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Hello, folks. Welcome to the Nate Land Podcast. All right, let's go, folks. Welcome to the Nate Land Podcast. I'm sitting here, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber, Dusty Slut.

That's how people know you're alive. Yes. Would that be your welfare check is you would go, all right? All right, yeah, I think so. If you check on me and I don't go, all right, then you know something's up. Yeah. What if you say, all right, but your hand doesn't go up? Wow, yeah. That could be something too, yeah. That could be something too. You're like, I'm not totally fine. I'm all right. Maybe that's how you would show you're in a hostage situation. Like, you know, like what they do in a bank. Yeah. The key is if you ever don't raise your hand, it's like-

Something's not right. Oh, yeah. Or maybe that, you know, just like I'm like, all right. Yeah. How are you doing? All right. All right. Your hand goes up. There's a little. Yeah. Yeah. A little pointy. All right. Look over it. Look over it. They're like, we are having a good time. We're having a good time. We're having a great time. If you don't mind looking behind me. You think when you're buried, I mean, when in the casket, you're just going to have them? That would be the way to go. Just laying down and you come up and just my hands there. Yeah.

Yeah. People don't know what to do. They put change in it. Yeah. You can't shut the casket door. You should get like Han Solo. Oh, yeah. He's carving that. Yeah. Just be froze forever. Having a good time. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Even in death, having a good time. Having a good time. Yeah.

I hope so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. I do hope so. Yeah. They should go find out. Yeah. Let's start with the comments. Chris Ramsey. I just have to say I was on the fence about Dusty joining the podcast. I thought it might throw the boys' chemistry off. After the restaurant episode, I am fully on board to the point where I demand Dusty give us a taste of all of his haircuts throughout the years.

and a brief discussion of each style. I don't know about that. Keep up the good... I know, I got to say the whole... Go walk us through this haircut. Yeah, I don't know that everybody wants to go through them, but I got a million haircuts, that's for sure. I'm sure they'll come up eventually. Did you ever have spiked... You had blonde hair. Did you ever spike it up? A little bit, yeah. Actually, my senior photo, I have a little spiked blonde hair. I did spike blonde once. She...

Yeah, I did it. This was the time. This is when you did it. How old are you? I'm 40. Yeah. So, yeah, this is what we did. That was our 20-something phase. It was real big to get blonde tips. I did it once.

But you have to fix your hair up every time. I've never been the guy that wants to... I fix my hair up for shows. Yeah. But outside of like having... I'm going somewhere like a dinner. Like I'm just 95% I'm not fixing my hair. So it looks like a leopard print. Yeah. And if it's not gelled up, yeah, it's just flat. It's just flat and you got black circles and yellow. It really... And that's... And I was like, well, I'm just wearing it like that. I never even did it. Yeah.

And so then I was like, well, there's no point to this. And so I just waited till it came out and then moved on. Brian, did you do anything? Yeah. It's just been this my whole life. I can see that. Just a bunch of that. Yeah, there's no point where you've ever looked probably different. I mean, I had more hair when I was younger. What was the wildest look you've ever had? I mean...

it's been pretty much this, just more of it. I found a picture of me. When you unbutton that collared shirt from the top. I got mine top buttoned. I'm making fun of it. Mine is actually. Yours is higher than mine is. Yeah. I don't mind a nice one to the top. But I mean, that would be your first step. You went.

Yeah. You undid that? I had a chain. Yeah. Did you ever have jewelry? There was about, rephrase my sophomore year in high school. You had a chain? Yeah, a necklace. Yeah. Oh, not a chain wallet. No. That's what we called it back in our day. Yeah. Yeah. And then people bring it up?

Like when you walked in? That's why I stopped that for two weeks. It didn't work like I thought. Hurt your back? Yeah.

I found a picture of me at a Vanderbilt football game. I don't know. I was probably high school or something like that. And there's a lot of people in stands behind me. And I thought, what if I look back there and I saw Nate, like a young Nate? Yeah. You ever think about that? Like there's probably people, because we know we've been at the same games before. We probably crossed paths and didn't even know it. Yeah. It's been kind of crazy.

Yeah, it would be. I shared a picture of me at a Talladega race when I was like 10. So it's probably 92. And two guys identified themselves in the photo that followed me on Facebook. And then I looked them up and I was like, oh, that is those dudes. Wow. That's crazy. 30 years ago. Yeah. Your fan base is, you want to, you are your fan base. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, they're like already following me and they're like, oh, here's this. Oh, we were there. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they're a bit older than me. So my family may be dying off. I was definitely the youngest in that crowd. They were old then. Yeah. Well, they were older than me. You know, they were like grownups and I was 10. I got like a maybe I'll have a whole James Gregory thing going on. Yeah. I mean, where you just they just fans just stick with you forever.

Yeah. Well, they stay with you. Yeah. Yeah. I always think it is a good thing to be like, I mean, you, if that means you're being relatable, if people are not saying everybody's going to these races that likes you, people are, they like you for being funny and other reasons, but there's a bit of, there should be a bit of you and all your audience. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Validate. Are they know someone? Are they like, there should be a connection to be like, I like this guy.

Do you have people think you're not legit? Like this is all a charade? I think so. I think sometimes people think I make up. I mean, because, you know, my trailer park life wasn't so hard. Like some people, like some people tell me their trailer park stories and I'm like, oh, okay. Well, mine wasn't like that. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like we had, you know, a washer and dryer. You were a high class of the trailer park. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. We had a phone that other people would come over and use. Yeah. You know, we had that going on. Yeah. Yeah.

You were the new money. Yeah. Of the trailer park. Yeah. I like to say, you know, I was the rich kid of the trailer park. Yeah. We had stuff. I had like a, you know, a Nintendo with several games. Oh, wow. You know. That was probably a big deal. Yeah. People would come over and play and they would have, you know, an Atari. Was it put in the newsletter? Well, we didn't have one. If we had, I mean, you know, nobody would have read it anyway. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, that's a joke, but also it's true.

Yeah, I would think I would enjoy a new, like, you know, the Slays got a brand new Nintendo. Santa was pretty good this year, and they're like, oh, and you're...

Don't post that. It's like getting posted in Forbes. Yeah. You're like, don't post something like that. You know what's going to happen to my house? Yeah, you don't want people to know what you have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you are. Here's the picture right there. There's a young Dusty. There's a young Dusty. Yeah, so the guy behind me in the Budweiser hat and then the guy next to him are the ones that identified themselves. They're sitting directly behind you. Yeah, and the guy behind him, that's my uncle with the beard. Yeah.

I don't know why we're two. Who are you sitting next to? That's my sister. Okay. Yeah. And then my cousin's there with the, uh, things hanging off his glasses. Yeah. Right there. Yeah. Yeah. That's my guy. He's like, he shot. That's the guy that shot me with a BB gun when I was five. So Folgers hat in there. Yeah. The hats in this, in this picture are incredible. You, you, you, it costs you $50 to buy that. Oh yeah. Uh,

But I like that your family's there and you can't even have seats. Who took the picture? Is it like, was it like the NASCAR took the picture or something? I don't know who took that. I guess my mom was probably there. Well, where did you get it?

My sister gave it to me, but the one that's sitting next to me. I mean, it's just funny that your uncles, I mean, you and your sister are just next to each other. Then everybody's in a different row. Yeah. I don't know who's behind this guy. There could be a relative or someone. I don't know. Yeah. That's a good picture. That should be an album.

Yeah. You could have that be an album picture. It's actually a little bigger too. I cropped it for Instagram, but there's several dudes with their shirts off and mustaches. People were just – I mean, they would drink – they would be empty in coolers all over the place after the race. I mean, it was – To sit and watch something and have your shirt off. Yeah. I mean, that's – I think it was – I mean, look, it's probably hot, but it's like that's pretty crazy. Like just to be – I mean, this guy at the bottom –

Looks like he has some back hair. He has some shoulder hair. So, like, just to sit, I would, you know, to have that freedom. I mean, that guy got a cigarette in his mouth. No hands. Smoking with no hands. No hands. I mean, you know, that was just a time, dude. I mean, look at that guy behind him. There's a, there's, I'm just in this little row.

there's three people with no shirts on. And the guy by name looks like an accountant. It looks like he's undercover for the FBI. And they go, you got to fit in. And he goes, what do you want me to do? I got to take my shirt off. And then his shirt is off and he's miserable. And then everybody that doesn't believe in the FBI is watching him. Yeah. I feel like this is a nice conspiracy. Already thinks the FBI against them. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a great picture. Yeah, the guy in all white there with a towel around his neck. I mean, that guy's like, I'm not taking my shirt off, but I'm ready. But he's got extra stuff. Yeah. Yeah, and the other guys were, yeah, it's interesting. Ellen, when reading a book in the Kindle app, you can go to the settings and change the font to open dyslexic, and it makes a big difference. Man, I did not know that, and that's huge. Oh, Ellen, thank you. Do you consider yourself openly dyslexic?

I mean, I talk about it here, right? So would that not be open? I guess so. I don't even know if I'm dyslexic. This is the font, open dyslexic font. It's designed in a way to help people with dyslexia differentiate between

certain characters so it switches in between words and pictures and that would be that's how they should do it uses unique letter shapes and it shows me like a triangle i'm like man this thing i am breezing uh i'll try it uh you know that could be interesting why do you think they call it open dyslexia

No, they got to get one slide in and at us. Yeah. They don't ever just give us our own. There's a little dig. Yeah, yeah. I don't even know why that would be a dig, but it's...

they should call it dumb dumb. Does it help that I'm going to read open dyslexic and I'm reading books for dummies? Is this going to like, would it, I wonder if it cancels out. It won't let me do it. And it's like, we've never even had someone try to do this. Yeah, it's too much. So it's, I'm confused by all of this. Keep shutting the app down. I'll be, I'm going to try it because I'll be interested to see if I, because it's, I'm even, I'm nailing it down to either it's dyslexic or like,

The fact I can't remember anything is like, thanks me the, you know, what is it like the attention? ADD. Something like that. Cause you're like, why am I not grasping this stuff? I watch a movie and I'm not grasping something. Something makes me think there. And there's part of me that thinks you figure it out.

or do you not figure it out because then that's i am who i am because i'm not figuring something out and so but i would always think that people can think that with drinking so people that drink they think well if i don't drink quit drinking then i'm not going to be the fun that i am and that's the most untrue statement you could ever ever ever have the

It's your, I mean, you know, like the most, you're a light years better of a person if you just don't. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I haven't drank in 10 years. And when I was drinking, though, I could be a ton of fun, but also a real mess of a not fun person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You could just, it's just, you know. You know what I mean? And you just realize like how much you're not doing. You're like, oh, you're just passing time. Yeah.

You're almost like your whole life's watching commercials. Like you're just like, or you're trying to, or it's like not what, maybe the opposite would be that. It'd be like, you're like the fast forward button in commercials, like on DVR is when you're drinking just to get to the next thing.

I got to get through this thing, so I'm just trying to. I might not be good in that. Ouch. And I'm open to that. So Krista Walcott. Dusty trusting 1960 doctors more than the current doctors is why he might be the smartest one on the podcast.

Well, yeah. I mean, I can't agree with the whole statement, but yeah. I mean, the 1960s doctors, yeah. I mean, they seem like they're into it. They're like, let's try to figure something out. Nowadays, they're like... I mean, I tell doctors things. They go, well, I don't know. We'll take some blood. I feel... I think now...

you're going and you're like, and then you ask where that blood's going. Where's this blood going? Yeah. You're like, who's going to, can I take it back with me after you're done testing it? Can I have it back? Cause I would like to drink it and put it back in my body. Yeah, exactly. That's what you should. Don't waste the blood. Who are you sending it to? Why are we getting more blood? You know, what about the, yeah, it's like, I went to a doctor one time. I told him I was burping a lot and he goes, well, you can breathe in this bag and we'll send it in and see if you have whatever. Um,

And then he calls me and he goes, hey, congratulations, you don't have that. And I'm like, well, I'm still Burr Pack. Yeah. Did you then pull up in that guy's car and you see all those bags in the back? There's a bunch of those bags. And you're like, hey, man, what? Did you take those somewhere? And he's like, where would I? How am I going to keep your breath in a bag? How is that even possible?

How do you really blow into it? Yeah, you drink a thing and then you blow into a bag and they seal it up. Like the bread? Yeah, yeah. Twist tie? Yeah, twist tie. Now, I don't know. It was some sort of, I don't know, it felt official. It's pretty official.

He's probably selling it online. I don't believe it. Dusty Slade's birth. That's the stuff that's... So I think the problem doctors get, this is... I just popped in my head. Maybe it's not true. But there's so much stuff we're asking about now that there is no answers for this. You're going in and being like, I have this weird tingling in my elbow. Like where...

before it was crazy, you would just be like, yeah, dude, like your body feels weird. Yeah. And then now you're like, what is this one thing? And it's like a doctor can be like, I don't know what it could be, dude. Like it can be, your body's still going to be your body. Yeah. And so they don't have an answer to it. But,

If you want to pay for an answer, they're... Oh, right. They get your answer. They got something that can numb that elbow to keep it from tingling. Yeah, yeah. But they don't know why it's tingling. Yeah. It's like your body's going to do weird stuff. It's like a house. You hear sounds. Creaks. Creaks. I mean, how do you... It's settling. That's not even...

That's not a great, it's a nervous answer. Yeah. But like, I don't, they can't be like, well, the wood, you know, I feel like someone could go into it for a second. Well, the woods, like as it gets in, then they're like, I don't know. And then if the words get too big. Who cares? And when they're explaining, if the words are too big, it feels like they're making it up. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, it's like if you're like, all right, now you've created something. But if, and that would be like if a new person said that, but if like a 1950s old man said it's just settling, you'd be like, all right. Yeah, 100%. He's cutting to the point and then you'd be like, what does that mean? He goes, it means just settles. Wood's going to shrink. It's like, it is what it is. And you move on. Like he's not trying to,

He's almost mad that you asked the question. Yeah. And you're like, I don't know. Actually, I am sorry. You're right. Old men. Yeah, I will. I'll apologize to them for things that I haven't done wrong. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Christine Tomasino, right? Yeah. Tomasino. Good job. Tomasino. Tomasino. Tomasino.

Would I trust a doctor from the 1960s over myself in the present day? Absolutely not. Why? Because I have seen a photo of my grandfather, an anesthesiologist. Good job. Yeah. I was like driving over. I was like driving through those things that make them...

You don't have a bomb. You know, they make you go around the curves. That's how I read that sentence. You know what I'm talking about? Not really. Like, if you go for a U.S. – like, when we go to Iraq, they make you drive a zigzag. You never seen it in a movie? And they have these barriers. Oh, I have seen that. When you approach, like, a military base or something. Yeah, so you can't just drive straight because it's like you might have a car bomb. So they make you drive –

I think that's what it's for. And that's what that word felt like for you. Yeah. I was like anesthesiologist. And then they put a mirror under my car, uh,

Smoking cigarettes in the operating room. So he's seen a photo of his grandfather smoking cigarettes in the operating room over the person he just put to sleep for surgery. He was a practicing anesthesiologist for over 30 years between the 50s and 80s and was allowed to smoke in the hospital for his entire career. We've come a long way, folks.

Yeah, the way we've come is we're just not smoking in there. Yeah, sounds like he was calming his nerves. Yeah, yeah. That's the kind of anesthesiologist I want. Yeah, you prefer that. He's like, all right, let me take a break. I got him asleep. He's open. Let me just chill out for a minute. He's the one, like the guy using his hands. Yeah. You know. Yeah, now we've come a long way. I say we've come a long way, but I understand the logic of

if you asked it would be for certain things do i want a guy in the 1960s to have surgery on me no but do i want to ask him about a cold and probably believe him more yeah i might like because that guy's not gonna you know right i'd like to know her grandfather's record though of successes how'd that guy do yeah yeah is that guy still alive is that guy you know are ashes really that bad for inside the body yeah i don't know i'd probably get rid of them right

Does this guy have, does he not smoke or did he take up smoking? Yeah. I mean, that'd be something. He'd close it up and he was craving a cigarette. He's like, I've never smoked in my life. And you're like, he's like, it's my fault. Because, yeah, and the doctor gives him one. That guy has no idea. But he's like, my elbow's not tingling. But now I got to smoke. That's, yeah. How does your grandfather even have this photo? That's what, like...

In the, yeah, in the 60s. You mind if we get a picture of that guy cut open? I mean, all of it was unprofessional. He got a group, no, come on in. Everybody come on in and get a picture. He's out. Come on in. You want a cigarette? A little shot of, you know. Come on in, everybody. There's a big group around. Yeah, that's the nervous part. You get in and then you're like, how did it go? And like the whole hospital's like,

looking at you weird and you're like huh who was in there did they let everybody in oh yeah oh yeah everybody came in we had people driving up we sold tickets for a couple days those weren't quick cameras back then either yeah those are the codec see if it worked yeah maybe it took several photos finally the guy was like let me smoke you know what i mean

Jay Baker. I heard Nate tell the story of his dad being forced to be right-handed. The same thing happened to my dad when he was a kid. The biggest difference for my dad, though, is that once he was able to write with his right hand, he developed a stutter. My dad also had a stutter. That's crazy. After dealing with that for a year in school, they let him stop and his stutter went away.

Also, he couldn't play baseball because he learned to catch left-handed with the glove on his right hand, but he throws with his right hand. Still can't do it to this day at age 71. Love the show. Love all you guys. Looking forward to seeing you in Memphis in the fall.

Yeah, this guy's still throwing baseballs at his grandfather. Why can't you catch? No, it's his dad. Jay Baker, you're like, why don't you take it easy on your old man? He still walks in the door out of nowhere. Dad! I just hauls one at him. He's like, I can't. He goes, God, I'm going to write it down. Still can't do it. His dad's just got bruises of balls on his chest.

Cause he's like, no warning or anything. Just give me a break. Right. And you can't even tell him to stop. He has a bit of a stutter. He goes, can you, can you, he's already out the door. I mean, it was four balls before he finally gets the words out. I can't no more.

No more. Just pound him. Dad, come outside. He walks out the door and just, hey! Balls are being thrown at his dad. He's like, Jay did gum it, Jay!

My dad is a speech man. That's crazy that they did that. That is wild. Yeah. Yeah, it messes up the brain. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't know. Still would trust if that guy was a doctor, though. Do animals have doctors? Basically, we would, that guy's doctor, the 71-year-old's doctor, we're like, we'd go to that doctor, and this is what they also were doing, is making these kids be stutters. But you'd be like, you know, I wouldn't go to them for everything, but some stuff. Hmm.

What? Do animals have dominant hands in the way that we do? I don't think they have hands. That's probably a big... That's probably the hardest part. Octopus. Yeah. I think a raccoon has hands. I wonder if it favors one over the other. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe we should Google it. Yeah. Let's check in with them. Sometimes it's fun to talk about it first. I don't know if... You're right.

I think they use both their hands. Yeah, I never really see them. Oh, I love that that's right there. Always wondered, can animals be left or right pawed? Yeah, we know how this goes when Aaron Googles something and he gets no answer. Yeah, primates, all animals seem to favor one hand over the other. That's pretty cool. And righties outnumber lefties in the animal world as well. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah.

So the answer is boring. That's why it is almost better not to look at it. I know. It's like, it's not fun. Discussion's more fun than just, Oh yeah. It turns out they do. How long does it take to study an animal to realize? What do, what if you put like, make your trash can left-handed?

and then a raccoon. Only the left-handed raccoon, and then he's the king. Well, like maybe the right side doesn't go up all the way, and then the left side goes up, and then he's stronger. Now, if you get a left-handed raccoon, it's bad news, but you know. Or the raccoon's king, though. Yeah. No, that guy. Whatever it is. Maybe if I put in left-handed wires under my car, squirrels, couldn't get to it. It'd be hard for them to be dominant to pull. Right.

Because I think that's how they're doing it. Michelangelo Coletta. Michelangelo, man. Given that, that's a... You got to live up to that name. Michelangelo. I mean, that's a... I don't think I've ever seen...

A person with that name. Yeah. Like a new person. Probably just call themselves Michael usually, but he stuck with it. Maybe there is a lot of Michelangelos, but they go by Michael. I doubt it, man. That seems pretty. Seems like a lot to shorten, you know? A lot of people go Mike for Michael, but I mean, you could go Angelo, Angelo. Michelangelo Coletta. I kind of like it. I like it too. There's the last name too. I'm on board with it because you don't see it, but I hope it's cool and good for you.

I don't know if you're going to. I don't know. Would you mind him being a mechanic if Michelangelo worked on your car? I think I would like a Michelangelo working on my car. Not as a mechanic. I think so. No, I would like Cletus or something. No, you take it down to Michelangelo. You're like, what is it, from the Ferrari family? You're like, I mean, that guy works at AutoZone? And you'd be like, no one even knows about him. I would be going, you should start your own business. Michelangelo Coletta. Yeah.

It'd be tough to earn trust in a small town, I think. But I think you could sell them on that you're...

You're used to working on like. It's in my blood. Yeah. You're like, this is what we do. Foreign cars. Foreign cars. You know, like a Ford. You're like, you're like. And then everybody gets to go like, no, my guy, my mechanic, like he used to do Ferraris. Yeah. That's, you know, in the office when that guy was like the janitor and he was like, I was a surgeon back then. Like, it's like you could sell it like that where you're, you know, Michelangelo is just killing it.

Love seeing all the lefty talk on the pod. The pain of using right-handed things can't be stressed enough. Just remember, one in ten people used to be left-handed, and now it's one in nine. We're getting rid of them. Wow. That's my dad's generation. They beat it out of them. Love telling my friends we are slowly taking over the world. Dusty and Burpy make sure when you add a fifth host, they always use the right side of their brain as well. All right.

All right. So one and nine is more than one and ten. We're taking over. They're saying there's more. We're increasing in strength. I thought that meant we're only asking nine of them now.

That's all. Gaining in strength. I guess it was. Maybe they're just like... I think that's why. I don't know if I even believe it now. We used to ask 10 people. Now we can't even find 10 to ask. So we found nine. Yeah, it seems like they could do two out of 10. You can only handle talking to nine left-handed people. What if that's the case? You're like, after you talk to 10 of them, you're like, God, dude.

You're like, let's just ask nine. Who cares anymore? You know, what if lieutenant people are, you know, just kind of a nightmare. They go on and on and on. And you're like, there's only so much time in the day. Well, there's some truth to that, but I don't think that's how they did that. I mean, it's not nine lieutenant people they were surveying. It used to be 10. So now they're only asking nine people?

Are you left-handed? They're probably doing a higher number to get that percentage, but yeah, now it's, according to him, it's increasing. It probably is because they're not doing like they did to your dad. It makes sense that Michelangelo's left-handed, though. I will say that. Yeah. What if your friend was named Michelangelo and you had to call him Michelangelo every time?

And I love that he shortened podcast to the pod. Yeah. But he sticks with Michelangelo. Capitalized pod too. I appreciate that. I appreciate it as well. Actually, it's Michelangelo. Michelangelo. Oh, sorry. Uh, yeah, I like it. Uh, I think more comedians are left-handed than, than average because you do use the right side of your brain, which is the creative side. Okay. Who's left-handed in here? Just me and you? Yeah. It's 50% in here. That's true. Yeah. Uh,

Both doing pretty good. Really working out. And of those, 50% are successful. Just keep breaking it down. It seems like if you have your left hand and it's either all or nothing, there's no in-between.

I used to have a joke about 10% being left-handed, and my black friends didn't appreciate when I called myself a minority. Oh, yeah. But that's what we are. Well, that is true. Yeah. There you go. Sophia Mattis. Last year, we went on vacation to Hilton Head, South Carolina. The last night we were there, we went to a local seafood place. It was fun until the end when my dad gave our waiter his credit card. We waited for probably 30 minutes until the guy came back and apologizing profusely for

Wait.

commotion was about to go over and tell them it wasn't necessary, but he didn't have to. Does that make sense? Yeah. Maybe he... Keep going. Oh. At that same moment, an ally...

I was about to say an allegation. There's an allegation that came. What happened in this story? At that same moment, an alligator swam under the dock right where his card was and didn't seem to want to move. We left the next day without his credit card. Wow. An alligator. And then that alligator racked up quite a bill. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I mean, I guess you can't get it with a stick. That's a whole thing.

At that moment, an allegation came out of nowhere. We had to leave town. An allegation that an alligator. The great thing about putting these on the screen is the people at home can finish this way ahead of time and just sit back and see what happens. I thought some people didn't like it. Some people didn't. Well, you got to find a good compromise. I think people want to see you reading them. Yeah. Wow. So we'll figure something out. Some people like it. We're just trying stuff out, man. Trying to stay ahead of the curve. I like the idea of compromising.

I think there's a way to get both. Put it at the bottom of the screen? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Good thinking. I think it's obvious. You know what? What do we do at the bottom of the screen? You know what, Bates? I'm glad you said something. We were going to do top, but do it like closed captioning. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. Glad we have this meeting. Well, why aren't we doing it then if it's so obvious? No, well, we tried it this way saying we should compromise. I would imagine a compromise would be...

Put it at the bottom of the screen. All right. Uh,

Corey O'Brien, most restaurants still pay their employees between $2 and $3 an hour based on the fact that customers' tips will raise that wage above the minimum. Removing tip-in will bring the server wage down to a bare minimum of what the employer needs to pay them, rather than customers who appreciates the service and meal. So I understand Nate's thinking a roundup purchase at Firehouse Subs is not someone taking care of you for an hour at a highly curated restaurant.

The Roundup doesn't go to the person. No, and I don't think we really know how the employer will choose to pay. If you pay your people the bare minimum, then you're going to get bad employees. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the idea of it would be you would go support places that pay what they should pay. But the Roundup purchase at Firehouse doesn't go to the... It's for a charity, right? It's for a charity.

it's not going to the person. If it went to the person, I would almost do it every time. But it's not going to the person. It's going to the charity. And I actually, and like I think I said it, Firehouse Subs, their charity is like, I think it's like built through, it's like a fireman, like you almost can track that to where that goes to more. It's the bigger, like Firehouse Subs, I know it's kind of a chain now, but it doesn't feel like a chain because it feels like it's, there's still, I can see the beginning of it.

You know? And like when you lose sight of the beginning of where it started, that's when I don't start trusting. If it's too big. Yeah. It's like Walmart. You're like, I don't like, I mean, I had an old joke about it, but it's like, it's been like, if you get to target or what you're like, well, I don't know what the beginning of these places were. Uh, and they, and then, but firehouse subs, you're like, nah, that was probably started. Like I went to a dollar general yesterday and they were like, do you want to round up to help kids learn how to read? Mm.

I don't know how y'all are doing that. Yeah. But I'll do it. That sounds like a good cause. Yeah. I like to go. Dollar General is a giant company. You're like, pay kids to learn how to read.

Put some money in it. That's how they do it. They just tell the kids, if you learn how to read, we'll give you money. No, I'm saying, why doesn't the general go, we will round up and we will pay the roundup fee. And that money goes to... Instead of putting it on me. So come shop here and then we round everything up and we give that money to whatever. Do that versus you're asking the customer that's at Dollar General.

And then you're going, hey, do you mind also helping people how to read? You're like, I don't know how to read and I'm in here. And then that employee's like, me either. And then you have a real bonding moment over it and they just walk out together. Yeah, it's like the way that they keep asking. It's like everybody's asking people to help instead of these companies that are like, come on, man. Like you do round it up and give, you know, or like at least –

Put next to it, here's what we give to charity. Like, dude, show me what you're doing versus just ask. And your charity that you give is just my roundup

Like, so it's like Dollar General gave money. They're helping kids read. And everybody's like, wow, they're helping kids read. You're helping kids read. Uh-huh. They're just the ones that like figured it. They just go like, oh, we're just telling you to do it. They're the middlemen. They're the middlemen. Somebody told me March of Dimes. They call it that because only 10 cents of every dollar goes to help people. And I don't know if that's true, but. I don't think they would flaunt that. I just feel like they did. They just put it right out there. They're like, we told you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We hand people dimes. Yeah, yeah. We march around, throw dimes at them. Yeah. Yeah, all right. I'm getting firehouse subs today.

Yeah, there's a comment a couple down that I think says just what you said. All right. Kate Willer, the guy who I have recently started dating, will put a cash tip on the table when we get seated at a restaurant. Then if the service is not great or the order gets messed up, he will visibly reduce the tip in front of servers by taking some of the cash away. He's a generous tipper, about 30% or more whenever service is great. But I think it's not the best strategy for good service. Do you think this is a red flag? I do think – it's just –

that's something you want. It's like, the difference is that's something that you should want to do and you probably talk about it to your friends, but you never do it because it's kind of insulting and kind of... It's very insulting. Yeah, it's... It's very condescending. It's very condescending. It's dance for me, monkey, or I'll take away this one knife.

$20. You should, I, I. 30% is not that generous. I was going to say. To a guy that's like putting the money on the table. Your bill's $20 and you're like, you put five and you take it back down to four. If someone did that to me, I would want to be like, just take it all off the table. That's what I do. Yeah. You just keep your tip. Keep it all. I would give them the best service and then ask them not for a tip and go, I don't want the tip. Like, yeah, I'm real. I don't want to make.

especially in that scenario, like you don't make someone feel less than you. And that's, that very much kind of makes that person I think feel like that. So that would be the red flag as far as like dating this person. I mean, you want to be married and like, and you have, you have kids and then you're, you're the whole, your whole life. It's like dad would do this, you know, like, and I mean, just the uncomfortableness of like having to watch that. Uh,

I used to work with a guy and he would say when he would take cab rides, he would say, I got $5 for you. Every time you talk to me, I take a dollar away. Oh, wow. Yeah. Was that you? No, it was not me. I'm the guy that talks to people the entire time. Every ride I'm in, every time. Well, I mean, you can get on your phone now. You can do whatever. But back then you read a newspaper. You could do something to be like, I don't want to talk. I don't ever even, like Uber, I would never put the don't talk because it just feels...

I mean... But when you get a notification that the driver is deaf or hard of hearing, you're like...

right it's gonna be awesome i don't think i even i don't know if i've ever seen that i get it occasionally it says the driver's deaf or hard of hearing just heads up he's probably not going to talk to you i get that and you're like i think we're lying i got that one i don't know if i believe the percentage wasn't true like sign that you're seeing them enough like you're i get it pretty frequently and a lot of times not i'm wrong i think it's just people go i don't want to talk to my passengers so i'll just say i'm yeah yeah there's it yeah they there's they got you flagged specifically yeah

You think? They're like, just go ahead and tell this guy. That or I think drivers are, even drivers are like, yeah, dude, I don't want to talk to you because I bet drivers are like,

I get talked to more than I talk to people. Yeah, yeah. Because you're going to get people that are drunk. You're going to get people that are whatever. And so people always act... I'd almost be willing to bet there's more problems with passengers talking than drivers. Yeah, of course. Well, I used to be a driver. I would try to match whatever energy they had. If they wanted to talk, I would try to talk. If they didn't... But I would try to follow their lead. You never took the lead with it. Okay. No, because some people... I think most people... I think he would want to. And he wanted to talk. No. Most people don't want to talk.

And I didn't want to talk. But some people, like Dusty does, they think it's awkward not to talk. How often did you leave a bad review of the passenger? Did that happen very often? No, I don't think I ever did. Because I just checked it. I checked this weekend. I have a perfect five-star rating on Uber and Lyft. Yeah. Pretty proud of that. Yeah. I don't know how common that is. I think it's very uncommon. I think my rating, I think the last time I ever saw it was like 4.789. Yeah.

It was like something... What do you think lost it? What do you think lost the point? I don't know. I even looked it up and someone was like, it could be... Because you know what's funny? Something got in my head. It was like you could close the door too hard. And then that could... And so like now I always like try not to slam the door. But like you could be, you know...

Maybe the guy wanted to talk and you didn't talk. They're saying it's almost impossible to have five just because you could accidentally even hit a button or that could be whatever. I think I'm pretty charming. Yeah, it could be that. You never left a bad review. I think it's because you sit and watch him press it.

I'll get out of the car when I see you leave. You have to tell him a sign language because you have the money up on the chair. You believe. Yeah. What did they go? It's a prayer and wear the big front seat guy. So everybody knows that they're there. They fix you up. You're like, no. And he just hops in the front. Did you have people hop in the front seat?

Yeah, now it's not allowed, right? I don't know. During COVID, they stopped letting you do that. Back then, you could. I had a guy in Michigan go, just get on up here with me. And we rode and just like, we were best friends. Mm-hmm.

I took an Uber in Pittsburgh or somewhere during COVID where it was, everything was very strict and a guy picked me up at a, at a pickup truck and there was only one, it was a two seater pickup truck. So it's just me and him with a mask on. And I go, you know, this is how every Uber work. You kind of like, can we take the mask off or whatever? And I go, can I take the mask off? And he goes, no, they're watching. I go, who's watching? He's like, see that light on top of my phone. They're looking through the camera at me.

Dusty would be like five stars. Yeah, they are watching. They might have been. I don't know. Yeah, they might have been. We kept it on. Andrew Stewart. I'm 100% on board with not donating to companies when they ask a lot of larger corporation businesses to count these donations towards their own charitable donations to get tax breaks in a year. If I'm already a customer, it seems like the least you could do is not burden me to get tax breaks. That's exactly what we were saying. I'm not into it, yeah. Andrew Stewart. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not into the extra. I'm just buying things from you, and then you're guilting me at the end to give you more things. It's emails. Brian Regan had a joke. What can I do just to pay to not have a relationship with you? Like, it's your email. Everybody's just out of control. Derek Babb. Nate and Aaron said they didn't want to give their phone number for the rewards program. Oh.

One option is to give a number that is not yours, but is likely in this system. If you know the area code, 8 6 7 5 3 0 9 is in nearly every system. Thanks to Tommy two tone. They might call you Jenny, but other than that, it is a pretty good way to still get the discount with them actually tracking you. Wow. Pretty good. There you go. And I feel like you got to always go 8 6 7 5 3 0. Like, do they, they're going to know, like, so you have to be cool with like, you'd have to say it differently. Yeah.

Eight, yeah. You go eight, six, seven. I think you sing it every time. Eight, six, seven, five. Hold on. What's the three zero nine? Eight, six, seven, five, three zero nine. You can say that. That could be enough to bring it up. Yeah. I mean, these kids won't even know these songs. They don't care. Yeah. I think you sing it every time. You go six, one, five, eight, six. You know, you really get into it, whatever it is. It would be like, how big of a show do you want to put on?

Yeah. It's how I would, you want to put on a big show? Sing the song, have a glitter ball. Some people would love it. Some people would love it. All right. All right. There we go. So I want to just give a shout out to one, a comedian, Dustin Nickerson. He wrote a book, How to Be Married, to Melissa, with his wife, Melissa.

Dustin, if you've seen me on the road, he's been with me before. He'll be with me coming up. So Dustin's very funny. And a lot of stuff about marriage. He has a bunch of kids.

And great dude. It's a great book. Great book. I read it. Skip chapter four about a sex life. But besides that, just everything else is great. So, yeah, it's great. And then I'm going to read it with my new dyslexia. There you go. Oh, yeah. Yeah. How to be married. To Melissa. Dustin. Hilarious guide to a happier, one-of-a-kind marriage. All right. So this week, what are we talking about? Talking about hotels. Hotels.

I've stayed at some really nice hotels thanks to you. And I've stayed at some really crappy hotels thanks to Comedy Zone. But when I got to stay at a hotel for the first time on the road and the Comedy Club paid for it, to me that was like, I've made it. Yeah. It's a big deal. It's exciting. I had, yeah. I have, my first, I actually know the date. It was like December 14, 2005 was the first time

like my comedy road hotel gig. And it was the first one I did. Do you remember what the room looked like? Uh, yeah, it was in Michigan. I want to say battle Creek. It's, uh,

It was, yeah, yeah, it's crazy. And I know, I had a thing where I wrote some, I wrote a note to my parents. And like, and I did it that day because it was like the first, it was like, you know, I was in my head, I'm like, I'm a comedian. I mean, I, you know, I wasn't making any really money then. But it's the idea that I was like, I cannot believe that I'm getting to stay in this hotel.

And, you know, I was like, they're paying for it. I'm not even paying for this hotel. Somebody's doing this much just to have me do comedy. Yeah. Yeah. You almost want to like, at least I want to tell the people checking me in, like, I'm doing comedy. I'm a comedian. I'm here this weekend in town doing comedy. You get to say that. You go, I'm a comedian. I'm a comedian. Yeah. And then, yeah, it was like the first time you get to really say that. And you're like, golly, did I, yeah, I flew here. Yeah. Like, you know.

It was very, very special. I remember it. Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, it's crazy. Mine was down at Stardome in Birmingham or Hoover, that courtyard by Marriott, I think. Oh, yeah. Still there. Still the hotel. Seen better days, but back then it was really nice. Right next to the gym in Nix? Yep. Oh, dude. Yep. It's great. Who were you working with? Henry Choe. All right. Yep. You know y'all's?

I was, I did, it was a comedy zone in North Carolina. I don't remember which one. I don't even know if it's open anymore, but it was, Kurt Green was the headliner, played guitar.

And terrible shows. He did fine. I bombed. But it was a nice hotel. Yeah. And it felt good. I mean, I drove so far that I probably made no money. Yeah. I know I got paid $270 that weekend for four shows. Yeah. And I think the club even hated giving me that. Yeah. Because it wasn't all my fault. It was a bad club. Yeah. You know? And I feel like there was nobody there.

So I was doing my little thing, telling fish jokes and whatnot. Yeah. I've done this since I started comedy, and this is kind of embarrassing, but it's relevant to what we're talking about. I actually keep every hotel key when I work the road. Wow. In a binder.

And on the back of every hotel key, I write where I was the day, what show I was doing, who I was with. Wow. And I get that. And I didn't have this in mind when I started. I just remember the first time I went on the road for comedy and I had the hotel key. I go, this is I just kind of threw it in a is it is there an order?

They're not in perfect order, but there is kind of a general progression through time. It's like Weed House. Your first one is 2019 or 18? There's probably a couple 2017s in there. I started in the summer of 2015. Oh, that's weird. It's weird. That's the hard part, too, because I was like, oh, 2018. I go, well, where's the ones you started with? And I forget that you started in... That's when you started. Yeah, yeah. So... This is borderline cool stuff.

slash insane it is insane i told but but i don't regret doing this because it's very fun now yeah to flip through yeah and be like i'd forgotten about some of those weekends i got the first time i worked with nate uh sure the hilton oh you're right i usually ask for the keys back yeah yeah yeah i don't think they're happy with me doing this no i'm saying i do i go can i have all your keys in case y'all try to do some dumb collection i don't want to be a part of it

I think it was really cool. Yeah. Remember the main hangar restaurant in Decatur, Illinois? I do remember the main hangar. It got the hotel key in there. You can yell that about the guy for wanting a meatless pizza. Yeah. You can probably use that doing taxes or looking up something. Or a bill. You can't remember why. You can go look at that. Right. I would say, what is the year you think you're stopping? Because I bet there's a year. And it's going to... You think I'll just stop doing that? Yeah.

Yeah, I remember wanting to do that too at the beginning. I don't think I ever did it. You would kind of do it. I got a lot of my, you know, lanyards. So I got a lot of them hung up like in this bathroom right here. And like, and they're set up and they're very cool. And it's like all the different ones. But even like that stuff when you collect, you end up just going like, all right. It's like you end up getting so many that you're like, yeah, this is a lot. Now, I don't think that's a bad thing. You have every show.

Every show where I've got a room key. Yeah, yeah. So like I'm not, like I said, that's not bad because in 25 years, it will be neat to like, if you were just collecting the keys, I'd be like, it's probably, you know, you're not going to remember. But the fact that you're writing it, I mean, it's almost like just a kind of easy journal. It's almost like a scrapbook. Yeah, I'm not against that. And if there were ever a big key shortage, you would have a valuable asset. Do you know how many you have?

No, I mean, it's a few hundred in there. Because the Guinness Book of World Records for most key cards is 922. Oh, I'm going to destroy that. You can set a world record. You've got to start losing keys throughout the weekend. Yeah. Mine was like, the thing that I have is I have note cards of my set list. And so I've always written them out on note cards. And so I have those and they go back to 2004.

And so I have, and like, there's going to be bits and pieces, not every single show, but you could go through those and you get a very decent glimpse of my career. Just because I would write where I'm at, what I'm doing, like whether it's like Boston Comedy Club or, you know, and then starting on the road and I kind of write now on the road. And so I'll just write like where I'm playing.

But I get a little lazy with that where I'll use the same card, especially when I'm not writing the new hour and I'm kind of just messing with the order maybe. And I'll have the same card. I could have it for a month. I'm not rewriting it every show. I try to do the big shows or the city. I did one for The Beacon. Ones that I know, all right, when I go back and look at this in 10 years, it's going to be my first time I played The Beacon. But I have a lot of comedy clubs. So that's my kind of version of it.

You keep a straight up diary, right? I keep a... Yeah, I didn't know if I ever told you that. I keep a journal. It makes me feel better than say diary, but I've been keeping it since 1995. Wow. And I write in it every night. So that's what, 27 years? Wow. And I look back...

What I was doing a year ago, five years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago. Yeah. Every five years, 15, 20, 25, see what I was doing. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Saddest book ever written. Just progressively gets worse. Yeah.

No, it makes me realize. I'm going to go fast forward. When does the squirrel section start? I got ahead in 2022, the early squirrels. Yeah, it makes you realize, though, things that were so important to you at the time just don't matter. Yeah, yeah.

You think it's going to be life or death, and it's just not. How long of an entry do you do every day? I mean, just what I do. I don't write about my thoughts and feelings. I just literally write down what I did that day. Like today would be, I went to the podcast. Yeah. I mean, hopefully something else will happen. You want something else to, what else do you want to have happen? I don't know. I mean, something that I don't do every week. Like we're going to go do a radio interview when we leave here. I'll add that as well. Just stuff like that. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think, no, I was joking. I think it's great. And it's, uh, cause then you get to see, it's going to be, I mean, it's a click when you write your memoirs, uh, you'll be able to do it and know exactly where you're at and where you're at. I liked it. Cause you told me something where like, Hey, we were at this thing. Oh yeah. This, I do that all the time with people and it really annoys them. But, and they're always like, how would you know that? You're going to have to decide, am I going to tell them that I do this dumb thing? But,

I've been writing a diary. I keep it under my bed. My wife doesn't know about it. If you mind, don't tell anybody. I've congratulated a lot of friends on their anniversary and they had no idea. Hey, sorry about your dad passing away 15 years ago today. What? Yeah. What? Good. Were you there? Did they start investigating you? Yeah.

They're like, thanks for the update. I actually had forgotten. Yeah, exactly. I ruined their day. Like, hey man, sorry about that. I think Brian Bates might have something to do with my dad's death 15 years ago. He texts me about it every year. Every year. How would he remember that? How would he know unless he was the cause?

uh i used to journal a bit when i was a drinker and you could always tell when i was drunk like i would be really angry and i didn't want to forget what had happened to me so i would write it and it would be just so sloppy and so mad looking and then the next day you're like you know you're like i'm writing details like never talk to cory again like i'm five years old but i'm just drunk yeah

The dedication it takes is good. I think that's something that's like... Absolutely. It's like to be able to continue to do it. I think college is a bit of that where it's like, well, can you even get through it? And it's like, so just even the dedication to enter that stuff is pretty wild. And to see that, but then it is crazy that you could go through it. And yours would be interesting to be, you quit Channel 5,

And then you start comedy. And then now have a baby. I mean, it would be... Like, if you read it, you'd be like, well, there's... It'd be a pretty crazy story. There's no signs that, like, a baby's gonna come. Yeah.

If you read it, you'd be like, I think these pages got out of order. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I'm reading it backwards. Yeah. When you quit Channel 5, was there more of a writing than that or just go, quit Channel 5 today and I'll walk the dog? Yeah, I write details about it. Just bullet points, went to the store, quit job. Yeah.

I mean, there's certain events in my life, sure, that I write. Like when I had a baby and stuff like that. But 15 years ago is when I started comedy. So now when I look back each night, often it's like just some first time I did Zany's, first time I did this or that. Bombed at jazz and jokes. It'll be a few years later and I'll get paid for a gig. Yeah. It definitely keeps you thinking only about yourself. So that's good. And...

Did you hear the part where I contact people and tell them sorry about your dead dad that they forgot? Before you go to bed every night, you just see where you were 5 to 10 to 15. So every night, you think about yourself. You go to bed, you only think about, well, how was I doing? Well, I'll start journaling about you. No, it's not about – it's about saying – like –

I'm half joking, but it is funny. So you read it before you go to bed? Yes. So every night before you, your last thoughts are about yourself. Yeah. Before you go to sleep. All right. That's true. Yeah. This makes the most sense. I mean, this is all coming together for me. Five, you know. Or, yeah, or you're writing. Yeah, I mean, I just think it's to write so-and-so's dad passed away. It's like, that's a...

I don't know. It's a weird thing to think about. Well, it's what he did though. So a funeral would be in there because it'd be a big event. So it's like, that's not a normal. You would only write if you got invited to a funeral. That's not how funerals work. Every day. Yeah, you don't get invited to funerals. Save the date. Okay, okay. I don't know.

That's why I've never been to one, I guess. I get nervous, though, like if you... I've not gotten the invite yet. Yeah, you go, golly. You've never been to a funeral? I guess when I was younger, I was drug along, but... Yeah. You thought y'all were invited to it, like a wedding? I don't know how they work. Yeah. I just think you can't allow everybody to come, right?

I could at least one a week. I mean, you want the, how many people in your life now that you are happy they died and you're like, Oh, I thought, cause you thought they weren't inviting you. So then you're just leaving. You're like, well, I'm glad he didn't make it. Yeah. And you don't like that person. Yeah. No invite. No invite. You're like,

My sister did a thing where she got like all mad about her grandmother died and she posted on Facebook. Not your grandmother either. No. Yeah. Different. You know. I mean, that's so, you're like, my sister, this sounds like a tabloid after that. Yeah. Well, my sister's, so my sister's grandmother died and we're just bam, bam, bam. She's around the kitchen table talking to, you know, like my dad, but her brother. And then we, you know. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And she posted on Facebook that, oh, nobody could send me the details of my grandma's funeral. And then her cousin got all mad at her. And it was like, I thought that is, I thought somebody does send you some details, let you know what's happening. Well, if a family, I'd imagine, is kind of broken up or if there's fighting amongst the family, I think stuff can get real weird. Yeah.

And I'm not saying that's happened in this case, but I think you could be where it's like, if there's money or there's a house or there's like, you know, like, especially when there's like a lot of, it seems like there's always seems to be trouble when there's divorce and, and that kind of thing. And like, uh,

And then you're trying to figure out where everything's going to go and who's going to get what. I think that's what, you know, I'd imagine those are the problems that happen. Yeah. There's probably, yeah. I mean, probably a lot of stuff like that. It doesn't help to say my sister's grandmother died and you have no emotion towards it to be like, and big, I wonder what the problem is, but well, we could locate it pretty easily.

I at least know the door we should open first, and then I think the problem would be maybe a door behind it, maybe in the room. Yeah, she posted it on Facebook. So there was information available. You only talking to her through Facebook is great, and that's how you get all of the information about your sister. I was just reading about my...

It is easy to keep up, though. Yeah. You don't really have to. I don't look at Facebook at all anymore, and I haven't for a long time. But I kind of do want to go back to it. I wouldn't mind going to Facebook just because you do want to see what your people are up to and what they're doing. It's definitely changed class reunions because now you kind of know what people are doing, kind of keep up with their kids even if you've never met them. Yeah, yeah. You kind of know what they all look like too, right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You're going to know. But I have a lot of my high school that I would love because I'm not on Facebook, so I don't see all their kids. And I would like to see how many kids they got, how old are the kids now, especially now. I mean, their kids are – some of them are teenagers, and so it would be fun to – Some are grown. I mean, you could. I mean, they could – some of them have grown kids. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, girls I knew that like, you know, didn't graduate high school. Like they have kids that are like. Graduated high school. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is true. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, one thing about your key card, if you're going to set the world record, it could deter you is a lot of hotels now are going to digital key cards. Have you done this? Yeah, I actually love it. It's upsetting for my collection, but I have the Hilton app now where I just check in on the app and then I can just go straight to my room. I don't even have to go to the front.

Oh, I didn't know about that. You've not shared that info with me. Oh, yeah. Check in. Get the room on the app. I feel like it's never worked out when I've tried it. Every time I've tried it, it's never worked out. It says, like, come to the front desk or something. Yeah, it's like, or it's, yeah. And then a few times I've tried it, it didn't work, and then I just was like. Gave up on it. Yeah, I gave up on it.

It's pretty cool. It's four out of five times it works, no problem for us. And then you just, do you have to open the app every time or just you hold your phone? Every time you open the app, it'll detect whether you're close to a door. So if you're outside, it'll be like, you're near the hotel entrance. Press a button and then it'll unlock. Oh, okay. And then it'll detect that you're near your room. It'll say, want to unlock your room. That's cool. I don't like that. You don't like that? No. That's true. Because the problem is, well, who else can get in that room? Right.

Who else is hacked in the app? But anybody in the hotel can get in that room. Yeah. And if they can hack your phone to get into your room, then they can just probably easily hack the Holiday Inn you're staying at and get the keys from your room. Like, they're going to get in your room. It just seems like there's a lot more going into it to hack the key system and make a key. Yeah.

I mean, I don't think there's, I feel like. They probably just knock on the door and go, maintenance. Exactly. I've let them in, no problem. Yeah, there's, I feel like if you, like sometimes with a conspiracy, you got to do the conspiracy versus the comfort and the ease. Yes. And this is one that you just go with the ease because you're like, if they're going to get in there, they're getting in there. And like, so you would just give up

and be like that one I'm going to let slide. Yeah. Well, it is true. I mean, it's like, yeah, I mean, you just go, they just come in, do whatever they want to do. Yeah. Yeah. I stay at hotels usually where 50% of the time my key cards not going to work because it's next to my phone and I have to go back to front desk. Yeah. Say that's a,

Big issue. Yeah. Well, I love hotels. I mean, I went for a long time. I lived in an attic apartment with a, it was very uncomfortable and hotels would be better than my own house. Yeah. And I was like, I loved even a raggedy hotel. I'm like, this is great. But I've been, I've been like, what's some, some of the worst hotels you guys have been in? I mean, if your door opens up to the parking lot, it's not a good hit to start. That's what I was about to say. It's a motel. Yeah. Yeah. And I've done those. Um,

I mean, I've stayed... Yeah, I'm trying to think of any that stand out. Aaron and I have a comedian friend who just got bed bugs.

That's right. Yeah. So thankfully, I don't think that's ever happened. He got lit up by these bed bugs. Was it a bad hotel, though? It was not a good... I mean, I won't say the exact one, but it was a Super 8. Yeah. I was like, you're trying to protect them? Yeah. Well, I don't want to throw the club. Super 8 is not a place that you want to be. I don't like Super 8. I guess there could be a good one, but... Yeah, there could be a good one. That's like Red Roof Inn. There could be some good ones. Yeah, I don't like that one. Red Roof Inn has some that are like...

Yeah, you've told me that. I haven't seen those. The one I went to was in Midland, Texas. And that was the one that was redone. But you could occasionally get, you know, one. Like the Courtyard Marriott's. Those can be either unreal or terrible. That same Super 8 where it was Caleb Elliott got the bed bugs. He started to give up more and more. I want to protect him. I don't want to give too much. He weighed 145 pounds. But...

But that same hotel, I stayed at that same hotel during COVID. They gave me one. There was one towel in the room. And I went down and I said, can I get another towel? And they go, we gave you one.

Yeah. And I was like, well, yeah, I'd like several. That's kind of the, one of the better parts of a hotel. Yeah. And they said, well, the way we're doing it now because of COVID, bring your dirty towel down and we'll give you a clean one in exchange. Oh, that's great. They use COVID for everything. You're the only hotel in the world doing this. Yeah. I've never heard of it. And that seems like how you, I thought that's how COVID got started. Yeah.

was walking around with your dirty towel and sending it on the front desk. Yeah. And then he slides it off the front desk and it rubs on the keys and the paper and then they hand you the new towel. Same hand hands you a new towel. And then he rubs his head and he goes, God, when are we going to stop doing this towel stuff anymore? And then he's like, next. How are you doing? Handsome keys. Handsome keys.

You collect the keys, bring them back to a super spreader. Now it's on the podcast. Now it's on the podcast. Oh, man. Have you ever accidentally taken something from the hotel room that you weren't supposed to, like took it home with you or stole it? I've told one hotel I was going to take their pillow, but I forgot to do it.

Their pillow was so good. I actually took a... I might have taken them one pillow from a hotel. But I think they knew about it. And the more I think about that, that probably wasn't good. I mean, when I was younger, I used to steal the towels all the time. Like, that was the thing. It felt like you go to the hotel and it's like, that's what you do. Yeah. Well, yeah. You've never seen an indoor place. So... Right, right. We were like... Yeah. The... Yeah, I've taken towels. Like, not a ton. Like, it's occasional. Like, or something. I...

I mean, barely. Barely if I have. I haven't done it much. I mean, I used to rake in all the shampoos and soaps. I was like, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm like, I got to draw it. That stuff's a lot. I think a lot. It is a lot, but it's like, why? Why are we taking all this? A roll of toilet paper. Throw that in the suitcase. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I got an extra roll there. You figure that's factored in probably in what I paid for for this room. They thought this guy would go through two rolls. Yeah.

They see me walking. Yeah, they walk. He's about to ask for seven towels. Let me guess. And they just give you toilet paper too. And you're like, why didn't I ask for that? He goes, come on, man. He goes, come on. Look at yourself. All right, I'll take it. I'll take it.

I thought this was my toilet paper. Yeah. I didn't know this, but a lot of hotels track their towels. They put a microchip in their towels and they know where their towels go. Is that true? I don't believe that. Well, all right. If they can put how much money... According to this. There's no way it's worth the money to microchip a towel that it would cost just to buy the towel. That's got to be a good towel. Yeah, it's got to be...

Like, I don't see how there's... Or microchips are a lot cheaper than I've been led to believe. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, I mean, these are the cheap kind of guests. But it says 2,000 hotels do this. Whoa. They're not going to follow you home to get it, but they may put it on your bill if you take it home with you. I think there's part of the thing that's a lie. And then they, if they... Where are you microchipping? How hard that is going to be? I could see a robe. I could see a robe.

Even a better way to do it is just go in the room and go, we left four. There's only three here now. Yeah. Yeah. They said 20% of hotel linens was just disappearing. Not just for people stealing it, for just various things. The staff, it just disappeared. And it cost them so much money, they started tracking them by putting these little chips on them. Oh. I think the staff, so you got to watch. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. They're taking those things home. I don't know. You got to say, yeah.

I think I'd rather a towel from an older hotel than a newer hotel. Why is that? I think sometimes the newer towels, they're like too new or like if you go stay somewhere nice and it's like they're not, they don't dry off. Like a nice beaten up towel is what dries you off. Like you can use your towels. It's like you want them. Laura bought these fancy towels.

And we started trying to use them. And I mean, it was like, well, I'll just get back in the shower and dry off. Yeah. Because it was pointless. They're so fluffy. It just rubs it around. It rubs it. Yeah. It just smears on you. And you go, I'd rather, there's no reason for this. Some of the worst towels I've ever seen in my life. You've got to break them in. Yeah.

Yeah. But you're like, but it's, it's never going to break in. You'd have to wash them a hundred times. You want a little bit like sandpaper. Like it, you want a little bit, you know? Yeah. Well, get out of the bathroom. You're bleeding a little bit. You're like, right. You know, it's not a bad thing. You know, the driest you've ever been in your life.

I did a club in Columbus, Georgia, and they put me at a hotel like that, doors to the parking lot, and the towels were like sandpaper. Sorry, I know this exact hotel. Yeah, the coffee pot. I don't know why I thought I was going to make coffee, but it was just a shell. There was no mechanical things inside of it. Yeah. And then there were two hand towels.

thrown over the shower where the last person had just thrown them up there and they had not they didn't see those in the cleaning it was a sweet and sour packet on the floor when i checked in i think the staff was just in there eating lunch yeah and they just dropped it and they were like ah these people don't care yeah

Is that that econo log? I think so. I don't remember what, but it was, yeah, connected to whatever the loft was. You have the key for it? I probably do. That's probably a real key, a physical key. What happens if you get a physical key?

Then I don't put it in. I've only gotten that a couple times. You don't stay in that hotel. Are you going to know how to find this real quick? I'm going to find it real quick. Okay. I mean, I'm not going to take a lot of time. I don't know if on 40 minutes you're over there reading your- Yeah, if it's a real kid. Where did Aaron go during the podcast? How do I try to find it? I'll talk to you all in a little bit. Yeah. I mean, I've stayed at that hotel twice. I mean, there was a guy hanging out of his door all night, halfway out. I felt like he was like-

you know, looking for the drug deal or whatever. But don't you kind of want that if you're out there smoking cigars? I like it a little bit shady. You know what I mean? Like I want people to be okay with me smoking cigars outside, but not, you know, joining me. Yeah. Yeah. You don't hear them. Yeah. You don't hear them, uh,

in your room searching your pocket for change you're like well that's too much yeah yeah i like a little shady like i don't want to look like the worst one at the hotel yeah and it's sometimes i am yeah oh i can imagine i like to see you go no luck no i gave up pretty quick when a hotel is too fancy i'm like i don't even want this put me next to the airport yeah see i can see the future

In the future, I knew we were not going to get this card and you were just going to waste the time of looking for it. There's no, like, unless you knew the date or something. There's no... I have a ballpark idea of

Yeah. Of when it happened. And then you got to look at my journal. You're right. Yeah. Not great. I trust him finding it before. That's probably true. Yeah. It's not great podcasting for sure. I apologize for that. Looking through a binder for a visual. That meant nothing. Trade his hotel key cards. No.

If anybody's at home, what's his binder look like? It looks like a baseball card. Yeah, it's baseball card sleeves. The thing about that hotel was the guy running the front desk, real hip, young dude, and the front desk, very nice. They had it really fixed up. Oh, they do, yeah. But once you leave that front and go to the back, I mean, it just gets worse the further you go back.

Well, the people that go there, stay there, all have mullets and their life is like that. So the top looks good and the back looks a little wild. That's true. That is true. You feel at home. You feel at home because you walk in and you go, yeah, the front is nice. I take a picture. I can hide it. I can wear a tuxedo. It looks amazing. But as I walk by, you're like, I'm pretty good time too. And I might go through your closet.

And so... That's what the hotel should be called, the mullet. The mullet. The mullet lodge. It's good in the front, bad in the back. Yeah. Yeah. Where do you want to stay? Front or back? I'd like to stay in the front. In the front, yeah. And the level would be, if it's a full mullet, it's good. But if you're like, what's the back? You're like, it's a rat tail. And you're like, oh, no, that's going to be a real bad one. Yeah, that's where the real party's at. But you won't make it out of there. You won't make it out of there. Yeah. Yeah, it's...

Yeah. The hotels are, I mean. I don't want to be at a hotel. You can't smoke out here. Yeah. You know, not at all in the city. I've had that before. Like there's no, I tried to buy a cigar in New York city and I was like, can I just go somewhere and smoke? He's like, you can't smoke at all in the city. Oh really? Like even walking around? Yeah. Do you get a real big one or a little one?

you know, somewhere in between. I don't like one that's like, what's going on here? But I don't want to look like I'm smoking. Well, like, Vecchione smokes little ones. And like, so you could probably do a little one. I don't like a little one that looks like a cigarette. Yeah. Or like a, what are those? Cloves? Yeah. I'm not trying to go with clove. Yeah. Well, whatever you're doing is very cool. Uh,

Well, it is very cool, but I agree with that. I'd always wondered what happened to the hotel soap that we use just a little bit and what do they do with it? There's an organization called Clean the World that collects all the hotel soaps. They melt them down and repurpose them and send them to third world countries and places in need that don't have soap. So they're using our old soap? Well, I guess they melt it down. I mean, the soap that we used, I guess, went on our bodies and

Yeah. I always wondered, could soap be dirty? Right? Because you have a bar of soap, but if you give it a once over. Yeah, Jay Moore had a very funny joke about that.

A long time ago. About soap never being dirty? On a special... It might be one of his big jokes about, yeah, like, you better hope it's... Saying it's magical. Yeah. You know, and it probably was dirty. I don't remember. But it was... You know, it's like you're washing, like, your underarms, and then you go in behind your dad, and you wash your face with that soap. Like, you better hope it's magical. Oh, yes. Because you're just... You know, you're all using the same soap. And so, I mean, yeah, I guess they give it, you know...

give it to third world countries. Yeah. I think they melt it down and repurpose it and kind of, uh, but it's just, it, I mean, you could feel like we could, if it's clean and it works, you could just reuse it for us too. Yeah. Like, yeah, I think they should just put it back in the wrapper. There's a lot of, yeah, there's, I think they do that. We ever see, uh, you got the conditioner bottle or something like that. It's not all the way full. You're like, they ain't changing that out. Like, uh,

But I use, because I'm a big, I want, I do lotion. Now I bring my own lotion. But I've always, I'm a big lotion guy. I put lotion on multiple times a day. And then, and conditioner. And I always want conditioner. And they stop giving lotion at a lot of places. At hotels. You can ask for it. Some of them, yeah. They stop putting it out by default?

Yeah. Yeah. And it's something you would ask. And then it's like they were just like got rid of it. I'm sure it's COVID. They probably didn't say so. Yeah. Well, COVID and you're rubbing it on your you're like, what? I tell you, if I would if I could change two things about hotels, it would be one. Just put the shampoo and the conditioner in the shower. Yeah.

I like that. It's always by the sink. Yeah. And you're like, well, who's shampooing at the sink? Yeah. You gotta carry it from the sink to the shower. It's a lot of stuff. Yeah. And you forget and then the floor is wet. Yeah. No, no, I understand. It's true. But I've seen some people do that and then some, I know what you mean. Yeah. Just have it and the other thing, and this is a change of the subject a little bit, I don't understand why we have to make the bed, you have to tuck it in so tight. Yeah. I understand it looks nice.

But I've about sprained an ankle trying to kick my feet up. Packed in the... Yeah. So there's a whole Seinfeld episode about this. Do you know that? No. Yeah. So... Tucker... Yeah. George Sanja asks... He wants his untucked. Okay. And Jerry wants his whatever the normal way it is. Yeah. And so... And then it's a whole... They ask him to... But like they're...

It is because they, why is it so tight? Yeah. All that kind of stuff. So, yeah, you can. I mean, I think you could probably say don't, or you don't, you get your room clean the whole time?

No, I've always... Twice a day. I've only done that like once. I've only had my room cleaned like once. Oh, I get mine cleaned every time. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Every day? Every day. I like it. You come back, it's like a brand new hotel. And so... I like it to feel lived in a little bit. Huh? Oh, it's lived in.

It's the most lived in. It's lived in, baby. I don't like to be reminded of how lived in it is. I have a problem sleeping on the bed when you can feel the body. You can feel where most people sleep. Yeah. Because you're going to notice it and you'll never go back. Everybody will notice now. But when you go one side, it's like you rolled into a little –

And you're like, that's where it's usually the side in front of the TV, the side, the obvious side. And so it's a side, you're going to pick it without even realizing it. And I just nuzzle right up in there. Yeah. But then go on the other side. And then as you climb up that hill and you come up, you know, you got like a, what's that rope called? When you go...

What's it? Rock climbing? Yeah, rappel. Something like that. Yeah, but you're like, when you get up that rope, I mean, sometimes you go, it's a climb. It's like you have to use muscles to get out of that valley just to get to the top. And so once you notice that, that's hard to sleep on that side because you just are like, golly, man, thousands and thousands of people that the bed is deformed into this is where they sleep. And sometimes you care. And then, I mean, you're awake. You roll over in the middle of the night and take a little...

take a little dive down to the Valley and you get a little breeze first brief fall. Just, Ooh, golly, I felt you just settle down in the bottom. In the pesticide world, we used to sell, uh,

bed bug killer yeah and so we would have these annual meetings and some of these real uh insane guys would bring their own bed bug killer with them and and they would just get real intense about it they would be telling everybody how to lift up the sheets and look at the mattress and it's just like i don't think it's that serious right it happens obviously yeah um but talk to mike vecchione

Mike Vecchione had to move out of his house because of bed bugs 10 years ago, and he's still to this day. I mean, he goes into the bed. He checks in his hotel, puts all his suitcase and everything in the bathtub, gets completely naked, and then does his check for bed bugs. Every hotel he goes to. Wow. He calls to see if they have bed bugs. He also says he asked, he goes, can I get one of the rooms checked?

that doesn't have bed bugs in some hotels you say that and they're like none of them have them you give the guy 20 bucks and then he's like alright and then like and like so you could they're like you know just a room that hasn't had them like you know they know the rooms that have had them and had not had them

And he's crazy about it. I read that most people put their luggage on their bed as soon as they walk in a hotel room. But they said, don't do that because if there is bed bugs, now they're in your luggage and you'll bring them home with you. They said, put your luggage, what he does, put it in the bathroom. I put it on the luggage rack. Yeah. It said, don't even do that.

They're on the luggage rack? It said just inspect. Could be. Expect first. Yeah. I think you can't escape it. I think it's one of those that you're... Yeah. It's like, if it's going to happen, it's because it's... You can't just... You know, you got to fly in a day early to do your... Fuck.

The bug check. Recon on the bed bugs. Yeah, when I was a kid, bed bugs was just a prayer that we said before bed. You remember that? Yeah. Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. And then now, we acted like it was a joke. They weren't even a real thing. And now all of a sudden, it's like we spoke them into existence. Have you had them before, Dusty? No, I don't think so. Okay, well, your tone's going to change.

Well, I'm not saying I want them. He would maybe never know if he's had them. Well, that's true. I have been bitten up by chiggers before and fleas. Yeah. Yeah, they'll get you. They'll get you for sure. It's terrifying. I've had bed bugs at my house once, and you start reading about them, and they're terrifying. They don't come out until they know you're asleep. Yeah. So they're hard to draw out to see that they're there. You don't just fake snore? Why don't you get...

Why don't you lay in bed and get a nap that snores and you lay there with all your clothes on and then you see him like come out and he's like, I think he's asleep. Because he's still, he's still. Yeah. He's got his sleep apnea on. He's got his CPAP machine on. Yeah. Oh, he's out. He's out. He's out. You know how it gets. Let's go out. And then you're like, I'm not asleep. And then what would you do? I don't know.

stab them or something. I don't know. Where did y'all do? Move? No, you just throw the mattress out. You just start over. You're just worried about, you know, they're all in my clothes now. They're in the carpet. You can't see them. They got foggers. I think you just fog the house. You can fog the house. That's a lot of, you know. Just fog it out. Then they're just dead in your house.

That's true. Yeah. Then they're just kind of dead somewhere. But it's a reminder to any new bed bugs that come along. They're like, oh, this is happening before. We're not afraid of fogging. Yeah. It's letting them know, like, this is what we do. Keep a little fogger on the nightstand. There you go. I'm used to it now. I'll sleep with it. A little light comes on, you're asleep, and the light comes on just to let them know that that is the future. Like one of those...

Vic rubs or whatever. Vapor Vic? Vapor. You know, you sleep with a purifier or whatever. Ours is just a straight up fog. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm so used to it. No eucalyptus in this. It's straight fog. Yeah. You will get a headache at my house. Welcome to the show. Yeah, you're going to lose your vision. Yeah. You won't taste and you're going to be an inch shorter, but welcome to the show.

because now no bed bugs I promise you like so much so that they're yeah

In Myrtle Beach, we used to sell a ton of Bed Bug Killer. Yeah. I mean, a ton of it. So it was not in Hilton Head. I saw somebody mention they were in Hilton Head. Yeah. No Bed Bug Killer down there. Oh, wow. Didn't move. Very nice. Yeah. I mean, of the two of you, I would have guessed Dusty would have been more likely the one that had bed bugs. I think Dusty could currently live with them. Yeah. We just got to make a friendship. Yeah. Like, listen, we don't all have a place to live right now. Yeah. Let's come together. You know, Bed Bug Bikes, Bed Bug Bites. Yeah.

That was tough to say. They only show up on a certain number of people. Yeah. Like some people, he could be getting lit up every night and never know it because his skin doesn't react. Yeah. I wonder if that's true. Like if you grow up with no money and you grow up in like poor conditions, so you're just used to it, where Aaron comes from ivory blood. Right. And so he can't like hit. I mean, he just gets lit up because it's like his beautiful –

skin and rich blood can't even handle. So you're in bed watching Frost Nixon. Yeah. And you're like, what is that? And you're like, Kyle, you're just getting eaten up. And then I'm in... It's a real princess and the pea situation. There's more bugs than Beth. I'm in bed eating watermelon. Like he's... I mean, the bed bags, that's where...

They don't. It's just a bed of bugs. It fills that gap where everybody else has been sleeping. It's just bed bugs right there. Yeah, yeah.

Since the, after the Las Vegas shooting, most hotels now, even if you put the don't disturb sign on your door, after 72 hours, they're going to go in, make sure everything's okay. At least give them a heads up, let them know what the hours are. That's smart. I got five more hours to get this done. And now they go. Maybe you see a weird guy check in with a bunch of weird bags, odd shaped bags. You're like, let's maybe just see what's happening with that. Well, he gets three days. What were you going to say?

Well, nowadays they'll say, hey, just so you know, we're not going to clean the room unless you ask for it. Yeah. So I don't think they have enough people to be popping in. Yeah, they'll put an eco-friendly sign and say, we're trying to preserve. They'll give you a point if you use the same towel or something. Will they? Really? Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah, they're trying to say we need saving water if you don't wash stuff, which I don't use all towels.

They're wearing me down with this water thing. It's like, you know, eventually you just start thinking about it and you're like, I guess. I mean, I got, I drink this, I get this like squeeze water bottle now.

and then uh like it's like you go to like not caring to then you just see it so much that you're like what do you mean exactly like you just think about it like you drink at a water bottle and i'm still not cold i still drink at water bottles but it's like you you've kind of i've started being like well let's maybe not try to have water bottles you know it just wears the plastic yeah yeah or any of it like you left you know lights on like i mean i could walk out a hotel room i

TV on, light on, like, you know. And then you're like, let me make sure I turned it off or didn't use every, you know.

Our friend, Bonnie Mitchell has a great joke when he's at a hotel, he turns the shower up hot as it can go. AC up cold as it can go. It just leaves. Yeah. Because he can. Yeah. And he comes back and there's like inclement weather in the hotel. Yeah. I think that you get older, you just start to care about stuff. It could be that. You're like, I don't want to, there's no need to waste it. Yeah. Maybe it's that. You're like, I don't care. And it ain't going to hurt me, but I don't want to waste it. Yeah.

I read, though, leave your TV on just to deter people breaking into your hotel room if they think you might be in there. I would hope the whole hotel system would deter that. I know. I mean, you know, I don't know if I also, I don't know if you're in the right hotel and they're like, I'd lock your cars. Yeah.

Consider whatever's in there is gone. You know what? I'm going to just leave them unlocked so they won't break the windows. And I'll leave your TV on and lights on because one of you will get broken. They take groups of 20 up. One of you will be visibly attacked tonight. So leave your TVs on, whatever. Don't get your room clean. It could be an inside job. All right. Yeah.

Good luck, everybody. Thanks for staying at Marriott. Well, that's what I feel about staying and letting people come in to clean the room, right? We're just assuming everybody's trustworthy. But I get to the point, there's part, if they stole something, I'd be like, all right. There's part of me that's like, I don't know if I have anything in there that if they would be, it'd be like, you can have it. I bring my Xbox on the road with me now.

Didn't you used to take a full computer with you on the road? Yeah, before I had a laptop, I would take, I had a MacBook, I had a Mac, I don't know what you call it, but. A real computer. Yeah, that I would take. Like a desktop. Yeah, and I'd set it up in there. Yeah, because I could get work done, but I didn't have a laptop.

So you traveled with a big... Oh, yeah. You had to plug it in. Well, it was just the MacBook. So you just got to plug... Or the Mac. So it wasn't like a tower too. Yeah. But still, it was a lot. I mean, it was... I had a... A keyboard and mouse. Yeah. You had a full setup. Yeah. I mean, it was a hassle. But once you got it set up, every time I was like, I'm glad I did this. Yeah. And then you sent off an email and said... Done. Can I get a non-smoking room? And then you get...

Where are the doors at in this? You're asking the club? Hey, just curious question. Where are the doors at on this hotel? Are they in the parking lot or are they not in the, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I mean, it's hard. Like, I've been to hotel. I've been to so many bad hotels. I've been to hotels where they're like, oh, the elevator's not working this weekend. Oh, yeah. I just had that with, I talked about the airport, and they have so much escalator problems. What is happening? Which airport? It was when I came home, Nashville was, and then when I was in Phoenix-

I left my iPad on a plane this past weekend. I ended up going on a PXG hat. I went to Scottsdale. Did some of PXG.

But then I left my iPad on a plane. I've been tracking it, and it was like, it says it's still at the Phoenix airport. It's not. No one's found it. And then one time we were found, and I was like, right when I get back to the airport, I was gone 24 hours. I get back to Phoenix airport, I'm tracking it, and I'm like, it's still here. So I go ask and try to find it, and then I...

then I'm like I know it's here then I watched it and it looked like it was like under the runway and so they're like that looks like where the cleaning's at like so I guess there's cleaning something under the runway I don't know so we're calling no one tracks it and then it was like then like I mean literally like 30 minutes later I'm like now it's in like you know like 20 minutes from Phoenix's airport I'm like and I was like almost like I'm gonna maybe call this

Because it was next to an auto. It was an auto shop. And I was like, I'm going to call this auto shop. Maybe they have it. And then it was in California. I was like, oh, it's on the plane. But I mean, I was like, I wonder if I drove down there and said like, hey, well, yeah. I mean, I literally thought this. I know you got my laptop here. And then it's just in California. And you're like, well, now, I bet. I bet it's on the plane. Anyone here have an iPad by chance? Yeah, because I find that hard to believe. Yeah.

DJ Auto Shop in Phoenix, you're going to tell me because look at this. And it's in Alaska. And you're like, well, how'd it get there? Michelangelo car shop. Yeah. But the escalator, a thing was broke there. The down ones are being broke all the time. I just don't understand. I don't know what happens either. I mean, it just seems like it's just running like this. I think Americans are getting fatter. That's probably not helping. No, I don't think that's metal.

It's a pretty hard thing. I've seen people do things to metal. They are pretty rough on an escalator, I bet. Because people just get on there and they just stand. No, no, I think the rough ones. The walking sidewalks. No, I think the fatter people are treating them better. They ride it. It's the, yeah. Like it's a ride.

Right, yeah. Yeah, they're not beating it up. They're enjoying it. They're enjoying it. Fat people love escalators. I mean, I ride. I don't ride the walkway, but I'm saying they're the ones taking the most care of it. Right, yeah. And it's the ones that are stopping and going. As you see a lot of that where I got caught behind...

that they like stopped to ride it. And then I had this one girl, I got off and was like, I'll just walk down the middle because I think it'll be quicker. And then she passed me on it. You're like, well, you were camping out on the last one. Yeah. And not moving. And now you're sprinting on it. Yeah. So that person goes from being a nightmare to a nightmare that passes just 50 people. Yeah.

I can't handle hanging out on the move-in sidewalk. Oh, yeah. I can't handle it. Yeah, it's like sometimes there's a side. Who has that? Have that much time. Even if you have that much time, why do you want to spend it there? I'll tell you who has that much time at an airport. You're looking at him right there. That guy's never walked on anything moving in his life. But why would you want to spend it there? At least get to a seat and then sit down. He's right here. Ask him. Why would you want to spend it there? Do you stand on the move-in sidewalk? No, I walk.

Do you walk slow, though? Yeah, I don't run. Yeah. Pick up a pace. Yeah. I like to go as fast as possible. I find it, like, so fun to pass people. Yeah. I mean, it's like a game for me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like, I walk on it. I don't walk down the stairs, like, unless I was in a big hurry. But if escalator down, I just ride it. Okay. Unless I'm in, like, you know. But you stay to the right. Yeah, I would stay. I'd get out of raceway. I'm aware of what's going on around me.

Yeah, some people are not. It is wild. That's the difference. Some people... It happens that you don't. You know, they just kind of live like this.

I mean, that was the whole cow incident. That's what I got in trouble saying, being aware. It's like if you're aware, your life becomes super easy because you just watch it. I just saw it again somewhere. It was, golly, what was it? Even just ways to go in somewhere. We went to church this past Sunday.

And so we haven't done it forever. And we need, you know, of course, need to be going and never home. But even my buddy that I went with, he was like, go this other way. No one really goes in and this way. And it was very easy to get in and out that other way. And you're like, well, everybody goes in the main way. And you're even like little stuff.

I love you for church. In and out, real quick, won't have to see anybody. It's not about not seeing anybody. It's just no one wants to... Unless you're rooting for traffic, which I believe you are. It's the idea of just saying... Are you talking about in your car? Yes. Oh, I thought you were talking about walking in. Even walking in, you could just be like, you'll be coming to the side. It's easy. No one's there. We get to our seat. And then I don't care about... I saw plenty of people. It was the first time in this church.

I saw a lot of people. And then, but it's not about seeing, I like walking. I don't even mind walking. You know, like, you know, it's like, but I'm just saying like. I hate to be in a line. Most people don't want to be in a line. I would imagine. I don't, you like a line. So people beat me into a, beat me into a burrito restaurant. They ran all fast to beat me in there. And then they had like 10 orders. I'm like, I got a quick thing here. Why did you, they like raided

They saw I had a kid, and they ran in. It's always like the receptionist at a nursing place. Yeah. They got 15 orders. They're all hardcore looking. You know what I mean? They're bending over the thing, pointing over the glass. If you have that, and there's a single behind you, then you go, hey, you should go ahead. But there's a point you got to stop it. So I understand, too. They can't be like, all right, well, I'm not going to ever get this order in. Mm-hmm.

if I keep letting people through. But that's the balance that you play in your head and think about every situation with a lot, you know, put a lot of effort in. But that's also people have jobs and they have kids and they don't have time as a comedian like us to worry about this kind of thing. That's true. So I understand that. Like our job is literally to only worry about that kind of thing. Yeah. So where I'm hyper-focused on all of this when other people are, and we're doing it so much, you know. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

The reason they use white bed sheets is they say it gives a halo effect and makes the room seem more new and brighter. And also, the towels are white, so they can put them all on the same washing machine. See, I always thought that was so that they couldn't hide stains.

Well, I think they want to hide things. But you shouldn't be able to hide. I stayed in one. They weren't hiding them. Oh, no? Yeah. I called. That was the only time. Usually, I would just sleep to the other side. You would do all this stuff. And this one was like, well, this is taking over half the bed. Was it blood? Look, I did a joke about it. Yeah. I forget what the joke was. They said, how big was it? Yeah. Yeah.

The stain. Yeah. And what was the joke? It was... And you're like, I just thought they would handle it, but maybe they're right. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's not a bad joke. Yeah. I could do... Yeah. I could bring it. They were like, how big is the stain? And then...

I said, there's a stain on the bed. And they didn't say, okay. They said, how big is it? And I was like, you know, maybe they got a point. Like, if it's like, maybe I'm dealing with stains at this hotel, then the idea that they're like, I don't know, the size of a baseball, you're lucky. Maybe the whole room's a stain. That's the good sheets. Yeah, you're like... You got the good ones. Yeah, you know, it's like, count your blessings. Yeah, if it's a murder scene. Something like that. But I don't... Yeah, I think that's it, though. If you have blue towels, navy blue towels... Yeah, what was the... It was a murder...

Yeah, like if they just clean up a mercy, then that's a pretty good job. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're judging a stain on what happened in the room to get the stain. If it was like, you know, a horror movie in there and they get it down to like the size of a, you know, like a garbage trash can. Yeah. Then you're like, I'm actually pretty impressed. Yeah, you should have seen it before. Yeah, this room's the most clean.

So now I want the room with the stain because y'all have done the most work to it and I'll just avoid that one spot. Yeah, we can get you some other sheets, but we can't promise they'll be better. Yeah. Probably worse. Yeah. Yeah. I think if you were checking a hotel and they had black sheets, you'd be like, oh no. Well, that's what I'm saying. That would be rough. Yeah. Black sheets, black towels. You'd be like, you're hiding something. Well, you ever use a toilet that's a different color than white? Yeah. I like it.

I'm a fan. Yeah, they do. Some hotels have a black toilet. Yeah. But it's like, you feel like something's going on. You know, you're just like, I don't trust everybody. The Looney Bin condo in Oklahoma City has like a green toilet. Oh, yeah. Yeah, something like that. It's odd. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I stayed at a comedy condo once where it was just so bad. And I got there and they had forgotten to clean it for the weekend. And it was still the last person's stuff there. So I thought, good, finally they're going to put me in a hotel room. So I called and said, hey, this wasn't cleaned. And he was like, all right, let me send somebody over there. And the owner's wife came over and looked at it and she said, we'll get this cleaned while you're on stage tonight. Okay.

So I already had my stuff in there, but while I was on stage, they were cleaning it up and they were not going to let me go to a hotel. Wow. Don't relax. Okay. Don't relax today. Well, you will clean it while you're over there tonight. Comedy condos are the, that's the price you got to pay. That's the price of admission to be a comedian. Yeah. And it's like, you know, and some of them are going, I guess it's going away more than it was back then the way it was, you know,

But that's like, yeah, that's your like kind of you got to get to. And the hotels that you have to stay in. There's one in, it's called Newport News, Virginia. And it's like a townhouse. And there's an older lady. She lives on the bottom floor. There's no bedroom on the bottom floor. She sleeps in a recliner. She lives downstairs. And then upstairs is the two bedrooms that you stay in. And it's like the last time I was there, it was like,

It's like they stopped updating it in 1985. VCRs up there. The bed, you talk about an imprint. It's sunken. No Wi-Fi. Yeah. And you just come in and say hey to this lady like it's your grandmother. Yeah. Every time. And she just sleeps in the living room. It feels like elder abuse, really. Yeah. Because you're just like. You want a bed or something? Yeah. She sleeps in a recliner. And I'm like, I'm going to go up and get in the bed. Yeah.

You can't watch TV down there? No. Well, I guess you could if you wanted to watch with her. You could hang out with her. And watch what she's watching. But it's just an older woman with a bunch of Ohio State football merchandise. Does she get up and answer the door and stuff? She walk around? It's her house. She's active. Yeah. I like pictures of you just laying there. Yeah.

She'll come to the club. Yeah. You know, she'll come down there, but it's so strange. I bet she has, I bet some comics, it's like fun. Like if you're probably, if she party, if she drinks or something, like I bet that would be like, you know. She might have years ago. Like how old is she? She's in her seventies, right? Yeah. Anywhere from 50 to 85. It's tough to tell. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But like an old grandmother, like on the road, like you go in there and she doesn't like make you food or anything. No, no. She's very nice. But, you know, you go, hey, I'm here. She goes, all right. And then that's that's really about it. Yeah. There was one in the Outer Banks of North Carolina where the two people that book the comedy club in a hotel conference room, it was their house that you stayed at. So you stayed there with them and you're downstairs and they're above you in like a loft room.

So every time the phone rings for somebody to try to make a reservation, which was not that often, you would hear the guy answer the phone. His dog's tail would hit the floor. It was like knocking. And so, but yeah, how could they not get a room for free? I don't know. That's what I said too. You get the whole show is in a hotel conference room. Yeah. And I'm staying with you. Yeah. Why does that, that doesn't make sense. I don't know. Yeah. It's like,

But in my hometown, there was a restaurant called like Our Place or something. So when I saw on the itinerary that the hotel was Our House, in my mind, I just thought, well, that's going to be, you know, a hotel called Our House. Yeah. And it was straight up their house. Yeah.

you realizing that as you open the door and you go, what's up? You guys stay down here and we're going to be upstairs. And it's a loft. Like they can't even shut the door. No, not to their room. To my room you can. Oh, okay. But it's like, but it's still, you can hear everything. And every time you go out of the room, they're like in the kitchen. Hey, how's it going? Like the guy had a stroke, but he's like bumming cigarettes off the feature the whole time. And I'm like, this doesn't seem right. Yeah. Yeah.

And then they had a deck, but then the next year I did it, they were Airbnb in half the house. So the deck went to the Airbnb people. Wow. So I wasn't even allowed out on the deck. So, I mean, these people have, there's three different groups of people staying at this house. Yeah. It's them, the openers, or the comics, and then the Airbnb. Yeah. Man. There's a lot going on there. Yeah.

That's like, some of those Airbnbs you can get, it's like people are renting out anything. They have any kind of open space. Especially like New York City. Yeah. They're like, you can stay here. 50 bucks a night. Closets. 100 bucks a night. You're like, people are just like, that's crazy. You got to share a bathroom with just a stranger every week.

Have you ever done home exchange? No. What's that? It's where they come and stay at your place and you stay at their place. Oh, just to switch it up for a night. Have you done that before? I've done it twice. Really? Yeah. Here in town?

Like in Nashville? Yeah, when I lived not where I live now, so the squirrels weren't an issue. My condo, and then I twice stayed in New York City. I did it for two weeks one time. Yeah, I think you're saying just switch it up like you would just go, hey, I live in East Nashville. You live downtown. Let's just swap up for the week. No, no, no, a different city. Oh, okay. He went to New York. Yeah. All right. That makes way more sense. That person was like, I'll go to Nashville. Yeah.

Right. That's kind of fun, bro. I don't know why you'd do it. I want to see what it's like to live off Bradley Parkway. Yeah, yeah. I want to see if I want to do that or not. One thing that's going away from hotels is Gideon Bibles. Gideon Bibles used to be in every hotel room, but now millennials are the least religious group.

and they're trying to attract more millennial travelers, so they're taking them out of hotel rooms. You mean people are not going to hotels because the Bible will be there? Yeah. That's interesting. That's like... I would think that's...

They don't even know. Yeah. They don't even know. There's no way that's even... There's no way that's a problem. I mean, no one's even... Even if you're a Christian, I don't think you're like... Yeah. I wouldn't... Truthfully, I wouldn't realize if they took them and didn't do them. Right. So, but it's, you know... Now, the Gideons say a quarter of the people stay at hotel rooms, look at their Bible.

Well, that seems high. They don't know if they know that. They're probably just saying that. Put a chip in the Bible? They go, how do you know? You go, we're in every room. You go, what? And they go... Who are the Gideons? What are they up to? I tried to be a Gideon one time.

Of course you did. I went to a church fair, you know, and they were asking about these different jobs. And it was like, you could go hand out Gideon's Bibles. And I was like, oh, I'll do that then. And the guy was like, well, he was like, because I waited tables. He was like, you can't do it if you serve alcohol and stuff like that. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, I'm the only one talking to your table right now. And you're rejecting me. Yeah.

That's hilarious. You're so free. You would do it. I don't know. I never, I tried to sign up and then he rejected me. So I, I was just trying to, trying to get in on Gideon action. I thought. Yeah. Like it's a job. Yeah. Like I was trying to, you know, figure out a way to be helpful, you know, like I was trying to volunteer my time, but I didn't, I didn't know if there was money involved, but yeah.

I was walking through this church fair and it just didn't seem like anything was interesting to me. Well, I'd imagine if you're trying to be helpful and if there's restrictions to why you can't help, that's not a good sign. Right. Like it should be open. Yeah. And so that's, yeah. I can't imagine someone stopping me from putting Bibles in a hotel going, do you serve alcohol on the weekends? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. They would think that you drink it on the weekends. Yeah. Probably. And you show up with a Gideon. You have this hair.

Well, maybe. Yeah. I may have had that at that time. Yeah. I bet you get, yeah, it seems like I think you might, not rightfully so, but you get a lot of just like, Adam, we don't want this. Yeah, probably. Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Just too much of a problem. Yeah. They don't know what I'm up to. Yeah, it's a lot. You walk into higher end stores, you look like you can't afford anything. Yeah, I've been followed around a few places. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think Gideon was a character in the Bible. Okay. And then Gideon International is just helping. A character? A person in the Bible. That's just funny. You know, Jesus was the main character. Gideon was like another character. Gideon was like later seasons. Later season. You didn't see him much. It was a good part. A lot of speaking lines. You know. Yeah.

But really spawned quite the organization, apparently. Yeah. But did a spinoff, and it was like Frasier. It was like the Frasiers. Some say even better. Some say even better. Yeah. I mean, it didn't end until the millennials got in, and they were like, we don't want to say. They're like, does this room have bed bugs? Does it have a Bible? Yeah. The dirtiest item in a hotel room?

Really? Okay. What do you think? Is it going to be an alarm clock? The toilet seat? Something like that? I guess the toilet seat is cleaned regularly. Why don't they clean the remote? They put it in that bag now. I guess you could leave it. A lot of people do that. They use their remote and put it in the bag. I need to feel it.

I don't. Yeah, I need to fill it too. Yeah. I always said this, that I think I can. You hand me any remote. Hmm.

I kind of just know where everything is on it. Without looking or you can feel it out? Without looking. Oh, really? I can just feel it out. Feel it out. Volume up, volume down. I just kind of feel it. I used to think I could pick people's silverware out where they keep it in their kitchen. I mean, I was pretty great at it. You can tell which drawer it's in? Yeah. And if you give it to me, I could figure it out which way. But I think I'm losing it a little bit. I still do it.

Sometimes privately, I don't really tell the people I'm doing it, but I just, as I walk in the kitchen, I'm like, let me see if I still got it. And I think it's just the game's changed so much. The kitchens are so crazy that you're like, I'm just, I live on another planet. Right. And I got an Island or something. You're like, this is too, this is too much. I can't find my own at times.

I'll open the wrong one. And you're like, God, that's right. It's over here. It is funny to live somewhere for years and then go like to look for a cup and open the wrong cabinet. It's like, why are you, what's going on that you're opening? Why do you think cups are in here? Yeah. They've never been in here. I just moved them all around in my house. My wife was not happy with it. I moved them all around. Yeah. Cause I think it's a better system now. Yeah. Yeah. It's gotta be a good system. You like change maybe though.

Well, it's pretty minimal work to really feel like you're, Oh, I did chores all day, but I didn't really do. Yeah. Yeah. But you could like change in the fact I like change as well.

But it's your, because there might not be a perfect system for you. I wonder if there will ever be. Are you going to go, I bet we could mix it up and finally. I'm already not happy with the system now. Look at it. So I think you just like the change of it. And it's the, which is fun because you get to mix stuff up. We were a big family. We moved, my parents' bedroom went from, it was in the den because we just had a two-bedroom house. So we had me and Derek and then.

I mean, like at the beginning we had nothing, but the, uh, we lived in a duplex apartments, all this stuff. But when the first house they bought was a two bedroom house. So me and Derek, my brother shared a room and Abigail got her own room. She was, you know, probably a baby. And so my parents, their room was the, there's only two bedrooms. Their room was the den or the, they, so they were the den for a while and then they moved it into where the kitchen, the dining room table was.

And so then they would all go in there. So they would, they would just switch up like that. And I think it's made me, we've switched furniture up a lot. Like, cause you kind of got to do it when you grow up and you don't have a big house, you don't have like nice things. Like the only way to feel something new is to,

mix it all up. And then you're like, look at this. It's like a new house. People want to come see it. Like, let me see what you're, I'm gonna call it your new house. And you're like, look at this. You're like, it's brand new. It is true. And that in the trailer, you know, trailers, uh, you know, you got a living room slash kitchen thing going on. So we would put the couch sometimes to where it made that divide. Yeah. Oh, and then other times you open it up. Yeah. But you know, because you're, it feels like a new house. Cause you're, you're living in such a small area. I want to move our couch around.

I like want to change stuff every day. Laura doesn't like it, but I would like to move stuff around and just be like, I would like to change our living room up and like, you look at it and be like, what do we do to mix it up? Just because it would be nice to have the change, but I do come from that change. Like we come from a house that it was like fun to come home and be like,

My parents' bedroom was in a different place. I mean, it was like the most exciting thing to be like, I can't believe this happened. Y'all changed every, you know, it was fun. It is fun. Yeah. There was a hotel in South Korea where 1600 people had been secretly filmed and they were live streaming it online. And some people were paying $45 for a monthly fee to, to watch this site had over 4,000 members before it was busted and,

And just kind of a crazy thing that they... Police said they've heard of secret videoing, but never live streaming it where people could watch it. They're fine with the videoing. Well, they're not fine with it, but it's just like a new level. I started to think, can you imagine you pay $45 to watch this pay-per-view and you think it's going to be some woman and in the last minute, me and her switch rooms. It's just me in there. I think people like watching. It's...

I think it's the idea of watching someone live a life. Like you're just very curious. People are very curious to be how someone else does something. Truman show that kind of, that kind of mentality. Yeah. So you think they'd enjoy watching me? I think there's, I'm sure there's hope that there's things, but it's like, I, there's also probably gotta be some kind of weird thing. If I could just see you live in life and you not know I was, well, I'd look, I'd check it out. Yeah. Just see how he walks around the kitchen. Yeah.

drive behind him you could drive right behind him i don't think he'd ever like picking up on a tail i don't i mean like if the the police would be like how close are you like he can hear me on the phone i don't know no idea no clue i'm talking to him i go what are you doing today like it's you could just follow him around i i i mean i've seen him just on the road when we go i enjoy it

It's like everywhere you walk in, just, you know, it's like we go in Target in a new city and it's like, it's just like, it's, you know, he takes a moment just to be like, what's happening? Like, you know. Well, that one in Minneapolis, it was like multiple levels, that Target. Yeah. Yeah. That was cool. Like, I remember seeing, I remember in LA, they had the escalator that takes you to the shopping cart. And I remember that. I was like, that's crazy. Yeah. I enjoy life. Yeah.

No, yeah, I enjoy seeing this stuff too, but like Gears is like every time you get an escalator, like I said, every time it's like first time you've ever like, when they invent this. And that's how every interaction with it happens.

Well, Dusty and I will be together this weekend and Aaron and I the following weekend. So you guys can watch as much as you want. Oh, welcome to the show. Y'all traveling together? Y'all traveling together? I think so. Oh, yeah. There you go. Let me know. Let me know how it goes. Yeah, I may check it out. I may go some places with you and then say that I'm not going to go there. You know, I'll be like, let's go to Target. And then I'll go, you know what? I'm going to go ahead and take off.

Yeah. And then I'll hang. Yeah. And sit back and watch. In the little clothes rack, you know, get in between. Yeah. Just watch me in the wild. Are y'all sitting next to each other on the plane? We'll probably drive. Oh, where are y'all going? Huntsville. Oh. Yeah. And you're probably. Yeah. I like that from Nashville, you're like, we'll probably drive. Might not. Yeah.

You never know. You never know. Take a little layover. Might do a little layover in Birmingham and come back to Huntsville. Yeah. We might Uber it. Who knows? You will drive. Brian and I are going to Salt Lake City, so we're definitely flying. And your tickets next to each other? I think we're taking different airlines there. Yeah. Why did y'all do that? Well, I'm a Southwest guy and I'm loyal. He offered. He's like, I'll put you on my companion pass. I'm like, this will be great. And he's like, oh, sorry. Can't do it. I couldn't do it. Oh, why? Oh.

Because I'm using it for my wife like the day before and they won't let you change. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I looked into it. That's not the reason you gave me, but okay. What was the reason? You said the flight was full. Oh, I don't remember seeing that. I did look into it. Yeah, he did. You don't seem to believe me, but I definitely did look into it. It'd be a perfect time to do some watching, though. Yeah.

So what flight are you doing? I'm doing, I think, American there and Delta back. Yeah. Flights are incredibly expensive. So expensive. Yeah. I was buying flights. We were talking about it before we started this podcast. And it's unbelievable. I mean, $2,000. And we buy a lot of flights, obviously, going to all these. It's unreal. Yeah. I mean, it was like, we're going to Bend, Oregon and Jacksonville, Oregon.

and not easy to get to. And so it's like, and then you just get in the flights there. You're like, I don't know. I mean, it's, it's, you know, it's so much money, but it's crazy. It is crazy time. Uh, all right. Is that it? Yep. All right. Uh, so this comes out this week and then, uh, I'll be in Canada, uh, this week and next week's me and Lee and Morgan at San Diego County fair. Nick Novicki will be there with us. Very excited about that. Uh,

I love getting to hang with Leanne. And then I'm a big fan of her. She's great. She's great, man. Yeah. Even the more I started watching her, I just like – she's her own person. Yep. And I realized I've become way into that. And so if someone's their own person and they're – I'm just like no one's doing what they're doing. I am –

hooker line sinker whatever this what was the same sink line and hooker sink line and hooker yeah I am I love it so much yeah she's really great she doesn't change the way she talks for anyone no it's so authentic yeah it's like authenticity is what I'm on board with and uh so I love that uh so yeah we'll be there and then y'all y'all got Huntsville this weekend we're in Huntsville but also uh

You know, big announcement. I hit 10,000 followers on Twitter. Boom. Boom. There you go. So the Nate Land podcast, I mean, everybody- Puts you over the edge. It really came through. I'm actually at like 10.3 now. I mean- Wow. But so they should unfollow now because now are you going to- Well, I don't know. I mean, I don't know if I'll, you know, I would go back down. Now you're back to, I know, but were you using Twitter? You say you will use Twitter now. Well, yeah, I'll try to use it now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There you go.

I mean, it'll be worth your time. Yeah. It took 10,000. Well, it just looks good to have a little letter in there. It feels good. Yeah. And it just, you know, the 10.3 K 10.3 K. Yeah. Like that letter, the letter, the letter K. Yeah. It feels good. Yeah. Yeah. You know, has your tick tock blown up at all since we, Oh, I blew up 10.3 K. It did double sign up for at least.

It more than doubled. Last week, we looked at it. It had 80 followers. Now, it's like 300-something. Oh, that's good. That's awesome. Yeah. If you want to keep up to date with the squirrel stuff, you can go on to Brian's TikTok. Yep. And he'll talk to you with his nose touching the phone. Yeah, what is it? 377. You added...

you know, almost 300. Yeah. Irish Spings. Look how close he is. I mean, his hat bills probably hit the phone a couple of times. I looked at some other people like John Chris and people. To me, it just seems like it's the same distance. He's getting there. No, it's, well,

A lot of people think I live in Lebanon with the squirrel problem. I don't. I just want to clarify. I live in Nashville. Go ahead and give your address. I think you're fine with giving it. I wouldn't care. I'd love you to stop by. I'd love it. Come on by anytime. I live close to a couple of your buddies. Yeah. Shay and John. Oh, nice.

Well, I'm out with Burt Kreischer this weekend. Oh, it begins. Fully loaded tour. That's fun. Yeah. South Bend, Indiana, I'm excited about. All right. Get a little homecoming, big time. Yeah, a little bit of one. That's a big one. I hope that guy, Concrete, can come. You remember that guy? He was at a show in our one time. Oh, my God, yeah. I opened for Dusty at South Bend, Indiana, and there's this guy in the front with tattoos all over his face.

And I asked the crowd, does anybody have a nickname? Because that's the kind of material I was doing back then. And this guy said, my name's Concrete. Oh, wow. And I go, how'd you get that name? He said, I got it in prison. Yeah. And I said, I don't want to know anymore. And then he cornered me and Dusty and talked to us for about an hour after the show. How did he get it? Why?

Because he would slam people's heads into concrete. Oh, that's cool. Terrifying guy. Yeah. Honestly, terrifying guy. They were like, we could go with slam heads. We call them slam. And he's like, I don't know. They already had a slam, maybe. They already had a slam. Yeah. And heads is not very fun. No. And then concrete. That's a good one.

Yeah, it's kind of weird to say. It's like it's hard to be like, concrete. Concrete. Concrete. Yeah, it's like a weird...

Yeah, it's a tough one to say, but you know what's going to happen to you if you don't say it. Right, you better say it. You better say it. He got up and left during Dusty's set. Dusty was like, Concrete, you're the foundation of the show. I remember being like, that was great. That's a great line. That was a great riff. I did want to ask before we go if you and Dusty's opinion on that image from the Amarillo Zoo, what that was walking around. Oh.

Oh, the Wolfman? Yeah. Oh, man. Could be a Wolfman. Looks like a Wolfman to me. If I've ever seen one, it's a Wolfman. I mean, why would the Wolfman not be real? You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm fine with believing in any of this stuff, and I like it. To me, it feels like that's going to be a kid in a costume. I would love for it to work out this easy. I think to find this stuff is not going to be this easy. Yeah, it's too obvious. Oh, you think it's too obvious to be...

Yeah, yeah. I think that zoo is probably doing experiments on people and that thing escaped.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's a good one. That's the Dusty I want. Yeah, some kind of dog-human hybrid they're working on. I bet it's like someone doing a joke. You can't go find it. Wolfman's just not going to... Trying to find a way to really bring the pet-human relationship together. Wolfman, I'm half and half. I don't know if I'd go that far. But Bigfoot, you got to go out in the... You got to go out in the...

Woods, woods, woods, woods. Yeah. And like, it's just, it's not going to show up by a chain link fence. Like no, he was a free, his brother, maybe confused. Yeah. He's like, he's like, I've never been outside before. Maybe he hasn't quit drinking yet. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's why he just blacked out. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, all right. All right. Uh, thank you everybody. As always, we love you. We really appreciate you that you listen and, we will see you next week. See ya.

Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.