Ep 104: Warm Toilet Seat
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Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Today on This Is Important... I'm gonna fist you and punch you in the eye, dude. My ass is fine, and it's been fine for 38 years. Okay, I'm gonna go take a shit. Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

I wish we all had boards. I would like to battle you. What I end up doing with the board is I just make the noises with my voice. I love it. Make the music with your mouth, boy. I'd like to make the music with my mouth. For my favorite boards. Which I like all of them. We'll make the music with your mouth, Biz. Yeah.

Let's go!

Yeah. But why do you think I'm always doing it with my mouth? That shit's important. I'm doing the board. That shit's important. Who's who? You can't tell. Okay, let's go. Is everyone chunking right now or just me? I think you're the main chunker. Probably just you. You're probably the main chunking prankster. I think you're chunking. It's me. Are you okay? Dude, we can't have this. It's only three of us, dude. It's a three-man crew. We can't be dipping out. I wanted to come in so hot. What?

Let's go. Can you hear us? Can you hear us? Let's go. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to hardline. Oh, man. This is bad. If it's down to me and Adam, this is going to be like a weird. The best podcast yet? What were you going to say? What would we really dive into? Just you and I. What were you? Therapy talk. Wow. You really liked walking down that path, didn't you? I did. It was enlightening for me. I was like, I'm learning stuff. I'm like.

This is cool. Yeah, it's cool. It's no pressure. It's low pressure situation to talk about your feelings. Oh, now Ders is completely froze. Oh, my God. So here we are. So here we are. Ders can't afford internet and...

And Kyle had a hard time getting his seatbelt off in a van. Excuse me? Yeah. I can afford internet. Okay. Okay. Let's go. I can. Okay. Did someone say I couldn't? No, you're good to go. I'm not sure who said that. I can. Okay. Okay. I can afford internet. TII Nation, maybe we're falling apart.

I don't know, man. I don't know what's happening. Hey, it took a hundred and what is this? 304. I think we're on four at this point. 104. 104 ebbs for us. Maybe let's go is, is what we need to do. Let's, let's go. Let's actually leave. Guys, we're cutting it off at 104. Give me a hell yeah. So are you, Durs, are you coming to the little BBQ gathering that I'm going to have on Sunday? Are you not a good friend? No way. Uh oh. Oh,

Oh, man. Let's not. Allegedly. Oh, man. I can't. No. First and foremost, I'll be recovering from the Malibu Triathlon that seems, I mean, when this airs, it'll be weeks ago, but like, that's Saturday. And then, my wife, very funny movie, uh,

is, it's nice, my wife, she's leaving me. She's leaving me for her, Africa. She's going to, for a goddamn entire continent. She's going to Kenya. She's going on safari. Damn! Kenya? Can you believe it? Damn! That's, damn, that's sick. Kenya is, uh,

in Africa. Go ahead. Go. It is in Africa. Can you spell it? Uh, yeah. Kenya's in Africa. She's going to see the great migration. She and her sister are taking, uh, their mom to on safari for like her 70th birthday or something like that. Yeah. That's cool. That's cool that your wife, she's, I've known her to go to Africa, like maybe three to five times since I've known her. Oh, maybe more, way more, maybe more. Uh,

So cool. Upwards of the teens. Holy moly. Upwards of the teens. That's so cool. I wish when I was in my 20s, I would have picked like one country to be like, that's my shit. I'm going to go there all the time and help out and do stuff. Because then it's a lifelong thing that you always get to go somewhere. You always have to. If I may. Africa is a continent. It's a continent. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's saying he would have picked a country. I would have picked.

I just wanted to make sure everyone knew. Some people shoot for countries. Some just go to a city and build a library. She's been to several different countries there. I'm going to build a library in Baltimore. I would just say Baltimore is my spot. Okay? I'm always going to go. Yes, I know what you mean. But she's been to several different countries in Africa.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Fair. And what's your favorite country in the continent of Africa? Yes, points. Should I give him points for that? Let me ask you. So proud of myself for that dumb question. Honey. Wow, dude. Yes. Yes, points. I don't know. I mean, she studied abroad in Senegal, so I think that's where she kind of... That's her home base? Yeah. Can I say that every country...

name in Africa sounds like it would be a dope name

Hey, and we just had to cut out the rest of what Adam said, but we're back now. No, it would say it sounds like a dope name. Like, if your name is Senegal. Oh, you mean like if it's a person's name? Yeah, that's pretty hard. Yeah, a human's name. Bro, if my name was Congo, I would be the coolest bro in the world. Dude, Jesus. If you were Congo Anderson, my God. Congo Anderson, WWE's very own. Oh, my God. It's science. Yeah. Oh, my God. Here comes Congo. Hey.

Congo Anderson. If your name was Congo Anderson, you would have an enormous rap career. It would just be a TikTok. You would have an enormous rap career. Even if you didn't rap, you would just release albums with nothing on it and people would buy it because that's the fucking coolest name.

Is it too late? Too late to apologize. What, to be Congo Anderson? For you to be Congo... I don't want that for me. I don't want that for me. All right. I don't want that for me. I like who I am. And this is my fiance, Angola. I went to a Congo Anderson concert the other day. Dude, did it slap...

Did it smack? Dude, it didn't smack it, but it did slap. It slapped. But it blapped a bit. It was flapping wide a bit. There were a few blaps. And towards the end, it was flapping. So I failed. It was flapping. At first it was blapping, then it was flapping. Then it flopped. It was mostly a flop. I went to a One Republic concert the other day, guys. No! I never thought I would go to a One Republic concert. Didn't even know. On accident? On accident.

Did you get like caught in traffic or something? Like the traffic just you had you veered into the thing. You're like, I guess we're going. I guess. Is that too late to apologize? It is. It is. How did I know that? Because I just sang it. That's why it reminded me. Because he was just singing it. He was like teeing it up. Come on. There's no teeing. Durs, when I talk, there's no, I'm not thinking of anything before I say the words.

There's no team. I literally say a thing and then I go, oh, yeah, that's the thing I should talk about. Shook something loose. The old Snapchat brain. Yeah, I went because Ryan Tedder, who is the lead singer of One Republic. You guys knew that, of course? I didn't know that. Look at my face.

Yeah. Of course. Well, you talked about him, right? Didn't he like... Yeah, yeah. So he recorded a song for the Pitch Perfect show I did in Germany. And then... So he was in Charleston. Sick. And was like, I'm coming through town. You guys should come. And Chloe was like, let's go. They have a ton of... You wouldn't know... She was like, what? You wouldn't know. She was like... She said, let's...

She was like, let's go. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm also looking for One Republic songs. Dude, I do a lot on, okay? Yeah. Okay. True. Just do the one. Just do the one. No. Well, that's not the one at the top, but go ahead. Keep talking. So we go to the One Republic concert. Too late to apologize? It was wall-to-wall hits.

I've never heard of this band in my life. Didn't know them at all. I didn't know Ryan Tedder at all. He's a super nice guy. Dresses really cool. Has swishy hair. It was wall-to-wall hits. I was like, oh, this is their style. By the way, if I may, wall-to-wall. How big is this room? How big is this room that's wall-to-wall? It was a stadium. There was like 20,000 people there. Not literally, Adam. I mean, like, okay, it's wall-to-wall, but like...

Is it wall to wall a closet of hits? Like how many hits? Yeah, like you're saying from the window to the wall. What are we talking, brother? Till the sweat drips down your balls? So I'm not saying I'm like a huge One Republic fan because it always, all their music sounds like, and even Ryan was saying this. Easy now, this is your friend you're talking about. Yeah, he was like, it was like, we have, I'm like, do you ever get sick of playing like a certain song?

Because I wonder that a lot with rock stars and stuff. I'm like, have you ever just sick of playing your hit where you're like... Because as a stand-up, you tell the same jokes too much or the same story. You're like, Jesus Christ, I've got to launch into this fucking thing again. But yet you still do it. But yet you do it. Totally, yes. Yeah, you have to. People will get pissed if you don't. People love that shit. But rock stars, I'm like, do you? And he was like, yes. I mean, honestly, sometimes they've licensed it or like...

Whole Foods played this song to death, and now it's synonymous with Whole Foods. And I'm like, well, that fucking sucks. It's the Whole Foods anthem. I liked this song, and now anytime you go to Whole Foods, my song is just fucking blasting. I'm like, that sucks. But he did a cool thing where he played five or ten One Republic songs where I knew all of them. I was like, Jesus Christ, this is a One Republic song? And then he stops, and he...

He is also a prolific songwriter. He wrote a million songs for people. And then for 20 minutes, just played 15 number one hit songs that he's written. That's sick, dude. I love when people do that. Right, because he owns the rights to them because he wrote them. Because he owns the rights. So then he played like...

It was him on the piano singing Halo by the Beyonce song. Yeah, I love that song. And just like a slew of other hit songs that I was like, oh shit, this was a number one hit. Is that my favorite Beyonce song? Halo? Which one is that? Hold up. Let me pull that one up. It's got that fucking beat to it. I feel like I like Halo. Did he write to the left? I like that one too. No. Okay, I'm going to play a bit of Halo just to remember what it is. I just sang it.

Yeah, you did well. I'm going to skip ahead. When Adam is cycling uphill, he throws that shit on and is just like, I got this shit. It's powerful. It's definitely a hit the hill with that one. You're going to go right up that one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Cold cruising. So he played that one. What else? Okay, this is not a closet. Yeah. This is a bedroom. It was a lot. And a lot of the other songs, I don't know pop music all that well because my knowledge of- What do you know?

Kid Cudi. I know hip hop from the early 2000s. You know that one Talking Heads song? Punk rock from the late 90s, early 2000s. And that's sort of... Arguably, all the punk rock that you know was pop music. Was pop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm talking... I don't know... I don't know like... R&B. Like Liana Lewis? Yes.

And I didn't know who that was. He's like, this one, you might know her, Liana Lewis. I wrote this song for her. That's like that graduation sounding song, right? He told the story and then they played the song. And then I knew all the songs. I just didn't know a lot of the people. She was on like, Not America's Got Talent.

Or Idol. But I think she's from... She's a Simon Cowell discovery, I believe. Okay, wait. What was the one he wrote? Bleeding Love? That's the joint. Is that the one he wrote? Bleeding Love. Bleeding Love. Anna is saying Bleeding Love. Yeah, that's the joint. Okay, I'm going to play that. I'm going to play that. You'll know it.

Oh yeah, this is the song. And the stadium exploded. Women were flying around me. Just like, we gotta skip ahead. That's because you were creepy. They're like, I listened to your podcast.

Wait, so how does this dude tap into the mind of, like, females so hard? I think he's just an amazing songwriter. He just... But he's writing, like, power anthems for females. He says that he's able to when he... Because I was like, sometimes when I am doing stand-up...

You go in the mind of the woman. I go in the mind of the woman. The mind of the woman. If you've done something so many times, you're almost on autopilot. You try not to be, but sometimes you're like, I've told this story...

upwards of 300, 400 times. I know where the punchlines are. I know how to tell it. That you're thinking of other things. You're like in your head. You're doing grocery lists. You're speaking to an audience and you're thinking, you're in your head. You're like making dinner plans. You're planning things for the night. You're like, oh, I forgot to do this or whatever it is. I'm like, does that happen to you? He's like, it happens to me so much that sometimes I'll be writing a

other songs while I'm performing a song. And I'm like, oh, that's a whole other level. I like how he says that. He's just coolly telling you. I'm actually a genius. Yeah. I'm actually like. Super talented I am. Because I'm like, oh, I'm not writing other standup bits. Right. Or thinking of like a great idea for a movie. I'm literally going like, how much should I drink tonight? But. Yeah.

Are we really going to go after it tonight? Dude, what cheeseburger are we getting right after this? How many double patties am I going to have? Should I go for the single chunky one or the double smash? What are we doing tonight? But even the thing that's tripping me out is he's not like writing for himself. He knows he's writing for other people. But here's what I think, dude. Okay, you're the writer. Go ahead, Durz. Put us in the brain. This is what's fascinating is that like...

He's still a guy writing songs that women are singing. And if you go back and you listen to old songs about a woman who's singing certain lyrics about how she misses her boyfriend or whatever, and a guy wrote it, it's not... Do not come. Thank you. I won't. It's not a guy writing for a woman. It's a guy writing for what he wants a woman, he wishes a woman was thinking or saying. Oh.

In his defense, a lot of these songs he's writing with them. So he'll go to their studio, they'll come to him, whatever the case may be. And then they'll be like, he wrote an Adele song. And I guess he told the story on stage that she was like, and I'm blanking on the name of it, but she was just like over it. And she...

It's like over it. That's it. Essentially. Yes. He's like, okay, let's write that song. You're like over it. Or I I'm totally blanking on the name of the song. Whatever. Yeah. But I get it. But yeah. And then he really like, it's just like, okay, let's write that song. And then they create the song together. Right. So she's like, I don't feel good. I've got IBS. Yes. IBS. I, I, I, I, I, I, it's a whole bunch of BS. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Oh, Rumor Has It. Oh, yeah. It was Rumor Has It, the Adele song, Blake. Rumor Has It. You might want to cue up Adele Rumor Has It. Because she was like, oh, Rumor Has It that I did this. Rumor Has It that I did that. I didn't do any of this. But Rumor Has It. And then he was like, wait, wait, shut up. Shut up real quick. How annoying is shut up being in the room with that guy, though? Shut up real quick. Rumor Has It. Shut up.

Stop talking. Can you imagine calling your friend who's a songwriter and being like, yeah, last night my dad, he shut up. He got hit. The song is my dad. Empty elevator shaft. And he's like, shut up. Shut up. Shut up. And then he's just like falling. What? No.

Nothing. Nothing. Dude, are you writing a song about my dad falling in an elevator? Bro, that's like the greatest scene from Extras. Remember when it's David Bowie? My love's going down. Oh, shit. Pudgy little fat man. It is amazing. We'll post that for sure. Okay, wait. I'm going to play a little bit of Rumor Has It. Thank you. Let's see. Oh, Jesus. Ow. Ow. Who's at the door? Someone. Let her in. You know this shit. Let her in. Rumor has it.

Wow. And that's our 15 seconds.

Damn, I can't say I know that one. Well, you know it when it hits the hook. Rumor has it. Damn, I just played all the intros and he has some long intros. So, yeah, he's taking them on a ride. Yeah. What was crazy is when he did these songs, when he did these songs, they all sounded like a One Republic song. Right. They all sound... I mean, of course, he's the lead singer for One Republic, so it makes sense, but they all...

It took like that female voice or that other artist's voice and put their stank on it that made it feel totally different. Yeah. Like when he sang Beyonce, it sure as hell didn't seem like a Beyonce song. Her halo. It felt like a totally different song. But she made it her own. Yes. So here's his list.

that he's written songs for Adele, Beyonce, Liana Lewis Miley Cyrus, Ed Sheeran Jonas Bros, Jennifer Lopez Camila Cabello, Lady Gaga Maroon 5, blah blah blah I mean every person you name is the fattest paycheck as well oh my god isn't that kind of part of it it's like hey man

you wrote this smash hit for this person, so we're going to give you one for that person. And then if you... It's like a batting average. If you kill it enough, you just keep getting opportunities, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's right. If you make a huge hit for Taylor Swift, then all of a sudden Ariana Grande is like, but also me. Write one for me too. I'll take one. I know. I just kind of wish you would reach back a little bit to some smaller artists. Get Lil Xan and just drop a real banger on them.

and just put them in a top of the chart. I don't know if that's necessarily his lane, but... It could be. All you need is a song from this bro. Blake, do you want the podcast to yourself for a moment to kind of make that play? Yeah. Hey, Blake, should we turn the headsets off and you... Wait, what was this guy's name? Ryan Tedder. Tedder. Ryan Tedder. Okay. Hey, we're signing off so you can talk directly to Ryan Tedder. Woo! Ryan Tedder. Hey, what's up, dude? Man, this is Blake from TII. Um,

I just saw this documentary called American Rap Star, and I saw a little Zan there, and, you know, it looks like he needs a hit. He needs a hit right now. So if you could just write him a big banger and get him to the top of the charts, I think the whole community would be very, very excited for that. So thank you. Everybody can turn up now. Oh, we're back. Cool, we're back. Okay, we're back. How'd that go? Not great. Not great. All right.

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I mean, wasn't that the whole thing with that What the Fox Say song is that like that was some huge producer and then it was basically like What the Fox Say. Kids love it. Kids love it. It was some talk show in Sweden or something. They were like, do you think we could make a pop song about almost nothing? And they were like, sure. And then they did it and it became like a smash.

Who wrote that, though? I did not know that that's the story. I think it was some big producer. Oh, really? And they did it on a lark, which is a very fun word to use. I had an alarm. It actually did the thing that they were joking about. Oh, well, see?

It's that easy. I guess so. It's not hard. He wrote a song for black pink. That is that Korean all girl band. Yeah. They're, they're super big K-pop band. So I was on some talk show. I think it was like Corden or something. And, uh,

No, I think it was Frank Quaid Show. I don't know. One of those talk shows. Okay, go off. I was one of the guests. Doesn't even know. But they were the musical guest. Yes. And so the musical guest is on a little later. That's huge. So I'm up first. And I was just looking at Twitter while it was on, not even watching. I was out or something. And-

My Twitter was exploding with hate of like, who the fuck is this guy? Get him off the stage. We're ready for Blackpink. And I've never heard of Blackpink before in my life. And then that's when I tuned in and to see...

You don't want those K-pop groups, their fan base to turn on you. Right. They have armies. They have armies. Like the BTS army. True, true armies. Yeah, like they will come for you hard. They will come for you hard. They're coming hard. Do not come. Black Pink Eye, they ain't kind of... Do not come. What? Black Pink Eye? Black Pink Eye is our band. Yeah.

It's when you get punched in the eye and then someone parts also in your eye. Someone who's been punching poo all day.

Right. Dang. That's when you get someone punches you in the eye and then they pull their pants down, presses their asshole directly against that eye and then lets one rip. Can I do my version? Okay. Yes, you may. They fist you and then they punch you right in the eye. That's a black pink eye. That's a black pink eye. I'm going to fist you and punch you in the eye, dude. Yeah.

That ain't happening. Blackpink is a, is a song. I wonder where, how they came up with that name. Oh, I never thought of that. Yeah. Yeah. Like I wonder if they were like, this is two colors are two favorite colors. It'll, it'll go with everything. We can sell the merch because these bands are like put together. They're, you know, it's like how the boy bands in the early 2000s, the Backstreet Boys and the NSYNC's. And

and the 98 Degrees and other bands. Wait, what? Yeah, dude. They weren't friends before they were in a band. That cool husky pervert dude was like, I'm going to put you in a band together, boys. Yeah, the fact that I haven't done his biopic yet, I don't... Pizza, pizza. What was his name? Ron Perlman, right? I don't know. This is all a legend. Ron Perlman, that's Hellboy. That's Hellboy, bro.

It's something like that. It's something like that. It's like Larry Pearl, man. Dude, when I was in Japan, there was a billboard for some all-boy group. I think it was an all-boy boy band. And their name was Black Monsters. Freaking see ya.

Yeah. Yeah. They're not going to travel that well. I don't know if that's going to pop off here in the States. What the hell? Black monsters. Wow. I mean, I was laughing so hard I was crying in the street. That's crazy. Although, like, what if they got embraced? If they got embraced, it's like, fuck yeah, dude. That could be interesting. They are the black monsters. Sure.

Okay. You never know, man. Rumor has it, how many people are in Blackpink? Because I know BTS is like 12, right? Dude, there's like 15 of them. Yeah, there's... No, no, no. Blackpink, it's a goddamn squad, is it not? Or am I mixing up my Korean girl? Hold up. Wait, but isn't BTS...

Many, many dudes? I think it's like six. No, no, no. It's way more than that. No. Yes. Okay, who are the biggest groups? Wu-Tang Clan is pretty huge. That's a pretty big one. Okay. Oh, so you're talking groups from 30 years ago? Well, I'm trying to think of like there's four members in Black Panther. Is there really? Yeah, what the hell? Yeah. You guys are like shouting out big numbers. I'm saying probably the largest group ever.

As far as music goes, it's Wu-Tang Clan, right? It's like 13 dudes. Well, how many people are in? BTS has seven. Four members in Blackpink. What's that Canadian band? What's the Canadian band? Bare Naked Ladies. Bare Naked Ladies? No, no, no, no. Oh, my God. BTS has seven.

Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot. That's a lot. Wait, but the fucking, what's the Canadian fucking band? Bieber. What? No, Rush? That's three people. Mike Myers. The fucking honkies with the... Arcade Fire. Arcade Fire. Thank you, Todd.

How many people are on stage at an RK Fire concert? I'm pissed now! There's a lot. They have a squad. Oh, yeah. And there's one guy with a trombone. The other guy's just banging trash can lids together. Right. There's one person just dancing around. I'm like, do they...

Is everyone getting paid? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Five bucks. To tour with that amount of people where a guy's just like, he's just rubbing sticks together and starting a fire on the side of the stage. Wait, our producer's saying there's 16 people in Arcade Fire? Are we telling jokes back there? We need the facts. Bully! I'm seeing, she goes, 16 people, I think. What?

We're not paying you to think. We need hard facts. We need hard facts. Did you guys hear the end of our last podcast where it was like a robot saying, actually, the actress from Sopranos is not John Turturro's sister. It's his cousin. I was like,

what? Oh, really? I did not. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we were corrected after the fact. Yeah, we were. I was like, who gives a fuck? That's opening the can of worms. If you're going to start correcting us. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. Hey, allegedly. We just got to. Never mind. We got to say it more often. Archeed fire.

They have 16 people in total who've been involved over time. Okay. So the six people, but then I, cause I've seen them in concert, like at festivals and stuff two or three times now, there's always 10 to 15 people on that stage doing weird shit. Just doing random shit. Do you like them, Adam? Uh, yeah. I mean, they're great. I don't drive around listening to them, but they're great. Uh, at a festival. Who do you drive around listening to?

I like that that's like the, I mean, I don't drive around listening to them, but like, uh, well, no, they're great at a festival. Their sound is so huge that, that right. Sweeping that it does feel like if you're listening to it with a hundred thousand other people, like we did at Bonnaroo, I'm like, this is pretty special. This is cool. Yeah. Uh, but no, they're not, they're not my, uh,

I did just find a new band. I bet Blake knows about them. No Pressure, a new punk band. Oh, yeah. Wait, what? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The Bitch. Pressure. Who the hell is No Pressure? I don't know. I might have to look into that. Who the hell is that? Check them out. They're good. They're pop punky. Ron Perlman put them together. What?

Hellboy himself put this band together. Hey, you guys are going to be a band now. No, they're really good. Check them out. I will say that I do have a soft spot in my heart for Arcade Fire because if you remember, like, Sean Clements always brought in that... We had a very select few of records we would play in the Workaholics writers' room. And I think the...

The Arcade Fire album, The Suburbs, came out while we were writing Some Season. That is correct. And we would listen to that shit. So, you know, if you listen to a record enough, even if you don't initially like it, you

it starts to just click in your head. Like, Oh, okay. Yeah. It takes you back to a certain time. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like you're transported. Like I know exactly what you're talking about. And I'm, I'm sitting on that shitty chair that smelled like farts. Uh, that was duct taped together in the workaholics writers room. It transports me back there.

What song is on the suburbs? I'm sitting there watching a guy get head from a mother of four in a parked car in the parking lot while sitting in the workaholics writer's room. Right. Okie dokie. Oh yeah, we did see that. We did see that. Yeah, we did see that. That was great. A couple times. That would happen. I feel like you're adding some facts to it, but I think that's fun. I feel like Sean and Kevin Etton had very different musical tastes from what I had. They liked like the national and they liked...

Arcade Fire, which is kind of like white dad rock, but I started to get an ear for it because we would just listen to it every day. And I was like, oh, yeah. Hey, Blake, you're a white dad. Yeah, and by the way, where was I? I'm sorry, Blake. I was just teetering at that point. Yeah. I...

cannot listen to The National. Okay, go off. Where was I when this was happening? Go off, King. You were in the room, brother. Trust me. Is The National the guy who's like, he basically sounds like the Crash Test Dummies? A little bit. Okay, yeah. Not for me. I don't know. See...

Kevin was always like, you like the National to me, and I think I was just trying to be cool. So I'm like, yeah, I don't know if I know a National song. They were a hot, hot band in 2010. If you went to a wood fire pizza, a wood fire oven pizza place in 2010, the National was playing.

Thank you, God. If you went to, if you've been to a brewery in the year 2011. Yeah, exactly. You are listening to the national. If you were drinking an IPA with a funny name in the 2010s, you might be listening to the national. Here's your sign. If you have a haircut that's buzzed on the sides, but kind of long on the top, like a weird Nazi, but you're not, you might listen to the national. If you book

like you are in the Peaky Blinders drinking a maple brown stout, you might be the national. If you've got multiple selections of beard oil in your bathroom cupboard, you might listen to the national. If your kid is named after a country in Africa...

If your child is named Congo Anderson, you might be listening to The National. If you went axe throwing multiple times and bought your own and never used it, you might listen to The National.

Blake, hit us with the National song. I don't know if I know. If you've got red wing boots that are crispy clean and you keep them nice and tidy, you might listen to the National. If your favorite baseball team is the Montreal Expos, you might listen to the National.

If you have a baseball hat made out of Japanese denim, you might listen to The National. Damn, okay. Well, this one's from 2000. If you've washed your body with charcoal.

If more than three items in your house have charcoal... If you use charcoal toothpaste, you might listen to the National. You might listen to the National. Charcoal lemonade, I have charcoal toothpaste, I have charcoal soap. If you bought a t-shirt that had the name of a pretend gas station on it, you might listen to the National. Okay, let's see what this one is. 2013, break us off.

All these songs I'm playing today have slow start. If you wore a bolo tie to work. Yeah, this is the crash test dummies. Bro, Sean Clements is writing the funniest script you've ever read to this. That might be true. Yes, writing a Workaholics episode where... Dang, I can't even go into his voice. Can I skip ahead? Just skip ahead. Just let us have it. It's that driving bass drum.

They all sound like they want to be Bruce Springsteen so bad. It's adjacent. It's adjacent. This is a song where white dads are holding up their kid, looking at him like, you can be anything you want to be, and that song is playing. Bro. If you work hard in this country, turn the burners down, bro. We fucks with the national, bro. I will give you my red wing boots and old Carhartt work jacket. It's a song.

And you might listen to the next turn the burners down, bro. We fuck with the national. They help. So is there music like that? That doesn't, that's not popular anymore. No, it was a time. It was a,

it was 2010, 11, 13. I went to, uh, the black keys concert of a couple of weeks ago. And I, I saw our, our boys, Pat and Dan. I don't know. Pat's our boy anymore, man. Come on, man. He's into hot water. Hot, hot. No, no. His wife is his wife. Hit him. Uh,

Oh, okay. Allegedly. Allegedly. I think they're, I just read that they're reconciling. Allegedly. Oh, good. Good. I hope so. Look at this. Look at our little, our little gossip music podcast. I like it. Sipping tea. Welcome to Bitch Fork. With the boys three. Hey, bro. Bitch Fork. Wait.

Oh, I can't. It's taking too long. Bitch. Were we just bitch about music? Yeah, we just bitch about music. So I saw our guys there, but admittedly the crowd was like, I was one of the younger people there. I think for sure. I think that style of music had its heyday 10 years ago. Yeah. Uh, you know, rock and rock and music. And then now I'm like, it's because I love the black keys. I'm, I'm a big fan, but it like, I,

I feel like that style is just, it's not caught on with the Utah. Meanwhile, OneRepublic, who's been around forever, was all teenage girls. That's why I was there. I'm a man. Boy. Bitch for a minute.

What the hell? I don't know if this episode is airing. I do listen to old music with like bands and I'm like, is there just no appeal to being in a band for youngsters? Like, do you know what I'm saying? Like the idea of like getting together with your friends and doing something together. Is that over? Is that the whole thing where it's like, cause in a band there's conflict, right?

where you're like, hey man, I'm going to do this bass and people have to be like, actually, we don't love that. Let's go with something else. Sure. There's conflict. Are kids just like not down for conflict? Get that. They're conflict free. I'm going to be in my lab by myself playing all the instruments on a computer. And you can't tell me what to do because I'm going to do it all by myself. Well, no one can tell me what to do because I'm doing it all my own. Yeah. You know, is that what it is? I mean, we're, we're a band as well. There's politics to it. Shut up, bitch.

It's hard. It's hard. It is hard, but we come from a different...

I'm pissed now. We come from a different time where we can say, shut up, bitch. Well... Yeah, where we could just say, hey, I love what you're saying, but shut up real quick. Shut up. What you have to realize... I don't have to do anything, but go ahead. Is that everybody... Hey, shut up, bitch. What you have to realize... I don't. Is with all that fighting, everybody who comes together is bringing something to the band or the group. And as soon as you take that person away... Except Kyle. Except for Kyle. As you can see, we're...

Running and gunning without him. Yeah. Doing pretty good. Pretty funny. He had a hard time getting that seatbelt off. So he's still in that van somewhere. Oh, no, man. But is that part of it? Or are people just like, hey, man, I'm going to get famous on my own and not split the check.

Which is something we were always told where it's like, man, sketch groups are tough to get people paid because if there's six of you in this thing... Keeping them alive. Yeah, that's what our manager would tell us. Yeah, dude. I mean... What's the deal? Yeah, mate. I bet that's part of the equation. Like, it's way smarter to just blow up on your own. All you have to do is...

face your camera forward and do it or whatever. Or like, if you're in a band, you have all the, I mean, I get it, but isn't it more fun? Like kicking it. I, I would say when we were first coming up and, and people were, you know, we're being like, wow, it is so cool that you guys have a show like are blowing up. And I'm like, the coolest part about it was, is it wasn't, we weren't by ourselves. Like we got to experience it together. Like that's what's so cool about being in a band is,

It's like hopefully those guys are some of your very best friends. And then you get to experience this amazing, like life-changing event that usually as an adult you don't get to experience that with a group of friends. Yeah. It's fucking way cool. So it was the best. It was so – how much fun was it when we all went and bought cars together?

And then we showed up to the workaholics office in our new cars. It was the most fun. The fact that we could go to nice dinners together. Right. And like actually have a good time and not be like freaking out about if someone ordered...

An extra Cobb salad or whatever the fuck. Because before all this, if somebody ordered a Cobb salad, I would lose his shit. I'd walk it. He would make a scene. No, I was always poor with money. I was always throwing that shit away. Right. Who got six Cobb salads? Even going to South by Southwest with each other before it premiered. At least we're rolling as...

a friend group, it's so sick that we have all these like collective memories. Yeah. Collective soul. Cause, cause I forgot about all of it. I need you guys to remind me about it. You guys remind me, we really have to keep churning it up. Emma's always like, wait, when did you go to so-and-so? I'm like,

I don't remember. I don't know. We started drinking in the airport on the way to the place. And then I just woke up back in my own bed somehow. I mean, that happened quite a bit. Yeah, man. I blame Isaac. I blame Isaac. It was 2010 that we started to do stuff. And then 2011 was when the show came out. And then it was just off to the racists from there on. To the racists? Did you say it's off to the racists?

Yeah, that's what I said. Okay, we're going to talk to you.

Right.

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Customers may experience slower speed. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan. Okay, we're back. We just talked to Adam. Yes, Congo Anderson. That's when we, you know, we were off to the races and we really got to...

do all this fucking cool shit and you uh I forgot about so much of it it's so nice to see like the 10 year like this happened to you 10 years ago today like a decade ago and you were like holy shit that was South by Southwest what do you mean this happened to you 10 years ago today like all the old Facebook photos and things where you get the reminders or in your own camera reel on your phone have you lost your mind no have you ever lost a phone Adam no

See, that's fucking cool. I mean, not forever. Like, I've lost a couple phones in my life, and, like, a lot of my memories are in those photos. So, like, I definitely... You're not connected to the cloud? You don't shoot your shit up? No, I was really, like, not trying to hit the cloud. I was a little, like, thought they were, like, stealing my shit or something. Okay. But, like, so there's, like, two years that I... You thought you were about to be in the family? Yeah.

I thought the fappening was coming for me, bro. Yo, did you see Blake Anderson's fappening? Dude, I would love to see Blake. Oh, my God. It's just him jerking off in a mirror or something. Like, what? It's just him checking out his own butthole in a mirror. Being like, what does it look like? I'm going to cum. What does it look like? I still do that. What does it look like? Still the same. What does it look like? Yeah. Kind of a mess. Still the same.

I get older butthole stasis. Here's a question. When you get older, does your butthole get more wrinkly? Ah, that's a great question. I think the butthole is the one thing. Maybe we need to start extracting butthole serum and putting it on the corner of our eyes to make the wrinkles. And what to you is butthole serum? Anal gland serum. Butthole serum, just jamming. It took about 40 minutes, but we got to wrinkly buttholes, which...

Which I'm hyped about. Which I'm super hyped. And so do we think if as you age, your butthole gets more wrinkly? Absolutely not. Or is it the exact same? No, no, it does. It does for sure. Because the more... Absolutely not. No, Blake, of course it does. The more you shit...

The more wrinkles form. It's like the more you raise your eyebrows, you're going to get more forehead wrinkles and shit. It's science. So the more you're shitting. Blake is notoriously shitting once a week, though. No. I can see Blake. It's hella youthful. Zip it. Where you were scared of shitting as a kid? I could see that for you. No, I was not. That's for sure. No, I was not. Yeah. He wasn't scared of it. He just couldn't do it because he was a fucking plain adult.

fuck off bro don't treat me like kyle this ain't me bro so much cheese i ain't going nowhere brother fuck you bro i shit no actually i was kind of scared i thought i thought you were i knew it god i thought that was the case now that i started to think about it no my thing wasn't that i was scared okay my thing was that i didn't want to like leave terrified

whatever situation I was no whatever we were playing I like didn't I was like oh shit I have to shit but we're playing kick the can or we're playing Nintendo like I'm not going to shit every kid every kid's like I'm in the middle of something and then suddenly like pause it and they fucking hightail it to the toilet I gotta shit my pants yeah but no dude I did it a lot so Blake if we are at

Will you shit in a porta potty or will you shit in a gross bar bathroom if you have to go? Okay, well now you're talking to like an older me. I was talking to me as a kid. I feel like I knew you to be a tentative shitter. Well, Adam, that's why I love being in a group with you. I love being a part of your band, brother. Because...

right when I met you this is one of the perks of being in a band because when you meet people who have completely different like uh uh buttholes yeah what completely different philosophies on life we're back

I'm gonna come completely different philosophies like Adam you know like it was like what I don't have a he's like dude like Adam doesn't give a shit he'll shit anywhere anywhere I you know does not matter true that's well documented true like he I don't even think he lays down toilet paper on the seat does not matter he just goes down sits down what your ass is for I wipe it down if there's piss on it I'll take some toilet paper and wipe the piss off

I'm not going to fucking spend all that time. I'm going to sit. I'm going to shit. I'm going to stand up and wipe my ass. I'm sorry. You're not that guy, Pelton. And then when I shower, I will shower. For sure you wipe the seat. I'll shower later. And get the grossness off my ass. Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam.

Out of 100 times where you've sat down with no toilet paper and taken a shit, how many of those times did you take a shower within the hour? No, not within the hour. When I go, when I'm taking a shower. Yeah. Later. Dude, the human skin. The next day. Human skin can take a. So you, so then you would just like be with toilet butt for hours. And guess what? My ass is fine and it's been fine for 38 years.

No. I got a great ass. Dude. Gnarly. First of all. Not gnarly. Not gnarly. I guarantee you. I bet it's a 50-50 split. This is like stand-up wipers. Hold up. I truly feel most people don't do that. No, your whole bathroom routine is fucked, bro. But go ahead. I mean, hey, I'll say it if I'm in a port-a-potty. You stand to wipe or a port-a-potty and it's fucking filthy. Now we're dropping brand names? Yeah.

If I'm in a... Andy Gump. Andy Gump. Andy Gump. Hold up. Porto John. If I'm in a... Like, it's absolutely filthy, then I'll do something. But nine times out of ten, or even 9.8 times out of ten, I'm not doing that. I will... So, how about this? Have you ever sat down directly on a seat right after someone else got up and it's still warm? I love it. Do you feel like a connection to that guy? I feel connected to that person. Right. Bye.

Do you look that person in the face as they exit and you enter and kind of nod or do you just go? That's our hot tub time machine. That's our hot tub time machine. Who's out? Who's us? Who's our on this situation? No, this is we're writing this movie. Oh, that's how you get. Yeah. You're able to get all of their memories if you sit down and they're hot, hot butt to butt contact. Although you start breaking that one. Dude. And then like, they're like, they,

The bad guys start to realize that's what you're doing. So you're like trying to get there before it cools down and they're like holding you back. But Adam puts his big ass on the scene. It writes itself. Yes. It's like Jumper. I've never... Is Jumper a movie? It's like Jumper. Is Jumper a movie? Jumper's a movie. It's also a song. I wish you would. Now that's an anthem. Wall to wall. Hey, by the way. Hey, dude. Saw them in Bonnaroo. They did have more hits than I thought they did.

Who is that? Semi-Sonic? That's right, right? No. Third Eye Line. It's the three bands you know, you asshole. I'm so sorry to offend you guys. He was wearing a leather kilt. Bitch fork. He wore a leather kilt? What a savage, bro. I love that. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, he was ready to clean the fuck up. Hey, is this a strong, what do they call it? A something take?

Hot take? Wow, dude. What is he about to unleash on us? I like Third Eye Blind more than I like Arcade Fire. No, that is a hot take for sure. No, I don't think so. Oh, Blake, you don't think in today's day and age that it's not a hot take to like Third Eye Blind more than Arcade Fire? In this day and age. That is for sure a hot take.

hot toilet seat take. I like Jumper more than any Arcade Fire song. More than the one that goes...

Yeah, I don't really love that song. I'm telling you right now, Third Eye Blind pops off harder now than it did when it came out, and they were a super hit band back in the day. Hey, you don't gotta tell me. I like Third Eye Blind too, but I'm saying as far as societal norms. Third Eye Blind is a straight up pit now. It's a pit now. Those songs go so hard. People go crazy for that shit. Oh, I wish you would step back

On the mattress. That's when you're going to go in and start throwing some Congo Anderson bows. When I graduate from Can't Hardly Wait. That shit goes so freaking hard. That's just window breaking. That's Kyle kick the fucking windows out music. As a DJ...

and someone who actually goes out like have you heard anybody throw that down like mid mod like people are playing like hits from now hits from now hits from now and then they throw on when i because i know smells like teen spirit is like the new go-to like no that one's weak if you reach for that you could get four other songs from that album that go way harder no no but i'm saying if you want to like have a throw down are there ones that throw down harder than when i graduate

Well, you know, it's like the emo renaissance. So we talked about it, but it's like basically like... We started it. Let's keep it real. My chemical romance, all that shit goes like way hard if you start to drop that shit. Because I feel like Third Eye Blind, we were little when that shit came out. Like my stepdad... We were in eighth grade. He was atrophicus. I know, but like...

My Chemical Romance came out a little later. Something's great. I don't know who that is. Is that Hold the Damn Door Open? Yeah, My Chemical Romance came out. No, Black Parade. Black Parade is a true banger. That song is a great song. Yeah. I don't know any other. But what's the one that's like...

Closing the goddamn door. Like that one. Who's that? Fucking people go absolutely maniac. Who is that? Yeah. Fall Out Boy. Yeah, Fall Out Boy. That's not Fall Out Boy. Yeah, that's like a. That's not Fall Out Boy. It is. Yes, it is. Closing the goddamn door is not Fall Out Boy. It is. No, it's not. It is. Closing the goddamn door. No. Yeah, that's not Fall Out Boy. What is it? Who is it? It's not. Todd. Who is it?

Panic at the Disco. Thank you. Oh, fuck! By the way, by the way, by the way, why do I know that? You're right. Because you're a liar and you like all this music. Well, they're from Chicago. Those guys are from Chicago. No, you try to play it off like you're some cool guy. I like some Panic at the Disco songs. Oh, yeah. Fall Out Boy. Does anyone have any Fall Out Boys they want to...

I would like to give flowers to panic at the disco. My bad. I thought you were full of boy for a second and I was wrong. Okay. Yeah. My pop punk knowledge is not where it should be. I love it. And apologies to follow up boy.

um you guys have so many hits we just lumped this one in with you yeah real hit factory it won't happen again it will happen again and i would like to give an apology to the national i know my boys came at you really hard but uh sean clements thank you so much for introducing them to me i had a great you were shitting on them too i i know i was dude i liked it when it played in the room at workaholics and i think it it

fed some of our greatest episodes. I'll take that to the bank. And shout out to Sean Clements. I just did his podcast, Hollywood Handbook. If you want to get into this business out here in Hollywood, be sure and listen to Hollywood Handbook. Listen to the handbook. It gives you the ins and outs of the industry, the what to do's and what not to do's.

Pretty hardcore. And I would like to give some condolences to our listeners for not for this podcast. No, for not getting to hear. Do you want to start over? Just take that again. Just take that again. I would like to give condolences to our listeners for having to listen to this podcast without Kyle because I know the aruguloids are pissed that he's not here, that he couldn't get that seatbelt off. Yeah. And you guys, the fans, you guys all went in on us about yelling at Kyle. Guess what?

This is what it is. Hey, sorry about it. This is bitchfork, okay? Sometimes you get poked. Dude, ever since that episode, Kyle has been gone. It's three episodes now. Bye, bitch. And that's another episode of This is Important. See ya.

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