeah. Well, as long as they don't do that. Yeah. Yeah. But the other way, I think I've had that. It was like, look, uh,

uh they're like oh we haven't seen each other's up it's like yeah it's great like you may bring them their waters and then you just kind of like go just wave me down y'all talk do and you just kind of keep an eye on that table and eventually they're like you know and then you go take their order and you know we used to get people but i think you should go in sorry i think you should go in and go hey let's look at the menu and then uh

go ahead and know and order it and then be like, you know, then just say to the waitress, like, we haven't, like, talked in a long time. Yeah. I'm about to break up with her and so it's going to be. We might not even get to an entree today. We used to get people, they'd come in, they're like, because Charleston is a real touristy town, so they'd be walking around, it'd be all hot and they'd come in and they'd look all bad. They're like, can we get just some crackers real quick? Our blood sugar's real low. And I'm like,

We would do it, but I'm always like, you need a plan for this, man. Don't come in all desperate. Like you're about to die here. If you've got that kind of issue, carry some crackers around with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds like you're on marathons being run by your- They always had jokes because they'd eat a lot and they'd go, can I get you anything else? I'd go, how about a wheelbarrow? I'm like, I don't know.

Yeah, the same jokes over and over. Oh, yeah. Do you guys like everything? And they have empty plate. Oh, no, I hated it. Even my own jokes at the table. I remember I went up to one table and we had to upsell cheese and bacon on the baked potatoes. I go, would you like to get cheese and bacon with that? They go, is it better with cheese and bacon? And I went, everything's better with cheese and bacon. And they all laughed. I would kill every time. Yeah.

A lot of people ask, I have one little item left on the plate. Can I get a to-go box for this? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Or they would go, we hated it. And they'd be, you know, and I'm like, all right.

That's what Aaron said. Aaron started at the beginning. Oh, you do that? No, he said that reference. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Didn't know you were tuned in, Dusty. Sorry. Yeah. That's all right. I kind of bombed when I said it the first time. It got a better reaction when you said it. Imagine having both y'all as a server. Y'all both come up just like, God, I don't want to be here.

Welcome to Hyman's. Where was your restaurant called? Hyman's, yeah. Hyman's. Welcome to Hyman's. What do you want? I'll take some crackers. All right.

It's closed. The cracker's already closed. We're out of them. And they would get these free crab dip coupons off the street. So people would come in, they would give you the free crab dip coupon, then you put it in, it comes. And it'd be like a crab dip like this. Yeah. And they'd always complain about it. They're like, this is it, huh? And I'm like, yeah, man, I don't know. It's free. It's a free thing. Just eat it. Yeah. Were you guys ever a host?

I did at the beginning. Oh, you did that first? Applebee's. When Laura, I was a host and she was a server. Oh, you worked your way up to server. Yeah. Oh, okay. I did. Yeah. I went through the system. I hosted, ran food. I was a food runner. Yeah, I did that.

Yeah, hosting was fun. I mean, you just put where you... It's like the servers would get mad at you. I remember that. Some servers would be like, I wanted that table. And then all this kind of stuff. It's kind of a political game. It is. But I'm acting like I enjoyed waiting tables. I enjoyed the camaraderie. I still...

I gotta say, I still talked. I married the first person from my restaurant. And then I still talk to the ones that work at Jake Melnick's. I mean, I still, they come to shows. I still see them. Yeah, I met some of them. Yeah. Like, I enjoyed everybody kind of there. Like, I like the camaraderie. It's like kind of its own world. It's, it's, it's, I did enjoy it.

Half the people I knew in Charleston were from Hyman's because it was such a big restaurant, such turnover rate. I loved it too. I mean, we used to just wait tables all day, go get wasted. Yeah. And then if it was a big night, a lot of tips, we'd be like, let's celebrate. Let's go get drunk. And if it were a bad night, we were like, this night sucked. Let's go get drunk. You know what I mean? It's like, we would get off at 12 and try to drink as much as we could before, you know, 1.30 and then get in our cars and drive home. Yeah.

A real mess out there. I hate going up, like if my family or somebody's like, go up there and ask them how much more time, like if you're waiting for a tip. Because I'm sure that just annoys the host. Yeah, but I mean, so the way I always look at that stuff is like, you're in this business. Yeah. So like your job is, there's not much I can't go up and go, well, what's that hostess made out of? Like there's not, there's only so many questions you can ask because you're like,

you're a customer, so you have to go, like, how long am I going to be if it's wait? And if someone was, like, annoyingly asking, then it's like, yeah, be upset about that. But otherwise, you're just kind of like, what are we looking at? You know, and then you're, just so you can kind of know, like, can I go sit outside? Can I? And did you ever, I bet people saw, because my experience, we came before those people, and they just got a table. And then you have to tell them, well, that's a table of two, and y'all are a table of eight or something like that. Yeah. Is that a big part of it? Yeah. Yeah.

I hate when you go and there's a bunch of empty tables and you're like, hey, how long is it going to be? They're like, oh, about 50 minutes. And you're like, what are you doing? That's a new thing. And they just say it. If they do that too, they should go, they should say like, hey, we have like one server. So I know you're seeing empty tables, but like there's our two servers, you know, at least give you the reason why. But you go into restaurants now, I mean, a lot of them are short staffed. I mean, you walk in there, they're rarely full.

Yeah. And there's a ton of tables and then they can't and they don't want you to sit there. I was in Fayetteville, Arkansas, and I saw people come in and they go, how long for it? It was like two o'clock. They go, how long for a table or four? The guy goes, like 6 p.m. I was like, what's going on? Yeah. I mean, you got to do better than that. Yeah, 6 p.m. I mean, I was like, I was so blown away by what he said.

Yeah, like was there tables? It was so empty. He just wanted you to leave. I was like, I don't know what's happening. Yeah. Well, maybe the restaurant shut down. Maybe. I mean, I left and went to another restaurant and ate immediately. I was like, I don't know what's going on. Oh, you were behind them trying to get a table.

They told me 50 minutes, and then the table behind me, they were like four hours, basically. Well, this guy's going to eat for a long time. Yeah, his face is falling apart. At 2 p.m. I went to Fayetteville because this girl, I went to a coffee shop one time, and this girl told me she moved to Fayetteville. She said it was like the Portland of the South. And I was like, I don't know if that's true. I can see that.

Yeah. That's kind of a hip, young college town. Sometimes I go to a restaurant and you ask for a table. I thought no one would agree with that. Sorry. The Portland, Tennessee of the South or the Portland, Oregon of the South? You ask for a table and they don't audibly say, follow me. They just start walking.

And you have to decide if that's... And up until a couple years ago, I always ate by myself. And I went to ask for table one. And I followed the hostess. That's the saddest way to say it. He's been dying alone a lot. For about a 48-year period. Um...

It's Friday night, 7 p.m. It's a hot time. Everybody's there. And they hated it, right? They're like, do you want to sit at the bar? No, I'd like a booth. Yeah, y'all hate that, right? Because it takes up a table. I start following the girl up.

to the back of the restaurant and then she just walks into the bathroom. You had followed her all the way? Yeah, she had no, she never knew. I just, she just walked on in and then I was like, realized, well, she wasn't telling me to follow her. She was going to the bathroom. So I just turned around and went back to the front. I think the sign is if they grab a menu, then they're like, oh, they're leaving you to your. Well, sometimes menus are on tables though. Okay. Nowadays. Yeah. They're like, just scan that thing.

Oh, yeah. Scan the code. And yeah, there's not as much that I would think a lot of restaurants are losing the touch of what it what I thought they used to be. So like, you know, like I would say Applebee's and all the chain ones. I think they used to be a lot. It felt weird.

more professional it felt nicer it felt and i think a lot of that stuff is kind of moving along yeah late 90s applebee's really felt like a good restaurant yeah but nowadays it is i don't know what's going on in there i actually went to a applebee's in oram utah best applebee's i ever been to in my life oh really felt like the the mormons were really holding it down yeah yeah

Keeping Applebee's going. Well, Applebee's, they had, based on their average, 102% boost last quarter. Not the very last quarter, but last year in sales because of Walker Hayes' song Fancy Like. Yeah. That song just took off and became a hit, and it's about Applebee's. Yeah, it's great. Wow. That's who I wrote my song with.

Yeah, when are we going to hear this song? I don't know. It's a love song? Because it seemed like it should be about Applebee's. Yeah, I know. It sounds like I was like, everybody was just assumed. I think people thought I wrote this song because it's about Applebee's. I did not. I would have definitely told you all about this. Wow, sounds like Western Sizzlin' might need a song. Yeah.

Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, it's a fun song. Yeah. So here's two conflicting things. I guess it depends on the restaurant. Restaurant lighting and restaurant music, the science behind it. Restaurant lighting, some restaurants are very, very dark, they say, because it makes you stay longer. It feels more intimate. Hides the roaches. Well, that might be true. But they've done studies that shows it makes it more intimate. You stay longer. You order more food.

Whereas if it's bright in there, it makes you just get it and go and get out of there. Like a Waffle House model. Yeah. Get in, get out. Yeah. But music...

They pump on music for kind of the opposite reason because they want you in and out. They like music makes you feel it makes you go, get going, get your food, you get going, you get out of there. So then they can turn the tables over. I guess it depends on what type of restaurant you want. If you want people to stay a while or get going, but they do have science behind it because we've all been to restaurants where the music is super loud and super pumping or a nice restaurant where I can't even read the menu anymore. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, they're getting... Some of them is getting kind of ridiculous. Good thing you got people that can eat with you now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I got married. Yeah. Honey, read this. What would you do alone? You'd have to just ask. I'd get out my... You have magnifying glass. I'd get out my readers and... Yeah. Did leaders in a lantern set it up there? Yeah. They're... They are getting darker. I mean, I have good eyesight and they... But it's like some places you're like, this is...

what are we doing like I'm not even gonna see my food yeah like it's you know it's gonna be like that I don't know Travis my tour manager he went to the you heard that restaurant where they have it completely dark and you can't see the food yes yeah so it was like one in LA uh huh and the idea of it is if you no idea what the food

or what it looks like, and you're just eating, and you're truly going off the taste of the food instead of being like, well, maybe that looks gross or that looks whatever. And Travis was telling me, and so all the servers are blind because they... I mean, because it's pitch black dark. So it's like, I mean, you got to have someone that knows how to... I thought they had night vision goggles on. They're just blind? No, no. This one, they were blind. And so Travis said...

It's like the idea, the theory of it. Give me that. No, I'm listening. You've never heard of this place 30 seconds ago and you're scoffing at me like I don't know all the details. Night vision goggles sounds like a new level of crazy. If you're blind, you're like, finally. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is in your favor. Night vision goggles would seem...

I would be nervous. It seems something's nervous. I mean, A, it's got to cost 10 grand each to have night vision. The military that you have to like, you go in and you're like, what's that on your back? It's an AR-15. Also, you're like, what are y'all doing in here? They, so...

But Travis said the experience is like fun, but you're just sitting there with other people. But the servers, because they're blind, it's pitch black. They don't really know where you're at. And so, I mean, you're just getting drilled on the sideline. I mean, your whole experience is just getting hit in the head and a plate. And you don't know what's going on. It's not...

You're not sitting there and like, it would be nice to do it, but you're getting just smashed. It sounds terrifying, honestly. I don't like the dark like that. Yeah, I could see that. It would be terrifying. People make fun of you about being afraid of the dark, and I'm like, no, it's scary. I would be interested to eat food without seeing it, though, to see if I would eat more than I think I would. You could close your eyes at a regular restaurant. Yeah, but it's...

you know maybe you have goggles you know okay you could have like some dark sleep mask or something yeah but i don't even want to like it's it's i think the idea of it being that dark is you even if there's light on the food or something you still i don't know you're gonna see a little light seeping through like you still like you feel like you're looking when it's dark you're like i have no idea what i'm do you eat with your hands

I don't know. I don't know if it's forced. Yeah. Yeah. Other people wouldn't know. Might as well. But how would you even, yeah, you know where your food is. If you, someone just goes to the bathroom, lights cut on there in the corner. I thought I was, I thought I was in the bathroom.

Yeah, what would you even do for the restroom? Because you could ask, where's the restroom at in here? And they're like, over there. Yeah, over there. Yeah, they don't, they have no idea. I mean, the blind people would have to lead you to your seat and to the bathroom, I guess. Yeah, blind people are like kings in there. Yeah, I mean, it's just a lot of boom, just banging the table, just drive. Like your plate, you just hope it doesn't get dropped too. They think they're like real close, and then it's just like, bam! You're like...

golly, you're going, I'm good, I'm good. I mean, you just leave. You have sauce just all over you. I mean, it's just a zoo in there. I mean, and you're like, I don't know, it was interesting. It was interesting. You're just sitting with strangers. I mean, all you do is hear people's, there's no talking, you know, it's like, well, the stock's down and now you can't even find your mouth. You're just like, at some point you're just feeding, somebody else is eating your fork. Yeah.

And you're like, I don't know. Where's my food going? That's crazy. I could enjoy it. The experience of it would be great. The most expensive restaurant in America I looked up is a sushi bar in New York City called Masa. M-A-S-A. It's $1,000 a person. Wow. No matter what? Yeah. It's just like...

It's a set price. You go in there. A thousand bucks. And you get to just eat as much as you want, I guess. I guess. It's all you can eat. Yeah. Where is this place? I think it's in Midtown. Okay. It's not. I was making sure it wasn't this other place. I don't know for certain. Yeah. Look up to that. I'm guessing you don't tip there though, right? Oh, yeah. That'd be interesting. Well, they shouldn't. You shouldn't be in there.

I honestly, I don't think you should be. Yeah, $200 tip. Oh, Columbus Circle. Yeah, $1,000, you should not have to. It's only four stars. I wonder what some of the reviews are. How is it not a five-star? It should be a five-star, like, kind of crazy thing. I've never seen $4 signs next to a restaurant. Order online, though. Go to order online. Yeah, let's place an order. Yeah, so what is it going to say? Like, $1,000? Are you sure we're at the right place?

Your picture of Gilbert Goffrey. It does look like it. Yeah. Gilbert Goffrey. Uh, you gotta go, go read what it said. It said, uh, additionally offered experience experience, not 50 per person, not including beverage and tax. This resident guarantees seating at our carefully crafted sushi and

countered one of our highly, what are you just, I'm reading it normal. Countered one of our highly skilled sushi chefs. This also includes our A5 Wagyu with freshly shaved seasonal truffles. I'm not a big truffle fan. But here's the big, gratuities are not expected or accepted.

Oh, that's good. Reflecting the Japanese custom, exceptional hospitality is an integral part of the dining experience is provided to every guest. And I think that would help restaurants at this point for an America would be like, all right, no more tipping. And the business restaurants, you got to pay the servers where they should be paid. And it's all about the experience.

Because now it's all about the tip. And now I would imagine most people are just tipping pretty good because it's embarrassing. You're getting so pushed into...

you know, go to Dick's Sporting Goods. Like, do you want to donate to that? Right, yeah. Like all this kind of stuff. And sometimes I have to do it. I have to, like, the other day, if he recognizes me, then I'm like, you almost feel like, well, I have to. I can't. I don't want to say no thanks. But even though I do want to say no thanks, because you're like, I don't know, where are you sending this money? I like to ask, what is this? Not him.

Yeah. They go, do you want to donate to blah, blah, blah? I go, what is that? And if they don't know, I'm not doing it. Yeah. I'm like, nah. I could maybe do that. And just, cause you just want to go. It's not, I mean, obviously it's not the kids, but you're like, I don't even trust. What is your, what is this? Even though I like the store, where is it? Where are you? Where is it going? They love to go. You want to round up? Yeah. Round up. You're going to get me every time. I'd like to just pay the,

Because I kind of like it being rounded up. I like it being just one exact thing. So round up, I'll get... I mean, you asked me to round up. I'm not even batting an eye. You don't care what it's for? Firehouse subs, I'll round up every... But they said it goes to the fire. Rounding up, that's the way it should be done because I think you would get a lot more people because you're just like, I don't care. Like...

It's like it could be 89 cents, 20 cents. It could be whatever. It is just the principle for me, though. I get it. What are you doing with this? I do understand that. I do understand that. I'm not going to ask, though, because then they're going to tell you something. I love to ask. I don't think they know. I think you could ask...

You can ask one question, that's usually they're not going to know the answer. And you go one more question, they're definitely not knowing the answer. I mean, it's not them that are doing it. It's the company. Yeah. Especially if they get your phone number. What's your phone number? Do you want to donate to this? Well, now you got my number. I guess I will. Yeah, I don't usually get that. I'm like, I'm all right. Like they, you know, do you want to be- I started doing that everywhere because they ask for it everywhere. Yeah. Your phone number. I go, nah, I'm good. Yeah. Yeah.

Now, there's a burger at Mandalay Bay in Vegas. I don't think it's on the menu, but it's a $5,000 burger. Oh, gosh. At this place, Fleur, F-L-E-U-R, Fleur. $5,000 burger. 28 have been sold to billionaires who come in there and have it. What did they say about it? What's special about it? I don't know.

I don't know. But it's a $5,000 burger. $5,000. Yeah, I mean, well, you didn't read into it? I did. There was a reviewer who ate it, and he said, I'd pay $5,000 for this if I was a billionaire. It's so good. Well, yeah, if you're a billionaire, I'd pay $5,000 for any burger.

I mean, so what does it say about it? I mean, what's the description of it? The meat is, you know, the best beef in the world. Comes in from Japan, I think. Yeah, Wagyu? I guess so. Yeah, Wagyu beef. Wagyu beef. The burger is served on a homemade truffled bun topped with shallots, foie gras, and peregrine truffles. You also get a bottle of whatever this- Comes with a bottle of wine, I guess. 1995 Petrus. It's not only the best burger you can eat, but it comes with the best wine pairing ever.

If $5,000 seems extreme, consider this. The bottle of Petrus alone would cost you $5,300. So you're actually getting a discount. The wine still seems extreme to me. They're like, hey, you're making a little money off this, bud. I could see. I bet it would be great. There would be something. I don't want to pay that much money then just go like, can I get not like truffle bun? Can I get a regular bun?

Take some ranch. No tomatoes. Yeah, you can't ask for anything like that. That is what people do at restaurants. They'll go, hey, the special here. I'd like to get that, but don't put this on it. Don't put this on it. And then they get it and they go, this is not good. What is on the side of it? Is that fries on the side? Yeah, those are fries. I could see, and we definitely would want to try it, but it's funny that it's like only billionaires go there. You're like,

I mean, I would imagine someone has $10 million they can go get a bird. Yeah, I'm not saying all 28 were billionaires, but it's super rich people. I can't believe they've only sold 28. I would think they would have sold more. I mean, you know, some guy goes wins big there, and it's like, let's go get it. It seems like people don't know about it. A lot of first dates there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, maybe so. Yeah.

Waffle house has its own terminology for the cooks. Oh, yeah. Do you guys know what scattered, smothered, and covered means? Yeah, scattered is they cut it up, right? Spread it out. Spread it out. Smothered is where they put cheese on it. No, it's covered as cheese. Covered as cheese. Smothered is onions. Onions. Oh, I don't like onions. Yep. Sauteed diced onions. I used to get ham scattered. I love a waffle house. I put ketchup on it.

On your what? Waffles. I got a big ketchup problem. My dad will put ketchup on it. He puts it on eggs. You ever have anybody put ketchup on their eggs? I have had that. I'm not into it. I'm not into it either. That's a pretty- But you said you were a sauce guy. I'm not really a sauce guy. I'm a big sauce guy. I put ketchup on hash browns.

I hear people. Oh, hash browns. Oh, yeah, that's different. You know, I had someone tell me that's crazy. I would never do it. It's just French fries. It's French fries. Yeah, I like Heinz 57 on a baked potato. Yeah. That's what I like. Oh, I like, I could eat that. I like a huddle house patty melt with a little Heinz 57. When I was, when I would make food. Now we're talking. When I had no money, uh,

Not saying money, but when I was starting comedy and you just have nothing, I would eat corn with A1 sauce out of the thing. I'd pour corn in it, and then I'd pour A1 off it, and then I would just eat that. I loved it. A1's delicious. A1's delicious. I do rice with barbecue sauce. Oh, yeah. There you go. A little poor man's meal. Now, you mentioned the specials. I always heard that the specials are the things they're trying to get rid of before they go bad. 100%. Yeah, I think so. So don't order the specials.

Where I've worked, the soup of the day was the soup that was about to go bad. It was the soup of the day, the soup of yesterday, if you know what I mean. I get specials a lot, though. I mean, I still think it's good. I mean, it's like- I get specials. At Waffle House, their specials are the same. I'm not saying Waffle House. I'm just saying general restaurant. You just mentioned specials. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I think that's true. I mean, anything they're really pushing is something they got cheap or they're like trying to get rid of. Yeah, it depends on the restaurant you go. You know, it's like. Yeah, I mean, you may have a good chef that's like just really cook something well. Yeah, yeah. The best day to get out said it was Tuesday because that's the day that most restaurants get their deliveries in. So the food's the freshest. Oh, wow. Makes sense. Yeah.

The busiest day of the year for restaurants. Anybody want to guess? Mother's Day. Hold on. Great guess, Dusty. Great guess. Mother's Day is a great guess. Valentine's Day is my guess. That's good, too. Mother's Day, Valentine's Day. I'm trying to just kind of, I basically have to pick between which one of those. Valentine's Day. I would go in Black Friday as a dark horse. Number one, Mother's Day. Number two, Valentine's Day. Where'd Black Friday come in at?

It wasn't on the list. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird. I was thinking, well, we just cooked the biggest meal of the year. Let's go out. Yeah, yeah. I get that. But I think by just shopping all day, I think that's a fast food kind of day. Oh, okay. I always want, after Thanksgiving, I want McDonald's.

I bet pizza delivery, I bet is big the day after Thanksgiving. Yeah. I always like after anytime we have like, you know, it's like after you go through Christmas or Thanksgiving, it's like you got to go to all the houses and you're eating like real fancy. Right. You know, your mess, your fancy food. Yeah. And then the next day I just want to go to McDonald's and just get back to, you know, I got a, I got a brother-in-law. He's from Michigan from like a middle-class family. And he married my sister and moved into the trailer park with us for a while. Yeah.

And his family used to do this big Mother's Day thing. Like Mother's Day would be this really like they would go to really fancy dinner. They would get all dressed up.

So the first year he was down with us for Mother's Day, my grandmother liked to go out. And so he got so excited. And my grandmother always liked to go to Burger King for Mother's Day. And then he said that was the first time that he thought, what have I done? Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah, he was like Burger King. Are they still married? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But my grandmother, I guess my grandmother was around when Burger King came out. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So she loved it. Dude, we were, I mean, that's how when we make,

Food.

I mean, my tastes are all like that kind of taste. I think people don't realize, like, you know, it's like I don't have the taste for – I like good food, and I've tasted stuff that's unbelievable. But I honestly, that $5,000 burger, I could eat that and then eat McDonald's and, like, be just – and be really just as happy. You know what I think about? Did you ever see – you know Action Bronson is a rapper? He had a show on Vice where he would eat, like, the most ridiculous food in the world. In one episode, he got hurt, and he's in the hospital.

I can't remember what happened, but he's on his hospital bed. This guy who's eaten everything you can imagine eating. He's like, man, I just want a Wendy's crispy chicken sandwich right now. That's all he wanted. It's a Wendy's sandwich. And you identified with that. I think about that quite a bit. Yeah. Yeah. Food show. What was the show about? It was called like F that's delicious. And it was, they made that guy go. He's a big foodie, man. He goes in there and.

learns about how all the food's made and stuff. It was a fun show. What's your favorite fast food item? I mean, a Big Mac, probably. I think it's a Big Mac. I think it's a Big Mac. It's number one for a reason. Flay of Fish is not far. Like a McDonald's?

McDonald's is my favorite. Well, my sister really blew my mind. She doesn't eat a lot of fast food, but the other day she goes, sometimes I'll go to McDonald's because I just love a fish sandwich. And I just thought, that just blew my mind. I didn't know anybody was eating a fish. Oh, man. Nate's into it. It's my side piece. Side sandwich. Side sandwich, yeah. Side piece is a little different. It goes...

It used to be a cheeseburger, no onions. And now I go number one Big Mac, no onions, filet-o-fish on the side. And then when I get home or when I eat it, I look and see which one is better because I like to save the better one for last. Sometimes the filet-o-fish. If it's fresh, that bread came out. That bread's so soft. Toss some little ketchup on it. It's amazing. And then, I mean, a Big Mac, if you get a Big Mac right,

Like where it's like, I mean, Oh my gosh. It's, uh, but you have the discipline to eat what you're most excited about last. Yeah. Oh man. I dive right in and get sadder as the meal goes on. Oh yeah. I get, I want to get the bad out of the way. So like if I have to eat like Laura, you know, makes some vegetables I have to eat. I go and just pound them and get them, get them over there. So I can then, I'm in, I can't wait till I get to the end. What about fazoles? What do you think about that place? Uh,

I was – did Drew Maddox something, Vandy? It was always like – I thought I always heard it was like Drew Maddox's family owned Fazoli's or something. See, I hate it. And I thought it was a failing business. And I saw a brand new Fazoli's coming to a town, and it blew my mind. Yeah. You know, I don't go there enough. I've been there, and I would like – I wish I went more is what I –

I always like a garlic bread like that, though. What Aaron's got on the screen right now? That bread stick right there. I like... Yeah, I like... It looks awesome. I like fazollis. Yeah? And I just don't... For some reason, it just... I mean, that's why it's still around. I wish I would have went to it more. And I will...

There's one in Hermit's life's regrets. Do you have any regrets, Nate? Yeah, I wish Fazoli's, where it's at, I just wish it would have been a little bit closer to the road. It's kind of behind Steak and Shake. Oh, in Hermitage. Yeah, in Hermitage. And so it was always right there. And I wish it was more in my eyesight. Steak and Shake's gone. Now it's behind a Chipotle.

Oh, yeah. They just keep adding a better restaurant in front of it. So we can't catch a break. Yeah. Like maybe if you're going to the car wash over there, you might stop. Yeah. Yeah. They are hiring right now. If you're Aaron, you're looking for another restaurant. Which Starbucks?

Fazoli's. Oh, they are? Yeah. Oh, good. The dirtiest item on a table is the menu. They said the servers don't wipe them down, usually. I would think the salt and pepper. That's second. They said they don't wipe those down either. No. We were supposed to. I don't think we ever did.

You'd marry ketchup too. Oh, yeah. Squeeze it into the other. Western sizzling. I mean, you would empty some of those and you could tell what was on the bottom had been there a long time. Yeah, yeah. And you would really hit ketchup with. Yeah. Put that back down on the bottom. Cover that back up. Yeah.

The Cracker Barrel Peg Game. There's 6,000 different ways to win that. You can go on their website. It'll show you how to do it. I haven't found one. Me either. We used to have to roll silverware at Western Sizzlin', and in the back, you could still smoke cigarettes. So we would smoke cigarettes without using our hands, you know, just puffing on it while you're rolling silverware, and ashes are all over the place. You'd roll up the ashes. Yeah, you're like...

I think that's par for the course. They're like, there's ashes in the silverware. I'm like, well, you should see what's in your green veins. I was going to mention, it's a kind of NFL tradition for rookies to get the tab, you know, and there's always these huge tabs. There's a lot of different cases. There's a case for the Titans guy a couple years ago, had a $10,000 tab that they left. And he... He walked out on it? No, no, no. He paid it, but the other players, you know, gave it to him.

And he posted on social media. And there's a lot of keys. Like, this guy didn't even last. He's out of the league now. Wow. Because people are like, well, you're a millionaire. And they did the math. It was 2.5% of his yearly salary. So it's not like that's just nothing to him. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think you should be allowed to do it to – I feel like if you do it, it's to your – like when –

Derrick Henry's rookie year. It's your first pick is the one that has to do that. Not just some guy who barely made the team. Yeah, yeah. That seems mean. What's his name? I think it was Andre Walker. He wasn't a late draft pick. DeAndre Walker. DeAndre Walker, but I looked him up. He's not on a team right now. Did he make millions of dollars? I don't even know if he did. Whatever 2.5% of your salary is. I'll figure that out.

That's what, well, that right there, that chart showed what it would be for a normal person's salary, how much that would be equivalent to. Wow. His thing was $260,000. Yeah, like $266,000. And then, yeah, that's a lot.

I mean, what did he tip? I mean, that's where you're putting someone in a bad spot. You'd hope the other guys at least would leave the tip for the server. Because you're like, that kid's got to pay, and it's already like, come on, man. Oh, yeah. And then, you know. 2.7, there it says at the bottom. But it's still, that's a lot. If you make $45,000 a year, that's like a $1,200 bill. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. That's probably a good place to stop. Yeah. All right. Awesome. Awesome.

As always, we love you guys. And I'm out on tour. I got a lot of summer dates coming out. I'm going to be taping a special in September. I believe I'm announcing. It might be announced if you're listening to this. So I'm not going to say where because I don't know if it's announced. But I'm taping it. I don't know where it's going to go yet, whether it's Netflix or it's someone else. We're figuring all that stuff out. But no matter what, I'm taping it.

and then all the summer dates are amphitheaters. They're big places. Hope you see out there for that. What are you guys? June 22nd. I'm headlining Zany's comedy club. Uh, Aaron's on the show. I'm telling people Nate's on the show, um, just to get ticket sales up. But yeah, I don't know. I don't know. You're in San Diego, but I'm telling people you're on the show. So anyway, come on out to the show and, um,

We'll have a good time. Yeah. And we're in Salt Lake City later that weekend. Yep. The 24th and 25th. So Brian and I. I'm on the road with, I'm doing Burt Kreischer's fully loaded comedy festival. Oh, that's awesome. Next weekend, South Bend, Dayton, Rochester, New York, and Louisville. So I'm pumped about that. Dude, that's awesome. Yeah, it'll be a lot of fun. Yeah, that's fun.

am about to launch second half of my year my tour so that's gonna be great i'm in huntsville soon with uh brian it's gonna be great and i got uh you know my secret dream is to uh one day hit 10 000 followers on twitter i'm very close it's only taken me over a decade and uh what are you at at dusty slide now what are you at followers uh 9 700 something all right let's see what we got here

718 on Twitter. Yeah. On Twitter. What are you on Instagram? Uh, 46,000. Okay. So my Twitter is, yeah. I mean, that's your, your typical waiter. That's like this one table left tipped him, uh, $500. And then the board table, he's like, guys, can you give me one more dollar? I just, yeah. I mean, it's my secret dream. You know what I mean? It doesn't matter if we ever get there, but, uh, that's my Twitter not available. And, uh, uh,

Yeah, TikTok is... We're doing great. We're having a good time. 345,000. Wow. That's a lot. There's no reason to get that many followers on Twitter. There's no reason. But this is what? Secretly, I'd like to have the little K next to my arm. What is TikTok? I don't even know what I... You're doing pretty well on there, man. It's...

I don't know. Yeah, $550,000. Just trying to make sure to keep everybody in check. Can you look mine up? Yeah. Well, there... Yeah, I have no idea. Yeah, I'm not a... $125,000. Wow. Put some numbers out there, man. TikTok is crazy. TikTok's amazing. Yeah. You have one? Yeah. What is it? Brian Bates comic? We'll see. I don't know. You don't know the handle? Here we go. $125,000. That's a lot, man.

All right. 80. 80. All right. There you go. Hey, when you film those videos, I think it would be better if you got closer to your face. Do you ever... Shouldn't they back up a little bit? Oh, boy.

I did not see that coming, though. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I did not see that coming. Well, it looks like you're just getting rolling on here. Yeah, I'm just getting rolling. Let's get the Nate Land bump. I'll go out there and follow Brian. Let's get these numbers. Yeah, don't follow my Twitter. Do go to Brian's TikTok. 89 likes.

I mean, that video right there on the left, I mean, by the camera is you look like you're... If it were any of them. It looks like you're like OJ walking out of the trial. The camera's just everywhere. He's like, no questions. No questions. The camera's just, how short are your arms? Do you do it like this? He holds it like Nick. He holds it like Nick. He just goes like, what's up, everybody? And you hold it down. I mean, like the...

You do it just the most unflat, like your own way. You hold it down, up your nose. I don't even mean to laugh, but 80 is funny. Oh, I know. I knew I had a real joke. That's why we saved it for the end. I know. But as far as the video, yeah, I mean, and I saw all my cameos look. Yeah, I mean, the cameos, it's like, I wish I could be there as you can see how close I am to the video. Yeah.

All right. Thank you guys. As always, we love you all and we will see you next week. Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi and my wife, Laura on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land Podcast.