Ep 75: The Guys Find Out What Each Other Taste Like
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Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Today on This Is Important...

Gravel, gravy, beet juice. Of course I know what a drag suit is. It's a looser speedo that goes on top of the speedo. I have a harpoon cock. Give me a minute to chub up. Let's go! Let's go!

In sync. Jello. So much energy. Weird, wild stuff. Yeah, man. We are in sync. Yes. Hey, Blake, will you hit us with a long time no hear sound effect? Something we haven't heard for long. We're back. We're back. Haven't heard that in a while.

We heard that one. I feel like we hear that every week. Keep us a deep, deep, deep, deep, deep. Your deepest cut. Let's dive in the crates. Dig through those crates and dig us up one good. Like you want me to, I mean... Clean up on aisle vomit. That one's pretty old. That's good. Yes, thank you. Thank God. That one's pretty old school. God, that's a great one. Well, the thing is, I have to clear the board to make room for new ones. So like a lot of the old...

Cryptkeeper ones, they're gone. Do we go ahead and spend some money on a bigger board, though? Okay. We need a bigger board. Upgrade your tech, bro. Well, I already struggle with the small ones, so. Oh, mommy. I need a bigger board. Let's go. Mom.

And we're still getting the old mommy to catch on. I'm on a good one right now, guys. I'm doing, you know, can. Talk to me. I mean, sunglasses inside tells me something's going good. Yeah. Yeah, you're on speed. Yeah, what's up with that? I'm on meth. I went to the truck stop. I got some meth. Not the weigh station?

You know that's where it's at. Turns out you can get it in under six minutes if you look for the itchy guy. Hello. A can that we drink company that I'm invested in, they're going to make a drink, like my own drink. So I had to do a taste test of all kinds of different cans. So this morning I drank like five cans about an hour ago. So I'm...

You did breakfast drinkable weed? Yeah. Really, really, really, really, really good. Is that what that is right there? Is that a juice? That's a juice, right? No, no, no. This is the concentrate version of it. That's the one thing you can't do right now.

So wait, is your flavor going to be like beet juice or something? No, it's just what it looks like. It's not beet juice. I think we're landing on blueberry, but it's still kind of up in the air. Cool, blueberry beet juice. Yeah. That's yummy. That's actually yummy. Well, that's an interesting question. Can we do a cool round and round? What would be your signature flavor if somebody came to you like, you got to be a drink flavor or something like that? I think what we landed on, it was like a blueberry with rhubarb.

Is that what you would choose, though, if you had a clean slate? Yeah. You could call it Blue Barb. Yeah, I really like blueberry-flavored drinks. I really do. But why Rhubarb? Well, they have a bunch of weird things that are in their drinks. Yeah, Rhubarb. Hang on. For example, you like blueberry drinks. Like what? Mmm.

If I were to get like a juice or like a smoothie, I like blueberries in my smoothies. Things like that. Well, yeah, blueberries fucking rock, bro. There's nothing wrong with blueberries. But blueberries in your smoothies, that's just about it though, right? There's no blueberry drink. Like you're like, I like blueberry drinks, but really it's just blueberry smoothies, no? Yeah, like what's a blueberry drink? Maybe like an acai berry is the closest. What is the flavor of Arctic ice?

Oh, that's a great question. That is good. Yeah. Is that a blueberry? Because I feel like I fuck with all those kind of drinks. But it's really good. What is the flavor of Arctic ice, if you had to describe it? I feel like it's kind of like a pineapple-y something. Wait, what is it? What is Arctic ice? What is it again? Remind me. That's a Powerade, right? It's the white Gatorade. White Gatorade. Oh, the white Gatorade. Oh, I think it's a lemonade. Isn't that a fucking lemonade kind of thing?

kind of thing like a softer softer lemonade well it might be a blueberry lemonade no way to tell i feel like i've had a blueberry lemonade and that's yeah i think that sounds amazing i'm down with that uh blake why don't you because since you kind of posed the question and adam already has a drink what's your drink flavor my dream flavor i think i would go with some sort of like a green apple tangerine or something

I like to go on this. Why? So you can drink half of one and be like, I'm good here. He wants people to drink part of it as their first sipping. They're like, this is pretty good. Then they drink half of it and they're like, I feel like vomiting. Right. No green apple and tangerine.

That's kind of firing off in my brain. That's good. You guys are trash. Dude, it's out there for sure. You know what I'm thinking about? Because what's the most famous tangerine drink you can think of? I'll give you the answer in a second. Please, because I have no idea. It's a 90s staple. I'll give you a clue. It's a 90s staple. Oh, man.

It's a soda. Tangerine soda. Oh, are we talking Sobey? Is it Sobey? No, and Anders, the fact you don't know this shows that you aren't a true fan of your favorite thing in the world. Is it a Jones soda? No, but that is what I'm thinking of in the apple. Orbitz? Snapple? No, no, sir. It is none other than

Slimer Ecto Cooler is a tangerine drink from your childhood that was very, very delicious. Yeah. Rare. And think about mixing that with a Green Jones soda. I remember, I'm so old that I remember the first box, it was just pictures of tangerines and then it was like the stripe across with Slimer. Then they just wiped that clean. They're like, it's Slimer.

You so old. Yeah, what was the deal? They probably started putting some green dye inside their tangerine drink and kids flipped out and they're like, I'm drinking slime. I feel good. And before we get to other people's flavors, do you guys remember the Ninja Turtle Hostess cream pies? Or pudding? Pudding? Absolutely. With the neon green shit in the middle. We're disgusting. How good were those? Oh, no, no, no, no. Dude. Damn.

I don't remember these. I would go to White Hen, which was like our 7-Eleven in Chicagoland, and I would just house those. Oh, my God. The Chicagoland area. All those home run pies were... I never liked them either, dude. They're fucking nasty. Did you know what? I just watched the Beanie Baby documentary on HBO Max, and it's all about how...

Five women in the 90s started the Beanie Baby craze in the Chicagoland area. Really? It was just five housewives that just were like, that loved Beanie Babies, that started to seek them out, that started to tell everyone about Beanie Babies, and they single-handedly started this craze. How cool. Without these five women, the craze of Beanie Babies never would have gotten off the ground. Wait, but they existed though? They existed. They're

a company made them and then they just fucking plussed it. They hyped them up. Yeah, and they weren't selling. And then these five women just kind of

just started collecting them all. Was that around the birth of eBay too? Yeah. It was 1996 and... That's when eBay kind of took off for sure. I think that's probably got on that and was fucking trading on the eBay. Bean e-babies. What? eBay. It's a conspiracy? Oh my God. Yes, punch!

Oh my God. The world is flat. So were these, these, these housewives were some of the greatest influencers of all time. What are their Instagrams like? They must be fucking crazy. They did it on Instagram. They're old now. Yeah. I'm wondering about their Instagrams. Surprisingly, not many titties. How do you influence the world? There's,

60 years old now. You never lose it. They're done. They already did it. They had their moment in time. What's crazy is we were the perfect age for it.

Like we were like our babies, our moms are, we're exactly their age. They're all like in their mid sixties. Your mom was a collector. No, my moms are, my parents are 20 years older than your parents. Yeah. You, you do have old parents, but yes, the three of us over here, my mom did not collect beanie babies. My dad still rolls cigarettes into his t-shirt arm or sleeve. Hell yeah, dude. That's so sick.

He'd get home from farming and he would roll his cigarettes by the... My dad was a jet who would fight the sharks or whichever way it goes. He's a jet. Whoever the whites were. He's a jet all the way.

Well, yeah, no, Beanie Babies were a freaking storm. Remember when McDonald's would put them in the Happy Meals and you could get the mini Beanie Babies? Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, then McDonald's jumped on it. They're talking that that's a big collector's item, and now they're coming back, and Beanie Babies are once again worth something because everything's cyclical, right? So 25 years ago, everything that was popular in the 90s is now back, baby.

Ecto Cooler, dust it off. People don't talk about it, but Beanie Babies in the 50s. Yes, they came back. And in the roaring 20s. The original Beanie Baby was the Pet Rock. We all know that. And every kid had to have granite in the crystal. And...

The limestone. And then it was Tamagotchi. All right. Pet rock straight to Tamagotchi. And Kyle, what's your favorite flavor? What would your flavor be? Kyle, what's your flavor? Gravy. Oh, my God. Well, yeah, like root beer gravy. That's a good one. Root beer gravy. Oh, mother may I. We would get weird flavor stuff in the Workaholics writers room, wouldn't we? Like we'd get stuff sent to us that was like,

gravy soda and shit? It was bacon. Remember when we were like baking everything? Leaning hard into that movement. It was on the board of like hacky things that we don't want to do on the show. It's

It's like that weird thing where it's just suddenly like a type of food just becomes wildly too popular. And everyone's just like, oh, my God, I could eat bacon and everything. If you put bacon on it, I'll eat it. Yeah. Homeboy from Parks and Rec freaking Swanson or whatever. He was like the bacon dude. Oh, yeah, it was. It was the Baconator. Everybody knows he was moving the fucking thing.

needle on what was cool to say. Everyone knows. Yeah, another good influencer. And Wendy's heard the call and was like, well, we gotta give him the Baconator. Well, the Baconator's been around for generations, no? I don't think so. Oh, yeah, the Baconator has been around for at least since the late 90s. Really? Since Terminator 2, for sure. You think? Late 90s. Was it a hand-in-hand? Can we have our producers just, or Adam, he was quick on the keyboard there. He's in a cam zone.

I mean, this guy's been drinking weed since 8 a.m. I like other people has searched this. 2007. Yeah, right after Terminator 2. The 2007. 2007 is the Baconator's conception? Yeah, man. Oh, wow. Oh, shit. Okay, so they had just the ultimate cheeseburger with bacon before that, huh? Yeah, they had bacon. The Baconator was like eight slices of bacon, like a real bacon.

Totally heart attack worthy amount. Yeah. What is it? Six slices of applewood smoked bacon. Yes. So Kyle, is your flavor of juice blended Baconator? No, no, that's not my flavor of juice. Okay. I was thinking it was going to be... So it is gravy. Yeah.

Well, no, that's a great call. I mean, root beer gravy, that's something huge. That's great. But I thought it was going to be like something mixed with celery, like a fucking black licorice celery. I'm living in a nightmare. The Rugal Witch, he's back. He's back.

But no, hear this out. What about a black licorice celery, bro? What the fuck are you doing? Let's go. I said it. Let's go. You're making one of those Harry Potter fucking jelly beans, dude. Those nasty ones. Oh, my God. Yeah, I'm fucking with different... What do they call it? Flavor-oids? Profiles? Yeah, flavor-oids. Let's reset the palette. So this is...

a drink that you want to put out and we're trying to sell these drinks. It's not just like, Hey, I'm making the weirdest thing for my friends to try. No, it all depends on what you're in it for. I'm not in it for that. This is not, that's not what it is. No one's talking about if I want to make a drink that sells, I'll just make it lemon and everyone will buy it.

Yeah. We're talking about what flavor would you make? Yeah, but it should be specific to you. Yes. So if I'm going to give you guys a drink, you know, you know, pube sauce. But this is not that's a whole different thing. You're talking about a business plan and we're talking about flavors that reflect us. Yeah, I'm talking about cool flavors. Regardless of a business. Yeah, that represents you. OK, well, I thought it started with with this drink right here.

blueberry rhubarb. Can rhubarb blueberry. It did, and then we were like, oh, that's interesting. What flavor would you make yourself? That represents you. Yeah. It has nothing to do with the business. Because Kyle and I, I think I as well, have tastes that are not hyper popular that everyone would be into. Pizza, pizza. And that's also kind of what the goal is, I think. I like doing that, especially with a flavor of a soda. I'd want to hit a pocket that ain't nobody hit before. He's talking about licorice

Diarrhea. Disgusting. But anyway, yes. Well, I know. I think I would need a third. Am I allowed to have a third? Or are we just doing two, three? Yeah, sure. It can be anything. You can have a 12. You can have a million, dude. You can do a suicide. I thought 12 was crazy, but you can have a million. Diarrhea.

You can have a million? Well, because I need something on the other side. You'll be here a while. I need something on the other side, like marshmallow or cotton candy or something. You know what I mean? Like, I think marshmallow is kind of sick, dude. Marshmallow water? So your flavor is marshmallow, celery, licorice? Black licorice.

I don't know about the marshmallow, though. I'm still working the marshmallow. Okay. Now I've got to go to Adam. It has to have some sort of value on the market. Subtract the marshmallow. Wait, why? Because then I could say the thing that represents me is like ribs. Yeah, you guys said gravy. That's great. I mean, somebody invented bacon soda. Nobody's hankering for it, but you drink it to see. No.

There are celery sodas. And there are also black licorice. Why are we boxing Kyle in? We don't need to box Kyle in. Because nobody's going to ever, ever, ever buy cotton candy black licorice celery. That's disgusting. I didn't realize that was the point.

I'm not sold on marshmallow or cotton candy. I know that there's a blank space there that needs to be filled in, so just give me a fucking second. That's the flavor you're not sold on? It's not the fucking celery? No. Those are the two best things you've named so far. No, celery and black licorice. That's the corner I'm putting myself in, and now I need to kind of figure out how to make that beautiful. Well, you're already not selling any, bro. Like pomegranate. I wonder if pomegranate would be good on that. Oh, man.

You know what I mean? Wow. Shout out to anybody out there who gets these things from the grocery store and concocts this drink. Please send us videos of you drinking it and giving us the review. The official drink. Kyle, do you want to give the ingredients one more time for the people out there who want to have dye young? Mine was just celery and black licorice, and now I'm workshopping a third. So I'll put it out to people testing it. I mean, I'll grant it to us.

It was going to be pomegranate, but that's not doing what I need it to do. It's not it. It's not the one. But I'll find it. I'll find it. Clean up on aisle vomit. Okay, we'll come back to you. Dirt.

Yeah. So mine is definitely starting out with mud. Yes. Mud of the home turf. Zip it. You know, my main favorite Gatorade of all time was if like Adam got me thinking about Gatorades was the lemon ice flavor, which they don't make anymore.

Oh, discontinued? But it was clear and lemon. And I believe it was Michael Jordan's favorite flavor as well. Oh, okay. Celebrity endorsement? So yeah, I like a good lemon flavor, but I'm also, and this is sometimes controversial. Okay. The cucumber Gatorade flavor. Yeah, that's a split seed. I love it.

I love it. And some people think it's barf. Oh, that's a good one. I don't know if I've ever had the cucumber Gatorade, but I like cucumber. It's like a neon green. I like that. Yeah. I like cucumber water. It's not the melon one. Yeah. Like if you're at a spa or some shit. This is like that. You know how you eat watermelon gum and you're like, delicious. This does not taste like watermelon. Right. That is what this Gatorade flavor is to cucumber water. It's like you get the...

but it's completely different. But not the essence. Those mint cucumber waters at spas and shit, those are delicious. But yeah, I recall the cucumber Gatorade's pretty fucking sweet, right? It kind of punches you in the mouth. Yeah, but as a hangover...

medicine that can cure almost every hangover for sure i don't know that i've had this there's a melon also right uh i think i'm getting those tastes across cantaloupe yeah are they similar looking how about when you go to a fancy like resort and when you get there they're like they had the tray with the juices for you and your special person and you drink it and it's so fucking good what is what what is this specific place you're talking about here well when you go to like a nice

hotel or resort or something. Like usually Hawaii, like tropical places, yeah. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, I never go with the water though. I 100% go with the alcohol drink to kind of kick that weekend off. Sure, sure. Yeah, right, when they ask you at the front desk. But the issue is they always give you like the like...

The one that just hits you over the head, the flavor of sensation. And they give it to you in like a tiny cup. You go for the alcohol one, like when you give your luggage to the bellman and they're like, hey, welcome. And there's an alcohol one. You take that. That's probably where Mexico. Yeah, Mexico. Yeah. Yeah. Mexico. Yeah. After the races in Hawaii, I don't remember ever having like an option as far as like, oh, that's sad. They're blowing it. Well, I want to get like refreshed before I get.

Am I going to finish that word? I like to black out as soon as I land. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's where you're wrong. I like to forget my vacation before it starts. Uh-huh. Yeah. Black out on the plane. I know. I remember seeing you at my wedding. Huh. So red. Yeah.

The reddest guy. That was a major sunburn. Hellboy over there. Yeah. I showed up as fucking Hellboy Ron Perlman, bro. Oh, my God. Blake got in the pool and didn't leave for three days straight. It's true, man. Fucking hell, I had to fight through your whole family. It was a wrestling match. We almost got freaking busted. Oh, that's the uncles. The uncles and the cousins. Oh, yeah. My uncle Matt was fighting everybody, and...

he's like a wrestler and my cousins are wrestlers and so Blake is drunk and he's thinking like I'm also gonna throw these guys around yeah he comes from wrestling stock and so he's like I'm from Iowa fuck yeah and I thought and also you're not and he fights these guys

And the staff was like, comes running down and they're going, policia, policia. Like they're going to call the cops. Really? And then, yes. And then we had to explain that we're all family and friends. And then they basically were like, this is a nice place. Don't fight each other. Right. That's how hard they were dunking me under the water. I was being joke slammed repeatedly by Adam's like 16 year old nephews. By the way, your uncle who was wrestling was the DD designated driver at your bachelor party. Yeah.

And then he was without a doubt the MVP of your wedding. Oh, yeah. He was having the best time. Yeah. He was having a laugh. He was making up for being the DD at the bachelor party for sure. Yeah! He got it in. But now imagine if you stepped off the plane and they handed you a celery black

of licorice pomegranate. Imagine how that weekend would pan out. I'm working on it. I think pomegranate is the front runner, but I'm working on it. You're still barfing. That's what I'm saying. I'm like, it should be palatable for humans. I agree. Or else we're just naming things, you know? We're just saying like gravel, gravy, beet juice. I think the can is hitting my boy. Laughter

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I can't hear you with your hat like that. That's weird. What do you mean? I'm just sitting back there. I've been wearing a hat all day. My hair's kind of funky in the back. So instead of... Yeah, okay. Sit it back there. So instead of doing, you know, I was just like... Go ahead and sit it back there. Yes, sir. That's a look. So Adam, how many cans during this flavor testing did you say you go through? Ah.

I believe I went through five, and this is my six. Okay. Hey, what's better? The pomegranate or cherry? Those are both just so sweet. No, they're both bitter. Like black licorice and cherry? I feel like black licorice and cherry would be yum.

You know what I mean? Cherry, sure. Yeah, no, they make like... I think that would be interesting. They're good contrasting. Then the celery's not really doing much. You're just describing a Twizzler. Twizzler, and Twizzlers are the fucking worst. Fuck Twizzler. I hate Twizzler. All my homies hate Twizzler. Why do you hate... I always got to grab one, though. I don't hate Twizzler. Yeah, but are they still on the shelves?

They are on the shelves. You don't hate Twizzlers? No. Okay, they're on the shelves. There's a fucking market. There's a market, motherfucker. You said all my homies hate Twizzler. I do believe that we're friends, and I like Twizzler. I've come from a Twizzler family. Red Vines whoop. They don't. But you do agree Red Vines whoop the shit out of Twizzlers. Yes, they're not as slimy. They absolutely don't. Oh, my God. Wait, Adam said absolutely don't, correct? Don't.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just wanted to make sure we got that across. So you're a Twizzler man. Yeah, I like Twizzlers better than Red Vines. So you might like my drink. I don't like black licorice, though. Twizzlers aren't black licorice. They're the classic Twizz. Dude, you know what? Red Vines have like a weird cult following where people are like, you're either on the inside or you're not. And I'm like, fuck off. They're gross. They're all gross. They're like a little waxy. When they're soft and fresh. Oh, my God.

They're so good. Straight out the tub. I'll give you something soft and fresh. No, straight out the tub. You get the plastic tub and you put that in the first couple out of there. They're warm and nice and wonderful. They're warm? They didn't come from the oven. Well, he's been sitting on them. No, they're pliable. Yeah.

He's been sitting on them in the car. Fresh off the truck, driving cross country from the laboratory they're made in. They're pliable. Because by the end, their heart is a rock. This is the way. Well, you want to know the real game changer? No. You want to know the real licorice game changer? I guess. What? Australian black licorice, mate. That's what I'm talking about.

I'm saying, mate. What is that now? Dude, Australian licorice. It's really good. Australian black licorice. What is this? Both. All the licorices. If it's Australian, that shit is so straight up fire thundercat. It is delicioso. All right. So that's what it is. It's a specific. If you eat too much, it's bad for you though, right? Didn't someone go to the hospital because they ate too much of it? What? Producers, please Google that.

I've never even heard of, I didn't know Australia was known for their licorice. Dude, get on it. It's in your grocer's freezer. Okay. So it's celery juice. There's no third ingredient. No one's agreeing on any of the shit you're throwing in your shit, bro. There's no third ingredient. It's just the, I got to try the Australian licorice, but I think it's specifically Australian exported licorice with celery juice. It's exported from there and imported to here. All right. Yeah.

It's very soft. There's no hole in the middle. Yeah, it's pillowy. It's good. Cucumber. I can't get cucumber out of my head, though. I feel like the cucumber might be better with a black licorice. A man died after eating a bag of black licorice every day. Doctors at Massachusetts Central Hospital said the unusual case highlighted the risk of consuming too much acid, which is found in black licorice. Oh.

My God. That's terrible. Careful with your drink there, Kyle. Yeah, Kyle, you might have some lawsuits. How do you say that word? Glycerhizic?

Glyceric acid. Let's all give it a shot. What is it? Glyceric acid. Glyceric. Glyceric. Glyceric. Well, I thought that was an interesting article Blake sent us earlier. Which one? The screen rant that talks about... You love a good article. Oh, that was Isaac. What is it? That was the manager, Isaac. Oh, he sent that. Okay. Skip it. Oh, skip it. Yeah, don't even touch it. What is it? It's weird that they published it five hours ago. The fact that they're talking, they're ranking...

This is how bored people are on the internet. That they are like, well, what do we write about? And they're like, I don't know. Let's write a show that's been off the air for four years. Workaholics, main characters ranked by intelligence. Yes. Yes, a hot take.

Good luck. So it says, it does say that Carl is the dumbest, which I kind of, I don't know if I would agree with. That's it. He's the human genius and they didn't mention that once. Does it say that? Is that the rank or did they just start listing characters? Wait, it says that Carl's the dumbest. No, no, no. It starts with the dumbest first. Mission accomplished, baby. Fucking mission accomplished, doggy. Right.

How could they say the human genius is the dumbest character? It's ironic. Hey, I don't know. He says, however, he proves to be one of the show's least intelligent characters when these schemes don't work out. Okay. From his burrito restaurant to the various functionalities of his van, Carl's foolish ideas often underscore his lack of wits. You know what screen rant Alex Gentile said?

Fuck you. Okay. Send him a case of blueberry, would you? Carl is a future thinker. He might not seem smart in today, but he's thinking so many steps ahead that you don't even know what he's saying is intelligent. When he says ice, currency of the future, he actually...

actually has a freaking point all right yeah wait does that was the start of um of cryptocurrency i know i was like where are you going yeah no ice currency the future is just the start we won't have ice anymore and we're going to be paying for ice it's the start that will be our coin we can't make it in refrigerators no because the electricity will also go out oh right it's just me australian yeah

Have you guys noticed this when you go to the airports and stuff? The International Currency Exchange acronym is ICE, and a global currency is where we're headed. So ICE actually is the currency of the future. Oh, my God. Oh, see? Wow. So, Alex, you got that wrong. Wake up! Then it goes to Jillian Belk. Should we just get this out of the way? Adam's the dumbest character. Yeah, I think so. Right? Yeah, should be. I would think so. I would think so. Yeah.

Yeah. That's how I always thought about the show. Yeah. Yeah. I would think Adam is the dumbest character. And then Jillian probably, right? Jillian was, she was very, she's like, like, like kind of cloudy headed. Flighty. Yeah. Yes. Flighty. Yeah. Jillian did like the strangest, like I didn't wash dishes. I watched it.

dishes. Okay, so Jillian was like on another fucking level. If your job is watching dishes... Her goofy airheadedness is part of her funny character, but highlights her lack of wits. Right. And then it goes Adam to me. By the way, who is...

took their time to write this. I mean, it's kind of cool. I mean, it's cool. I like that they did it. You know, they're still writing about the show, but I'm like, we've been off the air for years. It's cool that they're just like, you know what? Just write a thing. Hey, when you think about it, this person's dumber than that one.

What's weird is it's not in support of Workaholics coming out on Netflix or anything. It's just maybe they got a hold of the DVD collection at the Walmart bin or something. Workaholics isn't coming out on Netflix. That's important. And also, we're not coming out on Netflix, Blake. We are now Paramount Plus people. You got to shout out the right streaming service if you're going to shout out a streaming service. Correct, correct. How about when we got taken off of Netflix and then

everyone you ran into was like, man, I loved your show when it was on. And we were still on comedy central for three or four more years. That's right. That was rough. And they go, Oh, people were like, we, I loved you when it was on. Um, still, still on. I just have Netflix. Fuck it. And then it goes, uh, Adam to map, obviously very, very dumb. Uh, like prideful of his stupidity. Uh,

Very fun character. I don't think that's true at all. That he was prideful? Yeah, he won't admit he's dumb. Yeah. Ignorantly blissful. Sure. He's ignorantly blissful. Yes, yes, yes. He thinks he's the smartest guy in the room. Absolutely. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, bliss is his... I mean, he's blissful. Ignorance is bliss. Yeah. But when he wouldn't know things, he'd be like, Durs, how does this work? Like, you know...

That's confidence in not knowing something. Yeah, in his stupidity. But a lot more times than that, he would have an answer for what it was. He would be confident in what it was without knowing. He's like, I don't know this. And then it goes Blake. Okay. Yeah, middle of the road. It says it's pretty dumb. 401k. Running out of characters.

We're all dumb as fuck. Everybody in the show is dumb as fuck. He says the reason that you're not as dumb as me is you present several pretty smart puns in dozens of episodes. Wordplay. A linguist, if you will. Yes. Thank you. It's a bagel. So that counts as intelligence in this guy's book. Yes. But...

Spoiled plans. Well, he's a writer. And then it calls Durr the most likable character in Workaholics. The fuck? Hey! And then you meet me on the podcast and... Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Then you meet him in real life. You're like, this guy's a prick. And the guy's an asshole. That makes sense. This guy needs his head in a toilet, okay? He is almost always presented in the position of smartest and represents the group in tough situations, which is true. We do lean on...

on Jersey in those tough, tough situations we found ourselves in. Absolutely. But that wasn't intelligence. That's not intelligence? No. It was just he's likable? Well, I think he's... No, it says he's the most likable. And then...

Also pretty smart. It's difficult to argue he isn't the smartest member of the main trio. Ders takes on responsibilities that Adam and Blake don't have the mind for. If the three are going to an event, it is usually Ders who handles things like tickets and transportation. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, that's true. So we're dumb. We're too dumb to get the tickets and figure out how to get there. That has to... Right.

a really dumb group. We might have the idea to do the thing. They're like, we gotta go to that concert. We have to go to the Rihanna concert or whatever. But then it's on Ders to figure out. To get us there, buy the tickets. But then I'm dunking my body into horchata for Clippers tickets. Clippers, baby. Yes, absolutely. Well, also, there's a world where the two play dumb to get Ders to do that.

You know what I mean? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Because they know he can't help but step up into the role of the leader because he's so dumb. I go, oh, you guys want me to be a leader? Of course you do. Yeah, you can use that against him. Absolutely. Very good. Very good. By the way, this person who wrote this...

Might be very stoked that we're spending 20 minutes on this. Yeah. Yeah, I hope so. I hope so. Big shout out, Alex. Okay. Montez Walker. Then it goes Montez. Smarter than Durs. I don't know. We never really dove in deep on how smart or dumb. I think he's smart, but he's gullible. Right? Yeah. We tricked him a lot. That's where I was like, is he that smart? Because we tricked him often.

I mean, he has a house. Yeah, he has a kid. He has a house. Yeah, he's functioning. He has a couple cars. He's married. He never did anything too stupid. Outwardly dumb.

Bagina Shark. True. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that. Yeah, no, I don't think he did anything really stupid. He was always just wrapped up. Montez shows his smarts in the workplace. He often brags about the efficiency of the job, highlighting his quick thinking and reasoning. Very good. Okay. When the boys are up to something, Montez is...

One of the first people to notice they're scheming. How many more characters are left in this goddamn show? Just one. Alice Murphy. Okay, and here it is. Alice Murphy. Alice Murphy. The smartest of the bunch. Oh, right. The boss. The boss lady. It's hard to argue Alice isn't the smartest character. It's always hard to argue for this guy. It's difficult to argue this. It's hard to argue. It's hard to argue that.

He must be arguing with a lot of people. He's yelling at everybody at his work that they need to do a workaholics piece, and they're like, dude, it's dead, dude. It's been off the air for years. We don't need to write... And also, what a weird, like...

like rank them from like most likable or like funniest or something. Like the smartest is a weird, it feels obvious, right? Like Alice, Alice is the smartest. I don't know. Yeah. Alice is for sure. This one. Well, that's what I think. I think all this is kind of like perfect. Like he's saying it exactly how you want your audience to interpret the show. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think we just thought Adam was the dumbest overall.

Overall, yeah. But it makes sense. Like head injuries and all that. If you're really just looking at it episode for episode, it makes sense that Jillian and Carl are the dumbest. If you look at it episode to episode. But if you connect the dots in between and be like, what's going on in between? If you're watching bits and pieces of multiple episodes. Yeah, clips. If you're watching episodes. It can get confusing. If you only are following Workaholics on Instagram, I see what you're saying.

Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean. It's so fucking got a lot of content out of that show. But I think they've kind of messed up by not adding Bill because Bill is very intelligent and Ghostman. Ghostman, Jetson. Wayman, Jamie. Who's Jamie? I made that person up. Who the fuck is Jamie from Workaholic? Shut the fuck up! I made him up.

Right.

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memorable character like that you guys can think of that came on and like that was really smart yeah that was actually intelligent everyone in our universe was dumb yeah the cop the cop in the porno theater who's like that semen yeah move on yeah he's great i swim with that dude at the rose bowl sometimes damn he rocks how's he looking the guy from big love with the hard hair flat top yeah really he's also brooklyn 99 right yep

Yeah. He's great. He was great. That guy goes swimming? It's semen. Yeah. Him and his kids. That's awesome. It's incredible. Can you take pictures of him next time? Yeah. And send them to us? Yeah. You don't have to. No. Cool. Cool. Thank you. I would like it. All right. Cool. Hey, before you change out of your suit. Yeah. Go up to him and just snag a selfie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd love that. It's just going to go on the internet.

What is the protocol with that? If you're swimming and maybe somebody recognizes you, are they, is it, uh, can I get my phone, get a picture situation? Sure. I say, give me a minute to chub up. Okay. Is it cause like there is the weird encounters where people ask you for a photo in the bathroom and that's always kind of like, okay, do it quick while my dick's still hard and out. Right. Right. Still hard and out. Whoa. Hard. Sorry. Uh,

Sir, you're pissing into your own face. But like, yeah, is it the same sort of awkward be in the swimming pool when they ask you and you've got your clothes off? Never been asked for a selfie at the pool. That's weird. Because people don't have their phones with them usually. That's got to be the reason. Usually be like non-stop. Yeah.

Yeah, it'd probably be crazy. Yeah, they'd be like, you can't swim here anymore. It's science. You don't have your phone just off to the side of the pool? You keep it back in the locker? Some people do. Some people use lockers, yeah. Oh, okay. Well, you can always set your phone up and then set it on timer mode and then fire it off with your Apple Watch, you know? I'll share that. Yeah, you could just set it up and be like, come here. I want to say what's up to you. How you doing? Click. Click.

You know what I mean? Now, Durst, are you ever... Fire it off. Since you've been a swimmer for so long, are you ever... Like, you're meeting a group of people and you're in your Speedo. Are you ever, like, a little embarrassed by the size of your cock in your Speedo? Adam. Are you ever like... Adam. I should juice it up or... Adam. Yeah? Yeah.

Stop. What? This is making me uncomfortable. I feel like as long as you have it in the right position, you're okay. It's the positioning. Yeah. If you have it like – it will never get too small. There are some positions where like the Speedo kind of will press it down and back into your body. It's going inside and then it's just like one little – Yeah.

One little nub. Cut to commercials. Cut to commercials. In high school, I was a true psychopath, and I just remembered this the other day. You used to juice yourself up. Oh, God. What now? You cranked down in the pool. Well, no, no, no. So there's a Speedo that's tight on you, right? Okay. I'm listening. And then there's something called a drag suit. Do you guys know what a drag suit is? Of course I know what a drag suit is. It's a looser Speedo that goes on top of the Speedo. It's like a looser Speedo. It's more like a box cut. Hold on. It's more like a box cut. I did not know this. Wait, like board shorts?

No, no, no, no, no. It's like a Speedo on top of a Speedo, but it's looser. I'm sorry, why? Yeah, but it's like a baggy Speedo. Just so like when you are racing and you lose the drag suit, you feel much faster, right? Because it's not like holding you back. Yeah, exactly. Okay.

At some point in high school, I just started only wearing the drag suit without the Speedo underneath. Because your cock looked better just in the drag suit? Cut to commercial. I don't think it looked better. Cut to commercial. It was kind of fun to swim because then it would just kind of be loose and wagging, right? Oh, so your dick would wag and you liked the feeling? Cut to commercial. This is too much. Well, yeah. It was just kind of fun. You felt like you were swimming naked. But then when you get out of the pool, you just had your dick like...

fully kind of saran wrapped like Harrison Ford and the cryo whatever the fuck it was the carbonite the carbonite my dick was just like hands up like

And I didn't realize it until just the other day. I was like, that was probably not okay. Or like, just weird for everybody around. Yeah, no. We're all getting a little weirded out about this one. You guys are just... I had to wear a onesie for Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates. And I remember like... What do you mean onesie? Like a wrestling singlet? God.

like a wrestling singlet. Yeah, sure. And I remember just like pulling my cock to the side because I was like, I don't want it. And so I'm like pulling it to the side and it looked obscene. Like Zach wore another pair to like press everything down. I was like, you should probably just wear another so you don't really notice it. And I'm like, well then I don't look like I don't have a cock. Sure. So then I'm pulling it to the side. You can't say that. I think everyone assumes you do have

one. Yeah. No, I don't know. The thing is, as long as you don't have too much bell and definition, you're okay. Yes. I covered this. You mean the Ridgecrest? The Honda Ridgeline? The Honda Ridgeline. I told you guys when I was Halloween shopping to be Spider-Man, it was a real big, because I have a very pronounced ridge. Oh, that's right. Yes. You have the Ridgecrest. It's bulbous. And it's not easy having a protruding helmet like that.

It can really cause a lot of... If you fell off a building naked, do you think you could catch the edge with your dick and save your life? Here's the deal. If I could somehow detach my dick and throw it, it could be used as a grappling hook. It's a grapple. The head is... A grappling cock? Yeah. I have a harpoon cock.

Yeah, it's a real hook at the end. Oh, it's pointy. It's pointy. Listeners, just when you thought we weren't going to talk about our dicks today, we're back. Cut to commercial. Cut to commercial. This is too much. This is making me sicked out. I'm getting sicked out. I'm getting super sicked out. All right, all right, all right. Is this sickenating? It's sickenating, man. This is sickenating. This is sickenating me. I was hoping it would be tantalizing, but it's sickenating.

We don't want it to be sickening. So what's the verdict? When you watch Mike and Dave back, do you see the Honda Ridgeline? I'm trying to show you guys here. There we go. Oh, okay. Because I was like, Adam's weed just hit because it's very quiet. No, I'm trying to show you guys. What now? What now? Please hold. Cut to commercial. So that's...

That's what I'm talking about Why is it off to the side? Why is it off to the side? Because I yanked it over there dude Is your finger touching the very end of it? Yeah you're touching your own dick in that moment I'm probably trying to tickle it a little bit I bet you are There's no doubt in my mind

Why is there a picture? Zach has a picture of himself grabbing his dick, too. Oh, yeah, that's him. I thought that was you, Adam, but no. We're adjusting. I think people cared more about Zach's dick, and there's more photos of this. It's on TMZ. It ended up not making the movie, I think because it was obscene. It was a little too risque. Yeah, it's sickening me. It was too, like, my cock is just out and about. You made up for it with Game Over Man, though, huh?

Yeah, I really let him know for that movie. That was brought to you by Honda Ridgeline. Yeah, we did that one. Do I make you horny, baby? Dude, this is crazy. You guys were fucking buff in this movie. Holy shit. I mean, Adam was eating tomatoes only and fainted at a Clippers game. Yeah. This is the hardest you ever tried, isn't it, Adam? Yeah, absolutely. Even harder than your bodybuilding episode in Workaholics? Yeah, much harder than that.

Adam is like going toe-to-toe with the fucking F-Rom, baby. And you can't. You can't. No. I mean, there was no winning that race. But I didn't want to look like, and I still do, but I didn't want it to be like I'm obviously the fatter older brother. Right. You know what I mean? I wanted to look like I'm still in the same hint of the chumps. You wanted a hint of chunk. Subtle chunk. A thin chunk.

A thin layer of softness. Yes. There's not really a hint here. What was the deal? So he brought you kind of under... Next to Efron. Yeah. Anybody. Sure. But did he kind of bring you... He brought you under his wing? He kind of gave you the crazy... Because he must be just absolutely insane with his regimen or what he eats or whatever. No. He's talked about how...

he feels like he's done damage to his body for Baywatch. Well, they do the, yeah, well that, that they do the, they do the salt suck. Yeah. For Baywatch. He, that was after Mike and Dave and, and he, you know, he got absolutely shredded for that.

But, no, for this, I think he was trying to, for Mike and Dave, I think he was trying to meet me in the middle. Like, I noticed him, like, at the beginning of the movie, he was working out all the time. And I'm working out all the time. And then I saw him, like, kind of step it back and not work out every day. And I was like, he's such a fucking sweetheart. I think he was like, he's really trying hard. I can't stop eating.

Or he was like, these days are long. Yeah. I'm going to meet in the middle. But did they already shoot out his day, his glamour day? You know what I mean? Where it's like... Every day is glamour day for Zach. Yeah, that's what it is. No, there are those days where you get ready. But the Hugh Jackman coming out of the water super ripped. I talked to his trainer about that and he was like, he didn't drink water.

water for like 72 hours before that. So he was just like saran wrapped in his skin. That's right. And the vascularity was crazy. And then as soon as it was done, he like pigged out. Right. But we never had like a shirtless Zach day on the show. Like we were always wearing clothes. So it

There was never like that vanity day for him. Do you wish that there was that day? Yeah. Well, he had it to himself. For you? Well, for me, I'm like, yeah, I wanted to preserve that moment in time when I did get in the best shape of my life. I'm like, I kept pitching. I'm like, Jake Szymanski, the director, I'm like, hey, maybe I'm shirtless in this one. Right. Yeah. And he's like, that would be funny. You're not that guy, pal. Trust me. Oh, hit him. No, it wouldn't be funny. It'd be really sexy. Hey, that'd be funny. Yeah. Do you want to have your shirt off the whole movie? Yeah.

Let's just put you in a singlet where we can see your dickhead. Yeah, throw on this singlet and tuck it to the side. Stretch it out and then we'll see the ridge. Stretch it out. Stretch it out, put it to the side. You can't really see the ridge so much as the perfect shape of it. Perfect.

I think I posted a picture. I was working out one day and just afterwards stretching on the mat. Nice. Stretching your dick out. Cut to commercials. Oh, God. I get up from the mat where I was laying belly down and fully sweat stain mark of my dick. Thank you, God.

I brought everybody in the gym over to check. Everybody come look at this. That's kind of funny if you're like, hey, what is this? What is this outline? What is this? There's no mistake. That's how you got to do it. That's how you got to do it. You can't just say, come look at my dick. You have to be like, wait, what is this? Guys, what is this on my sweat stain? I got a picture. I'll post it. Come here. I was just laying down. I was just laying down. Dude, this is actually weirding me out, dude.

Yeah, I'm kind of freaked out. I'm freaked out right now. What is this? I wasn't even on this mat. What is it? Is it moving? I was laying down here. Do you think a ghost was laying down next to me fucking the mat? Did somebody drop a banana over here? This is weird. Yeah, that was soaked in like water. Weird, wild stuff. Dude, this is so weird. Like, what is this? It's like, you can see those are my thighs. That is my abdomen. But what is that? But what is that?

What is that? Drop a banana and two Kiwis down here. It's my lunch. It's my lunch. It was banana and Kiwis. Oh, yeah, that's right. I had a whole hard salami right where my like belly button stops, like a little below that. And then I start I start like showing my shorts to everybody. I mean, is it my shorts? Yeah.

These are new tennis balls in my pocket. I forgot. I will say those are some of my favorite jokes right there. Forcing people to look at your penis. Forcing people to acknowledge the disgusting thing. I love it. Wait, what is that? That's obnoxious. It's obnoxious. Obnoxious comedy is my favorite. Okie doke.

If you had to say what it is, what is it? I would say it's your cock. My cock? That is my dick. That's like when that dude is getting searched by the police. Then you can't believe it. Is that your dick? My cock? No way, that's huge. Wait a second. That's like a really nice looking cock though.

That would be hilarious. That's my cock? You think that's my dick? That's incredible, but no, no, no, no, sir. The cause of diarrhea. No, there's no way that beautiful thing is my cock. Wait, that can't... You know what? You might be right. That is my cock. Wait, hold on. Let me just take a peek real quick. I might just peek. Because I was the one laying here, and this is where my cock would be. You might be right. Wait a second. Holy shit.

Hang on a minute. I'm seeing now. It's like a magic eye. I'm seeing. Yeah, I get it. That is my cock. Oh, I am so sorry. Son, where'd you find this? I'm so sorry. Wow. I'm sorry for that. That's what six inches is. I apologize. So that's what six inches is. Oh, that's six inches? Does yours do this?

That's an interesting unit of measurement. I'm going to go get lunch. I'm hungry for a Subway sandwich. Speaking of six inches, I'm going to go get a half a sandwich at Subway. I'm going to go get it. Oh, boy. Half of a foot long. Any flowers, giveaways, takebacks? I'm a man. Any dead ringers?

Dead ringers. Dead ringers of the year. A slam on you. A slam on you. A slam on you, good sir. You know what? I'm going to do a take back. I went a little hard on the Twizzler lovers. I mean, you know, if you like Twizzlers...

More red licorice red vines for me, okay? But I'm still not a fan. But I'm sorry I went so hard on you guys. Twizzlers had great commercials, I remember as a child. Like the mouth smiling or whatever? Yeah. Very like 80s, early 90s style. I feel like Red Vine never did a commercial. No, they don't have to. Shut the fuck up. Red Vine people are crazy. Fuck you, Blake. Fuck you, asshole. What is with...

What is with Red Vine people? They didn't have to do commercials. They're such a specific breed. Hey, it's that baby blue packaging, baby. Yummy. They love it. Why do they love it? And the value tub. The value tub. Dude, and by the way, Red Vine is so far... I bet Twizzler blows them out the fucking water. No. No.

Kyle's got it exactly right. The world loves Twizzler. It's the value tub. Red Vines is the working man's licorice. You get the value tub at Costco. You got the kids can eat from it for a whole freaking three months. Thank you. My dad worked for the railroad and we got Twizzler. They wasn't out of the price range. It's not like it was crazy expensive. Well, why don't you cry about it?

Well, my dad worked construction and we had the ones in the tubs, the red vines. Let me just say this. Anything coming in a tub, gross. And my dad worked at Crazy Shirts. That's true. Do you have any Crazy Shirts anymore? Oh, I wish. Because talk about cyclical things coming back around. If I could have that gray cat on a...

Crazy shirt? There's crazy shirts in Hawaii, bro. I saw one when I was out there. I think they're the only ones left. RIP to crazy shirts. Here are your flowers. They're on island time. That's it. They'll never get over here. They're on island time. If I could do a take back, I think I would change my flavor to that coconut sobe flavor.

There we go. That's still, that's a good one. Let's go. Like pina colada. Did anyone mix that with anything for like a little like high school? Like a pina colada, like with some rum or something? That might be all right. Right. Like on the way to prom. That is what a pina colada is, is rum. Oh, well then yeah. Right. Yeah, you got it right, brother. For sure. Yeah. Then yeah, that would be good. Yeah. All right, guys. That's another episode of...

Kyle, did you do your dead ringer? What's up? Oh, dead ringer. Oh, Keanu Reeves, bro. Me. Important. Important.

My son looked at a fucking People magazine and Keanu Reeves was on the cover and he was like, Daddy? Wow. Congratulations. We're cutting that. That is a dead ringer. That's a dead ringer right here, baby. That's not making it in the episode. That's not on the podcast. Bye, bitch. Hear that? Pumpkin.

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