Ep 30: No Joke, Ders Can’t Tell Time
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How could you go wrong? And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we talk about what's obviously most critically, crucially important. Today on This is Important. Can I get a hot dog water for me and my buddies?

Bitch, I know y'all had Triscuits at the house. Yummy, yummy for my tummy. I think the salinity would fuck your butthole up, dude. Let's go! Boom. Bam. Hello! Hi!

Damn. Damn. Radiators ready. Here come the Czechoslovakians. We pour so we rock the mic with pots and pans. Oh, there it is. Let's go. What is Adam doing? Adam, what are you rapping? I was rapping Blake and Kyle's Czechoslovakian rap album. That was one of my favorite songs for many years. Not only is Kyle my favorite actor of all time, he's one of my favorite rappers.

of all time. Oh, and if you listen to that song, I believe I use getting caught in nets just like pets as one of my hot fire lyrics. Oh, really? Yeah. He was going to join FEMA with that line. Yep. What does that mean? It was at hot damn or goddamn. Was it goddamn?

I think it was Hot Damn When Live, God Damn Recorded, probably. Oh, shit. Yeah, so you can pass it to your friends, but when your mom's listening, it's Hot Damn. Right. They had a Czechoslovakian rap group in, I believe, high school. We talked about it. Yeah, we talked about it briefly on the pod. Sugar in the Raw. Sugar in the Raw. Named after the sugar packet. Basically just rapping, dressed in weird outfits, claiming to be straight out of Czechoslovakia. Just lying. You better check yourselves. That's your heritage, though, right?

Correct. Yes. And Blake, you as well? Yes, at least that's what I was told. But my dad claims my mom's side of the family is just Polish, but I refuse to believe that. You might want a 23andMe of that. Yeah. Yeah, you could get to the bottom of that. What is that process of 23andMe? What do you do? You have to give some blood or something? Spit. Spit? Jizz in a cup. Yeah, you wake up and you spit like the first thing. You're just like...

And you fill it up and then you send it away and then they're like, hey, this is what you are. You just sign your life, I mean your name, and...

Yeah, what is – what other – what intel do they have on you if you do that? They got your DNA. So then when you – when we all are going to commit a horrific crime probably in our 50s and 60s, and then we're going to try to get away with it for 30 years just going like, I just got to get away with it until I die, that we won't be able to because – So you know they've caught people this way, right? You know that's the whole thing? Really? From 23andMe? Yeah. I didn't know that. What do you mean? Oh, they found like old –

Like serial killers and stuff, right? Yeah, I want to say that Patton Oswalt's wife who passed away, like she discovered some murderers through that. Here we go. We got a chat coming in from the producers who know things. The producers are saying the Golden Gate Killer. Let's all read it at the same time. Ready? The Golden Gate Killer was found this way. I like how when we read together, we all are just like,

like second graders who can't quite put the words together. We're all waiting for each other to get on the same speed, so our speeds flux so hard. We got flux and speed. Who do you think is the slowest reader? Because I'm fast as hell. Me. Nobody's slower than me. I don't know. I'm pretty fucking slow, dog. I think we're all really, like, really slow readers. Bullshit. Like, almost, like, are they, do they have a mental handicap? Yeah.

Because remember when we were writing Workaholics and we were like, okay, we're all going to go read the scripts, note it up, and come back. And then we had other writers in our writer's room that went to Harvard, and they would read the thing and be done in 30 minutes, fully noted, ready to go. And then we would stumble in.

an hour later having read the exact same thing. Yeah. But it was that because they read it or because they read it and pushed themselves to find the best punch ups. And was the reason you were taking so long to read because you had porn hub on your laptop as well. A better question. Very, very good. Are you asking me? He's asking you. Are you asking me? I am. This is what I'll say. I was measured like my, in high school when I was probably like a junior or something, uh,

uh, my parents had me like take some tests to see if I needed, like had a learning disability. Nice. And they were like, he might be dyslexic. He reads at a 10 year old level. You are so dumb. Right. When you were, wait, when you were what age, when you were 14? No, when I was 17. 17. You were 17. You read at a 10 year olds level. Yeah.

So could you not read, like if it was a difficult word to read, you like would just give up on it or, or you would just read slow? No, like, you know, a word, but I'm just, I'm not, I don't read quickly. And my major thing is, uh, and guys at home, I know this is super fascinating. Uh,

The major thing for me – They were like, I know he seems like the smart one, but maybe he's the dumbest of them all. That's what people at home are thinking. For sure. Hold up. The comprehension, like if you read a whole story and then it's like, so tell me the details. If you quiz me on what I just read, I would have no idea what you're talking about. Yes.

Well, I'm that way if I read it aloud because then it's just a performance. Like whenever I would read in school, I hated – well, actually I enjoyed reading aloud because I liked to perform. But then if I had to be quizzed on whatever I just read aloud, I'm like, oh, no, I was just kind of concentrating on like cool ways to say the words. Yeah, I was just making noises for words. Yeah.

Yeah. I was just kind of concentrated on the performance of this science experiment we're doing. I think I told you guys this. When I was taking the ACTs, and I think the last part is reading comprehension, like you read a thing and then it asks you questions. I fell asleep. While testing? And then woke up at the end of it. Or no, somebody came and woke me up, and they were like, hey. And I was like, oh, shit. Because I was like...

Let me just take like a minute nap. They're like, hey, this is the biggest test of your life. Yeah, I know. I remember not digging that either. Why were you so tired though? Yeah. I was probably swimming and like hadn't slept. And I was like, let me just put my head down for a second. I'll wake up like fully refreshed.

And then it was like just about over. And I was like, like, I didn't finish it. We all like got like drunk the night before in like defiance of the ACTs.

Yeah, hell yeah. Sure, that's a buck the system type thing. Yeah. Yeah, I remember being very hungover for the PSATs. We were very hungover for the ACTs. I remember we played beer dice in my friend's basement. Oh, yeah. Great game. Oh, yeah. And just came in, just fat-headed, had to do the ACTs. I'm still going to send it. And then I took it in the seventh grade because I tested really high on like—

The CAT test or whatever they make you test in like… CATs? 7th and 8th grade. And I tested really high in that. But then I think I was like two points higher or maybe three points higher as a junior in high school. Like I didn't get any smarter. Right, right, right. Like I peaked in 7th and 8th grade and then after that, my test scores were like…

You learned nothing. Yeah. In second or third grade, I was 98th percentile on the CAT test or something like that. And then it got real. School got real. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Long divisions, books with chapters. I'm out. Fucked me up. Long division fucked my world up. As soon as they started, and then as soon as they were like A plus B equals C, like any sort of algebra, I was like- Exponents. Fuck your whole life. Exponents are a bitch. Yeah, the little tiny numbers on top of the bigger numbers. Oh, those are- Is that what an exponent is? Yeah. Exponents I thought were like when letters are in place of numbers.

That's a variable, isn't it? Oh, damn. Oh, shit. Get your PEMDAS on. Who knows about their PEMDAS, baby? Hold on.

Do you really know that, Kyle? Is that really what it is? This is what's coming to my brain right now, yeah. No, I think you're right. I think you're right. God, that's so tight. The only thing of math that I can remember is foiling, front, outer, inner, last. Okay. Yeah, exactly. And I don't even know what that means or how that... That's when you're dealing with parentheses, I believe. Yeah! Yeah!

Yes, order of operations. I'm just going for it. Is that what they call parentheses in math, though? Are they still parentheticals? Yes. Yeah, they're parentheses. Because look, let's see if we can run down PEMDAS. Parentheses, exponents. Exponents, multiplication, division, addition, subtraction. There you go. That's your order of operations. PEMDAS. I don't know what just happened. What just happened? This is the order you do your math problem in if it has all these things.

So if you see parentheses, you solve that shit right out the gate. That's the P. Then you hit the exponent. Right. That's the little numbers up top. Solve that now. Then you multiply. Then you do the M. The M is the multiply. Divide, add that shit up, subtract. Then you got your crack rock, dude. Come on. That's exactly right. Exactly right, Blazer. I'm super proud of that. I love the word exponent is tight. I'm going to start throwing around the word exponent.

That's a hard-ass rap name. Exponent. Exponent sounds like somebody you used to argue with. Oh, that's my exponent. I think we've got our math teacher thing. It's like, first you got a parenthesis, then you got an exponent gonna give it to you. Oh, okay.

If that's how you start off your very first math class, you just go. Admittedly, if they did that, if I had a cool teacher like that, I would have been more invested. Absolutely. I had some bunk ass teachers that were just like all salty that they had to teach math.

All these kids that are fucking idiots that don't understand math. I would get so angry because if I don't understand something. I hear it. I hear it in your voice right now. If I don't understand something, as I'm sure you guys have seen. I'm pissed now. I get pissed now. I get angry that I can't.

wrap my head around it. Fucking thing sucks! And math specifically, I was like, absolutely fuck the world. I did have one, I only failed one class, it was math, but that was purely off the strength that my math teacher's fucking breath smelled like really bad.

He had halitosis. Really, really bad. I remember that, dude. What level math? Well, I was held back, so it was like math 100 or something. You were held back? You were held back in math? You weren't held back. In math class, I was. You were? Oh, yes.

Hold up. Did you do what I did, though? So hold up. We never had the same math class. That's right. But did you do what I had to do, which is... Can I finish? You failed the class, so then you had to retake that same class again, right? Yes. So you know how you... And then you took it in summer school later? Yep. Actually, damn. That's what I did. Summer school was a whole other shit. I did have to take summer school. Yeah. And that was the most... Summer school. You had to take English, too? Get him! Hee hee!

Hey, maybe go take it this summer, bro. Finish him. Yeah, come on. Yeah, no. Summer school was one of my worst youth hangovers of my entire life. What, the whole summer? I know. I'm like, what? There was one day that I had to attend summer school, and it was the night after one of our buddies, Teddy—

drank so much and only ate chicken nuggets and like was sitting in a, like a lazy boy and barf like a fountain all over this. Our homies ants like house where everything was white and he just threw up pink everywhere. Oh,

God, it was the nastiest. What kind of sauce is he rocking on those sweet and sour? Probably just like ketchup, right? It must have been. Yeah, like some ketchup. If you dunk your nuggets in ketchup, by the way, you are a fucking weirdo. You're crazy, right? You're absolutely a psychopath. Absolutely disagree. No. Crazy. Fuck no. Ketchup's delicious. It's the best condiment. Chicken and ketchup? Chicken and ketchup is crazy. Chicken and ketchup is...

Doo-doo. Well, yeah, if it's grilled chicken, yes, I totally respect that. But if it's a breaded chicken, it's delicious. And you mix it with the ranch. It's a disgusting habit. I definitely agree that barbecue sauce is better on the chicken. Hey, I agree. I'm not saying it's my number one. Obviously, ranch and barbecue sauce are the leaders here. I'm not even saying barbecue sauce is better. I'm saying ketchup is wrong completely. Yes, I am saying I'm taking a hard stance.

If you put ketchup on chicken in any form, you are a fucking psychopath. I'm with you. Okay, what if it's the last thing in the fucking fridge? Yeah, but hey, but y'all sit down to wipe your ass, so I can't trust nothing none of y'all say. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Hey, if the ketchup is the last thing in the fridge, though, are you going no scoop? You're not putting no sauce on the fucking chicken?

Well, that's a different story. That's what I want to know. But it's not chicken. It's nuggets. It's a different thing. Chicken nuggets. Fine. Same thing. Okay. Adam, everyone knows we're talking about chicken nuggets. This is not math class. You do not need to get pissed now.

I'm pissed now. There we go. I'm pissed now. I want to know if ketchup is the last thing in the fridge and you got nuggets and you cooked them and they're on the plate and they're ready to be dipped in something. Are you going ketchup or not? Naked. I'm going naked. Whoa. Oh, we got a naked man.

A naked man. If I'm going naked, I'm afraid. Let me ask you this. Where are the nuggets from? Where are the nuggets from? What do you mean? Like fast food style or grocery store? Yeah, Tyson. Are we talking like I made Tyson in the oven? I feel like I used to do Tyson all the time. Banquet? Am I making banquet nuggets? No. What's that farm? What's the farm? Oh, Foster's Farm. Foster's. Applewood Farms or some shit? That's some rich guy shit, man. What the fuck? Yeah, y'all are rich. That's how we keep it out here in California.

I'm saying banquet nuggets. I might go no ketchup. I might go no ketchup. For sure. But I don't have teriyaki? No, you have nothing. You have soy sauce. Soy sauce? Yeah, yeah. You have soy sauce. Adam, do you put ketchup on fish? Do I put ketchup on fish? No.

No, I would use tartar sauce on fish sticks. Tartar sauce is bomb. But I'm saying, would you go fish naked or would you rather be like, nah, I need something and put some ketchup on? Have you ever put ketchup on fish? I can't. I don't.

I didn't eat a lot of fish growing up. You didn't have fish sticks? I had fish sticks, and I think we always had tartar sauce for that. I don't ever remember. So breaded fish sticks, okay. For me, I think the same thing. I don't think I put a lot of ketchup on the fish sticks. I think it was a tartar sauce's job. That being said, it doesn't sound that bad to me.

I think I would fuck it up. A fish stick into a little ketchup. Yummy, yummy for my tummy. Weird, wild stuff. Yeah, it's because the bread. The bread tastes good in ketchup, so it'll be fine. Yeah, bread tastes great, dude. I think you're right. I think ketchup can taste good on almost anything.

But that's where you need to kind of look inward and go, I won't do that. Yes. Thank you. That crosses a line. I agree, Anders. Do you fuck with ketchup on mac and cheese? Yes. Oh, that's why trash. I do that. I'm not doing that. This is how I'll do it. If I have a whole pot to myself, I'll do half no ketchup. Then the second half, it's all ketchup for old men. Let's go.

All ketchup for old men. That's the name of it. Let me ask you something. Who here, did you eat, if you ever had SpaghettiOs growing up, did you guys have SpaghettiOs? All the time. Oh, every damn day with the meatballs. Okay, meatballs, but not hot dog. No, hot dogs, I had that too. With the hot dogs? That shit's delicious. What are you talking about? I'd eat that right now. That's actually delicious. I'm having that for dinner. That is suspect. Nope. Nope.

Adam's in. Adam's so locked in. Hot dog quality is already questionable. Think about the quality of hot dog they're slicing up in the Spaghetti-O cans. Yeah. What?

Yeah, yummy. What do you mean? I know. It's probably pretty bad, dude. Like, what is that? What is that? Dude, that is botulism. That is botulism. For sure it is. Good call, Blake. Yeah, but also you ate it growing up, correct? I did. Let's step it up. You ate it growing up. SpaghettiOs, yes. Yes. And I'm fucked up. And you are. Hey, and can I say, you're strapping, Blake. I'm strapping.

When I look at your body, I'm like, that boy's strapping. That's a body built by. Built by hot dogs. He must. Body built by hot dogs. What was the dumb quote in Workaholics? Was our hot dogs as good as they say they are? Yeah, it's something about like our hot dogs as good as, I don't know. Well, it was funny. Yeah, you're making a documentary. It was. It was cool. We should go back and watch that one. I remember you end up with a gun filled with ketchup somehow.

I don't know how that went down. I can't remember how that happened. The hot dog SpaghettiOs is a no-no. That's a no-no. That's a no-no. Chef Boyardee, shout out, raised me. What about, as far as you know, when you were growing up, did y'all ever get cold hot dogs? Were you ever served cold hot dogs for snacks? I'll go first.

Absolutely. And what is wrong with this? Wait, what? We're saying it like it's gross. I'm going to feed my kids so many cold hot dogs. Are you serious? Gladiators, ready?

I will eat 1,000 hot dogs in one week and finally answer the question, are hot dogs as healthy as they say they are, or are they just okay for you? Good luck. And that is the quote, and I stand by it. Yeah, that's great. Durs, I got served raw hot dogs from the fridge, but we get the ones with the cheese in it. What are you talking about? Clean up on aisle vomit. You know the ones with the cheese in the middle? Yeah.

Aren't you from Chicago? I thought that's hot dog capital USA. Yeah, nobody. Yeah, so you fucking honor that shit. You don't eat them raw. Yeah, but you can't wait to get that salty dog on those taste buds. You can't wait to grill them up. It's the base.

First of all, I know you guys weren't fucking with Vienna beef anyway, so this is all disqualified. No, no. These are like ballpark friends. If that, dude. These are like the 24 pack. Yeah, we're talking Oscar Mayer. It's fine. My shit is Hy-Vee brand. I'm the local grocery store brand hot dogs. This is the kind of package that has the hot dog flavored water at the bottom of it and you're just scooping out of it. Dude, your mom never said go get a hot dog from the fridge, go get a cold hot dog. Yeah.

And you'd wrap it with cheese? The cause of diarrhea. This has to stop. This has to stop. I don't want to throw, look, I don't want to throw stones in the glass house because my mom's move when she was making hamburgers was she would give me like a little bit of the raw beef, put some salt on it, and I would eat that. That's disgusting. Yeah, that's fucking gnarly. That right there is way more gross than this hot dog. No. I'm a man.

You can't eat them cold. No. You can't eat them cold. You're not supposed to eat raw beef raw. Hot dogs are pre-cooked, aren't they? Yes, they are. She was trying to kill me. Right, but look. Meat is not pre-cooked, Anders. I was an accident. I...

She was trying to murder me. Oh, baby, will you die? But I think people used to eat raw. What is it called? Steak tartare, right? Well, they still have it, but it's a quality. It's not ground beef or sushi. Listen, listen, listen. Steak tartare is ground beef. Oh,

I love it. It's not ground beef. Yeah, it is. It's not like the kind you make a hamburger from. You put an egg over a ground beef. Is that how they do it? Yes. That's meatloaf. Yeah, that's the starts to meatloaf. Exactly. I've been ordering that at like nice restaurants. Whenever I go out to a nice restaurant, I'm like, ooh, steak tartare. Yeah, let's get. I'm just eating raw.

Raw hamburger meat? Some regular ass hamburger meat? It's not like higher quality? No, it's like pounded out filet, right? That's what I think. I think it's like a nice steak that they seasoned. Adults, any adults know? I guess my point is that it's called steak tartare. What is it called when you eat a cold hot dog out of the refrigerator? Is there any French name for it? It's called fucking Thursday, dog. It's called being a youth...

in the 90s. Blake's favorite decade. Bro, here we go. Steak tartare is a meat dish made from raw ground. Hold up. I'm reading this definition right now. Can of Fanta.

Steak tartare is a meat dish made from raw ground or minced beef or horse meat. Or horse meat. That is often served with a raw egg on top. That's the nastiest fucking shit I've ever heard of. You didn't say that word, raw egg. Raw egg what? Yes, I did. He did. He said that. He said it. Oh, the yolk? The yolk? Yeah. Yeah.

He said it. I was unsure if it was raw or cooked when he said it, but he did say egg. No, but he's saying the yolk part. He's teasing. The yolk. I'm having fun with it. I'm making fun of how he says yolk. Oh, oh, I got you. I don't fuck with any of this shit anymore, but I was a part of the struggle. I did have the raw hot dog. Mommy. Oh, my God. Blake, thank you, Blake.

We got a little money in our pockets now. Now we're too good for raw hot dogs. I'm actually like ashamed by all of us right now. Honestly, it's never crossed my mind to eat a raw or like an uncooked or unheated hot dog. That is so bizarre to me. How do kids get worms? I feel like this is how kids get worms. It's like you eat raw hot dogs. Yeah. Who's getting worms?

No, what's wrong with a raw hot dog? Is Kyle talking about drinking the juice out of the bag? No, it just says hot dog flavored water. I was quoting Limp Bizkit. Oh, yeah. Hot dog flavored water. I bet that'd be like a... You know how they always make shots that usually people take on their 21st birthday? They just give their friend the grossest shot? That's a funny name for a shot. It's like hot dog flavored water. I wonder if...

That's an actual shot. It's like you mix it with gin, bro. And it's actually just as bad as you'd think. I would say that if somebody invented a gross shot and just called it hot dog water, that's a great shot.

I love it. Right. It's funny. You go to the bar. You're like, can I get a hot dog water? For sure. But it has to have hot dog water in it. For sure. They have to have a bag of hot dog water. Yeah. It's also very fun to order. You go up to the bar. You say, can I get a hot dog water for me and my buddies? Wait, my point is no one's going to be keeping a hot dog water at a bar.

they will if it's their specialty shot the thing is is at the same bar you can just go grab a hot dog out of the thing and fucking eat it you don't even have to cook it because it's all good exactly what even is hot dog water is it the hot dog sweating is it like blood it's not blood it's whatever they put it in so that it doesn't go bad it's whatever they have it's a it's a preservative water why is this happening

What? It's a preservative water, right? Can of Fannies! Yes, yes, it is. Hot dog water is the water you boil hot dogs in, period. It's not the juice in the package. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Kyle, you are incorrect. Oh, I thought it was from the bag. Yes, I started to buy into what Kyle said. No. No, no, no, no. Hot dog water is when you go to get at the fucking Cubs game or whatever, wherever you get your hot dog out of the boiling water, that's hot dog water. Sure, sure.

Okay, that's fine. Hey, sure. I'll drink a glass of that. That sounds delicious. Sure. That's fine. So what is the mucus in the bag with the hot dogs? That's the preservational. That's the thing that preserves it. It's the thing that. That's just probably in there for moisture to like keep it slippery. Oh my God. Yeah. I bet you like, I think it like keeps it cooked. So it's okay to eat. It's like slowly cooking it.

That water in there. Are hot dogs cooked when you buy them? Yeah, they're pre-cooked. Hot dogs are cooked when you buy them, yes. Yeah. They're pre-cooked. I mean, I think we should check on that. Yeah, dog. That's why it's not gross, and that's why I'm weirded out that you're too good for it. It's just cold. It's fine. But you haven't done a lot. And I'll be honest. I don't like next day cold stuff, like fried chicken the next day. I'm not a huge fan of. I'd rather –

Spaghetti. Do you like the spaghetti? I mean, I do like cold spinach pizza. You guys know that. I'm almost tired eating it. You got to eat Ebola or E. coli. Cold pizza is what's up. Yeah, old pizza, great. I like my food cold. I prefer it to sit a day before I eat it, if I'm honest. All right. Talk a little bit more about that. What's your favorite one? For once, he's being honest with us. Finally, you're being honest.

And what is your favorite cold dish, Blake? Cold dish? I mean... Yeah, I'm calling you on your favorite way to eat food. Cold. A day late. I love cold pizza. I love cold pasta. I love cold Chinese food. I love cold everything. I'll eat everything cold. Sorry. So you go cold before hot? No. No. No, you just said you prefer it cold. What? Only on hot dogs. That's what I heard, and I'm just making sure. And Kyle all of a sudden is like, I'm going to protect my friend with words. What?

I'm being honest with you. And then you said, I'm being honest with you. I prefer it cold a day later. Right. I'm being honest with you. Oh, right. Yeah. You're a dumbass. It's a, it's a tree. I look, it's a tree. I look forward to the next day and I often enjoy it more than the first day. Is this everybody? Okay. With that bullshit. Yeah. That's my, that's my question. I was like, so you like it. I love it. I assumed you were talking about that. If,

If you ordered like food to come to your house and then you threw it in the freezer for 40 minutes. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong here, guys. So tight. I like it if it just like sits out for a day. Like not even in the fridge. Yeah. I don't want to. Oh, I, I got you wrong. What do you mean?

I'm glad you clarified. I did get you wrong. What are you talking about? Yeah, what's up now? Like, for instance, if you get like fried rice and you don't eat it all right the day of, you don't put the fried rice into the refrigerator. You just leave it on the counter in like the box. This is what I was worried about with this podcast is that we just we overexpose ourselves. Everyone knows they know how they for sure now stupid we are now. And now they know we just eat raw hot dogs.

Willy nilly. I still love them. By the way, the raw hot dogs thing is going to be a thing that comes back and bites you because the world over is going to come and say, yeah, we all grew up on raw hot dogs. Ders is insane for not enjoying the splendors of a cold raw hot dog. I think you're going to be in the minority of people that are like, hey, we all were youths.

And we all were told to just go get a cold hot dog. I would ride a bike to Mustard's Last Stand four blocks from my house and just get a hot dog. Okay, humble brag. That's tight. We get it. You're close to a cool hot dog stand. Yes. We get it. The fucking best. Hey, a lot of us didn't get to grow up near cool hot dog stands, and we had to eat cold hot dogs.

from the refrigerator. I wouldn't be angry at me. I'd be mad at your parents. Okie dokie. They decided to settle where there weren't hot dogs. Lisa's Hot Dogs. Shout out to Lisa's Hot Dogs. Yeah, I will say we did have a super good hot dog place in Concord called Lisa's Hot Dogs.

Shout out to Lisa's hot dogs, baby. Best hot dogs. Best hot dogs. Lisa's hot dogs. Ketchup and cheese dog. Ketchup and cheese? Yes, ketchup and cheese dog. It's so, oh my God. Yes, a cheese dog. You never had a fucking cheese dog? You never had a cheese dog? You never had a hot dog with some ketchup on it and smothered and grated cheese? You know what else we had?

Casper's. One with a C and one with a K. Really good hot dogs. Well, I'm going to go on a limb and say that even the best hot dog I've ever had. Snappy dog. It's just all fine. They're all fine. It's all okay. What?

Yeah. Quiet. Wrong. I'm never like, oh my God, this hot dog. I'm sorry. No, no, no. Did I never make you a Ditka's Italian sausage hot dog ever? Never? I don't believe so. Dude, is that a big ass hot dog, bro? Can I just have a, because when I went to your house, Anders, you made me one of these and I housed it. It's a big ass hot dog.

It's amazing. Fucking housed it. And I got the, like some fucking crazy sweating happened immediately after eating it. Like insane. Like my shirt was fucking drenched. That's the hot dog water. You got, you got the meat sweat. So fucking scary, dude. It was one of the last times I had meat. Like it's a sodium bomb for sure. But the Dick's sausages are,

Our next level. I thought I was going out, man. I hear the name Ditka. I associate it with one man. Is it indeed sponsored by Mike Ditka?

Yes. Oh, my God. Wow. No, it's Maury Ditka's sausages. Not to be confused. This is a football coach. This isn't a hot dog guy. Come on. It's Chicago. What are you talking about? It's Mike Ditka. What, you guys know Mike Ditka to be cranking out sausages? Yeah. I know him to put his name on stuff that he sells that's delicious. That's wildly Chicagoan-like food.

Italian sausage. Well, I just wanted to double check. All right. You never know. There could have been Steve Ditka. There's a lot. It's a common name. It's Whitney Ditka. I went to Michael Jordan's Steakhouse. Wait a minute. Hold up. Is this Michael? Basketball player Michael Jordan? Yeah. Whoa!

Wait a second. Is this Michael B. Jordan? Wait, Michael B. Jordan flips steaks? No, wait. Damn. Oh, buddy. Michael Ditka. All right, all right already. I might eat one of those cold and...

Cold and raw or whatever the fuck you guys do. You'd eat a raw... See, now, I don't know if those ones are cooked. Which ones? Like, are sausages cooked? I think sausages are raw. That's what I'm saying. I don't know if they're cooked. You can't do it. It's hot dogs. It's just hot dogs. Hot dogs only, dude. Yeah, I don't think sausages... Like, I think it's the ballpark specifically, because I don't know if the Vienna beef joints are cooked. I remember when my mom was like, don't eat that one. Like, she was...

Tony, did you eat that? There were special ones I could eat and I couldn't. I don't know. I don't do any of the stuff that they tell me to do. Like, any time that, you know how you're supposed to, like, wash your produce before eating it? Eat it hands down every time. Oh, baby, will you die? I never wash it. Right. Have you ever been to a grocery store? Yeah, I go, uh-huh.

Yeah, so people pick up all the fruit and squeeze and touch and do all that. You should definitely get in the habit of washing it. And then I still eat them 100% every time without washing it. And yet, COVID free since 83. Hit me with the horn, Blake. Hit me with the horn. Yeah, yeah. But you should get in the habit. You know, just wash it. There's a lot of stuff on there. There's a lot of stuff on the outside of it. I'm with you, Kyle. No, but there isn't. And I'm healthy as hell. I'm healthy as a fucking arm.

Like if it's a banana, who gives a fuck because you're peeling it back. You know what I mean? If it's an avocado, who gives a fuck because you're cutting it back. You know what I mean? If it's got a shell on it, fucking don't worry about it. But if you're grubbing on the skin of it...

you should probably make it a habit to hang on. Let's get this straight. Uh, let's be honest as Blake was earlier. Yes. I'd like to be honest. Are you, are you grubbing on the skins? Adam, this is a pot about honesty, brother. I would like to be honest right now and say that I stand by what I said. I grub our skins. I,

I never wash it. I eat apples. I eat the whole core of the apple. I don't care. I'm me. I'm sucking on the stem. You might as well go to the grocery store and just go around licking people's fingers. But how come? And here we go. Maybe I'm a conspiracy theorist. He says, yeah, he says, yeah, but how come I am never sick?

You're always sick as soon as you're like, as soon as you wrap on anything, you're sick instantly. You know that, correct? You were very sick when we made Workaholics. You were very sick all the time. Well, that was because my tonsils. I got my tonsils taken out, what, three years ago and haven't been sick since.

Six cents. You have a six cents? I haven't been six cents. You've never seen the six cents? You have a six cents? Adam, I'll say... I've never seen six cents. I haven't seen six cents. I got my tonsils taken out three years ago and I've never seen six cents. You've never seen six cents? These are my two claims to fame. I don't

really rinse my grocery store stuff either. I'm going to start just adding that to every sentence I say. Yeah, yesterday I went for a drive and I've never seen Sixth Sense. Just in case, you don't want anybody to spoil it for you. You just throw it out there. And no spoilers. And please no spoilers. No spoilers. I haven't seen Sixth Sense. Okay, let's continue. It's all happening. I'm a big fan. Yeah, like that one. Good stuff. I know it's going to be referenced. I'm just looking for time. I haven't seen Sixth Sense. ...

Yeah.

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We were talking about this a little bit before we started the pod, and Kyle wasn't with us yet. I was late. I was late today. I'm sorry about that. It was a little late today, but that's okay. But I was – where I'm going to get married in Mexico, they have these – let me ask. Is this cultural appropriation? Okay. Yeah.

I want to ask and I want to know. Usually if you have to start a sentence this way, it is. Okay, go ahead. It is or maybe it isn't. Don't know. That's why I'm asking. They sell these like dope sombreros. Okay. And they're giant and they're beautiful.

Hand-woven, classic. They're nice. Good stuff. If I rock that, is that cultural appropriation? And hear me out. I want a hat like that because I'm in the sun a lot and I don't want to immediately look old as shit. Right, right. You know how you see older guys that have been in the sun for years and you're like –

oh my God, that guy is 85 years old. And they're like, he's really 52. And you're like, oh Jesus. Right. I don't want that. So a giant sombrero would be handy. Is that cultural appropriation? Wait, what else? I mean, I guess...

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, what else are you wearing? You could have a cowboy hat. You could get one of those like San Diego sun hats that all the bros wear. No, but that's their cult. That's like a that's what they wore in like Vietnam. Those giant. No, no, no, no, no, not not not to the point. The like ones that are like just like a sun hat.

I don't think it has a country of origin. Yeah, but is a sombrero – I say – personally, I say fuck it, and I think I would look good in a sombrero, and I would like to honor their heritage by having me rock a sombrero for the entire wedding. What's cool to me is that you just said, I'm going to say fuck it and honor them. Yeah.

Regardless of what anyone says, I'm saying fuck it to honor them. Yeah, and I think I stand by that. Well, actually, that's all you really need to do is ask yourself, why are you wearing this sombrero? And if it is to honor them, it truthfully is, then that's – No, truthfully, it's to keep the sun off my face. That's what is truthfully –

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. There's only one reason for a white person to wear a Mexican sombrero, and that is to cover up your Indian headdress that you're wearing. Wearing that Coachella. And that you're like, oh, fuck, somebody gave me a side eye. Let me just borrow this big sombrero. Well, I will say – Good, I'm safe now. The one –

I usually have my birthday at my favorite Mexican restaurant, Don Cuco, and I just love them to death, and they're super nice to me over there. They are great. The last birthday I went to, they put a sick-ass sombrero on my head. Oh, I remember that. Yeah, all decorated nice, and then they're like, you keep that. And I'm like, no way. This is fucking awesome. But yes, way, I will keep it for sure. I'll hang it in my house. But we went out the rest of the night, and you can't just...

pocket a sombrero. It's fucking huge. You gotta wear it. Right. Where are you putting that? The worst part of it is we went to another birthday party. A little name drop. LP from Run the Jewels has the same birthday as me.

So we went over to his house party and I'm wearing this fucking sombrero. And who else ends up being there but Zack De La Rocha from the fucking Rage Against the Machine. So I'm in this party wearing a sombrero talking to like the lead singer of Rage Against the Machine. True Rockstar. Yeah. Like I felt like such a fucking idiot. Now there's all these the only pictures I have with these people who I look up to so much.

I'm rocking a sombrero and I just feel terrible. Well, did they give you any kind of side eyes or were they just like this guy with his dope ass hat? This guy seems fun. Yeah. They didn't say anything, but I still felt like a fucking idiot. Yeah, that might just be your insecurities and not at all them. They might not have cared at all. You know what I mean? Well, I do. I guess I see it as like a form of cultural appropriation. Yeah.

Okay, so you're looking back on those pictures saying like, fuck, I shouldn't have worn this sombrero. No, I mean, I can talk back.

back like I know why I was doing it I wasn't like trying to be insensitive but for sure what's like you're for better for worse probably for worse this is wearing a sombrero as a white dude you're getting lumped in with everyone who does not give a fuck right sure who like Cinco de Mayo motherfucker represent that so like yeah maybe you just don't wear it because you don't want to be mistaken for that or

It was one night. It now hangs in my home. But yeah, I wouldn't have made the decision to go out like, this is my fucking funny party hat. Guys, well, the entire wedding party, I'm going to gift you all a sombrero when you get in. And we have to wear it the entire week.

And I'm going to take all of our wedding pictures in them. So please honor my wishes by wearing this sombrero the entire week. Thank you. Okie dokie. I think when you are wearing the plate, like if you're in Mexico wearing a sombrero, I feel like you're good. You're good to go. If you go to Hawaii, you can throw the hang loose in every fucking picture, man. And it's all good. You can rock the lay. You're all good. You're in Mexico.

You're in their space. When in Rome. Coconut bras. Right. Right? I mean, because I don't know. I think so. I think it's okay to wear a sombrero while in Mexico, man. I think that's fine. I don't see why there's an issue there. Because if someone has a problem with it, they'll just go, no, and you'll go, oh, all right, here.

Right. Okay. Maybe take a few pictures. One with, do a take with it on and a take with it off or something. Who knows? I'm down. Just for your own. Hey, Twitter, tell us. Who knows? I might stay steadfast with my 100% of all photos in the sombrero room. Right. But we're not sure yet. Yeah. You don't want to do two takes of the wedding on one day? No.

No, I think we're going to just do it. It's going to be like a one-take kind of wedding ceremony. Okay, guys. Back to one. Back to one. Chloe also has it. Also, they're going to be giant. So, like, the spacing is going to be all weird of us standing up there. We have to, like, stand, like, eight feet away from each other because he's wearing his dumbass giant sombrero. You know what, though? They're not dumb. That's how they make them.

Now you're shitting on them, dude. I'm getting giant ones. I'm getting extra. I'm getting comically large ones. There's no such thing. They're all purposely giant. Now I'm like, no, wait a minute. If you're getting comically large sombreros, that's not the way to go. You need to get a fucking dope-ass...

Legit sombreros. That's not a sombrero. That's a lot of brero. You need a little less brero, homie. I'm going to get the regular amount of brero. I'm going to get a regular amount of brero. They do sell real classy, nice ones there that I think are all going to look good. Hand-woven. Look good on my boys as we're sipping our beverages of choice.

I mean, look, can you not drink like a Mexican? Like that's like, can you not drink tequila? Although homegirl got hemmed up on that, right? That's different. What happened? That's that. Yeah. Kendall, Kendall Jenner, like made a, she was drinking Pepsi. Yes. But she's starting a tequila company and everyone's like, Oh, you can't. Oh, yeah.

But so many have done it before her. Like, they're just getting on her because she's a mad success. Sure, of course. I don't know. I'm not in charge. Look, I've never seen the success. But that's different because, lookit, all four of us probably couldn't even tell you what the, like, significance of a sombrero in their culture is. To keep the sun off their face. Yeah. Yeah.

I like to think that, but maybe there's different kinds as well. Like there's ceremonial ones and then there's like field worker ones or whatever. Like there's probably different versions of said garb. It's not like. For sure. For sure there is. It's definitely like you can have probably your dress up sombreros if you're fortunate enough to be going to those types of ceremonies and have that. This will be a wedding sombrero. So they'll be pretty classy, you know?

And then I'll have other sombreros that are more for, as Blake said, field work. I probably won't have you guys be doing any field work the week of the wedding, but that'll be more like lounging pool stuff. So there will be different sombreros for different occasions. Are you going to get us out there to pick some grub for you? Don't wash it. I can't wait to go to Chloe and be like, hey, we need a $10,000 sombrero budget. I kind of promised the guys on the podcast that.

multiple sombreros. They're dope. They look, when you wear them on the back, they look real tight. Like when you're the band and like you're done for the night, you just take the hat off and hang it up. Oof. Yeah. So tight. Yeah, some bros are sick, dude. They're sick ass. What else is fucking dope? Ha ha.

Hey, you want to know? I don't know if you guys saw me stunting, bro, but check it out. What is that? Oh, a plastic watch. What is that, a G-Shock? I got my motherfucking first G-Shock watch. What up? I've been wanting this since high school. I finally pulled a trigger. Is that an old one or is that a new one? Wow, dang. Brand new. G-Shock is still in the fucking building. They got new G-Shocks out? Oh, dude, it's a whole thing, yeah. Wow. Wow, dude. And you just...

You had that spare $80 laying around and you were like...

man i gotta splurge i gotta treat myself they get kind of expensive now no adam's about right he's in the ballpark really yeah dude no but the thing was is like at least back in high school kyle you may be able like wasn't there something in high school that's the last time i had a g-shock watch yes but also we had a whole thing going through our high school where yes i think allegedly navid was like selling bootleg yes this is where i got it who

Our boy Naveed, back in the day, he was selling like... Are you blowing his spot off? This is... What is it? Statue of Limitations? Is that what it's called? Anyway, somebody in our high school... Anyway, so he sold these watches and killed a kid. He murdered...

people he electrocuted him we all called him g-shock and then he bought the watch shocked him to death yeah there was no he was selling bootlegs yeah he was selling bootlegs and you could tell because like the g at the bottom back in the day his would be like upside down or something it was like oh shit yeah i had a red and gray one of a fake one yeah i

I thought mine was real. I thought it was real. I thought he just got them somehow. I don't know. No, that's not that bizarre. They're super popular. No, dude. At our school, they were a status symbol for sure. If you had a shock watch, you were fucking bawling. Well, they never were that expensive, I thought. I thought they were always fairly reasonable. But for a high school kid, that's expensive. For sure, dude. Yeah, like when you're coming up on like an $80, $100 watch, that's a big look for a high school. I mean, I'm eating cold hot dogs out here, brother. I'm not kidding.

I'm just trying to fucking live, man. I had a Timex Expedition. If you guys remember that one, pretty outstanding launch. Had

Had Indiglo capabilities. Indiglo. Hell yeah. My grandmother gave me a – she went to Mexico and got a gold – Sombrero. Got a gold sombrero, got a gold Rolex, fake Rolex, and gave it to me. But I was like – I wasn't even in high school. I was in like fourth grade.

So then I go to elementary school with this gold Rolex on just flexing on everybody. But also no one cared because they're like, we're true children. I do not care. But I had this – I was actually like, man, I wish – it like truly turned green like within a year and I couldn't wear it after that. But I was kind of bummed that I was like –

As I got older, I'm like, I wish I had one of those. Yeah. Fake rollies? Yeah. Olays? Yeah, bro. A sick-ass ole. Dude, they make crazy fake Rolexes that are actually expensive because they look so real. Maybe that's what I start doing. Maybe – because I do really like watches. But like to drop – because they get – I mean Rolexes are honestly just like – the price of like a nice car.

So you can... Jesus fucking Christ. Well, they start way lower than that. They start around seven or eight and then you work your way up. Sure. They start at a fairly shitty car to a really nice car. What car? Well, like a used car. Yeah. And...

I don't see myself going down that road. That does seem like a lot of money. So maybe what I do is I just get the fake Rolex. Hit up my boy, Naveed. We hit up Naveed. And he gets me plugged in with this fake Rolex. And then I'll always be flustered. Bro, that was so sick. I like saying that now. So if I ever buy myself a nice watch in the future, everyone's going to be like, yeah, but he says it's fake. Right, right. Don't rob him. It's not real.

Blake, I'm pumped that you got that G-Shock watch, man. Thanks, man. I'm pumped for you. I know how much that means to you and high school us. Like, that's fucking sick. Well, I'm proud of Blake because now he'll know the time and he'll be, like, punctual and be like. Yeah. Yeah.

That's fucking fuego. It's like made out of plexiglass. It's just, yeah, something plastic probably. That shit's fucking rad. Thank you. Plexiglass watch. I had to carry around my digital watch because I couldn't tell time until I was very old. You couldn't read either.

I know. What do you mean you couldn't tell time, dude? Hey, guys, we're all coming clean here. You didn't know what the hands did? So you are your dumbest friend, basically. Of course. Oh, bro. I've always been my dumbest friend. And then I met you guys, and I got so confused. You son of a bitch. I got so confused because everyone would be like, Anders, can you tell the guys to get together? I was like, what?

What? Why is everyone looking at me like I have any sort of responsibility? Dude, it's because you wore polos and shit. That is true. You wore polos and you wore khakis and people just assume. You had a good business front going on, partner. Kids would cheat off me in school and then we'd get the tests back. And then I would like walk because I would see them like looking over my shoulder and I'd be like, well, this will be interesting. And then I would get like a D or whatever. And then they'd be like, what the fuck?

The teacher probably had to make an announcement like, y'all cheated off Ders this week, didn't you? Everybody cheated off Ders? Oh my God. But I couldn't tell time until like fucking college. Wow. What's up? That's wild, dude. Like the hands of a clock? Stop. Yeah. You couldn't tell time. You could tell time. Bro, he just said he couldn't. I know, but I'm not buying it.

Listen to me. I like skipped the whole thing in elementary school. And then I just started carrying around... I had a digital watch that I would hang off my belt. But on like the clocks of the classroom, those things... Oh, because you had your watch. So you didn't give a fuck. I had my watch. So it didn't matter. Because you had the numbers. This is so bizarre. I mean, but to be fair, that like...

Being able to tell time is going to be a lost art, right? Because you don't have to anymore. Because you have your phone. You got your phone. But then my dad was like... It's not going to be a lost art, dude. Adam, so what you're doing right now, Adam, my dad did. Because he was like, what time is it? And I was like...

I don't know. And he was like, what are you talking about? Because I didn't have my watch. And I was like, I was like, I don't know what it says. And he goes, you don't know how to tell time. And I was like, I just never, I mean, I know the long hand. And then he goes, okay. And he like sat me down. And like, so if I look at a clock, it takes me so long to go.

Okay, like 3.47 or whatever it is. Whereas you or somebody else will just look at it and be like 3.47 immediately. Oh my God.

That's wild, man. That is wild. But now you have like a nice watch. You wear a nice one. Now I do. I have a, I have a Rolex and I can tell time now, baby. Well, that's fucking awesome. When you look at that Rolex, does it take you a really long, like you spent a lot of money on this Rolex? Yeah. Is it just jewelry? Are you able to use it as a watch? It is 99% jewelry.

Wow. And 0.5%...

Just like, I mean, yeah, it's barely a watch. It's barely a watch. You couldn't delegate that at last 1%? No, I was trying to say it was going to be like less than 1% of me using it as a watch. But like what's funny is I, so I got an Apple Watch too, and I have it on the like the hands face to make me practice.

Looking at a clock. Yeah, bro. It's a good thing. This is cool. We found out the title of this podcast is Anders Can't Tell Time. I can't. That's incredible. There's only like two parts to telling time, too. It's like there's three, I guess. The hour. I can't. The fucking seconds, if you're fortunate enough. Oh, my God. You are so dumb. I have. I can't even. I'll go down the road. Like the months of the year. Oh, no.

Oh, no. What's wrong with the months of the year, bro? I didn't know those until I was like 18. Don't.

You are so dumb. What do you mean, homie? This is not, this is now you're just having fun with us, right? I don't know Ders to be a lying man. This is not me doing this for entertainment at all. This is not like, why would I make this up? Why would I want to be dumber? I was just checking in. I'll be softer. Here's what I think about Ders. I think Ders is a really smart person. I also think he digs, I think he digs his heels in. Yeah.

And I bet in elementary school when they were talking about time, he was defiantly and was like, fuck you. I'm taking pride in not knowing time. Right. I don't even know how to tell time. Oh, no. Dude, I was never stoked on not knowing time. Know what I mean? Yeah.

Well, then why didn't you just learn? Because I do not believe that you are this dumb because I know you and I think you're a pretty smart guy. Yeah. So what was the stopping point? Pride? What stopped you from figuring it out when you were, say, 13?

Is that what you were doing? Just going back to things that you never learned? So I'm just, these are years we're talking about. Years of like, I don't know how to tell time. I have to wear my little, my digital clock on my belt. And then everybody else sees that and they know. And I'm not going to anybody for help. I'm just living with that fact and I'm okay with that fact and I can't change it.

What the fuck? I'm telling you, I got, I got shit. Shit sucks. But for the months, the months of the year, like February, it was like, I didn't January, February, March. Right. That's what it is. Yeah. Okay. That was always confusing to me. And then as far as after July, the whole, um, it's a blur, August, September, April,

October, November. October, November. Like all of that. He almost forgot. I didn't. I didn't. I swear to God, I know now. Oh my God. But I never knew the order of the. So every month was like a new surprise to you. They'd be like, ah, it's October. And you're like, what? What?

Whoa. Kind of. Crazy. So what happens in October? And they're like, this is when football games happen. You're like, oh, sick. Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Yeah, I didn't. Yeah, it was a whole thing. It was a whole thing. Wow, man. Wow. I mean, I think we all are dumb. We all are dumb in certain ways. It was a whole thing. Admittedly, we are a very dumb crew in certain ways. I didn't realize that Durr's ways are pretty...

Pretty common knowledge ways. I thought they were different. I mean, I can't spell at all. We ate raw hot dogs, but motherfucker, you can't tell time or know what month it is. I mean, hey, time's a concept. Yeah, that's the song. Who sings that? Chicago? Which one? Does anyone really know what time it is? Is that what we're talking about? Does anybody really know what time it is? Yeah. What is that? Yeah, that's true. Does anyone really know what time it is?

Yes. Yeah. And then the next line is, does anybody really care about time? What are you guys talking about? And that's Chicago. It's a Chicago song. And Ders is from Chicago. So he took, he took it. Wow.

Yeah.

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For swimming, you use like a giant stopwatch clock right on the side. Yes. So we had that, but then we also had the digital clock. When the digital clock was bumping and we had to do like 10 whatever's on like 115. Adam just left the chat. He's so pissed. I would be like, okay, cool. It like tells you where, like when to go. It'll beep. But when it was like just a regular 60 second clock, I would be like...

crunching numbers and doing math in my head while I'm swimming. Like, I don't know when to fucking go. So I would always go to like the back of the lane and just let somebody else do the counting and shit. And then I just go five seconds behind them. Is that why you were fast? Because you didn't know how fast you were going? You were just swimming until your heart exploded? No, I think if anything, I could have been faster if I knew how to tell time. Okay.

Okay. And could go fast and train a little harder, but I always had to let somebody go ahead of me because I would just like get so lost trying to keep track of time. Man, this is the only motherfucker who would get lost going swimming straight. Do you feel me? Do you feel me? God damn. Damn, homie. That's wild. Learn something new every day. And I'm back.

I truly thought Adam left because he was so mad because I have never seen Adam's face so disturbed and angry due to the fact that Anders could not tell time. It was like Adam was doing math. He was getting salty. Yeah. Hey, Adam has long division. You have time. Yeah, that's me and math. You have time. I'm just dumb. Both numbers. You guys both are like fuck numbers. Yeah. Straight up and down. I will say fuck numbers. I do hate numbers. Fuck numbers. Uh,

And also, as I was saying when my internet went out a second ago. Goodbye. I can't not spell at all. And my handwriting is so fucking bad that like as a comic, I'm always writing in notebooks trying to think of new bits and ideas that are like half-cooked ideas that you just write something down in. And I've lost a notebook before and I had my number in the notebook and the person called me.

And I was too embarrassed to go get the notebook because I knew that they were going to read my handwriting. I was like, nah, nah, you keep that. That's all good. But wait, so they didn't know it was you. They just saw the phone number in there. They just saw the phone number and they just called, didn't know who it was. And I was just like,

Yeah, no, it's all good. I don't need that notebook. Kind of wish I had the notebook. They're like, can I use that butt-chugging bit? Yeah, you should have just got your jokes back. You just gave somebody a hell of jokes. Yeah, they're like, that's a lot of butt-chugging. Every page is really, it's just butt-chugging question mark, butt-chugging words around it. Please work on butt-chugging bit. Little pep talks to myself.

So the other day I was butt chugging. More butt chug crowd work. We all over butt chug. It would be great if you did see somebody doing your material and you're like, fuck. Yeah, some open mic comic just comes in real hot with just like 20 minutes of new butt chugging bits. And Lorne Michaels is like,

I want him on my show. He's got something different. I've never heard those types of butt-chugging bits. He's the butt-chugging guy. I love that your Larry the Cable Guy getter done was, butt-chug. And you might need to butt-chug. Butt-chug.

Have you ever not been able to tell time? Have you ever butt-chugged hot dog water? Yummy. What do we do with it? We butt-chug it. We butt-chug it. Diarrhea. What would happen to you if you butt-chugged hot dog water? Nothing. You'd be totally fine. Oh, fuck. You'd be fine.

Adam had that answer so quick. Actually, nothing. I don't know, dude. I don't know. That's a lot of sodium. You'd probably shit your fucking brains out because it's like an enema. Yeah, you'd probably feel good afterwards. You'd shit your brains out. No. You'd be so strong. You would spray. I think the salinity would fuck your butthole up, dude. The what, what? The salinity. The salinity. What is salinity? The salt.

Salinity. The salt. Yeah, the salt water. Dog, you can't make up fake words and act all smart and funny. Bro, this is science class. It's science? Oh, it's science? It's science? It's science. That's chemistry. Salinity. That is the amount of salt in water. That seems real. Yes, and I think that that's... Blake, just to finish that real quick, I think that's what enema is, is salt water. So I think that's why you would shit your brains out. Is it? Yeah, I believe so. Ew.

Well, if we ever do a live podcast, which I think we should someday, I think we should all do a live podcast when we can all get together. I think it'd be really fun. We do a big live podcast event. We got to butt chug hot dog flavored water. Hot dog water? Yeah, we have to. No flavored water. Yeah, not actual. Yeah, no, I'm out.

I'm not going to do that. Oh, pussy. You're not? Okay. Apologies. You know what? Then I guess we won't do it. Because if you're not going to do it, then we won't do it. Forget it. Yeah, my apologies. All right. One of us is out. Then the rest of us is out. That's okay. I was ready to do it if everyone was in. I think everybody was ready to do it. And then Kyle backed out. And that's fine. I'm so sorry, Anders. I know how much you wanted to do that and how much me betraying that hurt you. Oh!

I'm pissed now. And is that because you're a vegan? Like you don't want to do it because you're a vegan? No, no, it has nothing to do with that. I'm just not going to. Can you butt chug veggie hot dog water? Yeah, are you allowed to? What? Can I put the hot dog water in? As a vegan, can you butt chug?

Hot dog water. I don't think you could. I don't think so. I don't think you could. Is that breaking edge? You're putting animal byproducts. Kyle, are you vegan? No, I'm a vegetarian. Vegetarian. But no matter what, we're talking about hot dogs. So it doesn't really matter. I think you're good to go. Yeah, but it's not hot dogs. It's just the water. Yeah, but I would imagine that that is still an animal byproduct. And if you're a strict kind of vegan or vegetarian, you're not putting that in your body. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, but it's not in your – it's just up your butthole. Yeah. For me, yes, in your body, inside of your body. The butthole of your body? Right. The butthole that's attached to your body and connected to it. What if you do a water balloon of hot dog water up your ass? Wait, hang on. Also, or – This has nothing to do with – So it's about being in your body? What if you had a pink sock –

Right. Your asshole came out of your asshole. And then we fill that with hot dog water. So it's outside of your body. Good point. Or you dip the, you dip the pink sock in hot dog flavored water. Yes. Can we do that? Can we do that? I don't know. I think that that's still good at some point, suck back up into your body. Okay. Remember this is for the live show. Can we do that?

For the live show. For the live? I'm not doing it. I'm not putting that on. Okay, then we're all out. Yes, we won't do it. I was ready to do it. Oh, man. I'm sorry to be the guy. Oh, man. I had the butthole out and everything. I hate to be the guy. It's just, you know. That sucks because we were all in. That sucks because we were going to do a live hot dog water butt chug. You'll take me there. I ruined it. Well, that's on you, though. Hey, fans, if you want to blame anybody for not seeing us live butt chug, hot dog flavored water. Yeah.

That's on Kyle. That is on Kyle. And we're sorry about that, but it is what it is. And Kyle, if you want to kick this off, if anybody has any apologies or take-backs, you got a take-back?

Oh, man. I have... You'll take something back? Would you like to take anything back? Yeah, I guess I'll take something back. I mean, I guess I thought about it for a couple seconds, and if my dudes really want to put on a butt-chug show at one of our live podcasts, it's kind of up to... They're down with it, and they're down to go. I will go fourth. You'll what? Friendship. I will go fourth. You'll go what? Fourth. Fourth? So first, it will be the three of you. Like, I'll go first? You'll go fourth in line? I will go fourth. Okay.

I'm going to go last. Like, you guys are all going to go first and I'm going to go last when we do this live on stage. Nah, I'm not going to do it though. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not buying it. I think I would be a powerful finish.

I think it would be powerful to have a vegetarian. Because you'd have to come over your vegetarian roots. Yes. I think the story of mine, I'm going to try and thread it throughout and then, you know, really take it home. Well, imagine the t-shirts we could sell of an arugula or arugula cartoon character that taking a butt chugging hot dog flavored enema. I mean, they would fly off the digital shelves. Trust me. I'm going to bring it home. Yeah.

You put me in the fourth position, I'm going to really bring it home. I'm still stuck on you saying powerful finish. That's fucking disgusting. Yeah, I think it's going to be a very powerful finish. With Carl, it's always a powerful finish. I saw this important dude's butt chug hot dog water live, and all I got was this stupid t-shirt. There we go. There we go. We got the merch. You know what, though? It's got to have a splash on it, like those Alcatraz shirts that are ripped with blood.

It's got like butt chug water on it, like splashed. Wow, this is going to be fun. Huge, huge for us. I had a shark attack shirt as a kid that would, it just said shark attack and there was blood all over it. And then like a hole in the side as if a shark bit it. That's tight. Dang. Yeah. I miss that shirt. You grew out of it. Yeah. Yeah. I thought that shit was real the first time I saw it. I was like, whoa, like what happened? We've established you were a pretty dumb child. Yeah.

I don't hide from that. I had a cool hat that said, I hate seagulls, and then there was a bunch of fake poop all over it. That shit was hard. I got that on. That was a good hat. That is good. Fisherman wharf. How do you not have that? Lost it in the fire. What? What fire?

My mom's fire sale when she sold all my shit. Garage sale. Fuck. Get them. That's the worst. Selling her old shit. I'd like to take back kind of really, and I don't think I was verbalizing my grief when Doris was talking about the...

you know, not being able to tell time. Um, but, and I, I was given, I was throwing a lot of looks and they were judgmental looks. And I will say that, but, um, Ders, you're not one of my dumbest friends. That would be, uh, Blake and Kyle. Yeah. What the fuck is that about? Fuck you.

Fuck you. I could tell time and I could fucking, I know every month. Oh, you know every month? Then let's hear them. Let's hear every month. I know every month. I know every month. Oh, good for you. Okay. Is March a month? March is a month. Yes, sir. Okay. You got that one. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And I know the other one's November. Is Ape-nul a month? Ape-smul. Is that a month? Ape-nul? Movember. November.

Movember is very real. But I'd like to take that back, Ders, for throwing you shade. You were just a little kid having trouble with, you know, kind of basic things that kids learn. He wasn't a little kid, dude. When you left the conversation, he admitted that this was in college. He was swimming. He still couldn't tell time. It was really sad. That is sad. And I'm glad you've overcome that, and I'm glad that

you have a piece of jewelry that you wear that you are able to now look at and work on your time.

skills. By the way, it's like a GMT or whatever, so it tells three different time zones and it's just a shit show. I don't even wind it. I do love when I'm winding it. I'm like, what am I doing? It doesn't matter. It's just supposed to be pretty. It's an investment. Blake, Kyle, any takebacks, apologies, epic slams? What's going on here? No.

Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, I actually want to compliment Durs for being forthright with his with his inabilities to tell time when he was a child and all that. I thought that's cool. It's a disability, not an inability. I love that. Yes. It was really, you know, nice to hear that, man. Thanks for opening up. That was great. Now I understand why you've been buds with us.

More and more each time, you know? You guys knew how to tell time, and I was like, I'm going to stick with these guys. Yeah, we made you feel, you know...

We're so dumb. We're all so dumb. We're all dumb in our own special ways. And I always kind of thought Durs was kind of the smart one of the crew. And it's nice to know that he's just as big of an idiot as the rest of us. Thank you. Yeah. Can I say thank you to you guys? You can say what? Thank you? Can I say thank you to you guys? Yeah, thank you. You may say thank you. I got a lot of shortcomings. And when I'm with you guys, I feel like I'm coming long.

Hey, baby. 69, dudes! Hey, Durst, thank you. Yes, thank you for that. And I would like to compliment Kyle and Adam, my brothers in raw hot dogs. Yes, yes. Your brothers in raw hot dogs and time-telling. I can't wait to butt-chug on stage with you guys.

Hey, it's time to eat some more hot dogs. It'll be an honor to share a stage and butt chug hot dog flavored water with you. You're going first, bud. Oh, I'll be the freaking out the gate, dude. And you're going to be wearing a sombrero while we do it. I'm down. Well, I don't know. Wait, so when you're... Is it like, it's like refrigerator cold? Yes. Yes.

Yes, it's refrigerator cold. It could be sitting out. Maybe the sack of hot dog meat sat out in the sun for a little bit. Do you rinse it off first? No. No, we establish we don't rinse, bitch. You eat it with that wet juice? Wet juicy. That wet wet? Yeah, it's just salty deliciousness. Y'all put the wet off.

Yeah, we eat it with the full salinity. Hey, I like how it started off with Ders being very judgmental of all of us loving cold hot dogs in our youth. And then we found out that he couldn't tell time until he was 25 years old. Yep, there is a lesson here, people. Let me get this straight. Let me get this straight. If you told me you only had raw hot dogs available to you, I'd go, God, that's tragic. That's horrible. Oh, my God. Mm-hmm.

But you had other options, so I'm judging you. No, man. I couldn't tell time. It's not like I could tell time and didn't. Wait, what other options did I have? If I told you guys I knew how to tell time, but I refused to look at clocks. No, hold on. Please explain to me what other options did I have? Tell me what options Kyle had, dog. What options did Kyle have? What other options? What was in my fucking fridge? Bitch, I know y'all had Triscuits at the house.

I know you had wheat thins. I've been to your house. That's a white family with some wheat thins. Yeah, we had wheat thins. That's for sure. No, chicken in the biscuits. Do y'all remember chicken in the biscuits? Oh, damn. Chicken in the biscuits. Chicken in the biscuits. That was...

was some white people cracker shit. Yeah, that was some good. What was that? Like Jimmy Dean's or what? No, crackers. No, it's like a Ritz cracker sprinkled with like chicken flavoring. It was gnarly. What? It's good. Yummy. Treat yourself. Next time, buy a box for the family. It's a Ritz cracker that had a chicken flavoring on it?

It's a little different than Ritz, but yes. Oh, so it wasn't a Ritz brand. No. Okay. I'm sorry. Okay. Nabisco, I believe. And it was called Chicken in a Biscuit? Yeah, dude. Yes. It's very good. Damn. We were a club family. Nabisco Club.

All the way. Hey, man, you got to reach upward, you know? You got to go for it. This was down and dirty. Maybe it's Adam and I's Iowa background. It might be. It might be our Iowa background. And this was a pretty important episode of... Of what? This is important? This is important! This is important! And it was. Yeah.

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