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Hello folks and hey bear welcome to the Nate land podcast. I'm neighbor get see Brian Bates Aaron Webber dusty slip. All right. Mm hmm. As usual. Welcome. We're here. Big. You know, a big weekend. Y'all had a big weekend, right? Yeah.

Yeah, we did. You were in Vegas, right? Yeah, my week was crazy. I'm going to go to yours. You know, I'm just trying to save the best for last. I don't know. I mean, you know, we can do it whenever.

Well, I was at Tacoma Comedy Club. Oh, yeah. That's right. In Tacoma this Friday and Saturday. You know, I tell them on stage about me seeing that dead horse and how you stole that joke from me. How now you're selling out arenas and stuff and that everything. That last show, late show Saturday, I think they took it serious. I like...

They didn't laugh. And I was like, guys, I'm joking. Yeah. Everybody else laughed. But they were like, I think you might be serious about this. Like, what do you mean? Like, you tell us. I would just say, last time I was here, I was with Nate Bargatze. Yeah. Opening for him. And we drove up to Mount Rainier. And I saw a dead horse. Basically, I just recited your joke. Yeah. And then I said, you know.

you know that you stole it from me and now you're selling out of rain yeah all that okay yeah thanks and they were like well they laughed the last crowd was like i think he might be serious yeah oh yeah you'd already done it like four times probably right so by the fourth time you're like it's well rehearsed now so it seems like yeah yeah

It feels more real. Yeah. But it's like the first show, if you have like a crowd work moment or like an observation about the club, you say it, it's funny. You're like, all right, I'll do this all weekend. And it works every time. But by the end, you're like, I'm sick of this. The staff has got to be sick of it. They're like, oh, here we go again. You feel a little gross. Yeah. Yeah.

well i mean they might not even know me like i'm just you get some like i mean i think some obviously will but like yeah someone be like what i don't think i told her the friday late show because there weren't a lot of uh nateland fans there yeah but the shows where it didn't look like it well you can sometimes you just go out and you go i don't think oh yeah you can sometimes just look at them yeah yeah

But I think the host would usually ask, you know, stuff like that. But the shows were great. Three out of four sold out. That's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. Big time baits. Yeah. That's what I call myself. Yeah. That's really crazy. That's awesome. Thank you. Thank you. And just so happened, coincidentally, Aaron was in town for corporate. So he came in a day early and did...

Guess that's... Brian let me open for him. Yeah. And it was great. On every show? Except the one he had to do the corporate. Yeah. But three out of four. Oh, really? Was that the one that you didn't sell out or the one that he did? The one that he was on. That was the one with probably the most Nate Land people was the one I didn't do. Yeah. He missed the Saturday early show. Early show Saturday. Yeah. Yeah. So he might have hurt you on that late show, the one that he didn't sell out.

Aaron might have hurt you. Yeah, because they knew you were going to be there. They knew Aaron was going to be there. Yeah, I think word had gotten out. Word had gotten out and they go, I can't. Yeah, nah. I want Bates. I don't want anybody else. Yeah. But it was awesome. I'm here for breakfast. I'm not here for brunch.

It's in a breakfast place. The club is. It's attached to a breakfast place. Wow. That's your club. That's what I'm talking about. It's his home club. Yeah. You can take a special day. I did on my iPhone this weekend. Yeah. Brian will text it to you if you guys reach out.

the drop box it's going to be uh not even that new special coming out of google drive airdrop yeah uh just walk near baits and you get his new special because he has an open airdrop yeah like youtube and itunes yeah yeah yeah i didn't ask for this you just be on every time someone starts a car it's just hello folks

I have one album on my phone and every time it's Dusty's first album. All right. Making that fudge. And I'm so sick of it, dude, because every time I turn on my car, you just start talking.

And I can't get rid of it. I know. How do you fix that? Mine's Bates' album. Mm-hmm. Either his or Mike Vecchione's. Easy Out? Easy Out. Yeah. Mine will be his or Vecchione's album. You gotta just get... Sometimes Chad Daniels. I have a Chad Daniels album. But it's always comedy. And you just... For some reason, it's like comedy is the one you don't want. No. Because you're just like...

just let me you got to buy an album you got to just buy an album in a higher higher alphabetical order maybe aaron weber and then oh yeah oh yeah yeah never download errands because you'll never get anything higher yeah i didn't buy errands because i would because that would have popped up yeah but my but i mean how does apple because it just automatically starts playing like that stuff is that really fixed

They had that figured out. There's probably a way around it, but it takes three seconds, but it's annoying every time. I forget until you turn on the car and there's Dusty talking. What's the opening joke? It's a goldfish joke? I'm jumping all around now. Credit score.

Yeah, I think so. It was a good joke. But it was fun to watch you do. I hadn't seen you do a full, like, you don't know, 50 minutes. It was great. The shows were hot. Yeah, they were great shows. And so Saturday...

uh we got aaron and i got invited to go to a uh a clothing store to be fitted for clothes right christy johnson uh dusty had already been to her shop and she's a huge nateland fan and um

Aaron and I were both out of our element, I would say. Yeah, they paired us with a stylist and were like, you need to try these outfits. And we came in. They knew us. They already had outfits picked out for us. I walked in and they were like, we're going to take you out of your comfort zone. I know you wear a lot of Carhartt.

That's what they told me. And they were like, Brian, I know you got a little more classic style. They're so nice the way they worded it. Yes, we were trying out all kinds of stuff. But some stuff you walk out and they go, nah, that's not you or whatever. But we landed and they hooked us up with some great outfits. Brian was wearing them that night. New people, man. They posted a video of it, too, which we shared. But...

So then she was so nice and she runs Purpose Boutique. And there's a few shops around. Like nine or eight or nine in the Tacoma area. This was Purpose Men. And then she said, go put, I mean, she hooked us up. And then she said, go put your clothes in the car and then we'll go get some ice cream. And so Aaron and I went and put our clothes in the trunk of the car. And then we walked over and got ice cream and

And then Aaron and I walked back to our car. And it's not there. Aaron's real car is gone. He got towed. Oh, he got towed? I was parked in a private lot. I didn't see any of the signs. Once you've been towed, I saw all kinds of signs out there. I was like, oh, no. I validated my parking in the ice cream place. That's how legit I thought it was. I get back, it's gone, right? So I call the towing company. Brian's got a show in a little bit. I've got a corporate gig later that night.

So they say, yeah, we just towed it. We missed about like five minutes. They go, it's not even at our lot yet. It's on the tow truck. So it's going to be about an hour before you can come get it. So I was like, oh, so Brian Uber's back to his hotel. I Uber back to my hotel. I wait an hour. I call the tow truck place. They go, well, since it's a rental car, you're not allowed to get it back because you're not the legal owner of it. Right. Yeah.

So I was like, oh, geez. I go, well, like all my stuff's in there, all my camera equipment, all the clothes we had just gotten that Brian was going to wear at the show that I was going to wear at my show. It's all in there, right? So they say, well, if you show your rental agreement, you can get your stuff. So I was like, oh, thank God, right?

So I'm on my way there. I called an Uber. I'm about to go get the stuff before my show. I look at my rental agreement. It says that I took an SUV from the airport. I didn't. I had a Toyota Camry. The rental agreement has the wrong car on it. So I can't go get my stuff from the tow truck place. So just for the next six hours, I'm on the phone trying to get somebody at Enterprise to answer, and they just will not answer.

I cannot get a human being on there, dude. So I just Uber all around the city. I go to my show. I Uber to Brian's show. And then I'm calling Enterprise. This is what they told me to do. They go, nobody's answering the phone there. So I talked to a general customer service guy and he's like, well, you should just Uber to the airport.

There might be somebody at the counter like 45 minutes from the airport. Yeah. I'm not Ubering to SeaTac on the off chance somebody's there. So anyway, I yelled at a couple of people that I don't think they understood what I was saying. It's fun to yell, though. I do like that. I even told a guy, I go, I know this has nothing to do with you, but I'm pretty frustrated right now. It's my favorite line. Yeah. And then I. I love that line. Because what do you do? It's not your fault, but whose fault is it? Right. You're the only guy I'm talking to. Yeah.

So anyway, I didn't get, I went there at like, I didn't get my stuff like midnight that night. I convinced the guy. He was a stand-up comedy fan. Oh, really? Yeah. Had never heard of me, but we talked about it for a while. Yeah. And then he can, he let me grab our stuff out of there. But that tow truck is still, still at that lot. And I called. The rental car you mean? The rental, yeah, the rental car. I called everybody and I was like, I don't know if y'all know that this is there, but I'm leaving town. Yeah. You know, I'm gone.

So I'm on a plane back to Nashville and I post on Instagram. I don't even know if I've told you this part of it yet. I post on Instagram, hey, Enterprise. I tagged him. This car is in an impound lot in Tacoma. Good luck. I'm gone.

Then they respond and DM me, and then I get an email only after I post about it publicly. You see people trash companies online. I always judge them for it, but it was literally the only way somebody would get in contact with me. So I've been emailing back and forth. They said it was my fault. I should have known to email them instead of call like everybody told me to. But anyway, it was such a great day.

And then it was just a horrible day. Yeah, it flipped quick. You're like, oh, man, now I'm just Ubering everywhere. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Yeah, you still had your rental car. Yeah, you were solid. I mean, you even have a better day when that happens. You're like, that could have happened to me. And you did it. And you're even a little more excited. You're both renting cars out here all the time like that? Yeah. No, the only reason I rent is because I had to drive to Portland on Sunday. Yeah. Normally, I probably, well, I don't know, from Seattle to Tacoma, that's a...

pretty long Uber. So I probably would have rented a car anyway. Yeah. You don't like renting cars? No, I didn't rent one this weekend because I had a little traveling to do. But yeah, I always just Uber. I Ubered from Seattle to...

Well, this is the first time I've had a problem. And I am looking for a different company because that was the worst. That was the worst customer service experience I've ever had. I always liked Avis. With anybody. Avis? Maybe I'll try them. I did Avis for a little bit. You know, Hertz. But, I mean, they're getting, it's all customer services. I think you're going to run into the same problem with everyone. You're probably right. The country's falling apart. Yeah. Well, also, well, they have Turo now. Yeah.

You could try Turo. There, you could rent... Half-time Turo, you could rent a Mercedes for the same price as a Camry. They have Corvettes you can rent. That would be not too much more than just a regular car with a other thing. Then when you get that tow, that'll be a huge deal. But you're straight up talking to a dude.

So then you're calling the guy that owns the car. I just want a person to talk. And you're like, hey, you remember that Corvette you let me rent from you? Yeah. I got it towed. Your rental car is still in a towing lot somewhere. Probably, dude. Nobody from Enterprises let me know if they got it. You're just paying every day.

Who knows what the bill will be? I'll probably have to pay whatever they have to pay to get it out of the tow lot. I kind of accepted that. But, dude, it's not at a certain point. It's like I've told y'all it's there. Good thing you got a corporate gig, you know. That's right.

That's right. I might have broken even on this trip by the end of it. Yeah. We'll see. Now, the downtown club where you were at, you can walk from the hotel to there. But I was at one where I would have an Uber every day out there. Oh, yeah.

Anyway, but then so Christy wanted us wanted me to wear my new digs to the show that night and I text her so hey, I'm sorry to tell you this, but Aaron's car got towed. Our clothes are in there. We'll get on but I'm not going to be able to wear she was coming to the show with about 30 friends.

And she said, I'll bring you a new outfit. I'm like, well, I was also meeting a friend of mine I grew up with. Hadn't seen like 20 years for dinner. I was going to go straight from there to the club. And she's like, what time you get in the club? I'll meet you there with a new set of clothes. I'm like, don't worry about it. She's like, no, no, no, no.

they don't even have a green room that you can really i had two female openers i mean i'm gonna have to just go in the men's room hey how's it going yeah a whole i mean she had shoes the whole everything she hooked it up man yeah she hooks it up yeah and she wasn't gonna take no for an answer so i'm pulling in and there she is waiting for me on the sidewalk with a whole new outfit so that's another good thing aaron

Aaron's car got me another outfit. I'm glad I could help you out. And I went and changed into it. Where did you change? When I got there, she said, I talked to management. They said that they'll clear out the green room for you and let you go in there. I was like, I don't think there's a door on there.

On that green room. She should be your manager. Yeah. She should. She told me that. She's getting it done. And she is getting it done. Yeah. Yeah. How do they not have a green room, but then they do have a green room? It's a really small green room. Yeah. I didn't think there was even a door on it, but there is one that slides. And I had two female openers. I wasn't going to ask everybody to do all that, but they did. They stepped out and pulled the door and-

Well, I changed. Well, you look sharp, dude. Yeah. You look sharp. Thank you. Yeah. It's amazing. You've got clothes like that. Did you feel a difference confidence wise? No, I got used to it, but it was so different than at first. I wasn't feeling comfortable on stage. Like my shirt's untucked. I like a tucked in shirt. You've always had more of a classic style. Yeah. Classic. That's a good one. Yeah. Like she said.

She's got me wearing stuff. Why did you not tuck in the shirt? Because she said it doesn't tuck. Oh. But I had a great set, so I got more and more comfortable on stage. So then I told Erin, I said, I don't know, in Portland, now I'm going to a whole new place. I don't know if I'm going to wear one of these new outfits or not. Erin said, you should just do it. I was like, I don't know. And then she texted me yesterday, don't let me down. I'm like, she is not going to let up. So I did. Last night in Portland, I wore...

A new outfit. And he said it was a hot show. It was a hot show. So, Christy is my manager. Thank you, Christy. Let me tell you this, dude. I don't think, outside of funerals and weddings, I don't think I've tucked in since high school. Yeah, I don't tuck in a shirt. The second somebody's not telling me to tuck in, I'm not tucking in. I love tucking in.

I don't do it because I don't think it's always the most flattering. It's definitely not for me. But I love it. I love tucking. I tuck in the shirt underneath. If I get back down to real skinny, you're going to see. Hello, world weight. You're going to be tucking all in. Yeah.

Yeah. And you tuck in the undershirt when it's real cold, but you still haven't. That way the draft can't get up in your. I don't think I've worn an undershirt since high school. I like a belt. I like a belt, too. I'm a belt. I like a belt. She told me don't wear a belt with it, but she said you can if you want, and I wore a belt. Yeah, I can't not wear a belt. My pants are going to fall down. I definitely need one.

Yeah. So then the late show. So I was selling merch after every show and I have my little card reader that plugs in my phone in between the first show and the second show Saturday. All of a sudden, my card reader won't go into my phone. And I'm like, what is up with this? And I'm telling Aaron about it. He's like, yeah, it happens, you know, whatever.

And I'm just like, I guess my card reader somehow, like who stretched out these plugs? That's how it felt. But I thought, it's gone. I get back to my room that night. My phone's almost dead. I cut a plug in my phone. My charger won't go into my, it won't stay in my port. Because it's too loose? And I'm like, it's just falling out. It won't connect. And I'm like, what? I'm looking at my phone. Did someone switch my phone? It literally felt like that. It would not stay in. I'm like, what is going on?

And I Google, like, when your charger will stay in, and it said. You got some wild stuff. Dirt or lint can get into the port, and it can cause it from connecting. It said take a toothpick. Yeah. And clean it out. I've done that. I don't have a toothpick in the hotel room. You don't have one in your shirt pocket at all times? With my pocket knife? Yeah.

I took a coffee straw and was trying to do it in my hotel room. Probably doing surgery on his phone. Yeah. And I looked, as far as I could tell, it looked clean, but it will not go in. So I looked up the Apple store at Tacoma Mall. It opens Sunday at 11. So I just turn my phone off and go to bed. And then I get up that morning and I've got like 4% battery.

And so I write down the directions to the mall, like step by step. Cause I'm like, if my phone dies, I don't even know how to get there. That's how you were going to do it anyway. But yeah. And I'm like, I got to go to the mall. I mean,

I probably lived the first 30 years of my life without a cell phone. But now, if you don't have your phone going out on the, you feel like, you feel so vulnerable. I texted my wife like, hey, I love you. I told her what, like, if I don't get back, that's what happened. That's what you did to me. I'm in bed at midnight. Brian texts me, my phone's about to die and it won't charge. And I was just like, good luck. Yeah. I just went to bed. I said, let me know you get to Portland. So,

So I made it to Coa Mall and go to the Apple store and the guy looks at it. He's like, he shines his light in there. He's like, I think I see something. And he's like, let me take it in the back. And I'm like, okay.

that's like somebody taking your child away and he can't see it and he comes out he's like yeah there's some pocket lint down in there and it plugged right in really yeah which is so crazy it just goes from plugging in fine and all of a sudden just like it falls out like it won't even connect but just some dirt yeah that seems crazy maybe he just threw it against the wall when he walked out there

Yeah. He just walks right there. Just boom. And then he goes like, yeah, we got it. Maybe. Maybe. That's the first time Apple's never charged me for anything. Oh, yeah. He's like, you're good to go. I mean, y'all feel like y'all go on the road and just run errands in these towns.

You're busier than you're at home. I know. I came home to get some rest. Well, you forgot the part where you're leaving the club. You lost your keys for about 40 minutes. Well, it wasn't 40. Oh, yeah. There's one person left at the club. We're still looking for Brian's keys. I don't think you guys should be ready. And I was like, man, we are amazing.

mess out here this day. So that's what a weekend on the road looks like with me and Brian. Just everything's a mess. But Portland was great. So many folks came out. They brought me gifts. They brought you guys all Oregon State hats. Oh, nice. And they're downstairs. This is the alternate hat for the Eugene... Exploding Whales. I forgot what their real name is. I was thinking the Dynamite Sharks. Exploding Whales. Exploding Whales.

You think that's a shark? Yeah, I thought so. Okay. There was a... You don't think so? I could see a little bit. I don't see a real sinister whale very often. A killer whale? Yeah, but that's pretty sinister. That's a different color. I know, but a shark would have a fin, right? Not the telltale sign. Well, the fin could be covered by the carrot. I feel like if you're drawing a shark, you find a way to put the fin in. Wouldn't you not go like, is this shark holding a carrot? And they go, what? I can't even join this conversation. I'm like...

What are you talking about? What are you on the well carrots? Exploding well. Yeah. But I made it to Portland. It was great. Flew home this morning. We did it, dude. Let's never do it again. Walked around downtown Portland last night for the first time. Yeah. How'd that go? Great. You're armed. Had a great time. Yeah. Looking for your keys.

Well, I went to last week, I went to L.A. for a couple of days, did some podcast, did some random things. A lot of fun, real tiring. Went to Whitney Cummings house, did her podcast, realized how much money I don't have. And I was like, geez, OK. And but it was great at a great time.

I did Tom Papa's podcast, Ryan Sickler. It was great. It was a lot of fun. And then I went to – I flew to Omaha, Nebraska. I rented a car, drove to Lincoln, Nebraska, had a great show. Then I drove to Iowa City, Iowa. Great show. Theaters, right? Theaters, yeah. Two theaters. Didn't lose my keys. Didn't get towed. Great time, really. Yeah.

A lot of fun. A lot of Nate Land people came out. It was great. One lady brought me a shirt that said something like, that's what I do. I garden and I know stuff. And I was wearing that. And then I was holding my son and he threw up on it. So I had to change. That's why you're wearing this? Yeah. I got a very supportive Titans gear today. Mm-hmm.

Very excited about the year now that we got rid of our deadweight coach and the best running back of all time. And it's looking good. We've signed a lot of good players. I have no idea what's going on, but I'm excited that Henry is going to the Ravens, so I think that's pretty exciting.

Yeah, it's fun. Yeah. And but yeah, it was a great weekend. Two theater shows hot. I did, you know, I did one show in Nebraska where Nebraska was, you know, playing a basketball game about the same time as me. And then in Iowa City, Caitlin Clark is it was playing in that city while I was there. Oh, wow. You could went to that game. I could have, but I slept late in Lincoln and barely made it to my show.

Wow. I didn't really make it to the show, but I was cutting it close. Yeah. It was great, though. I feel good. I'm pretty tired. I flew and drove a lot. L.A. is exhausting. Just trying to get somewhere is just the worst. Yeah. Just trying to go anywhere. You're just sitting there. Everywhere you go, you're just sitting there in the car. At least everybody's happy and nice and everything.

I don't know. It's debatable. He's joking. Okay. Okay. Okay. California is pretty happy. Yeah. Happy cows. Yeah. I think you go in good LA. I just kind of like, you enjoy that. It's going to take a long time to drive. Like I, you know, I think I'm not in my, you know, I'm not driving a ton anyway. So,

here because I'm just traveling so much. When I'm out there, you're like, it's just part of the experience. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's like you just kind of go like, yeah, it is. It's going to be this. It's like when you go to a ball game, you know, the drinks are going to be $15. You just write it into the experience. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's a good way of looking at it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we're going to go here and it's one mile away. It'll take an hour.

You know, like fine. All right, well, I'll just get in, look in that. Well, I hate it and I have a hard time looking at it that way. I wish I could. Being in the car, I must be going. I must be going in the car. I'd rather a long drive than just sitting there and traveling. That's where you go to LA, you can go to Turo. That's another one. You can go to Turo. They can rent some crazy cars on Turo. And...

You get something fun. Like a motorcycle and then I could zip up in between cars. You could do a motorcycle. But you could rent a Mustang. Or go rent something that you're kind of like, oh, this is fun. It feels different. Then you don't mind being in the car. Get a super fast car to sit in the traffic. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but just being cool. That's true. You accept what's happening and then go, I'm going to make this thing. If you're in an old Corolla...

then it's going to feel great. Or Uber, I assume.

Yeah, or, yeah, people from my management will drive me around. Yeah. Yeah, so. Yeah, that goes a long way. So it's nice that they're doing it, but, yeah, I'm still like, you know, I'm just. You really take the, using the managers to full extent. Yeah. Go. Yeah. You tell them. Well, I don't tell them, but they offer. You go, I land at 1130. And they offer, and I go, yeah, I'd love to do that. Yeah. But I will Uber, too, if it's like, you know.

Like one day we ended and I was like, this is he like lived on that side of town. And I got to go back to another side of town. I just Uber back. Yeah. I'm not going to make him do that. But yeah, I mean, you know, they're working. I'm working. Let's hang out. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, Tacoma Comedy Club probably thinks I'm the most pretentious comic in America. This guy's showing up with a stylist. I was backstage one time. Staff came back there. The guy never even talked to me. He said, hey, your stylist is out here. We'll know how these clothes are working. I'm looking at my phone. I don't even look up. I'm thinking, boy, somebody's got it. He's talking to me. He's like, this guy's got a stylist. They call them verification baits. Oh, dude. I forgot my favorite part of the whole story.

After the car got towed, I took an Uber back to the hotel, and I get in the car, and dude, I would bet all the money I have in the world that that guy had just used the bathroom in his pants. I mean, I would bet money. Who had? The Uber driver. Oh, no. I mean, I stepped in the car, and I was like, what happened in here, dude?

The worst, the guy must've been having an emergency. He took my call and he just let it out in the car. And I sat himself. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Oh, dude. And he talked the whole time. And I was like, can I please roll the window down? My head's out the window like a dog. How'd you rate that guy? I gave him five stars. But you didn't hit the other thing. There's no option for the driver. That's the experience of the movie. That's part of the experience. He goes, so what are you down for? You just have to accept it. I go, I'm just visiting friends. I'm back there talking out of my mouth.

I'm visiting friends. He goes, so what do you do? I go, I wait tables. He goes, oh, interesting. And he talked me out of waiting tables and it just smelled so bad, dude, the whole time we're stuck. He missed the turn to the hotel. He's like, oh, I got to circle back around. I'm like, just let me out. Out walking. Yeah, I walked the rest. Crazy. Yeah. What did you

You just, so you always say wait tables? I think we talked about that. Yeah, if it's like the tow truck guy, I ended up talking with him about doing comedy and stuff. But when it's just like an Uber driver who, you know, just soiled himself, I'll just lie. Yeah. That's where you draw the line. That's where I draw the line. You take a sniff and you're like, nah. You're like, I do comedy and I'll be talking about this ride on a podcast that I do. Listen to that Nate Lamb. Yeah. I'm not going to say his name, but.

You remember his name? Yeah. Yeah. I remember everything about that car. Well,

Well, I do Lyft. And like, so when you rate people at Lyft, there's four other options after you give the rating. It'll say like above and beyond friendly driver. Clean car. Clean car, safe driver, stuff like that. And you can hit all four of those. So when I want to, when I don't like the ride, I still give them five stars, but I won't do those things. That really shows them. Well, I'm just like, I'm not, you got to do something really bad. I'm not trying to mess up your livelihood. Yeah. Yeah.

But I'm just like, but if they're really good, I hit all those things. But yeah, I think even if it's really bad and you don't hit the stars, you're either, I guess you could not hit them and you don't rate it at all. But yeah, you just like, I don't want to, if you put a one, you're like, I'm probably going to get emailed. Well, what happened? Right. And then now you're in it with some, and you're like, dude, I don't want to be. Yeah.

I don't know the whole thing. Yeah, surveys. It's not up to me. I didn't enjoy the ride, but hopefully I never get them again. Yeah. Well, I'm guessing you had a much different weekend than us. How'd it go?

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Yeah, I mean, I actually liked y'all's weekend better. Just everything that went the way I wanted to go. What you'd expect. Yeah. My week, I've looked forward to this week for a long time because I knew it was going to be like an insane week. We went to Vegas, so I do shows at The Wind. And so we were at Vegas Wednesday, two shows a night, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday. You have Thursday off, which is nice.

You said wind? Wind. It sounded like you said shows at the wind. That feels like a Bob Seger song. Shows at the wind. Against the wind. Wind and encore. So...

Yeah, I haven't even seen it. So, yeah, it was – so, yeah, so we're at the – this is not Las Vegas if you've seen the video. But it's – so we get to the win and then, you know, hang out. Greg Garcia came down. Hang out with us. It was very fun. Gary Veeder, Nick Novicki was there, you know, my dad, my nice friend Rick. And there – and so it was – and then my –

My buddy from high school, Mitch, and his wife, Casey, came along. So it was March Madness. So that was already fun. Well, I mean, they're betting on – I was never big at betting on games, but I did it this week with them, and it was very, very fun. And they would do – I mean, Nick bets on anything and every game.

He has, you know, they pulled the receipt to Alberta. I mean, he's just going through it. It's like a book. Does he follow college basketball at all? No.

No, none. I mean, no one, you know, college basketball is getting to a point where you like really don't know who these kids are. You just kind of know teams kind of or whatever. But so it's the whole, but the whole week was like super fun. Just gambling, Gary Veeder. Like it's, we were just, Garcia is so funny and so fun to play with. And he just, I mean, he signs up for all the chaos that we're, that is among us.

So, shows at Vegas were awesome. We had a lot of fun. I was trying to think if there's anything any fun. You know, Nick. It's usually Nick's stuff. But, so then we had a show and we had a show. It was crazy. It was midnight. We're in Las Vegas at midnight. And we had a show at 3 p.m. in Boston.

in eastern time wow so it would have been yeah midnight and so we technically had a show at noon right yeah 12 hours yeah 12 hours so we had 12 hours so we got to boston uh it was basically just kind of taking the little naps on the plane little naps right when we got to boston uh and then and then we did the boston garden at 3 p.m uh and i was like it was it was uh

When I said I was going to do this weekend, at first it was like, I don't know, I should have canceled some of the Vegas just to not have it. But then I was like, you know what, let's just go. Let's just do it because it's just crazy. And the Boston Garden was nuts. I wore this, my Boston Celtics shirt. It was insane. Usually they would try to walk to where they sell the gifts.

or the you know the shop the team store yeah and so usually it's in the arena and so we go down and since it's three well we go look at it and it's it's it's just out in the by the train station like there's a train station underneath the garden and so we're just like they take us down you're like i'm just it's people waiting in line to get in the show and i was like i don't this might not be good but i mean i made it in the store and i just had my hat down and a hood on and

I mean, I guess no one's going to ever think you would be walking around

The gifts, you know. Right outside the venue. Yeah. And as you walk past your line of people, yeah, the Boston Garden was, you know, yeah, pretty surreal. Did you go in the locker room or anything like that? I think we were supposed to, but I mean, it just wasn't as normal of a trip because we, everybody was just kind of so tired and just kind of, I'm not tired, like you get pumped up for the show, but it's, you know, you're just kind of like,

you know just like like when you're not on the show you're kind of just sitting you're watching some games and uh how many people are do you know uh i want to say it's close to 30 000 for both shows and yeah it's crazy and then over the two i mean because then vegas saturday so i believe it was a 24 hour period i do four shows

Wow. Because I did two in Vegas. Let's see. That was seven. First show's at 7.30. So that's five. 10.30 Boston time. Yeah. Yeah. 10.30 Boston time. So yeah, you did all these within 24 hours. Yeah. That's pretty crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've never done that. That's crazy. Yeah. Tough to beat that day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Two shows, four shows in 24 hours. Wow.

But it was great. I mean, the whole week was fun, and it just was, you know, there's us hanging out from the Boston South. Julian was there with us as well. And it was your birthday. It is my birthday. Happy birthday. Yeah, thanks for saying something. It took y'all 38 minutes. Today's your birthday? Exactly. Oh, okay.

I think I've mentioned y'all's birthday every time at the beginning of a thing. I was waiting. I had some stuff about your birthday. Well, maybe just say that. I thought it was going to be in your story somehow, so I was waiting on you to let you know. When would I say? I mean, it is my birthday. I don't know if there is a story about it. Today is the actual birthday. Yeah, but I know you celebrated it this weekend. I was waiting on you to bring it up. You had a McDonald's hamburger cake. That was awesome. Yeah. So, dude, Boston Garden, they put this –

It's such a cool idea. They put that a big, it's a happy birthday, Nate card. It's a giant card. I mean, it's, it's, you know, five feet high card and they put it out in the concourse and just let fans sign it. So then they gave it to me after the show and it's just a bunch of happy birthdays. Have a great show. Like I've never, that was the nicest thing ever. And then that's a cake.

That's like one of those Harper watches all these cake things, you know. Is it cake? One of those shows? Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, it's unbelievable. Would you rather it be cake or an actual McDonald's hamburger? I mean, I am getting, I think I'm getting McDonald's tonight. Yeah.

I already told Laura. I said, I'm probably giving it to y'all. Like when they cut this, you're like, ah, it's cake. I want it to be half and half. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, at first I did walk in and was like, is that just a big hamburger? You're like, those fries better not be cake. Yeah. The fries were just paintings. Yeah. So it was. Yeah. I mean, I've never seen one of those cakes in person.

I mean, it's wild. I mean, such a crazy thing. So, yeah, the whole thing, I mean, yeah, people are so nice. They're right, like, you know.

30,000 people. That's all that wanted to sign it. We asked everybody and I mean, found 80 people who is it for whose birthday? No, they were, uh, it was, yeah, it was just super cool, man. I mean, just a crazy, crazy experience. Nick, Nick's parents were there, which was great. And you know, his dad was just, I mean, his dad's been to that arena watching, uh, all these shows and, uh,

all these games. And so he was telling us about these games. Vitor's dad probably has too. Huh? Vitor's dad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Probably he's already been in the locker room. Yeah. Yeah. It was, uh,

Yeah, it was wild. So, yeah. I mean, I don't know if there's anything that crazy. We posted that on... But if you're listening, on Nate's Instagram, Homeless Pimp Mike films a lot. The footage from this stuff is great. If you want to get just like an idea of what these shows look like, because it looks insane, dude. Yeah. Like the crowd shots and everything. Oh, yeah. He does great. Yeah, it looks... Yeah, it's fun. It's showing we're having a good time. We're having a fun time. It was... Yeah, I mean, it was... You know, it was like...

It'd be fun to go do the Boston Garden again and not be tired. No, I wasn't tired. I'm not saying I was tired during the show, but it was just a wild... It was like I did it to be like, you know what? This kind of feels like it's that extreme, like, you know what? Let's just do it. Yeah. Let's just do it. Four shows, 24 hours, you know, and then let's... It's like, who was it? Was it Queen that did Live Aid, and they did it in London, and then flew to New York or Philadelphia and did...

two different continents in the same day. Oh, really? Oh, wow. That's the comedy equivalent. It might not have been Queen. It was one of those bands that did that. I feel like they've done something New Year. Can't you do that New Year's Eve? You could technically celebrate. You could ride with it. I bet. Yeah, just follow the sun around the earth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Laura, my mom, and my mom came up, my dad was there, and Abigail was there, and so it was everybody, you know, it was my family was there.

And Derek did not come, but it was...

I forgot about Derek. Yeah. The middle brother. We had an autograph that someone signed a thing that said, this is from a middle child, so you probably won't see it. Happy birthday. That's funny. But yeah. Yeah. I mean, so I don't know. I don't have some big... I like y'all stories more. Your stories are more fun. Mine were just, you know... I thought they were all great. I liked everybody's stories. I mean, I think we all had really fun weekends, but I think we all agree our favorite... It sounds like an ad read. It's not. Our favorite...

thing all week though was that roast of John Crist. That was so much fun. Yeah. That was a lot of fun, huh? You guys had a good time with it. Who's who of comics there? Yes. Oh, that's right. A lot of comics that he didn't even know, but I'm still glad they joined us. They opened it to the public. Yeah. Well, no one told me.

I brought that up on stage. Did you? That you were going to be pretty upset about it. Yeah. What did they say? No one cared. We can handle it. Yeah. They go, who? Yeah. There was a guy that looks like you. Yeah. I pointed out. Yeah. Oh, yeah, there was, wasn't there? Yeah. I thought Dusty snuck in. Yeah, dude. Yeah, this dude looks like he says it. Everybody thinks he's you.

It was your hat, glasses, long hair. John's tour manager. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. I used to call him rusty slave. Yeah. Yeah. So it's, he looked like you and that was enough. So maybe there was just, they just had to feel that was enough. You know, like their quota, how much can you have of this? You know? Right. And he's gotta be there. He's his tour manager.

Yeah, he needed to be there. Also a guy that knows me. So another person that could have invited me out to this thing. What would you want to say to John? I mean, you have any roast stuff? Well, you know, he doesn't want to hear it. So I'll say that. We could send it to him. No, I'll send him something one day. I'll roast him on my own time. That's right. Oh, yeah. You're going to send him a... Who else? Someone send a video. Dustin. Nickerson. No, Nickerson. Someone else did a video.

uh, court, our buddy court McCown. Yeah. And he, cause he was there Thursday. We golfed and my buddy Rich was there and we golfed all of that, but there, uh,

Yeah, Court was like, they played my video? I was like, no. And he was like, they didn't play it? And I was like, no. I think Lucy watched it and did him a favor. Yeah, he loved it. Oh, did he really? Oh, yeah, he loves it. I don't know if it would have. I had to watch the whole thing. You watched the video? Yeah. You think that would have gone well at the actual thing? You know.

I had to look him in the eyes as I watched it. He goes, what are you dressed up for? Yeah, he did. I mean, he put a lot of effort into it. How'd you guys do? How were your jobs? I mean, it was really funny that he goes, Corey goes, they play my video? Yeah, they never played it. Not at all. Uh,

So I did. The three of us went up together. It was a lot like this podcast. I had to carry us because I was the only one prepared. I wrote some jokes. You guys all went up at the same time. Yeah. Roll Nate Land. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. I wrote some jokes. Old school Nate Land. Yeah, that's a lot of fun. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that seemed great. Yeah, we went up making fun of the fact that that's what he does. I would have loved that.

Yeah. He was there. Yeah. The Dusty guy. Yeah. Yeah. He was front row. Yeah. Great time. Yeah. Johnny. He came. Yeah. He goes, pick me or Dusty. And we go, obviously. Yeah. He put us back to send a corner. Yeah. So I like my DJ line. Yeah. You had some good. The two of y'all really, really took it to. Yeah. And then you said something nice at the end. You did. You tried not to say anything nice. What are you talking about? Yeah.

You go, at the end of it, you were like, all right, we'll see you. No, I said, no, that's not what happened. I go, we love you, blah, blah, blah. And you were like, well, hold on. Yeah, you go, blah, blah, blah. Good night, everybody. Like it's a regular set. And I go, hold on, hold on. He pitches dates. I like to claim my time. Yeah. Whatever they say in those things.

Yeah, but no, he always said something nice. Did you say something nice? I don't know if you did. After you started it. He wouldn't have said anything. Well, Nate said probably the nicest thing of the whole roast at the end. So we were like, we'll just let him have it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But when we got off, Derek Stroop, who was hosting it, we get off. Oh, another guy that knows me. That's right. Yeah, Derek Stroop.

Hannah was there. Your wife and kids were there. Sam is growing. Yeah, Derek Stroop, when we get off, Derek Stroop goes, yeah, that's just like the podcast. I'm good for about five minutes on it, and then I'm ready. I'm ready to turn it off. Let's hope Brian says something dumb. We'll get a couple zingers out of that. Trash does. It was good. We'll do another one. He'll be 40 in five years. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, this is a real 40. We're going to celebrate another 40 for him. All right. Because he stays the same age. It's the opposite of that saying. They get older, I stay the same age. What? That is the same. No, the saying is I get older, they stay the same age. They stay the same age. All right, you're right. He gets older, they get older, I stay the same age. Yeah. That would be. All right.

All right. Oh, your guys' comments. Hope Waller. Florida is the scapegoat. Hope. Florida is the scapegoat for all of America. As a Floridian, it feels like great. It feels really great to hear four non-Floridians back us up. Florida's the best. Glad y'all liked it too. Yeah, Florida is the best though. Yeah. Whenever I see comics trash in Florida, I'm always like, you never been there, huh? No, no, no. I've never been there. No, no, they don't. It's a perception. I mean,

You're kind of used to it if you're down. If you live in the South, you're just kind of used to it. People just have a, they think what it is. But everybody thinks what New York is. Everybody thinks what California, you know. Everybody's got their thing. There's good people everywhere. Andrew Kong, boat ramps experiences at Panama City Beach include being burned to lobster status and being told he looks perpetually worried.

While Dusty rode the strip, had a life-changing toe fungus, and got his nipple pierced. Very different. That's true. I bet we've had a lot of very different trips. Yeah, I'd say so. Dusty and I would probably have never hung out together until right now in our lives. Yeah, I don't think so. Actually, when I met you, I was about a year sober. Yeah.

You had to wait. Yeah, it was a good time for us to meet and hang out. Yeah. How many years sober were you at that point, Brian? Which time? My senior trip in high school or college? Either one. Chris Scott. Aaron's experience with the devil's itch. Yeah. You're the one that cursed.

Aaron's experience, sunburn reaction made me feel so validated. I've had this happen twice. One time being on a big family vacation, everyone thought I was overacting or crazy. And after being in severe pain for hours, I finally thought to put ice on it to stop the itch. Worst thing I've ever felt in my life. So ice...

Ice didn't do much for me, but I've had a lot of people reach out since the podcast episode, and a lot of people shared their experiences with me. I'm a bit of a medical advocate on this podcast. I'm an example for gout survivors, for the survivors of the devil's itch, all kinds of stuff. Is this guy saying the ice helped?

He says, I'm paying for hours. I finally thought to put ice on it to stop the itch. Worst thing I've ever felt in my life. Yeah, I think he's saying the ice though because I think he just said worst idea I ever had. Oh, okay. But I know what you mean. I kind of, but so ice, but did anybody else say what they did?

Yeah, they would say the same thing. Hot shower or Benadryl or peppermint oil, a lot of people said, which I tried, which did nothing for me. But, you know. What did you do with the peppermint oil? I mean, where do you go get this stuff? I don't know. How about castor oil? Did you try that? No, like, what do you fry stuff in? No, I think it's more of like a skin oil. Okay. Maybe like canola oil. I'll try it.

If they told me to get peppermint oil, you'd be the first person I'd call. Yeah, I can help you with it. I got some. Yeah, I was about to say. Yeah. I wouldn't even know what that means. I don't either. Marshall Barker. Marshall Barker. That's a good name. Marshall Barker. Yeah, that is a good name. The largest cattle ranch in the United States is in Florida and happens to be owned by the Mormon Church. The Deseret

Desert, cattle, and citrus ranch is over 300,000 acres. The church is also the largest landowner in Florida. Wow, I didn't know that. I didn't know they had Florida, yeah.

You know, I had a friend named Marshall one time. I'm in Charleston. He had just moved to Charleston and he was my friend. I met this guy named Marshall. And we hung out and we drank together for like two years, right? And then he moved back to his city. And then he came to a show of mine, I don't know, about four years ago. And then I hung out with him. He brought a bunch of friends. I hung out with him. He had a hotel party going on. And

I was calling him Marshall. And apparently that was not his name. His name was something else. I forget what it was, but he decided to go by Marshall in Charleston. Right.

Right. So just this two years of his life, he was this guy named Marshall. And then I find out that he's like named something else. I think that's weird. His friends thought it was weird that I was calling him Marshall. I thought it was weird that that wasn't his name. It is weird to just take on a whole new identity. Yeah. Was he in the witness protection program or something or just a personal choice? Just think he moved and was like, I want to be somebody else. Start fresh. Yeah. Maybe he's the sheriff.

called him marshal yeah you know there's a kid in my dorm in college that everybody called batman kid and he would every day he would wear the same thing he would wear a trench coat and a batman t-shirt underneath it every day he was known around campus as the batman kid at notre dame at notre dame yeah everybody said he would sleep upside down i mean there are all kinds of legends about this kid right but he lived in my dorm and then they did an article about him in the paper

when we were like seniors. And they asked him, why do you wear Batman stuff? And he's like, I don't know. When I went to college, I just wanted to switch things up a bit. I was not even really a big Batman fan.

He never wore the shirts at home, but when he went to college, he just wanted to pick up a new identity. Wow. Yeah. And so, you know, it's a strange one he picked. Yeah, it's a strange one. I don't see how that was very helpful with the ladies or anything. I mean, I don't know. Who am I to judge? You know, he was a nice kid and, you know, he wore a trench coat, the Batman shirt. He's like, when I go to college, I don't want to have a lot of success with women. That's one thing I want to make sure of. Yeah. And who knows? I don't know. He could have been doing great. I don't know.

I imagine not, but I don't know.

We did have one thing with Nick and my dad. I forgot. I don't remember. But I guess they went up. Nick had to go see some friends. And so they went up to go see him in the suite. My dad went up. Then we have this on video. I haven't seen the video. And so, but they go hump and they knock on the door. You know, Nick can't see anything. So he knocks on the door. The guy opens it. The guy's like, hey. Like, I guess they're going up there during my set.

And so they're going, so they go up, I'm on stage and then the guy goes, Hey, and then, uh,

he's like, ah, he asked if this person's there. And the person's like, well, they're not here, but come on in. And he's at the wrong number. And he looks at it, and so he goes, huh? And he looks, he goes, ah, it's 14. And so now they all, so these people just are watching the show. They just saw him perform. Just saw him and my dad perform. And then Vitor went too. So all the opening acts,

Now it just looks like they're going around during my set and just knocking on doors and just crashing parties. And they're videoing it. And so Nick just, I mean, he's like, hey, and he has to walk in. And he's, I mean, just confused. And he goes, it's 14. He just puts it up to, you know, he puts his phone next to his eyeball. It's 14. Yeah. All right. Yeah, that's great. Yeah.

Let's see. We also had a bet this weekend on some game. Greg Garcia, his old eyes. We're supposed to bet the over, and he goes, yeah, we bet the under. Okay. Great. Josh Young. Dusty's a true man of the people. Barely takes the time to watch Nate's special, but all over the YouTube comments with the folks.

I like to be interactive. I like to get in there. Did you get in there this week? No, you know, I got to the airport. Nashville now has this weird thing where we have like these T terminals. So I fly American. I got the Admiral's Lounge thing. But if you're at the T terminals, you're way away from it. So I was in a different spot. So it wasn't it. I wasn't the same. Yeah. I wasn't able to just kick back.

The T-turn was right there as soon as you go through. Yeah, it's very convenient for that, but it's not close to the lounge, which is too bad. Sarah Chia. Sarah Chia.

In 2024, the 13-year and 17-year cicadas are both emerging. The last time this happened was in 1803, when Thomas Jefferson was president. The Louisiana Purchase had just been made, and there were only 17 states.

It's going to be a big year for the cicadas. Oh, that's this year. A lot of stuff's going on this year. That's right. Yeah, it's a wild time. Oh, yeah. Eclipse. Yeah. Cicadas. Yeah. It's going to be fun. Mark Swisher.

I mean, hopefully. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hope so. It's all good things. It'll be different. Yeah. I mean, I hope it's fun. I'm just saying, I don't know. I mean, it could be bad stuff that comes. What if these cicadas don't get along with each other? They both come out and they're like rival gangs. What are you doing out here? I bet they forget each other. Well, I think the cicadas will be fine. I bet they don't recognize each other. There you go.

John? You have aged. That is crazy. The last time was Thomas Jefferson was president. In 1803? Yeah.

Mark Swisher, clip-on ties have a bad wrap, but there is a tactical reason for wearing them. All Secret Service agents on security detail wear clip-ons so the tie can't be used to strangle them when they get into a tussle. Some police forces do the same thing. That makes perfect sense. And you would do it. And theirs looks pretty good. You don't think to...

You wouldn't know that. I would not have known that just looking at them. I bet we're not far from having clip-on ties. Clothing tends to be going to very loose, easy to get off of, comfortable. Right. So clothing is not going the opposite way. I don't even like it when I dress like this.

like i mean i like you know i do like it but it's i also well i was talking to my stylist and she said that that is the trend yeah it's headed this way a little bit 2024. i wear all white cole hans sneakers and a little blanket hand

No, it's not. I just was trying to make a joke. I think it's Cole Haan. I think you said it right. My dad told me one time he got into a fight with a guy. He was younger and the guy got him by the tie. And my dad said he pulled out his pocket knife and cut the tie off.

And then beat the guy up. Wow. That's awesome. That's what he said. That sounds like a scene from a movie. Yeah. Yeah. I would tell that story a lot too. Yeah. Well, he told it to me, but I don't know who else he's telling it to, but he didn't stab the guy. No, he didn't want to stab him. He just was like, don't get me up on my tie like that. Sounds like something Jason Bourne would do. Yeah, I know. It's a fun story. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Took out his own pocket knife, cut his tie off. Hey, can you open this for me? Yeah.

Aaron Yontz. Aaron Yontz.

Hello, folks. Per the usual, Dusty is right about pretty much everything. What are these comments? All right, come on in. I grew up in the cows and oranges part of Florida, and it is, in fact, as southern as southern gets. We drink sweet tea, eat swamp cabbage, pick and eat oranges straight off the tree, and enjoy the landscape of old oak trees, countless lakes, and gorgeous sunset. Dusty was also right that John Anderson is one of the sleeper heroes of 90s country. That's what I'm talking about.

I mean, I get it, guys. I know. I mean, the sooner you guys realize that I get it. I don't even think that's what Dusty said. I wouldn't think a name Aaron Yontz would even... If you told me...

That sounds like something Marshall Barker would put in. That's true. And Aaron Yontz, I don't see. Aaron E-R-I-N. Spelled that way. I mean, come on. That's the biggest surprise post I've ever seen in my life. Aaron Yontz is going like, yeah, we're eating –

oranges off trees and swamp cabbage. It does sound amazing to just sit out in lakes and oak trees and pick an orange right off the tree and eat it. That sounds amazing. Sunburned, just lit up by mosquitoes. It sounds amazing to me.

It does sound nice. Yeah. John Anderson had a big song when I was a kid called Just a Swingin'. Oh, yeah. That was a big. Great song. Big song. Swangin'. Yeah. It was really swangin', yeah. Yeah. A little Charlotte, she's as pretty as the angels when they sang. Yeah. I can't believe I'm out here on the front porch in the swang, just a swangin'.

The backup singers would go, swinging. Yeah. That's good. That's a great song. You know, when the Bible talks about angels, though, they're never beautiful. They're, like, always pretty terrifying. So if you're like, when you tell a girl she's as pretty as an angel, it's like, I don't know if that's a compliment. They're pretty terrifying looking. Like, are we talking about Ezekiel angels? They are not good looking. Yeah. Covered with eyes, they say. Oh, wow. Ooh.

Six wings. Too many wings. That'd be a much different song. It's a rap battle. Look like an angel up in here. I wonder why angels would be considered... Maybe some are. They say Lucifer was like a beautiful angel. Oh, yeah. That still wouldn't be a compliment to women. I know, you're as pretty as the devil. Yeah. Yeah.

Ezekiel Lucifer. Ezekiel Smith. Oh, how about that? Yeah, that's crazy. That audacity of despair, Obama joke deserved more. All right. I got it in the moment. I went to Notre Dame. Aaron is carrying the weight of this podcast on his broad shoulders. You don't have to throw an insult in there and a compliment. Aaron put the team on his feet.

fat back this episode. Broad is good, though. For a man, broad is good. Yeah. Aaron's getting this podcast by the skin of his yellow teeth. It's like you don't got to throw an insult in, Ezekiel, but I appreciate it, man. Yeah, I think broad shoulders is... I think you want to have broad shoulders. Like Atlas. Yeah.

He had smaller shoulders, I mean. Yeah. What if he said, put the weight of the podcast on his narrow shoulders? That would have been so good. Well, maybe just don't throw an adjective in there. Okay. Just say on his shoulders? Yeah. This guy went to Notre Dame, though. He's got a broad vocabulary. I'm sorry I came for you so hard, Ezekiel. I appreciate it, man. Yeah. He's got a big vocabulary. Go Irish. Jennifer M. I died laughing when Nate said, can you imagine someone using a picture made after your show and they cropped you out?

Because I got a picture with Aaron after one of his shows that I thought looked – that I thought I looked pretty good in. So I cropped him out and used the pic for my office badge. All right. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Yeah. You have your hand around her? I mean, that's the only – I guess so. Maybe you can just – Maybe it's just behind her. Crop it in close enough. I had a lot of people this weekend go come take a picture –

Me, you, and Brian, and I'll crop Brian out later as a joke. Yeah, that's kind of the trend. Yeah, I've seen a couple of those. There was one, yeah, your face cropped halfway out. That's pretty funny. That's a fun trend, though. Yeah, I mean, people are posting a lot more. Just seeing one little part of me, but they're having a good time. Yeah, he's in there. Elizabeth Hernandez. Hello, Barron. Hey, folks.

i saw the this new story and immediately thought i needed dusty's take on this my kids love the pods and it's questionable yet educational content that's what we want what is the news story this is uh it's an article that the explosive quote devil comet returns for the first time in 71 years during the april 8th eclipse nasa says

A rare and massive comet with a devilish nickname is set to pass by Earth for the first time in 71 years and may be visible during the eclipse, according to NASA. How about that? Now, Dusty's torn, I can tell, because he's concerned about the eclipse, but he doesn't believe in comets, so he doesn't know how to...

Respond to this. I think that I've gone deep down the eclipse rabbit hole now, and it's wild. I mean, I'm not afraid, but I even found a video last night, like a Prophecies Watcher video. Prophecy Watchers video. Yeah. And these guys –

They've been predict. They think that it got very local, but very close to home. They predict the destruction of Nashville sometime after this eclipse. I was like, whoa, these guys are not from Nashville.

Well, I predict it sometime after the eclipse too. 5 billion years from now. But specifically Nashville, they predicted. And I was like, whoa, this is weird. For what reason? Well, I don't know that they know the reason, but they even got right down to thinking that a fireball would come down on the Parthenon. Oh, okay. Well, at least it's there. Because the Parthenon was like pagan...

pagan statue inside of it. - Yeah, it is. I think that's, and then, but it is funny to go, why do they think that? They go, "I just said what they think." - Well, I'm gonna get so specific. - Apparently a lot of people had had dreams about it, and these dreams were like the exact same dream of a fireball destroying Nashville. - Oh, okay.

Interesting. As long as it didn't hit that McDonald's up there by Cicero Park. That's right. Yeah. Spring water, supper club and lounge. I just thought it was wild. And so I was like, cause I had watched part one, just kind of about the eclipse. And then I watched part two last night and I was like, whoa, Nashville? Nashville?

You know what I mean? Like of all the cities, I would think that would be getting some judgment. I was like, well, Nashville, we're doing all right. We're doing all right. Yeah. Have they been right about other prophecies? You think? Yeah. I mean, I don't think anybody's predicted a prophecy of destruction. And I don't watch these people all the time. These are not people that I'm leaning into. I just got on an eclipse algorithm now. So I'm just watching a lot of different things about the eclipse.

And then I saw this and I was like, well, that's pretty wild. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm not saying I'm, you know, afraid of it, but I'll, you know, likely try to be out of town. Yeah. You won't. You won't be at the Parthenon. Right. Yeah. I will not be taking the Parthenon. It's going to happen that day. You're not going there either way. No one knows. I mean, none of these guys are saying we know. They're just saying that the people have had these dreams and, um,

And then it just seems that the eclipse did come. It's like when you look at certain prophecies like Joseph in Egypt, he said there'll be seven years of feast and then seven years of famine. So we had an eclipse that came through Nashville, and then seven years later, we're going to have another eclipse coming through the country. And we don't have these type of lunar eclipses all the time.

Or so whatever this one is, we don't have very often. So to have them kind of back to back with a seven year period in between is pretty strange. That's the point. And I'm not saying it's going to happen either. I'm just telling you these people on a video that I don't really take seriously said this, but-

um well if you're not gonna be in nashville where are you gonna be uh farm maybe in a a cave somewhere yeah who knows farm yeah yeah not in nashville right yeah i'll probably be out in mcminnville hanging out you know

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Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National average 12-month savings of $744 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations. Yeah. I watched a bunch of videos this weekend of like an auctioneer class. I might get into that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Just a guy teaching you how to do it. Are you serious? Yeah.

Your dad was an auctioneer? Yep. Was that his full-time job? He's a realtor and auctioneer. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I didn't know that. Did he teach you how to do it? A little bit. A little bit. Can you do it now?

It's a lot of pressure that if you don't nail it, everybody's going to be. What do they do? You know what they do? It was auctioneer school and it's just kind of teaching you the rhythm and all that. Yeah. And inflection and stuff like that's important. Was he really good at it? Yeah. Oh man, that's a cool skill. Yeah. I don't know what I'd use it for, but.

Wouldn't that be fun to pull out? Really only one thing, auction. No, but it'd be a fun thing to pull out in conversation. At a party? Yeah, but you would have to go like, all right, I'm going to auction this pin off. And then that's how you would do it at a party though. No. Let's start at a quarter. Sold. That'd be fun. But if you heard somebody talking about...

auctioneers you know then you just pull it out make tic tac videos i follow an auctioneer guy on tic tac yeah yeah see i could do that go to cattle auctions yeah oh yeah i would write a bit to do on stage just to use that auctioneer voice like i would just find a reason to use it so all right i didn't know that yeah could you go to uh so yeah what's auctioneer school like you just

It's just a school for, they should be auctioneering. Yeah, I bet there's not a lot of them. So, I mean, you probably get some work and I bet they make some good money. And if you can get some big, big things...

Like you get those auctioneers that are doing those charity events. Yeah. Like doing real high, high things. Oh yeah. I did a corporate event with an auctioneer guy. Yeah. So have I. Then maybe if I knew how to do it, I could just go, don't even worry about hiring an auctioneer. You get two. I'll do both. Just pay me both. Yeah. I'll do the time and I'll do the auctioneer. How would you want to do it though? What do you want to,

Say you did the comedy first, and then it didn't go well, and now you've got to be the auctioneer. I would do it like announcements when I host in a club. You do it in the middle. You do what you get, and then you end on some material. Okay. I'd find a way. I'd make it one. I think you've got to end on the auctioneer, and you would have to have the auction thing be comedy.

It almost be like they would just hire you to be like, I'll run your auction. I'm also be funny up top and tell some jokes and then I'll start leaning into it. And you can be like, I know, no, no, no, no. And you do that when you're like the guy in the red shirt, you go, what's wrong? You make fun of that guy. Like you just make it a whole thing. Is there a reason they use that voice?

Or is it just, it's just known that that's the auctioneer voice so it feels more legitimate? I think it's building some tension. There's the speed involved in it. You're like, do I want to bet on this? Do I, oh, yes, I'm going to go. You're creating a high pressure. Yeah, I think so. Okay. You can scream at people too. And we can be the handlers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Because they're taking bids. That's right. Yeah. That's right. What if they did normal? They go, all right, we got this pin for an auction, $5. I'll do $5. $5. $10. You could do it slow. You think you'd get less money if you do it that way? I think people would get annoyed.

I've seen those too. I think those are just boring. Yeah. You know? It is exciting when you hear the guys start to go. Just if you can look up an auctioneer, like the best. Do you have videos on YouTube from back in the day? No. I wish I could find this. Who give 10, 10, 10, 15, 15, 15, 15? We got 20, 20, 20, 21. I bet 15 is a tough one for them. It seemed like you had...

I bet they're saying like you don't say, you know. Oh, yeah. Yeah. This is the auctioneer champion. Oh, this guy's going off, dude. Golly. That's like speed auctioneering.

I mean, even faster than normal. Yeah, at what point? You can't even understand what the guy's saying. At a certain point, it becomes so good that it becomes bad for the auction. That's almost too fast. This guy I follow, TikTok Auctioneer, he has become an auctioneer. Apply today, auctioneeru.com. Oh, he has his own university? Yeah, so...

That's out there if you're looking for that. All right, dude. One of these days, we're going to forget about this. TikTok auctioneer. I'm going to come into the podcast and just find a reason to use it. It's going to blow y'all's mind. Yeah.

Yeah, they get in a zone too. Yeah. I do like the idea of being in that zone. Like it's a zone that you're like that person in that moment is in the most control of that room, even though the room feels like there's no control. That's a great idea.

It's a great, great feeling. It's a, I mean, the guy's a master at it. Like you go, cause you're just like, if you're sitting there, you go, what is this guy? And this dude just like, he knows everything. It's like slow in his head. And he's just, you know, he knows every cent of us. I'm an, I'm an, I'm an, Oh, that's not bad. Well, you did pretty good. 75, 85, 95. Yeah.

The cattle auction was always good when I was a kid. Me and my dad would go there, and it's like, you know, you're just in a barn. They just showed it on that video. Yeah, yeah. You're in a barn. It's like this, but this was like, you know, small, like Roanoke, Alabama auctioneer, but it smells like a barn. Yeah, but show them that barn. I bet it looked a lot like that. And then the cows just coming through. The cow kind of gets paraded through. Yeah, but there's too many cows. Yeah, I know that. Yeah.

This would be one cow at a time. Yeah. I used to go. I loved it. Yeah. It's kind of fun to sit back and watch. And these old farmers are just – Yep. And overall, it's probably got tons of money. I like to just watch the different ways they bid. And you're trying to buy which one's healthy? Yeah, you're just trying to – I'm not sure what's going on with all those cattle at once, but my dad would do personal property for people. And I'd have to get up on Saturday morning and go to somebody's house and just clean out all their junk and put it out on –

these ply boards to auction off. There's like a house that got repossessed or something and you have to auction off. Or someone died and the family wants to... Okay, an estate sale. Yeah, estate sale. They want to sell their parents' personal belongings. Yeah. You know, so it's just...

A lot of bucks of odds and ends here. You just don't know how to categorize it. You can't do every little thing at once. It's probably going for nothing too, some of it. Yeah. It's like an overhyped yard sale. What would he get? He gets a percentage, right? He gets a percentage of all the overall sale. Yeah. Oh, so I never thought about that. So the auctioneer has an incentive to drive the price up. Yeah. Interesting. So there must be some science behind that.

this voice and everything. Yeah, they're trying to get it going. But I mean, like, that's probably the worst ones because you're, you know, you're like, all right, you go to one of these houses, you're like, I'm not going to make anything. Yeah. You know.

And you probably have, I wonder if you have any idea, I guess. Of what it would go for? Yeah. I mean, when he would sell land or houses, I think they had a general idea of what, at least they agreed about what he hoped to get. Like you would guarantee it.

Or there's like a guarantee. Like you're like, I'll do it. Lowest would be $1,000. Yeah. But I'll try to get it up for you. Yeah, yeah. But I'm not, you know, I bet that's what the bigger they get, the more they can do that. It's a lot of talking. Why don't you switch it off at home? I wonder if they're at home and you're just like, I'll take a little coffee and hang it out. Yeah, it just comes out. My dad would practice some just around the house. Yeah. I mean, kind of like your dad doing magic. Yeah. Just kind of got to...

Keep fresh. It's like an open mic. If you haven't had an auction in a while, you got to. It's him. That's so crazy. The amount of time I've known you and I just learned that.

Yeah. Isn't that crazy? You think I would have known that? I think I've told it on previous episodes. I don't know if you have. I never heard you say that. I feel like we would have talked about that. Maybe we did. We might have done an episode called Auctions. I don't remember. Last week. I never heard you talk about it either. I didn't know your dad was in real estate. Do you have people in your life where you think,

there's nothing new I could learn about you at this point? Or do you think there's always stuff that you can find out? I mean, Dusty with the nipple ring last week, that was a new one. I would have guessed that. Yeah, that's true. I guess that is true. You may have one right now. Do you still do it?

I don't know. I actually, I got it re-pierced one time too. And, but it's, it's pretty painful. I don't know that it would be worth doing. Yeah. I don't think it was ever worth doing. You don't know if it would be worth doing now? Do you have tattoos? No tattoos. No one has tattoos here? No.

My wife has a tattoo, but then just- No, I wasn't really. Tattoos were, like, there wasn't a lot of rules that my dad had, but like, no tattoos and no earrings. I kind of got a little technicality with the nipple ring and the eyebrow ring. I feel like- Oh, yeah, eyebrow ring too. You got the worst. I had an eyebrow ring. Your dad would have thought that was way worse, I feel like. Yeah, but I could hide it a little better too. And he always said no earrings. So I'm just like, I'm getting technicality.

Well, you said no earring. But I was already 18 by the time I was doing these things. My brow ring. Yeah.

Yeah, I had that. I mean, yeah, you know, and I'm just being cool out here. Yeah. Do you ever have the cow thing around the nose? No, no. Is that a septum piercing? Yeah. Now, only eyebrow and the nipple. Okay. Maybe two, yeah. Two of the worst. I actually got real drunk, and I lost the ring one time, and I wanted to get it, you know,

go buy a new one the next day. So I broke off a piece of a broomstick and stuck it through. I didn't want it to heal up in the night, so I stuck it through. You mean a bristle from the broomstick? Yeah. And I woke up in the morning and I had blood all down my face. I was hung over with blood all down my face. Splitters? Yeah. It didn't work out.

well i did have you it is your birthday happy birthday thanks i did look up um some other celebrity birthdays nate was at the top of the list but after him was elton john okay oh yeah i was about to ask you was really at the top but i think elton's got you beat yeah in age he does uh sarah jessica parker okay oh that's fun yeah yeah aretha franklin yeah i was about to say aretha i was going to do the ones who were alive first but yeah aretha franklin

It kind of starts going down a little bit after that, but Tom Glavin. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. That's going back up. Yeah. Well, you're right. Laura found that one. Oh, yeah. Laura found Tom Glavin, and I don't even know this. She's an Olympic runner, Sha'Carri Richardson. I think she was recent. She knew. Yeah, she's maybe the one with the fingernails. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jenny Slate.

Danica Patrick. These are big time. Now, let me ask you, if you meet any of these people, Nate, are you going to bring this up? Yeah, I know Jenny Slade. I didn't know she had the same birthday. If you meet Danica Patrick, will you go, we have the same birthday? Yeah, yeah.

All right. Yeah. Just get the ball rolling a little bit. Yeah, it's just something. Yeah, conversation starts. You have something. How do you not say it? You should go with, we have the same astrological sign. Yeah. Oh, when's your birthday? March 25th. What? Whoa.

uh apollo 13 astronaut james level wow okay we're getting into your world now yeah i love the movie but you remember when it happened now we are going downhill though well uh gloria stein who's that that's what so you have a poster on your wall now she's like a women's activist attorney attorney yeah i thought she was a singer i guess right i think she represents women in some

Yeah, I think so. Get specific with it. I'm afraid I'm going to be wrong. Maybe I should Google her before I say any more. And then two SNL alums, Alex Moffick and Chris Redd. I know Chris Redd. I don't think Gloria Steinem is an attorney. I think I got her mixed up. She's not a singer though? Probably just move on. Yeah, she's a big singer. Sorry.

No. She's got a microphone there. She's an actress. I think she's about to hit it. It's from a karaoke night. I think that picture was. She's an auctioneer. Wow. She's 90 today. Well, happy birthday. Happy birthday, Gloria. Number one song on March 25th, 1979. You'll never get this. She does feminist auctions. Can't buy me love.

The number one song the day he was born? Yeah. March 25th, 1979? Can't buy me love. That's a good guess. I think that was probably the 60s. Was it Eagles? Was it Eagles? Nope. The Bee Gees. Oh, okay. I was going to say that. Tragedy? Yeah. It's not even a good one. Favorite Bee Gees song. It's a tough day. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It replaced Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive. Oh, Gloria Gaynor. That's who I'm thinking of. You were thinking of that. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. How about that? I Will Survive to Tragedy.

I Will Survive was number one. And then the song that followed was Tragedy. Pendulum Swings Back always. Yep. Wow. Number one movie was Norma Rae starring Sally Field. That was filmed in Opelika where I grew up. Really? Yeah. How about that? What is that movie about?

She's trying to get a union, right? Yeah. Textile mills and the union. Yeah. Something not good. Well, she won an Oscar, I think, or something. Okay. What I mean is they wanted the setting to be kind of not good. She won an Oscar. I don't know if it was for that, though. Well, they needed a place where they had some textile mills. But they had a scene with her and Burt Reynolds in a hotel called the Golden Cherry Motel. And the Golden Cherry Motel is still there. Wow.

Wow. Burt Reynolds is in that movie too? Or whoever the love interest is. Because that's Smokey and the Bandit. Yeah, but she was in the Golden Cherry Motel in that. I thought it was Burt Reynolds, but maybe it was somebody else. I figured you'd be all about Smokey and the Bandit. It seems like your kind of movie. I do love Smokey and the Bandit. Okay. And then the number one TV show, Laverne and Shirley. Oh. So there you go. That's a different world. A different world. Yep. Got to get that colonoscopy now.

I thought it was later. No, they moved it to 45. When? A couple years ago. Today. Yeah. Yeah, things change. I thought it was like 50. It used to always be 50, and then lately they've changed the guidelines to 45. You can also just do whatever you want to do and not do that at all. I just had my second one.

He just goes for fun. It's the worst, right? It's a good way to lose some weight. Is it? Oh, yeah. I mean, everyone says, I guess it's true, the night before, the day before is the worst. Yeah. And then going for a surgery. But why is the day before the worst? You have to drink a bunch of stuff to clean you out. I've done that. I've had one. Oh, yeah? When I ruptured my appendix. I drank the stuff. I actually...

uh i enjoyed it yeah it's a lighter don't you yeah yeah i enjoyed it i was like this is great i'd i'd do this uh you know at least you do it for for the special yeah yeah you'll feel i mean you really will yeah i felt i liked it i was like yeah i'll do this every six months yeah wow you can't eat for a day and you're going to the bathroom a lot yeah

But the day I did it was back in January when that crazy snow week. And my appointment was in the morning. And there was another thread of snow that afternoon. And while I'm there... Do you remember a child being born? Like the details. I had my bad back. There was a storm that day. And that's...

I feel like I need these details for the story. Okay. So there was thread and more snow. The doctor's office decided we're closing up at lunchtime and sending everybody home. So they, I assume, had to call anyone who had an appointment that afternoon to say, don't come. So that means all those people had already went through the procedure of taking all that stuff, being up all night or whatever. And then they're like, don't come. And they'll have to do it again.

Wow. Yeah, I think I feel like I've heard something like that happen. Or someone did it. I was like, someone did it recently. And then it was like, I don't know, maybe someone I know. They did it where it was, then they had the wrong day or the wrong week or so. Your dad? Probably. Sounds like something your dad would do. I feel like you just got to let them do it. You know, you're like, y'all, you already drank the drink.

All right, we'll do it. When I did my sleep test to find out if I had sleep apnea, I stayed up all night until the appointment because that's what they tell you because you want to be able to fall asleep when you do the sleep test.

And then I showed up and it turns out the appointment was to schedule the sleep test. So I had stayed up all night for no reason. I was so tired when I got there. And they go, yeah, we'll do the sleep test on Thursday. I was like, oh my God, moron. I had to go there and stay the night and sleep. Yeah. I don't know what I thought. I was like, it's weird that I'm doing this at 2 p.m.

I just want to say Sally Field won two Oscars. Okay. One for Best Actress in a Leading Role, Norma Rae. Oh, okay. And then one for Best Actress in a Leading Role, Places in the Heart. Well, it was easier back then. So it was Norma Rae. There are fewer movies. All right. I'm glad you looked that up. I feel like they won movies, though. You knew the people that won the Oscar. Yeah.

I feel like you know him now. I think that was like a thing. I mean, who won it this year? Well, this year, I think it went back a little bit because I agree with you, but this year Oppenheimer, so it was more actors that you kind of know a little bit. Yeah, Robert Downey Jr. This was where she had that thing where she said, they love me. They really love me. Okay.

Did you say Eddie Murphy? I said Cillian Murphy. Cillian Murphy. I was like, Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy should have won an Oscar for Nutty Profound. Yeah. Come on. That's a hot movie. Played every role. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy. Well, all right. So you just quoted that line that she said. Yeah. That's why I thought she won the Oscar for something else because it came up on my feed today. That was March 25th, 1980 something. 1979. When she said it at the, well, that was that he was born then.

I think she said that line when she won her other Oscar. Okay. But I think it was today. Sally Field is only 10 years older than Tom Hanks. But why would she say that on her second Oscar? Isn't that weird?

I just looked at their birthday. The second one, she's like, yeah, of course you love me. I want two of these now. That's a fair point. I don't know. But 46, let me just scroll up one second until the exact age. Oh, yeah. She's 77. Tom Hanks is 67. Isn't that easier than the math? I think there's a Mandela. You had it all on the one line except just beat it up once. I think there's a Mandela effect that happens.

her name is Sally Field, but we all say Sally Fields. I do say Sally Fields. Yeah. The Mandela effect is that she is Sally Fields, but they've changed it. The Mandela effect...

I thought we talked about that. Yeah, we did. But what was it? Not that example. It's like saying that we remember things a certain way, but they really aren't that way. A collective misremembering of a world event. You ever see that movie where she does stand-up? Punchline? Punchline. I've never seen it. And Tom Hanks is in it, too. He's a comic. Yeah, he told me he never did a comic. There's things that say he did stand-up.

And I thought he did stand-up. I thought you said he never did a comedy. I'm like, I can name a few. Yeah. No, he did stand-up comedy. There was a thing the other day I looked up, like actors that have done stand-up comedy, and he's on there. But he never did. One time I met him, I asked him, because that movie Punchline, and he said he never did stand-up. He goes, I've never done it.

He looked like a stand-up in the movie. Oh, yeah. I didn't even watch it again. It's an incredible actor. The movie shows they have lockers. Yeah, that's the crazy part of it. There's a locker room at the comedy club. They get off stage and they got a towel. Wouldn't that be something? That would be great.

It would be awesome. Like, to make it feel like, I mean, it would be great. You know what stuff me in my locker? Yeah. You bomb and you're like, I'm going to hit the showers real quick. Yeah. That's crazy. What happened out there? I tell you, I don't, I like a locker and I don't know if I would really need a locker anymore. I've found,

never really a time where I'm like, I need a locker. You wouldn't put a show shirt in there. Maybe it's the shoes that you're going to wear. And then you show up to the club and you throw that on. A lot of golf clubs have lockers, locker rooms. Do you use it? Yours? No. What about tripod? Just keep it in there. So when you get there, you could look at that. I know I got a tripod at the club. Yes. Oh yeah. You set up a camera in the back of your shows.

No. Do I? No, I never did that. I'm joking. Now in the Celtics arena, Jace back there with a little tripod. His phone on the tripod. Yeah. Zoom out a little bit. Yeah.

Yeah, well, we have it filmed now. I have this one filmed. Yeah, Jumbotron. Yeah. Yeah. Just go, where's the good spot for this? Well, they would do it at theaters. Y'all would do it, I think, you'd go set your phone up in the very back of the theater. Which is not the best. I brought all that camera equipment. No room in there because Brian sold out the shows. That's what I do. That's a good problem where there's no room to put a camera. I wonder if I just missed out on the...

I started to like, where I just, people didn't feel we didn't have iPhones then. Yes. And camera quarters weren't good. No, it was like more of a hassle to do it yet. You could bring a, your recorder. Yeah. Like a little recorder. People would set those on there, but it's like, I just, when I started, it was just,

There was no reason you'd be filming. So I just never have done it. There's a guy at the East room, open mic here in town, got there early, had this huge camera set up. He was on stage setting it up. There was like a ring light. It was crazy. And then he didn't get called. So then you have to go up and take down all your camera equipment. Oh, it was beautiful, dude. We loved it. Of course. You're like, oh man, that's so great. You almost want to find out what his name is and don't call him.

It's like, yeah, what do you do? Yeah, so people know you and your name in a hat. And then they pull it out. They pull it out. And that open mic, a lot of people try to get on it every week. So a lot of people don't get up. Yeah, because they can only do so many people. Yeah, the show can't be eight hours long. But, oh. But, yeah, the idea that. Cosmic justice. You're just going to set, like, it's like, just do a camera. But he probably was like a TikTok guy, and he wanted to be like, I'm a stand-up comic. Look how, you know. Yeah.

Well, I think if you do that, you're probably going to, you need to talk to the person and go, hey, is there a night you can guarantee me to get it so I can film? Or wait till you get called and then set it up real quick.

I know, but how, but are you, oh, you're called. Yeah, there's like that open mic. There's like 30 minutes between the drawing and the show. So there was no reason. That's true. He could have just done it after that. He did a lot of things wrong that night, but God took care of it. He probably quit comedy. Probably that night. Yeah. I wish him the best. I wish him well. Well, this week I thought we could talk a bit about some food. All right. I like that. You guys know the five food groups? Yeah.

- Brains. - Breads. - Vegetables. - Fruits. - Meat. - Star tarts.

Poultry and meat got to be the same thing. I was thinking eggs. Oh, that's dairy. Oh, eggs are meat, aren't they? Y'all named them. Are eggs dairy? I guess so. I don't know which one. Fruits, vegetables, grains, protein foods, and dairy. Okay. What about chips? What about candy?

Chips would fall under whatever potatoes falls under. Yeah, which is a vegetable? Yeah, I guess. Or starch? What are starches?

You didn't think this through, did you, Brian? No, I didn't. I just thought I'd name the five food groups. But the food pyramid is really wrong. Isn't it? Like, yeah, it's all wrong now. And they did us wrong, and it's messed everybody up. I thought the food pyramid was wrong even when I was a kid. This said it started in 1992 when I was already in college. Yeah. But the food pyramid, do you remember the food pyramid? Yeah. In school, and the bottom was... That's why the whole country's obese now. That's right. It's all carbs at the bottom. Yeah.

Grains at the base and veggies and fruits on the next tier. This whole idea of us only eating a little bit of meat is like what's ruined everything. So what's the – why was the food pyramid – why was it so big at the bottom? It's like that's just – So it's a pyramid. Why are grains at the bottom? But yeah, what's the –

That was funny. It's a triangle, actually. That is true. It's two-dimensional. Uh...

Well, what's the numbers, Bob? I mean, I guess at that time they thought the science said grains was the most important thing for service. Yeah, I remember looking at this as a kid going, all right, I got to have six loaves of bread every day. Yeah. I can have one bowl of candy. This is just the worst advice ever to give. Have as much vegetables as you do fruit, you know? I think meat should be on the bottom. That's what I thought. But I think the whole, the problem with using this shape is

is that I think you look at this intuitively, you think whatever's at the top is the best. That's true. So the top of the pyramid, top of the food chain, whatever. So you look at this and you go, all right, candy's king. Candy's the all-seeing eye. That's right. And then grains, that's at the bottom. Who cares about grains? But there's a new food pyramid. Yeah, they switched it up, and now it's... Now it's an unreadable graph. Yeah.

What is this? Well, I think that's not even up to date now. Now I think that they do MyPlate. Okay. MyPlate. Did you send me this one? Your MyPlate plan. So they just abandoned visual aids, huh? Well, I think if you Google MyPlate, I think it would show you an image of it. MyPlate.gov? I don't know about that. Okay.

Okay. So you just think about it. Oh, it's a pie graph now, but they don't want to use pie. I guess that implies sweet. It's a plate. They couldn't fit dairy in, so they made it like a cup. It's a cup of water. So it doesn't really make any sense. I don't think dairy was in the pyramid, was it? I think it was.

They're saying that's what you should eat. You should eat a corner of vegetables, some fruits, grains, and protein. But some of those corners, vegetables are the biggest one there. Not that much bigger, about the same size as grains, right? Yeah. Yeah, I would say fruit and meat is what you should eat the most of. Not vegetables. Fruits, sugar, dude.

Yeah, but it's a different sugar. It's not a candy sugar. Yeah. Right. But let it get to that point, dude. I didn't get where I am because I got into too much pineapple last night. You know what I mean? Right. Exactly. That's funny. I might do that on stage. Yeah, that's good. I don't know why you kept pointing at me, but...

You like that joke? I mean, it is funny, but you can't point at me like it was my joke. That's one of Nate's best. Oh, okay. It's one that's been popular on TikTok, apparently, where you devour all your information. So I thought you might have seen it. Oh, that's great. Well, maybe I have seen it. Maybe I have seen it. That's great. But that got a lot. I mean, that's how good the joke is. I butchered the delivery. That's how good it got a lot. Yeah.

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I think Factor would probably want you to do another little call to action and say, you haven't only been eating Factor for the past three years. Oh, that's for sure. I supplement it with other things. That's what I'm saying. It's a heck of a weight loss plan, this Factor. I mean, take it from me. It's all I eat. Yeah. I think Factor is like, you know. No.

The guy that walks on a treadmill 40 miles a day doing emails. He's like, I factor all day, every day. The guy that we've watched lose, then gain it back. I'm not all the way back. I'm not all the way back.

You do need to be on factor. I do need to be on factor. I need to be on it more. I've gained all mine back. No. Yes, I mean, it's there. I mean, I've been drinking water as long as it'll help, but I'm back up to almost, I haven't touched 190, but 189.

No, our first bet. Fatso over here. No, our first bet. He stayed the same. He looked like this since he was born. Like he hasn't done, you know, I'm saying I've gone. Right. You fluctuated. Yeah, I got to take the special. It's going to be this.

It's not going to be good. Are you going to have a line about it at the top? Here we are. Here we are. Yeah. I said that to one of them. Here we are. Oh, yeah. No, I don't think I am. I don't have one this time. Next thing you know, it's already started. I have another line about eating better. I got to get on it. It's just, man. It stinks. It's hard. It's very, very hard. And you just need to...

Get built up this one. That Tacoma Comedy Club had a green room with all the candy. Oh, yeah. I did a weekend there and then I got sick.

I just think I ate too much candy. Oh, yeah. They have like a Chex Mix, S'mores, Rice Krispie Treat kind of bar. Yeah. I had like four of them, dude. I hadn't had sugar in two weeks. Yeah, the guy doing the guest set wiped out my green room. Yeah. I'm like, golly. Yeah. Hey, did you hear my buddy comes in here? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

There you go. I hope it's not that guy. Who is it? It's who you think it is. You hear him coming in now. Snacks! Everybody out. I love going, Brian, but I always go to Tacoma. It's the only place I go watching. Eating all the candy.

That thing. Back home now, back on factor. I only factor. If I had a factor with me, I wouldn't have eaten all that candy. Oh, yeah. You want to look at the 30 healthiest foods to eat every day? Oh, yeah. See how many of these we eat? How many? 30 is a lot. Yeah. 30 healthiest foods to eat every day. We want to up your nutrition game. And then we'll look at the worst foods and we'll compare. Oatmeal.

I can make oatmeal bad real quick. What do you put in there? Brown sugar? Brown sugar. I can put enough brown sugar in it where it's brown sugar and I'm just sprinkling oatmeal in it. You crumble the muffin on top of it too? Steel cut. What is that all about? Steel cut. I just think that's like just the real deal. Oatmeal. It's not like, I don't know for sure. I mean, I'm sure it's a way it's cut, but I think it's like you get instant oatmeal. I think you're not really doing it. Does that mean it's cut on steel? Like they put it on steel and like marble slab? Yeah.

They cut the oats. I don't know. Oatmeal. I guess I like oatmeal. I don't eat it every day. That's for sure. Avocado. I've been eating avocados, man. Just what do you do? I skin it, put a little salt on it and just eat it like that. Wow. Just eat it plain. Like an apple? No, not like that. With a fork. Yeah.

I like that. I feel like you miss a lot if you scoop it out with a spoon. So I just take the skin off it. I'm sure the salt helps. See if that's what it says. Make sure you douse it with salt so you can get it down. This says drizzle. This is recommending you drizzle it with soy sauce. That's liquid salt. Yeah. That's all soy sauce is. All right.

So I'm eating it healthier. Some walnuts. I like walnuts. Put a little chocolate milk in them and then suck on them and spit them out. Like a hazelnut walnut. There you go. Mushrooms, disgusting. I don't like mushrooms. Disgusting. You can just ruin a dish like that. I like mushrooms, but I ain't eating them every day. Yeah. I like a mushroom. I like mushroom and green peppers on pizza.

That's what I like. It'll just ruin a pizza so quick. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's fungus. I want that right now. You want this bowl? No. This looks like pepper pizza. You think you'll eat that tonight? Nah. What will you eat tonight? I don't know. Well, hopefully my wife has cooked something and I'll eat something. Exactly. What is the point, again, of her if she's not had your dinner ready? Yeah.

I'm just saying, I hope she has. It'd be nice if she came home to it. It'd be nice if she did her job. Those are your words. No, this is what you say when you go off camera. You go, I do my job. Right. She should go harvest something from your garden. Well, there's no garden yet. I mean, it's still a bit cold. Yeah. What will you eat tonight? I don't know if I will eat tonight.

This is what I tell myself around this time every day, I think. I'll just wait till tomorrow, but I'll end up eating something. Probably some pretzels. You won't eat at dinner? Maybe a little bit of peanut butter. Dip the pretzels in the peanut butter. No, I won't eat an actual dinner. I'll eat enough random things that it adds up to a dinner, but in my head, I'll go, I didn't have dinner. You know what I mean? Maybe some cheese. Your body's like, we had dinner.

Oh, yeah. My body's not complaining about it. Yeah. It's like, I'm getting it. Your head's like, we're fine. Yeah. Your body's like, we're fine, too. I basically fasted. Yeah. What are you eating tonight? Whatever.

Whatever the old lady puts on the plate. It better be hot and ready when I get home. It's Little Caesars. Greek yogurt on this list. I like Greek yogurt, but I bet I eat the one that makes it not what it should be. I see a trend here. Where it's good. Oh, yeah. You can make all this stuff. Blueberries. Yeah. I think if you put honey or maple syrup, real maple syrup in there, then it's not so unhealthy.

healthy. Those are more natural eggs. Love eggs. I had eggs today. I could eat eggs every day. I followed this guy did it for about five days. This guy on Instagram I found he's British. He's big bodybuilder guy. His whole thing is like eat eggs. So his meal plan was like at 2:00 PM, eat six eggs. And then later that day you eat like protein and an avocado.

And we take like six eggs a day gets old. Yeah. Pretty quick. Yeah. It's tough to do. It's tough to just eat six. We're all like you bowl them. I was just scrambling them. Oh, for a while. I was doing two eggs a day.

Two. Six eggs. Yeah, it's put salt on them. Yeah. Put a little salt. A little salt, a little pepper. A little salt, a little pepper, a little butter. Cheese. Yeah, dip it in ice cream. Lick it. Feed it to the dog. The rest of it to the dog. Nice. Yeah.

Edamame. I don't even know what that is. I don't think soy is healthy for you ever. Yeah, that's the thing you order and it's like a pea and everybody eats it. I think it's a soybean, which is not good for you. We don't have those in Lebanon. Soy's not good for you? Soy sauce. Fermented soy is okay. Edamame is like usually it's a... You order as an appetizer? Yeah. Kiwi. Kiwi. Man, I didn't have kiwi until...

Recently, when I was in Alaska, I think I had the first time you had Kiwi. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Kiwi wasn't ever around. Yeah. I feel like it's it shows up places now. Well, you had money growing up.

And if we grew up in such a rich family, yeah, they have kiwi. Yeah. I never had a raspberry until very late. Did you have cantaloupe? Did you get into cantaloupe? No. Cantaloupe? We couldn't afford any of this stuff. This was, you were in the high... For 30 cents at Winn-Dixie. You were in the big times, baby. And we were...

We had to get very localized fruit. I ate two cantaloupes this weekend. I love cantaloupe.

I like to judge someone on what fruit they have had. And you go, wow, look at that. Yeah. Raspberries. Do you grow cantaloupe? No. Dragon fruit? Yeah, and you're like, come on, dude. Melons are tough to grow. They make it seem easy, but it's not. Sweet potato fries. These are not. There's no way you're supposed to eat those every day. Well, it's a healthy alternative. I don't think they're saying eat all 30 of these things every day. What did it say? They're saying sweet. 30 things you should eat. They're not saying fries. They're not saying fries. 30 healthiest foods to eat every day. You're right.

But it just said sweet potatoes. The picture is deceiving. Wait, what does it say? Sweet potatoes. The darker the color, the richer these tubers. Tubers? Who calls them that? I don't even know what that means. Does that mean this propaganda website? Real simple. Like YouTubers? Yeah.

Antioxidant. Kale, I guess. You know, it's green. It's a superfood. I remember kale really coming around and being popular. It just started showing up everywhere. And it's just on every menu. Kale used to be the thing that was on a buffet that you put stuff on.

Like it was decoration on the buffet. Oh, and you would scoop the thing that was sitting in the kale. Yeah, you wouldn't eat. Yeah, it was just decoration. Yeah. And then they made it the star of the show. Would you always, when you go out, would you get the ice from the buffet for your drink? Yeah. Underneath all the food? Yeah. That's how we did it. That's how y'all did it. We wrenched out our dip cups and scooped it in there.

You got to the end, and you go, there's some pretty good ice by the shrimp cocktail. And then scoop it out, and then go get it.

Barley. No one even knows what that is. Nobody. I've never known what barley is. Nobody eats barley. Pumpkin. Pumpkin. Not even. Maybe we go to the ones bad for you. Hannah actually does make barley sometimes. It's pretty good. It's like a thick rice. That's funny. Now we got a different list. More. 76 unhealthiest foods. Which one of these I'm going to get tonight. This one's saying you may want to limit your consumption of these unhealthy foods. Yeah.

Eat this, not that. Number one, bacon. Let me scroll past the part of the article. Everybody scrolls past. Who's reading the intro? Yeah, there's a story. I always think that when articles, yeah, when you read them now, it's like there is every beginning of an article. It's like a long story. So it's like, it's Tuesday, right?

it's cold outside and i thought you know what maybe i'll go try running yeah and then then they go into this whole big thing and that thing will be like is running good for you right but then it's like a story you're trying to get those keywords in it's all seo stuff so you got to get all these keywords in yeah so that the article can come up search engine search engine optimization it's all just you're putting words in it's all plus these are all ai generated articles now so it's all fake

Oh, really? I guarantee you do. Part of my old job used to be to write blogs for companies. And dude, if I had AI back then, I would have been done with work by lunchtime Monday. Just AI write them all. You could have that job now and just be like, oh yeah, just do it on the side. Yes. I'd work for an hour just for that. But I was writing it all by hand. It was awful.

Bacon, number one on this list. That's tough. It's tough to see bacon out that early. It seems like an attack on America. I haven't eaten bacon in 12 years. Really? No pork. I don't eat pork at all. Did you enjoy it back in the day? I mean, it tastes good. Yeah. Yeah. It is good. Sometimes I'll have like a turkey bacon, which is probably worse for you than this bacon. And then I'll have, there's some beef bacon out there, which is pretty delicious. You just don't like bacon? No, it's just...

You know, one of your reasons. Number two, fast food breakfast. I had that this morning. Just lumping in. What'd you get, McDonald's? McDonald's. You go to McDonald's more than I do. Yeah.

Maybe. When I'm on the road, if I'm on the road driving somewhere, I'll hit a McDonald's. You get the hotcakes, too? I don't get the hotcakes. I did the McGriddle this morning. Hash brown, too. Hash brown is the only thing that works. I'll get two hash browns. No, I'll get egg McMuffin, two hash browns. And a Dr. Pepper? Yeah. I'll get a Diet Coke. Hash brown is the only thing worth eating at McDonald's. That hash brown is delicious. Those McGriddles are good. I can put some ketchup on some hash browns and eat it. I love it. This is where I come from my gate. What am I going to do? Yeah.

Number three is fast food burgers. I mean, this is just all my stuff. They're convenient and delicious, but it's considered one of the unhealthiest types of food and has been linked to health issues like diabetes. I'm convinced. I think my sodium. I've always thought for me it's sodium. Sodium's my... That's what you want? No, I think I feel it the most. Oh, your sodium's high. My sodium, yeah. I think I can feel sodium. I think it's what makes you feel bloated.

And then when you get salt. Yeah, all this stuff. Yeah, it's like if you get like real salt, like sea salt or like pink salt or Himalayan salt, all that kind of stuff is it can have like real nutritional value. But this this stuff is just loaded with not good stuff. Oh, well, they have some, you know, some low sodium fast food orders. Suggestions on here. Check those out. Fast food, French fries. Yeah, it's going to be. These are all the things I thought milkshakes.

A milkshake, well, I might be lactose intolerant, dude, because I drink a milkshake. My day is shot. It will light you up. Yeah. You better go get a colonoscopy right after. You go, I drank my own juice. What if you do the milkshake and a colonoscopy? I think that can happen. I've had pizza sometimes. It's like where, yeah, you can catch fire. I still do it. Yeah. I had a milkshake this weekend.

Still do it. A shake from White Castle. I had donuts this morning. I know. There's donuts downstairs. There's donuts downstairs. I got donuts for my birthday for left. And, man, they were good. And then donuts is next on the list. I wanted donuts today, too. It was a surprise. I didn't know I was getting donuts. And I woke up and ended up getting donuts. And that was...

That started the day off for a right. This list says when a craving strikes, try splitting one with a friend. Yeah. Well, they're very big now. Yeah. I mean, it's, yeah, they're. You want to split a donut with me? Yeah. What? Yeah. Aaron and I ate the most unhealthy fattening meal right before we went and tried on clothes. And we both felt so bloated. I think that's the move though.

So then when you feel zipped up. I don't want clothes to be fitted when I'm at my best. I want it to work always. What did you eat before? I had a big burger. I had a big burger, but what was the appetizer you got? You don't have to out me like that. We got corn dogs. Well, we both ate them.

They already got them for the table. He had an appetizer of corn dogs. Brian's going around all day going, we got corn dogs and telling everybody. I thought we could just share that in private. But they were really good. Yeah, coffee creamer is really bad. That's the next one. I don't use coffee creamer. I drink it black. Me too. It's the only way. Bleached white flour. Good bread.

That's why you got to go real sourdough. Real sourdough. That's where it's at. Yeah. Do you make your own sourdough? No, I wish, though. Yeah. Sugar-added fruit juice. That'll kill you, dude. That was on Delta, the crane apple. It's good, right? You like it? Oh, man. Yeah, it's because it's just sugar. I mean, crane apple was like, it's the best thing I've ever had in my life. I would drink.

four or five of them. I mean, just like I go, let's go and bring one more. And I mean, it's the only one like, you know, diet sodas. This is what I was going to say. This list is, this is losing, I'm losing confidence in this. Why? It's so bad. Because it's starting to affect my everyday life. So I'm going to choose to not believe it. Starting to affect it? It's like, you took your number 10. I think that should be higher. I think number 10 is when you finally, you go, I was cool until 10.

I think diet sodas are my saving grace sometimes. They say that when you add sugar to fruit, it makes the fruit like poison. Who says that?

Eat this, not that. Who's eating sugar on fruit? Well, like if you're having, you know, like cran apple juice. Oh. It's fruit in there and then you add sugar. I bet there's not much fruit in the cran apple juice. And then diet soda. They get shipped in a box. This is my kind of episode. I mean, I'm all about these things. Yeah. I didn't know we were going to talk about this, but I'm all about this. What's aspartame? That's what everybody talks about. I did this for you. Thank you. Aspartame is, yeah, it's like.

It says it's been found to have the opposite effect. It was initially developed to aid weight loss, but it now has the opposite effect. It raises glucose levels, overloads the liver, and causes the excess to convert into fat. And what I've been told, and I could be wrong about this, but it's like your body, when you take in something sweet, like your body produces –

glucose to like, like bond with it so that it can come out of your body. But like, so when you eat aspartame, it's not really sugar, it's just sweet, but your body still, oh, insulin, not glucose produces insulin. So your body still produces it. And then there's nothing for it to bond to. So you just have this loose insulin in your body. And I think that's what really does bad things to you. I'm sure that's wrong. It's a real bummer. Yeah.

You just find out about this? No, I mean, it's just, you know, you hear this stuff and you just, I'll just tune it out and I'll just live life. And then people tell it to you. Sausage, more pork, all that. I've tuned everything out. He just said. I have no idea what he said. You could have tuned it out. Yeah, you got to get, you got to start. This is for the listeners. I couldn't even tell you. I mean. I looked and nodded. Yeah. Yeah.

I figured that's what you guys do every time I start. No, no, no. Yeah, that one. I get it. Yeah. So I looked up how much water you should drink a day. This said, take, take your weight, split it in half and then whatever that is in pounds, turn it to ounces. And that's how many ounces you should drink a day. Yeah. That seems excessive. I'm about a gallon of water a day. That's what you're supposed to drink. Sugar is a 200 pound man. That's my downfall. A hundred pounds. It'd be a hundred ounces a day. Yeah. Well, how much is a gallon?

Isn't that 16 ounces? No, about 98 or something. Oh, 180. I weigh 180, so that'd be 90 ounces of water you should drink a day. So how many is a gallon? Dude, Google. The brave search engine stinks. Yeah, it's like you're really just only supposed to drink water. What are we doing here?

128 ounces to a gallon. I was way off. I said 16. I was going to say, I got to drink five gallons a day? I was thinking it was like 75% of a gallon. About four liters. Because I'll have a liter of bottle water. It's a gallon. I'll try to drink a gallon a day. You drink a gallon a day? I try to. And they say you should put, and I don't do this either, but they say you should put a little touch of salt just to help your body absorb it. Dasani.

Well, Dasani has a bunch of weird stuff and I don't trust their salt. You bring your own. You've gone back and forth on Dasani a few times. Well, it's like when I discovered the salt thing, I was like, well, maybe Dasani is on to something. But then I was like, yeah, but I don't really trust their salt. Like table salt versus like sea salt is different. Table salt versus what? Versus like, you know,

Himalayan salt or like rock salt, mineral salt. They're different. Yeah. It's a lot. I mean, I'm not, you know, it's, you know, it's not funny. The smooth food game's not funny games out here. Yeah. It's tough. I know you're serious about it. It's tough. It's hard.

Yeah, it's hard. I mean, we're just all trying to live out here. Right. I think you and I are consistent. Nate, and I guess you too, we probably all grew up with parents that did not eat healthy. We ate a lot of fast food, and you learn your eating habits generally from your parents. My dad would eat a Waffle House every meal if he could. He would have what? Waffle House every meal if he could. Yeah, but I don't ever think it's – it's not your parents' fault. It's just no one has –

The food was just not talked about like it is now. They had the food pyramid. Yeah, you had the food pyramid. You had like, you know, everybody's got kids. I mean, everybody's just making dinner to eat dinner. You're just, it's busy, no money. Like there's no reason to...

Why would you just can't? Yeah, I totally agree. I'm not saying to blame, but I have friends who eat really healthy. And I'm like, where do you get the discipline? And they grew up that way. Hannah grew up that way. Well, she grew up. Her parents really cared about what she ate. She grew up in Canada. Yeah. And they really cared about what she ate. And they forced you to up there. Yeah. Well, now they do. Yeah.

But they, yeah, I mean, some people, yeah, they're just, yeah, they're, they are born, the family's just into healthy kind of food. Into caring about their kids. Yeah. Yeah. How lame is that? Yeah. Well,

Well, like it is like it is lame in a sense. Like Hannah would say, like on Friday night, their parents would give them like a little bowl of chips and then they would get some soda. Like between the three of them, they would split a Coke. I mean, when I was a kid, I was drinking four or five Cokes a day. They were just in the fridge and I just could help myself.

it was dr thunder yeah you know some off brand but it was we've got choice we bought it by the case right and sometimes most of the time i was drinking at room temp i mean i didn't care you know yeah yeah i think it's i mean it's just the knowledge of what this food does you just you no one really knows and now they're looking at it now we're like oh it's

Yeah, we're really, really got a problem. And these things are, you know. Even southern cooking that my mom. I mean, still now. I mean, I'm not great with Harper. Yeah. She needs to eat better. But I mean, I still eat. I don't eat. Laura does. Laura's the better one.

But it's just hard. It is. It's hard, but you've got to be self-disciplined. So you just have to do it. You have to figure it out on your own. No one's going to figure it out. That's why I go back. I lost all this weight for this last special. And I'm back to basically where we started. Or if you can't figure it out on your own, hire a trainer to travel with you. I can out-talk anybody. But we can try to do it. Well, the road is where I do all this stuff. When I come home, it's just...

The wheels come off. And my brain, it is true, my brain can't think of... Like, I really would need to learn to cook. That's probably the best thing someone could do is you'd learn... I don't know how to cook. So I can't cook anything. Well, I was going to say, southern cooking, like I grew up with, like my mom did, still does. I didn't realize then, or until now, just how unhealthy that is in a lot of ways. The way we cook in the South, there's just a lot of bad... But I bet it's...

I bet it's still better than... It's better than McDonald's. Yeah, I think if you're cooking a home meal, like that's why. I don't think people back where there were no fast food, there was no this minute grab something to eat. Like you had to go... No margarine. Yeah, you just can't... Margarine's really bad. All our oils. Yeah, yeah. And you just can't... You can't eat...

You had to really go wait to eat something. I read even olive oil. I read that there's not enough trees to produce as many – enough olives to make all the olive oil that's for sale. It's impossible. So much olive oil that's being sold is fake. It's not even real olive oil.

Like, because there's not enough trees to make enough olives. And there's three trillion trees we've learned. Yeah. But not all olive trees. Well, most of them. Yeah. A good part of them are. Yeah. At least 80%. There's three trillion trees? Yeah. Rough estimate. Yeah. Take a sample size. We learned that on the Platinum Trees episode a month ago. Yeah. I got six of them in my backyard.

so well to that uh there's eight billion people everybody's got a backyard so just tree chilling trees yeah adds up i think uh sounds like a good place to stop yeah yeah this has been great uh it's been good uh all right yeah where are you i'm off this weekend i could be working but i'm off

Then this weekend's Easter, right? It is. It's Holy Week. April 6th, I am in Miamisburg, Ohio at the Plaza Theater. So I hope for a lot of folks to come out there. April 20th, I'm in Moberly, Missouri at 4th Street Theater. I do theaters now. I've graduated from clubs. I'm a theater comic. April 20th,

I'm going to Connecticut for the first time. I've never been to Connecticut. I'm at Fairfield, Connecticut at Fairfield Circle. Why don't you stay at the Fairfield Inn? Maybe so. That would be sweet. Maybe so. So I'm excited to go there. Maybe your buddy Dusty T-Mike 1000 will come out. Oh, yeah. Well, he will. If you...

Yeah. I mean, you want me to tell him? Yeah. I'll tell him to come. He'll come. And he came to my show. Did I talk about that? He came to my show in Hartford and came, showed up. You talked about it on your podcast. Okay. Came in. He came with his mom. Show was sold out. He didn't have any tickets. So I got him some tickets and then he came into the green room and the

We're hanging out. The server comes back there and he goes, can I get you anything? He goes, I have a Bud Light. He made himself at home like Aaron in your green room. But I thought it was fun. I liked it. He had just caught himself on fire, actually, too. He's a welder. He had third degree burns on his shoulder. Third degree. Oh, man. He just made it. He had to get a graft from his leg up to his shoulder. And he made the show. How does leg look?

I didn't look at it, but- You're wearing pants. Yeah, he was wearing pants. And you don't know that that's going to always be the case, but- I mean, he goes by T-Mike 1000, so he's going to be a fun guy. I don't think he goes by that anymore. Thomas Michael is his name, but he was going by T-Mike 1000 for a short period of time. He's a comedian? Yeah, he was. Yeah. Short period of time. He's a welder now. Not for now.

This weekend is Aaron Weber talking, by the way, this weekend, I'm in Las Vegas, Nevada at wise guys, comedy club, one of the arts district. They got two rooms there now, but I'm at the smaller one. I believe wise guys in Las Vegas, Nevada, please come out. It's going to be hot.

March Madness going on again. March Madness. I'm going to go check out the Sphere. I'm going to go check out the Sphere. I went. How was it? We went to the Sphere. Did you go do like the demonstration of, or did you go to a show there? We went to the, whatever show they do, that's the 45, you know, like the one that they do every day. Yeah, that's the one. And, yeah, it's crazy. It's like going in there. It's a whole, you know, it's just about like climate change, I think. Oh, is it really? Yeah.

But it's like showing you... It's just to check out the screen. So just a lot of electricity used to tell us to stop using as much electricity. It is very funny because it is a thing that's like, it's just telling you Earth and, you know, the general idea, we're ruining it and all this. But it's like they're, you know, they showed like video of like

these other people, countries grabbing water. You basically pay, you know, you pay that money to go watch a video of poor people picking stuff out of fields. You can do that. And they do it on a big screen, but it's on a big screen. Is it worth checking out? You think? I mean, is that cool? No. Uh, yeah, yeah. No, it was, look, I would, uh,

I think what I've heard is I've heard if you go to like the concert or something like that, I think it's like kind of crazy. And that's probably a little, it's a lot more different stuff. This was crazy. I mean, to go do it just to see it, just to have your, like, you're like, okay, I know what it is.

That's all I want to do. I'd say the outside is, I'm probably the most impressed with the outside. I might just go to the outside and go, I don't even need to see the inside. Find out what a ticket cost and then take that money. They're $99. Take that money, go to the blackjack table and tell somebody, you take this. Well, just go bet it on, go take your $100, put it on black or red. And if you win it,

You go to the sphere. If you lose it, you don't go to the sphere. If you win, go buy a steak and eat it outside of the sphere. You see the sphere when you fly in. Oh, you do? Yeah, the outside is unreal. The outside is really, really unreal. I think it's going to get... There's going to be a lot of stuff there. Uh...

The show, like, you know, if the show starts at 2, it won't start till 3. They have like AI computers in the lobby or something. I didn't go, we didn't go early. We got there, show started at 3, we got there like 2.45.

When you go in there, it's not like it's sold out. It's, you know, but you're just all kind of sitting in the 200 section, I think is where you want to sit. And I mean, dude, when they have earth coming at you on the screen, I mean, it feels, there's moments like you feel like you're on a ride. Like you feel like you're like, you're going down. It's very, I think you would, you would like it. You like this stuff. You like, yeah, but it's like, you know, you look at propaganda.

Yeah. If you look at the IMAX, it's like if you've been to an IMAX screen, you're going to kind of get the idea. I honestly kind of believe you're like, it's just the IMAX on steroids. So you're just kind of like, okay, yeah, it's more. But that's my honest review of this sphere. Now, if Russ Tyson comes out and is real condescending to you the whole time. Yeah.

Greta comes out. How dare you? And it's, well, that's what, yeah. I mean, there's, they show some, they show some animal, like an elephant walking. That's pretty cool. Like, so like they show some of that, but I mean, yeah, the end of it's like, you know, we're just like, we shouldn't be on this planet. I think that's the goal. Okay. Uh,

I'm already halfway there. It's perfect for Vegas because they're like, you know what? By the time you leave, you feel so worthless. You're like, I'll just use all this money on gambling. I think it's all part of it. What does it mean anyway? Who cares? They showed the mining, I think, where they mine for telephones or lithium. It is fun. All you're in is an electric bowl. It's just the most... Just in an MRI machine. All the stuff they're showing you. To make this thing

is the number one problem. It's, I mean, it can't be good. That's what I always say. If I, I'll believe that the government is serious about climate change when they shut down the Vegas strip or Times Square, when they say we're using too much electricity here, when they do that, I'll, I'll go, you know what? Maybe they're serious about this. I don't think it'll happen. Never happened. They'll tell you to stop running your air conditioner. Times Square can promote a movie and no one's watching.

Yep. It'd be a cool movie though. Salt and Nightmare. Yeah. I'd actually watch that. Yeah, that'd be like, if you saw a movie there, it'd be... It'd be cool. It's cool though. It's crazy. I mean, it's, you know, yeah, it's a big, big thing. If you want to go see it, knock it off. If you're there, you might as well

I think it's the most impressive thing humans have made in a long, long time. I agree. And I think it's the outside for me. The outside is insane. Because you're seeing this stuff during the day. There's an eyeball on it. I mean, it's unbelievable. Watching. Yeah, watching. But the outside, when you land, and they have a basketball, it's just so detailed. Yeah.

To me, the outside is wild. I heard Garcia went to both, Greg Garcia. You do and that. And he was like, if he went...

Again, he's like, you two, it's a complete, he said they're completely two different experiences. But the you two one's a little more, like if you had to pick one, it's like that's going to be more fun. But this one's more of like you just kind of go on and be like, let me just see. Yeah, I'm going to go. What is this? Yeah. All right. They're going to do a UFC fight there.

So that would be fun. That's cool. So they start doing some... And that's how you fight climate change. Yeah. Would you do the sphere in Vegas? Put climate change in the ring. I say all this to be... Yeah. If I ever do the sphere, I'll be like, whatever I said about the sphere, guys, I need you to come out to the sphere. To the inside. Yeah. To the inside. The inside this time will be better than the outside. Right. Well, you would... But I'm saying the inside...

If they had like a big movie, they had like... You know, if you were watching like some... If they made a movie... The thing is that I don't think they have anything filmed for that. No, it's all new. So if you had... If you filmed something that was like an act or something that was for... You're using cameras for that where the stuff's just flying overhead, it would be awesome. What a waste of that technology to just do a stand-up show there. Just a brick wall on the screen. Yeah, what I said... I did say something to my agent. We were just talking and I was...

I was like, you could maybe animate your act.

So as you're talking, you have your act kind of being animated and you could have stuff be popping. So you're trying to take people. I mean, when you're up there, you're kind of like going like, all right, it's a story. But if I did that, I don't even know if I would need to be the one performing. It's like it would be better to like have, you know, the CD or whatever, the audio of it. And then just be like you go in there and like it's just this.

and you're watching like all these things happening. Like a laser show. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you have all that technology. I don't know if it's going to be. I think it's going to the inside I bet just gets better and better and better because they're going to end up making stuff where you're going to go in there and just be like stuff's everywhere.

yeah that's cool all right well this weekend i'm gonna be in ponte vedra florida outside of jacksonville and uh doing a theater but that show is sold out so uh i just wanted to tell you about it and then i'll be in atlanta that show is not sold out but it is close i'll be at a theater there too i'm trying to tell you what the name of it is but um

I don't think I have it here. The symphony? Aren't you doing something? I don't think I have something. The Mayo Clinic? No. Not the Mayo Clinic. You might be spending some time there. That's what I had. The Woodruff Art Center. The Woodruff Art Center. So it's not sold out yet. Now I am really launching into a straight up theater run. Crazy. So I got

I'm doing this weekend and then I got the weekend off. But after that, it's like theater, theater, theater, theater. And it's like we're adding shows now. That Carnegie of Homestead is a great place. Yeah, I'm pumped about it. Yeah, that's like an old school theater. Oh, yeah. It's a really cool theater. Yeah, I'm pumped. I mean, we've been adding shows in some places and there's more to be announced soon.

There will be some mixed in there where they're not theaters, but I'm on the theater run now. So it's very exciting. That's really cool. I'm pumped. That's awesome. How much time will you do? Well, you know what? You never know. This weekend in my first show in Lincoln, Nebraska, I did an hour 25 minutes. Wow. I was going to do an hour 10, and then someone requested a joke. So I started to do the joke. Was it you? Yeah.

And then he started yelling out other things. And I'm like, well, I'm doing the joke, you asked me. So I made fun of him for a while. And it was really fun and took on a life of its own. So I did an hour 25. Next show I did an hour 15. So I want to do an hour 15, hour 20 every show. That's what I want to do. I was told that Stephen Wright just does the whole 90 minutes himself. That is where I'd like to go eventually, I think.

I think that'd be fun. Just to be like the kind of show where I'm just like, you're sitting in a theater and then they go, the show begins and then I come out and I just do the show. That's what I'd like to do. One man show. Yeah. Yeah, I see that. You have no opening acts, I guess. You just have... Yeah, you just do the show. But in a way, I don't know. I kind of like... I would like somebody to do five or ten, get it going. Well, the...

idea is you're kind of you bring people so people can find out about other people yeah whatever but i could see you doing you wouldn't want anybody on the show yeah i don't think you're here to move things forward no no it's you have this huge thing going you got the arena show so it's like it is fun to bring a bunch of people out but i think with the theater it's fun to be like

Yeah. I brought them out in theaters too. Yeah. Okay. But I understand the idea. I'm bringing them to clubs. Yeah. Yeah. I understand the idea. I do get it. Like you just come out and you go, I'm here to see this person. Yeah. And so I'm calling Quinn does a, uh,

I think just that one person. So, yeah. And so I'm just giving them... If it fits your... Yeah. If it fits in what you're acting. Yeah. I mean, I would eventually like... Because it's like I was... I felt like I was doing a more artsy type thing. And then I got into clubs. I started working the road. And then I like became a club comic where I had to really adapt to work in the road. And now that I'm getting into theaters, I would like to get back to a bit of a more of an artsy thing. You know, a lot of successful people do that is the...

go away from what made you successful. So when it wasn't working...

And then you switch it up and it starts catching on fire. And then you go, what if I go back to the part in my life where it didn't work? Well, but it was working. Okay. But I just had to, I had to, I started doing a different kind of room. So I had to make it work. You're, you're, I, I, I'm joking with you. You're, you will naturally just change. Yeah. Cause it does. My acts completely change. You stay the person that you are, but you just will change. Cause you're in a bigger place. Right.

It's a different pacing. Everything is just kind of different. You're the entire show. You can't be just like up there like, it's like you just do it in a completely different way. And that is the beautiful thing about stand-up. And that's the, what I love the most about it is every next step is I've got to do this and be different. And so then you're like, well, how do I do what I do? But it's in a different setting.

I wouldn't feel uncomfortable doing my arena. I mean, I would do the jokes. I'd do the jokes in a club. I mean, that was wild with Vegas because Vegas is 1,400 seats. So I did six shows, 1,400 seats, and then go to –

two shows each of 15,000 people in the round. I mean, it was just like, it's like wild to be like, you know. Yeah, because it's like, it's wild for me right now to go and I'm doing, I'm doing, one week I'm doing a club show where like people are right up on me and it's a packed club and they're right there. And then the next week I'm in a theater where people are a little further back. It's a little more spread out. You know what I mean? We know what we're talking about. Hang in there, buddy. Yeah. Yeah.

But that's the beautiful thing. It will change. You stay you, but how you deliver stuff, just because it's bigger and it's just...

yeah i'm an artist you know what i mean yeah that's what i am at heart yeah a true artist yeah artist of food yeah you like to grow your own food and yeah yeah all right yeah people don't like to give stand-up comedy the art credit that deserves i look i i i i love the art of stand-up you're telling the story it's just you talking and you're doing stuff i hope comics young and coming up now

If they, I'll take them on the road. You obviously won't. Uh, but they can maybe open the doors for you. You go, you take two comics on the road and you go, they go, do we get to go up? You go, no, no, no. You get to watch me. You're the openers. You open things. Open my merch suitcase. A new phrase. I'm opening. You go like this door. I'm trying to get in right now. I shouldn't be open. Uh,

No, it's, yes, it's, I do agree. I think it's, it's fun to be, it's, it's about being funny, have a lot of laughs. You know, the idea of the last per minute, you want a bunch of laughs per minute, make sure you have those, but it's fun to, uh, gradually, you know, you get into bigger places and then it just changes. Yeah. That's great. Uh, all right. Uh, yeah, I'll be in, I don't know, I think Reno next. I'm off this week.

There's good planning. I'm about to be jammed out, though, for the rest until the end of the tour. Good planning that we're both off so we don't compete with each other, is that what you mean? Yeah, for what? You kind of pointed at me and said, good planning. For what? No.

I didn't know what you mean. Like we were in the same town. I don't know. You pointed at me. You're like, I don't think I didn't mean to point. Oh, okay. Yeah. We're both off. I go, Oh, you're off. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's what you're implying. Like, no, no, no. I figure you're always off. And well, I am most of the time. Uh,

wide open come to broad bates wide open tour uh that'd be funny yeah and then you go where's the tour you tell me who's willing you gotta go and it's a it's a yeah it's a tour that is on demand

I like the idea of a poster that says the wide open tour and it's just dates. Yeah. It's just the 2024 calendar. Yeah. You tell us when you want me to come. Yeah. I'm available.

No, we go, I think, Reno, Sacramento. There's a few. I'm probably forgetting a couple of that. And then next week is the San Jose and then the special tape. I've been excited to tape the special. I'm very excited. I want to get this special taped and then start figuring out new stuff. So, yeah, that's all coming up. But, you know, Mark, that's it. We love you.

Have a wonderful week. A little 224, over two hours. Yeah. How about it? A little Dusty Slay show right here. That's right. That is true. A little crowd work. A little crowd work. Mix it in. All right. See you next week. Bye. Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetze, and my wife, Laura, on the Audioboom platform.

Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.

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