Ep 50: Don’t Judge A Book By Reading It
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Am I gonna show my dick? I saw a 30 Rock porno. Rosario Dawson just like saw my butthole and like thumbed my taint with a tampon. And no one tells Durs how to fuck. Buckle up. Alright! Good evening!

What's up, TII Nation? Stand up! The community. TII Nation. TII Nation. Let's tie one off, baby. Come on. Well, you don't tie one off. You tie one on. Tie one on. Tie one on. Yeah, what are you tying off? Yeah, I tie off and then I shoot up heroin before a show.

let's tie off fuck i hope that i hope there's not just one sad guy out there that's just jones been jonesing for heroin and he's like you know what i'm not touching it it's right there but i'm not gonna touch it and then blake says let's tie one off and he's like oh fuck yeah yeah the time is now that's my guy or the one guy who's actually the one guy who's actually doing it because that's what he does when he listens he's like i just like tie one on

And then time went off. Off. You got to tie it off. And then we caught you, motherfucker. We caught you in the act. What does that even mean? What is tying one on?

On? Off. Like you're tying the thing around your arm so the veins pop out and then you shoot up. But in terms of like drinking, right? In terms of drinking? That's tying one on. Oh. No, no. I got the tying one off because I started that. I coined that term. But what is tying one on? Much like King. Much like how you put that on us and suddenly you don't know anything about...

Stay blessed, King. Yeah. All righty. But what is that? Tie one on. Where does that? Yeah. What are you tying on? Fuck you, Blake. I know what it is, and I'm 100% right. So you know how St. Bernard's carry those little barrels of alcohol? Mm-hmm. Brandy. Like you tie that on their neck. So it's like when you're going to drink tonight, you're going to tie one on like a St. Bernard has the little barrel of alcohol. Oh. Oh, damn. Smart. Smart boy. That's what it is. Is that real, Bam? Go off, King. Okay.

Is that real? No. It seems... It's not real. Well, it was convincing. You got me. Is it real? I believe last episode you were saying that I'm the best liar. Ders is the best liar because you actually believe him when he says stuff, you know? I'm a trickster. I'm a prankster.

What is it? A merry prankster? You're Iago. Yes. What's the game? What's that board game where you have to make up all the fucking... The definitions? Is it Balderdash? Balderdash. Yeah. Hey, let's give Balderdash its flowers. That's a great game to play amongst peers. Yeah, I fucked up some Balderdash. I like that. You can't play that with smart people who read a lot, though, because they know how to write in the diction or whatever. Hey, trust me. I

I don't know smart people. I hang out with dummies. Okay. Oh, dude. I remember playing with my family as a child and like my extended family. And I was like, oh, a lot of my family's really stupid. Balderdash. Because I was crushing at Balderdash and everyone else. I'm like, no, I know what you're doing. Right. Yeah.

I understand what you're doing. It's the same type of answer every time. You know? It's like every time. It's the same. You recognize patterns. I'm a pattern guy. Yeah, you see the patterns coming at you. The English language patterns, baby. Male pattern. Yeah, I see patterns and

I was actually thinking, do you think we could pull all of our books we've read together? How many books do you think we've collectively read as a group? Collectively? Oh, wow. Yes. What, a hundred? What a hundred. Okay. What kind of books? Like prose? Like novels. Like real...

100 books total. All of us have read 25. Kyle, I've literally never seen you read a book. You have never had a book in your hand. This is four grown men. I've never seen you. And I said 100. I've never seen you have a book. Yeah, I know. I'll come out the gate right now. I'm saying, but we know each other. Do I have a book here? Yeah, I do. Yeah. Have I started reading books during the quarantine? Kind of. I start, I read 30 pages of them, then don't finish. Mm-hmm.

Then drop it. That's my shit. But dude, I'm saying I was just saying that I read maybe 25 books in my life. Bullshit. I call bullshit. I call bullshit. You think that's too much or too low? Too much. Kyle, I lived with you for...

almost eight years was that time frame that we lived together, saw each other every day, took vacations together, went on holidays together. Correct. Never once, not even one time, did I see you read a book. Not once did you tie one on. I had lots of books. I had lots of directing books and editing books, and I read them. Technical books. Are we talking books that we own? Because I have shelves that are full of books.

that I don't read. It's all kinds of Ray Bradbury shit. Oh, yeah. My book collection is poor. It's very bad. I think, Adam, you've probably read the most books. Yeah. Oh. Sounds like he wants the crown. Damn. Like, I would say it's whatever you've read plus 16. Yeah, that's fair. That's probably, yeah. Right? Like 30. Yeah.

Like 30 maybe. Did I ever tell you guys this? Did I ever tell you that... You don't know how to read? Yeah. Well, kind of. When I was in high school, this dude who was a senior when I was a junior, he found out that I had never read a book for high school, period. And he was like, I don't understand. I was like, I just don't do it. And he wrote a paper about how someone like me can survive. Yeah.

Why the public school system is just garbage because you slipped through. I was like, this is stupid. I can't. This guy is not me. Do you think you're dyslexic or something, Durs? Is that what it is? I know I am for sure. There's for sure because reading is not. It does not come easily. Neither does talking, bro. What in my world?

Well, this was the thing. Didn't you say that like you were definitely the type of kid who because in school you have to do a book report. You're supposed to read the fucking book and do a book report. I'm the type of guy. You're that guy, pal. You're that guy. I would watch the movie of the book every time. I remember I doing like I did a report on like William Wallace and I was like, it's just the Braveheart story. Yeah.

beat for beat, Braveheart. This is the way. And he was like, so this seems like the movie. I go, yeah, it's just like the book. You know, he knew, I knew. It was a very winky, winky, like, okay. So your teachers kind of suck because they didn't like hold your feet to the fire a little bit. Well, what do you think I got? A's and B's? No, they were like,

You're passing because you wrote pages. Well, you passed. Yeah. Why would you pass if you didn't see? You should have failed. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, you should have been a failure. I don't want you to fail. I'm just saying. Because A, I wrote pages, and B, they couldn't prove it.

If you read his reports, though, they were hella funny, dude. Yeah, I bet they were funny reports. I bet that is it. I bet that is it. I had a lot of cut to in the book report. Yeah, exterior Scotland. Yeah. And then they like all show their butts. And then like, I wish he was like, it says Mel Gibson in here. I'm like, that was the joke. You don't get the joke.

Oh, do you not get it? Are you too dumb? You don't get it? Read a book. And then he's like, that's what you're supposed to do. Well, did you guys read Cliff's notes? And Sparks notes when they came out? A whole new world. Yeah. Cliff's and Sparks notes. That was a game changer. You go buy the yellow book and just read it all in a night. You know what, though? Too long, right?

That's what I'm saying. They were still so long. That's what I'm saying. And it would be like, here's the background of the story and here's the relationships. And I'm like, I might as well just go read the stinking book. Yeah, I definitely skimmed through Eclipse Notes and I'm like, this isn't buying me any time. This is still... Thank you. It is amazing that we all have become writers because usually... Titans of industry. Yes. Usually, we all become titans of industry. Usually, it's...

great readers become great writers because you're supposed to, and good actors watch everything that they can get their eyes on. You know what I mean? And what, what, what about good, uh, porno dudes? Well, they fuck 10,000 hours. Yeah. They just practice. They put in the hours, man. They've been fucking, but you know what? I guess the difference is in like,

I wouldn't go out. We're making a living. We're professionals. But I would say like for me, the 10,000 hours is watching TV and movies and recognizing patterns there and kind of like downloading. And you guys know, like in the room, I'll be like, okay, so in this movie, they did a thing where the reveal was this. We could make that Blake, but then change it from that to being this. And it has a whole new whatever. Yeah.

You know. Right. Yeah. Right. I kind of know. Can't read sentence though. Yeah. You notice... We all notice patterns. That's our thing. We're like pattern. Mm-hmm. Male pattern balderdash. I mean, it's so crazy to see someone that's like great at school. Like Chloe is just so fucking good at school. Just like crush school. Like never got a B in her life. Went to Columbia. What? Fucking aced at Columbia. Just is...

And it's like you. She can finish that sentence. Yeah, for sure. Got it. She has a small part on Righteous Gemstones this season. So she wanted to know what was happening in the season. I have a book with every script printed out, a giant notebook. And she read the entire. I'm reading a script for this movie that I'm about to do. I was on page 60.

when she was done with seven scripts. Oh, damn. She's a speed reader. She read seven scripts by the time I read like 60 pages. And knew your lines. Oh, yeah. And was like, oh, this scene's so funny. And I'm like, what scene? And she's explaining it to me. And I'm like,

Yeah, that does sound funny. I immediately, I read it like a month ago and I have totally forgot completely what I'm about to do. The human brain, it's deeper than the Mariana trenches. What about, what about like back in the day I used to read hella goosebumps. Have we talked about goosebumps on the show? Like I used to fucking crush a goosebumps book in a day or so.

He's the best. I used to read Goose Pimples. I would love to talk about Goosebumps. What was your favorite Goosebumps book go? Please tell the story of the favorite Goosebumps book that you read. I think it, like, I remember it was like what came from beneath the sink or something like that. Like, that shit was so scary. Banger. Banger.

Wow. R.L. Stine, give him his flowers. He's probably, I haven't checked up on R.L. Stine. I've got a feeling maybe he's not a good person or something. I'm just guessing. Why would you say that? No. R.L. is shit. Why do you think R.L. Stine's not a good person? Most people suck. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's fair. That's a good generalization. You're just assuming. That's a safe bet these days. It is. To just be like, hmm.

I don't like that person. Why? Because of what's going to happen in the future. Yeah, more than likely, like a text message that he sent a high school friend 18 years ago is going to surface. Right.

Yeah. Fuck it! Suck my dick. He used the words finger bang a lot in middle school and that's just not fucking cool. You can't say that. It's not cool anymore. Or finger blast. What is that? What is finger blasting exactly? I know I'm offended by that. I think it's mentioned several times in Goosebump books like finger blasting. Finger blasting keeps popping up. Harald Stein's Goosebump. Is Harald Stein the one who writes Goosebumps? Oh, for

Come on. But what's his name? What does the RL stand for? Rafael Leonardo Stein. Reginald Leonard. Richard Linklider. Stein. Linklider.

Light him up. Isn't that his name? Link later? Link later. Later. Later, player. Later, skater. Later. You're done in this business. This fucking thing sucks. He's pissed. He's pissed at you now. I don't know if you guys can see this, but I'm rocking a very specific shirt right now. Okay. Your microphone is covering it, but it says Northside Tumblers. Oh, hell yeah, bro. Northside Tumblers.

Northside Tumblers. And then check this. That's a workaholics. You have all your workaholics memorabilia. Oh, my. I love that. I miss the good old days. Ders is remnistic. I thought I could have a little fun with you guys. I appreciate it. Thank you for doing that. You can. That was fun, and I like it all. Thank you. Thank you.

Right.

Have it all in the heart of it all. Launch your search at callohiohome.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or therapy day. When your schedule is packed like mine with kids' activities, big work projects, and more, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it.

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Kyle, you know that we're filming these podcasts. You know that we're filming these podcasts now. And we're like doing these little clips because people have been asking like, hey, we want to see you guys do the podcast and actually see you guys. Why are you sitting in a completely dark room? Yeah, what is going on? You know it's dark, right? Well, uh.

I gotta go to the fucking wall to turn on the light switch and I'm afraid to try and stretch my headphones over there and stuff. Oh, fair enough. I didn't know. We didn't know you had to get up. We didn't know it was gonna be that hard. Okie dokie. Yeah, no, it's like I'm just afraid to do a lot of things lately. The anxiety is kicking in and a lot of shit is just like really it's tough for me to move.

I'm going to say that if you wanted to just take a second and take the headphones off, put the microphone down, and then just walk over to the thing, click it on. And the only source of light is behind you. Not helping. You might not get this reference, but you look like the bad guy from Police Academy 5.

Okay, all right. I'll go turn it on. Hold on. Give me two seconds. I'm going to feel free. Can we get 15 seconds of music here, Blake? Do you got anything? Hit us with some hot drops. Did this dude just did this? There we go. We filled the time. Yeah, it's been a while. Look at this guy. And look, and he's back.

Wow. Works for me. Can you see me now? Yeah. Kind of. All right. Hey, how's that? Is that all right? Is that good? Decent? Better. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm not traveling with a ring light. All my lights are down on set. Absolutely. But you wrapped, right? Like, bring them up. Bring them up. No, no. They're still shooting. It's a low-budget production. I'm using everything. Even the gear iHeart gave me. Okay. Okay. What the heck?

I saw an Instagram story that said you had rapped, but maybe that was a specific actor. That was an actress. Yes, that was an actress who had rapped. She finished yesterday. Got you. And you just let her leave.

Yeah, I did. We finished the work and she had to go back down to L.A. So peace. See you later. We're filming a psychological thriller right now. And honestly, right before this, I'm living a nightmare right before this fucking podcast. We did like the icky, icky, icky.

And it's like, oh, I've never been a part of... For people who don't work in the industry like we do, we just step out with the icky, icky, icky is for the layman. You smoked weed? No, the part of the movie in a psychological thriller horror film where it leaves your stomach feeling like...

like gross. Oh, no, I don't have that. That's what I just did. And I've never done that before. Who coined the term Mickey? Was it Ted Demme? Who did Silence of the Lambs? I think it was George A. Romero. Was that Robert McKee who said in this part of the script delivered the sticky icky icky? Or it was Rob Zombie. I can't really remember.

Okay. So you're just saying like the peak like gross. Grossness. Like reveal? Yeah, like the reveal of like who is the fucking. Who's pulling the strings. Yeah, and it just was fucked the fucked up, man. I was just like, nah. But that's what you want when you're filming this shit. That's what you want. Yeah, that's what I want. I want that icky. Dude, I don't know if I'm buying it. I think what you're doing is you're trying to build hype. Yeah.

using the podcast. You're building a little hype for the movie. You're being like, hey man, you're the ad wizard, baby. You're spinning it for me, doggy. That is true. He is the ad wizard. No, because I'm intrigued. This is smart and I like it, dude. And just be like, dude, it was so scary. You gotta see the movie. It was so scary and also icky. See, but look how easy it is for you, Adam. It's fucked up. It's psychological. It's psychological, bro. So what he kind of is like,

insinuate something like says something verbally you're gonna have to see the movie you know what i mean absolutely i'm in i'm buying a ticket i'm not giving her bucks in the seats

wild can't wait yes sir so that's also why i was in the dark place because i wear my emotions with my lighting so when i stepped in in the dark it's because i was still feeling this is why i fuck with you man he wears his emotions with his lighting player i can't stop you take it into your podcast that's fucking sick i

Can't fucking stop. Have you ever gone into a pitch and turned out someone's lights, like an executive's lights in their office to just be like, I'm wearing my emotions. I'm setting my mood. I'm wearing my emotions on the lighting. Yeah, I wear my emotions on my lighting. Somebody's probably done that. That's probably not a bad idea. Yeah, somebody definitely started flicking the lights on and off for a pitch, right? Because that's the oldest trick in the book. Come on. And while their co-writer is whispering in their ear, Ooh.

Yeah, that's tight. This one's really icky, icky. It's really windy. I would love to do that and have the executive be like, can you actually just put those back on? Yeah, I had a whole flashlight thing, though. Get the fuck out of my office. It's Goosebumps. It's R.L. Stine. It's got to be spooky. This is a business. Hey, they did remake Goosebumps, right, with Jack Black. Jillian. Wasn't Jillian in it? Jillian's in it, too. Jillian's in it. I need to see it.

Yeah. I'm sorry, Jillian. If you do indeed listen to our podcast, I would like to apologize right now that I haven't. And Jack Black. I'm sorry. I have not seen Goosebumps yet. Are there two? Yeah. I don't think Jack or Jillian are in the second one. I didn't see the second one. Goose pimples. Yeah. I didn't watch them either. You know what I mean? I think I watched the first 10. Yeah. It's good. It's for kids, but it's fun. Fun movie. I bet. Can you tell me more about it, Adam?

I can't remember. Like I said, I know I saw it, but I can't. I have a Snapchat memory. I don't remember anything. I did a punch-up rewrite roundtable on it, and it was about some doll. He's like a puppet, and he gets loose and controls a bunch of other people. That's right. That's a classic Goosebumps tale, the one about the puppet. They did a universe where he's in charge of all...

of the R.L. Stine characters. Yes. Yeah. And Jack Black plays R.L. Stine and he like has something in his desk that can open the portal and let all the monsters out into the town. And...

Oh, man. You got to tune in. Wow. Let's just say there's a part where it gets icky. Icky. Icky. Icky. Icky. Icky. So all the classic characters are used in the flick? Yeah. There you go, Kyle. That's the whole move now. Is the haunted mask there? Oh, Carly. Sure. Probably. I don't remember. That's the character's name from Haunted Mask. Carly. Carly.

Okay. You're so stoked on this, Kyle. I'm so glad the lights are on because people need to see this. This dude wears his emotions on the lights. The lights come on. He gets all sorts of stoked. I just love goosebumps with a majority of my heart. We can tell. I think it was fucking a dope ass thing for me to do in fourth and fifth grade and I blazed through them. What's your top five? Yeah. Well, I was saying it came from beneath the sink. I like that one. I like camp. I like that scary camp one. Do you remember that one? No.

Okay. Not real. I'm sure there is one. Yeah, I do actually remember the cover of the camp when it was like a camp counselor with a whistle and he's like got a weird smile on his face. The covers were off the chain. That's all I did. I looked at the covers. I didn't read the fucking books. Yeah, the covers were dope. Oh, what about fucking, do you remember this Say Cheese and Die? Absolutely. About the camera? I remember that, sure. I remember the cover. The camera. Oh.

Yeah, it was like the family at the barbecue and they're all skeletons and it's like a Polaroid. I remember the covers. Right. That was like some Back to the Future shit. In the hospital when I was a kid and I was hit by the spin truck. I'm in the hospital. I was there for like a month and a half. Snooze. Uh-huh. But people kept bringing me goosebumps. They're like, I know you're just sitting here. Almost died. And they kept bringing me these fucking books and I'm like, oh, I have like a big ass TV at the end of this bed. Thank you.

And they're giving me all the movies that I can handle. I'm like, I just watch movies for 10 hours a day in and out of my morphine sleep. You use the books to prop your legs up. You're like, these are great.

I'm like, absolutely quit giving me these books. I like had to tell my mom because she's like, what should people give you the gifts? We're getting a lot of these books. I'm like, yeah, knock it off with the books like snacks. You change channels on the TV by throwing the book to like the fucking button. Wait, so did you not read Goosebumps? I read a few of them. I don't really fuck. The lights are going out. I'm about to get dark again. No, that's that like.

little kid scary shit. I don't even really love horror movies. Oh, you're too scared. I got it. Yeah, yeah. You're fucking, you get scared easily. You're a...

No, I don't feel emotions like that, dude. I only feel happy emotions. I ain't scared of you, motherfucker. You don't feel scared emotions? I don't feel scared emotions that much. I believe that. Or do you feel it too hard and you're scared of the books? You're scared of the books. No, I don't get that scared. Read one right now. Go read one right now. Okay. Go read one and come back and tell me you didn't get scared. Well, um...

Do you guys have the bookmobile? Remember when shit got real crazy in the 90s and the bookmobile became a thing? It would come to your school, you would ask for a book, and then they would bring it to you in the bookmobile the next week? I just remember book fairs. The school would shut down the multi-use room. I mean, those are for...

If you're bawling. Oh, for real? Yeah, because you're buying a book. Oh, yeah, dude. I remember my mom, the book fair was coming. I'm like, oh, snap. I made a little list of all these cool books that I wanted. They were usually about little boys lost in the woods, and they had to fend for themselves. Hatchet. He's talking about the one of ten books he read. Yes, Gary Paulson's Hatchet. Hatchet's dope. Hatchet's dope. You got it, dude. It's fucking good.

It's a great book. It's a great book to read. Is that one of the 16? That is one of the 16. And I made a fucking cool little list. And I'm like, oh, hell yeah. I'll get Hatchet, get other books that I don't remember right now. Where the Red Fern Grows. Outsiders, maybe? Maybe The Outsiders? Probably not. No, they made me read that one. Outsiders was sick. But I made a list. And my mom was like, nah. And I'm like, what do you mean? And she goes... It's a lot. She was like, it costs too much. Just go to the library. And I'm like...

Right, but I want to buy these books. And then she goes, where are we going to put them? We didn't live in a tiny house. Our house was big enough to have books. But she's like, where are you going to put them? Valid excuse. I have a BB gun room. I mean, honestly. And then you were like, I'm out of here. And then you ran into a cement truck. And she was like, send books. The last thing he said is he wanted these books. She goes, buy me books. I dove underneath a...

That's not fair because I think Adam just chonked out. I know. And if we could take a screenshot, I'll take a picture of what his face looks like right now. He's pretty peeved. I'm chonking. Oh, there he is. He's back there. He's back. I'm chonking. Did I get it? I got it.

I just remember getting a ton of Calvin and Hobbes, period. Like that was almost. I love that. Calvin and Hobbes off the charts. Dude, there's a Calvin and Hobbes book right fucking here. Hold on. Oh, that he'll get up for. We don't need it yet. We don't need to see it. We believe you. I love it. Yeah. You for sure have Calvin and Hobbes out there ready. Oh, wow. Wow, dude. And there it is. In this house that you're renting, there's a Calvin and Hobbes book. Sick. What is that? The Essential? Which one is that?

uh calvin hobbs do america or something that was beavis and butthead no this is just the first one dude calvin hobbs they have a name they don't have a name that would know this is the first one man first a dish fucking shout out to bill watterson bill watterson is a g because he has the rights to calvin and hobbs locked the fuck down and like that's right nobody can do anything with it even if he dies tomorrow he owns it

is that cool is that cool yes very cool because it's his fuck it let people ruin it yeah i say yeah let let people carry carry on the flag it's just gonna die and then and then later generations are yeah fuck yeah adam fuck you adam then other generations aren't gonna know what the hell kevin kelvin and hobbs is kevin and jobs

Kevin and Hobbes. Let Jamie Foxx be Hobbes and let Channing Tatum be Calvin and let's have a funny ass fucking romp, dude. I'm excited for that movie. He doesn't want it. It is what it is.

It's just that. I was up for Clifford the Big Red Dog last year. Let's talk about Scholastic. Two years ago, the agents called and they're like, hey, it looks like you're going to get an offer for Clifford the Big Red Dog. And I was like, fuck that. I don't want to do Clifford the Big Red Dog. But they were going to pay me a lot of money to do it. And I'm like, well, maybe. And it's a $200 million movie that they're going to blitz everywhere? Yeah. Yeah!

And I'm like, I don't know. I really don't want to do it. And I was like, that seems cheesy. I don't really want to fuck with it. And then they didn't give it to me. Right. Right. And then I was pretty salty. I remember talking to my agents. I'm like, so there's no offer then for Clifford? Well, you said no. Because I think maybe I'd come around. I would love to read it. I'd love to read it just to see if I'd like it. Hey, that's the business, baby. The door's closed. That is wild how you're like...

I don't know if creatively I really want to do this. And then as soon as you don't do it, you're like, this is the only thing I want to do. This is it. I just want another boat. I only want to do Clifford the Big Red Dog. That's all I would like to do. I already got a tat. If you did that movie...

You gotta buy a boat that's red, and the name of it is Clifford, the big red boat. You should do that anyways. Wow. Damn, son. Damn. You should just do that, and then put Scholastic all on the side, and like gold letters and shit. Oh, shit. And it's called the Bookmobile, too? Yeah, dude. That's sick. That's what you tow it in. You tow it with the Bookmobile. Adam was the Bookmobile in college. When I was in college, when I was 19 years old...

at Orange Coast Community College. Fuck yeah. Go Pirates. Shout out. Go Pirates. And remember that little like job business center that they had? Oh, the career center? Yeah, a little career center where they just had little flyers for random gigs. One was to be the scholastic book driver.

And so I would go to this woman's house, would stack up all the books in the back of my Ford Escalade. Hello. I'm listening. Or Explorer. A woman's house? Yeah. A nice 58-year-old woman. I'm listening. Okay.

We'd go to these elementary schools and it was, you're the fucking king. You walk in with all these books and people lose their minds. It was awesome, dude. What's up? You guys like books? Yeah, I got them. What's up? I'm the fucking king. And it wasn't even the kids because you're just going to the secretary. You're just carrying these books in for the secretary and they go ape shit, dude. They're like, the books are here. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Bop, bop, bop.

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I got a few jobs from that little business area at OCC. The Career Center? Career Center is what it's called. It is called Career Center. I think that's what it's called. Business place thing. Grown up. The job business zone. I don't know. Do you guys remember when I was writing erotic stories? What? Remember that? I wrote two erotic stories. Wait, you did? Yeah. Motherfucker, spell erotic. Yeah, I mean, honestly. Yeah. But I wrote these stories.

I got $50 a story and then I was like, ah, this is too weird. And each story was... It was... People are fucking. Of course. Got it. And on a runaway hot air balloon. And they couldn't... It was just going to float away into the atmosphere and they just kept fucking.

to their death. And then the other story was they're on a jet ski and they decide to start... Hey, we're going to give you $100 for that one, pal. You got this job from college? Yeah, it was on the wall, dude. Real imaginative. 69, dude! Shout out to Orange Coast Community College Job Center. And also there was porno. There was porno. You could do porno. There was like a porno listing up there that you could just shoot porno. Adam, you are in the Orange Coast Community College Hall of Fame. Do not...

I'm telling you. Do not get your plaque taken down for some weird shit. This is unreal. Dude, I'm saying that this is what happened. You're saying at the Career Center in Orange Coast Community College, you could become a porno star. Yes, there was. Well, you're not going to be a porno. You'd be a porno star. Porno star. Porno star.

Well, hey. Yeah, you could be. That was up? That was like on one of the things where you pull a number off and you're like, I'll just put this in my pocket. Yep. Well, that was back. I mean, I don't know what they're like now. How long are these stories? It was like five pages. Five paragraphs. Like, can we film these? Yeah. Can we send these to Johnny Sins to read?

I would love that. I would love to write a porno with you guys. We should write our own pornos. Can we send this to Big Pumper or Little Pumper? Brian Pumper. Guys, I'm serious about this. We should write a porno.

and then cast it and make, start producing porno. Adam, this is what you've been talking about forever, bro. Like, this is not anything new from you. Like, I know that you want to do that. No, no, no, no. I'm saying us as a group. It's a comedy porno. It's comedy porno, dude. We're so close to talking about cum.

We're so close. Yummy. Inch in towards the cum. We're so close. We're going to pop. Yeah, we lean in. It's less about the sex. It's more about the funny situation. Right. And the other story that I wrote was about a jet ski that the throttle got stuck and they're fucking and they're just heading out to sea. They can't stop.

This is the same. You're just swapping vehicles. Yeah, I know. He's always on a vehicle to an infinite place and fucking until whenever. Really, it's a metaphor. It's a metaphor for the act itself. Sometimes you just lose yourself in it and you don't know when it's going to end or where you're going to go. The moment you own it. It's like that scene from Is It The Chase? When Charlie Sheen, his car goes up into the sky and then they're fucking each other and

Like, what is this movie at this point? Dude, I love that movie. I don't think I've seen that. You've never seen it? The Chase? No. It's called The Chase. The Chase? I've never seen this. What is this scene? Yo. Charlie Sheen. Lee is in it. Anthony Kiedis is in it. It's so good. Well, the whole movie is about Charlie Sheen goes into like a convenience store. Christy Swanson is like a above, like older than 18 fucking brat rich girl. Over 18. Over 18. Who has like a BMW. Uh-oh.

winning he goes in and robs the convenience store and then takes her hostage in her BMW and it's like right he's having the shittiest day you don't really know but it unfolds as they're on the run and like the police are following them it gets bigger Anthony Kiedis flee and like they start chasing in a giant like fucking Bigfoot truck yeah Henry Rollins is the chief of police or some shit yes

she fucks them like while they're driving and then they start flying in the air when they start to finally like have a sexual encounter right then you the car like goes into the sky look like a grease like at the end of grease how they just take off i don't know very similar did you want spoilers wait so they're fucking they like jump off like a bridge and they are plummeting to their death no no no no no like it's like oh it's just a meta

for creative license yeah it's like what you're saying it's what you were writing about adam you should be really connected yeah exactly okay guys yeah yes sir let's do that remake the chase let's remake the chase this ain't the chase this ain't the chase porno parody

This ain't the chase. We could get Charlie Sheen. You know what we could do is we could produce Workaholics the porno. Dude, we've talked about that so much. Not a bad idea. I did see something like I saw a 30 Rock porno.

I love it. They have done this. Like, I didn't watch it, but I saw a poster of the 30 Rock porno, and it looks so fucking cool. You said 30 Rock? I thought you said Third Rock. Like, from the sun. Like French Stewart? I want to see that John Lithgow. You're giving me the best blowjob of my life. French Stewart is like, that's the wrong hole.

I want to rewatch that series so bad. Like, what the fuck was that show even about? It was good. It was a funny show. Yeah, they were just like aliens kicking it, right? Yeah, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, right? Yeah, Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Jane Curtin? Yeah, but did you ever see their home planet? No, they live on Earth now, Blake. I know, but I'm like, was there ever an episode where you actually got to see where they're from? Like, did they extend...

the universe. They didn't have the budget for that. They're not going to outer space. Yeah, they can't go to space. They didn't have the budget by season freaking six and it's the biggest hit on whatever. You got to give people what they like. We stayed on the roof. You know what I mean? Right. We didn't move from our house. You know what I mean? Who's the other guy in that show? French Stewart.

Yes, French Stewart. French Stewart, John Lithgow. John Lithgow. John Lithgow. That's who I was thinking of. John fucking Lithgow. I said that earlier. Yeah. That's how we let off. Sorry, I'm ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chunking. I guess we're all chunking it. From Harry and the Hendersons. Great movie. Yes. Harry and the Hendersons fame. Now I'm listening. Points. I'd like to remake that with you guys. Wait, ready? Let's go around real quick. Okay. Okay. Or can we do this where you say your favorite John Lithgow movie. Oh, this is a challenge. On three kind of thing. Hmm.

No, I would need to look wait wait wait wait wait give me a second. Yeah, okay Well then should I just lead off? Yeah. Yeah you lead off. Yes my Number one John Lithgow movie for sure is cliffhanger. He's in that he's the bad guy. Yep that move is I love the he see Okay, love I cliffhanger. I only know one movie he's in I think I know the worst one and

What's that? Don't say that Planet of the Apes movie. That's the one. Dude, I fucks with those movies. He wasn't that good in that though. He was doing a thing. It was a rough movie, but those movies, the ones after that are like unbelievable. Oh, well, I'm saying his performance. Sorry. I liked the movie. No, what I like him best in

Adam is definitely IMDB. I know. Oh, for sure. For sure. You know how my brain works. Oh, well, I want to do that too then. You know he's got internet. Ward Farquad. Oh, he's so funny in that. Yes. Yes. In Shrek. He is in Shrek. Yes. Yeah, he fucking crushes that. I met him. I didn't actually. I just stood by him.

Hello, Adam. Backstage at the Critics' Choice Award or something, I was presenting, and he was going on right before me. And it was him talking with Steven Spielberg. Oh, shit. Dude, I was so close. I was hoping that one of them would just be like, oh, hey. What?

Hey, do you have snacks or something? Wait a second. Let's stop talking about what we're talking about. That's Adam Devine. He's read upwards of 50 books. He read Hatchet. He read Hatchet. It was me and Edie Patterson from Righteous Gemstones, and we were just raving.

riffing it was just a fun we were on a funny run and then they came and i'm like oh shit we're about to get spotted over here dude uh-huh so you acted harder were you riffing harder yeah we're riffing we're just a couple of riff dogs was she trying to get spotted as well we both were just riffing it was a couple of riff dogs you were spotting yeah and i was like honestly spielberg that'd be so dope obviously but i wanted john lithgow to be like far quad you're the next

Lord Farquaad. So who's Shrek? I don't know. I think I've seen Shrek. Shrek is so funny. Farquaad is so funny. Yeah, he is. So funny. Good call, Adam. Yeah, that's a great call. Wasn't Farley supposed to be Shrek?

And then he died, and then they had to replace him with Mike Myers. I'm pretty... You're thinking of Cable Guy. I'm thinking both. No, no. I think it's both. No, I heard... It was a joke. I'm just joking. The rumor mill is that there is a Shrek cut of Chris Farley as Shrek. Yeah, what? Ooh, release it. Donkey. He wouldn't sound like that. Like, it had been in development? Yeah, they were already, like, recording. That's crazy. Donkey!

Much like they're going to say the same thing about Ferdinand the Bull with John Cena. Yes.

I retired for well over a year and then got fucking fired because Sina was bringing that heat, that hot, hot Ferdinand energy. And they're probably going to say the exact same thing. Yeah. Honestly, I would like to read. Who's that? I like they. They are. It's us. We're the ones saying this about. Yeah. You didn't die. Yeah. Four random guys podcasting in 20 years. There's not the whole death excuse. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. No. Well, my career died. Oh.

Shots fired at himself. Adam, turn off your lights. Oh, man.

I would, but I have to get up. So you went from getting fired off of Ferdinand to being not told that you could be Clifford. Hey, it's a rough business. Bang, bang. That's a Hollywood shuffle. That's rough. Did Lithgow interact backstage? No, I tried to say hi to him and he was very dismissive of me. He was like, okay. Move, move.

He was like, move, turd. I tried to. He wasn't talking to Spielberg. Spielberg had gone on stage. And then it was just us back there with Lithgow. And I was trying to say something to him. And he was in his own world. He was not entertaining us at all. Lithgow was in Pitch Perfect 3? Wait a minute. What?

Well, I wasn't in that movie, so I don't know. And Adam, as you know, he won't watch those movies. No, I wasn't going to watch that third one. Did Lithgow play an old boomer or whatever? Wait, it says he was in Pitch Perfect. Yeah, he was, evidently. It says he was in Pitch Perfect, the third one. Pitch Perfect 1? No, the first one. No, he's not. Okay, well, it says it right here on the internet, so...

The internet never lies. I've seen Pitch Perfect. I don't recall Lithgow being in that. Nor do I. He's not in it. He's in the third one. Was he the radio? He might have been the college radio DJ for a second. Yeah, they replaced him. Just like showed up as a favor. No, I'm looking at his IMDb page right now, Kyle, and you're fucking right.

lie to me dude I think you're looking at John Lithgow too there are two Lithgows one is the real one and one is yo you definitely don't get in the business if your name is John Lithgow and there's already a John Lithgow right no he's in lighting he like lit pitch perfect one in three

Oh my god, Kyle, that is so cute. Yeah, that's where I got confused. Turn the lights out. Turn the lights on? Hey, we need John Lithgow to cut those lights out. Know what I mean? Sorry. We're on a real John Lithgow run here, baby. This is like that Donald Sutherland. We give our flowers.

Wait, Kyle, what's your Lithgow? Well, I think I look at this and I'm like, yeah, dude, fucking Harry and the Hendersons. That shit is dope. He crushes. That movie rocks.

because he was he was all eyebrows in that when he would just look at harry and be like you're family now like oh yeah he would hit it no that shit holds up bad movie does not hold up but no the no the community has spoken and they agree that movie holds the fuck yeah i don't think i i'm gonna disagree with the community and i don't like doing that i like respecting the community as much as i can but

Don't do it, dude. No, because I watched that movie not too long ago because I was like, we should do an R-rated version or someone should do an R-rated sort of

Harry and the Hendersons. Yeah, not us, but somebody. Someone. Maybe me. Maybe us. Was that a fart, Kyle? Yeah. Yes. It goes right back to your mouth so quickly, dude. Oh, God. Not a big deal. It's like you taste it. Well, I got to talk. Todd, if we could play all three farts that we have now in the fart bank. Play them right. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart.

I snuck one in. I snuck one in. I snuck one in about 25 minutes ago. I threw one in there. Oh, well, none of us heard that. Hang on, Adam. I want to hear more about this because I'm with you. Sorry. I just watched it too. I didn't mean to derail you. Yeah, the farts take spotlight. Yeah, and I watched it. It was probably a few years ago at this point, but I remember being so fucking bored. I was like, oh, this is trash.

Truly for children. How long is the scene in the kitchen? It goes on for 25 minutes. But all movies from that time, all movies from that time are fucking boring, bro. By today's standards. They move so slow. I know what you're saying. Editing is different. It's science. They move so slow. It's a completely different place. But you're captivated in different ways. Yeah, I don't know. Tell that to Lethal Fucking Weapon, homie. Whoa, he did it. That shit's cooking, dog. Well, yeah. I mean, have you ever...

look at lethal weapon compared to like an action movie now it's totally different i mean i'm not saying it's worse now or worse than it's during those montages or the saxophone during lethal weapon definitely not slow definitely not boring you're definitely in it also yeah definitely just the main actors but uh the next movie that we all do together we have to promise each other that there's going to be a lot of saxophone

Can we say that? Yeah. Can we say that? Can we all agree right now? Let's make the pinky promise. A lot? What constitutes a lot? I'll put my pinky in there because y'all are doing it. What constitutes a lot? Yeah. Yeah. What's a lot in a movie? It's like pornography. You know it when you see it.

So. Yes, points. Yeah, too much. Too much. It will hurt the movie, Kyle, but we all promised. So yeah, that's where I'm going to. I don't know. Here's what I'll say. I'm willing to hurt the movie for saxophone. For saxophone. Yeah. Bold. Oh, Blake Anderson hurts movies now. Okay. At least people will come away saying there's too much saxophone. And I'll be like, yeah, it was a decision. Yeah, it was a strong choice that we made. Blake said come.

And I did say come. Does that make us better than everyone else that's making movies? Yeah, it does. Better than Ezra? Does that make us better than Ezra? Dude. Yes. It puts us up there. Have you guys listened to Better Than Ezra recently? What is their song? Dude, play good.

I'm looking it up now. Talk about who is it. Oh, yeah. Throw a little bit because I don't got it in my head. Is Better Than Ezra better than Harry and the Hendersons? It is. Play Good by Better Than Ezra. That song is a fucking banger, dude. Fuck no. That one came up recently on Spotify. How does it go? Is that like, I remember running through the wet grass? No, that is like Seven Mary Three or some shit. Okay, I got it. Are you ready?

Does it kick off quick? Is it at the beginning of the song? Or some shit? Play the beginning, I believe. Or some shit? Okay, here we go. Are you ready? I'm ready. Please play it. Okay. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, while we wait.

Looking around the house. Yeah, everybody knows this. Listen to that fucking bass, dawg. No man, no man, no dog. Rock on. So good. Dude, the lights are so bright for Kyle right now. Dude, if that doesn't ignite something inside of you,

you didn't grow up in the 90s so many people are not charged right now dude people are charged powerful four note bass lines are just the hardest fucking thing ever where it's just repeat repeat that one came on in the car the other day and i was like something happened to me and i'm like oh who the

And then I looked. You got a boner. And I'm like, better than Ezra? My God. Yeah. Because me and Kyle, we kept saying that if we were to ever start a band, it'd be called Better Than Aerosmith. Aerosmith. Yep. And we were going to do all No Doubt covers. Yeah.

Yes, we were. No! Yes, we were. To me, I still would go on that mission and go on a tour with you and do that, dude. I would love to do that with you, Kyle. That would be so sick. I'd love to do that with you. Who sings? Or are you guys both? Adam does. I think I sing. Kyle is... He plays all the instruments. I'm playing the guitar. Yeah, I got a loop pedal and some fucking sick-ass buttons. For the album, he plays all the instruments, but we'll probably bring a few other people in for our live shows. Yeah. Yeah.

Just to fill it out, get dope sound, big sound. You got don't speak? You got the words to don't speak on lock? Yeah. No, I would have to study. I'd have to study up. I don't know what you're thinking.

You would need a karaoke. Don't tell me cause it hurts. I would just keep saying spider webs. Spider webs. Well, that's cool too. I would support that. Spider webs. I'm just a girl. Spider webs. No doubt. It was something about that time. No doubt was saying spider webs a lot. And Blink-182 was saying spiders. All the spiders. That's not the same time. That's not the same era. Yeah, it is.

No, it's not. Yeah. No. I got to fart again. You guys want to hear it? Dude. Those bands are like 10 years apart. No, they're not. You guys down? No. From when No Doubt popped off and from when Jesus. Whatever the fuck that other band popped off, that's 10 years. Blink-182. No, you're incorrect. Blink-182. Blink-182, their first album was 94.

And Blink-182's first album everyone heard is what year, though? Damn it, 1994. That's the one where they were making fun of all the MTV videos while they did it. And their huge one is like 97 or something. What? Yeah, it was right in the wheelhouse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tragic Kingdom is probably no doubt Spotlight album. And then what is Blink-182's, the one that has all the small things? Enema of the State is their huge album. Yes. Is that a take off your pants and jacket?

That's not their huge album. I mean, I love that album. It's the best title though. But yeah, it's the best. Damn it. The one that has like, that was the first hit. No, yes, that was damn it. That is called damn it. So I guess that, that was late nineties. Cause that was like, can't, can't hardly wait. The party was getting busted. Everyone had this good adult. Perfect song. So no, I take it back at Cheshire cat came out in 95 and that album. That's a cut though. That's a cut though. Yeah. Yeah. That's a, that's a deep cut. I don't know.

Wait, what happened to that other album came out in 94? And then it was 95. And then I think the Damn It came out like the very next year. But why were you saying Damn It came out in 94?

Because I got the dates wrong, Anders. Since it did. 94 was like fucking Weezer Blue Album and Green Day. So you're a liar. He's the best liar. 97. So no, it is a few years later. Right. I have those guys in separate eras because they're also from separate, like, whatever we call those genres. Like, No Doubt is definitely alternative rock. And then those dudes were like that next emo era.

era no no not even well like no doubt skewed ska and and blink 182 skewed pop punk right yes but like but they're from to me they're from two different eras but also ska and punk are brother sister

Skunk. Right. Skunk. As you know, skunk music. They're going to perform at the same festival. Are they all in what's considered alternative? Like, they're all in alternative, right? Yes. They're all invited to Vans Off the Wall tour. Wait, to be fair, they're all music, right? Yeah, they're all music. Well, I mean, I'm just saying. They all make sound. Well, let's listen to Blake. Blake is our in-house music savant.

Would you say that they are in the same era and the same general vicinity of music? Absolutely. Absolutely. Titans of Alternative. When Alternative was at its peak, they were both founding four mothers and fathers. Not gonna do it.

I won't do it. I won't go there. I think that like Sublime and No Doubt and other bands from SoCal at that time, they had, it was a different era. Oh, Sublime. And then... Dude, no, it was all Warped Tour. I said off-the-wall tour. It's all Warped Tour music. Yeah. It's all bands Warped Tour music. No, it's Horde Tour. Yeah.

And then Warped Tour came after. Just shut your big yapper. Come on, bro. I mean, I don't know what's up or what's down. Adam's saying, damn, it came out in 94. I was lied to. He's the best liar. And when did the No Doubt album come out? 93?

We never said. We're crunching numbers. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. Sal came out in like 97, 98. Guys, this is important. This is what the whole podcast is about. This is important. Thank you. I think no doubt. My guess would be 96, Tragic Kingdom. I think it's 98. What is your guess?

It was released on October 10th, 1995. So the end of October. So these are, we're talking a thousand days apart from each other. Wildly. These are a thousand days apart. Do you know how much the world can change in just a moment? Yeah. Well said. Really well said.

Yeah.

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We got to get into some shit here, guys. Blake hasn't even said his favorite John Lithgow movie. Blake, speak up. Well, I looked at his IMDb and it said he was in Pet Sematary, but is that true? Seems real. He's in the new one. He plays the old guy in the new one.

Well, he's also in Pitch Perfect. He's in the third Pitch Perfect, and I think you know that, dude. Well, why does it say that he's in the first? It doesn't if you go to his IMDb page. No, it doesn't. I'm looking at it. Look in 2012.

When you made the movie. Yeah. Just fucking fight. Just fight. Fucking things. We need ratings. If I check right now. This fight is brought to you by McDonald's. I'm also on his IMDb. Okay. He has 128 credits. Yeah. Okay. We'll just look at 2012. I can't believe you guys even need to go on IMDb. Okay. I'm in the year 2012. He is not in it. It says he was in This Is 40.

Yeah, he was. Yeah. And he was in Shrek Thrilling Tales. He was in the campaign. And those are the three moves he did in the year 2012. Yeah. What are you talking about, Kyle? I don't know, dude. I don't know. What are you talking about, Kyle? In 2017. Kyle. Yes. Slow it down. Okay. 2017. And how many years is that after No Doubt dropped him? He was in Pitch Black.

Perfect three. Okay. Okay. Yeah, no doubt. No doubt. That's fine. I vibe. I don't know why it says this then. I don't know. I don't know. What are you looking at? What are you looking at? I want to know what you're looking at. I Googled John Lithgow movies on Google. Okay. So you can go ahead and do that. Just go to his IMDb.

You can go ahead and do that and see what I'm looking at. That's an old man, Google. That's like you writing what movies was John Lithgow. And you're supposed to be the technical... It's John Lightgoat. Sorry, I got the wrong one. Who the fuck cares, bro? That's what I did. No, that's an old man, Google. Goddamn. You're supposed to be the technical savant of our group. Of our crew? Of our group? Of our group. Oh my God. It's been a long day. Of our group.

I'm the one who can't speak. Blake knows music. You are supposed to be the tech guy who never has his lights with him and you're always in the dark. What's my thing? Ders, you're mean. Ders takes hard stances. You're mean and you can't read. Ders can't read. Can't read and you're mean. You don't think those things are late? I live in a world of letters that I can't read. You think I'm angry? Yeah.

You project. There's signs everywhere, and I don't know what they say. You hate yourself, and it makes you hate others. Emma just has to yell at you to stop the car. What does that one mean? What does that one mean? Stop! She wears brass knuckles. Her!

Well, Google's wrong. Okay? And so Blake, and so Blake, still just holding out, huh? I like how you were like, no, dude, he was in Pitch Perfect, a movie that I'm in. Fully know everyone. No, I know. I just thought maybe he was like a voice or something that I didn't recognize. You know how sometimes that shit goes down? That's true. Like, fuck, dude, sorry. But if Adam was in that movie, they would be fucking homies right now? Dude, we would be such good friends. We would have hugged.

each other when we saw each other backstage at Critics Choice or whatever it was. He'd be podcasting from his house. Do you get that? Yeah, it's my bad. I mean, I'll own up to it. I'm cool like that. I'll fucking own up to the mistake and I made a fucking mistake. Kyle, it doesn't bother me that you didn't know that. It bothers me that you old man

Google. I did an old man Google and I fucking... You straight up wrote, what movies are John Lithgow on in the fucking search bar? You can't do that. You can't do that. Well, why not though? I don't understand why not. Just type his name in and hit fucking IMDB, which of course is going to be this first or second... John Lithgow moving pictures appearances. Mom, Dad, can we stop fighting? Oh, I apologize. I do. I'm not going to fucking try and...

back my shit. I fucked up. I fucked up. Fuck it! I feel like John Lithgow had to have been the bad guy in one of the biggest movies, like a Wild Wild West type movie. Or like in Die Hard 3 or something? Hold on, let me pull it up. Jeremy Irons.

Well, here's what our manager Isaac threw into the end. No, I wasn't even going to read it because I was like, you're disqualified, dude. He wrote World According to Garp, and I bet it's awesome, but what the hell is that? What the fuck even is that? That's Robin Williams, I think, right?

That I can't say I've ever seen. All right, I'm going to IMDb now. That sounds like that sitcom that Durr said last week that everyone was like, what the fuck? Like, Dobie Gillis. Hey, let's not even. Bro, my uncle straight up emailed me and was like, you don't know fucking Dobie Gilroy or whatever it is, man? Hey, shout out to your uncle. Are we talking Matt Biondi? Who are we talking? What is it, Dobie Gillis? I'm pissed now. He's like, come on.

That's where Gilligan got his start. Exactly. Gilligan was the homie. And we're like, Gilligan, you old fuck. Did you say that to him? Did you say that to your uncle? No, I was like, bro, you're fucking tight. Let's hang out when I'm on the East Coast. Wait, your uncle listens to the pod? Yeah, my uncle. I love that. It's not Uncle Stu, is it? No, Uncle Rex. Oh, shit. I don't even know Uncle.

Rex you have an uncle named Rex fuck yeah I have an uncle Rex no wonder you're so cool man shout out to fucking uncle Rex Rex and effects yeah he's a pimp can we get a little rump shaker Blake he's a pimp he gets it and he was oh by the way did baby check baby Simon Rex Simon Rex just Simon Rex just did a movie that premiered in cans and he got like a five minute standing ovation I love it

I love it. With Sean Baker. Cans. Yeah, that's right. I love it. Rex has always been on that edge. We were talking about VJs the other day. Simon Rex. Talk about an OG VJ. I'm excited to see that movie. Sean Baker's the fucking shit. Can we talk about his body for a while? No. Simon, you don't want to talk about Simon Rex's body for like a long time? Sure, dude. Go ahead. Go ahead. You have the floor. No!

What's going on? I don't know how old this dude is, but the body is 25. Kyle Fart, stop this dude. I'm working on it. Yeah, he's got a pretty hot bod. I'll say that. It's crazy. Good for him. Me? Yeah. No. A guy who won't take his shirt off at Lake of the Ozarks. Kyle Rex. Simon Kyle. I mean, there's no way Simon Rex is going away. He was a BJ. He was kind of in like porno to first start off, right? That was like his jump off in the beginning. No.

you listened to your homies podcast where he did yes if we could shout out yeah but still podcast again they have a really great interview with simon rex

Hey, well, they're nice. He basically just did it because it was like funny and fun and could be like money. It was like J.O. shit where you just get filmed J.O. What, jerking off? Yeah, J.O. You don't know what J.O. is? Well, we're not being brash anymore. We're not being brash. Brash or crass? I mean, it used to be Junior Olympics. Yeah, we decided to be coy. 55 minutes into the podcast is when we're like, it's J.O.ing. We're the coy boys. Hey!

Hashtag coy boys. This is important. Kyle, is it crass or is it brash? Well, it's crass, I think is what you wanted to say. Brash is just like, you know, blunt. Blunt, bold. That works. Guys, I get it. I'm showing my ass in Righteous Gemstones tomorrow. What? Yeah, tomorrow morning. Perfect. Oh. Let's talk about it. And the intimacy coordinator, because now... Oh my God, let's talk shit. The intimacy coordinator on set

For the community, I'll explain it. It's some person that has to come to you and be like, it makes you feel uncomfortable being like, are you okay with this? You can tell me if you're not okay with this. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It makes it way harder. What are you willing to show or not show? It's so people don't get pressured into doing nude scene. They absolutely don't want to do it.

how come we didn't have that on game over, man? We didn't have that. I mean, no one questioned whether my dick was coming out in game over, man, at all. It was me. I was the guy. I think I was the intimacy coordinator. Yeah, that was me. Like, well, Adam's going to show his whole fucking thing. You sure you want to do this? Yeah. Uh,

Well, if you want to know the real world explanation of it, it was it is something that came from the Me Too movement because women were like, dude, they're making me do shit like sex scenes that I'm not cool with. And I'm feeling very pressured into stuff. So now they're actually. No, I'm the one that started it, dude. If we're being real, if we're being real, it was after Game Over Man. I was responsive to Adam. It was it was in response to me.

Me and Blake called the SAG. We called SAG and we're like, Adam is out of control. His butthole is everywhere. He won't put a robe on. It's too intimate. It needs to be coordinated at like now. That's the end of this story is this woman keeps hitting me up and she keeps texting me being like, are you okay? I really need an answer. And I keep texting her. I'm only willing to show my butthole. No other body parts.

And she's like, oh, okay. Just trying to do my job. You sent that back to her? You're going to get in trouble, dude. I keep saying it. Nice knowing you. I keep saying it. But that is the only part I'm willing to show on this show. So I'm hoping that they can clear that. Right. The actual butthole. The anus. Any take backs or apologies?

I feel like you can lead it off but by the way Blake yes we all know that it's like a good thing to have but then like in practice like when I was doing the Shonda show she's like showing you how to fuck right like right she's like okay so and like not even in a way because you're wearing like your your your and no one tells Durs how to fuck

Well, no, but my point is you're wearing like your protective cup thing. So like there's no anything going down. And then she'll be like, if you could just, if you want to, you can kind of stick your, your rear up in the air a little more and just really drop and move that. And it will, it will, it

uh illustrate the sexual emotions and i'm like this feels weirder than you not telling me what to do i don't know is that how it works i can't remember do they have to is that the person who talks to you about it like the director can't even come up and say like hey director can't and you can't talk to the actor yes like you have to go through the coordinator which i get is good because like right you know if if like who uh

Dude, I mean on the fucking Chris Rock movie I did. Where you have Tabasco up your ass? Rosario Dawson just saw my butthole and thumbed my taint with a tampon. And I said, okay, that's fine. But I can imagine people being put in compromised situations and you're like,

I wish I had a coordinator here, but it makes things very like... Not sexy, not hot as fuck. Awkward. Awkward. You become like on guard. You feel like you're not in it to... When you do things like this, you feel like you've made a pact with the other actor. Like, okay, we're actually going to fuck. Yeah.

No, you feel like you're... Pizza, pizza. Obviously joking. You feel like you're like, okay, let's just figure this out. Like we want to make sure... Yeah, what are you comfortable with? What am I comfortable with? Right. Here's what I... Because I had my first intimacy coordinator on Woke. Can you say that again? Intimacy coordinator on Woke. And I was coming from our world of Game Over Man and workaholics where like, yeah, we're like...

We're like comfortable on set with Adam's butthole being everywhere. So I'm like, so when they kept approaching me with like, are you okay with this? Are you okay with this? I started to be like,

Like, maybe I'm not. Like, they were freaking me out. I'm like, I was pretty sure everything was going to be shot above the waist. I'm like, am I going to show my dick? They started making me think I was going to do way more than I was required to do. And tune in to season two to find out. I don't want to show my dick on the gemstones, but I do want to show my top pube. Right. I'm talking about, and people are like, no, I want to be clean shaggy.

Wait, what pubes are you talking about? No, just the top where you can see the divot where you're like, does he have a vagina? But you start to see like, oh, there's a hang there. Something's hanging. You mean the base? Yeah.

The base of your dick? Right. No, the top of the dick. I know what you're talking about. Oh, Kyle. I know what you're talking about on your body, Adam. That's what's crazy. You're not that guy, pal. Trust me. I don't know. Kyle, you were in the edit bay. You looked at my dick for a fucking long time. You know my dick. That 4K zoom, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you're talking about. You know my top cock. Yeah.

You know my top cock. Any take backs, apologies, giveaways? Oh, what's going on with Blake's light? I want to compliment Blake's light right now. How did Blake get all sexy as shit? Incredible. All menacing. Look at him. Hey, it's magic hour, baby. It's so late over here, guys. Let's wrap this one up. All right, cool. Yeah.

yeah sure I don't apologize for anything this week yeah if you're good I'm gonna apologize to Blake for putting him in a position where he just has to name one John Lithgow movie and never does sorry about that pal I guess it was too much you're not that come on Blake just say it just say it it's Footloose it's not that it's not that he lit Footloose it's not that

so then say something say world according to Garp or some shit just say something dude it is weird that you haven't named one like what's up Harry and the Hendersons that's your favorite yeah that's my one well you didn't see any other movie

exactly this is when we find out that you've never seen any other movie what a horrible choice that is bad what the fuck that's why i didn't want to say it i'm gonna go on whack dude i'm gonna go on uprox and look for the john lithgow top five movies you know it's there you know whatever the fuck those websites yeah pitch perfect one google john lithgow top five movies

You guys talk amongst yourselves. All right, guys. And that was another episode of whatever this is. This. This. Is. T.I.I. T.I.I. Taiwan. The community's pissed because we didn't have a good outro. Hear that? Pumpkin.

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