Ep 9: When Adam Almost OD’ed (As A Baby)
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You know a good cucumber? I know a good cucumber. Difference is, you don't know the chicken. And I woke up having pissed myself in the driver's seat outside of a gun store. Am I hungry? Yes. Am I going to eat? No. But when I do, it's going to be super healthy. Yes, I OD'd on Quaaludes when I was two. Buckle up.

Well, I walked outside today and I had a, this is a weird thing. I had a ticket on my car and I was like, Hey, bummed about this. This is going to ruin my D. But then out of nowhere, the little police officer lady who was standing behind my car, she's like,

how is this your car? And I go ready to swing on her being like, yeah, what's it to you lady? And she goes, Oh, I'll erase the ticket. Really? It was already written. It was already on my windshield. You know how, when you've gotten tickets in the past, they always say you can't undo it. Always say they can't undo it. They're like, they, they hit their little machine and they're like, Oh, I've already printed it. I can't unprint it. And you're like, well, they've already printed it. I guess they can't unprint it. So now we know that they've been lying to us forever because,

Right. Unless we've recently gotten some new tech that now they can undo it. Why did she undo it? I have no idea. She was just like, yeah,

Yeah, I was wondering if this was your car, if this was, you know, the person that lived here's car, they should know to move it in. I'm like, I'm sorry. I totally forgot that it was street sweeping day. And she's like, no sweat and just undid it. She goes, you can just rip that ticket up. Wow. I bet that is a tech thing. Probably back in the day or they were lying, but it could be very well be a tech thing. They were lying. For sure they were lying.

For sure they were. That's the perfect excuse. I can't. It's already in the system. Oh, because the quota. As soon as you hear the system, you're like, oh, yeah. Have you guys ever gotten out of a ticket or gotten in more of a ticket, if that makes sense? I've never gotten out of one. Got arrested? Got arrested for an altercation? I've only gotten pulled over like twice for not coming to a complete stop on a right turn at a stop sign. You know what I mean? How you kind of like creep and then you just go? Twice. That's my...

That's my line. They call that a California roll. Yeah, we called it a California roll, too, in Nebraska. Yeah. And we were like, yeah, in California, they don't know how to fucking drive. And then I'm like, well, we were doing it there, though. Yeah.

I don't know. Why are they called a California roll? Because California's crazy. You come out here from Chicagoland, and back home for a yellow light, you slow down. In LA, you fucking gun it. Damn right. Oh, because time is money in California, dude. Oh, dang. That's what's up. Rack it and stack it. That's that Tupac attitude. The left coast, you got to be somewhere, huh? Hell yeah. Fucking shore break or something's going on, you got to get there. Time is money, baby. Hollywood lives here, all right? Yeah.

Hollywood's dead. Oh. Whoa. Oh, yeah. He's been wanting to get... Go ahead. You've been wanting to talk about this. Let's go. Come on. You know what? I know they eat babies. Yeah, I know. They're dead to me. I'm pissed now. Oh, boy. Hey, isn't a California roll sushi as well?

It is. Yes, I think that's the play on words that they're all having fun out there with. That's awesome. It's what you ease into sushi with as a California roll, and it's also what you ease into reckless driving with. It's a gateway. It's a gateway. The California roll is a gateway drug? Next thing you know, you're doing 75 in the school zone. You're driving into In-N-Out burgers.

You're hot boxing going 75 in the school zone. I don't stop. Oof. Dangerous, man. Dangerous. That's a ticket right there. Wait, is the California roll, that's not like the cream cheese ass one, right? No, no. That's the Philly. Oh, damn, Philly roll. Yeah, that one's wacky. That one's crazy. I feel like the California roll got imitation crab and veggies. Yeah. Mmm.

Does it have to be imitation? It doesn't need to be imitation. Oh, it can be real crab. It usually is. Don't people like imitation crab more than crab? You know what? That's probably the California of it all is it's fake. Oh, like those fake people smoking mirrors. Oh, Hollywood, baby. Oh, Hollywood. Hollywood's dead. I'd rather not have Hollywood effects in my sushi, okay? Give me that organic crab meat. Yeah, I'm looking for that real deal crab meat.

Quick question, boys. Quick question. What did we call the male Karen? Do we call it a Kyle?

I feel like it. We walked it down a Kyle. Yeah, I thought it was a Kyle. Because guess what happened to me two days ago? You got Kyled? At the fucking park, I got Kyled. Why do we have to do this? Why do we have to do this when I'm here? Well, no, it's not you. You're not a Kyle. I say you're not a Kyle. Like your parents misnamed you. I thought we settled on Chad, by the way. Hey, Chad's a good one, but- Chad works.

If you guys are cool with it, I would appreciate if we just called him a Chad while I'm here. I don't think we can. Yes. Oh, man. Let me just tell you my Kyle story. Yes. Okay? This is rough for me. It's just the hard K. It's the consonant, Scott. It's my whole name. It's on my birth certificate. I can't fucking... It's the K. It's the K. K. K. Just deal with it. What? Just deal with it. What about it? Just... Okay, fine. It's a shitty sound. Fine. Fine. I'm changing my name. Charles Javacek. Thank you. Great. My name is Charles Javacek from here on out.

That makes sense. That's how I always spoke of you anyways. Mr. Java check to you, bitch. Hey, Charles. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Okay. Mr. Java check to you, bitch. I'm at the park here in Los Angeles and I'm with my kids. We're with another two families in our pod and their kids. Dang, rub it in. This is like our bubble, right? The moms always check in where you've been, who you've been with, where you've been traveling, yada, yada, yada. We're locked in.

and they find a pile of dirt, and the kids are all playing on it. It's whatever.

Dirt piles. How big is the dirt pile? Big construction dirt pile? Yeah, it's like a dump that they're going to level out later. A dump truck left there. I used to love that. So that's awesome. You guys are like the old school parents. You're like, yeah, there's some mud. Go play in that. I respect that. We keep it like that. Yeah, I like that. So then this little dude, little guy, maybe two or three comes over and by

By the way, we're all masked. We're outside, but we're playing and it's masked. Because who fucking cares? You just wear a mask. And this little dude comes over, no mask. And grandma's with him. And she's got on a mask. And we don't give a fuck. Little dude's on his side. It's fine. He's like 10 feet apart on this mud thing. And then dad rolls up. And he's jacked.

He's six, five with like some Broccoli's on like gas station Oakley style. I've got, I'm going to score some of those. I've been on the prowl actually, but yes, they're awesome. Um, and he's just surveying the situation. And then the little man, you know, he doesn't know, but he comes over and starts like really getting in the grill of all the kids. And well,

Wait, the little man? The tiny kid? The little two-year-old. Little two-year-old. No mask. Oh, okay. Not a man. Child. He comes over. He comes over. Little man. He comes over and he's just like playing and like really in the grill of all our pod kids. Yeah.

and parents in my pod are like, are we supposed to do something? I'm like, push him. I'll go. Let's just say hi and can we get some space? So I go to the grandma and I'm like, hey, does he have a mask? And she's like, oh, we left it in the car. I'm like, would you mind either having him play on the other side of the dirt hill or going to get the mask? No big deal. What'd you say, man?

What's the problem? And I'm like, and then he deliberately rolls up on me like hella close. He's 6'5". He's got to be 260 and he's jacked. And I'm like, first of all, just like step back a little bit because the whole thing is that we're just, we're trying to keep a little distance from each other. And he goes, what, what here? Fucking this, this here? And I'm like, yeah, we're just, if you guys don't have masks, can we just move? He goes, man, this is too bad. And I go, yeah, I know it's too bad. He goes, no, it's too bad we're not leaving. Yeah.

Whoa. And I'm like, okay, look, we're just, and then his mom, grandma is like, it's fine. Like we should go. And he was, he's like, no. And he like starts getting heated. And I'm like, I'm about to get beat up in front of my kids and my neighbors and shit. That would be so funny. If you, if you just got your ass kicked by this man.

I'm pissed now. I know. And I'm like, yo, I don't make the rules. I'm just saying like, and he goes, and the grandma's like, let's just go. She's pulling away. And he's just like, he's like, yeah, let's get out of here. It's too fucking liberal here. And I'm like, oh, damn, dude, what are we doing? I'm just trying to play by the rules, trying to be smart, trying to keep your kid healthy. Like, you don't know where my kid's been, right? Like, no, that's my play. I'm saying if I ever got approached by like a weird masker person, I'd be like, you don't understand, sir.

I have COVID. Yeah, that's the move. You need to step away from me. But then you go home. What are you doing now? But anyway, I'm just keeping it real.

And he's backing away and he's fucking getting rip shit foaming at the mouth as his mom is like, it's fine. Let's go. I'm pissed now. And the little two-year-old is, I'm like, yo, dude, you got some issues. Man, that's a bummer. Like, we're all out here. Everybody's got masks on. If you're like close to people. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know what to do. Yeah. Also, what is that? Like, why? It's called getting Kyled.

You got Kyle. You got Kyle. Can I do that? I'll flip back to being a Kyle. Born a Kyle, now a Charles. But I'll flip back to being a Kyle and I have to say I do understand the rage and the aggression. But I

But I don't... Once a Kyle, always a Kyle. Well, I'm Charles now, but I do understand the rage and the aggression, but I hope to, you know, he should be able to curb that and just like, you know, play by the rules when you're out in public. That's everybody's land. We're all sharing it. It's public. Come on now. I was so cool about it too. I was like, hey, is it, you know, I'm like trying to, because I don't want any fucking beef, right? Right. Where's the beef? But if I see this motherfucker again...

He might murder me. Yeah, you might get your ass kicked. Nah, wear your big boots, bro. Wear your big boots. Yeah, I might just have to get my Uggs on. You might have to get your ass kicked. That dude's about to start training you in the park. Oh my God. You know what, bro? I like your frame. You know when people give you like a five-foot lift or a five-finger lift up? Yeah. If he did that to me as hard as he could and just threw me up, I might not come back down. Oh.

Get stuck in a tree. Yeah, when was the last time you've ever gotten in a real fight? Oh, man. You're not supposed to. College. No, to me, it was truly...

Like fourth grade. Like the last time I truly was swinging on. But you fought Kyle. Oh, but that's not. Yeah, but that's not a real. We've fought for real. But that was more. Kyle was fighting for. Well, Kyle was fighting. No, no, no, no. That was the rage of a Kyle. I climbed him like a tree.

and held on to him. That wasn't a real fight. I wouldn't climb a man that I'm actually fighting and koala clutch him. Yeah, anytime I fought any of my homies, it was either like drunk, but it was always under the fight club rules where it's like there is respect under the swings, you know, where it's like I'm not really trying to hurt you. You're the only person to ever misquote the fight club rules.

You know, under the Fight Club, like... Rule number one is respect, and we all know that. It's the easiest set of rules, Kyle. No, but you know what I mean. You know what I mean. Yes. Thank you. I'm actually super surprised out of the four of us that none of us went into, like, MMA training at all. You mean as, like, a celebrity style? Like, yeah, I basically... We do a lot of knees, a lot of kicking. Yeah, like, how did none of us get down, ground and pound? I feel like I thought about boxing. Like, I still kind of think about it, but...

I don't have the wind. Well, I mean, I go to the, the gym that I go to, we, we box and shit, but it's not, I'm not really trying to ground and pound. See, I, I don't want to have too much of that at my fingertips because I don't want to just, uh, someone parks in front of my garage and I just snap your weapon. So this is for the safety of others. Okay, sure. We can't have a lethal weapon out there. I can't learn that because I,

I've got a hair trigger, baby. And I will start donkey kicking fools. That's my main move. Adam, do you remember when we used to do P90X and we had that summer doing P90X and we had to do like whatever the... Do I? Yeah, whatever the taekwondo is. And there was a time where like we would do that and we were getting good at it. And one time you and I were working out together and you and I both promised that we would never use these skills on each other.

Promise. Warrior. Give me your warrior's grip. Like, I will train with you, but let's not use it. What's funny is like, for sure, it was probably said with a smile, but then also it was in complete sincerity. It was like, yeah, no, definitely we won't. But for real, though, we shouldn't. We have to register these hands. Yeah, you're getting pretty good at this. You realize after 15 days of P90X, we are now human weapons.

And we must promise never to get hurt. 15 days, motherfucker. We did that shit back to back. We did 180 days. P90 sexing. Yeah, baby. That's right. We did it. That's right. Best shape of my life, I will say. Thank you, Tony Horton. Keep pushing play. Also, you were 24. True. Yeah, true. True, true, true. Doesn't naturally shreddy. I want to see that now. P90X. Do it again.

Yeah. Oof. That would be cool. I'd be down. Yeah. I feel like I work out harder now than I did during the P90X days. Yeah.

Harder or for more time? Harder. Okay. I believe that my body doesn't bounce back in the same way that it used to. I used to be able to go, hey, guess what? I'm feeling a little chunky monk in the midsection. Time to tighten it up for two, three weeks. And by week three of the P90X, I'm all lean, mean, got a jawline, can fit in my vintage tees.

Now I'm ripping at the seams, baby. You guys silly? I'm still going to send it. Wait, what was that sound bite? Yeah. Oh, you want it? You guys silly? I'm still going to send it. Oh, baby. That's a good one. That's a good one. I will say, though, with P90X, I was working out most...

Because I still do a modified P90X set because I just enjoy it. Are you still working out with Dolph Lundgren personally? Yeah, he's still coming over every now and then. I've taken days out, and you worked out muscles that I no longer work out. It really did you top to bottom.

It was a great program. Muscle confusion. What is the hot workout program now? Like, I like how that was such a thing with Tony Horton. He would be like, it's a muscle confusion technique. And you're like, yeah, that's every sort of workout. You're confusing your muscles and you're not confusing your muscles. You're just doing shit that they're not used to doing. They're not confused. They don't have a fucking brain. There's a new one on YouTube. I can't fucking remember. It's called like X.

Dreamer. Don't give it to you. That would be. Or X Health. How awesome would that be? Exhibit just has his own workout program. I'd follow along. I think you were quoting DMX though. He has to. Oh, I am quoting DMX, aren't I? Yeah. You got your X's mixed up. It's okay. Well, admittedly, I wouldn't follow DMX's.

Dare I say he got too lean? DMX? Oh. Yeah. That was gaunt. That was drug use probably, right? I feel like he's on record for having some drug abuse problems and that'll thin you out. He'll bounce back. I've never heard that before. I just thought he was doing too much cardio. I think he was just rolling with his dogs a little too hard. I thought he was in the dog pound a little too much. But Exhibit, he is one thick bitch, that guy.

I'd follow him into the octagon. Rotund. Did he get super buff? I feel like he might have pulled like a Dr. Dre and Timbaland and just got like massive. And Jeff Bezos too.

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Is it once you are like a billionaire and you just have so much extra time on your hands that you're just like, well, I guess I'll eat superfood and just get shredded because I can. Yes. Is it or is it like a, I got to keep my position of power so I've dominated intellectually. Now I must grow my muscles so that I physically am intimidating. Yes. Well, that's where we're all going to be okay because none of us are going to dominate intellectually. Get them!

Yeah, baby. Spend the whole life trying. I think it's like they want to just dial everything in. They want to be as efficient as possible. You know what I mean? They see their body as part of that. Like an extension of dominating. I'm going to dominate myself. Am I hungry? Yes. Am I going to eat? No. But when I do, it's going to be super healthy. You know what I mean? They're just in that fucking mindset. Also, being a buff dude gets you a certain type of

the equivalent on the female end of the spectrum, I believe. So if you're a buff dude, you only like some thick ass buff chicks? No, you like those hyper fitness women. Not like buff, but you know, like bikini, like whatever fucking blazerium's putting his bikini on. Yeah. Whenever I, like they say at this gym that I go to, the trainer is always like, okay, so what do you want to look like

Uh, every like three months or something, he'll ask you, it would be like, what's your ideal body type? And I always show him photos of CrossFit women.

Right. Oh, wow. Interesting. Because that's exactly what I'm trying to look like. You got it, dude. Yeah, I do have a dude. I do have a dude. Because those CrossFit dudes, they're too jacked, bro. They're too huge. They're too thick. They're too mean. What is your ideal? I want a lean, long, slender, shredded up CrossFit chick body.

Well, like, like be pit and fight club. That's the bod. Yeah. I just found what the new thing is. It's called Athlean X. It's a Tony Horton looking cat. He's on YouTube and he does wild ass workouts and he just drops them. And, uh, like this video right here, I don't even know what the fuck it is. It's got 7.6 million views. Wow. That's a lot of millions. Oh baby. Yeah.

Yeah, he's got 10 million subscribers. So he all right. That's a lot. Hey, what did Jeff Bezos look like before he got shredded? Was it after? And what was that timeline? He looked like a normal dude. And now he's like a fucking centurion. Really? This right here? Picture of a really fit woman. Right. Really fit woman. Not too big. Got that...

That lean muscle, that lean physique, that's what I'm trying to get. A six-pack. That being said, last night I did eat Raising Cane's. Oh, baby. I say that, but then I also eat Raising Cane's from time to time. I haven't had that in a minute. I love Raising Cane's.

I stopped in Anaheim to get, I was driving home and I was like, I was like 30 minutes away from my house. And I'm like, there is a raising canes around here. And sure enough, Disney knows what's up, puts one right off campus. And I swooped in there, got myself six chicken tenders, some Texas toast, gooey, gooey. Please be a sponsor. Raising canes. Yeah, baby.

Please be a sponsor. I will sponsor the shit out of you. How's the Texas toast? Bomb? Oh, it's bomb, dude. That's the best part. Have you not had Raisin Cane's? No, I don't even know what you're talking about right now, man. He can't eat meat. Oh, that's right. Well, you don't like meat. That's why I'm asking about the Texas toast. Oh, my God. The Texas toast and the french fries are phenomenal. It's fire. Yeah, that's bomb. Did we have Cane's at Bonnaroo? Do we have Cane's at Bonnaroo? I had Cane's when I visited Adam on the set of...

Pitch perfect. Pitch perfect. It's a Louisiana delicacy, fast food. Evidently, it was a LSU master's student or something. He was getting his business degree, and they have to write a business. This is how little I know about business. Have to write a thing about business? Yes.

Right. This is really intriguing to me. Uh, this is important. He wrote his thesis or whatever. I did also didn't finish college, so I don't know what any of these words mean. Thesis. Sure. Senior, senior project, his main thing. And he wrote it about how he wanted to start a, uh, chicken tender restaurant that only served chicken tenders with good fries, good, uh,

That's so fucking tight. And the, the, the guy, his professor was like, that's a stupid idea. And he like failed that class. Supposedly that's like the, the folklore. They always like to say that. That's what they say about FedEx too. And then, and then he goes off and starts it and God damn,

Damn, son. Damn. Raising canes. So they just have tenders? There's no, like, drummies? No, just tenders. I know. You think it's much like In-N-Out where it's like it doesn't have a lot of choices because they can just nail the one thing they do so well out the fucking park.

Right. I definitely respect that shit. Yeah, maybe I'm down for that. Yeah, I think that's a great business model where you know what you're good at and you just hit it and you hit it hard and you're confident in it. That's dope. When I go to these like open, what would you call it? Where you like point out the ingredients you want to like make your sandwich or whatever. I always end up with a soup at the end because when I'm in control and I'm super hungry or whatever, I'm just like a

the more the merrier, but it ends up being a blob of food. It's garbage. Yeah, then it's bad. You got to have a pro put it together. Have you seen those new Pan Express orange chicken only stands? Wait a minute. What's up? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what now? What?

Oh my God. I'm fucking around, but wouldn't that be tight if it was just like a little spot where it's like we just have orange flavored chicken? If it was like the fruit stands on the corner? Yeah. Have you guys seen the KFC only fried skin stands? Oh my God. Oh my God.

I think I told you guys a story. My homie John went to Brown's Chicken, which is a Chicagoland restaurant, with his homie when they were kids. And my buddy John ordered some chicken, stepped aside, and his homie goes, can I just get just the skin? And they were like, absolutely not. No.

You have to order chicken and then you can pull the skin off. That has to be illegal. Yeah, you can't sell a bucket of skin. Damn. How high was he? Oh my God. How fat was he? I think they were youngsters. They were like 10 at the time and he was hungry. Well, admittedly, the skin is so delicious. Who are we kidding? It's awesome. It's the best part. The skin is great. You got to, come on. Yeah, that's like going to, I used to go to Burger Joint and just be like, can I get like four sides of bacon? And that's it. Oh my God.

Oh my God. You're not thinking about your health at that point. You're just thinking about the tasty, tasty taste. Can I get a Baconator? No bun, no meat, no cheese. I will say, guys, we should start, I'm willing to pitch it to you now, we should be franchisees of Raising Cane's. I'm going to look into it. We're buying a Raising Cane's. How many are in the California area now? Hey, guess what? Not enough. It's already happened. He's taking our money.

Not enough. Why don't we just start our own business instead of franchise something? Why don't we just come up with our own menu that's off the charts? Because it's Raising Cane's that already exists. It's Raising Cane's. It's already there. We love it. That's like jumping onto a franchise. I mean, it is jumping onto a franchise. That's what he just said. Yeah, it's literally what it is. Are you Kyling us?

I'm just asking the question. I just like original stuff. I'm pissed now! Hey, Kyle, and that's a good point, but see, you're a vegetarian, so we're never going to agree on what should be the main thing. But he's going to bring the toast thunder. Wet noodles! Yeah, I can bring the thunder in other places. Like, you're not going to think about what I think about because you guys are all going to be thinking about this.

the meats, and I'm going to be handling the rest. No, because here's the thing. We eat vegetables too. I know a good cucumber. You know a good cucumber. I know a good cucumber. Difference is you don't know the chicken. Yeah, you don't know vegetables more than I know vegetables. I got some bomb-ass cucumbers growing in my backyard right now, dude. I'm fixing to have about 50 of them. I bet you do. But the thing is, is

I partake in everything. You only partake in a small section of food. Get him. He eats all the food. It's a pretty big section. I just don't eat, what, the meat, which is like three or four or five things? Turkey, pork, beef? We're opening a chicken shack, dude.

How many meats are there? Lamb. More than hundreds. Hundreds of meat. No, how many meats are there? There's chicken. Slugs. There's pork. Mollusk. Venison. Cow. There's beef. What are you talking about? Any type of animal is a meat. Any animal. Where's the beef? Yeah, but how many is there? Like 10? 15 of them? There's way more. Every

Every animal. There's rhino. A wild dog? Every animal is a meat. Bear. You eat rhino? Have I ever eaten rhino? Are you asking if I... So are you saying we're going to start... I'm asking if we're going to start a franchise that involves rhino. Well, that would be a problem. That is very scarcity. Hey, I'm saying... Well, it's got... I think that would be hard to get. That's going to be highly legal.

Save the rhino. Like, is that what we're going to do? I don't think that's what we're going to do. All I'm saying is you just don't discount me because I don't have that part. I got other taste buds. My taste buds still motherfucking work. All I'm saying is you got to go to a Raising Cane's before you shut this idea down. You're saying no to Raising Cane's, motherfucker.

you haven't tried their texas toast i didn't say no i laterally was just like what if we started our own thing yeah i know and look maybe just try the skin you eat the skin you can eat the skin off the chicken huh i'm not eating the fucking skin bro dude eat the skin that's not even the meat that's just the skin no way dude nah that's all right thank you though i dare you thank you though hey thank you though here what about just going full skin

Thank you, though. Okay, so let's open a... You want to open a restaurant. It would just be what? Cucumbers? What would it be? I make a bomb-ass salad, dude. I'm telling you, salads are off the charts. Well, Chop Shop exists. Yo, a salad bar, the restaurant. No, but what you do is you don't make it a bar. We're not talking about a la carte. We're talking about a salad and the way I like it, which is basically...

Spinach, arugula, whole tomatoes cut in big-ass chunks, black beans, banana peppers hot, banana peppers sweet, motherfucking cucumbers, player put some olive oil, and then player put some salt, and then player put some pepper. And that's it. That's done. Let me give you your slogan. I'm trying to help. I just told you what it is, man. He's trying to help your dumb ass. Your slogan is Carl's Salad Bar. Come for the salad. Leave with the canes next door, motherfucker. Ah!

Wow, you didn't let me get my shit out for that. Wow. Wow. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead and list your ingredients again, motherfucker. People have shit to do. Oh, I'm sorry, Anders. I must have left my mask in the car. Get your ass over here, motherfucker. What's the dressing? Because we're coming for the dressing. It said olive oil. The dressing is olive oil, salt, and pepper. Oh, my God. That's not dressing. Yeah, it is. That's pre-dressing. So fucking good. No, that's the shit. That's all you need. I learned that shit. That's just how you get the lettuce wet, dude.

That's how you do it in Italy. I learned that shit in Italy, bro. This ain't Italy, brother. That's how you explain the most basic salad that you specifically like. Didn't you hear it has spinach? Oh, it does have spinach and arugula like every other goddamn salad you've ever had. I fucking love it, dude. I eat it like every day. I fucking love it. Everyone likes it. It's fine. What is setting you apart? Dude, that was the most basic ass salad I've ever heard in my life.

life for real that's what i'm saying you guys are talking about basic ass shit that is good

That's what you're talking about. No, we're talking about the best of the basic. Best of the basic. You're talking about a chicken nugget. No, we're not talking. Oh, you don't know nothing. You don't know nothing, dude. I mean, I'm not trying to. Oh, we're talking about nuggets, dude? They're tenders. Also, what's so good about it? The sauce. I can contribute on the sauce like no other motherfucker can. I got a secret motherfucking sauce that y'all don't even know about. I've had it. I've had it. And how good is it, Blake? How good is my loquat barbecue sauce? It's perfect.

It's good. Thank you. Wait, your what sauce? Loquat barbecue sauce, bro. What does that mean and what do you put it on? You ever heard of a loquat or you're too busy eating nuggets? It's a fruit based. Tenders. Tenders. I've never heard of a loquat, so blow my mind. Thank you. So look at that. I just brought the motherfucking ingredients.

That doesn't make it good because he hasn't heard of it. Dude, you know it's good, Blake. I don't appreciate this. You sent me a picture of you fucking drinking that shit. I don't appreciate you taking their side. I did not send a picture of me drinking it. That's some bullshit. I smell a take back. You sent a picture of, oh, it's all gone after one fucking helping, bruh. It's a small helping. Yeah, because he had to drown out the disgusting salad with...

with whatever dressing. Whatever he made was on him. I just gave him the bomb ass sauce. So if y'all want a partner. And you're putting this on like Beyond Meat or what? What are you putting this barbecue sauce on? I put it on Beyond Meat. I put it on Impossible Meat. I throw it on fucking salads if I really want to dance. Matt Beyond Meat. Ha ha ha.

Yeah, nice. Matt Beyond Meat. That's a swim reference to everyone at home who doesn't know. I'm pissed now! I'm just saying, dude, y'all don't discount me because I'll come with the fire no matter what corner I'm shoved in. All right, Kyle. Jesus Christ, dude. All I'm saying is get your ass to a Raisin Cane's. They're delicious. And me, Blake...

And Anders will franchise our own Raisin Cane's. And that's okay. You don't need to be involved in this business venture that we have all verbally agreed. And look, if you want a salad stand outside of the Cane's, let's talk. Actually, I'm so down with this. You can park your salad RV in...

Okay.

Yummy. Now I'm in. Blake is joking, but KFC is about to launch that. Bro, they have dope-ass onion croutons you can throw on there, and they're fucking good. You're right. Skin tons. Raising Cane's boys, what sodas do they carry? They're a Coca-Cola company. Coca-Cola products? Coca-Cola products, yeah. I just had a delicious Coke Zero, and that syrup hit just right. You know how every once in a while you'll get a fountain drink, and just that syrup mix is...

ooey gooey. And you're like, God damn, this is hitters. I had a Sprite this weekend that jizzed me out, boy. Dude, I was jizzed out too. I was fully jizzed out. If y'all know what that means, Google it. Yeah, just Google it. Look at photos, look at videos, and you'll understand exactly what we mean by jizzed out. Sprite jizzed out. You got one of those Travis Scott meal Sprites that just straight up. I love it.

I love it. How are people going to McDonald's and getting this shit? It's weird. Blake, you're my cool hip friend. Is Travis Scott like super family friendly? Well, he's Kardashian camp. So yeah, he's worldwide.

Like, for sure. What do you mean family friendly? That's not a that's not a thing anymore. There's no such thing. Yeah. Well, no, because McDonald's whole thing is being very family friendly forever. I mean, the Ronald McDonald, the whole thing, their last person that they had a celebrity endorsement for was Michael Jordan.

Mm-hmm. So, I mean, like, and he was, like, at the time, before we learned that he was kind of an asshole, he was, like, the most family-friendly guy of all time. He's, like, a sports hero. Yeah. And then for them to go with Travis Scott, who I know very little about, but I was like, oh, maybe he, like, doesn't curse in his, maybe he's like Will Smith or something. I just don't know. I don't think kids fuck with McDonald's. I think kids think McDonald's is gross and unhealthy, and McDonald's needed a shot in the arm with the youngsters. Oh, I don't think that.

Kids love McDonald's. Kids love Happy Meals, dude. Yeah. I don't know, dude. You think so? There's better alternatives now. They're marketed better towards kids and like... No, I think we live in LA and people are like, oh, there's healthier alternatives, but I know... But like Five Guys popped off

The kids back home go to Five Guys, dude. They don't fuck with McDonald's. McDonald's is sorry. That's kind of tight. There's no ball pit at the Five Guys. I don't think the play place is holding you water anymore, man. They do. Well, not in COVID, but kids go off. You bring a kid to a McDonald's, sit a Happy Meal in front of them, they are fucking hyped. They're still the toys. For real? The toy still pulls weight? Hey, they're still the toys. Dude, my parents took my kid when he was two, and he still talks about it.

And when he drives by it, he's like, that's the McDonald's. I'm like, I know, bitch. You're going to In-N-Out. Damn. Rough-ass dad right there. With that said, I don't think Travis Scott is on wax gangbanging. He's not considered a gang member. And what do you mean on wax gangbanging? For me to understand. He's not a gangster. He's not a gangster. No. He's not rapping about killing. No. His name is Travis. I'm pissed now!

He is a product. I do think it is an odd pairing. Like, yeah, how did they come to that? But I just think it's Kardashian trickle down, dude. Yeah. They run the world.

Have fun.

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Crack bird. Didn't he get caught with boner pills? Didn't he have a heart attack or something horrible at a whorehouse? He had several... He had a rough go. He had a rough go. I mean, that is going out with a bang, where you just overload yourself on cocaine and dick pills and just go to the whorehouse until your heart explodes. Gee whiz. Allegedly. That is...

That is going out with a bang. You're in a dark place. Yeah, if you're gonna do it. If you're gonna commit suicide, like, if you're like, you know what, fuck it, this is the end. Don't jump off a bridge or just OD in a fucking alleyway or something. Hit the ranch. Do it all and hit the ranch, baby. Yeah. Say, give me a Kyle salad and, uh...

And a blonde. Hey, man, I'm just trying to live to triple digits. That's my only goal. Is it really? Your only goal. That's a big goal for me right now. That's a big main goal. No, you said only. Mm-hmm. I heard only. Why? Why do you want to live on this dumb fucking planet until you're 100? 100? I want out now. Ow.

100. I want 100. Kyle, do you know how hot Southern California is going to be in 60 years? 70 years? Fuck. I'm down, dude. I'm down. I'm looking for it. You know what I mean? I figure why not? You know what I mean? Yeah, sure. Y'all don't agree? Y'all don't agree? No, I don't. But this is why we love you. What's your number then? What are you going to live till? 150. That's tight. I'm down. I'll be there with you. I won't die. But I want to be like online. I want to be like an entity in a hard drive.

You're already there. True. Nah, I bet I'm going to die the first out of all of us. You think so? Yeah, probably. Because you're going to go on one of those cocaine fuckbenders? Yeah, I might go on a classic cocaine fuckbender. Adam's bachelor party's coming up. Oh, boy.

Time for the heart to explode. Oh, boy. No, I would say, yeah, I think I just run a little hot and I've already had a lot of health issues with my legs and stuff. I'm going to be in a wheelchair probably before anybody else and that'll bum me out and I'll be like,

Hey, let's just launch me off the Golden Gate Bridge and see if I can get this parachute to work. Oops, I didn't. That would be so tight. Yeah. Some kind of YouTube live special. Yeah, Adam's going to death by Quibi for sure. Oh, dude, that'd be a good Quibisode. When we were shark diving, I was saying to Blake that like, you've cheated death before. So like, you need to like kiss death.

And that's why you fucking jump out of airplanes and go fucking demolition derby and shark diving and all that shit. Because you've cheated it before. You can cheat it again. Yep. It's a free solo attitude. He's really hard to kill. Hard to kill. Great movie. Oh, Nine Lives. Me!

Oh, shit. Movie idea. Wait, wait, real quick, because I know we've all had moments where you've had some kind of drunken night or whatever, or a close call. What do you think you're at as far as your nine lives? Do you think you're five deep? Have there been close calls outside of the cement truck? Close calls ain't my thing, man.

Yes. I OD'd on Quaaludes when I was two. Right. Famously. Tight sentence. Yeah. And so my mom took me to her neighbor's house because her neighbor was having issues with her boyfriend, sat me down on the couch. She was talking with the woman, trying to calm her down. Turns out she was having issues with her boyfriend because she caught her boyfriend dealing drugs. Mm-hmm.

Meanwhile, I'm on this couch, the couch that I ended up having and sleeping on for years because they gave us a couch because I almost died on it. But I was sitting on the couch and my mom was like, Adam, what do you got in your mouth? And she turns around and I'm like being all naughty faced, you know? I was like, what? No, nothing. But I'm like a little kid, so I'm not saying words. And I just have a mouth full of stuff. I love how you remember that from two. And I was like, what? Nothing. Nothing.

And, uh, well, this is just for what my mom said. Right. And then I like, wouldn't give her what was in my mouth and I had swallowed a bunch of it or whatever. And she finally like grips a hold of my face and opens up my mouth and fishes out these pills. And then she looks in, in the crevice of the couch where I had like stuff, something was a half empty bag of pills. And this guy had a bag, a baggie of quaaludes. Yeah. And then, uh,

Yeah. And then some guy showed up at the house and was looking for the boyfriend, obviously to buy drugs. Nice. My mom thinks it's an angel. And my mom's like, you have to take her to the hospital. And the guy's like, oh, okay. And then he takes them the wrong way and doesn't stop at a hospital, stops at a CVS or whatever it was called at the time, you know, a pharmacy. And he goes in, gets EpiCac, comes right out. I puke all over his truck. Oh.

Oh, he knows. Takes me to a hospital, and they were like, he probably wouldn't have made it all the way to the hospital. It was good that he puked before then. Yeah, the guy knew that you needed to get it out of your system. Damn. Yeah, and my mom's like, he's an angel. Was he wearing a white hat or something? Yeah, that's what my mom says. He was wearing a white cowboy hat. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. And my mom's like, he was... Because we were in Oklahoma City at the time, and I guess people wore cowboy hats there in the 80s. And...

And my mom's like, he's an angel. My dad's like, sounds like he's a drug addict. The fact that he knows how to exactly, you go to the pharmacy, you get Epicac, they cough it up. It's no problem. Yeah, totally. They puke it up right away. He had that knowledge otherwise, you know, so that's cool. The Walgreens was like, you're back. Yeah. Yeah. Hey,

Hey, Kyle. Same phone number for the discount? I'll take another. Thank you. It's a baby, actually, this time. It's a baby, this one. I'll see you next week. So that means you're on seven, at least. Damn. With that and the truck. You're getting up there. No, those are each ones.

Those are two. That's two, dude. Yes, you got nine lives, minus two. Oh, so I have seven lives left. Copy that. Okay. Copy that. Y'all are so quick to judge me. And then other calls that are like close, but nothing as far as that extreme. Yeah, as far as you know.

Yeah, as far as I know. I probably come closer to death standing on something I wasn't supposed to than I should have. As far as you know. I've definitely woke up in my truck like fucking after a really drunk night. And that is a scary feeling having like just been like. Well, no, that story is extra scary because remember you woke up in your truck in the parking lot of a gun store? Yeah, dude. We had just.

Yeah, I was trying to leave out that detail. No, I totally had forgot that actually. But we had just filmed there for Workaholics. And then we were like... So I kind of think that that's why I went there was because... You were scouting. I was location scouting. Yeah, because in my drunk lizard brain, I was like, I know where to go. But I truly...

don't remember going there and I woke up having pissed myself in the driver's seat outside of a gun store. And that was a scary moment where I was like, okay, something's got to give here. What the fuck? Yeah. Yeah, give up driving. Yeah. Well, that was before Ubers, man. I'm often like jealous of

what Uber has provided. Speaking of pre-Uber, when me and Blake were leaving Barney's Beanery one time, which is like a classic dive bar in Hollywood, and it was right when we had turned 21, and we would go there and

Like buy a pitcher of beer and then also like have sodas and mix our own booze into the soda. But we got really fucked up one night and I was driving us home and it was just pre Uber. And we're like, Oh, I can't afford a taxi. And then we drive out and I rear end someone as we were leaving. Mm hmm.

Like that first red light. It wasn't a super hard rear end. No, it wasn't. It was just like my reaction time's a little slow and I didn't hit the brake quite in time. But it was like it happened and we were like, fuck. It did happen. And I put it in park and I'm like, fuck.

And I get out of the car and I'm like, I'm so sorry, man. And he goes, did you just leave Barney's Beanery? And I'm like, uh-huh. And he goes, you've been drinking? And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, me too. Let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah. I just told that story the other day. It's amazing. And I...

Look, I don't want to advocate for drunk driving at all, but it is the most fun thing possible. Oh, my God. When the windows are down and you're just gunning it and your senses are heightened, it is amazing. We used to have to go from Hollywood to Van Nuys, and I would get nervous because I'd have one eye closed and driving. Allegedly. It's terrible. It's terrible.

That's a far drive, too. That's not a roll down the hill. So I had pit stops along the way, and they were called Carl's Jr., and I would just hit the drive-thru. I mean, I would hit, like, three of them on the way home and just gorge. Yeah. Jesus. Ugh.

Bro, I mean, that's real. That's real. Do they still put the little cookie around the straw? Was that them? The cookie around the straw? Like, what? Or was that In-N-Out? Who puts a little cookie, the little whole cookie, the little sugar cookie around the straw? Oh, no, that sounds amazing. Dude, I do not know what you're talking about. I don't know.

I don't know that. That sounds Southern. Hey, if you're listening out there right now, go ahead and tweet me. You know what, though? If nobody's done that, we could put that in our own franchise if we come up with something original. Salad and sugar cookies. Yeah, we're doing that when we all buy a Raising Cane's franchise together. Unfortunately, you're not going to be able to do that because you have to follow the rules when you franchise something. Oh, man. That is true, but also try to catch me, corporate America. You're about to get sued, biatch.

Yeah, right, dude. Fucking the Raising Cane's guys are going to love us. Oh, my idea is looking better and better, isn't it, Bive?

Arugula? I don't know, man. I don't know. Welcome to Arugula's. No, no. You guys handle the meat. Arugula's bomb, by the way. This is important. Yeah. I do not like arugula. I would say it's my least favorite leaf. Because it flicks the dressing on you when you try and take it out of the pile. Yeah, it's fucked up, bro. But it has such a great natural spice. What do you mean? Hey, this is important. Kyle.

Fuck you. This is important. Does anyone have any take backs, apologies or compliments from today? Okay, here we go. Oh man, I feel like I have a million fuck yous. Well, you know, I'd like to take back what I just said just one second ago. The last thing I just said. I said, Kyle, and then I paused and then I said, fuck you. And that was rude.

And that was rude. And I don't mean it. And I love Kyle and I don't want to fuck him. Yeah. And I, I don't, you have to, I don't want to, I have to need to. And so I would like to take that back. Cause that was a rude thing to say. I'm sorry, Kyle. Apology accepted. Hey, and arugulas is a bad leaf. It's a bad name for restaurant. Your whole idea for restaurant is bad. And our idea about just starting a raising canes franchise is better than

But I do want to apologize and take back saying, Kyle, fuck you! Yeah, right. And I want to compliment Adam on keeping it real AF with a good friend of his. Because, you know, tough love is still love. It is love. And I want to apologize to Kyle. If you don't want to call the male Karens Kyle, we don't have to.

but it can't be chad it can't be chad todd i i would throw out there but it's got the k yeah but kyle works the best because of the karen it's all good it's fine okay because of the karen yeah i'm i i'm okay with it you take it back then is that a take back or is that just no i changed my name to charles charles javachek i'm all good thank you charles no problem are you opening a java hut or something

It could be part of my own original franchise, but I'll be doing my own thing, it looks like. But I would like to compliment all of you on sticking it to me and really giving me a run for my money because I am the kind of guy that likes to be put in a corner and fight my way out of it. Yeah! You guys silly? I'm still going to send it. I'm still going to send it, no matter what corner you put me in, man.

You know what I'm saying? So, like, you guys provide a great game for me to try and get out of the corner and I love you all despite how fucking mean you are to me sometimes. Jesus Christ. What a long-winded take back and apology. Jesus. I got more. I have more. I'd like to also...

All right, Blake, do you got anything? Blazer? Yeah, I don't know if I'm taking back or apologizing or whatever, but guys, drinking and driving is so serious. Please don't do it. There's so many options out there. You can Lyft now. You can Uber now. Uber. Taxi. A good friend of yours can drive you. Do you guys know what I do? You know what I do? I Lyft now. Yeah, that's my version of that. I Uber now. Hey, guys, this is a real- I'm pissed now. Really? Oh, yeah.

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