Ep 247: A Bunch Of Aunts Ain’t Nothing To F*@k With
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Wow. I don't know why that song came out. It's good. Oh, that song just, I mean, dude, you put that on around a bunch of your aunts. Oh, my God. Fuck that. Sloppy.

Sloppy. There's nothing like a bunch of ants. Right around a bunch of your drunk ants. Just get sloppy. It's not unusual. We're dancing. We're dancing. I don't care. Get up. A bunch of ants is like the most dangerous group, I think. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

The hardest gang in America. Dude, they say like when you see a bunch of teens, you're like, cross the street. A bunch of teens, a bunch of youths together. No, no, dude. A bunch of your aunts. Yeah. Not even your aunts. Any aunts. Any aunt. That's right. When you hear a van, just like...

Oh, God. Yeah. Uh-oh. Cross the street. Go, honey. Get inside. Get inside. Go, go, go, go, go, go. Get the kids. They're on the loose. If you see a Dodge Caravan cruising in this song, fucking blast. Oh. Yeah. Danger. Also, the Sweet Caroline. Oh, yeah. That's a group of ants. Oh, that's a hit banger. For sure. Mm-hmm. That's a hit banger. Or just like a drunk...

bar that does karaoke. That's a drunk bar. Play about three times.

Yeah, they play that a lot. That's a drunk car. Did someone miss Sweet Caroline yet? Yeah, if you're there for one hour, you hear that song three times. Unfortunately. That is so funny. A bunch of drunk ants playing that song. You hear the Dodge Caravan cruise by. That's a horror movie right there. That is the movie. I was just going to say, that's the movie. A bunch of ants. That's the movie. That's A24 ready. Mm.

Oh my God. One of the aunts just got divorced. They're out. They're all out. They're like, come on, find this motherfucker. They're at a drunk bar. You know what they're singing. Yeah. They're like, Susan, fuck him. Fuck him. He's an asshole. That was the problem is that I fucked him. But I love my kids.

I love my kids. He gave me the best gift in the world. Cougars. Coming to the theater, dude. Cougars. Well, a bunch of ants. Yeah, a bunch of ants is what we're saying, dude. Not cougars. Cougars can be cougars. What's the difference? They can be, but cougars cannot necessarily be ants. Cougars are less scary because if you are a single man, you might want to fuck a cougar.

You know what I mean? Or you might get, you might be prey, and you might like it. With a bunch of ants, these are, as soon as you say they're an ant, you don't want to fuck them. Mm-hmm.

You're not trying to fuck up. That's not kind for any ants listening. Blake, it's not us. It's society, okay? You're right. This is a societal war. Then don't say I'm an ant. Don't have that be your badge of honor. Don't identify as an ant. These women that are driving in the Dodge Caravan that are terrifying this neighborhood.

They for sure qualify themselves as ants. We are ants. But you know what's wild about this bunch of ants is that there's always a funky ant that's not invited. There's the fun ant, but the funky ant who's like... But the fun ant, just in my family, the fun ant just means the drunkest, loudest ant. Okay. That's every family. Yeah, every family. Okay. Every family. The fun ant.

- Also known as the most emotional aunt. It's like these are, and midnight hits and the pumpkin or the carriage turns into a pumpkin. - The wine bottle is empty. - The glass slipper turns into a Wolverine boot again and she's gotta go to work in the morning. - It's not unusual.

- Dude, I love your Lowell's. You were rocking a whole fit, dude. Lowell smokes. - Yeah, there's what the hell? - Hey, I'm pretty high for somebody so low. - That's not getting points.

Yeah, they sent me some merch. Give me a hell yeah! Because I think a few weeks ago, if not several, I like whined. I whined a lot. Yeah, you were being a real bitch a few weeks ago. Yeah. And it turns out if you whine, if you whine enough. My job! They sent me a box of merch. Dude, I got sent a lighter. Yeah. Okay. It's like a fucking blowtorch. Yeah. Woo!

I got one of those. Unreal. Fancy. But then you know what happens is it runs out. It runs out pretty quickly. And then you have to refill it because I got the same one. You have to refill it. And then that's a thing I will never do. I'm never going to refill the lighter. And it sucks because it's very nice. It was a great gift. Thank you, Lowell. I'm not going to refill it. Now it's just a thing that my kid tries to eat.

It's an antique. It's something they're going to find, you know, hundreds of years from now and go, wow. What is this lighter? Is this like a Zippo lighter or you're talking like one of the torches? Dude, it's like a trigger. You like slide the trigger up and then two little flame dicks just. What? I need one. Yeah. This is what it says in their literature. Yeah. Yeah. In their literature is what is how they phrased that. You need another four inches. And did you get sent any.

sent any weed or just merch? This is one of two boxes. I think the weed box is coming. I don't know if they have to send that a different way. Go, buddy. We don't know. And we're not saying how they sent it. But a very soft shirt. Definitely not through the mail because that's illegal to do. They hand deliver it if I were to guess. Yeah.

Lowell, one of my favorite weed companies. It was a drone, a blunt-shaped drone came over my home the other night. Remember when they were saying a few years ago that drones are just going to start delivering packages to your doors all the time? I remember that. Blake, do you remember that?

I do recall that conversation. That just didn't happen. It's science. It's not happening here, but it's happening. I just watched like 60 Minutes or something like that on it just the other day. They're doing it in Rwanda. Yeah, it's all I have. All I have is 60 Minutes. I watch it on YouTube. I watch the little clips on YouTube. But they have like

pharmacies in Africa. I can't remember which country. But they are essentially like zipping stuff to hospitals that would take like, you know, the roads are pretty shitty. It would take a while to get there. They just zip these drones off from like a launch pad.

It goes, it drops the medicine with like a parachute and then it comes back and gets caught on this little slack line. It's fucking sick. Zip it. Sorry, I zoned out. I zoned out and I just, I knew you were talking but I stopped listening. Zip it.

Which I do. And I hate that about myself, but I do. That's why I wasn't a great student. I could have been. I'm smart as fuck. I just engage myself. But I don't. So where was this at? Half of it is engagement. Why would I repeat myself? No, no, no, no. Just where was it? Why would I repeat that? Zip it. Hey, Blake, where was it? It was in... After you...

After you just told me, you're like, I'm not going to listen. I didn't listen. I didn't. It wasn't. It's not that I chose. How do I know you're listening now? How do we ever know you're actually listening? It's not that I chose not to listen. It just happened.

The brain just turned off. I'm on a lot of medicine. I'm on a lot of medicine. This is filled with medicine. It sounds like you think other people should tolerate that. I'm on a lot of medicine. Sometimes I zone out. It's science. It's not all me, okay? Don't shake your box of pills at us and try to excuse you not listening. Is this what you do to the

Is this what you do at every meeting where you zone out? You just shake pills at people and say, sorry. Thank you, Blake. Get them. Yeah, when I do a big Hollywood meeting with like a studio executive, I just bring this and I go, hey. Hey, Spielberg. Sorry. Where am I again? This is...

Netflix? Where is this? Is this Hulu? I forgot to look on the way in. I'm sorry, officer. Am I in my car right now? Adam, it's in Africa. I can't remember exactly what country. I think maybe Rwanda. I could be dead wrong. Oh, Rwanda. Oh, Rwanda. Okay. Zip it. The place with that dope hotel, I think. Hotel Rwanda. Yeah, they do. They apparently have really nice hotels there. It's got like a sick hotel. There was a movie all about it. I never saw that movie. I never saw it.

I haven't seen it either. It's like a white Lotus. Like they were sort of doing white Lotus before white Lotus is my guess. Really? Yeah. I think Don Cheadle plays like a male escort. Um,

Oh, so it's like pretty woman, but it's pretty man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Pretty man in a beautiful hotel in Rwanda. That makes a lot of sense. Oh, wow. That sounds fun. I think that's what it's about. It seems like it should be. That sounds really fun. I got to check that out. I don't think it was about like a genocide of a certain... Anyway. Okay. Is it real?

I'm going to have to check it out. Never seen it. Oh, Todd. Todd's got the link, the IMDb link. Maybe I guess. Let's see. What was that movie about? I'm pretty sure we know. Yeah. What was it about? A hotel manager houses a thousand Tutsi refugees during their struggle against the Hutu militia in Rwanda, Africa.

and yet finds time to be a male hooker. - Oh, wow. - What the? - Wow. - What the? - We were reading the same part. I missed, I feel like your link must be different than my link. - Huh. - Working man. - It really is White Lotus. That's crazy. - Black Lotus, actually. - Okay.

They called it Black Lotus. Yes, points! Tootsie Refuge? Those are, if you're going to be a refugee, I feel being called a Tootsie Refugee, that's, you're going to get admitted into the country a little quicker, right? You're like, hey, I'm a Tootsie. You know what I mean?

Just as kind of a fun name. Everyone likes Tootsie Rolls, Tootsie Pops. I forgot that's also how it works. It depends. If you're a refugee and there's a country that's like, well, who are we letting in? How many? What are they called exactly? I just need to make sure that when they get here, there's something fun. They're not a bummer. You don't want to be a bummer. If you're coming into a country, just don't be a bummer. Absolutely. And what would be a bummer to you, Adam? Like Syrian refugees? Is that just not? That's aggressive. It's like, what are they, serious? Yeah, it seems like maybe they take themselves a

little too seriously it's like right hey chill we're just we're just trying to have a party here in america you know right it's a bagel yeah that's all we're ever trying to do is just fucking party right we're just trying to party dude party and then you die we're kind of closing the door we're saying we're in here we're partying i'm just trying to party where's that where's that been i just want to party where is that one um my wife hates whatever my wife my wife i just want to

Whatever we're on vacation, I will first thing in the morning, every morning, play Andrew WK's... Get the party started. It's time to party. It's time to party. Yeah, play that song. Play that song, dude. Because it starts off... I remember Blake loved that song when it came out. I remember Blake loving that song. Here we go. Blake kept being like, he's my spirit animal. And I go, that's an interesting thing to say. Party hard. Party hard.

Dude, imagine you're in Italy on vacation with me and I wake you up to this, dude. You're ready to go. Imagine you're having a nice trip to Mykonos and then you just wake up to this, dude. Sweetheart, come outside. It's Aurora Boli Alice. What are they called?

Oh, in Italy? What are they called? I'm saying you're in like Reykjavik at this point. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. It's beautiful. Oh my God. And you're watching the Northern Lights? When it's time to party, we will party hard. Yeah, sweetheart. Look out the window. The Northern Lights are here. Party, we will party hard. And Adam, why do you do this? Why would you do that to her? Yeah. Does she enjoy this? Do you like waking up like that? I do.

Yeah. Yeah, I do. You need something like this or you just appreciate it? I like waking up like I'm shot out of a cannon. I do like that energy. That's interesting. Whenever we're on the road, it doesn't seem like you like getting up at all. You kind of roll out of bed. That's not true. This last tour, I was perfectly fine. I think you guys were talking about previous adventures, but the new me...

Friendship. Mike's waking up like I'm shot out of a cannon. Okay. I like this. Like it's time to party? I do like, specifically on vacation, I do like to get the party started first thing in the morning. Right. I told you, dude! Which means you gotta get a drink in right away. God, I miss drinking. What is your vacation drink? Besides blood, which we know you do. Blood. This is the way. No, that's Kyle. On Hollywood. We know you.

Oh, yeah. Kyle's gone. No, yeah. He's dead to us because he OD'd on eating babies. It's weird to get indefensive about it. My...

drink, my vacation drink would be, you can't have too many of whatever fruity drinks that they're offering. You gotta go local. You gotta go local. Tell that to my cancer source. Here's the deal. You can't have too many sugary drinks. So you have one or two of those and then you just gotta go with a local beer or whatever local

Drink they have or I just do a vodka sodes because you know what you're getting there You know how to ride that wave. It's calm That's right soda

- I don't know. - It's not your thing? Are you a tequila soda guy? - I remember that was like early 2000s. - It could be forever. - It could be forever. - It could be forever. - I don't disagree. I like a little tequila or Jack and Ginger. - Ooh. - That's Andrew WK I like to party. - There's too much ginger ale though, because if you have 12 of those, then you had a lot of ginger ale.

And that's too much. My trick is I don't drink 12 of them. What? That's not a trick. Okay, then you're not on vacation. That's the opposite of a trick. Yeah. You're not shot out of a cannon. Wake up!

- What are your vacations, bro? Do you read books? - I do the two sugar drinks. I do two of the Jack and Ginger's. - Okay, you do two. - And then I go on to the beer. - Toasty! - And then I'm like on the beer. - Somebody help me! - I'd say that's probably a responsible thing to pivot to. - I'm not gonna drink just mixed drinks all day long. I need to get some. - You can't. Unless we're on a cruise,

Then I'm pumping my body full of piña coladas. Because I'm getting my calories from the beer. You know what I mean? Absolutely. We're drinking our lunch. Absolutely. I'm skipping lunch. I want to be real hungry for dinner. Oh, and you know what we're having. I'm going to the luau. You know we're eating a whole pig, baby. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

- Great ass! - Blake, what's your vacation drink? - Pina Colada, absolutely. I love a Pina Colada. - You're doing more than one of those? Or are you starting with that? - You know what, I might, like if they have a lava flow as well, I might parlay it into a lava flow, but I'm not doing a lava. - I thought there was a lava flow. - That's basically Pina Colada with like

strawberry as well, I think. And Adam, are you also doing something like that? I want an umbrella in my drink. I mean, I might have one just to say I did it. Sure. But no, I'm not going out of my way to get that. I'm drunk now. A pina colada? I'm not going out of my way to get that, no. Or like a monkey's lunchbox.

Sure. What's that now? You're not. I don't know. I just I'm just repeating names of drinks I see on menus when I travel. It's like when I go to when we're in New Orleans, you have to have one perp drank. You know, you got to have one. Absolutely. Absolutely. I feel like I can't have two or three. Then you're I mean, yeah, you're.

You fucked yourself. But I feel like there is a little something soft about drinking something out of these fun glasses with big pieces of fruit hanging out of them. And I'm just wondering if that's what sets us apart. Soft in what way? Like pussy shit. What the? I was intoxicated. Judgment. Yeah, why? Why? Just because it has fruit? I'm just saying, I'm just saying...

i i get like looks from people when i have like a big drink like that who's looking mostly for my wife who's like you're you're fucking bitch well she's not looking at me because that she's like oh she like knocks it in my face and i'm like i gotta order another one the fuck are you drinking durst yeah um come on but i do get an ipa you fucking bitch other i feel like a lot of guys wouldn't get those drinks because of the appearance

Oh, no, that's not why. That's not why that I wouldn't get it. That is no. Because of the male gaze? I'm totally fine looking like a bitch. I just said that's how I get my party started. But I think there's a lot of guys out there. And guys, if you're listening, slide into Blake's DMs and tell them who are like, I'm not getting a fucking drink like that. I hate when dudes judge your drink like it's.

Like they're drinking it. Yeah, like what the fuck do you care? Like, dude, just let you drink your drink. You post a light beer, they're like, oh, you're just drinking water. Like, who gives a fuck? It's not going in your mouth, bud. Dad. Dad. Dad. Yeah, but isn't it fun drinking light beers? Because then you can drink a drink.

A dozen of them. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Or pina coladas. You can have a dozen. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I feel like you'd get a headache, Blake. Is that worth it? I'd probably get severe diarrhea. Diarrhea.

You guys like a Mai Tai? I like a Mai Tai. I love a Mai Tai. I love a Mai Tai. Yeah. That's a good second drink. A Bahama Mama to start your afternoon off if you're in the islands. Have a Bahama Mama. The cause of diarrhea. Adam, did you Google fancy drinks like this and you're reading that off the screen right now? No. No, these are off the top of the dome. This is the pills talking. I just had the Bahama Mama when I was in- What are you looking at? What are you looking at on your screen there? You guys. Yeah.

Yeah, this is you. Look at me right now. This is you. Look at me. I'm looking at you. Wait, you weren't looking there the other time.

I'm looking at you right now. I'm looking at Durs right now. Okay. I believe him. Okay. I was just in the Bahamas. I had Bahama Mamas. Hot, hot, hot, hot. A delicious drink. I think I was allergic to it. That's a rum base? It's a lot of rum. A lot of rum. It was so good. Went to the hospital. Still finished it. I kind of broke out in a rash. Maybe I was just allergic to alcohol because that was the first time I drank big post not drinking for months.

Yeah. You're not going to have that problem on the cruise, though. That's for dang sure. Or do you think maybe you will? I might go get stem cells again in this fall. So...

Really? Yeah, I might do it again. Because they worked? Yeah, I think they worked maybe 10, 15%. So now I'm going to try to get another 10, 15%. And hey, that's 25, 30%. Feeling good. Is that how it works? That's how it works? Should we go with you this time? Maybe. Oh, yeah. That'd be fun. You want to come live from Columbia? Yeah, come down to Medellin. That'd be fun as hell. And do you have to go there? People are telling me they go to Texas.

It's science. No, but that's not real, Bam. They don't get the same amount. That's not that good, good? Oh, yeah. You want it from the umbilical cord. Is it real? Straight into me. Yeah. The ones in Texas are the ones in America. You either have to do it under the table, which seems a little sketchy.

Or it's just not the same amount or the same quality. Right, got it. We got some weird regulations over here. You literally just go to Columbia, they give you a fork and knife and you eat somebody's umbilical cord, right? That's what it is? More or less. It's science. Yeah, and it's above the table. No, it's very above board. It's bio-accelerator. They do great stuff. Oh, that's right. Great stuff. And it's a really cool clinic. So, yeah.

I liked going down there the one time and I'm hoping to go back. But that means that I won't drink for three months afterwards. So I'm going to try to plan it.

to where that's all said and done, and then when I go on the cruise, I can ground and pound, baby. That's cool. That's a cool way to plan your life. So day one of pack drinking is going to be on the cruise ship? I don't know if it'll be day one, but I mean, I would like to do a little lead up, a little practice run beforehand. You know, I assume on a cruise, there's like a speaker in everybody's house, so like the captain can be like...

There's sharks in the water. Watch out. No one's swimming off the side. I'm burned. I hope not. Are we starting every day with Andrew WK for Adam? You better believe it. Oh, I would love that. It's 9 a.m. You know, I hosted the Weezer cruise like in 2012 or something. Oh, yeah. And they gave you a mic, right? They gave me the mic and they called me the emcee of the ship. Oh, boy.

And then it was just like I was doing fine. I was cracking jokes, yada, yada. Cut to 1130 and I'm in the casino and they gave me the mic to like hype people up to come to the casino. And I'm like hosting a casino night or whatever. And it's just me going like, come on down to the casino. We're having a blast down here, everybody. Cut to 1130.

an hour later and now i'm drunk and i'm like losing money and i'm like don't come to the casino no one no one they're taking all of her money down here do not come to the casino guys you hold your phone up to the mic you're just like this is it there you go now we're talking uh

Yeah, and then they immediately took that away. Like, someone came immediately and were like, hey, can I see that microphone real quick? You just kept saying, there's an iceberg ahead. There's an iceberg. We're in Mexico. Caribbean iceberg.

Rogue wave. But for some reason, we do have to take this seriously. So will we be traveling through the Gulf of America? America? Yeah. Is that where we're going to be traveling through? Everybody out to the deck was saluting the Gulf of America. Damn right, dude. I can't wait.

To hit the Gulf of America. It's going to be smooth sailing. How to be here. I'm going to come. What sucks about... I mean, because it is a cool name. I like it. Gulf of America? It sucks that the rest of the world is just like, nah, we're not calling it that. You know, if you...

If it was going to be called the Gulf of America, you want the rest of the world to be like, yeah, okay, we're all on board with now it's the Gulf of America. Yeah, if nobody's signing off on the name. No one's signing off on it. It really doesn't matter. That kind of sucks. Yeah, it's a little lame. Yeah, but isn't that everywhere? Doesn't everywhere call... Like, other countries call us something else besides the United States of America. What? Fuck it! What are they calling us? Don't they call us like Estados Unidos or whatever, like in Spanish? Well...

That's just the different language. Like, yeah, it's still that still means the United States. They're not saying they're not calling us like the but boys, but but so we call Japan, Japan, but they don't call it Japan. Don't they call it like Nippon? Oh,

Well, I think that's Japanese. That's how you say it. Oh, my God. Exactly. But why don't we call it Nippon? Do you understand what I'm saying? It's translated to that. But it's translated to that. I understand, but listen to me. Because they're still saying golf. When you hear people speaking Spanish, and then they're like, da-da-da-da, and then sometimes it'll be like personal computer, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-

a Spanish name for this? No, they go into the English. That's what I'm saying. I get what you're saying, but it's not the same. It's not the same. You gotta put the lols down. You gotta put the lols down. Because it's a different America doesn't mean...

Mexico. So when they like Mexico doesn't mean America. So when they translate Gulf of Mexico, it won't translate to Gulf of America. You understand that, correct? That I understand. Okay. Then you're not as dumb as I thought you were.

What you guys were saying is that, well, we shouldn't do it because nobody else is calling it that. And what I'm saying is that people call other places other things. The end. Okay. And we'll be right back. Yeah. All right.

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♪♪

We're saying that the world is not acknowledging that it has switched from Gulf of America or Gulf of Mexico to Gulf of America. Yeah. How do you say United States in Spanish? Estados Unidos or some shit? I don't know. That still translates to United States. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. Yes. If they were calling it something else and we were like, no, we don't call it that. Neither does the rest of the world.

you saw what I was saying. So I don't want to, I don't want to talk about it. If you saw what I was saying, I made my point. So back off, back off. You're, you're ruining your point. You're in the weeds. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't understand. You're like, dude, I, he signed off. I told, I get it now. I get it now. And,

- So that'll be fun. That'll be a fun part of the cruise. - More of this on the cruise. - Yeah, well, we're gonna have a lot of workshops on the cruise. - Oh, did you guys hear about the geography bee on the cruise? - Yeah. - Yeah! - 'Cause we're calling it Gulf of America. - We're already almost halfway sold out, Isaac said. - Holy shit. - Wow. - Thank you, golf!

That's pretty damn good considering it's in February. So we got a minute. Snap up your cabins. I'm excited. That's pretty cool. Am I bringing the whole family? Is, is Bo going to take his, his first, uh, vacation? The maiden voyage. Wow. Okie dokie. I might, I might bring my family. The whole, like Dennis and Penny might roll, uh,

And then, you know, you get- Oh, that seems automatic. Yeah. Goofy! Yeah, my parents are kind of sniffing around. My parents are sniffing around. They're asking, should we roll? Can we, like, sell merch? I'm like, yeah, let's do it. I mean, I think that'd be great. But not our merch. They have their own merch. No, no, their own merch. Yes, absolutely. That would make the most sense. Bunch of ants. My mom just sells visors that say, Goofy!

Hey, we got to like go back and watch a bunch of MTV spring break videos. Oh, those are going to be on loop. And steal all those games that they did back in the day. Goofy! How are we not doing like a dating game where it's like a chick getting interviewed by like three guys or vice versa or whatever the thing is. And they have to triple kiss.

If they don't, they go overboard on the sharks. Isn't that the... And your parents host the dating game? Well, you know we're going to be in international waters, so anything can go out there, dude. We're in international waters. Triple kisses. Yeah, triple kisses. Or maybe a straight-up orgy breaks out. Who knows? It's international waters. Oh, my God! Those aren't legal everywhere?

Not in public. Wait, how did we segue from talking about our parents being on the cruise to orgies on open waters? You know how Adam goes. My mom suggested it. My mom suggested it. She was like, Goofy! She was like, you know, I'd be kind of goofy if an orgy broke out. What? Goofy! Is this a close optional cruise? Mom, what? Get her done! Mom, just watch my kid in the cabin.

Yeah, I think it is, but... Goddamn. Goddamn. I like that. Goddamn. Yeah, I don't know. How many piña coladas have you had, Mom? I like watching cruise ship videos because I just think that they're these insane feats of engineering where you're like, how is this moving city even real, Bam? Goddamn. That would be cool. And you know what's going to ignite a passion in us? It's going to ignite the passion to do Game Over, boy.

That's what it's going to do with. And I know the world has been clamoring for it. Why aren't we, we should get some like B roll. Definitely. Yeah. Save some money. Maybe we shoot it. Do we just film it? At least a sizzle. Maybe we just shoot it on someone's phone. Yeah. Well, who's going to direct it? Because Kyle, uh,

has said over and over that he hates the pod and doesn't want anything to do with us or the podcast. So, right. Damn it. Water trash. He's always, he's always saying that. He even just called, he called me the other day to just say that. Yeah. See ya. Yeah. I went at, I went at lunch with him the other day and the whole time, that's all he talked about. I was like, I just want to shut the fuck up about how much he hates the pod. Right. Yeah. Hmm.

Didn't even order anything to eat. Maybe we could have him as a guest when Happy Gilmore 2 comes out and we can interview him. Yeah, I feel like maybe he'd want to do that. If we're lucky. You know, they put a podcast in Happy Gilmore 2. Kyle's the director. He's the one who directed the movie. He didn't choose us. Bye.

Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino. He probably pitched us. Right. Bad idea. Sorry. Bad friends. Yeah. Is in the show. Is in the movie. Okay. We're not. We're not. He probably pitched us. No, he didn't. Are they bigger? They're bigger. They have a...

very well established podcast sure sure sure guests on sure they do and sure and talk i mean i know bobby talks probably quite a bit about jizz but less than us maybe everybody's coming

Yeah, I think we talk more about jizz. Are they brought to you by Semen X and Load Boost? He talks more about either getting fucked or fucking people when he was 12. He talks a lot about that. So, I mean, that's... That's more popular than you would think. I gotta listen to that podcast.

Yeah. So he didn't choose us. He could have easily chosen us to do it. That's all I'm saying. So he hates us. I like to think he ran it up the flagpole. He didn't. A.K.A. Sandler. I talked to them about it. He didn't. He goes, oh, I didn't even think about that. And I'm like, what? Fuck it. What do you mean? Yeah. And he goes, dude, I didn't even think about that. I wasn't even thinking about that. And I'm like, oh. Yeah.

Okay. No. Huh. Yeah. You didn't even think about that? He's like, nah, dude. I wasn't even in charge of that. I didn't even think of that. And I'm like, ah. Huh. To me, that's such an easy thought. You lose. Well, I mean, he did come to us as actors, right? No, he didn't even think about that. Didn't even think about that. Well, he came to me for like round table punch ups.

Oh, wait, no. Did he? No, he didn't even think about that, dude. Dude, we're out of sight, out of mind. What the hell? Yeah, it was wild. I was like, what do you mean you didn't think about that? He's like, yeah, dude, I didn't even think about that. I'm like, okay. That's right, the podcast.

- Yeah. - Freaking see ya. - When you went on that whole podcast tour with us and we went to all those giant venues that were sold out and fans were clamoring and seemed like it was a big deal, and then you immediately forgot about that? He's like, "Yeah, dude, forgot about that." - Happens to the best of us. - And then while we were eating lunch,

He then goes, they're like, you know, right before when we were ordering, I'm like, I'll take the chicken Caesar salad. And he goes, do you have babies on the menu? And I'm like, whoa. This is the way. Yikes. Yikes. I know we're in Hollywood, but you're like, check, please. Whoa, yeah. No. And of course, in true LA fashion, they said, not on the menu. Oh. I know who you are. Coming right up.

I'm gonna come. Hollywood. I know someone. There are, there has to be like swinger orgy cruises, right? That has to be. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yes, they're called singles cruises, right? Oh, yeah. But that's not what swingers are. That's, that's. Well, that's the code name. The code name is singles cruise. Yeah. Why not just call it fuck fest? 2000. Burn! What?

Yeah. I mean, Adam, you're not wrong. Luck luck 5,000. I don't disagree with you. I don't like you guys telling me to show my tits. Dude, and Isaac's going to show his tits. And like gay cruises got to be fuck fest, right? Yeah, I would say. Oh, yeah. I would say. Like if you go on a gay cruise.

If you go on a cruise that's just based on your sexual orientation, like leading with that, that's a fuck fest, right? Great ass! I mean, gay cruise, what if it's straight cruise? Straight cruise. That's what I'm saying. If the cruise is titled sexually straight cruise, then you're going to fuck. Yeah, that makes sense. But also, why not call it Gluck Gluck 5000? Right.

Like, you know, if you're selling the fact that you're going to go there and do Gluck Glucks. Is it Gluck Gluck or Gawk Gawk? I think it's... Gluck Gluck. I thought it was Gluck Gluck. Gluck Gluck. I mean, there's literally no way to tell. It could be... There's one way. There's one way to tell. Pull up the audio. I thought, let's...

But if the cruise was called Sexually Straight Cruise, that would make me think there is some non-straight shit going on on the cruise. That's too... Why? They're spending money to... Well, that's what I'm saying. Why not just say, call it Fuckfest 2000 or whatever? I guess you don't have to put a number behind it, but it seems like... It doesn't hurt. If it's called Absolutely Super Straight Sexually...

banging only chicks banging dudes cruise. Do you know more words or do you run out? Here's the movie. There's a cruise that's called like the missionary cruise but it's like Christians and shit. There's a group of ants who are like we love missionary. Let's go get fucked. They're a missionary cruise and they're a little confused. It's Rebel Wilson. It's Amy Schumer. Old Navy is a sponsor.

Absolutely. This is not a bad idea, Durs. Yeah. Missionary cruise? Let's go get railed. I already know what the trailer is. We can't invite the kooky ant. We can't invite it. Missionary. Missionary cruise. And by the way, at the end, they find Jesus. Exactly. It's basically sister act.

Or actually, it's a guy who looks like Jesus. We know chicks. We know chicks so well. We know chicks. We know aunts. We know moms. We know chicks. Wives. Everyone, have you guys seen Jesus? Someone's looking, they're trying to find Jesus. Jesus. And they think it's Jesus. Exactly. They're like, Jesus. Oh, man. It writes itself. Wouldn't mind getting railed by a Spanish guy named Jesus. We know chicks. We know how they talk. Yeah.

- Yeah, we know they talk. - We know ants. - We know ants. - We know ants. Welcome to the ant farm. - Alien ant farm. - Missionary. - Missionary crew. - Alien ant farm. - This is all I remember this band.

♪ Are you okay, are you okay, Yanny ♪ - He was really good at a different style of head banging. - I remember hearing that song for the first time, very stoned, on my way to detention. - Remember, did you guys have after school? - Bad boy. - If you're really bad, if you're really naughty. - I did some bad stuff. - Constantly in detention. - I can't even remember exactly what I did, but I only had it a few times, but I was on my way there,

very stoned and that song came on and I'm like, did this just change music?

Oh, shit. And you know what, Adam? Zero exaggeration. I think it did change music in a specific way. In a worse way. Is that what you were about to say? Yeah, in a way where it was like, oh, bad music's popular now. What the hell? I loved it. Leave them alone. Maybe we get them for the cruise. That'd be awesome. We definitely... I think they already bought tickets. Dude, if we can get Alien Ant Farm and Three Doors Down, if we can get those two bands...

What's a Three Doors Down? What is a Three Doors Down song? They had Kryptonite. Oh, that song. How's it go? I played that song in the car and-

Chloe knew absolutely every word and she's like, I'm not joking. That's one of my favorite songs of all time. Why? I don't know. It just, it just hit her right. How's it go? I'm working on it. She had a booty like kryptonite. No, no, no. On that kryptonite. I'm on that kryptonite. Call me Superman. Oh, for sure. If I'm alive and well, will you be there? That's three doors down. Oh yeah. All right, everybody. It's, it's Adam on the mic. Everybody come three doors down.

Was that me drunk? Yeah, in the morning. Yeah. I can't. I'm sorry. I already played a lot. You knew the song, though. You knew the song. Yeah, I remember that song. Yeah, yeah. God, what an era of music that I just was like, I guess I just wait. I wait for better music. Do you want to hear when they're like, if you like this artist. But then you listen back and you're like, did we peak with Three Doors Down? Sure. With Puddle of Mud? Right.

Or... With Lit. I like sex in... Or with Marcy's Playground. I was like, fuck. If I turn on MTV and see this fucking video with the tarantula again, I'm gonna blow my brains out. Dude, I... Me and my buddy Kyle Walsh, Goons, Gunner. You guys know him. Goons, Gunner. If...

We went to a three doors, three doors down Marcy's playground, Everclear and fastball concert. That's actually don't think three doors down was on that show, but it was Marcy's playground, fastball and Everclear dude. Might as well have been. If that's not a fucking banger. I fuck with Everclear. I like Everclear. If that's not a fucking banger of a concert in 1999. Hot, hot, hot, hot. That's hot, hot heat. Fastball does. What does it show me the way the way. Yeah.

♪ The rainbow that we walk on is paved in gold ♪ ♪ It's always summer and never gets cold ♪ - They were a one hit wonder, right? - Yeah, they were. - What was Fastballs? They got a couple. What was The Way? - It is called The Way, you're right. You're right, it is called The Way. - It starts off kind of like Calypso, and that's a word I'm using. - Hold on. ♪ We made up their minds ♪ - Yeah, this part. Was that Calypso? - That's Calypso. I got a fast one. - Calypso, no.

Yeah, this one. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. Right.

This is literally just the Friends theme song. No. It's the same exact song. And I thought you were on my team about cool, good music. No, no, no, I'm not. I'm not. I'm actually on the other side of the fence at this point. Wow. I'm really, really, really, really, really offended. Don't they have a song called Fastball also? No.

I'm not seeing that. They do. No. Oh, yeah. Todd pulled it up. Todd pulled it up. I guess I was in eighth grade. Todd's on fire. He's so good, dude. It's June 17th, 1998, 27 years ago at the Ranch Bowl in Omaha, Nebraska.

What the hell? Yeah. 27 years. 27 years ago, I was at that concert. A whole Zendaya ago. Yeah. One Zendaya ago. Is she even... She might even not be 27, bro. I don't even know. Time is a sequence of Zendayas.

Todd, how old is Zendaya? Is it Daya or Daya? And P.S., I don't know. It's definitely Zendaya. Hyundai. Hyundai. Hyundai, Hyundai. I feel like I should have just gone with one name. I fucked up. You do. You're literally Durs. No one knows your last name. Come on.

It's not about knowing my last name. She's 28. Okay. She's 28. It's not about not knowing it. It's about, because I don't know Zendaya's last name, but I don't need to. Yeah, she's a Zendaya. What do you think? It's probably Smith. What?

It's just something you could clip. How old is the girl, the blonde girl, also from, we were just talking about her. We always are. Sydney Swidman. Yeah, her last name is Coleman. Zendaya Coleman. That's actually hard. I'm down. I mean, that's a pretty regular last name, I'd say. Yeah. The blonde girl with the big eyes and the big titties. Oh,

- What are you talking about? - What is, how old is she? - Who? - That's who I'm asking the question. What the fuck is your name? - The girl with the big eyes. - The big eyes, the big tit. - You're asking two questions. You're asking how old is that girl? And also who is that girl? - Sydney Sweeney, dude. Sydney Sweeney. She's 27. - Very shagadilly. - Does she have big eyes? I thought her eyes were half closed. - She has big eyes?

I thought she had kind of big eyes. I thought her eyes were very closed. Maybe you're right. What do they call that? No, they're kind of big. I think they're kind of big. Stoned? Stone face? Stone face. Wait, what are you looking at right now? I'm looking at a photo of her eyes. Yeah, of her eyes. She does have sort of big eyes. I think they're kind of large. Yeah, but there's something going on with them. Something's large with her. They're sleepy lidded.

Right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's not like an insult. That's just a description. Blake has that. Yeah, that's such a hot look to me. No, no, no. Blake does not have that. What? I have a kind of a, yeah, like I'm half asleep most of the time. Yeah, and it's not because you're stoned. No, you are just half asleep half the time. That's not what your eyes are. I'm living in a nightmare. I think people think Blake's stoned all the time. How often do you even smoke weed, Blake? I smoked weed last night.

Okay. That's not the question. How often? He's not going to answer. He's too scared. I don't have a calendar. I don't mark the days on the calendar. Oh, he's a true stoner. Okay. Yeah. So you are, you're evading the question. I, I don't know how to answer that. Not daily. Okay. So what does that, well, three times a week?

Twice a week? Once a week? Once every two weeks? Bi-monthly? There's ways to answer the question. It's crazy that you can't. I mean, I know you don't smoke every day, but I'm currently not smoking every day. Sure. But I'll smoke four times a week. I'm about to smoke four times a day. It's about to be a problem. Okay, young one.

I love it. I can't pick up the kids. I'm going to have them Sidney Sweeney eyes. That would be really good. I'll get back to how much I smoke a week, but if Ders becomes a daily smoker. That'd be wild. That will be fucking kind of wild, bro. I do gummies almost every day at night. I like that for you now. You use them to fall asleep. I do.

I try and beat my wife. Clip that. I try and beat my wife to sleep because she snores. Wow, dude. If I get to sleep before her, I'm good to go. If I'm awake and she starts snoring, I'm up for two hours. That's why I have to beat my wife.

If we're not clipping that and putting that at the beginning of the episode where it's like this week on this is important. I don't even think the sentence I have to beat my wife to sleep. That's not even that's not even adding up when you say it as a sentence. What do you mean you have to beat your wife to sleep? You would say I have to fall asleep before my wife. That would be the way to respond.

That's not a funny way to say it, though. This is a comedy podcast. What are you, high? I love it. That's the issue with Blake. He's not high. Why don't you go drown yourself in the Gulf of America? And I want to get back to how much you smoke weed, dude, because you're a fake stoner, and I'm fucking outing you. I'm sick of this shit, dude. I'm sick of this shit. I'm not a stoner. I'm an athlete. I'm a father. Alcoholic.

Alcoholic. It is weird that he is a stoner poser, but he's also a closeted gay guy. What? Just let me finish. I am not. What are you saying? What I'm saying is that you- Do not clip that. I'm not saying you tell people you're a stoner, but I'm saying your appearance is that of a cliche stoner, and yet you also secretly work out a lot. Yeah.

I don't, I'm not a gym rat. I just, I know. That's my point is that like people who go to gyms, you always were like, I worked out. I work out literally every day, but don't tell anybody. No, I won't shut up about it. Adam drags a fucking like a radio flyer full of kettlebells to the beach as a famous person and works out for sure. That's,

very loudly to let everybody know. It was loud. And they go, there he is. I, you know, I just exist how I am. I don't, I don't announce it to anybody. It's, you know, sometimes I smoke weed. Sometimes I work out. Sometimes meaning every day. It's not sometimes you work out. Yeah. It's not sometimes you smoke weed. It's you rarely smoke weed and you're never not exercising. Yeah. You're always working out. You're flexing your abs right now. No, I, I like, I like to run.

I like to run. Sometimes I like to, I run high sometimes. That's fun. You get the runner's high. Hey, shout out to Puma. Okay. Who make outstanding running shoes. Shout out to Puma Grip. You not slipping. Okay. They just did a whole like ad campaign with the Afro man. Oh,

Oh, because I got high. Oh yeah. And they played because I got high and the whole thing was like the runner's high. And I was like, this is fucking sick. That's a good commercial, dude. I just saw a commercial that kind of, I was like, whoa, this is for a dove, like women's deodorant. And it was,

The song was my neck, my back. And then it changed the lyrics to the rest of my body. I don't know what the hell. But I was so thrown that they used that song because the words in that song are my pussy and my crack. Yeah, that. Lick my pussy and my crack. And this is a Dove deodorant commercial for women. That's where we are. That is crazy. My neck.

My back. Lick my pussy. My neck. My crack. My back. It was absolute. It threw me for a fucking loop. That was the song we listened to on the way to prom. That was like the anthem. You and your mom? Yeah, when my mom dropped me. Wow. She's like, I'm going to set the mood, okay? Is this Link the dub? Yeah, that's the link. That's the commercial. Yeah, play a little bit of that.

Here, I'll tell you when to start it. Start at 12 seconds. Ladies, try this Dio real quick. Let your body, body, how you fit. My neck, my back. They call deodorant Dio. Wow. My neck, my back.

Your thighs will be intact. Intact? Your thighs will be intact? I think it must be for like chafing or something. Yeah, and also I don't, isn't the art, the original artist, is it like Kia? I think this is before the car. And they didn't get her? No, it didn't look like her unless she has gained a lot of weight since I remember jerking off to her album cover when I was a kid.

Right. Dude, that song didn't come out when we were kids, homie. I was definitely in high school. Can someone slide in Blake's DMs and explain to me why full body deodorant is suddenly everywhere? Well, you know, this looks like it's like body spray. We've talked about this. It looks like maybe Axe is making its way into the female market because

Because that's what it's looking like. No, but they call it full body. They're like, do your feet stink? Use this. Do your armpits smell? They want you to cover. And I'm like, are they just trying to sell more deodorant? What at the FDA or whatever happened where they were like, now you can sell RFK? Your whole body. Your whole body can be deodorized. We don't want you to smell no more artificial. Blake, that song came out in 2010.

No, it did not. There's no possible way. It sure did. I just looked it up. It was released in 2010. There's no possible way. My neck, my back released 2010. 2002. I listened to that in the 2002. I listened to it in the limousine on the way to prom. Okay. My neck, my back, 2010. You're looking at the deodorant.

No, I'm not. I looked up Kia My Neck. There's no way. That's a Kia commercial. No, no, no. That's the Kia hamsters. Hey, Blake, I want you to use your own Google and tell me I'm lying. Todd, put it in the chat, bro. Yeah, it's 2002. Why does it say when I wrote Kia My Neck, it says My Neck, My Back song by- You're watching Blake Griffin dunk over a Kia right now. No, I'm not. In 2010. I am absolutely not. No.

I know for a fact they were playing that shit in the limo in my mom's car. And I'm like. And that's when you were jerking off? Okay, no, you're right. You're right. It does say 2002. Why did they? I mean, Google kind of throws you for a loop sometimes. You got to really know your stuff. I get really worried. The information. You got to use Lycos. Yeah. It's a pretty good search engine. Yeah, you're right. 2002.

Yep, there it is. Adam is seeing a different version of the song. By the way, I understand that you jerked off to this album cover very sexually. Yeah, right? She's like bending over, showing her neck or back, her pussy or crack. She was hot. I thought she was a flamethrower. Did she have sleepy eyes or not? And who would have guessed? You jerked off to that? Yeah, I think she could.

You jerked off to that. What the hell is that? I'm not trying to be mean. Bro, this is pretty. It's not exactly the most flattering. I mean, it's a sexual album cover, but also Blake. Where's her booty? You know that there's porno. This was a different time. In 02, you couldn't wait for it to load. This was a different time. The computer was in the family room. I wasn't like you where I would just download shit and get scammed.

Skull and Crossbones. I was privately jerking off to album covers. No Limit Soldiers. 2002, we were graduating high school. You didn't... You weren't able to...

Get a Dell? Dude. Dude. Dude, you didn't get a Dell at this point? I had a Dell. Okie dokie. I had a... What was the one with the cows? What was that one? That was a Gateway. Oh, yeah. Dude, I had a Gateway. Shout out. They had really good screensavers. That shit was fire. The toasters. I went through like three Gateway computers. They fried...

after three months every time and they'd be like just bring it yeah because LimeWire was just on and popping over there you were you were uh I heard Deep Throat videos uh dude I was just talking to my homie of the day about this infamous porno like like what do they call it a professional music video porno here we go

We're back. We're back. Where we would just throw it on as we drank and pre-gamed. It would just be on someone's computer playing. Wow, dude. I remember you saying that you used to put on compilations before going out. But it was this one. It was called Out of Control. And if you guys know what I'm talking about, SlidingBlake's DM, send him the link. That's wild. I didn't watch. No, no.

We didn't watch communal porn. No. We were not a communal porn friend group. It was just on. It was just on. It wasn't like we were all watching it together. It was just on. You take a glance and you go, that'd be fun to do tonight maybe. I don't know. To who?

Each other. What? There was a bald woman who got jizzed onto her head. Oh. Wait. Wow, dude. That's fun. Actually, send me that. Send me that. Hey, internet, do what you do. Slide in Blake's DMs. Slide in Blake's DMs with that link. Out of control. It's from the 2000s. It's a banger. And shout out to Who Made It. Who Made It.

Why do you guys, why does Blake not look sunburned? We all went and shot this thing. Oh my God. Can we talk about this? Yeah, I think so. For a Teeba. Do we want to even, do we want to, okay. I just didn't want to like paint it with a negative connotation. No, no, no. It was super fun. I had a great time shooting it. It was this thing for vans with the Teeba.

A lot of our friends were there. We had a great time. At least I did. I was having a really good time doing it. I thought we were having fun. Atiba's doing his own shoe collaboration for Vans. Yeah, a whole clothing line coming out. It's really sick. Yeah, it's sick. It's very cool. So we did a little thing for it. But they had hair and makeup. There was a real commercial shoot. So we went through the works.

They put the makeup on. I wasn't really paying attention to what they're doing. I'm too busy chopping it up with my boys, you know, having a good time. They did not apply sunscreen.

I'm wounded, dude. Look at this dead... Yeah, your nose. And we were outside for hours on the blacktop of an elementary school or middle school. That matters. No trees. No trees. And Adam's nose just started bleeding. It just started to bleed. Not from a nostril. Outside of the nose. This happened once when I was a freshman...

In high school. When I like did a car wash for a student counselor, some bullshit didn't apply sunscreen. And this dot opened up on my nose. It didn't go away. And I'm not kidding for a decade.

I think I remember. I think you had it when I met you. Yeah. Yes. You always had that little red dot on your nose. Little red dot on the nose. It's back, baby. That was your first stand-up name. Little red dot. Like Lil Rel Howery. It was little red dot. Little red dot. Comedy union. And the Indian community was pissed at me. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, wait a minute. They're like, hang on. This is not what I thought I was. This is not what I signed up for. Hang on. Fuck you. Hey, that's actually a sick rap name. Little red dot. Little red dot. You got the scope. You got the scope. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I thought I was seeing some hot indie comedy. Indian comedy. Indian comedy. Indian comedy. That's a little inside joke. The love guru. For us. This is for us. I think that happened. That was in Workaholics, right?

I'm into indie comedy. Indian comedy. We said that out loud? Yes, we did. Indian comedy. It's during when Bill is holding everybody hostage, but we all come out dressed as ours. Is this the booger episode? Yeah, it is. Yeah, Blake's infamous booger episode. Great episode. Great episode. Shout out Jet Set. Jet Set?

How did he not get a nom when he's getting the booger taken out of his nose and he's crying? It's a different time. I feel like now we would be the bear. You know what I mean? Reinventing the wheel every episode with boogers, with my love guru impression, which was spot on. Maurice Gagarté.

Imagine, imagine Jet Set in a tuxedo. Oh, God. I would have loved to have seen it. Bill in a tux. Would have loved to see it. Wayman, RIP. Did he get mentioned in the memoriam? I can't remember.

Did he get mentioned? I don't believe so. That's very sad. Super disrespectful. Also, I don't think Wayman did either. That's super fucked up. Super disrespectful. The Oscars didn't put him on blast. That's why I refuse to go to the Oscars. Do they do it in memoriam at the Emmys or is it just the Oscars?

I think both. I think the Emmys. I think that's the thing at the award show. Because a lot of TV folks never crossed over. I would like... If we die, I hope we get a shout-out on the... I hope I'm an old man. You will. And...

Well, no, I mean, who are we kidding? I'm dying first. So when I die, I hope. Yeah, your nose is the first sign. Yeah, my nose is already falling off. Hey, remember Red Dot? He red body. Yeah. Goodbye. This right here. That makeup woman gave me skin cancer. It's right there. I did text you that my face was peeling off and yours actually is. I hope that I have a little photo up there and you guys cry. Old men tears.

Yeah. Because I would cry for you. It's you tucking your dick between your legs. Uh-huh. Yeah. What did you say? Because my dick fell off. In black and white. And it's slowly pushing in.

What is the most compromised in memoriam? It's me getting my butthole licked by a dog and going like, no, no, no, no. Okay, well, that's not bad. Or me in Game Over Man when I get pushed off the bed and my legs fly up and you can basically see my asshole. Your memoriam is going to be x-rayed. Like, was he a porn star? The fuck?

Every clip is just his butthole and his dick ticked between his legs. God, damn. I thought it was Indian comedy. God, I wonder if I died tonight, would I make it to, definitely wouldn't be on the Oscars one. No. Goodbye. Would I make it to an Emmy? Would I be an Emmy one? Yes. Uh-huh.

100%. Today? I feel like I'm on the ball. Tonight. I die tonight. Yeah. At 8.30. Not today. Oh, my God. Wait, what? I put the kids to bed. I say goodnight. I kiss them one last time. And it all. You fall down the stairs? What happened? No, no, no. No, what? Your heart explodes. I swallow a sword. What the? And then I jump off of a bridge holding grenades. What the? It's science. I'm just making sure that it actually...

You're done. It goes. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to fail at that. I feel, I mean, yeah, we all, I'm on the, I'll say I'm on the bubble. I think I'm on the bubble. I think I'm also, no, you're in, you're in. You're in. Maybe modern family. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe modern, modern family might've pushed me over there. Yeah. You will be, they are not going to show you with your butthole out or anything. It's going to be a lot of Manny footage for sure. Yeah. It'll be a ton of Manny. Yes. Well, workaholics won't be mentioned.

They will not. No, no, no. They're not showing. They're not using any clips from Mark Holmes. No, no, no. Absolutely not. Wouldn't. Couldn't. Couldn't. Forgot. Shouldn't. Already forgot about the show. That's the thing. If you're going to die, die closer to the Emmys. That'll get you in.

You gotta die like the week before. I know, but then it's like, didn't somebody die right by the Emmys and everybody got all butthurt because they were like, whatever, he didn't get an arm? Yeah, I forget who it was. Was it the kid from, the kid, it's probably our age, but from Glee, right? Homie from Glee? Oh.

And then they didn't put him on in the immemorial? Is it real? But you know what? It was probably because they already edited the footage and they're like, oh, we're going to have to pay the editor again. Right. And it's like... You know how easy it is for them to quickly edit? No, it's like, it's two music. Like, it's timed. It's like, we can put him at the very, very end.

I know we're a professional television production, but we can't edit quickly. It's all... It's timed. It's kind of timed to the song that Jellyface is singing. You know Jellyroll singing it. Jellyroll. Jellyroll is going to be on stage singing it live. I think he did it. Didn't he do it? Jellyroll?

I thought he just did one. I could believe that. Yeah, I would say he's the guy right now. But I hope he's singing the song by Kia, My Neck, My Back. My pussy and my crack, he's dead.

I don't know what he's saying, but I think he did just do one. And there's no way to know because our goddamn producers won't slide in the chat. You know what Todd is saying? He did. He's saying he did. That I saw a different version, so I was right in what I was seeing. Different version of My Neck, My Back sang by Aoi Jive? Mm-hmm. Aoi. Is that how it's pronounced? How would you pronounce that? Oh,

O-E? On a podcast? Live? I wouldn't try to pronounce that. O-A? Jive? There you go. I'm thinking it's owie. I think it's owie. Owie. Jive.

very nice he goes into audition for like a record company and like stubs his toe and they're like ow he's like what was that what was that would you just say right then that's good I said owie that's your name that's your new name I'm Clive whatever that guy's name is Clive Davis I'm Clive Davis your new name is owie I'm P. Diddy and you're owie owie jive

- Oh my God. - Howie Jive is gonna find us in public at a function and fucking punch us. - Well, if he or she wants to be on the cruise, more than welcome. She, it's a she. - That would be so. - And she, bring her, you know? She also sang the song 10 years later, eight years later. - Do you wanna look up that version? - Yeah, will you play that version, please? - Yeah, is it the same song? - By the way, it was a number 42

on the Billboard Hot 100 in America, it reached number four in the UK two years later. So you know the UK is freaky. You know what? We might be on to something. Dude, say less. What? It's a Congress. Shake your body, don't stop, don't quit, say ooh-wee.

Oh, shit. It's pronounced ooey. Ooey. Oh, shit. Maybe I like it better. Okay, that's all we get. Wait, is ooey a... That sounds like a guy. It is. No, but Todd says it's a she. Todd says it's a she. Maybe transition. I mean, the guy is kind of hyping her up in the first verse, and then she's going to come in and fucking break it all down, you know?

That kind of reminds me. Listen on your own. Oh, look who it is. Kyle Nugent. He's like, hey, my ears were burning. My babies were burning on the grill. Should I answer? Here, ready? Kyle? Hey, what's up, dude? Oh, dude.

hey man hey you're on the podcast what's happening what up for real welcome back welcome back can you hear the dude welcome back he just hangs up hold up how do i do this

I can't. Hey, buddy. How's it going? Welcome back to the podcast. Wow. Interesting. Interesting. What's up, guys? What's up, man? Interesting, dude. Oh, dude. I had a question for you about schedules and, you know, other workings. But if you're potting, then continue potting. All right. See you.

Yeah, hit me up afterwards. Oh my gosh, what's up TII Nation? Whoa, there he is! I'm surprised you're not choking down a baby right now. I'm surprised you're able to be so full-throated right now. Allegedly. None of that, man. Come on, none of that.

Okay. Hey, we don't know. We don't know. You're just not part of the podcast, so we don't know what you're up to. I'm taking this time on the podcast to say my piece about this. I'm not eating babies, okay? You can't stop. You can't spread that. You heard it from the horse's mouth. All right. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. So he says. So he says. Adam. There you go. And Adam. There's no way to tell. Way to welcome him back, dude. Very cool. Love you. Love you, Kyle. Later, guys. Have fun. Bye. Miss you, Kyle. Wow, dude. That was special. Wow.

Adam's like, nah. Nah. See ya. Hey, don't cross Adam. He was shook. He was like, I'm on the podcast. You mean Bad Friends? That's the only podcast I know. Oh, boy. That's too good. Yes, boys! That's goofy!

Oh, man. Any take backs? Any apologies? Any epic slams today? Instantly regret answering that call. No! He's dead to me. I didn't have the courage to stand up to him like you did, Adam. And I want to salute you for reminding us that you're an asshole and I felt like a bitch for a second. I don't know what's happening. You were. You kind of bitched out. Absolutely.

Adam stays true to the asshole moniker. I know, but... I was over here squirming for my boy Kyle. I wish I was more of an asshole to that makeup artist, dude. What is this? This is going to stay forever. Why don't you look sunburned, Blake? That's the real question. Why are you so clear-faced? He's always outside. Yeah, I think I have a base burn.

Well, you do too. Yeah, I'm usually fucking tan. I live at the beach. I'm tanning. I'm pretty burnt. I think my ring light is black. Doing wonders. Yeah, Durs has a little- My fucking sunglass tanned. You weren't wearing sunglasses though. I know. It was weird. You took the words right out of my mouth. Yeah, that is strange.

But I am peeling like here. Oh, yeah. Sun damage. On your forehead. God damn. And every once in a while I get like when I went to Australia and was working there, dude, I got fucking lit up and had a sunspot for like a month or two. Those are the worst. That sun. I'm slowly dying. Dude, I was so burnt the other day. I did this. I'm still doing press for Gemstones because we're coming to the end of the series. We're coming to the end of the series. Great run. And hell of a run. Great show. Hell of a run.

And I did this, I think it was Variety interview. And she goes, oh my God, you got a lot of sun. And I'm like, Jesus, I'm getting dunked on by the interviewer. Oh my God. Is that even allowed? Can you say that? I would have been like, actually, I didn't. Whoa.

- Well, okay, on stance, I guess. - Okay. - And I'm offended you said I got a lot of sun. - Based on the color of my skin. - We're just rotten tomatoes. - What's great about society right now is I think-- - Anything goes? - You could get away with it. - No, I think-- - A red man. - Being offended is not even cool anymore. I feel like two years ago, being offended was very cool. Now if you're offended, people are like, "I don't give a fuck, who gives a shit?" - Okay. - Yeah, be offended.

All I'm saying is you got sunburned. I don't care. I don't care. Everybody's coming. Yeah, everyone's coming. That's what I feel. That's where I feel where society's at right now. My favorite, I love Adam's societal updates, so thank you. It is great. It is cool. Yeah, all I'm saying is can we just say that we like big tits bouncing on trampolines and we're done being offended? And can we start calling people the color they are?

That's a red guy in those titties that he likes. That's a sunburned guy. And Adam...

Did you get a lot of messages thanking you for stepping up like that? Did they thank you? They thanked me a lot. Fuck it! Did anybody? Honestly. They definitely thanked. Yeah, yeah. I got a lot of people saying, I stand up for titties, big titties. I love big titties. A lot of women saying, my God, I love it too. Big titties rock. Who are we kidding? I'd say men and women both.

gay guys, straight guys, it doesn't matter. Big titties. Everybody wants titties back. And even small titties. I like all different types of titties. Titties just rock. They rule. I don't like you guys telling me to show my tits. Did you see such a response that you could kind of see what

platform you would run on because i feel like for what like as if i if i like what does that even mean were to be a senator or something or you know governor yeah governor would be really tight i think right now if i ran to be the governor of california i'd win yeah hell yeah dude yeah punk rock getting radical i think almost almost without a doubt dude

Absolutely. If you just run on a campaign of titties are back, baby, and California rocks, suck our dicks, rest of the country that don't think that we're not fucking cool because we're California and we're cool as shit. I think the Californians who are...

Because California, we've been getting dunked on for a while now where people are like, California's not cool anymore. We're moving away. Fucking California. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we're fucking cool, dude. We're California. We still love tits. We still drink beer. Because when I was a kid in Omaha, Nebraska, you think California. You just think.

titties on the beach, everyone's tan, everyone's just doing cool shit on the beach. Now you think just a bunch of blue-haired, angry people that are just fucking frustrated. Yeah, you just think of like Bernie Sanders marches and stuff. That's all you think of. Shout out to Bernie. He's pretty punk rock.

I guess. I guess, but you only think of that. You don't think of big tits playing volleyball on the beach anymore, man. Right. Which is what you should. Yeah, which is what you should. Almost exclusively. You're absolutely right. My neck, my back. God bless California. Love it. My neck, my back. Big old volleyball. Adam for governor. Should we end on this? Can we just end on this? Yeah, that was another episode of Social Help.

It is important. Titties are back in California. You're listening to an iHeart Podcast.