Rainn Wilson: "How do you think this interview is going?"
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So this week's episode, let me just give you a little backstory because I think that would be a good idea. I DM Rainn Wilson and I say, hey, will you come on my podcast? And he ignored it. And then I sent him another message and I said, hello. And he didn't reply to that either. Instead, he accepted the messages so that I could see that it was seen. And then he watched my story just to really understand.

Really make me know that he did not want to be on my podcast And then I was like, maybe he just doesn't do interviews or and I I tried to make up a lot of excuses Anyway, fast forward. I continued to annoy him and annoy him and annoy him until finally He responded but I was very shocked to find out that not only were we going to do it We were going to do it in the most dwight place ever a pig farm. Anyway, I put on my best pig farm outfit and I uh

got out there. Yeah, it was a great episode and I'm excited for you guys to watch it. Oh nice. Try not to show the label. Here, watch this. Are we rolling? Good. So the pigs love these brandless cereal puffs. Come on guys. You think I can? You can eat them too. You think I can try to give them some? Yeah. Thank you. They're very busy and happy right now.

Hey! Come on! Alright guys, thank you so much for tuning in to the Really Good Podcast. This is my episode with the Rainn Wilson. Today we're going to be painting portraits of each other. Would you do me a favor? Just like look into the camera and say something. Whatever.

It wasn't very good, but we can work on that later. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. I am a huge advocate of getting your mental health checked, and I think that it is so important to make sure you're good in here so you can be good everywhere. And that is why I partnered with BetterHelp. To get started, all you do is fill out a very quick questionnaire that will help BetterHelp get to know you so they can help

pair you with a therapist who is perfect for you. There are lots of therapists to choose from with BetterHelp.

So you can find the therapist that meets your needs and you're welcome to try new therapists until you find the one that you like the best. In most cases, you will be matched with a therapist within 48 hours. To get 10% off of your first month of therapy, go to betterhelp.com slash bobbyaltoff. Clicking that link is a way to support my channel so that we can keep having amazing interviews with amazing guests. And I'm really excited for you guys to watch all of these.

And let's get back to our interview with Rainn Wilson. Don't forget, that's betterhelp.com slash Bobby Althoff. I look forward to seeing your comments about your new therapist. Rainn, speaking of product placement, this is not product placement. It just happens to be my favorite drink that I happened to carve out some cups of water for us. Okay. We're going to paint portraits of each other today. You good with that? That's fine.

Have you ever painted before? I've painted a little bit. My dad was a painter. What type of painter? He was more abstract. Not like walls on a house? Not a house painter, no. Like a painting painter. A painting painter. Are we not going to reference the fact that there's a giant pig rooting around for Cheerios right behind you? I'm a little scared, I'm not going to lie to you, Dwight. Oh God, sorry for telling you that. Here he comes. They're kind of prehistoric. They're like furry dinosaurs. How long have you had them? Eight years.

They're both rescue pigs. Where'd you rescue them from? He lived with a little old lady who died and he lived in her house. How'd she die? Did he eat her? Probably she died and probably he feasted on her corpse. Probably. That has been known to happen. Dogs will do that. Cats will do that too. It's pretty macabre but that's science. And the other one was found prancing around an orchard in the San Fernando Valley. So... Did you just make that up? Nope.

You sure? Prancing? It's a true story. What do you mean? You were just in San Fernando Valley? No, I didn't find her. Someone found her prancing around and then they put her up on a pig rescue site. And then we got an email and said, hey, there's this cute little pig that was found in an orchard and her name is Amy. Amy. Can you pan over and get a shot of Amy, please? She looks like an Amy. The cameraman's pretty good.

Thanks. Found them on Craigslist. Can we start painting Dwight? You don't want to have a conversation? You just want to start painting? Yeah. Come here Amy. Do you need some paper towels? I don't know yet and probably not. I don't think so. Okay. Are we painting each other? Yeah. I'm gonna paint you? Yeah. Okay. Do you feel like you have enough colors to do that? I think they just put out all of them. This is every color in the rainbow. Red, orange, sort of. I don't see orange or purple.

Do you know like color theory? Do you know how to make other colors? I know that I did that in like second grade, but I forgot all my color theory. I don't know either. I'm just gonna start by drawing your face. Okay. So as you know, this is an interview. It's pretty good, honestly. I'm not gonna lie to you. So can I interview you? Yeah. I'm sure there's a lot of people that want to know a lot of things about you. Not really. Why do you say that? I mean, don't you think I'm a little played out? You know what I mean? Like...

I've done a lot of interviews over the years. I've never seen an interview you've done. Really? Have any of you guys seen an interview he's done? No. No one's... They all look a little bit like they're unsure if they should answer that. But I don't think that they've seen one. I think this is the first time people are really getting to know you. Okay. Yeah, so I think that we should really dive in. Like a little white Oprah. Exactly.

Yeah, so let's start. Usually an interview starts with like a question or something. That's what I was going to do. I was getting there. Sorry that your pigs are distracting me. Front and center. Snorty, is that his name? He's hogging all the attention. Dad joke. Hilarious rain. What were you named after? I was named Rain because my dad loved the German poet Rainer Maria Rocha.

They were very artsy hippies and they lived in a houseboat in Seattle in the late 60s. I was a hippie child. Okay. Yeah. And... What's your dad's name? My dad's name was Robert George Wilson. So he liked the idea of having like a more strange, more memorable name. Yeah. Would you consider your name strange? Yeah. Yeah. It was strange and people...

Love that Amy's eating the Cheerios off the cameraman's shoe I got made fun of a lot. I got beat up a lot I got It was pretty shitty to grow up with the name rain because there's that saying rain rain go away come again another day So yeah that greeted kind of every every day going to school That was no fun. What is is your first name Robert? Bobby yeah, I thought you knew that rain. Oh

But what's the full name? Is it Bobby on your birth certificate? Yes. Yeah. Do you like that name? I don't. What kind of parent names their kid Bobby? My kind of parent. And what are they? What are you looking for? I'm just asking about your parents. What are they? My dad is a human. Okay. You have human parents. I do. My dad is a male. Okay. My mom is a female. Okay. I'm a female. Okay.

Are we getting into gender theory right now? If that's what you're trying to do, Dwight. I'm sorry for calling you that. It's just what happens naturally. I'm trying not to though. Yeah, so my middle name is Dietrich after the German... I have a cousin named Dietrich. You have a cousin named Dietrich? Yeah. I've never really heard that before. Neither had I. That's cool. That is really cool. I was named after an opera singer named Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau. He was probably named after you. Your cousin? Yeah.

I would imagine because I've never heard that before. Sometimes I hear from people on social media and they've named their kids Rain. And I gotta say that's a little bit flattering. I'm like, aww. Are there any other famous Rains? Rain Pryor, Richard Pryor's daughter, but only one N. Did you name your son Droplet? My son's named Walter. So normal. Old school. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm giving you the hair of like

Why would you start with my hair? I don't know. That's what my hair looks like to you? You said yours was gonna be better than mine. Look at mine. It's not a competition. It is a competition. Oh really? Look at mine. You have a flesh colored blob so far. It's your face.

Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well. I absolutely love this because you know if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's an everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now, all you need to do is answer that.

and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience, and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app, answer a few questions, and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish, or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly.

which means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. Hi, I'm Rainn Wilson and welcome to the Really Good Podcast. Starting now. So why do you live here?

We wanted to get further out from

the soulless hellhole of Los Angeles. So we moved out to this small town outside of LA and we wanted some space for our pigs. You had your pigs in LA? We had them in a suburban LA and so now we're out in small town California. So we're moving ever further. How much further will you go? Are you thinking like Mexico? If it was up to me, it would be Mexico or Oregon. Yeah, someplace pretty far away. Okay.

Who's it up to if it's not up to you? Well, my wife likes it here. Oh. Mwah, mwah. I'm sorry. How long have you been married? I have been married 28 years. I haven't even been alive 28 years. Yeah. That's a long time. It is a very long time, yeah. Your beard is gray. Yes. Am I the oldest person you've had on your show? How old is Mark Cuban? I think he's older than me. Yeah, no, you're not then. How'd you get Mark Cuban?

my agent a lot of people think that i get all of my guests with my agent but that's not true because i just dm'd you a bunch of times and you kept ignoring me yeah and then you kept ignoring me and then you kept ignoring me and then what happened and then i just kept trying and then i stopped ignoring you yeah but can you can you hear my version okay i was gonna ask really quickly are you insecure about having a gray beard a little bit okay i'll make it brown

I just wanted to know like if I should make it brown or gray and I'm feeling like if you're insecure I'll do you the favor of making it brown. Sometimes when I put like makeup on for like a show I'll put a little like brown in it and make it less gray. There we go then. Okay, you're gonna do the... I'll do the... I'll make you... I won't do your imperfections. Don't draw that zit on my face when you draw me. Don't look so closely either. I couldn't even see it.

Um, Amy. We're having an interview right now, darling. That's Snorty. That's not- Oh. That's Amy down there. Amy's pooping right now. Like, right now, actively pooping. Can we get a shot of that? I- She's literally- Pig shit is happening. This is the first ever podcast show replete with pig shit. Oh my god, this is horrible. Oh, come on, don't be so weird. Look at Snorty over there, just like, living his best life. Yeah, what color are your eyes? Hazel. What color are yours? Kinda same.

Let me see them. They're not hazel. What are they? Are you serious? They're bluish green. Is that what makes hazel? I don't know. I told you I see- Let me teach you a lesson on color theory. Okay. Blue and green equals blue probably. Hazel is green and brown. I think I'm gonna give you the red eyes of Satan. Okay. I'm concerned. I don't remember the whole Instagram story, but I do know at a certain point,

I had never heard of you before and then you were DMing and then I was like, oh, she's actually really funny and I saw your interview with Bobby Lee, who I love, and with Rick Glassman, who I love, and I was like, oh, she's cool. And then I was like, okay, maybe I'll consider this. Maybe you'll consider it? Yep.

I don't, this doesn't help me. I mean, how does doing this interview like help me? What do you mean? It doesn't do anything for me. That's true. I ask myself that too. It doesn't help me either. I don't need like more social media followers or a bigger name or something like that. I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to get by in this crazy world. You have tiny ears. I think that there's more to life than just getting by. That is very true. What made you start with them?

My hair and eyes, are you just gonna color in my face after? - I don't know how to do this. I mean, I know how to draw, but I don't know how to paint very well. So I'm kind of figuring it out as I go. But I think-- - I think I have the better idea. - I think you did it right by starting with the face. - Are you doing yours life size? - What? - Is yours life size? Wow, it looks exactly like me. - So far. It's kind of uncanny. - Look at that.

You have like the perfectly circular head. I do. It's like a full circle. How do you think this interview is going so far? I never in a million years thought that when I was gonna interview you I'd be at a pig farm. And I also don't feel like I've really gotten to know you. Okay, let's get to know each other. Okay, what's your favorite thing to eat? Do you like bacon? I really, really try to avoid pork.

Owning these pigs. I feel a twinge of guilt every time. Just a twinge? Just a twinge. I have, I will be honest, I have eaten bacon while having owned pigs. I have done that before. Very infrequently and I feel really guilty about it. Is it illegal to feed them bacon? It should be. Is it though? I just wonder if they know because it tastes really good. So I was like, they're kind of missing out if they haven't tried it.

- Can you feed chicken chicken nuggets? - I don't know that. I've heard this as like a thing. I don't know if that's like something you can do though. - I don't know if you can do that. - I just feel like, well chicken nuggets aren't very good, but bacon. - Bacon is pretty delicious. - It is. I don't know what makes it so delicious. It's not good for you. I'm trying to get your eye color right, but it's a little hard 'cause you're not looking at me ever. I mean, am I over there? Am I? Look over here. Look in my eyes.

Do you want me to paint you with like white eyes right now and like little red streaks in them? That's what your eyes look like. You have no eyelashes. Not a single one. Big eyelashes. There's not a single eyelash on you. Come over here and look at my face. I don't see a single eyelash on your face. Stand up. I will not stand up and look at your face. I have eyelashes. You're insulting me. Did you say that to Jessica Alba? No. I didn't. No. Because she had eyelashes. She has beautiful, beautiful eyelashes. She has beautiful everything. Do you consider yourself to be beautiful? Um...

That's a complicated question. I think that every human being is beautiful because we all have sparks of divine goodness in us. I think my body is ungainly and corpulent. What does that mean? You're using like a lot of words that I've never heard. Fleshy. Like you have a lot of skin. Yeah, I'm doughy. I'm doughy and you know what that word means, right? Like are you describing a pig?

They say that animals look a lot like their owners. I see it. You see it? I do. Yep, it's true. Do you think you look more like Snorty or Amy? More like Snorty because Amy is the cuter, is the sweet little cute pig and female, kind of like your human mother. How long have you been a dad? I've been a dad for 19 years. Are they okay? They're fine. They're just... That's why we call them Snorty. That's really gross. For how many years have you been a dad? 19 years.

Do you like it? I love it. Yeah. It's hard. I'm not going to lie. It was hard to raise a teenager during the COVID years. That was a challenge. You did it, though. We got through. I have a good... He's a good kid. He's a nice and good human. Is he going to act? Are you acting still? I take that as a yes. I am acting. I just didn't know how you could act from where you live. It's pretty far. Middle of nowhere. Well, things shoot all over now. Like, you do acting and...

So you're still acting? I am still acting occasionally, yeah. What are you in? I'm in this show called Lessons in Chemistry with Brie Larson on Apple TV+, among other things. Weird, the Al Yankovic story. And I have a movie coming out this year called Code 3. You just said there was nothing to benefit from coming on this and then you proceeded to advertise every movie you've ever been on. No one who watches this podcast gives a fuck about what shows Rainn Wilson is on. That's not true.

I do. I was looking for more things from Rainn Wilson, and now I know there's a lot of things I'm missing out on. There's a lot. You should have done your research. I don't ever do research. Clearly. Should I start? You do you, babe. Why are you calling me babe? Because that's... Is that like an old person thing that you do? It is. That's a Gen X thing. But babe is gender neutral. You could call a guy or a girl or a gender non-binary babe. It's just like...

Babe the Pig. Did you ever see that movie? That's what I was gonna say and that's kind of why I was offended when you were calling me babe. I didn't mean to call you pig. I meant babe like... That's what it felt like. ...in the vernacular. Yeah. How do you feel like this interview is going? Um, if you ask me that again... You're leaving? No, honestly, I'm not gonna leave. I'm not gonna lie to you. You wanna know why? Do you not actually wanna know 'cause you took a while? You hesitated. I do wanna know why. Let me see your ears. Oh, they're really big.

Are you gonna frame this like in your house? I guess you don't have to frame it because it's like it's canvas. Are you gonna hang this up? No. Why? Why? Uh, I'm just not. I'm just not gonna do that. What? Why? Why am I not going to hang this up on my wall? Mine! Why won't you hang my painting of you? I'm gonna be really famous one day and you're gonna wish that you had a painting by the Bobby on your wall. I'll hang it in my closet. Why your closet? That's so weird. This looks exactly like you. What color are your lips?

Do you want me to... Oh, no, I already gave you teeth. Okay, I can't make you doing that. Wait, smile. Do you have good teeth? I don't have good anything. I have to add a little bit of yellow. You do. I don't have good much of anything. That's not fair. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's okay. My body's consistently let me down over my life. This feels like you're really trauma dumping on me again. Sharing is not trauma dumping. I feel as though you might be a little bit. Mm-hmm.

Like when you talk about that, it makes me uncomfortable. That's because you can't deal with real human emotion. That is true. Look, I found a Cheerio. Yay. Look at sweet little Amy taking a nap in the dirt. Are you uncomfortable? Sorry? Are you uncomfortable with what I'm talking about? Not at all. Then why are you continuing to talk about me? You couldn't make me uncomfortable about anything. You literally could not make me uncomfortable. Don't say that. There's nothing you could say that would make me uncomfortable. Then why have you ignored the three times I called you Dwight?

You call me Dwight? Yeah. I didn't even hear that. People call me Dwight all the time, so I'm used to it. Did you watch The Office? Are you a big Office fan? Yeah.

Did it get you through COVID and help you heal your mental health issues? Wow, that's a lot that you think The Office does for people. I hear that all the time. You think highly of it. That's wow. You're right in that age bracket. Where I would say such a thing. I'm not going to lie that I've heard people say that. A lot of people were very excited for me to do this interview because they were like, The Office, and I was like, that's a lot for a show.

It didn't do... There are people that say that, including Billie Eilish, that they wake up in the morning and it's on their phone. They're showering, it's on their phone. They're pooping, they're having their cup of coffee, it's on their phone. They're in the car, it's on their phone. They're on work at their lunch break, they're watching episodes. They're coming home, they're watching more. And that it gets them through the day. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, there are a lot of people. I'm not one of those people. Good, okay. What's your relationship to the show? How many times have you seen it? I've never seen all of them. Okay. But I've watched them here and there. Yeah, so you're a medium fan. Do you usually label your fans by how much they watch it? I do, yep. Okay. I'm a medium office fan. No, I would say that I'm like a, no, I'm not. You're right. Medium is probably, maybe even light. Yeah.

Maybe even light because I... So you have a healthy relationship. I do. To NBC's The Office. Yes, NBC's The Office. Do you still get paid for like every episode that gets watched or whatever? You're seriously asking me about my income. Yeah, that's like what my podcast is about. It is? Yeah. I ask people about their income. And then they say, I don't want to answer that. That's too personal. We get residuals.

through the union, through the Screen Actors Guild. Okay. And they go up and down, but now we've negotiated, because of this strike, a better deal and, yeah, make a pretty healthy income from office residuals. And then also sometimes I do like

Shows where I'll like sign autographs and sometimes collectors will come by and have like a bunch of Dwight bobbleheads for me to sign and stuff like that. There's lots of different ways that I make money off of being Dwight. So I'm very grateful. And it paid for this beautiful little pig, pig paradise. Then I have a question. Yeah. Why did my team tell me not to mention Dwight? I have no idea. I thought that was your doing. I don't know. I was really nervous walking around that. I felt like we couldn't talk about that at all.

That's crazy. Why would you not talk about Dwight? I have no idea. I'm gonna fire that person. Grayson? Grayson, you're fired. Give me my purse back and go. I'm actually pretty happy with where this is going, by the way. Your painting? Mm-hmm. Me too, actually. I'm not gonna lie to you. It's really good. Okay, anyway, so now that we can talk about that. Yeah. If you had to, like, make me a character in the show, what would you make me?

The bitchy girl from corporate that comes in to fire someone but then gets humiliated and leaves in a huff. Okay. Well, that's not what I was expecting. I want to be Pam. You do? Yeah. She's so pretty. How did you even get that role? How did I get the role of Pam?

Well, I know that's originally what you were casted for, but then they decided to change it and make you Dwight. How did you get the role of Dwight, though? I auditioned and there was another... You were acting at the time? Like you were already... It was an act. I was a theater actor and then I was doing some TV and film and I was on this show called Six Feet Under. Yeah, I love that show. And that kind of like, people are like, oh, this is an interesting and weird actor. Yeah. And that kind of put me on the map. Yeah.

So it was right on the heels of that that I got The Office. And how long did you film that for? The Office was nine years. Nine really wonderful, blissful, amazing years. That's amazing. I'm happy that you speak so highly of The Office. I love it. It's the best job ever. And we all knew it at the time. We're all like, you know this is the best job ever. And it's like, you know, it doesn't get better than this. And the crew members, like these grizzled old grip and electric guys were like, you know, you're never going to have a job better than this. And

They were kind of right. Yeah, there's nowhere to go but down from there. Kind of. A little bit. I'm sorry. Yeah. But this is the revival of Rainn Wilson. It's starting right now, right here and now. On the really good podcast. On the Bobby Altshire podcast. Thank you for that. I bet you there's like directors watching this.

I don't think directors watch your podcast. That's so rude. Yes, they do. I think it's 19-year-old girls in Omaha who have weird senses of humor but want an occasional beauty tip. That's so rude. Directors do watch this, and if you're a director watching this, consider Rainn Wilson for your role, but then turn him down and get me. The second oldest guest on the Really Good podcast. Are you friends with Mark Cuban?

I've never met Mark Cuban. That's unfortunate. Do you want me to call him right now? Yes. Does he know of you? Like if I called him right now, do you think he would? Yeah, he would know of me because they all have like kids and grandkids that watch The Office. Do you have my phone? I don't have your phone. Can you throw me my phone? Okay, so you want me to call Mark Cuban? Yes, please. But I want you to just answer. Okay. Like I want you to be like, like I'm going to say, I don't know if he's going to answer. I've never called him before. I wonder if I have his number saved. Okay. Okay.

I hope he answers. But promise you're gonna be not weird. Wait, I'll start it. I wonder if he's gonna answer. I'm scared. I'm really, really nervous right now. Give me the phone. Wait, wait, wait. I'll give it to you after he says something. What's up, birthday girl? Hi, Mark. How are ya? I'm doing great. How are you? I'm good. How you feeling? I'm doing good. I'm here with Rainn Wilson and he said he's never met you and that he wanted to meet you. Okay. Alright, Rainn, here you go. You're being recorded, Mark.

hey mark how's it going good rain how are you doing i'm a big fan do you know who i am yeah of course bobby wasn't sure if you would know who i was but i just lost you for a sec oh bobby said uh that she wasn't sure if you would know who i was why would she say that i don't know hey are you quitting shark tank no i got one more year are you bringing back the office no probably not

No, I got at least one more year of Shark Tank. Well, not at least. A total of one more year. So you'll see me in reruns for now, forevermore. You'll see The Office every day on TV. I love... We're both on reruns together. And congrats on your incredible deal selling your majority stake of the Dallas Mavericks. Thanks, Ray. I appreciate it. I read all about it. That was pretty astonishing. When do you want to come to a game?

Honestly, I would love to, but I hate your team and I wouldn't come to a Dallas game if you paid me. If you flew me on your private jet and paid me $10,000, I would go see the Dallas Mavericks play. What was your name again? Steve Carell.

I hope we can meet someday and high-five. Bobby, anything before I let Mark go? Let me have him back. Okay. She wants to say hi to you. Thanks for answering your phone. That was very nice. And I hope to meet you and high-five you and hug you, and I'm on a trauma dump on you, okay? Okay, that's fair. That's a deal. Thank you, Mark. You can also still take me on a private jet or plane or whatever you have. I don't know what the difference is, but you can still take me if you want, and I will watch the Mavericks.

Well, that's a deal. But actually, I'm so serious right now. Thank you. Love you, Mark. I love you, too. Take care, Bobby. Bye. You're at a love stage with Mark Cuban? I just threw that out there for the first time, and I was wondering what he would say. It's pretty bold. Yeah. Any other calls you want to make? Who do you want me to call? Steve Carell. Really? I need to do your hair better. I'm doing a pretty good job over here. I'm not going to lie to you.

Can I see what you have as number saved as? Damn. That's crazy. Hi, Steve. It's Bobby Altoff here. I'm your biggest fan.

Steve, you can't really hear that, but there's this girl named Bob who has a podcast. She has a lot of TikTok fans that are 19 and live in Omaha. I have a wide variety of fans, Steve. And sorry to put you on the spot. We were just calling you. She just called Mark Cuban and I was calling you. I hope you're well. I don't know if you're in Massachusetts right now or what you're up to, but you know I love you. I love you too. Bobby loves you as well. Say it back.

What? I want him to say it back to me if he ever calls back. If you ever call back, tell me how you feel about Bobby Altshoff. Okay. Bye, Steve. Love you, buddy. Bye. Oh, my God. How do you know him? Oh, my God. He was on The Office. Was that? He was, huh? You're not going to answer that. I completely forgot about that. That's crazy. That's like the stupidest dad joke. I swear on my life. I swear on my children's lives that it did not connect until right now that he was on The Office. That Steve Carell was on The Office? Yeah.

I was not thinking of the office for him. Put your comments in the YouTube below. You want to know why? You want to know why? That Bobby didn't know that... Because he's actually been in other things that I've seen. Right. Yeah. So there we go. You want to be rude to me, I'll be rude back. Oh, unlike me? What do you mean? How do you think this interview is going? I think it's going lovely. Thank you. Really? How do you think it's going? I don't know, man. Honestly, I have no idea. Well, you just met Mark Cuban for the first time. That was cool.

He seems like a good and cool guy and he seems like someone who could run for president and win actually. That's true. I think we should have told him that. Maybe no one's ever told him that. Do you like have anybody else that you want me to call? No. I think we should have a conversation. You don't like uncomfortable human emotion. What's the saddest you've ever been? All the time. I don't know what you mean what's the saddest I've ever been. I'm always sad. You've never had like a time? I'm actually on a new medication.

Okay. And I'm not sad anymore. I never feel anything. And that is very sad. No, it's amazing. I love it. I hate... Before, I was always so, like, stressed out. Okay. And now I'm just, like, mellow. Okay. Yeah. So it is... I've been on meds before, and this is helpful. What are you on? You're not on anything? I'm not on anything right now, no. Why not? I was on...

Lexapro for years and then well Buterin as well and kind of meddling with those and then and then I went off them Um, that's amazing that you were able to get off them. I don't think I ever will yeah, it's it's kind of tricky getting off of those Yeah, well, I'm on Zoloft. You're what I'm on Zoloft. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good one Nice just makes me like feel nothing. I

Zoloft sounds like a clown. Zoloft the clown! Hi, kiddies! I'm Zoloft! That's not what I think of when I think of Zoloft. Do you have any questions for me? Yeah. Let me think, though, because I kind of forgot. Can somebody get me an Alani Nu to, like, drink? Thank you so much, because I love Alani Nu so much that I kind of was sad that I was using this as a... What is it? Oh, lovely you've asked. It's an energy drink.

You could use a little energy right now. That's so good. Okay. So good that I got some on your picture and I think you should leave it there. It's delicious. Would you like to have some? Uh, no thanks. I can get you your own can. You don't have to share with me. No, that's alright. I'm kind of sensitive to caffeine. It would probably make my brain explode.

Alani New does not do that. Please don't make people think that it does that, dude. Do you have any other questions for me? You're making it sound like this is an actual question for me. I don't have any other questions for you. Okay. Thanks for tuning in, everybody. No, are you kidding me? This has been a really good podcast. It's not over until I say it's over. Oh. I thought pigs were pink. There are pink pigs. And why didn't you get pink ones? These are Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs. That's their breed, and they're black. What kind are the pink ones?

I don't know what kind they are. - Do these ones make good bacon or do they not use it for that? - They're not really edible, I've heard. The Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs are not really edible. - That's good for them. - It is good. - In case times ever get tough. - I'm trying to see how your jacket is here. - Oh, it's not like that. Okay, let me just draw the little piggy guy right now. And then, Amy is my favorite pig.

She is such a sweetheart. Look at her sprawled out over there. She's so sweet. You call that sprawled out? Yeah. Not really. She's like curled up. You just don't. I can't say anything right. How are your children? Are you sweet to your children? No. You're like, mommy, look, the pig sprawled out. It's not sprawled out, idiot. Is that how you talk to your children? Is that a problem? No.

Are you trying to provoke me or are you trying to get more people to comment and say, why are you so mean to your guests? I don't want people to think that. I'm not trying to be mean to you, Dwight. You're being a little bit mean. I love you. So don't feel like that. Oh, that's sweet. I even gave you not gray hair. That was very kind. Yeah, exactly. I'm pretty sure you made me look so ugly and I made you look like...

Magical. No, I think you look great here. I think you're gonna be very happy with this. Do you do things that you don't like to do for money sometimes? I do, yeah. Yeah, like what? OnlyFans. Do you actually? Yeah. Yes, I do. I only submit pictures of my thighs. It's just my thighs. No genitalia. There's a lot of thigh fetishists out there who love middle-aged men with meaty thighs. So, RainWilsonThighs.com.

They're golden and vibrant. That's honestly horrific, I'm not going to lie. Yeah, sometimes you do like fan events sometimes and they can be kind of a pain because they're a lot of work because I want to like greet every fan and say, hi, I love you, thanks for watching the show. But then if you're doing that to a thousand people in a day, it can be a drag. I've never done that before. Do you think I have enough fans to do that? You have a lot of fans, but...

Would they pay money for like a signed Bobby Altenheimer's headshot? I don't know. What is that? This is a cherimoya tree. It's a cherimoya? These are cherimoyas. Can you eat them? I think so. They look like artichokes. Are you going to eat one right now? That was so... Do you want me to eat that right now for you? You're going to catch this? Yeah. There's so many beverages. I know. So just throw well. Nice.

That was really cool that I just did that. How do you eat it? Do you just take a bite? I have no idea how to eat a chirimoya. Is it poisonous? I have no idea. I don't think so, but you never know. I'm gonna eat it. If I die, give my children some money. Okay. It's really gross. I wouldn't recommend eating those. I'm not even gonna put it down because what if your pig tries to eat that? Oh my god. Look at them. They're taking a nap. Why do you have those? They're taking a little nap. Get a shot. Come on. Why do you have those in your house?

We have trees and the trees bear fruit. Okay. Are you done painting now? Pretty much. Okay. Now that you've tried to poison me, I think we should wrap this up. Let me just finish my clouds really quickly. Do you want to have like a... Do you want to go back to the competition? See who won the painting contest? And have people write in and vote or something about whose painting is better? Wait, can you tell me though? What? It's like what painting is better or what is more like...

What is more realistic like what looks more like the other person or isn't that what better is? No, it could just be a good painting. I think it's what's painting is better. Don't you think are you done? No, there's one other thing I want to do. All right, I'm done. You're done. Yep All right reveal it to the camera at the count of three wait, okay. Wait, I'll um this okay. Are you ready? Yep, one two three

Three. Oh my god. I forgot to write your name. Okay, well whose is better? Um... Well, I think mine is better because that looks like an Oompa Loompa. Like a homeless Oompa Loompa. Like a hobo. Is that what I look like to you? Yes. When you look at me, that's what you see. Can you push in? What does that mean? Okay, let's switch. Do I look like a hobo Oompa Loompa?

You didn't even acknowledge your pet pig in the picture. I like the pig. That's very sweet. I'm gonna hang this up though. I'm gonna sign it actually. I forgot to do that. Oh, I need to sign mine too. Let's sign ours. Okay. I actually kind of like yours. I'm not gonna lie. It doesn't look like me at all. She looks really ugly, but I do like it. I think I captured your sadness. I think you captured what I would look like if I was ugly. Oh, Steve called me back. Did he really?

Oh God, this is the best moment of my entire life. Oh no, now I'm scared. I hope he doesn't answer this time. Damn you, Steve. Text him. Do you not do that? Do you know how to text? Texting. Siri, text Steve Corral. Said, hi, sorry. Don't do Bobby Althoff's podcast ever. Did you really say that, Sam? Look at that, look at that. That's a turkey vulture soaring over. Is he gonna call you? No.

Can you do me a favor? If he calls you, tell him you were just kidding about what you texted him. Say, I was just kidding, please do her... Thanks for watching the very good podcast. Just say, I was just kidding, please do the very good podcast. Yeah? He's not going to do your podcast. Why? He doesn't do podcasts. It can be the first. Please? Please? Please? Please? Pretty please? I'll buy you a new pig. A rescue pig. No? Please, God, make this stop.

Alright, here we go. Do you want me to pick out those? We don't have a lot of... It's concrete walls. I don't know where we can hang it. I can put it here. Look, look. Here's an option. Here's an option. I feel like the peacock is taking away from it and then you have this lamp in front of it. I feel like we could do better. There's not many hooks in the walls though. Let me take care of it for you. I kind of want to just like... I want you to walk in here.

I thought I found the spot. That's the first thing you see? No, I found the spot. You have a bar? Yeah. That's pretty cool. I want to show right here. I love it. I'll put a nail in here later. Can you do that? I think you have to put a screw. Screw. Can you nail? Can you put a brick? Either way. What's this for? This is a lamp. Why do you have that? I have to hang these lights. What are these? That's a backdrop for like Instagram photos.

Do you want to do a selfie? Yeah. Did you just take all her Instagram photos right here? Okay. What are you doing? I'm going to go on this side so I can use this hand. Your head is so small. It's like a baseball. Baseball? I can't smile right now because I just got followed by Botox. So I just have to kind of like...

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