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cover of episode 204. Tough Talks: Turn Tension Into Trust

204. Tough Talks: Turn Tension Into Trust

2025/5/20
logo of podcast Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques
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People
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Matt Abrahams
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Sheila Heen
Topics
Matt Abrahams: 很多人因为害怕而避免进行困难的对话，这需要我们找到克服焦虑的方法。 Sheila Heen: 克服焦虑的关键在于诚实面对自己的焦虑，并认识到逃避对话的代价可能比直接面对更大。我需要转变我的目的，从说服对方转变为理解对方的观点，这样可以减少双方的防御心理，使对话更有效。我可以邀请对方参与一场共同理解问题的对话，而不是试图证明自己是正确的。这种转变可以减轻压力，并创造一个更开放的交流环境。我需要认识到，真正的谈判首先是与自己的内心进行的，需要反思自己的故事和预设。

Deep Dive

Chapters
This chapter explores Sheila Heen's advice on managing anxiety before tough conversations. She suggests honestly assessing our anxieties, weighing the costs of avoiding the conversation, and shifting our goal from convincing others to understanding their perspectives.
  • Anxiety in difficult conversations is often well-placed, especially when aiming to prove oneself right.
  • Consider the costs of both engaging in and avoiding difficult conversations.
  • Shift the purpose from convincing to understanding different perspectives.

Shownotes Transcript

How to have the conversations that are most difficult — and most important.

Before you can have hard conversations with others, you need to have an honest conversation with yourself. That's the counterintuitive advice from Sheila Heen), who says our own internal narratives often derail our attempts at negotiation and conflict resolution.

"The first negotiation is actually a negotiation I have with myself about my own story," explains Heen, a Harvard Law School lecturer and co-author of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most). When entering challenging interactions, she recommends a powerful shift where we consider that our perspective is only one side of the story. "If I can shift my purpose from convincing you of something to just understanding how you see it and why we might see it differently, that actually is more likely to generate a good conversation with less defensiveness for both of us."

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart), Heen joins Matt Abrahams to explore effective communication in high-stakes situations. From giving and receiving feedback with her “ACE” framework (Appreciation, Coaching, and Evaluation) to recognizing the "degrees of difficulty" in disagreements, she offers practical strategies for having productive conversations even when emotions run high.

Episode Reference Links:

 

Connect:

Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction

  • (01:36) - Managing Anxiety in Tough Conversations

  • (04:20) - Why Emotions Matter

  • (07:28) - Shifting the Story We Tell Ourselves

  • (08:46) - Starting with the Real Issue

  • (10:25) - Getting Unstuck in Conflict

  • (13:23) - ACE: The Three Types of Feedback

  • (16:25) - Making Feedback Actionable

  • (18:45) - Finding Common Ground

  • (20:22) - The Final Three Questions

  • (27:37) - Conclusion

   *****This episode is brought to you by Babbel). Think Fast Talk Smart listeners can get started on your language learning journey today- visit Babbel.com/Thinkfast) and get up to 55% off your Babbel) subscription.

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