#95 The Earth LIVE at Zanies feat. Mike Vecchione
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You guys ready to get this show started? All right, coming on the stage right now, your hosts, Nate Margazzi, Brian Bates, Aaron Webber, and special guest, Mike Vecchione. It's very nice. Mike Vecchione needs coffee. A little bit of diva. Thank you guys, obviously, so much for coming out. This is very, very nice. It's amazing to support y'all's show. And we're going to start off with, first off,

Let's go, folks. Thank you. I know we have to read these ads, but look, when we read them, just always know y'all are supporting this and supporting stuff that we're doing farther along, like making Mike Vecchione special tomorrow night. Yes.

It's a big deal. We've got a great special here at Zany's. And please come to it, guys, if you haven't already gotten your tickets, which are still available. Still available. And even if you're here on this Wednesday when it comes out, please, please still come to it. And that's the most important thing, I think.

But we're excited for that. I'm directing. Mike, when should I tell you I don't know how to direct? When would you want to know that? Oh, yeah, it might be Wednesday. I'll tell them that Wednesday. You're right. Look at that shirt. I know, that's awesome. That's so awesome. Yeah. It's got the Grammy. We're going to get a picture or something. We'll do it. We won't make you...

I'm like, come get on the table. You know, the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. Again. All right. Let's get started with these comments to get it going. North Ridge SB. Very funny episode. Aaron called the flay of fish meat free.

And Nate acted like buy one, get one free margaritas is a better deal than half off margaritas. And in both instances, no one said a word. Par for the course for this hilarious podcast. Thank you all for the laughs. I had a flay of fish last night. Really? Yeah. You went meat free, huh? But I went meat free.

Yeah, because I'm still trying to eat better, but then when I get home, I can get off the rails when I don't have my barber with me. And so I was like, then when I go off, I go off. And so I had number one little side filet-o-fish. Nice. You got the side sandwich. I got the side sandwich. Big Mac meal with a filet-o-fish side sandwich. Side sandwich. You got it, dude. I went medium fries. There you go. He goes, you want large? I go, ah.

I let on enough that he put enlarge on the screen, and I go, I'll do medium. He had to change it. Half off margaritas is a better deal than buy one, get one.

It's the same thing. Well, if you're only drinking one. If you're only drinking one, then you only have to pay half price. If you only want one, then you pay normal price and then you got an extra one. Yeah. But everybody's an alcoholic. What about meat-free? Catholics don't think fish is meat? I don't know what fish is. It's not meat. It's not a fruit. It's not a vegetable. It's not meat.

So it's kind of its own thing. Yeah. All right. You're just hoping, like, Jesus hasn't heard about it. He's like, what's that? He goes, we're eating fish. He goes, ah, damn it, I never thought about, I should have said fish specifically. Sarah Chia, or Chia? Chia. Chia, right here. Wow. Oh, you know her. Wow, Nashville is small. All right.

And Nashville is small. We know her. We know her. She's our cousin. Just kidding. I'm not a Catholic, is what she says, but when I was a baby and my parents wouldn't take me to be baptized by a priest, my devoutly Catholic uncle baptized me over his kitchen sink.

I'm interested in your official Catholic educated opinion on whether I could become Pope more than just theoretically. So would that count? I think the baptism might be valid. Where I think you're going to run into some trouble is being a woman. I think that might... Wow. Wow. Shots fired, Aaron. I didn't make the rules. That's what you said before, though. I don't know.

We don't do it. It's Notre Dame, dude. Notre Dame makes good rules. You can't go there if you're a woman. Aaron, go ahead. Tell them. Women are not allowed to go to Notre Dame. Aaron, go ahead and tell them. They've started allowing women in the 70s. Oh, that's cool. They've been around for a while. Yeah. God. Look, one day you get a right to vote, and y'all can change that, all right? All right.

But if you are baptized and if your uncle did it, I think you could be Pope. Even if it was over in the state. You said anyone could be if you're a baptized Catholic. That's over half the world population. Yeah, I forgot about women. Do they really not let, they don't let women? Nah.

Someone's going to get a hold of that. This new 2022, they're going to get a hold of that real quick. And then that's going to change. Like, well, we've been doing it like this because of God and stuff. And they're like, doesn't matter. Even tell God we want women.

Isn't that how they baptize people in Nashville? In the kitchen sink? Hill folk? He thinks we're all hill folk. All right. He comes from education background. The North. The North. Thank you. We got some union folk here. Wow. Yeah. Isn't this y'all's time's off?

Mike's going to leave during the set for union hours. He goes, I got to leave. I can't work for some of this. Courtney Pruitt. Whenever someone mentions Easter egg hunts, I get an instant tension headache. I went to a small church in San Diego and we wanted to put on an Easter fair for the local community. I was in charge of the egg hunt and grossly underestimated the number of families who'd come.

There weren't enough eggs for all the kids, and I'll never forget children and parents wandering around looking for eggs when they'd all been snatched up in the first 30 seconds. And I'll never forget how angry the parents were at the end. What a terrible way for a church to serve the community. I've never helped with an egg hunt since, and I never will. This is survival of the fittest. It's the best. Yeah.

Should have let them know. Not everybody's going to get in heaven. You know? They want a shot at it. Well, you got to earn it. You know what I mean? It would have been better if she said that at the beginning. You just go, we don't have enough eggs. So these eggs are, you know. Very valuable. Something. Prize. What's the, I don't know the word. I don't even know what I was trying to say. There's something I would have liked. Carrion nuts and, right? Yeah.

K-N-U-D-S-E-N. Knudsen. Knudsen. Knudsen? Kary and Knudsen. We just had a squirrel attack our car wires as well. My dad is a mechanic, and he said to use original scent Irish spring bars of soap, put it in a sock, and fasten it up underneath the car, and it works. You try that? I haven't yet, but I will. Do Irish spring bar soap.

put it in it's always like so much extra stuff yeah it's like you want it to be like all right just get soap and you're like all right just throw it in the car or something it's like no no no you got to get a sock that you're fine getting rid of and then you got to fasten it up underneath the car special scent irish speak no original scent do you have to then move it like you have to before you go out there get it out and then always go back and forth i don't

I don't know. Like when everybody goes to your car, you got to... Do you mind popping that hood? And then you just untie your sock and soap. What does it mean it works? It keeps the squirrels away? Or they get poisoned when they eat it? No, it keeps them away. Yeah. Because apparently squirrels are attacking...

and Bates' car. On a regular basis. No one else has heard any about this ever. Me and Carrie Ann.

Carrie Ann and Bates have got a wild squirrel thing going on. Lauren Watson, to get rid of the squirrels, there's more squirrel stuff. Put a flashing radio clock out there and let it play 24-7. We got rid of squirrels and garden critters this way. You can also sprinkle human hair and they smell it and stay away.

Yeah. Keeps.com. Is that right? Brian can't afford it. No. He's like, I don't know. I can't just throw hair out there. I'd rather have the squirrels. Yeah. It's a lot of stuff. Why is it a radio clock? I don't know. Hair works. To put human hair just... Wow. It doesn't blow away. Is Lauren here? Yeah. Lauren. Y'all know Lauren, dude. All right.

Y'all know all of these. You're like, y'all didn't give them, no one of them got tickets? You're like, yeah, I don't know. I mean, the flashing red clock, I think, just, I don't know, is, you know, if you want to know. You put the plug in. If you're letting the squirrels know you're white trash, you're like, well, how are they going to know if I don't have a car out there? You're like, well, put a flashing radio clock and let it play the whole time. That kind of lets everybody know what's up at your house.

Don't bother breaking in. There ain't much in here. All our expenses are out in the yard with our flashing radio clock that keeps the squirrels away. I just would like you to explain that to your neighbors. Is your alarm going off? Everybody really bailed on me. I was like, we're about to get on a run. And then everybody's like, that's enough. Yeah.

Melody Trippett. Is this you? Wow. All right, Melody. Can I set this up? Melody's the one last week who booked the plane tickets and the house, and then her boyfriend broke up with her. Oh, yes. Wait a second. Uh-oh. She's got a story. There's a story to this. Oh, he's here. The boyfriend's here. Tom, there's a new guy.

We're just piecing. - What is this, the guiding light? The Nashville soap opera. - So what the comment says, my boyfriend and I got back together, he realized how amazing I am. So that's the gist of it? - What's that? - That's the right, yes. Welcome back. - Thank you. - Congratulations. - Welcome back. - Congrats. - We're big Melody fans, so we're glad you're back. Don't blow this ever again.

Just we were worried all last week. We didn't know what was going to happen. Melody, but he's sitting somewhere else because of the breakup. He's got to work his way back into your life. Is it symbolic what's happening here? Because it's a what? Is it symbolic? Symbolism? Can we get somebody to look that up? Mike, we're trying to get people to come to your show tomorrow night. Golly.

All right. Melody, you're coming? Is your guy coming too? Is your guy coming too? Y'all can maybe do this afterwards. Zoe Louise Jackman. I have been dying to come see all three of y'all in person. And even though I live in D.C., I finally convinced a friend to come see the live podcast taping in Nashville. Woo!

And then went online to buy tickets and I literally bought the last one. So I'm coming alone. Is she here? Zoe's here? Alright, Zoe! Please tell them. Stay away from her boyfriend. Yeah. Stay away. Stay away. There's a guy that's 50-50 over here and he's like, what's up, Zoe? He's like, let me hear what Zoe's talking about. You know?

Please tell the folks to be nice. So be nice to me so I'm not some loser sitting in the corner. You're not. We're all alone. Mike's alone. Everybody's alone. We're all just a bunch of alone. We're all a bunch of, you know, everybody's alone. We're all losers together. That's what makes us great is we ain't better than anybody. Thank you for coming. I'm glad you came. Even though alone, that's the best time. That's the best way to go to stuff. I go to stuff alone all the time. Yeah, a lot. Like what? Yeah.

I don't know. McDonald's? I'd go McDonald's. McDonald's is alone in a parking lot.

You know how many times I've done that? You're doing way better than that. You just try to find a real far spot away from everything, and then someone parks next to you, and I mean, I get furious. You'd be like, dude, I'm in the middle of, I found a mall. There's no one even this, and then people just want to park next to you, and they come up there, and you're like, I mean, I'm embarrassed about what's happening in here.

I feel like you're just going to get out of the car and look at my McDonald's and be like, and a flay of fish? And I'm like, well, my friend just left. As I make up a story, I'm like, my friend just ran out. He came and he said, give me a flay of fish. And I go, all right, you swear you're not going to leave? And then he left. Here we are. It's meatless. At least it's meatless. It's meatless. I go, it's vegan. It's vegan. Darja Pazone.

Darja Pison P-I-S-O-N That's a good guess. That's a good one. Why is Aaron so freakishly good at ad reads? Aaron? Tell that to Miss Karaoke on YouTube. I'll tell you why. It's because I believe in the products. Yeah. That is a good one. That's why. Aaron just yeah he's good at it. He went to college.

I think there's just a... Did they teach you that? I think there's just, in general, there's a low bar for reading out loud on the podcast. So I think what happens is... That could be very true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you read with confidence. I mean, it's a college education. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so. It's Notre Dame. They teach you stuff like that. During the day. Yeah. You're in Notre Dame. Y'all...

What? During the day? I got, yeah, during the day I got my degree. Oh, yeah. Not at night school. This is old night college over here. We like to call it Twilight, the Twilight program. As it goes, you get a Subway sandwich at this window, grab your masters at the next. Welcome to night college.

Tom Sites. Nate, can you explain how you produce and direct a comedy special? Seems like I would just keep a camera on the comedian's show so people cracking up from time to time. Can the same special with different directors really look that different? Thanks for shedding light on comedy specials. Uh,

I know. I don't think they can. And that's why I volunteered my time so up. There's more pressure on me than Mike. Mike is doing me the favor because I don't know how to do directing. And so I was like, let me do this. And I know he will be solid as a comic. So it's like I can just hide and you'll be you don't know that I'm not good.

And we're doing it with another 800 pound gorilla, which is a great partner that we have. And they know what they're doing. So I do have someone with me. Yeah. I've asked a lot of questions. Like I, everybody I, we talked to, I'm like, just remember, I don't know how to do this. So don't, you can tell me like, you don't know what you're doing. Uh,

But I think we got a good idea. I think it would be really great if in the middle of it, like 15 minutes in, I get rolling, get some momentum. You just come up on stage and go, cut, cut everything. And then just smack me in the face. Yeah, I'm like, Mike, what are you doing? That's what I should. I will do a lot of cutting tomorrow. I'm going to go, cut, cut. Is Mike Special just someone else up there? Still call it Mike. I'm like, halfway through it, I was like, this guy's not going to resonate. And we got someone else in.

Jared Robertson, just watched The Greatest Average American. I got to know who put syrup in the waffle maker. And I'll tell you who, Breakfast Bates. They probably could have guessed that. Does it not make sense? Yeah. Once you've done it, you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is all day long. It was, yeah. Yeah.

He actually made me sound better than it really was. Yeah, it was worse than, yeah, I was trying to be like, you know, show a little class. Yeah. There was a countdown clock, so I could see exactly when things were about to go bad. Yeah. I mean, just the line. You know, like if all of us were in line behind Brian, we would all be like, you almost want to see it and you'd expect it. You're like, well, let's all go watch. But when people don't know, it's a lot. It's a lot for people.

And then he just ruins everybody's breakfast for the rest of the day. Got down there early. He's got his little MTSU shirt on and shorts. He's in clothes that you're like, did he sleep in them? Probably. I don't know.

Everything he said was true. That elevator opens, just like he's looking at what's going on. He's never been in the lobby. What's happening down here? It's a little busier than I thought. Cam, my doctor told me to strip and put down on a paper gown. Put on a paper gown. Oh, to put on a paper gown. While I waited, I felt the need to make an adjustment. Forgetting the gown was paper, I ended up ripping a whole...

in exactly the spot you're thinking. Oh, wow. It made for an interesting conversation when the doctor came back in. By the way, I wasn't there for anything below the waist. Not sure where my pants were off. Wow. You and Cam. I know. Cam sent that in after I shared my story. They probably booked you all together. They're just like, you don't want it spread out. You're like, can you go the day? The day where this kind of stuff happens, you're like, I'd rather get it over with.

- Cam was smart enough not to share his last name. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Is Cam here? Cam, are you here? - No, I don't think he would let us know. - I was gonna say maybe it wasn't a doctor. Maybe it was like the janitor or something. - Yeah. A janitor that, God, Mike. Get it out now, Mike, for tomorrow. Get it out now. Julie. I always liked the name Julie.

As long as it's a big fan. Julie. I was in Throes. In the Throes. In the Throes. You sounded like that was a city. Well, this city would be gone. I was in Throes of childbirth at university. Like, that's all a place. You were in Throes, the place, that was the building she was at, in childbirth. I was in the Throes of childbirth. That's in the heat of it, right? Yep, yep.

Right in the mix of it. When else would you use throws? Do you use it for other times? Throws of passion. Oh, and throws of passion. Jay Cutler throws. He was into throws. Yeah, why would you not say that's confusing? I was throwing in the throws of the childbirth at a university teaching hospital. I mean, this is like giving a discount.

Like, that's like, I used to get my hair cut at one of those things. It was $5 that you let them try out on you. And this sounds like where she was, you know, for birth. It's a little bit cheaper. We see how it goes. I was in the throes of a childbirth at a university teaching hospital. My doctor asked if some medical students could come in to observe. See, this is what I'm talking about. This is a night hospital. Uh...

Thinking that they have to get experience somewhere, I agreed. With all of my parts on display, I came eye to eye with a guy who I had worked with in a supermarket. Two years earlier. I don't know which of us was more embarrassed. I mean, that's tough. Wow. You know, that's tough. Y'all just go, lane two. A little...

Got a spill on lane five. Like, just a joke to break the tension. Like, you have to say something. Paper or plastic. I know, I know. Paper or plastic. He makes a joke. It's like, oh, you've come a long way. Both of you have. You both have come a long way. I never thought I'd be here, and I definitely didn't think you'd be there either.

That would be, they let, doctors, they do that where they let someone, they're like, will you come in and like, you know, you mind taking a gant? I thought I had someone where I went to my doctor. The Undertaker? No, well, the Undertaker. But then recently, and they were like, you mind us bringing, and they brought someone in. Where was that at? What was going on? I don't know. I don't know. Oh, I got an allergy test because I was trying to get my allergies to see if I was allergic to a cat. Found that out.

Never knew that. Do you have a cat? No. My parents did for quite a while, though. Fat cat. But this, I mean, this was all the age. No one even asked that. It was like, you just sneeze a lot. You're like, yeah, I got a kid that sneezes a bunch. No one ever thought. We never thought to like go, why would I go to a doctor and see what you're like? He'll get through it.

Just wildly allergic to everything we had no idea. Must be allergies. It's December 25th. Probably these allergies are getting crazy. I mean, they didn't do any testing for any of this. Like, allergies you just didn't have. Did anybody have allergies when we were kids? I mean, when y'all were... You know, you and Bates, y'all grew up in the 40s or something. What would y'all do in your wagon? Would you be...

Would you know? Smells like Iowa. You're like, I can feel it. It would just mean you can't go to the Army. That's all it meant back then. My daughter and I was a pediatrician. I didn't have a pediatrician growing up. The guy who delivered me was my doctor of my entire life. Oh, really? He saw it all the way through? All the way through. We stick to our own. I kind of like that. Yeah. You have a doctor that goes, welcome, and he goes, I'll see you. It's like...

It's like Kramer's vet. Yeah. Yeah. I can carry a chicken and a goat. He would even do it when you were like in high school and stuff? All the way. All the way. Is he your dentist too? He's dead now. Oh, no. But if he was alive, I'd still be going to him. Yeah. He goes, every time you walk in, he goes, he turned off much different than I thought. He goes, what? Like it's a guy that sees you from the beginning and he's just like, what happened, man? And I don't...

I don't know if that was an age thing or a Lebanon thing. It's probably both. Yeah. So did you have your doctor for the whole time? Pediatrician? No. Did you have a pediatrician? We moved back and forth between Florida and Ohio, so different doctors. Your mom's here. Did you have a pediatrician? No. She can't hear. She left a while ago. I walked her. I can't watch this. I walked her.

My dad's here, but he wouldn't know if I had a pediatrician, so I have to ask my mom. Jesse Rothacker. Jesse. This is you. Jesse. All right, finally got you this whole table. We just took... Kept trying. If y'all want to get comments, I'd talk to these people. They figured out a way. Jesse Rothacker, our reptile rescue was just asked to take in a bearded dragon that has been diagnosed with genetic gout. Aaron, thank you.

We were told she will have a swollen foot and need gout medicine for the rest of her life. Would Aaron be interested in adopting a pet bearded dragon with type 1? It's not the urn kind. Type 1 genetic gout. Aaron, do you want a bearded dragon? The bearded dragon is here. I don't know if it's smart to have two gout things in the same house.

Plus, if I feel like if I had a pet that had it genetically, it would hold it over my head. You know what I mean? I brought it on myself. Yeah. Like you. Yeah. Like you've you've done bad. And he's like, look, man, I wish I didn't have to live like this. But I have to. And his beard is better than yours. Probably. Oh, my gosh. You just run in the room. Here's you coming in.

Every time that water, you walk in that water, like Jurassic Park. And he's like, he just kind of gets up in his bathrobe and gets something to drink. Well, you woke me up. I heard you stomping around. Heard that gout foot dragging. Just hearing it just drag. You can't get it up, so it just drags on the...

Yeah, look at that. All right. A little nod, Aaron. I mean, just. There it is. You're like the micro machine man. Like, you know, he was, I mean, you can't, you're not, you're talking that fast, but everybody liked his commercial.

Who? Did you say the Michelin Man? Wasn't it Micro Machine? Yeah. He would talk real fast. I thought you said the Michelin Man. That's a lot less complimentary. No, yeah. Okay. No, you look like that. You don't sound like that. There...

So, today, we're trying to pick a fun one, and we found out Earth Day is Friday. So, we're going to talk about the Earth. There's a good chance we've talked about the Earth? Well, we've talked about oceans. We've talked about... Most, a lot of the Earth. Parts of the Earth. 70% of it, yeah. But we never really talked about Earth. We're talking about the dry part tonight. Huh? We're going to talk about the dry part this time. Oh, the dry. Tonight's all about the dry part of the Earth. Mike, you know anything about the Earth? I know the crust. The crust?

And I know the mantle. Yep. And then I know the core. Yep. So... That's right. It's called earth science. That's called earth science, guys. That's as far as I got. No chemistry. Only earth science. Earth science. That's cool, man. That is cool. Rocks for jobs. Way to go, Mike. Way to go. That's impressive. They probably didn't even know that much stuff when you were in school yet. You're going to be like, what's these clouds everybody's talking about? Well, those came along later. Yeah.

It is funny. We started with Rhode Island, and then we did two episodes on the universe, and then we were like, let's back up a little bit. Yeah. Let's go back to Earth. We got too far out. Yeah. I like how you guys introed it. You go, we found out it was Earth Day coming up pretty soon. Yeah. It's like, really? Well, we have a team of people that are looking for things. Are you a big Earth Day guy, Mike? Do you celebrate Earth Day every year? I haven't, no. I've been missing it.

You don't even know it's here. I don't. It's a big, we should celebrate it probably more than we do. Right. It's the main thing. We do kind of breeze by it and you're like, well, we're all on earth. Can I defend myself? Because I'm being attacked a little bit here. All right.

I live in New York City and it's like you're not very in touch with nature. You live there. You're walking down. It's mostly buildings. You can get lost in the urban scenery there. Yeah, yeah. New York City, the thing that would probably kill Earth. So... The most amount of people. Cities cover just 3% of the Earth's surface. Who? Cities. Yeah. Cities cover just 3%. 3% so we're not the problem. Yeah. Y'all are two of that 3%. Uh...

You guys know, we don't know who named the Earth. Oh. All the other planets in the solar system are named after a Greek or Roman god. Earth? No, not so much. Just Earth. Just Earth. Yeah. No one even knows who said it first? Nope. Nope. I mean, it's a word that means dirt, but we don't know who came up with it. So we were using Earth before we even... Was it like, we're just saying Earth and we're digging dirt, and then it's like, we might as well just call the whole thing...

There's a lot of dirt, so why not? Yeah. Maybe so, but we don't know who said it first. Scientists say... You know? No. No. There was nobody. So no one knows God called it Earth. He goes, welcome to Earth. We're like, all right, we're going to go with that, man. And he's like, yeah, yeah, feel free. He goes, do you mind if we say that? He goes, no, no, no, no, no. That's why I said it. I want you all to use it.

Bates, what kind of word is it? Maybe we can detect it through the etymology. It comes from Old English and High Germanic. That way. The Germans. You don't want to ask any questions with that. Earth is 4.5 billion years old. There we go. Give or take. 99.9% of all the species on Earth are now extinct. Oh, really? They've never existed. Yeah. Where is that coming from? But we're all here. How many different things were there?

Well, that's a long time. Huh? That's a long time. Yeah, but what is the other thing? Like, it's like dinosaurs and stuff. Like, we... I feel like every stat acts like humans are just pointless. Like, they're like, y'all are just nothing. You're like, well, we're doing pretty good. And I think we're doing better than all the other things that didn't make it. So, why don't we... You know what? The 98% are dumb. And we're the smart 1%. We should be more proud of ourself.

Well, we're acting like a stegosaurus is like, yeah, you'd be lucky to be him. You'd be lucky to be a stegosaurus. Homo sapiens have been around for 450,000 years. Yeah. So that's one 10,000th the age of the planet. Huh? That's one 10,000th. That just shot your theory down, Nate. We're not doing that good, actually. We're not? No. Yeah, but Earth was a mess back then. It was just a big problem. We came in and cleaned it up.

I mean, we're doing pretty good, dude. I don't think dinosaurs had podcasts and stuff. Like, they didn't, you know, they weren't entertaining. It was all business. Everything was like, I'm trying to eat, and they got to eat, and then the cavemen were trying to eat. Like, no one was like, let's have some fun, you know. We have so much fun now.

Researchers at Liverpool John Moore University in the UK say that dinosaurs may have changed the climate with their farts.

That's like, where's that at? What school is that? Liverpool John Moores University in the UK. What is it? It's like a community college over there. That's what we don't know? Yeah. That's how we don't know. If I go over there, I go into Ball and Steer State Community College, you'd be like, whoa, that's crazy. You know, and that's their version. What's the doctor? I think it's a doctor. It's a guy. Doctor said that. That guy's a doctor. His name is David Wilkinson.

And he just said that? Yeah, he said they put out 520 million tons per year of methane, which is as much as we're putting out now. What does that even... Well... Wouldn't that be awesome if farts changed the climate? I would go... Well, for that guy, I would go, but could you do more science stuff, man? You keep doing... Going down this other path.

It's like a guy that's not good at his job. Like he goes, yeah, but you know the farts of dinosaurs? And you're like, dude, we're trying to do like cancer and stuff. So like you keep coming in with just this pointless, like I don't even know how to see if that's correct. The amount of manpower that would take to go even be like, I guess so. It already happened. The guy comes in and goes, pull my finger. Pull my finger. You're like, oh man.

Earth is not a perfect sphere. It actually bulges out at the equators. It's flat. Fat. I don't know. That's how we get to it. The earth is fat. Oh, the earth is fat. I like that. That's what flat earthers should say. They go, no, I've been saying fat. The earth is fat. And then everybody's like, oh, I guess so. And you go, yeah, we could lose a little. You know what I mean?

It's earned. It's an earned fact. Do you know that if you shrunk the earth down to the size of a pool ball, it would be smoother than a pool ball? But, I mean, you can fly through it. What? Well, stuff comes through. You can't get in a pool ball. I'm saying that's so smooth. But if a comet flew down to that pool ball, it would hit it and bounce off.

where Earth is gonna come through. There's no way for it to be smooth, 'cause you can fly through it. We're going in and out of it. I think this makes a ton of sense. - All right.

I learned that at Volunteer State. Liverpool. Liverpool. Vietnam Veterans? Yeah, Vietnam Veterans. Volunteer State, Vietnam Veterans. I went there, and you'd be like, whoa, how'd you go there? You're like, it's a family thing. They only let families in. I was a legacy. I was a legacy. The circumference of the Earth is 24,000 miles.

Meaning if you went all the way around it, it would be 24,000 miles. Okay. And... That's so great, Bates. You're spoon-feeding circumference to us. Yeah. All the way around? I don't think he's doing it to us. I think he's doing it to me. He looked right in my eyes. He could have whispered it off the mic a little bit. He could have been like, just a round of the, you know. Okay.

So it's 24,000 miles around. It takes 24 hours in a day for it to do one spin. So how fast is their spin? 1,000 miles. That's right. 1,000 miles an hour. Thank you. I'm good at math. I'm good at math. At the equator, if it's the North Pole, it's barely spinning at all. Okay. It's just like a basketball. If you spun a basketball on your finger, the sides would be spinning very fast, the top barely at all. Yeah, but nobody's

Yeah. Nobody cares. But it's still spinning. It's just because you're at the top. That's right. And you wouldn't have to dance around as much. It's a longer way to run. So what is that? The North Pole? Yeah. The North Pole. North Pole and South Pole. What's the circumference again? 24,000 miles. Yeah. It's 673 Rhode Islands. Oh, wow. Just to put that in context. Yeah. I think that helps a lot. Yeah.

And the planet's going 67,000 miles an hour around the sun. So we're moving pretty fast right now. We're moving. Everything's moving. We all end up in the same spot. Luckily, we all just keep coming around. It's all really working out right now is what I'm saying.

Everything's just kind of like, let's not, don't blow up anything. Let's not bother anything. We're all doing good. You watch any like thing and they're like, if we get one millimeter off the sun, we just all die immediately. Like if they're like, I watched those videos of like what could happen. And that's like the sun flare is the main thing. Yeah. They go, that could be bad. And that's like, if the sun just gets acts up one day and then doesn't do what it's supposed to do, we're just gone. Yeah.

And there's nothing you can do about it. You just are gone. And we go... 37 miles across, depending on where you look at it. Oh, here we go. You're going to challenge me? Come on, dude. Nice. Getting technical. You go, yeah, I guess the part that you lived in, but where I lived was a little bit quicker. We had a bridge. He may be right. I'll be honest. I don't know...

I'm sticking to my guns, though, at 37. Gravity is stronger at the poles than it is the equator, so you weigh more in New York City than you do in Nashville. Oh, that's cool, Mike. That's obvious, right? Mike's been cutting weight for this special. He got down here, and you're like, well, what are you going to do now, dude? I have to wear a helmet. Waffle house!

It's very minimal. If you weigh 200 pounds at the North Pole, you'd weigh 198 pounds at the equator. Well, that's pretty big. That's two pounds. Wow. Sometimes that's a lot. Yeah, New York to Nashville, probably a little less than that. So if we go to the North Pole, I'll be two pounds less? Than you were if you were at the equator. Oh, okay. Yeah. So if you're spending time, like if you vacation, if you're like, I'm a North Pole and equator person, you're just constantly like, how's your weight? You're like, up and down. It's up and down.

Do you do anything? You're like, no. No. Same diet. So we've talked about Pangea on the podcast before, where it was one big supercontinent. Yeah. It broke apart. Before that, it was Rodinia. I think you got to talk more directly into that microphone. Talk more directly? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Because you can hear better. You're like wandering off. Like maybe put them, you know. Put them in front of me more? Yeah, yeah. Just do it a better way, you know. Okay.

This is Nate directing. He's directing the podcast right now. Thank you. Boom. Boom. Oh, boom. There you go. I like that. Nate, you got to do it. Even though he made fun of you. Well, you're just reading off. That's why I have trouble hearing you. You're like, so. And you read it and you come back to it and go, does that make sense? You're like, I didn't hear. Where'd you go?

I apologize. Should we start over? Yeah. Let's do it again. Dinosaur farts. They are. So Rodinia, all the continents broke apart. Then they came back together and they crashed and they formed the mountains, like the Appalachian Mountains. They kind of pressed them together. So glad you heard that, right? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, that's just, you know, oh, that's how those mountains got there. Is it just those mountains? I'm sure other mountains. There's a few others here, but... And you wouldn't go with, like, just Mount Everest or something? Like, you know, like a bigger mountain? You're like, let's do Appalachians. The Appalachians used to be the biggest in the world. When? Way back...

Way back. What about the Alps? Isn't the Alps... I always thought the Alps were a big deal. The Alps are bigger now, but this is way, way back. The Appalachians used to be the biggest. Well, that's like everything was bigger. Like, you could say every part of Earth was bigger at some point, and then as it got more. I mean, the Appalachian Mountains, are they even on the radar of biggest mountains? Look, they're top 10 probably right now, but they were... Of tallest? Yeah, but they were number one. Oh, really? They used to be number one. Wow. When? I'm talking...

- Years ago. I'm talking-- - Like is years ago 1700 or are you talking about like the 40s? - 2014. - I'm talking probably back in Rodanian times. - Oh, like 800 million years ago. - Yeah, I'm talking a long-- - You don't say years ago to 800 million years ago. You don't go, "No, no, no, you guys are way off." This was a few years before that. Whatever you think, 800 million. Oh, so the beginning of Earth, dude? Like that's when, I don't know if I believe you're right.

So where was Mount Everest? It just wasn't there yet? No. It's erosion, Nate. Uh-huh. Erosion. That's where that mountain keeps... Anytime somebody says something about mountains that you don't understand, you just go, erosion. Erosion. The plates...

It's the plates hadn't been pushed into each other to create Mount Everest yet. Yeah. It happens at, it's just Mount Everest is younger than that. So no one was here and then they just timed it out and they said, well, Appalachian Mountains, they were, they beat it. They beat it first. So,

So they just look at it and they go, well, that was so much faster. And then they go to Mount Everest. They're like, that took forever. It's almost not even impressive. Right, right, yeah. Like if someone's like, I climbed Mount Everest. You're like, the slowest one to get to the top? Yeah, you call us Appalachian people hill folk. Hill folk. We were the first ones, buddy. We were the tallest hill folk. You guys were the biggest. We were the biggest. Yeah.

Europe is gradually moving away from North America. Thank God. They've been doing that for a long time. Why do they hate us? Yeah. Europe's the place where everybody... Like, that would be... I remember living in New York, because I was like, well, you know, in Europe, they do... You're like, well, I don't even care about... You know, well, in Europe, that's not how they do it. Okay, well, we're here. So...

It's moving 1.1 inch a year. Do you think it's because of Meghan Markle? I think it sped up. I think it was less than that. And then once she... It's moving at the same rate as your fingernails grow.

Well, I have to cut my fingernails all the time. It's quite a bit, right? How long? It's getting farther and farther. Do we have enough fuel to land? If you flew from New York to London now, it's 3,400 miles. In five million years, it's 3,500 miles. It's going to be a while. Yeah, wow. But days are getting longer because the Earth is not spinning as fast as it once was. Because it's fat.

It's getting tired. It's just getting... It's just getting tired. It's getting hard. He's just like, I can't do it anymore. Like, he's just... How many more times do you want me to go around? Y'all don't even know where my name came from. So how about you throw me some decency and tell me where my name came from? And you're like, we don't know. You're just fat. He's like, I feel so heavy. Yeah.

All the people are on me just weighing me down. I think the earth has low self-esteem. I think the earth does too. And you're doing great, buddy.

4.5 billion years ago, a day on Earth was six hours long. Now it's 24 hours. It's increasing 1.7 milliseconds every century. Wow. But that's like you could just say this stuff. That's the thing. Science is always just something that you're like, you'll never be able to know. Like the Appalachian Mountain thing, you're like 800 million years ago. You're like, okay.

It's like how to win an argument. That's what science is. How do you know it was taller? Well, I don't think you're right. Well, it was 800 million years ago. All right, well, I guess you win because I can't. I'm not going to find that out. So...

So we hit our first billion people on earth in 1803. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. In 1803? Yeah. We're up to 4 billion by 1975. Wow. We should hit 8 billion by the end of this year, early next year. Wow. That escalated quick. Mike, do you miss a billion?

Where you like, it was freer back then, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's actually slowing down, though, the birth rate slowing down. They think it'll peak at year 2100. Yeah, but isn't it slowing down in some parts, but then other parts it's exploding? I mean, I hate to take issue with you. Yeah. I know this isn't a fact-based podcast. I mean... Well, according to this...

According to the sheet of paper. Where is it speeding up?

Oh, it might be speeding up in Indonesia. They're like a sleeper country that's exploding with population. I mean, China's the obvious, but Indonesia's like the fourth biggest. Yeah. Yeah. And we're like, I think we're holding steady. Europe is down. Russia is, I think, holding steady. You keep an eye on these stats. Keep an eye on them. Find out where we are. Do you get a newsletter? You get like...

This is like someone who bought one of those college magazines at the airport. It's like, what was the old Vandy's doing this year? I'm worried I'm going to have nobody to fist pound in the future. Yeah. Because you don't have enough people. That was pretty solid. Well, you're doing your part by not having children. So...

Bates had a kid. Yes. I congratulate him. That is the reason women are having fewer children. Yeah. In 19... Dead gum women. You know? Again. Yeah. Look at these women. You ain't having kids. I know. That's why they can't be both. You know what I mean? That's not very against women, just the way it was worded. Well, these women won't have children anymore. You're like, golly. They want to work now. Oh, God.

Do they? Yeah. Do you guys want to work? It's going to be, it's like that Bill Bird joke where you start leaning away from Brian. He's going to get, he'll get canceled. You know. In 1950, women were having on average 4.7 children. Wow. Somebody said, ugh.

Now they're having 2.4 on average. If it drops below 2.1, the world population starts going down. Okay. All right. You would think it would be two because two parents, two kids, but there are slightly more men than women in the world. Okay. So we're doing a little bit better. Yeah. So if we're as a war, we got a little bit. Okay.

With another planet? No, with women. It feels like we're going to be pretty soon if we keep talking this way. But people are getting older. In 1990, there were 95,000 centurions. What was that? That's 100. Oh, 100. Yep. By 2015, there were 450,000. And by 2100, there'll be 25 million.

Oh my God. 100s? People that are 100 and old. There'll be 25 million of them? Yep. All right. Yep. So what are they? We're halfway there, buddy. Yeah. Stem cell. What are they? Stem cell. Stem cell it up. Stem cell it up, dog. So you're just saying like there'll be way more older people? Yep. Oh.

Way fewer kids, but way more older people. Yeah. My generation. Driving is going to be a nightmare. It's going to be just the left, the right lane is just packed shoulder to shoulder. How about the weather channel is going to be killing it though? Am I going to need my sweater? Yeah. The ratings are through. You're going to be like, I want to get a show on the weather channel. I mean, they're...

They're crushing it right now, dude. A lot more ramps. You just see ramps. You're seeing them everywhere. They're around now, but you're like, it's aggressive. Stairs are almost not even out. Yeah, there'd be no steps. No steps. The guy who made stairs is like, I couldn't even keep up. It was not worth it.

I was losing money. So I just went into the ramp business. How about prescriptions will be everywhere? Oh, I mean, pharmacies are just through 24. They have to be open 24 hours. They got a rush at 6 a.m. is just when the hundreds come in. We're that Detroit. We're in that MGM casino. And there was a sign. Literally, we walked in. It goes casino this way, prescriptions that way.

Absolutely. That was real. Yeah, that was real. In the casino. They know the fan base. They know who's coming in here. Did you have to watch people make a decision in that moment? They have their money. They're like, which way is this week going to go? They saw, they would walk in, they go, I hope, let's see how it goes. They go that way. Either way, they're gambling. I might be there. I don't know. I'm going to see.

Our CVS just announced they're closing and my father-in-law was furious. Did they come out in front of the store and announce it? Did they go, we are closing? Where did they announce it at? They sent us an email and a text. Y'all talk to CVS that much? They gotta let it, you know, like we sent us, let's let our core group know.

That we're not going to be here anymore. I ruined his Easter. He ruined my Easter. Yeah. What do you got to do? You got to go to Walgreens across the street now? Well, we're debating that. We had a long discussion over Easter which pharmacy to go to next. The Walgreens on Whitebridge Road, the parking's not that good. So I don't know.

Drive-thru. Where are you going to go? Publix? Go to a grocery store? Well, we talked about that. We got our flu shot at Publix. Well, keep us posted and let us know where... You know, we'd like to heads up to be like, what did we decide on? It closes at the end of the month, so we don't have much time. Oh, my gosh.

Y'all better get them in. I know. I know. Yeah. I did that today. Called in those subscriptions one last time. Prescriptions, excuse me. Prescriptions. Just sitting there. Hello. Brian Bates. I need it all. Load me up.

The moon is also drifting away from us. Yeah, it always has. The moon feels sad. You're like, it wants to leave. And you're like, come on, man. That's when the full moon comes in. He goes, dude, we like you. And he pops out, and then he gets sad again. And you see just part of it. And he's like, they don't like me down there. He comes out during the day just being like, hey, everybody. Like, just trying to, I'm here, remember? Yeah.

I saw it today. I think. You did? The moon. I don't know. I think I did. But it was really cloudy, so I probably did it. I saw it recently during the day. Full moon. No, but yeah, it was a full moon during the day. Yeah. It's always a full moon during the day. See it every time. I see the whole thing. I see all the main parts during the day. All the important parts, you see. Yeah.

It's 240,000 miles from us. At one time it was 14,000 miles. God, that was probably too much. That was like, are you staying the whole time? Like you're like, so when's your place going to be done? Because I thought, you know, you've been here for a while. You're pretty right up on us. When was that?

Years ago? Yeah. Way back then? 4.5 billion years ago. It's moving 1.48 inches each year away from us. Okay. When does it matter? Yeah. Probably another billion years. Oh. And then what will happen? We have to talk about it then. Well, the tides will mess up. Oh, yeah. We'll have some problems. Oh, like you just won't... Like it's just going to be...

You got to walk a little farther out to put your boat out? Oh, yeah. That's it. You're just being in the middle of the sea, just putting your boat out. All right. So, all right. I don't know. Now, some scientist thinks we've found a second moon. This was discovered in 2016. It was, this guy calls it Kamoaloa, named after Hawaiian, it's a Hawaiian word. But it's 164 feet across. What's it called? Kamoaloa.

Yeah. Oh, Kamalala. Kamalala. Well, I'm not saying that. Yeah. If that becomes our main moon, I'm not saying that. I will still, I'll call it moon two. I'm not.

He's like, no, but let's do this other crazy thing. You're like, yeah, dude, but that's the main, we have to talk about it so much that I don't want to, I'll call it Moon 2. Maybe that's why we never gave Earth a name. You're like, we're going to have to say this a lot. A lot. Yeah, yeah. And I feel like when Moon 2 comes, you're like, you see that one go, then you're like, we're going to, no, this is the one we got to pay attention to now. Yeah. That one's gone.

They think it'll drift away from orbit in 300 years and go on its own. The main moon or the second one? The second moon. We're already losing the second moon? The second moon didn't even give us a chance. I know. Most people learn about it right now. Wow. Yeah.

You said it was 160 feet? 164 feet. That's what scientists don't could say. They go, there's a second moon. You're like, is there? Can you see it? Then he's like, maybe there's not. He goes, it's already leaving though. He just changed it. He goes, it's already, it's about to go. It's going, it already made a turn. I just found it. And it was like already going away. I don't know if you can even see it anymore. You probably can't see it. He just had a paper to finish. He just did. The largest living thing in the world is a fungus and worrier.

Yes. What is that? Like just grass. It's a mushroom. It's got to be a mushroom. It is a mushroom. It's a big mushroom. I was waiting for Mike to say Portland. Do people live on it? On the mushroom? Is it like a big white mushroom? It is a big white. It's on like a reserve in Oregon. It's 2,200 acres. So like when you see a mushroom and you walk over it, it would be like, wow, this one's a bit bigger. Aaron, can you pull it up on the screen? Yeah.

This is a bit bigger one, is what you're saying. Yeah, it's the largest. And they're just leaving it because... Because it's the biggest thing in the world. Yeah, yeah, so might as well keep it. Yeah, it's the reason people go there. Oh, they go to see it. Oh, wow. Yeah, I think some people. Is there a water park there too? I think Nate wants to know if there's going to be a water park. Is there other stuff to do around this mushroom? I really don't know. I didn't go any further than that, but it's pretty big. Does it have water pie? Yeah.

It's not as fun of an answer as, you know what the largest living thing is? Just a mushroom. You're like, I don't know. I would be like, is there something else, though? You know, like, is there something we can go see? Pepperoni or maybe some ham? Ham? Is there a big ham?

Would you go see the largest pig or the mushroom? If you had an option, they go, you can see the largest pig or you can go see the largest mushroom. Are you going to... I mean, everybody would say pig. Everybody. Everybody would say pig. You would go, well, how big is the pig? You know, the curiosity enough would be like, well, how big is the pig? Yeah. But I do, this mushroom, can you even see the other side? I mean, you just go up. 2,200 acres, yeah. So is it like up? Like you walk up? Like, am I going to be disappointed? I think so. Like...

Yeah, because I picture the stem that goes up, and then it's real big, and everybody just walks under. Just one stem in the middle? One stem in the middle. And then 2,200 acres? 2,200 acres. I'm going to that mushroom all day long. I move near it. That's how much I'd want to see it. I would move near it. But if it's like, no, they're all connected, it's a big explanation. You're like, all right, I don't know.

So the largest earthquake ever registered was 9.5 on the scale. If we got a 12 or larger, it would split the earth in half. Wow.

Like 12 is earth splitting. Like it just would have to fly longer. Like you have to fly from like Kansas to like Iowa. Like you'd be like, no, it's a flight now. So we're there on the other side. Yeah. Well, it's still a flight, I guess. But the fault would be larger than the earth itself. It would just split it in half. So it'd be just bad news? It would be very bad news. By fault, do you mean the blame? Yeah. Yeah.

There are more viruses on Earth than there are stars in the skies. Okay. Oh, that's comforting. Yeah. So wear your mask. So Mike's already covered the Earth. I was impressed. It's the crust, the mantle, the core. That's basic Earth science. Yeah. Okay. Everybody knows that. Yeah. Everybody who never took chemistry knows that. Yeah.

The core is 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit. Same as the sun. Wow. It's hot. It's pretty hot. So maybe we don't need the sun. Maybe that's the point. What if we find out the sun's not really doing that much and the core is like, I'm the one down here working, dude. And then we go, I'm sorry, dude. I'm sorry that we've been heating your ground up. It would make sense. So if the sun goes away, just poke some holes in the crust. The sun might just be pretty. And we just don't, you know, these scientists don't think about giving the core some respect. Right.

If you had to think what's heating it up, this is... We tried to dig and see how far we could dig. The deepest hole we ever... It was we. Yeah. Humans. Yeah. We teamed up. The Cola Super Deep Borehole is what it was called. 7.5 miles down. It took them 20 years to dig it. It finally got so hot they had to stop.

Got up to 356 degrees. 20 years. Is that your children's children digging that hole? And you just go, I think that's enough right there. You know, that just ends like that. Come on out, guys. So what did you find out? It gets hot. It gets real hot. That's what we found out. Oh, is that what you figured? That is what we figured.

I spent a whole summer digging a hole once. Me and my brothers and sisters, we'd started, we were like, we're going to dig a hole and see how far we can go. We spent the whole summer out there in our backyard. It got pretty deep. How deep? You staying in it? 10 plus feet deep. Wow. For sure. Yeah. With me and my sister and two brothers. All day out there just digging that hole. Did it hurt the resale value of your parents' home? Yeah.

Are y'all doing a pool? Kind of. We got one a little bit started. We got the deep end going. We might have to do the rest. Where was it? In our backyard. When my parents bought the house, this family, they owned a bunch of chickens. So there's this chicken coop area in the back that was fenced off from the rest of the backyard. So my parents said, do whatever you want back there. And we just dug this huge hole. Yeah. And we just go sit in it. See, that's one of the...

How would you get up and down? It was at an incline enough where you could kind of climb up and down. Oh. So it was a pool. Steep on one end. I mean, it was maybe as big as this table. Oh. The area of it. The circumference. How did y'all sit down in there together? We were kids, dude. I mean, it was tight. Yeah. That's the disappointing thing about digging a hole. Would they ask you to go sit first? Yeah.

They go, let's go sit and hang out. Aaron, can you just back up to the back of the curb? A lot of people are sending their kids to summer camp now. Just hand them a shovel and go, dig a hole. Do whatever you want. Have fun with the earth.

It taught me the value of hard work, though, you know? That's what character development. Yeah, you go to Notre Dame and now do a podcast, you know all about hard work. As a comedian, you just get taught about the grind, you know? I waited tables for six months, dude. I know all about it. I know about hard work.

So this hole that's 7.5 miles deep, if you were to fall in it, it would take you two and a half minutes to hit the bottom, depending on the terminal velocity. I would think that would be, I think it'd go faster than, I mean, slower than that. Slower than two and a half? That's a long time. I bet you hit a couple points going, am I going to make it? Like you're, you know, you probably think that a few times.

That you're not going to die and then finally you hit it? He just would. He had so dark, you would just never know. Well, I think you get less confidence as you keep going, not more. No, but I think I would hit the bottom by now. So maybe I'm going to come out in China. Maybe I'll pop out and you're just on a subway in China. You're like, I should travel that way. This might work out. This might be okay. This might work out.

40% of the U.S. population lives on either coast. Mike. On the East Coast? Either coast. Oh, either coast. Coast. Yeah. The oldest tree in the world is 4,800 years old. Okay. Methuselah. I think that's... Oh, they got a name for it? Yep. What's it called? Methuselah. Where's it at? I think it's in California. That sounds like a witch. I don't know how they... They ain't checking all these trees.

What's the oldest one they've found so far? Oh. I mean, there might be an older one they haven't found. They won't even tell you where... There has to be. They can't check all these trees. Just go walk around. There's a lot of trees. They won't tell you where it's at exactly. Huh? They won't tell you where it's at exactly because they don't want you to go... Because they don't know and they're making it up. It's in that area. It's like when you get an Airbnb where it just shows you like... We don't show you the exact address, but you're...

You're a monk in that, you know. But a tree, you should like trees. Nate, they're the only thing where we can actually tell how old it is. Definitively.

So did they kill this tree? You got to count the rings? Yeah, they count the rings. But I think this is more of an Arbor Day discussion. I don't know if we should be doing that. I think we should probably save it. I'm just looking out for the fans. Leave some meat on the bone. Leave some meat on the bone.

I don't know how they tell because no, they didn't kill it. It's still alive. Well, couldn't you cut a cross section of a tree just halfway and then go, I'll double that. And then that doesn't kill the tree. Then you start guessing because when there's a couple more rings in there that you don't think about, like you're like, oh, I didn't see that ring coming. All right. But you can just measure half, cut it halfway, and then that'll be times two.

Yeah, science seems like a lot of half work. It's like, probably. That looks about half. You're like, well, do you want to do any of it? You're like, I don't want to do the whole thing, but I did some of it. I eyeballed it. Felt 480 years old or whatever it was. So since Earth Day is this Friday, there's a lot we have to work on and there's a lot to do. Who? Who's got to work on you? We? We?

Well, you specifically, but mankind I meant. Yeah, let's all get together and work on it. There's a lot that we're doing that's very encouraging and positive, so I thought I'd share some of those. Oh, well, good. That's doing well. Electric cars. There you go. By 2040, virtually every new car sold will be electric. Nice. Someone's excited about that.

I'm sure that solves everything. Well, that's just one thing. Yeah. But the bad news is 80% of gas stations will be out of business by 2035. So we don't think about them. We don't think about them. We don't think about the gas station. But they could start a new thing. They're going to have to start something new. They talked about charging stations, but that takes too long. Yeah. I spend probably 80% of my money at gas stations. What will you do?

Well, we got CVSs are closing down. The gas stations will be gone. I don't know where I'm going to go. Yeah, where would you go? That's going to get hard. I'm going to have to just go to Kroger all the time. I still stop at gas stations. That's for directions. You do? You do. Hold on.

You do what now, Brian? I still stop at gas stations and ask for directions. Is that not weird? Asked how to get to Zaney's tonight. It's time to get home. I feel like you print out MapQuest directions still. It's in here somewhere. Just in case. I like to have a backup. Vertical farming.

Vertical farming. Vertical farming. Yep. That's where you stack up instead of spread out. Yeah. So then you save on land, you save on water because 70% of fresh water in the world goes toward agriculture. But you can save if you build it in warehouses and stack it straight up. And a lot of places are doing this now and it's giving you a higher crop yield because there's no pesticides. Why would it need less water? You just...

You put water at the top one and just let it drip all the way down? Yes, and then you can recycle it. Yeah. You catch it and it comes back around. What did you say? Pour a cup. Oh, you only need like a little water and it just gets to the bottom and then you send it back to the top. Okay. All right. All right.

That's good. Is there an evaporation joke somewhere here that we're missing? Maybe. The funny of this podcast evaporated. Where are my water cycle jokes? Clean energy. A lot more people are going solar and wind now because the costs are a lot less. So that's saving the planet. That's good. Yeah.

Yeah, but isn't... You know, see, they always talk about wind. You go drive through those wind turbines. It looks... There's a million of them. Yeah. And they're just murdering birds, by the way. Like, it's... It's remarkable how many, I think, birds they... Just this giant thing that just kills all the birds. And we're like, that's something, though. You know? Yeah.

Even in coal states like Ohio, solar power will overtake coal by the end of the decade. Wow. But they can store it now? The big problem was they couldn't store solar power. Yeah, was that the big problem, Mike? Uh...

Was that last time I read Brian was the big problem was they didn't know where to store. They couldn't store it, right? Yeah, I think that is right, Mike. They couldn't. They go, what do I put at the garage, the basement? Where do I store it for the winter months? Do I have to climb up there?

Your house looks ridiculous. Your house is so urban. I'm not saying that it's bad. It's good. But the idea, your house does look ridiculous. When you see one, you're like, it's a nightmare. That's a, you know...

And you just feel like that person thinks they're better than you and then they just have slow running water and stuff. It just drips. There's no heat in there. They just take cold showers, which Mike is a fan of. Yeah, I love them. Mike only takes cold showers. Yeah. You take one a day? When you think, yeah, cold one. Never take a hot one. He only never takes it hot. And so if you want to know Mike's personality, he takes cold showers. That's all you got to say. Why do you do that?

part of the solution, you know, we're saving energy. Saving energy. I thought this was Earth Day. You guys are here for Earth Day, right? Mike's been waiting for this day his whole life. Do you eat the whole apple? You feel like you do that too. I feel like the guy who takes cold showers eats the whole apple. Yeah. No, I think, no, I think it's the opposite. He would, like, serial killer. This is what I think with Mike. So, I think we're talking about two different things. And...

I honestly don't know if the wind doesn't blow or if the sun's not shining, how it works. Yeah, I don't know how it works either, man. How what? How solar or wind energy works. Nobody knows. You just put them up there. How's it going to work? I think if the sun goes away, we'll have other worries than the solar-powered panels. What does it mean, like in...

Gloomy days are like if the sun's... It's not a full sun. We don't get Channel 4 if it's cloudy. Y'all watch the Super Bowl? Too cloudy today, so... We can't. We only get 2, 7, and 19 for some reason. Channel 4.5, Aaron and I are going to be back on there. Oh, yeah. Circle Network. If you got an antenna...

Yep. It's on Peacock this year, actually. Oh. You can stream it. It's a real stream. Oh, really? Wow. This is big time. Yeah. Streaming services. Tree planting. They've found new ways. Deforestation's been destroying forests, but now they're using drones to plant trees. They can do up to 400,000 trees a day. This is why Earth Day's no fun. I thought this was fun. Yeah. Replanting trees with a drone? That sounds fun.

Yeah, I guess. It's been, it's just like, it was like when we talked about the positives, it just went downhill. And this is what's going to the schools to go. We're trying to plant more trees. We'll use drones. And the guy that says that doesn't know what a drone is. He goes, oh, that's cool. Yeah. Right. I looked up DuPont plants, see what they're doing. Well, it's gone. It is? Yeah. No wonder I couldn't find it. Oh, yeah.

DuPont plant's gone. I think they're worried about radiation or something. Yeah, they did a lot of stuff over there. It's just in Old Hickory, we got a little extra kick to us. You know what I mean? Like, I guess some of us can breathe underwater. Synthetic meat. They're now creating meat in a lab. Yeah, that sounds good. So it's...

So it's not real. Is it real? They use some cells of real meat and they can... This is not going to be good. It's not good. It is fish. That's not going to be good at all. Like, it's just getting to where you're like, no, you know, they make it and then you buy it from them. You're like, what are they putting in it? You're like, it doesn't matter. You know? Yeah. They decide everything. I don't like any of this. But the reason that's important, again, it's the farts. Cows do a lot of farts and it destroys the environment. All right.

Why don't we make the cows food be better, you know? Get them better stuff so they don't have gas as much. Well, people have suggested that. Environmentalists. Oh, they have. You're an environmentalist. What do we do to better food? What if we get some leafy greens out there for them? Well, I think that's the problem. I think that's high in fiber. So we can go opposite. Do more of a low-carb thing. Mike, could you talk to them? Get them on paleo. Get them on paleo. The hottest country in the world? Libya? Yeah.

Oh, I thought we were the hottest country.

Thank you. There it is. I mean, with the Kardashians and all that. Yeah. We do have the Kardashians, so that's better than Libya. Libya. Libya is the hottest country in the world. Yep. Wow. They get 130 degrees. Oh, it does? Oh, my God. Not every day, but they have. Some days. Some days it does. Some days. Does it get cold there? Not very cold. You know at all? I have no idea. So it could get freezing, yeah. Yeah.

I have no idea. Where is Libya? Libya? Middle East. Africa. Yeah. All right. All right. That's good. Something, yeah. It's in there. Greenland is the lowest population of any country on earth. Okay. 55,000 people. Oof. All right. That's a small town. That's a small town. We're trailed off here. We don't count Antarctica? That's a continent. Yeah. Australia is a country and a continent.

Is it? Yes. Why is it both? I don't know. Why didn't they mix it up at all? I don't know. They're like, well, you're clearly country. You have a single government. You're kind of on your own out there. And then one of you lumped in with New Zealand. Oh, yeah. But New Zealand's right there. Big rivalry. It's a big no-no to call somebody from Australia a New Zealander and vice versa. They hate each other. They don't like each other. No. All right. All right.

So I end on McDonald's? Yeah, we're about to end on, yeah, send on something. There's people here at Al. You know, it's bad enough when people are just listening. Now they're looking at us and you're like... I think they're enjoying it. Yeah. All right.

So McDonald's is doing their part to save the environment. I think everything you just say, we're doing what we're supposed to be doing. That's like when you give money to them. They're like, well, you give money to whatever, and you're like, they guilt you into it. I don't like that. I started saying no. To what? I go no, and then I tell the 6-year-old, and I go, where's this money even going? They're like, I'm 16. This is like a job I have just for gas money and stuff. I'm like, where's the money going?

Is it really going to go to these people? Or is it going to Petco? That happened to you, didn't it, Aaron? The kid hit you up on Broadway and it was a membership for life? Oh, yeah. Dude, I struggle so hard with saying no to people that I sat and talked to this dude for like an hour. He would not shut up. I'd go, just take my credit card. And I'm still paying. You get a guy a credit card on the street? Yeah.

He was a nice kid. It was something about, like, saving women in other countries. He was like... He showed me pictures that looked bad. And so...

And he kept going. He was like a young kid. He goes, it really helped me. Like, man, you're the first person to talk to me. You're so nice. Yeah. This is all the sign. You're the first person to talk to me. And he wants your credit card on the street. He had an iPad with like legit software. And I go, can I just make a one-time payment just so I can get out of here? And he goes, you have to sign up for a credit card.

for a monthly thing. And I go, can you just swipe it? I'll just Venmo you and then you... He was like, you got to give me your... I just gave him my card and I forgot to cancel it. This is two years ago. I've been paying him. You're starting to see how the Planet Fitness thing happened. I...

I just overlook it. Have you asked the progress? You know, how are these women doing? Yeah. I haven't checked in with the organization. I think it's still bad a lot of places. But I think you should see and go, I just want to know what I'm paying for. Do they know your stance on the Pope? No, probably not. Yeah, it's not my stance either. It's just the way things are. Since Aaron's donation, we've allowed women inside.

Aaron was a big part of that, giving us $1 a month for the past two years. That's the thing. It's $30 a month. That's a lot. It's adding up. Why? That was the minimum amount. So I go, I'll sign up and I'll do one month and then I'll cancel it and I'll be long gone from this guy. He'll never see me ever again. For that much money, you could marry a live woman. That's...

Did he take his mask off and he was a woman underneath? Are you still paying for this? Yes. I had forgotten about it. I had forgotten. We got a new planet fitness. Yeah. And this one's going to be harder to cancel. It will be harder to cancel for sure. We're going to make you do it to a woman's face. You're going to walk up to that woman and take $30 from her. I forgot. Thank you for reminding me. You're going to go steal $30 a month from one woman until you get even.

Just any woman. You got $30 on you? She's like, I got $40. I need $30. I just remember because you had a huge gig at Bridgestone Arena. It was like one of the best shows you ever had. And then you got hit up for this kid and you've been paying the rest of your life.

Yeah, I was leaving that, feeling good. It was the Predators. It was a gig for the Predators in Bridgestone. I was on the Jumbotron. I felt good, so I was vulnerable. Big day. Big day. Because I was riding a high, and then they cornered me. And then I remember it started to rain. Was it nighttime? It was broad daylight. Oh. And it started to rain, and then they, so that made me be like, all right, well, let's just, let me just, I'll just give you the card because I want to get out of the rain.

But not to help women. No. No, no. No, no, no. All right. Where is this money going to? It's going to help women? I don't care. I think that's it. That's it? All right. Well, guys, as always, we love you guys so much. Thank you so much for coming out. Can I promote a show? Can I promote a show? Can I promote a show? Yeah.

you got a show? June 22nd, I'll be headlining Zany's right here. Aaron is on it. Nate's going to do a guest set. No, he's not. If I'm here, I will. I'll do it if I'm here. Well, thank you. You don't have to, but I'm just going to tell people that. I mean, we can talk about it afterwards. Yeah. I'd like you to commit to it right now in front of everybody. And,

I just want to say thank you for letting me on. I know these guys are your guys, and I'm a guest, so thank you guys for being so kind and supportive to me. Thank you. I love the Nate Land people. Thank you. Mike's special tomorrow. If you want to go, buy tickets. We've got two shows tomorrow. All right. Did you have something, Aaron? Nah. All right.

Give money to women, everybody. Women.com. It just goes to women just in general. They need help. I'll say a sentimental thing. I was just struck by it. We record this in a room with just the camera crew and us, and it blows my mind that enough people listen to it and care about it. It's very cool to see real faces. So thank you.

It's very awesome. None of this is lost on us, as we say. All right, that's it. Thank you guys so much, and we will see you next week. Thank you. Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.