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Hello, folks. Welcome to the Nate Land Podcast. Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous two-year contracts, they said, what the f*** are you talking about, you insane Hollywood a**hole?

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When I was in Paso, which has been a couple weeks ago, when this comes out, we're having to... Oh, I'm sitting here with Dusty Slay, Aaron Weber. All right. Brian Bates died. Tell me if I'm... Hold on. Am I reading? He was sick last week. Let me... If I can't... No, he's alive. Brian Bates is alive. Lost his nose.

Golly. That is a shame. Frostbite. Frostbite in July. Where do you get Frostbite in July? He'd be the guy to find it, to do it. No, Brian, we had to record too. So he missed both of these, but he will be back, I believe, the next week. Yeah. He'll be here strong, doing better, strong like a bull. A bull calf, baby. Yeah.

How quick does the calf, when it's born, does it become stronger than Brian? Is it the second it hits the ground? It lands and can walk. Yeah. Like once it stands up, he's like, you could have taken him right when he landed and didn't like, he's just like, what is this? You had about a two second window. Bates could have got in there and tore that thing up. And then once it stands up, it's like, well, now you're in big trouble. Yeah.

Because it's already got its bearings. That's got to be a tough way to get born. To just fall out of the sky. Yeah, they don't get any time. They need to get up immediately. Yeah. Like it actually, if they don't get up immediately, there's danger. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it's got to be the only birth that's like just... It's chaos. And the cow too. The cow too. If the cow is... I helped birth a cow one time because... Golly. I know. All right. Tell us about when your sister was born. But the...

Well, this was, you know, with my dad. So he did not have my younger sister yet. So it was just, you know, we're out there, the cow's down and it's struggling to have the calf. Yeah. The calf already died. Yeah. So we have to get the calf out of there or the cow will die.

Yeah. So we hooked it up to like these wire stretchers that you use to stretch out a barbed wire fence. Yeah. And then we just jacked it out of there. Yeah. I had to reach into the cow and grab stuff and try to pull the calf out. Were these y'all's animals? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's good. And was this your first time? Was it like your dad's like, hey, can you give me a hand? You're like, yeah, I don't want to do anything crazy though. It's like, well, this is-

Well, you know, when I was staying with my dad, you know, it's like, you never know what's going on. You'd be hanging out, life's good, everything's fine, you're playing Nintendo, somebody calls, you got a cow out, and the next thing you know, we got to go down, and we got to wrangle a cow into the fence, and then fix a fence because it's been busted, but...

We jacked this cow right out of there. And then you have to make this cow that's just gone through this awful birthing process, had the calf jacked out of it. Now you have to get it up and it has to walk or it'll die. And how, and, and how long did it live?

It continued to live on. Oh, yeah. He might have sold it. I think when you have problems like that, you just go ahead and sell it. Oh, a little black market? Yeah. They don't have Carfax for this kind of stuff. No, just an auctioneer. He's just rambling on. That's the bad part. When you get a cow, you can't go like, was it in a wreck? And you're like, no, he's fine. How many owners? Yeah, how many owners? Yeah.

How's the birthing? Yeah. How's the birthing? Did he come out on his own? You're like, no, we had to go in there with a headlamp. My dad just had a cow with udders too big for the cow to milk on, so he sold it. Yeah. Who buys a cow like that?

And what do they do with it? I bet they sell it to people that buy a farm that shouldn't own a farm. Right. And then they're like, I'll take some. And they think, oh, its udders are too big? Amazing. We'll get so much milk from it. Yeah, yeah. Or they probably don't tell, you probably don't say anything. Are they noticeably larger, you think? I don't know. I don't know that you would know if you weren't a cow person. Yeah. That's true. It is. That is such a crazy way to be born. Just to, you come out and I mean, you're in it. And you stand up and just like...

Like Big Jay, you start when we would fly, we'd always do these, Big Jay would always, like you're on your fall asleep on a plane and then like it bumps and someone wakes you up and you're like, Big Jay, you're listening, you can't see it. But it's just the eyes would just be you're sleeping. Yeah.

And you got to look like you don't know where you're at. You're like, it takes a second to be like, oh, you're on an airplane. You get a real deep sleep. And I mean, a cow, you come out. Yeah. You don't even know you're about to come. And then you're just... And then they get to eat in grass. They just know what to do. They get in right away. We're one of the few animals, I mean... That have to be taught. It takes us a while to do everything. Yeah. These other ones are just jumping right in. Well...

I mean, they don't- We end up doing a lot more. Well, they're not going to go to college. That helps. Like, you know, when you don't have to worry about school. Yeah, they're about where they're always going to be. Yeah. I think an elephant, it falls a long way out. Yeah. It wakes up and he's just like, gosh.

He's just sore. His trunk is all, he's got to shake it. You think an elephant ever shakes his trunk out? I bet it's like all the time. Because it's just, you want to, you know, just be like. When they stretch, do you see it go straight out? Oh, my sinuses. It just goes, yeah. Yeah. Like does the trunk just go straight out and he's like, you know, and he's just like, oh.

Stretching feels great. When you see an animal stretch, you're like, that's a nice stretch. I did yoga this weekend, this past weekend. Look at that. And it felt pretty good, man, some of those stretches. Yeah. Stretching's a universally feel-good thing.

You know, everybody feels good. Oh, yeah. Yeah, stretching feels good. Yeah, yoga is supposed to be, you know, it's fun. I don't know how fun it was, but it did feel pretty good. Yeah, it's one of those that's supposed to be good. It's one of those that, like, if a dude does it, it's always like, no, he should be doing it. And you're like, you're defending it a lot. So that's all I'm saying. Like, I don't, you know, like, they tell you. He's like, no, no, no. It's like, you know, Barry Sanders did it. And you're like, what? Yeah, Barry Sanders did yoga. That's why he could wiggle.

Wiggle like you did. By the way, I'm sitting here, my people might be able to see it, of a Kenny Chesney shirt on. Went to Dan Shea, Kenny Chesney concert. Big Kenny Chesney fan. Kenny Chesney is ripped in that picture. Yeah. He's in shape, man. That's why I bought it. And it's...

He has to be. He runs around. Yeah. Kenny Chesney was the song back where I come from. I'm an old Tennessean. I would listen to that song. I've always had a big fantasy of getting to do a show, then him playing that song afterwards, because I would listen to that song. When I moved to Chicago, and no one's from here, or I'm not from there, and I would listen to it for every show. New York, every time. For everyone out, Subway, I would always just listen to that song, just to remember that

You know, just to be like, all right. What was your song, Dusty? When I go to New York, I like to listen to Hank Williams Jr., Dixie on my mind. Yeah. Yeah, because it's just like, I don't hate New York City, but it's like, it's him basically trashing it. Oh, yeah. I don't hate it, but it is fun to be country and listen to country in a big city. Yeah, you're always...

Yeah. You just, you needed it to feel like you're almost like, or at least was talking to someone. I would hear someone like me before I went and talked to everybody that's not like me. Now, all these people are my best friends in my life now. Big J, I mean, it's, I got a group that's of people that you would, it's crazy that we would be together. People could see us meeting. Yeah. When I'm with Big J and Nick and, you know, Lewis. Yeah. And like, you're like, well, I don't know how this guy's doing. Yeah, what is this crew walking around? And you're like, well, that's comedy. Yeah.

Sam, let's start with the comments from you guys. Sam Pfister, I work at a chain restaurant that has a drive-thru. For probably the last eight months, I've been greeting each person at the drive-thru speaker with, hello, folks. So far, there have been exactly zero people that have responded to the Let's Go, folks. Should I change my approach? Thanks for everything, you, Aaron, Dusty, and Bunyan. Is that Bunyan? Yeah. Do for the fans.

I appreciate it. You could start with Let's Go, folks. Maybe because hello, folks. Maybe they think that just would be, you know. Yeah. Start with a Let's Go, folks. I'd say change restaurants. Oh, yeah. That's another way to go. Yeah.

I work at a chain restaurant that has a drive-thru. What chain restaurants have a drive-thru? Well, it's the fact that you have to say it has a drive-thru. Barbecue D in here in Nashville. Yeah. Would you consider Panera that, or would you consider more of a fast food place? I would think Barbecue D. I think that's what I was thinking. But he doesn't work at one of the main McDonald's. Well, they wouldn't have a drive-thru.

That's why it's like a barbecue place, like Jim and Nick's down here. Right. Yeah. It's like there's these barbecue places. Some of those have it. Mrs. Winters, maybe. Oh. They have those still. I don't know. I did have someone this weekend in Paso. Big fans. They were awesome. They brought me to Milky Way.

And they were hello folks. And then one lady was like, I'm a let's go folks person. And I was like, oh, yeah. That's fun. It was nice. That was the whole point. It can be either one. Yeah. It can be your moods, hello folks. It could be sometimes you're 85% hello folks and then 15 let's go folks.

let's go folks could be tough at the drive-thru too you know if you pull up and they go he goes let's go folks they're like yeah we just pulled up yeah yeah that's true but he could try yeah well we just we just got here a culver that's like an ice cream that's like a fast food place yeah that's a oh a chain restaurant it's called a restaurant so it's gotta be a little bit uh sam depardo i'm starving two sams uh

Nate, I'm a manager at a small company, but I also recently completed a stand-up comedy class and I'm ready to make the plunge into open mics. Our comedy teacher taught us that we should always punch up and never punch down when it comes to making jokes about other people. But I have some employees that I would think would make for great comedy. What is your rule on the punching up or punching down?

I mean, I always make fun of myself. So I guess I would always be punching up and not towards me. Right. I'd be punching down on myself. I always think it's best to make fun of yourself, even if you're ragging on even like very successful things. I mean, that's just been done. Like if you're you know, if it's like I hate big corporations and you make jokes about that, like.

I get it, but then sometimes you're like, everybody's going to make those jokes. And when I used to have jokes about defending Walmart, it was like, I would just want to come from a spot. You just want to come from the opposite way. You want to punch the way nobody else is punching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you want to do. And then, yeah, those people have...

You can make fun of those people, but there needs to be love. You need to show that you don't despise them. That's interesting. And you think you're better than them. So it's like you could maybe throw yourself in there with them. Like maybe all of us as a group, we think this. Don't think I work with these dumb people. Here's why they're being dumb. Like me and my buddies, we all work there, and I think we're all dumb. And then now we're all dumb, and you're dumb with them, and that's fun. Now you're a fun group instead of you being like, I'm better than them. They're losers.

I say that, I mean, that being said, I say that to about Bates every day. You could also make them you. Yeah. You know, like instead of saying they do this dumb thing, I do this dumb thing. Yeah. Even if you don't do it, you could just make them you. Yeah. Yeah, because, and that's also a good way to, yeah, if you're making them, if it's about you,

That's better even for your right more if it's about you because it's your experience. And that's what you're selling is your point of view is what people are buying. Yeah.

And how they relate to it is either, I always say they laugh with you or laugh at you. Either way counts as a laugh. Yeah, because if you're like, let me tell you about these idiots I work with, then already the audience, I feel like, doesn't like you as much. Yeah, you're really trashing the thing. It's almost like if you went that far and said, these idiots that work at this place and they're bad, whatever, and you go, and then at the end of it, you're like, I've worked there longer than they have. You have to do something that will...

save it to be like you. Yeah, there you go. Chad Stapleton. I just wanted to give a... It's a fun day. Yeah. Chris Stapleton. Stapleton's probably a common name though, right? Hmm. That's the only second one I've heard of. Yeah. Chad's the one that's known.

I just wanted to give a huge shout out to Aaron for his inspiration. I took Aaron's plan and started intermittent fasting. I don't eat after 1 p.m., and I am now down over 60 pounds. Wow. There you go. That's amazing, man. I'm now down three pants and shirt sizes. This is the lowest weight I've been in 15 years. Thank you, Aaron. Keep up the great work. That's amazing, man. How good is that? Good for you, Chad. I met some guys last weekend, too, that told me they've lost a little bit, too. It's a lot of pressure for me to... Yeah.

Because you're going the other way now, right? Oh, yeah. I'm back, baby. We're back to going, oh, I didn't know this was episode two. Well, I'm still down. I probably gained 15 pounds back from where I was. But I'm still down. Still considerably lower than I was a while ago. No, no. But I got to get back into gear. So that actually gets me inspired, Chad. Now that gets you inspired. Thank you, Chad. It's working both ways. Congrats, Chad. Congrats to everybody that's done it.

Yeah, you'll be all right. It's the road. You were on the Burt tours. I mean, that's chaos. That was so much. Yeah, you have to. It's not, you know, you have to eat good. I can tell you.

Though my energy from eating good, we're doing the calorie things. Again, like I said, I've eaten – I'll just eat at serving size. I'm not giving up anything that I don't have to give up. I still like candy. I still like McDonald's. It's like – but then I also know, well, I could go eat McDonald's, but a Big Mac is 800 and something calories. Yeah. And then you're like –

So that's, right now I'm eating 1,800 calories. Well, that's, I mean, I'm not going to get really much left. It might be even more than that if I ate just a meal. So it's like I could eat that once, but I'm probably going to be starving later. But I also will be tired too. And I just know that. The day after my special, which was shooting September 24th in Phoenix,

And tickets will be on sale for our third show, September 23rd. We're not filming that show, but that will be my kind of dry run. That's for the taping. It's going to be fun, though, after. I'm going to have...

I mean, I'll see. I'm trying to get down. I'm in Phoenix that same weekend, by the way. Oh, really? And I'd love to just be a part of this McDonald's meal after your special, dude. All right. Yeah, we could really. You can come hang. We're hanging out a little bit afterwards, too. Oh, nice. So we're having a, come stay. Yeah, you can stay. It's going to be fun. Awesome. I'm inviting a lot of comics, all the comics. Not all of them will be on the show, but it's kind of just like trying to make it a fun thing because everybody's been so great. Can we talk, can we get comedy nerd here for a second? You're doing it in the round? Yeah. Yeah.

How much have you done in the round? Are you nervous about that? Or are you even going to be thinking about it? So if anybody doesn't know this, the round is like, it's a special stages round. And so the audience is kind of sitting all around you. So I've done a few shows at that celebrity theater in Phoenix. Okay. And actually a bunch. I've probably, I've headlined it, I think maybe twice, maybe three times. One was a part of a radio thing, but I did like 45 minutes.

And then, so I've done it. And then I've done like probably Michael Finney. I have the billboard up there. Comedy, the dry heat comedy classic we used to do. They would do, they always did that at the Celebrity Theater. And so I performed. So I've been on that stage a bunch. I like it because it makes me move. Yeah. And I was never...

big mover so on stage so it kind of made me because you got to kind of face the crowd so you just constantly always kind of like this so the audience that the stage is a circle in the middle and then the audience is all around you oh yeah that's wild yeah it's great do you have any of those coming up before the special or jumping right into it I don't there might be one

But I don't know. Not that I know of. But I'll be okay. I mean, it's crazy. We've added that third show, so I get to do a show with it. But we're talking about filming it and how we're talking about shooting it. Because I don't know if cameras will... I'll make all the way around, but I don't know if cameras will be completely... You're kind of a 180-ish, so it's like...

So if this is straight ahead and the circle's all around me, it's like I'll go like halfway and I can see these people looking here and I'll go halfway. I don't know if I'll make a... Oh, interesting. It's more of a revolving door kind of angle. I would probably trip and fall down at some point just trying to rotate around. Well, that's why I didn't do it on my first special. Yeah.

There's... Yeah. I'm joking. That's not a meme. You're like, yeah, I would have... I'm not worried about it now. I would have definitely been terrified of it. And I've just performed in this place a bunch. Yeah. So I feel pretty good. Even a stage with the half circle thing where the audience is all the way to each wall, that's even too much for me. I always loved the round. If I could ever get to arenas and...

and be selling enough tickets to these arenas, I would love to do the round. But you got to sell a lot of tickets for that. But like to do it in the middle, in the audience, I think the round is awesome. You just kind of move around. I've always really liked it. And I think it benefits a person like me that's not a big, I'm not super animated. And so like it helps me

Get a little more animated. I'd like a stage that slowly rotates as I'm doing the comedy. So eventually I make it around to everyone, but it just. This one does that. Oh, is it? Okay. So I don't, we won't have it doing it. Yeah. At standups we don't, but when there are bands on it, it slowly moves. Yeah. And so they just play and it just, you know, and it goes all the way around. Yeah. So you can, you can have it move. That's awesome. You could do that and just be just slow.

I don't know if that'd be too distracting. Did I tell you? Stop me if I told this story, but I did a corporate gig in Illinois not too long ago, and I show up, and it's at this big banquet hall, and there's a dance floor in the middle, and there's half people sitting on tables over here, and then there's half people sitting on tables on the other side. And I go, where do you want me to set up? And they go, we figure you just kind of bounce around in the dance floor. I'm doing stand-up.

So I go, well, I think it'd actually be, I go, man, I think it'd actually be great if it's not too big of a deal. Just kind of have everybody get on the same side and then I'll just stand in front of him. And he goes, oh, that's no big deal at all, man. So I'm standing in the back. He goes up. He goes, uh, Hey everybody. Uh, the comedian thinks it'll be a little too hard to talk to you guys like this. He goes, I know it's a huge pain, but could you guys just pick up your table and bring it? They're all like, Oh,

You got to pick up the table. So they're going to move the tables over. But he framed it as like, listen, I know this guy said he can't do his job if you guys are sitting like this. Oh, my God. I'm in the back like, oh, man, I look like such an idiot. They were already sitting there. They were sitting. They had just had dinner and they were on other sides of the dance floor. I feel like that's when you go out. Was it completely packed? It was full.

But there was room they could all be on the same side. Borderline, I'm on team that guy over you. I was picturing you walk in and see it, no one's sitting yet. Once they're seated, you're like...

That's hilarious that you made these people let go. Hold on. I'll get that edge. And they had to grab it and they had to go. This show better be unreal. I didn't know that's what was going to happen. I go, can everybody just kind of move? Which is not a crazy thing to ask. But what are they going to do? Stand up and then have to go stand on the other side? A lot of them just brought their chairs over and they just sat. I can't get a picture of what the room looked like. I can't.

Because now that they had to move, I don't understand what was happening. They could dance floor in the middle with just... Oh, and they're not sit on the dance floor at all. No, but they're surrounded. Dance floor is like a third of the room, and then each end is people sitting down. You'd be performing in the round. Essentially, yeah. That's what made me think of it. How long ago was this? It was a couple months ago, dude. Oh, really? Yeah.

I thought you'd be past that by now. It was a good gig. Yeah. But it was just very funny to hear him go, oh, the comedian said it's a little too hard for him to do his job. You guys are sitting over here. Man, I was like a moron. Yeah. We did a gig one time. And then I look, I think I'm on this guy. Like they're already eating. It's over.

You're like, all right, I guess. He would have asked. Especially if he's going to sell you out like that. You would have just done. I would just do the show in the middle. If it's packed and they're all around, then it's like you just deal with it.

I may be describing the room as more packed than it was. It was like, it looked so spread out in the air. I go, let's just get them all on one side. Then I'll face everybody. Like it's not, like it wasn't that crowded. It did not feel like a crazy ask to be like, can we just, you know. Yeah.

But it got crazy. I love that he sold you out like that. I mean, right away. He goes, the comic came in and was like, I can't do this. I know it's a huge deal. And there's no green room. You got to stay in the corner. I just stood by the buffet. There you go. Those pounds are coming in. He just started. He started going. He goes back to the worst of the comic. He's at the buffet. I'm not even doing it.

Dance floors are tough for comedy, though. We did a gig one time where everybody was dancing. It was a casino. It was great. Everybody was dancing. They were having a good time. And they're going to stop the dancing to do comedy. I did this with you. Yeah. And we go to the DJ who we had made friends with.

And we go, hey, you know, will you give the audience, you know, just like a five minute heads up that we're about to do comedy. He goes, yeah, man, no problem. And they're dancing. And then he goes, hey, about to get some comedy up here. First guy, Aaron Weber. Yeah. And the whole audience, they were so mad. Yeah.

I mean, people that were talking to me before the show, they laughed. They were mad. They escorted us out of the casino the moment the show was over. Oh, because, yeah. This was a place. This was such a nice place. They made me a Dusty.

wear a suit jacket yeah they had like a room they brought us in like you have to have one on yeah so i'm wearing did i wear a suit jacket oh you took it off as soon as you got on stage but we had to wear them around the whole time mine was like two sizes too small and i left there dusty's like just do about seven to ten minutes i did two minutes i was like this is what's it called it's in west virginia greenbrier greenbrier oh yeah that's a very nice hotel very nice place laura had family that worked

That was like a very, yeah, there used to be a, there was like a big history about it. I don't know if we've talked about it on this. I was like, can I get some food? And they were like, yeah. And they took me into the kitchen. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, we ate with the employees in the kitchen. They were like, don't hang out. Like those situations, like yeah, those are the worst when you get stuck like that. And sometimes in hindsight, you're thinking it would be better if you could go up to the DJ and you go, hey, let me just say something real fast. You're like, hey, we're going to do comedy, but not just yet. Yeah.

Y'all finished dancing. You're having a good time. I don't want to ruin that. Yes. Like if you just six and make a joke about it, they get a little, it's all about how you're introduced. Yeah. And then there's, that depends on how the show goes. Cause you're like, yours is, you know, these people are like in a moving company before your show starts and you're like, all right, they go, God, you're right. Bring your headliner up. Uh,

Could we get, we're going to get some different shutters on these back windows that we could get. Has anybody got a hammer and a nail? Some nails? Hammer and a nail. All right. This guy can't handle. Yeah. There's a little too much light going through on him, so he needs it perfect. Where am I? Oh, Corey Crowley.

A best friend's brother applied for a job in the CIA, was rejected because when they were looking into him, they found out that his ancestors were officers in Nazi Germany. He had absolutely no idea. Imagine having a serious interview like this and actually being qualified for the position, only to find out that you not only didn't get the job, but that your great-great-grandparents were some pretty serious Nazis."

I used to comfort people going on interviews by saying the worst thing they can say is no, but have since modified it to the worst they can say no and that you're the descendants of Nazis. That is true. That is the worst. And I tell you what, that's how you create more Nazis. And that's what the guy should have said. And so do you want me to go apply? Well, maybe I'll go see if they're hiring because I guess I can't work here. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, well, yeah, I can't work because of what my great-grandparents did. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, yeah. It was a pretty bad thing they did. Yeah, they were bad people. Logan Hurst. I actually had the opportunity. Well, I just want to say that I agree they were bad people. I don't want us sailing off of this. They're bad people, bad people, and then you go into the next. Everybody knows Dusty's stance on this. Yeah.

Yeah, Dusty Town podcast. It gets, you know, it's not for everybody. That's what your slogan should be. It's not for everybody. Welcome to Dusty Town. It's not for everybody.

Logan Hurst. I actually had the opportunity to have dinner with Dennis Rodman a few years ago with a small group from work, and we talked a lot about North Korea. He said that if we Americans had a chance to meet Kim Jong-un in person and not through the media lens, we'd really like him because he cares about his people. Thanks for all the laughs over the past few years. Look forward to it every week. There you go.

That's great. One guy is about Nazis, the next guy is like Kim Jong-un. Good dude. I'm sure North Koreans would love to have dinner of any kind, much less with Dennis Rodman. Yeah, I could see. It goes back to my theory with everything is every person on earth is basically nice.

Like if you just treat, if you walk out, but go live a life. Yeah. And everybody you're going to encounter go, I bet they're a great person. I don't know if Kim Jong-un applies to that. No, I'm not saying it, but I'm saying like in general. Right. Your odds of meeting a murderer or something are pretty low. And if you do, it's not good. But it's, you know, but if you go with the attitude of like, I think everybody's like, you're going to meet them, you're like,

People get bad when they get in groups and that's when, you know, but if you pull back side and you're like, you'd be like, this dude's the best dude in the world, dude. Because everybody's the best person in the world.

And really, what's Kim Jong-un supposed to do, right? He inherited the position. Probably fix it. Right? But is he supposed to come in and go, everything, you know what I mean? It's like, he's probably like, I don't even know what to do. That's how stuff gets solved, though. Someone comes in and goes, everything should be free. He goes, it's a lot of work to unfree this country. We'll just keep doing what we're doing. We got a good thing. I don't know anything about North Korea. I mean, you know, we could be big over there.

And they just can't write us. That is true. A lot of we're having a good time. Crazy numbers over there. Thomas Chandler. Nate thinking one nine was less than one 10 reminds me of the A&W restaurant chain introducing a one third pound burger as a competitor to the quarter pounder. But it didn't take off since the general public thought it was less meat and the same price.

I don't think it would have taken off. I would be like, so you're doing the same thing? I would just think, oh, so you're doing the same thing. And they're competing against their own burger. Is that what they were doing too? No, what do you mean? I guess a quarter pounder was probably. Oh, the McDonald's. Yeah. Introducing a quarter pounder because one third is a quarter pounder. One third is more than a quarter pounder. No, it sounds like a quarter pounder. No, wait, one third of a pounder.

One-third pound burger. Is that how you say it? Like a 33rd of a pound. What do you say? A one-third pound? Yeah, a third pound. You say a third pound? A third of a pound. I'm getting a third of a pound burger? That's not even good. Quarter pounder is a great name. Yeah, that's what they're saying. That's the whole point of this. No, but he's saying they thought, in general, so it's not different. So a quarter pounder is like just a quarter of a pound. A quarter pounder is one-fourth of a pound. Yeah.

And so one-third is more. Is more, but sounds like it's less. Yeah. So they should have said a half-a-pound burger. It should have made the burger bigger, yeah. It would have been bigger. Just called it. Well, what's a half? So one-two is half. So one-three is in between. We might as well just do a half then. So yeah, one-three doesn't make sense because there's not a good name for it.

You're right. So you're getting a third of the burger. Wait, you're getting one third of the burger. You're getting the whole burger. You're getting the whole burger. It just weighs a third of a pound. Oh, it weighs a third of a pound. I picture, well, why is this corner cut off? It's like a Pac-Man thing. Yeah, yeah. I go, well, I'd have ordered the 1-1 burger if I'd have known y'all were going to be cutting slices out of it. The 1-1 burger. I'll take the 1-1 burger, please.

That's fun. John Hitch. When I was 19, I got my first serving job at a TGI Fridays. My first day of work, I walked in the kitchen and the line looked directly at me and said, 86 baked potatoes. I looked back at him and said, okay, thanks. Having never worked in the food industry before, they seemed to...

That seemed a little odd, but thought, man, they keep a really good count on how much food they have. My first shift, I was only supposed to be a food runner, but we got extremely slammed. So,

server i was shadowing asked me to go over a table and only greet the table and get a drink order of course when i got there the table said they were ready to order wanted to show my trainer i was a go-getter i decided to take their food order the first the first question was do you have any baked potatoes i said yes not long ago we had 86 so i'm sure we have a few left

I had to go back to the table and tell them, unfortunately, we're out of baked potatoes. That's a great story. That's really good. God, that's awesome. God, that's so funny. I think that's, I think, you think John and Bates might get along. Yeah.

It's like a, you know, that's a very funny, I would do that too, dog. That's 86. Hey, you got eight. All right. Y'all got baked potatoes. Yeah. We had 86 of them. So I don't know if we've had 86 people in here all day. You know what I've started doing that I like the same. It's the same kind of talking. I like a what's your 20.

You know what that means? Like your location? Yeah. Or your ETA. What's your 20s? Where are you? What's your location? I like saying that. I used to have a job where I had a walkie-talkie, and they would talk like that, and you do feel official. Roger, copy that. What's your 20? Yeah. I started asking people that. Like in text? In text and stuff, yeah. Don't do that to me. And I think your age, it's fun, right? Yeah.

It's kind of fun. It's like some kind of code. Yeah, yeah. It is code, I guess. It is code, but it's not like a Gen Z code. It's construction workers are using it. People without a family, they have a lot of time on their hands. How many people? You all have the time to go through these games together. What's your 20? You're like, I guess we're doing that. We're playing Army Soldiers this week because we don't have...

How many people go? Because my wife doesn't have to take Harper somewhere. I'm not taking Harper. I'm pretty busy. All right. Laura's got a lot of stuff to do to take her daughter everywhere. Yeah, like 86 that. 86. Yeah, I get it. Like, what's your 20? What's your ETA? Yeah, it's fine. What's ETA? I think people, yeah. People know ETA. Yeah. Nobody's asked what's your 20 means yet, Dusty. Oh, yeah. I'm relishing that. What do they respond? Do they just tell you? They'll tell me. I think people know what it means more than I thought they would. Yeah.

20 what? That's what I want people to say. What? 20 what? I would think, yeah, I think I would probably answer time. I was like, what's your 20? I don't know, 15 minutes? Yeah. What's your 20? I don't know. What's your 20? What about I got your six, dude? I don't know what that means. I got your back.

Okay. And then six, six is behind you. Yeah. He's what he says for every fist pound. How is the six behind you though? That's like a clock. 12 is ahead. Six o'clock. If somebody tells you it's at six o'clock, you know, that's behind you. Right. You look confused. Right. I don't understand. Like a clock is, you know, it's up and down. Yeah. Yeah. But picture you're in the middle of the clock looking straight at the 12th.

Okay. Now your six still would not be behind you. Yes, it would. The 12 will be straight ahead. Six will be behind you. Oh, if you were standing on the clock. You're standing on the clock. You're standing on the clock. But if I'm looking at the 12, what if I'm looking at the six? Well, then now you're in the back. And he goes, well, who's up looking at the 12? Yeah. And you go, oh, I didn't know. Yeah, I got your 12. Yeah. What's your three? You go, there's a guy at 115. Is he? He could probably see the 12. Yeah.

Nate's at 1 o'clock. You're at probably 10 o'clock. Yeah. See? You're at 10. I've never been good with time.

Yeah. Like a clock? Mm-hmm. Takes you a second? Well, I never am all that confident in it. Yeah. I can look at it and I go, this probably is like 320, but it could be 420. Yeah. It takes me longer than I would like to admit. Yeah. When I have to read a clock like that. But in general, I get it. And I'll catch myself just being 720. Like we? Yeah. You just have to go 720.

We were sitting in our room and my wife looked up at this clock that we have on the wall and I saw her look at it. And then I go, did you just look at that clock to see what time it was? She goes, yeah. And I was like, I love that you're so confident in it that you can judge the time. See, this is also, you probably don't trust the clocks. Yeah. She goes, you don't know what time that says? And I'm like, well, yeah. I could figure it out.

Like, not a glance at it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just not, yeah, I don't feel good about it. Yeah, is it because you don't know who hung the clock? Yeah, I mean, the battery may be dead. You don't know who built the clock. Who put the hands on it, dude? You never know. Do you think there's a camera? Because a lot of cameras would be, that's where you'd put a camera. Yeah, in the old day, like a spy movie. Yeah. What's your computer screen look like? Is it all pretty taped up? Yeah.

I don't even know what that may have thrown at me. You have the camera covered. Oh, yeah. Oh, for sure. Oh, for sure. You type behind a billboard of another guy just so they don't tell you. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure.

Caitlin Blanchard, the Blanchard family. The Blanchard family is back. Old money, the Blanchard family. Whatever happened to the show that Big Bird and Aaron were on together for an episode? Did that air? If not, when will it and where can we see it? It's coming out in August. The show is called Sprung, created by a friend of the podcast, Greg Garcia. Yeah.

Brian and I are on it. Brian's in a couple episodes. I'm in one. I'm in the pilot. I saw a little sneak peek. It looks awesome. It looks awesome. It's very cool to be a part of it. Yeah. I'm going to get Greg. Greg's going to come by because we talk about Greg a lot. Greg Garcia. He listens to the podcast. Yeah. Yeah. I remember reading this. I saw the script early and it was like, he's unreal, dude. I mean, I'll tell you, he won't say it.

Yeah. I mean. Very humble guy, it seems, but he's the man. Very humble, but I mean, there's not, he's probably the best writer I've ever seen. And he writes everything so quick. He created My Name is Earl and a bunch of stuff. I like a ton of, I can't remember my last name.

I ruined a lot of tape laughing. Yeah. I messed up a lot of tape. It's just very funny. It was like, this is legitimately funny. Yes, dear. My name is Earl Season 1. One of the best shows. Yeah, my name is Earl. Yes, dear. Raising Hope. Okay. The guest book. Wow. I'm going to rattle them off. Maybe a couple other. He'll tell you. Ask him. He'll tell you about them.

So August, that's going to come out. We'll be talking about it. We'll be talking about it. We will keep you posted on that. They have ads. I've seen a picture. Cool. Yeah.

Yeah.

After being told that dyslexia is genetic, I asked my father if anyone in the family has it. His response was, yeah, me, grandpa, your uncle, and cousin are all dyslexic. This information would have helped a lot in school. I wonder if we have anybody in our... You might. I might. It's only recently diagnosed. Oh, yeah? You know, and I know this because Rudy, Daniel Rudiger, the movie Rudy, he was diagnosed as dyslexic.

In college. And at the time, he had never heard of it. There's a line in the movie where he's like, I have this thing called dyslexia. And he's like, it's where the letters get mixed up. It was kind of a new thing back then. So he had to get through that. Yeah. On top of...

Him not being good enough. Right. He had dyslexia. For Notre Dame. 100 nothing, five foot nothing. You have dyslexia. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Doesn't Joe Montana can't stand Rudy? Oh, I talked. I met a guy, yeah, who was on recently. Who was on a couple years. They overlapped on the team. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, dude. It was annoying. Yeah. He's an annoying kid. Yeah. He's a kid who's not good enough to be on the team, and he won't shut up at practice. Yeah. God, this guy stinks. Yeah, that's funny.

Yeah, that's funny to be. It's all your perspective. It's this heartwarming story, and he gets in. Because there's a mix of that go-getter attitude, but then you're also like, well, go put it into something you can be good at, and you're going to be great. But he maybe inspired a lot of people when they move about him. Joel Montana's like, they didn't move about me. I did pretty good. Yeah.

If you're Joe Montaigne, you're like, make a movie on who? Yeah. He's like, I didn't even try to play that hard. That's actually just really good. It's out there, yeah. They made a movie about that kid from practice, Rudy? Rudy? They make a movie about this podcast just about baits. It's when none of us are in it. It's on Nate Land. It's only baits. It just...

Yeah, yeah. That's Brian's song. Yeah, it's Brian's song. Yeah, I'm a little annoyed. I mean, I'll be honest with you. It's called Nate Lane. I thought I'd be shown. I mean, Rudy, they don't even show Joe Montana. There's not even – do they even allude that it's Joe Montana? So Joe Montana played on this team the same time? I don't think – they might have overlapped for a couple of years, but it wasn't like – But they were still even on the same team.

Joe Montana, I guess, wasn't one of the people that laid his jersey down on the desk. That scene never happened, unfortunately. That was creative license. Yeah, no one was... Did they carry him off the field on their shoulders? 1975 was the year Rudy made the sack. Yeah, so... And then, so Joe Montana was there...

74 to 79. So, yeah, it was his sophomore year. I mean, it's kind of crazy, though. They don't make a big deal about it. And it's Joe Montana won a national championship. They didn't win the national championship that year. No. So they don't even make a movie about the year they have. And Joe Montana, I'll be honest, I could see Joe being a little upset.

Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, I mean. Yeah. All right. Sorry. Leave all that in. Eric Yates. Nate, I recently listened to your appearance on the 2013 episode of The Crab Feast with Ryan Sickler and Jay Larson, and you told a longer, fuller version of the concussion story, which later became the joke in your special Nine Years Later.

My question is, did you always know that story would eventually be a joke or in your act? And did it take you that long to fully think of a way to make it stage ready? Or did something just one day click in your memory that made you want to make it into a joke? The dedication it takes to never let such a great story go is truly impressive. Thank you. I'm the Joe Montana of the Rudys. That's what he's saying. Thank you.

You're my Joe Montana. I don't know if I'm reading this right, but it's Eric Yates. Eric said, you're my Joe Montana. Eric, well, bless your heart. Yeah. You have those stories. I had that one. I actually told a version of that one on something else, but it was never that in detail. And it was on maybe yelled at by a clown. Maybe. Or something. But it was never the... I never had it. And then it came back. It came back just because...

But I didn't really tell it. It wasn't really like... I knew I could tell it again because it wasn't that big of a thing. And then when my dad said he met that guy in prison that found me up that concussion. Did we just talk about that here? We talked about it last episode. Last episode. Yeah, that's funny. And then... So when I met that guy, my dad met that guy, he...

It was like, oh, he told me that. And I told it on, yeah, Crab Feast. He told it somewhere else. I told my cousin Tuesday, the wedding story with Tuesday. I told that on Marc Maron, like on the live. Oh, really? I did a live WTF. And I want to say that's one of the first times I've ever told that story was on that. And then I ended up telling him my act. But yeah, sometimes you just need, you can't figure out, like it could be a story that

And then you're like, you know, that whole story is like, you don't want it to be a sad kid falling off a cliff. Right. So you just got to figure out how can I make it like all kind of be funny and not.

Not this kind of sad. And so you just kind of, sometimes you got to sit, it is, you do sit, wait, you just go try it somewhere and you can't figure it out. And then you're just, you just, I think it just stays in your brain. And then you just end up one day, something, it's kind of like you're saying one day it does something kind of clicks. Are you thinking about that story? For me, a lot of times they'll happen with, uh,

When I'm writing a new hour, because when you do a new hour sometimes you go back to some stories that have never made specials. I might have 20-something minutes or more of just kind of random stuff that just never made something. This next special has a couple things that were always kind of my randoms.

But they actually might make this special. I'm not positive yet, but there's actually a place for them. You need a place. Yeah, I find that you can have an idea and then just not be as good of a writer as you need to be at that time.

And then like later you, you go back to that same story and you're like, oh, now I know how to tell that. Yeah. Before it was a story I could tell, but now it's a joke. I remember, and I wrote, I would try to write stuff down. And I remember just being, I remember thinking I'm not good enough to tell this shit. And then I would just, just.

I don't know where I wrote that stuff down. I wish I would know. Yeah. Because then whatever ideas I would have had. But there was a lot of times I could say, I don't know how to do this. Yeah. And so then I'd be like, it's very funny, but I don't know how to tell it. Yeah. And so I got to wait until I'm ready.

And yeah, it's exactly an adventure. You get ready. Yeah. And you just sit on something sometimes and I don't know, I just feel like, and they, and there is that thing you say about, you need a place for it. I've got some small jokes that never really worked on their own, but then I'll tell a story and I'll go, Oh, I can slip that little joke in right here. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's what I do. Yeah. I love it. All right. Uh, so this week, uh, we are talking about maps, maps, maps. All right. This is fun. I love a map.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, for when we went hiking, we... Well, you have all trails. There's like an app you can do. I use all trails. Yeah. But you still think you should probably have a regular map too because it's like phone goes... Like that first time we went hiking, we didn't have enough water. Everybody's phone's dead. Like...

you're like, oh, you don't have service. Even though you can download it, you're like, well, you should still probably carry it. Yeah, if the phone dies or something. Yeah, yeah. Have a real regular map. But I like a map. I did maps when I was doing my delivery stuff and when I moved to New York and delivered. I used a little map that was the book. Oh, the unfoldable. Yeah. What had the...

Yeah, no, it had the spirals in the back of it. Oh, okay. But you would just go look at the streets and then know like, all right, here left. I mean, I read a map. Like I could drive and just look at it. It'd give you a warning street. I remember when I started driving, when I would go to a friend's house, I would go to MapQuest at home and I printed out

the directions. That's when I started. And that was just starting to go away. People were starting to get smartphones then. I got into a little Mac quest. I remember when we were... I think that's so crazy. I think that makes me sound old now. Well, what's funny is it weirdly does and it makes me sound even...

that much older is that you're like, I barely saw the end of it. And you're like, that was like a game changer. Like, I remember going on the road and like, you didn't print to, I didn't grab the directions out of the printer. And you're like, what are we going to do now?

And it was like how you got anywhere. I remember just having, you just have papers and papers of the directions on the MapQuest just in your seat because you had to get, you know. I couldn't imagine doing comedy with MapQuest. We went to Atlanta one time to meet a buddy. We were living in Opelika. We went to Atlanta. We had the MapQuest directions. We missed a turn. We just turned around and went home. We have no idea how to get back to where we were to even get the map going again.

Yeah. To get back on track. Yeah, because it doesn't, you don't just reroute. Yeah. You're like, I got to be back where I know where the directions are going from. You just went home. Yeah. We're like, yeah. It's too much. Yeah. Yeah. I remember they, I remember people using MapQuest too, like after, like, well, because then after MapQuest, it wasn't, smartphones weren't,

it was the GPS system. Right. And so then I remember, but those were expensive. Those Tom Toms? Yeah, Tom Toms. I remember finally getting one. I remember like, I finally get a Tom Tom and you're like, that's crazy. I can't believe I got one. It was, but I remember a lot of people, because even when Tom Toms were out, it was like you started doing MapQuest because it was just Tom Toms were expensive.

And he couldn't afford them. And then they weren't able to get one. And then it was like you trusted it so much. And then now it's like, yeah, you still should know. Like, it is a weird thing that you're like, that's the thing is like a map. You do want a map. And the fact that it is kind of like trusting everything goes wrong. It's it's.

You're done. Yeah. I delivered pizzas back in the day and we had on, you know, you type in the address and it gave you these coordinates and then you go to a big map on the wall. It'd be like G7. And so you'd go and you'd find it on the map and then we would just drive there. We would just go, okay. Now I grew up in the town. So I was like, oh, okay. I know where that's at. So you just go there from there, but no, no phone map. I mean, I drove the other day and there's a little road construction and I put it in my phone. I'm like,

I know this town. I can just do this. But my instinct is, oh, put it in the phone so you don't get lost. Yeah. I don't use it. I'm trying to think. If I go downtown, I'll use it. Some of it's for just the traffic now. You're using it just to be like, is there going to be traffic? But other than that, or if I'm trying to see how long it's really going to take me, I'm like, that'll be 18 minutes. I'm trying to really see an exact, I'm late, whatever.

but yeah, I don't, uh, it's, it is, I, you try to sometimes be like, I don't need it. And so I, while I doing it, I came here without it today. Oh yeah. I'll challenge myself a little bit. Oh yeah. I started doing that. I'll drive to Zaney's and back without it. And then I drove here without it the first time today. Oh yeah. I just needed to remember the exit number. Did it work? It got here fine. Uh,

Yeah, you are here. I don't remember. Yeah, exit numbers I don't ever remember. Yeah, it only took me 110 times driving here before I figured it out. Wow, that's interesting. Yeah, 110 episodes. Yeah. Do you GPS it? Every time, yeah. But I've only been here six or so. Yeah, yeah.

That's true. Yeah. You strike me as a guy. You go outside and you feel the wind and you can just... Well, I got a good sense of direction, but something about the car now, I'm just so dependent on the phone. Yeah. Just the phone is trapped sucking my life force out. I think I got a good sense of urgency. I can always feel. I think that way's north right now. Is that way north? I don't know. I have no idea though. Is it north? Doesn't it feel north? Yeah, let's figure it out. I think that way's north.

You just kind of feel it? Yeah, I feel it. South should be behind us, east-west. You know, you can look at like moss on a tree. Is that really north? All right. Boom. That's good. Yeah. I know I'm in my house, but like... Yeah. But it's like I can always just kind of be like, yeah, it's that way. I can just picture it. I mean, I guess you could... Yeah. I think where we're sitting right now, I'm sitting...

exactly the way the interstate's going. Yeah. Versus like I'm sitting in your seat, you know, then it would feel that way where I would be, I'd be like, it's east. But just like, It's impressive. Even people, you know, live, I've never got lost in this room. You didn't use GPS to get, we, I forget if we tried to use a compass. No, oh, that day we were kind of, the one hike went bad, we tried, we were like, does anybody have a compass? And then, and that was a little tough, you know, because you're, you're, you know, we were in,

Reno, like by Lake Tahoe, like in the mountains up there. So you're like, you don't, you definitely don't know where you're at and you got to kind of feel it. But yeah, I have a good, yeah, I think I have an okay sense of direction.

I remember coming out of New York, though, the subway. When I first moved there and I came out of the subway, you would be like, I don't even. Yeah. And I always think where, and what's funny is I always think the extreme. So I think, where's my home? Like Old Hickory. Yeah. So then I'm like, which way is Old Hickory? And you're like, I'm like, it doesn't matter really where it's at. But it's like, to me, I know Old Hickory South. So it's like, what way is home? Like, if I want to go home, I got to go that way. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. I mean, I, I, I find New York overwhelming, but, um, coming out of a subway, you're like, wow, this, uh, whole different city that I'm in. It takes you, you get used to it though. I mean, it's a grid. The city's a grid. So, uh,

And you end up – I mean, it would take me – when I go back, I'm all right. But I'm not – I wasn't – I'm not in it like I was. Yeah. And when you're in it every day, you just kind of come out and you just kind of know where you're at. I used to go down into the subway and then I'd be like, oh, this is not the right one. And then I would come back up, cross the street, go into another. I was like, I don't know what's going on here. My mom has the worst sense of direction. She's a very stressful driver. She gets very stressed driving. She was in a car accident years ago, so it's kind of like –

She can't handle it. We did a family trip. For some reason, she was driving. And this is still referenced among the family today. We're like eight hours into this trip. We're in the neighborhood of the house we're going to. And I was helping her navigate. And I gave her the wrong... I said, turn left. We're in a neighborhood. She turns the wrong way. And I go, oh, that's the wrong way. Sorry. She goes...

You blew it, buddy. She goes, you blew it. Like, seriously. I go, we're like, just turn around. She goes, oh, you blew it. Yeah. Well, maybe she was so happy to make it. Yeah. Well, finally, we got there. She's like, all right, we're calmed down. But she was still just so stressed out. You blew it. That's a lot of pressure. Eight hours in. I've got you all the way here. Your mom calls you a buddy. I'm your son. Yeah. All right, pal.

That's like if my wife calls me dude, I'm like, she's mad. Oh, really? You blew it, buddy. I like that, though. Yeah, you blew it. So we say that all the time now. Anytime something does really small, put the wrong forks out, you blew it, buddy. The wrong forks, huh?

I don't know. Look at that. Big. I mean, good night. We're seeing hands in sight. What did your mom ask? Did you ask the driver? Hey, do you mind if I take over? I meant like plastic forks versus, but that did sound. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Salad forks here? Oh, that's funny. Excuse me. I don't know.

I don't understand how I'm supposed to eat this oyster with my Caesar salad fork. How many? Would y'all set out multiple forks? I was talking about plastic forks versus the regular ones.

Who even says you put out the wrong forks then? I think you meant what you meant, and you're so trying to get out of it now that you're going like, no, I meant like plastic and regular. But that never happens. I told you to put the regular forks out, not the plastic. You're like, the pastor's coming over. We would have sub meals, paper plates, plastic, and you'd throw everything away. Sometimes, let's use real plates. Yeah. That's what I meant. Yeah.

You're not buying it, but that's what I was talking about. You blew it, buddy. You blew it, buddy. You blew it. And then you go, Aunt B? And she has to come get the other forks. That would be funny if you found out I had an Aunt B in my house, just an in-house person.

Map making, cartography, that's what it's called. What's it called? Cartography. Oh, cartographer. You've heard of cartographer? Does that have anything to do with cars? No. That's convenient. Does that really work out? I think that's why they call it a car. Is that why they call it a car? I don't think so at all. Well, that really worked out then. Yeah, it's convenient. I wasn't even thinking about cars. Well, I mean, that's funny that, you know...

They called it cartography in who knows when. It's a French word. The French word for map or card is carte. So mid-19th century. So that means... Does that mean 18-something? Yeah. So... That's so dumb. I know. I know. I always have to do that too. Subtract one and that's what it... Yeah. So 1800s cartography. Sorry. Is that how they... They might have come up with car for...

Let's look it up. Because why would you, I mean, that really worked out. What is that? What does that mean? What does etymology mean? Huh? Etymology is where the word came, the history of the word, where it came from.

You ever see like a spelling bee, like a kind of language of origin, please? That's just the etymology. No, when I Google something, I get a lot more stuff up at the top of mine that says, what are you trying to ask? I don't get. Did you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mine would have said like, where did the word car? I actually have a joke about this right now that I do on stage, but I think I get sent down a dumb internet.

And I think this is the internet that you get. Yours says Oxford Lake. Let me Google what I would type, how I would have asked this. Yeah, ask where the word car came from. Yeah, these wires are little. Oh, yeah. We got it. Yeah, so if I was sitting here and had to Google it, where did the word car come from?

See, mine always has, mine's just trying to tell me back to, let's cut to the chase here. And then I'm like, this is how they lose me because they go etymology of the word. I go, I didn't want to know. I don't want to know etymology. I want to know where did, that's what I would have said to this person. I don't want to know that. Where did the word come from?

And then that's why I go to what people also ask. And that's where I head to. When do they start using the word car? You're a big people also ask. I only learn from where people are asking. It was around 1300. That's an old word they said. Yeah. See, the root of car is carus, which is a Latin word. The root of cartography is carte, which is a French word.

Yeah. The joke I have, just so people, I don't want to do it, is I'd go into this people also ask. I like, I'll talk about Googling something. Oh, yeah? I haven't heard of that. It's a newer one? No, it's in my eagle joke. Oh. Oh, okay. But I've made it like kind of like, it's a joke that's like really about we have the eagle in our backyard. But then in the middle of the joke is kind of about me not knowing how to Google. And so I've kind of like...

almost it's like I've it was like finding something that goes in somewhere else it just kind of works and so it's like it's fun to like it's almost I'm doing two bits because it like you're almost doing two jokes like you know I got one joke is about this eagle and building a nest and the other joke is about me not knowing how to google

And then so combine them. Pretty good. Yeah, two jokes intertwined. Two jokes intertwined. I know about this because there's a great episode of, sorry, The West Wing where they talk about it. This is... What did they talk? Oh, the Mercator map. Oh, sorry. Yeah, West Wing sounds brutal because everything... Like...

It is everything that's like the most boring thing we could ever say. You're like, there's a whole West Wing episode about this. This is encyclopedia. Fault this other encyclopedia. That's the only big word. That's the only. If they said say a big word, I would just say encyclopedia. That's the only big word. Encyclopedia, dictionary. Yeah. Yeah. The things that have the big words. Yeah.

Yeah. But you go type in car etymology. Well, this is what's fun. This is what's fun about any... It's just at its core, it's an office place drama slash comedy. It's like an office without the jokes. The West Wing's a comedy? It's very funny in some parts, dude. They showed this. What, do you have a Harvard degree to get the jokes? No.

But it's just a vehicle, especially if you're in a White House. It's like that's an excuse to talk about basically anything. You laugh at all the jokes, you go... You go... Yeah, that's how I laugh. That's how you laugh at the jokes. And I'm like...

That's why I laugh. Yeah. And you're like, I thought that was the sad part. And you go, no, it's a reference. You wouldn't get it. You wouldn't get it. It's a reference. Yeah. You know, they use this West Wing thing that you're talking about on a lot of conspiracy videos. They'll bring up this clip. Oh, this clip from this. Yeah. Oh, really? So this is, yeah. This is the world probably as you know it, Nate. It's the world. The world as I know it. That is.

Pretty much the whole world. This is the map that was used for a long, long time. It's called the Mercator Projection. Yeah. And the issue with this, even though this is, when I still think about the world, I think about it looking like this. Yeah, that's how I think of it. Mostly about the relative sizes between things. Yeah. Look, how big the United States is compared to South, about the same size as South America.

Right? Yeah. We're a little bit bigger. Close. Greenland. I mean, how big is Greenland up there? It's enormous. It's as big as Africa. I don't know. What are you sizing? I think if you count, I guess if you count- If this is Greenland, I mean, that's huge. That is huge. But North America is gigantic. It's way bigger than South America. That's what I'm- Okay. I was thinking just like United States. Oh, well, if you're breaking down here, Tennessee's a lot smaller than South America. That's what we're doing. No.

No, I was just saying like the relative sizes between each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the argument is, and in West Wing somebody comes in and presents this, is that this is an inaccurate depiction of the world, and it's much more likely the Gall-Peters projection. And this is what the world looks like.

Which looks, if you're used to the last one, this looks like it's just a distorted image. It's just stretched out. It's just stretched out. But look how big Greenland is now compared to Africa. Like Africa is so big. Yeah. South America is so much bigger now. Europe is like nothing compared to what it was. Yeah. Just to go back, that's what it looked like before. Yeah.

And they've argued over the years that this was done because... Go to Australia again? Yeah. Go back to... Yeah. Yeah. A little small there in the corner, and then it's a little bit bigger there.

So it's been argued that they used that original Mercator projection to like, if you wanted to argue that Europe's the best, I mean, this is the map to do it because it looks huge compared to everything else. But really, the world looks much more like that. So you mean Africa's the best? You could still be the best and be small, though. Yeah, yeah. Right. But it doesn't make like, you think China's huge and all this stuff. And then you're like, oh.

Yeah, it's actually more like that. But maybe they just made it because that would be weird to look at a map like this. Well, not really. What if you're starting from nothing? Imagine you grew up on this map. This one would look insane to you, this other one. I'd be like, oh, I can see it a little bit better. That's all I would say. I'd be like, yeah. I'd be like, the Gull on the Gull Peters projection. Yeah, that one you're like, so you didn't want to do the top part? Yeah, that's right. And you're like...

Well, he goes, I was just trying to like, I was like, let me guess. You forgot the top part. Let me just take a shot in the dark. You forgot the top part and you had to jam it in there. And that's why it's tough to see. I would think that's what I would say to the goal. And then that guy's like, I took the time. I took the time. And, you know, this could also just be, you know, there's no reason that the North is the North.

You could just flip this map upside down and it would be just as accurate. But if it's a globe, right? You could flip the globe upside down. There's no... You know what I mean? If it's a globe. Well, you know what I mean. Oh, that's funny. I know. It's just funny. I know. But I like just anybody saying it, you just go, if it's a globe, bear with me. Bear with me for a second, everybody. You know, it's all laid out here, all stretched out in a rectangle form. Right. Right.

Right. So when you roll it up... Well, that's what this was designed for, I think, is so it could be laid out over a sphere. Yeah. So how would it be laid out if it was all scrunched up at the top? No, this is just a depiction of it in two-dimensional format. And they would just say, why would they not... But why is the top part so jammed up there? Like, why... That's just what it is. That's what it actually is. There's just less up there. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like Canada should be more snow-like. They should more of a... Well, that looks like there's...

Well, you got Greenland's all snowy up there, but Canada is all green, and I don't think that's accurate. I think the white is for ice. Yeah. It's not for snow that's on the ground. Are you telling me Australia is not pretty icy? Like I would say in Africa, that's the hot part, and then that's the shady part. Yeah, Alaska, that's all the snow they got? Yeah, that's all the trees. There's Arizona. It's like, come over here. We're hot. We don't have a lot of trees. And then you come over here, and you're like, we got a lot of trees over here.

They've got a lot of white here. That's where glaciers and all that kind of stuff. I prefer this map to look at. Yeah. Yeah. But this could be upside down. I wish I could flip this upside down for you. This is... It could be... There's no reason that's the north and that's the south. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but we've already chose it. So now...

It'd be a lot to change it. Well, there would be a north because you've encompasses going to the north. But don't they have pictures of the globe showing that it's this way? Yeah, but you could, they took it from that orientation, but you could rotate around and take a picture. There's no fixed up and down in space. But it doesn't roll around like this though, does it? Sure it does, depending on where you're looking at it from.

I think you will only refer to it as a globe. Because you will only refer to globe as the thing that's bought in the store. But like even when you... I think Dusty's literally talking about a globe you buy at a store. Oh, this is a great example. The globe you buy in the store, when you spin it, it spins like that. It doesn't spin like this. Yeah. What do you mean? Like it... Look how big the South...

Part is. Yeah, because Antarctica's huge, huh? Yeah. That's Antarctica to be above us. Yeah. I mean, so much below, not a lot above. Yeah. I guess it's technically on top, right? Because it kind of reaches back around, and then you go to Green Island. Santa Claus really chose a place to live where there's not a lot going on. Yeah. He had all this land down here. If you don't want to be bothered. So this could easily be the world right here. Huh.

And I think we should look at it like this, you know? Yeah. Just to keep us grounded a little bit. Yeah, yeah. That's very confusing. It is. Well, the sun's on the top, so that's why... Maybe that's why all those hot places are... But why? There's too much snow up there. It'd burn. It'd burn that snow at the top. So that's not good. We might utilize that peninsula underneath South America too if we were up there. Yeah, you'd just be falling... Put some resorts up there. Falling north the whole time. You know how hard it'd be to go...

Go south, you're like, I got to trick up this. You got to drive straight up. Yeah, I don't think that it can spin this way around, though, from top to bottom. No, it doesn't spin. It's still going to spin the same direction, but there's no...

There's no floor and ceiling in space. You can orient yourself any way you want. So you can look at the earth like this, and that's no more right or wrong than looking at it. Well, I think that you're saying you can see it any way you want. And I agree, you can see it, however, but there is a right or wrong. Yeah, there's a north in the fact that our land is... I pointed to north. That's the north. And if there's...

Like you're saying, like if you look at space, this is like... You're in space. This is straight up what college does. You learn no trade. You come out of college. You know nothing but to like annoy your dumb friends. Yeah. You go and just go, but what are you? It's all hypothetical. And then you get all...

gassed up about hypothetical and then you know and then the rest of us are just stuck listening to you but you don't how are you not getting it and you're like you know you paid 400 grand to have this conversation I don't know yeah I guess I would fight for it too you know yeah we should give it to them it cost them half a million dollars to learn that it could be at any point that is true but if I tell you come meet me north I bet you know where to go yeah I'd meet you there well

And 44 CE, which I believe means AD. What? What are you talking about? It means AD? Yeah. Why is it also CE? See, sometimes it's represented CE. Well, that's dumb. Well, who does that? I don't know. I don't know what it means, CE. AD means Anno Domini. I know that. That's now, right? Yeah, we're in AD right now. Yeah, and CE. CE. CE.

CE means common era. It's the secular equivalent. If you don't want to say Anno Domini, which means year of our Lord, you say CE, and that's the secular version of CE. That word made. 2016. It wasn't? I'm kidding. No, they've been saying that for a while. Yeah. It's just how it was written on this, according to this.

In 44 CE, year of our Lord, Pliny the Elder, an ancient Roman thinker, wrote that all creatures on the land had a counterpart in the ocean.

We just had no idea. He thought, oh, there must be some kind of counter world. Like a mermaid. In the ocean. Yeah. So ancient cartographers, old maps always had sea monsters on the maps to appear like aquatic versions of land animals, like sea cow, sea pigs. That's where all those terms come from. Sea horse, sea lion. I'll believe that. I'll buy into that. I like that. Because you just thought, oh, there must be some equivalent to it in the ocean down there. I'll buy into that. And there kind of is, I guess.

I mean, a seahorse does have a horse face. Yeah. Yeah. That is for sure. See a seahorse. Exactly. I mean, in a way, like it doesn't look exactly, but there's the great white is the, you know, the lion of the. Right. If you were small enough, you could ride a seahorse. Yeah. And I think that'd be a lot of fun. Yeah.

Yeah. That little fin, you could just rest yourself right on the back of that? I think his flaps would hit you. Oh, yeah. You may have to rest a little higher. That would be terrifying if one was big enough to be ridden, though. If one of those was that big. Yeah. You would have to get... You'd have to train it. Yeah, you'd have to train it. You can't. You'd have to get too high. You don't just get on a wild horse, either. You got to break them. Mm-hmm. That's right. You got to break a seahorse. You got to do that with a seahorse. Oh, a sea cow. Look at that thing. A sea cow. I'll tell you what. When you go...

Now that I'm a world-class hiker, I've been chowhiking a lot. Dude, is this your, when you graduate high school?

For the listeners, I have Seacow typed in the Google images, and Nate just asked me if it was my senior portrait from high school. There you go. Number 97. What number are you? What number are you? Yeah. What do you mean? In football? Oh, 56. 56. You had a 56 jersey on. Oh, that's good.

Only, you know, 70% of Earth's surface is covered in water, and researchers are trying to map every last inch of it. On June 21st, which is World Hydrography Day, which I guess is cartography of water. Wait, that's the day they're going to do it? June 21st of this year, I believe, according to this. That's a holiday? Every year, yeah. World Hydrography Day. You don't celebrate? Every day. You know what I mean? So they only do it one day a year? Yeah.

No, but it's the worldwide day where they call attention to it. On that June 21st, a group of international researchers announced that they are about one-fifth of the way to that goal, having mapped 20.6% of Earth's total underwater area using modern sonar techniques. Matter of fact, that's my anniversary. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Is it really? So we'll now add that to the list of things for the day to celebrate. So what do they do? They just check in with us every once a year and they go, we're at...

20%, huh? Really making a lot of progress. Yeah. Well, the project is called Seabed 2030. It aims to map 100% of the global ocean floor by 2030. Using this technology from science vessels, corporation, and private boat owners around the world. They're going to get all the info together and have a fully mapped map.

all the oceans. So you guys, you take your own private boat out. You're like, do you mind taking a couple pictures of the ocean bottom? You guys plan on doing some fishing out there today? Do you mind chipping in on this science? That's, you know, people don't trust science. You're like, I don't know because he's asking my uncle Rob to go take pictures of the ocean. Maybe I didn't

How the fish biting today? You mind dropping this down? Map out the ocean floor. And just crick, one of those cameras that you wind that's got the plastic covering over it.

But they say, I think we've said it before on this podcast, that we know more about space than we do the ocean. But by 2030, that's all going to be over with. It's all going to be changed. We're going to have it all mapped out. Yeah. We're going to know exactly where everything is. It's pretty exciting. Yeah, I'm into that. I mean, how do they not have, like...

They can't do this with satellites or something? Well, they're using that. Yeah, it's just a lot of ground to cover, dude. What about the kind of technology they put into sending a rover to Mars? You'd think they'd be able to maybe send that to the ocean floor. Yeah. You know what I mean? What's the... Call it an ocean rover. Yeah.

Like a Roomba. Yeah. Yeah. Roomba. Like, why don't they throw a Roomba? Like, you know, throw a few thousand Roombas. Yeah. Instead, we got things sweeping the kitchen floor. Yeah. It's like, let's check out the ocean floor. Let's just check out the bottom of the ocean, sweep it up down there. Roomba's pretty awesome, though. We'll do the broom, and we'll do the broom up here. Do you have a Roomba? No. You don't like it? I don't. I mean, I'm not against it. I just, you know, yeah, I don't want a robot wandering around the house. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I don't care for that. He goes, I don't know. How'd he get upstairs? Yeah. I find that, you don't find that weird? He goes, you just wake up, he's under your bed. You're like, Roomba! How did you get up these stairs? How dare you? Yeah, I mean...

I don't want a Roomba or a Alexa or any of those roaming around the house. Yeah. You can do those Roombas now. They'll map out the room they're in and they know where everything is. It's kind of creepy when you see it moving around, learning about the room. Yeah, exactly. I like to put my foot over there just to remind it who's boss. Next thing I know, Alexa's riding the Roomba. They're talking to me. They're telling me to do things. Yeah, yeah.

Your Echo Dot or whatever on top of the Roomba. Yeah. Telling me how it's going to be? Take your shoes off. You're like, you're a robot, though. Clean up. Like they want you to. Yeah, my wife and the Roomba are on a team now. Yeah. You tell him to take his shoes off. Yeah. Modern cartographers will often, this is very cool, I didn't know this, they'll also, they'll put little fake towns and places into their maps on purpose.

They'll add fake cities in. They're called phantom settlements, paper towns, or bunnies. So that way, when they see another map with the same town, they know that it was stolen from them. Wow. Evidently, that was a huge problem in the cartography world. How many people are making maps? I mean, like, you know, how big is this world that they're like, are you kidding me, dude? This guy's trying to, you know. I already did the Rockies, buddy.

I bet it's like comedy. I mean, how many comedians are there really? Yeah, but what map are you doing? Is it down to the Where's Waldo guy call himself a cartographer? Is there some lines being drawn? Yeah. I mean, who's a cartographer? I don't understand. Who's making all these maps? Well, there's a group called the Cartographers for Social Equality.

Yeah. And that's a group. Is that really? Well, that's in the West Wing episode. I don't know if it's a real organization. It seems like they're doing a lot. Maybe let's just focus on the maps or the social stuff. Maybe they don't try to bring those in together. I would think there'd be a lot of fights because you're making the same thing over and over again. Yeah. So you're kind of just being like, well, this is my new take. I guess you could be...

well you know the Rockies this one they go up a little more you know it's like I guess yeah like that they built a road yeah yeah I guess you're updating roads but I wonder if you're in the map world do you want to even be in the road world because isn't Google like because you're like that's just a nightmare

Like if you'd be like, I just do generally, like if you went to Matt party, you're like, Oh, what did you, you know, what do you do? And he's like, I just do like state lines because I'm not getting into nothing crazy, nothing too crazy. He's like, I, I did rivers for a while. And then that's even, you know, just the politics in that alone is enough. Yeah. I mean, I, you know, there's a,

A map store in Seattle, Washington. Nothing but maps in there. Did you go in there? Yeah. I have several maps on the wall at my house. Of what? Just the country. Stuff you don't believe in? Yeah. Well, that is true. It looks good, though. I like a map. There are two towns in Ohio, good examples of paper towns, called Go Blue and Beedle Sioux.

Two towns right here, B-E-A-T-O-S-U and G-O-B-L-U. That's from a Michigan fan that made the map. Go blue and beat OSU. Oh, wow. And those are very common in maps.

Those two fake towns that he put in there. That's a fake town. Yeah, those are paper towns. Oh, I'm going to try to go to Go Blue when I'm up in Toledo. I'll be there. Yeah, I'll be in Toledo too. Yeah, I'm going to go check that out. Yeah, go to Go Blue, Ohio. Yeah. I wonder if like, yeah, they don't get in trouble for that? Who's, I mean, who's policing these people? Well, I don't want to go, what if you're driving and you can't find Go Blue and then you're like, you know, you're just lost for hours. Yeah.

Why would you be going to Go Blue? It's part of the way. Let's stop at Go Blue to eat. And then that kind of maps it out. And then you get to Go Blue. And it's like 9 o'clock. Well, there's supposed to be a town Go Blue. And I was hoping there'd be food here. Well, by the time you get to the next town...

It's 10 o'clock and everything's already closed. And you're like, the map says I'm in Gober right now. Yeah. And then that guy goes, well, that's a fake town to make sure people don't steal my map. You're like, well, I mean, you stole every other city is basically all stolen then. Yeah. So how do you even? I don't know. I don't know if anybody's held these people accountable. Yeah. Who's the cartography police?

I guess it's just like a free market. Maybe let's just stop buying maps with fake towns on them. Yeah, get some regulation in them. Oh, might need to. We'll see. The first ever map is called the Turin Papyrus Map. It's a map of Egypt created around 1160 BC. It's considered the first road map because it showed where people could pass around riverbends. Tough to see now, but here's an artistic depiction of it.

You can kind of see it. The first map ever drawn. First guy to think, maybe I should draw this out. The way you say stuff, that is the difference of, I think, college and not college. What do you mean? Like you just said, you're like, this is kind of an artistic, what did you say? Artistic depiction of it. And I would have said, this is a little bit easier way to see it. That's honestly what I would have said. And that's pretty great. That is funny that that's...

Interesting. Because we have pictures of the actual map, which are hard to read. And then this guy drew what was on the map. And I would have said, this guy made it easy. This is basically what it looks like. I would say, what is that? So we're both saying the same thing. I'm just saying it in a little more annoying way. No, no. You're saying it in like... I mean, I think it's how people have real jobs. People are supposed to talk. I'm not even making fun of it. I'm truly like, that could be where...

Why I didn't last in buildings. I didn't ever work in a building because I just, my thing. You're an outdoor cat. Yeah. It's a little bit easier to see it over this way. This guy just goes, this is basically it. Yeah, it's tough to compete with a person that knows a lot of words.

If you're in a job, like if you're doing a job interview. You like it. The way he said it, I liked it said to me better. The way he said that, I would follow him over myself who would say, here's a little bit easier way to look. I would be like, well, that guy, I feel like knows what he's doing and talking about. And me would have been. Just the confidence with which I said it?

I mean, just the words and the way you said it and like, you know, it's the fact you don't even think about saying it. I really, yeah, I don't know. So this is an interesting example of Dusty talking about not trusting these maps. And this is for up until the 1800s, every major commercial map of Africa stretching across the western part of the continent to all the way to the right is the Mountains of Kong.

That's what it's called. You see this mountain range right here in the middle? Yeah, King Kong. That does not exist. Wow. That's just 100% made up. It might be a paper tale. Paper mountain range. Yeah, maybe, yeah, they were like, yeah, if another map has this mountain range on it, we know that they stole it from us. But this could actually inconvenience you. If you're planning a trip

And you're like, I've got to go around these mountains. Well, I imagine if you're looking at this map and you go, do you want to go to the unknown parts for vacation? I mean, where are your vacations happening at this time period? I'd rather go here than Ohio. Let me tell you that. But I'm saying go blue Ohio. Like you're going there now. You're looking literally below the Kong Mountains. It says unknown parts.

Like no one's going, it goes, I don't know. I even think seeing mountains on a map that aren't there is like a huge blessing in the end. You get down, you're like, oh, we're about to have to cross these mountains. You get down there, you find out they don't exist. You're like, oh, great. So they know what the outside looks like because they sailed around it. But then the unknown parts are like, I don't know. Couldn't get over it because of those mountains. It would be fun. Is there any unknown land? I think I should try to look that up.

You read these uncontacted tribes and stuff? Yeah, but I thought they were fake. No, some of them are real, man. People die trying to contact them. There's one where they had a picture of one. He saw an airplane. Shooting a drone? That was fake, though. That ended up being fake. Talking about this one right here? Yeah, that was fake. That's a real image. No, no, no. It's fake.

Okay. Look at it. I mean, it might be a real picture, but they're saying they faked that. Yeah. Oh, I'm pretty sure this is an isolated Amazon tribe. I don't think so. And they didn't know what. They just started attacking this drone flying over, taking pictures. Yeah. It was a guy. I thought it was like an even- Oh, one of these pictures, yeah, may have come out and that it was fake. Yeah. Uncontacted, yeah, I mean. Uncontacted tribe photos. No hoax. Not a hoax.

That's live science. We don't, we don't believe in science. You gotta go to page two for the, yeah, for the real answers. All right. Anyway, there's good stuff on there. So I went, my wife's Canadian. And one time we were in Canada and we were on the, we were coming back to the States and we put a, put the maps. We pulled the map up and then we screenshot it, all the different pages. Cause we didn't have signal. You know, I didn't have a phone service in Canada and,

So it should have been a really easy interstate exchange. But I guess my Google Maps was set to fastest route. So this one was like one minute, two minutes faster. So it sent us all through all of these small towns in Canada. And we didn't really have another way to fix it.

So all day we followed kilometers. We navigated our whole way through these small towns in Canada all the way to get to the border. And it was wild. Yeah. It was fun. But it was like reading the old maps back in the day. It's like, all right, we got to go this many kilometers this way, make a left. And it's like, we were doing this in like 2017. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, it was a wild trip. I feel like when you're...

You're going to be like when you and your wife are in your 60s, and then you go, my wife's from Canada, that you'll be like, what? People will be blown away by it. Because I think you're going to be far enough out in the bush. Oh, right, right, yeah. That it's going to be, your wife's foreign? And you're you? That you're like, you look like you were born here. Yeah. In the bush. Yeah. Yeah. I can't wait. Yeah. I mean, I was talking to somebody. I want to get a horse.

And we were talking about riding a horse, bareback, no saddle. Yeah. That's where I see myself in the future. Yeah, yeah. Just you run up on my house, and there I am just sitting on a horse looking at you. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Having a good time. Yeah, we're having a good time. Having a good time. Hello, folks. Hello, folks. Let's go, folks. That's how you get your horse to go. Yeah, yeah. Let's go, folks. Hey, bear. Hey, bear. Hey, bear. Hey, bear.

Well, there's kind of a tragic story about...

Talk about not trusting this Google Maps and things. Amber Van Heck, a 24-year-old college student from Denton, Texas. Can I just say, everyone laughs at me when I don't trust anything. I'm talking about all of us not trusting. But then all of a sudden, we come to stuff, we're like, actually, we don't trust it either. Yeah. Oh, that's how I'm framing this. Yeah. Oh, I know. I'm with you. I'm just saying, I'm supporting it. Okay. A 24-year-old college student from Texas was sightseeing by herself near the southern rim of the Grand Canyon when the GPS instructed her to make a wrong turn.

leading her through increasingly rough terrain. Her car ran out of gas. She lost internet service, stranded in the desert for 119 hours. Jeez. Did she die? No, she didn't die. If she did die, Brian left that out of the information here.

But I feel like if she would have died, Brian definitely would have put that in. Yeah. Well, you led that up that she died. I hadn't finished reading the paragraph when I started it. I thought it was going to get wild. Yeah. 119 hours. That's a long time out there. No, it's a very long. Yeah. What is 20? Yeah. It was a week. Or what is that? 20 times 7 is 140. So... Probably five days. Four or five days. And then...

How's she doing? How's she doing better? She still stays out there. About five days, yeah. About five days. She just decided to stay out there. Yeah, she goes, oh, so this one took a... She's out there with Chad riding. Everybody, I'll turn your volume down. This is a rough one. This girl make a wrong turn and survive. Oh. Oh. Oh.

It's a crazy story. It's crazy. Buckle up, everybody. I've got a survival kit in my car in case that ever happens. You already ate all the stuff out of it?

it's stuck in traffic at I-95 bring up in the get it's not even food dude it's all just it's not food at all he goes damn it dude I don't know why is that just rappers

Who wants it? And somebody else is just sitting there. Lucy's like, I mean, when did you want astronaut ice cream? And you're like, I was trying. There was nothing open. I don't know.

I thought I would eat it. That's what has to be in there. That's not ice cream, that hard ice cream. MREs. MREs. Just like, where were you going? Because you don't know the train I was going through. I had a one-nighter in Poughkeepsie. You don't know what I was driving through in those times. I had my car broke down in Gettysburg. It was like negative 10 degrees up there. That's cool. So that got me to.

Let me get a little box together of stuff that if that happens. You have a blanket? We used to keep a blanket in the car. Blanket. I got hand warmers. I got a big jug of water. I got a first aid kit. It's probably good to keep that water in your hot car all the time. Isn't that bad for it? Bad for what? The car? I don't know. I always thought it was bad to drink if water's been sitting in your car. Oh, if the plastic jug? Yeah. You should probably look into that. It's some glass. Yeah.

It might be a problem. Maybe get a glass jug for it. I think if you're in that scenario, you won't mind. I don't think I'll mind. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, yeah. What if the water's hot? That doesn't seem refreshing, even when you're thirsting today. Yeah. Well, if I'm stranded and I'm dehydrated, I'm not looking to be refreshed. I'm looking to keep living. Yeah, I guess that's true. And also, for some reason, all the dangerous scenarios in my head involve it being very cold. Yeah. That's where I'm most... The car's buried in snow or something.

Something like that's what I think of. Like an avalanche. An avalanche. Like you drove like, yeah, avalanche warning. There's avalanche warnings in Canada. Are there really? Yeah, because it snows. I mean, it just snows. It's hanging on the cliffs. And you're like, you feel like you're always about to watch them fall.

Did you see that documentary, The Alpinist? No, I almost started watching it. It's incredible, dude. This guy... Yeah, I'll watch it. This guy just climbs up. He climbs up frozen waterfalls. Yeah. Just not roped in at all. Yeah. Just free solos the side of these mountains. It's amazing. Yeah, I mean, that movie Free Solo...

He climbed up that mountain without a... That's on this alpinist. That guy comes on as like a... And he said, this is the most unbelievable person he's ever seen. This kid. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. This guy.

I mean, that guy's got to say that. That guy with Alex, that guy, dude, that guy, it's nuts. Alex Hunold, yeah. Yeah, he climbed up whatever mountain that was. Yeah, this guy's doing that to mountains too. He's doing crazy. He's climbing mountains nobody's ever climbed before, this guy. Okay, I'll watch it. I'll watch it tonight. Imagine being a guy that has his own documentary about climbing mountains and then there's another guy that's better. Yeah.

And that guy's the most famous guy is that other guy, Alex. Yeah. I was even going to watch. I may watch that. So you might. What's interesting about this guy. Good men.

Have you not seen A Few Good Men? Very good. Oh, dude. Aaron Sorkin. Oh, yeah? Aaron Sorkin, man. It's another Tom Cruise movie, though. That's what I like. That's what I'm there for. Yeah, Tom Cruise and Aaron Sorkin. I go for Tom Cruise. You go for Andy Sorkin. It's so good. Yeah. Is Aaron Sorkin an actor? No, he's a writer. He's the greatest writer of all time. He wrote A Few Good Men. He wrote The Social Network. He wrote Moneyball, which is the best baseball movie ever made.

He wrote The West Wing. He wrote Sports Night, The Newsroom. Oh, hi. It just seemed to go downhill from... What are you talking about? ...from Few Good Men. I mean, Few Good Men's a great movie. It is really good. I never saw any of the other movies. Social Network's maybe the best movie of the aughts.

I never saw it. That whole decade? I saw it. It's pretty great, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it's good. Moneyball's good? He won an Oscar for it. Oh, yeah. Moneyball's amazing. Moneyball's good. Is it? Yeah. They're still a losing team, but... Yeah, that's what I hear, yeah. That's the funniest part about Moneyball. They still haven't won anything. Yeah. It's about, like, it almost made...

It changed. It's a, it's a, they're, which, I mean, it's very real, but it is funny. Like, there's no, you're like, golly, so they won. How many World Series did they win? You're like, no. You're like, oh, okay. Yeah, they're terrible again this year, for sure. So are they still doing that technique or whatever? What were you going to tell me? I said the few good men thing.

Oh, was I? Oh, I don't know. Talking about the alpinist. Yeah. Oh, what was cool about him is all these other mountain climbers. They're like, I got to have a social media presence. I got to build a brand. And this guy, the alpinist, he's like, he would just go out and do it. No film crew, nothing.

And then just be like, I did it. So he was kind of known among mountain climbers, but never had the commercial appeal that Alex Henold did. But they all respected this guy. He did it literally just for the love of it.

And then they filmed it. Yeah, well, then they did a movie about it. Yeah. Once they found, they had to track him down. He didn't have email or anything. They found this guy living in some remote climbing community. And we're like, can we please? And he kept leaving the production and they had to find him again. He just had no interest in this. Yeah. Imagine like you're so good at rock climbing. That's the power of social media. You're like rock climbing, but still you're like, oh, but I need a social media presence.

Yeah. I love climbing rocks, but what I love more is other people seeing me love climbing rocks. Well, like how to get sponsored by a company so they send me gear and all that. He just didn't care. He's just out there. How did he make money?

He ended up getting sponsored by these people. But we also had no money. He'd go to these little towns all over the world, work for a while, save up money, and then just climb. Yeah. I just watched Into the Wild. Oh, that's a good one. It's a great movie. Sean Penn. Yeah.

Is that Sean Penn? Sean Penn wrote and directed it. Oh, okay. And then... See, he knows all the writers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's all you need to know right now. I have the screenplay at home if you want. Yeah. Shane Penn wrote it. Shane Sorkin. And then...

But, yeah, that's a guy that just, he would just go work for a little bit in town and then just get enough money to be like, like in the movie at one point, Vince Vaughn's in it. It's crazy. Vince Vaughn's great. Zach Galifianakis too? Zach Galifianakis is in it. And he gives him like $1,100 and he goes, it's too easy now. And so he gave away, I think, like $1,100 was like too much. Like he was like.

i this is too much money right like it took out the game that he wanted to play of it being like i want it to be hard i get the idea of that i think he should have crossed the river at the end instead of eating those berries well he didn't know that was that was the whole point but i was like he just went to the river he went to the river and he's like i can't cross and i think that he should have you know tried to travel a little bit further down to see if there was some

easier way to cross. Yeah. Well, he probably did in real life. Oh, yeah. Maybe you're right. A lot of the movie is them just speculating what happened at the end of his life. They don't know for sure that's even how he died was eating a wrong kind of bean. Yeah. But they just, they looked at his journals and they looked at what was going on and they thought that's probably how he died. Yeah, well, he probably maybe even just got the wrong bean.

Might have. Yeah. But he was struggling by the end there. Like his journal entries are rough. Yeah. He's like, it's not looking good. I'm almost out of rice. All this stuff. Yeah. So. Oh, wow. I used to be obsessed with that movie. Oh, really? Oh, obsessed with it. I think there's a part of every young man that's like, part of you wants to do what he did. I wanted to do it for sure. Yeah. I want to do it now, though. Yeah. Like, I don't want to do it. I never did it growing up.

But like now I get like the idea of just being just the –

not you have nothing attached you know like i mean i'm not now your family but it's like you wouldn't i mean i wanted to have like that's why the idea of like getting if you ever get laying and build something like for the family to be like we're living not yeah i don't want to be attached like rely on anybody well his whole thing was he thought and there because there were some old writers that thought this that you could be happy not just from human experiences right

That like I could just go out by myself, be in nature, and I could be just as happy as somebody with a family and kids and stuff. And then his big conclusion at the end, right before he died, was he wrote in the margins of a book, happiness only real when shared. Oh, yeah. He like basically realized in those last moments, I think like, oh, that was nonsense. Like I'm not truly happy out here by myself. There's a balance. There's a balance. I think there is. Yeah. Yeah.

Your life can't be about you. Yeah. I'm a big, gigantic believer in that.

it can't be, nothing can be about you. Yeah. You, you, it's the second it becomes about you is when it gets sad. And so people get depressed. They, people get, it's a, you gotta realize like, Oh, I'm thinking about myself a lot and I'm wondering how I feel and what I should be doing and what I am me, me, me. And the second you do stuff for other people, that's your whole life will change because then you get to watch the enjoyment that they get. And that should be your,

That's the enjoyment of it all. That's what makes it fun. I think with stand-up is like with us doing jokes, if you are just thinking about, well, I'm tired and I don't want to be on the road anymore. And I don't like all the eye stuff. I don't like what I'm wearing. I don't like this. Instead of being the joy of hearing the audience laugh, and it's about them. It's about making sure they get to come and have their –

time away from the stresses of everything. And then you get to give them that. And so as long as it's about that, I don't think you get tired of comedy. I don't think you get miserable. And I don't think you get...

I mean, you're going to get, I'm not saying you're never tired. You get worn down. You get all this kind of stuff. But it always makes it rewarding. Yeah, I think you're absolutely right about that. I mean, because I get so tired sometimes. And sometimes I'm like, I don't want to go do the show. But the moment you get on stage and start telling jokes and people start laughing, you're like, you're not, there's no amount of tiredness anymore. You're like, oh, this is great.

I mean, I've been like feeling like all dizzy and like I'm about to pass out and go on stage and I'm like fully energized, ready to go. Yeah. That's what helped me with eating good is I've had so much more energy. And I've noticed even from the beginning of the tour when I was not eating good to now is like, you know, I mean, I was just on like a 12-day run. We did – I've done –

maybe since last June, not this past June. I know we counted from June 21 to June 20 or something. I did 170 shows. And so it was so much, but that first, a good portion of that, well, I was like eating bad and I was, you know, that was it. I was just eating bad and I'd be tired, naps during the day, not really go do anything. But then when I started eating good and I kind of try to think you, you got to kind of somewhat treat this like an athlete. We don't have to be that extreme, but yeah,

My head's clear. My energy is unreal. It's way more than it's ever been. You feel different on stage? Yeah, yeah. You move around. I move a little more. It's not ever crazy. It's just not my style to move too much. But it's like you're just – I noticed – I mean, I don't – like before I could catch myself –

Like really trolling off. And I can always like, in your head, you're just like, I'm just like, I don't know what I want to go. You know, you're like, you're just tired. Like that. I go back to one show in specific that I think about. I got frustrated when I was, I was like, I was wearing a jacket and then I was like, I don't like this jacket. And I was just thinking about that and the situation and I didn't like this and I don't like that. And then I'm realizing I'm like 10 minutes into my act and I'm like, this is not. And so I'm like, this is not about me.

And you got to get out. Like, this is your, you know, you'd be a vessel. You'd be whatever you are. You're like, this has nothing to do with me. It's not about me trying to be great. It's like, I need to make sure this is good enough for the people that are in that room right now. And that's who it's, that's what you're selling. You're no different than any business that you would ever start. It's about, I'm trying to make you...

like what I am making. So you, you know, and then you get lucky if it goes great, then you get to live, you get to do a lot of crazy stuff and get to do a lot of stuff. That's the reward, but it can never be about you. If the second it starts becoming about you and your,

how you feel, that's, you get down a sad road and like, and you're never going to get out of it. You're going to hate everything because you're annoyed that like, I can't believe these, you know, all this stuff. And you got to think of it too the way that if you think positive, I think of it too. I can be having a really good set

I was telling you all that earlier and I've, where your ego can pop up and you can be like, I'm a, I'm a pretty good comedian. You're like, I mean, I'm up there going like, dude, I'm murdering. Like I'm, and I'll be thinking like, there's, I mean, come on, dude, I'm doing so good. And, but then I'll catch myself do that. And you go, all right, let's chill it out. You're, you can barely, you can't read. Right. Right. Uh,

And that's like, calm it down a notch. Yeah. You're, you know, it's like, you're not this. And you, but I mean, you, it goes both ways. So you, and then you got to pour yourself out. Cause that's becoming about you too. Cause you're being great. So that's me being great. And then our, this is, I'm tired.

It can't just be. Yeah. The balance of confidence and humility where it's like, you gotta be confident enough to stand in front of people and do comedy for an hour and feel good enough about yourself and have an ego enough about yourself to do that. But also be humble in the fact that this could go wrong at any moment. Oh yeah. It could always go wrong. I hope it goes good. Yeah. It could always go wrong and just make it. If your life's not about you and about someone else,

I think that's exactly what he wrote in that thing. Yeah. If it, if happy is sharing, if you're, if your life's not, if you're sharing it with other people, that's what makes a lot, that's what makes it so great. And that's what gets, makes it rewarding. Whatever you're, you know, if you're a doctor, um,

and you're working on it. Like, you need it to be about, I'm here to, like, it's not like, because there's times doctors will be like, you know how many lives I've saved, dude? Like, I am so important to Earth. Like, they can really think that, and he's right. But it's like, if you get too egotistical, like, then you're, you know. Yeah, like. Now they do plastic surgery. That's when they go to plastic. The baseball movie. Imagine the big ego doctors, they go, he goes, now I do plastic surgery, and I drive a Ferrari. You're like, oh, yeah, well, he took a turn. I mean, that guy. Yeah.

You know, what's the baseball movie with Kevin Costner where he pitches? The Natural. The Natural, where he throws the perfect game. Wait, that's not Kevin Costner. That's Robert Redford. Is it Robert Redford? I somehow knew what you meant. What's the other Kevin Costner? Field of Dreams? Yeah. What about Bull Durham? Bull Durham? One more? Moneyball. I got to look into that. He's not in it. Whatever the perfect game was where the guy pitched the perfect game. Yeah, Robert Redford. Okay. I don't think that was the game, though. I don't think that's the movie.

The natural, that's where he knocks the lights off. Is it called The Perfect Game? For the love of the game? For the love of the game. Yeah. Yeah. What movie are you... Yeah. Yeah, that's where Kevin Costner pitches A Perfect Game.

And then when he gets back to his hotel, he's alone. He has no one. And it's almost like I've just accomplished the greatest thing that I can accomplish in my field. And I have no one to share it with. Yeah. You know, and it's like, he's sad. Yeah. Because it's like, cause it's, yeah. Cause no one, no one cares. You know, we, we made a joke about it this weekend. Uh,

How about when you get off stage, it's the hard thing of the comedy, but it's funny the reality is like...

you're doing shows, it'd be 3,000 people. You can get the standing ovation. The show goes amazing. And right when you walk off stage, the first person will be like, pizza's cool. No one cares behind you. Because it's like everything's, when you're headlining, it's all this luxury kind of thing. You're like, every time I get back, the pizza's always...

Whatever food we had, we ordered it before I went on stage. When I eat it, it's just ice cold. And like, you know, it's just that we were joking that it's such a funny, you're like, thank you. Everybody's like, oh my God. You're like, well, you know, I try hard. I do my, you turn that corner and go, pizza's cold. And then they just keep eating. They think, yeah, you're going to go backstage and everybody's like, yeah. It's like, yeah, dude. It's the fourth one this weekend. We're pretty over it. Yeah, yeah.

But you got to sometimes get, that's where you do, you got to, there needs to be the positivity backstage too. Cause you do need to have that. Cause, cause that's, that's when it is funny. Cause it is that. And, but there has to be, that's what I always say about foul. Like,

Even when you do a Tonight Show and you do Fallon, you're like, I know him. As I know him, you're like, well, this dude loves it. He loves it. And that's the difference is this guy loves it. Jay Leno loved it. They appreciated it. They loved what they got to do. They're like, I can't believe I am getting to talk to you. And they're more famous than some of the people they're talking to.

And then they're talking to be the... And so it's like, if you have that attitude and stuff where it's always like, no, dude, we're here for you. And like, it's thanks for even doing that. You know, it's like, just keep that attitude going. And that's the attitude to like, I think it keeps you like, you know. You know, you have...

You experience a little bit of a dopamine crash after a show like that. And I was listening to somebody talk about this. It's an evolutionary mechanism that when you have an over, when you're over flooded with dopamine from like performing or anything like that, the second that stops, your brain will over correct and dip below even its normal level. Um,

The thinking is back in the day, if you find water or something and you get excited, then if you just stayed super excited, then you'd expose yourself to enemies or something. You need to be aware. So your brain would overcorrect back below. So that's it. You ever feel like that when you get off stage sometimes? It's just kind of like, wow, that is a crash. Feels different. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, there can be, you know, yeah, you can have such a great show and this emotion and people come up to you after the show and they're like, oh, this show was so great. It was the best I've ever seen. And then, you know, 30 minutes later, you're back at your hotel going, oh, what's on YouTube? Yeah, I mean, it can be that quick. Yeah. Like you're just kind of, it's done, you know.

Yeah. And you're like, huh? Right. The hotel person's rude to you or something. Yeah. And you're like, oh, okay. I just killed. Yeah. Yeah. Two minutes ago. That's what it was like to do comedy and have a job in the beginning. Like one night you're like crushing it in a, you know, even a bar where 50 people loved you. And then the next day you're selling pesticides and the Lowe's manager's yelling at you. Yeah. And you're like, oh man, I wish you'd have saw me last night at that bar. Yeah. I know. I know.

My first zany spot, I won the Yazoo showcase. Yeah. And then I'm at work, 8 a.m. the next day, just sitting there. Yeah. I'm like, these people have no idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The greatness that's sitting around me. I go, these people. That's what you tell everybody. These people. Hey, Aaron, will you go fax this for me? And you're like, if you knew what the hands of greatness are grabbing this paper out of your hands...

I remember doing that too. I think I did either Conan and I still had a day. I still was like temping or something. And then you're just like, what if someone comes up and goes, hey, were you on Conan? You just think that's going to happen and then no one ever does. Never does. Yeah, I mean, I got a very smaller, I mean, I got voted best local comic by the city paper in Charleston, right? So that issue came out on a Wednesday morning and I had to go to work at Hyman's.

And I just thought, oh, this is going to be so great. I mean, it's in the paper. I'm the best. And I thought, we're going to get there and everybody's going to know. They're going to be like, oh, congratulations. No one knew. No one had saw the paper. No one cared. I was so excited. I mean, I almost built myself up for like, yeah, yeah. It's going to get crazy. You're practicing. I just did the pictures over here. I don't want to get the whole thing going. Nobody cared at all. No one knew. No one. Yeah.

That's why comedy is a great, humbling... I think comedy is almost...

I guess if you call art forms, I mean, the fact that we don't even feel stupid calling it an art, but it's like comedy is that kind of, it's like humbling because it's like either joke works or doesn't. And then just people don't care. And then you're like, you just think you're this thing. And then it's like, nah, dude. Can I tell you a funny one from this weekend? I was in Salt Lake City with Brian last weekend and the two of us were walking around this big outdoor mall together. And this guy goes, Aaron, Aaron Weber, Brian Bates.

He recognized us. Yeah. He goes, I listen to a big fan of the podcast. And his wife's like, oh, he won't stop talking about that podcast. He's like, can I get a picture with you guys? We were like, this is incredible, dude. You know, we're in that town doing shows and meet this person in a while. He takes a picture with him and he starts walking away. And Brian goes, you coming to the show tonight? He goes, nah. Yeah.

He's not that committed. He goes, I listen. That's awesome. We're good? Yeah, absolutely. Alright, everybody. This is July 4th week when this comes out. I got a little birthday in our family. Happy birthday, Harper. Alright. 10 years old, which is just nuts.

And, uh, so we'll be doing that. And then, uh, again, Ben, Oregon, Jacksonville, Oregon, uh, July 15, July 17 in Hawaii. I think July 22nd, 23rd in Maui and Honolulu. Uh,

uh, go to the website, neighbor gets you.com, all the stuff's there and all this, you know, more touring will be popping up. And then I'm in Indianapolis this weekend at the helium comedy club, the upstairs room. It's a small room. I'd love to pack it out. And then they bring me back to the big room next time. That room's awesome though. That upstairs room is really, really cool. It's a cool place to see a show. I like, uh, uh,

When I was there, we saw that upstairs room, and I was like, oh, this room is awesome. Yeah, yeah. That's a great club. I've done it once, and it feels awesome in there. Yeah, Helium is a great club. So...

This weekend, I'll be at Comedy Off-Broadway, Lexington, Kentucky. It's going to be great. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Next weekend, Bolivia, North Carolina. All right. It's going to be great. There we go. Check Bates out on his website. And yeah, that's it. We love you. Happy Fourth of July. See you next week. Bye. Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.

Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.