259: #259 Best of 5 Years
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You were talking about all that. Yeah, the beginning. If you're watching this, this is a five-year anniversary. It's hard to believe that it was five years.

And so we did a best of. I think people love the best ofs. I think they're always perfect things to, if you're trying to get someone into the podcast. Best ofs are the perfect way to start. And if you don't, the alternative is no episode. Yes. So enjoy it. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, if you're mad. Yeah, yeah. We do this because we...

Because we're here. We could have just done a regular episode, though. We wanted to take some time off. Yeah. Enjoy the best of. None of this that you see right here will be in it. We love you. What's up, everybody? This is Nate Bargetze. This is the first episode of the Nateland podcast. I...

You know, I did a podcast a long time ago. A very, very long time ago. Right when podcasts were getting big, and then we stopped it. It was basically like if you got a tip about Google, and then you were like, ah, let's get out of it. I mean, it was like 2010 or something. I don't know. But now we're doing it again. COVID has forced me into a podcast because I can't do anything. So...

We're doing it here. We're in Nashville, Tennessee. This is the first one. I'm excited to do a show. I don't know exactly what this show is going to end up being. It's just us hanging out, a couple of comics. Let me introduce you to the comics that are in here. I got Brian Bates, who's on the road with me a lot, and Aaron Webber's been on the road with me once, and that will be the last time. He really blew it. Yeah.

But so I just figured, you know, we're here. We're all stuck in Nashville. So let's do a podcast. You know, let's get it. Let's get it going. Nicole's Butcher. And these all sound like stores. Do they not? Nicole's Butcher, you know. Here at Nicole's Butcher, we exclusively use Reynolds Seal. I mean, it's all just... Hi, I'm Nicole and Nicole's Butcher. And...

Is it Nicole's? I don't know. Is it not Nicole? You're emphasizing the butcher part. Like, Nicole didn't write it. She got her butcher to comment for her. Yeah. Hi. Oh, yeah. Hi. I'm Nicole's butcher. And I know you might be thinking, why did she send me out to give her answers? But Nicole's busy right now, and she can't be bothered. Who's Nicole? That's the fucker.

Is it Nicole's? It might be Nicholas. Nicholas Butcher? Oh, man. Nicole's Butcher. How you doing? I'm Nicole's Butcher. Sore Sogorb. S-O-R-E-S-O-G-O-R-B. Sogorb. Sore Sogorb. Is that a real name? No.

Soar Sigorb? You think that is his real name? Poor guy. Soar? Yeah. Soar Sigorb. I hope it is his name. Oh, man. Soar. Get in here. Do you have to say the last name or you just go Soar and he goes here? I don't think you need to be any more specific. Soar. He just sits there and the teacher's like, Which one? Sigorb. Oh. I thought it was the other Soar.

I play your podcast while working, illustrating on my computer, sometimes I spend large amounts of time without saving my progress because I forget to do so and then my computer crashes and I lose all my work. Now I click save every time I hear Nate say unbelievable or every time he roasts bland bread. I haven't lost a single piece of work ever since. That's got to be frustrating.

I mean, everybody knows not saving something. Golly. All the time. When I've written out shows like, what's your way in my hat? Nate Bargetti show from the failed. We sent a bunch of these hats to Nigeria. Is that where they send that? They don't go good. President McCain hats. Atlanta Falcons, Superbowl. Like when they had none, they lost to the Patriots. Uh,

They, but yeah, you type something out. I mean, it's a whole, you're just in the groove of like doing it and then it just goes away and you're like, and then the next time is never as good. You're like, that's the gist of it. And you're like, it's not that good. Yeah, well, I lost it. Miriam Gregory.

I've been a fan of the podcast since day one. You think that's right? These names all feel made up. Yeah. Miriam Gregory. It feels like almost we were short on comments and then... So Brian went in. And Boat Ramp went in and then just said... Just took... Soar, Sigorm! Soar, Sigorm!

Miriam Gregory. Oh, it's the worst name I've ever heard. Oh, man. Yeah, yeah. That's a real name. I don't think he's going to turn around by the way we...

Sore is different. Maybe soiree? Next one's soda. He's French. Seven. These are all just George Costanza names that he came up with. Sore. Sore is the goal. Oh, it's beautiful. It is, yeah. Sore. I got a good idea what that guy looks like.

I feel like you can picture a Soar. You can picture him in your head. I feel like I've never, I don't know what they look like, but I think I could pick one. Oh, right. If you said there's 100 people standing in the crowd, one of them's named Soar, I'd be like, I feel pretty good. I could figure out who he is. If you lined up Dr. Khan, Soar Sikor, and me, Miriam Gregory, I could tell you which one was Soar. I'll tell you that much. Would you Soar male or female?

Sora feels like... It's gender neutral, man. If it's Sorae, Sorae would be a lovely lady. You know, you don't think Sorae's a... These are all... I don't know. These names are... These are our fans, Aaron, that you're laughing at.

sorry that's the worst thing i've ever heard sorry well it's not if it's so race so gore so race so gore like a ukrainian ballet dancer or something well that they could be big so race so gore doesn't sound as bad that's what i'm saying that sounds like a ballet dancer for the eastern europe so ray so race so gore that actually sorry

It's a beautiful name now. And I'm going to name my next daughter that. We don't have another daughter. Soray Bargetzi? Yeah, Soray Bargetzi. I feel like if I find some little girl sitting out on the side of the road and she lives with us, I feel like that's how you get a Soray in your family. They're not born into that family. You find them and they're put with that family. Turler. Turler.

That's the guy's name. T-U-R-R-L-E-R. Turler. Think that's his real name? I don't know. I don't. You don't? How do you not think that that guy's... I know we have a history of colorful names on the podcast, but Turler...

The Turler family? I bet its name is... The Ler family? The Ler family? I think his name is Tyler, and he's being funny. Turler. Ooh, Tyler. Tyler Ler. That's what I think. All right, you're going with Tyler. I go with his name is actually Turler, and he has to live with it. This podcast is officially too dumb for me. Goodbye, folks.

I had a good run. I guess we'll never know. I guess we'll never know. He's never even going to hear his comment being read. Yeah. Turler, he's out. Too dumb. What does he want it to be? I don't know, right? Yeah, go get the TED Talks podcast. Yeah, I mean, there's other podcasts. That would be like if you're watching the Titans play and you go, it's just too much football.

This is ridiculous. Why do you not watch the Titans? It's a lot of football. Why don't they throw in some other stuff? And you're like, you know what? They should. They should throw in other stuff. You know, I was talking to Brian. We had a clip on your Facebook go kind of viral from like the second episode of the podcast about talking millions, billions, trillions of dollars. It has like 2 million views, and a lot of them have no idea what the podcast is. So most of the comments are just like, these guys are morons. They think it's like a math podcast.

Well, I mean, Turler knows what the podcast is and he thinks we're morons. Turler made it 23 episodes before he's like... He gave us a fair shot. Yeah, he goes, this is... I always love the idea of someone... It's like they're resigning. Like leaving a comment. He goes... He didn't give us a two-week notice. I'm out. He just goes... Like, it's so funny to think like...

you think he's at home and he's talking to his wife, his roommate, and he just goes, I can't listen to this podcast anymore. And they're like, oh, it's cool. So you go stop listening to it. I'll probably let them know. And then I'm going to stop listening to it. Like that.

What are you going to do for that? You're going to just unsubscribe? I'm probably going to somehow let these guys know that I don't think they're good, and then I'm going to back out. You know what I mean? But I think they should know that the Lur is out. The Lur family. Parting shot. The Lur family is out.

What's your greatest? I really don't have one. What could you? All right, so I thought about that. I mean, the only thing I could possibly think of is I play baseball and basketball, and there's me as a basketball player there in junior high. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, look at that. So. Why do they got colored cameras? And there was one game. I mean, I was terrible. I was always terrible. I never scored. But there's one game I hit a touchdown.

10 foot jump shot. Yeah. Legit 10 foot jump shot. So then we go down the other team, come back down. They throw the ball on me. I shoot again.

The guy on the other team tipped the ball like when I shot it, but somehow it made it go in the hoop. Yeah. My coach didn't see this apparently, so he yells, Brian's hot. Give him the ball, which I've never heard in my life. He doesn't know that the only reason that ball went in is because another guy helped it. So then we go down. Then we come back down, and they're like, give Brian the ball, which I've never had before. They throw it to me. I shoot it. It goes over the backboard. Yeah.

It was one of those makeshift concession stands over there where the parents run, and it bounced over into them where the dad had to throw it back in. That's my greatest moment. Your greatest moment is a heat check. Yeah, a heat check. For a second, they thought I was... He's cold. He's back off. That's what they have to yell. Don't throw it to him anymore. No more Brian. No more Brian, everybody.

But, I mean, I stole a base once and thought that somehow the guy fouled the ball back. And I ran back to first. And it confused him so much. I was on second. So I started running back about halfway there. He was like, throw it to first. And I had to slide headfirst into first base. Back to the base?

And I'm back right where I was with the first base coach. He's like, what are you doing, man? You were there. I was like, I thought they fouled it. I thought they fouled it. I didn't know. So in a way, I stole two bases. That's so good. That's never happened before. You're the only one that never did.

He stole a base that he stole in the back. The look on my first base coach's face when he saw me coming back there. Wow. Oh, dude. I mean, just to be – just to have to dive in. Just to like have to – you have to slide to fix a problem that shouldn't be a problem. Like you're getting back to the original. You could be like, dude, you could have just stayed here, man, and we wouldn't be going through this. And for you to get all the way to second. Yeah.

That's amazing. That's like, I feel like with you, you end up, anybody else, it's like maybe you make it back to first, but you just go back to first and you're like, well, that was a stupid move. And you're the only one that gets in a battle situation just trying to get back to the original spot. I mean, it's a full-on real play. I mean, I went in head first.

The ump had to call safe. Oh, dude, that's unbelievable. With prices going up just about everything lately, I had to start being smarter with our money. You know, five years ago when this podcast started,

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That is true. Well, let me say, first of all, when Nate's talking, it's not resting. But I've had this before. When I was a senior in high school, we went on our senior trip to Panama City. It was my first time away from my parents. I was so excited. My friends down there. And we met these girls. I was trying to be so cool just hanging out. And out of nowhere, one of these girls just goes...

this guy looks worried. And they all start dying laughing. And they're like, look, he's worried. And the rest of the trip, they called me worried. That was my nickname was worried. Worried is such a good word to use. Like if they would have said, this guy looks confused, worried. I mean, they labeled me that. Worried is such a good word. Yeah.

For that situation. Yeah, women know how to cut to your heart, don't they? She could have said confused. She could have said... That would have ruined the whole trip for me. I mean, I still remember it to this day. You're just trying to hang out. I was trying to be so cool by not talking. This guy looks worried. Yeah. And then she... I mean, I haven't said a word. And his bum over here looks worried. Who's he with? You two? And then for them just to call you worried. God, that's so funny, dude. I still remember it. How... I mean...

That's like professional stand-up. That's a great put-down. You would try different words. Right. You would be scared. You would try everything. Yeah. And worried. If anybody's like, think about comedy. Worried is just a very funny word, and it's just such a description that it's not a strong person. I mean, it hurts. You don't say worried about...

He-Man is not worried. No. Soldiers are not worried. They could be scared. Scared is okay. Worried is... Also, not worried about anything in particular. Just worried in general. That's a general look. And it's coming from... Guys, you maybe could say that, but from a girl... Oh.

Yeah. And they all laughed. I mean, I was mortified. Yeah. Got more worried. She got super worried. Self-fulfilling, yeah. Yeah, it is self-fulfilling. Peter Bridge. When Bruce told the story about the woman, I like how it's now just, I mean, it's not even... I can't even find one that calls me by my real name. Yeah. I looked. And it's what's so... It's just how quickly it goes in. You know what I mean? Like, it's not like where it's an obvious, we're making fun of a joke.

When Bruce told the story about the woman labeling him, I mean, it's just like a breeze. When Bruce told the story about the woman labeling him as worried, it quite literally made me pee. Those chicks just totally nailed it. He still gives off the worried vibe. No offense, Bryce. Yeah, worried is, I mean, that's unbelievable. That'd be the name of your album, Worried.

It's the name of my life. Yeah. You really should. Your next album should be Worried. My next album? It's just you being... Well, you're going to have to do one now. The people are going to want to hear it. Yeah. You know, everybody go buy his first album. It's still out there. But Worried is a great name for it. I thought about that story all week. Ace here, Bilbo's PBS pick is underrated. That's a pretty good choice for one channel. Thank you. Bilbo. I don't know.

I don't know if I should thank them or be insulted. That Bilbo's a, I mean, that's a crazy name.

Aaron pointed out someone called me breakfast. Breakfast is unbelievable. Breakfast is as good as worried. Oh, man. It's so good. Someone called... And this... I don't think it's on here, but it was in the comments. I mean, breakfast is unreal. That's amazing. That's the best one I've heard. Just to call him... I don't know. Is breakfast coming up? It's got the same amount of syllables as Brian. It's got the B-R. Yeah. It's perfect. And it's so ridiculous. Man.

Yeah, breakfast is good. I like how Brickles and Aaron are finding their niche roles in this production. Aaron, the reluctant genius, and Brisket is the self-deprecating setup man. Brigade even smiled and laughed out loud a few times on this one. Wow, we got some life out of Brigade. Breakfast is moving around. Colin Lippard.

Brad looks like the substitute teacher that desperately wants the approval of the full-time teachers. That's a great... That's like a real comment. You look like a substitute teacher that you walk in the teacher's lounge just like, hey guys, and it's like, hey, and then one of the real teachers is like, you don't work here full-time, man. I know you're here for a while because Miss, you know, whatever, Miss Smith is...

going through some stuff yeah she's got because miss johnson's going through a divorce and she can't be bothered by teaching so but you don't work here love the podcast a lot bonbon and aaron are amazing and can't wait to see them both grow like you bonbon what do you what name do you think you're going to make it as because it's not going to be brian it's going to be something else bonbon i like

You like them all. I like them. That's why this keeps happening because you encourage it. I know. But I love, I mean, Bon Bon. Welcome to the stage. Bon Bon. You say, I mean, you could be.

dancing somewhere named bonbon i imagine the disappoint everybody please welcome to the stage bonbon and then you walk out on stage and like oh god and then some guys like just wait he has to just wait all right so we'll start with the beginning of grocery stores a little fun fact here the first self-service grocery store this felt like doing a school you know when you let they go all right everybody uh

Brian Bring. Brian Bates. And then it sounded exactly... Yeah, you don't like the way I start stuff, I don't think. Like your stand-up? Like jokes? Well, that's... I've read like three times on the show and twice you've called me out on the way I start it. I don't think I'm good at starting, but... Okay, here we go. But yeah, now I'm thinking about my jokes.

How do you start your joke, Houston? Hello, folks. You say folks? Yeah. I'm pretty sure you say folks. For every joke? No, when you come out.

When you come out, hello, folks. And you might say when you leave, you don't think you say, do you say folks? I don't think so. I think you do. Okay. Every joke. Yeah, every joke. That's his thing. That's what people like. And he sells T-shirts in the lobby that say, hey, hello, folks. And it's just a picture of him. That's his image. Hello. It's just seven hands that go like that.

Hello, folks. And then he does his act. And then every joke, I start with it again. Yeah. And there you go. Hello, folks. Then good night, folks. How good did that be, man? That was so good. I mean, that's just like...

That would be like if you're a stand-up comic, you just got pulled out of Lebanon and you didn't know Nashville exists. And then you're like, I've been doing comedy in Lebanon for 15 years. All right, sorry. I've been to some sad zoos. I haven't been to any really good ones. What's a sad one? I went to one in Arkansas. There's just trash in every, a lot of trash. And the saddest part was there's like a penguin exhibit.

But it's Arkansas in the summer. So it was just these penguins all huddled up standing in front of a fan in this exhibit. It was just, I was like, why are they here? How do you say it? Yeah, what was the exhibit? It was penguin. Yeah, it was different. Penguin. I say penguin. I say penguin. Penguin? Penguin. Maybe that's, I mean, that sounds like the guy that would run that penguin exhibit. Hey, what do you got going on here? I'm this penguin. I got a couple penguins.

And we got bought, put a couple of penguins downtown. But the other day, the other night I bought a couple of penguins. I've never, penguins. You would seem like a guy that, someone that says like that, sells penguins to zoos that are kind of under the radar. How are you supposed to say it? Penguin. Penguin? Yeah. I mean, that's what I say. It's an E. P-E-N-G-U-I-N. Penguin. You're saying it like an A. You're saying it like an I. But I and E can sound the same.

Yours should be P-A-N-G. I mean, can you look this up? Can you look up the pronunciation? I mean, this might be, nobody's interested in this, but now I feel. Look, you may be right. I don't think so. March of the Penguins. I mean, I would like to say if two people in this room. How does Morgan Freeman say it in March of the Penguins? Penguin books. Penguin. Penguin. Hey, you got some.

What do you sell them? I got a couple of penguins in the back of the truck. They're in the icebox. They're in the icebox. I thought usually Wikipedia shows you the pronunciation. Yeah, you can do it. Usually, if you just type in penguin pronunciation on Google, you should be able to do it. Just hear someone say penguin.

Oh, yeah. Whoa, you have to go. I want to hear somebody who, I want to hear the legit. One of those said penguin prostitution. Now you're going to not say that? Penguin. There it is. Well, yeah, well, click that button right to the right of it. Let's hear it. No, the. That's to the right. No, no, directly to the right of. I don't. Click it. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin.

Hey, we're both here. Just like I said, no penguin, penguin, penguin, penguin. Slow it down. Slow it. Yeah. There you go. Penguin, penguin, penguin, penguin. I think we're both thinking we're saying that. Right. All right. Yachty Laurel. Yeah. So you're, you're hearing paying. I'm hearing penguin. Cause I'm hearing penguin. Penguin. Okay. That's how you do it.

What do you got back there? Got a couple of penguins. One of them's all white. Is it? I've never seen one of those. All white. It's all white. One's all white. Doesn't have like that tuxedo jacket on? No, it doesn't have it. I did a pod. How'd you get that one? He goes, where is it at? It's in the front with me. It rode up with me in the front. It doesn't get too cold. It doesn't need...

It's 95 degrees in Arkansas right now. Yeah. Got a couple. How much do you think a couple penguins, how much do they go for? 50 bucks. And he goes, I bet a guy like that wouldn't know what to say. Like, he wouldn't know that he can make money off of it. Here's he go. How much you want for about those 50 bucks? Get on that. Are you crazy? $50 for a penguin. A couple penguins. One of them's not even the right color. Then he said, 25. Yeah. Anyway. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin.

I want some penguins. And then they sell that to the restaurant. I'll take two penguins. Two penguin burgers. Go type in. When you were typing that stuff in, X out of the allow. Here. Go penguin P. Now P. I swear P-R. Yeah, penguin prostitution. I don't know what this. We're not sure what this is. Oh, it's a thing.

Penguin prostitutes. Oh, they want rocks more than sex. Do penguins have... Oh, I wish I'd be talking about this. This is inappropriate. Yeah. This is... This podcast is off the rails already. I mean, what happened? I mean, that's the best thing you could hope. What did you think it was going to be? The guy in Wilkes-Barre down the alley? I thought it could be something that has nothing to do with penguins. I thought...

I honestly thought it would be like that's what they call some other thing. And then penguins are nothing. It's penguins. But it's straight up penguin. We got penguin problems. How much do you want to? I love a guy selling that. And a couple of penguins in the back. One's all black. It doesn't have any white. Feet are blue. Is it? Let me see. It's just a penguin.

Is he kidding me right now? I'm trying to start my own zoo, and I'd love some penguins is the thing that I think set us over the top. I mean, I think that's what the guy says. Because if I get a couple of penguins, I think we'll be just right. I'd charge $8 to get in that place.

Get a couple penguins. I love that. The official pronunciation is how I was saying it. It was, you know, just let that for the record. All right. So that's your worst? Yeah, I don't even remember. Yeah, that was it. The Arkansas one. That had a penguin exhibit. I want to believe in aliens because it shows that some people

civilization didn't blow themselves up and were able to get out in space and have some fun. Is that a hopeful thing? Yeah. So there should be other civilian stations that the planets blew themselves up. Yes. Is that what they think? Did you say civilian stations? Yeah, civilian. I got a big word up in there. It's one big happy civilian station.

I mean... Are you trying to say civilization? Yeah. Okay. It blew me away. I was like, civilian station. You want people to take that seriously. You all right? I'm all right.

How are they going to take us seriously? I mean, I don't know. I don't think they're... Oh, boy. Maybe they... But I hope something is called civilian station. That's what Earth is called. We are a station for civilians. Yeah, that's a good point. Drop off point. I think I'm ahead of the game. I feel like an alien talking to dumb humans a lot because

Because people make fun of what I say, and I'm like, and I always just go, you'll see. You're going to one day use this civilian station. A lot of weeks in the comments, the next week someone will say, Nate was actually right. He's ahead of his time somehow. There's no such thing as civilization. It's a conspiracy. Has there been other civilizations? Sniveling nations.

Is there been other civilian stations? I don't think that's a crazy question. Critical comedy reaction. It's a meltdown. In all seriousness, though, is there's been other civilian stations? That's what we're going to call other planets. Whereas civilians have lived is what they say and they're gone. I would think they're gone. The argument is the reason we've never found in all our vast searching history

I'm sorry. Success. Now we're just having to see some life out of you. That's so funny. The argument is, in all our searching of all the cosmos, one argument is maybe because they've long since destroyed themselves. And they advance like we do with nuclear weapons or some sort, and then they eventually just kill themselves. And so they, all right. Okay.

Aaron's done. Civilian Station. That's what we're going to call this episode. Don't you think that's a good... That's how to describe Earth? Nobody's ever made that mistake before. The dribbling vacation. Civilization. It's

I just kind of stopped. It was like... Stop saying it! He was at the breaking point and that was just the shove he needed. It was like I was walking down a road and I looked the other way. And then I go, where was I? But I was still in the same word when all that happened. It gets better and better. Wait until you're 60. Things come out of your mouth. You don't even know. It's not my fault.

I was raised, I was taught by humans. All right.

So traveling is a big deal. It's a big deal during the holidays. What is it the most? When's the, do you know like the most? Most traveled? Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. Why is Thanksgiving? I guess Santa. Yes. Santa Claus travels. So Santa's got to come to your home. So that's, you know. Yeah. People with kids, they want to stay home. Yeah. Do that. But Thanksgiving's more of a go see the. It's also a secular holiday. So everybody, all Americans celebrate it, I feel like. Yeah.

It's a big word, man. But I thought you were going to argue that's why Thanksgiving is more travel. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's why Thanksgiving is more travel. Would you say that word just at your dinner table with your family? Secular? Yeah. I mean, it depends on the conversation. Would that be the conversation that comes up? Maybe, man. And you go, it's my favorite secular holiday. And your family would just, you come from a smart family though, right?

So you guys probably use... I guess I remember using that because my parents would make us go to mass on Thanksgiving sometimes. And I remember being like, come on, this is a secular holiday. You would say that in an argument to your parents. Oh, yeah. Come on, this is a secular holiday. What are we doing here? Yeah. Church and state. Come on. I mean, wow, dude. Wow. Did you have a lab coat on? Did... I mean, that's... Did you use it in... I mean, I don't... You know...

Yeah. We just, my family, we just clap at each other. We make noises. Like monkeys. Yeah. We're just, you know. They throw things, call each other idiots. Yeah. We're the idiot family and we just, you know, just stomp on the ground when you want something. You know, it's like how horses talk to each other. That's how, that's how we...

That's what goes on in our family. You just walk in, you just hear noises. You listen to the whale sounds. You're like, no, my mom's cooking some. We're not using secular, I can tell you that right now. If I threw that around my family, we'd all be like, oh, all right. Whoa, someone's taking some online classes somewhere, aren't we?

But there's no mention of when Jesus was born in the Bible. Yeah. Isn't it supposed to be... The people just think it's July, right? I've heard some people think spring or summer. But they weren't using a Gregorian calendar back then. No. So who knows what timing. No. Would y'all use a Gregorian calendar too? Would y'all do that a lot? That's the calendar that we all use, the Gregorian calendar, right? But would you... With those words, I mean, I just would love to be that...

Like you bring your girlfriend over like from high school and you go, my family, it's great. Thanks for coming. And then it's, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, hey, how you doing? What's your favorite secular holiday? You know, on the Gregorian calendar, obviously. And then the girl's like, what? That's the word you guys are going to use? You just run her off? Yeah.

Wouldn't be fire. I mean, I would almost say lever. A lever? Like a pulley or a lever maybe. Like a fulcrum. What? What's a fulcrum? You know, like a seesaw thing. Oh, yeah. That kind of. Is that what they say? Is that what you said? Fulcrum be the thing in the middle. Is that what you're saying? When you go ride as a kid? You're just a fun kid? You guys want to go fulcrum? And everybody's like, oh, God.

Do you remember riding the fulcrum a lot alone? Is it because that's how you described a lot of stuff? Hey, you guys want to go ride the fulcrum? And they go, I don't. Anybody want a fulcrum? We're going to just swing. I mean, that is what it is, right? Anyway. All right. Kyle M.,

Dear Nathaniel, I am a teacher in China and I can't go one more day without you using the word good as an adverb. The correct word is well. I've heard five-year-old Chinese kids speak better than you. One of them even has a guided horse. Perhaps bridle path should be catching these. Where, Kyle? Well, Kyle.

How about I tell you, I'm not really sure what an adverb is. So how does that make you feel? He gave an example here. I didn't even pick up on it. Where was it? Underneath it, where it says, here's an example. Oh, I've read. Oh, here's an example. Incorrect, he plays golf good. Correct, he plays golf well. Look, I'm not an adverb guy, and I don't talk about adverbs. I don't think I've ever talked about them.

He thinks of pronouns, a noun that gets paid to be in a sentence. I say good a lot, but I will say, I do know that when I'm saying good, that a lot of times it's not good. But I do it, it's saying it different, which sticks out. I'm in a job of words. So he plays golf well. I'm not going to talk like that. That doesn't fit. It's funnier when I say it's good. Good is what's funny. Yeah.

That's what's funny. If it gets under your skin, that means it's probably a better way of being funnier. All your Chinese kids, you're not going to make it in comedy if they talk to them a little bit. I'm sure they speak better than me.

You know, but we're not competing for the same job. Good on them. He spoke well. Court gestures. Yeah, we spent 15 minutes on rolling the farter and then we were just like, and the crusades happened. Oh, wow. That seemed like a tough time. Court what? Court gestures. How do you say it? Gestures. You got called out a lot from people.

Oh. Jesters. Jesters. Yeah. You can say jesters. I say like Chester, like Chester drawers. No, like. Do you think that's who invented them? Court Jester and then a Chester drawers and he goes, I'll just change it to CH and then didn't even notice. We're going to sell Chester drawers on their website.

What do you mean? That's jester. It's not like I'm putting an H in there. Yeah, you're saying it like, oh, that was a nice gesture. Gesture. But it's jester. Jest her. Like jest her. Jest her. Jest her. Who's in there? Jest her. She's in there alone. That's closer. Court jester. Jester. So I should say jester. That's closer than gesture. Court jester. That's better. Jest her in court. Uh...

Those words I have trouble. Those words? There's a collision of sounds right in the middle of them. I have a tough time. When there's a car wreck of noise in the middle of a word, I have a bit of a trouble. We should address this up top. You say the word a little funny. Oh, I do? Yeah. What do you call the... A poet would write a... Poem.

I don't even know how I say it. Poin. That's crazy, dude. Oh, I say it with one syllable and it's two? No, you say poin. Okay. I don't know what I'd say now. It's a poem. Poem, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Country coming out. But it's two syllables. We're talking about poin. It's like... It's two syllables, right? Yeah.

Poem, yeah. And I say it with one. Poem. Plus some other stuff. Well, this is going to be a long episode for me since I say it incorrectly because I got a lot here about poems. I'm sorry, but I just feel like we needed to call it out. Okay, so I say poetry. Poetry.

I'm good. Why are you hitting it so hard? That's how I say it. Okay. Well, tell me how to say that. Keep going. Just try it again. I'll just do it my way, okay? Try it again, yeah. Try it again? I'm going to say it the same way. Poetry.

What's going on? We've talked about it for so long. You hit it so hard. You hit it so hard.

That's crazy. All right. Sorry, Brian. It's all right, dude. I'll get it together. Just avoid saying it however you can. It's going to be tough because I know it's the topic, but just try to avoid it. Boy, yeah, that word's in here a lot. It's coming up a lot, huh? Oh, boy.

Let me just give Dusty a second. No, we're good. We're back. My stomach hurts, though. A poem. Is it a better poem? Poem? I like poem. It really separates the syllables. Poem. Poem? Yeah, you're great. I'm used to it now. A poem? Poem?

Okay. A poem is what? Finish the sentence. Okay, I'll just keep going. It's a piece of writing that, in contrast to prose, primarily aims to evoke emotion in readers and listeners. Poems...

My dog met story in 2006 in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. Me, my brother and two friends were walking in the back of an unfinished neighborhood in the black man community. Black black men. That sounds much better than that, man. I mean, that's sound. You're like, where's this? Yeah. I was like, Oh my God, that's crazy. Unfinished neighborhood in the black man community. Like, Oh, what is this podcast? That's how you say that is.

Super important. That's a very important. I should have got some heads up. I should have been briefed before we got to that one. Maria Alvarez, shout out from a stenographer.

It's when the words like come around the corner and surprise me. You know what I mean? It's, I don't know they're there. And it's, it's like, I just get the, you know, stenographer. There you go. Well, I know, but it's, it's honestly, it's the word just is like, I don't know. That's a word you don't see written very often. Oh, Aaron. No, it's whole job is writing it, but they just say it. Uh, yeah, it kind of surprised me. That's how I look at it. I don't know a word. That's what, just understand that's what it is.

Onomatopoeia is actually not that hard of a word to say. But if you look at it, you'd be like, oh, no. I don't know. Onomatopoeia. It kind of just finishes itself. Matt Oregon, my 10th grade English teacher, taught us that onomatopoeia is the second most rhymeical rhythm. What is that word? Golly. Rhythmical. Rhythmical.

Onomatopoeia is the second most rhythmical. That felt like I was like trying to jump over and not fall in the water during that word. Rhythmical. Like I just go, like trying to cross a creek and not get my feet wet. You got to kind of, the last one's a little bit farther. I'm like, I'll get there. The first iPhone came out in 2007.

Steve Jobs made a prank call order of 4,000 lattes to a nearby Starbucks. That was the first call? Yeah. I remember that. I watched that live.

Really? That keynote. Yeah. He called. Oh, he was doing a keynote. It was the first time I remember being amazed by a piece of technology. When he scrolled on the iPhone for the first time, just on the screen, I remember gasping. Not air conditioning? I was watching it with my sister. I grew up with air conditioning. You probably remember getting it, but I grew up with it. So when you saw that, you go...

I did. You gasped. I mean, it was unlike anything you'd ever seen. This guy's touching a screen and flipping it up. I'm gasping. I mean, you're watching. What, just nothing impresses you? I don't know if I'm going to be sitting. You're watching on a television at home. You're not watching Houdini in a town square in the 1800s. You tell me as a 10-year-old Aaron Webber in your living room, you go, oh, man.

He just, he scrolled on the screen and then, and your family came running in. If you watch the, you can watch the video of that. The crowd gasps as, as it happened. I mean, maybe in the room and like, I get, but you're saying in the living, in your living room on your television. How old were you? When did this happen? 2007. 16? Yeah. When they, 15, 16. Yeah. Yeah.

What's the matter? What's the matter with you gasping? Another grown man on TV scrolling? I'm not saying I'm not wowed by things. Yeah. But I don't know if I'm gasping. I don't know if I've gasped at anything. You've never gasped? I don't think so. I mean, it wasn't like, I wasn't, it wasn't embarrassing. What was that? I was just like, oh, wow. Mama.

You said they ain't going to do it, but they did it, mama. He's swiping on his... Did you start swiping on your TV and just go, is it going to move?

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for that one class yeah but you get paid class by class if you really feel like a celebrity they might get paid more right yeah who are you talking to no he was nodding no answer i mean aaron's aaron started his own podcast within the podcast he's i mean he's over here what is going on he's just my goodness

Everybody, please welcome to listen to Aaron Land. When is it air? Air's during Nate Land. Sorry. I didn't know you guys were going to do something together. He was answering the question. I'm sorry about that, man. Somehow I missed out that...

Boy bands weren't cool if you're a guy. Because New Edition, they were a big thing. But that's the only boy. And then before my senior year of high school, right before we started back, me and my buddy went to the New Kids on the Block concert. And we didn't realize that that's not cool for guys. So I bought a t-shirt at Starwood Amphitheater to wear to school my first day of my senior year. Big statement. Well, people quickly let me know. It kind of...

Yeah, I brought it for a visual. I wore this shirt to school the first day of my senior year, and it didn't go over well. Guys, quickly let me know this...

I mean... That's not cool. Like an improv troupe. Yeah. You would be... You would tell them that you do a concert, you're like, no, I stole it from some girl. That would be what you should have... You would have been like, all right, that's cool. I beat up a girl and took her shirt. I mean, I was so proud. It took like third period of people just like, what are you doing, man? Before I realized this was a huge mistake. And you had to wear it... All day. All day. Yeah, I mean...

yeah i couldn't go home yeah could you turn it on its head and be like yeah it's yeah it's

hilarious that I'm wearing this. I could have if I was smart, but no. It took me half the day to realize it's not cool. You'd be the time machine. We could go back and fix it. You're kind of past the point of don't you think you could have done it? Yeah, I could have done a lot of stuff. There's a lot of stuff I could have done differently. A little bit more. I went up to a guy in high school and asked for his autograph. Wait, who was it?

I don't know. That was... God.

You didn't go to my high school. Were you in high school? I was like a freshman in high school, and I was the biggest sports fan in the world. And I read like every Street and Smith College basketball magazine from cover to cover. And they listed the top high school players coming out. And a guy named Carlos Groves played at East Robertson High School. And he got recruited by Tennessee.

and he was in my magazine and I was so excited that he came to our high school to play. He was like a celebrity that I went up to him and had him autograph my magazine. And his buddies were like teasing him. You know, like what? It would almost be like if somebody came up to me now, like it was just ridiculous. Every way around, like he was embarrassed. I'm the only one not embarrassed at the time. Everybody else is like, what is going on here? And they just teased him about it. Yeah.

Chris Radcliffe. Nate, the worst word I butchered while reading out loud was horse devours. Hors d'oeuvres. Hors d'oeuvres. I pronounce it as hours devours. Hours.

And probably got ridiculed by my friends. I'm curious how you're pronouncing it right now. I said horse divorce. A horse divorce. A horse divorce. It's been happening a lot around here. Horse divorces.

What if you get a lawyer? That looks like a business card should be that. What do you do? I do horse divorces. And then he goes, oh. Specialize. You specialize in horse divorces? Do they get divorced a lot? More than you think. Imagine what do you think it is? And you go, I think it's zero. And he goes, it's every one of them. There's not one horse that I've met.

That stays with his running mate. They're all so unhappy. They're all so unhappy. And I deal with horse divorces. I got more than I want. And then someone comes over and gives him some caviar and he goes, Oh, thank you. Cause that's what they'd be serving at a horse divorce party. Upscale. Upscale. Upscale hours devours. Yeah.

You know, if you don't say, what is it? Hors d'oeuvres. Hors d'oeuvres. How did they get to that? I don't know. Do you think anybody says that word correctly the first time they see it? There's not a chance. Yeah. And even if you know it, you don't see that in your head when you say hors d'oeuvres. Yeah. You know, nobody does. Horse. You about to say, Brian? I was going to say, I can see how he would, hours devours horses.

I could kind of see that leap. Horse divorce is a little more of a leap, but... Horse divorce. I guess duvres. I could have said horse duvres. Excuse me, would you like any horse duvres, please? Oh, okay.

I will. You know what? I don't mind if I do. I'm picturing you as a waiter at a fancy event, walking around with some pigs in a blanket. Can I tempt you with some horse divorees? Divorees? What's that? Horse divorees. This is horse? No, no, no. It's pigs in a blanket. What's the matter? You don't need any cutlery for this. What's the matter? You don't need any...

Cut Larry. Cut Larry. You don't need Cut Larry for this. This is horse divorce. What do we got going here? This is a civilization. Just add every, you can almost make that a whole sentence. Yeah. Horse divorce. Cut Larry. Validity. What was it you said? Yeah. Validitimity. Validitimity. Yeah.

What's the Mary Poppins song? Valid. Super. I knew I was saying it wrong. That one I knew. I was like, for some reason the right words weren't coming. And then I thought, well, let's just see what words. Let's get to the docious part at the end. Yeah. Yeah.

Horse divorce. Just seeing a horse in court. He just sits there, both. I don't even want to look at it. Every judge. Why is the long face? All right. He goes, he loves it every time. He goes, all right. All right. I always start like that. What's the problem? Uh, and...

She doesn't want to be near me anymore. A lot of jokes like that. That's where the lawyers have a good time. It's a good, it's a fun place to be. At a horse divorce. To go in there. Horse divorce court. Horse divorce court. And to go in there and they bring in the little... The ponies. The ponies. And they're just sitting there.

And they're branding them. Get back. And you got, golly. One shows up with a bunch of brands all over him. And you're like, oh boy, this one's trouble. Look at all the brands he's got. He's got a bunch of these guys. He's all branded up. Rachel Caine, the amount of misfortune that happens in Brian's life.

I need a reality show. Please, someone just follow this man with a camera, keeping up with the Kardashians, but have nothing on bad luck Brian. Can I address this? Breaking Brian. That's what we call it, Breaking Brian.

Yeah. I admit I've had my share of embarrassing moments. I mean, I may be having a stroke right now. Yeah. But I also turned 50 today. So we've all, you live that long, you're going to have some embarrassing moments. Yeah. And as comics, we share them. Yeah. And that's what makes them funny. Now, so I hope they don't really think, I feel like I'm the luckiest person in the world. Yeah. I got great friends, prison company included. Yeah.

A great job. I get to do what I love. Yeah. I got a great wife. I got a baby on the way. I got a lot to be thankful for. You don't have a baby on the way. I do. Do you really? Yep. Are you kidding? Are you kidding, dude? Get out of town, man. There we go. That's awesome, man. Congrats, dude. Congrats, buddy. That's unreal, dude. Thank you. That's so great. Wow. Thank you so much. Golly. That's crazy. Oh, man.

I thought you were just joking. I got a lot to be thankful for. Nope. Yeah. Wow. I'm very serious. We'll get to the bottom of this stroke stuff a little bit quicker than we think. I know. We'll figure it out. Got to get it figured out. Got to be healthy for a baby. I know. How far along is she? She's already in second trimester. Yeah, yeah. I mean, at our age, we wanted to really wait and make sure that everything was good, but we felt like now we're at the point where we can tell people. That's so great, man. Oh, man. Little girl. Little girl.

A girl? Wow. Wow. That's crazy, dude. Yeah. That's crazy. So I'm very, we're so excited. Your mom just, she. She was thrilled. Yeah. She just couldn't believe it. Yeah. Yeah. So we're all so excited. Yeah. I don't know if anybody thought we were going to have a kid. I'm sure y'all didn't think you were. No, we didn't. And, you know, it's not easy at our age, but. Yeah. Things happen. It's a miracle. So. Yeah. We're doing it. Yeah. Wow, dude.

- Congratulations, man. - So if you're the praying type, I ask for continued prayers for a healthy baby. - Yeah. - And that I'm not having a stroke. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Let's do the baby first. We're gonna rank it in order. Like the way the prayer's ranking, like we're people in states. And they go, well, Alaska does, they did the stroke first, but most of the other country did the baby first.

At the end of the episode, I watched after the sign-off as Nate walked to breakfast, and I expected him to give him a hug or something after breakfast is big news. Instead, he reached over and grabbed some Sour Patch Kids. Typical Nate, keep up the good work. That was good. We've hugged. I don't think we did. Did we hug? I think we hugged. It's very funny. I'm going to pull that up. I want you to watch. No, I think we... I want you to watch. I think we have hugged. It'll take a second. We've hugged.

Occasionally. When you got married. Yep. When this baby's born. I mean, the fact that you guys are ever going to argue about it just proves it's not enough. I just wish we hugged more is what I'm saying. Yeah, there's a point. I hug. Yeah, there's my buddy Dan Chackie. We never would shake hands when we would leave because he'd be like, we're about to see each other. You know, it's like sometimes it's like you can be like, what are we doing? Right. You know, but I like hugging.

But when you're around someone all the time, I'm not hugging. Here we go. Here's the end. So you get up. Brian just made a good, it looks like you're about to get up. Hey, man. Here we go. Congratulations, dude. Oh, man. Priorities.

So there's a regional in Pittsburgh and it's not in the city, but the Saturday, you know, a group of little people were like, let's go and see downtown Pittsburgh.

So this one girl, she has a new minivan. All right. We're all little people. Her dad just bought this new brand new, beautiful minivan, accessible van, you know, very expensive. So we go into downtown Pittsburgh and everyone's drinking, you know, and I'm not because, you know, it's early and I was just tired. So the girl whose minivan it is, she only had like one beer, but she was like, I probably shouldn't drive. Right.

I was like, I'll drive. I'm fine. And so now we're on the fourth floor of a parking garage that is on a very heavy, steep incline. Fourth floor down. And so I get in very confident. I'm a good driver. And I start the car and I put my foot on the brake now.

And I put it in reverse. Now what happens is the pedal extension falls off the brake. So you put an extension on, obviously. I drive with pedal extension. So it's like a regular pedal, but there's two extended bars that attach to the pedals. One on the gas, one on the brake. So when I put the car in reverse and I put my foot on the brake...

I don't know how, but my foot just knocks that brake pedal off. So now all of a sudden, within a second, we are just full speed going backwards down on the fourth floor. And there's a guardrail where we could just go over five little people in this minivan. We're just dead. So real instinct. I'm like, look, I got to save us. So I just start hitting cars on the way. Boom, boom, boom, boom.

boom, boom, boom. I'm slowing us down. And I hit seven cars and now I get out and she, you know, she is just like, I cannot believe this. This is the brand new minivan. My family has been saving for, and I just hit seven cars. I smashed. So now we have to just sit there and wait.

To tell all these people that I, along with these other five innocent little people, just smashed and destroyed all these cars. I mean, just so many people walking out like,

Seven people. I mean, possibly 15 people were walking out and you're like, how you doing? Did you park on the fourth floor? You got to ask him, yeah. All right, well, we probably got some news for you. And then we got to get back to the hotel later because this is the convention. Yeah. And that's like the talk of the conference. Every little person knows what happens. Like everyone's mad.

You know, this family has been saving up for this minivan. And this is years ago. We're talking about 15 years ago. But I actually saw that girl. You know, I see her all the time. But a couple years ago, she's like, you know, we're still paying off for that. I told you the story about going to have a spot roof for my face. And they told me to put on a hospital gown. And I'd never, I've never been in the hospital. Yeah. So I didn't know if you're supposed to take your clothes off or not.

So I started, I was, for some reason in my head, I thought it would look dumber if I still had my clothes on when they come with the gown. You have jeans on. So I just started stripping down. And right when I just get down to the bed, the nurse knocks on the door. And I was like, just a minute. And she's like, it's just me, hon. And I was thinking, man, we just met. Yeah. And she comes on in with an intern. Yeah. And I'm just whatever. She's like, oh, you didn't have to take your bottoms off, hon. Yeah. Yeah.

So where was your spot getting removed? Right here. Next to your eye. Next to your eye. So then she has to leave the room and I have to completely put all my clothes back on and then the gown on. Why? Why did you have to put the gown on to begin with? To just keep blood from like, you know, getting on me because that. I completely stripped down. Took your jeans off. I took everything off. My socks are off. Yeah.

It's like a normal doctor's office. Like they're going like, yeah, we don't do stuff like this, man. Like you had. She had an intern with her. Yeah. Good night. Did they laugh? I think they were more startled than anything. But then I have to put it all back on and then he comes in with her and the intern. And I'm just like, I know they've been out there talking about me.

Everybody talked about you. Yeah. Oh, everybody. Yeah. That was like... And they went home. The guy in 431 took all his clothes off. Yeah. Oh, good. Because he looks like he would have... They know immediately who you're talking? Yeah. Don't tell me. Let me guess. My wallet's gone. My wallet's gone. I mean...

God, they make you really study when you sell peanut butter, huh? Yeah. I mean, you know, people ask these questions. You just don't go selling it. Yeah. Yeah. You know what's happening. You show up at somebody's doorstep. You better know your stuff. Yeah. I think nowadays there was no doorstep. Yeah. It wasn't like,

It was in a suburb. Girl Scout cookies or something, man. Encyclopedias. Come on. I had big accounts, Darren. Big accounts. You tie the horse up to the thing and walk inside. I had like Kroger. You know, like I had. Yeah. All right. My bad, man.

My bad, man. Yeah, man. I'm sorry. You're kind of belittling what I did. You got Todd Kroger into buying peanut butter. They were an anti-peanut butter. Go ahead. No, no. Now you sound like my dad. Okay. Who was like, you know, I always had a hard time explaining the job. It was a good job. Yeah. It was like, you know, paid a lot and it was a competitive job to get, but my dad was like, well, you know, you're,

you're not really in sales. I'm like, yeah, I am. He's like, well, I've been going to the grocery store for 60 years and they've always had Jif peanut butter. Yeah. What do they need you for? I'm like, I don't know.

It's not about whether they carry it or not. It's about how much they sell to their consumer. And there's all kinds of things, dials and switches I can move to help them sell more. And he'd still be like, yeah, you're not in sales. Like the display and such. Display is a big display. Shelf placement. Shelf placement is another. Shelf placement is another. You would be eye level? You'd like to be eye level. Yeah. You'd like to have a block.

You'd like to have a real nice block. I don't know why that's funny, Nate. I'm telling you, this is important stuff here. He said you'd like to be a beer. It's just such a serious... I felt like I was interviewing to be a beer. I go, so we want to be eye level? You'd like to be. Don't expect to be eye level. You're not just going to walk in there and be eye level. You're just going to walk in and say you're eye level.

I mean, yeah, you're a new kid on the block. Don't think they're going to try to throw you at the bottom. You show up the first day. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, and I saw it in a lot of different places. I mean, Jif, we were brand leader usually. We were. If you walk into a store today and you see Jif on the bottom shelf, somebody did something to make somebody angry. Interesting. Yeah. Now Pringles-

that was a whole we were you know you sold pringles yeah i sold pringles so you got a peanut butter no no we i was saying they were the same company i sold pringles jiff duncan hines is pringles considered a potato chip it is you're selling very easy you're selling things that are not easy i mean these i'm i think i'm on your dad's team i know it's you're selling stuff it's like i don't know i swear i went through this the things that i have to have i went through this but i was like that's

That's like you're selling cocaine. It goes pretty good. People really like it. You go, oh, is it hard to do? No, but I had competitors. You go up against Skippy and see how well you do. Jif is the main one. It is the main, but it got there through guys like me. Food's on the ground. Food's on the ground. Yeah. Shoe leather and knuckles. And now we know who to thank. Yeah. Okay. I started Jif is spelled with a G. Y'all are like the money ball chip.

Like y'all were. Yeah. Yeah. You're like money ball in baseball. Like your first ones use analytics. There's rich companies and there's poor companies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

We were a good... Was pizza-licious a big deal for y'all? I think pizza-licious slated right in at like a number five, our flavor lineup. Here's the thing, and it's a secret.

The red can original, red can, you're doing about 80% of the volume in that red can. I don't know what's funny about this. I mean, this is important stuff. Number five in the flavor lineup. Yeah. So what is that? Which they probably had it slated at a nine when they probably thought it was coming in at a nine. You had red can original is 80% of the business. Yeah. Okay. And then you had what we called right crisp. Couldn't call it light.

We did call it light and then they said we couldn't because it wasn't low fat enough back then. So we had to call it right crisp. It was in a silver can. That was usually the number two. Y'all didn't think about making the chip healthier. You just said we'll just change the name a little bit.

I mean, it was healthier. Yeah, it was healthier. It was healthier. I agree. Just not enough. Not enough. Not enough. Yeah, I agree. I still think it was a smart choice. I mean, you know. And then the green canned sour cream and onion, that's a solid, solid flavor. And then Cheezums. Cheezums was probably a number of four. And I'll tell you-

And I lose sleep over it even today. We never got the barbecue product right. Yeah. We never got our fair share of the barbecue business. And that's... We didn't. And that's a big deal in chips. That's a big... A huge deal in chips. I go barbecue a lot. Yeah. I go barbecue probably the most I would go of something. And it's Lay's Barbecue, right? Do you eat barbecue Pringles? No. You don't? No. That's true. That's on us, man. That is. That is on us. That's not on you. That's not on you. The fact that you guys...

You own up to it. You own up to it. I will go do more barbecue Pringles. Yeah. This is the 100th episode, right? Yeah. Yeah. Pretty crazy. Did you think we'd make it? To 100? Yeah. I don't know. I don't think I thought of it. You didn't think we'd make it. Yeah. Brian and I. You knew you'd get here. When I look at both of y'all, I think, golly, how did y'all slip by me for 100 episodes?

Uh, no, I don't know if I, uh, no, I mean, I thought, you know, I don't know. I don't know what I thought when we started it, but it's, you know, I mean, every time I go to shows, people come up, they listen to it. They love it. I, it's, it is fun to do. Uh, so it's great. And I love that. I mean, I love how much people are listening to it. And so it's fun. A hundred episodes. Yeah. So with a hundred episodes, uh,

We are going to change up something a little bit. And yeah, Bates, you go. You move up to my role, Bates. I'm in your role. Let's switch. People voted and they wanted more Brian. So we're going to change it up and we're adding a fourth co-host. Oh, man. So it'll be four of us.

I know people, you know, we've mentioned stuff like that. I think it's fun. I'm excited about it. Uh, it's just another comic, another, someone that's funny that, uh, I think fits very well with us. Uh,

I believe we have him blurred out right now. And if you're at home and you're trying to guess, you can pause it. If you want to pause it and try to take a shot. I mean, you think they could... I don't know. He's appeared on the show before. Aaron, do you want to take a guess? Would you have any idea? Yeah, I got a pretty good clue. He's blurred out, Aaron. So how could you see him? Can I guess? You took that like it was a real beating. I thought you were...

I thought we were going to go play long. You made it sound like I really just yelled at you. Oh, yeah. It was a cower over here in the corner. You go, I'm sorry. My bad, dude. Huh? Can I guess? Yeah. I'm going to say it's the guy that used to work with your sister who's the Bigfoot expert. He is. It is. We brought him in. He was great. He was amazing. Yeah.

Welcome to Nate Land, Dusty Slick. All right. All right. We're having a good time. Having a good time. Wow. That buildup really had me. You know what I mean? Yeah. I was more nervous about that buildup than going on shows. Yeah. Well, look, I think we're big fans, obviously, and I think you fit well with us. You

You grew up poorer than all of us, which is nice. Yeah, bring in a real poor aspect to this. A lot of money floating around this table. Yeah. Well, we didn't have money. Aaron comes from a pretty wealthy family. That's right. He comes from Royals. Yes. And then, but so me and Bates wanted to feel, we wanted to be able to punch down. And we were like, well, who could we get? Oh, Dusty was in a trailer park. Yeah.

I brought food stamps with me this time around just to pass out, just so you knew what they look like. That's how we're paying them. I am going to be in the Denver area in just a few weeks. I'm excited to go see a Rockies game at Coors Field. America's best baseball team. It's awesome. It's one of the best places to watch a game. It's awesome out there, which is why I want to give a shout out to today's sponsor, one of them, SeatGeek.com.

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We have these bells, too. We bought bells. You walk around the bell, and it, like, rings a little bit, and a bear bell. And so it's, like, enough to, like, so the bear would hear you. Because the bear doesn't want to meet you. But it's, like, if you walk up on it, that's when you can get in trouble. The bell thing, though, we wore it the first day, and no one else had a bell. And I felt so stupid as we're walking by these people, like, ding, ding, ding. And then I looked it up, and people were like, yeah, those don't.

You know, because it's like they're not loud enough. Like the bear's hearing is like our hearing, I think. And so it's like, you know, I don't know. It's like maybe it would work and it's not. You could do it, but it's if you I mean, we're walking by children without bells. And so I was like, all right, we were yelling, hey, bear, so much. And you just go, hey, bear, just a group of family of four walks by. You're like, you're like, oh, you're a bear.

Paul D. I think hay bear should be the response to hello folks. I like that. Yeah, that's fun. You know the last podcast I started with hay bear? Yeah. I love a nice hay bear. Yeah. Hay bear. A lady that gave me candy wrote a note and it said hay bear. Yeah. To me. I like hay bear. Yeah. Yeah. Could be good. Is hello folks. I mean, yeah, it's like hay bear.

So, you know, because I do hello folks and I do let's go folks when we start the podcast. Yeah, maybe let's go bears. Yeah. Jay Cutler. Yeah. A hay bear just got to pop in whenever. Yeah. Hay bear feels like it's one that.

it pops in. We were doing it on the trip and they're, they're very funny to pop in. Hey bear. Yeah. They just throwing in a nice hay bear out of nowhere. Yeah. You know, and if you're hiking and you do a hay bear and someone gives you a hello folks back. Yeah. Then you know what's happening. That's yeah. You know what's going on. Yeah. Hello folks. Yeah. Hey bear. Hey, that is a pretty even let's go for like, it is funny. Someone goes, hello folks. Hey bear.

And then see. Yeah, yeah. Because then people will be very confused on that. That could be, it could, y'all can, you know, I like it. I like the, you know, I like the less, I like people, you know, I'll talk to Harper and we were talking about hello folks and let's go folks. And we said, what, I was like, what are you? And she said, she thinks she's more let's go folks. But I like that there is a hello folks and let's go. Like there is a, it is like, you know, I met someone, uh,

And Paso and they were, you know, fewer hello folks. And then one's like, I'm a let's go. And it is like, you're like, you kind of get who the person is. Yeah. And that I do like that. I do like Hey Bear. Hey Bear. All right. Hello folks and Hey Bear. I like Hey Bear now. I got Hey Bear all weekend for people. It's fun. Hey Bear is great. It's, it's like, it is the good. I think someone said it in the comments. It's the best response.

The let's go folks. Like, Hey, if you say hello folks, you go, Hey bear. Cause it's such an opposite that it does. So I, I agree. I guess we can take a vote. The vote was Hey bear. I've been getting some Hey bear too. And I think I like when, like if a, if a lady says Hey bear to me, I'm like, my wife is going to be upset about this. Like people come up, they go, Hey bear. And I'm like, I don't know if that's okay. Yeah.

It sounds like you're already in another relationship so much that y'all have dick names for each other. Right, right. She's like, it can't even be like, oh, did y'all just meet? You're like, we've been dating for five to six years and she calls me bear and I go, hey, bear. Well, as far as bear attacks, it basically said don't do what you suggested. Don't try to run from the bear. The grizzly bear, that is. Because no one's trying it.

They said they can run as fast as a horse. Wow. It doesn't matter. It's the... It's the juice. Shake and bake. Barry Sanders could evade a grizzly bear. Yeah, I bet so. I bet Barry Sanders could tackle a grizzly bear. Well, he's a running back. But you tell me, though, he couldn't tackle it?

You told me Barry Sanders couldn't tackle it. Come on. Come on. It sounded like a guy. It felt like you slurred that. It did. It sounded like an old drunk Dusty. You told me Barry Sanders. You said Barry Sanders can't tackle a book. And you're like, Dusty, are you driving? Did you?

Very sad. You look me in the face. You sound occasion. Right now in the face, you're going to look me in the eyes, face, and say, Hey,

Business. Can't take a business. Is that what you're going to tell me, brother? Hey, all right, Dusty. All right, bud. This guy, something's wrong with him. Supposedly, I don't know for sure, but someone told me afterwards that I think there could have been a fight that broke out. You know, I got an email this morning from someone who said, was it the late show? Yeah. They apologized because they said...

And his wife, her hair, I guess, was hanging over the seat, the guy behind him. And the guy put his knee on her hair to pin it against the chair. Yeah. And they got into a, not a fist fight, but they got in a big argument. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I heard. So I sat in the second show. I watched the whole thing. It was awesome to just sit in the crowd and watch. And I had a real out-of-character moment. The guy in front of me.

Every joke you did, he would turn to his side and be like, I would do that. Yeah. Like relating to all your jokes, but in an annoying way. Yeah. And I had a really out of character moment. I leaned forward. I grabbed the dude on the shoulder and I go, enough. Whoa. Wow. Maybe that's what you heard. Maybe. It felt awesome. Did his wife have long hair? Yeah. Hair. Hair.

Is this what we're getting to? It was you. I said enough, dude. And then I leaned back and I thought about the whole show, you know? Yeah. Right when the show ended, I go, Hey, sorry about that, man. He was like, no, it's fine. I told you Arizona's wild. It's too hot. It's just too hot out there. There's not enough humidity. You need some.

But I've never confronted anybody in a moment like that. Do you think that guy even knew what you meant by enough? I don't think I know. He heard the tone of my voice. He knew what was going on. He knew he was misbehaving. So he's relating to Nate's comedy and having a good time, and you told him to stop. But thousands of other people were doing that without conversing about it right after the joke. We needed you in the audience of the shows we did in Arizona. Yeah, probably.

Probably. I would like, I had Aaron walk around just, if people, if they laugh too loud, not high enough. Right. He would just keep them kind of at bay. If they weren't really laughing, he's like, not enough. Not enough. Up, up, up, up, up. And then if they started laughing too loud, I'd go, what are we doing? Aaron just grabs his shoulder. Hey, what are we doing? And if their hair was too long, he would just pin it to the chair. Yeah.

Why don't we throw our trash to Saturn? I've always said that. Or they throw it to, yeah. You know what I mean? Start shipping the trash off. Yeah, we got. Haul it to outer space? Yeah. And send it to one of these garbage planets that nothing, what does it matter? That's what I'm saying. It's just like, you just gotta get everything to burn up and then become a ring. So you just start like launching all your people magazines up there. No, it is. It is a bad idea. If they can find a way to do it cost-efficiently. Yeah, sure, someday. Yeah.

Yeah, the cost is we're making the cost up. So it's like... Yeah, just do it. Yeah, just do it. I mean, we're not calling another planet to ask for money for... But first we need to take our trash to the moon. Well, every time we launch a rocket, take a little trash. Yeah. Go, hey, you're already up there. Yeah. Do you think it's ethical to just launch space out into the abyss, launch trash into the abyss?

Well, I mean, you got Saturn. That's not what's the point of it. So you have to target it and shoot it right into Saturn so it just burns up? Yeah, I mean, there's no point to, you know. Just an empty vacuum up there, right? If the aliens come and go, hey, you guys been the ones dumping all this trash out here? Yeah. And then we'll go, honestly, we didn't know you were out there. They'll understand. Have an ongoing argument.

I think that if ants were as intelligent as humans on average, that the ants would be able to take over humans and kill them all. There are 2.5 million ants per one human, and they are strong. My son disagrees and thinks humans would be able to take them out. What do you think? I think humans still win. I don't know. If they're as smart as we are. Two and a half million to one? Yeah. Your entire bot... I mean, like, that means... Let's say it takes...

I don't even know if it would take half a million to cover your whole body. How many do you think it would take? Just say if it's 500,000 ants covers your entire body, like they could crawl on your body. That means it's every human, there's four kind of things that go...

Well, I guess it depends like where are we starting from? The ants, where they're at right now, and then all of a sudden they get smart? Because we already got chemicals, right? So if the war just began, we could just start killing them. Yeah. Just massive, everybody kill all the ants. Yeah. Well, what does it mean for them to have human-

intelligence can they all of a sudden talk like human beings and communicate with each other i think it's like a father and son having fun and y'all are not and that's a part of it uh

I just think if we were like, all right, we're at war with the ants. You believe in the human spirit. Yeah, we got to turn it up and we got to go AWOL on these ants. I don't know. Now, the only... I'm just about to leave. We have to... We got to go, you know, wild on these ants.

I just don't think you would ever know where they're at. I don't think you'd ever know where they're at. Like it'd be hard to, they get underground, they get, they can just hide and then they can be planted. The other thing is too, you could go to the water, you'd go to the ocean, but then if they get on your boat, it's, it's bad news, but you would, you would go to the ocean. I guess you'd have to get out on water. But I think your saving grace of your human being is these ant colonies are not going to be, there's no central organization with the ants.

These colonies are going to be acting independently because they have no way to communicate with each other. So an ant colony in India is not going to communicate with a fire ant colony in Alabama, right? So they're just going to be these sort of independent groups moving around trying to take out humans. We have the power of communication with each other. Yeah. We can coordinate. We can combine our efforts. I like our chances.

I mean, there's just two and a half million to one. I mean, do the math on that. What's how many people are on earth? It's just past eight billion, right? So do eight billion. And then what's times two and a half million? I have it here. It's like 40 quadrillion or something. I mean, where are they dispersed across the globe? But you can pour gas into an anthill and then light it. 20 quadrillion. They're all gone. It's a number that's unimaginable. Yeah. Yeah.

We can relocate to an island. These ants can't swim across water. Eight million people can't go to an island. What about anteaters? We would train anteaters and they would be on our team. There you go. This is like Infinity War and Avengers, but there were so many of those creatures that they overtook us, remember? But anteaters would be...

I think it just never stops. It's just the sheer numbers for you. That seems to be the thing holding you back. Well, 20 quadrillion is not even a number. It's like it's so much that it's not even – and it's just the sheer force. I mean, just think if you had to fight 2.5 million ants. Yeah. Could you beat 2.5 million ants? I could. In a room. With all the resources of the U.S. government? Yeah, I think I could. No, no. It's got to be – I'm breaking it down just one-on-one. Okay. Okay.

You in a room with two and a half million ants. How big is the room? It also depends on the type of ants. Airplane hanger, I hope. If it's these little sugar ants, easy. I win. But if it's army ants. Fire ants. The army ants that you see in the jungles in Africa, they will tear you up. Now, those are the ones that are scary. Spectracide would be the front line of defense. Yeah, ants can't hide from spectracide. Do you think you'd get drafted?

Yeah, I think so. I think you'd be a general. You're talking about these kind of ants right here with these pinchers on them? Yeah, I mean, now those... These are terrifying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I've seen them tear apart animals on National Geographic. But just imagine if this thing had hopes and dreams and aspirations and ambition. But I think the ants would, you know, get jealous of each other.

And they would be like, well, the army ants are really taking over. And I don't like that. There's going to be some internal issues with these ants. Yeah. Yeah, but you're acting like we're doing just in general a great job as a country. We're holding this together better than these ants are. We're a mess right now. The ants are loyal. You think ants are sitting around having this discussion right now? I think there's loyalty. I think there's loyalty between ants. I think push comes to shove. There's loyalty among humans too. I have to believe that. Right now we're faced with the ant war. Somebody comes on the news tomorrow and goes, the ants have risen up.

They're smarter than us. We don't care about aliens. There's not 20 quadrillion aliens on Earth. We don't know. There's a lot of big space out there. It's true. And we started throwing trash at them. That's a good point. I think we could take the ants.

Yeah. You think you could beat two and a half million ants? I think so. I say no. Sugar ants? The sheer number would just overdo it. They're as smart. Anything that you can think of, they can think of. So just remember that. I would say give me- So they could figure out talking or they could figure out- I think 25 to 30 smart ants would take me out. 25 to 30? Do I get a weapon? They would take my gun. They would pistol whip me. 25 to 30. Yeah. I will-

Take the emu side. So we can't just have this dominant. So who wants to... I'm comfortable taking the emu side. Who wants to take the lion side? Bates? I'm going lion too. There's zero chance. I'll jump on emu. All right. I'll jump on emu here. So we... I like this. I like the debate. You get to get talked into five interesting facts about emus.

An emu's feathers cannot be so soft. That's not a good strong. I mean, who wrote the sentence, the emu? An emu's feather cannot... Can you zoom in? I'm going to read it. An emu's feathers... I thought it said father at first.

That's probably true, too. An emu's father cannot be so soft, so they grow up in hard times. Right. A chip on the shoulder. They grow up in hard times. A lion. It can't be soft, but it cannot be, too. An emu has been through it. A lion is like, you're the rich kid. Right. And they're very family-oriented. They got nuclear families. They all stay together. Yes. The lion grew up, no problems. No problems. No hardships. No hardships. An emu, out of the womb, he's fighting. He's scrapping. Oh, yeah. And his feathers, the way he's-

The way this emu wrote this, they also can be soft, but they also cannot be so soft. Right. It's not always so soft. He said, listen, sometimes it is, but not all the time. Emus have the strongest legs. That's enormous. Yeah. Strongest legs. Big legs. Does not say, I don't know what it compares to. There's no comparison. But...

Compared to an ostrich. Yeah. Compared to the other birds. But it has, so I'm assuming the strongest legs of anything and everything. So the kicking power is wild. The running power. That's going to translate to speed. We're running away. I mean, there's part of me that's going, a lion's going to go into this pretty cocky, and an emu is going to just light it up. This thing squats more than an elephant here.

Like they're, you know, like this is like the piranha. Like even though it feels like a piranha, like it's just like, it's like a velociraptor. Yes. Like a velociraptor beat a T-Rex. Yeah. So, you know, when we had this bracket, you would say there's no way. Yeah. In Jurassic Park. No. The movie.

It did? Yeah. One-on-one? At the end, it beats the one. Well, then they fight at the end, but yeah, I think it does at the end. I don't know if it does, but... No, I think T-Rex. I think it did. T-Rexes. Yeah, I guess they do. The police raptor is just like, it's just all over. Like when something's so big, that's like when Royce Gracie used to fight in old MMA stuff and he'd fight like a big sumo guy.

It's like they get so tired. But we just had a debate about a polar bear possibly losing to a Siberian tiger, but now an emu beats a lion. Well, we're taking the – I'm trying to make it fun. You've got to have some upsets here.

Yeah, you got to have his votes. And I think this is because this just happened in the tournament this year. The one seed comes in. Yeah. And, you know, if they sleep, if they take it for granted, they're going to go down. Give me those other facts of the email. Let me read the rest of it. Let's play the fight out. Let's play the fight out. I just want to finish this fact. They get more fun. Yeah. Yeah.

I was reading them for some reason that prompted you to go to a different page. They started to get bad. That's why I want you to keep reading. Yeah. Emmus have a pouch in their throat for communication. Now, this is... Trash talk. I'd imagine some kind of like maybe walkie-talkie, maybe the first next tell. Yeah. Yeah. They have a pouch in their throat for communication. Like they don't even waste their time for...

What do they put in that pouch? Their phone? You know what it could put in that pouch? A weapon. So now this emu, because look at it. You think it's playing by the rules? No. There's no playing by the rules. That's cheating. It's an emu cheats. That anything can happen. So I think an emu has now got...

Probably a gun. Right, right. We're going to go ahead and say it. The emu brought a gun into this fight. The emu is armed. The emu does have a gun. So the emu gets a gun. Because it has a pouch and it can hide it and we did not check the pouch because we didn't know they had a pouch. Where's a lion putting a gun? Here's the problem. Emus don't have arms, so how's he going to shoot it? It does it anyway. It's automatic. So look, it's... Look at this situation. Here's what I'm saying. The emu... Because when you frisked...

Look at it. You frisk something. You don't ever frisk someone's throat. That's true. So why would you frisk? We would be so busy in the feathers and we don't know that he's got. Which cannot be so soft. Yeah. That we go like, I cannot believe how not soft this is. You might even cut yourself trying to get the gun out of there. And you're just like shaking it and just like some dust. It looks like you're shaking a, you know, dust is flying out. And you're like, I don't think he's good. And we don't even know that in his throat he has a gun. Yeah.

You ever use the toilet with the padded seats? Yeah. I don't care for it. I don't like it either. I always... Do you like it? I didn't mind it. It's probably nice to... If it's your own home. It's like a boat. Yeah. If somebody else has got one, great. Yeah. But if you got to deal with the upkeep...

I bet it's not fun. What's the upkeep? Yeah, what's going on? I mean, I imagine it's... I mean, you got to wait a couple days for it to get back to form. Memory foam. You got to fluff it. It's a dead gum thingy. It's all bent out of shape. Lucy's like,

And I know who's been in here. Told you to use the other bathroom. It's got an air pump. But I did it to Harrison Butker, who is the kicker for the Chiefs. And he went to Georgia Tech. So I was like, dude, tough miss. Go Jackets. And then I was like, you've got like a trend going. You know, tough miss. Yeah. Right.

or something like that. Go Jackets. It's funny, actually, that not to... No, because I was like, that's the connection I have, but I didn't even go there. He's like, my brother's got in, I didn't get in. But that's how I have to do every veiny thing. I have to go, I didn't go there. Go Jackets. Did you say Jacks or Jackets? Go Jackets is brutal. Is it the golden jackets?

The yellow jackets. Go jackets. Do y'all say go jackets? Go jackets. Tough miss.

Go Jackets. Let me see what I actually said to him. He doesn't even know what's going on. What'd you say? Sorry. Dylan Lee. Plays for the Braves. October 30th. This must have been the World Series. No shame in that start, my man. Proud of you, bro. You ever met him before? Yeah.

No shame in that stuff. Hold on. My man. I think it's worse. Oh, no. That was October 30th, 2021. He responds, August 16th, 2022. Just saw this message. Thank you. From a game a year ago. He goes, where were we?

doing october 30th you gotta remember it he goes man that's my aunt's birthday uh oh world series this lunatic he goes so shame no shame that start love you brother i don't even know this guy

He's got to reply to it. I'm crying. Because of the blue check mark, he has to go, I guess I got to respond back to the game. Don't ever forget where you came from. Love you, brother. Go Jackets. I remember that specifically because it was a bullpen start. We only have three starters. So we had a bullpen game, and they were like, I guess we're starting...

Dylan Lee. No shame in that. Who is not. Yeah. Who shouldn't be out there. No shame in that, brother. No shame in that, brother. Love, you're proud of me. You're making me proud. You're making us proud. Go Jackets! Couldn't be prouder. I love you.

I am told a story and I'm sure you'll tell it, but we're just to preface it. We were telling like the worst joke you've ever told. Okay. That may be heard from someone else. Yeah. But Brian's was about his own. It's a, it's about something you maybe took pride in at the time, but now looking back, it's really cringy or whatever. Now, Brian set the seed for this. This is so funny. Well, I don't even know if I completely remember the joke, but it was something about when I was single, I would ask, are there any single ladies here?

And then maybe one, whatever. And I say, oh, I meant shingle ladies. We have shingle ladies here with shingles. And I told that joke for a while. Was it closer? Is that the whole joke? Yes. I meant shingles ladies. Oh, and he said the part ladies with shingles. I mean, the disease shingles. I wanted to clarify.

Yeah, that was one of my go-tos when I first started out. Oh, man, that's the worst I've ever heard. There's no more to it? I mean, that's the part I remember. At this point, Aaron had got up from the table, so... I couldn't just imagine a tribe doing that. Oh, I mean, shingles, ladies. Huh? You get it?

When I first started, it was one of my go-to. Hey, I thought it was honesty time here. Yeah. Sometimes all you need is to set it aside as a comic and then you can revisit it. Yeah, I want you to bring that joke back. Dust it off a bit. I mean, shingles, ladies. I'm married, okay? I'm not looking for the single women. Oh, there you go. It's a different spin on it now. Yeah, tell them why you're looking for ladies with shingles. Because, you know, you're like, I want my daughter to get chicken box. You know what I mean? Come on to the house. Yeah.

Now we've got a great punchline. It's actually a good bit. Fix the joke, Dustin. Brian's going to open his third dry bar special with it.

Yeah. I mean, I like that bed. I like it. Yeah. We know the name of my new tribe, our special shingle ladies. Question mark. All the shingle ladies. Yeah. If you liked it, you should have put some cream on it. Yeah.

So I was at, my wife and I toured a daycare today and didn't, you know, seem okay. Didn't know a lot about it. Then I go to... For who? He's back, baby. Yeah.

For my daughter. And then I'm at the grocery store and there's a car there with a bumper sticker for that daycare. So I thought, man, I'd love to see this person. Just ask them some thoughts on this. Mike, what's the problem? Did you wait for them? As I was coming out, don't get ahead of me. As I was coming out of Kroger, sure enough, there's a woman getting in that car.

And I thought, I'm going to go over there and ask her about this daycare. But I want it to look natural. Like, I just happened to be walking by. And, hey, I know this, whatever. Did you grab a cart, an empty cart? I had bags in my hand. She gets in the car a little bit faster than I anticipated. So it was kind of far away. But I don't want to yell. But she sees me.

So I don't want to just stop and like turn around because then it would look like I was coming after her. So I keep walking just like I'm going to my car. And I'm like, well, as soon as she pulls out and leave, I'll turn around and go back to my car. But she doesn't pull out immediately. So I have to keep walking and pretending with my bags like I'm going to my car. Yeah.

And I had a- And have you passed her car? I've passed her. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I keep looking back and she's still sitting there. So I have to keep pretending like I'm walking in my car, walking through the Kroger parking lot.

and she doesn't leave eventually i'm gonna be late for this podcast if i don't get out of here so i i eventually had to just like turn around and then kind of make a circle around her like i lost my car it was about a 15 minute extra experience so you walked by her yeah cars to your right you walk past and then you had to cut through the cars and then start walking down to the front of her car

down the middle of the aisle. I didn't come right back to her. I kind of circled around like, where's my car? And then so you make a circle around so you circle her and then you talk to her? No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm,

I mean, at this point, I was just trying not to be conspicuous, but it kind of drug out longer than I thought. Yeah. I think it's a good message to people. That's why you don't put bumper stickers on your car. You got these kind of people that are going to come up and a grandfather is like, we're thinking about taking my baby to that daycare. And she's like, what? She goes, you have a baby? Yeah.

That's what they think. You know that lady, she's probably 28 years old. She's exactly the age you would have a baby in. And this old man that's got his milk and bread. Excuse me. Is there a lot of kids in that daycare? What's the age group? You need to get away. Oh, my gosh.

I was in Dayton last weekend, and I did a radio interview to promote the show. And you guys know when you call in a radio station, typically they go, all right, we're going live in three, two, one. Or they go, we're going to start recording now. I call into this radio station. It's the local country station, and they were so nice. But I did not know that as soon as the call started,

We were going on this interview. So the entire interview, I thought we were making small talk before the interview started. I gave the worst 15 minutes of radio anybody's ever heard. She goes, I answered the phone. She goes, so you're going to be in Dayton this weekend. I go, yeah, I just had the interview.

Yeah, we just had a family funeral that I just came back from. And I was like, oh, yeah, it's been tough. Logistically, it's been real tough. But yeah, man, I'm excited being Dayton for sure. And she goes, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm good. I think I got some kind of science infection or something. I was like, after this call, I'm going to go to urgent care and hopefully they'll give me a steroid shot. And she's kind of like she's trying to be an interviewer, right? And she goes,

So what can we expect from the shows this weekend? And I go, hopefully it's better than last year. Because I was like, I'm just talking candidly to her. I go, last year, the shows were fun. But it was supposed to be three shows. And then they had to make it two. So I don't know. If it stays at three shows, I'll be pretty pumped.

And then she goes, and that was comedian Aaron Webber. And I was like, oh my gosh, dude. And then the call ends. It hangs up. And I was like, if anybody heard that, they were like, what type of comedy does this guy do? He just complains about his life for 15 minutes.

Yeah. And then last week I went to the Preds game and I got to do a couple of things. I did a little interview with Valley Sports and then I got to wind the, the,

The wrong direction. Well, I'll tell you, the lady goes, I go, which way do I go? She goes, either way you go, it will make the sound. And I go, okay. And she goes, but it's going to take a couple, you know, to catch on. So I'm winding and then it's never catching. So I just on my own go, you know what? I'm switching directions. And then I got it going. Is that actually making the noise? It is. They hold the microphone up to it.

Oh, okay. But as you can see, if you look around at the fans and the audience while I'm doing it, nobody cares. They're not getting fired up.

Look how red your face is. I know. I think a little bit of that is that screen like that because other people's face look pretty red back there too. But man, I mean, it's like- You come up for air. Mine is so red. But look at that girl back here. I mean, her face is so red too. Yeah, but look at yours. I think she's black. But look, I mean, yeah, my face is super red. I mean, dang, I mean, I get-

I'm working. Listen. But look at her face back there. I mean, come on. Put the mouse. What face is he talking about? This guy. Yeah, but that girl's got makeup on. That's what I'm saying. The screen is changing our faces. She's not a clown. She didn't wear red makeup. I mean, yours is...

Yeah, but I'm working here too. I mean, listen, I got a special called Working Man. I can't be not working that thing out there. I mean, come on, guys. Yeah, my face is a little red, but I'm working it. These people are just standing around. Oh, that's great. Yeah, I saw the tweet of you just sitting at the desk. I was like, we got Dusty analyzing hockey out here?

Well, they didn't ask me any hockey questions. I wish they would have. You know they got guys skating under four seconds. Would you ever say something about hockey? Well, no. Well, I did say that I'm just amazed people can even skate, much less skate and hit the smallest – other than golf, the smallest –

ball if you will yeah my face is that's like look how red that is that's crazy that's what i'm saying there's no way my face is that red come on guys that's yeah but no one else's face is red but this this girl back there's red i mean not like that like i mean you look like a different person yeah but i mean if my face is that red i'm stroking out i'll

Well, I mean, you look like a miner that got under the ground. They just brought him up an hour ago and they said, you want to do the Pratt's thing? Because he's been underground for a month. I mean, I'm not denying it, but that can't be reality, though. And he just saw the sun.

You look like, you remember the wrestler Brother Love? Yeah. That's what you look like. I know. I mean, that's what I'm saying. But that can't, I'm just saying, it's got to be some effects of the screen. Look at that thing. What could the effects be? I don't know. I mean, because the other people around you don't look like that. But, you know, if I look like that and I'm walking around out there, people will be like, you okay? Well, I mean, right in that moment, it's...

Yeah, you're tired. I mean, it's intense. I'm not denying it. It's a wild red. A little surprise, I think, for everybody listening. We are here in Paducah, Kentucky. Oh, yeah. I got to take these off. We're at about two-thirds of the solar eclipse. I never heard about the eclipse before Laura asked me about it. I didn't know that was happening. Have you heard of an eclipse? No.

I saw the last one. Not that Mitsubishi Eclipse. Nice, dude. Eclipse, the rapper. All right, who's going to explain it? Which one of the five of us is going to explain it scientifically? You don't know what it is. You, John, because you don't know what it is. What is it?

Well, so this is the moon going in front of the sun. So we're on Earth. Start there. I usually only do the moon behind the sun. That's usually when I go out. But I thought if it's in the middle. Yeah, I do a moon behind the sun. I do that every year. One of them can't happen.

How does that happen? Does the moon go behind the sun? The moon never just goes. How big would that be if that happened? We'd be dead. Way before that. There's just a little sliver of the sun still visible. It looks like, well, it's dark. If you look back that way, there's a plane. So it was interesting to see. There was a flight. You think that's that Delta flight? So there was a Delta flight. That might be it. Could be. And there was a Delta flight that was flying. People booked it to fly the...

They're flying the whole time. Flying with it in the dark. Everybody's on it to see the eclipse. Aaron's trying to get to a week. Is that Venus right there? Monday night show. Aaron's on the way back. I think that is Venus. That's Venus right there, yeah. No. Yeah, yeah. I see Venus all the time. That's one other point. Are you guys going no sunglasses now? I'm going to run to the bathroom real fast, and I'll be right back. No, page, page. Oh, you can see the shape of the moon now.

I mean, look at it. It's crazy. Wow. It's crazy. And when it finally gets fully dark. Oh, here it goes, man. If you're listening at home, it's getting dark. It's getting dark. It's completely over. Can you get it with the camera? Wow. Oh, you got a camera. All right. There it is. They know what they're doing. It looks so close. It's complete. It looks insane. Sunglasses on? Sunglasses on? I feel like it's going backwards. Glasses up. Oh, it's going the wrong direction. Yeah. I'll tell you what. It felt like the sun did a... That is...

I mean, the precision. Don't look at it. You can't look at it anymore. Don't look at it anymore. No, but I looked at it before when it was like that, man. Yeah. You okay? I don't know. When does it kick in? The next day. That's what they said. The next day, I'll be blind? That is Venus. Look, Venus is going away. I'm going to see some stuff today, man. We saw Venus. Yep. How about that? And then it's just daytime again. Wow. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah. That's awesome, man. Man, I believe it. So this one. You're already over it. It's not done yet. What?

I mean, Aaron's got to call it 205. It's barely a sliver, and you're still, you're just, you're through. Guys got to get to that open mic. Yeah. You guys, all right. You think, Aaron, in normal life right now, you would be done pumping gas and then go in the store? Like maybe you would have stayed at your truck just because you'd have been like, look at that. And then once it clicked, you'd go inside? Yeah.

And then be frustrated that the guy's outside looking and you're not inside. Let's go. And so do you think you would eat the donuts? You'd eat one pack and then go, I'm not paying for both these packs. I'll pay for one pack. I'll tell you what, I'd already be back inside by now. Oh, yeah. For sure, yeah, if I were just at home. I'd go, all right. How do you gasp at the iPhone and then this? Which one do you use more often?

The sun. I know, but this is just, yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. The sun is a great point. Much more often. Yeah, the sun's involved. Yeah. It's pretty. Yeah, yeah. It's just. It is amazing. I don't want to sound like I'm. This is pretty cool right here. Yeah. Yeah. That is amazing. This is a weird. Yeah. This is not your normal dusk. This is your favorite part of the eclipse. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. The wind. The guys being together. Yeah. Yeah.

I think maybe in the beginning of, you know, being a public figure that it would bother me. But at this point, wow. You know what I mean, though? I'm not saying, come on, guys. Who do you think you are? We're all public figures. I don't think Andrew Jackson ever said that about himself.

You don't think that you're public figures, though? You don't say it. Oh, okay. You don't say anything. But what I mean is you're a person who's decided. How often do you tell people you're a public figure? That may be the first time I've ever said it. No, I think you tell a lot of people. I think you walk in and you go, I'm a public figure. That's what he tells Uber drivers when they go, what do you do for a living? Yeah, he goes, I'm a public figure. I don't think I'm a private figure.

Go ahead. But I... Yeah. Brian's a figure. But I think that we... And he was dying for the public to know about him. They just won't listen. But public figure, I think, is better than saying, you know, a famous person or whatever. But you're like, you've put yourself on this. You say, now that some people know who I am, say something like that. Or just say I'm a comedian. But...

Is public figure not better than people know who I am? I mean, the Kardashians are public figures, I guess. But they are very famous people. Yeah. Being in the cultural zeitgeist, you know.

I just think that we've decided to put most of our lives on display. Sure. A-list celebrity. And so now people can call you out on everything you wear, everything you say, every word you pronounce. Every, you know, every move you make. I'm not the most public of public figures. But as cultural tastemakers, we need to. Yeah. Yeah.

Hello folks and hey bear welcome to the land podcast. I'm neighbor gets the brown baits aaron weber dusty slay, all right and surprise boom We are in a new studio. Here we are. Yeah, I mean this is We I don't think anybody knew this was happening. Uh

Y'all knew, but... Even we kind of doubted it. Yeah. You know, we had been seeing, you know, I had seen the room and it was empty. Yeah. Yeah.

And this is it. They've done a great job. This is a new studio. It's out of my house. That room gets to become an office. I've never had an office. And you get your house back. I get my house back. I enjoy that. I think it feels better to leave.

your home to go to work. I'm sure people, you know, that work from home. So it's like nice to get out and go do something. And dog will miss me. Yeah. Oh yeah. I think we're all, you know, I went to your house today. Yeah. Just sat there. Yeah. I thought, I guess everybody's running late. Yeah. Uh, so yeah, this is it. Uh, they done an unbelievable job, uh, with this dayland podcast. This is a map behind us of old Hickory, uh,

We've got some new photos. Still, it's heavy me. Yeah, still pretty Nate heavy. But we have some stuff. There is a lot of me stuff. And I mean, look, the second y'all start putting a den in show business, I think we will get your stuff on. Krispy Kreme had, if you bring in your report card, for every A, you get a donut.

Wow. You talk about incentivizing. Yeah. Yeah, that is pretty good. That would be a good incentive. They still do that? I don't know. I don't know if it was just the one by our house. Is that how you got into Notre Dame? Say less. Straight A's this whole childhood. Dang, dude. This guy's killing it. What if we all find out it wasn't Krispy Kreme never did this. It was just your family did this to you. Yeah.

And they go, Chris McQueen's like, I don't even know what he's talking about. They walk in. He's like, let me go in there first and make sure they're still doing it. He slips into the box. He's like, when my son comes in. When my son comes in. Yeah. A 12-year charade. He goes, I don't even know if they're open. Let me run in real fast. And his dad goes, hey, I got a son. You're going to, you're noticed. And. There's his senior photo. Yeah.

How we know it's him, you'll know. You'll know who I'm talking about. He gets that picture sitting in the back of the van. And he's going to get it. Listen, when this kid comes in, he's going to show you his report card. And he goes, are you still doing the thing? Oh, yeah, we're still doing it. We're still doing it. I think I got a funny new tour name for you, Bates. All right, let's hear it. Hang on. I'm ready. Bates' tour is called Easier to Drive. What?

It's just a tour of every gig you get. You go, you want to fly? I think it's just easier if you drive. It's always in a city where there's going to be a layover. You're not writing it down. You only take bookings. None of them are flights. They go, can I fly there? They go, you can't. But I, to be honest, it's probably easier just to drive it.

Not what I was hoping for, but... No. That's a good... It's good in the sense that, yeah, you're showing you're getting to other parts of the country that maybe other comics aren't going to. That's right. You haven't gone full Hollywood like Nate. He's only doing shows in LA. You're reaching different parts of the country. You're going to real America. That's right. Different parts of the state. Yeah.

No, different parts of the mid-state. The mid-state. He goes, yeah, look. The middle Tennessee kid. He goes, ah! Now that I like. Boom! This is you? Yeah. That's dusty. Yeah, watch this. You gotta...

Was this when you were drinking? Yeah, oh yeah. Oh yeah. It's a terrible video. Wait, is this Halloween or are you just hanging out? No, I did it. Go back to that one. Elvis karaoke. I was hosting a... Yeah, I had to put on a lot of weight. I can't even imagine this being you. Yeah. I did a roller... Look at this. I did roller derby karaoke.

Or something. You were the talk of the town. It was a hot video. It's my favorite. It's called ElvisLives.wmv. Oh, that's great. I'm sorry I made fun of his voice. I didn't know you used to perform with him. Yeah.

Not only is Aaron the best ad reader, but he's also the best impressionist. Oh. What impressions? Thank you very much. Was that good? Well, best compared to me and Brian, two guys that do no impressions. That's how the word best works. Throw out an email right now and I'll do it. Christopher Walken.

We need more cowbell. That's really good. You didn't even try to do it. I closed my eyes for a second. What are you talking about? That was Christopher Walken. I want to do more cowbell. That's how you did it just now. I don't even think that. Is that Christopher Walken that does that? Yeah, yeah. That's him in the sketch. Is it him saying it? Yeah. Oh, okay. Got a fever. Will Ferrell. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Do it, do it. I've already done it. I've already nailed it. I want to hear it. My favorite Christopher Walken is from...

Joe Dirt, though. Can you do any of those? I haven't seen Joe Dirt. Give me somebody else. I can do anybody. That's the most disappointing. Obama. Michelle or Barack? Let's do President Barack. President, okay. Well. Is he a point? That was a sassy Barack. Well. Well, let me be clear. Hear me out.

The point is I do good impressions. You guys are jealous. You said throw out anyone. He gave you the easiest one. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Let me do that. Get to the chopper. See? They all seem. I'm killing it. All your impressions seem more feminine than you are.

Right? You get more feminine. Don't say it like that. Well, I'm saying you're not a feminine person. That's right. I wear brutes. But when you do an impression, they get feminine. Get to the chopper. Well, compared to me, Arnold is feminine. That's what I'm saying. Okay, I'll give you that. Get to the chopper. Get to the chopper.

I actually do. Have you heard Brian do impressions? Yeah, I've heard them. I wasn't sure they were doing it. Sneaky good. Like give him one. Lawrence Fishburne, maybe something like that. Do Lawrence Fishburne. Okay. This is Lawrence Fishburne from Boys in the Hood. Oh, man. You don't want to mess this one up. I need those. Don't mess this one up.

I want to know where this is going. You did what? Most of those standardized tests are biased, except the math portion, the math universe. Are you doing the impression now? Yeah. Oh, okay.

You couldn't tell? No. I was nailing it. I thought you were doing you. No, that was Lawrence Fishburne. I thought that was a disclaimer before. Right. I thought he was doing Bates telling us what he was about to say. Like, these are the words I'm going to use as Lawrence Fishburne.

Go ahead. All right. Well, dude. Okay. Should I do Lawrence Fishburne from the Matrix? No, no. I think I know how you're Lawrence Fishburne. Oh, this is Denzel Washington from Training Day. Okay. Training Day. Okay. Wait, what scene? What scene? The very end. The very end where he's going crazy. Where in this scene, because I want to set you guys up, his partner Jake has taken the money. Yes. And he's leaving with it now.

And he's out of options. And the people in this neighborhood have turned on him. Yeah, we get it. Ready? Oh, I'm putting probation on all of you. All right, cut. No, I'm not done. I know, I know. But I'm going to just give you some notes. Okay. Because it sounds... I don't have a pen, but go ahead. Tell me if I'm wrong, but this sounds exactly like the way you just described the scene. Like it was... Right? It was the same voice.

I'm a nuanced actor. But I wasn't done. Okay, I'm sorry. You're right. King Kong. Oh, man. Come on. I'm me. Come on. What are you talking about? That was even worse. What are you talking about? I feel like Denzel's in the room. Hey, man. What are you talking about? Oh, my gosh. Ugh.

I don't even. Oh, that was awesome. Yeah, we're actually in a real movie set. Ain't that fun? Ain't it fun that this whole. It's crazy. Look how crazy it's gotten. Y'all were all just started at this little dumb podcast during COVID. Now we're. I wasn't even around. As you don't know yet, or I don't know if you know, you weren't even around. Yeah. We're all movie actors now. All of you are in the movie. That's true. Yeah.

So we got them all in. And Derek Stroop. Derek Stroop is in the movie as well. Yeah, Nate very generously put us in the movie. It's very exciting. We got, if y'all want to say y'all's title. I do, actually, and I'm pretty proud of it. Trash Collector One. Yes. Trash Collector One is in it. Now, take a wild guess who number two is. Yeah.

Well, I think most people will think Dusty. Yeah. But they are incorrect. I am trash collector number two. My agent's not quite as good as Aaron's. And that's always what I've called you guys. Yeah. Trash collector one and two. You want to show the... Yeah, we've got some pictures here from our day on set. There's me and Brian in uniform. All right.

And then... That's what you guys wore before you joined this podcast. Yeah. Here we are taping our scene. You know, the night before, we went and watched the new Mission Impossible, and Tom Cruise does all the stunts. And Aaron and I were like, we want to do our own stunts too. Yeah. Did y'all watch that the night before? We did. Yeah, we did. Down here? Yeah. That's fun. Yeah. Uh...

Yeah, so this is a very fun thing. We just got to this studio part, so you're seeing the house. It's all crazy because – and Dusty's part, we just can't really say what it is because it's – It's good, though. But it's good. And you saved on wardrobe for his part. We'll save that. Yeah, Dusty's wardrobe was just come as you are. It is funny when people dress me, and then I go, this is what I wore here. Yeah.

I need this dressing card. Breadwinner, March 13, 2026. We'll tell you so many more times. Yeah, you'll hear about it. Yeah. All right. See ya.