Jimmy Kimmel: "You're good in your own way"
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Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well. I absolutely love this because you know, if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small one.

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and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app, answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which

which means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. All right, guys, welcome to the Really Good Podcast. Today I am live in studio.

This is live. You're watching this live. It's not edited. With Jimmy Kimmel. Thank you. Oh, do I get up? Okay. Thank you so much for coming to my show today. Thank you for having me on your show. Have you ever been on somebody's show before? I have, yeah. A couple times. Sorry.

doesn't make this as special as I thought it was. In that case, and I've never-- no, this is my first time as a guest. It's weird being on this side of the guest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you for letting me interview you. Thank you for interviewing me. Yeah, well, I was hoping this would be a way that I would, like, sneak in here, and the next time you'd interview me. Oh, sure. I don't see why not. Really, then why haven't you asked? What's that? Why haven't you asked me yet? Oh, why haven't I asked? I-- I don't-- I don't know.

I don't know. You know, you'd be surprised. Do you actually reach out and ask the guests specifically or does your booking team do that? No, I do. Oh, you do it? Yeah. Yeah. I don't. I don't. I never really ask because then if somebody doesn't want to be on the show...

I don't want to make it uncomfortable. Yeah, I just make it uncomfortable with all of the guests. I've been watching and I noticed that, yeah. Do you feel uncomfortable? A little bit, yeah. I'm trying to work on that. I'm trying to get a little better at this. Because one day I want to have a talk show. Whatever ruins the show, I think if you make your guests too comfortable, you might have a problem. Yeah, okay. Go in between. I say keep it uncomfortable. Okay. Thank you so much for coming on time today.

It's my pleasure. Was I on time? I think I was about seven minutes late. So you were told 2:00 too. What time were you told? I was told it started at 1:30. It is now 2:30. Oh, I was told it started at 2:00, and then I felt I was a little bit late, so I was rushing to get down here. I'm confused because you want to hear what happened this morning? Sure. I was told it was 2:00 every day until this morning when I was driving here. I'm like, "Yeah, guess what? I'm gonna be there 20 minutes early," and they're like,

It starts in two minutes. And I was like, oh my God, what? It starts at 1.30? And they were like, yes, we thought we told you. And then they were like, okay, we're going to go let them know. And then they were like, oh, don't worry, he's going to be a little bit late. But it turns out I was like an hour early because you were really late. Honestly, I was here at the time. I probably could have come down sooner. You were getting your makeup done. I was getting makeup on, yeah.

Looks good. Thanks. What's your go-to foundation? I don't know. A lady puts it on me. You don't ask her? Stephanie. Stephanie puts it on you? Stephanie, what is my go-to foundation? Chanel. Wow. You're fancy. Boy Chanel. That's a thing. Chanel for men. The more you know. Chanel for men. I don't use stuff that fancy. I didn't know there was a designer foundation.

I didn't know either until just now. But I also feel like Stephanie might be lying and saying Chanel for men. It probably doesn't exist. She probably thinks it would embarrass me to know that I'm wearing ladies' makeup. And I probably am-- Stephanie? Stephanie? Is that true? I'm going to show you right now. Show me. OK.

What's the difference? Like what's different about your skin than mine? You're young, I'm old, you know, I need more foundation. Do you think they sell it cheaper than the women's foundation too? Probably. It's got a pink tax on it when it's women's. It might be the opposite because they probably sell a lot more of the women's Chanel foundation.

That's a phone. That's not. No, that's a telephone. Yeah, with the Chanel boy shampoo. Yeah, you're right. They're just showing us it because she actually uses like the girliest. How much is it, Morgan? $70 for a sample amount. Samples are supposed to be free. Like the mini one. I don't know what it's called. Well, that sucks. Yeah. If you're watching this and you want boy Chanel, you can't get it.

Unless you want to pay $70 for one day of makeup. I have a feeling it lasts a while, though. I don't think there's a... I don't think we're going through it in tubs. I don't know. You look like you're wearing a lot of makeup. Do I? Yeah. Yeah, I might be. I'm wearing more makeup than most guys you'll come across today. Yeah, you are. Yeah. Is that how you prefer it? What do you look like without makeup on? Do you remember... Remember when they caught the lead terrorist in Iraq and they found him in his undershirt?

No. Yeah, you probably were too young. I look like that. That's pretty much exactly what I look like. So when you go on a date, you don't want them to take you swimming? Well, I don't really go on dates because I am married. Has your wife seen you without makeup? Yeah, she saw me this morning without makeup. I thought you may be one of those people who put it on before she wakes up. No, but it is funny because people, when they, you know, obviously I don't wear makeup

-other than for TV shows. -I didn't know that. It's not obvious. I guess it's not obvious, but when people see me, they always say, "Oh, my God, you look tired." -And I have to say, "Yeah, no, I'm just wearing makeup." -I'm sorry. -Not wearing makeup. -Oh, that's kind of embarrassing. -It is embarrassing. Have you thought of getting under-eye filler?

I knew I'd look tired. I got it. Do you think that would take the dark circles? Because it's a family trait. We all have dark circles under our eyes. Yeah, don't go to the person I went to, but try it. What happened with your person? I looked horrible. Who was the person? Oh, let me name exactly the address that she works at. 1367 Beverly Jones Street. Beverly Jones Street? Mm-hmm. How much did she charge you? It was free.

Well, that may have been the problem. Are you sure she was a makeup artist? Just may have been a woman named Beverly Jones. Yeah. Well, anyway, my face looked horrible. The comment section like ate me alive. Well, you look good now. You look good. That was so nice of you. Oh, you're welcome. You look great too. Thanks. Yeah. Do you have kids? I do. I have four kids. That's a lot of kids. Why do you have so many?

They just kept coming out. I have a 32-year-old daughter. I have a 30-year-old son. I have a 9-year-old daughter and a 6-year-old son. That's a lot of kids, and they're old. How old are you? Two of them are old, yeah. How old are you? I'm 56. Oh, my God. You don't look a day over 55. Yeah, I am. I'm almost more than a year over 55. Oh, you have a ring. I see that now. I feel like people are really getting to know you. Yeah, you're really digging pretty deep. Yeah. Like Wikipedia deep.

It's pretty deep. I don't know who spends time putting those together, but it's kind of deep. Yeah, I wonder that myself. They take it very seriously. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well. I absolutely love this because, you know, if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small one.

Well, whether it's in everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now, all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience.

and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app, answer a few questions, and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish.

or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. Have you run yours?

Yeah, I've read mine. Not only have I read mine, sometimes if I'm with a group of famous people, I like to go on and add things to theirs. And almost inevitably, somebody the next day will fix it and take it down. What do you add? Like, incorrect information or...

I added an entry into John Krasinski's Wikipedia once that said that his family, that he was from a wealthy family, the people who owned Craisins, and that's named after them, the Krasinski's Craisins. Oh, yeah. And it's really cranberry raisins, Craisins. But I added that to his Wikipedia page, and somebody... That was so funny. That was such a funny joke. Some sharp-eyed little monster. Oh, I also...

On Justin Theroux's, I added, he cries when... Justin Theroux? He's an actor. I added, he cries when he comes. Okay. Well, thank you so much for that.

You're welcome. And you said I make it uncomfortable. I feel like you're doing that. Yeah. How long have you been doing this job? What, making people uncomfortable? Also, do you always sit in a little wiggly chair? Because I feel like this is horrible for me. That's not my chair. I know, but do you sit in one? I've never watched your show, so I don't know. I sit in a chair, yeah. I do sit in a chair. Does it do this?

It will if you do that. If you sit still. How do you... I feel like that's impossible. I've been moving this whole time. You don't have a chair on a swivel? No, I would never do that because then this is going to look so stupid because I can't sit still. Yeah, well, you learn to... Do you want me to sit by you? Oh, no, there's no room. You learn to control yourself. I'm getting there. I've just been doing this for like six months, okay? Yeah. Yeah. So how'd you start? On the show or... I don't know. What's your life? I really don't know anything about you. Okay. Okay.

I'm from Brooklyn. Okay. I grew up in Las Vegas. Not that far back. Let's go a little bit more. Maybe start at like 18. 18, I was doing a... I was calling into radio stations. Okay. Pestering the disc jockeys to put me on the air. What do you think you could offer them? Jokes. Oh, so you think you're a comedian. Yeah. Is that what you would consider yourself to this day? Yeah, yeah. Do you stand up? You do...

Uh, no, no. I do a talk show. What do you do? And you're funny in it? Oh, yes. Okay. I'll watch it. Okay. I'll watch it. Yeah, let me know. Yeah. You know what? What I'll do is I'll watch it before we edit this interview, and then I'll, like, insert a clip of me watching it and see if I laugh. Okay. Yeah, that'll be good. Yeah. But, so, when you called in, did you get the job? Doing a show? Why are they whispering? I don't know. They're your people.

Okay, they can stop working on cameras. So rude. Um, they're not my people. Oh, you don't know these people? Well, they're going to be fired for that, so. Okay. After today, I'll find new people. Do you have any people I could use? Yeah, probably. We probably have some people. Okay, thank you. I appreciate it. I'll just bring in these people. We'll do a little swap. Okay. Maybe they will not piss you off. I'm sure they won't. I'm sure they'll have learned their lesson. Yeah, never whisper behind my back again.

or in front of my face. Just don't whisper while we're having a very serious conversation. Yeah. So if you had to give me tips about how to be a better interviewer, what would you say? You want real tips? Yeah. What else would I want? A little bit of friendliness would go a long way. I feel like I'm being pretty friendly right now. Okay. Kind of rejiggering your friendly baseline, maybe, might be a good idea.

Knowing who the guests are would be good. Okay. I knew who you were. Knowing what they do for a living. I knew you had a talk show. Okay. Watching their thing is good. A good idea. You asked me for the tips, right? No, I'm trying. I feel like you're being defensive now. I'm trying to take it all in. Okay. Yeah, and really like...

I think crossing your arms is a negative. I think it sends a signal of kind of defensiveness or unfriendliness. Do you feel like I'm being more friendly now? I do. Like you feel like we could have a good conversation now that I've done this? It feels a little bit better now. Your hands are still in front of your, yeah. What do you do with your hands? You know, I don't know. Maybe you just put it on like a knee or something.

You know, kind of... Also, you're really leaning back in that chair. Okay. Wow. Which makes me feel like you're trying to get away from me. Let's talk. Okay. Yeah, see, this is better. This is nicer, yeah. Okay. This feels really... And, um... Wild. Other than that, I think we just start with that, and we can go from there. I'll make sure to do this in every one of my future interviews. Yeah. So I apologize to all my guests I've had before for not being friendly. I'm trying. I'm trying.

No, I can see that you're trying. I appreciate it. When you retire, can I take over? Yeah, why not? But we can still call it the Jimmy Kimmel Show. Ooh, that would be, yeah, confusing, but... But you're gone. Great for me. Why? Because they'd still be announcing my name every night. Yeah, and then I walk out. Yeah, and I'm at home relaxing. Yeah, you'll let me... Maybe I still get some money out of it. You'll get, like, a couple dollars. Great. How much money do you make?

- A lot? - More than a couple dollars, yeah. So I'll make what you're making now, and you can make what I'm making now. Well, we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. You know, my foundation costs are very high. - That is true. - Yeah. I'm wearing, like-- I thought I was wearing expensive makeup, but it's not designer. What kind of makeup are you wearing? - Um, like Kosas. - Kosas? By the way, I feel like since I said that, they should offer me a brand deal now, maybe.

You feel like that? It's how it works, right? I mean... So now you're going to be like, it's going to be like Jimmy, Jimmy, what's your name? Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel, the face of Boy Chanel. Men, Chanel from men. No, it's literally called Boy Chanel. You saw that bottle. Is it really? Yeah. It's Boy Chanel. Yeah. Oh, I didn't get a good look at it. It's not men. It's Boy Chanel. Oh, all right. Well, that's boy. That must be why I'm so boyish. There's another, um...

- Tip is rather than staring the guest down, you just then ask another question when there's an awkward pause. - What if you don't know another question?

What do you do? That's kind of part of the job is thinking of some questions in advance. You think of them yourself or does someone think of them for you? It's a mixture of things. Well, I'm not there yet. I don't have someone to think of questions for me yet. Yeah, but even if you have, if you think of them yourself, you write them down on a little card and you put the card on the desk. Oh God. Well, no one told me that. Well, you're learning. You just have like a little card and you just reference it the whole time. I didn't come into the job knowing all this stuff. I had to learn it also. Do you think that I'll be as good as you one day?

Yeah, maybe. Don't say that. What? Either say the truth. No. Like yes or no. Okay. I don't. No. But you're good in your own way. In my own way? Mm-hmm. I'm going to be better than you one day. I took that as... That would make me happy for you. This is going to be a competition now. This is the last time we'll be in the same room together, Jimmy. What about at the Emmys? We're going head to head. It will be me that comes out the winner. Okay. All right. But we still might be in the same room.

I'm not going to come if you go. I'm just going to stay home, watch it. Someone will. Well, you know what? I'll accept the Emmy on your behalf. You won't. Oh, yes, I will. I'm serious, you guys. This is the last time you ever see us, unless you invite me on your show, because I feel like that'd be good for exposure. Oh, okay. But then after that. I actually don't think I could come on your show. That'd be quite weird. Why not? We have a live audience. Yeah. That's so embarrassing. Oh, you don't like that? No. Why? I don't like how many people are watching us right now. All their little heads. I know.

Do you find it embarrassing? You find it personally embarrassing or you think it's embarrassing to have a live audience? I find it personally, personally when I like, you're facing me right now. I'm facing that way in my, is it called peripheral vision? Yeah. Peripheral. Peripheral. That sounds weird. Honestly. I see so many little heads staring at me. You do? Yeah. Look that way. Yeah. I don't like that.

Okay, well, you know, you could have remote cameras. You don't need to... Have everyone. Yeah. No, I'm just saying that. That's why I wouldn't shine on yours, because you... You'd get used to it. You'd get used to people watching you. Yeah, you'd get used to it. Okay, well, I feel like you're kind of setting me up to take over your show. I am. I'm really... I'm paving the road for you here, and you're just not accepting it. I'll take it. How old do you think you'll be when you retire?

Not that much older. Oh, you're almost done? Yeah. Should we make this the formal announcement? Sure. That I'm taking over? Let's do it. I thought I'd do great for my career. Do you think it would be good? Why wouldn't it? I think it'd be good for your show, too. Yeah. Okay.

All right. Yeah, well, let's make the announcement then. You know what? I think that we should do, like, you know when brands change their name over time? Yes. Because it had, like, a racist background. Twitter and X, for instance. I think Aunt Jemima was what came to my mind, and then now it's just, like, crossed out and it says something else. No, it's still called Aunt Jemima. No, it's not.

- It's not? - No, it's not. It's literally crossed out and I was like, I think they're like knocking off Aunt Jemima. Like it looks like, I was like, this doesn't look like it. I think this is a store brand. And then I found out it's like the new-- - Hold on a second. - Uh huh. - You're telling me that if I were to go to the supermarket, go to the pancake syrup aisle. - Not there. - I would not see a bottle-- - You would see the exact same bottle.

That looks exactly like it, but it says... Would the words "Aunt Jemima" be on the bottle? Yes, it would say with the same formula as it or something like... No, please somebody fact check me. Yeah, anyway, what I'm... the point of this... I think what they did is it used to be shaped like a woman, the Aunt Jemima, or the... and then there used to be a woman on the Aunt Jemima bottle.

But I think now they've removed that from the bottle. But it's still, as far as I know... It's not called Angemima, guys. It's just not. What's it called now? Lexi. It's called Lexi? Lexi, answer him. It's called Lexi, answer him? Lexi. You said that already. Jimmy. I thought we were doing a bit. What's your name short for? It's long for James. Jim Bob. Jaundice. Actually, it's the same amount of letters. Jaundice? James. Oh. That's a weird...

See, you can't say jaundice to a person who's obviously already sensitive about his-- so sensitive about his skin he wears Boy Chanel. Well, you have jaundice? Oh, I mean, you're saying-- you're calling me jaundice. My daughter's had jaundice, so I get to say stuff about that. Babies have jaundice. Yeah, you don't have it. Oh, thank you. You're clearly not yellow. You're a little orange, but you're not yellow. So you're saying-- They have an answer. What is-- Huh?

Was what you would see now instead of Aunt Jemima. It's not even called Aunt Jemima anymore? No, it's not because it was racist. They replaced it with Pearl Milling Company. Oh, wow. So it's really confusing because I don't feel like they made like an announcement or anything. They just kind of like, look, it looks exactly the same. Bring it here, sister. See, it looks exactly the same. It's even the same handwriting, everything. Can I check your texts?

It's just, it's gonna be me texting her saying, "Who is Jimmy Kimmel?" - Pearl Milling Company. Now do you think they'll send you syrup now? - I hope so, it tastes good. - I mean, it's basically sugar water though, isn't it? - It's so bad for you. They don't sell it at like Whole Foods, but. - Yeah, no, they would not sell it at Whole Foods. - Not Erewhon, nope. The point of me bringing that up, Jimmy. - Yeah, okay, I forgot where we were. - Okay. - Is this about my jaundice? - I was, no.

I hope you don't have that, though. I hope not, too. Yeah, because then they have to put you under like a little light and stuff. Which doesn't sound terrible. No, it's kind of relaxing. The point of me saying this, Jimmy, was that when we rebrand you, we're just going to have it be exactly the same. And I'm actually, I took back, I don't want your name on it anymore. Oh.

Okay. It's gonna be the Bobby Altaf show. It would be kind of, yeah, you're not rebranding at all if you just kept my name on it. It's not a rebrand. Yeah, no, this is gonna be like we rebranded you, not because you were racist, but because you are old. Right. Is there any chance you'd be interested in calling it Pearl Milling Company, the show? Is that supposed to be funny?

It's just an idea, we're brainstorming. - Okay, it's the Bobby Altaf show. And it's gonna be everything you do. I'll even start, like you started on this desk, I'm gonna start on this desk too. And then after the same amount of time you switch to whatever you do now.

I don't really start on the desk. I start standing alone. They didn't tell me that. They did not. No, well, I'll take you through the whole thing. I'll show you all the equipment. It's kind of embarrassing. Yeah. Wait, can I, can you tell me what to do? And I'll just get up there and do it real quick. We can put it in the phone. Well, what I do is I walk out by myself and for the first, say 15 minutes, I do a monologue about current events. 15 minutes? Yeah. That's a long, oh, you're like reading it off of something. I have a teleprompter. Yeah. That's embarrassing. You can't memorize it.

No, it's a lot each night. It's a lot of pages of stuff. So I have a teleprompter. Okay. And I go out there and I do the jokes, and then I announce the guests for the night. Okay. And then we take a commercial break. First guest comes out, another commercial break, another segment with the first guest, another commercial break, second guest, and then we have a band at the end. A band? Yeah. I think we can do all of that right now. Do we have a band? We have people.

When people make up a band, they can sing, clap. I think this will be great. Are you ready? I'm ready, sure. Okay, so I don't want you to have to get up and leave because that's kind of rude. Just make yourself smaller. Smaller. Okay. All right, where do I stand? I think that would be a question for your camera people, but generally I stand in front of the desk. Not the guest. In front of the... And then what do I say?

Welcome everyone to the show. I'm going to walk out. Is there like somewhere I can walk out from? Okay. Somebody would announce your name. Oh, my name? Someone announces your name? Sure. Okay. Who's going to announce my name? I mean, I can do it if you want. No one sees you, so it's good. Yeah. Okay. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Bobbi Aldhoff. Oh my God, guys. Thank you so much for coming. Yeah. Stop clapping. I'm on today's current climate.

in the world. We have a lot of stuff happening. What do you talk about? Just, like, the climate? Occasionally, yeah, we talk about the climate. The climate is changing. Mm. Totally. Yeah.

I don't have a teleprompter, that's not fair. Okay. I have a sidekick named Guillermo. Oh yeah, I know of him. To whom I will refer on occasion. Okay, that's like my sister. That's who I will make my sister. It's like Lexi, yeah. Yeah, Lexi. Oh, you remembered her name. That's so nice of you. Thank you. Okay, we're getting distracted. So today I have a great guest. Is that what you do? No. No.

At the end of the monologue. First, I want you to do 15 minutes of topical jokes. And you're just gonna sit there? I'll sit there like the audience does, like Guillermo does, the announcer. He sits like that? No, but you told me to be small, so I'm listening. You don't look that small. I feel like you get smaller. Following directions. Do you want me to sit up? No, I think you should, like, go in the fetal position, too, to really take up less space. That's better. That's better for my jaundice. Yeah, that's a great... Um, okay, guys, so...

What is happening in today's climate? Well, there's an up-and-coming podcaster named Bobbi Althoff. I don't know if you guys have heard of her. Obviously, you have. She's everywhere. She's on everybody's For You pages. They all love her. She has no one who hates her. She's really good at what she does. Can I jump in here? No. You stay there. And she got invited to go on the Jimmy Kimmel show.

I'm telling you guys all of this because this is the most important news happening in the world right now. And you can jump in because now I'm kind of lost. Well, you know, I think what you're, the way you're presenting this information about Bobby, who is you, which is also confusing because you are the host and you're also introducing yourself as the guest. I was just doing like what is the most important thing happening in the world right now.

Right, but why are you referring to yourself in the third person? Well, I don't want to make it seem like it's about me. Well, you are the host of the show. Okay, guys, I'm not talking about Bobby Altoff. Just Google who's the best podcaster in the world, and whoever comes up is who I'm talking about. I don't know if I come up when they Google that, but I hope it is. Anyway, they're whispering again, so I feel like I should... Who's whispering? They keep doing it. You've got to figure out a better way to communicate with each other.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Okay, so it's been 15 minutes, yeah? Yeah, it feels like it, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Then I sit down. And then you, no, throw it to commercial. Oh, commercial. I don't have any ads for this episode. We'll be right back, and then you name the guest. All right, well, we'll be right back. Okay, we're back. All right, guys, and now we have Jimmy Kimmel live. We're not live. Thanks, everybody. That was kind of good. Thank you. I could see why that would be better in front of a live audience.

Yeah, it's... you'll get there. So now you think I'll get there? Like where you are? Yeah, I mean you'll get there, yeah. To where you are? Well to some place for sure. I think I'll be more successful than you one day. Very possible. I have a dream and I'll leave it at this. Are you ready? I'm gonna paint a picture for you. Alright. Alright, the year is... year is 2063. Oh god, it's 24 right now, okay. The year is 2064.

I am hosting the biggest show ever, the biggest talk show. Everybody is on this. It's just the most popular one. It's not on TV because I don't know if anyone's going to watch TV at that point. It's just streaming live or something on Netflix. I don't know. Truly don't know that part. I haven't got to that part yet. But let me just continue painting this picture. You come in in a wheelchair, probably. Are you live still? No. 40 years? No way.

No, you'll be alive. You'll be 90. I'd be 96. So you'll definitely be in a wheelchair. I might not even be able to sit in a wheelchair. They might have to wheel me out. Let's go back 10 years then. Okay, yeah. Okay, the year is 2054. Yeah. Sure. Okay. I'm 84 now. 86 now. Yeah, now you're 86 years old. Yeah. Okay, and I bring you back and it's full circle. Okay, this is going to happen by the way.

Will we show a clip of this? Of this moment. Our first, okay. We'll show a clip of this and when you bring me on your show. Okay. And I'm going to keep saying that because I know it makes you feel uncomfortable because you have no intention of bringing me on your show. Right. Yeah. So when you bring me on your show, we're going to have a clip of that, of this, and probably all the other times we hang out because I think we're going to be friends after this. Oh, okay. I get that. Do you get that from me? Yeah, maybe. Can I have your number so we can hang out? Yeah. Okay. I'll text you. Okay. I'll be like, hey, when am I coming on?

Right. And then eventually you're going to say... Wednesday. And then I'm just going to show... I know where it is now. You don't... They're not that far from my house. Okay. And if I have to run through security to get onto your live show, now that I know it's live, you can't stop me if it's already happening. We could quite easily stop you, but we might not. Yeah. I don't think you can. I think this is what I'm picturing. I'm getting a little... This is not my... I'm getting ahead of myself, but what I'm picturing is I...

Sneak in here you have a guest and I like I take over his spot his spot Yeah, I mean it's not quite that easy, but it's I mean it's it's reasonable I feel like I was pretty easy to get in here today. Yeah. Yeah, you'd have to have a microphone on that would be part of the thing You bring up. Yeah, it will have to be hooked into our system I'm gonna get in on one of these people in here. That's on your team. Ah, you will infiltrate our team. Oh

Infiltrate? Maybe what you could do is make a side deal with one of these guys that you're going to fire after this. And they get on your team. Yeah, then they're on my team, and it's like CIA operative. I'm just saying that no matter what, I'm coming on your show, even if you don't want me to. Okay. All right. But please want me to. Okay. Because that'd be better for the... Yeah. That'd be really awkward. Yeah. And I'd probably...

get a lot of hate if I just like knocked someone out because that's part of my plan right now. Depends on who it is. That's true. Bring someone horrible in. Right. And then I'll knock them out and I'll be the person who saved the day. That's the way to go. For sure. Okay. Well, let me end on what I was talking about before I got off track. We're going to play all these clips. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm old. You're old. You're in a wheelchair. You're 84 years old. 86 years old. 86 years old.

And you're going to come on to my show and it's going to be like this full circle moment. And then the next day you're going to die. I didn't kill you, though. I didn't kill you. But it's going to be cool because like all of the headlines will have my face in it, too, not just yours. Oh, yeah. So I'm stealing your spotlight in the end. I like it. I like it. I think if I were to actually die on the show with you, it might even be better for you.

I don't want you to haunt me. Especially if you had something prepared, something very kind to say about how I really felt. Like, oh my God, this was so crazy. I can't believe this happened. And then I'll break into like a eulogy. Exactly. That I didn't expect to say. Exactly. I'll put it in the teleprompter so you can remember it. It won't be planned at all. Just don't drink your drink before the show. Okay. Okay, well, I'm going to kill Jimmy Kimmel, everyone. Thank you so much for coming. You have 40 years left.

- All right, that seems-- - 30, 30 years. - I'll take it, I'll take it. - I was trying to give you 40, you didn't want it, so now you have 30 years left. - Yeah, that last 10 doesn't really appeal to me. - I don't wanna die ever. - What's gonna happen? - This is, you know what's sad? They're gonna play me saying that when I die, and it's gonna be like sad. - Oh yeah. - They're gonna be like, she was talking about how much she doesn't wanna die, and look, and I probably died in like some stupid way.

I don't want to talk about death anymore because I really don't want to die. Yeah. And this is absolutely going to be used and people are going to feel sad when they watch this one day. Yeah. No, we ended on a horrible note. Yeah. But thank you so much for coming today. Is it over? Yeah. Oh, we did it. I feel like this has been so long. It started like 2.30. It's 20 minutes later. Oh, okay. I feel like that's enough though. Well, that was fun. Oh, wait. You need to sing because we needed a band first to end it. Yeah. I mean, I don't really sing.

who sings in your band? Well, we have guest bands on the show and they, someone from that band would sing. Wait, I have a guy on my team who was in a band. Morgan? Yeah? Can you come here? He was. He was? Early in his life. Morgan, what band were you in? No, no, you would know. Oh. He's played me a Spotify songs. Oh, okay. Well, that's pretty good. Okay, so perform. You can do it from right there.

Anything? How does it work? Like, do they pick their song or something? I think an original song would be cool. No? I can. Lexi Klatt. You should introduce him, though. That's... Okay, you guys can come up here then, I guess. Come on. What are you calling yourselves? The Heck Band. Okay, the People Who Quit Working For Me Band. They both have quit today. Oh, they did? Yeah. It was friendly. It was friendly. I hate them, but... Anyway...

We've got the band. Okay, I now present to you guys the band. Huh? No, you're the band who quit for me today. Okay, the Quit for Bobby band, and you guys are performing one of their greatest hits. It's going to be Emmy-nominated, and go ahead, I guess, right? Yeah, that's how we do it. Do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Keep going. Okay, that's enough. We're going to end that there. Have a good day. Not bad. It wasn't bad, but it was getting a little depressing. Can I be honest? Your sister has no rhythm whatsoever. I mean, she can't even clap.

Is that a family trait? No. Actually, because if you just saw my last episode, which I know you didn't, she told me I could clap on beat. She told you you could clap on beat? Not her. I wouldn't take her judgment. She has no rhythm. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's what I was saying. Yeah. She just got all the white of our side. Just all of it. She got it all? Yeah. I think I got less than her for sure. Barely, but less. Because she can't clap and she has no upper lip.

Maybe that's why she can't quit. I don't know why she quit, honestly. But anyway, guys, we'll end this.

I think what we've found we haven't come is we enjoy making fun of others. I agree. Yeah. The only time we've laughed today is when she cried. I know. It's really the only moment of joy that we experienced. I think we could be friends. I think it's thanks to Lexi and her terribly clapping hands. Horrible genetics. We will...

- Thanks to offbeat Lexi over there. - No lip Lexi. Lexi who just got a filler, but it doesn't even show. There's nothing to fill. And I don't know why she quit working for me, but. - Yeah, no, I can't imagine why. - I can't either. But I really enjoyed interviewing you today. - I enjoyed talking to you as well. Thank you for. - Thank you. And I look forward to our next one. - Yeah. - When you interview me. - And then the third one when I pass away.

Well, thank you. How do you end it? What do you do? Just stand up and hold hands with your guest and bow? Well, you could do that. I mean, whatever you want to do. But what I do... What do you do, though? We'll do your thing. What do you do? I would just loudly announce the guest's name. Okay. Which is Jimmy Kimmel. But why would you announce it again? Jimmy Kimmel, everybody. And it just gives it a nice little button at the end. Oh, like, well, that was Jimmy Kimmel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't know. Yeah. It's kind of stupid. You should change it. Yeah, yeah. It's a little bit stupid. All right, come on. We're going to do my way. Okay.

Hold my hand. Should we do a handshake too? Yeah, but it's, you know, we're holding the... Okay. Let's hold both hands. We're going to have like a secret handshake. Okay. We're going to do this before you die too. Okay. Oh, good. All right. Great. All right. Okay, guys. Now announcing... Now denouncing...

I have no idea where you're even headed with that. I'm trying to get rid of you. Oh, you should say, you'd say, Jimmy Kimmel, everybody, we'll be right back with the heck band. Okay. Jimmy Kimmel, everybody, we'll be right back with my no-lip sister and her no-employment friend. Goodbye, guys.

Thank you. - That was great. Thank you for coming. You can head home now, 'cause this is my studio now. - Okay, all right. I'll go over there then. - Yeah, I'm gonna film some stuff in here. - Okay. - I'm gonna film all my-- I'm gonna bring guests here now. - Enjoy. - Can I? - Sure. - Don't say that, 'cause you can't take it back. - You can. - Nope, it was a written contract. - I said you can.

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