Best Of: The Guys Have Baggage
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Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. ♪

Here we go. Start your engines. So I'm going to Charleston, right? To shoot the Righteous Gemstones. Right. And so I bought all this weed. Yes. Kyle, do you think I can go on the plane with this amount of weed that I'm about to show you?

Do you want to carry it on or why don't you just pack it? Well, I'm going to pack it. Yeah, you're fine. Okay. Shove it up your ass. I might shove some of it up my ass. No, no, no. Some of it is suppositories. Okay, tight. I got chocolate chip cookies, which I'm pretty stoked on. Yum, yum.

I got... Last yet day. I know. I got two candy bars, you know. Should we be like saying how many years it is in prison for each item? Yeah. Okay. It's none. There's no years. For flying with a bunch of weed to a place that's not legal? Is it not legal in Charleston? No. That's the whole... That's what we're talking about. Oh, you'll be fine. Gummies.

And then a bag of these, what I'm super stoked on, are these little tiny mini joints, but they're covered in keef, Kyle. Remember those? Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. Well, I'm actually, Adam, Adam, I'm actually back, I'm back smoking, dude. So like. Oh, you're back on it, dude. Wait a minute. Are you serious? Is that real? I swear to you guys, I swear. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Thank you, God.

Yeah, I'm smoking some weed. Yeah. Will you ever mess with these little doggies? Fuck yeah, I mess with those doggies. Will you tell everyone at home what those little doggies are? They're called... I haven't smoked them yet. I'm excited. I'm kind of like saving them for Charleston because I leave Monday and... What are those little doggies? They're called baby teeters and they're little tiny joints and they're covered in keef on the outsides. He's excited about them. If they're anything like the bigger ones...

They taste yummy, yummy for my tummy. - Yes sir. So your preference is smoking? - I do, I like to smoke joints. - 100%, me too. - But then I also like a yummy Ed as well. - And why do you like smoking most of all?

Because you're about hashtag fitness, and I'm just wondering if it hinders or does it help? No, smoking weed, I won't say it helps because I think I get— It's science. I think it's science. It's science. It's science. But no, sometimes I'll get a little stoned, and especially if I'm doing cardio. Like if I'm on the bike, I just kind of get in the zone, and I'm pumped.

pumping them pads. Right. Yeah, baby. But what I'm really messing with lately is the packs of these little joints called selfies. And there's 12 mini pre-rolls that comes in one pack. And it's perfect if you're just smoking by yourself.

Because my girl doesn't smoke, so a lot of times it's just me getting high by myself. Perfect. And they're the perfect amount. But I got two giant bags full of weed. And we don't think that me traveling, I'm going to get in any kind of whoopsie doozles. Here's what I would say. If you're nervous about it, I think you could pack some of that stuff with you on your... I wouldn't just bring it with you on your carry-on in case they check it. Because they'll be like, yo, what the fuck? They're like, hey, that's...

a lot of weight. If they put it in the checked luggage, all good. The other thing you could do is just mail it to yourself. Just mail it to the fucking address. Also illegal.

Yeah, but nobody checks the phone. I would strap it all to your chest just under your shirt. That's a good idea. And it might puff out a little bit. Should I write this down? Yeah. Okay. Just wear a puffy jacket. Just wear a puffy jacket. Wear sunglasses inside. You know, no one will bother you. I think that'll be a good look for riding on an airplane. There you go.

Well, I just came back. When I came back from Mexico after doing wedding stuff, I'm an international drug smuggler because I smuggled drugs to Mexico. Allegedly. Well, just weed. And allegedly. I'm telling you, though, I did. And then. Yeah.

Yeah! I'm allegedly telling the truth. And then on the way back, I didn't smoke all the joints I brought. I got a little aggressive with the amount of joints that I brought to Mexico for like a four-day trip. So then on the return, I had a bunch of weed. So I brought it back with. And Chloe...

As we're going through, you know how they have the drug sniffing dog that smells you when you're coming back through customs? Yeah. There's two lines. And the line that I was in, there's no dog. And it was smooth sailing. And I'm like, yeah. And then Chloe calls me back and goes, Adam. The weed that you have on you. Come look at this dog. Exactly. She goes, Adam, no, you got to have the dog smell you. And I'm like, what? Yeah, exactly. I'm like, what? And I didn't want to go, no, I'm good.

So I walked back and had this dog smell my bag and the dog didn't give a shit. I had like three joints on me. It just didn't care. I mean, that dog must have been so high already from sniffing everything else. I don't think it's a thing that you really – I think people just look the other way. I've had people look the other way after looking at my marijuana. Yeah.

on both international and on domestic flights. Do you think that's because they recognize you as Carl from Workaholics? It has to be. Not at all. It's just because it's not worth it. It's just like it's one little pen that's got a little weed in it, and they're like, fuck this. Well, you say that until you visit Thailand, and all of a sudden you're in a hut with...

bamboo shoots going through your, you know, underneath your fingernails. Right. Some crazy shit. Oh, you're saying torture. True. Yeah, that's rough. Have you ever seen Locked Up in Abroad, homie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear you. I actually haven't watched that show too much. I haven't seen it. Oh, you should watch that. That one's gnarly. It's always like...

It's usually like some 20-year-old girl and she's like, I met this guy. He was really fun. And then she said we could go to Aruba and vacation with him if I just have to stick this balloon up my ass. And I didn't know what it was. And I just thought, this guy's kinky. Is that your dick? Yes. Yeah, it's my dick. And keep my dick in you on this entire flight. It's a disgusting habit. Detachable penis. Did you just jizz?

What is that? It's my jizz. Don't make fun of me. I'm super sensitive about it. If you love me, you won't say anything about it.

Okay. Yeah. But then every once in a while, it's just like a stoner. It was like she was the stoner friend. Stephanie, the stoner friend. She wore hemp necklaces and had beads in her hair. We all love Stephanie. And then Stephanie brings like a gram of marijuana to the Philippines or where the fuck ever. And suddenly she's locked away for like 20 years. Damn. Over like the tiniest amount of weed.

Yeah, they don't fuck around. Yeah, the most nervous I've ever gotten was bringing weed to international places. Like in America, I'm not too worried about it. I felt pretty confident in going to Mexico because I'm like –

Yeah. It's fine. They're down. They're down. They're down. They're cool down here. I still wrap it, double wrap it, shrink it. Oh, should I do stuff to it? I was just going to literally put it in a tie-dye hooded sweatshirt. You flip it and reverse it? I still like, you know, double shrink wrap it.

vacuum seal that shit and put it into places. Yeah. I go to those lengths. Okay. Okay. I'm looking for advice here and you're just telling me to stick it in my luggage one second and then when we... But you're going to Charleston. That's right. I'm not worried about America. I'm talking about when you're going international. Okay. Like...

I hope you're okay. Oh, I'm sorry. You're so bored, Anders, when we're talking about drugs. Can we talk about swimming or something? Jesus Christ. We're talking about packing luggage, basically. Mail it to yourself. No, we're talking about smuggling drugs, man. Tell me a fucking story about being high. No, you know what? We're talking about...

We're really just talking about fears. We're talking about fears here, okay? And it's okay to talk about fears with your buds. Improv, Anders. Yes, and the situation. Okay. He kind of did with a snore. He kind of did. I kind of liked talking about getting in jail and prison abroad. That's kind of fun. Now, do you have like zippers on your luggage or...

Oh, back to the luggage. Okay. Do you roll your t-shirts or do you fold them? I actually don't have zippers on my luggage. It's actually kind of a thing. Now we're talking. Wait, what do you mean it's kind of a thing? What the fuck is that? The little parts of the actual part that you grab when you zip. Really?

Yeah. I don't know where it went, man. Someone stole my little, the grabby parts. The dongle came off the grabby parts. You know what you can do to replace that? Put a couple of paper clips in there, man. Just thread it through, twist it up and fucking grab that shit. Yeah, I could. I could, but I don't want it to look too janky. I don't want people to be like, obviously this guy's smuggling tons of little baby joints covered in Keith. Right. No, that's just a hot, hot tip for everybody struggling with their luggage out there.

You know what I mean? That's what this podcast has become. Important tips. Yeah. Hot, hot tip. And that's been how to pack your drugs.

Chloe's gone. Chloe, I'm alone here in Charleston for like the next month, which I'm like a little worried about because every time she was like, he's a drug addict. I'm out of here. I'm leaving you. Yeah. Guys, that's Adam's nice way of saying Chloe left him. She hasn't quite come to terms in his mind yet. It's like a month. I think she'll be back in a month or something. She didn't say, but she's come back. You know how girls bring all their luggage of clothes with them?

You gotta look nice. Yeah, she said, this is a scary Sunday and ditch. Yeah, yeah. Scary Sunday. She's like, this is a Sunday scary. Yeah.

Adam, if I could make a suggestion, just stay away from LSD, stay away from the stove, and just sit down and marathon some Jackie Chan rush hour. I think that's where my head was at. I was like, well, maybe I spent some time. I brought all these edibles here with me. I might as well munch on a few of them. That's right. And how did you pack those? How did you get those there? Thank you for asking. Okay.

I just put him in my... By the way, McBride saw all of my edibles and he was like, how the fuck did you get all these here? And I was like, I just put them in my luggage. He goes, you're a fucking psychopath, dude. Well, let's expound on that. Like, zippers, there are... Do you have like one of those little rainbow tassels so you know it's your luggage? I don't. No. No, it's to me. It's quality shit. Oh, damn. Yeah, but...

Yeah, he thought I was a fucking lunatic. Your advice was just to throw it in my backpack. I agree. That's crazy. You know why Ders is mad about luggage is because this bro used to have the roller bag and take it to school. He wasn't a backpack kid. He was a roller bag dude. I can sense it. What's up? Get up. Yeah.

Wait. I wish. Ders, weren't you a roller bag kid? So this is how crazy – this is how old I am. Ders is before wheels. There's no roller bags, homie. I don't know what you're talking about, Blake. You don't remember the kids that would take the roller bag to school? I think what Blake is trying to do, he's trying to paint the picture of Ders as he's that type of kid. But admittedly, roller bags came after, much after Ders finished high school. Finished.

finish college and college i remember seeing roller bags and being like how is this a thing kids can't just carry bags what's next flying cars um donald sutherland is the greatest actor of my generation okay hey leave him alone i don't give a fuck come at me okay all right fuck you can i make another assumption if roller bags weren't invented yet while you were in school

Were you at least a kid who didn't rock a backpack but had one big binder? Were you just like, I have a binder kid and that's it? What? I don't know. No, I wasn't that kid either. I had a backpack and here's what I remember.

Messenger bags became very popular. That was a little trend. And I was tempted, didn't dip into it. A lot of other kids would do a backpack strap over the shoulder messenger bag style. Also very tempting. But I held strong. And I would rock it high up.

Everyone else would rock it super low hanging off. That's a super telling thing. The way you wore your backpack, how low did the straps go? I could see Blake wearing it below his asshole. Like it definitely hurt his back. It was way uncomfortable. Yeah. Super low. I had a homie who wore it in the front.

That was his whole fucking stage. That was kind of a girl move at my school. Yeah, I dug that, though. That was cool. If you were getting something out, you could kind of go through your index and, like, you know, it's right there in front of you. You can pull out a piece of paper, hand it. I feel like back in those, like, the low strap was a thing. Like, you rocked your backpack hella low strap, and then if you were playing, like, a guitar or bass, you rocked that very low as well. Straps were hanging very low in the 90s. The 90s? You know what you're saying? Yeah. Yeah.

No bullshit. I've been on eBay the last like month looking for the backpack I had in high school and I can't fucking find it. I rocked with a yellow Jansport represent. Yeah, I had a bunch of Jansports with the leather bottom. What was it, Durs? First generation New Balance. It was an Eagle Creek. I was rocking the New Balances, but it was an Eagle Creek red backpack with like the

the flap on the top and the drawstring type shit. I don't know what you call that, like a top loader? Yeah, this is way, I feel like there was only two types of backpacks in the suburban neighborhood of Millard, Nebraska. It was just Jansport and Eastman or Eastpack or something like that. Yeah, Eastpack. You know what the big flex was? Do you remember if you got a Jansport, did you have the suede bottom? Remember some Jansports had the brown suede bottom and that was a

Well, it was leather. It wasn't suede. Was it leather? Pure leather? It was leather. Right. Well, yeah, suede would just get on the bottom of your backpack. It'd get fucked up immediately. No, but it's extra durable. It was just leather. It was leather. Okay. My bad. I guess the shoes were suede. The airwalks were suede. The backpacks were leather. Don't come at me with not knowing your leathers. Okay? I'm sorry. Know your leathers around here. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

the north face backpack was the big flex because those were like 75 or 80 dollars or something crazy oh i don't even know if that was on my map yeah it was like jansport it was jansport or bus dude yeah it was like or you got the cheaper one yeah kmart was wall to wall with jansports you could get black you could get green you could get red i will say that like when i first started to see kids with the roller bags

I was like, nerds. Like I would. Yeah, for sure. Like for sure. At my school, you're getting punked. I don't know if you would get full on your ass kicked, but you're definitely getting punked. I feel like if you're rolling a bag around, somebody's going to kick that fucking bag. Yeah, they're kicking the bag for sure. For sure. And you got to go up and down stairs. I don't understand. Yeah.

I don't understand. Well, then you can put the thing down and grab it by the handle. I know, but that's like you're going through the airport. It's a fucking nightmare. All you need is a belt to go around your books and you just carry them. That's the sickest, dude. That is the sickest. You know, there's some dude in Brooklyn is running around like that for sure. Absolutely.

So are these roller bags that you're, that you're talking about? Like, are they, I don't have a frame of reference. It's a backpack with the rollers, roller bags. It was like the, like at the airport, like a suitcase, like the airport is called roller bag. It has two wheels at the bottom. It has the handle that goes forward.

People fucking... Yes, children across America definitely did that 10 years or so ago. No frame of reference. Kyle, you don't even acknowledge the suitcase I'm talking about? Like a roller bag? I don't know what you're talking about. Like a carry-on suitcase. No, that's what I'm saying. I understand the carry-on suitcase. I just don't have a frame of reference of people taking that shit to school. Mr. Dorsey had a motherfucking one, allegedly. Allegedly.

He's a teacher. He's a fucking teacher, though. Goodbye. Well, there were many Dorseys. Okay. Click on the link. Anna just sent you something. Here they are. The roller backpacks. Roller backpacks. Here we go. I hope this fucking... It's not that hard to figure out. You know it. Yes. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I love this print. The computer forward... I'm not going to say nerds, but like...

The homies that were already like rocking laptops at school had roller bags. Wait, you guys had friends that had laptops at school? No, we didn't. This is a false. Blake's making shit up. I remember a kid bringing one to school. Huge flex. But at the same time. Yes, there were laptops. What the fuck are you talking about?

I feel like you maybe stayed in high school longer than me or something, dude. Well, it's possible I was held back for math. Yeah, dude, there were not laptops at my high school. I specifically remember the kid. His name was Robbie. He had a laptop. Robbie who? He had a roller bag. I don't remember his last name. It was Robbie Laptop Roller Bag, bro.

Dude, this might be a made-up story from your acid trip. Roller bag Robbie. I feel like you're making this up. Like you're getting it confused with college or something. College. Because this is not occurring. I don't know why you think it's so out of the realm of possibility that a homie in high school had a roller bag and a laptop. It's the acid. It wasn't. The only bags that were rolling were fucking bowling bags, bro. That was it. All right.

Blake, I think you're thinking of college. I mean, we all went to college and dude, we got Dells. It's science. And we still thought we were in high school when we were in college. So that's fair. I got a gateway computer. Do you remember that shit? Oh, shit. Yeah. Gateway country with the cow. With the cow. Yeah. The cow box. That's a sick computer. Dude, that computer fried after like three months. I think I got like three of them before I was like, can I just have my money back? Yeah.

For real. Well, Anna is saying, our producer Anna is saying that these roller backpacks, they were for kids with back problems because books were getting too heavy. No, I don't buy it. Who the fuck are these kids? Well, that was my question. Well, for sure, books were crazy heavy, but that's why you have

Locker, kids. Drop off some of these books. Carry the one or two books you need and then go back to your locker. No. Only dorks use lockers. I don't buy it because people hike around with giant fucking bags with like the waist straps and shit. And like you just strap it tight and you're fine. If anything, you're getting stronger. It's bullshit. And that's why the youth of America is so fucking weak nowadays because they weren't strapping it tight like we were. Yeah, strapped.

Blake, since you remember these bags, could you put these bags on your shoulders as well? Or were they strictly rollers? No. Yes, yes. Strictly rollers. Yes, you could. Look at the picture. See, Blake has no fucking clue what he's talking about. She just sent it to us. We're all looking at it. Everyone at home is freaking out. Blake, you're making up stories. There was no... You have Mandela affected yourself into high school for two decades. There was no roller bag Robbie. Dude.

He did it! So I made up this guy, I made up this kid, Rollerback Robbie, with the laptop. He's like, hey, dude, you know what I think it is? I think this is from... When you did acid. Your acid trip. And it sort of, like, melted that part of your brain, and... Is this my weird, like, fight club where Kyle would watch me go into, like, computer lab, and then I'd be like, I wasn't there. No, I was with you guys. I was smoking cigarettes at school. No, you never smoked cigarettes with us. You never did that. I did. I did.

I smoked Capri's, dude. You remember that? Yeah, I do remember. That's the only smoke you would smoke was a tiny little Capri's, which was sick as fuck. Dude, I wanted to be friends with my homies so bad because they all smoked cigarettes. Then I was like, okay, I'll smoke Capri's. You know how you also stayed away from it too? Is you were like, I only smoke Capri's. And then you were like, I only smoke with my feet.

Right.

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I'm sorry I didn't have a roller bag in high school. Well, also, that whole thing was kind of out of left field because Blake isn't usually one to just shit on someone from a distance. It's weird. I wasn't shitting. I was assuming. I'll apologize. Excuse me. I bet you were one of those nerds.

nerd with the roller bag and I'm just like letting it wash over me like burning others feels good where are you going with this you're projecting homie you're the dude who's smoking with his feet player I was roller robbie I was yeah you it all comes finally your acid haze is cleared and you realize that you were always roller robbie Kyle

I feel like Blake got put into a roller bag by somebody. You weren't even in high school then. Kyle was my friend by default. Yeah.

Kyle was the guy who saw me as the person who had no friends, and he's like, I'll be his friend just because I'm afraid. Kyle's your Tyler Durden. Yeah, dude. Kyle wasn't even there. Smoke this cigarette. Come on, man. Okay, well, hey, I will apologize to Anders for assuming he was a roller bag guy. I don't know what got into me. I don't care. Hey, assume away. Hey, Kyle, now you're down in Southern California, and you are a big hero. That's right.

Did you fly down with that in your suitcase? And if so, can we talk luggage? Oh, dude, we can. Oh, no. The return of the luggage. Dude, should we talk luggage and how to travel with the weeds? We were back.

Nice. I did. Adam, thank you so much for asking. I drove down with my new Samsonite roller bag. All right? Let's go. Samsonite. Very nice. How do we not have a Samsonite? Almost.

That is sick, dude. I was way off. It's got the hard plastic on the outside. You know the hard shell? Dude, I like those. Me too. Oh, luggage talk is back. I like those a lot. Dude, I've been trying to up my luggage game. Chloe got me a bunch of Away stuff. Talk about it. It's nice. I like it. I like it. But I want that hard top. Talk about it. Can you charge your phone on an Away luggage? Yeah, on the older bags. But don't you have to charge?

it first yeah it's annoying and then and then when you roll it on they stop you as if you are a full-blown terrorist and it's your sole purpose is to blow this plane up okay every time because it's so it's like the maximum size because they can't they you you're not allowed to keep it in your suitcase while you travel i'm sorry i'm sorry what are we talking about a charger

What? You guys are blowing my mind right now. I just want to pack my suitcase. Oh, my God. The charger in the...

In the bag. Uh-huh. In the bag. Uh-huh. So there's one that's like, it's like inside the bag. It's very handy if you could travel with it. Okay. But then you go through and then every, I took it out right away because I got hassled. And then I just keep it in my backpack. You're not allowed to keep it in the suitcase because I guess one got stuck and then got warm. Oh, fires. And then they landed a plane somewhere. Fires, bro. Because they're like, this is warm. Okie dokie. Yeah, but no fire happened. It was just warm. Right.

Ready for it? This is a way. There we go. We got Amanda over here. That sucks. That's too bad. Yeah, because it was a good feature, dude. And I love we're talking luggage on this almost high holiday, dude. I'm excited. I love some luggage talk. Dude, look at you. You're leaning in close. Oh, my God.

Now, you zip it in half and open it, and then are both sides zipped closed within the opening, or just one side? Oh, dude, I love this. That's how I fuck. Oh, I got the one side right now, but I got another piece of luggage that has the two sides that zip, and I like that one. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I like that one a little bit better. Now, you're Samsonite that hard case because I've been looking. I'm an eye in that one, dude. I saw that, and I'm giving it some side eye. Yeah, bro. What's that like? Oh, yeah. Loose butthole. Loose butthole? Oh, nice. What's that one? Mary King, RIP. Loose butthole. Hey, that's what all TII Nation is thinking about this luggage talk. My God, man. It's 419.

It's 420 Eve. Dude, yeah, but see, we're looping back around because- I thought Adam was a- Were you a toomey guy, Adam? What happened? Oh, God. Come on. I was a toomey boy. Thank you for keeping me. Dude, I have a toomey. We were about to get out of the barrel. Yes, yes. No, I have a toomey bag. I have a toomey bag. Thank you for bringing me back into hot, hot.

Luggage talk. Loose butthole. I was a to-me guy. I had all to-me everything. It's too expensive. Did you have monogrammed to-me? You're not that guy, pal. Trust me. Chloe said one of the first things that she was attracted to me about, what attracted me to her, was my monogram. We met on an airplane. Yeah, bro.

Right, right, right. Was this booty, obviously. But we met on an airplane and she noticed the monogrammed matching to me luggage set that I had. And she was like, oh, this boy's an adult man. But, you know, that was like damn near a decade ago that I got that set. It's time to re-up my lifestyle. When you got that to me bag, I got my to me bag. I got it engraved, too. I got the I call it engraved. I don't say monogram. I got my luggage engraved, you know? Yeah.

Dude, I also misspeak a lot and say engraved as well. Yeah. It's definitely the correct way to say it is monogrammed, but I don't know if I've ever said that word. Engraved has to be like a stone. Like a hard, yeah, a hard surface. I get it. Is that because of like a gravestone, do you think? No. I would guess, yeah. Do you think? You put it in your grave. Do you think that it's like an engrave? It's actually French. It's like engrave, like engarde, but.

on Greg. This is possible. Well said. God, Dan, you guys are a couple of the smartest dudes I know. I believe everything you say. I'm not a smart man. This reminds me of the episode of Orgaholics when Blake was saying the word garage comes from go rage. And I'm like, absolutely. Jesus Christ, you're a genius. Yeah.

All right, go fuck it. We remember when luggage... No, please tell us more about luggage. We remember when luggage came in with the two wheels to pull, right? And then suddenly it was four. Changed the game. And you dragged it completely upright, but you can still drag it on two. And that blew my fucking mind. I know, but do you drag it on four or do you drag it on two still? Well, if I have... May I speak on this? May I speak on this? No.

I got the Samsonite with the four rollers. First roller bag I've had with four. And goddamn, man, I'm using all four. I'm using all four. But it makes you walk like this. I love it. It's so smooth. Water trash. You walk kind of like upright as opposed to like nice and like rugged. I know. Dragging it with you. You're a man with a bag. I like it. Water trash. Well, forever, for years, I'm only probably like three years into taking an actual roller bag.

And by the way, Blake is laughing because he's a duffel bag boy. We'll get to that. Go ahead, Adam. Absolutely. Yeah, he is a fucking duffel bag. I'm a duffel bag boy. He's a weekender. I was a duffel bag boy for years until

Until I started to travel all the time. And then when I would go on tour and do stand-up, and you're in a different city every night, and then you got to have this fucking duffel bag the whole time? And then it becomes like you're working out when you're just so fucking tired? You got to have a roller. I got the roller, man. You got to have the roller, man.

Sometimes I'll do a duffel every once in a while, though. Just switch it up. Hey, a nice leather, dude. So it's that stinky leather. Corey Duffel. Corey Duffel. Shout out.

Absolutely, baby. Wait, is there a Corey Duffel story? Who's Corey Duffel? Do you know him? Yeah, he's a Conker dude. Skateboarder. Yo, shout out to Corey Duffel. Yeah, big shout out to Corey Duffel. No, it's Corey Duffy, but we were making a pun, man. It was points. It's not very funny. Hey, well, I know a guy named Duffy. Shout out to him. Wait, his name's Corey Duffel. What are you talking about? A skater from Conker? Are you talking about the dude who fucking had the Catholic poem song in his part?

See, this is why we can't. This is why we can't. You know, we're trying to make a podcast for everybody, not specifically one guy in the Bay Area that you guys can't remember what his name is. Hey, come on now. Happy 419, Corey Duffel. Happy 419, man.

Smoke weed every day. What are the two best things about Corey Duffel? Now, we're not done talking luggage, okay? He goes hard. He goes hard. I wish we weren't. And he's still in the game, and he's from Concord. That's three things. He goes hard, and he's still in the game, Corey Duffel. Anyway. And he's from Concord.

He's still in the game? Corey Duffel, baby. So, Kyle, this all goes back to happy almost holidays, and you traveled with your weed. How did you pack it? Did you pack it something? It's a whole different animal. Not a big deal. Me? Did you pack it some way special? I was driving, Playboy. So you just put it in the bag. You didn't wrap anything. I put it in the fucking passenger seat. Yeah, just in the front seat with you.

Did you buckle it? I put it in the passenger seat because I'm smoking the whole goddamn way, doggy. Did you buckle it like it's a passenger? Like a child? Like a baby? Yeah, I buckled it. I put it in the car seat. Dude, I had the same problem in my neighborhood. There was like a finch or something that was attacking everybody's mirrors. Bird talk to new luggage talk.

Hey, vote now if you hate pickleball talk, luggage talk, or bird talk more. Bird talk, the deciding. A finch? Go ahead. Dude, I like it. I like it. I'm all about killing these birds. I know some of us aren't about killing birds. Get out of town. But if it flies, it dies. That's my whole motto. If it flies, it dies. Oh, is that from Top Gun? Was that from Top Gun? No, that's a saying that I made up, I want to say. Bullitt! Bullitt!

I tell you what, the next tour I want to go on isn't a stand-up tour. It's a this is important tour. That shit's important. Yes. That shit's important. Let's do that next summer. Let's put that shit on the books next summer, bro. A stage big enough for a pickleball court? Yes.

We have a luggage set up. We can contact Toomey and maybe they want to sell luggage in the lobby as people are walking in. Brought to you by Toomey. I love it. Samsonite. Pickleball challengers in the crowd. That's what I want. Who wants to challenge?

The luggage company away would for sure be like, we're on board. You guys are selling this tour so well. There's a live pickleball and we're selling luggage. But it's special. This is important luggage. And we're only serving, there's no food, only salads. With beans. There's like a photo booth with like cardinals that get a shit on you and you're like...

Goodbye. Dude, this would be the sickest little fest, bro. TII Fest. It's an important festival.

Thank you, God! This festival is important. Dude, I like that you're planning a whole festival. Are there other acts? No, but there's all these... Well, you're talking about all these things that you could do. It feels like a carnival, I guess. Well, that's just like when people are buying beer in the lobby, you know? We're doing medium-sized theaters, 2,000 people. Okay, well, we're going to be doing all four of us as the headliner, but then all of us are doing stand-up. We're doing our own stand-up beforehand.

Tight two. Two minutes each. Tight two jokes. A little meat and green. That could be cool. A little outdoor fest. Outdoor or indoor. It's all good. We got Lovano's cooking meats on the side. Bringing us meats while we chat. We got my stepfather's beef jerky. We're selling out of stand. Absolutely. Love it!

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I would like to give flowers to Kyle for going to our friend Eric Griffin's wedding. Thank you for supporting. I would have liked to have been there. So I just want to say thank you for being the one to wave the flag for Team MOC. Thank you, buddy. Yep. Happy to do it. Happy to do it. And did you wear your leather satchel? Yes. Yeah.

Of course. What do you mean? I saw pictures. I'm like, wow, you clean up nice. And then you just had the leather satchel on top of wedding attire. I clean up nice, but then what? The leather satchel dirties up. This is real leather. So the leather satchel is like a murse.

It's like a purse, right? Is that from Aland? Yeah, this is from Aland Custom Leather. If you ever see me rocking this... I know, and he makes good stuff. I just didn't know if it was... It doesn't know... I don't know if it was wedding... Appropriate. Wait, I don't even understand what you're talking about right now. I...

bring this thing everywhere. I agree with you, Ders. But I looked good. I looked good, though. I had on the pink pants. You had a great outfit on, and then I just... Yeah, I fucking crushed. Then you were also wearing this seven-point connected man satchel. It's got two points. And it just kind of...

Two points, cool shape. Oh, so I'm five points off. Okay. Yeah. I just thought that thing was kind of nice for, I mean, I thought it was nice for dress. Like I wasn't wearing a suit or anything. But you wear it all the time. I was just wearing a button up. So I thought it fit like kind of like Indiana Jones. I was like basically rocking linens. You know what I mean? Right. Everyone wants Indiana Jones. And when you go to weddings, make sure you look like Indiana Jones. He was ready for anything, man. Indiana Jones with pink pants. I wonder if the bride saw you and she was like, fuck.

fuck, I was wearing that. God damn it. I have to take off. For sure. Because it's a wedding and that's what you wear. I have to take off my leather satchel. Honestly, though, my wife didn't wear her. She brought a purse that did not match her outfit because we were traveling. And a lot of people were talking about it. Are you going to air her out like that? Okay, wow. You know what I ended up doing with my purse? I put her stuff that she needed in my purse. So I was holding stuff for her in my purse. You had a purse on a purse?

So, purse on a person, and that person was me. And I'm fucking good, and I represented the MOC, while none of you guys even bothered to show up. I would have loved to have been there. We know the story. Thank you. You got your flowers. Yes, thank you. This is what I felt like when I was getting out of the car, dude. Do you take this woman to be your bride? Weddings. Why did it have to be weddings?

Hey, Jacques! There's a bouquet up here! I had a hat on, but I took it off because I thought it was too much. Any other take-backs, apologies? Well, shoot, I'll apologize to Eric Griffin for not going to the wedding, and I called him and FaceTimed him and apologized that way as well, and I love you, bud, and you're a really great friend. And what was the reason? In the end,

It's just a lot of stuff. I can't even, like, some stuff I can't even say on air. Oh, wow. A lot of secrets. Blake has a lot of secrets suddenly. He can't let us know. This is my year of secrets. He can't let us know a lot of things. I'm excited to find your secret TikTok account. Well, I was just thinking about, like, I think it was Vietnamese food, and it was, like, this pounded out, like...

like veal dish i wish i had the name of the place it's so freaking good okay okay it's very good when i went up to vancouver just uh i went to banditas do you remember that place it was like a vegetarian burrito place oh shout out yeah dude place and and i was like oh dude was this just good when i went up there and then i had it this last week and it's

Fucking good, bro. Yes, dude. Yes. I'll go ahead and say it. What's up? What's up? Infinitely worse than luggage talk. It's not. No, man. This is infinitely worse than luggage talk.

We're talking about places. You don't remember half of them. Blake's like, oh, I wish I could remember. It was good. It was a good meal I had once. I just remembered a restaurant. What are you doing coming out? You remembered a restaurant. So you're calling out a restaurant. I am. Yeah. I am doing that, yes. And I'm conversing with two of my friends, which I believe...

is the job. I know. I'm just saying it's not, dude, it's, it's all about the sweet content. And I'm telling you, as far as boring topics go, this is worse than luggage talk. Right now we are the Vancouver and Canadian board of tourism. We are sending people to one of the best. Dude, they're going to flock to the city and go, Hey, there's like a, like a pounded veal.

That you have to... I don't know where it's at. Yeah. Blake told me it's here. That is true. Okay, okay. I don't know. Just wherever. I know there's Asian food here, but I'm here for the pounded veal. Dude, I'm really actually trying to remember this burrito joint that...

John Malto put me on. It's like next to a skate shop. It's so good. I wish I knew the name. Wow. Budgies. It's called Budgies. Shout out Budgies Burrito in Vancouver. And now we have two places to get flowers at the end of the episode. I'll be going there. If you are in Vancouver, please hit up Budgies. It is a delicious, uh,

burrito that it's, it's not necessarily like super Mexican authentic tasting, but it is delicious. Yeah. Pizza's inside of it. It's, it's a fries and gravy on the inside of this. Did I do that? It's a poutine. Blake genuinely, bro. Thank you for the recommendation because I will be visiting Vancouver and I will be hitting up budgies because I found it interesting. Hey, but what are you putting your clothes in to get there?

That's the question, dude. I haven't started talking about that, but I've been thinking about getting new luggage. I've been thinking about it. Hey, you can't do this, man. You can't do this. I need another size. I need another size. Dude, the rats pissed and shit over a lot of my luggage. One of my favorite pieces, I have a Away Carry-On. You know it's a problem when you call your luggage a piece. Yeah.

An away carry-on that was a basketball. I hate this. And it was gripped on the outside much like a Spalding basketball. Loved it. Wow, that's actually kind of psyched. Dude, they pissed some shit on it. Gotta get new luggage. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. This rocks, bro. Oh, dude, dude, dude. If we want to talk about talks, I'm getting a new set of luggage, homie. Yeah. Oh!

Oh, good. Oh, good. Wow. The huge pivot. Ramoa. Ramoa. This is where I'm at in my life. For birthday and Christmas now, I get that upgrade. Get them that luggage, dude. And why Ramoa? And also, what is that? I'm going to go take a piss. It's that hard. It's a metal case luggage. Have you seen it?

It's great. Silver. Yeah. It's like, man, it's like goodbye metal. That's it. Awesome. I mean, not, not like the, I mean, silver in color, not in like it's actual. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a metal, like traveling case to it. I'm going to look like I'm a, like I'm a, like a roadie or something.

Okay. Okay, that's it. Are you finished? I just transitioned into luggage talk. Actually, if we can go back to that. I just switched my head. It took a second. But did you say it's a metal luggage box? Is that what you said? I can't be here for this. Did you say it's metal, Adam? I was thinking about rocks, and now it's here.

Shut up, bitch. Yeah, dude. Uh, yo, we're still talking about this. Yes. I, uh, I took my hooded sweater off. I brought it back. Yeah. Uh, yeah, it's metal. Look it up. It's, it's the shit, dude. Ramona. Okay. Tight. It's, it's a little pricey, but I think it's going to be worth it. Why is it the shit? Uh,

lifetime guarantee. That's pretty dope. That's huge. That's huge. What does that mean? That's great. Your lifetime or the lifetime of the product? Yeah. Oh, I'm assuming it's my lifetime. Is it? Yes. The lifetime of the product and then it's guaranteed. Yeah, lifetime guarantees are great. Dude, how do you know they don't have train killers that are like, he just asked for a new suitcase. We got to send somebody to kill him. Wipe him out. He just got $5,000 worth of suitcases. That's the show. Wipe him out. Yeah.

Send that plane into a tower. RIP. Because I got some, I got a couple zippers that have popped off. I might be in the market for some new luggage soon. Have you checked how many Ramoa bags were on the flight that ran into the tower? What?

I didn't. What if that was Big Ramoha? What if that was Big Ramoha? You might want to check. We're going to find out it wasn't Bin Laden or the Taliban at all. It was Big Ramoha. Allegedly. No. Allegedly. By the way, there's no way to say that it wasn't. Exactly. Thank you, Anders. Literally, there's no way to say.

Thank you. Hey, do your own research. Even if there weren't any Ramona luggage on the planes? Allegedly. Why weren't there? Why weren't there? Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. That's interesting. That's interesting. Fucking thing sucks. You've got to have your take. You've got to have your take. Samsonite. It's got to be new. All right. Big Samsonite.

It's all fucking... It's my bag, baby. I didn't really want new luggage until I got the Vax. Interesting. That's interesting. Now we're just blowing jokes from me. Get the Vax and suddenly I want to buy luggage from Moa. No comment. No, man. It happens.

Who cares? Man. Yeah. I feel like a bozo. Dude, I wonder. Dude, after we talked, we did luggage talk last week. Yeah. I was talking Ramona. My Instagram, I got on it after we were done potting with so many luggage sponsored ads.

Oh, you're thinking that episode is listening. It aired? That episode aired? No, it was just after we were done talking about it. Oh, weird. It heard us talking. It was fucking insane. And normally I'm like, because my sister explains she works for Facebook and she's like, they say that they don't listen. It's because... Wait. Yeah, and it's true. And they...

And they, yeah, and it's true. No, she says that they don't listen, but the algorithm is so smart that if, for instance, a buddy of mine works for some clothing company that I've never heard of, a men's clothing company. And I was at a bar and I was talking with him and

And then about like, oh, where do you work? Oh, cool. You know, that's interesting. Right. Cut to the later that night, I'm on my phone and I'm getting sponsored ads for his company. And it's because our phones were in close proximity together for so long. And he looks it up a bunch on his phone. And so you guys are in proximity. So it leaped to your phone. Yes. Wait, what? Really? Really? This shit is leaping? Yes. No way.

Yeah, that's what it said. My phone was in close proximity. So that's why I'm getting all that weird porno. Yeah, that's why. That's why I'm getting the status. That's what you're explaining to your girl. I don't know. I must have been near someone that was looking at weird porno and it left to my phone. I was at Cane's in the drive-thru.

That's why I'm getting all the stepdad porno stuff that's coming. I'm like, what is going on here? Well, I don't know if it's porno specific. I know I was talking Facebook and they own Instagram. You don't think they own Pornhub? How is it leaping? The weird thing is, is I wasn't, our phones weren't close to each other. We do this over Zoom. I think they were listening. No, they're listening. It's not a leaping. Water trash. That's what my sister says that they don't, that they do not listen. It's the algorithm. Right.

and knows your needs before you know your needs. So the algorithm is listening? Sounds like they got to her. Yeah, for sure. Because it certainly seems like they're listening. Yeah. But I guess not. Did you go get an RC Cola or where'd you bounce to? Yeah, it was weird. Oh, dude, my computer was about to fucking die, so I had to go get a card. It was very interesting. I had to go get a card.

Speaking of algorithms, on YouTube the other day, right under the video I was watching, it was like a click here ad kind of thing that just was a rainbow flag and said, are you gay? And I was like...

I was like, why are they asking me? And then I was like, I'm not, so I don't even need to click on it. If you click on it, you might be right. Because you want to know if you are. But if you know that you're not, you're like, I'm not. And you don't click. But I was like...

What's, what are the, how, what is this? Wait, are you gay? Can you frame? Yeah. Yeah. Do your parents know you're gay? Do your parents know you're gay? Is this you coming out? It's totally cool. That's totally cool. It's an old joke. I don't understand. Yeah. I know the rollerblading joke. Right.

I broke my arm and I never took the pain pills when I needed them. I saved them for after I was healed so that I could get the full feeling of the pain pills. Because I just loved them. I dug the way it made me feel. You just started breaking your arms?

Kyle's just taking hammers to his shins. I broke them a few times in high school, and I saved them, and I would always get reloaded and stuff like that. And then my girlfriend had back issues, so she had a whole bunch of like Soma and coding and shit, and she would hook them up. You started kicking her in the back? You would specifically only date women who were previously injured and had pain pills. Well, she hooked it up.

Yeah, Kyle would cruise the nurse's office being like, has anyone recently hurt themselves? You're looking real pretty today. You're beautiful. Yeah, dude. Let me carry you up those steps. Give those crutches a break. So the main headline is it made you feel vibro. Yeah. It made me feel vibro. Like I really dug it. Yeah, yeah. And we are quoting you as saying it makes pain pills make me feel vibro. Yeah, dude. We got to get some merch, some like wraps, some like ace bandages that just say vibro. Yeah.

I went on a fucking family cruise to Mazatlan, Puerto Vallarta, and Cabo, and I bought fucking pain pills there too. And I put them in my jacket. I got a big old bag. I got them for nothing, put them in my jacket pocket. And as I was walking back onto the boat-

with my family, they were like, they patted down my pocket and I was like, oh fuck. Your family did? No, the fucking, the guys that were like making sure you didn't bring anything in. Oh, cruise control? Uh-huh. And they found this bag of pain pills. So what did they do? And they took it. They just took it? They took it from me and they took my name and I did that shit on the sly. Like nobody in my family saw this happen and so I'm like, okay. Shameful. Kyle, that episode did not get my pecker hard. I knew you were too vibro. Uh,

on that trip. Dude. Son, I need to talk to you. I was bummed because I was like, I couldn't get Vibro. And then I like, at the end of the trip, we were all waiting to de-board the ship or whatever it is. And they call my name over the intercom. They're like, Kyle Nwacek, come to customs. Oh, did you win something? Oh my God.

And I was like, and my whole family, my grandpa, my fucking, they're like, what's going on? I'm like, mom, come with me. Because I needed, I knew I was about to get fucked. And so I like, on the way over there, I talked to my mom. I was like, look, I smuggled some pain pills back in. I have some pills that I thought was going to get my pecker hard. She say, sweetheart, I know at dinner last night you were way too vibro. Right? Yeah.

No, she was cool, man. She honestly like vouched for me and got me off the hook. And I just wasn't. What did she vouch for you? Meaning like, oh, he needs pain kills. This guy's. No, I, we came up cause I was dating a girl that needed pain pills at the time. And so we came up with a plan that was like, look, uh, I'm going to say that I got this from my girlfriend and.

My mom actually might have not even known that I might have been lying to her and saying, like, I got this from my girlfriend. Can you please help me? I didn't know it was illegal. Kyle, I didn't like the podcast. Is it illegal? I think...

Statute of limitations, player. It's all good. Oh, gee. No, I mean, like, is it illegal to go and buy medication down there and come back? People do it all the time. I don't think it's illegal, but I think you have to have some kind of proof that you need this drug to come back into America. You were also...

I was 17 at the time. Yeah, you were a kid. That's another thing. Right, right. I was like – because the list was fucking extensive. And if Chloe was like, yeah, let's get out of here. What are we doing? We have – it was like right when we first got to Mexico. Now we're just in this pharmacy instead of on a beach. And she's like, let's get out of here. And I'm like, hang on. I'm reading this list.

I was like, you can get true steroids. I was thinking maybe we all – I bring them back and it's like a kind of a fun thing that we do on the podcast. We all take steroids for a month and see –

Who has the biggest arms and lemmings? Friendship. No, we see who's got the smallest nuts. Yeah, whose nuts shrink the most? We'll all measure our nuts and then at the end of one month of taking steroids, we'll have to re-measure our nuts and see who shrunk the most. We'll post and we'll have people vote on who has the smallest nuts. What do you mean? You measure them. That's not like a vote. No, no, no, no. I do vote.

We measure and then we have people vote on like cuteness or like... Oh, cuteness of the nuts? Right, there you go. Or we have people guesstimate how many wrinkles we have combined in our scrote. Is that a real thing? Steroids shrink your balls? Is that real? Like a real thing? Well, that's... Is that real, babe? Hit it.

I don't know. I'm going off of like 80s Saved by the Bell shit from A.C. Slater. I'm so excited. Yeah, I don't know. Jessie and her diet pills. Damn legendary. Yeah, I bet they have some good diet pills too. Dang, I fucking blew it. I should have been –

buying it up. Yeah, you could have had some shredders. But guys, I think we found a venue for the wedding. It's going to be kick butt. Do you want to announce it here and the date and everything? Yeah, address? Yeah, I'd like to tell everybody before I fully know.

Yeah, before you've talked it over with your wife. Yeah, before we made a full decision. Cool. Baby, I already said it on the pod. We have to do it. We have to do it there. We have to. MeUndies is going to be pissed if... Is the wedding going to be brought to you by MeUndies? It's sponsored by our sponsors. It's manscaped. It's brought to you by Beast Mode. That's smart. And do you, Adam, take MeUndies...

And now the ring presented by Tushy. Because your ass needs to be washed. And now the ring brought to you by Ring. Weddings are too damn expensive for what they are. You know what I mean? Thank you, Kyle. Now, finally, we're getting into it. It's a machine. It's a whole industry now. It is. Someone said it. Thank God. And the cakes? It is. It's expensive. The cakes. The cakes.

And you have to go to the certain people that work with the venue, and they really just hold you over a barrel. Finally, someone taking the wedding industry to task. Thank you. And the dick pills you have to buy for your entire wedding party? All the dick pills you have to buy for the entire... I mean, it will be fun when I buy us all dick pills and make us take them one hour before the ceremony. That'll be a ceremony. Yeah.

Beer all week. Dude, I'm dead. That will be tight just to fucking... And we're all wearing like kilts, like those super white... Those white dude weddings are like, we're wearing kilts. Steve doesn't have anything on underneath. Fucking Steve. That would be so funny if you like orchestrated the outfits that we had to wear so we couldn't protect our boners and then spiked our fucking...

Spiked us with boner pills. See, now this is a wedding. And we're all standing up there like fucking, uh... Protect your boners. 20 margaritas. Make sure you lick the salt. Okay. You need us to lick the salt. And he made us wear these linen white pants. He made us wear these me undies. Yeah, it's a beach wedding. It makes sense. He really wanted us in all linen, everything. Bro, are you hard right now?

I've been hard all weekend. Something has made my pecker hard. It's hurting. It won't go down. It hurts. It hurts. I just want to be flaccid. The shrimp tacos must be an aphrodisiac because I want to fuck everything. Hear that? Pumpkin.

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