252: #252 The Army featuring Greg Warren
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Hello, folks. Hey, Bear. Good to see everyone.

We're so pumped to be here. You had asked me to get some photos, and then I'm getting them, so I'm sorry. As always, I'm Brian Bates, sometimes Dusty Slay, occasionally Aaron Weber, and sitting in for Nate, the wonderful Greg Warren. All right. Hey, guys. Here he is. Good to see you, man. It's nice to be back. Yeah. Last time I saw you, I was on The Consumers.

You did a great job, man. I'm kind of what you call in the podcast a fixer. I come into underperforming podcasts and I boost the ratings. Adrian asked me to come do the consumers. This was Adrian's thing? Yeah. You're going to do that for us anytime soon or just other podcasts? Well, I'm going to get you guys, so it's tough. But anyway, I had a great time with the consumers. Yeah, you did a fantastic job. The-

People, the Coterie members loved you. That's what we call our listeners, the Coterie. The diaper brand? No, that's...

That's part of the reason why people don't like it. Yeah. Because I think coterie diapers. Yeah. Coterie means like a, I don't know. Our guy Sean has like a word of the week and one of the times it's like an assembly. It's like a group of people. Okay. I like it. It's a small, often exclusive group of people who share a common interest or purpose. Yeah. Yeah. With our fans, it's very exclusive and small, but it's tough to get in. It's tough to become a fan. It's not. It's really not. If they let you watch the podcast. Yeah.

Sorry, guys. I sent those to you. I text them to you. I could not airdrop them. Okay. Oh, hey, Dusty. Brian asked me about photos. He goes, you got those photos. And then I started getting them and he goes, hey, Bear. Hello, folks. Yeah, well, I asked you for them last night. I know. So I thought maybe 12 hours would suffice. But I got them, though.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Well, it was good. It was fun because you do the research on the consumers. Yeah. I just got to sit back and do what these guys do is nothing and just crack jokes. So it was fun. You spent an inordinate amount of time insulting me on my own podcast, what I remember. Well, that was fun as well. Yeah. You seem to enjoy it quite a bit. Yeah. Well, you're a good sport. You can take it.

I'm so excited to get here. Quick, some announcements. Nate, he's all over the place. He's out there promoting Big Dumb Eyes. The book is out. It's funny the way you said that. He's out there promoting Big Dumb Eyes. Well, that's what it is. His eyes are big and they're dumb. And everyone seems to be loving the book. Great feedback. So he's out there doing that.

His tour kicked off in Duluth, Minnesota. Ari broke the attendance record. We'll talk about that a little bit more. And he just had a third show in Denver in September.

I think he's going to make it. Yeah. I think he's going to. He's doing pretty well. Things are heading in the right direction. Yeah. And now he's on set for his first feature film with Columbia TriStar, The Breadwinner. Yeah. How about that? Opposite Mandy Moore from what I understand. Opposite Mandy Moore. Very opposite. Yes, I would say. About as opposite as you can get.

So he is, yeah, he's on location filming. It's crazy. We've been hearing about it for a while and they're, they're shooting it now. So it's a new chapter. Yeah.

Also, some Nate Land merch has dropped. Now available at natebargatzee.com. Just click shop at the top. Check out the site for new items there. And if you're coming to a show, come find us at the merch table. You won't find Chase anymore, but there'll be somebody there. Just click shop at the top. You almost have to put shop at the, if you put it at the bottom.

It's no rhyme. Yeah, you're really missing out. You got to put it at the top. I think the rhyme came first, and then they were like, we should sell some stuff. Yeah, somebody was saying shop at the top. We got to get some shirts made. I got a Nate Land news. I'm not quite selling as well in New York City. I have a show this weekend on Saturday, May 17th, New York City, the town hall. I need people to go. Okay. And other Nate Land news. I just want to get that in.

That's awesome. May 17th. Go see Dusty. Yeah. The day before my birthday. When is it? May 17th. I'm going to miss it. Yeah. I'm going to miss it. I'm going to New York tonight, but I'm going to miss it. I'm sorry. June 22nd, 23rd, and 24th, we're back for season three of Nate Land Presents The Showcase. Tickets are on sale now if you want to be part of this taping right here in Nashville. Those are so much fun.

You did a pop-in guest set the last AP. It was a ball. Yeah, that was a great night. You were on that show, Del Jones. Remember that? That was a great show. It was a fun night. Yeah. What show? Nightline Presents. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was a good one. Yeah, I think you hosted that one. Yeah. Yep. Probably so. Check out The Consumers every Tuesday. Don't make me come back there every Thursday.

Nate Land has a handful of great specials from Aaron Weber. I think you're over 450,000 now. Big time. We're cooking. Killing it, man. We're cooking. Killing it. It's a great special, too. I watched it. It is a great special. Thank you, man. Nick Thune has a great special. Steve Rogers has a great special out. But the biggest news of the day, Greg Warren's brand new hour special, The Champ, premieres this Friday, May 16th on the Nate Land YouTube channel.

That's awesome. Yeah, thanks, man. An hour special, like a real special. Not just- He's trying to pit us against each other. I'm not going to be part of that. Well, I don't even know what you're talking about, but that's great. Is this where the fishing bit is? Yeah. The fishing bit's so good. Thanks, buddy. It is. Such a good bit. Yeah, I think we put a trailer out and it's got the highlights of the fishing bit. I wound up turning it into like a five minute bit. Okay, love that. Yeah, thanks, man.

It is great. Pretty excited about it. It's great. Well, welcome. Yeah. Thanks, buddy. Is there any other dates you wanted to mention? Well, I have so many, but, uh, no, May 17th is really, I mean, the 16th I'm in Portland, Maine, but, um, yeah, I've never done my own show in New York city. That's fantastic. And I don't know that I appeal to a New York city. No, you do. You do. I mean, if they come, they're going to love the show, but I don't think people in New York look at me and go, Oh, that's a guy we'd like to go see, but it's a great show.

Yeah, go see that show, man. I mean, from what I understand, it's the hardest place to sell tickets to. Yeah, there's a lot of options. It's not like they're in New York going, what can I do? No, they got a lot of stuff going on. Oh, I forgot to mention this. They just added another show at Madison Square Garden. All right, guys, go ahead. What were we saying? That seems good.

That seems like he's taking a shot at you. Yeah, he loves doing that. I got some of that on my own podcast. He loves doing that. I flew him in. I went and picked him up from the airport, took him to barbecue, and he sat down and spent, oh, right around 90 minutes just with the Greg Warren roast. Yeah, Brian takes shots at us the whole podcast, and then the comments go, everybody's so mean to Brian. Yeah, yeah.

We, uh, he did take me to barbecue and Sonny Gray was pitching that day for the Cardinals. Yep. We drove by the Cardinals stadium. I was like, oh man. And then we sit down at the restaurant. I'm like, there's Sonny Gray. He's been on our podcast. First pitch, grand slam. The Bates Jeans got to Sonny Gray through the television. And then he died. I took a turn, but the Cardinals won that day. Yeah, they did. They did. They did. I, um,

I had it rough after that. I don't know if I told you because you got a ride home from- Sean. Sean. And I was in a hurry and I went and picked up about $200 worth of barbecue for my family. We're going to have a family. I was like, I'm going to get everybody together. Yeah. And it was raining pretty bad and I drove through. It was like kind of flooding, you know? So I drove through it and didn't realize I just smashed into the curb. Oh. Smashed into the curb. And you know how they tell you-

When you get a flat tire, you're not supposed to drive on it. Yeah. They say that. You're not. You're not. Like, I went on the freeway with it, and yeah, it was terrible. I don't know that they give that advice in St. Louis, though. Yeah. Keep going. Yeah. I mean, it's not like that. And then figure it out. I know you think it's like that because that show we did with Nate, we stayed in the bad neighborhood, but it's fine. Yeah.

But it was, yeah, I tore it to shreds. I tore it to shreds. Yeah, it was, and I bent the wheel, had to get a new wheel. And then, yeah, I was in the, I had to get a towed.

So the tow truck is there. I was on, I think I was on with Adrian or somebody about, about the special. It was like one of those things where it's like critical phone call and I'm on the phone and the tow truck driver shows up after like two hours, my barbecue is going bad. And I'm like, Hey, here you go, man. Here's my triple A card or whatever. And he's like, and he hooks the car up, you know, I'm on the phone and he, he comes back and he goes, Hey man, like you can't ride back here. Like,

like you have to be up in the cab with the tow truck. Like you're not allowed to like be in your car. Like, yeah, he was like, you can't. It's a dream come true. Yeah. You can't do that. So yeah, two things I learned. You can't ride in the back and you really shouldn't drive on a,

On a flat tire. I thought it was like an old wives tale. You know, like you can't go swimming until an hour after you eat or something like that. But no, you really can't. Like you can't. You should not drive on a flat tire. I've done that. And then I try to go to the tire place and go, can you plug this? And the guy goes, no, you drove on this. You've really ruined this tire. It's ripped to shreds. All right. That makes me feel a little bit. Because you remember there was really bad weather coming through.

And you said, man, I just hope you make it. If you don't, just call me, text me. We'll come get you. And my flight was delayed. We had to go around. It was flooding, all this stuff. And I texted you, finally made it home. And it was just dead silence because you had your own issues going on. I had that going on. And then that was the night I found out I had black mold in my house. Yeah. Yeah.

So Brian did the podcast and then your life fell apart. Yes, man. Everything went wrong. Yeah. Yeah, I had black mold. But at least the Cardinals won. Yeah, yeah. And then you left two days later for Europe. I did. It was pretty awesome. Went to Europe with Nate.

He bought my lunch. Yeah. And then I said, hey, let me return the favor when you come to Nashville. So I text him and say, hey, can I take your lunch? He's like, ah, I'm too busy, man. I got stuff to do. I did. And then when I show up, I'm like, how'd it go? He's like, ah, all that stuff got canceled. It didn't. I didn't say all that stuff got canceled. I didn't say all that stuff. He can't afford another lunch with you.

From a finance standpoint and a time standpoint. I mean, I went to lunch with him in Orlando seven hours later after I take him across town. And just the health of your soul you need to worry about. Yeah. All fair points. You want to get into our weekend? Let's get into it, man.

You may go first. Yes, sir. All right. Oh, Tuesday, I had a show in McMinnville, Tennessee, home of Dusty Slay. All right. It was a fundraiser for FC Boyd Christian School. Had a great time. Folks came out. They gave me a big gift basket. Nice. Yeah.

There was a dish towel, said McMinnville on it. I re-gifted it to Dusty. All right. And went and checked out all his go-to stomping grounds in McMinnville. I mentioned Tammy's on the show. No one seemed like they'd ever been there. That's shocking to me. Tammy's is the second best restaurant in McMinnville. Oh, I should have mentioned the best. What's the best? Begonia's. Begonia's, okay. Well, I mentioned Tammy's, and they all looked at me like, what?

No. But anyway. That's tough when you think you have a great local reference and it just gets nothing. Yeah. Maybe I'm hanging out with a different crew of people in McMinnville than you are. Well, you know, things change too, man. Yeah. You know, some of these places get under new management. Yeah. Yeah. Go the wrong direction. You should have stayed at the cabin. I should have. I'm sure my wife would have...

Been great with that. Honey, I know I'm an hour and a half away, but I'm crashing here tonight. Yeah. Yeah. That was Tuesday. Then Thursday, I was in my hometown of Lebanon, Tennessee, doing another fundraiser for New Leash on Life, Animal Rescue.

And a guy at the show said, hey, were you on the Consumers podcast recently? Yeah. I was like, yeah. He's like, I'm a big fan of Greg Warren. I followed his career the entire time. This is amazing. And I was like, well, I'm also on the Nateland podcast. He's like, I know, but I'm a fan of Greg. Wow. He tried to get Greg for that gig. Yeah.

Probably. Well, he wasn't booking it, but I'm sure they did. He called me up. I was like, this feels more like a Bates gig. They told me. They said, Jeff Allen was out of our price range, so we'll reach out to you. If they'd like to let me know, I'm never their first choice. Yeah, man, they really don't have a lot of tact when it comes to something like that. And then Friday, I was in Madisonville, Kentucky doing another fundraiser for Otter Lake.

Conservatory. Tell you what, you're doing more good.

I love helping out these charities as long as they pay me well. I'll go anywhere. We're not talking Jeff Allen money. Just so you know. I got a Satanist convention next week. You can get him. He's gettable. If the money's right, Dusty. You would do it. But that was great as well. They sent us all gift bags. A fan gave me this hat. This is the Madisonville Miners. Miners with an E.

That's what you're looking for. I'm glad you clarified that. If you're listening. That is the Nashville Predators versus the Madisonville Miners. No, it's Miners with an E. Hold on a second. That's genius. The Predators against the Miners. That's...

Outstanding, Bates. Thank you. Thank you. They are a summer, a college baseball summer league. Oh, nice. So all the NCAA rules except they play with wooden bats. That's good. Oh, wow. Yeah. So anyway, had a great time in Madisonville. Just a lot of base hits.

Yeah. What? No power in that game. I guess they're just getting them ready for the next level maybe. Yeah. Fundamental baseball. Yeah. And then Saturday, I attended a birthday party for –

daisy slay and it was going well and i don't know what i i mean i basically i got attacked by a group of street thugs is all i know to say and oh it was demoralizing that's my son that's my son and daughter that's daisy and sam that's my daughter eleanor and then that's my that's my niece over there and um it wasn't fun

They came out. There's them chasing. There's Dusty there not doing anything to help. No, he's...

I'm like, get his wallet. Get his wallet. But they chased me for some time around the yard, didn't they, Dusty? They did. Yeah, they did. And they ganged up on me. You see those garden beds? Oh, look at how good that garden beds are. Yeah, it does look nice. Is that a QT hat you got on there? Yeah. Will get you that? No, me and Will collabed on a video on my Instagram, and QT sent me a bunch of merch. Really? Yeah, so I got a hat for Will, too. You guys get...

I mean, Aaron does one joke about Tums in his act. And it's a good joke. It's actually an embarrassing percentage of my special is about Tums. I did it. I mean, it's 13% of the 30 minutes. Still, it's a joke. I mean, it's a good joke. And he gets Tums and they send him all the time. I...

spent a lifetime talking about Jif. Where I worked, where I worked, the guy that runs that company, okay, Smokers, it took them two years to send me anything. He's one of my best friends. They said nothing, nothing. And you're getting QT merch just for doing a joke one day. Yeah. Stupid video with Will. I mean, come on.

Brazzi finally came through, but not even, it was more, it was driven by the Uncrustables. Yeah, Brazzi. Yeah. That dude. Yeah. Do you got a Walgreens stuff on this next, the special that's coming out? I got a lot of Walgreens stuff in there. I ain't gonna send me anything, man. You don't think so? No, dude, it's derogatory. I, but,

I think they know what they are and they lean into it. Oh, you know what? I got a Cracker Barrel commercial off my Cracker Barrel joke on my special. You got a national TV show. A national TV show off a Cracker Barrel. You think I shouldn't be doing a Jif commercial? Are you kidding?

me you should jeff is missing an opportunity i did a jiff commercial it was called the salesman it was an hour yeah i did it they're like we don't even need to send this guy anything i haven't seen that crackle barrel commercial but i was going to congratulate you that's huge man i've been hearing all about it it's 15 seconds it goes quick but it's cool yeah they put my name on there i'm not playing just a character there yeah yeah you're you you're spokesman yeah at this point yeah yeah i'm trying to be the flow of cracker barrel

Well, last week. Be careful, man. You could be that. And I don't know if she, you know, I want your career to be a little more broad than that. I don't know. I mean, I'll take it. You know what I mean? Do you have six fingers? What are you sipping on? That's a Coke. That's a Coke.

It was a small one, though, an eight-ounce Coke. That's a dangerous road you're driving down, Dusty. I will be honest with you. I sip a Coke once in a while. It's good, isn't it? I don't drink a lot of them, but a canned Coke really can't beat it. Not a Diet Coke, a straight-up Coca-Cola. If you're going to have it, go full strength. Yeah. Yeah, Dusty, you picked up pepperoni pizzas? Beef pepperoni. Actually, what's the logic behind it? You're good.

If you're going to rob a bank, you might as well kill everybody in there. No. Rob a real bank, a good bank. I don't trust the diet chemicals. Aspartame. They even relabeled aspartame. Just go sugar, man. My grandma said, it'll scramble your brains is what she said about aspartame. Your grandma gets it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Beef pepperoni. Yeah, beef pepperoni. I got a pizza place on my part of town in Hermitage called Salvo's. All beef products. They said they have no pork products in the building.

Wow, that's pretty nice. Yeah. We used to call Salvation Army Salvo's. Really? Yeah. That was like the cool thing to call it. Well, that's what this pizza place feels like to me. This pizza place feels like a Salvation Army of pizza for me. Like I finally can eat free in there. I worked at Procter & Gamble, and there was apparently a laundry product back in the day called Salvo.

And it was like a tablet, like basically like a tablet. And the first job you would get, they called it field advertising back then. You would go, that was your job out of college is you'd take samples and you'd go door to door and hang these samples on people's doors. So this guy told me, this old guy, he said, yeah, we were putting salvo tablets on, you know, going through this neighborhood door to door. And he said, this guy came up to him.

He was foaming at the mouth. Did you eat him? He was like a crazy person. Wait, what did he think they were? I don't know what he thought it was. Salvo sounds like you eat it. He was foaming at the mouth, and he was talking to Jim Beard about it. Salvo, saliva. Sounds very good. Salvo was launched in the mid-1960s. It was not successful, due at least in part to the failure of the discs to entirely dissolve.

was discontinued in 1974. This sounds like a hatchet job. Dissolved in his mouth. This Wikipedia entry. Yeah, it sounds like a hatchet job. They were coming after us. This was Unilever wrote this. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it sounds exactly like them. Guys, it's Mental Health Awareness Month.

So let's encourage everyone to take care of their well-being and break the stigma. The world is better when people are healthy and happy. You agree with that, right, Dustin? I do agree. Yeah. Mental health awareness is growing, but there's still progress to be made. Do you know that 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey said they have avoided seeking mental health support due to fear of judgment?

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Great ad read. All right. Well, that was my weekend. Some shows and a birthday party and getting roughed up. But what about you? I was at the Grove in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Lowell to be. Lowell, yeah. Lowell. Yeah. I think your picture's on the wall. Yeah, it is. They painted his portrait on the outside of the club. Yeah. Yours too? No, I'm saying it's Dusty's. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's really cool. Is there anyone else there that's also painted on the wall here at Zaney's?

Any other comics on the wall there? No. So you might be the only comic in the country that has two murals. That's true, man. Yeah. Yeah, it's Linda Stogner. Yeah, she's great. Greg Morton. Yep. And Stuart Huff. Oh, Stuart Huff. And there is some cowboy there. I don't think he's a comic, though. Is that Cowboy Bill Martin? That's what I thought, but I don't think so. I don't think so. Oh.

That's an interesting choice of... Those guys are all great. They're all great. Yeah. I know Linda real well. She's just one of the nicest people I've met. Linda's super funny. And I know Stuart too. And Greg. Greg Morton does a wild set that is so funny and entertaining. Oh my God. It's the Star Wars stuff. He can do all the different Star Wars characters. Great voices and impressions and stuff. Yeah. Greg Morton is really great. Yeah. He's Canadian, I think, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

High energy. So you were at, uh. Yeah, I was at, uh, I was at the Grove and, um, yeah, I mean, it was one of those sort of, you

in and out pretty quick. Bill take you to the pizza place? You go over there to the pizza place? No, I don't really eat dairy. Okay. But he did get some ribs brought in for him. All right. Bill will hook it up. Bill, he called me. He'll hook it up, but a day later. He called me. He's like, we got barbecue for you, man. Just come on. So Thursday night, I was like, hey, Sean, don't eat, man. Bill's got barbecue for us. And I walk in, he's like, we got barbecue coming tomorrow for you. Yeah.

And he did. And it was good. He got some ribs, and then he made some pulled pork. Yeah. It was outstanding. And I really enjoy Bill and that club. Yeah. It's great. Northwest Arkansas, I've said it before, most underrated part of the country, I think. Boomtown. It's hot there. Awesome up there. It is like Nashville on its way. It's Boomtown. Rest of Arkansas, not a lot going on. Beautiful state. Yes. Not a lot going on. A lot to look at. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Fayetteville, yeah. I mean, yeah, that whole Northwest Arkansas, great. The NWA, as they call it. They really call it? Oh, that's fun. I think that may be the name of the airport, right? Or the abbreviation. Oh, that would make sense. Yeah. And then, yeah, Bill. Bill famously, I guess, he did it to you. And he's got this joke about Magic Johnson that goes on for years.

it's about 13 minutes and there is not a payoff. Did he host? No, he didn't host this time. Uh, there was a girl Marissa out of Dallas. It was very funny. Um, but Bill, uh, he, he, he told me he had another joke, you know, and now I called him on it one day. I was like, Bill, it's a terrible joke. Like, and I'm going to tell you why. And I'm going to tell you. And, and, uh,

Maybe I won't work here again, but I need to tell you, it's not that Magic Johnson joke. There's nothing there, buddy. And so now whenever anybody goes there for the first time, Aaron will text me and be like, hey, Bill told me you really liked his Magic Johnson joke or something like that. Yeah, it goes for a while. And you're like, well, I'm going to be nice. And then I'll get a little reward at the end. It's nothing. It goes down at the end. Yeah.

It's one of those jokes where you don't know if it's done or not. So you're like, it's done, man. I mean, that joke, you don't know when to laugh. You're like, there's no time. There's not a, there's not a place to laugh, man. Yeah. You can't, I've not heard it. You don't want to hear it. I think you, I think it's probably guess.

It's a mix of poorly constructed and even a little offensive. It's offensive. No doubt about it. It's got a lot of the... You'd love it, Dusty. All the bad ones. Something to do with an immune disease? Yes. Okay. That's in there. Safe bet. Yeah. This is why Greg's not on the wall, but Dusty is. Yeah. By the way, we're...

Hey, if I got to get on that wall by listening to that Magic Johnson joke again, I'm just going to stay off the wall. And I love Bill. I love Bill. And I actually think I've seen Bill get on stage and –

You know, he's kind of funny. Like, he's a funny personality. I've seen him construct some jokes that are, you know, if he'd work at it, he'd be like, yeah, he's got a really good Freddie Mercury bit. Yes. I mean, if you know Bill, Bill really gets into... What do those two have in common? I'm trying to think. Yeah.

Because Magic Johnson... He's got a real specialty. Magic Johnson wasn't in a rock and roll band. Bill really gets into it not being good, though. I bet that's why he likes the Magic Johnson joke. He leans in. He's putting you through pain, and that makes him happy. Dusty, I think he...

I think he thinks he's sitting on gold with this Magic Johnson joke. I think you got to keep digging and I think it's there. No. This is horribly... I'm calling when this podcast is over and I'm finding out that joke. Yeah. And then...

Two hours later, you'll be driving home and you'll be like, I should have listened to Gray. I'm there at the end of August. I'll report back. I think by the end of August, this is going to be his hot pocket bit. I think it's coming. I got to tell you, I disagree. It's going to be Flute Man all over again. You're going to try to compare Flute Man with that Magic Johnson. By the end of August? Well, I haven't heard it. I have not heard it.

I'm not trying to congratulate myself, but you don't build Flute Man in four months. It was a lifetime preparing for Flute Man. Yeah. Yeah.

That's great. Well, that's awesome. That's awesome. That was great. Yeah. Aaron? I was out with Nate this weekend. First part of his Big Dumb Eyes tour. Duluth, Minnesota. Green Bay, Wisconsin. Peoria, Illinois. And then we were in Fort Wayne, Indiana last night. The first night Nate broke Elton John's attendance record at the arena. Joel has a joke about Elton John.

Just a crazy weekend, man. The shows are so big that it's kind of like comical how large. What were the titties numbers? The shows are, I don't know. What did he do? Like 20,000 in Fort Wayne last night? Unbelievable. Yeah. Yeah. They're just massive. So it was me, Steven Rogers, Keith Alberstadt.

And Julie McCullough. Hot show. That's a show right there. Yeah, it was great, dude. Keith Alberstadt's so funny. He is so good, man. Steve and Julian have done Nate Land before. The listeners know them. But Keith hasn't been on here before yet, right? Keith's one of the best. Yep. Yeah. He's so good. He's so polished. And it was just fun to watch him every night. Yeah. They're very different comics. But he has a little Nate in him in that he doesn't push anything.

hard at all you know neither they sort of let they have a lot of confidence in what they're saying yes they let the uh they'll just sit in it yeah yeah he will just he's got a joke where he says it and he just kind of looks at the crowd for a while and it's just because i'm up there those big shows i'm like freaking out every second i can't i don't have the confidence to just stand there and and sit in it but we had a fun weekend man nate rented out a trampoline park

In Peoria, Illinois. So after the shows, we all went over there and just played dodgeball and jumped on the trampoline. I'm still sore. I mean, that is a workout. When's the last time you really jumped on a trampoline? It had been a while. Actually, all the time. I have a trampoline at home, and we go to the trampoline park. And the first time I went...

It was like that for me. I was so... My entire body was sore. It'll take it out of you. But they had like an American Ninja Warrior kind of course that you could run through and stuff. Just a fun weekend. Those shows were... They're great. I was telling the other comics, it's like you get off stage and you're like, how are they? And you're like, well, they're...

It's just degrees of unbelievable. How's the 18,000 people at 3 p.m.? They're pretty good. Yeah, there's about 750 not listening too close. Yeah, 16,000 plus. That's true, man. You can mask that. You can mask 4,000 people that don't care for you. Yeah, it's amazing. But it was great, so that's where I was. Awesome.

Awesome. Well, I was off again. I've had a great birthday. I was off. I don't think your birthday was next week. No, I mean, birthday party for my daughter. We had a great party, and it was great. But I'm back. I met a woman there. She said she met Dusty at the trampoline park, so he does go a lot. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, we got a membership to the one in Heritage. Oh, that's cool. And we go. I mean, and then we got a trampoline for the kids. I mean, I want them to be doing stuff. Yeah. You know what I mean? They need to be moving. So I had a trampoline as a kid with no barriers, nothing over the springs. And then this one has a whole fence around it, and you can't even see the springs. I remember when the fences around the trampoline started to show up. Yeah. Like, that's...

I felt like half the fun was jumping from the trampoline to somewhere else. Yeah. Or from, I remember my cousin and his house in Montgomery, Alabama. They had two trampolines somehow. I think they like grabbed one off the side of the street.

And you could climb to the roof of their house and jump to one trampoline and then another trampoline. And then they had a basketball goal. That's amazing. You could duck on? You could duck on. I mean, after two trampolines, you're pretty high in the air. We had our trampoline at my dad's house was right up next to a deck and a big walnut tree. So we could get in the walnut tree, jump out onto the trampoline. Land on the deck? Uh.

Well, yeah. I mean, my stepbrothers were bigger than me and they could really do some pretty impressive. They could jump up from the trampoline into the tree and grab a limb. Oh, yeah. You get double bounced on it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. But as a parent-

i'm all about the the fence on the side yeah i always made fun of kids wearing helmets but as a parent or my kids are riding their little bikes out on the street i'm like let's get a helmet on yeah i don't want you crushing your head out here i grew up on a dirt road it's a little less you know a little less painful than a asphalt right yeah i went to trampoline park with uh my buddy and when when his kids were little in uh

My gig there is I would get like, they do like a move and I'd be like, "Hey, can you show me how to do that?" You know, kids like four or five. And he'd show me and then I'd do it. And on purpose, I'd get it wrong. And then I'd just throw it temper tantrum. I'm stupid. I'm a loser. I'm a loser. My buddy would be like, "You're not, man. It's hard. It's too hard. Show me again."

Is somebody watching this from afar? Oh, yeah, yeah. Those kids go home and they go, adults are really struggling. Yeah, this one guy. Mom, he was. He had some problems. Yeah. Some real losers on this trip. Recently, I had to pick up some body care stuff, but the scents were all so boring. You know what I mean? Yeah. Men's products need more variety. It's the same stuff, same bland smells. Boring. Well, once I smelled Cremo.

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I may leave my wife and kids. That's what I'm saying, guys. I say put some on right now. Just see what happens. It's mostly dudes here, but let's see what happens. Well, like Aaron pointed out, you can't smell, though. If you only had a way to convey the smell. We wish you guys could. It's tough doing an ad read for a thing that we can't really convey through the podcast medium, but trust us. But they can smell it. It smells good. It smells great. It's an amazing sponsor because they care about men's grooming. I want to leave my wife for you right now.

I care about men's grooming needs. And let's face it, we deserve grooming products from a company with high standards. I agree. Head to Target or Target.com to find Cremo's new line of antiperspirants and deodorants in the Italian Bergamot and Palo Santo scents. Once again, that's Target or Target.com. Should we get into these comments? Yes.

All right. Comments come from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple Podcast Reviews, and Nateland at natbargatzee.com. You can give them to Greg on the road, too, if you see him. Yep. Oh, yeah. I don't vet these. Don't do that. I was just kidding. I'll take them. Okay. All right. I have no idea what these are. I don't vet them, so we'll just see. All right. Jay Rensing says,

This episode was so good. I was laughing so hard and then found myself crying at the end. Between Dusty's song list and you three talking about your moms and wives, it was so touching. You all seriously have the best podcast. Thanks for another great episode and for touching this mom's heart. All right. That's nice. Thank you, Jay. Thank you, Jay. I was told I missed a bunch of songs.

They were on the list. Yep. Garth Brooks. Well, hold on. Before you read these, you didn't miss any because the list was your favorite songs. That is true. Garth Brooks is not on Spotify, so he's never going to be on any of these lists. It's a shame. Shenandoah, Mama Knows. I love Shenandoah. I'm not a Taylor Swift fan or a Morgan Wallen fan, so they'll never be on the list. What's the Taylor Swift song? Taylor Swift, The Best Day. Great song. It's a great song, but it's also about her dad and her brother. Yeah. But the Morgan Wallen song is...

Great. You'd like it. Dan Seals, Everything Glitters Is Not Gold is such a good song. And I never thought about it being a mom song because, you know, I guess it's a bad mom that left the family. And I know Fancy is too, technically speaking, depending on how you look at it. I'm not sure there's a way to look at Fancy and make her into a good mom. I was just saying that. In the end, Fancy turns out to be pretty rich and fancy.

I think her mom was like, listen, you're going to have to make some compromises out here. There ain't no man coming to marry you. Yeah. And I don't know how to show you anything. A kid's going to starve to death. Yeah. He had a problem with Forrest Gump's mom, who at least she stepped up and did the things. But once you guys schooled me on it. We turned him on that. Yeah, I agreed with you. Yeah, I think she did try to – she had the best interest of her. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

And I guess so did Fancy's mom. If Fancy's mom in the end, if Fancy's mom was also rich in the end, I would say bad mom. But she died like she said she was going to do. Yeah. It's a different time. Yeah, you're right. Only fans wasn't around. It's a different time. Yeah, I shouldn't sit here and judge Fancy's mom. One thing I love you do, Greg, on social media is you share, is it essays or letters your mom wrote to a newspaper? Oh.

Oh, no, my mom was an author. She was a columnist for a paper. A columnist for the St. Louis newspaper? It's called the Kirkwood Reps for Times. It was like a smaller newspaper within St. Louis. And then she reviewed books for the main St. Louis paper for 20 years. But yeah, thanks for reading that. My mom was a columnist and it was a humor column and-

Every Mother's Day and her birthday, I try to share one of her columns. Yeah, I didn't know it was just those days because I know I occasionally share it. And they're great. She's very funny. Yeah, she was. Great writer. And I didn't appreciate that part of her when I was growing up. I read way more of the columns when I'm older. But yeah, they are pretty cool. Yeah. She was really good. Yeah. Dylan Burtt.

Dusty and Aaron should let breakfast talk from time to time. Oh, well, this is awkward. Again, I haven't vetted these. Well, you know, Dylan, we'd love to, but when he does talk, he just insults us. It's hurtful, isn't it? We have to keep talking just to keep our confidence up in the podcast. Brian, we'll let you go for a bit. We'll see how this goes. Why don't you have fun for the next few minutes? Let us know what you want us to tap in. Go ahead, funny man.

Oh, it's getting hot in here. All right. You make a fair point, Aaron. Dylan would be like, uh, cut him off. No, no, no.

Daniel Johnson, as a person who trapped 11 skunks... Delcy, what did you... I'm just kidding. Perfectly executed. My mic works as well as you guys, right? So I can speak up anytime I want. Nobody's keeping me from talking. You cough sometimes. A little accountability. That was good. That was a good impression. Yeah. I heard it from over there. I thought it was... Okay. Daniel Johnson, as a person who trapped 11 skunks in his backyard last summer... Well, it sounds like you got a...

Your own problems, Daniel. Eleven. I can't understand why bad smell baits wouldn't let Dusty set some traps. Sounds like Dusty is not only the wisest one, but also the best friend of the bunch. Dusty, thank you for bringing knowledge and friendship to the pod. Jeez, Dan. Daniel gets it, man. I don't get the point of what do you mean?

He just is showering me with compliments. You wouldn't let Dusty sit? Oh. Dusty offered. Oh, he offered to come over and set some traps for you. Yeah. Well, that is a very nice thing to do. Yeah. Why didn't you want him to do that?

Well, I don't really want Dusty at my house if I can help it. I saw his traps at his house. Yeah. Underneath the house there. I got a raccoon. I got a trap. I'm just because it keeps getting in my trash. Yeah. The raccoon lifts the lid, gets in there. Yeah. He got hands, man. Throws my trash all over their yard. Yeah. Yeah. They're wild. Dusty is a good friend. Thanks, Daniel Johnson.

Hey man, I got to say something real quick. Oh sure, go ahead. I'm going to get hammered by people that listen to this podcast and my podcast, The Consumers. I said I was the man of the people and that's Sean. He goes by, the listeners make him the man of the people and I'm stealing his and they're going to. That's true. And they tend to just, they're going to not,

leave it alone the people working man it seems like i got hammered on i got the things i got hammered on that i remember working man i got your thing there that was so funny i got hammered on that hard what did they say i told my worker i was a dusty slate i'm a worker man i'm a worker man i was a Netflix uh dusty sleigh is a working man

Yeah, I got it. I got it. Missouri kid. Yeah, so I'm not the man of the people. Darren Parrish. Brian, you were probably getting all kinds of advice on your skunk problem, but I would be glad to share what I did. If you have a way to send talk radio or a podcast loudly under the house, it should drive the animals away. I set an amp very close to the vent that runs under the house and left it on while we were at work.

Well, I love this idea. It's just, all I got to do is just run an amp underneath there, turn on our podcast, maybe my standup set. Do your standup set. This podcast is pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is got to hang around. Yeah.

Yeah, just do easy out, playing over and over on the loop. I can get old Bill to record his Magic Johnson joke. You will not have raccoon problems. You won't have a wife or a family either. Well, I do have somebody out there, professionals out there. They've been there all day today. Nice. They did find baby skunks underneath. Wow. What did they do with them?

Well, they're still there. You're going to keep any? It's pets. Yeah, have the spray removed. De-gland them, whatever it's called. Yeah. I mean, originally he was like, we'll trap skunk in the trap, be done. And then he came back and he's like, well, we got a problem. We got babies underneath there. Wow. And they're not going to come out and get in the trap. So we're going to have to manually go under and get them. Wow. And there's a chance they're going to spray. Wow. Well, I'm glad you didn't let me do it then. Yeah, that's what we said. Yeah.

So that's what's the latest. I thought I was bad with the black mold. I know. You're like, good luck with all that. Baby skunks? Yeah. Under my HVAC. They're not going to kill them, are they? I don't want to know what they're going to do with them. I'm going to just think that they relocate them into a nice wooded area. Maybe they take them out to the woods. Yeah. Yeah.

Take him on a trip to Belize. Do you know what I mean? There are guidelines. The Tennessee Wildlife Resource Association. You can't just... You can't kill a skunk? I don't think so. What? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, that'd be top of the list of things. It's like, all right, you can kill them if you need to. I don't know. But...

Can you see the hearing on that? Yeah. Maybe it has to be. What did he do? They'd probably read off some scientific name in the trial. That way the judge wouldn't know that it was a skunk. And then, yeah. He'd figure it out. Hold on a second. The Mephitus. Mephitus. Yeah. And then if the skunk is at the trial.

They're going to start, if they'd been listening to all this talk radio, they're going to have some very, very distinct views on the American political issues. It comes in like Alex Jones. Putting chemicals in the water. There's nothing funnier to me than an Alex Jones rage clip. I mean. Of him just being mad. I follow an Instagram channel. It's just Alex Jones yelling. And I think it's hilarious. No. I love to watch the guy yell.

I'll change it. No, I'll change it. I'm not saying you're going to like him. No, I am not going to like him. The raging is pretty funny. Do you think Pippi LaPue would flop fly today? Do you think that would? No. Yeah. I was just thinking about it. Because it was directed towards the French?

No. Or the womanizing. Towards the cat. He was aggressive towards women. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. No, I don't think that's probably going to. I need something like that to get the TWRA on my side. I need to go take a look. Yeah. Yeah. You should have seen what he's doing to my cat. I got a video right here. Bajorn Johnson. I think it's.

Bjorn? What? Bjorn? A lot of Johnsons on the list. Bjorn, not Bjorn. Yeah, Bjorn. You were kidding around, right? I wouldn't know how to pronounce it, but Bjorn was definitely not right. Well, I'll wait. I looked immediately at Aaron to see if that was right, and he didn't respond. I think he thought that's so bad. I took the bait. I took the bait, man. He's just letting you fly. No, I was serious. Yeah, you're right. He's letting me do my thing. I'm hanging myself here. Had the genuine pleasure of seeing Aaron and Nate in Duluth, Minnesota.

Aaron, you absolutely killed it. Yes, sir. Nate killed it. Got to see Dusty in St. Paul, Minnesota, and he crushed as well. Hot show. Waiting for Biscuit Bates to come here. Well, keep waiting. Where is that? Minnesota. Minnesota.

There's got to be some sort of benefit for somebody. There's a lot of lakes up there, right? Somebody for something. There's got to be an orphanage. Kirby Puckett Foundation something. Let me ask you this. Is there a difference between crushing and killing?

Well, I heard it, and as you were reading it, I like to think that maybe he just wanted to switch it up. Yeah. I did the Moon Tower Festival. Good writing. Yeah. The Moon Tower Comedy Festival in Austin. The first night, I was on a showcase called The Killers. Yeah.

And then the next night, they took me off a showcase called The Crushers. After I did there, it's like, look, I think we found your ceiling. You can kill. Yeah. You can't quite crush. You think there was a meeting, like a committee? It was like, well, I mean, he's definitely a killer. No, I was thinking. I will say. Crusher or killer. That St. Paul. Crusher or killer. That St. Paul show I did recently. Yeah. It was hot. I had two locals, Eli Hino, and now I can't think of the other guy's name. And I hate that I've even said Eli Hino now. But a crush.

He's so good. It was so funny. Such a great show. I'm blanking on his name and I hate that I'm doing it, but this is live. We're doing it live. Yeah, man. That's what happens. Way to go, Eric. Killing it. It's the 17 year anniversary of that clip, by the way. Today.

We'll do it live. We'll do it live. The Bill O'Reilly classic clip. Another great clip of a guy freaking out. We'll do it live. We'll do it live. We'll do it live. Yeah. Casey Kasem lost his mind on one too. Oh, I haven't seen that. Oh, that's a good one. Oh, yeah. Chris Berman had a great one. Oh, really? During the NFL draft.

Tommy Lasorda had my favorite one. What is that? Dave, I cannot. Okay. Yeah. I mean, it's, yeah, just basically they asked Dave Kingman hit, I think he hit three home runs and they asked him, some guy was like, what'd you think of Dave Kingman? What'd I think of Dave Kingman?

Guy hit three, you know, expletive home runs. And he just wouldn't let go. Guy asked me what I think of Dave Kingman. I'll tell you what I think about Dave Kingman. Guy hit three home runs. Dave Kingman hit three home runs. The guy hit three home runs on us. That's what I think of Dave Kingman. He hit three home runs. James Stanley. Sorry. Guy hit three home runs. Send me those pictures. Yeah.

Remember at the beginning? I'd already sent him. I know. I was kidding. Okay. Because you were behind. Well, James Stanley in St. Paul, Minneapolis. Very funny comic. I didn't want to not say his name. I'm sorry. Dave Kingman, great home run hitter. Struck out a lot, but he could hit some monster shots. He was, yeah, probably hit about 220. Well, yeah, like...

Actually, back then he probably was like 240 or 250, which now is not so bad. But yeah, he was the first guy that was just all power, strikeout all the time. Played on a bunch of different teams. Mets mostly, right? Yeah, but I think it was the Cup. All right, we'll move on. Seems important to me. Yeah.

I saw these guys. That's what happens when me and Dusty sit out for a bit. We start digging through. Dave Kingman stats? Digging through the back of Dave Kingman's baseball card. And I'll tell you, the baseball card stats aren't even the most interesting. Yeah. The other stuff, that's when you really get into the. I like that. Yeah, the metrics, the new metrics. Yeah, that's a podcast right there. Tell you what. What's his OPS plus? Let's get into that. The advanced metrics is where it really gets interesting.

Brooke McLeod-Smith.

I love that roll tide commercial. I think it's pretty accurate when you're wearing a Bama hat or shirt. For as long as I can remember, my dad always said roll tide to anyone wearing anything Bama. I now say it too if I see someone wearing something representing Bama. See, I agree. I agree. But what I was saying was I think everybody was doing it before the commercial. And then when the commercial came out, like more people were doing it. And I think it's like when you have a cool thing and then it gets overexposed.

It's now, now it's a thing you're doing because you saw the commercial. They're doing it ironically because of the commercial. Yeah. But it is, it is funny though. Like the commercial, you're right. It got like that hump day commercial where the camel was, that was funny. And then I think it got to where everybody was, people were doing too much of it. Now, Aaron, we both pointed out a commercial last week that we hated and we were saying maybe it was AT&T. I think it was Allstate.

Oh. I'll say it's usually okay with commercials. What a mess. Good hands, people? Is that the Mayhem Man? That's all states stand. Oh, yeah. Are you in good hands? That guy. The guy from... Yeah. I like the Mayhem Man. Yeah, he's great. I always thought the Mayhem Man should be a supervillain in a comic book movie. He was in Oz, I think, a prison show on HBO. The actor, not as...

Not as the Allstate Mayhem. No, they had him as the Mayhem Man in Oz. Typecast. It was a very, very serious prison drama. I'm your prison roommate. Keeps breaking everybody out of jail. He just calls it Mayhem. It was later seasons. It definitely took a turn. Yeah. I don't like that. I like...

You're going to think it's because I have a problem with the peanut butter people, but Reese's, that guy that's like the voice. Oh, what does he say? The Reese's? It's a guy that does like, he's like real sarcastic, but there's no writing underneath it. He just says things like-

Reese's. I haven't seen that. You've seen it. Have you seen those Cracker Barrel commercials lately? Yeah. Last week, Dusty said, who watches commercials? And now every time I turn on the TV, he's on. 15 seconds is the new length. That's where it's at. ESPN shows it a lot. That's what you want, yeah. You don't have to share this with me, and maybe you're not allowed to, but are you getting any perks from Cracker Barrel? Well, the manager of Cracker Barrel that we filmed it at was already a fan. I mean, I think...

That's already my demographic. I think we're interested in bigger things than that. I'm saying, yeah, I don't care about... Let me be honest. I don't care one bit about friendship. I'm saying, like... Dare they let me eat free. Did you get a free ball with a weasel tail attached to it? Something like that. A couple items. I didn't ask for that sort of stuff. The corn muffins? Rock candy. They paid well. Okay. And I feel like they were like, you know, you buy all the...

stuff you want with this money yeah from our store you buy all the amy grant compilations that you want yeah but i mean they got a lot in that store i i mean i want them to let me do a commercial where i just talk about how good their chicken and dumplings is i mean that's what i'm into the corn muffins i would say is there is for me the the the best thing going over there i think you get chicken and dumplings with a side of hash brown casserole and the corn muffins

There's a decent stretch. That's a big day. 2020. Green beans are awful good. Yeah. You know, anything about the game, the peg game? Well, we did a little social media. I think there's going to be some of those coming out. We played the peg game. I competed with someone. We tied. Is that commercial showed as much in Maine as it is in Tennessee? I don't know how many Cracker Barrels are in Maine. But is it based on that's what I'm asking? I don't know. Yeah. I was just curious. You'd have to talk to a media buyer or something like that.

Well, Florida, I bet you Florida has more Cracker Barrels than anywhere. Zero Cracker Barrels in Maine. I can tell you what, a lot of people from Opelika have been texting me about the Cracker Barrel commercial. This one is the same. By 2022, there's one in Maine, zero in Vermont, Wyoming, Washington, Alaska, and Hawaii. Well, I'm about to go to Vermont soon in a couple weeks, so I'll talk to them. Got that. That's amazing.

Is that Florida's in the lead? Florida's in the lead with 60. Yeah. 51 in Tennessee. We got good numbers there. The headquarters is right here. Right. My hometown of Lebanon. Little League baseball team's got a benefit down there, I think. Yeah, I've done shows there. My eye doctor just changed my contact prescription.

Because I couldn't, you know, I was very, I wasn't very nearsighted. Okay. And she said, all right, we'll fix that and make it better. But your farsightedness is going to be worse. So that, I can read that, those numbers, but not easily now. I used to, last week I could have read that easily. And now I can't. I need to confess something. I've been looking at Aaron's laptop and it didn't occur to me that it was up there. The big TV. Yeah.

I've been trying to... That's why I was asking how many in Florida because I couldn't see it. Well, you probably got a better view right here than... No, that's beautiful. That's real nice. And I'm getting glasses. Can you get bifocal contacts? Yeah, it's... Man, there's a... The way you got to put them in is weird. Yeah, it's not easy. I may start wearing glasses in the pot. You know who invented the bifocals? Benjamin Franklin. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that neat? Yeah. Hey, you know who was able to make the office chair swivel? Thomas Jefferson.

How'd you know that? I've seen the Patriots.

Is that what it was in? I don't remember. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Mel Gibson's trying to build a chair at the beginning, and then I think I looked it up, and Thomas Jefferson invented the- The swivel. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? How about that? Smart guy. Yeah. I've been trying to work that into a bit. So they say, right? Do you have like a chunk where that would fit? They even existed. Yeah. I'm doing some chair stuff. I am. I'm going to build a thing on chairs. I'll do it. I got a lot of chair stuff. You wait. You wait. You wait.

You wait to see my next special, the chairman or whatever. I like that. The chairman. You wait, man. You wait. I believe you. I got about five minutes on chairs right now. I believe. And it is hot. There's three of it that's hot. Two. There's two minutes that are in development. Once you figure out the Thomas Jefferson joke. Oh, I figured out the Jefferson joke. That's one of the hot parts. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah.

No, Bill's got, he cornered the market on those Magic Johnson jokes. Are you going to bring in Cracker Barrel rocking chairs just to bring it back to what we were talking about? I am now. Yeah. That's a great idea. I feel like that's one of the more iconic American chairs. It is. It is. And I've never walked by one of those chairs and thought, I wouldn't like to have one. Yeah. I want to learn how to crochet just so I can sit on one. Just so you have a reason to be in that rocking chair? Yeah. Yeah.

You can whittle in a rocking chair. Yeah. You could do that. You could do that. Yeah. Is it when you're whittling, is it just making a stick smaller or are you building something out of that stick? I think it depends on your skill level. I mean, I think if you can't just whittle for the sake of whittling, but you can't- But you're saying somebody's like, hey, I've been whittling and I made this-

I carved a figurine. A flute or something like that. I think it would be like a figurine that you would put on the mantle. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. A chess piece or something. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe a whole chess set. Yeah. That's a lot of whittling. Like they did in Shawshank. Yeah. Remember? No. Yeah. Brandon Burnett. Bates is the only reason I watch Nate Land. The Consumers is no different. Oh, well, thank you, Brandon. Wow. Well, wait a minute. Bates has only been on...

I actually pulled this from the consumer's comments. You're cherry picking comments like that? Well, when they make me look good. Brandon Burnett having two Bs and Brian Bates having two Bs. I couldn't think of anything else. You're going to do a fake comment, at least come up with a better name. Get some new initials. Yeah, that's fair. Leah Malonis. I've never written in before, but I had to let Aaron know I think we had the same Uber Lyft driver.

Last February, I was in Nashville and took an Uber downtown. When we got in the car, the smell was disorienting. The worst smell I've ever experienced in my life. To make matters worse, I was five months pregnant, so my sense of smell was heightened. From Aaron's description, it sounds like the same driver. So this guy's keeping a job because nobody will give him a bad review. You got to negatively review that guy. Yeah. Yeah.

Serious question. Do you think you leave him a bad review or do you think you say something to him in person? I think you leave a review, five stars, but in that comment section you go, this guy smells really bad and somebody needs to tell him. I don't think you're given that option in any of these apps. I always get the comment section. You can leave a comment? On Lyft, yeah.

Okay. I've never seen that, but I do it. Just go, hey, five stars, but you got to. He drove well. He's a good driver, but I also was blinded by the smell. My vision was blurry. That's how bad it smells. Five stars, safe driver. It's not enough to stand in the shower. You got to do stuff. You have to use soap. Get some crema. Do something. Cremo. So it was. The coffee shop. Get some coffee, too. Either way, put something on there.

Get in a sauna to sweat some of that out. It was... He was becoming the car and the car was becoming him. I think I would just criticize the car. Singularity. No, no. I think you go for the guy. It was him. You go for the... Because if his car smells bad and he doesn't know it, it's because he smells bad. I remember the old... Remember the old...

urban legend about the guy who became oh that was true he wasn't a dusty chemically fused with his couch oh yeah i think that is true no bed sores yeah bed sores you get so many bed sores and as your body starts to heal it just kind of so like where's the line between the couch and the in the guy yeah that's kind of how it was he like grew into the couch

Yeah, he was there so long that he became chemically fused with it. He had to be surgically separated. He should have had linen. That won't happen with linen. Apparently, you don't get bed sores with linen. I think if you weigh 1,800 pounds and you don't leave for a year, I think you're still going to soak into some linen. Yeah.

I think it's just like, I don't think it was the. 1,800 pounds? I don't know how big he was. I think he was a big one. That's for sure. That's world record type stuff. Yeah. That's Guinness. Yeah. When you guys were in grade school, did you look up? Oh, yeah. World's fattest man. I knew all that stuff. We had the Ripley's Believe It or Not book and then the Guinness book.

Yeah. Great. The guy with the longest fingernails. I remember that. They curled up. Yeah. Yeah. And the world's tallest man. Yeah. Bermuda triangle stuff. He's from Missouri. I had all kinds of books like that. He was? I think so. Or Illinois. You had Bermuda. You were looking. Yeah. I had a bunch of conspiracy books when I was a kid. Bermuda triangle, Bigfoot, aliens. You know, before you could just Google it. The Yeti. Yeah. The Yeti stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

Excuse me. Guys, let Brian talk more. His voice is wearing out. Sound like an old car starting up. Dallas Dwight.

I'm in a country rock band and have some experience in the industry. When Dusty says the label works with the stations, that's 100% true. And it's why you don't hear any up and comers on country radio. If you think any songs are chosen by popularity or what fans want, you're wrong. It's all money as usual.

Yeah. All right. Is that what we were arguing? Yeah, a little bit. That songs are chosen. What does that mean? Songs are chosen by popularity? The labels take an artist and they go, we're going to make you popular. And they just put it out there. And then they just make artists. Can they do like what comedy did and just like go right to the people on YouTube or something? Well, YouTube and TikTok and stuff like that does allow for people to do that. And that's why those things are huge.

Right. Because you can start to make your own way finally, rather than, you know, you know, the labels owning everything. Yeah. I mean, when I got into comedy, it was kind of, it wasn't labels. There was, but it was more like, you know, there's some people that just sort of made decisions and.

Yeah, the internet has really opened it up for people to make their own way. A lot of people just put – they just go right to YouTube with their specials because you just can get the views right away, and then people can just reach you, and it's great. But comedy is not the same as music. They really have a stranglehold on music. That's why it's like there's so many country artists that I like, but I never could turn on country radio and hear them. And if they played them, people would like it. Yeah.

uh jesse colbeth aaron can't judge nate for not watching shell shank what do you want you're like argue we're not no i was thinking no one's disagreeing i was thinking actually you made me think yeah i feel bad for these guys yeah there's music there's musicians that are very popular that have no money i do i mean you try to they have no money to go right to the people that's true there's some country musician that's as good as you are in comedy and then nobody knows who he is

You're right. And then sometimes you get signed with a label, they give you a big deal up front, and then you blow through that money, and now you're like, you just owe the label. They're like in debt, even though they're very popular. Now, obviously, we should be better at managing our money, but you're young, you move to Nashville, you go, oh, I got a hit, I just got this money, I'm going to go, I'm big time now. There is that thing, man, that a few times in my career, I was like, well,

I don't need to save this money. I'm going to be huge. It's never going to stop. I'm going to be big. Yeah. And then I was like, looking in the mirror one day, I'm like, I may not be huge. I really need that $300. I need to start saving some of this money. That's why I'm like, this could end at any time. I got to hang on. I got to start. I got to figure out how I can take care of my family, even if this ends. Yeah. It's not going to end.

man but but i'm just saying i like to you know you like to plan ahead who knows there's some record label listening right now being like we're gonna shut that guy down he knows too much yeah me and dallas dwight out here blowing the whole thing open

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Jesse Colbeth, Aaron can't judge Nate for not watching Shawshank if he's never watched Karate Kid. That's true. I always say two best movies, Shawshank Redemption, Karate Kid. It's everybody's top two. I was watching it the other night. Shawshank? No, Karate Kid. Okay. And I still love it. I feel like it holds up. Yeah. But I told Ruth, I said,

If I had never, I grew up with it though. So I don't know if I'm tainted. Like if I just saw it now for the first time, but I think this is dumb. I would be curious. What's your favorite one is very good. What's your favorite part? What's your favorite quote?

Well, obviously it's when he, well, I don't know if it's so much of a quote, but it's that moment where, you know, Daniel has been told to wax on, wax off this whole time. He's painting the deck. He's, he's sanding the deck and he finally becomes frustrating. He's like, I'm just doing your work out here.

And then Mr. Miyagi doesn't put his hands up and he goes, you know, wax on, wax off. And as he's doing it, he's throwing punches. So he's blocking them. And in that moment, he realizes, whoa, this guy's been teaching me karate the whole time. And I got chills right now telling you about it. Wouldn't it be great if Daniel just still didn't get it? But what about the work I've been doing? Yeah, but I've been doing all this. I still want to learn some moves. It's a great moment where you're like,

I just, it's like the music kicks in and it's just like, it's amazing. I think my favorite part is when, uh, I don't know. You have just things that stick in your head. Maybe it's not my favorite part, but, uh, when he was, he was asking him when he could learn something and he was like, uh,

He goes, after what? He goes, after, after. Yeah. I mean, Pat Morales. Is that the guy, Pat Morales or Pat Morabito or something? Pat Morito. Yeah, he's great. Happy days. I was watching an episode of Columbo. He was in that. And it's just like. I think he won an Oscar for that role, didn't he? For Mr. Miyagi? Maybe he did. I don't know about that.

He was in a movie with Jay Leno. Yeah? They were cops, right? Yeah, yeah. It was Pat Morita and Jay Leno. But you already know all the... You've heard the wax on. It's kind of like part of our pop culture. It's in the zeitgeist, as we like to say on the podcast. It is worth one watch. Yeah, I'm sure it's great. You don't have to do two and three and then the Hilary Swank one. And then all of Cobra Kai. I don't have to recommend it. Yeah, I'm sure it's great. But I think Jesse's...

being a little facetious here. But you would have known... You think Shawshank and Karate Kid are even in the same conversation? I mean, Karate Kid is basically... I mean, Pat Morito is basically Morgan Freeman of his time. Yeah. Everybody's always saying... And everybody's always saying Daniel LaRusso is practically...

whatever that tall guy's name is. Tim Dupree? Yeah. But you would have known, Aaron, if you watched that movie for the first time, you would have seen it coming, that the whole wax on, all that stuff he's doing is training him. Because now, I feel like there's been other movies that have kind of- I didn't see it coming. No, we didn't in 1984, but it's in the Zygote. It's like you said- Are you kidding me? I think when Nate, if you ever watch a Shawshank, I think he'll see the big reveal coming. This guy's three steps ahead. Because he probably got in his-

I don't think so. I don't think so either with Shawshank. I don't think so. I don't think he's going to have a clue. I think he's going to go in completely blind. I just feel like there's things. I don't think he knows it's a prison movie. Okay. So it's like, I'm excited to see him watch it. It's a beautiful movie.

it's the best movie ever made it is it is a fantastic movie it is so good yeah it is uh it's the karate kid of the 90s you did a video one time where they where they put the classical music on for everybody to play you did something oh yeah where I changed the music yeah yeah what was the music that you did uh

I don't remember exactly. It was a great video. I remember exactly what we did. You used the footage from Shawshank Redemption? Yeah, I used to make a lot of... I went through a phase where I was editing movies, alternate endings. Yeah, yeah. It was so funny. That's great. It was really great. Let's do one more. Mike Terry...

Oh, Mike Terry. You know Mike? Well, every time Mike Terry comes up, we read a lot of his comments. Mike Terry does announcing at the Grand Ole Opry, and he also runs a radio station on Sirius XM. Oh. So every time this name, this is not him. Oh, okay. But every time it comes up, I go, oh, Mike Terry. He said, I'm not that guy. Yeah. But we've read a lot of Mike Terry quotes on here. In Utah, the game jackpot is known as flies up.

Well, I think that's a great. What's jackpot? That's what I said. I never heard it in my life. Aaron played it. It's a playground game. You have a ball. You throw it in the air. You assign a point value to the ball when you throw it, and then it's like first person to get to 5,000 or whatever. It's just a game you play on the playground. Is the person throwing the ball neutral?

Or is that one of the competitors? Does it rotate? If you get the whatever the amount is, then you become the guy that throws it. It's just there's no real winner. It's just like you're basically just throwing the ball and trying to catch it.

Catch. But sometimes you call bankrupt, and then they catch it, and they lose all their points. Why would they catch it? Because maybe they're not paying it. You say it last second. Yeah, or everybody wants to catch the ball. Why does anyone lose at Simon Says? It's like you get swept up in it. Yeah, yeah. Well, flies up. Flies up. That sounds like a zipper. I love it, and I'll be at Wise Guys May 16th and 17th. All right, this week.

A few weeks ago, we talked about the Revolutionary War. We talked about the First Army, Continental Army, led by George Washington. And next month is the 250th anniversary of the U.S. Army being created. Wow. Next month. Wow. So let's talk a little bit about the Army. Let's do it.

But Greg, you've got a little background in the army. I do. Yeah. Um, Dusty, you do as well. I joined the army. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. How long? But I, I got arrested before I got to go in. Oh really? But I did join and took the physical. Did you just, uh, just go to a recruiter's office or did he recruit you? Yeah, I went, I was like trying to get out of my hometown. I was trying to do anything just to have a different life for, you know, and, uh,

Yeah, went in. I go, hey, I want to join the Army. Was it be all you can be? Was that the motto back then? Yeah. I was working at Western Sizzling, and an older guy came in there, and he just started. He wasn't a recruiter. He was a construction worker, but he just kept telling me these stories of all this fun stuff he did overseas in the Army, and I was like, that sounds fun. It was

It was pre-9-11. Yeah, it was 2001. Right before. Early in the year. Wow. There was no war, at least what they were telling us. Yeah. And I thought, this is great. You're like an American sniper. That's what got him to go. Well, he saw the war. Yeah, I think it's completely different motivations. Mine was, I'm going to get free college, a little bit of money, and we're never going to go to war because who's going to mess with America? That was my mentality. Yeah. If you'd have gone, what do you think you'd be doing now?

I don't know. You know, I had a plan. I was going to be a cook. And so my idea kind of was I get a little money, get a little college. I learned to cook and then I get out. Maybe I become a chef and open my own restaurant. Dusty's? Yeah, something. I mean, that's what I was thinking. That was my future plan. Oh, speaking of restaurants, you want to mention your old place, Hyman's? Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, Hyman's where I used to work in Charleston, South Carolina, Hyman's Seafood.

They put my name plaque on the table that says, because they always, when famous people come in and eat there, they would put their name down. It says so-and-so ate here. Yeah. And I'm told mine is on a table with Limp Bizkit and Hulk Hogan. Whoa. That's great, man. It's very fun. All of Limp Bizkit or just Fred Durst? I don't know. It doesn't matter.

I wasn't there when it happened, but, you know, so they put me down and we all joked that they could have put this plate in the wait station by the trash can. They could have put it on the food running line. Yeah. Anywhere, because I ate all over the restaurant. Yeah, yeah. But that's fun. And they also did a thing, another thing where they put a plate

uh, my picture on the wall. Uh, they do this, uh, for people that came in. And so they got a QR code there where you can go watch my waiting tables video on YouTube. And they just took these pictures from my Instagram. This was my last day and anybody working there, I just took a picture with them. That's great. But a few of the people like the guy, uh, you know, second to the bottom on the right, uh, a far right is Ed, uh,

uh oh i'm sorry gosh left far left second from the bottom uh ed yeah he was the chef for a long time i don't know if he's still there but this guy you know hyman's has a gigantic menu and but ed could cook anything ed was the best if you ever get ed to make you an off menu item that he just created it would blow your mind uh but yeah it's a it's a hot spot

So that's quite an honor. Congratulations. It is. Just to be recognized a little by it. I spent 10 years in Charleston, almost 10 of that at Hyman's. Yeah. Yeah, so it's fun. That's awesome. Congratulations. A little recognition from my second hometown. Yeah. Some of these people I don't know, and a couple of the people here I still keep in contact with. Yeah, you told me just in Colorado last week you –

Oh, yeah. Got together with some friends from Hyman's. Well, I just mean these pictures in particular, but Hyman's people are now all over the country. I see Hyman's people all over. I was in Denver. My friend Jessica, she came out with her husband. They're both lawyers now, and they came to my show, and we hung out. It's a bit like the Army. They did their time. Yeah, exactly. Now they're out in the country. We had cigars at a place in Denver called the Brown Palace, which apparently was a very fancy –

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All right. So you would have, if you joined the army, you would probably be a chef now. You know, my uncle fought in Vietnam. He got drafted and he was a cook and he still, to this day, does the cooking around the house. Wow. Because, you know, they taught him that. Yeah. So, but then how long after you signed up, did you get arrested? Well, I went to the physical prison.

And, you know, I don't know entirely what I can say on the podcast, but when I got back from my physical, my recruiter was like, he goes, I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I know there's a particular extracurricular activity that you enjoy. And so you're going to get another test in 30 days. So if you want to do that, do it tonight. And that night I got arrested. And so my court- He went home, he's like-

No badminton for 30 days. I'll read you loud and clear. No traveling. My court date came after my ship off date. So I couldn't go. I could have went. My lawyer was working out this thing where I could go kind of in lieu of probation and all that stuff. But I just, one day I just had this weird kind of epiphany and I went kind of busted into my lawyer's office. And I was like, I don't want to go to the army. I don't want to go to the army. Yeah.

So I ended up with a lot of penalties for my arrest. I got quite a bit of probation, quite a bit of suspended license, a lot of fees. I really got hammered. Yeah. Had you been training for boot camp up until that point? Yeah, yeah. I quit smoking cigarettes and I was running and I was getting in shape. I was learning my Greek alphabet. Are you still good at that? Yeah.

No, I don't. No, I don't know any. When you say a number. Did you know the ranks? I was learning the ranks. I don't know anything now, but I was learning all that stuff. I mean, this was over 20 years ago, but I was into it. I mean, I was ready to go.

I was even, even when we went and did the physical, it's like a lot of the guys were like drinking and partying the night before. And I was like, I'm not doing that. I'm done with that. Uh, and then, you know, so then I got arrested for really a pretty small thing. There was no reason to get arrested for this. He could have very easily just called my parents, had them come pick me up, but it said I got arrested. And then, you know, it was an alcoholic for 10 years. So, uh, you know, he could, uh, you know, he,

It could have spared me some of that. So is that how your- Mine went a little different. Yeah. I spent the first year of college at the United States Military Academy at West Point. Wow. Yeah, I went to West Point and did the whole first year, the whole plebe year, and it was the most difficult thing I've ever been. It was crazy.

Well, it's really hard to get into, right? Yeah. Now, I was recruited to wrestle there. Okay. But I think I would have got in. I mean, I had pretty good grades and I had all the other extracurricular stuff. It always blows my mind when there's a comic that's very good at comedy, but also very good at a sport. Yeah.

Yeah, I was good. And not golf. Golf is an ultimate. Yeah, or ultimate Frisbee or something. I can see some comics being good at that. I understand golf's hard, but I'm just meaning a real physical activity. Yeah, so I went and it was... I mean, you're in the Army. You are in the Army. Basically, I graduated in June and by...

Late June, I was going through basic training up there. And then the whole, I mean, I don't remember a lot about it, but the whole plebe year, the whole freshman year is- Which plebe mean?

plebeian yeah plebeian yeah from the greeks oh that helps yeah you're like a freshman the lowest yeah the lowest level of citizen okay yeah member of the common people that's what it meant in ancient yeah yeah and in west point it meant that you were going to get hazed every day and they just your whole and it wasn't like funny hazing like in a fraternity it was like serious just you had to i mean i can't even

remember half of it, but I know like you had to stand in formation three, four times a day. And when you're standing in formation, you're just standing at attention, you know, basically like this and there, and then all the upperclassmen just go around and they inspect your shoes to see if they're polished. They inspect your brass to see if it's polished and they quiz you on all. And you have to know all this stuff. You have to know, um,

you have to know the New York front page of the New York times every day, like, and, and the front page of the sports in the New York times. And you at least be conversant and you can't just tell them it is like had to be reported in a format like Warren, what happened the news day, sir, today in the New York times, it was reported that Ronald Reagan, Ronald Warren, Ronald, are you on a first name basis with the commander in chief Warren? No, sir. Sir. Did I tell you to start over Warren? No, sir. You know? And then, um,

So you had to do that and then you had to, you had to know all the menus and you had to say them in a certain way. What menus? For what, for every meal, you know, the whole core ate together in these giant- Oh, the Cracker Barrel menu down the street. Yeah, no, you didn't have to eat Cracker Barrel. Okay. And then you had to, like, there was all, like-

Every now and then you had what they like days duty or the days. So they were, they were warned. Give me the days. And you'd be like, sir. And there was like 30 of them, sir. The days, there are 300 days until graduation. There are 230 days until ring weekend. There are 110 days until army beats Navy at veterans Memorial stadium in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Pittsburgh, Warren? Pittsburgh? Did they move Veterans Memorial Stadium from Philadelphia to Pittsburgh, Warren? Did they? Who authorized that? Was it your buddy Ronnie? Is that who did that, Warren? It sounds like a nightmare, but also it feels like that's how you really create a team.

Yeah, it is- You all go through the same torment. They know what they're doing. Yes, they have. Yeah, you are just miserable and the only people you have to lean on are your classmates. And they've all gone through it too or are going through it right now. Yeah, and it is like-

And there is humor. They are funny. And it didn't seem funny at all when you're going through it. But everything I look back on, and some of them are really funny. Like I remember one time, you know, you're supposed to look straight ahead. Like you're standing at attention, you look straight ahead. And, you know, every now and then, if you're just standing there for 10 minutes, you're just like looking around. So I'm like kind of looking around, you know, and this guy sneaks up behind and goes, you looking to buy this place, Warren? Yeah.

Yeah. And then like you had to walk along the walls. You could not walk down the center of the hallway and you had to walk 120 steps per minute. It's called pinging. And you can't just like round a corner. You have to square. I can still square the corner actually. Yeah, you have to square your corners. And then it's also...

a hard school. Like, you know, you're taking 18 hours and everybody gets a minor in engineering. You're taking a lot of math and science, so much math and science that when I transferred to Missouri, I never had to take one more math and science, uh, class for, you know, to get my degree. Um, and,

And yeah, and you're always in trouble and it doesn't feel like fake trouble. You feel like I'm in real trouble here. And then you would get, your life, you're just so sleep deprived and your life is just all about when can I go to sleep? And it's all controlled until I think Saturday at noon, they stop messing with you.

And basically you're kind of, you couldn't leave, but you could do little activities on, on, on the base. You know, if you're an upperclassman, you could maybe go to New York or something like that or whatever. But, um,

from about noon saturday till you know five o'clock or seven o'clock sunday night you could kind of do some stuff and they didn't mess with you um unless you got in trouble like i did and then you had to just walk back and forth on on on what's called area dude you just walk back and march back and forth on the area and they didn't do a whole nother inspection and yell at you yeah what did you do to get in trouble

Like, this is what was crazy. I'd like talking online or something, you know, like, you know, I, I knew what my friends in real college were doing and not getting in trouble. And I was in trouble for talking online, you know, or something like that. Right.

Talking in line? In formation, talking to somebody. Not like a chat room. Yeah, not. It did make it sound like you were in a chat room. Yeah, it was weird. You were like, get me out of here. Yeah. That's the problem. I need to be, I need to clear that it was 87 when I was there, or 86, 86 and 87. So yeah, I went and I wrestled there too. And I always talk about how hard it is, but I forget that I had like,

My back was messing with me and I was a little crazy about it. And I think I spent like six weeks or a long time just in the hospital. And they couldn't figure out. And it wasn't. Wow. And it was like.

That was the greatest six weeks ever. That had to do anything. I figured out a way to order pizzas. Yeah, it was like... So I did get a break. Lieutenant Dan, ice cream! Ice cream! Yeah, it was basically like that, man. You know, I've talked to Will O'Donnell, our friend, and comic. And, you know, me and Will are like the exact same age. And...

Right out of high school, he went to the Marines. So we had this whole conversation about how we basically did everything in the opposite. And then he had his first daughter at like 19.

So now he has grown kids. Yeah. He's retired from the military and he's basically, you know, relaxing. Right. And I didn't go and I, you know, wasted a bunch of time and now I have very young children and we just went the opposite direction. You know. He didn't retire from the military though. Did he not retire? No. I mean, he, I think he did six years. He draws some money though. I don't know, man. I don't think so. Like he, he's got to work. He didn't do the full 20 or whatever. Yeah.

He told me during basic training, you would go to bed really early, but you're so tired that you can easily go to sleep. Oh, yeah. And then when they wake you up at 4.30 or whatever in the morning, when just your eyes open, you're like, oh, I've got to start again. Like just waking up and realize the day started. He said he loves Sundays because church, they wouldn't mess with you at church. You could go to, you know.

but I mean, he's the Marines and, but so not, it's not the army, but man, the stuff he was telling me that he went through, uh, like not even hazing. Yeah. Just training. Yeah. It's like, oh gosh, man, that's awful. Yeah. That, that's, uh,

Yeah, the Marines is a whole nother level, I think. I mean, what we did, it was a lot of, it wasn't as much physical hazing as I think that you get as an enlisted guy in the Marines. But it was, I remember the summer basic training, I was pretty quickly identified as a screw up. Like, and there's this guy, Cadet Pulford, that he was a senior and he was

he took a special dislike to me or a special interest in me, you know? And he was like always riding me, you know? And everybody like in the whole battalion knew like, yeah, Warren is always like, he's always screwing up. And then you start over in the academic thing. And I was like, all right, man, just, it's going to be my-

I'm going to start over fresh. I'm going to keep a low profile. Nobody's going to know who I am. And Cadet Pulford was in my new academic thing. And I think he even was like, Warren's getting a fresh start. So the first day, you had to deliver the upperclassman's laundry, their dry cleaning, their uniforms. And I was delivering his dry cleaning. I guess I was dragging his shirt on the floor or something. And he stood in the middle of the hallway and was like,

warren like yes just every at that moment everybody in the whole company knew my and they were like man this guy this kid is already has a reputation how do you make somebody that mad that quick you know so and you got to think in your situation at some point you're like you guys recruited me there's no talking back there's none of that none of that like i mean i thought a lot but you did even like

If you did that, you're a dead man for six months. Did you see guys do that though? Did you guys ever snap back up? I saw this guy Lissick one time just like give kind of a look to one of the guys and his life was miserable for like three weeks. Like a different kind of miserable. Your life was going to be miserable the whole time. But yeah. From what I understand, they've changed quite a bit of it. A lot of it was...

A lot of it was, I think, maybe unnecessary because it's – especially for an entire year because it's not – the regular army is not like that. There's a lot of discipline and a lot – but there's – you got to do a lot of stuff. But it's not – it's more like a job, the regular army, I think. But yeah, that was –

So the goal of West Point is you're becoming officers. Yeah. And you'll eventually oversee the Dustys. Yeah, I'd have been ordering Dusty around. Yeah. Slay! Yeah, yeah, yeah. You come out as second lieutenant. So you go for four years.

And then you owe the government five years after that. You owe them five years. And you can quit, when I was there at least, you can quit any time up to the first day of school your junior year. And I remember the first day of school that they were doing their announcements up front. And they're like, juniors, welcome to a career in the military. Wow, because you're in it now. You're in. You can't leave. If you do leave –

or you flunk out or you quit, you're going to do dusty. You're going to the regular army. You're not an officer anymore. Like, you're going to pay us one way or the other. You probably have to retroactively pay the tuition and everything too, right? Yeah, I don't know about that. And it was, like, I got a salary. Yeah, okay. Like, you not only were, like, they paid for everything and your books and uniforms and everything, but I got, you know, you got a little bit of money. Well, NIL, dude. You ever see the movie Officer and a Gentleman? Yeah. That's one of my favorite movies. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Richard Gere. I got nowhere else to go. And Lou Gossett Jr. Yeah. It's one of my favorite movies. It's a great movie. Yeah. So if you just stayed, what was your career plans? Man, it's funny. I think about like, why did I go? Yeah. And honestly, I mean, there's a few reasons. I think it was like, I went to a high school. It was a public high school, but a lot of my friends were pretty...

Smart, well-off, and they were all going to these upper-crust Eastern colleges. And I was lazy and just never really...

I was focused on wrestling. So I was like, and I'd never thought about where I was going to go to school until wrestling season was over my senior year. But I was getting all these calls from West Point, a couple other places. But West Point, I was like, well, this is, and I'd tell people that, and every adult that you, everybody that you tell about it is like, West Point, that is. And so as a kid, I'm 17 years old. I'm like, well, this is, I win. I beat everybody. This is, I didn't think about whether I wanted to do it or not. The thing I've,

I was like, Liz Miller was the prettiest girl in our high school. And we were sitting next to each other in journalism. And I said, hey, Liz, I got a call from the coach at West Point and they want me to go to West Point. She was like, that's cool.

That's why I went like that. We didn't go out. I like to think that this is the first time you've told that part of the story and Liz Miller's watching right now going, you did that for me, Greg? Yeah. I've met her husband, you know, and they came out to a show. But she doesn't know this detail though.

Yeah. I don't think it's going to change anything, Dusty. Yeah. She's a surgeon, like a renowned surgeon. Whoa. Yeah, yeah. She did well then. She did real well and her husband's a good looking guy. She should have went to West Point. Yeah. It all worked out for Liz. Thank God for her this happened. Yeah. She's, yeah. Liz is watching like, I said that? Yeah. Yeah. I don't remember saying that. Yeah. You're leaving? Cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Why did you leave there? I mean, I think it's weird. One, I just didn't... I think when you're that young...

I was doing the math. I'm like, okay, I'm going to get out of here when I'm what? 21. I'm going to graduate. Then I have five more years. I'll be 26 years old. That's most of my life. I don't want to commit to, I don't want to commit to my whole life. I mean, I was just thinking I can't commit to anything for this long. I also, you know, probably wanted, I lived a pretty strict lifestyle and my dad was pretty strict. I was wrestling. Like, you know, it wasn't crazy strict, but I wanted to party a little bit. And I, I, um,

And I also thought I wanted to be a comedian back then. I really did. I remember doing impressions of the upperclassmen, you know, and I was like, and I chickened out right at, I got home and, uh, I got home from West Point and they were like, what do you want to do? I'm like, I think I'm gonna go to Los Angeles and be a comedian. I was, I think, I don't think I was 18 yet or I don't know what. And I was, my dad was like, my dad was not, he was like, yeah.

yeah, all right, well, yeah, okay. You know, I'll give you this amount of money, that much. And then I sort of got scared. And two days after I got out of the military, the coach from Missouri came to my house and was like, hey, he had dinner with us. And he was like, I want to offer you a scholarship to Missouri. And I sort of like, my dad didn't force me in that direction, but he sort of was like, hey, if you go this other way to LA, like, are you, and I wasn't done. I still thought I could be good in college and wrestling too. But, yeah.

Yeah, I kind of chickened out a little bit. Yeah. But I remember when you quit West Point, you have to go, you have to tell your squad leader, and then you have to tell your platoon leader. And these are all college kids, and then you have to tell that. And then you have to go to the real, the officers, the guys in the army, and you tell them. I had to go through nine people, and they'd all talk to me, and they'd be like, well, we think you're doing okay. You had some-

Your grades are good. You screwed up a few times, but I think you can be a good soldier. And I'd be like, yeah, man. Yeah. And they'd be like, all right. I'd be like, I still want to quit though. And then I'd have to go to the next guy. Yeah. Yeah. That stuff's hard. I thought I was letting my country down. I was. I wanted to quit football. I was only playing one year of football. I wanted to quit in eighth grade. And I came out of the, I had all my stuff and my mom goes, what are you doing? I go, I'm quitting. And she was like, go tell your coach.

And then I just went and put my stuff back in the locker and played the rest of the year. It's hard to be like, I'm quitting. And I know just from the physical, you had to go through so many people talking to them about substances you might have done. And you had to deny them no matter what.

So you would go through several and then they even, they would have like a real mean guy, a real cool guy, a real cool hot chick who was like, kind of like, Hey, you know, it's no big deal. You know, whatever you do, you mess around with some stuff, you know, just tell us. But I love a man in uniform. Yeah. But you have to just go, no, I've never done it. No, I've never done it. You must've looked like a real dirt bag. Cause I didn't get any of this. Like, yeah.

Because I didn't have to do any of that. They tested me for color blindness. I lied a lot. I looked at the Army recruitment website for basic training. You can't go in the Army. You're doing good with comics. You're doing a good ton of research. I think we're hard up right now. Your career is going well. It's ages 17 to 35. Oh, man. Dude, if I'm getting drafted...

things are bad. We're not going to get drafted. Y'all should go to Dusty's bunker. If I'm getting drafted, things are not good. But there's an online quiz you can take to see if you want to do it, what you would be best suited for, which you could do on there.

If you'd like. But it was very interesting. They know the stereotypes about the Army and they address them. They're like, is it like the movies where the drill sergeant's making us blah, blah, blah? And then they'll be like, no, it's not like that. It is. They yell at you a lot. Well, yeah, I know. I'm sure they're just trying to get you in. But I think it... Didn't you just say it's probably died down some from what it was in the 80s? West Point has. I mean, West Point is not... I mean, it's still... It's the whole...

freshmen get hazed. I think if it goes on, it doesn't go on for an entire year. There's some stat out there. I couldn't quote it at all, but it's something like a large percentage of people, military age are like not physically fit to be able to go to the army. It's like, Oh, I did. I remember, uh, the college fair, uh,

at a high school and the guy's at the Air Force booth and I walk up and I go, just be honest with me. I don't have any interest in joining the Air Force. Just looking at me. Do I qualify physically? And he goes, nah.

I was like, I appreciate it. They had a little pull-up bar that you could. I'm not doing that. Just ballpark it. This is why you're going to be a big-time comedian. I don't remember having that sort of sense of humor about myself when I was 18 years old. I think I was already accepted into college. I was just kind of walking around. I think I took myself way too seriously back then. That's awesome. Well, you were the jock. You were that guy. You were that Letterman jacket.

yeah i mean i was i was good at one sport hold kids upside down lunch money and stuff no they they that thing has become big on the consumers those guys say that i shove people in the lockers and people got warned and and i uh i mean there's stuff that we did that i'm not proud of yeah of course but it's everybody i think i was pretty nice mostly you're talking about quitting football there might have been a

The story of this kid, this kid that was kind of a not very nice guy. He came to spring training football one year. And, dude, we were halfway through. We haven't even started stretches yet. Before stretches, we get in a line and run. You do, like, high knees for 10 yards. And then, like, we call them karaoke for 10 yards. But, like, this is the pre-stretch. Yeah.

And he's not having fun. Oh, yeah. And he goes to the coach. This is the first day of spring training. We haven't even got the jumping jacks yet. And he goes, man, Coach, man, I forgot my cleats. He's wearing cleats. He goes, you forgot your cleats? I forgot my cleats in the locker room, man. He goes, all right, well, go get them. No.

Never saw him again. Never saw him again. I love that. That's exactly what I wanted to do. That's great. But this is what did it for me. Opelika is good at football. I mean, we're like a good football school, you know? And this is middle school, but hitting drills, they line you up like 10 yards away from each other. And then you just run at each other and hit. The first time we did it, I was like, that's pretty cool. I like that. But then I got paired up with a guy.

that was rocking me. And I'm like, I'm not into this. I want to catch the ball and run a little bit. Yeah. I'm not trying to ram other guys. You know what I mean? I was like, I just want to score a touchdown. I'm like, I am not into this. We called him meat grinder. Yeah. Two, two, and then one with the ball and you just ran at him. Bull in the ring was banned before I got to high school football. I don't even know what that is, but it sounds like it ought to be banned. Yeah.

The whole team would circle up and there's one guy in the middle and they call a number and that number would run at the guy in the middle and just kind of... Yeah. Bull in the ring. That got banned. That should be banned. Because kids were getting hit. Yeah. Anyway, not to compare. Look, closest thing I have to the Army. No, I mean, I remember when you could... There was a time when you couldn't quit. You could not quit. I think it was at some point in basic training, maybe the whole thing. And...

And I remember there's a day in the middle of basic training where you're allowed to quit. Now, some guys quit before that and they didn't really go after them. They like tied bed sheets together and literally snuck out, you know, that kind of thing and left. But you could quit and then it was like, oh, you can quit. And then you just march by. You're out marching, doing everything. And there's all these guys lined up for out processing. You just see them. And man, this is a cadence that this guy called.

As you're walking by, he goes, you're left. You're left. Your buddy just left. They were funny. They were fun, man. The Army, it has a... It's that sort of gallows humor, but it is... They were...

very funny yeah has any famous comedians uh serving the army shane gillis went to west point but only for like i think a week he was there one of those guys that quit early i i don't know if he yeah but he went to west point i don't know shane i met him like briefly once but yeah he he went for a little while and i think he played football too he went there to play football yeah yeah um i there's a guy named he his stage name was eddie strange his name is ross uh

And he was before, he was way before me, very funny guy, a New York comic. And he did basically what I did, I think. His name's Ross? Yeah. But he went by Eddie Strange? I think for a while he went by Eddie Strange. Ross Bennett? Ross Bennett. Ross Bennett. Yeah, Ross Bennett went to West Point, like maybe even a little longer than I did. Oh, really? He might have gone in, he may have gone, there he is. Yeah, yeah, he's a really funny comic, man. Yeah, he's still around. I would not have guessed. Yeah.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, it does not look at all like that. Yeah, but very bright guy, very funny comic. Well, I can talk about some other. Did you want to do the recruitment, Aaron, or are you out? I just went through it. I'm already out. Question one, I was out. I said, what's your favorite form of physical fitness? Strength training, cardio, cross training, or yoga? I put yoga, and then it's just how long can you hold a plank? Oh, boy.

You're like, how big's the plank? You two minutes a plank? No. Well, this is like a quiz about, it's like a test. Yeah, there were a couple. One of them was about which one would fit in the best. It seems like you're lying on some of this stuff. I'm lying. I mean, this is the Army. I don't care if you're just even messing around. You can't be lying to the Army. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. There's three components to the U.S. Army. The regular Army and two Reserves. The Army National Guard and the Army Reserve.

So that's just a few weeks a year, right? Yeah. Well, I mean, until your country invades Iraq and that was a problem with the reserves is like, you know, went over there. Yeah.

At first was reserve units. Really? So these guys are like, hey, man, yeah, I'm in for two weekends a month or something and one week a year. Yeah. And I do this. And then they're like, you're going to Iraq for 18 months. And these were most of them. I went over there and did shows one time. I mean, they're reserve units over there. That's crazy. That freaked out a lot of people. Yeah.

Yeah, because for me, I want to say I had a three-year active duty, and I want to say it was five years in active duty. So basically, it was like you're in for three years, and then if we need you within that five, then you'll be reactivated. So I thought, well, I was just so weird about how America was that I was like, oh, they're never going to need me. What's going to happen? Yeah. I mean, it might have been 10 years, but I think it was five in active duty.

I think when you get out of West Point, if you leave after five years, do your five years, you have some reserve. Yeah. I think they can call you up for a long time. They didn't for a lot of my friends, though, that got out after five years. So army recruitment slogans. We've already talked about the big one. Be all you can be. That was from 1980 to 2001. Was there a jingle attached to it, too? You remember how it went? Be all that you can be.

In the army. That doesn't sound right. No, he's right. At first, I thought he was... It's got to be a deeper voice than that, though. Oh, yeah. No, it's... It sounded like a cheerleader. We're going to drop a bomb on you if you attack the... It sounds like Greg Warren's bit. Be patient. Be patient. It's a little... And in that commercial, the guy would say...

We do more before 9 a.m. That's the one I was in before than you do all day. Yeah, and that's what made me think, I do not want to. I don't get up until 10.30. We do more all day before you. We do more before 9 a.m. than most people do all day. Yeah, I remember that one. Bed, night, hit up. We got a good army at the army. Yeah, I think the singer was more masculine. I see. Wow. I nailed it. You did nail it. Mine's deeper in the sky. It's been tough.

Apology accepted. What is this, Billy Joel? He's getting me fired up, though, man. He's totally got it. I'm so sorry, man. I gotta say something. I'm sorry. I gotta...

Maybe the biggest retraction I've ever made on this podcast. I want to completely apologize. Yeah, me too, buddy. Damage done, guys. No. Okay. I mean, it was higher than you were. No, I think he might have actually been the God. That's a younger version of him. 1982? I remember the Marines had the God Smack song. It was like, I don't know. It was good. You guys don't know it, but it was...

All right. So that was still. I'm saying it, Bates, the Godsmack thing. That was still 2001. From 2001 to 2006. Something like that. Army of One. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty weak compared to Be All You Can Be. Be All You Can Be is. 2006, 2018. That's that. I'm loving it. Army Strong. Army Strong. Army Strong. Still not Be All You Can Be. Yeah, it's not very good. 2018 to 2023 started off as Warriors Wanted, and then they changed it to What's Your Warrior? What's Your Warrior?

Yeah. Still, man. This is getting... And then... And now they're like, come on, guys. Now they're back to be all you can be. It's called Army. Come on, guys. Come on, guys. Just join, though. Just join, though. We need you. The Army. Please? Yeah. They're just resorting. We got a war to start. We need you to get in there. I'm loving it. No, guys. You can't do that one. That's... Is there a...

Greg, is there a movie about West Point or set at West Point? Man, there is a movie called Dress Gray, I believe, that was not about West Point, but it was about a military school. Was it a miniseries? Oh, was it? Alec Baldwin, Hal Holbrook. Is that Lloyd Bridges? Yeah, Lloyd Bridges. Hal Holbrook's one of my favorites. The program about a cadet at a West Point-like military academy. Yeah.

So I remember that, watching that. And like when I had already, it came out after, right? Well, okay. 86. The year I was there. But I remember watching it at some point, maybe a rerun with my mom. And my mom was like, I'm so glad you're not there anymore. Yeah. And you were like, mom, this is pretty light. Yeah. And then, so to get in the Army, to be an officer, you can either be ROTC.

Okay. Or you can be West Point or you can go to these other military academies that you pay to go to like VMI. And then what's the one in Charleston? The Citadel. The Citadel. Oh, yeah. You pay to go to school there. Wow. I do a lot of Citadel cadet. We were always amazed. We're like, these kids are paying to get hazed.

That's what the guys in the fraternities are doing too. Yeah. There was a bar in Charleston called Big John's Tavern, and they used to have on the wall, they used to have tons of Citadel Cadet nameplates on there. Yeah. And then all the Heimann's people started putting our name tags up there.

Because we were like a little Hyman's Army out there. Now, even that Big John's looks good. I mean, they revamped it. They churched it. I mean, it was when I started going there, you could smoke cigarettes inside. Oh, yeah. I mean, it was...

There was no windows at all at Big John's back then. When you were there, did you go to the Army-Navy game? Yeah. No. I was... My back... You can't remember? I was... The company was sporting to my back. I was in the hospital. I was. I didn't go. Or pizza. It's a big deal. I did go to football games and you have to stand the entire game if you're a cadet. You have to stand the whole game and you're in uniform. And yeah, those are... And you're losing. You know...

That would stink if you're 55 to nothing. Service academies. I'm kidding. No, they weren't. I mean, they played other teams that weren't all that. Sure, sure. A few other armies. We were already talking about Salvation Army. We mentioned them earlier. Kiss Army. Kiss Army. Are you a member of Kiss Army? I wasn't. The band? Yeah. You ever heard that? I was made for loving you, baby. That's the best one. I saw Kiss at Bridgestone.

Unbelievable shit. Yeah. I don't think I know many of their songs. You're like, this guy's got some hits. I Was Made for Yelving You is a great song. It's maybe the only Kiss song I really like. Beth was the ballad. Yeah. Yeah.

This is how that started. January 1975, two guys, two teenage KISS fans from Terre Haute, Indiana, began calling the local radio station, hounding them to get KISS music played. After being turned down over and over, they began calling, claiming they're part of the KISS army.

and they threatened to blow up the station. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. So they began to play Kiss songs. And then the fan club just- I'm not calling for that. Just grew from that, was Kiss Army. And in 2008, Condoleezza Rice, then Secretary of State, enlisted in the Kiss Army. She did? Wow. Condoleezza Rice in the Kiss Army. When I was a kid in vacation Bible school, and we would sing the song, I'm in the Lord's Army. Have you ever heard that? No. I like it though. Go for it. It goes-

I may never march with the infantry, shoot the artillery, ride with the cavalry, but I'm in the Lord's army. His Lord's army song was more masculine than the be all you can be song. That's when I was eight. All right. Should we mention before we go, I mean, it's been a running joke on this podcast for years about me being

About me being a candidate for Pope. And then we get a new Pope, and he's about as close to me as I ever thought we would get. Born in Chicago. Yeah. Crazy. Can't overstate the surprise and just what a wild story that is. So nobody saw that coming. He was on a couple short lists towards the end there, but nobody was putting money on him.

And there was a lot of money being – I was checking the markets. Yeah. And not a lot of people were putting money on this guy. So it's a crazy thing. I mean, we've all seen the videos on a White Sox game. What if like – It's wild. Does Vegas really have odds? Yeah, yeah, for sure. What if one of the Cardinals got comped? You go to one of those Catholic –

Church picnics. Yeah, the pumpkin raffle. There's a ton of gambling at those things, man. What if one of the cardinals, though, helped decide, got caught placing a major bet? Maybe, man. Oh, an inside deal. But it's crazy to see the Pope speak English. I know that sounds like such a small thing, but I've never seen a Pope. He would watch the Chicago Bulls.

He's a White Sox fan. He's a White Sox fan. I mean, he spent like, he's a missionary in Peru. So I guess I saw some Cardinals say like he wasn't even really thought of as an American. But he is American. He was joint citizenship Peru and the US. He did a lot in Peru though. Like they claim him, right? I heard some guys. Yeah. I mean, he spent the probably the bulk of his like life as a priest.

priest over there, but just a guy from Chicago. The interviews with his brothers are so great. I don't know if you've seen them. They're like, they were texting him the night before, like, do you watch Conclave? And then they're watching him and he walks out. That's crazy, man. Imagine your brother walking out like, oh my God, Rob?

Do they have to address him now as Popolito? They kept getting asked about that. They're like, he's always going to be robbed of me. And they asked the older brother, like, what are you going to do when you see him? He goes, I'm going to do the same thing I've always done. I'm going to put him in a headlock and say, Rob, you dummy, what have you done? It's crazy, dude. That's wild. Man, I just realized I've been slouching the whole podcast. Yeah, we all do that. I know. That's a good crack. I don't know if you heard that. All right. Let's get into some shows we're doing. Yep.

This weekend, I will be in Salt Lake City, Utah, Wise Guys Comedy Club. Saturday show's getting close to be a sellout. Oh, look at that. If you wait last minute, you might not get tickets, but then come to check. Come to Friday show. But anyway, Friday, Saturday. I love Wise Guys. I love Salt Lake City. It's going to be a fun time. Great city, great club. It's a fantastic club, man. Yes, that's where I'm going to be. A ton of fun. Yeah.

Great people. Can I just plug the special? Oh, yeah. Can I do that? Do both. Yeah, I got a comedy special out this Friday on Nateland. It's my second special with Nate. It's called The Champ and pretty happy about it. Yeah. Prequel to The Chairman. Yeah. Yeah, Prequel to The Chairman. You laugh it up, man. Wait till you see some of these chair jokes, man. I believe it. How has it been since The Salesman?

Awesome. Yeah. Now, how long has it been since your last? Oh, right about two years. Okay. That's pretty great. About two years. Yeah. Two years later. Well, it's, I mean, Nate's putting them out every, every six weeks. He's about every two. No, he's about every two years. Yeah. But it's, that's awesome. Yeah. It's, well, the first one's beloved by the Nate land world. And,

You're everybody's favorite guest, and we're excited to see the special. Bates was on the consumers saying that Reno Collier passed me up, and I'm a big Reno fan, and I'm okay with that. Reno's great. Yep. He's pretty awesome. But to be fair to you, it was one appearance by Reno. That's right. You've had several, so there's more to judge. You brought it like nine times. Yeah, let's see what Reno does on his set. I mean, I love Reno, but I'm just trying to be fair to you here. He's had a lot of appearances. Yeah.

People loved me on my first appearance, but now there's a dump dusting.

Well, Greg, you were on. Dude, that guy was, he was on you the first episode. Yeah. You were on episode 99, peanut butter and potato chips. Yeah, that was a fun episode. People still often say, my favorite episode ever. And then the next week, number 100 is when we announced Dusty as the host. Oh, yeah, man. And we have him covered up. So there were some people like, is it Greg? Is it Greg? Yeah. And then they were pleasantly surprised. Yeah. Yeah. They were.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, guys. Yeah. That was sincerity. I like what we're doing. Yeah. So, yeah, I got a special out. Yeah. That's awesome. Thanks to Nate. Nate produced the whole thing. Nate and Adrian and Abigail. And thanks to all of them. It took a lot of work, and I'm pretty excited about it. Shot in Columbus? Columbus, Ohio. Yep.

And what shows you got coming up? Oh, you know what? I'll be at the Irvine Improv on May 21st. That's in Orange County. Nice. So I think it's a Thursday night, maybe a Wednesday night. Aaron Weber here. This weekend, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania at the Live Casino. One show only. One night only.

Come on out if you're in the Pittsburgh area. And then later this month, I'm doing two shows in South Bend, Indiana. One of them is almost sold out. We added the second show. That one, not even close to resembling sold out. So two shows in South Bend. You can come see me. And then Fort Wayne, Indiana, Summit City Comedy Club, June 1st.

okay friday night i'm in portland maine my second time only going to portland maine but i got a show selling pretty well pretty excited about it and then uh saturday in new york city my first official show in new york city i've been there many times to do late night but my first netflix special and a netflix special yes oh you shot that in uh well no my half hour uh for the stand-ups okay shot in new york a

A bit of COVID-y times. It was a weird time. I was there. It was wild. Yeah. But this is my first official show at the town hall. So I'm talking about it not being sold well. But to me, I'm excited that the amount of tickets that we've sold already, that we've sold them. Because who would ever thought I'd be doing a theater in New York City? Yeah, man. You're playing New York City. So I'm very excited. If nobody else buys tickets...

those people that bought tickets, we're going to have a great time. Yeah. I don't think other people on my team will be as happy about it, but, but I'm very, I'm very happy. I'd like to see a few more of you, you know, come on out. Yeah. Yeah.

But I, you know, I'm just, I've done comedy shows for much less people than have already bought tickets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You stayed in like a pretty sweet hotel in New York City? I just, you know, I stay right around the hotel or right around the venue. And I'm, I like a, I'm a courtyard Marriott guy.

yeah i like they're nice stayed in one a couple nights ago i don't try to get fancy with a hotel i'd like to see you get a little fancy in new york city next time man like do it all out yeah yeah yeah it's new york city man yeah but i'm just there one night so it's like maybe stay an extra night or something you know yeah yeah it's new york city well greg thanks for coming man oh thanks a lot guys thanks a lot of fun everyone out there be all you can be

B, B. That was six octaves lower than you sang it. Yeah, it was. Be all you can be. Like a G.I. Joe, G.I. Joe. Like a boy band or something. BJ's out here. All right, guys. Thanks. See you next week.