Ep 21: Tales From The Workaholics House
01:12:04 Share

So I have some big news for vegans and vegetarians everywhere. It's Hellman's plant-based mayo spread and dressing. Made for people with a plant-based diet or anyone really who wants to enjoy the great taste of Hellman's real without the eggs. Hellman's plant-based is perfect for sandwiches, salads, veggie burgers, or any of your family favorites.

To celebrate, Hellman's is sharing some easy, delicious plant-based recipes at hellmans.com. Hellman's Plant-Based Mayo Spread and Dressing. Same great taste, plant-based.

If you're a smoker or dipper looking to make a change, you really only need one reason to do it. But with Zinn Nicotine Pouches, you can find many. Zinn is America's number one nicotine pouch. It's made with only six simple ingredients. Plus, Zinn is the only nicotine pouch with a 10-day hassle-free trial. There are lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zinn. Find yours in online or in a store near you at zinn.com slash find.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. This is Tracy V. Wilson from Stuff You Missed in History Class. The national sales event is on at your Toyota dealer, making now the perfect time to get a great deal on a dependable new car. Like a legendary Camry built for performance and available with all-wheel drive, you can count on your new Camry to get anywhere you need to go. Or check out an affordable

affordable, and reliable Corolla with a trim for every lifestyle. From the hip sedan to the sporty hatchback, there's a Corolla built just for you. Check out more national sales event deals when you visit buyatoyota.com. Toyota, let's go places.

Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese! It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it. What? I know, I'm crazy. Yeah, dude, it's hella good. You gotta try it. With so many unique recipes...

How could you go wrong? And yes, you could find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously the most important shit in the whole freaking universe. Today we talk about touring dildo factories or just like hairy men fetishists.

We're looking at the autopsy. He died way before that. I remember the Pegasus so well. Roll on this. I'm going to barf. Here we go. Start your engines. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Woo! And we're back. Let's go.

So, Chloe's been gone for a few days. She's, you know, visiting her family. And I'm left to my own devices. Nice. We know what that means. We know what that means. Your iPad and your iPhone, all the devices. Dude, I almost died the other night. What happened? What happened this time? Oh, God. Let's unpack this. I don't know when I turned it on. It must have been, like, the day that she left.

the stove. Oh boy. And I had it on for like legit almost three days, like two and a half days. Like the burner or like the oven? The gas. Like it was all the way to the simmer. So you couldn't even see the flame. Yep. Oh. So it was just on and I have, it's cold. So I have all the windows shut and my hair's being weird. So I'm just kind of running my fireplace. So I'm running the fireplace, have the gas going. Oh fuck. And then I turned the fireplace off because I'm smelling like

Rotten eggs. Good job. Who farted? Because of diarrhea. It was like several days of me going like, something stinks. I'm like taking showers going like, do I stink like shit? Am I like just putrid smelling? Did I fart? Did I seep? Yeah. Am I seeping? Am I seeping? Old man seep. And I'm like looking through like I check underneath the cushions on the couch and everything thinking like,

Did I? Because also, I've been a kind of a mess this weekend. I also puked this weekend and my eye exploded. Yeah, you look insane. I look insane. This is what happens when the chick leaves. Why did you puke? I drank too much. Did I do that? Solo? No, I had some people over. There's a boat parade down here. I had some people over. We all sat outside. We drank. Everybody left. And then my one buddy, Jeff, was like...

Yeah, I'll sit around and drink with you for, you guys know him as Tater Salad. He's a big fan of the podcast. So he'll hear this. What up, Tater Salad? Shout out. So Tater Salad was kicking it, and he was like, yeah, I'll drink with you for a few hours. I'm like, okay. Oh, yeah, you will. And so then I just ended up pounding like eight Ashlands, just like whoosh.

And we know that three gets you drunk. Yeah. Three lights my ass up. Damn. So can you shotgun fucking Ashlands? You can shotgun anything if you put your mind to it. Fuck yeah, bro. Tight. Yes, that's true. Yeah. That's the only way Kyle's going to come back to drinking is if you can shotgun. Fuck yeah, bro. That shit is tight. Anyways, you were saying...

Give me the hell yeah. And I was like, you know, I was too, it wasn't that I puked. It was, I was too full to go to sleep. You know that feeling when you're like, when you're drunk and you're just like, I'm going to explode. I have too much liquid within me. And so I made myself puke. It's the cause of diarrhea. And then the next day I wake up. Oh, for sure.

And my eye is insane looking. Like it popped a blood vessel just because I was yakking so hard. Oh, you think that's what it was? Yeah, I do. Because it was the next day that it was like this. I've been playing that it's my fitness, but I know it's, I just didn't want to tell the internet that it was, you know, just, I'm just puking by myself. Dude, tell the internet. You were gagging so hard that it popped a blood vessel in your eye. I love that shit. The tongue is like all the way out. All the way out.

So then the next day I wake up and my whole house reeks of...

of like rotten eggs in my puke somewhere. And so for like a full day and a half, I'm going like, I must have puked. I'm like some puke got somewhere that I don't know, or it got on my clothes and I bought it somewhere. So I'm checking every inch of my house until I realized like, I go to like microwave something and I'm like in close to the stove and it's like hot to the touch. And I'm like, why is it so hot? And then I realized I've had the gas on for like two and a half days. You should have died. Dude. Just leaking out. And I'm like,

And I'm smoking weed inside the Chloe's gone. Yeah. In the house. My boy. I'm like, I'm having a good time. I'm the light in the fireplace. I'm lighting the fireplace. I'm still going to send it. I'm like personifying the gas for every time you're like lighting a joint and like it gets near you and then you put it out real quick because you got to go and it's like, oh, we could have just exploded the house. You know what? I think it, I think what saves me is I always smoke even when Chloe's gone. What saves you is Chloe. Yeah.

Chloe is your angel, brother. Yeah, dude. You can't be alone. When Chloe's gone, I don't love the smell of stale weed smoke in my house. Okay. So I always have a door open and I'm at least near the door. When Chloe's here, I'm outside.

But when Chloe's not here, I'm at least door open. I'm standing by the door. You had the fire on. You definitely had the fire on inside. I definitely had the fire on. Which is fire. Dude. Which is straight up fire. I don't know how I did it. Your house could have exploded. I know, dude. It was some Final Destination shit. Exactly. There's like 20 different ways I would think you were going to die at him. But I didn't know you were going to be like the homie who just falls asleep with a cigarette in his hand and lights his house on fire. Right.

That is wild. Well, it wouldn't have been cigarette. Can you imagine the autopsy? Give it 20 years. If you fell asleep, vomited, choked on your vomit and died, and then your house exploded? Whoa. They'd be like, he obviously died from the explosion. And then somebody's going to be like, actually? Wait a minute.

He was super drunk off of three Ashton's. We're looking at the autopsy. He died way before that. It wasn't the Ashton's fault, too. I also was mixing. Was it a suicide? There's always a point in the night when it turns where it's like you no longer taste alcohol. Right. Because your tongue just gets worked over. Yeah. What?

You lost your sense of taste, bro? That's COVID. I can't smell or taste anything. And I'm running a fever. What's happening? Anyways, see you at the airport. And, uh,

No, and I was mixing vodka in the Ashland, and that's what sent you over. And I had about six of those right before going to sleep. Well, yeah, so it wasn't that you were full. It's that you just put a bunch of vodka in your body and needed to puke it out. That is correct. And also the amount of liquid. You were full of poison. I was fully extended. My boy. Because, I don't know, you guys haven't seen my midsection right now, but it's tight as fuck.

I feel like we've seen it online. I feel like you're posting it. No, I'm never showing the torso. I'm always covering the torso. So then it's probably not that tight. There's a lot of peck shots. I'll be honest. It's tight for me. It's tight for me. Normally it's like pretty flabby, but it's pretty tight for me. I do think you took six shots of vodka very quickly and then put poison in your body and your body's like, no. Yeah.

No, but I made myself puke. Right. And so I didn't. Well, yeah. You're smart. You know that when it's bad. Yeah. I know that I got to get it out. Yeah. If I'm going to go to bed. Well, you're a control freak and you weren't going to let your body take control of you. You said, I got this. I'm going to beat it to it. That's it. I'm showing him who's boss. Still going to send it. I'm an out of control, control freak, babe. I'm still going to send it. Let's go. Out of control, control freak. I like that. Yeah, man. Previously, we would talk about like how many lives you think you have left. Mm-hmm.

That's two, Doug. Yeah, you spent two. You skipped two there, bud. Oh, I skipped two. Just from puking from being drunk. That's a life that you're taking away? People die that way. I know, but I mean, well, then. Okay, then the fire. The fire thing. The fire thing is absolutely one.

By the way, I'm not arguing that the times I puked in my sleep that I couldn't have died. I didn't puke in my sleep. There's no puking in my sleep. I was fully awake when I puked. Well, yeah, that's because if you would have passed out, you would have puked in your sleep. That was good on you, so you actually avoided a near-death experience by puking. It is one, though, for the house exploding. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it was my angel Chloe whispering to me. Did you guys know this? That gas doesn't smell. They add methane to it, so you do smell it.

Wow. I didn't know that. I did not know that. That's very smart. That night that I like actually figured it out, I was on a lot of edibles. So it was the next night where I'm like, you know what? I'm going to not drink tonight. You know, last night kind of went. But I am going to eat a lot of edibles. So now I'm like freaking out, just like smelling my house, smelling the neat things and looking up like natural gases and farts. Yeah.

What a Google farts right before you die. Yeah. So now I actually learned that I didn't know. Cause I was like, I thought it was burnt toast. Yeah.

And also I'm putting my carbon monoxide detector. I'm like putting it like you're holding it around like a cell phone trying to get bars. Like a ghostbuster. I was walking it around the house like trying to pick up a gas leak. That's so tight. By the way, taking it off the wall like turned it off. Yeah.

Like, I know how to do this. No, it wouldn't. It wouldn't. No, it's a... That was just a joke. I was teasing. You were ha-hine. I know the battery operated one. Just in case doomsday hits, I want to be able to detect shit. I'll just hold it and detect it. Zombies and shit. Yeah, if there's like an earthquake or whatever, I need to know. I want to put that shit on my fucking body. But my eye does look...

absolutely insane. Here, check that out. Yeah, dude, you're killing it. Happy New Year. You're bringing in the New Year with us. Oh, bro. That's definitely a popped vessel. Look at that. Is Dennis Quaid in your eye? Are you sure it's not an inner space situation? Whoa, great movie.

Dang, I hope that there's something cool happening there. I'm not positive. I don't know. Is this a backdoor podcast to movie that's happening right now? Are we setting the table? This is my sideways pitch where it's like, oh, yeah, it's my eye. It must have been from when I got really drunk last night. Slash Dennis Quaid. Slash injected. Why don't we do our version of Innerspace? We would kill it. That movie would be funny as fuck.

Fuck. Yeah, I agree. That'd be dope. Yeah. Cool ass sets. I call Dennis Quaid. Let's do it. Yeah, let's do it. I'm in. Hey, Netflix. Universal or whoever. WB. Yeah. Anybody. Orion. Anybody.

Orion. Orion, dude. What was your guys' favorite movie title card from back in the day? Like Touchstone, Orion, TriStar Pictures. TriStar was sick, dude. What's that one? The Pegasus that came out right before... What was it? Like Labyrinth or something? Let's see. Rambo First Blood Part 2.

The only one that comes to mind, who was the one at the beginning of Ninja Turtles that like blue and black? That's New Line. Oh, that's my shit. I want the New Line shirt, please. New Line was hard. That I saw in the drive-in and was like, what is that? Did they make this? Like, that's fucking cool. And I thought they made only turtles.

I think... Did you just say Dark Crystal? I think that was... Was that not Lucasfilms or like Henson Pictures or whatever? Yeah, I'm just trying to... I remember the Pegasus so well from TriStar, but I don't remember what flicks it was on. You guys, you're forgetting the master of it all, the lion, dude. MGM. Yeah. I don't have any specific...

Wizard of Oz. Ernest. There's something weird with the roar of the lion, too. Like, it's not actually... It's like a bear or something. It's not actually a lion. No, it's a real lion. It's a... There's something interesting about it, but I don't know what it is. Yeah, it's a lion. That's what's interesting as fuck about it, dude. It's cool as hell. That is interesting. It's probably not, like, dubbed up. It's probably, like, a lion from later. Yeah. No, it's a... No, there's, like, the famous lion that they...

doing it. Okay. I've seen that picture on Twitter or whatever, and I've actually met the grandchildren of that lion outside Las Vegas a few months ago. They got a real sad situation of a zoo there where there's a bunch of lions in cages, and they claim that it's descendants from the MGM lion because they would drag them out to that casino. Oh, wait. So you got inspired by Lion King. Yeah.

Or a lion, a tiger King that you took your family to a tiger King like place outside of Vegas. No, I did barefoot. I just ran out there. Uh, we, it was a whole fucking thing that nobody at home cares about, but we were trying to go to mammoth to get a house. And then there was a huge fire, uh,

And so we couldn't stay there. So then we were like, well, why don't we drive to Utah? Well, why don't we cry about it? And, uh, and we were like, no, let's not go to Utah. But then it was so late that we were like, we can't drive all the way back to LA. So we crashed in Vegas for one night at the encore. It was crazy seeing people gambling, uh, with masks and shit. And then the next day on the way out of town, we hit up this little insane petting zoo that had like

40 lions and one giraffe. And it was super sad. That is terrible. I love that. They were like, help me! You're the guy that hates zoos. If I remember from our podcast correctly, aren't you the one that was like, we got to get rid of all these zoos? Yeah, I think I was fresh off of watching these lions go like, help me. They're milking me for sperm and making more. Help. See, I think that's tight. This is in prim or what? No, no, this is like,

This is right near the Amazon warehouse outside the city. Bro, what about Prim, though? Yeah. Oh, we stopped in Prim at the mall to charge up the Tesla. Oh, for sure. And my homie Roger Gassman, I go in there. My homie Roger Gassman is just like art.

manager guy, right? Roger Gassman. I love first and last name, Roger Gassman. I'm giving him a shout out. He's the dude who did all the Beyond the Streets, all that stuff. Anyway, entrenched in the street art game. And I go in this mall to be like, there's a Nike outlet. I might have some come ups. Let's go. And there's these huge murals that I'm like, these are kind of legit. And I'm like,

uh, I went to high school with the person who painted just like that. That's fucking weird. And then I got around the corner and saw his name on it. And I'm like, what is happening? These are all people that are on Rogers, like his hit list or whatever. And then I texted him. I'm like, why at a mall in the middle of prim Las Vegas, is there like an off the chain art installation thing? And he was like,

Some Australian dudes who like own the mall hit him up and said, we want to turn this into something cool. Prim's up next. If people don't know. For sure. Oh, no doubt. Austin is over. Prim is popping. Prim is this weird ass little town right before Las Vegas that has a roller coaster and it's just kind of trying to be Las Vegas, but nobody. It only has like what? Two casinos or something. Is there a Terribles there? Is there? Yeah.

Hell yeah. If you're driving from L.A. to Vegas, there's a little town just like, what, an hour outside of Vegas or maybe less? Yeah. Is it right over the border into Nevada? Right into Nevada, right over the border, and there's a little town called Prim that is just like three or four casinos. It's pretty shitty, but it's also just like for the guys that just cannot—

wait to get to Vegas. They have to gamble right now and they're just like, you know what? Fuck it. We're stopping here for a few hours to get the fix. And if it's your first time, you think it's Vegas at first. You do. I thought it was the first time I saw it.

You're like, oh, we're here? Oh, it's amazing. If you like old Vegas, you're going to love Prim. All right? Prim's your shit. Prim's Prime. We should do a whole ad campaign for them. Hey, Board of Tourism, Prim, shout us a holler. We got you. Didn't we always want to make a Workaholics episode where the dudes went to Prim and thought they were in Vegas? We did. We did. Absolutely.

Hey, man, I lost my ass in prim, dude. It would have been good. Everyone goes to like France or somewhere on their like cool. Where'd you guys go for a modern family? Adam, Australia. I didn't go. No, but they went right. There was like one of those episodes. Yeah, they went to Australia. I brought them.

Unreal. We just wanted to go to Primm. Primm, baby. Comedy Central was like, I don't think you guys want to do that. Just a fantastic name to Primm. Sounds great. That's where the Workaholics movie will take place, in Primm. That's great. For sure. No doubt. We all just become prostitutes in Primm. Yes, dude. For sure, no doubt.

Is that where the bunny ranch is? Is it there? Is it in prim or is it actually outside of Vegas? It's out. It's like out on some freeway, right? Yeah. Yeah. I don't think it's in like an actual city. So in case they escape, he can track them down. I don't know exactly where it is, but off highway 42. I don't have a map of the state tattooed on my back with a star where it is. God, that'd be so tight. Yeah.

What's that tattoo of? This is Nevada. What's the star? That's the Bunny Ranch. Did that guy die? The Bunny Ranch guy. He did. He did. Do we want to tell our story? What story? Yeah, what's the story? We went to go do, it wasn't Howard Stern, but we were doing Sirius XM at the Howard Stern studios and all that. And we were eating lunch afterwards and beforehand downstairs at that like,

fancy corporate restaurant and homie walks in with a bevy we all turn because our manager goes a bevy means like a few women a few women a bevy of women I thought you meant a beverage me too oh he probably had both see I did clarify thank you Adam with a flock this dude walks in like he owns the place he did and we all turn and he gives us like a nod and a finger gun like it's me

Yeah, it is actually me. And of course, we were the most impression like of weird the people who want to see that. Oh, dude, elbowing each other. I have I'm going to post this video when this launches. I have a video that I recorded from a Bunny Ranch episode where they're like having fun and games. Episode is Cat House for people that don't know that are listening. Cat House on HBO. Legendary. Right. Let's explain it a little bit. It was like, wait a second.

reality show at the Bunny Ranch. It's a reality show about a whorehouse in Nevada called the Cat House or called the Bunny Ranch? It's the Bunny Ranch. But the Cat House is the name of the show. The name of the show is Cat House and took place at the Bunny Ranch. And for what... I think it must have came out like...

when we were like 18 years old or something, we were like very impressionable young men going like, oh my God. On the heels of real sex, which was kind of like getting less and less sexy. And this was just more of a reality show. You could J-O. Yeah. Well, real sex, when it first came out, when we were kids, I remember real sex was like, oh my God, like we're seeing some naked women. And we were in like middle school. So it was exciting. We are. We are. But then at the end, it's like, it was just like touring dildo factories or just like fun.

hairy men fetishes. Furries? It was more like sex education. Yeah, fetish education. I'm still new to the whole sex world. I just want to see breasts. I don't necessarily need to see grown men that enjoy wearing pig noses. Real sex raised me. You would boo your TV. You'd go, boo.

Well, you always, you could flip down on the channel guide and be like real sex. Fucking yes. Okay. What's that? And then it never was like something that could really get you going. I have a video that I recorded off of watching my TV where like they were having fun at the ranch. So it's not fully sad for this TV show. Right? Oh yeah. It was awesome. And they're like running down the hall when you hear like the thing and who's the fastest. And this one girl hoofs it. She's moving at cat house. Um,

when they like ring the bell and you're supposed to like come present and they're doing a fun like who can get there the fastest she hoofs it down the hallway mock speed stumbles in her stilettos and just pile drives each into a wall head first and then gets up like you gotta post that on the Instagram because that clip is money oh it is brutal dude I wonder how many times an ambulance has to go out to that

fucking place oh they're there all the time right like that was where lamar odom like od'd and was od'ing on like i you know allegedly allegedly yeah tons of uh dick pills and cocaine or whatever for sure that's where you go for your last ride like old dudes go there to die fucking right yeah they're hoping for a heart attack yeah climax just take the card like i'm coming

Yeah. I'm coming. I'm going.

That's also where Andy Kaufman went back in the day. He used to go there and blow all of his taxi money because I love Andy Kaufman. I just think he's the most interesting person. Yeah, he would go there and blow all of his taxi money just on hookers and he would get the entire cat house. He would just like go in and be like, I pay for everyone and then not fuck them, just wrestle them and insult them. I think he would have sex with them. Well, sure. But

Again, I was just taking liberties with jokes. I was making something up. The ripping and the tearing.

But then tear me down. Do you know if he was like in his Tony Clifton vibe when he would go to the cat house or would he do that as Andy Kaufman? I believe it was both. I think he would do both. Like he would visit him as both characters. Yeah. All right. I'll see you guys in a couple of months. Just come back in 10 minutes later. Like I need pussy. Give me pussy and a steak. Oh, you're back. I don't know what you mean. I just fucked you. Why are you talking to me like that?

This is how I talk to people. I'm Tony Clifton because I'm Tony Clifton. That's why. The Rippin' and the Terran. I just fucked you, bro. Your prosthetic is falling off. There's no way you can fuck. We just fucked. Give it a shot. There's pillows underneath your t-shirt. Your mustache is falling off. What do you mean? It's really me, Tony Clifton. You have the same weird...

Weird dick. Damn. His dick is not prosthetic at all. Yeah, at least throw a fake dick on him. Yeah, the exact same dick. He's still got that scimitar dick, bro. Scimitar. Damn. That's hilarious. Oh, man. For people at home who don't know what that is, that is an old-fashioned pirate sword. A curved blade. Curved blade. Curved blade.

Top reasons your career wants you to move to Ohio. So many amazing growth opportunities, high-paying jobs in technology, advanced manufacturing, engineering, life sciences, and more. You'll soar to new heights, just like the Wright brothers, John Glenn, even Neil Armstrong. Their careers all took off in Ohio, and yours can too. A job that can take you further and a place you can't wait to come home to. Have a great day.

Have it all in the heart of it all. Launch your search at callohiohome.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or therapy day. When your schedule is packed like mine with kids' activities, big work projects, and more, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it.

it. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. I know for me, therapy has been great for learning good coping skills and how to better communicate with my wife. It empowers you to be the best version of yourself every day. It isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be easy, flexible, and

and fit to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash thisistoday to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash thisis.

Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese. It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. Yeah, it truly makes everything creamier. And of course, it can be used in so much more than our classic bagel and cream cheese. You can use it in a variety of recipes, occasions, and even as a perfect snack. For example, you can dip vegetables

or crackers in it to snack on. Enhance your guacamole with it, make a creamy pasta alfredo, or even buffalo chicken dip. The recipes are endless. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it, baby. Mac and cheese, ramen, frosting, tzatziki. Now you can make it so much creamier. With so many unique recipes, how could you go wrong?

And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. Are you catching the big game or making big mods? Going on that first date or installing that first break kit?

binging that new show or watching install videos when you're a real car lover the choice is obvious ebay motors has you covered with over 122 million parts to fit your number one ride or die brake kits turbochargers led headlights exhaust kits bumpers roof racks and engines

Whether you're into speed, power, or style, eBay Motors has all the parts you need for the ride you love. Plus, at these prices, you're burning rubber, not cash. And with eBay Guaranteed Fit, your part is guaranteed to fit your ride every time or your money back. Keep your ride or die alive at ebaymotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply.

Do you guys remember when we were, when Workaholics had just premiered and it wasn't actually out yet. We just premiered it at the Trump roast. Yeah.

No, at the... That was it. That was it. That was the first time on TV. It was before we were in Miami and it was for like the South Beach Comedy Festival. Right. And we showed it to like a room of 400 college kids. They loved it. And it was awesome. And they loved it. It did well. Yeah, it did really well. And we were like, holy shit, I think people are actually going to like the show. And we partied like we had just won the NBA finals. We like went out that night. We're like, yeah. And it was like,

3 a.m. or 4 a.m. and we're in South Beach somewhere and it's our first time there and we're just like partying our fucking faces off. And I remember we were at some like karaoke place, but in a nice hotel bar. And I can't remember exactly where we were, but some girl comes up to me and she's like a babe, dude. And she's just like chopping me up. And I'm like, I must just be throwing out like

mad confident aura because the show just premiered and it did so great. And I'm like, I must be like throwing it out right now. And she's like, do you want to come back to my room? It's a, I have a hotel room right next door. And I'm like, uh, yeah, I do. But then I was thinking, I was like,

oh, I'm so fucked up right now. Like, I'm like, I'm like, you're really drunk. Yeah. I'm not going to be able to have sex with this girl. And so I'm like, you know what? I got to go splash some water in my face to gear up for this situation. So I'm like, hang on a second, babe. Actually, I'm sure it's like, but I go into the, uh, the bathroom. I got to go puke all this poison out of myself. I'm going to make myself drunk.

I'm going to go boot and rally, baby. Exactly, Kyle. And so I splashed some water on my face. I was like, all right, you can do this. And I go back out and then I see her chopping up some other just like dumpy dude, just chopping him up. And he was like, yeah. And he like touches her lower back and like walks away with her. And then I see she has a scorpion tattoo on her thigh. And I'm like –

Oh, I think she was a prostitute. And I just am too drunk and too naive to notice that. Remember the part two of that? What's the part two? Is that there was this one, just the star of the show that night. That's right. He was probably five foot four, a hundred pounds. And he was probably like 18 in a day or 20. Young dude.

And he was just full on sexuality dancing in the middle of this entire karaoke bar. I remember this. And he was looking everybody directly in the eyes. Miami's different. He also got arrested for being a prostitute. Really?

We're like, who is this guy? He's killing it. Did he really? Yeah, yeah. Cat house. Did we stay on stage and like play fucking bongos and shit that night? Yes. And like hella late? Like we were jammed. I did Tina Turner's We Don't Need Another Hero. I want to say Isaac did like some...

Some 80s punk. Isaac's our manager. Our manager, yeah. I just remember like commandeering the drums. I'm glad that we have Ders here to remember all the details late at night. Oh, for sure. It got fuzzy for me. I can't remember nothing. It gets a little blurry for me. Miami's the best. It's so underrated. Miami's psycho. And then we went back to the hotel.

And we're like all going in our rooms, but we're like right next to each other and there's balconies outside and it's overlooking the ocean, but it was like a horseshoe shaped hotel. And we were on the middle part of the horseshoe and all of a sudden Durst goes, "Holy shit dudes."

He's like yelling out of the balcony. And he's like, he's like, he's like, I think you guys want to come out here. And we all come out on our individual balconies and look out. And there's just some guy with all the lights on his hotel room, just having a full blown threesome, just, just going for it as the sun was coming up. And it was like, the sun was coming up and we were like, Hey guys, I got,

I guess this is our lives now. Yeah, I guess we're watching people fuck. We're kind of part of orgies now. Yeah. Watching people fuck from a football field away. Hey, guys. This is our lives now. It was crazy. Yeah, that was like, it was like 4.30 to 5 in the morning. We watched that happen as the sun went up. Yeah, man. And just...

That was cool because that was like the first time we all had our own hotel rooms. Before that, we were like sharing. Yeah, we were like a traveling circus, just jam-packed. Yeah, I would sleep in the closet. Yeah. I don't know who got the beds and how. Probably Durs and Adam got the beds. Probably.

Oh, well, do we want to tell that story? What's that story? We're telling... It's story time. Story time. Is this like Comic-Con? Story time. No, no, this is before everything when we were doing a National Lampoon... Oh, I know where you're going with this. ...tour, and we were all in a hotel room together and came back from...

the club. Oh, I was not there. I was not there. I have the recording. Kyle has a recording. Just if you're imagining I'm at our house. Yes. Kyle's back in LA drawing on missing us recording albums that you've heard. Yeah. Yeah. He's recording lonely albums about aliens and shit. That's exactly what was going on. Yeah. We're on tour in, is this Chicago? Yeah.

this happen? And we get some deep dish pizza because I was like, we got to get it. We go out for drinking. Wait, where were we performing though? Waukegan? We were performing at the Zany's in Vernon Hills. Shout out Vernon Hills. And we swapped out a city name in our sketch for Waukegan and played pretty good if I remember. Gotta laugh every time. So we get back to the hotel from the bars, slammered. And there's pizza and

And Blake and Adam are fighting about like whose arms are bigger or something. Yes, it was. I have the biggest arms and lemmings. It started getting real. And then probably the realest argument we've ever been in. And I'm just like, well, the thing is, is it's not an argument. It's measurable. Yeah.

It's not like No but it was about something else Because you claimed a bed and he was like That's my bed and then you threw his stuff Onto another bed He threw pizza in my asshole Not yet I thought he puked in the limo and lied about it

No, I didn't lie about it. Oh. No, you did puke, though. I did puke. Because you ate hella. There was like Chinese food continental dinner at the hotel. Let's start at the beginning. There is no beginning. Jillian was there. We got to ask her at some point. That's true. So we went out and this was the night before the show. We got in. Our director, Jay Leggett.

R.I.P. was the man. He passed away. He got us a limo and he's like, I'm going to take you guys out on the town, show you Chicago. And we're like, oh, hell yeah. So we get in the limo right before the limo. The hotel we were staying at had all you can eat food.

free Bud Light. Yes. All you could drink Bud Light and all you could eat egg rolls. And so I'm like, you know, I'm poor. We were crushing it. I'm like, I was like, we're broke. I was like 20, 21 years old. I didn't go on the trip because they were going to pay me $75 for like six days worth of work. And I'm like,

Oh, dude, it was a whole scam. I don't want to get into that again. Well, it was worth it because it was a great story. Oh, yeah. It's insane. I had no money. And so I was like, you know what? I'm going to eat all the egg rolls I can handle now. We were all crushing them. Yeah, but build a base.

so I don't have to eat dinner later. This is smart, so I don't have to pay for dinner. Right, yeah, you're saving money. And so I ate like 15 egg rolls or something and was just chugging the Bud Light, and that didn't go well in the guts. We get in the limo, and I yacked all over. I want to say that they also like... I'm still going to send it. They're like, okay, hey, it's 6 p.m., the Bud Light and egg rolls are over, and then they just like...

closed doors on like a cabinet to a keg and we were like okay we'll stop and then for another hour we just opened the cabinet and kept drinking and getting hammered and then yes

we were hammered by when we got into that limo going out for the night. So you're in the limo topped out with fucking egg rolls and Bud Light. Oh, tummy full of egg rolls. That's it. How many people in the limo? There's like nine or ten of you, right? Yeah, there's like so many. We're packed in. And I remember I yacked in the limo and, uh,

And like the beginning of the night. And I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. And we're like, oh, geez. And the guy's all pissed at me. But we had him for the night. And I'm like, I don't know what to do. And he's like, oh, fuck. And we get to the place and everyone's kind of salty at me that I puked in the limo. And I'm like, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. But then I rallied and we continued and we go out for the full night. This is another one of your lives, by the way.

vomited from alcohol poisoning rallied kept drinking isn't that what happened yes that's what i'm saying one of another one of your lives not a lie why why lives i thought you said another one of your lies adam no no no dude no no lies here this is all true zero lies yeah i'm like i'm telling it how i remember it this is honest abe over here man come on live and

And so then we go out and then we had a great night. I remember there's like fun photos of that night and we all look really sloppy. There's really funny photos of Blake looking like just a spicy 55-year-old divorcee. Yeah.

who had one too many margaritas. I definitely had my pants off in the limo on the way home. That's for sure. Yeah, so when did the turmoil begin? So on the way home, you take your pants off? What's up? They're fighting about something that was in the arms, and then it got into who's got the biggest arms. This is what I think it was. I think Adam collapsed onto what was Blake's bed.

And so then he was like, get off. And he goes here, throw your stuff. And he threw his stuff onto the other bed, which is just not that's not kosher. You don't do that. But everyone's drunk. And then Blake was just like, no, put it back. And you're like, no, I'm already sleeping here. And then who threw pizza into whose butt? Somebody took a piece of pizza and then just like threw it into somebody's butt. What actually happened was Blake fell onto my bed.

And Blake moved... I think he moved my shit onto the other bed. And he's like, I get this bed. And I'm like, I already called that bed. And then he had his pants...

hanging off. Right, as he does. And I go, well, if you're gonna lay in what I claim is my bed, I'm gonna throw this leftover deep dish pizza in your asshole. His ass was hanging out. He had his entire ass just up in the... I'm like, come on, man. Why is your whole fucking ass hanging out? You did used to get, like, pull your pants, like, dangerously down when you were drunk. You loved... They're down right now, I bet. Stand up, stand up.

We're finally going to see the butt. Yeah, wait, don't be pulling it up. You're pulling it up. Nope, see? All the way down. See, yeah. Look at that. His whole asshole is hanging out of his pants right now. I'm from the Bay, dude. We sag, bro. Oh, yeah. No one anywhere else sags. Yeah, I guess that's only a Bay area thing. Get the fuck out of here. Anyway, so I threw deep dish pizza directly into Blake's asshole, and here's the take.

Yo, you gotta hear this. Yeah, I see poop stains everywhere, though. No. I see poop stains everywhere. I know. Your fucking butthole was all over the street. You are being straight silly right now. Silly. I'm not drunk, dude. You're drunk. I got weed over... I didn't take a drink after that. I haven't drank since then. You guys drank since then? A lot.

So why do you still act like it's fucking easy? Because of... Why would you do that? You bother me. Is that anger issues? You bother the fuck out of me, dude. I don't bother me. I don't know what to eat at your motherfucking ass house. But I'm fucking out of control, dude. You're fucking out of control. You're fucking in business. I'm a fucking piece of life. I'm a buggy. No. Like, fucking dude, who gives a shit?

You really care about that shit? Well, uh... If you really care about that shit, I'll stop. Just tell me now. Tell me now. If you care about my fucking butt hanging out, I'll stop. I'll wear pants all the time. Okay, please do. Okay, you got it, dude. Motherfucker, don't jump in the camera with your ass hanging out. When Kyle's hanging out throwing a laptop at you. Don't do it, because I don't like your asshole with your wife.

We're cool.

No more butt cheeks. Okay, no more butt cheeks. You can't, you can't fucking show your butt cheeks. No real butt cheeks. You really want that. You really want that. We have to call each other out on that, too. I really... How dope is this? I feel like we were cool with that. I thought that was okay. I didn't think I was doing something bad by laying in the bed nude because we just did it in our fucking last

I haven't done anything that the hotel will charge me for.

I mean, you are crazy, right?

Yes. And we're back. And we're back. So what had happened was they were arguing. I'm laying on the cot because I think I just called the cot. Yeah. And I call Kyle to be like, yo, these dudes are going at it. He didn't pick up. It went to voicemail. So I just kind of held my BlackBerry for the voicemail to record it all.

Kyle got it and then he set it to like sad piano music so kudos to Kyle for setting the tone on that one it's so unreal it was the best thing to wake up to because it's like there's no more butts there's no more butts in mail order comedy fine and it's so serious fine we won't joke about it no more poop jokes that's right yeah there's too much poop coming out of your butthole dude there was a lot stacking up man that's when we were all broke come on dude yeah there was a lot coming out

Yeah. Well, yeah. National Lampoon was really, really taking advantage of us, man. Oh, bro. It's crazy. I like tried to strike and everyone was like, no. And I'm like, okay. That was wild, dude. They really got a lot for nothing out of us. I'm going to get into this for a second. I do remember like

all of us got together, all the actors and writers of the sketch tour that it was going to be got together for the national lampoon Lemmings. Right. So Lemmings was a big thing in the seventies. Allegedly. I'm trying to be like, kind of not super specific. Cause I don't know. Well, you can find it. There's sick ass photos of us. And it was 2.0 fucking rock, bro. Oh, we're going to post that. And so I remember we all got together to like powwow with,

all of us it was us and then eight other people maybe and I'm like I think maybe if we get paid $800 a week that'd be pretty good and everyone's like are you kidding me that's peanuts we should be getting $2,000 a week and I was like yeah that'd be great that'd be sick and then I think we dialed it back to the $1,400 was the least we would take

And then everyone's like, cool. We all ate pizza and we went to the office the next week to rehearse. And he goes, okay, so everyone's going to get $650 a week. And I go, we're not going to do that. And everyone goes, that sounds awesome. Let's do this. Everybody folded. Everybody folded. And I was like, I became the biggest dick, which I know you guys think I am. But I was like, no, we're not going to do this. And somebody pulled me aside and he goes, look, man,

From the beginning of cavemen painting on caves, artists have been getting screwed over like this. And I was just like...

Okay. We can stop that. Right. Well, by the way, so that wasn't any of us that pulled you off to the side. No, no, no. This is another homie. Funny dude. I was on my own separate contract because I just made all the videos. So I just negotiated for myself. It was equally as shitty. And I folded equally as much. And then I said, no, I won't do it.

Hoping that everyone would be like, well, Ders is holding out. We all look up to Ders. No one gave a fuck. I got phone call after phone call from people being like, will you just do it? Like, everyone wants to do this if you're not there. And I'm like, I go, okay, if this is what we're doing, we're doing it.

And now we have this story. Thank God. Yeah. Why did we do that? Yeah. Well, admittedly, it did suck and we weren't paid anything. But I wasn't making much more than that just working my shitty job anyway. So I was like, I'd rather be doing comedy. But some people were making more and would have had to quit their jobs. Those people were stupid. Yeah.

They were like, I guess I'm doing it. Exactly. For sure. What was the rehearsals like for you guys? What were you guys... It was... Three dollars. I remember a whole summer where it seemed like we worked every fucking day. Oh, yeah. We did. Was it like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was. It was fucking crazy. I remember those pizza Fridays for like the first three weeks and then those stopped. And then they had Go Girl. They had Go Girl energy drink that was like all you could drink. And some kind of eye drops. Like...

We had the weirdest parts. You guys got Go Girl energy drink and these... All the gum you can handle. It was energy gum. All the energy gum you can handle. Go Girl energy drinks. If you guys need any Visine,

Talk to Debbie out of county and then she'll squirt you up. It ruined my relationship with Jay, which I always felt salty about because he was... The man. He thought I wasn't feeling like... A team player or something? Yeah, and I'm like, I'm the most team player. I'm...

Much love, though. That was like the last breath the National Lampoon banner took. Oh, I was like, where are you going with this, dude? No, no, no. National Lampoon. Because Jay's not alive anymore. I know, I know. I thought you were going to be like, I hate hunters.

Yeah, National Lampoon's last breath? That was the last breath of National Lampoon. They'll be back. You think so? Aren't they done? They're like a cockroach. Natty Lamp? They're going to rebrand as Natty Lamp and get some...

Like Nash Lampoon is revamping Natty Lamp. Yeah, I love that. It really played off of the original Lemmings, though. Like, I mean, the original Lemmings had so much success, and I think that was the only carrot that kept us all in the game was like, well, look at what they did back then. Like, look at...

That was like Christopher Guest. And explain what the Lemmings was to everyone because it's hella long ago. It was like a sketch troupe in the late 60s, early 70s that had. Late 70s, yeah. Late 70s? Yeah. John Belushi, Christopher Guest, Chevy Chase. Actually, not late 70s, 73. 73, pardon me.

Okay. Like Bill Murray and shit. Bill Murray, Gilda Radner. It was like the, was it pre SNL? Do you know? Yeah. It launched a John Belushi, Christopher Guest, Chevy Chase, heavy hitters. Yeah. And we were Lemmings 2.0. Yes. Right. So equally heavy headers. Well, looking back, I mean, come on. Yeah. Come on. Come on. Yeah. Look at looking back. Jillian. Jillian. Let's go. Jillian did it.

We ate our money's worth of egg rolls, so it's all good.

Top reasons your career wants you to move to Ohio. So many amazing growth opportunities, high paying jobs in technology, advanced manufacturing, engineering, life sciences, and more. You'll soar to new heights, just like the Wright brothers, John Glenn, even Neil Armstrong. Their careers all took off in Ohio and yours can too. A job that can take you further and a place you can't wait to come home to. Have a great day.

Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese. It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. Yeah, it truly makes everything creamier. And of course, it can be used in so much more than our classic bagel and cream cheese. You can use it in a variety of recipes, occasions, and even as a perfect snack. For example, you can dip vegetables

veggies or crackers in it to snack on. Enhance your guacamole with it. Make a creamy pasta alfredo or even buffalo chicken dip. The recipes are endless. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it, baby. Mac and cheese, ramen, frosting, tzatziki. Now you can make it so much creamier. With so many unique recipes, how could you go

wrong and yes you could find a ton of recipes on the philadelphia website visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home are you catching the big game or making big mods going on that first date or installing that first break kid

binging that news show or watching install videos when you're a real car lover the choice is obvious ebay motors has you covered with over 122 million parts to fit your number one ride or die brake kits turbochargers led headlights exhaust kits bumpers roof racks and engines

Whether you're into speed, power, or style, eBay Motors has all the parts you need for the ride you love. Plus, at these prices, you're burning rubber, not cash. And with eBay Guaranteed Fit, your part is guaranteed to fit your ride every time or your money back. Keep your ride or die alive at ebaymotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. ETS Ryan Seacrest here. People always say it's good to unwind, but

That's easier said than done. The exception, Chumpa Casino. They actually make it easier done than said, or at least the same. Chumpa Casino is an online social casino with hundreds of casino-style games like slots and blackjack. Play for fun. Play for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Sign up now and collect your free welcome bonus at ChumpaCasino.com. Sponsored by Chumpa Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW Group. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply.

I feel like when we got paid that one time after the summer, it was not a lot. Blake, you and I took the trip to Grand Canyon for energy drinks. That's right. Dude, can we talk about your energy drink collection? I would love to. These guys had a collection that you wouldn't believe. It was the best every energy drink ever made. Like hundreds of different cans and different brands of energy drinks at the height of energy drinks. And none of them better than Monster Energy.

I feel we've... Well, that was the staple. Like you guys had cocaine energy drink? Yeah. We had cocaine before it got banned. We had like Steven Seagal energy, Hulk Hogan energy. Jimmy Mouth of the South energy. Hyphy. Everybody had it. Do you remember my pitch? Because I told you guys to like document it.

And I was like, here's what you should do. Line them all up and then just kind of like coast the camera past it. And then like somewhere in the middle, just have someone's nuts hanging between two cans and then just keep going for like four more minutes. That would have been dope. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. I want to say there's like an online museum of energy drinks.

It would be cool to check out. I'm sure that would spark some nostalgia for me. The energy boom was insane. That was when every ingredient had a fucking cross by it because we had no idea what it meant. It was like, we were just putting shit into this liquid. And they're like, this will get them excited. I like that the cross is the symbol they put

near that because it's like we don't know what it is so you just have to have faith is that what that means that might be maybe yeah they pull on the christianity roots what sucks is i feel if the energy boom was happening right now i think that we would have our own energy drink or at least be talking to someone yeah yeah called boy juice yeah called uh pod sauce pod sauce

Called the pod sauce. Swirl down the pod sauce. And then you guys just threw it away. I came over one day and saw trash bags. And you guys were like, we're done. We moved on. Well, it was like, we spent a lot of time working on that and setting it up. And remember we put like little gum and stuck it to the wall and shit. And every night it would be like, ting!

Right. Because it was like the crown molding of your house. It moved with us. It did. We had to move the collection. And then I think workaholics started. Yeah. We had to take it down for workaholics because we couldn't clear all the energy drinks. So I think the art department put it in bags. Mm.

In the back. And then basically it was like, well. Well, then we were like, should we recycle this shit? I don't recall that mattering for the pre-pilot, for the one we shot before. No, I think it's up in the pre-pilot.

I have a feeling there's parts of it. I thought you guys just chucked it. So we moved to the workaholics house with the energy drinks. I couldn't remember. I thought we threw them away on that move. No, we had a week. We built shelves at Packard and it was fucking so nice. It was awesome. It was earthquake. It was stunning. It was stunning artwork.

Yeah, baby. And then we brought it over to the Hamlin house. Yeah, baby. We brought the shelves, but we never put the shelves up. We just like tried a new method. It was like using like double stick tape and just sticking the cans directly to the wall. And it was terrifying because you would be like home alone or whatever. And then all of a sudden, like a can would pop off.

and just fall on the ground and it clink clink clink and it sounded like for sure someone's in the house and you're like oh every night you'd wake up to like 20 of them on the ground like oh well this sucks would you guys rinse them out or would you just slam it and can it up

So then like the whole house kind of had this aroma. Yeah. I feel like we... I don't remember any rinsing. I don't remember rinsing. Kyle's like, you think I rinsed them? I remember looking at the tops and they would have like that brown syrup on it and you'd be like, oh, damn. And then you guys are like, and somehow we started getting rats. Yeah.

And they would just pop out of nowhere. Those rats were getting that little last drop in the lip, the top of the can that's there, that little last. Oh, we used to call that friends. Oh, yeah, that's right. They got those friends. The rats at that house were fucking huge. Yeah. They were on energy. Dude, that's what happened. We did the fucking, we made mutagen. Yeah.

Remain mutagen X. You guys had killed a bunch of splinters. Do you remember we caught that one rat that we got like that one giant rat trap? And then it was like from head to tail. It was like two feet and some change. What?

It was like fucking huge. That's a possum. I feel like that was marsupial. You had a possum living under your bed. That was a chupacabra. That was a chupacabra, bro. That's where that came from. That is right. Yeah. From a workaholics episode. Definitely. Can I say a buddy of mine

He was like, dude, I just watched the acid trip episode of workaholics. It's so funny. And I'm like, Oh, I haven't watched season three in so long. Cause normally if I'm going to go back and watch workaholics episodes, I'll just watch an episode from season one, just because that's when we started workaholics and it's the most nostalgic for me. And so I went back and I watched, uh,

The Astro Trip episode. And then it went into like Chupacabra and True Dromance. Oh, damn. Those are some fucking good episodes, dude. It was the funniest show on TV for a while. It was the funniest show on TV for sure. Without a doubt. Without a doubt, I got dragon snouts. Yeah! Hey, is it too late whenever this is going to air to talk about your favorite Christmas gift?

You ever got as a kid? Yeah, it's a new year right now, bro. Happy New Year. Okay, let's talk about favorite New Years you almost died on. Favorite? Wait. I don't get any good gifts. Shut down. I say we freaking skip it. Shut it down. Shut it the fuck down. Gifts as kids? Nah, I never really liked it. The fucks?

I think I remember my favorite Christmas gift was a fucking pop gun, dude. Like an ice cube pop gun. And what is a pop gun? Like a fucking pop gun. Like one of the ones with the cork and you just go like, Oh,

Yes. I got one of those. I fucking loved that thing when I got it. What are you, Little House on the Prairie? What the fuck? Did you ever own a BB gun? Did you just like kick in a can? What the fuck are you talking about, man? You had a cork gun? He would beat a hula hoop with a stick down the street. Yeah. All right. I didn't realize Kyle was a child in 1952. I'll never forget the year I got Jack's. Yeah.

I don't know. It just fucking popped into my head like pop gun. You know, I loved it. That's so cool. Did you get the little doll where you push the bottom of the platform and it collapses and you let go and it stands up? I love those mechanical toys, man. They're fucking cool. Yeah.

I wasn't allowed to have those. Mine was probably BB guns. I had quite the arsenal of BB guns. Like, we're talking Red Rider? What are we talking? I had Red Rider. I had a pellet gun. I had, that was like, and then I had sniper rifles on all of them. And then I had a couple pistols, a couple handguns. Scopes? What do you mean sniper rifles on all of them? You had scopes?

Sorry, scopes. Oh, okay. Did you ever get a paintball gun? Did any of you dudes ever get a paintball gun? I did. I had a paintball gun. Oh, fuck yeah. I had a paintball gun for a while. It, uh...

It was just hard to get enough people to go paintballing. Like I had the gear and then I'm not just going to go by myself paintballing. So I was like, I need to get a little squad. So fun. We got to do that. We did a thing every year. I can't remember if it was freshmen and juniors versus sophomores and seniors or freshmen, sophomores versus junior seniors. But it was kind of like,

homies of homies who kind of knew somebody on like a sports team that was older we would get together with like eight on eight or ten on ten and it would fucking go down man that's that's a squad for paintball yeah yeah paintball is so fun i could i don't even know if i'd survive now it's so scary it is so scary like you are running on high

I feel like for my 29th birthday, we all went. Yeah, that's right. That's the last time I went. Yeah, we did. Oh. I think that was the last time I played. Durs had the best saying. You remember this shit? Dude, he had a fanny pack with a motherfucking Italian sandwich in it. It was half eaten. Yeah, you'd smell him before he shot you. Yeah, he said, if you smell the Italian sandwich, you're already dead. I was eating a Subway spicy Italian. Yeah.

Because I hadn't eaten all day and we were like getting ready to jam out. And I was like, well, I'm not going to eat a 12 inch sandwich and then run around. So I ate half of it and stuffed the other in my Arcteryx fanny pack. Couldn't you just like put it in your car or something? No, because I was like there. We were like lighting candles and saying happy birthday or some shit. So I stuffed in a fanny pack and he was like, what are you going to carry that? Like you're saying? I go.

that's right bitch right before you die you're gonna smell the spicy italian if you smell spicy italian you're already dead it was so clean so good i'll never forget it man that shit was hella fun paintball it hurts so bad oh yeah like you are legit running for your life

Yes, man. I had a paintball hit me in the back, knocked the fucking wind out of me like I went down. Yeah, down. We never did it like in high school. We never did it in like proper paintballing places. We would go out to the middle of the country and just target paintball.

And do it like in the cornfields. Right. With like, there was a cornfield that surrounded and abandoned a farmhouse. So then, and then there was like silos and shit. And people would get fucking very hurt. Some kid fell through the barn. Right. Because he's trying to get some pimp ass position up there. Yeah.

He was like trying to snipe from the loft of the barn and it's all just rotten wood. Just fucking like running around and we're like, where's Cody? And all of a sudden you're like crash. Fucking fall. It's like 15 feet just. And I think he broke a rib. It was pretty fucking bad. I mean, you know,

Ow, ow, ow, ow, stop, ow, stop. You do become Commando. You do become Rambo. Like, you're running and sliding and, like, doing barrel rolls and shooting because you think that's going to help you. Well, you're for sure, like, doing flip-sober stuff because you're like, this is the only way I'll stay alive. Yeah. If not, I'm dead. I'm a dead man.

I want to know what my old man paintball swag is because I don't have those moves anymore. Oh, you're turning an ankle in 10 minutes. It's a fucking sniper barrel in a great position. I don't know, though. Maybe you get out there and then you just click right back in. Maybe. Back in form. I would love to go. I'd love to click.

The most fun that I ever had was not on a course. It was at my cabin, like Adam's saying, like out without any rules. I think I went for like my 13th birthday and I brought like four or five other people. I was with you, brother. Yeah, you were there? But remember what was super sick about it? It was fucking snowing. Yes, it was the best. And it hurt so bad. Oh, wow.

Die Hard 2 style? It was so fucking cool. It was crazy. And the paintballs were like frozen, so that's when you get the fucking bounce. That's like dangerous. That's like real manhood shit. Like, you want to play? Yeah.

you come out in the snow. It's like, yeah, my dad was there. The guns didn't work very well in the snow. They started to freeze up. We had to get our CO2. We had to bring our own CO2 up. We bought like fucking 10,000 paintballs and just went crazy up there. I'm still going to send it. Do you remember when you, you would have one friend that would just go ham and buy so many paintballs and you're like, you're rich and not good at this. I'm going to fucking come for you. Dude,

Just a garbage bag of that. You just spend $80 on paintballs. I spent 33 for like the deal that they have. You like you like went behind the counter and got like an entire box. 33 paintballs. No, they're $33. They were expensive. It was hell of expensive to get that shit. Yeah. Paintballing is a is a rich man's game. That's what I think now. Now let's do it.

We'll just fucking load ourselves up. I feel like that's a fucking movie right there. Yeah, we can get fucking paintball bazookas and shit. There's like paintball grenades we can buy. Let's spend some money, dude. People are using like flash bombs too, right? Yes, yes. You could have grenades and flash bombs and you could huck it in and then fucking storm. Didn't we hear stuff going off at your birthday where we're like,

Is somebody murdering people? I think that was Airsoft. Airsoft has gotten even crazier. Yeah, you can play in abandoned buildings and shit. Oh, that's tight. I like that. You just accidentally shoot some homeless guy who's just arriving back to his house. I did not mean that. Actually, can you stay there and just let me know, go, if you see somebody coming. How much you got? Here's part of an Italian sandwich.

You got it, bud. Pizza, pizza. Dude, let's go. Let's hit the battlefield. That would be sick. RIP Jet Set. Let's do it. RIP Jet Set. Let's save that for another pod since we're wrapping it up. Did somebody mention something about Jet Set? Where'd that come from? I was thinking... He just pops in his mind, man. Well, I was thinking of that episode where we did paintball or airsoft and...

in the office. Oh, yeah. And then I was, just last night, I was watching Workaholics and Jet Set was... Alive. Was alive and all over it. Just... Scene Stealer? I mean, come on. Scene Stealer, pure gold. Without a doubt. Man, all right. What a gift. What a gift. So if you haven't seen the show, go fucking watch the show. Yeah, why are you listening to this podcast if you haven't seen the show? What are you doing? They crossed over from Taylor Swift. They were like, who? What did these guys say? Wait.

All the TayTay fans were like, wait a second. I kind of like the one with the hair. I'm an arugula.

Dude, hell yeah. Hey, I'm a Jet Set fucking day one-er, baby. That guy's the man. Jet Set was somebody we hired as a background actor who just kind of walks past in the office of workaholics. There's tons of these people. He's an extra. And none of them are, like, noticeable except for Jet Set. Well, we actually...

piled our office full of people that are weirdly like the background people are supposed to be just fade in the background right all of our background people are people that you're like wait who's that guy showstoppers right yeah yeah we really made sure that uh you're also looking in the background of every episode going i want to follow his story yeah i feel like jet that we had

no idea who he was or what was going on. We just gave him a line one day. Bro, his name is Jet Set. His name is Jet Set. Yeah, we just said he's the guy. Give him a line. Have him talk about his cactus real quick. Let's see how that works. If you see his look, his hair...

slick back matted down like we didn't dress this dude that's not costume that's no jet set being jet set he was a born entertainer who grew up loving michael jackson and kind of idolizing him and you could find him performing uh at hollywood and highland and uh where else like venice beach passing out bootleg t-shirts yeah he uh

I love his improv. His improv runs too. Okie dokie. Like I came in and like I dumped his, I thought it was Montez's cactus and I throw the cactus into the trash and I'm like, fuck your cactus. And Jetson flies up and he's like, get the fuck, get the fuck up out my house. Hey, what are you doing? Yeah. And it wasn't a house. It was just a cubicle. Yeah, it was just a cubicle. And he's like, get out my house. And then he goes, fuck.

Thank you. Goodbye. Or something like that. He just had a way of fucking seeing the world that we were lucky enough to...

to record. And you know who loved him? Children? Daniel Stern. Daniel Stern was like, this guy's solid gold. Like, you never know what he's going to say. I do think that was Jet Set's biggest scene. Because that was the episode where you guys, that was his biggest scene too. His speech. His hair was written into the episode as a plot point. You guys came back in an effort of solidarity. We had Jet Set's hair. Yeah.

I gotta rewatch the fucking show, man. That show's funny, dude. He definitely had his sides. I will say he had his script right below frame for that scene with Dan. Well, shit, I wish I could do that sometimes. The jokes per minute on Workaholics were fucking through the roof. Breakneck. That's why this isn't funny. We ran out of jokes a while back. Yeah.

Dude, we gave it our all, brother. When we were in the edit, I remember we would be like, it's okay if you miss some of the jokes. Dude, let's get the raw footage. We got so many jokes on the cutting room. Let's recut. Let's do the Zack Snyder cut of we're not Alex. Dude.

The R-rated cut. Dude, you know I'm going to get really fucking bored one day and crack that shit open. You got the archives? What do you got? I'll get them. I can get them. Still going to get them. I'm still going to get them. I'm still going to sell it. Well, that's nice. It's good to hear that they hold up for you. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I didn't know if it was going to, and it really, really did. And especially like...

I hadn't seen those specific episodes in so goddamn long. Right. That at that now I'm like, maybe I just watch season three B and four just to just to catch up because those those like middle seasons, I'm like, I can't remember. I feel like those seasons are kind of like when you're really, really tired at a fucking sleepover and you're making the craziest jokes, but you don't remember them. But in the moment, it's so fucking funny. But you're trying to stay up to see the sunrise. Yeah.

Yeah. And you're just, cause we were delirious probably from like three until the end. Like maybe, maybe what was the last one we did? Seven, seven, seven. Yeah. Maybe seven. We were conscious, but from three to six, I don't know if we were fully conscious of what was going on. Oh man. I remember every moment. I was awake. Yeah. Every moment is living with me right now. It's a nightmare. Just want to go back.

It was very fun. I miss it. Those were the best days of my life. I miss it and I love it. The ripping and the tearing. Damn, I wish I remembered it. Well, watch the episode. It'll jog some memories. There's a few where I'm like... I'm just playing. I remember it. I love those times. A few scenes that...

I don't remember at all. And then every once in a while you'll see a scene and you will like transport back and be like, oh, I remember where I hid my sides in that scene. I remember that there was I hid my coffee cup behind that plant. I remember having to wait out in that specific hallway. I remember like certain conversations you had with the other actors like right before it, like everything will come.

rushing back. Dude, when you guys came to my house and I had got the Vo up and running and it was in my driveway, Durs was like, check the door. There's the last sides in there. And it's like, oh, there they are. Yeah, there it is. The last scene. They're right there. It's where he put them every time. I do like watching for when my mouth is still full from snacking between takes. And I'm like, I come through a door just kind of chewing and like licking my teeth and going,

Yeah, we got to get back for it. That's like when we shot that scene where we're like staking out the house eating Panda Express and we refused to spit it out. So we just ended up throwing up. We just ate like a bucket of orange chicken. I think I divined it and gagged myself. Let's call that a divined it from now on. Bulimia is divined it. She's dealing with divinity.

right now fully defined gotta go to the hospital when we got the Gravitron I was like roll on this I'm gonna barf and I think your brother Adam Nuchak directed that episode right yeah he did yeah and he was like okay let's do it and then after a while people were like I don't know if we need to see that yeah and I'm like you're gonna want the footy we're gonna want this that'll make it on the Zack Snyder cut yeah dude

Any take backs, apologies, or, you know, the other one. Compliment is put down. What was the other one? Epic slam. Epic slam. Epic slam. I feel like we were pretty nice to each other this this app. I'm still going to send it. You know, yeah. Why? Then I apologize for that. Yeah, I'm sorry to the fans.

for not going in on each other a little bit. Happy New Year. Yeah, it's a new year. It's a new us. They're looking for that hot, hot, hot, hot heat. I'll compliment us because it doesn't happen that often. I'll compliment all four of us for just having a real nice time walking down memory lane. And what's the word? And what's the word? Happen, man. You fucking dumbass. Edward Mack!

What did I say? It doesn't happen that often. Oh, it doesn't happen. Yeah, it doesn't happen that often. Ders, I'd like to compliment you on that fucking epic slam, dude. Yeah, thank you so much. Fuck all you guys.

I'm so smart when people don't say a word correctly. Get them. I got to get them. Yeah, you do. You do flex on. And usually it's me. Usually I'm a mumble mouth in my way through something and I get epic slammed. I'm glad it was called. You were clean today. I was curling my toes under the table just ready to pounce on you. Like you asshole.

And we did really stroll down memory lane today. We did. Yeah, we did. New year, let's look back. But from now on, let's look forward, guys. And Blake, well said. Hey, will you write that down and put that on a shirt for the show, please? If you could get a piece of wood and paint that, and my mom would like that in your house. If you could paint that in cursive on a piece of wood, my mom would like to put that above her door. Just one more time. What was it before we forget it? If you could... Halfen? What was it again? Halfen.

Hey, if someone at home, please rewind and then send us art based on whatever the fuck Blake just said that I already forgot. Let's look back and then also remember, look forward. Something like that, but it was better. It's way better. New Year's. It's already fucking 2021. Y'all were in it.

Looking for it, baby. Well, I do want to compliment Blake and Adam on being such good friends that the fight of their life happened back in Chicagoland. And here we are. We're still here. They're still homies. I do miss those like you don't fight with your friends in the same way that you used to in your 20s when you guys were just roommates and you're with each other all the time.

I try. You're done fighting with your friends in that- Yeah, we don't spend enough time. In that same capacity. Yeah, we're not together enough-

to where you don't fight like fucking brothers like children anymore and I miss that I'm supposed to be somewhere I gotta go you feel the tension bubbling and you go I got a thing actually I do have somewhere to be and you believe that other person because they might and you want them to leave back in the day you're like I know you don't I know you don't have anything to do

No, you don't, bitch. Where? Oh, you're going to go to the Coinstar? You went to the Coinstar two days ago, motherfucker. You do not have that change. I can count that shit for you, dude. You

You, how much you pay me and I'll fucking, I'll count that change, bitch. Sit your ass down. I'd like to compliment Blake and his use of Coinstar back in the day. He used to always sit there, assholes directly into the sky, counting his change on the floor, waiting for a deep dish pizza right up the bum hole. Well, you know what? I'm going to,

My compliment goes to all of us. Our friendship is battle-tested. Still love you, bros. I love you, too. I love you guys. It's nice to be here. I love you guys. Blake, I love you. Kyle, I love you. Ders, also love you. What do you have to say, Ders? Hey, things could be worse.

Know what I mean? So, I love you, Durs. I'd love to hear from you. I heard it from Blake. I heard it from Kyle. I just said it. Durs, hit us with it. His internet's chunking. Hit us with it, dog. You are breaking up. And, hey, love is in the air. The clearest I've ever heard you. What's up? Yeah, coming through crystal clear. Just hit us with it, dog. Call me, man. Let me give you a compliment on how sweet you're being right now.

It's been a tough year, been a real rough year. You know, maybe it's time to just come out with it. You know, you're just started brother. Happy new year. Oh yeah. We're in 2021. Olive juice. Hey, you guys know it. Olive juice.

That's cool. You know what would be really important? If you just said that you loved your buddies just one time. I feel like that would be important. I love my buddies, guys. This is great. Hey, everybody quit looking back. Just start looking forward. Put it on a sign. Also, it's good to look back and walk down memory lane, but also let's look forward. Let's also look forward.

We got merch now. Rate and subscribe. And that was another episode of This is Important. And it was.

Should we talk about what's most important right now? Mm-hmm. Should we do it to them? Yes. Let's do it. Let's do it. Absolutely. Our merch, dude. Our merch. How hot is that stuff? Hot, hot, hot, hot. It's so good. It's got our faces on it. It does have our faces on it. And a lot of people are like, I want to have you with me at all time, close to my bosom area. And so guess what? You have that option now. Congrats. So go to our merch. And where can they find that, Kyle? Oh, yeah.

Oh, you can get our merch at thisisimportant.merchcentral.com, baby. That's right. It is thisisimportantatmerchcentral.com. Thisisimportantatmerchcentral.com. Also, guys, follow us on Instagram, follow us on Twitter, and follow at podimportant because...

They got all this stuff, like pictures that we've talked about. They've got the links for this. Anything that we're talking about on the podcast that week, we'll drop some behind-the-scenes stuff, some old photos, whatever we're talking about, old videos, a lot of weird music videos that Kyle made alone in his bedroom when he was depressed. I got tons. Some really cool stuff. So follow us. Pod it important. And, you know, merch is important. Yeah, buy a hat or a sweatshirt. We love you. Treat yourself.

Starbucks Iced Apple Crisp Oat Milk Shaken Espresso. Made with blonde espresso, creamy oat milk, and spiced apple flavors. It's a nicey crisp sip you can enjoy all autumn long. Order ahead on the Starbucks app.

Does money stress you out? Let Facet flip your financial chaos into clarity. We feel way more confident and secure in our finances. And with that comes a sense of freedom. Financial planning from Facet is here to help you improve your life today, tomorrow, and every day after that. Facet was really the place where we saw all of the tools and the people coming together. Visit facet.com, F-A-C-E-T.com to learn more. This ad is sponsored by Facet. Facet Wealth is an SEC registered investment advisor. This is not an offer to buy or sell securities, nor is it investment legal or tax advice. These testimonials are from current Facet members who are not

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. It's a simple truth. No matter who you are, mental health challenges can affect you. And how you manage them can make all the difference. That's why everyone should have access to mental health support that meets them where they are and helps them get through. BetterHelp provides online therapy on your schedule. It's flexible, simple to use, and more affordable than in-person therapy. BetterHelp is a great way to get started.

Connect with a licensed therapist selected just for you. Learn more at BetterHelp.com. That's BetterHelp.com.

Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese! It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it. What? I know, I'm crazy. Yeah, dude, it's hella good. You gotta try it. With so many unique recipes...

How could you go wrong? And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.