Second Best - The Best-Of Episode Pt. 2
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Welcome, everybody. You know, I've debated of changing, seeing what people thought about changing Hello Folks. To what? To Let's Go Folks. Is that not maybe better? Let's go, folks. Yeah. It's like, I feel like it gets us out of the mix of everybody being Hello Folks. Like, people say Hello Folks, folks.

Yeah, just as a normal expression. As a normal expression.

And I mean, I've had people say, hello, folks. I mean, because there's been a couple of times someone said it, and then I think they're saying it to us, and then you're like, oh, that's just how the guy speaks. Yeah. So you want to do let's go. Let's go, folks. Because we're making fun of let's go, no? Yeah, I mean, that's not bad. I'm on board. People are commenting let's go everywhere now after last week's episode. So I feel like we can't escape it anyway. Do you want to try? Let's see what everybody says.

see what everybody thinks about see how it feels see how it feels let's go folks uh welcome everybody to the podcast uh i started with the let's go i don't know if that's going to be the uh i mean truthfully all that all this being said i i do think i get to decide what i want i mean that is true so uh i enjoy talking about it and uh being in the mix but

How did it feel just now? Let's go, folks. It feels great. I like it. I like it. I like the specific. When we did it, you threw a poll up on Instagram and Twitter. And so what were the... Let's go on hello, folks. Here's the Instagram results. 1,400 people. Oh, I mean, over 2,000 people voted. 62% hello, folks. 38% let's go, folks.

What I would say is a lot of this is people that don't want change. Yeah. And that's, you know, Laura, you know who over here? People that are stuck in their ways. All three of our Ys voted for hello, folks. Oh, did they really? Yeah. Did they listen to it? That's the thing, too. Did people listen to the... And hear the explanation and hear the context for it? Yeah, and everything. I don't know if Laura did. Yeah, Laura doesn't.

Here's the Twitter. Hello, folks. Same thing. Everybody still likes hello, folks, because we've been doing hello, folks. Hello, folks. I'm not saying I'm against. I like hello, folks. I think let's go, folks, is just stands out more. Yeah, I think that's it's different. Hello, folks, is we're just saying the same greeting that's been said for 100 years. Yeah.

right you think well a lot of it is in the the inflection that you do it i think that is unique in a way let's go how many people well well the hell even hello folks hello hello folks yeah i mean who talks like that yeah yeah i'm not changing the folks look it's not for sure yet i will we're gonna do we're doing another uh

We can do another poll, but I want, we're not doing it now. Give it, let us breathe. We'll keep doing polls until we get the results we want. Yeah. We'll do another one. So how long do you guys want this to go on, if you know what I mean?

We, but I, we're do it again, but we, I want it to be a little, it needs it. Let's let everybody, I want you to think in your soul about this. Yeah. Get into it. I might switch. Let me think about it a little more. Maybe, maybe it's hello folks. Maybe I just want it to be back. Hello folks. Yeah. Can we have both? Huh? Can we do both? We can't. Yeah. You can do everything, do whatever you want, but I don't know what the point of, uh,

If it's the intro to the podcast, I'm not going to go, hello, folks. Let's go, folks. You're getting nowhere. That's how someone gets where they go nowhere in life is they go, let's just do both. Let's turn quickly. Yeah, that's what happens. You don't make a decision. You don't make a decision. You don't move forward. You kind of sit in the decision of two things.

is that not true yeah i got way more serious than i was anticipating you pivoted that into like real life advice that's that is but i'm but that's uh that's why you can't just sit and do i mean i don't know that's you want you asked if we could do two i'm telling you the reason why i know but we just did a poll where overwhelmingly he was like let's just let it sit for a while you did a poll was the episode even up

I put that out, I think, three days later. I mean, it's people listen to this podcast like on way. We're acting like we're alive. Like it's run a live show. And like we, you know, it's it comes out. People listen to it. We're going to think about it. I'm letting people think we're making a decision.

We'll come back. I'm on board with let's go folks, but I hope the next poll is like 90% hello folks. Just as an answer. I just hope it's gone the other way. Don't just do that just to make a point. That's true. If that happens, I'm going to make sure. Answer honestly. Yeah. I'm going to make it. We're going to do another poll if that happens. So it's this week.

You know, if you don't want to do it, obviously a lot of you like Joe might be over this. I think a lot of comments have been at this point, we don't care. Just stop talking about it. Oh, we don't have to do the poll. No, no, no. Let's do the poll. Okay.

Let's see. It can be three. Like, here's what I think. I think it should be. Hello, folks. That's this. This we're in. Hello, folks. And if we see each other out in the wild, I think it's whatever you want. Hello, folks are let's go, folks. I think it's fun to like you can be let's go, folks. And you scream like that kind of thing. Like, you know, it's kind of it's it's it's both of them.

Hello folks is the response. Let's go folks. Or maybe say I'm a hello folks person. I'm a let's go folks person, but we're all folks and we all get along. So hello folks only let's go folks only or hello folks slash let's go folks. Hello folks. Let's go folks in the wild. Okay. Does people get that? I don't think I get it. Not in here. Like in the, when we're out and about, it's your own choice. Hello folks. Let's go folks.

You know, does that make sense? That's basically what it is. I don't know if we have to do a poll. All right. We could, we don't even have to do the poll. Okay, yeah, let's just. There's no reason for the poll. I think it's, hello folks here. Moving forward, we're done. You can still in your comments, you want to write, let's go folks. Like, that's funny. Like, it's a funny, they're both funny things, but hello folks is how we will greet you.

How we will start our day in the land. Yeah. Do you want to take this self-assessment? Yeah. Let's see what it is. I mean, this is for you, Andy, that thinks. Number one, do you read slowly? No. I mean, that's crazy. Did you have trouble learning how to read when you were in school? I mean, I guess it doesn't look like I learned. Do you often have to read something two or three times before it makes sense? I mean, who wrote this? Is it a folk? Did a folk write this?

Are you uncomfortable reading out loud? I mean, it's embarrassing. I am uncomfortable. Like, I don't. I wouldn't. In this setting, I'm fine, but I'm not going to do it in. Do you ever read out loud like a church or stuff like that? No, I would never do that. Do you omit, transpose, or add letters when reading or writing?

I think I see a different sentence than y'all see. Do you find you still have spelling mistakes in your writing even after using spellcheck? I sometimes spellcheck can't even, I'm not even on the same page where they go, I don't even know what you're trying to do. Do you find it difficult to pronounce uncommon multi-syllable words when you are reading?

I mean, I'll answer that one. Yeah. Do you choose to read magazines or short articles rather than books and novels? Longer books. I don't even, I think a magazine's pretty long. I don't know what kind of magazine. Yeah, like what's shorter than a magazine? And who's reading, yeah, short articles? A whole magazine? No. Do I breeze through a short article? Yeah.

Do I get a glimpse of it? When you were in school, did you find it extremely difficult to learn a foreign language? I remember we took Spanish and it was very brief and I don't know how I can say hola and agua and stuff, but I didn't do much with it. So I didn't take more. I mean, I could say hello in water. I mean, I don't know what else you want. What else are you going to say if you're in trouble? I'll go down there. Hola. Agua? Yeah. Those are mainly the two things I need. Cool.

Do you avoid work projects or courses that require extensive reading? Yeah. I mean, I started stand-up comedy where I don't have to read. I did it so much so that I got out of it. I think there's yes on the... What is that? I mean, what are the other yeses you haven't said? Did you have trouble learning how to read when you were in school? I mean, yeah. All right. I was being nice on some of these. Oh, I mean, it's for my health, so you don't have to be nice. So it is...

Do I have it? Well, the self-assessment, I am 10 for 10 on yeses. Somehow I missed out that boy bands weren't cool if you're a guy. Because New Edition, they were a big thing, but that's the only boy. And then before my senior year of high school, right before we started back, me and my buddy went to the New Kids on the Block concert. And we didn't realize that that's not cool for guys. So I bought a t-shirt at Starwood Amphitheater.

to wear to school my first day of my senior year. And... Big statement. Well, people quickly let me know. It kind of... Yeah, I brought it for official. Yeah. I wore this shirt to school first day of my senior year. And it didn't go over well. Guys quickly let me know this...

I mean, yeah. That's not cool. Like an improv troupe. Yeah. You would be... You would tell them that you do a concert, you're like, no, I stole it from some girl. That would be what you should have... You would be like, all right, that's cool. I beat up a girl and took her shirt. I mean, I was so proud. It took like third period of people just like, what are you doing, man? Before I realized this was a huge mistake. And you had to wear it... All day. All day. Yeah, I mean...

I couldn't go home. Could you turn it on its head and be like, yeah, it's

hilarious that I'm wearing this. I could have if I was smart, but no. It took me half the day to realize it's not cool. If you had a time machine, we could go back and fix it. You're kind of past the point of don't you think you could have done it? Yeah, I could have done a lot of stuff. There's a lot of stuff I could have done differently. A little bit more. I went up to a guy in high school and asked for his autograph. Wait, who was it?

I don't know. That was... God.

You didn't go to my high school. Were you in high school? I was like a freshman in high school, and I was the biggest sports fan in the world. And I read like every Street and Smith College basketball magazine from cover to cover. And they listed the top high school players coming out. And a guy named Carlos Groves played at East Robertson High School. And he got recruited by Tennessee.

And he was in my magazine. And I was so excited that he came to our high school to play. He was like a celebrity that I went up to him and had him autograph my magazine. And his buddies were like teasing him. It would almost be like if somebody came up to me now. It was just ridiculous. Every way around. He was embarrassed. I'm the only one not embarrassed at the time. Everybody else is like, what is going on here? And they just teased him about it.

Yeah. You want to take a test on if you got gout or not? Yeah. Do you have trouble reading? No. Do you wear Walmart slippers? I do wear Walmart slippers quite a bit. Do you have two different size socks?

The ideal way to diagnose gout is to draw fluid out of the joint and have the fluid examined. Well, I can't do that on the podcast. Sure we can. Dr. Safdar Khan. Yeah. Well, yeah, we got real doctors, dude. They come in here and do it. Get Safdar Khan on. He gets under the table like Holly. Down there doing the show by the end of it. You just see him. He cuts your ankle open and he takes it on the finger and goes, tastes like mayonnaise. Gout. Yeah.

Is that... This is mayonnaise in my joints. Yeah. There you go. Yeah, a little spicy. Nick, you put cortisone in your mouth this time. So, Daniel, what's your comments on if someone, as an adult...

Thanks cortisone toothpaste and then squirts it into his mouth and swigs it around. Did you do that on the bus? Not on the bus. No. At his parents house. So yeah. So we're stayed in Mohegan Sun. I wake up early. My parents live in New Haven. I'm tired. I go there. I'm like, I need to rinse my mouth out. So I see this tube. What looks like toothpaste. And I just see the C and I thought it was Colgate. And so I go like that.

It is red wine. Put it in. It was a red and white label, you know. So that's how he said his brush is, he doesn't have a toothbrush. So he basically eats toothpaste. And then he puts it in his mouth. And then we've already had an incident with this before. Yeah. So I start to swish like this.

You have water in your mouth? Not yet. So you do it no water or anything? Well, first step is put the toothpaste in. Second step, go under the sink, get a little water. I like that you go under it. You're in it. You got to swim to the sink? Well, it's like it steps. You jump in it, you just hold your nose and jump in the sink and then swim over there? Well, usually I can't reach the sink, so I got to step. So I'm like, I got to do like a pull-up in.

And then move. I do kind of swim a little bit towards the sink. So now on the way, I turn the tube and realize that it's cortisone in my mouth. I just spit it out like immediately. Yeah.

And now, ever since then, my front teeth have been hurting. I don't know if this is connected. Yeah, still today. Still today. I mean, it's been like five days. Two days of serious pain in my first teeth. They're going to fall out. Not before. Not before. But just right after the cortisone. Right after the cortisone, I'm like... I mean...

God, they make you really study when you sell peanut butter, huh? Yeah. I mean, you know, people ask these questions. You don't just don't go selling it. Yeah. Yeah. You know what's happening. You show up at somebody's doorstep. You better know your stuff. Yeah. I think nowadays there was no doorstep. Yeah. It wasn't like,

Girl Scout cookies or something, man. Encyclopedias. Come on. I had big accounts, Darren. Big accounts. You tie the horse up to the thing and walk inside. I had like Kroger. You know, like I had. Ooh. Yeah. All right. My bad, man. Yeah, man. I'm sorry. You're kind of belittling what I do.

what I did. You got Todd Kroger into buying peanut butter. They were an anti-peanut butter. Go ahead. No, no. Now you sound like my dad. Okay. It was like, you know, I always had a hard time explaining the job. It was a good job. It was like, you know, paid a lot and it was a competitive job to get, but my dad was like, well, you know, you're,

you're not, you're not really in sales. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I am. You know, he's like, well, I've been going to the grocery store for 60 years and they've always had Jeff peanut butter. Yeah. What do they need you for? I'm like,

It's not about whether they carry it or not. It's about how much they sell to their consumer. And there's all kinds of things, dials and switches I can move to help them sell more. And he'd still be like, yeah, yeah, you're not in sales. Like the display and such. Display is a big display. Shelf placement. Shelf placement is another. Shelf placement is another. You would be eye level? You'd like to be eye level. Yeah. You'd like to have a block.

You'd like to have a real nice block. I don't know why that's funny, Nate. I'm telling you, this is important stuff here. He said you'd like to be a block. It's just such a serious... I felt like I was interviewing to be a period. I go, so we want to be eye level? You'd like to be. Don't expect to be eye level. You're not just going to walk in there and be eye level. You're just going to walk in and say you're eye level.

I mean, yeah, you're a new kid on the block. Don't think they're going to try to throw you at the bottom. You show up the first day. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, and I saw it in a lot of different places. I mean, Jif, we were brand leader usually. We were. If you walk into a store today and you see Jif on the bottom shelf, somebody did something to make somebody angry. Interesting. Yeah. Now Pringles-

that was a whole, we were, you know, you sold Pringles. Yeah. I sold Pringles. So you got a peanut butter. No, no. I was saying they were the same company. I sold Pringles, Jeff, Duncan Hines. Is Pringles considered a potato chip? It is. You're selling very easy. You're selling things that are not easy. I mean, these are, I'm, I'm, I think I'm on your dad's team. I know. It's your cell stuff. It's like, I don't know. I swear I went through this, the things that I have to have. I went through this, but I was like,

That's like you're selling cocaine. It goes pretty good. People really like it. You go, oh, is it hard to do? No, but I had competitors. You go up against Skippy and see how well you do. All right?

Jif is the main one. It is the main, but it got there through guys like me. Food's on the ground. Food's on the ground. Yeah. Shoe leather and knuckles. And now we know who to thank. Yeah. Okay. I started Jif spelled with a G. Man, that's crazy. It is. Yeah. How far can you throw a football?

That sounds like a child just walked in. How big's your hands? Yeah. How much do you weigh? Is your head bigger than my dad's head? I think my dad can beat you up. You're like, all right. Can we get him, someone calm him down a little bit? Have we ever talked about, you know, when I was in middle school, everyone had ringtones on their phone. That was such a high pitch that the teacher couldn't hear it. That's back when I taught middle school, by the way, probably what you're talking about. Yeah.

Do you know what I'm talking about where kids had that on their phones? I was just in the early... I taught in the early 2000s when cell phones first came out. Now it's probably... I think what teachers do, you have to put the cell phone in a bag when you come into class. You can't have it on you. Yeah. They did...

What's the high pitch that the teacher couldn't hear? Because the teacher's older. When the teacher's older, they can't hear. So we would all have ringtones, and our phones would be making noises that we could all hear as a kid, but the teacher couldn't hear it because it was such a high pitch. I think your teacher just let it happen because I don't believe there's a high pitch. There is, though. There's not. There's no way. I mean, is your teacher 90? Or is he like 40? Teacher's probably in the early 30s.

No, there's no way. Even that age difference, you would not be able to hear it. I think you absolutely can. You're doing it to me right now, aren't you? Yeah. No. Y'all hear it, don't you? What was the frequency called? Brian's never known. Yeah. That's pretty solid. That was a good joke. Let's go to traffic. Brian, yeah. You want to go ahead? Split log world. Yeah. Give my home address out, Mike. They did...

You know, we've been playing, we played the theme song during the whole episode. What? Yeah, in the back. What if we were doing that and he never heard it? Harry, you don't hear that right now? I don't think there's... There's frequencies that younger people can't hear. If you're under 25 and still can't hear it, try turning your volume up. You want to try this? Yeah. See if you can hear it? Yeah. I distinctly, I remember I had it on my phone and I would play it and my parents couldn't hear it and then all the kids had it. What's muted? That's why. Well, yeah. All right, we're about to play this.

everybody because we're just sitting there you hear it no you don't hear that you can hear it you can hear it do it again do you hear yeah dude do you hear it no oh yeah yeah you hear it too i don't believe me and the boys come on man that's crazy what's the what is it making what noise uh i don't know messing with us

I don't know. It doesn't have the hertz or whatever. I don't even know what you call it. What's it? Is it going beep? It's just a high-pitched like a beep noise. Oh, my gosh. Wow. That's unbelievable. Speaking of rednecks at Panthers games. Yeah, do you see the dude that got kicked out for dancing in the end zone with the mascot? Yeah, I saw this guy. That was in 1995, 96. Wait, this just came out? That's me.

Oh, is it? Yeah. That's me the first year the Panthers played in the NFL. I'm doing the moonwalk on grass. It's not easy. Michael Jackson crotch grabs. I'm singing what I like about you. And I used to break dance, so I thought I'd do the worm. And I'm doing the worm, and then the refs come out behind me. I didn't see them, and it's a full-on wedgie.

And then this other guy comes over to defend me. That's Dale Earnhardt. And then you've got this dude who was with the Sir Purr mascot. That's our mascot, Sir Purr, to defend me because I was already dancing in the stands making people laugh. Now, look, I was already in that side of the field. They could have kicked me out. They marched me 99 yards. Yeah.

It's the longest walk of shame. And these people are throwing beers at him, screaming, let him go. I like that. You're throwing them at you for sure, throwing at them and not you. Oh, 100%. You got it. Oh, yeah. And he never let go of my pants the whole time, 99 yards. Oh, yeah.

I put my arm around him at one point. I felt like, well, let's just hold each other. But yeah, that was the first year of the NFL. You have that belt. That's when I wore my belt like that. Your belt hung down. The braided belt. The braided belt. Wrap it around and stick it down. That was so cool. Yeah. It's so...

You're just talking to them and your pants are just all the way up. I'm trying to reason with the guys. Like, dude, I was invited out here by the mascot. You didn't see the... And they weren't hearing it. And they're like, we've got to kick you out. It's an NFL rule. And he was kind of mean. Sir Purr invited me out there. Yeah. I was going to ask how you got on the field. Yeah. Yeah. I was already having a good time. And we learned together in that moment that Sir Purr does not have the authority to invite people onto the field. He didn't know it either. It was the first year with the NFL. Yeah.

And we learned a lot that year. Well, you're playing on a college field right there, right? Yeah, it's Clemson. So everyone still has a college mentality. He's like, yeah, come on down here. Yeah, exactly. And a player was hurt, so they were working on this player for like 10 minutes. Yeah. And they're just playing music. Is this during an injury time now? Yeah, screw that guy. I'm having a good time. That guy's paralyzed. They take him off the field. Yeah, he didn't make it. Look at you. Yeah.

Did they ever, like, get it, or they just got you out, and then it was over? They just kicked me out. Yeah. And then they sit out there, and they, you know, they ask you all kinds of questions. And they got my ID. Well, it's like a week later, I got all this free crap in the mail from the Panthers. Oh, that's awesome. Like, they realized they screwed up. And so, like, it wasn't my fault, technically. And so I got, like, a sipper bottle, a key chain, coffee mug.

I mean, that's like they just grab stuff around the office. Yeah, they hear a senator. They go, who's got stuff? They don't want to get sued. They go, God, I don't know. I think they thought I was going to sue them or something. Yeah. I found out later that the guy in the mascot...

His name is Tommy Donovan. And I used to pretend to be mad at the surfer, like, I'm going to find out who that guy is who got me kicked out. And I reached out to him, and he does comedy now. Oh, really? Like, he opened for me not long ago. Oh, wow. In Valhalla, South Carolina. That is awesome. And he's actually pretty good. He's a pretty cool guy. Yeah. This all worked out. Yeah. Did he know you? No, I wasn't even doing stand-up at this time. Oh, yeah. No, I hadn't even done stand-up. I had been talking about doing it, but at this point, I hadn't.

Yeah, that was like in 23. But why did he invite you on the field? Well, I was already dancing in the stands. So every time out, I'd get up and start dancing to make my friends laugh. Yeah.

And so there's like 10 of us and they would be like snickering or whatever. Next time out, I'm up again. Now it's not just my friends, it's people around them. So slowly it turns into a thing. Every time out people start and it grows. Right. So third quarter, my buddy Marty, he said, you got to get on that grass hill behind the goalpost. So the whole stadium can see. I was like, you're a genius. It was a great idea. So, cause Clemson had that grass hill. Anybody could just go sit up there.

And so I make my way over there, you know, and that's when this guy got hurt. They were playing music the whole time. And I would just do what is not on this tape is the best part. Yeah. I'm literally got like, I don't know, 50, 60,000 people listening and why I'm conducting them because I'm behind the goalpost. I do one dance move point like that. They go, God,

And I'd cut them off and do the Hulk Hogan hand behind the ear to the other side. Like it was huge. And so the mascot who's doing his own thing is kind of like, no one's looking at me right now. They're looking at this kid. And so he walked over and just said, come out here and dance with me. He wasn't even thinking. He just waved me out there. And then my friends just threw me over the fence. So get out there.

And that's when the tape kicks in. Yeah. After the invitation. So people who see this, they think I was just some drunk idiot who ran out there, but I was invited. Yeah. And this is on your YouTube channel? Yeah. John, if people want to look it up. Who filmed this for you? There was a freelance photographer.

Who was standing there. That's a great wedgie. I give these cops credit, man. I mean, they do it perfect. Like the back of your heels never touch the ground. I mean, you go like the timing. That's the best timing. It's the best timing I've ever seen in my life. Go back to the beginning. I've never seen timing like this. Watch. His heels don't touch the ground. They kind of waited for it to get there. They go. He's on his toes.

The timing is... I mean, if you told me everybody was in on it, I would believe that. Like, it's unbelievable. One minute, I'm having the best time of my life. This is the best thing I've ever done. Next minute, bam. I'm like, what's going on? I was like, hey, take it easy. Why are there three of you? I

I don't understand why you guys are mean. Why are they yelling at me? You have no idea. Everything's great. Bam! The ground started growing. It started spreading out. It started. It goes, there's a mountain. It starts popping. But that would be it comes from the bottom, I guess. The ocean. Yeah. Because the ocean's all land.

Well, it used to be all ocean, I think. Yeah. And then it starts rising up. Yeah. And then the land just came out of the ocean? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Like shake it. All right. So it was just ocean. Yeah. The land emerged. Land emerged. And then-

dinosaurs just started popping up. Just boop, boop, boop, boop. They just started like, yeah. And then they were around for a long time. Longer than us. Yeah, then a meteor came. Six months. Or an asteroid. Asteroid. Bam, bam, bam. And a lot of smoke happened. Crazy. Couldn't get out because no one's gone up. Only the mammals survived. Small mammals. What about the reptiles? We smoked cigarettes because we can handle ash. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, I'm just trying to piece it together. I think we are. I think it is pieced together. Yeah, it seems very scientific, and I just... I mean, I don't know how you don't... I know, I know. We just went through it. Yeah. Yeah.

Jess F. Hello, folks. As a Rhode Islander, I never got to wonder how many of my state would fit into a place because no one ever seems to fail to include that information in a story. For example, the news has informed me that the biggest fire in Oregon, Washington, the third the size of Rhode Island. Oregon was. Oregon was. Yes.

I love that it's in all caps. He just ignored it. He's emphasizing that Oregon was. Oregon, Washington. Well, was is in caps. That's how you do a state. Right. The city of Oregon in Washington. Is there an Oregon, Washington? There might be.

I hope there is. I hope. For Nate's sake. I need there to be an Oregon. There's going to say. Is there an Oregon, Washington? There's a Washington County in Oregon. That's what you meant. Pretty close. There you go. That's what you meant. That's what I meant. Oh, man.

For example, the news has informed me that the biggest fire in Oregon was a third the size of Rhode Island. I was about to say that sentence didn't make sense when I said it. Yeah. I kept going though. Nate, the worst word I butchered. Chris Radcliffe. Oh, Chris Radcliffe. Nate, the worst word I butchered while reading out loud was horse divorce. Hors d'oeuvres. Hors d'oeuvres. Yeah. Hors d'oeuvres.

I pronounce it as hours devours. And probably got ridiculed by my friends. I'm curious how you're pronouncing it right now. I said horse divorce. A horse divorce. A horse divorce. It's been happening a lot around here. Horse divorces.

What if you get a lawyer? That looks like a business card should be that. What do you do? I do horse divorces. And then he goes, oh. Specialize. You specialize in horse divorces? Do they get divorced a lot? More than you think. Imagine what do you think it is? And you go, I think it's zero. And he goes, it's every one of them. There's not one horse that I've met.

That stays with his running mate. They're all so unhappy. They're all so unhappy. And I deal with horse divorces. I got more than I want. And then someone comes over and gives him some caviar and he goes, Oh, thank you. Cause that's what they'd be serving at a horse divorce party. Upscale. Upscale. Upscale hours devours. Yeah.

You know, if you don't say, what is it? Hors d'oeuvres. Hors d'oeuvres. How did they get to that? I don't know. Do you think anybody says that word correctly the first time they see it? There's not a chance. Yeah. And even if you know it, you don't see that in your head when you say hors d'oeuvres. Yeah. You know, nobody does. Horse. You about to say, Brian? I was going to say, I can see how he would, hours devours horses.

I could kind of see that leap. Horse divorce is a little more of a leap, but... Horse divorce. I guess duvres. I could have said horse duvres. Excuse me, would you like any horse duvres, please?

I will. You know what? I don't mind if I do. I'm picturing you as a waiter at a fancy event, walking around with some pigs in a blanket. Can I tempt you with some horse divorees? Divorees? What's that? Horse divorees. This is horse? No, no, no. It's pigs in a blanket. What's the matter? You don't need any cutlery for this. What's the matter? You don't need any...

Cut Larry. Cut Larry. You don't need Cut Larry for this. This is horse divorce. What do we got going here? This is a civilist station. Just add everything. You can almost make that a whole sentence. Yeah. Horse divorce. Cut Larry. Validity. What was it you said? Yeah. Validitimity. Validitimity. Yeah.

What's that? What's the Mary Poppins song? I knew I was saying it wrong. That one I knew. I was like, for some reason the right words weren't coming. And then I thought, well, let's just see what words. Let's get to the docious part at the end. Yeah. Yeah.

Horse divorce. Just seeing a horse in court. Just sits there, both. I don't even want to look at it. Every judge. Why is the long face? All right. He goes, he loves it every time. He goes, all right. I always start like that. What's the problem? Uh, and...

She doesn't want to be near me anymore. A lot of jokes like that. That's where the lawyers have a good time. It's a good, it's a fun place to be. At a horse divorce. To go in there. Horse divorce court. Horse divorce court. And to go in there and they bring in the little... The ponies. The ponies. And they're just sitting there.

And they're branding them. Get back. And you got, golly. One shows up with a bunch of brands all over him. And you're like, oh boy, this one's trouble. Look at all the brands he's got. He's got a bunch of these guys. He's all branded up. The thing about that sometimes is if I step on an ant, you're like, just a tear, just a, what's the...

Just share murder. No. Yeah. But, uh, sheer. Yeah. What's the rest of the Senate. So we'll see. I don't know the rest. I think it's a pretty important word. Uh, the T the, what is the tear share or something like that? The fear, the sheer terror, the sheer terror. Okay.

Of that ant? Of that ant. Yeah. Sheer terror is a good word. Yeah. But I didn't know how to, what was I saying? The opposite. The tear sharer. Tear. The tear sharer. It started in 8th century BC and went to 4th century AD. So during the time of Christ, the Olympics were going on. Yeah. That's kind of crazy. Yeah. The Israeli team approached him like, hey, you're 30. I know that's kind of old for gymnasts, but we've seen what you've done on that water. We think we could use you here. Yeah. Yeah.

You're unbelievable. You're doing some stuff. We've seen it. But they started originally to honor the... I don't think he could get under the water. Jesus? To swim. Oh, to swim? He just runs on top of it. Freestyle? Yeah. He can do freestyle, right? Freestyle, he just runs across it. He just runs across it. And he goes, as he gets freestyles, I can do whatever I want, right? Yeah. That's what he gets.

That's the name of it. I'm confused. The name of it is freestyle, do whatever you want. Yeah, but Jesus, you have to swim. But you're not even wet.

You didn't take your shoes off. And they don't have much rain in UAE, so he's come up with a plan to haul an iceberg from Antarctica. Is this the same net guy? No, I think this is a different guy. They should meet because they both got some wild ideas. What if they run into each other on the ocean moving along? But he wants to haul it from Antarctica. 20 billion gallons of water, he said.

they could be drinking water for a million people for five years if you can get this iceberg. It's not a bad idea. It's not that long. I mean, it'd be worth the trip. You wouldn't regret it when you got back. I think you've got to come up with a better solution than fight like you're, how long is it going to take to get that?

I don't know. How do you just lasso? How much do you lose as the iceberg then goes to Florida and it's like 79 degrees down? You're like, well, now we're losing. Tommy gets home. It's this big? Yeah. I did it, guys. Yes. Where is it? It's just a cup. He's got this cup and he just goes, I didn't think it through. And then he drinks it. Just to finish it off.

Oh, that's cold. That's good.

You may have heard of me, but I did a comedy catch in Chattanooga and the guy up front was wearing an Auburn shirt. Yeah. You're an Auburn fan? He's like, yeah. And I was like, all right, cool. That's awesome. I've done that. Man, I've been that guy, though. What a moment. You don't know what this guy's going to say, man. This guy's a loose cannon, dude. Let's talk about what you're wearing.

What is that? Tommy Hilfiger? Yeah. This guy's a maniac. Don't sit up front. Don't sit in the splash zone. Bates will get you. He'll take you on a wild ride, brother. He

He just talks about what you're wearing. Does he make fun of it? No, no. It's not his style, man. It's not his style. That's not what Bates does. He said he wished he could afford it. He makes the person feel bad. He's like, God, I'd love to be able to buy an off-the-shirt like that one day. Yeah.

So, Sparknotes, when we read Shakespeare, they go through and they just have it side by side translated to normal English. Oh. And everyone will just read that. Hey, so what's the Shakespeare line? Read Shakespeare line in Shakespeare. Okay, I'll read. And I'll read the normal version. That will be air of the set of sun.

The sun sets down right over that way. Where the air is. Where the air is. Yeah, yeah. Where's the sunset? In the sky, you moron. In the air of the sky. Upon the heath. Upon the heath? Yeah. It's a heath. Where's it at? It's on top of the heath. Does he even tell you where a heath is? Yeah. Look, we got the translated here. What's a famous Shakespeare poem?

Oh, let's do it. So this is like Macbeth. We're reading Macbeth. Okay, give me another one. Okay. When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain? I mean, probably not those times. It's going to be a bad time. You're just answering the question. Yeah. How am I supposed to give what the thing is? I mean, why would I want to meet in the thunder? How about we pick a nice, sunny afternoon? You know, I don't want to bring my horse out and all the muck.

How about Romeo, Romeo, where art thou, Romeo? Like, Romeo, where are you? Yeah. Where did you go? No, that's actually not what it means. Why are you? Why are you, Romeo? Wherefore means why. So why are you, Romeo? Because my parents named me Romeo? Yeah, that's what he said. Why are you in this family that I'm not allowed to be? I misquoted it, in fairness. Oh, why are you in this family? Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? Why are you, Romeo? Because I'm not allowed to talk to your family.

So why are you a Romeo? Yeah. Why is that? You're they're questioning. Like, why are you like, he's like, wait, this is to Romeo. Who's this? It's just like a Karen is Juliet. Maybe I'm wrong. I thought that that scene was, she's asking, I wish you weren't from this family. That's rivaling mine. Yeah. That's what I thought it meant. What if she broke it down like that? He would have, they wouldn't have both died. Did they die?

yeah yeah they both died at the end yeah well that probably could have been solved maybe because they couldn't understand they maybe because they're both speaking so ridiculous words that they then go they go do you sure you want to do this that's what they're saying but it's going like i shall thou kill myself and it's like what did you mean i didn't want to do it and he goes i didn't want to do it either why were we not just saying that when you interview at advertising companies they try to uh

because I interviewed a couple, they try to throw you off by asking you crazy questions in the middle of an interview just to see how you think. So they'll be like, so Nate, tell me about, tell me about, you got family out here? Yeah. What animal would you be if you could be an animal? Bingle. I'm ready for everything. You're hired. You want to keep going? No. Just ask me. How many windows are in New York City? 100,000. 100,000.

Give or take. Go. Give or take a bunch. I mean, just keep going. Ask me, go to the... Because they got to go serious. They got to flip it back and forth. Yeah. If you had a billion dollars in cash, where would you hide it? In your mom's house.

I think I would get hired. That's how you become a manager. I'm trying to do an herb garden. I got some thyme growing. Some carrots. Thyme growing? Carrots I struggle with. What'd you have? Thyme.

You have some thyme growing. Yeah. Like the herb. Oh, man. I didn't know there was an herb called thyme. Yeah. Spelled thyme. Oh. You've seen that. Yeah, it's just say thyme. They say thyme? They tell me it's pronounced thyme. I would say. I mean, I agree with you. I would start saying thyme more. Yeah, I agree with you. That didn't make sense. Yeah.

You have time growing. I was like, dude. What kind of garden is that? Yeah, what is it? The future is this great. Yeah, like how much experience are you that you're growing time? It's context. I figured out how to make it work. He goes, I'm a time traveler. The herb. The herb. Oh, you're a time traveler. Time traveler. Rachel Caine, the amount of misfortune that happens in Brian's life.

I need a reality show. Please, someone just follow this man with a camera, keeping up with the Kardashians, but have nothing on bad luck Brian. Can I address this? Breaking Brian. That's what we call it, Breaking Brian.

Yeah. I admit I've had my share of embarrassing moments. I mean, I may be having a stroke right now. Yeah. But I also turned 50 today. So we've all, you live that long, you're going to have some embarrassing moments. Yeah. And as comics, we share them. Yeah. And that's what makes them funny. Now, so I hope they don't really think, I feel like I'm the luckiest person in the world. Yeah. I got great friends, present company included. I got,

A great job. I get to do what I love. Yeah. I got a great wife. I got a baby on the way. I got a lot to be thankful for. You don't have a baby on the way. I do. Do you really? Yep. Are you kidding? Are you kidding, dude? Get out of town, man. There we go. That's awesome, man. Congrats, dude. Congrats, buddy. That's unreal, dude. Thank you. That's so great. Wow. Thank you so much. Golly. That's crazy. Oh, man.

I thought you were just joking. I got a lot to be thankful for. Nope. Yeah. Wow. I'm very serious. We'll get to the bottom of this stroke stuff a little bit quicker than we think. I know. We'll figure it out. Got to get it figured out. Got to be healthy for a baby. I know. How far along is she? She's already in second trimester. Yeah, yeah. I mean, at our age, we wanted to really wait and make sure that everything was good, but we feel like now we're at the point where we can tell people, so...

That's so great, man. Oh, man. Little girl. A girl? Wow. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow. That's crazy, dude. Yeah. That's crazy. So I'm very, we're so excited. Was your mom just, she? She was thrilled. Yeah. She just couldn't believe it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we're all so excited. Yeah. I don't know if anybody thought we were going to have a kid. I'm sure y'all didn't think you

were no we didn't and you know it's not easy our age but yeah things happen it's a miracle so yeah we're doing it yeah dude

Congratulations, man. If you're the praying type, I ask for continued prayers for a healthy baby. Yeah. And that I'm not having a stroke. Yeah. Let's do the baby first. We're going to rank it in order, like the way the prayer is ranking, like where people in states. And they go, well, Alaska does, they did the stroke first, but most of the other country did the baby first. Yeah.

At the end of the episode, I watched after the sign-off as Nate walked to breakfast, and I expected him to give him a hug or something after breakfast is big news. Instead, he reached over and grabbed some Sour Patch Kids. Typical Nate, keep up the good work. That's so funny. That was good. Yeah. We've hugged. I don't think we did. Did we hug? I think we – Not much. It's very funny. I'm going to pull that up. I want you to watch. No, I think we – I want you to watch. I think we have hugged. It'll take a second. We've hugged.

Occasionally. When you got married. Yep. When this baby's born. I mean, the fact that you guys are ever going to argue about it just proves it's not enough. I just wish we hugged more is what I'm saying. Yeah, there's a point. I hug. Yeah, there's my buddy Dan Chackie. We never would shake hands when we would leave because he'd be like, we're about to see each other. You know, it's like sometimes it's like you can be like, what are we doing? Right. You know, but I like hugging.

But when you're around someone all the time, I'm not hugging. Here we go. Here's the end. So you get up. Brian just made the good. It looks like you're about to get up. Hey, man. Here we go. Congratulations, dude. Oh, man. Priorities.

I used to work in high school. We had to do, we had to volunteer places to graduate. Yeah. They put a certain number of hours in. I worked in the kitchen of a nursing home in Hendersonville and I just did dishes every day after school. And you know, you get sent plates back and it's like any,

Like there's people leave stuff on the plate. Right. So I'm 17, 18 years old. French fry day. I'm just pounding French fries when they send the plates back. Right. Yeah. I remember one day I've been doing this for months and I'm just eating French fries off this plate. And one of the old nurses comes in and she goes, Oh honey, no,

And I go, well, why? I go, what's the problem? Like, I'm not gonna let it go to waste. She goes, so many of our residents will suck the salt off those French fries and put it back on the plate. And I'd never touch food again. That was wild. Oh,

Wow. Just the look on her face when she saw me, she's like, oh no. That's so crazy. I used to eat the food off people's plate all the time, but I've never heard anything that disgusting. That makes me retroactively sick. It's almost like, yeah, you don't even want to think about it because I ate a bunch of those, man. I ate

a lot of fries I used to say would you ever go to the cook and go I think we should put more salt on these fries I think you'd sell more but they always come back and I think it's because they don't have enough salt on them and he's like alright man I guess I'll throw some more on there I thought I was putting a lot on there

So there's a regional in Pittsburgh and it's not in the city, but the Saturday, you know, a group of little people were like, let's go and see downtown Pittsburgh.

So this one girl, she has a new minivan. All right. We're all little people. Her dad just bought this new brand new, beautiful minivan, accessible van, you know, very expensive. So we go into downtown Pittsburgh and everyone's drinking, you know, and I'm not because, you know, it's early and I was just tired. So the girl whose minivan it is, she only had like one beer, but she was like, I probably shouldn't drive. Right.

I was like, I'll drive. You know, I'm fine. You know? And so now we're on the fourth floor of a parking garage that is on a very heavy, steep incline. Okay. Fourth floor down. And so I get in very confident. Okay. I'm a good driver. And I start the car and I, you know, put it, I put my foot on the brake now.

And I put it in reverse. Now what happens is the pedal extension falls off the brake. So you put an extension on, obviously. I drive with pedal extension. So it's like a regular pedal, but there's two extended bars that attach to the pedals. One on the gas, one on the brake. So when I put the car in reverse and I put my foot on the brake...

I don't know how, but my foot just knocks that brake pedal off. So now all of a sudden, within a second, we are just full speed going backwards down on the fourth floor. And there's a guardrail where we could just go over five little people in this minivan. We're just dead. So real instinct. I'm like, look, I got to save us. So I just start hitting cars on the way. Boom, boom, boom, boom.

boom, boom, boom. I'm slowing us down. And I hit seven cars and now I get out and she, you know, she is just like, I cannot believe this. This is the brand new minivan. My family has been saving for, and I just hit seven cars. I smashed. So now we have to just sit there and wait.

To tell all these people that I, along with these other five innocent little people, just smashed and destroyed all these cars. I mean, just so many people walking out like.

Seven people. Like it's, I mean, possibly 15 people are walking out and you're like, how you doing? Did you park on the fourth floor? You got to ask him. Yeah. All right. Well, we probably got some news for you. And then we got to get back to the hotel later. Cause this is the convention. Yeah. And that's like the talk of the conference. Every little person knows what happens. Like everyone's mad.

You know, this family has been saving up for this minivan. And this is years ago. We're talking about 15 years ago. But I actually saw that girl. You know, I see her all the time. But a couple years ago, she's like, you know, we're still paying off for that. With the sun's out when it's raining? Yeah. Do you have a word for that? What you'd call that? When the sun's out and it's raining? Yeah. No.

In parts of the northeast in Florida, they refer to it as a sun shower. In parts of Mississippi and Alabama, they call it the devil is beating his wife. Do they really? Yeah, yeah. You know that term? I heard that growing up. If the sun's out and it's raining. Yeah, the devil's beating his wife today. Yeah. You're doing a Habitat for Humanity, and that's where you heard it? You go. You all drove down your mountain to talk to the regular folk? Yeah.

The devil's beating his wife. Teachers would use it, regular people. In school? Oh, yeah. It was just an expression. Yeah. It doesn't happen that often. I mean, how often does this weather phenomenon happen? Well, enough's enough. Not that often, but enough for a term. I think that's what a real abusive relationship is. Well, I mean, how often am I really hitting you? You go, I guess not every day.

is that i mean that's the saying all right and then then the wife has to be like i mean i guess i can't complain about it's not every day you know yeah in florida it's every day i guess it rains in i think my like every day they get it they always say that they get like just a hard shower uh at some point during the day they don't stop but i've never heard that's crazy that seems like a lot like if someone said that that would be like what's that

I don't, like weathermen aren't using this term, you know, on the news or anything. Well, it's in the education. The teachers are using it. The educators. Well, kids, the devil's beating his wife today. Do you have any idea what it means or how that? I mean, I have an image of what it means. The devil beating his wife. In reference to the weather? No, I have no idea. I have no idea where that comes from. I guess she's crying. And he's the devil. The sun's burning on it? Maybe. I think, yeah. I didn't dig into it like that. But yeah, that makes sense.

I like it. Oh. I'm going to start saying that again. Yeah. The devil's beating his wife. You wear a wife beater. That's what the shirt is. That's what the shirt is. I bet a lot of people that say that have that shirt on, and then there's just a lot of like, whew, like you have to go. And he goes, the guy walks out on the wife beater and goes, the devil's beating his wife today. And you're like, oh, you know.

I told you the story about going to have a spot roof for my face and they told me to put on a hospital gown and I'd never, I've never been in the hospital. Yeah. So I didn't know if you're supposed to take your clothes off or not.

So I started, I was, for some reason in my head, I thought it would look dumber if I still had my clothes on when they come with the gown. You have jeans on. So I just started stripping down. And right when I just get down to the bed, the nurse knocks on the door. And I was like, just a minute. And she's like, it's just me, hon. And I was thinking, man, we just met. Yeah. And she comes on in with an intern. Yeah. And I'm just whatever. She's like, oh, you didn't have to take your bottoms off, hon. Yeah. Yeah.

Where was your spot getting removed? Right here. Next to your eye. So then she has to leave the room and I have to completely put all my clothes back on and then the gown on. Why? Why did you have to put the gown on to begin with? To just keep blood from getting on me because that... I completely stripped down. Took your jeans off. I took everything off. My socks are off. Yeah.

It's like a normal doctor's office. They're going like, yeah, we don't do stuff like this, man. She had an intern with her. Yeah. Good night. Did they laugh? I think they were more startled than anything. But then I have to put it all back on and then he comes in with her and the intern. And I'm just like, I know they've been out there talking about me.

Everybody's talked about you. Yeah. Oh, everybody. Yeah. That was like, and they went home. The guy in 431 took all his clothes off. Yeah. Oh, good. Because he looks like he would have. They know immediately who you're talking. Yeah. Don't tell me. Let me guess.

My wallet's gone. My wallet's gone. So Penn State. Penn State, and then I got a master's degree. You're stalling me. Don't move yet. My education continued. I went at night, and I got a degree from Cabrini College, a small Catholic college outside of Philadelphia in special education. Wow. So is that good? Special education is very nice. It's a big heart you got doing stuff like that. I do like that. But getting a master's at night, is that easier than the day? Yeah.

I would imagine. Because you have to work a day job. I worked with kids with behavioral problems during the day, and then at night I would have to take classes. This is not about the kids. I'm saying that usually, I don't think people are going to Harvard and they got their master's at night.

So I'm saying when you go, you go at night and you go get your master's, it's like to a drive-thru window or something like that. And then the teachers are probably not the top, top, right? Like who, what teacher goes, I hope I get to work the graveyard shift to teach the master's degree.

What I'm saying is, is it a pretty loose Masters? No, it's not a loose Masters, Nate. Okay? I see you taking shots at me. Like, we're dumber than the people who get their Masters during the day. Day hours is all I'm asking. Like, you're in, you know...

As a working professional, Nate, you have to work during the day, and then you needed supplemental coursework at night. I mean, you're not familiar with secondary education, Nate. I'm not. I'm just saying, does your master's degree, when they print it, does it have the time like 9 p.m. on it? Does it say, like that's when it was handed to you? They call it a twilight master's. The twilight master's thing, yeah.

I remember maybe the first time you ever went over to the couch after your set when he says goodnight, Fallon. And I said to you, I think you need to smile more because it made you look worried. Yeah. And you told me you did it next time. You said you thought about that. Yeah. I've done it from here on. Yeah. See, I take criticism. There's a clip from a recent, what is this?

This shows how far you've come. Yeah. So this was on, I got this large show into me. I think someone sent me this too. It was, uh, so Jamie Lynn Spears did an interview, uh, on, um,

I bet no one thought I was about to say that. It's like you got to wrap your head around like, what? So Jamie Lynn Spears, she just did that interview, I guess, about Britney Spears. I don't know anything about that. I don't know that. But whatever it was, she did some interview, I guess. I don't know the whole Britney and Jamie Lynn thing. Okay. So this guy's talking about...

Jamie Lynn Spears on Britney Spears reaction interview. What is her body language reveal? And this is a these guys like a study body language

There's, going back to this sitting, there's a comedian named Nate Bargatze. He's from Nashville. And when he sits, that's the most comfortable and confident looking guy sitting I've ever seen in my whole life. When he sits down on a talk show or on a podcast or whatever, I'll put up a picture of him. If you check that out, this is the most relaxed guy, the most confident looking guy in the world. And he's a comedian. This guy is the most confident sitter I've ever seen in my whole life.

That's pretty good. Coming a long way. Katy Perry is actually JonBenet Ramsey. I went down that rabbit hole too. I mean, I'm into any of this. I'll look at anything for a while. I could see it's like your own movie. It's like a movie. Yeah. And so it's, I could see how people could, you could read it. And then if you just keep going and you see one little thing, if you want to believe it,

It will never stop if you want to believe it. Yeah, and you don't even have to believe it to just be like, this is interesting. I saw something the other day that was like, Morgan Freeman is Jimi Hendrix. And I'm like, I want to check it out. I'm into it. I saw one that was, Jim Morrison was Rush Limbaugh. And I'm like, I don't believe it, but I'd like to check it out. Bill Hicks and Alex Jones. Oh, Bill Hicks is Alex Jones. Yeah, I mean-

that one yeah that is real welcome back everybody it also does this this is the grammy part here's my uh i don't know if you can see it close it's uh the uh they give you a nominee medal

So I got this sent to me a couple weeks ago. Nice. So I will always have this. That's awesome, man. Grammy nominee. And what do they tell you? I mean, that's a line that's going to be introduced that way forever. For the rest of my life. Yeah. I'm a Grammy nominee. Grammy nominated comedian. You look like Kramer with his motorcycle helmet. Yeah.

I'll be honest, wearing this helmet when I did this. Well, let's go ahead and bring my wife in, Laura Bargetzi. All right. First time on the long time. No, I want to say the opposite. First time caller, long time listener. And no, no. I always looked at it the other way. I always want to call into a place and go, first time listener, long time caller. The opposite. Yeah.

He just called in. Uh, so, uh, yeah, this is the helmet I wore, uh, balded at blizzards in Charleston, West Virginia. So when, I'm sorry, I don't want to get ahead of you. This is all your idea. So this was my idea. Uh, so wearing, wearing the helmet was, uh,

So they were going to do that. I might take it off because I can't. No, please leave it off. Oh, leave it off? I think it's great. Yeah. So this was my idea. I would say take it off. Well, it's already off. Okay. So, and I feel protected. I think this is, you're supposed to take this off, but I think it looks cool. I don't be bothered.

I'm a Grammy nominee now, dude. I can't even go out in public, so I'll wear this. I'll be honest with you. Wearing this, I think if I'm not a comedian, I could wear this on the red carpet and they would just be like, oh yeah, that's what someone's doing. He's making a statement. I mean, there's like... Yeah, I would fit in. If I wore this helmet on the red carpet...

It would, I would have been like, I don't know if they would have talked about me. They would have been, there's so many other people. They would have never mentioned it. They had been like, oh, that one guy wore a helmet. They're like, I mean, how many helmets do people wear every year to the Grammys? 30, 40? Y'all are like the money ball chip.

Like y'all were. Yeah. Yeah. You're like money ball and baseball. Like, yeah. Your first ones use analytics. There's rich companies and there's poor companies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We were. Was pizza-licious a big deal for y'all? I think pizza-licious slated right in at like a number five, our flavor lineup. Here's the thing, and it's a secret. Yeah.

The red can original, red can, you're doing about 80% of the volume in that red can. I don't know what's funny about this. I mean, this is important stuff. Number five in the flavor lineup. Yeah. So what is that? Which they probably had it slated at a nine when they probably thought it was coming in at a nine. You had red can original is 80% of the business. Yeah. Okay. And then you had what we called right crisp. Couldn't call it light.

We did call it light and then they said we couldn't because it wasn't low-fat enough back then. So we had to call it right crisp. It was in a silver can. That was usually the number two. Y'all didn't think about making the chip healthier. You just said we'll just change the name a little bit.

I mean, it was healthier. Yeah, it was healthier. It was healthier. Just not enough. Not enough. Not enough. Yeah. I still think it was a smart choice. I mean, you know. And then the green canned sour cream and onion. That's a solid, solid flavor. And then Cheezums. Cheezums was probably a number four. And I'll tell you...

And I lose sleep over it even today. We never got the barbecue product right. Yeah. We never got our fair share of the barbecue business. We didn't. And that's a big deal in chips. A huge deal in chips. I go barbecue a lot. I go barbecue probably the most I would go of something. And it's Lay's Barbecue, right? Do you eat barbecue Pringles? No. You don't? No. That's true. That's on us, man. That is. That is on us. That's not on you. That's not on you. The fact that you guys...

Yeah, you own up to it. You own up to it. I will go do more barbecue pringles. Jared Robertson, just watched The Greatest Average American. I got to know who put syrup in the waffle maker. And I'll tell you who, Breakfast Bates over here. That's who did it. Yeah. Yeah. They probably could have guessed that. Does it not make sense? Yeah. Once you're done, you're like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. This is all day long.

It was, yeah.

He actually made me sound better than it really was. Yeah. It was worse than, yeah, I was trying to be like, you know, show a little class. Yeah. There was a countdown clock, so I could see exactly when things were about to go bad. Yeah. I mean, just the line. You know, like if all of us were in line behind Brian, we would all be like, you almost want to see it. And you'd expect it. You're like, well, let's all go watch. But when people don't know, it's a lot. It's a lot for people. Yeah.

And then he just ruins everybody's breakfast for the rest of the day. Got down there early. He's got his little MTSU shirt on and shorts. He's in clothes that you're like, did he sleep in them? Probably. I don't know. Did you think we'd make it? To 100? Yeah. I don't know.

I don't think I thought of it. You didn't think we'd make it. Yeah. Brian and I, you knew you'd get here. When I look at both of y'all, I think, golly, how did y'all slip by me for a hundred episodes?

Uh, no, I don't know if I, uh, no, I mean, I thought, you know, I don't know. I don't know what I thought when we started it, but it's, you know, I mean, every time I go to shows, people come up, they listen to it. They love it. I, it's, it is fun to do. Uh, so it's great. And I love that. I mean, I love how much people are listening to it. And so it's fun. A hundred episodes. Yeah. So with a hundred episodes, uh,

We are going to change up something a little bit. And yeah, Bates, you go. You move up to my role, Bates. I'm in your role. Let's switch. People voted and they wanted more Brian. So we're going to change it up and we're adding a fourth co-host. Oh, man. So it'll be four of us.

I know people, you know, we've mentioned stuff like that. I think it's fun. I'm excited about it. Uh, it's just another comic, another, someone that's funny that, uh, I think fits very well with us. Uh,

I believe we have him blurred out right now. And if you're at home and you're trying to guess, you can pause it. If you want to pause it and try to take a shot. I mean, you think they could? I don't know. He's appeared on the show before. Aaron, do you want to take a guess? Would you have any idea? Yeah, I got a pretty good clue. He's blurred out, Aaron. So how could you see him? Can I guess? You took that like it was a real beating. I thought you were...

I thought we were going to go play long. You made it sound like I really just yelled at you. Oh, yeah. It was a cower over here in the corner. You go, I'm sorry. My bad, dude. Huh? Can I guess? Yeah. I'm going to say it's the guy that used to work with your sister who's the Bigfoot expert. He is. It is. We brought him in. He was great. He was amazing. Yeah.

Welcome to Nate Land, Dusty Slick. All right. All right. We're having a good time. Having a good time. Wow, that buildup really had me. You know what I mean? Yeah. I was more nervous about that buildup than going on shows. Yeah. Well, look, I think we're big fans, obviously, and I think you fit well with us.

You grew up poorer than all of us, which is nice. Yeah, bring in a real poor aspect to this. A lot of money floating around this table. Yeah. Well, we didn't have money. Aaron comes from a pretty wealthy family. That's right. He comes from royals. Yes. And then, but so me and Bates wanted to feel, we wanted to be able to punch down. And we were like, well, who could we get? Oh, Dusty was in a trailer park. And then with Galaxy, so we're the Milky Way. We're named after that candy bar. Mm-hmm.

And then... That's what they'll have at that wedding. Yeah. Milky Ways. Yeah. Why would we be named after a candy bar? Doesn't make a lot of sense to me. It's better than Baby Ruth. Yeah, but I wish it should get its own thing. Yeah. You know? Kit Kat. Yeah. When did the Milky Way get... It got named after the... When did we call it the Milky Way? Why did they call it the Milky Way? Because it looks like Milky? Butterfinger Galaxy. That'd be a lot of fun. Yeah.

Because you know what's on the outside, but you don't really know what's on the inside. The Milky Way candy bar was created in 1923. Yeah. The name and taste derived from a then popular malted milk drink of the day, not after the astronomical galaxy. So when did we start calling it the Milky Way? Yeah. So we did name the galaxy after the candy bar. Well, yeah, we might have.

The term was actually used 2,500 years ago. A little bit earlier. We call the galaxy the Milky Way a little longer than the candy bar. But I think saying that you named the candy bar after a milkshake seems a little inaccurate. They shouldn't let them do it just because you're like, man, you're kind of just ruining what we're doing with space. Yeah. It really takes the kind of steam out of it. It's also a candy bar. That's how little serious we take it.

We're naming it as... And it's not even one of our real great ones. Oh, golly, dude. You think a Milky Way is that good? Oh, my God, dude. You hit a button there. Start this podcast over, man. You think a Milky Way is... Milky Way is... Man...

The number one, in my opinion. Oh, no way. I enjoy a Milky Way, but number one. Number one. Oh, my gosh. I don't know if I've even had one saying all this. Oh, dude. Over Snickers, dude? It's like a weak Snickers. Yeah. Snickers with no peanuts. Yeah. It's like a weak Snickers. Dude, a Snickers. Yeah, I'm not trying to eat a meal at the candy bar, dude. I want a Milky Way. It's just nice and smooth. Caramel chocolate. It's the right texture. It's the right size. Ah.

It's everything you need. It's everything you want. What was first, Snickers or Milky Way? I don't think I've ever had a Milky Way. But people get rid of them. Yeah, like the little fun size. Yeah, it's your favorite one. It's my favorite one, and I don't even think it's close. Yeah.

Going back to the unsafe feeling was like, so the saying, hey, bear on these trails. So I went down this whole path. I've been watching just, I'm trying to find any movie that involves a grizzly bear. And I watch them. And I just watched The Edge last night with, that's great, Alec Baldwin, Anthony Hopkins. Oh, yeah. I've not seen it. There's a grizzly bear in it. It's great. Oh, wow. And so like these kind of survival wilderness, I went down just this kind of,

I was looking up bear attacks. Like the whole, all of it was like how you deal with them. We had to carry bear spray with us. The bell thing though, we wore it the first day and no one else had a bell. And I felt so stupid as we're walking by these people like ding, ding, ding. And then I looked it up and people were like, yeah, those don't, you know, cause it's like, they're not loud enough. Like the bears hearing is like our hearing, I think. And so it's like,

you know i don't know it's like maybe it would work and it's not you could do it but it's if you i mean we're walking by children without bells and so i was like all right we were yelling hey bear so much and you just go hey bear just a group of family of four walks by you're like and you're like oh you're a bear sorry i thought so we're saying hey bear and all that stuff and i'll give you one more hey bear hey bear hey just in case the bear can hear the podcast yeah

I think hay bear should be the response to hello folks. I like that. Yeah, that's fun. You know, the last podcast I started with hay bear. Yeah. I love a nice hay bear. Yeah. A lady that gave me candy wrote a note and it said hay bear. Yeah. To me. I like hay bear. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Could be good. Is hello folks. I mean, like when it's, uh, yeah, it's like hay bear. So, you know, cause I do hello folks and I do let's go folks when we start the podcast. Yeah. Maybe let's go bears. Hey bear.

Well, as far as bear attacks, it basically said don't do what you suggested. Don't try to run from the bear. The grizzly bear, that is. Because no one's trying it.

They said they can run as fast as a horse. Wow. It doesn't matter. It's the... It's the juice in the doubt. Shake and bake? Barry Sanders could evade a grizzly bear. Yeah, I bet so. I bet Barry Sanders could tackle a grizzly bear. Well, he's a running back. But you tell me, though, he couldn't tackle it?

You told me Barry Sanders couldn't tackle it. Come on. Come on. You sound like a guy. I feel like you slurred that. I did. You sound like an old drunk Dusty. You told me Barry Sanders. You said Barry Sanders can't tackle a book. And you're like, Dusty, are you driving? Did you? Yeah.

Very sad. You're going to look me in the face. You sound occasion. Right now in the face, you're going to look me in the eyes, face, and say, best son, best son, best son can take a good beer. Best son can't take a good beer. Is that what you're going to tell me right now? All right, Dusty. All right, bud. This guy, something's wrong with him. All right.

Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetze, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.