Ep 83: Amber And Johnny Are Obviously In A Prank War
01:00:34 Share

So I have some big news for vegans and vegetarians everywhere. It's Hellman's plant-based mayo spread and dressing. Made for people with a plant-based diet or anyone really who wants to enjoy the great taste of Hellman's real without the eggs. Hellman's plant-based is perfect for sandwiches, salads, veggie burgers, or any of your family favorites.

To celebrate, Hellman's is sharing some easy, delicious plant-based recipes at hellmans.com. Hellman's Plant-Based Mayo Spread and Dressing. Same great taste, plant-based.

Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese! It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it. What? I know, I'm crazy. Yeah, dude, it's hella good. You gotta try it. With so many unique recipes...

How could you go wrong? And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.

The Big Game or Big Mods? First Date or First Big Brake Kit? Binge That New Show or Binge Install Videos? When you're a real car lover, the choice is obvious. eBay Motors has the parts you need for the ride you love. Brake kits, bumpers, roof racks, and engines.

And with eBay Guaranteed Fit, your part is guaranteed to fit your ride every time or your money back. Plus, at these prices, you're burning rubber, not cash. Keep your ride or die alive at ebaymotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply.

If you're a smoker or dipper looking to make a change, you really only need one reason to do it. But with Zinn Nicotine Pouches, you can find many. Zinn is America's number one nicotine pouch. It's made with only six simple ingredients. Plus, Zinn is the only nicotine pouch with a 10-day hassle-free trial. There are lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zinn. Find yours in online or in a store near you at zinn.com slash find.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we talk about what's obviously most critically, crucially important. Today on This Is Important. This guy wants three people jerking his dick off at once. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. The deeper, the better. Let's go.

Ow! Yeah! Okay, let's go! Yeah! Okay, let's go! I'm doing my own soundboard. Yeah! It's a bagel. You're just, you're doing Lil Jon. Do we have Lil Jon on the board? Yeah, right? Wee-oo! Wee-oo! Wee-oo! That's Big Jon. Yeah. You guys want some cookies? Oh, you got Corky Romano on the board? Wow, you can summon Corky Romano that quick?

Who can't summon Corky Romano that quick? Are we about to get flowers? There he is. Oh, Chris? To Corky? To Corky or Chris? Chris Catan. Okay, all right. I just wanted to make sure I knew who I was flowering. Chris Catan. Okay. You guys want some cookies? Come on. This is why they tune in, baby. Catan talk. Like...

Most underrated SNL cast member ever? Underrated ever? You guys want some cookies? The only reason he's underrated is because he had to live in the shadow of Will Ferrell. But other than that, he was the headliner. Yeah.

Yeah, you were always excited for Chris. Well, who's talking about him? But nobody's talking about him. If you go down the list, everyone's like, Chris Newig, Dan Aykroyd. You're saying his legacy is underrated. His legacy is underrated. But when he was on the show, he was appreciated. No, his style's underrated. What the fuck are you? Yes. His legacy? You guys want some cookies? I think there's a couple things. Do we need to talk about Undercover Brother? Oh, yeah. This dude is killing it, dude. Of course we need to talk about that. We always need to talk about Undercover Brother.

But dude, no, Chris Kattan is kind of making a push right now. He's been in some things. Like he's in, it's all reality stuff, but he was like in, he's in like. Like Dancing with the Stars? He's in like Celebrity Big Brother or something. There's like this thing where he wakes up at midnight and eats cake every night. What? Like are your agents telling you that that's a push? Hey, let's make a push and get you on Celebrity Big Brother. Well, he was also on the new dating game, which was bizarre. Hosting? No.

No, he was a contestant. You could win a date with Chris Kattan. Oh, that's tight. That's a push. That's a push. It was hella weird. That's a big push, Blake. That's the kind of stuff you should be doing. If I was your agent, I'd be sitting here telling you, you should be doing that kind of stuff, bud. When Blake lays down in his bed at night, he's like...

I gotta make a push. I gotta start doing the dating game. That's huge. But wait, so yeah, for sure, Corky Romano, but like... Okay. Mango? Mango, dude. Mango. Okay. This dude made stuff that shouldn't have been funny funny. Okay, let's go. I think we've talked about Mango on this show before. That's how much we love this dude and how we're championing his legacy. You're like...

And for people who don't know what Mango is, it was basically a dude who was bizarre that everybody wanted to fuck. And he would turn around and just go, Mango. Yeah, that's really some legendary stuff for sure. Or he would just play the dude who would just eat an apple hella crazy. That was Mr. Peepers. I think we've covered Catan before on the pot. Then how is he still alive? That's true. Damn. You're saying we've covered him? Then he'd be dead.

Was he a Spartan cheerleader? Yeah, right? He was the rival. That was Will and Sherry O'Terry, I think. I couldn't remember her name. Sherry O'Terry. Oh, another ledge. Underrated. Another freaking step back from that ledge, my friend. Ledge, mate. Ledge, mate.

Yeah. All right. Well, all right. Well, Adam's not here, so this would be probably the time when he was fucking chipping in about Catan and how he influenced his comedy. Jesus. Yeah. Guy basically ripped all Catan's moves, if you ask me. That is true. Should we go on about that for 45, 50 minutes? Well,

there's a reason we brought it up and it's to do that. It's to rip up our friend Adam and how he stole all of Catan's moves. Slide into Blake's DMs and give us your best Adam bash. Yeah. Freaking see ya. Yeah, hook us up with an Adam bash. Let's get some Adam bashes in the comments. Yeah, fuck that dude. What annoys you about Adam Devine? Go. Get it to him. Wee-oo!

That would be cool. I would do the roast of Adam Devine. They need to bring roast back on Comedy Central. Right. And they need to kick it off with the roast of Adam Devine. That would be sick. You know what I'll say? I'll say I heard this morning that he's in town. What? No, no. I don't know about that, dude. Wait, what? Or is he in town for something I do think we should talk about? Ugh.

Oh, he's in town for that day. I think he's in town for that specific date. I thought he was texting this morning saying he was in town now. Yeah, I thought that too for a moment, but then I threw it around and tossed it in the noggin, rattled it around and came back with, I think he's talking about the date. See, that's just me being negative, huh? That's just you being fucking in the moment, bro. You felt that moment and you took that moment with you and you brought it to the pod and you wanted to talk about it and I like that.

Yeah, you thought he betrayed us. You thought he was going to. But what he was talking about is the fact that it's wedding season. And should we say, guys, should we announce who's getting married? Are we allowed to say it?

Cast mate, comedy legend, stand-up buffoon, Chris Kattan. Chris Kattan. Hit the button. Hold on, I have a coffee in my hand. It's still early. What are you doing? You're sitting back? Vagina shark. You're sitting back? Yeah, man. Sorry, I can't get a little freaking... You guys want some cookies?

That's the thing about the board. You can't relax. Yeah. You can't relax. I know. Is that what you're trying to do on this podcast that people pay money for? My bad. My bad. I just got a clock in for a damn hour and I'm already asleep at the wheel. Yeah. You're still waking up with your Folgers in your cup. Yeah.

Eric Griffin. Eric Griffin. Montez is getting itched. I can't believe it. I never thought I'd see the day. But the guy, he's finally tying the knot. And why? Why is it that you thought you'd never see the day? That was an interesting sentence. Eric Griffin's face kind of looks like a scary mask or like a funny Halloween mask. So I didn't think someone would want to see that every day of their life. Got him.

That was good. That was good. Burn! Finish him. I think I'm going to just be the board today. You can sit back. Oh, thanks, brother. Sit back in your short-sleeved shirt section. Thanks. I'll just, yeah, I'll kind of sip my coffee and you do the rest, baby. And Blake, what happens if you hit that light switch on the side? What's that look like? Check a look. Yeah, so I'm reporting live. Okay, let's hear it, fellas. But I'm recording in the closet.

Oh, nothing happens? Oh, you still got light. You still have hella light. Yeah, I got the ring light going. Honestly, I would leave it off. Oh, so you could just turn that off. Yeah, leave it off. Yeah, you're mixing temperatures the other way. My bad. My bad. Do you guys want to roast me a little bit? What are you doing in the closet? What's going on? What's going on? Why don't you come on out of there?

No, no, no. I think I like it here just fine, okay? All right, all right. Hey, look, it's your clock. You can come out whenever you'd like, buddy. Thank you, baby. And am I looking at a strategically placed Halloween beer costume? What am I looking at here? Where you're like, I better spice this up with a beer smock. No, dude. This is just where it lives.

But you're right. Yeah, Budweiser sent me this cool Budweiser costume, so we'll get some. No big deal. This is probably exactly why they did it. They knew one day I would be in the closet doing a podcast, and I would pull this out. Yeah, that's great. We all knew. Yeah, that is fucking sick. Do you guys think we could kind of get a few things on cam, and I could kind of depop, raffle these off to people? You know? Yeah. Anybody want to buy a Budweiser costume? Right. You asking me and Durs? Yeah.

No, not you guys. I'm asking the audience if it starts at $50. Let's check out. TII Nation. Well, I'll chip in on that. You want to buy the Halloween costume? I'll say I'll buy it for $50. Yeah, what? You will? Okay, well, I'll sell that to you. I mean, first dibs, I'll flip it. I got some really good shit in here. Hey, you know what? Actually, I guarantee you $20. $20? Yeah.

I don't know what just happened. He said 50. You said sure. And then you guaranteed 20? Yeah, well, I got the business model right.

right after I said 50. So now I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to offer you low prices and flip all your clothes before it goes to market. I thought it was like a football contract where you're like, okay, I'm going to give you 50, 20 of that is guaranteed. That was just me plotting and scheming real time. And then pretending like I didn't say one thing. See everyone listening. This dude is a schemer. He can't even fight it. He's like, Oh my God, I was a normal guy for a second. Yeah. Giving $50 to charity. But, uh, well,

Well, to Blake. You did an early take back, huh? You guys want some cookies? It's so good. Yeah, I did an early take back. Early take back on the 50. I'm going for 20. Didn't you guys ever see Corky Romano? Of course. Yeah, like when it came on video, I guess. Parts. Yeah, parts on TV. Never in the theater. Because I don't really remember what that movie was about. It's underrated. Tell you that. It's a mafia movie, right? There was two mafia movies at that time. Two good comedies.

Thank you, Kyle. Corky Romano and what's the Jay Moore one? Mafia. Mafia. Oh, yeah. They both were going after the mafia comedy like laugh-em-ups. Jay Moore of SNL fame. He's also an SNL fan. More underrated than Catan? Catan? No. No.

Allegedly! No, I think we like him right where he's at. I think he's doing his thing in the stand-up community, though, right? I don't know. I don't know. I don't tap in with Jay Moore. Less is more, baby. And he's jacked. He's jacked. Less is more. He needs to do a push. He needs to do a big push. Can you yes points me, Durge, please? Yes points! Thank you. He's fucking coming for you now. Jay Moore's going to put you in a fucking full Nelson.

damn what's up with buff comedians speaking of Adam Jesus Christ yeah this is the way this is the way now Eric Griffin also lost 75 pounds is super jacked yeah

Yeah, he's going to look really great for his wedding, I bet. No, of course we're kidding. That's never going to happen. Wait, so are you guys going to the wedding? I can't. My brother's getting married the day after, so I'm going to be out of town in Chicago. Oh, dude, I don't want to tell you what text I made right after that, after you guys were talking about the wedding. Because the last thing to me from Eric was like, what's your address? I got to send you a save the date.

And then you guys hit up that this morning and I was like, I never got a fucking thing. You never got an invitation? I never got to save the date. I never got an invite. I'm like, I don't have anything to RSVP2. So Eric forgot. Whoa, you didn't get invited?

Well, I hit him up. Allegedly. You know, I was like, what's up, dude? You asked me for my address for the save the date. I didn't get it. Like, am I not your homie anymore? Like, what's up? I'm your friend. And then he hit me with like, okay, it's here. Sorry. You know what? I did read in their, it said no schemers, no plotters, no schemers. Yeah. Oh.

Well, you know, that's where I get to... I guess I don't get to go then. Damn, I wonder if there are weddings where in the invitation it says, like, no drama, please. This is a drama-free event. There has to be. Like families? There has to be. Like families who hate each other, bro? There's got to be. That is so cool. The Montagues, of course. Yeah, the Capulets and the Montagues. Of course. They're like, please, no murdering at our Shakespearean wedding. Wow. Wow.

Keep going, keep going. And if you're just tuning in now, we smart. Yeah, talking Shakespeare's. You want to talk Shakespeare a little bit? I like that. You probably know more about Shakespeare's than all of us. Well, I am a theater major. Thank you very much. My guy over here, he shakes beer and then he sprays it all over people. Hey, and for $50, you could have this Budweiser Halloween costume. That's $20 guaranteed up front. Shakes beer, yeah. Shake your beer.

Shakespeare, baby. What did we do on Workaholics where it was something Shakespeare-ed or something? No, it was when it was like, that was when I was getting married. And it's like, as Shakespeare's once penned, if you love a woman and you love her a lot, then you

Whatever. Whoa. It's something like that. This dude knows his lines still. Yeah. Well, he rewatches all of his highlights over and over and over again. That is true. Dude, I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I get lost on that Workaholics TV account. They'll play some cuts, some mixes, and I'm like, dude, what? I don't even remember that.

And it's hella funny. Home videos, basically. See ya. Yeah, it's like, that's our home videos. Our TV show is our home videos. So when I... Loose butthole. I watch it, I'm thinking about you guys. I love you. They posted something the other day that I can't remember. Yeah, I don't know. I never watch. Love ya. Love ya. We had a birthday of one of our producers here last week and she got a massage. Yes, that's true.

Which sparks my question. Yes. Can you get a massage from two people? Can you go to the place and they're like, can you have one person working on the top while the other person's working on the bottom? Can you do that? Top and bottom? Yeah, your legs. Oh. Your butthole. Your butthole. You're saying all hands on deck massage. Yes. Well, then somebody said four hands. Four hands. Which is the tightest, bro. Like four hands? Yeah. Yeah.

That's great. Better than two. I like this idea. If it doesn't exist, we might have a gold mine. And where does it stop? Can you do it for people? That's what I'm saying. So that like, you're just, it's like a, you're just being like,

Grabbed? Yeah. Like scrunched? It's like being, it's like being, like stage diving into a crowd and they're just pushing you across the entire sea of people. Or falling into the, what do they call that thing in the labyrinth where like the talking hands? Oh, yes, dude. She chose down.

Where she sat down. I think that'd be cool. Which way would you want to go? That's one of the sickest scenes, bro. You won't see a sea lion. You won't see a sea lion like that again. Nobody's going to fucking do that again. Can you imagine sitting in the mirror for hours just inventing faces and taking pictures or videos and sending it to Jim Henson? Yes. 100% I can. I can imagine sitting around with homies and friends just fucking figuring that shit out. Like putting our hands together and like, you know, like trying to make cool. Right.

Cool faces. Well, personally, I like the idea of a massage place that's kind of like... Ooblyette. That's it. That's it. Where, like, you order, like, maybe kind of like In-N-Out style where instead of adding a patty, you just add another pair of hands.

It just goes up in price with each set of hands you add. Well, you said it's – somebody said stage diving and like that is a trippy thought to me. I think that was Blake. That was – Yeah, I think that was Blake just now. Hey, who here said that? Who here said that? Who –

Who the hell said that? Somebody said that. My brain is not functioning very well today, okay? It's not doing well. But... Oh, my God. Blake, you've done stage diving before. Is it like a massage? Shut up, bitch!

No, not really. You don't really feel the individual hands when you're going across that sea of hands. And isn't that the point? Isn't that what we're saying? Like, you're just getting... It's like something is happening. Yeah.

Something's happening. There's fingers in places they shouldn't be. I got a massage today and something happened. Dude. I want an eight-hander, though. Wouldn't that be amazing? An eight-hander? Yeah. You got somebody working the temples and the scalp, right? Sure. You got somebody doing like... I guess... Okay, so that's one.

You got two people working each leg or like foot happening right there. So that's three. You've got feet and legs. That could be four. And then you just got one person just tweaking the nipples. I don't know. Yeah, you got one person. I guess you need five because you want somebody doing the scalp. Very shagadelic. Yeah, scalp massage. No, what about the feet? That's the one massage I like. I don't like massages. I just said. Wait, did you say feet?

Head, arms, head, arm one, arm two. I don't need head. Head's weird. I'll give you head. Let me give you head. Torso, torso, body, back,

Arm one, arm two, body back, leg one, leg two, foot one, foot two. That's your eight right there. You need eight people or eight hands. Okay, well, we're... Oh, that's your fucking... That's 16 hands. Yeah, well, imagine that, though. What I just fucking laid out there. Something's happening. Imagine what I just laid out. You got fucking two on each one of those. Because listen, if you call a place...

And by the way, I'm sure there's some place where they're just like, yeah. For sure. Like if you – a place you go like to a mini mall or whatever, they're like, yeah, you can have seven of these ladies. What time? But like reputable places. Can you go to a reputable place and be like, can I get two people in here? I don't know. And what do they say? Absolutely. Absolutely.

They say, absolutely. You'd say, I want all hands on deck. I want all hands on deck. I was just going to say, they're going to misinterpret that. I'm sorry, what did you just say? Deck. This guy wants three people jerking his dick off at once.

Not that kind of parlor, sir. We're a very fine establishment. Only takes about one of those hands. Maybe half of one of those hands. A flick. Two fingers. What's the difference between... How many quarter inches...

Yeah, how many inches are we dealing with here? What are the differences between the massages, though? How is that not on the board? Is that on the board? No, that's not on the board. Oh, that's got to go on the board.

Yeah, go get that one, Blake. We'll wait. You guys want some cookies? What are the differences between the massages? I've never known. Shatsu. Swedish. Swedish. Yeah, what's a Swedish? Then there's a Thai. Yeah, I think they're just levels of depth, right? Bangladesh massage.

Is there? I don't know. I don't know. Sounds like there should be. Is Bangladesh the dope letters? I think so. Yeah, that shit's off the chain. Unlike the kickboxer shorts? Yeah, Bangladesh for sure. It's got to be. Bangladesh got the best alphabet. The Bangladesh font, bro. Swedish? Swedish massage is deep tissue, right? That's what I was thinking. It's all layers of depth.

I'm putting that on the board, is deep tissue. But I think that a Thai massage is really deep because you're getting walked on. Really deep. Deep, deep butthole. Because you're getting walked on, right? I think you're right. I think Swedish is where like...

Swedish. It's like fluid and like you can't tell when like the hand stops kind of thing. When the hand stops. You're kidding me, right? You must be joking. I'm serious. If you get Swedish...

It's like a fluid, like the hand replacing the hand replacing the hand. What? It's a weird sensation, right? That's Swedish. It just goes. That shit just goes. Oh, here we go. Somebody's weighing in. Come on. She just got a massage. I want to massage that ghost. By the way, I love how she sets this up. Okay. So Swedish massage uses long strokes. Talk about it. And light to firm pressure to provide gentle relaxation. See, it's not that deep. Deep tissue. So it's more surface.

Swedish. Swedish is hella nice. Deep tissue massage is a more forceful technique that releases tension deep in the muscles and connective tissues. Right. That's what I like. Swedish. There it is. I like the deeper the better. I know. I'm the same, dude. I like a good sports massage where you can't

Walk afterwards. Yeah. Where, like, you get in your car to drive home and it's basically super dangerous. Yeah. Yeah. And then you feel like puking and you have a headache because every toxin has been brought. Oh, my gosh. Let's tox about them. Okay. No points. What? What? No points. What? Swedish. No points. Wait. Have you guys ever done acupuncture? Burp.

Dude, I have. You have? Of course you have. Yeah, man. I have. I've done it. I've thrown the needles up. I mean, they do it, but it's fucking scary, dude. Because you get to a point where you're like, I don't think, I don't want to, I couldn't move. Right. What if there's an earthquake? Like if a fire alarm went off or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, my mind automatically goes to like the craziest shit. And it's like, I'm going to be running out of here with needles in my fucking back. Right. Right.

That would be fun to put in a movie. Yeah. I guess it was good for my own anxiety to get over that. Or SNL, I guess, could put that in a sketch. Oh, yeah. That could be cool. Oh, yeah. The sketch. Oh, yeah. The sketch. Yeah. Do that one. Do the acupuncture needle gag, SNL. Yeah. So SNL, it's a guy. That's funny. He's getting acupuncture. And of course, like...

The acupuncturist can be like a goofy... Is Cicely Strong still on it, right? I don't know. I feel like she would be the acupuncturist. She's very funny. Okay. And then Aidy Bryant, of course, is getting the acupuncture, right? I like this. She's so funny. And then so...

What happens? Like an earthquake happens? Yeah, that was what we outlined. Okay, that's pretty good. Or is there something better that I feel like... Maybe a robbery? What about a robbery? Yeah. That's funny. We could beat that. A robbery. Very funny. Or something where she needs a hug at some point. I don't know. I don't know.

Perfect. Oh, that'd be good. The robbery is like her stepdad or something, and they got to hug it out. Right. It's like 80 or whatever her name is in the sketch. She pulls the mask off, and she's like, Grady? That's the character's name. He's a guy named Grady. Grady. I like that. And they haven't seen each other in years. And she's like, well, I've done a lot of work on myself. I'm here getting acupuncture.

And then they hug and the needles go right into her heart and she dies. That's the twist. Well, SNL will make it funnier. No, I know. Of course, of course, of course. Yeah, yeah. Let's just let them do their thing with it. You know, I don't want to micromanage. Maybe the toxins start to release. What happens when the toxins start to release during acupuncture? Is that just farting and stuff? Was that what it was for you, Kyle? No, I wasn't farting. The toxins come out fine. Yeah.

No. What the fuck happened, bro? It just felt like I was poked, and then I just kind of laid there for a little bit and listened to some music and thought about the worst case scenario, got through that, and then they took the fucking things out. It wasn't relaxing. And where are they doing this? Where are they doing this? And for what? Yeah. Your boner? You mean like geographically or in my- If you're allowed to talk about it. Geographically or in my body? Both. Both.

It's obviously Bangladesh. Yeah. Yeah. Swedish. It's all over your back. It's everywhere. There's like fucking 50 little needles that they just go like, no, Kyle, what town? Oh,

Obviously, I want to know what town this is happening in. What town are you getting this done in? I got it done in San Ramon, man. I did it once in Calabasas, bro. So you've done it in numerous amounts of times. It's in your back, you're saying? Yeah, they put it in your back and your neck. I think they even, if I remember correctly, they were putting shit in your forehead and behind your ear. Ay-yi-yi!

all the erogenous zones there was a few needles where I was like no thank you no what does that mean don't put it there it hurts like a motherfucker he's like that's not a needle that's not a needle I just I came out there I said something happened something happened wow uh

Do we need that needle? That's not a needle. Wait a minute. That's a big needle. That needle is very kind of soft and fleshy. What's up with your needles? That's a huge bit. The other ones were able to penetrate the actual skin. This one's just kind of rubbing on me. It penetrated. So we're going to be going down your back right now? I'm sorry? Oh, that's getting low. Dang. That's pretty low. That's a spot I don't let most people touch. Okay.

They tried to do you with like the Albert Fish or whatever. Remember that serial killer? They found a bunch of like needles up inside of his dick.

No. Excuse me? Yeah. Hey, go off, King. Go off, King. Yeah, there was like... Fire away, my liege. He's like a pretty, I was going to say legendary serial killer. No doubt, no doubt. Definitely underrated. Very infamous, like really gnarly dude. I think he killed like a lot of people, but when they like... That's nice. When they like x-rayed him, I don't know if it was his corpse or it was just when he finally got captured or arrested or whatever, and they examined his body, they found like

hella like needles up inside his dick like he would put needles up his dick because he like hated himself honestly i got three in there now don't say that stuff um no if if you got some needles stuck in your dick you're gonna be aggravated someone's gonna die yeah dude yeah that's that's the trippiest worst imagery yeah it's bad

Hi.

Have it all in the heart of it all. Launch your search at callohiohome.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or therapy day. When your schedule is packed like mine with kids' activities, big work projects, and more, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it.

it. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. I know for me, therapy has been great for learning good coping skills and how to better communicate with my wife. It empowers you to be the best version of yourself every day. It isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be easy, flexible, and

and fit to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash thisistoday to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash thisis.

Hey, guys. We here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese. It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. Yeah, it truly makes everything creamier. And, of course, it can be used in so much more than our classic bagel and cream cheese. You can use it in a variety of recipes, occasions, and even as a perfect snack. For example, you can dip vegetables

or crackers in it to snack on. Enhance your guacamole with it, make a creamy pasta alfredo, or even buffalo chicken dip. The recipes are endless. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it, baby. Mac and cheese, ramen, frosting, tzatziki. Now you can make it so much creamier. With so many unique recipes, how could you go wrong?

And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.

You know, it's not a joke anymore. Boost Mobile. I know what you're thinking. Don't they sell burner phones? Yes. The answer is yes. But now they also have a legit nationwide 5G network. Boost Mobile is a major freaking player right up there with Verizon and T-Mobile. Boost Mobile has coverage across 99% of America now, and they're not

I repeat, they are not a joke anymore, guys. Seriously. Okay, laugh all you want, but Boost Mobile's offering unlimited talk, text, and data for just $25 a month forever. Yeah.

Laugh all the way to the bank, guys. Boost Mobile Network includes roaming coverage from partner networks, which cover 99% of the U.S. population. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan. ♪

I love that people go there. Isn't it amazing? What do you mean? Like, you know how basically in all of time, everything's happened. Like, we've done it all, right? Here we go. Like, at some point, some dude stuck both thumbs in his dick and was like, what if I just

Pulled this apart. And then ripped it apart probably. Yeah, like a banana split or something. Yeah, not cool. And you think it hasn't happened, but in the history of time, somebody did it. Right. Yeah, everything's been done because somebody had to find out that it was even possible, right? Right, exactly. It's like, yo, who's going to eat this fruit and make sure it's not poison? I need somebody to stick their thumbs in their dick and banana split that shit. Craig, do it. All right, I'll fucking do it.

It really hurts. All right, peel it further. This isn't going well. Rip it all away. I do not recommend it. No, it's got to rip. Okay. All right, copy that. It didn't feel good. Okay. The ripping and the tearing. It's got to rip? Well, we just need to know. We need to know if it happens. Can I eat that tomato? Can I eat the thing we just named a tomato?

Nope. That's Andy. Andy gets that. And remember, he might die. This is just going to be painful. Yeah, this is going to hurt for a little bit, then it's going to be cool. He eats that tomato, could be a chance he dies. That is true. Like, I don't know. It's like,

Yeah, I'm going to be over here eating lettuce. That's cool. Give me the tomato. Give me the tomato. Yeah, you got to put a spike up your ass, brother. Yeah, they're drunk. Sorry, lettuce is for Devin. You got to put a spike up your ass, brother. This is for humanity, brother. This is for humanity. Chris Kattan movie. He would kill himself.

I do. They do that thing where they're like, you're putting the steak up your ass. And Chris Kattan's like, me? Like, looking by me? I think he's talking to you. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I do? No, you, sir. Because why? Because why? Wait, I'm still unclear. Because why? We just got to know. Because if you don't, we won't know. Yeah, we're experimenting for humankind. I know, I know, I know, I know. This is for the future. This is for future generations. Your work here is...

is imperative to our society. Yeah, and it's an honor. It's an honor to be here, to even be in this conversation with these guys. The guy who just ate the pineapple, you're a legend. It's so weird on the outside. You're a legend, dude. That's our favorite fruit now because of you. It's crazy. I mean, I can't eat too much of it. I get those cold sores. It makes my mouth itchy. We're still figuring out why the cold sores come in, to assure you. We're still doing research. But man...

You're a legend. And if, look, if the spike up the butt turns out to be as good as we all think it's going to be. It could be cool. I'll do it. Here we go. Not good. Not good. Guys, it's not good. Get it out. You guys want some cookies? Get it out. Get it out. Just go deeper. Go deeper. We got to go a little deeper, Mike. Get it a little better. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, we're going to bring in Timmy here. Timmy, push it deeper. Push, push, push. Push, push, push. Way worse. Way worse. Way worse. Okay, okay. Too far. Too far. Okay.

All right. Shit. All right. Let's rip it out. Now, just go pull it out slowly. I want you to rip it out as hard as you can. Okay? What do you mean shit? It does not look good back here. What do you mean? I pooped. Just whatever. I pooped. It's fine. This is worse. What do you mean? Hold it open. Hold it open. We're bringing the team around. I think you're... Hold it open. Man, dude. Here, give me the pineapple.

Give me the pineapple. We're going to shove that up your ass now. Wait, that was it. He's the pineapple guy. You're for sure going to die. There's a lot of blood back here, and we just need to know if the pineapple can go. What? Dude.

You got it. We have to see if it can stop the bleeding. We don't know if pineapples can stop anal bleeding. Why does anybody in our civilization need a pineapple up their ass? No, no, no. Remember when Homeboy got cut and then we put the maggots on his arm? Oh, yeah, that worked. That worked. And they fixed it up. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, we covered that dude in- Oh, no! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

We covered that dude in leeches. It stings. It stings. Yeah, remember? He had a fever. We put leeches on him, and he was fine a month later. It worked out. Maybe the pineapple up the ass is a cure-all. Who knows? Makes sense. Yeah, can you imagine if you're the guy who cures the spike up the ass blood? Yeah, okay. Go for it. Go for it. Dull. With pineapple? No, wait. What did you say? Dull. It just hurt so much. I was saying dull. He said dull.

He died, but we're going to name the company Dull, all right, in honor of him. Never forget. He said Dull. Never forget. You guys want some cookies?

No points on that. Chris Kattan is dull. Dull as might shoving up his asshole. Now, SNL, that one's fully fleshed out. That one's pretty much verbatim. We gave you everything on that one. What's crazy is they're just going to do a sketch about a podcast who thinks that SNL is watching them and ripping their jokes. That would be so good. And then they're going to do what we just did and everyone's going to be laughing at how dumb and stupid it is and we're going to go...

It's going to be a sad episode that day. We can't win. We can't win. Yeah. All right. Cut to commercials. Yeah. Guys, I don't mean to switch gears, but I definitely came in to the pod today with this on my mind. Let's hear it. I love it. I watched TMNT 2 Secret of the Ooze yesterday. Go Ninja, go Ninja, go.

And not great. Not great. Okay. Obviously, Ninja Rap is very cool. Yes. Vanilla Ice song. But can we talk about the letdown and the disbelief you felt when you saw Toca and Razor instead of Rocksteady and Bebop?

Yeah, what a switch. What do they call that? A bait and switch? Bait and switch, yeah. What the fuck was that? That's a great question. Yeah, actually, I don't know because they had it. It was obviously primed, so that must have just been a pure business move. A rights thing? Like they didn't own the rights to Rocksteady and Bebop? Or people already had enough. They already sold a ton of Rocksteady and Bebop stuff.

off the cartoon. So then they probably... I bet you there's a version of the movie with Rocksteady and Bebop and then some marketing guy. No way. I mean, whatever. I bet they were like, we already... We don't sell enough... We're not going to rebirth Rocksteady and Bebop. We got all of our people. What we need to do is make brand new fucking characters and launch them with the flick, with the ooze, with everything. Right.

Because didn't Rocksteady and Bebop have different origin stories than Ooze, right? I think they come from Dimension X.

No, they were two punk dudes. I don't know if they got hit with the ooze, but they were definitely people on Earth. I don't think they did, and that's probably another logic issue that they ran into. You think it was a logic thing with Ninja Turtles? Well, exactly. This is early. This is the second movie, and they probably saw an opportunity to make two new characters out of the ooze and then crown that with the fucking super shredder also. I mean, crown?

Crown their ass. Crown that shit. Yeah, we got to sell the fucking ooze. I wanted the ooze so bad. That was the thing that I wanted the most when that movie came out. What? Ooze. You just wanted a can of ooze? Yeah. You wanted ooze and landed on Nickelodeon Gak. Yeah, Nickelodeon Gak was cool because it felt like what I thought ooze might be. I don't know. I always had assumed that the reason that they were not the bad guys in that was that maybe... Ooze.

They couldn't make Rocksteady look right. Like a rhino head seemed really hard to make. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, I just thought maybe they tried to make him and then it just looked really fucking stupid and they're like, we got to come up with a different character. But they made Turtles look good. They made Splinter look good. Yeah, they could have done that. I think it's something deeper. That's why I'm going deeper. But, I mean, dude, the letdown...

was incredibly real, Durz, to get back to your first question. That shit was like, all you wanted to see was them. Super Shredder was dope. By the way, Super Shredder is on screen for 30 seconds and kills himself. Yep, give it up to Kevin Nash. Oh, was it really? Yes. Kevin Nash is a seven-footer, right? Yeah, he's up there. I didn't know that. Big sexy. Right.

Yeah. Diesel. But by the way, he's under that dock that they're all on. And they're like, by the way, we're turtles. And they just jump into the water as he's bashing the columns, the support beams of the dock and kills himself. He has a rage moment. Okay. Like, what?

That's a pretty direct lesson. Stop raging. Fucking think about your plan. Punching holes in the wall. Maybe spend some time plotting and scheming. Yeah, okay. Think about it. Yeah, I did. But the fights at the end of Turtles 1 was so good. Too violent. They couldn't beat them. And Spiderman...

who's like Mr. Lessons, fucking schools him. And even when he's holding him over the thing and the dude, Shredder throws the knife at him and he's got to let go so he didn't kill him. Yeah, that's right. He does himself in a smarter way than just bashing the doc. Yeah, but then Casey Jones straight up crushes him in the fucking garbage can. Oh, is that on the board? Oh, we got to get an oops out there. But Token Razor, damn!

They're also like idiots. They're like stupid. They can't talk. Yeah. Aren't they babies? Aren't they babies? That's the whole thing. They're babies. He says they're babies, but then later the scientist is like, the reason they're dumb is because I made them dumb so that they wouldn't be such a good weapon. Oh, yeah. No, no. They're dumb because I did it. Right. I did that. Who's the scientist? I don't remember the scientist. The scientist dude is awesome. Who is that actor? He is insane.

Is he British? Legit British actor, like Shakespeare festival type guy who's like... Wilfred H...

Shakespeare. Give me the check. But, like, Hollywood is still kind of doing that, like, with Toca and Reza. Like, remember, like, they made the Wolverine movie and Deadpool was the bad guy. It was Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool. But, like, he was, like, this dude with, like, skin over his mouth and, like, blades coming out of his hand. Like, it wasn't right at all. Like, sometimes Hollywood just... Right, it's a reach. Now they're kind of learning their lesson on, like...

no matter how much the audience knows, like the, the, um,

the property, you got to service it correctly. Right. Somebody's going to be mad at you. Right. Like the fact that they had Deadpool, the character in a Wolverine movie, and he was just a complete fucking whiff of a character. It was just like the Wolverine. That was the first one. He's like jumping at the helicopter. The first one Hugh Jackman ever did. The main bad guy was Deadpool and it was Ryan Reynolds, but it had nothing. No,

like Deadpool anything I never saw what was it what did they do yeah I didn't see it either but I'm gonna ask just conceptual questions what was the stuff over the mouth and all that was that like them trying to just reinvent the character and not because the character was kind of off the radar so they're like well we need to plus this fucking character up was that well the whole thing about Deadpool is he never like shuts up and I think maybe they didn't want to give like Ryan Reynolds lines

Wow, they learned their lesson, huh? Right. X-Men Origins Wolverine is often regarded as one of the weakest entries in the Fox X-Men movie franchise. Yes. I'm sorry, I'm reading notes from our producers right now. And one of the biggest criticisms of the film is its portrayal of Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool. When it was released in 2009, fans wanted nothing more than to see the Merc.

With the mouth. The Merc with the Mouth. Yep. Big nickname on the screen, yeah. And he had no mouth is what you're saying? Yeah. They sealed his mouth and then they made like knives coming out of his hand. Fucking thing sucks! Yeah, that's whack. I mean, what is that? That's like you're pushing down to a date. You're pushing to a date and you're just making wrong decisions, but you have to keep going because there's a fucking date that this has to hit the theater. You're saying like a premiere date. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, because there's not enough time to actually exercise it. And then once you're tumbling, making a movie, you're fucking going. Box office drama. Especially if you have to hit a weekend in the box office. Like, you know, damn, bro. You got to hit a slot before other people are coming in. Cart before the horse. What a fucking... And it boned so many movies. It boned like the girls Ghostbusters because they were just backs up against the wall. Like, we got to make this movie now.

Yeah, that shit's rough, man. You got to let it have its time to think about it. Yeah. Well, now I feel like, well, with COVID and all that shit, so many movies got held for so long that they could have re-tinkered. Like, didn't I hear that the Top Gun movie's finally coming out? And that shit was done in 2019. Yeah, it's been done for a while. That's crazy. But that's them just waiting. But what's dope about that is that...

they did something on that movie that they know no one else is going to do, which is fly actual real planes and shit and film that. So it's going to be an experience that they know they're not up against another Top Gun movie like it or even Fighter Jets because it's its own animal. Yeah. Damn. Yeah, that's cool. I bet a lot of the shit in that movie is very real. Yeah.

I bet those stunts are going to be so sick. Tom Cruise has to fly the fucking plane. Like, goddamn, man. That's fucking awesome. That's awesome. It's unreal. No, that's cool, dude. This dude is out there for real flying fighter jets. And remembers his lines.

It's cool unless it goes really, really south. What if it goes back? Isn't that what makes it cool? Haven't we talked about this before? That's what he wants. This dude wants to explode. Oh, what? We haven't talked about this. I feel like we have. Weird, wild stuff. Yeah, he's got a death wish. I missed a few. Of course he has a death wish. Of course that's what he wants to happen. He wants to give everything to this. And if that's what happens, it will be an honor. Oh.

Right. To watch them CGI 95% of the rest of the movie. Scan me. Yeah, he's like, before I go up, scan me. Why doesn't he do like Evil Knievel movie where he plays Evil Knievel and really does stunts? They're doing that, aren't they? Is it with Tom Cruise?

No, but it's with somebody. Well, it's like, yes, that's what he wants, but that's not what he wants. You know what I mean? Like if it happens, he'll do one, a movie and cause a fucking hype. And then, you know, like he doesn't actually want it, but if he wants it, he wants it. Here we go. Should we just write a CGI kids movie called Beagle Knievel? And it's about like a daredevil beagle.

Oh, yeah. That's great. Are you using real beagles and they're doing real stunts? And is PETA going to come after you? Or is this animated? No, no, no. CGI. CGI animated for sure. And he's like the kind of nerdiest dog on the block because he's just like a beagle. He's very good. There's like a German Shepherd. There's a Rottweiler. There's like a hot, sexy, long-haired Chihuahua. Oh, God damn. You know what I'm saying? That's a guy. That's a guy. With big tits. No, it's a guy. So...

Oh, yeah, the bitch. The beagle is a girl. Oh, yeah, the bitch. The beagle, Beagle Knievel is a girl. Yes, of course. Okay, I like that. Your boobs are huge. You want this to get made, right? The beagle is a girl.

Right.

Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese. It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. Yeah, it truly makes everything creamier. And of course, it can be used in so much more than our classic bagel and cream cheese. You can use it in a variety of recipes, occasions, and even as the perfect snack. For example, you can dip this bagel in cream cheese.

or crackers in it to snack on. Enhance your guacamole with it, make a creamy pasta alfredo, or even buffalo chicken dip. The recipes are endless. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it, baby. Mac and cheese, ramen, frosting, tzatziki. Now you can make it so much creamier. With so many unique recipes, how could you go wrong?

And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.

You know, it's not a joke anymore. Boost Mobile. I know what you're thinking. Don't they sell burner phones? Yes. The answer is yes. But now they also have a legit nationwide 5G network. Boost Mobile is a major freaking player right up there with Verizon and T-Mobile. Boost Mobile has coverage across 99% of America now, and they're not

I repeat, they are not a joke anymore, guys. Seriously. Okay, laugh all you want, but Boost Mobile's offering unlimited talk, text, and data for just $25 a month forever. Yeah.

Laugh all the way to the bank, guys. Boost Mobile Network includes roaming coverage from partner networks, which cover 99% of the U.S. population. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan. Are you catching the big game or making big mods? Going on that first date or installing that first break, kid?

binging that news show or watching install videos when you're a real car lover the choice is obvious ebay motors has you covered with over 122 million parts to fit your number one ride or die brake kits turbochargers led headlights exhaust kits bumpers roof racks and engines

Whether you're into speed, power, or style, eBay Motors has all the parts you need for the ride you love. Plus, at these prices, you're burning rubber, not cash. And with eBay Guaranteed Fit, your part is guaranteed to fit your ride every time or your money back. Keep your ride or die alive at ebaymotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply.

What was that movie where the dog was a person? My brother showed it to us. We were standing talking. Karate dog? It was like Call of the Wild with Harrison Ford or something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, what? He has a dog as his accomplice in that movie? I've never seen the movie. And they put somebody, like they put dots on a person and had the person run around on all fours? Wait, what? Yeah, yeah.

Like if you watch the movie, you only see a dog and the dog acts like a dog, but the dog was played by a person the entire movie. Becca, our producer's chiming in with Shaggy Dog. It might have been Shaggy Dog. Maybe it was Shaggy Dog.

I said call the wild. There's probably not a call the wild. Shaggy dog, baby. Very shaggy dog. Yeah, out in the wild, there was this dog. I think the movie you're talking about is right, but that seems like it can't be real. I think it's real. What is the benefit? What's the benefit of that? Why not just get a real dog? You get the dog to do...

better things on set. You've worked with dogs on set. They're tough. I have. I feel like I talked about it. I've worked with some dogs. Chewed the shit out of my arm. And then a year later, I'm watching Django and I see the same dog pulling apart a slave and it fucking triggered me. Damn, dude. Yeah, that was a crazy stunt. Big ups. I'm basically saying it was the same. No, that was scary. I was right there. That was fucking gnarly. It was like, what is... Yeah, that shit was crazy. We talking about the dog licking your butthole? No. No.

That was easy. That was a fun one. Hold the roll. Hold the roll. No, no, no. That was a fun one. Hungry like the wolf dog episode. And we had a Malinois, which is like a German shepherd, whatever, but smarter.

attack me and it grabbed onto my arm but we had my arm covered in like something it was like a pad like a stiff pad right and it's supposed to just grab the pad but it grabbed my arm and I had fucking teeth marks and it was bruised for like three weeks damn that's fucking crazy hurt like a motherfucker but I'm like we're rolling yeah okay Tom Cruise no but I was like let's just let's just fucking do this it hurts really well

Oh my God. There was a point where like we went for like 30 seconds and it kept going and I was like, okay, he's on me. He's on me. Yeah. Yeah. I remember I couldn't tell like if you, I couldn't tell if you were fucking around. I remember being like, okay, no, Ders is fine. He's just fucking off. He's all good. And it was like,

And then I think it was like a couple, maybe like days or a week later when I saw the bruise that it was like, oh, shit. It was gnar. I thought you were joking, bud. Nah, man. Just in it to win it. That sucks, dude. Yeah, just being fucking Durs Cruz. Those dogs, they got the jaws of life on them. Tom Durs. I'm just doing the board now. Have you ever been attacked by a dog, Kyle?

No. Ever in your life? No. Then what happened? Ah, forget it. Never mind. I don't think I have. No. When I was really young, I remember going over to my aunt's house, and they had a dog, and it kind of scared me, so I started running away from it, and then it jumped on me and was kind of nipping at me. Oh, yeah, the bitch. Ever since, I've kind of been a little bit afraid of dogs. Did it get you? It didn't break skin or anything, but it was definitely in my face going like, rah!

Right. Oh, so it was just flexing on you. Yeah, but it scared the fucking shit out of me, dude. Yeah, no, I mean, I get that. It is scary. You got to bark back. Yeah, I handled the situation totally wrong. Like, first off, I don't think you should freak out and just, like, run away from the dog. Start crying. Because then it might think you're, like,

playing. Yeah, then I'm like crying. Yeah. It was terrifying. I do like, you ever watch that Caesar dog dude show? Yeah. Like the dog whatever. I watched a lot of Caesar Milan. Dog talker. Yeah. Rescue. Caesar Milan. He just lets these fucking dogs bite his hands. He does? Yeah, because he's like. It's okay. They'll nip. They rarely ever bite and hold on and like truly attack, but they'll like take bites at him and his whole move is to just be like, act like it doesn't hurt. Don't show fear. Yeah.

And then they're like, I fucking just bit this dude and he doesn't give a fuck? Oh my God. Yeah.

I watched a lot of that when we first got our dogs. Well, we got one and then two and then three. And then they just fucking... Yes, points! When they're little, they just fucking dig into you, you know? They got little puppy teeth and they just go at you. Even now, my dog still will warn. I got babies crawling around and my oldest dog will be like...

Dude, I don't like that. Yeah, I feel the same way. I don't like dogs barking at babies, Blake. Me too. Yeah. I totally hear you. It's not a fun thing to watch. I'm glad we said that. Yeah, yeah. I agree. I agree. Doesn't that... Yeah, dude. If a dog bites a little kid on the face, that's so fucked up. That shit...

That's just like my worst nightmare. Yes. Thankfully, I mean, it's just a growl over here. Like nothing's happening. It's not. You need to punk your dog, dude. Be like, you want to yell? Yeah, you want to bark? I punk my dogs. I raised three of those dogs. I punk my dogs, man. They really fucking get on my nerves sometimes. Yeah. You got to get the like lobster rubber bands on the snouts. What are those? Oh, you like seal their mouth shut?

I'm just kidding. You put the cones on them. You can do that stuff. We don't do any of that. We tried the bark collars once, but it is just when they're like, and then it goes, it shocks them. Yeah, that's so fucked up. And then they're like, you hear them yelping. It's like, I'm not doing that, man. I'm not. Yeah. That's crazy. Damn. But I do hit them with a, you want to yell? You want to bark? Let's bark. You want to rap? Growl? Yeah. Let's growl.

You got to be like DMX out there. No, the move is just to give them a command because all they want to do is just sit the fuck down. Sit down. Right. You know? Is that the voice he is? I'm listening. Sit the fuck down. I'm listening. Oh, really? Dude, I've got the chillest owner. That's my dad. You got this rolling? Oh, really? Anyways. Wow, dude. I like that. It's awesome.

Dude, you know what's about to have some drops on it that I need to go? I need to dissect that Johnny Depp court case. I know there's some good shit in there. You gotta let them pop though first, no? Or are you gonna get them before the getting's gone? Don't you want them to go viral first so people know what the fucking reference is? I guess it doesn't matter.

I don't know. We're not getting... There's a lot of viral moments. I just don't know. I don't know. I got to kind of comb through it. Where can I watch the court case? It's like court law on YouTube. It's on YouTube. It's like crime and law. It's a crime and law channel, but they blur it. There's another one that doesn't blur stuff and beep stuff. Here's my question. Is this sexism that's happening where... Obviously, I think both these people are in a damaged relationship, right? Yeah, nobody's coming out clean on this. They're not good to each other. Mm-mm.

But why is this sexism that the only thing I've heard out of this whole thing is that she shat in his bed on purpose? Well, that's a highlight. That's a big highlight. Or is that the craziest thing? I don't know. To me, it feels like it's a prank war. She shit in his bed, and then she took the pictures of him with the ice cream melted. Right.

It just seems kind of like a one-sided prank war. Which the ice cream melted is hella funny because I think that he fell asleep. He says he fell asleep without the ice cream in his hand and then she put the ice cream there after he's passed out. Yeah, it's kind of like when your friends would pass out and then you'd pour a bunch of lotion on them and shit.

Yeah, then she snapped a picture. Yeah, I did. Wait, what is the ice cream thing? Are you making up the ice cream thing? No, there's a cool picture of him with a fucking melted ice cream all over his crotch. One hand in his pocket. Yeah, he's claiming that he was on set for 17 hours, passed out on the couch, and then she just plopped a little Ben and Jerry's in his lap and then took a photo. Oh, he says she's shaming him or whatever?

Yeah, she's doing a little prank. He's like, I didn't fall asleep with the ice cream. I got my hand in my pocket. She put the ice cream in. Yeah, I love his defense. He's like, look, my hand is in my pocket. But even then, this bro fell asleep with his hand in his pocket. That's kind of wild. That's some bachelor party weekend shit where you just see your homie in the corner sleeping with hands in his pocket fully dressed. Man.

Sunglasses still on. Right. They got out of here. He's alive, right? Well, put this on him and snap a picture. How many days are left with that trial? He's got to be close to over, right? Well, he like testified for what? Like fucking all last week, right? Like he was on the stand. Bro, he's wild. And I think that she's got to get up there still on this one. I haven't followed it at all. All I know is people are throwing wine bottles and somebody dukeyed in the

bed. Yeah, dude. That's the highlights. But also, what's worse? Throwing a wine bottle at somebody or shitting in their bed? Because one is just like...

an isolated act, but the other one's like aggressive, actual physical towards somebody, right? Yeah, the wine bottle. The bottle's worse. Yeah, shitting in the bed, that's kind of funny. I mean, yeah, Depp was cracking up when he was talking about it, dude. Oh, was he? Yeah. He said he thought it was funny. He's like, look, man, I think this is actually pretty funny. Normally, I think shitting in the bed is cool, man, but...

Not today. I was on set for 17 hours. I was tired as fuck. I tried to get in my bed. I sit and shit. I laughed my ass off. Did we know Blake had this in the chamber? This fucking killer impression? Dude, the guy is... I mean, he's... Get a YouTube channel for this guy. Dead ringer. That's a dead ringer right there. I'm our friend Frank Caliendo over here. Oh my God. Keep going. Don't stop. Okay.

Talk about like renting a car. Go.

I went to... He does get hella close to the mic like that. He does. He's like... Well, he's very one... No, he's very like doesn't go up or down. It's all just kind of like... After 12 rounds of fighting, like... Now it's kind of a beat along. Yeah. Well, just don't get it... You're in your head. Get out of your head. I know. It's hard. No, just roll with it. Close your eyes. You're good. You're good. Just roll with it. All right. Let me close my... Let me close my eyes.

Okay. It's not that funny. It's more embarrassment. Secondhand embarrassment for myself.

I can't do it. I can't do it anymore. I'm so sorry. I feel bad now. Everyone at home, I'm sorry. He was killing it. Not a dead ringer. Ruined as dead. Do you mind if I talk to you about diarrhea? Sorry, y'all. Sure. Dude, I got the fucking flu. I had major, major spray coming out the ass last week, dude. All right. Yep. Talk about diarrhea. There was no dice. I hear it's going around. Be careful. Watch yourself.

No dice. What?

Run that one by me again. You had diarrhea. No dice. No dice. Yeah, no dice. Not good. Not good. No dice. When you say no dice, you mean it in the context of what? The cause of diarrhea. Oh, boy. You never heard someone describe having diarrhea as no dice? No dice. Oh, boy. You got me. No dice, brother. You got me. You got me. Anyways, be safe out there. Be safe. Be careful. Don't. Don't.

What does that term come from, no dice? Yeah. Wow.

Like, no luck, right? Because no dice means no luck, right? Like, how'd it go in there? You're like, no dice. Thank God I used it right. Yeah, that's good. I was going to think it was like slicing dice, but that doesn't make any sense, does it? No. It doesn't make any sense, does it? Well, how'd it go in there? Well, I wasn't cut. Well, I wasn't cut. The phrase no dice originated in America. Fuck yeah. We got it. In the early 20th century. Dude, 20th century. That's us. That's us.

Gambling was illegal in the several states making gamblers take care or hide their dice, even swallow them if challenged by authorities. Courts would often throw gambling cases out if no dice were in evidence. Oh. So the cops would say no dice, like we couldn't find any dice. So that actually means, so that's like kind of if you're like, we didn't find any dice, no dice, that means you're in the clear.

So it's like no evidence. But no dice, as I've come to have heard it and probably used it once, was like, hey, dude, did you get breakfast at Burger King? I'm like, it was 11.05, no dice. Yeah. Yeah, I was shitting out my ass with diarrhea, no dice. Diarrhea. So it does work.

But it doesn't because I got no dice. That means I'm lucky because they didn't find any dice. I guess it's the perspective. No. No, this is backwards. It is backwards. Well, you know what? It's evolved into no luck, though. You are right. Who's right? Who's right? How many of these fucking things, how many of these phrases started the other way and flipped and flipped? Do you guys have any take backs or...

considerations or that says Anders is right yeah just yeah baby okay any take backs or epic slams or health complications or no dice palpitations

Any health complications anybody like to share? I'd like to apologize for getting a little stage fright on my Johnny Depp. I came out hot. It was really good. It was outstanding. SNL, get this guy. Not only is he a funny guy, comes up with good ideas you've already used. He can do one impression. Thank you. And also, I'd love to keep plugging Woke Season 2 on Hulu. Tune in if you haven't watched it.

It's a great program. God, I never thought I'd see the day to see Blake just sell the fuck out. What a company, man. This guy's just part of the system, cogging the wheel. You should cut your hair. Why don't you cut your hair next? I want to. Been saying it for years. I want to. Maybe after the Workaholics movie or during the Workaholics movie. Oh, that's a great, that fits. I will.

Let's do it. Didn't we already broach? We broached that, didn't we, in the finale? We did. I had a bald cap on. Right. And it looked insane. But let's really do it. No, but real. Yeah, like actually do it. Real. Like, that'll be the last thing if we're like on the roof. We're just shaving your head. And we go, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait. No, no, no. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

You know how people shave their heads or do drastic haircuts? They're like, well, we might as well have some fun at first. And they'll shave the top and leave the... Yeah. You might want to go a couple weeks with just the sides long, like in the back. The whole... Just the... Yeah, the top. Top off. Top shaved, buzzed, and the rest is just...

Yeah, that would have gotten sick. I was thinking about it because I kind of was thinking about cutting my hair. It's getting hot. It's the summer. It's hot as hell, dude. How is your hair longer than Blake's? Mine curls. I don't know, man. Mine curls up.

Oh, it's hot, dude. So I was thinking about just pulling it up and buzzing. The sides? The sides. Yeah, that's fucking, that's metal. That was like the hot chick thing to do at my high school. Yeah. Like the alternate, like a little funky, little vibe. Yeah, they got the buzz. Listen to a lot of L7 or some shit.

Yeah. A little Portishead. A lot of Veruca salt. Maybe you guys could help me. The other thing I was thinking about doing was going like just dying it gray. Yeah, I'm busy, brother. Sorry. I can't. Like going full gray. Do you think that would look sick? With still like the brown beard. You don't think you're going gray in the next couple? No, I mean like just do it prematurely. Like hit it with the gray. I've seen these cool colors that are like gray and like a lilac, like a light purple. Girls were doing that for a minute, right?

Like five years ago, girls were dyeing their hair gray, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They were doing that. They looked like hot ghosts. Yeah. Kyle, do gray lilac. That's cool. Okay. What was that? Was that like, I'm 30. I'm going to go gray anyway. I'm going to beat it to the punch. Because it was confusing. It's the one color nobody's doing. It's the one color nobody's doing. So that's the one you do. But then everybody...

Everybody did it. And nothing against the next thing you know, it's everybody at Coachella's got gray hair. Come on. Right? Dude, you know it. Any cool Coachella drops from the last weekend? Any other fucking pizza stories or anything? Yeah. Billy Eilish fell, right? That was the main thing. Did she? I don't know. I saw a thing last night that said Billy Eilish fell. Pizza, pizza. All right. Freaking F. I'm going to go ahead and take back that last question. Good. Thank you. Wait, did we say this on the air? What?

last week about Coachella where you said it was compared to like going to Disneyland or something? Or was that off air? What do you mean? What was that? Blake? I think that was at your party. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I had a freaking rager. Yeah, you did. Super spreader. What was it though? What was it though, Blake? I can't remember. What the hell was it?

It was something along the lines... Great. And then right after this, we just got to jump right out of the podcast. But it was like... Yeah, let's stick around for this. I don't know if it was like an if you're 40 and you're at Coachella. Oh, yeah. I saw a tweet where it was like,

Adults who go to Coachella are the same as like Disney adults. It's the same breed. Oh, yeah. And I was like, that's so spot on. Yeah, that wasn't my tweet, though. I saw somebody else tweet that. And this was another episode of This is Important. Freaking see ya. Starbucks iced apple crisp oat milk shaken espresso.

Made with blonde espresso, creamy oat milk, and spiced apple flavors. It's a nicey crisp sip you can enjoy all autumn long. Order ahead on the Starbucks app. Does money stress you out? Let Facet flip your financial chaos into clarity. Finding Facet immediately put us at ease. Facet's innovative approach to financial planning ensures your money works as hard as you do, enabling members to experience the joys of having your finances in order. That makes us Facet for life now, I guess. Visit Facet.com.

FACET.com to learn more. This ad is sponsored by Facet. Facet Wealth is an SEC-registered investment advisor. This is not an offer to buy or sell securities, nor is it investment, legal, or tax advice. These testimonials are from current Facet members who are not compensated. All opinions are their own and not a guarantee of a similar outcome. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

It's a simple truth. No matter who you are, mental health challenges can affect you and how you manage them can make all the difference. That's why everyone should have access to mental health support that meets them where they are and helps them get through. BetterHelp provides online therapy on your schedule. It's flexible, simple to use, and more affordable than in-person therapy.

Connect with a licensed therapist selected just for you. Learn more at BetterHelp.com. That's BetterHelp.com.

Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese! It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it. What? I know, I'm crazy. Yeah, dude, it's hella good. You gotta try it. With so many unique recipes...

How could you go wrong? And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.