Ep 113: The Dudes Reveal Their Phone Numbers
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The hickory dickory doc, the mouse was on my cock. The amount of texts the Democrats sent me are making, I'm going to become a Republican. And you're like, please just come for me. Please just come for me. Frankenstein's doctor's the monster we all doctored about. Here we go. Start your engines. Rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang.

And we're back, baby. Another day, another dollar. What's up, guys? How are you? Oh, my God. What up, fellas? Oh, my God. We're back. What up, fellas? What's up? What's up? Some drunk guy the other day at the bar came up to me and he was like, dude, do you guys think about what you're going to say for the podcast?

And I'm like, what do you think? And he goes, you know, I used to think that, and I was talking to him for a few minutes. He goes, I used to think that you guys had some sort of template. And then after talking with you for a few minutes, I realized that you guys don't. Yeah.

Yeah. After playing the one episode, I realized there's no way. There's no way. We're really exposing ourselves. He was like, after talking with you for a few minutes, I realized, nah, you guys don't. Yeah. I liked it back when people thought I was a character and that I actually might be smart underneath. Yeah. Right.

No, you know what we are? We're an inspiration for just that dumb creative kid out there who's like, you know what? If they can do it, so can I. Right. Yeah. Right, dude. Look, I'm down to inspire. I'm down to inspire, bro. Yeah, we're an inspiration. Maybe you could. I'm a dumbass. Odds are you can't. It's a lot of luck, but yeah.

Go for it. Yeah, we got very, very lucky. But you also, hey, who knows? Happened for us. Yeah. This is for all the dumbasses out there. Get on your TikTok and let's see what you got.

TikTok your ass off. I'm a dumbass for the people. Dumbasses. Dumbasses unite. Dumbasses rule, dude. Yo, dumbass. Straight up dumbass right here, okay? Let's fucking rock, dude. Just like, let him keep going. Yo, dude, dumbass fuck. Dumb, dumb, dumbass fuck.

I'm a dumbass. You're a dumbass. I'm a dumbass. We got to do a prank one time where we all just let somebody talk and we don't say anything. Don't make it be me.

This just happened. Didn't her just do this? See, so now you're planning the podcast. Is that what you're trying to do now? Yeah, what is going on? You flipped so hard. Yeah, suddenly you're planning the pod. Suddenly you're not being a dumbass. Here's your sign. Sorry, man. Dumbass. I did have a thing going back, a back and forth prank. Not prank, but kind of a prank where me and-

Prank war. Bill Krebs who wrote on Workaholics for a season. Yes, big Bill. Or half a season. Oh, great writer. Love his work. You would be talking and going after it on the phone or whatever. And then when you would hear, you'd say something to kind of like pit, like set the other person up to go for it. And then you just hang up.

So you'd be like, oh, dude, no. Hey, remember when you did that thing? What was it again? And he'd be like, oh, yeah. So we were in Florida, and then they'd just hang up. Yeah, that's good. And you would just be talking to yourself. That's so mean. That's cold-blooded. That's a good one. And it got so crazy. That is cold-blooded. I love that. At one point, we'd call each other and be like, yo, what up, dude? Nothing, man. How you been? Good? How's the fam? Hey, what happened? How's the fam? Click. Click.

Within like 15 seconds. And then you're like, all right, this is getting out of control. And then you call back or that was the conversation? Yeah. That might just be it because then you know. I love that. You have to call back, right? You have to call back to cap it? Because you don't really want to catch up. You just want to get. Dude, do you catch up with people? I don't.

Talk to anyone. Like, hardly ever. But you do. I do. I make an effort to. Yeah, Adam. That's called being a good friend. You catch up. I really don't get a lot of calls from you. I don't either. I don't get a lot of calls from Durs. If it's been six months and I haven't talked to somebody, I got to call them. Wow, dude. I don't know that that's ever happened with Durs. I've never called you? I don't know that you've ever called me just to catch up. But I text you more than you call me. Ooh.

Okay. Yeah, Ders is a texter. Well, yeah. I'm not saying that I'm off the hook on this. You know what I mean? Hold on a second. Are we saying it has to be a call or text? Check-in texts are cool, right? I think a call is more tedious. We're of a different generation. If you're fucking 30 or younger, you've never called anyone in your life. Which is crazy. That's crazy. That is crazy.

you need to start calling well that's like writing a letter who would write a letter well admittedly kyle called me uh what last week to catch up i yeah we caught up we caught up recently adam the fuck really enjoyed it well we haven't talked in a long time we're about to start shooting the workaholics movie so it was a half work call half just catching up call yeah work friends like kind of a tap in you were just tapping in but but that but

That got me thinking like, oh, I don't call anyone ever. Like if you're my very best friend and I am not seeing you or we're in the same city, we no longer communicate even a little bit.

Like via vocal cords. Via vocal cords. Like we might shoot a text here and there or we're on a chain and that gets us going or something. But I'm not just reaching out randomly. See, I hear a lot of people who are like very anti-group text. I'm all in. I'm all in.

You're really good at it. I like the group text too because at least you're connected to you're tethered to a conversation. And you're knocking out 10 friends at once. I'm not good at the groups. It's a delicate dance. It's a delicate dance.

And I'm just going to say that because at some group, some group texts are bad. Other group texts are better. Yeah, that's true. Some group texts are just one guy keeping it alive. And you're like, yo, did you not get the memo? You don't want to be the guy that's keeping it alive, but you don't want to be the one guy that's just always, you want to be like the third text down. Like if it's firing off and,

and you see, then you're like, okay, I'll fire a little something in there to keep it going. So don't be the dude at 2 a.m. who sends the YouTube link to a song you're listening to. Blake, that's always, that's always Blake. Like, yo, you gotta check this out. Listen, you can do that, but you can't be that guy three times in a row. If you've done it twice...

and it hasn't happened, you lose. You gotta wait for somebody else to do it. Otherwise, thank you. And I would say it's very rarely that I'm even the third. Usually, like... No, Adam, you're a terrible communicator. Yeah, I think, yeah, I'm really bad at it. You've gotten way worse. It's inexcusable.

Well, no, when I'm in town, I'll hit you guys up and be like, I'm going to be in town. We should all get together. I do do that. I like to see my boys in person. I must not be on that group text. What do you mean? Didn't you guys just hang out when you were in town? Didn't that happen for something? Yes. Adam throws events, which I do appreciate. That is cool. Those are in person. That's what he's saying. He's got the in person on lock.

adam's old school as fuck when i'm when i'm in town i like to i like to hang out with my friends and see you guys but when i'm away away so much yeah it's it's easy to forget about it and then we have the podcast so we get to see each other this is why part of the reason i love the podcast so much is we get to check in yeah once a week and and see the homies yes but like some some other friends that that i'm like i don't intend and stack

This cash. Where's the money? But there's other friends who I really like. They're my homies. But then I just don't see them until I'm back in town or I don't communicate with them. Who do you want to apologize to early on? Okay, name names. Let's name names. Let's name names.

I have a list of people I'm going to give flowers to at the end. Yeah, go for it. Don't kill them. Last week talking about Friendsgiving made me go like, man, it's been so long since I've been to a Friendsgiving. Yeah. Do I even have friends anymore? Damn. That might be the secret. I start to cry. Have you tried the voice memo? Since you've reached out to your boy, what's your boy's name? Jumps. Who?

John. Don't you have like a homie from high school named John or something like that? No, this is tight. I'm trying to dissect. No, no. Jaunty. Donkey. He's got a homie from high school. No, no. Austin. Adam has a friend from high school. No, no, no. Johnson donkey. Whose name is like jaunty or like jaunts or something like that. I know you do. Oh, Ryan, Johnica, Johnica. Yes, exactly. There's no way you got that out of that. Yeah.

Well, I did. Yeah, he's scared that it was only a matter. I was I was flipping flipping through the pages. I'm still going to send it. Don't see what I'm trying to say is that those are some that's a deep cut friend. Yes, that's a deep cut friend. And no, I have not reached out a while since you've reached out to Ryan. There was a time when we were. Yeah, it's been a long time. My parents actually just asked me if I had talked with Johnica in a while and he's on the list. I'm going to give him flowers. So that's his last name, right? Yeah.

Yeah, that's his last name. Do you need us to turn down? You call him back. No, well, we spent some time with Jonica at the workaholics' house. He'd pull up. No, Jonica never came out there. That was Hillman. No, I...

Who was the guy who was kind of like clean cut, wore polos, kind of talked fast? That was Jeremy Bell. No, Jonico worked at Papa Murphy's back in the day, right, bro? No. Oh, God. Here we go. That was Austin. Synthetic. Jonico did. No. Austin and Jonico worked at Papa Murphy's. Yeah, dude. No, he didn't. He worked at Burger Time. No, he worked at Papa Murphy's. What? That's a video game, bro. Now you're just making up. No, it's called Burger Detour. Burger Detour. Your whole childhood's a lie.

Is that real? Is that real? I feel like I visited that dude. I feel like when I went out to Omaha, I visited Johnica and Austin. You're thinking of another friend. I think you're thinking of John Paul. No, wait. They're not the same person. You have a John Paul too? Different person. Yes, I have a John Paul. Everybody has a John Paul. Oh, John Paul. Yes, John Paul.

Totally different guy. That being said, is this podcast just going to be listing all of my high school friends? We can try. Maybe. Let's see who can list the most. Give them a shout out. Any shout outs? We're not shouting out quite yet. Who had the most friends in high school go? Seven.

I still have a group text with them. We're on Signal. Yeah, we're on Signal. That's right. We're on the Signal app. I think I have that fucking shit muted right now. Yeah, that's on you. I think I need to unmute that shit. No, you don't. I have so many group chats muted. Because you get to it. You see it. You go, oh. Wait, you can mute a conversation and it won't say that...

It's muted? Yeah. This is the way. Yeah. They never know. Oh, really? I thought... And you don't get notifications, but if you go into your texts, it has like a light thing that's like, yo, there's people talking. Oh, I got to figure that out because sometimes... Game changer. Especially, admittedly, you know, I love my family. I love our family text. Okay.

But like the extended all the aunts and uncles. I'll look down and there'll be like 68 messages. I live for that. And I'm like, did someone die? Damn, son. Where'd you find this? Was Omaha like firebombed or something? Did like something horrible happen? And then I'll look and it's just like my aunt's going like back and forth about like casseroles. That's tight convo though. I like that. That's what I'm in it for. That's the conversations I want to be a part of. The casserole? Dude, I hate Blake.

I'll loop you in, homie. Put me in. Tag him in. Put me in. Tag me in. They would love to go back and forth about casseroles and shit with you. That is always kind of awkward when people like add people that not everybody should be able to add to the group text because when they're like adding fucking, you know, whoever and you're like, oh, you just fucked up the whole thing.

vibe of the text and you change the dynamic yeah yes yes it changes everything when you do that you gotta take a vote yeah you're like oh I don't know if I can be as flagrant with this new person in the chat right especially when they're just a number and you're like who the fuck you're side texting who's the fucking number dude who's the number who's watching the number some of my best friends are numbers dude

Adam, do you remember when we first met and we had, uh, we were doing Second City and, um, when we first met, great movie. Great movie. And, uh, there was, okay, everyone in the class, like, here's the emails and people started doing, like, mass emails. Oh, yeah. And people would just be, like, really bored going back and forth sending emails. Dude, and it's like,

Improv 101, so everyone's just trying to out-funny the next person on this group. And, you know, I'd never responded. I would just look at it, read it, and be like, all right. Ders then responds to everyone and is like, please take me off this email chain. Yeah, I go, you guys have to take me off this. It's getting out of control. Yeah, he's like, take me off. I don't want to be a part of it. You're a fucking disaster, my guy. Like, fully...

fully spoiling the mood, which was so damn funny. And that's when I was like, oh, me and this guy have to write together because I think that I would just never do that. Durs would actually say, I think that and do it. I had to. I was like, guys, I have 16 emails.

Keep my name out your mouth. I'm pretty good about keeping email out. If I get junk mail, unsubscribe me immediately. Nice. If I'm in some sort of group email, I'm like, guys, maybe stop. None of these are that funny. Wait, you can't? None of these are worth it. There's not a protocol? Maybe stop.

There's not a protocol that exists where you can take yourself out of emails. You have to ask to be taken out, huh? I think emails are flawed. Yeah. I don't think you can just dip. Yeah. Like you can't just drop. Well, there probably is at this point, but that was –

Well, that was over 15 years ago. You know what I mean? But has there been any innovations? We're the children of email. We really are. Raised by the internet. Do you think when you unsubscribe, does that really? I think that when you unsubscribe, it adds you to two different emails. Because every time I unsubscribe. I know what you're saying. Because you click that link. Yeah, what the fuck?

Then I get the weirdest shit coming from all directions. There's no way. And this, Hey, did shit pop off on black Friday for you guys? Cyber Monday. Big time. Dude, it was nuts. I haven't checked my, I fucking hate it. It's like, what is, I'm not looking at it. I'm not even looking at it. I'm happy shopping though. Didn't it? Well, I think, I think it's time I get a new email. That is my work email. I think I've,

I've just had the one email. I never got like a burner email, which you should have where you sign up for all like the bullshit when you're at like bed, bath and beyond.com trying to buy fucking sheets or whatever. And you put in an email. I like those ones. Yeah.

Yeah, but I need to have a burner. But now my work and my burner are the same account. And so I sometimes will miss important work shit because it's buried underneath fucking Lowe's commercials. Or worse, somebody's bad joke. Right, exactly. A waste of time. Or like some political shit. Like this podcast? Yeah.

Yeah, some political thing where it's like, it's on you. Give us $5. They're about to win. Warnock! Give us $5. If you don't give us $5, they're going to win. Bro, the Warnock texts I was getting up until the wire were crazy.

I'm like, I'm not... I'm gonna come. I'm not there. The amount of texts the Democrats sent me are making... I'm gonna become a Republican. I know. I was the same way. I'm like, dude. You're on the Trump train now? Dude. Dude. If Trump... If all he says is like, hey...

I will send you less emails. You're voting? I'll vote for him. That's a great platform. Dude, that's what he should run on. If he actually wants to win again, he says, I'm not going to email you one time. Just give me your vote. I'll never email you. You have my vote. You have my vote. You, sir.

Have my vote. Damn, that's a hell of a strategy. That's a new strategy. I like it. Yeah, that's what I would run on. No emails. I actually considered the other day getting a new phone number and having an entirely new existence. Having two phones?

having this one that's just beat to death like everybody has and I'm getting I got called by China mainland yesterday what do you mean beat to death like has it been gagging on the day well I have the same phone since high school too so I get like me too yeah I think we all probably get prank calls like I'll get caught people that just have my number and every couple months I'll just decide to call me at 4 a.m drunk yeah leaving weird voicemails and that sucks uh-huh

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I used to have a sick-ass fucking trickster voicemail that would get you every time. It would say hello and then talk back. So good. And I loved it. It was like my pride and joy. But I had to stop and go back to fucking just... I had to erase it and go back to Robo because when I got calls like that, I didn't want any kind of point to me. You know? Wait, dude. If you still have it, can we post the Ben Stiller voicemail? Oh. Oh.

What's the Ben Stiller voicemail? So Kyle had this prank voicemail where he was like, hello? Yes. Oh, what up? Oh, yeah, I remember that. It would get me every time and I knew that it was him. Yeah, it was a good one. But Ben Stiller called. And he got Ben Stiller. And he got Ben and he was like... He's like, wow. He got shook. It's been a while. Doing the show as a favor. Might not show up for day two. Oh, man.

Yeah. He was like, I remember it because he was like, oh boy, that got me. That really got me. He's like, I'm just trying to tell you what I need for the show. And like, I want to be there on time. And,

I don't have time to be pranked. Oh, that is so funny. Yeah. I'll find it. I think I have to charge an old phone, you know, like it's on the hard drive of an old-ass phone somewhere. That's good. So, Blake, you're going to get a new phone number. That, to me, it sounds kind of great. Freeing. But then you will end up – you're going to have to spend a whole weekend, like, going through –

putting the new phone numbers on the new phone, like people that you actually want to stay in touch with. Because there's a lot, you know, you look through where you're like, Jeff, bartender, Cleveland. You're like, why do I need this guy's phone number? It's pretty great, though. That's the good part. Until Jeff calls and he goes, you left your thousand dollars here. Did you want it?

Yeah. Well, see, I like having all the old numbers because then you go like, oh, don't answer. Like, I know that this is some person I met randomly in Orlando 12 years ago. Do you pick up numbers you don't know, though? Never. Well, unless it's like a number you don't know. Yeah, true. I only pick up the numbers that are like maybe.

this one. You know what I mean? Where they think they've got it. You write maybe before? No, no, no. Doesn't your phone say this might be... Yeah, it says maybe this person. If that exists, then I pick it up. I don't think mine does. Maybe Hulk Hogan. It does, Blake. That's how it works. It absolutely does. Really? Yours doesn't do that? No, no, Kyle. We're mistaken. Just Blake's phone doesn't do that. Oh, okay. Right, right, right, right. Popo's out. Popo's out. All I know is that every time... Well, you have an iPhone, right?

He held up something really quick. What was that? Yeah, I have an iPhone. It's just a piece of cardboard. What was that? Okay, so you're thinking about getting a new phone. Yeah, dude, I have an iPhone. Do you have a good phone number? Yeah. Is it just a Kraft single? Is it a Kraft cheese single?

I have an iPhone, dude. Do you have a good number? I have such a good phone number that I don't want to give it up. What is it? Oh my god. Goodbye. Wait. Edit this part out. Don't edit it. What's your number?

My number's still 911. My number's still 911. That's all you need to know. All righty then. So you're doing it on account of your number? Let me look at your number. So why are you deciding to... Wait, let me check. Go look at it. Let's rank each other's phone numbers. Oh, yeah. No, yeah. Your number's hella funny. Let me see. Let me see how good it is. Is that a Pop-Tart wrapper? It's a Pop-Tart. It's a strudel.

Or streusel? Toastel streusel. Okay, yeah. Okay, Ders. Okay, yeah. Sure. You don't want to get rid of that. Is it funny? What is it? Boobs? It's pretty good. Is it 80085 boobs? No. It's just, yeah, it's something. It's something. You know what I mean? It's something. What is it? The way I say the last four numbers. Pizza, pizza. Uh-huh. Yeah, for sure. Put a little toot on it. Yeah. No, it's quick style. He can do it probably quick. Yeah, yeah.

Is it like 69-69? I don't remember there being a ton of 69s, and that's really the funniest combo. Dude, you have his number in your phone. My phone number's 420-420-69-69. Oh, my God. Who has that? Are you serious? If that could be promised to me, I'll change my number now, dude. Hey, everybody listening.

Do not call 420-420-6969. Do not call it and find out whose phone it is. Don't do it. Durst, this isn't a funny number even a little bit. No, no, it's not supposed to be. I didn't say funny. It's an inside joke. I just said good. It's just a good number. Oh, I thought you said that. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you said it was like the funniest number. No, it's just a good number. Yeah, it's a solid.

Yeah, you're going to remember. I guess it's pretty easy to remember. Without saying them, how many phone numbers do you have memorized by heart right now? From childhood? I think I have two. How can I even tell you? Do they have to be working now? I think maybe two or three. It's like...

My wife's and like my mom's phone number and my home phone number that is disconnected now from being a child. Yeah. And that's about it. Yeah. I wonder if my mom still is. Ghost numbers. I think a lot of the ones I have memorized are ones that are disconnected. They were from childhood. Yeah. They're defunct. Yeah. Those are the only ones I know.

Well, do you know mine? I know yours. I got them all. I got them all memorized. Really? I think I could do Adams. Do kids memorize numbers at all? Yeah. Or are they lost? When they get kidnapped, they don't know how to call for help. Well, Blake, let's ask you. You have children.

they don't know they know my number exactly as i'm saying so they do know your number yeah yeah they know yours my number yeah okay because i trained them so that's the trick you gotta teach your kids train you yeah yes you must train them to at least know your number now do you make up fun songs to like help your i guess they're your daughter's a little older now you don't need to make up a funny song i go 420 69 69 if a man with a big

gun grabs you and puts it to your head. Call 925 or you will be dead. There we go. There we go. I think we just...

started a whole revolution here. Well, nursery rhymes are dark as fuck, so that just kind of fits right on in. You know what I mean? Okay, go off, Kyle. Here he comes. It had to be said. What's up, dude? You're a fucking disaster, my guy. You ever look at a dollar bill? What's so dark as fuck about nursery rhymes? If you look close at a dollar bill, there's a lot of Scientology in there. Aren't they dark as fuck? Like, isn't, like, Ring Around the Rosie, Pocket Full of Posey?

What is it? Why is that? Why is that around the rosy pocket full of posy? I think that's something. I think it has something to do with the plague. You put a pocket, you put a pocket full of posy to ward off some ashes. Ashes were burning. You're burning people because they were. Yeah, they were burning. Right. It's important that their rats eat the body. Is this real or is this or is this like a QAnon rabbit hole that Kyle fell down or something? No, no, no, no, no, no. This is real. I don't fall down rabbit holes, buddy.

I am the rabbit hole bitch I am the rabbit hole yeah like Humpty Dumpty was crazy dude I can't tell if you guys are like joking or if just come back in three minutes that's how we like it Adam yeah the worst thing you can say to a person ever is I can't tell if you're joking

That just means they're not funny. Yeah. And that's how I felt the last five or ten minutes when you didn't have a phone for a minute or were holding cardboard. That was a funny bit. When he was doing this, that was funny. That wasn't funny to you? I guess it's a visual medium when this is a podcast and most people listen to the podcast. Oh, I forgot because I'm looking dead at you guys. Well, go to YouTube.

This is important. We are on YouTube. A lot of people are loving it. Yes, like and subscribe. Yes, and the comment section's on fire over there. So get in there and say, what's up? And when you're on YouTube, you get to see cool swag. Ellen swag. We all have that sweatshirt, don't we? Oh, yeah. Kyle, sorry, Kyle. What do I have? I have a sweatshirt. I do have a sweatshirt. Ellen? No, no, no, no. You want sweatshirts? I got sweatshirts. No, no, I got sweatshirts.

I got sweatshirts though. My mom, 100% of the time I call her, she's wearing merch that I have given her. My mom loves that swag, that Ellen swag. Oh, I thought you were talking about Ellen. Yeah, I did too. I was like 100% of the time I call her, I'm like, where's this going? I'm like, what group text are you on with Ellen, baby? Damn. Yeah, dog. Me and Big E. You and what's the DJ on the show's name again?

Oh, man, you're putting me on the spot. I got to keep it 100. DJ, it's something like that. It is Twist. It's Twist, right? Is it? Twitch. Look at, dude. Todd from production. Quick with the Twitch. I said Twist. That's pretty good. That was very close. Very close. Thank you.

Yeah, wrong, but yeah. Yeah, so you like to look at, okay, 1665, great plague of London. The rosy is the rash that covered the afflicted, the smell from which they attempted to cover up with a pocket full of posies. They thought little flowers would cover it up. Wait.

They thought, like, the stench, and then you put, like, some flowers in your pockets. It wasn't... Deodorant. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, because it was, like, eating... It was the plague. It's some kind of thing that... I don't know what the fuck it did, but it looks like afterwards you went to ashes and you fell down. Okay? Oh, shit. No, they probably had to burn you because you stunk. The asses fall... They burn you so that, like, the rats didn't eat your body and keep the plague going. Mm-hmm.

And then the ashes falling down is coming from the sky. This is the most intense thing I've ever... And you guys all knew this? This is absolutely insane. I've never even heard of this. Adam, Blake, Kyle, will you tune out for a second? Sure. Sure, sure. I'm kind of just like... I don't know. I'm like making up what I think I know. Who are you talking to? Who are back? He's listening. Who are you talking to? You. You.

oh okay so we don't know this is a this is a fake thing i don't know i don't know but i'm just saying stuff no i knew that i knew that okay yeah i didn't know the specifics but i knew that one they had to burn the bodies for sure i knew that was like a a dark one i knew that one was a dark one it's not even that dark what are some other dark ones kyle here's i mean there's a lot of reading to be done red rover probably yes red rover red rover

No, here's one. Three blind mice. 1805. Three blind mice is supposedly yet another ode to Bloody Mary's reign with the trio in question. We see a group of Protestant. It's not interesting. It's not interesting. That's fake. That's fake. Well, a ton of them are probably racist for sure. Yeah. A lot of it. It's for children. No. I know. Yeah. Do you know about history? Yeah.

Yeah, bro. We got to dismantle this. They teach the kids young. Yes. Okay. Oh, my God. Did you guys see James Brolin? What about him? Dude, the fucking Walmart killer. Was it the Walmart killer? What? No, it was the killer at the gay bar. The fucking psychopath that went in and shot up the thing. And then they found his dad. And his dad looks like Josh Brolin on meth.

And he said the craziest shit you've ever heard. Did you guys see that video? I was wondering. What did he say? I didn't fact check that guy to see if it was really him, but if that was really his dad, well, then it all makes a lot of sense. My God. I guess I didn't do a deep dive on this. You're saying the shooter at the Q bar. Yes. Yes, Q bar. The shooter's father was messed up. They interviewed him.

And it was like the most offensive shit you could ever say. And for sure seems like he's on drugs. Yeah. Oh, so he was saying flagrant things and you go, oh, well, this is why they can't. They were like, hey, your son just like murdered a bunch of people. Yeah, but he was like, he looked just like Josh Brolin, except for like he had like meth face. He was like, yeah, yeah, man. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely insane. Yeah, he was. The way we got into this.

What the fuck? Did you see Josh Brolin? I was like fucking confused. What nursery rhyme is this guy about to pull out of his ass? Sorry, guys. I thought you guys would catch on very quickly that this guy looked just like Josh Brolin. No, what happened? Is he alive? And then you go, Walmart. Yeah, then you said Walmart.

What the fuck? Did Josh Brolin shop at Walmart? This is why we don't. Crazy that there's been like four slayings since the one that I was talking about. I know, yeah. There's a Walmart one. There's another one. I do like how the dude at the Q bar was like, I just went into combat mode and destroyed that guy. I love that. That's awesome. Is that the dude who stopped it? Yeah. Yeah, I'm like stoked on him. And then the left was like, he's our guy. We like the military. You're like, all right, well.

Oh, God. Who knows? This is important. Polycharged. This is important. Hey, dude. I'm glad I got us all charged up. I didn't even mean to. Thanks, man. Thanks, man. Where's polycharged eyes? That's just what it is. I'm fully polycharged. That's what reciting three blind minds will do to you, though. It'll fire you up. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. That's true. There's a lot of reading that I have to do to really understand some of this stuff. Because it's talking about time of past. It's like, dude...

No, what is this? I don't even know. But songs have always been used to teach children dangerous things, right? Allegedly! Oh, so is that what it is, you think? And then it just hung on? Yeah, I feel like, I guarantee you there's a song out there about how to behave if someone shows up and you hear bang, bang down the hall.

go under your desk you're saying school you you're saying there's a school shooting nursery rhyme i guarantee you there's a school shooting song for children to learn about like where to go and how to hide and all that shit well it's not popular like why doesn't blake shelton or some like famous country singer blake anderson just get on it well just gets right over a place

Yeah, we got our Blake. Yeah, no, I'm thinking of like a talented musician that would get people. I don't think I'm the guy. I don't know if Blake Anderson's going to get him. I'm kind of a nasty dude if there's a school shout out under the desk. I don't know. You could do a remix. Yeah, that'd be tight. Yeah, I don't think Blake's the guy. Like, I feel like Blake Shelton or Adam Levine, get out there. Anyone that was on The Voice should do this. Sure, sure. Yeah, absolutely. Teach the kids, man. Hide under your desk like Jagger. Ooh.

Hide like Jagger. You've got to hide like Jagger. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Stop, drop, and roll, baby. No, but we're saying these are so crazy, but I think this is a way that people have taught kids stuff for...

eons like heavy shit yeah it's a way of making it a little bit lighter like stop drop and roll so right now we've only really found the one and it wasn't like it was just like all right here we go merry merry quite contrary contrary this is so dark is one way I haven't read any of this it takes so much reading I just I'm done don't even go there it's so dark contrary is one way to describe a murderous psychopath

Oh shit. Oh shit. This popular English nursery rhyme. This could be your YouTube page, bro. This is YouTube shit. Which reads like a solicitation for gardening advice is actually, according to many, a recounting of the homicidal nature of Queen Mary I of England, a.k.a. Bloody Mary.

Mary. That's the second Bloody Mary one. Didn't you just say that Three Blind Mice was about Bloody Mary? Yeah, dude. Three Blind Mice is supposedly yet about... And also, why is my favorite drink named after this? I didn't know Bloody Mary was a psychopath. Why name the best tasting... You gotta stop drinking that. Her name was Bloody Mary because she killed a hell of people. Yeah. I know, but then...

Obviously, later, the drink came around. And then why did we decide to land on Bloody Mary after this? Because it fucks you up, bro. Yeah. Bloody Mary fucked you up. Bloody Mary fucked you up. Her reign as queen from 1553 to 1558, five years. Not that long. Not even that long. That's not that long. Okay. Was marked by the execution of hundreds of Protestants. Oh, my gosh. All right. Shut up.

bitch. Wait, did you say execution of hundreds? That's it. Yeah, I did. And I thought it was going to sound crazy. Yeah, right, right, right. Especially back then, especially way back then. Hundred. I mean, I guess if it's only five years, hundreds is a lot. They're like, damn, like fucking slow it down. Well, and I think she was doing it like one by one, like with the guillotine, wasn't she? Wasn't she like doing it legally or well, not

legally, but... Oh, like they had to go through the judicial system? Yeah. Well, I guess if she's the queen and she's saying to kill them, then it is legally. Off with your heads. Yeah, for sure. Blake, yeah. Alice in Wonderland. Blake's really on to something. Oh, is that Bloody Mary? Off with your heads? Is that it from the cartoon? Maybe. That's probably where they're deriving it from. The Queen of Hearts. The Mad Queen. The Queen... Derive. Uh-huh, yes. Derive University. Yes. Derive University.

Mad Hatter. Yes. This is the dumbest podcast. You need to drive to the library and read up some books. And the Caterpillar. Who are you? Burned at the stake, Todd says. That's how the Bloody Mary Queen. What kind of stake? My Ghostbusters 2? Burned at the stake.

Oh, man. What kind of steak, though? Yeah, well, if you guys want to listen to any sort of like kids nursery rhymes, might I suggest Andrew Dice Clay? He has such a funny take. Oh,

Oh. Oh. Hickory dickory dock. So dark. It can't go to Dice. The Dice Man? I love. Why was that so controversial? What, Dice? Why was Dice? Because it's kid stuff. I know, but who cares? Yeah. He's talking about cocks. You got to watch that thing on. There's something on Hulu that's a vice show that's like the dark side of comedy that does a pretty good run of like what Dice's career was and is. Hmm.

I think no one was like saying that he was like the most crass guy. No one was really. Oh yeah. Like little miss Muffet sat on my dick. Oh,

Oh. Sad on my dick. I'm sorry. But that wasn't before Eddie Murphy delirious, though. And it wasn't even that good of a joke. It's not that... But people lost their minds. I think it's a little bit. No, if you listen to his stuff... If you listen to his stuff now, I just watched this documentary. It's not that funny. No. It's not. It's just big and crass and like... Fuck you. Take that back at the end, you son of a bitch. I might, but...

But it wasn't that funny. Are you a Dice Man, Blake? I love the Dice Man. Come on.

What do you mean come on, dude? Dude. I don't know. I'm on the fence because I get what he was doing. It was brash and it was out there. No one was doing it. And that's why it was so successful. But admittedly, it's not that good. Right. But somebody had to do it first and break the seal. And he was the guy. And he wrote it to the moon. And then what? Sure. But it was such a character. And I guess I don't like that type of comedy where it's like it's too much of a character.

Sam Keniston was also crazy and loud and brash. And he wasn't doing it. Are you saying he's not that guy? He's not that guy, pal. Okay. What? Not even during that time was he that guy. He sipped on his own character. And that's when he was doing like the big fucking shows. And he gagged on himself. Started to gag on his own.

cock he was gagging on his own cock yeah you're not that guy pal trust me yeah but then then he started to believe it and that's when it kind of got out of control i think and it was like oh shit the monster has like whatever been unleashed i don't know frankenstein's monster what is that what is that there's what is it the monster inmates are running the asylum what am i thinking of here

I don't know. Help me out, buddy. The Frankenstein's doctor is the monster we all doctored about. That's right. See, so I was a little late.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. When I first started to do stand-up, my uncles were like, you have to, they were like, you know who you should, what kind of stand-up you should do. And I'm like, what? You know, I'm like 19 or whatever. It was like when I first started. And I'm like, what? And they're like, like Dice Man. Right. And I'm like, well, he's already doing it.

That was the only thing that was holding you back? Right. Adam's just looking for an original angle. Like he's already doing it. Nothing to do with what he's saying or anything like that. It's just it ain't original, dog. He's already doing that, dude. Was his whole shtick or like the thing that was so popular that he was basically saying naughty things at a time where you shouldn't be saying it kind of thing? Yeah, and you're doing it with kids' nursery rhymes. And everyone is just like, oh my God.

No, he was very like... He was like... Misogynistic. It was misogynistic and derogatory and kind of bigoted. Right. Oh, really? I actually don't know much about the guy. Watch this thing. He rode a train. Yeah, Blake, you're a big fan. It's weird how much of a big fan... I'm like dying on the sword and I'm...

only heard hickory dickory doc the mouse was on my cock yeah the sexual stuff is pretty funny yeah blake that's not okay hey admittedly the more you say it blake the more i'm liking it so it's good you fucked up adam your uncle's got it yeah i blew it yeah i think

I don't know. Who else has done a character like Larry the Cable Guy? That's why he did Larry the Cable Guy. And who else is not the guy that they're... He's the last one that truly popped off, I feel. What about Chicken? What about Chicken? What was his name? Chicken? Who's Chicken? Yeah, you said he got a special off of Sundance, or not Sundance, from...

What was the big comedy like festival where people would get basically sitcoms off of? In Aspen? Yeah. Oh, or was it just for laughs? The one I did? Montreal? I thought it was Aspen. And there was some comedian named like Chicken and he got a sitcom and they were like, what did we do? Because he was such like a character and not relatable at all.

Sorry. Those were the days. I remember that being a story. I don't really remember exactly who that guy was. I like when Blake tells it, though. And then what, Blake? I thought I heard it from fucking Adam. And then what, Blake? What about the one comedian who was called the comedian with the bag on his head? Do you remember that guy? He always had a bag on his head. Buckethead? Yeah, he was the unknown comic. And he just always wore a paper bag on his head. Triumph. Triumph is a character. Triumph.

You know? That's our guy right there. Yeah, Smigel. That's our guy right there. Is Shmirnoff, Jakov Shmirnoff a character or is he actually a guy with an accent? Who's Jakov and Shmirnoff? From Branson, Missouri. The king of Branson, Missouri. What?

I'm living in a nightmare. Me too. Adam, help me out. Adam, we're looking at you. This is stand-up hour. You're supposed to be a wealth of knowledge, bro. Yakov Smirnoff. Yeah, what about Yakov? Yeah, he's in... Yakov. Is that a character? He's in Branson, I think. Right. Is that a character or does he actually have an accent like that? I think he does have an accent. Yeah, I think... I mean, I don't think he's... We're asking Adam. He got no clue.

I've never met Yakov Smirnoff. I have no idea. I have no idea. What about Yahoo Sirius? Have you seen Puddles, that clown that never comes out of? Is that something you guys have seen? Puddles the pity clown or whatever who just sings opera? Yeah, I saw him at...

No, but that shit sounds dark, too. I saw him out at Just for Laughs this year in Toronto. You did? And was he good? How was he? It was cool. He didn't break character. He came to the bar with us afterwards and he stayed in his makeup and just like didn't talk. His whole thing is that he doesn't talk. He only sings. Oh, cool.

cool life. Oh, what a nightmare. You got to go out with that. Puddles pity party. Puddles pity party. Yeah, it was a wild set. It was like anti-fucking jokes. So how old is this guy? I've never, I don't think I've heard of him. I'm sure Tim and Eric will have a pilot with

Is he like an old man or is he like a young blood who just made this insane character? No, he's an older gentleman. I would say he's an older clown. Yeah. Yeah. Probably about 50. Oh, he's 57 years old. He's from Philly. He's six foot eight. So he's a giant man. Yeah. He's a big dude. God damn. Yeah. That's a huge bitch.

That's a huge bitch. And then he just sings opera. So he sings opera and opens up a ton of suitcases and does these visual things. Oh, that's funny. And you're kind of like, you know, it's one of those bits where you're waiting for the punch. It's like, it never comes. Oh, that's funny. Right? And you're like, please just come for me. Please just come for me. Do not come. Well, I like that. That's very Andy Kaufman-esque. I'm going to come. I always liked weirdo comics like that, like Kaufman, where the whole time you're going like, is this a joke?

Or is he just a lunatic? Yeah, right. What about that one dude, Joe Pera? Does he really act like that? He was on...

uh house party right yeah a little bit he's just like that we met him and he was quiet yeah it's kind of a quiet socially awkward guy super nice very funny but we're talking everybody slips into like a little bit of a persona when they're on stage right like it's like a heightened version of who they are well yeah i mean i'm not the same person i am on stage like you know a little bit adam don't adam don't don't do it a little bit i'm sorry i mean yes he is yes he is

He's fun and wild. Adam, you're ruining it. Yeah, come on. You know, not all the time. Like, I think you're definitely performing when you're on stage. So it is a performance. For sure. You have written material that you're writing and that you're performing. What is happening?

happening right now. But that's different than like you make up a fake character and an accent and you wear certain clothes. You know, it's different than that. Yes. Kaufman had both. Chris Rock isn't constantly talking like this. Oh, I got a good one. Neil Hamburger. Neil Hamburger. Yeah.

Oh, yes. Neil Hamburger's great. That's a good one. He's very funny, but he's got a whole shtick going on. That's a weird-ass show to see live. So he's not that guy? He's not that guy, pal? I saw that show. I saw that show in Comic-Con. He was great, dude. Yeah. Just weird, man. Does he still review movies or no? On Cinema at the Cinema, baby. Shout out. Shout out. So yes. Yes or no. Yes or no.

So yes or And what is that? That's him and Tim Heidecker's little Side project it's very funny Yeah just reviewing movies Mark Proksch is on that too right? Isn't he on that? Who we fucking the shadows thing Is that shadows guy? Yeah yeah yeah Colin Robinson Well they write a line over there right? Like their line is like it's not Persona it's not character It's like somewhere in the middle Persona non grata

Yeah, yeah. It's persona non grata. That's the perfect way to describe it. Either you have diarrhea or you don't. I'm going to start saying that to people. Look, I don't know what you're doing here, but let me tell you. Let me be the first guy to tell you. You're persona non grata.

Okay. Oh, God. Because the crazy thing about that is that people might not even know what the fuck that means. You're like, oh, am I? And what does that mean? Dude, you know who really does it? Fucking Mike Myers on the gong show when he was like up in that makeup and shit. Oh, I didn't watch that. Dude, it was crazy. Oh, yeah, dude. I was on that. It was very weird. Yeah, he just like stays in character.

It's never too late. Oh, was he in makeup on that? Yeah, it was full makeup. Oh, I remember seeing some of the fucking promos. Yeah. Dude, I did the show and he came back and introduced himself to the other comics that were on the show. And I was in the bathroom. And I came out and they're like, oh, you just missed Mike.

He stayed in character the whole time. And I'm like, oh, fuck, that sucks. And then he caught me backstage, like right before walking out. And it's Mike Myers, like a true comedy hero. And he was saying super nice things. But I couldn't, it meant nothing. Very shaggy. Because he was, no, it meant nothing, dude. It meant nothing. Persona non grata.

Mike was like, hey, man. And you're like, you know what? This interaction means fucking dude. It meant zero. It meant nothing. Will you elaborate? You've got the floor. What are you saying? It meant zero because he did it in character.

He wasn't Mike Myers. Oh, so you're saying he was being the character saying these things. It was just me and him backstage. No one else was around. And he stayed in character to say these nice things to me about my comedy. Hey, baby, shagadelic. I thought workaholics was Randy, baby. And I was like, well, this sucks because it...

If Mike Myers were to tell me this, I would feel great. - But Adam, Mike Myers is kind of telling you that. - No, he isn't. - No, he's not. - Yes, he is. - Cat in the hat is. - No, he's not, no. I guarantee you he's not. He's deep, no, no, no, 'cause he's deep in that character for sure. - Yes, he's doing it as this character. - But my question is this, did his character watch you? Does his character have the information on you? - Yes. - Yes, because his character's the host of these shows. - His character did. - Wow.

Oh, was he commenting on shit that you had done on the show? No, he's the host of a show, though. And Adam's there. He was commenting on my career. His career is a fully realized person. His character. I know, but when he watched your stuff in his house, when he first saw you and clocked you as a good stand-up. You already know the answer. Was he in this character or was he...

Mike Myers. Yes. I don't know if he I mean, he wasn't in makeup or or whatever, but like his character that he's designed for this show knew me as the character and the way he's saying it was in character. I get what you're saying. I understand that it was Mike Myers telling me. I know that he isn't a totally different person, but it just you do you?

Do you, Adam? But it just sucked. It took all the meaning out of it because Mike Myers is a comedy hero of mine. If he would have just said this as Mike Myers, I would have been like, oh my God, I'm so touched. But the fact that he was doing this crazy... What was the name of that character, by the way, from the Gone Show? I don't know. And did he speak in an accent? He must have. He was a London dude. Wasn't he like a British dude? No, he was like Scottish. Hmm.

Tommy Maitland. Tommy Maitland, yeah. Did he say like, my friend Mike loves all the stuff you do, man? No, I wish. How would you take that, though? How would you take that? How would you take that, though? Then I would have, at least he would have nodded to that he's Mike Myers. Then I would have been like, okay, all right. I'm really close with Mike Myers. No, that's even further. No, no. He would have said Mike Myers. It's like, you know, I don't know if you know this, but like we know these wizards and like they're right. And if the wizards,

If the wizard told you, hey, Anders misses you, give him a call. Hey, I just want you to know that. Yeah, okay. So I guess if we... Imagine young Zeld walking up to you and being like, yo, my homie Blake fucks with your vision, dude. See, then I would like it. Then it would be tight. Right, exactly. Okay. Because he's making a nod to himself. Okay, yeah. Adam, quick question. On the float in the parade, was that you or was that Bumper? Yeah.

On the parade? Great question. It didn't say it. Yeah, who was singing? Was that you or was that Bumble? The entire time until I performed, until the cameras were on me, that was just Adam up there having a good time, waving. And then as soon as those cameras hit me, then I

transformed into Bumper, but I tell you what. You bumped up. I didn't compliment anyone while being Bumper. Bumper would never. As Bumper. Bumper wouldn't do that. Yeah, well, Bumper's a little self-centered, isn't he? I don't know. Yeah, he's a little egotistical, and you have to watch On Peacock, Bumper in Berlin, streaming now, right

now. Dumper and Merlin. In order to see Bumper, you know, is he always this egotistical? Well, there's six episodes to find out. Dumper and Merlin. Is he egotistical? Adam, I don't know if I'm talking to you. I don't know if I'm talking to Bumper. I don't know if I'm talking to Mike or Dave or which one. Or Dumper.

Is this Mike, Dave? Who the fuck are you? Who are you at this point? Who is Mike and Dave? Did I already give flowers to Mike Myers for that show that he put out on Netflix? Oh, what was that one? The Pentiverse? Oh, the Pentiverse. The Pentiverse. Look, the Pentiverse is flawed, but dear God, there's nobody. Sounders compliments people. Start with a hit.

It sucks, but I like it. There's nobody more committed and funnier than Mike Myers on this show. He's true. Un-fucking-believable on this show. Mike Myers is a fucking king. He's a legend. Yeah. Flowers to him. And the concept of the show is very like. There's no Dice Clay. Well, he's better. It's out there, but when you watch him work, it's crazy. That? Yeah. I can revisit that. Come on, Trek? You gotta watch it. He.

kills it there's a Shrek reference in the show of course I love that in one of the characters he's like talking to Shrek and like looks at the camera and says some shit and you're like yeah fuck it love it is that right in the pentiverse yeah

Shrek exists? But god damn is he not just dialed in with these characters where you're like this is a real guy this is not Mike Myers anymore. Yeah he's incredible until he compliments you in full character and then it doesn't mean as much to you. It means nothing. It means nothing. No not even anything. When you said it meant nothing that was what we were going off of. It meant less than nothing. It means less than nothing. Zero dude. So bummed. I was so bummed to get those compliments. Fucking sucks. I actually meant less than nothing. It upsets me.

Nothing would have just rolled right off. But then I was like, fuck off. He's still living with that fury. Favorite Mike Myers movie? Favorite Mike Myers movie. Okay, here we go. Austin Powers, baby. Fucking very sure. I mean, it has to be Austin Powers. Yeah. Wayne's World, dude. Wayne's World, bro. Oh, no. I'll take Austin Powers over Wayne's World.

Austin Powers 2, though, with Mini-Man. The Spy Who Shagged Me? Austin Powers 2 is fantastic. Which one was Austin Powers 2? With Mini-Man. Fat Bastard. The Spy Who Shagged Me. And Fat Bastard. Oh, with Fat Bastard, yeah. My God, that's a good one. Yeah, that one's flawless. Unbelievable. Yeah, I mean, the most jokes possible. That's weird. Wayne's World 2 is good, too. I can't stop eating.

Yeah, he makes a lot of great movies. I need to watch Wayne's World again. I don't remember Wayne's World 2. I got to watch Wayne's World again. It's been way too long. Wayne's World has some flavor. It's like fast and loose. Yeah, it's good. When I saw it, I was so young. I don't even think I understood the rock and roll references. And because we're not that generation. That was like the 90s. Guys who were in their 20s and their 90s. In the 90s. That wasn't us. We were like little kids.

Sipping on Capri Suns. Of course, who stole the show? Frickin' Chris Farley as the roadie. Oh, yeah, dude. Where they're like shooting the tennis balls at him. He crushed. Is that where he had like ears pierced or is that airheads? I'm thinking of airheads. Was a throwback movie, which is a ton of jokes. So obviously we were going to be on board.

Austin Powers is funnier than Wayne's World for sure. I eat because I'm on hobby. Remember 10 seconds ago Kyle was like, don't forget about Wayne's World. Yeah, he brought to the table. No, I know, but I think it's like, no, I brought it. Yeah, but I'm not like, I think my experience in the theater watching it as a part of culture, Austin Powers 2 fucking crushed. There was too many jokes in that movie. Peed my pants. Too many jokes, had to watch it twice. I saw those movies multiple times in the theater. I loved it.

love me to love guru love dumb pee your pants fun never saw that I never saw love guru flowers to Mike Myers Tommy Maitland no flowers no flowers right all the flowers to Mike and only Mike can get them if he tries to accept them as Tommy I'll fucking snatch him right back dude okay wow but Mike all the flowers love you dude let living legend

Right. Okay, we'll give it to you. I also would like to give flowers to all my friends who I don't reach out enough. He came around. Okay, here comes the list. Can we play some, like, Oscar music? Because I don't communicate. I'm a bad communicator. Jumpsie. Hey, what happened? And I don't reach out enough. Oh.

I feel like I just go away and I lose touch with people completely. And hey, you're a jet setter. I love you guys. And I'm going to stay in better touch with you. If you're my true friend. I don't believe you. Why don't you cry about it? And Adam, I hear where you're coming from. If there was just some sort of device where like at the push of a button, you could reach out and talk to someone. Do the voice text. No matter where you were in the world. You said puss. You said puss of a button. Do the voice text. Voice texting rocks. I figured out who it was.

Is it Saronic? Yes. I know Chris Saronic. Yeah. No, it's Jonica. It's Jonica. Wasn't he the guy who came over to the house? Yeah. He might have came over to the house. Yeah. That's right. That's who I was thinking about. He lives in Los Angeles. Yes. You're so wrong. Okay. That's who I was thinking about. That was who I was thinking about. Completely different person. That's the guy I was thinking about. Okay.

Okay. Anyways. Okay, bro. I'll take a Saronic. You're Saronic. Sardonic report over here. Okay. Big shout out to Chris Saronic. Yeah, dude. I'll give my flowers to Saronic without killing him. No deadly flowers today. Never. Are we at that point? Are we at that time? Yeah. What? Which part? Kyle's eating. Kyle's eating. So it's over. I mean, pistachios. We've been at the give back takeaways. It's the munching hour. I know we started doing it, but I didn't know we were at that time.

Oh, the giveaways and the take backs and the snapbacks and the clapbacks. Oh, snapbacks. Candy compliments, candy complaints. Anybody want to send me some? Dead ringers. So I did mine. Does anybody else have any dead ringers or? Yeah, dead wingers. Dead wingers. Dead wingers right in Wayne's world. Fucking dead wingers.

Fucking thing sucks. Yeah, there's a dead ringer. See, I'm doing it. I saw some people posting pictures of the band AHA with pictures of the guy. And that's a dead ringer. Yeah, that's good. For you. For you. Yes, but they replaced the other people with you guys and it checked out. Yes. Dude. Yeah, I liked that. Compliments to the bassist of Wheatus for jumping on. Yes. Big shout out to the bassist of Wheatus. Tim.

Matt Milligan. Yeah, Matt Milligan. I don't know about this. What happened? Oh, he heard us, and he's excited about the shout-out. Oh, my God.

Yeah, Matthew Milligan. My boy, Matthew Milligan. You've got to watch the video. It's hella funny. Oh, is that the guy in his basement? Dude, he's in his bed. He's in his bed. He's in his bed. Yeah, yeah. With the long hair. Shut up, bitch. Yeah. I didn't listen to it. I've got to watch it. Oh, check it out. Oh, he's the man. I don't know. Whatever. He's the man. I'm not saying he's not the man. I'm just saying I saw it and didn't know. I'm going to give compliments to all.

All the boarders out there who have been buzzer beating during the holiday season, I see you out there. I still need to get a reload. Buzzballs, get at me. I need some buzzballs out here so I can buzzer beat with you guys. But I love seeing it. I love seeing your moms do it too. Buzzballs have to cut you a check, man. They need to reach out. This is like a lifeline. This is crazy. You're giving them so much publicity. This is absurd. Hey, give it time.

Give it time. Like, Buzz Balls is whiffing right now. Come on. Come on. No, they're formulating some kind of a plan at their... At their council? Yeah, exactly. It's a bagel. But I wonder if they would do like a Buzz Ball that's like non-alcoholic. You know what I mean? Maybe... No. Energy. I'm talking about energy drinks. Why couldn't you do a Buzz Ball energy drink? No, they can do alcohol energy. Hey, dude, just drink something that tastes good. Yeah. Yeah. No.

Whatever, bro. Fuck off, bro. Wait till you have the Blazer Buzz. It's going to be delicious. Well, the Blaze Ball? Come on, Buzz Ball. Kyle hasn't tried Buzz Ball, and he doesn't know how poisonous they are. You're going to talk to a guy who wants to make his drink his black licorice, fennel, cotton candy. This guy doesn't know. That's true. No, I do know. This guy right here. I do know. This guy here. It's all good. Black licorice.

It's time to go. It's time to go. Anyone else? Any giveaways, takeaways, epic slams, apologies? Oh, man. Yeah. Any apologies? Anybody want to apologize to the Dice Man? No.

No, I stand by what I said about Diceman. Yeah, no. He was good in that movie Carol or whatever, right? Wasn't he nominated for something? I don't know. He was great. He's since become great. His stand-up character, I was never a huge fan of. What was the name of that movie? You guys want to get it? You guys want to get it? It was like a fucking Woody Allen movie. I think you're thinking of Entourage when he was one of the stars of Johnny's Bananas. Speaking of fingerless gloves, by the way. Yeah, dude.

I want to get in. Was it Carol? What was it he was in? He was in Blue Velvet. Blue Ivy? No, Blue Velvet. Here we go. Blue Jasmine. Yeah, Blue Jasmine. Blue Jasmine. He had a scene at a picnic table, and he was really good. I remember. And that was another episode of...

Oscar buzz talk. Forget about it. Little Miss Muffet. My God.

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