Ep 36: Cancer Was Getting On Adam‘s Dad‘s Nerves
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Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about... I got on my knees and started licking at them. Oh, hell yeah, bitch. I'm fucking dealing with like six pounds of shit on a daily basis. Dust off your zong, dude. Here we go.

All right. And we're back. We're back. We're back.

Whoa. You got a bunch of them, huh? Well, you missed it. We were all kind of doing it together as a group, and you held out, and you wanted your own time to shine. I respect that about you, Blake. Right. Yep. I'm trying to just kind of segue into my own personal podcast where it's never any speaking from me. It's just sound bites. Hey, I'd listen. And just you? Yep. This is important. Yep.

Yeah. This is important. That's what you bring to the table mostly for our podcast as well, so I think you'd be pretty good at it. No speaking. Yeah, I've been practicing. From listening to our podcast, my attention kind of dips when you're telling a story or doing something, but once you hit that button, fire, baby. It's true. Hey, and guys, guess what? We're back! We're back!

And who is that? That was some guy from like the Longhorns. I just Googled we're back. Oh, that's tight. Just some college football player? Yeah, they like got back to some... Or gymnast? I don't know. It could be any team. It could be any sport in Texas. Yeah, I think they were back at the rings. They were competitors once again. Oh, man. The rings look so fucking hard. I don't know about those things. They look hard as hell.

But we are talking football, correct? No, we're talking about gymnasts real quick. How jacked are gymnasts? Like their shoulders and biceps are crazy. Yes. Yes. Well, they hold themselves out like the Iron Cross on the gym or whatever or on the rings. It's fucking insane, dude. It is next level. Have you ever been able to do that? Has anybody ever been able to do that?

Well, yeah. Anyone? Yeah. Gymnast. Oh, okay. No, like here out of the four of us. The four of us. No, no, no, no. Yeah, okay.

Me neither. Weird we're talking about this because just today I had a fitting and the woman doing the fitting was like... And what is a fitting for people outside of Hollywood? A fitting is when you're putting on clothes and they decide... A costume. Yeah, a costume, if you will. Wardrobe for a TV show or a movie. And you got to go put on a ton of clothes and then the producers decide what you're going to wear. And I was doing that and she goes...

what sports did you play growing up? And I'm like, you know, baseball or whatever. And she goes, you look like you could have been a really good gymnast. And I was like, oh, do tell. Thank you. What part of your body was screaming gymnast? Was it the shoulders? I think it's these flabby,

thick ass shoulders and back and thighs and butt area, dude. Yeah, it's like all that part. It looks like I should be more athletic than I am. I can't jump more than four inches without it hurting when I land. Right. Yeah, the impact. The impact takes it out of you. You should just like collapse when you come back down. I do normally, honestly. Always into like a cool lounge position on the ground.

Well, I have to have a big fall in the new season of Righteous Gemstones and I have to fall like 20 feet. And they're like, yeah, we're just worried because you're going to be landing on top of people that you might twist an ankle or twist a knee or something. I'm like, I'm actually worried about that because I've had literally five ACL surgeries. Right.

So let's be careful with that. They're like, yeah, we will. And I'm like, all right. What are the logistics of that, though? Yeah, what's going on here? I mean, I don't want to give anything away because it's kind of a big stunt. No Crouching Tiger wire work? What are we talking? Yeah, there is going to be some wire work. They're going to lower me. But is it Crouching Tiger wire work? What do you mean by that?

I want to say we're back. Okay. I want to say we're back, but I'm not sure how much Crouching Tiger is involved. Okay. You want to keep the dragon hidden. I got it. I want to say it's we're back. Okay.

We're back, everybody. Well, thank you. I want to thank you for the viewers for sticking with us. We dropped a few, you know, best ofs. And a lot of people wait until they have like 100 episodes in the tank to do a best ofs. Not us. We had too much fun.

Yeah, it's true. Oh, yeah. We had too much hot fire waiting in the cut. Very hot. So we had to throw that back at you 35, 40 episodes deep. Yeah. Get to that. Yeah, just in case you forgot. Yeah, all that scalding material. I know I did. When I listened to it, I was like, I kind of forgot this little fun little run right here. I did a listen back, and I'm like, why aren't we mean to Kyle anymore? Yeah, it was really fun when we were mean to Kyle. Well, what do you got for me? What do you got for me, baby? Baby!

Bring it on today. What do you got? Fuck it. Shut up, bitch. Well, I think what I'm going to start doing is just not paying attention to you. Fuck it, bitch. What do you got? I'm just not going to listen. And when you talk, I'm going to just ignore you. Oh, really? Yeah. That's what you're going to do? That's actually really mean. A whole new mean angle. Wow. That's like the meanest thing you could do. Yikes. That's interesting. Do you guys hear something? There's like some kind of a fly buzzing around me. Yeah.

Can we have the room? Hey, Kyle, can we have the room real quick? Yeah, sure. I'm going to go take a nap. I'm exhausted. He's exhausted. Very exhausted. Oh.

Well, I want to say thank you to the listeners sticking with us. I had a family issue. My father, my father. My fat dad. My fat dad. He is fat a little now. He just recently gained like 20 pounds. I'm like, this is great. Yeah, he got a little fat all of a sudden. We love it. He's living. He was a little hefty back in the day. Back in the day. Then he lost like 50, 60 pounds and got all shredded up.

And then he's recently put on like 20 pounds, but it's good because he just got the cancer. So he got the cancer. Take on Blake on that one. He got the cancer and the doctor's like pumped on his little extra pudge. He's like, oh, hell yeah, bitch. And this I'm quoting him verbatim. I was just going to say, this is a doctor in Venice. These are the best people.

What's up? I'm Dr. Malibu. This is a cool doctor. Oh, hell yeah, bitch. This is the same guy I got my weed card from. Yo, hell yeah, bitch. Look at this chunky mug. You got the cancer. You're going to beat the shit out of this cancer, Braj. Hold up. So why is a little pudge good? Because you usually end up losing a lot of weight when you're... Because you are sick and you don't want to eat or you can't physically eat. And

And so, cause of the chemo and the radiation. Right. Yeah. Cause the chemo knocks you out. Right. That's the thing. And his tumor is like in a lymph node, uh,

we really got lucky. I don't know. I've, I talked to the guys a little bit individually, but his cancer, we got really lucky because usually with lung cancer, you don't find it until it's too late. And, uh, so we got lucky in the fact that his voice went out and it has to be in a certain lymph node. They said it's like the fourth lymph node in your neck. Right. And there's a bunch of them there. Yeah. There's, I think there's 12. I think, yeah, give or take a shit ton is what the doctor said. Oh yeah, for sure. Dr. Venice. Yes.

Dr. Brajola. It's like the dude from Idiocracy. It pressed on a nerve and then his voice went out. And they were like, that's the only way that we would have checked his lungs right now. Yeah. So the cancer was literally on his nerves? His cancer was on his last nerve. Wow. Yes, points!

Very good. This cancer's getting on my nerves. That is crazy, though. When I heard that about his voice, I Googled it. I was like, I had never heard that before, but that is such a damn, man. Just lucked out. That's huge. Yeah, got super lucky, and we got him into good hospital, and the last few weeks were fucking crazy because my parents are just...

You know, they just love where they live. They live in Lake of the Ozarks and they are like, yeah, we'll just do it here. People beat cancer all over the place. We don't have to go to a good place. And thank God I was able to be there with them that week and I didn't have to work that week. It just lucked out that I had that hiatus and I was able to convince them to go to a great hospital. So they're in MD Anderson, which is in Houston, which is ranked number one for cancer and cancer research and surgery.

And so they're doing all kinds of cool shit that I'm excited about. So big ups to Dennis D. Get him. And, you know, love you, bud. Dennis D., give him hell, brother. Fight that good fight. Yeah. And a big fuck you to all the doctors in the Ozarks. Yeah, I mean, honestly. I mean, shit. No, fuck those guys. That's the guy you're quoting who's like, he's got fucking cancer, dude. Okay, Dr. Ozarks, thank you. You got the big C. We're going to Houston.

Oh my God. That's so wild. My dad wore a t-shirt, uh, that says Houston, we got a problem his first day. Did he really? Yeah. Of course he did. We were out taking a walk and we, and I'm like, Oh dad, because I kept saying that we kept saying that, uh,

when we were going to Houston, where it was like, Houston, we got a problem. I like that. And then we went and saw the t-shirt in just a store, and he's like, I gotta buy it. Yes. Because his voice is all fucked up now. He sounds absolutely insane. He actually feels fine. Your impression sounds...

Like how you've always done his impression. Yeah, well, I mean, normally he's like, but now he's like, he's down here. Right. And so he sounds worse than he feels. Like he doesn't feel bad yet. So like people, when they talk to him on the phone, they're like, oh my God. Right.

Any day now. It sounds way worse than it actually is. Does he like that attention? He's like, don't do not FaceTime me. No. He's got the shirt. I don't think he does. I mean, I think he likes that people are rooting for him and shows that everyone loves him as much as they do. Of course. But I think it's weird for him.

to like talk to like super old friends that he hasn't talked to in like probably 20 years and then they call and they're like yeah so uh you got the cancer and he's like yeah yeah yeah I got it and then it's just they're just two men that are uncomfortable talking about their feelings so they sit in silent for like three minutes on the phone and they're like well gotta go alright take care thanks for calling you take care you kick it's butt okay you kick that cancer's ass I love you bye

Yeah, when you're of that ilk of like, I can't really talk about it, just sitting there breathing is enough. Oh, that's enough. Just knowing that your friend cares about you. Yeah. Well, those yeahs get real loaded. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How's the food there? Ah.

Dog shit. Hey, I've had better at your mom's house. Okay. All right. All right. The same old Dennis. Yeah. Honestly, those were the days. Those were.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but really, actually, honestly, best years of my life. Genuinely hanging with you. Yeah. Glory Days comes on the radio. They just listen and cry. What station are you listening to? Glory Days. Yeah. They can't say I love you, so they're like, I love the good old days. Bob Seger. Pick up trucks.

I love Chevy. I love ACDC. I love Ford over Chevy. Ford found on road to head. Chevy's better. I love Lowe's hardware. Ford F-150s. I love you. I love you. What's up? Are you there? I think the reception got bad. Points. I love you. I can do anything with those trucks.

I love you all. I'd help you move to heaven. I'm just not a Penske guy. What can I say?

What's Penske? That's another, like, truck you can rent. You know what statistic that I heard that is fucking insane? Is this a U-Haul statistic? It's a U-Haul, specifically. I read it on the side of a U-Haul. They have those cool little... And that's what I would like to segue to. With those crazy fucking murals that look like you're looking inside the truck. Those things are fucked up. Yeah, they'll fuck you up. Sorry, Adam.

You think the back door's open? Yeah, it's fucked up. They're like, the perspective on them is gnarly. Like, sometimes I'm driving. Yeah, I don't know if it ever really threw me for a total loop. Oh, it's throwing me. Hey, Adam, we'll circle back to whatever statistic you have and just talk about these murals for a little bit. Well, it's bizarre. Yeah, it's bizarre. How are you supposed to drive? Can we talk about the side of a U-Haul truck, those did you knows? Yeah. They're the best. Well, no, and that's where I got this stat is one out of three people get cancer.

One out of three? Yeah. One out of three people. And I read that on the side of a U-Haul truck. Okay. Dude, I remember when my cousin was going through it, I had the same statistic and I was like, oh, so you just have to kind of live...

to fight it before you even have it. Yeah. That's, and that essentially that's how everybody goes. It's either you get cancer or something with your heart and that's how, and I'm like thinking about me and how I'm going to go, you know, just thinking a lot about like my own mortality, you know, dealing with my dad's stuff.

And I'm like, oh, my heart's exploding. I got to be more careful, more tender with this sweet bumping bitch in my chest. Yes, you only have one. Because, you know, I'm Operation Go-Hard all the time. And it's time for me to pump the brakes just a wee bit. Is that what the doctor said to you? He looked at me and he goes, you're Operation Go-Hard. I can tell you're an Operation Go-Hard. You need an Operation Go-Hard.

We just got your CAT scans back, and it looks like you are in Operation Go-Hard. You're going to need to chill out a little bit. You've been in Operation Go-Hard for quite some time. Oh, boy. Yeah, you have to kind of combat it just as a preemptive measure if you look at the statistics. It's like, okay. I think it's – I'm going to tone down my lifestyle a little bit.

20%. I'm not going to totally change my life. For one month? 20%. Okay. Yeah, unless my dad... How do you quantify the 20%? What does that mean? Unless my dad just beats the shit out of cancer, then I'll be like, oh, well then, you know. Yeah, then it's back on. Born to go hard. Then I'm born to go hard. Yeah, baby, we were born to run. Baby, we were born to go hard. Yeah.

I think it's just eating a little better, cutting back on the amount of just shit I put in my body. I truly treat it like a garbage can, as you guys know. And, you know, I think I'm going to try to be a little healthier. If, you know, if there's no accident that kills you, what do you think it's going to be? What's going to kill me?

Yeah, or anybody. Whatever. Not like a train or whatever, like a car. But what's the thing you think is going to... The health? What's the health? I think something's going to just drop out of a tree and hit me on the head, and that's going to be it. That's an accident, right? That's an accident. What I just said was bearing an accident. He said the opposite of that. No, it was an accident because you didn't let me finish. Kyle drops a coconut out of the tree and kills me. You got killed by a coconut that I dropped out of the tree? That's what you came up with? Damn.

Walk that one back. I think Kyle's going to kill me. God damn it, Blake. You're just stealing bits from Adam Devine's house party, Hawaii. I see you. That's right. And you busted me. And you busted me. Okay, I didn't know if you remembered them all. I see you stealing that bit. I didn't even know you watched.

A lot of times I reach back into the house party bag, I dust them off, but you guys, I should know. These are the creators of the show here. I'm going to die because Blake's saying, kill me with these jokes.

Okay. Yes, points. Points. I honestly think I'm most scared of cancer because I smoked for so long and I quit that. Yeah, you got it. And I fucking, you know, yeah. Well, I mean, what's fucked up about lung cancer is my dad truly quit smoking, didn't have a cigarette for the past seven years. Yeah. And before that, there was multiple years where he'd quit for a few years, start again for six months or eight months, and then quit again for a while. Right.

But he smoked for like 35, 40 years. Dude, I remember smoking with your dad. Just bro-ing down, drinking beers, smoking hella cigarettes. So this is your fault? Yeah, so this is a little on you. It's on Kyle. Blood on your hands. We were both there, guys. Everyone keeps reaching out to me and different doctors and people that I've been talking to.

And they're like, hey, just – this isn't about blame. Do not blame your father. And I'm like, no. What? Like what? Like I guess some people – I mean to me it wouldn't even enter my mind to blame him because it's like everyone makes their own choices and it's just –

it's kind of the luck of the roll of the dice, you know? The luck of the Irish. It's the anti-luck of the Irish. It's the bad luck of the Irish. It's the bad luck of the Irish. I love the statistic one out of three, and I just look around this Zoom, and I'm like, who's getting it? And why? And where? Yeah. I have little doubt that I, yeah, I already consider myself having cancer. Yeah.

I'm so afraid of it. I'm so afraid of it. That's what I'm saying. I kind of share that sentiment, Blake. That's like, it's like you have to, I'm like, am I combating it with how I eat? Yeah, I need to for a lot of the times because you just don't know. But, but,

But that's the other thing. It even feels like everything you do, you can only take so many preemptive measures. Like, sure, smoking cigarettes, you can't do that. It's on the packet. You're going to get cancer if you do it. You have to assume you will. But everything else is kind of like you walk into Starbucks, there's the little plaque on the wall, like, things in here give you cancer, maybe. It's like...

how are you supposed to live your life and even there's just so much you can't you just it's just like the big ones it's just like drone drink like a fish every day don't smoke cigarettes all the time you know it's just you you can't you can't everything in moderation sort of isn't like the is the red meat uh is that uh linked to cancer is that a thing that's more hard stuff yeah but i mean who knows what they're putting in these goddamn cows these days

Well, who knows what they're doing with the manufactured meat these days. You know what I mean? They're feeding cows to cows. Okay. Cannibal burger. I think I'm going to get mad cow. Okay.

That would suck. I think that would be bad. I'm an avian flu boy because fuck birds. They've heard me talking about how I hate birds and these... Right, they're coming for you. The bird flu is coming for me. I would say probably for me it would be a heart thing, which is scary because I've had members of my family have heart attacks and stuff.

But also most members of my family end up getting cancer of some sort or another. Is that right? You've had other members? Who else? Oh, yeah. Everybody gets lung cancer. But they all smoked. Wow. Like when I was a kid, everyone, everybody in my family was smoking. Not my mom, but like all my aunts and uncles and everybody and my grandparents and everyone. It was just like –

I don't remember my grandfather without a cigarette in his hand. So wait, now I have a, now something's kind of clicking. Do you think that statistic of the one in three people get cancer is because cigarette smoking was so prominent in the past that maybe we're just getting all these lung cancers from these cigarette smokers of the, you know, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s? Maybe, but also it's not all lung cancer. It's like any type of cancer. Lung?

I wonder what the most common... What's the most common cancer, I wonder? I think it was lung, and now it's tongue. Tongue? Tongue cancer. Oh, my goodness. Okay. Seems real. Interesting. This is important. Is it colon cancer? Oh, God. That seems right. Butt cancer? Right. From all the dill... The what? I feel like that's a dirty zone. Kyle, shut up. What'd you say? Were you talking about pegging? Pegging?

Kyle, shut up. What did I say? Shut up, dude. Shut up. I think the colon cancer is for sure, without a doubt, if anybody gets colon cancer, huge into pegging. I think that's what that is. Is that the cause? Plug it up. So blame them. Like the doctor said, don't blame them. Blame those people for sure because that's what happened. Plug it up. Don't let the cancer out. Right, right. Yeah. You got to plug it up.

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Everybody take a sip. Yeah, yeah. I have a cup of coffee right now. Everybody take a sip of your beverage. You know, this is really... It's getting too real. We're talking about too real of things. So we're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we are. We think we're like evolved. We're not like our dads. We can talk about stuff.

But we joke about it for 10 minutes and then go, yep, okay. Now I'm feeling it. Now I'm feeling what we were making fun of. I'm feeling it. Yeah, once you really start to think about it, you're like, oh, my gosh. But yeah, it's probably the dildos, right? Yeah, probably butt plugs. Anywho. You guys believe in heaven? I sure do. Full plate of wings at Hooters. Hey, that's my heaven. No, seriously, do you believe in heaven?

heaven yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i do angels are with us well i will say that like i'm not a religious person and i don't uh really believe in that stuff but i was like when i first when i was waiting for the call to find out if it had spread or not i was like well shit let's give this a go and i literally was just like yeah um like in my head obviously i'm not you did the prayer from forrest gump

I don't remember that, but... Fly far, far away. Make me a bird. Dear God, make me a bird. Fly far, far away. No, I didn't. Dang, I didn't steal Jenny's prayer, but I did. I was like, hey, it's... Hey, big guy. It's been a while. Hey, I know it's been a while. It's been a while. Hey, God, it's me, Adam. Hey, just checking in. Yeah, you spent two minutes just going, it's been a while. You remember that?

Of course you know that. You're God. Of course you know that. You're God. You created that song. I guess you kind of wrote it. You gave that. Yeah, do you have to catch God up a little bit? Like, so last time I talked to you, I'm on wretched gemstones now. I've been doing some things. Sorry about that. Yeah, my bad. Sorry about that. It's just a joke. Did I thank you for that part?

Anyways, thank you for the part. My dad also didn't ask the doctor any questions. We're all on the FaceTime with the doctor. We can't be in the room because of COVID. And so we're all FaceTiming in, which is super annoying. And it's like half going in and out, and it sucked. So we had a notepad just full of questions that we asked for like –

a week straight we were just like uh you know stockpiling questions to ask and then we ask all the questions we basically cover everything and my dad's the one sitting in the room and then he finally goes hey i got a question and the doctor's like okay uh mr vine what and he goes can i smoke weed now we're talking yeah okay now we're getting down to it

smoke him. And I'm like, dad, there's no way in hell that you're going to be able to smoke weed while you are a lung cancer patient. I was thinking about that and I was like, he can't use a lighter for sure.

Oh, but guess what, guys? You can. The doctor was like, yep. Yeah. I guess the carcinogen in marijuana smoke is like so fucking low that all the radiation and chemo that they're doing will obliterate that. Yeah. You know. And it's science, but –

Give me a hell yeah. This is Dr. Ozark or who? No, this is the real doctor at MD Anderson. He's like, all you got to do is switch to a volcano bag and you're going to be cool, man. Yeah, he knows the brand. Yeah.

Yeah, that stuff doesn't mess your lungs up at all. You're all good. But you've got to be careful because the butane, right? Did you talk to him about sucking in the butane? Because I know your dad likes to hit fucking pipes hard, man. Okay. You know what I mean? Smoke weed every day. No, we didn't go that far down. You've got to get him a wick. So, like, what strain do you... Yeah. Yo, fuck.

Uh, but I am happy for him because that's what he was like most sad about. Like, yeah. Cause, uh, we were like, Hey, yeah, probably gonna have to cut down drinking and shit and all that. And he's like, yeah. Yeah. And he's like, but I could smoke weed. And I'm like, I don't think you're going to be able to. And I could tell how sad that made him because ever since like I was old enough for him to talk to me like an adult, uh, you know, 11 and, uh, he was telling me, will you hold this for me when we get pulled over? Yeah.

This is yours. No, he had to get drug tested for work all the time because he worked for the railroad. He was a conductor for the railroad, so he had to get drug tested. So he was never able to smoke weed his entire adult life, basically. And he loved weed when he was a kid. So when he retired, he was like, oh, fuck yeah, I'm back to getting to smoke weed and living the life that I want to live. And that was only a few years ago now, and just to have that yanked from him, I could tell how sad it made him, and I was pumped when the doctor was like,

Oh, hell yeah, bitch. Yeah, yeah. This doctor is dope. And that's a quote from the doctor. The doctor's super cool, guys. He wore tie-dye. This doctor's legit. Like, he gets it, man. But for real, I'm pumped, too. I thought about that with Dennis, like, right away. Yeah, yeah. I think he's going to be good. I imagine him being, like, totally, like, nodding his head, stone-faced, hearing all, like, the odds of, like, making it and the procedures and all the shit that's going on. Oh, God. And then... That was...

He just, one tear comes down and you're like, dad's going to be okay. He's like, no, no, I just thought of one thing. Am I going to be able to smoke weed? And they're like, yeah. And he just wipes the tear away. He's like, okay, we're good. No, he goes, oh, he, he literally goes, am I going to be able to smoke weed? And the doctor's like, uh, yeah, yeah, you will be able to, you know, and he kind of explained it. He goes, good. Then we're beating this shit. Yeah.

And then he put on his sunglasses and ended the zoom. Love your father. That's all I needed to hear. He roped a steer with his dick.

Oh, he's the best. Oh, good. Like he wasn't going to beat it until he was allowed to smoke weed. And he's like, okay, good. Then we are beating this shit. All right, good. Come on. He's getting in the proper mind state. I mean, marijuana is super valuable to the process for sure. Because even like what you're talking about with like the appetite, you really do lose it. You got to smoke that weed, get the munchies back.

Well, I kind of thought it was going to be just edibles. And I plugged him with tons of edibles. And the can, the weed drink company that I've invested in, C-A-N-N. And so I gave him a ton of that shit. And I figured that's what the doctor was going to be like, okay, yeah, but just stick with edibles or whatever. And he was like, no. And the doctor was like, nah, Braj, rip that shit, dog. This doctor is the best.

best dust off your song dude this guy won a Nobel Peace Prize he's he's off the fucking charts yeah man it was peace pipe prize bra so tight damn that's what did he get the prognosis standing on an endo board you

You thought he won a Nobel Prize, but he just won a Nobel Prize? He fucking kickflips his endo board and is like, you're good. You're good, bro. Oh, man. Dude, I have the endo board from Workaholics with all the nar puns right here. Oh, hell yeah, bitch. Oh, the endo board pivotal. Do you guys remember this? So everybody at home, an endo board, they're also known as bongo boards. It's like...

Piece of wood you stand on and balance over like a wooden cylinder, and you kind of rock back and forth and work on your balance. And we had one in the writer's room at Workaholics, and we wrote a bunch of stuff on it. Kyle? That's right. And here we have some of our NAR puns that are written on there. It says Nargarita. Ooh. Hey, I'm thirsty. And it's today's Cinco de Mayo. So as we're recording this episode, it is Cinco de Mayo, and I would love a Nargarita. Would you also like a NARD boiled egg? Yeah.

Less so, but yeah. Hey, wait, hold on. Yes, points! These are insane. Narnar Binks. Yes, points! Leonardo de Ketchwaves. That's great. Yes, points! Pizza Suss.

Nope. Yeah. No, it is. No. No. Nara Kelly. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Did I say can't Nardly wakes?

That's the best one right there. That's really good. That works on levels. Thank you for saving that one for last. Thank you. You just reminded me about, I think, allegedly season one of Workaholics, this thing called Chat Roulette came out. Chat Roulette? We were zooming on there. Chat Roulette was basically like webcamming before it became something you could tip and watch girls in. It was basically...

you would just link up with people randomly and it would be like naked dude, naked dude, naked dude, naked dude, naked dude. Not even naked dude, just dick. It was so bizarre. Guy sitting there super close to his computer and then after going through 50, you'd find a naked chick and be like, whoa!

And we would do it. And she would have a dick. I like that we did all that, but then you could easily just look at naked chicks online. But this was thrilling. But this was a whole new world. It was thrilling. Yeah. I was there too, guys. Click. Click.

Click. Click. Click. Allegedly, we did this in the writer's room. Allegedly. Allegedly, it was thrilling. Yes. We were going and going and going and going. I can't remember if it was a guy or a girl, but somebody was like endo boarding on it. It was a guy. It was a dude. And then we were like, and there's no sound? I can't remember. I can't remember. I don't think so. We were like waving at him to not switch away from us because they can do that. And we like held up the endo board. Yeah. And he was like, oh, thumbs up. And then like we did it for a couple minutes. And then whipped his dick out and panned out. Yeah.

It was cool. That was amazing. The website still has to exist, right? It's probably better than ever. Chat roulette? It probably got bought out for its technology.

Oh, there you go. It was brilliant. It was really brilliant. Yeah. I was talking today about shit that we allegedly did in the past that like now for sure we wouldn't do. One we would probably get in all kinds of trouble for. Yeah, let's talk about it. And these are things that maybe we didn't even do. And maybe, allegedly, that's why we're saying it. Allegedly we did. Allegedly we didn't. Correct. Maybe we're just... It's a podcast. We're just being funny. Yeah. Yeah, we're telling funnies. For the gigs. For the gigs and the chucks. Yeah.

But remember when we were allegedly at Comic-Con and we were playing beer pong with Kent Alterman, the old president of Comedy Central? This would be funny. And then we whipped our dicks. It was like the last ball. We were losing in beer pong to... I thought it was Kent. The Drunk History guy? Yeah. It was Kent and Drunk History. Yeah, Derek. I thought it was John Benjamin. Wasn't it?

I think it was John Benjamin and Drunk History Dude and Kent was watching. Kent was watching. He's the president of Comedy Central. Essentially our big boss at Comedy Central. We were playing with him and we just whipped our dicks out and were like flat

So we had only one cup left. We had one cup left. We were losing and it was like, we got to do anything so they fucking can't beat us. You pulled your nuts out. I got on my knees and started licking at them. Allegedly. Allegedly. Yeah.

Dude, what? And that's what happened. What happened? You weren't there, dog. I was over by the pool. Well, dude, I think that's a pretty common practice in beer pong, like the distraction technique. Oh, yeah, it is. We still lost. I think he still made the shot. So you licked your friend's testicles and lost? I didn't actually lick it. I just was like flicking my tongue at it. How close were you? It was like close. He was like... How close were you? If anything, I was wafting the scent of it.

into my mouth. He was wafting the smell into his own nose. I want to say that's almost hotter, bro. That's a kink. Yeah. I know what I'm doing. Don't kick shame, Durv. Nose candy. Getting extra close. Yeah. Just kind of hot-breathing on your friend's nuts. I'm always like, you guys want to play beer pong? Yeah.

Hey, you want to play beer pong? First ball out. You're like distracting. Yeah, let's just oh, let's distract him. Let's distract him. Let's distract him. We don't have to yet. Oh, why are you making your dick mouth talk? Oh, let's distract him. You should pull your nuts out. Why are you pulling your ball sack over your dick? We just started.

That used to be such a move, is pulling just your nutsack out. That was like the funny... Yeah, we called that bubble gum. Yeah, you sat in gum. Just kind of the skin. Just the skin of the nuts. I think I told this story at summer camp. One of our counselors allegedly, he like woke us all up and he had his balls out of his boxer short hole. And he was like, yo, wake up guys. Hey, and check out these new underwear I got. And we would all turn and look and his nuts would just be... Hilarious. Yeah.

Oh, God. It was so funny. And he was standing over top of you just jerking off. Well, I mean, at that point, I'm like, I might as well suck it. He taught me how to shoot a bow and arrow. Okay. Oh, my God.

Thank you, God! There we go, man. What a cool relationship between an 11-year-old and probably a 17- and 18-year-old. Shit's going crazy. How are camp counselors in charge? And these kids are just laughing so hard they're crying. I miss that. I miss being a kid when you would just laugh

so hard that you were crying of laughter. I don't laugh anymore. Everything got too real. When it became the business, it's very hard to find those pure moments of joy because you're always like, should we film it? We should film this. I would say I just had that. It was so cool. I was able to spend about a week and a half with my family this past week dealing with my dad's stuff. It was the first time, I think, in my adult life

that I truly went back and it was just the four of us for like a week straight with no one else. And it's just us in a room together, just chopping it up. And we were just silly as fuck and laughing so goddamn hard. And I was like, yeah. Like when you're a little kid, when just like something...

You're just making fun of one member of the family and everybody's piling on and you're laughing so hard you're crying. At least that's my family. They're crying. They're not. They're crying, crying, but you're laughing so hard you're crying. Yeah, my mom is pretty bent out of shape that we're making fun of her so much, but it was all good fun. We love you, Penny. Well, there's always like a turning point where it's like funny until it's not.

Yeah. It's like, okay, leave them alone. This was funny. I thought we could keep going. Like, let's go. Totally. This is still fertile ground for laughter. Well, that, and every family is different. That's just how my family deals with stuff is like, you have to make light out of it. And like, my dad is calling himself cancer dad. And so we're all calling him cancer dad. And he wants to be a cancer fluencer or Ken fluencer.

Is that real? I'm sure it's real. I don't know if it's real or not, but he wants to be that when we were joking that he should be that. So and get like a, he's like on a bass boat and he's sponsored by bass pro shops because like fishing is a thing you can do when you're dealing with cancer treatment. Cause it doesn't exert a lot of energy. I love the idea of Dennis doing like a little low budget commercial where he like catches cancer out of the lake. He's like, I'll be throwing this back. Hey,

Hey, this is a catch and release. Points! Points! That's awesome. I had a homie who got cancer and beat it, but then he goes through these recovery functions or whatever, and he's like, dude, and this was not like a guy who got laid a bunch or whatever, met girls easily. Okay.

And he's like, yo, post-cancer, I'm cleaning up. I'm meeting these chicks who are in recovery. We're all talking about, we're all identifying with our cancers and stuff. And he's like, I'm killing it, dude. And I'm like, wow. Hey, well, he's got a thing, you know? For sure. Yeah. That's got to be it. Right, right. Next level. I mean, part of a community, I suppose. Hey, shake what your cancer gave you.

Shake what that cancer gave you. You know what I mean? I'm going to go ahead and take a sip. All right. Let's take a sip. Points, points. Yeah, yeah. Shake what that cancer gave you for sure. Take a sip. Yep. How many more years do I have with you guys? Yeah, you were kind of out and about in Houston though, huh, Adam? You guys went to a few sports games and stuff? Yeah, we did. It was cool. We went to an Astros game. That was tight because it's all outside and it was all spaced out. Right. And so...

We were all vaxxed up, so we had our masks off, and that was tight. But we went to a Rockets game, which was awesome. And the Rockets actually gave us tickets, which was so fucking cool of them and so nice of them. That's rad. But we got tickets in the... Canfluencer. He's a canfluencer, so we get free shit. And we got tickets in the...

I don't know what to call it. The restricted zone or whatever, where it's the first four rows that has to get rapid tested and... Splash zone. Oh, shit. Has to get COVID tested and everything. Splash zone. It might be the splash zone. I can't ignore that Kyle said splash zone. Yeah.

That's a Gallagher show. This is a Rockets game. Sorry. And so we're at the game, and I was so bummed because I'm like, oh, it'll be cool. Have a few beers. Like sit here. Eat some popcorn. You know, whatever. Watch the game. And you weren't allowed in the fourth – we're in the fourth row. You weren't allowed to eat or drink anything in the fourth row. But in the fifth row, one seat behind us, there was a guy one seat behind us in like eight seats –

So he wasn't that close to us, but fairly close. He was just basically mask off, eating and drinking the whole time. And I'm like, oh, man. Thank you, Dr. Fauci. Wait, so did you guys have to have masks on also, sitting that close? Yeah, and we had to have masks the entire time. It wasn't so bad, but it was...

it was really, I wanted to go to, cause I'm a big NBA fan. I wanted to go to a game during this time because I was like, what is it like? I'm sure it's so weird. And it is super duper weird. The amount of like fan noise that they pump into the stadium to make it feel like there's people there because it's a 20,000 seat stadium or 18,000, something close to that. And,

And there was, I think they only allowed 3,000 in. So there's like nobody there. Right. I think the other reason they pump that stuff in is because it's so easy to like talk to the players. Like I saw on Instagram, some dude was just like, LeBron, you're a baby. And like, you can just hear. Hear everything. And you can truly hear everything that the players are saying to each other and like how much they're cursing. And like every player is just like, fuck, motherfucker. Fuck you. Fuck. Fuck.

Allegedly. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, you can hear like skin slapping on fowls and shit. Oh, yeah. You can hear their dicks hitting their thighs. That's all we heard. It was just skin slapping. Blake. Whoa. Blake, you want to take a sip, pal? Go ahead and take a sip. That's all Blake was listening for? Can you hear that? Oh, my God. Can you hear that? Oh, my God.

I do love, though. That's it. They used to play the street ball on ESPN2 or whatever, and they'd be at some beach somewhere, and they'd be like, check out this move. They'd play it in slow motion on the replay, and you would just see some dude's dick flopping back and forth in the mesh shorts as another dude posts up and just takes it in the face. Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby.

Blake's pumped. You can't not see it. So somebody made the decision to be like, hey, it's a good enough play. Keep it in. Put it in there. And it's not live.

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What is that one from? It's from a DMX song. Oh, yeah. R.I.P. Have we been on since he died? No. So much, I feel, has happened. Yeah. A lot of things have happened in the last couple weeks. Right. DMX, when he died, I went back and listened to... Obviously, everyone did. Yeah.

I listen to a lot of DMX. Man, oh man, did he have a few songs that you're like, whoa, buddy! Oh yeah, dude. He had some problematic lyrics for sure. He had some demons. Yeah. Where he just...

hated homosexuals in a way that you're like, well, what's going on there, buddy? Yeah. Yeah. Really? I don't remember those lyrics. I'm going to just say rest in peace. But yeah, I know what you mean. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rest in peace. I kind of just listened to the ones that were on the radio to tell you the truth. No, no, no. The lyrics are next. I remember driving. I know exactly where I was because I was so shocked because I'm not really a lyric guy. I'm more of like a beat whatever. Like if somebody like Tupac is kind of rapping, like the...

the melody. Yeah. And I remember listening to the lyrics like, and being like, well, what is he talking about? And I'm driving around the reservoir in Silver Lake hearing it like crystal clear for the first time and going,

Oh, okay. Wow. I forget which song. It might be like, it's one of his really famous songs, like X-Gun, Give It To You or something. Yeah. It's not even like a line. It's not even like a verse. He comes back from the chorus and goes back in on it. And you're like. Yeah. It's like, this guy's got some demons. Wow.

But with that said, did you see his little funeral that went down in New York? It was just insanity. Unreal. Yeah. And I would like to say, all of those people are going to come to our houses now.

With that said, you guys did see the army behind him, right? Yes. Unbelievable. Rough Riders for life. I love DMX. I think he, I mean, I really liked his music. I thought it was awesome. It was super fun. The energy was so, so much fun.

Yeah, the energy was great. Stop, drop, shut them down, open up shop. I don't know any songs. That's three songs. Yeah, that was every song. You know that? And slipping. Talk is cheap, motherfucker. Okay.

That's every song. That's every song. And I like all of them. Let's get it on. When we were shitting on Blake for not knowing the Grateful Dead songs, I was like, and I was really going in on him. Blink-182 is one of my favorite bands. I was thinking, I'm like, I would be, I think I could do, I mean, I know I could do it, but

I wouldn't roll off the tongue, like naming four songs. Four songs? Boink songs? Yeah, because I don't know the names of them. I just know all of them. Like if you put it on, I know every word of every one of their songs. I think I only have two. I don't even listen to them and I can name four. You can? Song titles, for sure. And your brain works better than mine, Durst. Oh, no, not song titles, but like... That's what we're talking about. Yeah, no, song titles. Like all I have in my head is, damn it.

and Adam's song. The name of the song is Damn It? Yeah. Yeah. That was their first big hit. From Can't Hardly Wait. That's just psyched. Yeah. That's called Damn It? Yeah, dude. That's called Damn It, bro. They're fucking...

and punk that's a sick song they're punk it's like a drink yeah they they fucking rule correct and then the other one is the emotional uh adam song yeah we talk about spilling apple juice in the hall and stuff apple juice in the hall please tell mom this is not her fault right it's really really a heavy track it is you know what i

I'll do a first take back. You know, why don't we get into it? Take backs and apologies. I will take back that it was aggressive to ask him to name four songs. Thanks, man. But I would have accepted. I believe we can go back and check the tape. I said, you can even hum it, motherfucker. Right.

right nice did you say did you do you do you have to say motherfucker in there no i just like i like it do you have to he did in that instance i feel like he had to yeah okay yeah all right i just checked because we're putting him on blast and that's part of it i was just checking that's cool so check the tapes but yeah uh you know four songs you could you could hum them you could sing them but you're also not listening to blink right now a ton

And Blake looked like he was diving in pretty deep recently. Right. What are two other Blink song titles we got, too? Do you know? What's My Age? Oh, yeah. All the Small Things, Carousel, What's My Age Again. Oh, yeah, that's it. M&M's. Where are you? Where are you? And I'm so sorry. That's really good. Yeah. What's Carousel, Adam? Yeah. What's Carousel? Which one's Carousel? How does Carousel go? Uh...

Carousel, carousel. I don't give a carousel. She kissed me on a carousel. I went down to the store again. Well, I see that's the thing is if that was playing, I know that's a song. And if that was playing, I would know, I could say every word to the song, but I don't know.

Song titles very well. I've got to light it up. Right. I do remember What's My Age Again. That was a great one. So even with one of my favorite bands, I would have a hard time even though I know all of their music. Right. Well, so to be fair, that means you're just stupid. I'm stupid. Yeah. Correct. Yeah. Well, okay. Just name four songs. Just song titles. Songs in general. Songs? Does that exist? Yeah.

See? Happy birthday. Okay, happy birthday. ABC's Twinkle Twinkle. And then I'm drawn a blank. Motherfucking boat. And what's another one? What are songs? What are songs? Any song.

By the way, Twinkle Twinkle and ABC are the same song. Yes, they are. Same melody. Oh, okay. Which is important. That's a mind blower when you first realize that. Is that for real, Bam? Yeah. Ready? You sing ABCs at the same time I'll sing Twinkle Twinkle. Okay, good, because I don't know the words to Twinkle Twinkle. Ready? ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP.

Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-A-E-X-A-G-R-E-X-A-9. Now I know my ABCs. X gonna give it to ya. Next time won't you sing with a frog. Was that real? Was that Kyle saying that? What? X gonna give it to you? The X gonna give it to you? No, that was me. No, I was genuinely singing the ending.

of it. X gonna give it to you. Wow, that was really cool. Oh my God, I thought that was a sound thing or I don't know what I thought that was. He got scared. So you think I sound cool? Yeah. Yeah, thanks dude. You sound like a soundboard. Appreciate that. That was the first joke I remember laughing so hard that I would fucking cry my eyes out as a little kid learning the ABCs. We'd go through all the ABCs and at the end you'd say like,

Next time, won't you sing with me? You know that part? But what we would do in my car, we'd go through the whole thing. It's all about the setup. And then we say, next time, won't you sing with a frog? And it would crack me up. Points. Not points. And you could change it every time. Every time you change it, you'd be like, next time, won't you sing with a monkey? And it's like, oh, no.

It was just a great show. That is pretty good. That was really special. I loved it. Frog was the funniest by far for me. That's why I remember that. It's a funny work. It was just that confusion attack at the end of a giant setup that fucking cracked me up. And I wonder if we can look at the analytics and see how many people tuned out during Kyle's story.

Right. Yeah, let's check it out. Check the RSS feed. Yeah, just if we look at the, if we have iHeartRadio, look at the analytics and how many people just decided to stop listening to the podcast 50 minutes in because of... I'd like to do an early apology. I'm just knee deep in fucking toddlers. That is true. I'm knee deep in a baby. I'm basically handling about, I got three 50 pound dogs, a baby, and a two and a half year old and I'm changing diapers all day. All right? I'm living in a nightmare.

I think I'm fucking dealing with like six pounds of shit on a daily basis. That's a lot. Like six pounds. That is true. So now you're talking to a bunch of grown ass men and you're like, I'm only used to talking about like ABCs and how fun it is to end it with frog and how funny that is. And then you talk to like your three buddies who,

are damn near 40 years old and tell that same story thinking it's going to get some chucks and gigs and it, and it, and it doesn't. And I understand that. Or at least a smile or something, you know, something less critical from three of my best friends.

Hey, I love you. I love you, bud. You know, that wasn't the best story, but I still love you. And I tell stories that suck too sometimes. I have a question about it. I'd love to expand on it. It's a child thing that happened with me. What's up, Blake? When you say next time will you sing with a frog, do you go through the alphabet as a frog in a frog voice?

That makes the game very fun for me. This is getting worse. My memory stops after the frog, but I'm down. You know what I will do? I agree with you, and I'll do that. I'll do that with my kids. Because you go like, next time, will you sing with a British person? Right. I mean, C-D-A-F-G-E.

Well, I know the title of this podcast episode. The guys do bad accents again, again. Again, again, again. Next time, won't you sing? Sing with Casey Affleck. I think I saw the case. What's a Boston accent? I don't know how to do it. Maybe we don't do that this time. There it is. Blake's got it. Blake's got the Casey accent.

I was working on this movie and they wanted me to do a – I wasn't working. I was writing the movie. You were watching a movie. I was watching a movie. But they were like – they really wanted it set in Boston and I was so scared of doing a Boston accent because that's the – like first of all, people from the northeast are very particular about their accents and if you get it a little off –

they will fucking shit down your throat. Yeah, you got to do it right. They will find you. They will hunt you down. They will lick at your balls. That one is a very scary one to do, I think. If you're not from there, it's hard. I just watched The Departed. Yeah. I watched The Departed the other day, and the accent's insane. The way they say cops. Cops. Cops. Yeah. He's a cop. But it has to roll off the tongue. If they can tell that you're gearing up to say cops, they're like, fuck.

Fuck this guy. Right. Well, it's just a weird character choice where everything you're saying, you're thinking, you're like, co-ops. Yeah. You're just moving your face way too much. Like, all right. It seems like you're really prepared to say this word. Maybe throw it away a little bit. Co-op. Are you saying co-op? Yeah.

Yeah, just kind of, you know, throw it away. You're just saying cops. How do they say co-op? Hey, you're just saying cops. You're just saying cops. Just throw it away. Sounds like you're saying co-op. Like, we're not at an REI. Co-ops. Your only line, you guys are like making drugs out of your house. The cops bust in. Your big line is cops. And you just got to kind of shout it out the door and throw it away. That's hella hard. That's his only line. Okay, Kyle, call action. Okay, ready and action.

Cops! You have to wait for the door to open. This! You have to wait for the door to open, all right? You can't just yell it. You have to wait. Hey, guys. Oh, okay. All right. Okay, hit me, Kyle. Okay, okay. Just remember, he's going to open the door. And so is there a noise when the door opens? Yeah, yeah. We're rehearsing. I'll make the noise. All right, ready, and. Am I the sound guy? Oh.

Oh, oh, oh yeah. There is a roll sound. Got it. Rolling. All right. Ready? And action. It's co-op. And this was an episode of... We're back. Yay.

See, I think that was almost too good. Yeah, so I was trying to do a bad impression, but I actually nailed it and probably got the golden popcorn from that one. Co-ops. Yeah. Very good. There's co-ops in there. Yeah. It's co-ops! I added an it. I took an artistic license and added an it. That felt natural. I liked it. I think you fucked up. I think the person's like, actually, it's co-ops. We don't want it. Actually, it's just co-ops. It's not it. You're saying co-op?

Can we just make him American? Is it cool if an American lives in Boston? Is that okay? An American in Boston. Oh, fucking dumbass. I was going to say, I can't believe we're still on here for this. And Kyle gives us that gift. I'm such a fucking dumbass. Yeah, but I'm glad we did because...

can an American be in Boston? Bro, six pounds of shit every day. And then after that, you couldn't see what he said. What?

What did I do? You idiots! What happened now? Oh, boy. Bro, I don't think you understand how tired I am. How tired are you? We get it, bro. Oh, we get it. All right. Well, I'm just showing a little empathy from my bros. I'm tired too, man. Hey, man. I don't give a fuck! Oh, there we go. Maybe get rid of one of your thousand dogs. Do you guys still have all the lizards? Yes, but I don't deal with them. The lizards, the snakes. I don't deal with them. Feed the dogs to the snakes. Oh, man.

I do the dogs. I do the three dogs and the two babies. I ran over a snake with my bicycle yesterday. That's the big news over here. Are we talking bikes? Yeah, we're back on some bike talk. Let's sneak this in. Blake and I got invited to the specialized shop in Santa Monica to ride. Some e-bikes? Had no idea. We show up and the dude is fully geared out and is like,

You're wearing pants and just casual clothes. Are you ready for this two-hour bike ride?

Yeah, it was hilarious. I was just coming off getting the Johnson & Johnson backs. Oh, nice. Rolled up and the homie was in full regalia and he's like, you ready to ride? I'm like, I don't know. I've only ate gummy bears. I didn't know this was a thing though. But Jeremy at Specialized. Yeah, so he took us out on a killer ride. Yeah. And it was tight. These e-bikes are next level.

I want to get one of those. Yeah, those things are pretty incredible. Yeah. When I look at them, I am like – Is that a Boston accent? Yeah, I think that was Boston. I do think that they're cheating. It wasn't American. It's always – every time I see one, I'm like, you fucking cheater. Just ride the bicycle. Yeah. But what is cool about it is you can get a good workout in doing it. You just go farther.

Or you can do the incline a little bit easier. It's an assisted crank, essentially. It doesn't turn on unless you're pedaling. It just makes you twice as powerful or whatever. Yeah, that's great. It's an assisted crank. All right. Yeah, we scaled a mountain easily. Didn't even have to stand up. Just remained seated. And these other dudes guiding us were hoofing it out of the saddle. And we were just like, you guys good? And we're like, meh.

We're good. Were they in e-bikes as well or just rag bikes? One was a rag bike. One was an e-bike, but it was off. And Blake and I were just turbo. You guys weren't getting a workout at all. You guys were like feet off the pedal. I had just worked out, showered, and gone to the store. And then they're like, okay, let's go for a ride. Two, three hours? And we were just like, oh, okay. And, you know, as I said, vaxxed, Johnson & Johnson, the blood clots. You know, I was really worried. I was really worried about that.

Yeah, that's stressful. Are we all vaxxed up now? How is that going, guys? You guys are all vaxxed up? Don't know what to do? Second one is tomorrow for me. Can't wait to get knocked on my ass. Yeah, it was after the second one. That day I was fine. It was the following day is when I was feeling like shit after my second one.

But everybody reacts different. Chloe, my fiance, she – the day after her second vax, she had to fly to Hawaii to shoot a movie. And so I'm like, oh, I feel so bad for you. You're going to feel like flying to Hawaii with like a fever and chills and sweaty. It's going to be a nightmare. Right.

And she felt absolutely fine. And I was a total mess. That's cool. My shit kicked in. Like, we did the bike ride. It was pretty long, but I got my shot at 10.30. And then right around 5 o'clock when I was driving home from the ride, it just hit me. My body was just like... What did you feel like? You just got like the... Extreme muscle soreness, like a flu. And then, yeah, just walked through my door like...

laid on the floor, started to shiver for about 15 minutes, and then it was just kind of like sore. And then in the next morning, I was cool. I woke up and there was a puddle in my bed. Like when you have a horrible fever and shit. And then I had just had chills. Do you have nightmares? No. Whoa, vax-mares? I know I'm going to have nightmares. Well, I also...

kill my nightmares with weed and Z-Quil. So I really have no dreams. But dude, I've been dropping those gummies. I take two gummies right before bed and have the craziest dreams. Really? Yeah.

I do not. That's why I take it, because I'm like the dream master, like Freddy style. That's awesome. That's so cool. Dude, you need to get one of those dream control machines. Those seem so fun. I've always wanted to try one. Lucid dreaming. Life is my dream control machine. Hey, you know what? I'm living in a nightmare.

What is a dream machine? What the fuck is that? It's like, basically, what it looked like was this light bulb in the middle of basically like a shade with shapes cut out of it that spins at night. And then I guess...

When the lights hit your eyes when they're closed while you're sleeping, your brain starts to recognize the light fluttering and it's like, oh, I'm asleep. I'm dreaming right now. I can now control what I'm thinking, but I'm still sleeping. Well, how can you go to sleep with this fucking lights hitting your eyes? I feel like I would not be able to. I think it keeps you in that zone where you're like, hell.

half asleep, half awake. You know, because at that point, it's all about controlling your dreams. Like back in the day when I, I've never done the lucid dreaming, but I did do some research and they didn't have a dream machine back then. But what you could do is have a friend with a flashlight when you go to bed, like trigger the light on your eyes. Yeah.

So then you're like, and then you wake up and you're like, oh, okay, I was dreaming. Okay. And after enough nights. Draw dicks on your face. Yeah. After enough nights of that, you could essentially turn a light on, like put it on a timer and be inside of your dream lucid. Well, maybe, well, we need to get a dream machine sponsor. We all do it. And then we all come in here and talk about our lucid dream.

I mean, whatever happened to just playing Dungeons & Dragons? Blake and Kyle are in. That would be a dream to play with you guys. Yeah, I would play with you guys. I would like to learn and play with you guys. I feel like Durs and I don't know anything like that, so...

I would like for you to initiate us into your nerd culture. Do you know what Ders? Yeah. I've only done it like once or twice. You know how to do it, Dersy? Yeah. You just build a character and there's like certain points for like dexterity and strength. I'm really strong. My name is Jeff with a G. Do you know how you get those points? How you get them? You roll dice. Yes, you roll dice. That's right. Yeah, dude. Perfect. Points. It's science. It's science.

Yes, points! Any takebacks, apologies, or giveaways? Yeah. I feel like we already did them. Hey, Manuel, I would just... Don't call me Manuel. Manuel, I would like to compliment Manuel, or better known as Dennis D, man. He held up the good fight, brother. We love you. Happy to be...

and talking about it, and we just know you're going to give this cancer hell, brother. I'm second that. Yeah, he will. He listens to the podcast, too. I caught him taking a shit listening to the podcast. Nice. All right. He doesn't really know how his AirPods work, so half the time he's just playing on his phone with his AirPods in his ear.

AirPods on the toilet sounds dangerous. That is so good. Those are going in the bowl. But no, he loves it. He doesn't believe that I think you're my favorite actor, Kyle, so I've had to correct him. Yeah. Well, yeah. No, he can see through your bullshit. He's good. No, dude. I'm stood by it. He's your father, dude. He can see through your shit. Who's your second favorite actor, Adam? Jack Nicholson. Okay.

Oh, wow. It's not even the favorite out of this group. Have you seen The Departed? Yeah. So good. Big fan. Adam, come on. Your dad is correct. He knows you. He knows you're fucking with me. He knows you're fucking with the world. I'm not fucking with you, dude. I think you're a really talented actor. You really make me laugh. You make me question my own abilities as an actor. And...

And I think you're very talented. I fucking love you, dude. Thanks, man. By the way, Kyle, it's not like, you know, like we all have like our favorite friend that might not necessarily be our best friend. Right. Exactly. Right. So you're his favorite actor. You might not be the best actor. True. There you go. All right. So he just likes my moves. You could even be the worst. Nope.

I think you're the best, Kyle. I'm doubling, tripling down on it, dude. He's your favorite best actor. I see all your moves, and I wouldn't even know how to approach your acting moves. You'd have to deprogram. Other acting? I look at other actors, I'm like, oh, I can steal that little move. I can add that to my tool chest. Yours, I'm like, I don't even know. That wouldn't fit in my tool chest. My tool chest is...

not equipped to handle those moves. So congratulations to you. Hey man, thank you. I'll take that. I will say Kyle would always be the most prepared. Well, I didn't have to work like every fucking day. Like you guys, I'd just come in and fucking, you know, so I'd have time to like, look at it. You guys were like, how many, how many hundreds of lines do I need to say today? I actually found myself, uh, cause I'm kind of dealing with that now on gemstones that I'm not in it every day. And I find it harder to,

Then when you're there every day and you just find the rhythm and you know the character so well and it's just like putting on a comfortable jacket or whatever. I was able to, on Workaholics, just look at the sides, memorize it within a few minutes, and then just go and do it. On this, I'm having a much harder time because I'm not doing it every day and it's not the muscle that I'm working every day.

Gotta fire the engine up. So I'd like to apologize to David Gordy Green, Jody Hill, and Dana McBride for casting me in this role.

Because I'm having a hard time with it. But no, I'm having a blast. It's going to be great. If you ever want to run lines, bro, I'm here. We can get on Zoom. I'll run lines. Dude, with the legend himself? Dang, I'd be too embarrassed. If you want to feel super insecure about yourself, yeah, run lines with Kyle. Yeah, with the best actor. You remember back in the day when we used to do that shit? You'd have to go do some auditions and run lines in your room? Oh, hell yeah. I don't care. I love that shit, man. Oh, yeah. Right on. I'd be down to clown.

Right on. Great friend. Well, I would like to thank you guys for letting me talk a little bit about my dad. And, you know, it's weird that on This Is Important, we usually just bullshit and talk about fun stuff. But, you know, every once in a while, real life creeps in. And I want to thank you guys for letting me broach that subject a little bit and talk

And big shout out to Dennis D for fighting the good fight. And we all think that you're going to fucking kill this cancer and crush it, my man. Love you, buddy. 100%. He might even cure cancer. That's what we think. Yeah, that's what we think. Right. And then they have to operate on him and take all his blood and stuff. But it'll be... Well, they are doing really weird, cool shit where they're taking his cancer tumor, his cells...

and injecting it into rats. Nice. And then growing the tumors in those rats and then testing different cancer treatments on the rats to see what, in case the radiation and chemo don't work, like the more alternative stuff. Alternative method, yeah.

on these rats, which I think is so cool. And I'm team testing on rats and animals of all sorts for anything. So I'm team that. This is important. Yeah, so I think that's kick-ass. I want to write a pilot about those rats. Yeah, I was going to say, there's your cartoon right there. Yeah. Cancer rats. That's good. Uh-huh. Getting that good juice. Well, that is important.

So does anyone else have any take backs, apologies or comments?

Oh, I'd like to thank you on the heels of that. Very genuine. I'd like to thank you guys for allowing me a little bit of a moment to talk about my alphabet joke when I was a child. That felt very good to get off the chest. That's a take back or a thank you? That's a thank you. Oh, sure. Yeah. I was just wondering. You got it. Not a take back. You're not taking that back. No, I live my life no regrets. I live my life no regrets. No regrets. That's the only way to live. And that's tattooed on your body?

Yeah, somewhere. You're going to have to find it. I'll apologize quickly for the construction happening in the background. We can't hear it. Can't hear it. Can't hear it. Good. Oh, great. Yeah, I'd like to compliment your sound today because we cannot hear your...

Well, Ders has had shitty sound on multiple podcasts. We don't really... It's just different. It's just different sound. It's different sound. And it's... Most people think it's not good, but it is different. It's definitely different. It's a choice. Right. It's like mumblecore. He's got a new setup and he's clicked the right button so the sound's going to come through nice and clear. And I would like to thank him for doing all that. Thank you, Anders, for your service. Thank you. Thank you very much. And this has been a...

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