#107 Candy Pt. 2
01:54:38 Share

Hey, Bear. Welcome. I've been thinking about that for a few weeks. Hello, folks. Let's go, folks. Welcome to the Nate Land podcast. Excited to be back. Everybody's back. Sitting here with Bates. He's alive. As far as I can tell. Aaron and Aaron Weber, Dusty Slay. All here, living it up, living the dream. I don't know.

I had a big weekend of a lot of birthdays. Harper's 10 years old, and then my brother turned 40. Worf? Worf. Worf was 40. Wow. So it was a big one. So here we are.

Actually slept. Yeah, I had a great weekend too. I got my Kentucky Farmer hat because I went to Lexington, Kentucky, and it was the best. Nate Land people came out. They brought me gifts. I got candy from a lady. I got coffee that they said was rat poop free from some people. That's nice. Yeah, I got, what did I get? Opelika Bulldogs mug that someone brought me from my high school. Wow.

They said they found it on eBay. It was great. Oh, wow. Look at that. Yeah, Nateland people really showing up, and I appreciate it. They're the best. Yeah. Lexington, Kentucky was awesome. All right. That's enough of Dusty. And where you at, the comedy off-Broadway? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

It's a fun club. Alright, let's start. I guess we're just starting with candy comments. We're doing an episode on candy. Candy part two today. Because apparently we didn't get into it enough. I got into hay bear. The bear talk I enjoyed.

So here's your first candy. Brandon Underwood. I imagine the real reason that Brian was not in attendance for this episode is because the only candies that he has experienced with are Werther's original and those weird peppermint candies that old people always seem to carry. Is that true?

I mean, I do like a good hard candy. I admit. Do you? Do you think you like it as you got older? I like to carry it in my pocket and give them to kids. Oh, yeah. Do you have one in your pocket right now? I don't. I don't, but. Do you think you like hard candy more as you've gotten older? Do you think it's changed? Uh.

Yeah, yeah, I think so. Just a good old Werther's original. Naturally just go. Why do you think that is? Do you think it's about the teeth? You think as you lose teeth quality, you like hard candies? You just like something hard and – To suck on. Yeah. Oh, maybe if you have dentures, a chewy candy rips your dentures off the top of your mouth. So you just want something that, yeah, lasts a long time. Mm-hmm.

Uh, yeah, I think everything you, as you get older, you just end up seeing stuff that you're like, yeah, that makes sense now. It's pretty crazy. What was, uh, I thought I was trying to joke on something. Uh,

Just a little, I don't know. I'm blanking on that. Maybe if you're old and you're bored, too, it's like opening the candy takes a while. Yeah. And then it's all about, you get a lot going on. Yeah. You get to dig around in your pocket. You get the changes in there and you find it. That's part of your day. Yes. Part of your day. One of the funner parts of my day, actually. Yeah. Yeah.

It's because it makes a lot of noise and people will look at you and you can go, hey, just so you know, I am still around. My grandparents always had these candies, these strawberry. Those are the best. Those are very good. Where the packaging looks like a strawberry. Those were cool grandparents because if they had those, it was like the other candy they'd have, it's the Werther's, it's stuff you're like, this is not good. But they had the strawberry. I feel like that reminds me of church.

Yeah, I feel like there was a lot of that candy at church, and they were just unbelievable. Like in one of those glass things where you lift the lid off, and there's just candy. And you're not surprised by this. Yeah. Because you're like, it looks like a strawberry. I know what I'm getting. Yeah, it's very good candy. They did a great job. Never knew the name of it. I don't even know the name. What is the name? Sweet Delight?

Our core kosher filled strawberry hard candies. Yeah. Kind of a long name. Couldn't have even ever said the name of that. I would have just been like, you know, the ones. Strawberry candies. That's all you need. Most popular. Represent. Yeah. You only know them by their looks.

Travis White, I love how Aaron was dissing a Snickers because it's like a whole meal with the addition of the peanuts. However, he loves a Take 5, which is like a Snickers plus a pretzel. Take 5 is the real trail mix bar here. That's fair. You would think the amount that you hike. Well, I feel like there's some misconception, or maybe there's not, that I don't like a Snickers bar. I do like a Snickers bar. I don't think anybody questions it.

No one thinks Aaron has a line drawn with his candy. Is there any candy you don't like? I mean, apples. Did you just lick the apple? He actually probably doesn't like the strawberry candy. Too close to fruit. Too close.

Nothing jumps out at me, but if I think of one, I'll jump in. He probably opened this to tell us that he didn't like it, and then we all started saying how much we liked it. No, I love these candies. The only reason we went to my grandparents' house. Oh, okay. I hope they're not listening. Whose house is this? Obviously not listeners of the podcast, I guess.

Britney. They're dead. Okay. Sorry. That's okay. Your grandparents? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those two. Golly. Spoiler alert. Brittley. Frenzy. Brittley. I bet you think Brittany a lot. Yeah. I bet she gets that. She goes, Brittley. They go, Brittany? She goes, no, Brittley. Brittley. Brittley.

Uh, listen to Aaron talk about eating popcorn off his chest. Reminded me of a hack. Someone told me just put a hoodie on backwards and use the hood as the bowl. That's not bad. I don't think I want to get my clothes this dirty.

Yeah. You're right. You're going to get some grease stains. You don't have to use your hands, though, if you do it like that. I guess you could just go right in. Yeah, that's almost too much. That's like a trough. But didn't you say you just poured it on your chest? Yeah, but that's like, then you'd still eat it with your hands. I know, but- Your chest becomes a plate. Yeah, the hoodie grease isn't going to bother you then. No, no, no. You just got to designate one hoodie for this is my popcorn hoodie. If the grease is in the hood, a lot of people think you have oily hair. Oh.

Oh, that's true. Do you go, like you answer the door and you got a hoodie on backwards and you're like, hello? And you're just, like your whole night got ruined. What? You're like, why is there a hoodie on backwards? I got a lot going on. It's my me time, dude. Yeah.

He goes, it's late. You know, it's 6 p.m. Why are you ringing my doorbell? I had a plan tonight. Bob going in the hood, wing sauce on your hands. Hoodie on backwards. Pants on backwards. He got two Diet Cokes in his back pocket pants. Hello. Everything's ruined.

Okay.

He shouldn't have took her to the scene of the crime. Yeah. Yeah, that was bold. He was asking for it. Even the idea of, oh, look at that. You don't see that too often. Cam wanted to get caught. Deep down, he felt like he needed to get caught. He needed to get railed in. Ben Verzer.

Zoe Saldana was in Marvel movies too. She's part of the guardians of the galaxy. So Tom Cruise is the highest growing actor, not affiliated with Marvel too bad. Billy, the kid wasn't there. He may have caught it. Would you have caught that? Yeah. When I was watching the episode, I, I was yelling at the screen.

So yeah, she was in all the Avengers Endgame and Avengers Infinity War. So that's pretty crazy. The two highest grossing movies of all time, she was in both of them. She's a blue person and a green person. Yeah. What was the other one? Avatar, I think, still number one. Endgame's number two. She was in Avatar. The new Top Gun has to be coming close to passing all these, though.

I don't know. I can't remember the last time a movie's been talked about this much. Yeah. In such a positive way. I feel like it's dying down, though. Well, I'm trying to get it rolling again. Yeah. And now they're making a... But it doesn't get... I loved it, and we talked about it, but I don't hear much about it as much. You know, I looked up... I was trying to watch a movie last night, and...

I was looking up Tom Cruise's top movies. It was ranked very low. No, wait. Maybe that was ranked... The first Top Gun was ranked extremely low of his top movies on some... I don't know. IMDB. Someone's ranking it. As far as box office gross? No, no. Just like...

I just typed in. I was really trying to think. I didn't know what movie I wanted to watch. I almost watched Affirm. Affirm's great. Affirm is good. It felt like a whole thing. It's a John Grisham book. Yeah, it felt like a whole thing. You would hate it. I went with Urban Legend. I'm in the mix of that right now. I had to stop it because I went to sleep. What's Urban Legend? These people all die by Urban Legend.

You are a little different from the John Grisham book. Tom Cruise is not in this, by the way. Yeah, that's just legend. No, this is a, this is. Oh, Urban Legends, not a Tom Cruise movie. Urban Legends, not a Tom Cruise movie. I bailed on all of it. I started, then I, at one point I started Pelican Brief and I guess it seems like a lot. And then I went with Urban Legend, Horror Slasher. Jared Leto's in it. Yep.

It's hard to get into a movie now because you have so many options. You watch five minutes and you're like, do I really want to do this whole thing when I have every movie that I could ever want to watch? It's true. I almost did Jack Reacher again. Oh, that's a good one. Because that's fun. I want those kind of movies. Like a Jack Reacher. I went through Jason Statham's. I go, what's his top movies? And I think I've seen all of them. Just a fun, fast moving movie.

I rewatched last night this documentary that's so good called The Battered Bastards of Baseball. And?

I think I told you about this. It is so good. It's about Kurt Russell's dad just bought a baseball team in Portland, Oregon, single A team. They weren't affiliated with any major league team, so he just had open tryouts, and guys came from all over the country just to try out to play on this team. Oh, that's awesome. And they were all guys who had been rejected by other teams, so they had this chip on their shoulder, and they just start beating everybody.

And it's just, it's a great. It's on Netflix? It's on Netflix. Wow. One of the guys and the Bat Boy invented Big League Chew. Their star player is missing. They don't know where he is now. They think he was an FBI informant. Kurt Russell played. I mean, they would just throw anybody out there and just let them play. That's the best part, that Kurt Russell played. I like that. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, go ahead. I'm so into this movie. If the pitcher needed more time, they would throw a ball out on the field and let their dog just run out on the field, and they'd have to stop play until they corraled the dog. They would just do anything, and it was really great. Yeah. That's awesome. I need to watch that. Did you see Joe List, the comedian, got embedded on a minor league baseball team? Oh, yeah. What was that? I don't know. I don't know how that happened, but that's the dream right now. Yeah.

Was he a coach? I think he was a first base coach. Yeah. I heard him on his podcast talking about he wanted to get in that bat, but I don't know if that ever happened. But he was in the dugout and on the team. What's there even really to do as the first base coach? Oh, Dusty, so much. So much. Is there a lot? Well, a lot of singles. So you're the third base coach is the guy that's like,

door is wide open. He's basically going go or don't go. And if they go and they get out, he could just say, I thought you'd be faster. Yeah, yes. I remember there was a pressure of being a third base coach because you didn't know. You got to really judge to be like, where's the ball? Can this dude make it there? And he also gives signals to the guy if he should steal or not. Oh, third base coach does that. Yeah. Well, he gives, yeah.

First base coach just says back. Pitcher throws over. Back. Right, right. Well, I was defending the first base coach. But I'm saying that's a pretty important thing. Oh, third base coach. I think third base has a lot more on him responsibility. That's why the head coach is the third base coach like in college baseball and stuff. Never mind. A lot going on. They're both pretty important. They're both important.

I don't know. How about that? What's the point of the first base? Yeah. Yeah. First base. Yeah. I don't feel like I'm more convinced now that the first base coach is useful. Yeah. Did you play sports? A little bit. I was, you know, I did a rec league here and there. You didn't play like growing up at like a little league or something? No, no. Well, yeah. Literally like rec league, you know, I played, you know, I was, I was a good field. Rec league. Yeah. Rec center. Dixie youth for us. Oh yeah. I had a little Dixie youth baseball too. We didn't have little league in Alabama.

It was Dixie Boys. That's what I played my whole life. But I thought it was just generally called Little League. No, Little League's an official organization. Oh. Like Pop Warner is. Oh. We were a green team, the Eagles. Oh, yeah. High top trucker hats. I was into it. Probably where I picked it up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. How long was your hair? Well, not very long. My dad was in charge back then, so I wasn't allowed to do fun things with my hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

My mom cut lines into my hair one time, and my dad picked me up from school that day and then got my head shaved. Yeah. Immediately. Wow. All right, the MAPS comments. Mark Maxwell, Nate just proved why the one-third pound burger didn't work. Yeah. The one-three? One-three. One-three.

Yeah. It looks, I mean, if you're just looking at the numbers, it looks like it's less than a quarter pound. Yeah. Fractions are tough, man. Yeah, they are. You're very nice, Aaron. It didn't work. The burger didn't work. Well, they got to up the education system if they want us to. Well, it's like me watching Urban Legend. You're like, do I want to be the whole, you know, what do you want? You want a third pound burger? And you're like, I don't know. You're a Gene's pick. He's a Vincent's pick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Kristen Flavel. The fact that Aaron, the secret genius of the group, has had to use his phone to get to Nate's house for 105 episodes is mind-boggling. You blew it, buddy. You blew it. I blew it. Well, I recommend even if you do know where you're going, you put it in Google Maps. It'll let you know if there's traffic jams. It'll let you know how to avoid them. It's very useful. But then when you don't have it... How many traffic jams have you got called in? Come over. Yeah.

To this place? Yeah. None stick out. Yeah. I'm surprised y'all were fine with him saying that. If I'd have said that, I'd have been crucified on here. I feel like I'm getting a fair amount of flack for it. Yeah. It took Kristen to do it. Yeah. Well, I figured you had like a van drop you off. Me? Yeah. I do, but...

From where? The church. The senior? The church. The one guy from the church who picks up people who don't drive at night. Next stop, podcast. Brian gets up. Excuse me. Excuse me. Be back at four. Yeah. Me to the stop sign. Mr. McDonald, the fact that Dusty doesn't trust clocks, but 30 minutes later says, I think if you were small enough, you could ride a seahorse.

It's why he's a great addition to the show. We need a little more dust in our lives. Yeah. I mean, I agree. I mean, if you were small enough to ride a seahorse, you would not care about time. No. You'd just be on that seahorse all day. Yeah. Just riding around the ocean, checking it out. Yeah. And like, this is a good time. Yeah. Time would stop. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah, because I don't know what else you have to do. Right. If you're small enough to ride a seahorse, you can't have. What other plans could you have? Right, that's true. You just got to check around, go out to the coral reefs. Yeah. See what's happening. Can I ask logistically, how would you ride the seahorse? There's not much of an arc in the back. Well, you'd have to get a saddle for sure.

They're a little more straight up. This guy to the right here, yeah, he's got that little fin. Yeah. Sit on that. Really just tie on. Okay. Yeah, it'd be tiring. You're almost like standing up. It's almost like a segue. Maybe you ride in the curl of the tail. Maybe he just holds you in that tail. Yeah, you'll get- A bit bumpy. I bet you could have a saddle and you stand, and you stand on the saddle, and you kind of like lean forward. Right, okay. But if he wants you off, I mean, you're in water, so that helps.

You know? Uh-huh. I'm thinking a little saddle that fits inside the tail and you just ride along the bottom. I don't know. No. That doesn't make, don't be ridiculous. I think you just wrap your legs around his belly there and hold on. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. That one's carrying a Q-tip.

Oh, yeah. So it would carry you like that. Bringing it to me. Yeah. Yeah. Probably a Q-tip. You like a good Q-tip, don't you? I do love a Q-tip. I like Q-tips. Yeah, they're great. My friend told me he busted his eardrum with a Q-tip. I'm like, you know, be careful. Yeah. How far are you going? Yeah. It's not a free-for-all. Yeah. You know? People say don't use them. Yeah. Yeah. I use them.

They've been doing good for a long time. My buddy from college, he told me, he saw me using Q-tips once, and he said, well, my dad once put them in as earplugs, and then he turned his head too quickly, and it hit a wall, and it messed up his ear pretty bad. Don't do that. Yeah, well, I don't think I'm ever sideways close to a wall. No.

I mean, I don't know. Yeah. He was walking around just with them in his ears? Yeah. What do you need earplugs for if you're walking around? I think he was using heavy machinery in his garage or something and he couldn't find earplugs so he just put a couple Q-tips in. This guy seems like a disaster. I mean. No. Yeah.

Yeah, there's a point that you're going, all right. You go, that's like not using knives. And you're like, why? He goes, well, I carried it the backwards way with my hand. And then I ran into a wall and it sliced my hand open. You're like, oh, but there's a handle. He's like, well, I didn't. Yeah, I was busy. Yeah, I was. Yeah.

I wish the commercial you see where they're showing inside of someone's ear, I'm about done with that. My goodness. That and the one that you go up your nose and they just show how it works, it's worse than watching a horror movie. It's so gross. The ear ones, they go, instead of using Q-tips, you use something and it shows it like...

yanking it out of your ear? I have a little pen at home with a camera at the end of it where you can dig it just to see what's going on in there. I saw a bunch of those videos. I want to see what's going on in mine.

What do you want? It's down there. What do you see in there? Pull it up. What's in your ears? It's just earwax and stuff. You can clean out your ears with them. I just can't believe this guy is using heavy machinery, and he's like, it's so loud. Let me get a couple of Q-tips. And I'll be honest with you. I don't know if I've ever had my head that close to a wall.

Where I would jam it. Like, I just don't think I've ever made a turn and been like, God, that wall is like... Like, your shoulder would hit the wall first. Maybe it messed up his... Oh, that's fair. Yeah, yeah. How are you... How long were the Q-tips? These were long Q-tips. Yeah. They must have been. Or he walks around head first, bent over head first. And then just... And Swain is like... Yeah, like a dinosaur. Mm-hmm.

I need to follow up with him. I need to figure out how that happened. Yeah. Could be an urban legend. Could be an urban legend. What I watched last night. A Pattern Horizon.

Nate sees the sun rise and set every day in his house, and they think this is amazing. He knows north. Let me go tell you something, Patrick and Rison. I've never once thought about which way the sun rises or sets. I generally know north. Me and Justin Smith went on a ride this weekend. We just rode around, and I drove. No, G-Pet just drove south and then got home. He just turned around and drove north.

Yeah, but we were on back roads. There's no rhyme or reason to how... I wasn't on an interstate. We were just doing back roads. You just felt it out? Just felt it out. I felt this feels north. And I was right. Could you see the sun? I don't even look at the sun. He looks at moss on the trees. No, I look at just what I feel.

I just go this field. Your internal compass. Yeah. That's impressive. Yeah. That's like Kramer telling time at night. Yeah. It was a little bit tougher. Oh, dude. I forgot to tell you. Somebody in Indianapolis this weekend, a big podcast fan, told me,

He said, I kept track of every Seinfeld reference made on Nate Lane, and there's only two episodes where there have not been a Seinfeld reference. Wow. And both of them were when Brian wasn't here. Oh, really? Yeah. Or he made two this episode. Yeah, that's the only two where Seinfeld was not brought up in any way, shape, or form. Oh, wow. And I think it's Brian's the one throwing it out. Yeah, there you go. All right. All right. What's the moss on the trees? Did we talk about that?

I can't remember if we have. I saw that somewhere, I feel like. I think it grows north. The moss shows up on the left. Some people got lost in the woods. And the moss grows north. You follow the moss. Oh, it was a King of the Hill episode I was watching, I think. Yeah, that's what they said. Yeah. Yeah, King of the Hill mixed up with Nate Land in your head. Yeah, it's just everything goes in here and I don't know what's. People have commented. Excuse me. All right.

Still coming back. Yeah. That were the characters from King of the Hill. I haven't watched King of the Hill. Oh, I'd be Dale for sure. I always think about myself being, he's the, he used to, he sprays pesticides. Yeah. And is into conspiracies. Yeah. He may have been based off you. Yeah. Probably could sue them. Yeah. Yeah.

That's maybe why you are why you are. Yeah. The pesticides. Maybe. Yeah. And you go, that's a guy that gets it. I think so. Do you ever worry about that? That those pesticides may have affected you in a way you don't even realize all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Every time they say glyphosate causes cancer, I go, oh, I remember that we had that. Yeah. Yeah.

And what we sold. You sold it. Yes. It was just in your car all the time. Yeah, I used to spill it, just get it on my hands, and just go on about my day. I didn't freak out and go, let's wash up. Yeah, there's no hand sanitizer back there. Oh, no. Yeah. No. No. We were just doing it. All right. We'll see what happens. We're going to keep us posted on how that plays out. Episode 400, Dusty has no hair. He's like, well.

I'm kind of paid off. You know, there's something. Michael Cupello. The best part of the episode is Nate wisely advising a new comic to punch up with his jokes only minutes after calling Dusty's sister a cow. I know this is the type of hypocrisy that led Turler to jump and ship, but I am all in. Keep it, boys.

Yeah. That's great. That's okay. Yeah. I don't know if you did advise comics to punch up. I didn't probably. I think we settled on you just punching whichever way nobody else is punching. Yeah, there's that. But I do think you should punch up. You don't make fun of people down. But I mean, but there's a...

But riffing maybe is different. Us joking and riffing is like, it's just really funny. What does Michael Capella think of me to think that that's punching down? Yeah. You know what I mean? That seems like he's punching down at me right now. Yeah, inadvertently. Yeah. Well, it would be like when you look at this as equals, and so we're all just making fun of each other. Right. Because this is a table that's just about just make jokes and have fun. That's the point of this.

So the only way to do that is to punch at each other. That's how you think of us as equals? Huh? At the table. I didn't know the sad news over here was going to jump in, but the point of it is supposed to be that. Is it not? Yeah, the point of it is. That's what I'm saying. What sadness do you want to bring to this? What do you not think? You don't think it is equals? No, I'm just trying to be funny. Only Michael Capello doesn't think we're equal here.

Huh? It's called Nate Land. What do you want it to be called? I'm fine with it being called Nate Land, but it's your podcast. Yeah, but I mean, I think we're all on this together. Yeah. I don't think I...

You want it to be called your name. That's what... Batesville. It's so close. It's one letter away. Yeah, I mean, there's Batesville, there's Aaron Land, and there's Dusty Town now. Dusty Town. Everybody has their own... You've been following Dusty Town? I mean, I think I follow it, but I don't see what's happening. Oh, they're doing great stuff. Yeah, everybody's got their own thing. Yeah. But not enough for, you know, over here. Still wants more.

Chase Schubert. One of the most isolated and uncontacted groups of people on Earth are the people on North Sentinel Island in the Bay of Bengal. Multiple times people have tried to land and boat to the island, but multiple times people have been killed because of it. Now that island is protected by the Indian Navy and it is illegal to visit the island at all. Looks pretty inviting. Yeah.

Just people at the shore with bows. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, it's always like if they kill someone, though. I mean, it's like you just like if you die, if you're one that went over there and you die, and then you're the family, you're like, can we do anything? And they're like, no.

Sounds like India. The answer is no. I guess not. Sounds like India has some interest over there. Yeah. Well, you asked last week on the maps episode about is there anywhere that hasn't been mapped? Yeah. I think that's kind of based on what he's saying. Right. And Antarctica is a crazy, doing my research on it, because no one owns Antarctica. Yeah. It's just 50 years ago they did a treaty of Antarctica where like 14 countries all kind of share it. Yeah. But you can't just go to Antarctica. Yeah.

You have to have a special permission to go there. Who do you call? Well, you can go on a boat as a tourist and just land at the northern tip and just step off on it, but you can't just go on your own. You'd have to call the U.S. government and get some kind of special permission. They don't let people go. So there's a lot of Antarctica. We don't know what's going on there. Am I legally allowed to go to the moon if I wanted to? Doesn't China own it now?

Did they claim that? I think so. Oh, they tried to claim that. They never even landed on it.

I think if you build a ship. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, build the ship. I mean, Jeff Bezos was like, I'm going to go to the moon. And then he just went way up in the sky and then came down and then they all clapped for him. Well, they all say this space thing. I don't think he said, I'm going to the moon. He said he's going to go to space and they never really, you know, it's like they go to like, you know, it's like we're like above the cloud. You're like higher than a plane. He's like, I mean, barely. You can't land on them.

Because I was a little higher than, you know. They were weightless for a short amount of time. We had to dodge some Delta traffic. That is, you pay $20 billion just to, you know, one minute up there. You're like, we got close. You're like, I want to go.

wake me up when you were going, when are you in it? When are you, you're out, you're out of here. You're in space. I don't think there's any flights that go over Antarctica either. There's not. Yeah. Well, just cause there's no point to it. Well, like, you know, it seems like you would, if you want to go from Australia to South America, you just skip right over Antarctica. Yeah. But they don't do it. Well, they say there, you, you,

You have to have a landing pad. Yeah, it's like an hour. Yeah. Well, that's not what they say. They say the reason they won't let you go over is because you've got to have a landing strip somewhere within a certain amount of miles, and they say that doesn't cover it. Let's go ahead and make one. Yeah. What do you think is going on in Antarctica? I can't say. But...

Yeah. You're saying, so let's just throw up a little landing strip there in the middle of Antarctica. That way we can fly over it. Yeah. I think you'd also lose radio signal there. Let's build a little something down there. Why don't we have like an Antarctic resort right in the middle? Yeah, why would we...

Just instead of the moon, just be like, let's go figure out Antarctica. Let's figure out us first. Maybe this is the new world. They go like, hey, fix yourself before you fix everybody else. Yeah, look in the mirror, buddy. Yeah, look in the mirror. Now they say the reason they don't just average tourists coming out is for pollution reasons. They don't want to pollute the land, the animals, the wildlife. So they just let a select group of scientists come. Is it not like just ice and snow up there?

It is. So there's not a lot. Well, some people think there's a lot more going on there. Some people think Antarctica is a lot bigger than what's on that map. There was this guy named Admiral Byrd or something, and he had a thing where he said he flew and found a lot of land in Antarctica. Like not with snow on it? Yeah. He said like a land the size of North America down there. Oh. Interesting. Yeah.

So there's a lot going on. I think we should go. Let's go check it out. I think we should go. We're doing a live podcast from there. Yeah. Hello. Hey, Artie. Yeah. Hey, polar bear. Hey, bear. Couple polar bears. Nick Ventura. I just need to let you know that Aaron is probably my favorite member from the podcast. All right. But this episode may have changed that. Oh, no. He said, Moneyball is the greatest baseball movie of all time.

Has he seen The Sandlot or Major League? I have. I have seen those. Sandlot may be the most important movie of my childhood in a lot of ways, but...

Doesn't really hold up. If you watch it as an adult, you're like, this is fun. But it is a movie for children. Why was it the most important movie? It was just the biggest movie. Yeah. I watched it all the time. It was quoted very frequently. I played baseball growing up. It's all we talked about was that movie. You're killing me, Smalls. You're killing me, Smalls. I ate a lot of s'mores. Yeah. So it was big for me. But Moneyball's an adult movie, and I'm an adult now. Okay. Put away childish things. Wow.

Wow. That was a shot right at Nick. Really bringing it home, huh? Yeah. You see the battered bastards of baseball? Yeah. I need to check that out. Major League is great, though, too. Major League's fun. We're in a battle, Nick and Aaron. I think. When I had short hair and no beard, people would call me Squints. Oh, yeah? From that movie. You used to have thicker black frame glasses, right? I did, yeah.

It was a whole change. Oh, like when you were older. Yeah. He still called you squints. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They said I looked like squints when he grew up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I could see that. And then I was into... Yeah. All right. All right. Uh...

All right. So this, so since we, we're going to talk about candy since I don't think we, you know, we talked about a lot of bear stuff. A lot of bear stuff. I like the bear stuff. I did too. I could listen to you talk about how to get away from bears all day. It's pretty fun. Yeah. I mean, I was really picking up some tips. Yeah. It's how you should be doing it. Yeah. I think we're onto something. Yeah.

But we didn't. So we were supposed to talk about candy. We didn't talk a ton about candy. Bates wasn't here to keep it back on track. So now we have more candy. More candy. I had some candy this weekend. This week was not good for the diet.

It was bad. What causes that to happen? Do you just decide going in, this weekend's kind of a wash? It was, you know, it was like Harper's birthday, so we went out to eat with Harper. You and Justin running around? Yeah. We didn't eat bad then. But Harper's was we go eat. I think I had prime rib. I was like just start. Like it is sometimes when you're going down, because I got down to 166 this weekend. That's crazy. And then I'm 169 right now.

Which I'm kind of getting stuck right in this window. And it's because I haven't been great on my calorie intake. And it's because I've been at home. But it's like you just start like, you know, some of it is like, you know what? It's just I feel like I needed a break.

Like, it's like, it's been so much of doing it. And then you're like, it was her birthday. And so I had like prime rib. Then that night, the cousins all spent the night. And so then they had pizza. And I'm like, I'm just, I'm like, I felt very hungry and felt, you just like kind of tired of it. So I ate pizza that night. I thought, all right, I'll do good tomorrow. And the next day was that we had our, we celebrated her birthday on the ninth. And then it was like, then the weekend just ended up out of pieces of cake. And then,

And then I do some with my brother, and we go golf and hang out. And then you're just like, eh, the weekend was like a blast. It's a special occasion can throw it off. Yeah. And that's hard to – especially because we're trying – like it wouldn't be bad. Once I can get down to where I want to get down, then you can have a little more leeway. But the good thing is mentally you do know –

I feel like you can kind of feel it. You're like, well, I messed up and I don't want, I want to go back to like, my energy has been really good. And when I was eating good, that's the craziest part is the energy is how much energy you have. That's the, that's the best part, I think. And so then now it's like, all right, let's, and like today is like, I'm going to go back, you know, I'm going back in 1500 calories. That's what we're down to right now, which is a low, but we're trying to lose. I'm trying to lose weight for the special. Yeah. Uh,

Oh, you started at 1,800. Now you're down to 1,500? Yeah. We just went down to 1,500. Is it going to get lower than this or is this as low as it gets? No, low. It could stay at 1,800 too if I was exercising. It's hard to burn calories. I've been walking when I golf, but even that is like 600 calories. It's not as crazy as you think, but it's still 600, which is a lot.

But, you know, I mean, I can't, you know, it's like I can't play every day or walk every day. So, but it's like I stay at 1500. It's like if I could stay that for a little bit. When's the last time you've been in the 160s?

I don't even, I wouldn't even know. High school? I'd be probably, I don't think, I never weighed myself thin. That I remember. Yeah. But yeah, it'd be. Yeah. 160s is low. Yeah. Like I've been 160, like when I quit drinking, I went from like 220 all the way down to like the 160s. And yeah, but I was. You were 220? Yeah. I was drinking all the time. How'd you get there? Eating all the time. And yeah.

And doing nothing. I was really bloated looking. Yeah, 220. You really weighed 220? That was the heaviest I got. I don't think I was there long. Yeah. Because then I quit drinking. I started biking every day. Yeah. There's probably a big picture out there somewhere, but hopefully it's tucked away. Hopefully it's hidden. Yeah, 220 is...

Dusty Slay Fatty. Oh, good. They seem tucked away. I met... I'm sure there's one out there. It's funny, other comics picture comes up. I met some of Dusty's friends from Opelika when I was with Dusty and Huntsville. And I've always felt like you're a goodwill hunting situation in the sense that you worked at a water company. Yeah. And then you went on to this greatness. I mean, I feel like we have two of them.

just hearing stories about Dusty and growing up in Opelika, the fact that both of you guys got out, it's just amazing. We've done it twice here. Oh yeah. Well, you know, like the, the, the, uh,

Well, when you don't hate where you have to go back to, I think that helps. Yeah. If I had to go back to a water company, I'd be fine with it. And Matt Damon was like that. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to sell pesticides again, but I would do it. Yeah. Yeah. You already have all the stuff that comes with it. Yeah, and I'd be better. Yeah. Yeah. I was very excited to hang with Dusty in Huntsville. You guys are like my...

church group friends that my parents wanted me to hang out with. Dusty's like the guy across the tracks, the cool kid that my parents did not want me to hang out with. I was very excited. So for his 40th birthday, I said, I'm going to buy some cigars because he loves smoking cigars on the show. And I asked him what kind he liked. He texted to me. I was all excited. I went to the cigar store, bought them and took them down there.

And it was kind of like George with Elaine's boyfriend who's cool, Tony. Yeah. Packed sandwiches. Yeah. And then his friend Matt came and I said, well, I didn't bring cigars for Matt. Yeah. He's like, that's okay. Yeah. And I've never really smoked a cigar. I was never going to tell anyone about cigars.

Brian smoking cigars. But I'm excited that you're telling people. We took lawn chairs or camping chairs and we sat outside in downtown Huntsville. And his friends from Opelika... Outside that hotel? Yeah. Like, yeah. That's a cool area to sit. Yeah. The one downtown? Yeah, yeah. Isn't there a square? Yeah, yeah. And...

I didn't know how to light it. He had to show me how to light it. I mean, I've seen people go through an entire pack of matches trying to light it, but I had a real lighter. Yeah. I mean, it's as easy as it could possibly be. I struggled lighting it and then just keeping it going. And then his friends join us and we're all talking. I didn't even know how to hold it. I'm watching everyone else trying to hold it like they do. I mean, he's exhaling or trying to light. I mean, he's like, I mean, I'd never seen anything like it. Yeah. And-

How was he holding it? I mean, you know, he's probably holding it, but he's like... Like a horn? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Listen, I never was going to tell anyone. It was so bad. I was like, I can't even make fun of Brian. I got worried that Dusty was furious at me because he wouldn't make an eye contact. I'm with his friends, and they're all talking, and I'm over there. And he would not make eye contact with me. I was like, I think Dusty is furious at me. I wasn't mad at you, but I was embarrassed for you. I thought he was just really embarrassed. Like, who is this guy with us?

And then finally... And for your other buddy to be like, and so you didn't have a cigar for me? You're like, just give... He's like, just give me... Why didn't you just give me that cigar? I did. Oh. I mean, obviously... After your lips were on it? No, no, no. I had more than... I just... I had some too. I realized pretty quick, I ain't going to be doing this for... Wait, so we had cigars for everybody? Yeah.

Yeah, I did have some for my friend. Yeah. This all started with you telling Matt, I don't have enough cigars. Yeah. But I mean, he got, I don't know, about this much through the cigar. Yeah.

And then you took off. They got a hold of me. Can't wait now. That's what I was like, George. It was very hot out there. And about after a while, I'm like, I'm starting to feel a little sick. And I thought, I want to bow out of here without making it obvious because everyone's sitting around talking. And his buddy, Matt, I guess, watched the podcast. He's like, man, those squirrels are really becoming a problem with you, aren't they? And I was like, you know what? I got to go. And I just tried to bow out. And I went back to my room and just passed out on the bed.

Yeah. You try to, like, it's funny to go through all that and you're like, let me try to leave gracefully. I know. And it's like, you could just go, this is not working for me. I mean, I think everyone knew it. It was funny because you were like, drive safe to my friend. You were like, I mean. You could just hear me coughing for a while as I walk away. How long did y'all talk about him when you left? A little bit. Yeah. A little while. A little bit. Yeah. But I was not going to tell people about that because I was like, okay.

It was a struggle. Yeah. It's all right. I learned, kids, if you're at home, don't be drugs. Well, I just felt like, hey, Brian's just a good person, and he never smokes things, and that's very good. Yeah. Yeah. Not a bad thing. Yeah. All right. It's candy. Sorry. Yeah.

Yeah, here we go. Comments again. 30 minutes of cigar talk. Yeah. Do you guys, can you guess what the top selling candy is in America? There's two that are by far the top and they kind of go back and forth. Snickers? Nope. Of all time or current? I guess current. Sour Patch Kids? What would you think all time would be? Gummy Bears. Oh, Hershey's. Hershey's bar. I'm guessing a Hershey's chocolate bar. Number three. Oh, number three. Hershey Kisses?

Just Hershey bar. Wow. Three Tootsie roll. Nope. Not on there. Where there's original. No. What, what, what,

What's number two? Jolly Ranchers. And these go back and forth. Number two, Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. M&M's. Yeah. Number one. M&M's. They have a huge store. M&M's is good. Yeah. It's just a solid. They start adding colors and you're like, this is all fun. Even somehow they do mini M&M's and it's like the exact same thing and you're like, this is better somehow. I don't like the mini. You like the mini? Do you not like them? I like the minis. Yeah. I don't like it in principle.

Well, they're already small, and then they're going smaller again. Yeah. They're like ibuprofen. They're like pills. Am I supposed to just swallow these whole? Yeah. No, you got to put a bunch of them in. They got to go in your mouth like a wave. Yeah. It's in the little plastic tube. Yeah. But I think it'd be better to carry the – it looks cooler to carry just the sack of M&M's.

The bag. Like a clear bag? No, no. Like the bag that comes in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, if you carry the tube of mini M&M's, it's kind of like, all right. It's a tough look, yeah. Yeah, that's not good. What about peanut M&M's? I'm a big fan of those. I'm not a fan of people. I mean, I eat them, but I'm not against it. I'm not crazy. I'm not a fan. I'll eat them. If there's two bowls-

And you leave me alone in a room, I'm going to eat all the M&M's. Really? Yeah. That's interesting. I would bet all the money I have that the overwhelming majority of people would pick the peanut M&M's. Really? Yeah. They're bigger. You feel like you're getting... Sorry, my Google search history just pulled up. It was just dusty slave fat, dusty slave fatty. Sorry, that distracted me. But I feel like a peanut M&M, you feel like you're getting more. Oh, yeah. It feels more...

It's like the Snickers bar of M&M's. There's substance to it. I don't want a meal, man. I just want to enjoy it. There's substance to it. Yeah. I would go M&M's, but I mean, M&M's are fun. They are. Yeah. It's all a good time. Yeah. So if you go to a movie, you're buying the peanut. No, I'm saying I think most people would. Yeah. You wouldn't, though. No, I'm just straight popcorn at the movie theater. But if I had to pick one...

I'd pick the peanut M&M's. Okay, that was the whole question I was asking. And, no, steak dinner? I'm going to have steak. But if we're not at a steak dinner, not a nice place, no bread, peanut M&M's. Yeah, I like that you think that most people would do it, but not you.

No, I'm just saying that I think it's a little more rare than Nate presented it. Nate presented it as a family. I thought it'd be very, it's the number one seller. M&M's. Yeah. Aren't peanut M&M's a little more expensive? Oh, I don't know. Seems like it'd cost more to make. There we go. That factors in. A little bit. Yeah, that's why you do like them. Y'all were able to afford them.

And here we go. And that's where it all comes into. Big money. Special forks for those. Yeah. You walk in, it's just all yellow bags.

So then you go to someone's house and they don't have soda or Coke. Like when you're like, you have any Cokes? And they're like, no. That makes me so angry. You go to someone's house and they don't have Cokes, like Diet Coke or any, like. Yeah. And you're like, what do you got to drink? I got water and like. Some hand squeezed juice. They have no like soda. And I'm just like, what is the point?

I brought soda this weekend somewhere because I just don't want to be unprepared. I don't want to run the risk. I feel like I'm going somewhere that either it's nice or if I'm going to someone's house and you can feel the person out, then you're like, they're not going to have soda. I'm going to just bring- You think I have sodas in my fridge?

I think you would. Yeah. Yeah. You do? I have a whole separate fridge. Yeah. Wow. I have a downstairs fridge. But even if you did, I think, would you have, do you have sodas? I have some Sam's Cokes at the house. You would be like, that would throw me through a loop. Because it is soda. Yeah. It is. But you'd rather buy the Sam's one? Well, someone sent it to me. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you not drink soda? Not really. Okay. I like a ginger ale. Yeah. If someone doesn't drink it, you have, yeah. But I don't have, you have diet, right? I have diet. I have you covered. I'm going to. But do you have regular? No. We've had some regular before. We have all diet. Yeah, so I don't like the diets. And then, so we could have some regular, we could have a couple cans here and there, but it's like in case someone's like, I want regular Coke.

Do you drink a lot of Coke or you just have it around? No, I drink a lot of it. But it's like if I go somewhere and I don't think you're going to have it, then I'm going to bring my own. Yeah. And what do you bring, Pepsi? I bring my diet. I mean, if I want to do that, I'm bringing my own. I'm bringing, you know, everybody's got water. I got a diet Pepsi bottle. I just makes me, when someone, when you go somewhere and they're like, they don't have it, you're like, I got to eat. We're going to have pizza.

And then you're like, in water? Pizza in water. Pizza in water? Do you like sweet tea? Yeah. Sweet tea, I'd be fine with. But I still would drink soda over it.

over sweet tea. But sweet tea, if you do it, you're like, you're meeting me halfway. Right. You're at least acknowledging there's other drinks. Someone's got some sugar with it. Yeah, something that's like, you know, we're not being lunatics here. And, you know, you understand that we live in a society. What if you were offered kombucha? I don't even know what that is. It's like a...

It's like a gut drink, but it's got... It's fermented. Yeah, so it's got the suds, whatever you call that, like carbonation. Oh. Somewhat. No. I would... It would... If I go to eat, if I hang out with people in LA and I go to their house, it's a major problem. Oh, yeah. I know they're not going to have... I know...

And it's, I don't even, it's like, it's in my plans to just go ahead and stop and bring my own soda. I used to drink Coke. I did it at Rory Scovel's house. We had pancakes at his house one day and I brought, I went over there and it was a long time ago and I brought my own soda over. Because I just knew you're not going to have, I mean, and maybe I'm the one that's in the wrong. I understand like, you know, I don't want just orange juice. I want my, but it's like, you can just tell. LA, guaranteed. You're anybody...

It's how else are you going to? You ain't getting soaked. They're not going to have any of that stuff. Yeah, I used to just drink so much Coke as a kid that I don't know. I just feel like I'm like, I can't do it now. I mean, I like to have one, but I like it to be rare enough to when I have it, I'm like, oh, that's good. Yeah, that's good. Well, that's probably the relationship you should have with something. Yeah.

But I mean, we used to keep Cokes under my mom's bed, room temperature all summer. I would just go get them out of there and just drink them room temp. Do you call everything a Coke too? Oh yeah. Everything's a Coke and then you go from there. Yeah. Yeah. We would do that too. I've stopped doing it now just because of my act.

Cause I don't think enough people do that. So it's like, if I talk about Coke size now, I say soda just cause it's like, I'm just not trying to add more to confuse when the jokes on about that. But yeah, it was always like you have Cokes and you go, yeah. Then you go, all right, what kind of Sprite, Dr. Pepper, you know, Coke, like, you know, that you would just say that. I was gonna say the ballpark near my house where I played Dixie youth, great.

growing up. They used to have this policy. Whenever a foul ball would be hit over the fence, the announcer would come on and go, please return that ball from the concession stand for a free Coke. Yeah, we did that too. Yeah, and I used to be in it. I mean, a couple other guys, we'd just full-time job just out there shagging foul balls. Yeah. Just racking up those Cokes, dude.

Got a suicide. I can see that now, though. I can see kids now fighting over a ball for a Coke. Oh, yeah. It's the best. I could walk away with five or six a night just shagging those balls for people, man. Just sitting there. Your family, what they have is only exercise you can do.

What? Was your parents happy? Well, he's at least running. Yeah, exactly. They're like, he's drinking a lot of Coke, but he is running. It's like a win-win. They're like, I feel like we're breaking even at least. It's either he's going to sit here and eat peanut M&Ms and drink soda and sit, or he's at least going to have to go work for it. It's like you're like the old man, the old days hunter, but you're like the new version of it that you're like,

Well, we had to go get, I wasn't, my parents didn't buy me Cokes. I had to go earn the Cokes. Had to go find foul balls. Had to go find foul balls. You'd be so jacked up at the end of the night too, I bet. Oh, yeah, I did.

We used to get, after the games, they'd bring out and everyone got a free Coke. All the kids. I don't think they do that anymore. You would get the suicide. I bet they do in places that are fun. But most of the world is unfun. Yeah. But I would imagine regular, you're still... There's times you go and you think everything's this like...

It's not like politically correct, but it's like this. We're not giving sodas. We're not doing all this stuff. And then you go to places. You're like, no, people are still doing that. Everybody's like, you know. I don't think. I think so. I mean, stuff has gotten way more health conscious. But it's like I can tell when someone comes over. I can see it. I take, you know, because it's for us. It's like I'm going to give the kids McDonald's. And like I'll just tell someone's.

you know, are you fine with that? And I try to gauge the, you know, sometimes the parent is like, I mean, yeah, she doesn't ever get it. And then, you know, but then I'm like, she gets it enough that it's not that. Like, yeah, it's Tuesday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What are the kids that don't get it? Are they like, this is great? Oh, they love it. Yeah. They love it. Yeah. You've hooked a media child. Yeah, they try to get... Well, but it's... Because I think their parent, their family cooks a ton. Right. Yeah. Which Laura cooked, but it's like when I've got them, it's like, obviously we're not cooking. And so it's going to be...

you know, we're going to go down another road. We used to eat fast food every day. That's how I grew up like that. Like it was just like the hecticness. Like my mom cooked, but the hecticness of it sometimes it's everybody's so busy. It's like, yeah, you're just having to go eat fast food. So, I mean, I just still, that's why I had trouble eating because it's even with the calorie thing, I have trouble, like I don't still make food at home. I got to figure out how to do it at fast food places. Today I'm getting grilled chicken

Chick-fil-A sandwich and a salad. And so it's like, that would be, I'm trying to stay at 600 calories. Right. And that will be what, you know, it's like, I figure out like ways that's how I have to eat. Cause I, it's like, that's how I think the, that's the healthiest fast food meal I've ever heard of, by the way. Yeah. It might be as healthy as you can get fast food place. Yeah. You got to find those goats. That's the key to lose weight. You got to, or if your mind works like, like a lot of people make food, but if your mind works like mine,

And I don't know how to not eat out. And so I don't know how to think. I don't know. I'm not going to cook. So it's like I just think, all right, how do I go? What are my go-tos that when I'm in a panic, what can I go get? And so you've got to find this at Chick-fil-A. I can get this. Chipotle, I can have this. Or something. You've got to find little things.

you know, a cliff bar, like you just things that you're like, if I'm feel like I'm about to, cause that's when you spire out cause you're starving. Yeah. And then you're like, I had McDonald's last night. That was added on to the whole thing. Cause I go, well, if I'm eating, but you know, cause then you can see that, like, I could just see myself like, well, this is what happens. Yeah.

Yeah, once you start to eat bad too, you're like, well, I've already done it now. Let's go. Yeah. That's why I never drink again. Yeah. Because I feel like if I had one, I'd be like, oh, well, it's gone now. I've already broke it. Yeah. 2022 is a wash. Yeah. I'll see you again next year. Back in your 220. Yeah. Oh, man. I would love for you to get fat. Yeah. Aaron looks like a swimmer. Yeah. Like you're over, you know, Dusty's the new one.

All right. That'd be great. We'll get back into candy. So still on M&M's, in the 70s, red food dye in America was, there were studies that it was linked to cancer. Yeah. And so the FDA banned red food dye in the 70s. And even though it wasn't this type of food coloring in M&M's, red M&M's, people got so upset about it that M&M had to disband the red M&M.

From 1976 until 1987, there were no red M&Ms. Yeah. But then they finally brought it back in 87. Oh, they're back now? They just gave up on the cancer thing? Well, it wasn't even true. Oh.

I love all the bad things we eat. They're like, blame the food dye. Just the color red. How do these things get started? Who's starting that? A candy company that doesn't use the color red that's trying to sabotage your company? No, it's probably some scientist. They're just doing some study. You think it's just a genuine mistake that gets spread? Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it probably just spirals out. And then it's like, next thing you know, and they say it, and then they go, oh, yeah, well, a scientist said it. No one questions that. And then you're like, all right, so this scientist said it. You don't have to say the scientist. You just say science. Yeah, maybe a scientist was trying to make a little name for himself. He was like, you know what? I'm trying to get a little. I'm the red guy. Yeah. And then the green M&M guy is like, you know what? And you've got to go after something popular because it's like also it's something that people can wrap their head around.

So if you're taking away, if you say red dye is bad, you're like, well, I don't really, I'm not going to know what that means. But if you tell me you're taking the red M&M away, now I know what that means. So it's like, I feel like if you're that specific, if you're like, we're taking nerds away, then it's like, nerds are bad. Like, it doesn't matter what's in it that's bad. It's just the fact that they go after the red M&M. That seems very weird. And so then that story becomes, you know, they're taking the red M&M away.

Like that's a very, that's a, it's an easy story to tell. Imagine eating M&M's like, oh, good thing those reds are gone. Yeah. I remember the exact same taste. I mean, the color doesn't ever matter. Right. Right. And so it's like, it's just fun.

But it's like, it's also M&M might've just given into it just because they're like, whatever. Right. I think that was the case. People weren't buying M&Ms because they were freaking out about it. Yeah. M&Ms just took it off to- No red ones. Yeah. I remember hearing as a kid that there was a color in Mountain Dew that made men infertile. Yellow five. Yellow five. Yeah. Yeah.

Had you heard that before? Yeah, I think so. We should talk to the guy that probably has the most experience. I drank a lot of Mountain Dew back in the day. Yeah. That's for sure. I was a mellow yellow guy. I like mellow yellow too. Yeah. I like Kyle Petty. You were what? Mountain Dew Surge. Mountain Dew Surge? I don't think it was a Mountain Dew product. I feel like, yeah, it was. You remember Surge? Yeah, but you're young. And it's funny that it's like, mellow yellow was the best.

Big one. I don't know. I never had a surge. I was a fan of Kyle Petty. He drove the NASCAR Mellow Yellow car. I used to wear a lot of Mellow Yellow shirts. I love the name Mellow Yellow. Yeah. It's a great name. It's a great name. Nothing mellow about it. I like Mellow Yellow. But at some point, this rumor got spread that there's a chemical in the drink that is bad for people to drink. And I don't... Was that based on anything you think? Or is this just... See, that's what I'm thinking. I think Pepsi starts this. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Tries to get that going. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, they do say birth rates are down. Yeah. In specific Mellow Yellow area. Yeah. I think I had... I think I drank Diet Mellow Yellow. Sorry. I think I drank Diet Mellow Yellow. And I think it still had... Is it... Did it... It was either... I thought it was that or Diet Mellow. But one of them still had like calories. Where you're like, well, what's the point...

The point of it was supposed to be zero calories. Like five or ten a bottle. Yeah. And you're like, they're like, we're doing the best we can. Yeah, Melo Yellow's giving up. They're like, listen. This is as good as we can do. I mean, in that five or ten, it's actually like 30. I'll be honest with you, you got a regular Melo Yellow. We'll cut to the chase here, all right? You got a regular Melo Yellow. We just poured out half of this, but water it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we can't get it to zero. I mean, these people are lying to you.

If they came out and said it had calories, diet, drinks, I would be devastated. Devastated. Yeah, me too. Do you know the Eminem characters? I guess they all have their own personalities. Absolutely, Eminems. All right, we'll move on. No, no. They updated them a few months ago to be more politically correct. Yeah, right. I guess one of the, let's see here, the green Eminem, she wore go-go boots.

And they got rid of that to make her seem like a more confident woman and not just a sex symbol. Well, you know, there was a reason, you know, the green... What has she got now? Like she wears an apron or something? And... They had a whole thing about the green M&Ms. It just kind of makes it worse. What does she do? She carries two babies on the side? The mini M&Ms? Yeah, she has two mini M&Ms. And then...

That's her at the bottom there. That's the updated one. Interesting. They left the high heels on the brown Eminem. Yeah. She's a businesswoman. Yeah. Oh, so the green one. Oh, she's like... The top one is the old version where she's kind of a sex symbol. What are these arms and legs supposed to be?

I don't know, the orange one there, they changed him. He had an anxious personality that made him look worried. Oh, that was the bad model. Bates him and him. Yeah. But they said now his shoelaces will be tied to represent his cautious nature. Agent Orange here. Yeah, this is like... I mean, but this is like people that just...

they're trying to just keep their jobs. Like there's a point with that where you're like, well, y'all are just, I don't even, I've never even looked at them this close. I hadn't either. The fact that you're watching the drama, like it's a show. And you're like, I don't, you know. You're like, what about these M&Ms though? Yeah. The red M&M had shown bully tendencies in the past, but now he's more kind to his co-characters. He still looks like a bit of a, he's got some sass to him. Yeah, well, it's like he should have that. Yeah, he's giving people cancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that was the least he was doing. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. And that green one's confident now?

Because she has tennis shoes on? Yep. She's a more confident woman. Oh, instead of- She looks pretty confident up here. Yeah. I'd say she looks more confident. I think she looks more confident at the top. She's wearing boots. She's different. They're like, no, but now she's at the bottom and she's mixed in with everybody else. She has no personality, so she's more confident. You go, okay. Yeah, that's all the bottom looks like is they all have no personality. Yeah, yeah. You're like, well, now they're all equals and the exact same. You're like, oh, so they're not fun anymore. Great.

She represents confidence and empowerment as a strong female and not just about her boots. Yeah, no one even... This is who my nieces look up to. They should have just kept them as M&Ms. They do. That's right. Yeah, she wakes up every day. She has a poster of them on the...

You know, they really want to make them more human-like. Just ought to give them a torso, you know, or a separate head. Well, this is what makes me uncomfortable. I've never looked at their legs and arms. What are they supposed to... We're just supposed to not...

Think about them. I don't know. You're the reason why that's this. You saying this is how you end up tying that guy's shoes. You're like, the point of it is we should not even be talking this long about it. I'm saying I haven't until now. Now I'm looking. And now you're looking at the legs and you're like, what's the point of the legs? Now I know when I see these commercials come out, I don't even be looking at everything.

You go look at all the legs and be like, what's... Yeah. They only have four fingers. None of them have knees. Maybe she'd be more confident if she had, I don't know, five fingers. Yeah. Maybe more attractive legs. Yeah. She did at the top. Yeah, at the top. Yeah. She's got like skin tone there. Yeah. So someone just goes, so she's not hot anymore? And you're like, what? Yeah.

Charleston Chew. You guys familiar with Charleston Chew? I've heard of it. Never had it. Heard of it. Never had it. I don't even know what it looks like. I'm just bringing it up because I bought it for you guys. Yeah. Whoa. Where'd you get it at? I went to a candy store at Opry Mills. Did you pay a change? Two and 30 calories.

It's not bad for a candy bar of that size, right? No, no. And if it's certain size, it's one bar, which is nice. That is nice. Because it's like you want to go, give me the numbers. Yeah, you don't have to multiply it by two. It's like, yeah, it's when you order something. You're like, do you want the tax total? You're like, give me the whole thing. Yeah. I don't need to be tricked. Yeah, I don't know what this is. Try frozen. Yeah, supposedly better frozen. All candy, all chocolate's better frozen. This is vanilla. Yeah, I think there's different...

Now, what is the Charleston Chew all about? I even lived in Charleston for a long time and did not eat that candy. Yeah. Well, it's named after the dance, the Charleston. It has nothing to do with Charleston. What does it look like? Well, wouldn't you think that dance was named after the city? Well, I don't know. I don't know. Oh, it's like a... Yeah, I don't know. It's... Oh, it's got like vanilla inside of it. It's like a bite of... Yeah.

Oh, okay. Oh, no. That looks like marshmallow. Yeah. It does look a little bit like marshmallow. I don't want to criticize it, but I am not interested. Yeah. That would be a candy that you're like, I got some time to kill. Yeah. I'll take a little piece of that. That's right. It's very... This is not a clean...

That's why it's probably good frozen. Yeah. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, because it pulls back. Oh, it just went all in. It's Mikey over here. Yeah. Those taste like marshmallow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I like that. Some candy that's been discontinued. Oh, Henry?

No. You can see that. Yeah. Sue Ellen Mischke is the heiress to O. Henry. O. Henry. I can't even see it. Well, the name O. Henry. What can I get into you on? I'll take an O. Henry. Yeah. You don't like the name? I don't think so. I kind of like it. There's a hole in my bucket. Is that something to do with that song? O. Henry, O. Henry? O. Henry. Isn't that the song? I don't know about that song. You've never heard that song? Yeah. I don't like the packaging as much as the name O. Henry.

Oh, Henry. Well, if you're saying it like that. Some people think it was... There is an exclamation point. It was named after Henry Aaron. Pink Aaron. Oh.

Okay. Did they not tell yes or no to that? There's like four different versions of where the name came from. Yeah. And Baby Ruth is not supposedly named after Babe Ruth. Yeah, didn't we talk about that? We did on the President's episode. Now that's a good candy. It was supposedly after Grover Cleveland's daughter died.

But this was in the 1920s when Babe Ruth was at his height, and he asked to get paid for it. And they were like, well, it wasn't named after you. It was named after Grover Cleveland's daughter, and she had died 15 years earlier. Was her name Babe Ruth? Her name was Ruth, and it was Baby Ruth. Yeah. So a lot of people think that they just said that. So they gave Grover Cleveland money? I don't know that he asked for it, but Babe Ruth asked for it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

The 100 grand bar used to be called the 100,000 grand bar. Underrated. Opie and Anthony did a promotion giveaway where they, for weeks, said, we're going to give away 100 grand. And then they finally announced the winner and gave her a candy bar. And she was not happy about it. Oh, I can imagine. Yeah. It's funny, like, now when you hear about it. Yeah. That would be very disappointing. Yeah.

Wow. It's the only candy bar that's mentioned. Yeah, that would be maybe the most upsetting thing possible. Yeah. You think you're getting a hundred grand and it's a candy bar and they all laugh at you and it's like, that is devastating. Yeah. Why would you do that? Did they give her anything else? I think they just gave her a candy bar. Wow. That's devastating. As a poor person, that hurts me. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be very excited.

The 100 grand bar is the only one mentioned on Seinfeld and The Office. When George is trying to get the Twix, they talked about, you're sure it wasn't a 100 grand bar? And then on The Office, the business school, Michael Scott, that's one of the ones he threw out, 100 grand. I had a Whatchamacallit this weekend because my buddy Rich said it's his favorite. And you mentioned last week or two weeks ago the thingamajig and the what's a whoosie. Michael mentions those.

on that episode, Business School. That was 2007. And then 2009 is when Thingamajig came out. So I assume they made those after him. Probably, yeah. Whatchamacallit, it's like a little Rice Krispie-ish. Got a lot going on. Got a lot going on. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, it was definitely not bad. I don't see how it's his favorite. I don't see how it's someone's favorite. Yeah. It's a lot going on.

Yeah, it feels like something that somebody buys you. It seems like when everybody goes, I'm going to go buy some candy. Y'all want some? And everybody's like, yeah, just whatever. And somebody goes, I'll take a whatchamacallit. You're like, well, now I got to leave the theater. I'll be back in an hour. He goes, all right, I guess I'll just see the movie tomorrow as I go on this journey and try to find a whatchamacallit. We went to the movies. We saw Minions and Minions.

I saw Joe List's Fourth of July movie, too. How was it? It was good. It was great. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy to see it. It's just everybody in its comics, they're your friends. It's unreal to go see a movie and you're like, God, that's so wild. But I got, they have at the theater, they had like the candy things that are like only 100 calories. They had like healthy things, which I thought was pretty good. At the movies? Yeah. Yeah.

It's pretty great because they had a little package. I was like, man, because I would take those. I've been sneaking in Skinny Pop. Skinny Pop's good. Yeah. I don't know what that is. It's 80 calories a bag, but it's like popcorn. Oh, yeah. I'll bring in that, and if you could bring in these little gummy things that are like 100 calories. Oh, I know Skinny Pop. I'm good to go. Get a little Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper. Oh, that's very good. I love a Cherry Coke at the movies.

That's the best. You know what I just got from the Dollar General? Dr. Pepper Zero Blue. Wow. Never seen it before. It's a blue Dr. Pepper Zero. Wow. I think it's like Jurassic Park something. Yeah.

But man, it's a wild ride. Is it good? Oh, yeah, yeah. Does it taste like Dr. Pepper? Does it taste like a blue? Wow. Is it canned blue or is it liquid blue? No, it just looks like a regular Dr. Pepper. So it tastes like regular Dr. Pepper? It tastes like a regular Dr. Pepper, but a little bit of like a blue. It's called dark berry. It's got a little bit of a blueberry twist to it. I'm a fan. I haven't had the Dr. Pepper Zero yet.

I look forward to it. It's good. It's a little bit thicker, richer than a Diet Dr. Pepper. Oh, okay. Have you had the Reese's peanut butter cup with the potato chip in it? No. Would you like to? I don't know. I mean, that seems crazy. That's a thick cup. It's a big cup. When did they do this? The last few months.

It's a new thing they're doing. What are these candy companies doing? They're like, we're... Listen, come on, get us. Is this the craziest one? I think they have one with pretzel also. Yeah, this seems... Why are Reese's with potato chips? They're like, listen, we got all these chips laying around. What's the potato chips? I wonder what the potato chips... I don't know. It's like a...

It's like a Lays. Yeah. It was an accident at the factory. Yeah. Yeah. It seems like this could be good though. I like on a sandwich. I'm sure it is. You know, you try the other one here. Does nobody else want to try it? I'll just break off a piece because I don't want to eat the whole thing. That's a thick candy. Make sure you get some chips. Yeah. Make sure you get some chips. Well, it's going to be hard to break it. That's all right. Melt it up. Yeah. Well, good for Reese's for trying stuff. Yeah, let's try a little bit here.

You want any of this, Brian? No. Yeah, pull the mic away, man. I thought the listener might want to hear the crunch. You know what I mean? It just seems unnecessary to me. Just three guys sitting around chewing gum. It tastes like what you would think. Yeah, that seems unnecessary to me. Not a lot of surprises. Too hard. The chip's too hard. What's the point of a chip? I could see how this would become a problem, though. Like, you would, you know, you would just be...

I could definitely see how this would spiral out of control. Like you would be like, I don't know, it's fine. And then you would be like, the next thing you know, you've eaten ten of them. I think chewing into the microphone is what people are looking for. People were really dying for a candy episode. They were like, so I think they want to hear some crunching. Yeah, it seems, I'm not against it.

I'm not against it, but it's exactly what you think. But you could also, if you're like, well, I don't spend the money, then buy a bag of chips and Reese's and then eat them together. Just put a chip on top of it. Maybe that's why this got started because it let enough people did that.

Because they wanted a little crunch with it. You said Reese's was doing some bold things. They are doing some bold things. And I think it's paying off. A third of the candy aisle is Reese's stuff now. Yeah, I want to think that you do the peanut butter, then you do the chip, and then chocolate right over it. I feel like this is crumpled up chip in there. It is crumpled up chip. Yeah, but it's not misleading because that's how it's depicted on the packaging.

I'm just saying I think that's how they should do it. I'm just saying you're disappointed for no reason. I don't know. I feel very cheated. Have you seen some people pour M&M's in their popcorn at the movies? I've seen people do that. I don't like that.

I haven't done that mix. Hot tamales too? People like to do that with popcorn. I don't do that with popcorn. And popcorn I think is, I'm happy on its own. You're making a trail mix at a certain point. Yeah. I want it to be consistent. Yeah. Trail mix, they use real M&M's in the trail mix? I don't know if they're M&M brand, but they're,

Supposed to be. Yeah. Wow. M&M you think? I did have some trail mix with the M on the M&M. Oh, you have? Yeah, just recently. But was it homemade or was it? No, no, it was in a jar. Yeah. Like a bought jar. Printed it. Still sounds like homemade. I'll stop you when I don't think it sounds homemade. Keep going. It was a bought jar that you had to open and then there was plastic around it that popped. He's like, no, no, there's no label to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know. My wife brought it home. For all I know, she made it in the car. Sounds very homemade to me. You guys ever wonder what Eminem stood for? Never even thought about it. Mike and Molly. Milk and Magnesia. No. Yes. I don't know. Mars and Murray, the two guys who started it. Of course, Mars company still exists. Murray, I don't know what happened to him. They pushed Murray right out. They probably got Murray out. Murray brought in the red food dye. You guys big into suckers or lollipops?

I'm big into them, man. I love them. I'm all about them, man. I like a sucker. What's your favorite? That's a funny way to word it. I mean, it comes to mind. I like Tootsie Roll a lot. Tootsie Pop. I've been on some Tootsie Roll. I like Blow Pop. What is it? Blow Pop. Blow Pop is great.

I think Blow Pop's great. Tootsie Pop is, yeah, solid. I think Tootsie Pop's where it's at. I don't like chocolate. I like the fruity ones. But how many licks does it take? Brian, do you have the answer? Oh, I had it two weeks ago. Three, according to the owl. It was like 400 and something, right? Oh.

Did you not... Did we talk about that on the podcast? No, but I had it on the notes from two weeks ago. Some students did a... Like at a college, did a test where they had a lick machine. College really paying off. Yeah, there you go. And... It cost you in debt 400 grand for the rest of your life. It was something like 400 and something licks. From Notre Dame? Can you Google it? Yeah. It was like Purdue or something. I think it was where your brother went. Oh, yeah. And...

I may be wrong, but they did the test. That's a weird good look. They built a machine. 364. An average of 364 licks. All right. Well, several universities did this. This is one of the bigger questions. Yeah. One, two, four universities did it. Michigan did it. And a junior high school. There you go.

Can you imagine you're still paying off your student debt and you're like, well, who else did it? Some junior high school for free. Swarthmore Junior High School. How many licks did they determine? 144. Well, they used human lickers. They used just the kids. They just put the kids to work. 144 licks. Oh, so the university, they didn't use human lickers? Well, that was the whole point. These universities built machines that were modeled after a human tongue. Oh.

I mean, so, and that's so ridiculous. What's ridiculous about it? Well, because, so the kids do the real thing and it's, it's less than half. Yeah. That's right. And so like, then the, the other ones are just like crazy kids.

The numbers are really high. Right. Well, the machine could probably standardize the lick in a way where it's consistent. Where I don't trust these kids. I mean, I bet they're coming in hard. One lick. But that's who's eating it. But that's who's, yeah. But that's not the question. The question is how many licks. But who's licking it? Humans. Just a standard average lick.

A standard human being lit. I trust the machine more than I trust a bunch of junior high schools. Well, of course. I would say that too if I'd given people the money that you gave Notre Dame. And so, yeah, I would defend it hard to be like, no, this is why. But if my sixth grader, seventh grader comes home and says, we did it and had an awesome day.

Because we got to lick Tootsie Roll. I mean, that's the most fun a kid could have. It's a good day. I don't trust a licking machine. Isn't Harper about to go to junior high? I mean, close. She's getting close. She could be competing against a Purdue graduate student. The fact that they built a machine...

Do you know, like, what's the... What is going on? There could be other applications for this technology. That's the point of it. What would the other applications be? I don't know if you need to learn how medicine works.

Is affected by licks. But apparently, you know, people are licking medicine out here. Yeah. But I don't know. You're out of ideas in college. That's what I think. I got another one. You're out of ideas. You talk like I help do this. Well, you're a part of it. You have nothing to do with it. You're just building licking machines. And some guy goes, what are we doing, dude? She's trying to be an accountant. And you're...

Here's another one. A group of scientists at MIT wanted to figure out if they could invent a machine that could open an Oreo where it evenly distributed each side of the cream. And so they created an Oreo meter, a device designed to split the Oreo cookie with a specific amount of force where it would open it evenly.

They couldn't do it. The machine failed. How's that cancer research coming? Yeah. That's what I was going to say. How's that? I get you want to have fun. I get that there's some fun things. I get that you're crazy. Everything can't be super serious. I understand that. Again, that could be a junior high fun thing, though. It should be a regular school growing up fun thing. I don't know if it should be. When we're trying to prepare you for the world.

And you're like, you know, you spent two months trying to make a machine that evenly...

She said the scientists- I think you would have more odds of doing it. Maybe you get lucky and do it on your own. Yeah. How successful were they with this? They couldn't do it. The lead scientist said the results validated while I saw it as a child. We found no trick for opening up Oreo. So really a lot of confidence in MIT then. Yeah. That was MIT? Yeah. That's the cream of the crop. Those are the best of the best. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah.

An Oreometer, it was called. That's a fun name. Yeah. That was terrible. All right, you do it then with the other one. No, I'm good. I'll just eat it. Try to open it. You might as well, you know, give you the hat. Yeah, that's about it.

Yeah. You guys didn't twist it at all, though. I feel like you should twist it. I twisted. Twist a bit. Well, I think it's the fact that it's like, it's whatever the white stuff is, is probably not, you know, it's like drywall. Yeah. Like it's, it's not going to come like, it's like anything. If you, it's not going to come off evenly because it's, you could probably make come off evenly when it's first made. But it's like once it's, it's been in a container forever. I don't know if I understand the benefit of pulling it off equally.

to waste money of the parents and the kids, you know, like are the, that's the, that's the benefit of it because I don't, you know, once you do it, you're like, I don't think it's, it's been in a package for too long. So it's just, it's all, it's too like stuck together that you could never,

You'd have to cut it with a knife. Yeah, a paint scraper. You could get right in there. I would almost just... No one said that before they started this? A paint scraper? Well, they go, I think you'd have to cut it because it's just too packed, so it's never going to do it. Like an exacto knife. Let's build a machine for it. Oreo issued a statement saying, we want to extend a huge congratulations to these brilliant minds and applaud their dedication to our cookie twisting ritual. There you go. Wow. Congrats.

Imagine going home and your parents are paying for MIT and your dad's like, well, what have you learned? Well, we just built a machine to try to open Oreo cookies. It's an Oreometer.

Yeah. Get it right, Dusty. Does it teach them how to do, I guess, other stuff later? I think the machine. Oh, there it is right there. Yeah, it was 3D printed. So somebody had to design this. I'll tell you what, that's something I don't understand at all. 3D printing? I can't wrap my head around what it is.

What about it? I picture a printing machine. Yeah. And then it prints out like a real stuff, a real thing. I don't, it doesn't make sense. It is crazy. Yeah. It's very crazy. Is it what, like you can make this cup. Yeah. And it would be a real cup. So the machine has all the stuff in it to make a cup. It's, it's a little like wand or a needle with that type of that plastic material. And then it just draws it out based on the blueprint you give it. Yeah. Yeah.

So to make something, you have to have the materials of that thing. Yeah, that's what comes out of the end of it. Yeah, that's the ink, essentially. It's that plastic material that will harden. You can make this bowl. Yeah, you can make a bowl. Wood. You can make wood? Well, not wood. Okay. No, it wouldn't be wood. So you can't make this bowl? You can make the shape of this bowl, but it wouldn't be made out of wood, no. Okay. I mean, I said to make the bowl, and you said yeah. Yeah.

All right. I wasn't sure what you meant. Could it be a wood grain effect? Could you make this table? Wow, that's a very deep question. Could you make like a kidney? Oh, that's, well, ultimately, they hope you are going to be able to make stuff like that. You can make like devices for your heart and stuff out of a 3D. You can 3D print those. And so people just standing at,

Like in an office, and they're just like, I want a sandwich. Like, this is the future. Yeah, yeah. And they're going to be like, I'll take a burger. And then they type it, and it 3D prints a burger. Yeah. And then you just go eat. You eat the paper, and it tastes like a burger. That's the future. That's the future. I hope. That's the future I want to live in. Is the burger hot?

I think it's hot when it's done, when it prints. Yeah, I think it is hot because it's that plastic. You got to eat it quick. Are people making stuff and you can buy a 3D printed thing? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. It's made of plastic? Yeah. Stuff to print out? Yeah. So it'd be hard to eat a burger. Yeah, it'd be hard to eat it. If you got it quick when it was still hot. What do you think of this? My old roommate had this idea. He used to always talk about it.

Of like, you'd repurpose an old small fridge to sandwich making machine where you'd have different types of meat, bread, and then it would just come out at the bottom. You think there's any, I think that's. So it's got to place it on its own. Yeah. You just push the buttons for what you want and it would. Like a vending machine. Like a vending machine for a sandwich. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I think it'd be quicker to make the sandwich. I think it would, too. Like, I mean, I could see, like... I think your setup would be just set up the stuff you would want, like all the options, and you open the refrigerator and make any sandwich you want. And then that would be...

Like it'd be, you'd be like, lay your bread down, open that. And then you're like, oh, there's any meats. And you're like, I like that, that like a subway. What if you did a, I see your friends, a vending machine where one step away from going like, let's create a subway, you know, vending machine with one piece of bread on the top. So you select what you want and then it drops the first piece. And then as it goes down, then the meat falls. Then it goes down to the next condiment. Other piece of bread pops it out. I like this idea. I was, I was not for it in the beginning.

And now you're back. I am into it now. It's, yeah. I mean, it's not, I mean, I don't know. I just think,

Yeah, it would be a lot of work just to be like, we could also go to Subway. You're right. He said it would mostly be for busy moms with lots of kids where you need to make them in mass quickly. Yeah. Now, that's an angle that is better. You're telling me that's the angle he should go to. I need to pump out nine sandwiches in...

In a minute. Yeah. That's the angle that you should go with. Well, how many kids do you have that one of them is not old enough to just help with the sandwiches? You'd be surprised. When you can eat sandwiches, you're basically old enough to make sandwiches. Yeah. That's a good point. I mean, the window's very small. Harper could make her own sandwich now. Right. Hmm. How long should she be eating sandwiches? You've got a tiny window where you're all hands on deck. Yeah. Yeah.

But I think a lot of moms are still making their lunches for all their elementary school kids. I agree. I can understand the logic of it and doing it, but I think you're... I think if you just lay... I mean, I've not done this for nine kids, but I think if you just lay out the bread and then go through with the meat and then go through with the condiments, then it's probably...

I'm not saying it's not hard. You bring in a system. Yeah. Yeah. It's very annoying. I mean, that's the stuff that's like, like a mom has to do like the same kind of thing. He hasn't been able to get funding for this yet. I'm not saying it's a slam dunk. Yeah. Should contact MIT. Yeah. Yeah. Potentially Purdue. Licking lollipops. All right. I'm back to those lollipops. Uh, number one, selling lollipop. Tootsie pop. A dumb, dumb, the red one. Uh,

It might be red. Ring pop. Oh, I thought you meant like the Tootsie Roll, like which color. Ring pop is the number one seller? This is on Amazon, so I don't know if that's accurate. I got it. All right. I used to get into a ring pop, though. I forgot all about them. Yeah. I haven't even heard of these other candies. I haven't either. You've heard of a push pop before, right? I don't know. Barely.

Yeah, you got rock candy. I don't know if I trust this. Is that the one I sent you? Yeah, that's the one you sent me. I would think Dum Dums. I've never heard of Yummers. I don't know what that is. Who's buying Dum Dums?

Other than doctor's offices. Halloween people. Halloween people. I guess you're right. Yeah, that is true. You don't... If you like having a candy, yeah, banks. The banks, yeah. I don't know why banks give you candy. I never understood that. I appreciate it, but I never understood it. So you feel like you're walking away with something. If you didn't walk out of there with a dump without a dum-dum, then you'd be like, well, I just gave them a bunch of money. It makes it enjoyable. Maybe. You know, the fact that you're going to get like a little treat, like you just have it. It's like...

You know, and it's a long wait. And so then you got kids. So if your kids are in there, like a bank is the worst thing for a kid. So then you're like, you want to get a sucker? And they're like, yeah. And then they go in there and they wait for the sucker. I feel like it's like a that kind of thing. I also think when you're doing something like that, time, your perception of how slowly time is passing changes. Where if you want to make people feel there's a wait time at the bank, if you got a lollipop,

You're not thinking about how long it's taken. But don't you get it at the teller's window?

Good point, Brian. But if you're a kid and you've been in there before, you know what's up there. You go up there and you can go. And if it were something bigger, if it were donuts, then people would take a bunch of them. Yeah. You couldn't make the donuts last. You can never give out treats like that. People will take several. I feel like smaller, like mom and pop places might do something like that, but you got to get there early and then they go have a donut. Yeah. Yeah. People will take, I used to give it when I, at my job, I used to give away hats and

People would always be like, can I get another one from my cousin? And it's like, no, you can't. I'm giving away hats. And then they're mad. And I'm like, I just gave you a hat. Now you're unhappy with me because I didn't give you two. Yeah. People like hats. Yeah. They love hats. Yeah. I love hats. I like hats too. It is funny. People want them that bad. Let me get one more. And you're like, what does it matter? I mean, I'm talking about a spectrocyte. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it's not like... It's not like the Yankees. Yeah. It's nice to get free stuff. Yeah. People love it. You do. You just get...

Yeah, exactly like that. The black one. The black one, yeah. That's not even that good of a hat. I know. I know, dude, but they were. Those are the hats that you wear, though. Those are the ones that you're just throwing it on. It's a cut-in-the-yard hat. I mean, my dad worked for Aflac, and he had the little ducks that you could squeeze, and everybody would go, Aflac, Aflac, and people could not stop wanting those. Yeah, I believe that.

I'd like that. It's the first time I've ever heard someone work for Aflac. Oh, my dad worked for Aflac for like 20 years. Oh, really? Yeah. Did he love it when Nick Saban started endorsing it? Oh, yeah.

I mean, he's all about it. Yeah. I mean, he used to tell people that he did the voice of the duck. Oh, yeah. That was a big thing for him. Was it Gilbert Gottfried? Yeah. Originally. And then he got fired because he made some jokes about Japan. Yeah. And apparently Japan buys a lot of cancer insurance from Aflac. Yeah. So they fired him. Yeah. Wow. And then they hired your dad. Yeah. Yeah.

You guys like gum? Yeah. Oh, man. Gum's the best. I do like gum. I've been chewing gum a lot because it's not many calories. Mm-hmm. Number one selling chewing gum on Amazon, having heard of this, Pure, P-U-R? Oh. P-U-R. Yeah, I think I have it. I have it. I think that's the gum I chew. It's like the mint.

Oh, I've seen that Pure. I do the Mentos. Pure must be current top seller. On Amazon? I don't know. Your list seems...

Maybe this is the real list. Well, I think this is probably as good a metric as we have is what's on Amazon. But there's also going to be a lot of gums that you're going to buy on Amazon because they're not available in stores. Yeah. I've never seen Pure at the gas station. Big Red was the one where they had the commercials where people were making out all the time, chewing the gum. Like you chew the gum and someone kisses you. That would work. Yeah. It was the Axe body spray of the gums. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

What was the one where- The bottom of that? There was the twins. Oh, the twins. Double mint. Oh, it was double mint? Yeah. Smarties? You guys like Smarties? Mm-hmm. I love Smarties. That's what these are? Yeah. The small Smarties is what I liked. Yeah. These are giant Smarties. Those are fun. Yeah. Apparently, the red Smarties come from a beetle, crushed beetles. All right.

I don't think there's any red ones in there. Yeah, vegetarians criticized the maker of Smarties for using a ingredient obtained from crushed beetles. How do you even get to the point where you would even think that you could have crushed beetles in a thing? I don't know. That's what happened when the red food dye was causing cancer. They started crushing beetles. I would think that's not true. I can't even tell you which one's red. Yeah, I don't think any of those are red. I would think it's not true. I would not believe that.

I used to like the little Smarties. I would act like I was taking pills or vitamins. Oh, yeah. That's what I did as a kid. I did that with Tom. Yeah. That paid off. Cotton candy. Yeah, it's like, yeah, you're training. You're in training. Yeah, he took that to the big leagues. You're eating Smarties and candy cigarettes, and you're like, this is my future. Yeah. Yeah.

Cotton Candy was invented by a guy from Nashville. Oh, yeah. He called it Fairy Floss. That didn't stick, but he took it to the... That's such a... Yeah. You want to... The name that you're like, you want to change the name? It doesn't sound good at all. He took it to the 1904 St. Louis World's Fair, and he sold 68,000...

boxes at $25 a box. Wow. And this is 1904. How much money is that? I don't know. It's a lot. There you go. 68,000 boxes? Yeah. Times 25. Um...

But yeah, later on they changed it. It was called fairy floss up until the 1920s, but then they changed it to cotton candy. I had cotton candy this weekend. It's 1.7 million. I mean, that's, I mean, the guy's basically a billionaire. In 1904? Yeah. And he was selling it as fairy floss back then too, huh? Yeah. And then he changed the name. That seems, it'd be hard for me to change the name if I made 1.7 million at a fair. It took a while, but I think. Oh, okay. Now,

Not that one fair. No, no, no, no. Some controversial candies. I got one here. Uh... Wait. Yeah.

I thought this, we were talking Warren Fair. Oh, and then they go, I think you should change the name. He goes, I don't, I'm sitting on $1.7 million. I sold 68,000 of these. On untapped. Today. No one knows I'm here. Cash. Cash, $1.7 million. He's got duffel bags of candy. And you want me to call it cotton candy? Sounds like you're trying to sabotage me. Yeah.

Dingleberries. Oh, wow. Chocolate-covered gummy bears. Chocolate-covered gummy bears. What's the design of that bag? There's a lot going on. Well, that's where you think it is. Oh, come on. Yeah. I don't think so. This cannot be a selling point for that. No.

I think it hurt it. That's why you never heard of it. That's why they had to put it at the top, it's sugar. You were like, I don't know. It's sugar. All right. All right. I'll do it. Wow. I can't. What a chocolate gummy bear. I don't know what that's. I don't think I like that. You about to try it out? I guess so. You kind of have to. Chocolate-covered gummy bears. They seem like conflicting. Well, I'll try it too, even though the packaging says it shouldn't. Yeah, I don't like the packaging at all. There was a candy called, these are controversial candies.

I'm against this. M-A-O-A-M. Mayom? We're about to get another one. No, I'm against this. You like it? I'm not a big fan of it either. I like gum beer too. So they created a character called Mayom Man. And on the packaging, he was enjoying himself a little bit too much with the lemons, cherries, strawberries, and oranges. And people complained about it. But...

The company was like, we're not changing it. He's a lovable character and people young and old like it, but...

Some people are like, he's enjoying that orange a little too much. It is. It's this green guy. This kind of amorphous blob of a guy. And he's loving on these fruit. I don't think I think too much about it. You know, the dingleberry, the more I ate that, the better it got. Well, because once you got the chocolate off. As most do. It's the chocolate that is not good. And you're just, you want to get to the, and then you get to the gummy bear. Once you get the chocolate off,

And then you get to the gummy bear. You're like, I think so. I could eat another one, but you would have to get, you have to get through that chocolate. Yeah.

But yeah, going into that, I was like not liking it, but it got really good. And I was even looking at mailman as I was eating it. This dingleberries is like, that's what would sell like a comedy act on the road would have like a great t-shirt. Like this is like an exact thing that you'd be like, this dude has made...

No one knows who he is, but his shirts are everywhere. Oh, yeah. And like this guy is just like he's making like 10 grand a night just selling, you know, he's got a joke about. Yeah, it's it's the candy. It's the shirt where it looks like it says nothing and then you fold it up. Oh, yeah. It's that shirt. It's yeah.

Or people on the road in small towns can't help but buy that shirt. Oh, yeah. They love it. They love that. They love it. Yeah. They love that shirt. They love it so much. And yeah, I mean, but you go see an act. I mean, this would be, this does feel like a comic would sell this at the end of the. Oh, yeah. I got dingleberries. It's a line out the door. A line out the door. I mean, a comic could sell these now because no one's ever heard of these. So a comic could just go buy a bunch of them. You bought those at the loony bin, right?

But like how much, where'd you have to get these off? Amazon? No, I got it at that place at Opry Mills. It's called It's Sugar. Oh, and so like if you just went and got a bunch of these and then just said and sold them for how much were they? Like,

I don't know. I bought a bunch of stuff together. Wow, that's pretty nice. I paid with change. But it's like the bag is like $4. You just charge $15. Oh, yeah. And then you go and you just, I mean, a comic could just do a joke about Dingleberry. Yeah, and then people have it at their house and they're like, oh, I got it from a comic. Yeah. I bought this Big League Chew, too. Y'all talked about that last time. I love it. I love Big League Chew. Yeah. They even had candy cigarettes there. Oh, wow. I should have practiced on that before the cigar. Yeah. 10 dollars per serving.

Yeah, I mean, you got to practice before you jump right into. Pop Rocks. You guys a big Pop Rocks fan? I think I got one of those in there. Yeah, it happens in Urban Legend. They talk about Pop Rocks. About the Coke? Yeah. What kind of show is this? It's a movie. Okay. And does it happen in the movie? Pacey from Dawson Creek's in it. Which guy? Pacey. I saw Tara Reid was in it. That's exciting. I love Dawson. Yeah, Dawson Creek. That was my... I loved it. I watched every episode.

That was my years. That was your Dallas. Uh, Brian, that was, yeah, but we watched it. It was Dawson's Creek was made for like kids in high school. Like, so I graduated in 96. Like it was like Dawson Creek was, what's that dude's name? James Vanderbeek. Yeah. He was like the man. Yeah. Yeah. I just looked at, I follow him on Instagram. He has six kids. Oh, good for him. Yeah. Uh,

And then... Oh, sorry. 90210 was big when Ruth was in high school. That was her. And we just found out Jason Priestley moved into our neighborhood. So she's very excited about that. Oh, wow. She loved Jason Priestley. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. They...

Uh, we have squirrel problems. Yeah. Tell him. No, I didn't. I don't want him to run. I don't want to leave. So, but they, uh, yeah. Dawson's Creek was what did like one tree Hill. Did you watch one tree Hill or something? What's the other, did you watch a show like saved by the bell?

Yeah, we watched Shave of the Build. That was when I was younger. Yeah. And then Dawson Creek was like your kind of soap opera. Oh, yeah. You didn't have a show? We had a bunch of those kind of shows. You can't name one? Below Deck? It was like The O.C., Laguna Beach, all that kind of stuff. Yeah, I guess it became more reality.

I never watched One Tree Hill, but that was... Oh, I didn't know those were reality shows. They're not. I mean, the ones I just named. OC, is it not a reality show? I don't know. Laguna Beach? I don't know. It is a reality show. Okay. I think they're the first reality show. How old were you when you started West Wing? Seven. I'd watch it. My dad would watch it when I was younger, but I didn't really get into it until after college. Did you wear a suit when you watched it? Yeah.

Would you bring a briefcase of candy to the couch and sit down? I mean, that's what we wore, just wore around the house. That's what we wore, yeah. We wore suits on. Well, there was an urban legend that Pop Rocks with Coke would make your stomach explode. The rumor was that the kid who played Mikey from the Life Cereal commercial died from consuming Pop Rocks and Coca-Cola. In the very first episode of Mythbusters, they tested it on a pig that

And the pig's stomach did not explode, but did grow three times in size. So still pretty bad. The pig did or his stomach did? Why didn't they do it? Because they try to make it legit, like, let's see if this is real. And they're not going to do it to themselves if somehow you think it might really make your stomach explode. The pig grew three times in size or its stomach? Its stomach. Oh. I like... Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I like the idea that... Well, that seems like... Yeah. He goes, howdy, buddy. We got bigger issues. Hey, pal. Hey, bear. Good night. Oh, Henry. Oh, Henry. Wow. So, are you talking up to him now? Yeah. Yeah. All right.

I like the idea that even Mythbusters is like doing it. They're like, we don't do it to ourselves. And you're like, well, I think we would know if, I mean, the fact that they, if this was true, they're just allowing pop rocks and sodas to still exist. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of kids would have died. I'm sure I ate pop rocks and soda at the same time. Oh yeah. Yeah.

I don't know that's the reason why they did the pig, but I'm guessing that's the point of like, if this is a legit thing we're going to try to figure out, we wouldn't do it to our son. But it seems not good. If the stomach grew three times in size, that feels like an explosion. I think it gives you a lot of gas, supposedly. Yeah, it feels like gas. Oh, then it goes back to normal. Yeah. Oh. It doesn't matter. It's worth it. Yeah. I bet if you go, how much does it grow normally? And they'd be like, one time, two times. You'd be like, that's not that big of a deal. Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Like everything. What if you ate it every day? Okay. I don't trust Mythbusters. Yeah. They're always like, oh, we busted it. And it's like, well, did you though? You didn't do it on a human. You did it on a pig. It's a great idea for a show though. It is a good idea for a show. My grandfather was a physicist and we were watching Mythbusters. Yeah.

Was he? He's a physics professor in college. My grandfather. Oh, my gosh. What did y'all do? We were watching. So how did y'all get around in just Alabama? Were y'all just mortified every day you walked out? No, we loved it. Would they be chirping at you and you're like, I don't even know, and you'd have to go talk to them, the regular folk? The regular folk. Yeah. You're just like Doc Hollywood, your whole family. He was watching Mythbusters once and he saw they did –

an equation wrong. They did the math wrong on something. Wow. And he wrote in, he wrote into it. So I'm saying, I don't trust him either. I don't trust him. He's like, they're not even doing this right. Yeah. Did they respond? No. Oh.

Nah. They finally stopped the show, right? They ran out of mist. Hopefully, dude. They're like Bill Nye. Bill Nye is the science guy. He's just an improviser. I don't like him either. Yeah. I did a show with him. Did you really? Like South by the Sea. He was on the show. Maybe he hosted it or something. Okay. Nice guy? Yeah. I mean, I barely. It was like a comedy show. Yeah. He does a comedy. It's like all that stuff where it's like,

Well, they're entertainers. Yeah, he's like a comedian. Yeah, yeah. And then it's like whatever they have is like, yeah. It is funny because it's like he's not a scientist at all, right? No. And it is funny that they have Bill Nye the scientist. And they go to him like real scientists. Oh, yeah. They ask him like, what do you think? It's like, yeah, he's not. Oh, and people believe him. They think that, oh, Bill Nye said it. Yeah. So let's go to the moon. Let's go to the moon. I guess we've already been to the moon.

Bill Nye said it. I guess he was there. A few months back, a photo of a smooth Snickers bar

went viral online because people thought that Snickers was doing away with the wavy lines. There it is right there. Oh, wow. Someone posted that, and people got outraged that Snickers was changing. Snickers finally had to issue a statement saying, we're not changing. That's either a manufacturer problem or that candy bar melted in your car. Yeah, that's what it was. You know what it was? I'm saying that's the most likely. Yeah. It's most likely. I mean, it's a guy that's probably had that happen a bunch.

Is that your hand? Yeah. That was in your... This is classic. Classic. That was in your emergency pack. No parking under a tree. You go in to Waffle House. You're there a little longer than you expect. I've seen it. If I've seen it once, I've seen it 20 times. Is this an emergency pack? Yeah, that's just... It's an emergency pack. Yeah, I guess you break down or something. You got smooth stinkers in there.

I'm saying the way these candy bars are produced, it's a lot easier for me to believe that one melted in a car than there was one missed the chocolate drizzle on the conveyor belt in the factory. I think I would see that more than I would see. That's too smooth for melted. Well...

That melted. It's still that's way too smooth. I would say that missed the whole thing. Or I don't trust the person that did this. I don't trust the guy with that keyboard really there. Look at that. Yeah, that's not a keyboard of somebody that you trust. Yeah. How do you get used to that keyboard? It's like an ergonomic keyboard that split in half where it's kind of raised in the middle with a lot of.

wrist pad in the front of it, it doesn't look like this. A guy with a keyboard like that, I think he smoothed that Snickers bar out at home. I think he licked it. Yeah, he licked it that smooth. Because if it melted, that wrapper seemed like it would have chocolate on it. Well, I think it's good seeing corporate America getting some work done. All those people go to college and they go smooth the Snickers out and get paid $700,000 a day. Probably went to Purdue. So let's build a candy melting machine.

And try to verify this. I'll end on this. This never happened, but they found... There you go. I mean, who starts with V-neck? Well, I wanted to set it up. I didn't want to get you guys... I made this up completely. Unicorns flew to my house this weekend. And, all right. Well, I guess...

I didn't want to get you guys excited and say whatever happened, but they found reports and papers after World War II that Nazis were creating a candy bar that they were going to try to get to Winston Churchill. And once you break it open, after seven seconds, it explodes to kill him. So when you're doing a podcast on comedy, why would you not present that as real?

I mean, it really... The papers are real. I'm just saying that it never got to him. It never... They made the candy bar. They drew up the plans for it. Okay. They never tried to slip it to him. It didn't get caught. These were just blueprints, plans, a way they were going to assassinate him. And you thought we would believe...

I think if I just said the Nazis created this candy bar or whatever, you were like, well, what happened? Did it get to? No, they never even got that far. So I just wanted you guys to know. It sounds like a bad plan, though, too. It's like you get it to, you're like, here, I got you a candy bar, Winston Churchill. And he's like, oh, I never heard of this one. Wow.

And they're like, well, no, eat it. A German chocolate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's it called? Kaboom? Yeah. Yeah, it's like a mix of a Snickers and a Kit Kat. Oh, eat it. Eat it. I'm going to leave the room, though. Yeah. All right. Maybe you shouldn't have ended on that one.

No, that's a phone. But that's the end? That's a phone. Well, I mean, we can keep going. I mean, if I saw this guy, I feel like I could get to him through a candy bar. Yeah. He was a big boy. You go, what if he takes a candy bar? They go, he's not going to take a candy bar. You go, have you seen Winch, Churchill? He goes...

He'll ask for it. Here's how confident I am Winston Churchill is going to take a candy bar. I don't think we even have to try to give it to him. I think you go eat a candy bar in front of him and then the whole time he will only be thinking about where did you get that candy bar. You always feel when you eat gum you got to offer it. Oh, you got to. On a plane? I started doing that. To strangers? Yeah, I pulled the gum out and I gave them one piece of gum. Any time they say no, I feel like they appreciate it. Yeah.

Yeah. I hope so. You wake them up? Yeah. Hey. What's that? Over there. Hold it up to their mouth. Under their nose? You got unwrapped gum in the palm of your hand? I don't know if you're meeting your girl after this fight. You want some gum? We've been on a war up here. But I think people assume if you offer them gum, they think, oh, is my breath bad? It's like, no, I'm just trying to be...

Then you got to talk to them the whole flight after you give them the gum. Well, you don't offer it early. I shut it down pretty quickly. Yeah, because you don't want to chew gum early on a flight because then what are you going to do with it? Yeah. I always think then you're going to get tired of it.

I put it in the bag you're supposed to hyperventilate it. That's gross. And then you take the bag? And then I wrap the bag up and I throw it in the trash. I have a weird thing about it. I'm not good with wrapping. I need gum to be gone. So you waste it? I can't have it wrapped up. I can't have it be sitting. Like, I can't. I just stick it on the back of the seat until the time. No, well, people go, like, I see people, like, they get gum and then they put it on their plate while they eat. Yeah.

I'm like, I almost want to leave the table. I can't handle it. It's not good. So you waste the whole throw-up bag for just a little piece of gum? If I need to. A lot of the times I can make it last until a drink is brought out, and then that usually comes with a nap.

But do you make it seem like you put it in a napkin too? You don't like putting it in a napkin? I couldn't do. What, do you just walk around with a trash can at all times? Well, I won't put myself in the situation until I know I can get to the trash can. You've got to think about chewing gum that much. Am I going to be around a trash can? That much. That's crazy. This is what I want you to do. This looks like I just went off on the candy. I don't love that this stuff is all laying. Okay. But I mean, I've dealt with it because I'm a professional. Okay. But it's... You've been worried about it.

Yeah, I don't care for it. I've looked at this about 100 times. I don't like it either, to be honest with you. I can handle this bag. This is the grossest. If I can make it look like it's closed and it's back to really put together in place, I'm fine with. But when it's just a crazy mess. But I won't have gum unless I know I'm going to be able to get it. I won't have something. Can I get rid of the trash? I won't have anything unless I know I can get rid of the trash. Oh, yeah.

So if you were flying and y'all hit turbulence and the oxygen mass fell, would you just take the gum and stick it in there? Yeah. Like if you wanted to get rid of it. I thought we just saved you from ending badly. That's fair. Oh good. A good place for my gum. That's fair. Yeah. That's it. All right. We love you everybody. Thank you very much as always for listening.

Yeah, I'll be in, this comes out this week. I'm heading to Bend, Oregon and Jacksonville, Oregon, Amphitheaters. And then I'll be in Hawaii. Bend, Oregon, Jacksonville is this weekend. Right? Yeah. And then something. And then Hawaii, 2014.

second and third, I believe, uh, Maui and Honolulu. I will be there. Uh, very excited, very excited about all these shows. So go check that out. Come out. I'll be at back at the Grand Ole Opry. Nice. Uh, Tuesday, July 19th. Mm-hmm.

Oh, I'm going to Tampa, Florida, Phoenix, Arizona, Dania Beach, Florida. I've never been in that part of Florida before, so I'm excited. And then I'm doing the Arlington Draft House in Arlington, Virginia. Outside of D.C., August 12th and 13th. That's a great place. Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah. I'm going to go to Bolivia, North Carolina, to the Odell Williamson Auditorium on Saturday. Wow. And then Tuesday, I'll have a show at Zany's, July 19th. Oh, right.

So if you don't want to go see Brian at the Opry, come to see, go to Zaney's. But if you don't want to go to Zaney's, go see Brian at the Opry. There you go. There you go. All right. We will see y'all next week. Have fun. Bye. Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.