The Elephants Not In The Room: Best Of Eps 61-65
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Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Let's go! I've had a cold for like two weeks now, and it just will not go away. And...

Every day that it doesn't go away, I check to, I just look at the COVID symptoms again. And I'm like, can you get COVID one month after having COVID? That's a pretty... You could. Yeah, dude. Yeah, you've got that, what is it? Omnicron? You got that fucking, what is it called? That new new? Yeah. Yeah, that new new. That South African...

What is it called? It sounds like a transformer name. Well, they all sound cool as hell. Optimus Chrome. Coronavirus. Yeah, that's the thing. We got to name them like stupider stuff. Yeah, name it so you don't want to get it. Yeah, those kids are out here trying to get them now because it's the cool thing to do. Which one do you got? Yeah, you're like, motherfucker, I got Delta variant. Yeah, Omnivore.

Omnicron. That shit sounds like straight up like a bad guy transformer. Omnicron. I love it. But yeah, luckily I, it doesn't seem like I have COVID so. Okay, good. But I can't shake this goddamn cold, man. Yeah. And what,

You're home right now? You're not filming? Because I feel like that's what happens as soon as you get a little break from filming. Well, I've been sick the last two weeks of filming and they're just... Because I'm the lead of the movie, so they're juicing me. Yeah. B12? I feel like Michael Jackson where they're just like... I'm literally taking shots every day. Shots in my butt cheek. B12 in the booty? B12, but then also like this new... It's basically like a Z-Pack that I take in my butt cheek. And then are like...

Our giant medic is the guy that does it, so it feels like we're doing drugs or something because it's weird because I have to take it in my ass cheek, but we do it on set, so it's always like us ducking off into a corner and he whips out a needle and just injects my butt cheek. Hold up. Does anyone else know about this? Or is it just a guy? It sounds like a guy's like, yeah, I'm the medic. Come over here. Is he cleared? Is this guy? It might not feel like a needle. It might not feel like it's actually in your asshole. He's a nurse, but he's hilarious. He's...

6'5", like 350. That's so funny. He's like a house of a man. So it doesn't seem like... I've never seen a nurse this large. That's a huge nurse. That's one huge nurse. You're telling me how you got a bush that just don't quit, huh? Yeah, so what's up with your pubes? Um...

There's your title for the podcast. What's up with your pubes? Oh, here we go. All right. We're censored. Yeah, it's a wispy, wispy joint. Okay. Wispy, wispy J's. Kind of not happy we asked. I accidentally, I shaved all my pubes off. I look like a little boy down there. Did you say accidentally? Yeah, I was buzzing the chest, and I was like, they were getting a little unruly. So I was just doing a little trimmeroo down there, and I forgot to adjust it back.

And so I just took out a chunk and took down to like basically nothing. And I'm like, well, fuck everything. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah, I like it like that, dude. Yeah, fuck everything. I bet you are fucking everything. So I look like a little boy with just the same size dick as I had as a child. Nice, bro. Yeah, it's pretty tight. You know how funny how that works? So are you guys fucking with the metaverse? We're fucking each other. How'd you find out?

Are you guys fucking each other? Should we tell them? Blake, should we tell them? Let's go. You want to see it? Let's keep that on the low, bro. The metaverse? No, not at all. Zero percent. I refuse. Bullshit, dude. You're going to be such an early adapter. Yeah. No, man. Why? Why?

Because I'm trying to live on this planet in real life on this earth while it's still here. And is it early adopter? By the way, before we move forward, is it early adopter? I adapt early. I...

I don't even know if that's called adapting or if it's just... Yeah, yeah. All right. I do an early adapt. Hey, let's keep this thing moving down the pipe. Let's keep this thing moving down the pipe. Hey, hey. Hey, let's keep this thing moving, man. Little word of warning. I'm second. No, I'm two and a half cans deep. He's a can man. What'd you ask? I'm like 15 milligrams, and I smoked weed right before this, so this might be one of them podcasts that the last 20 minutes I just am a giggle hog.

Smoke weed every day. We love it, bro. We support that lifestyle. Stay high. I love when you laugh at me. Yeah, you got to stay high in today's day and age. Dude, you have to. Unless you're in the metaverse where everything's nice. Can you guys tell I'm wearing eyeliner? Now that you mention it. Purple socks!

A little bit. Can you? Yeah. Yeah, actually. Very much so. You look like a girl at a wedding who cried and is now just hammered on the dance floor. Yeah. Who's just over just by the cocktail shrimp, just slamming some, slurping down some shrimp. Yeah. That's what you look like. Hard target, baby. You look good. Yeah.

Hard target? Going for her third slice of cake. I guess easy target. I say hard target. For work right now, it's the last week shooting The Outlaws. Okay. And I go undercover to rob a bank. Spoiler. Yeah. Kind of. Not really. And it'll be in the trailer. Okay.

So I'm like, I have eyeliner and shit on for it. It's so fucking hard to get eyeliner off, dude. What do you mean you have eyeliner for it? Is there a specific disguise? It is a specific disguise. I don't know if I want to spoil that. Is that a spoiler? Yeah. Don't spoil that. I know what it is, though. Yeah. It's a good disguise. Yeah.

Don't care. But it's a good disguise. Is that a line from the Shrek movie? I don't know. Could be. I don't know. There's no way to tell. Why did you say donkey? You just did? I don't know. Because you're Adam Devine. Sometimes you'll say stuff. I sometimes say words. Maybe it has something to do with what I'm dressed as. Hey, and that's why I'm here. No, but so they eyelinered me up. And it's impossible to get off. And then I look insane.

for the rest of the night. You don't. You say insane, but you look beautiful, but go ahead. Thank you, Blake. Thank you for saying that. You look ho-ish. Yeah, your eyes are popping. You look ho-ish. I know. Yeah, I look...

Like, I got a bad case of the smoky eye. Remember how the smoky eye was like a thing? Yes. For a minute, girls would get that. But then you could fuck it up and just kind of look like you've been crying. And that's what it looked like. Right. Yeah. Super hot. Avril Lavigne. To be honest, I'm captivated, though. I'll just say that. Thank you. Thank you. I'm throwing out some sultry vibes. Absolutely. Thank you, boys.

Do we address the elephant not in the room, or do we just kind of like act like everything's normal here? Bully. Wow. Is that a fucking shot at my guy? It wasn't a shot. It's a saying. You called him an elephant. That's a saying? It was a fun. I get it. It's a fun joke, dude. Guys, Kyle is not with us this week. He died. He's not with us. He chunked. He chunked out of existence. He had a prior commitment with Satan.

Satan. He couldn't make it. And we were like, what do we do? What do we do? Do we just deprive the public of this? Yeah, the community. Thank you. Well, if we could, I mean, we couldn't miss today because it's basically our Super Bowl, guys. It is. You know what just happened, right? Oh, God. Please tell us. I don't know. Wait, hang on. Adam, do you have any idea what he's talking about? Dude, exactly. I know. You know. And I want Blake to explain in detail. Guys, they named...

The sexiest man alive. Yes, I did. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Great ass. Say it. Dude. Did you walk down a little path where you were like, it's going to be all let's goes? Yeah. You're going to do like 15? Because you stopped at two. Let's go.

How many do you got? Hit us with it. I mean, I only have four at the time. Okay, well hit us with them. I gave you all of them. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Leave my friend alone, dude. He's got four.

I'm just saying it's a great... I could see where you were going with it and I was excited. Aggressive. Well, this one is pivotal. Let's go! That's the one from the Hertz Rent-A-Car Let's Go. Do we get into it? Should we? Should we get into it? All of my least favorite things on planet Earth. And that's not hyperbole. Disappointed!

That's the real deal. Tom Brady, that guy bugs me so fucking much. Yeah. Why do you hate greatness, bro? I don't hate him. I don't hate the guy. I don't know the guy. I'm sure he's super cool. The word was bugs, Blake. He bugs, man. He bugs.

Yeah! First of all, I hate people screaming, let's go. That bugs me, dude. I'm bugged. Well, you're losing. You're losing, brother, because that ain't going anywhere. I understand. No, the thing is, it will go. It'll go. You're living a nightmare. I live in a nightmare. That's life. I liked your pitch, dude. I think you need to have a PSA where it's, let's stop, let's go, because it's gone too far. Let's stop.

It's too far, dude. And then now, so, Ders, explain it. Well, I was just going to say, I'm with Blake, where we got to get you guys out there listening to blast that hashtag, let's stop, let's go. Hashtag, let's stop, let's go. We need to do a black and white PSA with sad, like, piano playing in the background, and we need to put it together. We need to call up all our celebrity friends. All of them. The six of them we have. All of them.

Yeah. And three of us are right here. Eric Andre. Eric Griffin. Eric Griffin. It's all the Eric. Maybe Jillian Bell. Eric Roberts. I met him once. Oh, man. Yeah, we'll see, man. And I think we could maybe finally put a stop...

to go let's stop let's go yeah what you said now just didn't really work so I'm glad you circled back to the thing we yeah we circled right back to it but we had to so anyways it's Hertz rental car commercial yeah it blew my we all started texting like we all saw it within an hour of each other yeah I saw it and all of a sudden the text started rolling in from you guys like have you seen this fucking thing it's Tom Brady yeah

The whole thing is him. It's a Hertz rental car commercial. It's just him saying, let's go. And then other people saying, let's go for the entirety of the commercial. And then the commercial says, let's go. Yeah. And how do you feel about rental car companies?

Dude, it fucking specifically hurts. He couldn't have paired with the most evil fucking corporation. Just, I mean, just the jugger. Like, come on. At least go with an underdog if you're going to go. Let's go. Go with a budget. Go with somebody, a scrappy little underdog. You go with Hertz, the fucking evil empire. I'm pissed now.

I'm TII or die. Other people that were part of our podcast, maybe they weren't. Maybe they weren't. Maybe they died. Maybe they died to us. We're not sure. I have no video evidence of whether some people are dead or not. And we don't care. We don't care. Yeah, we don't. I don't care. It doesn't affect us. It doesn't affect us at all. Never think about it. It doesn't hurt. I don't look at the screen looking for another window up there with a person in it.

I don't. It is shady that he, that Kyle released. Oh, okay. Get this off your chest. That he released a notes sort of statement, screenshot statement. Screenshot. Yeah. Right. Is that him or is that his people? We don't know. We don't know. We don't know if he's alive. Right. Yeah. You know, I did see some comments where people are like, we deserve more than a notes screenshot because that is. Well, I don't know if the. Hey, people. Related.

relax we deserve more no they do they do well that is it does seem like that is the lowest form of apology in today's society correct is you you hit you put your thoughts out on notes you screenshot it and then you send it to all your platforms it's not very personal and then it's hey then it's bye bitch i will say the guy is busy this is how busy people do it right he's too busy for the pod that

- That's life. - Nope, not buying it. - Well, I'm saying though, you could- - Are you saying he's an asshole or is this a bitch move? - I'm saying my boy might be venturing into asshole territory and I'm here for it. - We've covered it. It's bitch and asshole combined. He's both. - Yeah. - He's one of the first people to be both. - Wow. - That's pretty cool. Watching him transform into an asshole. It's like an altered beast.

We did say that as soon as it was just the three of us, the pod was going to really take off. And do you think it's a coincidence that all of a sudden last week, everybody's like, you guys were the number one pod I listened to? I think it made the numbers jump. Yeah, for sure. Our Spotify rankings were insane. Well, yeah, last and also last week we were like number 15 in the world.

What? Yeah. So, I don't know. In a category or just period? No, in period, I think. Absolutely true. And if not, definitely a category. I don't know. Yeah, right? I didn't check it myself. Someone told me once. Yeah. Like, what is exactly the definition of sexy? Because, yes, Paul Rudd is...

he's great guy super handsome doesn't age a lot but when i think like sexiest man alive i'm trying to like the way you guys that get me like you know flood the basement yeah it used to be more dangerous right sexy has changed the definition of sex he's changed well i mean have they given it to jason momoa yet or is he's like next up he's next up that's what i'm saying he's gotta be he's too dangerous

He's too dangerous. No. That's what sexy is, dude. Too edgy. No, he's a family man. He's doing movies. He's working a lot. I think he's like the lovable dangerous. Yeah. He's not like a strung out coke guy or anything. Sorry. He's a family. He has kids? Yeah. He's got a moa? I'm assuming he's got a whole...

I love it. He's a family man? He has kids? Yeah. I think so. I'm assuming. He has to have kids. I thought he was just married to Lisa Bonet. I mean, weird, wild stuff. Dude, with what I assume he's packing, he's juiced up a few. Yeah. Okay? There's been a few children out there. The wording. The word choice. He's juiced. The thing about Momoa is he's a family man. We're expecting. You juiced her up? You juiced up your wife.

wife yeah good for you you jomba that's how i'm gonna that's how i'm gonna announce when me and chloe have kids i mean like guys guess what guys choose to razzle my tag she's been juiced java juice jamba juice eric griffin was in the break room like a day early his audition was the day after and you know eric he was just kind of like i'm here earlier you do a great impression adam i i'm not the best eric griffin impersonator

But he basically was like, yo, I'm here a day early and I fucked up. And I'm like, hey, man, it's cool, whatever. And I went back to our writer's room and I'm like, I just met Montez. He's basically a Sinbad impersonator. And Adam was like, who is it? I'm like, Sinwurst. I was like, it's Eric Griffin and...

I remember you came in and you're like, I just met Montez. And I'm like, oh shit, who? And you were like, Eric Griffin. And I know Eric from doing standup. And I'm like, hard pass. Absolutely not. No. I'm going to say the nay, no. Because Eric is, I've become really good friends with Eric. Go off. But Eric is a,

a total asshole, you know? - Mm-hmm. - No, he's super nice. - He's super nice, he's super nice. But when you're coming up in standup, he was just like really mean. - What? - What? - Yeah. - He was mean? - That is not what I expected. - Are you saying, like was he like checking you kind of thing? Like that kind of comedy guy, very nice? Like just trying to like push you just to test you? - Yeah, no, he was like, he's like the sage old vet.

And he would always treat me like the rookie. Really? Well, because he was nervous. He was like, this guy's funnier than me. You know, it wasn't like he wasn't mean, you know, it wasn't like mean or whatever. But he was like, he would he was like, I'm the veteran. He's the rookie. Hey, you know, that sort of dynamic. And so when I was like, well, it's my show now. I don't want this guy to come in and treat me like the rookie. Right.

when I'm the boss. So that was the initial response. But then he crushed his, I'm the boss. So you wanted to exact revenge on him. You want to be like, oh, you should have been nicer to me. Well, and I have for a decade now. So that is the origin. That's where all the malice comes from. Yeah. Absolutely. Wow. The tables have turned. This guy keeps tabs. But then he crushed his audition and he was super funny.

And, you know, has become a great buddy of mine. A household name. Yeah. Why is stand-up like that? Why are people so cutthroat and mean to each other in stand-up and not uplifting at all? Because stand-ups are...

Angry loners? Well, you have to be... Yeah. Yeah. I mean, for the most part, I think, yes, stants are angry loners. And you have to be a little bit of an egomaniac even to want to do it. Where you're like, what the shit that I'm saying is important enough to go on stage. That shit's important. So there's levels to it. That shit's important. There's, you know, people that are pretty chill and cool. And then there's Eric Griffin. That fucking asshole. Who's the chillest?

Sexiest video of all time. Sexiest video of all time. And like, let's take a moment. Just right off the top of the dome. Okay. Let me give my instant reaction. Donkey. Tony Braxton. Okay. Wait, no. That's when she's like judging deuce coming off the elevator. Okay.

Dude, I remember that. Those guys were handsome. Yeah, you're right. That is Blake's favorite. Let's go. Good call, dude. Right off the top of the dome. I remember. Right off the top of the dome when he thinks of a female video judging sexy men. But Tony Braxton was so hot that that...

Wait a second. Off the top of the dome. That was a good one. It's crazy that that's the first one that came to mind. Just off the top of the dome. Dude, I loved Tony Braxton so much. I still do to this day. Sure. Where's video to have that be the sexiest video of all time? Wow. You said sexy and I envisioned Tony Braxton. I know.

No. Yeah. I think it was You're Making Me High. You're making me high. Yes, you are correct. I remember watching that video. And then it would be like the elevator doors open and then a fireman would come out and they'd like rate them like a 10. That's what Blake liked. And that's fine. Can I say something honestly? I love that for you. Regarding that video, I do remember being watching that video and going, you know what? I'm going to watch this all the way through because like,

It's not a big deal. I'm not like homophobic. Yeah. These guys are out here. They're taking their clothes off. So they're hot. Women take their clothes off and in videos all the time. I can sit through this. I can enjoy it. Yeah. That was progressive of you. I didn't. It wasn't my favorite sexiest video. Yeah. I don't know if a top of the dome. That would be the first one. I rattle off power. Sorry. Yeah. I feel like mine was Ricky Martin where he had his shirt off under that waterfall or

Let's go. Vida loca. Let's go. I mean, or that LL Cool J where he's also under a waterfall with his shirt off. Right. Just off the top of the dome if I'm just spitting off the top of the... No, it has to be like Shakira She-Wolf, right? That's pretty good. Remember that video? That's pretty good. She's just like...

Wearing like butt ass naked. She's wearing like flesh colored like thong. Is she? She could be. Can I fuck with you guys here though? Please fuck with us. Aerosmith. Aerosmith from the 70s. Fuck.

Come on. Hang on. Come on. Okay. Okay. Okay. Crazy. Crazy. With his daughter and Alicia Silverstone together. Yeah. And they go to like a strip club and like dance. And for Blake, there's that farmer guy who takes his shirt off. And there's the gas station guy who might as well have been you. And who they go in. They like start stealing stuff from the gas station. He's like, yeah, okay. You can take it. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Hey, TII Nation, we're here to tell you about Lisa Mattress, the mattress company that's taking our bedrooms by storm. Since I got my Lisa Mattress, my sleep has been incredible. No more rolling around for me trying to find the perfect position. I'm fast asleep in no time. And luckily for you, Lisa has several different mattress models to choose from, each designed for specific sleep positions and feel preferences. Yeah.

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Well, should we talk about the elephant not in the room right now? Again? Well, yeah, I feel like we have to. I guess we should because they're probably like, wait, what's different about this week? The community's probably abuzz right now. Yeah, yeah. Let's go!

I feel like the community's abuzz. Aruguloids are probably going to throw their salads away when they hear the news. They're spinning. You're never going to believe it. Actually, you're probably going to believe it. You're going to believe it. See ya. Kyle quit the band. He's out. He said, Kyle betrayed me. Go up. Please play a little bit of that. You got him, Orr? He's got some more. I'm outtie.

I'm sorry, guys. Freaking see ya. Yeah, big. Your king, Arugaloid, has left the building for... He's betrayed you. For the time being, I guess. What his people told us... Yes, we were contacted by his people. Was that he was busy. And, you know, he's busy. That's fine. He is busy. He's busy. And he told us. His people didn't tell us. You know, when you work in this business of show...

Sometimes there's a lot of pressure coming at you from all these big corporations taking over all this. And, you know, sometimes it weighs heavy on the shoulders and you got to do what you got to do. And he's doing that. It's a bagel. Yeah. And are we afraid now that, like, you know, I don't want to say dead weight, but...

The weight that has been cut. Are we afraid the podcast is going to be too good now? It's going to soar. Yeah. Get a potty. Right. I'm a little afraid. Just like we found a real nice pocket with Kyle, with the four of us of just sort of middling, you know, just kind of, you know, just sort of not, not doing too great with the podcast. Yeah. And now I'm afraid we're going to, now we're going to have to compete with the Rogans of the world.

We'll be right up there with the other shows that are big. I'm sure there's other big podcasts. I just don't listen. There's got to be other big ones. There has to be other big podcasts. Yeah. Probably about murder. People love murder podcasts. Probably about murder. I feel like Always Sunny just threw their name in the hat. Yeah, they're copying our... First of all...

sipping our tea, chugging our Kool-Aid. Yeah, we were the first to do a podcast ever. Absolutely. And now our podcast is going to be too good. Right. It's going to be a runaway freight train. And I'm nervous for that. Yeah. Yeah. Should we rename it? Maybe. Two assholes and a bitch? I like that. I like that. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Did that? Oh, my God.

I remember I went, I paid, it was like, they were super expensive. They're like 600 bucks or something. And I had to ask my mom, like, yo, I can't cover this. And she's a sweetheart. And she gave me the money to, or half the money or whatever, probably all the money to go get them. And they were atrocious.

The guy made me do five looks. Remember this, Durs? I fucking hated these people. I'm going to blow them up. Oh, they're the worst. What was their name? Zeke and Michelle or some shit. I have no idea who I went to. Fuck it. But he made me wear a tank top, a wife beater is what they used to call them. Yeah, right. And I held on to a chain link fence and then looked over my shoulder like this. Yeah. Yep. You know why? Why?

Great ass! The ass, man. They wanted the ass. There it is. Oh, you think they saw that ass and were like, this is what's going to get him fired from some Domino's commercials? They were for sure you were going to be in porno, but I digress. All right. Okay, here's the reveal. I was just cleaning up my office, throwing some stuff away the other day, came across like the last 10 of these.

Are we fucking with this guy? Oh my god. Oh my god. He doesn't age. Not smiling. Not smiling at all. Well, you don't smile in a theatrical... I feel like that's the perfect guy to be in an NCIS special victims and you are the rapist. I would cast that guy. Yeah.

Oh, sure. Yeah. Like you think it's somebody else. And then, but it's in the back of your mind. You're like, it's probably that dude. Yeah. He's like, you're like the, you're like the athlete that everyone is like, oh man, he's the best star athlete in high school. He's in the early part of the episode. He's like, I drove her home. Uh, she was fine. And then I left. I don't know. She was a real great girl. Uh,

Yeah, and then all of a sudden, the turn is... It was you all along. Right. Yeah. And then I went straight to hockey practice. And then I was... Why didn't you get hired for shit like that? That sucks, dude. Yeah, what the fuck? Truth be told, I think like you just said, I got 500 of these made. Yeah!

Right? Yeah. And it cost $1,000. And I was like, and then... Yeah, it was so fucking expensive. Whoever sent them out, they like sent them all out. And then they were like, and then we'll need more. And I go, no. No, sir, I don't like it. It was such a racket, dude. As soon as they were like, ah, you don't need... Headshots are kind of a... You just... We could just email photos of you. Yeah. I mean, I was like, thank fucking God.

I was just remembering, did you guys ever do like odd jobs? Like you were talking about Taylor, like driving up and for 500 bucks, which sounds like a freaking dream gig back then. Did you have to do like, I remember TaskRabbit.

Did you ever get to the point where you were just picking up weird-ass side jobs like that? Like, I remember going to somebody's garage and, like, building a shelf. You were a TaskRabbit? You were TaskRabbit? Yeah. Yeah, I did a TaskRabbit. As, like, an experiment? No, as I needed to pay rent. Can you imagine you need to get some furniture built and Blake shows up? And Blake shows up.

Sorry I'm late. It took me four hours to find your place. Yeah. I drove the wrong way down the freeway. I didn't bring tools. Did I need some? Okay, yeah. My bad. I thought I could just screw the shit in by hand. That's all cool.

No, all it really was, I remember just like building people's Ikea furniture. How did you find them before TaskRabbit? Wait, I don't, how did I not know this about you? I mean, I was living with you at the time that you were doing this, correct? Sneaky. Yeah, absolutely. You're making this sneaky. But you were an angry loner, Adam.

I was busy being an angry loner. You didn't give me the time of day, man. You don't remember how poorly you treated me? Just didn't even look in my direction. Never asked me how I was doing. Yeah. How do you think all that furniture in your fucking apartment got built, man? Yeah, man. That's gravitated me. That's the exact opposite of...

When we were roommates, I wanted to hang out with Blake all the time, and he just wanted to count his change sitting cross-legged on his bedroom floor. That's all he wanted to do. I did. I definitely did. I'd come into his room. He was always counting his... Yeah, he was always, like, counting his, like...

pennies and nickels. Yeah, well, you know, I had like a little coin jar or whatever. Remember when you would get the fucking sparklets like water jug and try to fill it with change? Are we talking Coinstar action here? Are we back to it? That's the thing. You didn't use Coinstar. Coinstar takes a fucking cut, dude. I was like, just take it to Coinstar. They'll count it for you. Hell no. And I'm also like, even the bank will count it for you. No, no, no, no, no. You buy sleeves.

You count them out in stacks. You fill the sleeves. No, I'm not about to give Coinstar what they take like. The bank does it for free. You just go to the bank. Nah, not a big ass sparklets jug. You're not going to count my whole sparklets jug. They pour it into a thing. They just put it into a machine. They pour it into a thing. It's not like some poor woman has to sit back there and count penny by penny like you do on your bedroom floor. Yeah.

Hey, also, I didn't have much to do. It was between task rabbits. Blake's very tactile. He's a tactile person. He likes the smell of the coins on his fingers. Yes, absolutely. So when you say that about me, I'm not giving you the time of day. I would always come in. I'd be like, hey, let's go do something. I mean, we even dated roommates. Yeah, yes, I know. I couldn't shake you. So I wanted... So like when we would...

And the only reason I dated that girl was to get closer to you, Blake. Wow. Stop. Perfect. Zip it. I just want to be closer to you, dude. You're not that guy, pal. Trust me. Dude, I was just trying to... I never got sick of Blake. Blake immediately was like... He'd go like, hey, are you going over to their house tonight? And I'm like, yeah, yeah, you? And he's like... Then no. Then no. I gotta kill my coins. I'm just gonna sit here.

Carpooling to our girlfriend's house. I mean, you save on gas. Smart. You guys have always been ahead of the curve. Always been sneaky. Dude. So TaskRabbit. So I did not know. I thought TaskRabbit came after we had done the show. It did. Blake was doing Craigslist or something.

It must have been Craigslist then. I would like go down the thing and it would say, we'll pay you 50. I could also see Blake. We did season one of Workaholics and Blake being like, well, I'm going to pick up a few TaskRabbits. Right. The jobs were usually easy and you get a good story out of them. It'd be kind of fucking sick to re-enter. Hey, Blake, what's one story? Name one. You fucking idiot. Name one. I got plenty of real...

Things that'll just have you rolling on the floor. Name one good story that came out of this. There's plenty. I was in this garage and I put this bookshelf together.

And the girl turned out to be just this girl. It was cool, man. She's like, do you want water? And I was like, okay. I was like, wait, is there like something in the water or something? I don't know. And there wasn't. And there wasn't. It was just water.

Three hours and $20 later. No, I never did. Well, I mean, when we first got to LA, I remember me and our old podcast member. Um, I can't remember his name. I can't remember his name. See ya. Uh, freaking see ya. Kyle betrayed me. Then Eli tried to hide. Uh,

We did like in the middle of the night. It was illegal what we were doing. Usually. We would go and break into people's homes. No, no, no. We were cat burglars, essentially. We would break into people's homes where they're sleeping to take their shit. We'd steal necklaces. Oh, dude. We were necklace thieves. And then jerk off in our plants. He was a huge Louis C.K. fan. Our old podcast member. Goodbye. Goodbye.

So now that Kyle quit, he always called him a bitch, but... Kyle betrayed me? Is quitting a bitch move, or is that an asshole move, leaving us... Was this a bitch move? Is he being an asshole? You know, now that's a great debate right there, speaking of Dave King's podcast. But, uh...

Check it out. Yeah, I don't know. To some of us, I feel like, yeah, it could be taken as a bitch move and some can kind of feel like an asshole. I guess it depends if you're an asshole or a bitch yourself. You might, since you guys are assholes, you're kind of in the alpha side of things. You might be like, oh, that's a freaking bitch move. Right. Because you guys, you know, you're,

You're just so strong and intimidating. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's us. And, you know, it's just like you kicked someone off the island. But for someone over here who's just a little bitch in the corner, I'm like, oh, gosh, man, that feels like a real asshole to abandon me to these. Right. These wolves of friends that I have because I'm I'm scared. Friend wolves. If he does another podcast, that's asshole.

Okay. I don't think he started another podcast. If I was a betting man, and I am. I wish. I'd tune in. Hey, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe he would do something else in a different vein than just talking with your best friends. Yeah. It would be ping pong and podcasting together while growing vegetables. See, you don't listen. It's pickleball. Okay, Adam? You don't listen. And maybe that's why Kyle...

is gone. Sorry, he got into pickleball like the rest of the world. Hey, I still want to play. I think it sounds pretty fun. It does. We only have like five or ten more years left of like a lot of the animals on Earth and like coral and like so let's just go out and see it while it's still here because it's all going to be gone very soon. Blake, you're

you're on the internet all the time, man. Yeah. Well, it's my... Don't get on your high horse and pretend like you're not always on the internet. You're the only one of us that knows how to Photoshop. So... You're one of my more plugged in guys when it comes to the world of the internet. Well... I bet you have more than three... I only go to three websites. Bitch! What?

What are they? It's Pornhub, Gmail, and then the other one's Debatable. YouPorn. And it's Pornhub, Gmail, and the other one's YouPorn. The other one, I mean, it's like maybe Deadline Hollywood to find out stuff about, like, I don't know. Your adversaries? Goodbye. Of my adversaries. Wait, what were the three? Gmail?

Pornhub. Gmail. Pornhub. YouPorn. I don't go to YouPorn. I'm pretty Pornhub loyal. You know what's crazy? Go to YouPorn every once in a while. It's got a different vibe. The videos have a different kind of thing that might catch you off guard. I know they're probably once a month to just check it out and go, whoa. Shake things up. That's a different interface.

It's a little shittier. It's a little kind of grimier if you're looking for a less polished thing every once in a while. This is you porn. You know what I don't like about that, though? Is if somebody is using any of your devices and they put...

you know, Y into the search bar looking for YouTube and you go to YouPorn more than YouTube, that's going to be the first thing that pops up. Sorry, you don't use the like... So you have to have a special computer. As a dad, you have to have a special computer with that. It's like you put black tape on it or something. You're like, that's just daddy's computer.

Leave it alone. Leave it alone. Don't touch the one with the giant X on it. Drop it. I guess any sticker would work. Remember the Austrian guy who had like the 18 doors down to the dungeon where he kept his like kids or whatever? Yeah, the one that looked exactly like you as an old man. Exactly. That's where I... Goodbye. That's where I keep the porno computer. Just behind 18 doors. Yeah. I have a little hidden compartment right behind my... No, you said department. My tile. Oh.

I have a whole department store of porno. Of just underwear on racks that you like squeeze when you jizz? It's like a Macy's. Cartoons were hot. No, I never wanted to fuck cartoons. I'm like... Yeah, right. Are you kidding me? I did. I never wanted to fuck cartoons. Jessica Rabbit? Jessica Rabbit. What's bug... Okay. What about the bunny from Space Jam? Jasmine from Aladdin. Yes. Pocahontas. Those are my one, two punches.

And then Jessica Rabbit was okay, but hey, too much going on. Don't say punch about two women. You're like, those are my punches. My one-two punches with these two women. You know what I mean? You know what I get. What I'm trying to say. I know what you get. You get angry. I get angry. Fuck you. Fuck you. I never saw Pocahontas. Was that a good movie? I don't remember it being good. I remember her being like, okay. The song is very heavy. Okay.

Yeah. Have you ever seen the wolf cry? I think it's have you ever heard the wolf cry? Have you ever painted with the colors of the wind? Who wrote that? Imagine if you could. Bill Collins, probably. Always. He was all up in it. And then they had the other one that was like, savages, savages, barely even human. And that's the one that really stuck with you? It was problematic. Dude, there was like four songs in the movie. There weren't that many.

It was weak. You're yelling at me. So you just watched this because, what, you have a daughter, so you're always just throwing on the old school empowerment movies? No, I mean, I'm assuming that you've got to lean into it a little bit. There's no BET uncut anymore, so late at night I just walk down memory road, dude.

I'm just like, what's up with those Disney movies? Were they good? Everybody's asleep. Daddy's going to go watch his Disney movies. Some of them hold up. Beauty and the Beast holds the fuck up. Yeah, that shit is fucking rocks. Hold up. The Little Mermaid music is strong. Yeah, Sebastian carries that movie if we're being honest. Yeah.

What's up with you and your weekend? A lot of soccer for kids. Yeah, baby. What is that like, Ders? Do you like any of the other dads? What's it like? I'm so drunk. I have no idea. Do you like the other fathers? Yeah. Because you have to befriend these families, right? These other friends of people. Right.

I feel like my parents put, like, my mom liked everybody, but I feel like my dad just went through, like, 18 years of putting up with people. Yeah. And being like, yeah, it's fine. And then as soon as I graduated high school, he was no longer friends with any of them, and he got a completely new group of friends. Yeah. He was like, yeah, I'm fucking out. Later. Fuck it. They're fine. They're okay. They're cool. Everybody, you know, you're just there to make sure the kids are having a good time. Okay. All right. Coded language. Yeah. No, that is weird, though. That's, like, the whole thing about the process is, like,

Of course you want your kids to have friends, but when you're an adult, it's being friends with the other parents, and it's like, people are fucking weird, dude. People are weird. Yeah, people have their own little things. And by the way, you don't want to get too close, because then next season your kids are on different teams, and you're like, how you been, dude? Oh, shit.

competition straight up Mighty Ducks and then your kids are like but why where's where's Wolf right Jason Momoa's kid yeah where's Nakoa Wolf

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You got a couple assholes coming for the bitch of the crew. If I become the fucking punching bag, I'm out of here. That's an event. How about the event is that I can't take it anymore. And you blow your freaking brains out. Well, first of all, you said punching bag. You said punching. I'm pissed now. Is that how you talk, you fucking bitch? Shut up, bitch. Yeah.

Hide behind your soundboard. No, I don't. I do not think that we would continue if one of us were to perish. I think perishing. Right. We might do one final wrap up, sort of give the guy who died his flowers, you know? Yeah. I would think that that would be one of the saddest, like, just you guys would be crying the whole time, right?

No, no, no. We would make it fun. We would make it fun. Why didn't you cry about it? Like the whitest kids you know, those guys were fucking. Yes, yes. That was so good. Talking about their homie who passed away. They went on to kind of. Trevor Moore, RIP. Your flowers delivered. Trevor Moore, RIP. They went online to kind of tell everybody what exactly happened because it was shrouded in mystery.

Yes, it was. What happened? I didn't know. I'm not privy. I think what finally... I mean, it was just a terrible... It was an accident. Let me... Okay, you go ahead. Let me just say... Can I finish? Can I finish? The guy with the soundboard doesn't even... Can I finish? Okay, so they all got on to announce it. And then they basically said he died sucking his own dick and drowning in his own cum.

They played it so straight, and it was so, so funny. That is the best. You know, that's how you would want it. That's right. If you guys didn't do that for me, I'd be... Yeah. No, I mean, that is how maybe you would want, but if my parents, they listen to the pod, and that's how you guys put me on, I don't know if they'd be like, yeah, man, they fucking gave Blake a really great send-off. Remember when they said he died from... Yeah, but parents would get it. They'd be like, oh, like... Yeah, like, are your parents cool, though? Or are they...

Bitches. I'm raised by bitch wolves.

Like, if I could rock girl style with, like, out getting in trouble or, like, being judged by my fucking peers. No one's gonna judge you. Those no-butt pocket jeans were kind of fire, dude. Let me tell you something. Go throw them on now, and you'll get, like, PR about it. Yeah. Yeah, right? You know, people will say, like, you're brave, you know? I feel like that's when the... It was kind of like a low-rise jean. It was dope, dude. That shit was fire. But also, they have purses. Like, where are you putting your wallet and your phone? Truly. Do you remember how...

low the low rise was for men or women? Jesus Christ. I mean, I don't remember it really being a man thing. It was a man thing. Was it? No,

Oh, yeah. But the women's were crazy. The zipper was this. I don't remember that. You were more into the designer jean thing than I am. No. That was like if you were in the Black Crows or something. Then you could do the low rise. But other than that, nobody was rocking little... Fever dog. Fever dog.

Come on, dude. Yeah, I don't know. I don't remember it being a guy thing. It was. I remember just Christina Aguilera's like literally her top pussy was hanging out of her. Unreal. You saw a top pussy. Out of her many pussies, the top one was hanging out. The top.

The top part of the puss. Well, no, it was just it was like super in to just show your tummy off, dude. It was a time for tummies. Yeah. Big, big tummy phase. The lower part of the tummy. I feel like recently it's been like an upper tummy. Right. You're right. Now it's up high. What is the deal with the shirts? They're like, look at the top of my the bottom of my ribs above my belly button. That's to show off under boob. Do girls not know that's not a good look?

No, I think it's a cool look. It's kind of hot. I don't mind it. Okay. What is good about it? I think what it is, it's its skin. I feel like, uh,

Any amount of skin is skin. Fair enough. No, you say no more. I get it. It's just skin. You're saying... Because now girls are kind of wearing the pants way up higher, like almost past the belly button, right? Right. Well, you know, what I think it is is kind of a little bit of a hack. It's almost like when you wear Spanx, like how it kind of sucks everything in. I don't know. It just makes the form look nice. And once again...

We know chicks. Dude, we know chicks. Whatever. Ladies, your form looks nice. Let's bring the pants back down. Let's get belly chains back. That was another thing I was very jealous of. I wish I had a belly chain without being judged. Wait, you were jealous of it?

It got real quiet. Yeah, man. That's fucking cool. That's fucking cool. Belly chains? Okay. Yeah, no judgment here. It seems like you're judging. I'm not. There's no judgment here. Why? He's full of wonder. Why?

The more chains on your body, the better. Like, come on. The more you can bling out. You know, you can't do it, Blake. You live in Los Angeles, a city where you, if you want to wear belly chains, more power to you. I feel like you live in the city. Weird, wild stuff. That you could really do whatever the fuck you want to do. And people are like, all right. Yeah, but can I do? I think about this a lot. I'm like, can I like truly do a lot of things?

Continue? He's always thinking about this. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. I'm constantly on Amazon waiting for the right belly chain to pop up. Uh-huh. And they're just not out there. Nobody's producing them. Right.

No, it like, can you really reinvent yourself like that hard? Where like, I just like, if I started rocking a belly chain, they'd be like, is Blake really doing this? Because like his, his soul told him to. Don't you, haven't you met anybody from high school that reinvented themselves when you like run into him again? And you're like, but,

Okay. I see that you picked a lane and you went right down the pipe. Well, I think you would have to ease into it. I think you first- Get a belly ring. You got to start wearing some belly shirt. I don't know. I think if you just like, you move to a new town. I think you move into-

belly shirts, go on jogs, wear like short shorts and like a belly shirt, like as if it's like an ironic 80s workout type thing. Like a football practice jersey mesh. There we go. Now we're talking. Like a Walter Payton poster. And then you do something like

You wear like an earring that hangs down or something. Yeah, like a feather. I pierce my ear. You pierce your ear. Yeah. And yeah, and it hangs down, which is popular now. Yeah. And then and people are like, OK, he's doing a thing. And then you move on to no pockets on my jeans. No, you rip them off.

You hire a kid to come over to your house and task grab all the pockets off your jeans. I go Insta live. I show him ripping the pockets off my jeans. I show the transformation happen. And then you got to get a nipple pierced because I feel like if you have a belly chain, there's like an 85% possibility that you also have a nipple pierced.

Yo, by the way, Kid Cudi was just like in my newsfeed the other day. He goes, Kid Cudi shows off his nipple piercing. And I'm like, this is in my newsfeed? And it was just like an open button shirt with his nipple piercing out. Hot, hot, hot, hot. It knows what you like. Oh, it knows. Yeah. Well, it knows I have a friend who's been thinking about this for a long time. Yeah.

Dude, that's what I'm saying though. Also with like a dude like me, you know, like I'm not, I'm not making waves like that anymore. There's probably somebody already. Dudes like you never do. No, dudes like you do, Blake. You gotta believe in yourself. You make waves. Maybe you're not even a dude like you. Maybe you're a dude like somebody else. Have you thought about that? I'm just saying like, I don't know if belly chains is my lane. You said it was. Lil Uzi Vert's gonna do it first. You're the one saying, you're the one who brought this up. You're talking me off the ledge, brother. I'm done.

A buddy of mine's dad had a computer in the garage. It's Adam. I already know it's Adam. It's a bagel. A buddy of mine's dad. Yeah, his dad when we were kids. Dad-um. And I remember in Blake's favorite decade, the 90s. Dad-um. And I always was like, what a weird place.

put a computer in the garage you know I was like yeah yeah in the garage it seems like a strange and now I understand why it was there uh-huh that really just dawned on me within this conversation that he was going to the garage because that was his computer

that the children were not allowed to touch. Yeah, some guys work on cars and some guys work on their... Lube something else. Lube the pipe. Jiffy lube. What's funny, Adam, is I was ready to come to this guy's defense and I'm like, yeah, he for sure just didn't work at home. And then I was like, yeah, but he's beating off in there. Yeah, for sure.

For sure he is. For sure. Because he didn't work at home. He had a job. Right. He left. Yeah. He put in some hours, though. He's punching in. Some work in the metaverse. I was so hyped on the bros that would get busted on Zoom calls, like, beating off. I know. That one guy. I was so hyped on those dudes. I thought that one guy, Tubin or whatever, like, I didn't realize the intricacies of, like,

They were on a Zoom call, and then they're like, hey, guys, let's take a five-minute break. And everyone broke off. Some people didn't. He thought he did and then just started beating off. And then they were like, hey, Tubin. By the way, we're like seven months late on this. This poor guy is just like, we just subbed it. But anyway. So who was he? Sorry, who was he?

He works for like the New York Times, I think. Oh, okay. So he was a reporter. Like a journalist, right? Oh, okay. And didn't realize he was still on Zoom and they were like, Jeffrey! And he was like, oh, fuck. And his headset wasn't on, so he's just double fisted. Oh, going furious. Like, by the way, apparently... Trying to bang one out. He's only got five minutes. Exactly. Your boobs are huge. He immediately called people and apologized and was like, oh my God, so sorry. Yeah.

Doesn't matter. No, you've got to double down. Already fired. You've got to double down. You're out the door. The headlines made it seem like this dude was just like on the down low like, what? I'm not doing anything. Yeah, totally. Just a lot of shoulder movement. Yeah. Did I do that?

Have you guys been constantly recognized with your masks on? Have we constantly? Have you been constantly recognized with your mask on, like in public? I've never worn a mask. I don't know. I wouldn't say. Yeah, I'm done wearing it. I'm done wearing it. I already caught COVID. I never have. Yeah, I'm anti-mask. Blake's the anti-mask. No, all right.

I feel like the first time that I ever was out in public, like I took a flight to, where the hell did I go? I think it was to Atlanta. Jet Setter. And I was already feeling very anxiety ridden that I was amongst people and I just didn't want anybody around me because we were so freaked out by this whole fucking scenario. Yeah, bitch, go ahead. And then right out of the gate, somebody walked up to me like, hey.

Hey, are you... Are you Blake from Workaholics? And I had the mask on and I'm like... Did you have the hair up in a bun or a hood or what? I had it back in a ponytail, but maybe these like really sleepy baby blues just...

Just lured them in. But they recognize. Do you think you have sleepy baby blues? I feel like it looks like I have very weighed down stoner eyes. Yeah. Yes. I feel like, I don't know if the color of your eyes are sleepy. It's the fact that the dark circles around your eyeballs. Yeah. I think you're just tired. Just say my tired eyes. Yeah.

Yeah, you got a real thick patch of... That's why I got the pits, baby. The pumpkin patch. Don't worry about the eyes. I got the pits. That's what Chloe always says. She says that I look like a person that's five years younger than my actual age, but who's really tired all the time.

that's what she says she's like you just look five years younger but really tired that's sweet all right i'll take that i'll see you later wait what uh i keep getting recognized like i don't understand it okay jurors we get it you're famous you're in fucking movies you're bobby d dude i guess i didn't think about that yeah yeah but it's weird because you're like i you barely recognize your own friends if you like rolled up somewhere you'd be like

Adam? Well, I feel people are used to seeing people with masks on now. So it's, I feel like you can recognize in this part of the pandemic, it's a little easier to clock people because you're used to seeing everybody in masks. When at the beginning, you know. By that rationale.

Like, if we wore full body suits long enough, I guess we would figure out how to recognize people's movement and shit. Yeah, their walks, their body types. Like how Shredder in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is preached. Okay, this is what we were waiting for. Go off, King. The way that his secondhand guy described the way that turtles were fighting, it was familiar. It was something from the past. Okay, okay.

I like to think that you just started this conversation just to get this point, and I'm here for it. Let's talk about freaking Shredder and his past.

By the way, that movie, it's heavy. It's not for kids. You're talking Ninja Turtles 1, 19-whatever? Ninja Turtles 1 from 1990 or whatever. 1990, 99, 91. Yeah, it was a game changer. It opens up. The way it's shot... Who did the first movie? It feels like it's Tim Burton. I know it's not, but it's like...

I think it's Steven something. I don't fucking know. Our producers might know. It's Steven, yeah. Spaleberg. Yeah, that guy. Dave Spaleberg. Coming off hot off of E.T., went right into Ninja Turtles. Did you see it in the theaters, boys? Yeah. Yes, I did. Yeah. Because I remember...

When Raphael says, damn, it shook me to the core. I'm like, oh, shit. Motherfucker. They cuss. They cuss. Absolutely shook. When he goes, damn. The turtles cuss. You didn't like that? I love that. I know. You're a bad boy. Well, yes, but it was like a grown-up, like, whoa, when you see your parents fighting physically. When your parents make you watch them fuck. Oh.

God. When you see your mom stomp on your dad's balls. When they would juice each other. You know that? I guess prep your parents. Like, let them know now, like, hey, if I were to die, Adam and Durs are going to talk about how I need to have my stomach pumped from guzzling too much jizz. And I didn't. And that's why I died. Right. I suffocated with the amount of, I drowned in jizz. I've thought about, like, having funny montages or songs played at my funeral for sure. Oh, yeah. Like, where it's just like,

When people show up and they're like, oh man, this is crazy. That like something happens with the like, oh, we got to get out of here. Why are we even here? Why did he do that? Why did he play that montage? Yeah. Let's go. Fuck this dude. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Sorry, I misspoke. Let's leave. Let's leave. I mean, that'd be the ultimate. Anders died. It's just the video that you show is just a montage of people screaming, let's go. And you have to and everyone has to sit there and watch it. Right.

of just people screaming, let's go. I think I would kill myself. If I was at one of your funerals, I'd be like, I have to join him on the other side because this is too much. See ya. My kids are watching it like, what?

So your dad was so funny, man, and he would work so hard on script. I loved him. Let's go. So your dad's gone forever, but he left this very confusing montage for you to watch. He's not going to be there to raise you, but this is pretty funny. This is the thing he left.

for you and your brothers. Hold up. And then you guys are like, oh, you don't get it? You're four years old. You don't get it? Oh, you don't get it, though. Oh, God. Your dad was so funny. You're not even funny yet. Dude, you're only four. You're so dumb at four. That's life.

Here's my Kyle. Here's my Kyle. He'd be like this. He'd go, yeah, man, vibro. Wasn't it spice? And we'd go in on him for 10 minutes while the producers had time to look up the name. You know, I wish Kyle was here. We would rail against Kyle. I wish Kyle was here because I would like to give him flowers. We really took him to task on the last. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to do this. Wait. No, no, no. I'm looking in the thing now. They're saying Adams was her OG last name. Not right. Oh, Victoria Adams?

Okay. Victoria Adams. Who's Justice? Anyway, go ahead. Adam, you have the floor. Well, Victoria Justice is an actress. She's an actress. Okay, well, she wasn't at soccer. Yeah, I was going to give Kyle flowers because we gave him shit about the... Sizzler.

And it was I'm going to Disney World is the saying that everyone always said after they won the Super Bowl or whatever. Like, what are you going to do now? I'm going to Disney World. But he was referring to what he didn't know what it was from and couldn't explain it well. So that's why we were shitting on him. But it is from a movie. It's from White Men Can't Jump when he's like, I'm going to sizzle. We're going to sizzle.

Wait, you're giving him way too much credit right now. Yeah. Because it's not like he was like, you know, I'm going to like St. Barry's sing song. Yeah, he didn't sing it. He just said, he said like, that's a thing, right? That's a thing that people say. And we were like, no, it's not a thing. No.

I know, that sucks that we live in a world that when you think you're on a five minute break, you just crank. A stroke break? Yeah, you can't crank down. Have we talked about how we had people call their parents and ask? Parents who were bosses. Back to the Workaholics writer's room. Flashback. We were doing an episode, we were talking about instead of a smoke break, can you take a stroke break to go beat off if you're like, you just need to, right? You gotta just, sometimes you gotta do it. And now I feel like you have a leg to stand on saying like emotional health.

Right. Yeah, for sure. Like ejaculating right now would emotionally make me feel better. Right. Relieve stress. Right. And so we had people whose fathers had people who worked for them. There were no mothers. But so we had Kyle called his dad and was like, what are you fucking talking about? You do that on your own time. Kyle betrayed me. And then he betrayed us. Kyle's daddy immediately yelled at him. But our writer's assistant, who I'll...

He'll go nameless for now because I don't know if he wants this out there, but he's a good man. This was in the writer's room where we were calling everybody's dad. He's a good man. Yeah. Yes. And he's... Good man.

It's Tony Goodman. Let's go! Yeah, we love Tony Goodman. Yeah, great guy. He called his dad, who's a lawyer and has a firm, and the dad got like hella, like absolutely not, like legal jargon. We were like, whoa, your dad sounds hella smart and like a boss. And he was using really big words. We were all really impressed. But then he called back and was like, look, I don't know, maybe. Maybe.

he had time to think about it, cool down a little bit. And I don't know if you guys, I guess I wouldn't give a fuck. Like, yeah, I mean, I guess there needs to be, I feel like if we ever get offices again together, it's never going to happen. Never. Probably never. It will happen again. Uh, cause we're all always in different places, but, uh, uh,

I feel like we should just have a room for either sex to go in, and if they want to crank down. No, because I don't want to go in the room you went in. Why not? It's a jerk institution. You've been in many rooms I've jerked off in. Have you ever been in my house? I don't doubt that. What I'm saying is when you bust, there's got to be particles. As we learn about coronavirus. Oh, my.

There's gotta be like jizz particles that hang in the air for upwards of days. Oh,

Okay. Really? There's got to be. It's science. If I know my guy, there is. Yeah. I jizz glitter, and you can't get it off. You're like a brony? It's everywhere. Yeah. You kind of dust the place? Because they do say, wasn't the whole thing when you smell farts, you're actually getting poo particles into your nose or something? Yes. But that's not exactly what it is. But I'm sure that there's some remnants of...

Yeah, right? You're getting gas, but like, yeah, there's for sure that one particle that was like there to attack your nose. Roo poo? Like true poo. True poo, yes. Wait. Yeah, so that makes sense. What? Yeah, that's what, I always heard like that's what the smell of farts was, was just like small particles of poo hitting your nose. No.

No, it's methane or whatever. It's actual gas. Okay, well, that's way grosser to me than you guys being covered in my jizz. Yeah, fair enough. Just particles. Covered, yeah. Just particles. Yeah. Bukkak me. Yeah. Yeah.

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i loved cursing as a little kid i feel like of course some kids were no some kids like don't like it like who didn't on the playground oh my god on the playground i had a cursing club that you that me and my friends it was my buddy's porch that's and i'd go over there and you had to say like dumb shit motherfucker or something in order to get in and we'd get in there and we would curse and

stuff dude no you're right I remember kids being like you swear a lot or like man I shouldn't swear and I had a friend who was talking about how he's like I gotta stop swearing I do it too much we were like nine fuck you asshole yeah well okay it got real I gotta stop fucking swearing oops yeah

damn i do it too much oops i will also say that andres holm you andres holm you have the worst mouth of any of the friends i have in my life you have a terribly foul mouth you cuss so much dude i thought you're gonna say like breath dude because yeah there's this rank he doesn't brush his teeth no no no you're i want to live inside that you cuss so much

You know that, right? And motherfucker. And motherfucker. You have a very foul mouth. So you must have been on the playgrounds just spitting. I don't remember Durr's having like the worst mouth. Like. Am I dead? Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't remember him. I don't remember him. No, I mean. RIP, but. I feel like you don't have the. Yeah, sure. You might not even notice it. I still am like, I don't know. Do you guys cuss in front of your parents? Yeah. Uh.

Not like unless it's like really necessary. Yeah, I don't close the fucking door. I said, mom, get me the fucking... Right, yeah. Just get me a fucking spoon. It's my fucking chair now, dad. Yes. You know, that kind of stuff. I'm the fucking patriarch of the family now, bitch. Hey, dad, you stupid bitch. Things like that. Hey, asshole. Yeah. I only swear when I'm referring to my parents.

Do I have to whip my dick out of this on you to get the fuck out of my house? Yeah, I guess I do it when it's like, if I'm like, if I like describing, describing the contractors at my house, I'd be like, they're driving me fucking crazy. And like, cause I just have to, that's the only way I can describe that. Um, but I don't like casually swear in front of them. Like,

Man, it's cold as shit out there, guys. Like, they go, what? What are you doing? I'm just saying, it's fucking cold outside. I feel like my parents, not my mom so much. You have a different relationship. Yeah. Your parents, your dad swears. My dad never swore in front of me, really. Yeah. My dad is more like an older brother, if anything. Right. Yeah.

He's always trying to get me to smoke shit. That shit's important. Are you sure he's not? Like the Workaholics episode? Yeah, that was the Workaholics episode where Jack Black is claiming to be your brother the whole time and at the end he's your dad, right? It's either that or the other way around, but yeah. No, he was claiming to be my dad the whole time and then later on I found out he's my brother. Right. Right.

Colin Farrell started it. Yeah. Just started wearing it way back, way back. Like hanging your shit off. Well, we're talking wearing a beanie. It's just like wave the fuck back here. Like all the way back. This was during deep V season. This one. Yeah. V's got deep. I got a funny deep fees. Got, I got a funny deep V story where not DV, but a hat story out with my home. I don't even fuck with visa at all. Yeah. Fuck a V visa for squares. Fuck a V. It's hard to find a V now. Uh,

I remember being out at a club. I was out at a club with a homie. And he goes, look at this fucking guy. It's 80 degrees out and he's wearing a fucking winter hat. And I look at my guy and I'm like, you're wearing a winter hat. And he goes, oh, fuck.

You know what I fucking mean, though. I was like, I haven't seen that guy in a few years, but he's a fun guy. But it was like, dude, maybe don't worry about that guy. You're doing it. Maybe you guys should kick it down. Did that guy wear eyeliner? I went in with this club. I don't know. He was fun. Fun, dude. I knew some homies back in the day that I would be like with other friends. I'd be like, is he? Does he?

wear eyeliner, like guy liner, dude, dude, it was guy liner. It was swoop necks. It was. Yeah. Deep, deep. Lots of. Yeah. Cause V's hat was an actual V shape. But remember when the swoop started where it was just like, remember when you were in like elementary school and you play like football and motherfuckers would hang on your collar. Yeah.

And remember how fucking swooping that neck would get? Urban Outfitters, it was crazy. Titties were out. Nipples were out. Male nipples. Men's breasts. I haven't been into an Urban Outfitters in a while. Have you...

Have you, Blake? Yeah, Blake is still disguised as a high school student. Of course he has. I'm just going to go see what they have in here. Oh, purple jeans? Yeah, all right. Blake keeps a finger on the pulse. He's the go-to cool guy of the group. I'm sure he goes into Urban Outfitters. Blake, when was the last time you were in an Urban Outfitters? Last week.

Really? For yourself or checking on your own merch? Because actually urban, now it's like urban home and they have like cool pillows and like they have like funny ornaments for your Christmas tree. Happy holidays, everybody. Okay. No, but the clothes game is kind of weak now. I feel like they've been poached so hard that like... I love that I know you so well that I knew you'd recently been. I could smell it on you. Yeah, you could smell it on him. Hey, man. You guys...

You gotta tap in with Urban Outfitters. You can go dance with the girl you brought. You know what I mean? No. You bring a girl to the dance and then you marry a much older girl. Get to the dance. You find another girl. You marry her. You've never heard that saying? You've never heard that saying? I don't understand. What does this have to do with taking a girl to the dance? Going to Urban Outfitters? I wouldn't be where I was. Yeah. Yeah.

Without Urban Outfitter, man, it really... Go ahead. What? Tell us more. A lot of my wardrobe onward college was just straight up Urban Outfitter because that shit will clear. That shit will clear. Like what, for example? Well, hey... For example... All their blanks. All their blank shit. They just will have blank flannels or blank shirt pocket tees or like... It's...

Okay, so if you guys want to know about... Do you know who else makes Blake Flannels? Blank? Everyone. Everyone. And I also, I'm not going to like just check into the store that I wore their clothing once on a TV show and go like, I have to. They raised me. You got to dance with the girl you came with, brother. It's a thing he's saying? Okay. Move on. Popo Sack!

Let them have it. Yeah, but I don't know if people know, like costume department, like you can't just wear anything on television. That's why sometimes when you watch like reality TV, their clothes are blurred because maybe you couldn't clear Nike or Adidas. But Urban Outfitters makes a lot of stuff that is blank. I feel like I wore Adidas almost every episode where I was wearing.

Adidas signed off on you, dude, because you're a freaking Adidas boy. And you couldn't get anybody to sign off on you? You have such a look. You're such an icon. You think Blake Henderson was wearing Adidas? Stoner extraordinaire. Come on, dude. I

That's all I'm saying. Happy holidays. You know those weed PSAs that you're like... Kids get stoned and then they find a gun and they're fucking around and then it's like... You just hear a gunfire and then it's like... Jimmy died that day. You know? And essentially it was...

Us. Really sad. It was us having a gun. We smoke weed and then we shoot each other and blood just squirts out. Smoke weed every day. And then the person just laughs really hard. And then we just go back and forth shooting each other until finally one, my buddy shoots, or I shoot my buddy in Austin Anderson in the head and he dies. Right. And I, then finally I realized that I just murdered my friend.

Dude, hilarious. You have to watch it. It's funny. Well, he has a really good... It was one of the first reads from Adam that I was just like, wow, this dude is just comedically a genius over here. Where you're like, dude...

dude. And he's like, dude. Like each dude gets more concerned and real. And I'm like, oh, this is my dude, man. Right here. This is my dude. So what did, did you watch this in improv class at OCC? Yeah, this was kind of while we were still courting each other to see if we, we had the chops. And I remember seeing that video. Cause he was like, this guy's a bitch. And you're like, he's kind of an asshole. He's kind of an asshole. I don't know if I'm willing to let my guard down and have him be a part of my life. Cause I know it's going to be,

A rocky road? Like, is he going to shoot me? Is that the joke?

Wow. Wow. Yeah, but I saw that. So wait, this is like bring your sketch to school day? No, I remember it was after our first day of improv class at Orange Coast College in Costa Mesa, California. And go Pirates. Go Pirates. And we did like, you know, it's improv class. You get up and basically you suss out who's funny and who isn't funny right away. Okay.

And you do that by getting up and saying, make me laugh to someone one at a time? Yeah. I say yes, no. Judging them. Instead of yes, and. Right. I say yes, no. You be funny now. Yeah. Yeah, no. I'm a dentist, and you just came into my office? No. No, you're not. Blake was super funny, and then afterwards, I went up to him, and I was like, I think we should write together. And I remember we were standing in that back hallway of the Black Box Theater, and you were like-

Uh, hell yeah. You, you just started to jerk off and then you started fingering your own bottle. If I remember correctly, if I remember correctly, that's my move. Pizza, pizza. Finally, someone's talking to me. And then you started fingering your own bottle. Hey, Adam, I don't do yes. And I do. Yes. But yes, but fill it up. Uh,

And then we went back to new a checks apartment. And I just got it. I was like me and my friend make a bunch of videos. And this was before this, how old we are. This was before YouTube. So we were just making videos and then, you know, get showing them to friends and shit. And so we went over to his, uh,

a new checks apartment and watched all their videos and then they watched all of our videos and uh kyle betrayed me and then kyle um 15 years later betrayed us

You tried with that leather jacket that one time. Yeah. And that didn't work out very well. Oh, what happened? Well, I would wear a leather jacket and I found when I wore a leather jacket out, men would try to fight me. Yeah, dude. Really? It's a call to arms. Yeah, dude. Wait, sorry. Was this a leather jacket pre-money or post-money? Pre-money.

So you got it as like, you were like, fuck, I guess I'm gonna get this leather jacket and got it. And then no, it was a thrift store leather jacket. Oh, I liked it. Very nice. I liked it. You probably had other dudes pheromones on it is what happened. Do you think about that? Yeah. Yeah. The test, the testosterone, they can, they can smell it coming off that off that high. They were like, Oh, this guy fights. But it was the other guy. Yeah. I would find, I would go out and like,

People are just a little more aggro with me. And I'm like, I got to go back to my cotton shit or my denim dogs. Because I'm not trying to have fisticuffs every time I go out. Was this like a long Donnie Brasco leather trench coat? Yeah, what kind of leather jacket? With like a tie that goes around it? The one I'm thinking about was, it wasn't even like...

There wasn't studs. It wasn't like I'm trying to be rock and roll or anything. It was a brown leather jacket. Like Wilson leather? Like a working man. Yeah, it was. And I just remember, it was like multiple times that I'm out that I just felt like people were being a little aggro. And I'm like, it's the jacket. Yeah. I'm a man. Can we post a picture of this? Do we have pictures of this jacket? Yeah, I think I could dig in the crates and find a picture.

Post on the day. Did it have like a fur collar or anything? Or was it like one of those bully bombers? No. And I would rock a hooded sweatshirt underneath it. That's what I was like. I rocked the hooded sweatshirt underneath it. Oh, I remember this. That was a look too. Yes, I remember this jacket. And maybe... Yeah, you were a fucking asshole back then though.

That's true. You were a scrappy little comic. Yeah. Truth be told. Yeah, you were a scrappy little comic. You thought you were the shit. You weren't there yet. And it was like, I wasn't there. I wasn't there. And Eric Griffin had to put me in his place. He had to put you in his place. Thank God Eric Griffin beat your ass behind the improv one day. Vagina shark. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. I don't know. There are certain items that ask dudes just beg to be fought. Belly chains are a sign of peace, but leather jackets, it's war. Well said. God, I remember wearing a pink polo out in Chicago and just at least 10 guys in one night were like, nice polo, F.A.,

You know the rest. Oh, no. You know the rest. Is it real? And I was like, it's good to be home. And this is, I had been in LA and I came home. And look, pink polo, say what you will. I'm wearing it, okay? I had one on. What's wrong with wearing a fucking pink polo? I'm sure some of you have other preconceived notions about whatever. Pink is punk. And it was like, I was, because I was working at Lacoste, getting shirts for essentially free. And I was like, I'm going to rock this fucking pink one. This is sick. And just all night.

Fucking brutal. But that's Chicago. Well, why didn't you cry about it? I would say, yeah, maybe your fashion has changed a little bit because I don't see you taking those swings. I don't see you in like a really bright color that often. Yeah, you're way earth toned. What happened? So you think they were like, hey, come on, man. Stop. They were helping me. I think they got to you and you fucking bitched out. I want to see you wearing more pink, dude. Take it back. I'm not saying I didn't find somebody that night. Okay, allegedly. But hey, but guess what?

I'm saying it now. I didn't. Let's be clear. I did not. Shut up, bitch.

Remember when I didn't know you guys? It was just way back in the day. And you guys were talking about Bukkake. Constantly. Just let me dig into that there. Almost always. Go ahead. No, actually, I was trying to talk about it. This is how it went. I was trying to talk about it. About something. And I said, Bukkake?

Yeah, you didn't know how to pronounce it. You had only read the word in your head. You had never heard it pronounced aloud. I had never heard it aloud, so how I read it was Bu-cake. Mm-hmm.

Right. Well, that's just... That's the Midwestern in you. You look at it, you read it, phonetical, Englishly. Yeah. You don't know that there's a up and a down in there. A little birthday bukeke. It's delish. Bukeke. It's delish, baby. A little birthday. Bukake. Blake. What's up with that? Like...

Oh, dude. What is up with that? I was going to loop back around to Blake going in the metaverse. Okay, I was going to try and get 20 minutes out of Bukkake, but yeah, metaverse, all right. 20 to 40 on Bukkake. Dude, let's... I like both. I feel like Santa in 15 years is going to be over. Gone?

No. I think a lot of parents are going to be like, I don't like having this kind of a relationship with my children where I'm lying to them about this thing. Yeah, the lap sitting. Santa got me too'd. Well, no, but I just think that the lie, it's going to get weird and people are going to pass. It's

Dude, it's not, it's, it's not going to get weird. Stop lying. And I can't, I can't keep talking about this in the room. Okay. Okay. I just, I can't wait to start lying to my kids. I know, but as soon as you, you don't, and by the way, not to put you in check, you don't know, bitch. Uh,

Yeah. No, I don't know. It is a weird thing to... I don't know. ...like really get into the weeds about it where it's like, so if you don't have a chimney, what happens? And you're like... He's a locksmith. He can get in anywhere. And then... Well, it's... My parents just used the blanket statement of magic. I know, but this is... Yeah. That's 45 years ago for you. Like, I'm just saying like,

transparency magic still like there weren't cell phones dude they couldn't they couldn't go on youtube they can literally go on youtube and be like does the elf on the shelf move and then look for video evidence and then there's some dumbass jake paul motherfucker like it's not real we grew up getting wooden toys right guys i did actually i had an aunt that would always give me wooden toys and i'm like you're fucking killing me we're watching rock the cradle of love there's a sophistication level that like

The lying is just, you've got to get in the weeds with it. So I go, hey, go sit down and watch Kurt Russell in Chronicles of Christmas again and stop fucking talking to me. Smart. And that's a great... And you found that to be a good way to parent? I don't know. I haven't seen him in days. But there was a dad today who was very funny. It was like, they converted to Judaism because it was just too difficult to keep. Judaism? Judaism. To like...

I've had a little too much of the juiciness of a novel. Yes, sir. What you drinking there, Jersey? Happy holidays. Happy holidays. I got a little Jack. Well, not Jack, but whiskey ginger ale. I love that.

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This guy's a fucking killer. He was an Irish-British filmmaker, so that tells you one thing. And he directed the music video for Billie Jean by Michael Jackson. Okay. Which, wasn't that just a live show?

No, Billie Jean's the one where he's walking on the lights. Correct? Oh, so he's just like... Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Billy James is my mama. He's not my liker. I kinda like what she's got going on. Come on.

I love this Capri Sun. She's pretty cool. I love this. You know that was the first draft and somebody, some ghostwriter from Michael was like, can we just change these lyrics from I love that Capri Sun to the kid is not my own? And he's like, okay, I'm over here drinking Capri Suns.

We know, Michael. We know. You're a very logistical guy. Yeah, I wasn't socially R-worded. I knew how to talk to people. What did you just say? Socially R-worded. I don't know how else to... What other word? Awkward? Yeah. Yeah, awkward would fly. Hey, that being said, R-worded is fine. Is it? You can say that. Is it? Yeah.

I think so. Hold up. Hold up is right, Kyle. Well, I don't know, Durst. I've never said the R word in front of an actual person that was R. Yeah. Goodbye. Hey, you know who has? Like you have. You know who has twice in one day? Unbelievable. Yeah.

I remember. Unbelievable. And he, by the way, punch me. That's not how we deal with it. Not how we deal with it at all. Sometimes you just got to swing on a fool. You know? I mean, you think this life is real? You think this isn't just a simulation? I mean. Oh, shit. Well said. Damn, dude. That's freaking sick. Is it real? No, I do think the current thing we're doing right now is real.

In Israel? What about it? Yeah, we're in Israel. The Gaza Strip? I'd like to pivot. I would love to pivot. And talk Israel real quick. Go for it. This is the way. Because you had some interesting things to say the other night. Go ahead. Yeah, but see, I was at a premier party. I was just letting my political views fly. But this is... As you do at every...

premiere party yeah i i thought the mcgruber premiere was a great place to just get my hot takes on israel should we tell everybody it's fucking great we tell them i don't know i wasn't there what were these hot takes i'm joking but it was uh oh super funny super funny premiere oh my gosh dude mcgruber a lot of man but rubert is fucking back dude and i am i couldn't be more excited

So I'm working with Pierce Brosnan right now on the movie, The Outlaws. Hey, by the way, Adam, he's one of the sexiest men alive.

alive oh yeah no you know he's won that a couple times what do we think of 96 mid 90s for sure yeah and maybe got it twice maybe it's 96 98 combo dog but his his irish like uh terminology is the best dude i've never hung out with i don't think i've hung out with a lot of like truly irish like a colin farrell type dude yeah sexy he because we're doing a little improv and he's like trying to like

throw jabs at me and he's like come here you little sheep shagga right and I'm like that's what rolled off his tongue and I'm like Jesus Christ that's in the movie dude and you were like you heard about that I'm like so how did you hear so that's out there now I'm like the fact that that that it must be like a thing

Do you know if you type in does Adam Devine in Google, it fills in have Down syndrome? Really? Okay. Should we do this? Yeah. Look at it. Swear to God. That's the top one? Yeah. Evidently, that many people. That's Adam. That many people in the world go like, no.

No, no, dude. It's now down to four. But it's number four and five. Did you already do it? Yes. We have, does Adam Devine sing? Does Adam Devine sing in Pitch Perfect? Okay. Does Adam Devine have a brother? Oh. Interesting. Then it gets into, does Adam Devine have Down Syndrome? Does Adam Devine have Downs? Yeah. Okay.

The fact that there's two of them is wild. Weird, wild stuff. That means people will be searching. Should we do... Let's do Blake Anderson here. Mine's going to get dark real quick. Oh my god, number two is amazing. Does Blake Anderson skate? Oh my god.

Fucking hell yeah bro As soon as people start skateboarding He just skates to wherever they got the snacks And says I'll be back with a bunch Can I do that Does Blake Anderson have a kid That's number one Hello Have a brother Have a girlfriend And then it just kind of jumps to other stuff Have a kid Does Blake Anderson skate That's the second one up Have a brother Yeah

So yours is just real questions. Yeah. And also like kind of being like, well, he seems like he should skate. Yeah. No, that's understandable. Like everybody assumes that I skate, surf or abandon. I do none of those things. Well, or have even tried. Right.

Or even attempted to do it. You've tried to skate, though, I imagine. Oh, yeah. You were like, I'm going to give this a real go and then... Oh, for sure. You've just got to know when to hold them and know when to fold them. Yeah. God, skateboarding just never clicked with me. Back in the day, like as a kid when I got one, I was like, I'm going to be a skater. Not like that was going to be a skater because it was kind of before skating was big, but like...

didn't get it body couldn't figure it out yeah i mean i mean half of the battle with skateboarding is you have to be totally fearless i'm not that kind of a person i'm pretty fearful unless i'm like but even like getting around oh sure you just hit a rock like i'm i guess i guess i'm goofy footed okay yeah i just didn't i never liked the way i was like is this the way i'm supposed to be facing this doesn't feel right and then i'd switch to the other way i'm like

No. Also bad. Weird. Also really terrible. I can't do anything where I'm not facing forward. Exactly. Thank you. Okay. You can't stand sideways and move. I cannot stand sideways. Even sitting sideways, like in a car, I'm like,

Nah, not for me. Wait, like in a limousine? Like on a bus. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All those limousines. Or a limousine, all those stretch limos that I take everywhere. I have seen him freak out. He threw up one time in a limousine because he couldn't go. That is true. Yeah, but also, I think it's like...

As far as skateboarding goes, because now I hang out with a lot of really great skateboarders. Professionals. Yeah, and it's the best ever. Well, they make it look so goddamn easy. Yeah, and it's like, I want to hang out. I want to get some clips with my bros. That looks like a lot of fun, but it's just far too late in the game for me to start skateboarding. Remember when Kyle kind of tried to dust off the board? Freaking see ya. I don't remember who you're talking about.

R.I.P.? Yeah, he started to, like, try to skate again. Like, he built a ramp in his backyard, and, like, immediately, he didn't tell anybody this, but, like, fell and, like, broke his rib and was just, like, done for. Obviously. Because that's what happens. Yeah. Yeah, obviously. It's a young man's game.

Wear your pink polo. Wear your leather jacket. Wear your belly chain. Wear some jeans with the pockets ripped off the butt. Your bandana. Just do you, man. Just do what makes you comfortable. Well said. I love it. I love it. And I think Kyle would sign off on that as well. Kyle's been a big proponent of wearing shit you never should, but just did. Absolutely. There's no way to know. Kyle? Chime in. See ya. Actually, just a cool thing about Kyle. He bought these weird asses.

ass fucking corduroy like women's pants floral pants a long time they're popping I straight up saw him in an Instagram photo last week during Thanksgiving when he was back home he was still rocking them he's had those for so long those are everywhere now those like floral pants are fucking everywhere

That's where you got to wear the shit that nobody is on because they will eventually. Homeless chic is coming back into fashion. And I think Kyle is going to be a real fashion god once again. We wouldn't know. We wouldn't know. I'd love to talk to him about it, but he's off the project. Kyle betrayed me. If the audience could kind of just turn their radio down for a second, I would like to speak to Jorma for a second and say.

Dude, I'm so sorry that I was just, I don't know, I was kind of in my head in the night. I really wanted to say hello, but it was your big night. But I'm such a huge fan, and I thought MacGruber was absolutely excellent. And if you want to hang out,

Let me know. Okay, everybody could turn their stereo back up. Okay. Thank you for letting me do that. Yeah, thank you for letting me do that. Cool. What's weird is that you know he's listening, so he turned it down. Oh, shit. I needed to tell him. Well, no, he said everyone but him. Did I? I thought you said something like that. I thought he said everyone turn it on, and then he said this is just for Jorma. Okay, I guess, yeah. We'll find out, I guess. We'll for sure find out. There's no way to tell. Dude, we'll see. There's no way to tell.

If you have an alarm in your house, so when somebody comes in and starts robbing you, instead of just a beeping going off and a thing sent to the cops, what about just you have fog machines set up in each room? Ninjas vanish? Well, I mean, if you had ninjas, ninjas roll up, but you just fill the room with fog, and then they're like, I can't see anything. That's what Mace is, Anders. Yeah, but...

That's what Mace does. No, but you're gone. You're out of town. Yeah, you're not home. So then they could wait the hour that it would take for all of the fog to subside. But it's just called the police is my point. So the police are on their way and are they really going to take the time to be like, fuck, I can't see anything. Let's wait an hour. No, the police are going to be there. They're going to fucking bail. Did I just change the world? Shut up, bitch. Okay, so it calls the police. Did I just protect everyone?

I mean, it could actually, it might be a genius idea. That's what I'm saying. I mean, fuck dude. Cause remember when we did that scene and workaholics, we couldn't see anything. Dude. How annoying is when like your neighbor's alarm goes off?

Yeah. Sure. And you're like, motherfucker. And you don't care. Turn him off. Right. You're like, for sure. It's 98%, 99% of the time. It's not someone breaking into your home. Right. My alarm goes off all the fucking time. It's like a window. Right. Pops open a window or something happens. Yeah. And it's never anybody breaking in my house. Except for that one time it was. And someone stole my stuff. A rifle and yeah. Yeah. And in my car. Yeah.

So you're just saying fill the room with a fog. So I think a fog wouldn't bother your neighbor if the inside of your home is filled with fog. Well, here's the problem. What if your house is on fire and they think it's smoke? And they're like, oh, shit. Is the homie's house on fire? See, Ders. That's a whole. Hey, it's blue. It's blue smoke. It's blue smoke. Damn, dude. Damn, you're a fucking genius. So now I own 50% of the company, Ders. Holy shit.

Yes, points! So that was your company. No, Blake's right. You get points. I'll give you some points. How many points are we talking here? I feel like that's making it blue. That's sort of a 50% idea, though. Yeah, I don't agree. Because guess what? Guess what? The smoke for the company I have, all of a sudden it's green.

All of a sudden, it's just another color, and then fuck you. Oh, fuck. All right. But you had to get greedy. Damn, son. Where'd you find this? So when I was a kid and would do voices on the radio, they brought me in to... Will you explain that more or no? I think I have before. So when I was a little kid...

I would do different voices. Tell us again, daddy. Tell the community again, daddy. Tell the story. My God, it's the fifth time. So I would do voices on the radio, and it became like a little bit of a thing, at least in my world, where they were like, we're going to pay you to be part of our radio show, and you could do different characters and voices. And then I go down there, and I was in a wheelchair at the time because of my accident. And so they take me down there, and they were like,

Oh, you're a fucking kid. Cause I only talked to him like in character in a wheelchair, in a wheelchair. Like they must've been like, uh, we can't hire you, but we can give you like free CDs and shit and, and, uh, concert tickets and that kind of thing. Do you wear shoes? Uh,

You're not that guy, pal. Trust me. I don't know. I didn't. So I'd go down there and I was like, how do you guys come up with all these bits on the radio and what do you guys talk about? They just told me, get a Maxim magazine.

And that's all we talk about. We read Maxim magazine. They just go through the headlines. They go through the headlines and chop it up and discuss Maxim magazine. Right. Wow. We need to do that for this pod. And how's radio doing now? Yeah, I know. And I was like, it's my dream to be a radio DJ. And they're like, aim higher. Don't,

be a radio DJ. Radio is dying. And this was in like 97. So they saw the writing on the wall. They knew. Yeah. It was on the way out. The morning zoo crew was just reading Maxim Magazine and being like, have you heard this story? I do love how they're like, look, everything's falling to shit here. They all found out we just read headlines from Maxim Magazine and this isn't a real job. Yeah.

There's a lot of places that I would put in time just to get free shit. Wienerschnitzel. Huh? Where? Wienerschnitzel. Fast food? Schnitzel? Yeah. How do you say it though? Wienerschnitzel. I don't think that's how it's pronounced. You lose! Wienerschnitzel? Isn't it Wienerschnitzel?

schnitzel isn't that what it is i don't know dude i googled you you're the fucking swedish norwegian you tell me that's german bitch yeah it's german i think you're german how do dealerships work when like people put their names on car dealers all right i gotta uh how long are we on here for goodbye somebody killed

how do taxes work yeah well how the fuck does like carl malone have a dealership and like russell westbrook and like they just so you buy a building and you put a fucking name on it and then you call bmw or whoever and you say i want to start selling your cars and then they go okay or not and then you start selling it and then you take a a cut of the commission or whatever which is

super fucked up now because I'm trying to get a new car and everywhere is like hey so you know it's gonna be like $30,000 on top of whatever you want to pay to get a car what why what do you mean yeah what's the deal because of the supply chain and the fucking demand everything's fucked up so like if you want a brand new car that like just dropped that's still kind of fucking hot

They're putting like 20% above sticker price. No shit. Just because they can't unload them at the docks or whatever? Yeah, so it's limited. So if you got the cash, you can have it. Jersey, why is the supply chain fucked up? COVID, bro. Well, it's actually more complicated than that. That's life. So I blame the vaccine. Okay. Pfizer's fault.

Basically, we used all the boats to get the vaccines everywhere, and now we can't buy goddamn cars, so... Okay, this is hot, dude. I like this. Is that true? Shout out to your boy. Is that true, Bam? Oh, no. No. That shit's important. That's true, no.

I would like to give Kyle Mnuchak his flowers. You know, he was a big part of the podcast for the first however many episodes, 60-something that we've done. Kyle betrayed me. But then he betrayed us, and he lied, tried to hide, and he died deep inside, and I know the reason why. What is that from? An Eminem song? Tenacious D. No, that is from Tenacious D. Kyle betrayed me, and then he lied, tried to hide, and I died deep inside. Yeah, I don't know. You know? Yeah, that's great. Oh, you gotta get on that. Tenacious D.

Well, what it was is like, you know, we were at the OG Workaholics house, the house we shot at. But Adam and I were kind of like, we're not done being roommates and living this cool roommate lifestyle. So we're like, something on the soundboard. That's my best friend. I mean, who's running the soundboard right now? Who's running the soundboard, man? Sorry, man. I'm still going to send it. Okay, then send it. Then send it then. Well, so me and Adam were like, yo, let's cash out on this weird Hollywood Hills place and just...

And the one thing that was weird is for the master bedroom, Adam and I said halfway through, like three months in, we were going to flip-flop our rooms. No, that's not... No, it wasn't three months in. It was... Six months. It was every six months. That's what I remember. No.

No, it was a year. One year. So one year. And then so Blake got it the first year and I got it the second year. Let's describe this. So basically this house had on the upper level, it had a humongous en suite master or primary bedroom. It was awesome. It had sliding doors to go out to like the pool. Directly to the pool. Veranda. It was jiggy like that. And then on the second floor, there were two other normal smaller bedrooms that were just not like you're in the Hollywood Hills flossing.

And you flipped a coin, I believe. Yeah, we got it. And instantly you were like, so we switch every year because you didn't fucking get it and you wanted it. Right. Well, we're paying the same amount of rent. So I know. But you got two bedrooms downstairs, correct? Yeah, but it was it sucked. It did suck. Yeah, that's all. That's OK. That's OK.

And so then you flipped after a year. Yeah. And how much longer did you guys stay there? For only one more year. So it did equal out that he got it for half the time. You guys were only there for two years? Yes. I believe so. A lot of shit happened while we were there. Oh, yeah. A lot of moving and shaking. Blake broke his back. I broke my back. When I won the room, I'm like, this dude isn't going to make me pay up. He's not going to make me move all my shit down a floor just so he could sleep in that bedroom. Oh, yeah, he is.

You had like an iCal reminder? Sure as shit. As soon as it hit a year mark, he's like, so you ready to switch or what? I'm like, yeah. This dude had like boxes and shit set up. He had like packing tape. I had a pulley system. I was just taking myself up straight. I had to move one floor down. God damn. Did you need help? He was ready to help your ass? Yeah, I had everything packed. You woke up to his face right in front of you like, good morning. The time is now. Hello. It's time. Hello.

Yeah, it was crazy. But that was a great house. I loved it. I stand by it. I loved that room. That room fucking rocked. It was. It had an amazing amount of closet space. It was like Mariah Carey's house. It was crazy. Yeah, it was truly... It was like an NBA locker room, the amount of, like...

closet space there was. It was fucking nuts. And then an awesome view. Is this the one that had the shower you like stepped down into? Yes. Yes. Yes. It had like a huge like spa area. Right. It was four fucks in. Yeah. And we both blew it. We both just, I had a girlfriend, you had a wife. Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah, all right. I'll let you say that. We blew it. You were married and I had a girlfriend? Ugh.

This was like our last bachelor pad. This was like the bachelor pad. I mean, the room was built to have sex in. That's what this house is for. And we both... With strangers. I got it. I got it. It was a cocaine fuck palace. That is exactly what it was made for. It was a cocaine fuck palace. And we didn't... Right. Hey, we didn't do cocaine. We did none of those things. There was a minimal amount of fucking. So...

We blew it. We did none of those. We had our friends from back home come over. We stood and took pictures with fucking iron dinosaurs on the roof. Yeah. We didn't do anything. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry.

Yeah.

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- Isn't there something beautiful about just flipping channels? - Oh, just back to swag surfing, flipping channels. - I watched all of Titanic. - Yeah. - 'Cause it was just on TV. - Yeah. - I watched like, I was hung over in my hotel room and I just was like, you know what? I'm gonna watch this three hour movie with commercials. - Right, exactly. - And it was fun and I enjoyed it. - Yeah. - Really?

yeah this holds up oh was it a hoot oh titanic's a good movie dude yeah james cameron come on avatar i mean the guy makes very good movie i would say terminator over avatar but so would i avatar but avatar you're having a hard time speaking today it's early for me okay avatar it's a bagel but um we were trying to uh it's a bagel because you told me you watched uh titanic and

I was trying to remember what the story was. Why was Leonardo DiCaprio on the ship? He was coming... He was playing an Irish person? No, he's American. It's an upstairs-downstairs situation. It's like the rich people upstairs, poor people downstairs. He won a ticket on the thing and was like, I'm going to go on the Titanic for fucking shits and giggles. And then he meets...

Well, it's just one of the biggest movies of all time. I've probably seen it probably seen it three times, I guess. Yeah. And they meet and then they got the boat goes down. Spoiler. Yep. Spoiler. And that's how good of a movie it is. It's like, you know, right away that obviously the boat's going to sink and everyone's going to die. Right. But but you still care the entire time.

You know why? Billy Zane. Billy Zane. I was about to say I was going to give my shout out. The Zane train. To Billy Zane because he hadn't been mentioned. But thank you, Andres, because Billy Zane is one of the best actors of all time. Yeah, a real treasure.

Something that Pierce says as like a Pierce Brosnan says is like a slam is a sheep shagger. Yeah, you're saying that's like his Ireland slam. Yeah. What a great epic. That must be like a burnt, like a serious problem in Ireland or something. Yeah. I think it's just if you're out there, you're cold. You want to heat things up a little bit.

Yeah, maybe. I guess so. I don't know. I don't know. I guess I've never called... You know, I grew up in the Midwest, in Iowa and Nebraska, and I've never called anyone like a pig fucker. You haven't? But I should start. It's got to date back to when these sheep herders and stuff... Do I make you horny, baby? They were out on their own for weeks just herding those sheep around. And now they got the internet. You know, they're...

I'm defending them. Yeah. And also, people don't realize how sexy those sheep can be. Like, do we want to walk down that road? Well, here's what's fucked up. Definitely not sexy, but like, I guess it probably feels okay. I mean, if we're getting really gruesome about it, I think I may have heard that they have a similar... Wait, what? I think they have like a similar... Who told you this? No.

Yeah, where are you going? Encyclopedia Britannica? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Before, yeah, I like how he starts with, before we get too gruesome with it, I might have heard. And guys, this is our holiday episode. Happy holidays to you and your. Happy holidays to you. And by the way, why is it gruesome that it feels similar? I thought you were going to be like, not to get too gruesome, but it's got like retractable bones.

like coochie claws. Well, no, he was about to get gruesome. I'm sorry. I ruined it by kind of walking back. Well, his setup, but go ahead. Blake, weird, wild stuff. First of all, who told you? I don't, you've heard. I don't know, dude. Oh, okay. All right. Okay. There's no way. I just, just say the thing that you'd never heard for fun. Then I was, I think I heard it was the most similar to the human female anatomy. Yeah.

By the way, who is the dude who's out there going like, well, cow is good. Definitely not the most similar. Dude, sick fuckers, man. They're out there. But at that time, at that point, you're doing it for science and it's almost not that sick. It's just an experiment. Experiment rhino? It's science.

Experiment Rhino. How's that Rhino? You know that Rhino Coochie is on point. Experiment Rhino. Dude, absolutely. And that's why you got to save the Rhino. That's why they're going extinct. They're going extinct. They're going missing, bro. I would love to heed a warning to everybody out there. Can I do a heed a warning? Okay.

Yeah. You can do whatever you just said. It's the holiday season. I know a lot of us are sitting down with our families watching the classic Christmas movies. I just got to tell you, be careful with gremlins. There is no Santa scene in gremlins, and I'm pretty fucking pissed about it. So if you're about to sit down with your kids and watch gremlins, careful because it creates...

an uncomfortable conversation no no no hang on it's just that her dad comes down the chimney and to to pretend to be santa he dies yes and then she ends her little fucking monologue with and that's how i found out there is no santa

And I said, excuse me, Gremlins. You are not that movie, pal. You are not that movie. You got to mute it. Oh, dang. Gremlins was like that? Yes. You're not that guy, pal. Trust me. And I'm like, dude, we have rating systems. It tells you if there's like killing and nudity. If you're a fucking Christmas movie and you're going to pull the curtain back, I need the warning on the fucking beginning.

Yeah, I'm with you. There was... Emma walked past some cafe the other day. It had a sign outside. You know, they write cute shit on chalkboards now outside of cafes sometimes. Yeah. And this one said like...

This is life. It's like you believe in Santa. You find out there is no Santa. You become Santa. And then you look like Santa. And I was like, that's life. This is just out on the street. What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? Get the fuck out of here with your fucking coffee and your fucking sign. Get the fuck out of here. Fuck you. That's when you take the sign, you throw it through the window. So your kids can fully read that sign. I'm bad with when kids start to read. Yeah.

Yeah. They're fully reading? I'm mad with when kids can read. You idiots! I mean, yeah. My eight-year-old can read. When do kids read? Are you fully reading? Six, seven. They're reading earlier than I think we were. I think I was like 14. We don't read. We don't read. They're reading quick. We read the tea leaves, okay?

Absolutely. I read us weekly. Thank you for that heed the warning, Blake. Yeah, so anybody out there. That's the first ever in PII history. Yeah, heed the warning. I got a huge announcement. Speaking of kids, movies, it's a real segue, guys. All right. Okay. I took Barney to go see the new Ghostbusters Afterlife. Okay. Okay, what do we think? Go off, King. I just got to say, fully cried.

Wait, what? You did? This is big news. Why didn't we start the podcast with this? We could have got an hour out of this. We could have milked this almond.

Yeah. And you know how much water it takes to get an almond? They're canceled. The movie. Why did you cry? I don't want to give spoilers away. Don't tell me Winston died. If Winston dies, I cry. I'm not going to give spoilers because it is cool. But like the end of the movie, I... By the way, let me just preface. I love Ghostbusters. If you don't love Ghostbusters, you're not going to feel this way.

it's your favorite movie almost kind of that and Bottle Rocket Rushmore are my two favorite comedies okay yeah yeah yeah you talk about it a lot when it's like the kids are moving back to like they like are kicked out of their apartment and like it's Egon's daughter and granddaughter grandkids and they move to Egon's like weird farmhouse out of the middle of nowhere to like

collect a check and it turns out to be like just shitty and the person who's kind of like in charge of the deed is janine melnitz who was the secretary so uh homegirl annie potts is back wow look at you annie potts is back i probably won't feel the same way because i don't i wouldn't know all the deep cuts yeah yeah is this this is the girl with the glasses yeah yes and she goes are you the woman i spoke to on the phone which is a line from the original movie oh

And that got you going? Yeah. No, no, no. That was just like hairs on the neck. Yeah. And I was like... This is all right. We're lost. I was like, fuck. Hey, dude, we're in the weeds over here. Just lie to your kids about Santa. Dude, so, Durs, this movie was made specifically for you who knows every line, every character. Like, this is for Ghostbusters fans. But Arnie, let me clear it up. It does seem like a cool movie. It does.

It's great. And then I do think it's good. I think it's genuinely a good movie on its own because Arnie loved it. He was still thinking about it a few days later. And...

In the end, there's a whole thing that goes down that I'm just like, holy fucking shit. This is heavy for me. Like, oh my God. Wow. That's when you start to cry? Yeah. I was just like, this is too real. Like, this is real. This is not the movie's real, but like what they're doing, what the mess like. This is too real, Pam. The shout out that they're giving is heavy. Well, why don't you cry about it?

It's definitely for Harold Ramis. Exactly. Harold Ramis is... Of course. Because he's actually passed away. No longer with us. And the shout out they give and how they do it. It's a little clunky movie wise, but like... He says, Egon. Oh, bro. Egon. That's from Ghostbusters 2 for our listeners. Egon. Doe Ray Egon is so good.

But I highly recommend it. It's fucking dope. Okay. And what is that called? It's called Ghostbusters Afterlife. They're saying Ghostbusters. They're saying Ghostbusters because it's a porno. The porno parody. Yeah, you can find it on Pornhub. I got that somewhere real close. Do you think we talk about porno more than any other podcast? Yeah.

It all loops back around. Dude, Adam, we literally did the Trojan Pleasure Czars and after the first two, Trojan came to us and said, you have to stop talking about porno. Dude, I know. I was there. And we go, what? Don't you know that's almost where all the sex happens? We're like, why did you get us? Trojan Man.

That's kind of our whole thing, though. It is crazy how at some point Workaholics episodes, there was always at least a C story. It was like, and maybe she was from Pornhub?

Maybe we like, maybe we remember her from like a Heather, I deep throat video. I don't know. A deep cut. I know. We're like, this is everybody knows what this is. Everybody. Everybody's on board. We all know it. It is funny when you see like, um, there'll be a meme that'll just be like a frame of something. And it's like,

If you're over 30, you know exactly who this is or whatever. And you're like, yeah, I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like age yourself with a, with the picture of a porno you watch. Right. And you're just like, man, got me through some tough times. Dude. Man.

Honestly, like, there should be a where are they now porno thing. Should we produce a where are they now porno thing? No, it would be too sad. Durs, it's sad. They're dead. Their disease is bad. It's not good. Yeah. No, they're fine. Some of them. They're all doctors. They're doctors and lawyers. No. Okay. All right. Some of them. Some of them.

Or they've needed doctors and lawyers. They have stuff on Netflix that is called Life After Porn and they're all very not hyped. Yeah, it's usually not the best scenario. How are they not hyped? They have hours of footage out there of them at their best. Their bodies look phenomenal. Having fun. Bodies look banging, having fun, having a blast, wet and wild, crazy kids. Have you guys ever seen a porno star out in the wild? Because I remember I had.

At a Barnes and Noble, I did like a fucking quadruple take. And she looked at me and was like, yeah. Who was it? Are you ready? Can I blast this? I don't think it's a big deal. And it's a deep cut that you're going to be like, whoa. Because it wasn't obvious. It's going to expose you more than her. No, no, no. Because she was a star. She was a star. I think she might have been like star of the year, whatever the fuck they do. And she was just in a hoodie. Do you remember Ashley Blue?

Kind of. Yeah. Like brown hair. Adam has to pretend he doesn't. No, I kind of do. I don't really. I'm looking her up. I think I do. Oh, yeah. Wait, green or no blue. Yeah, blue, blue, blue. She was at a Barnes and Noble and I was next to her and I look and I go, oh, shit.

Shit, what's up? Okay, cool. She was signing books or buying them? Yeah, she was at a huge book signing. No, she was looking at DVDs or something. Yeah, I remember this girl. Don't say it with the fucking red dot register. I would like to give flowers to our manager, Isaac. I was watching some...

Some old videos. Workaholics. Also flowers too. Multiple flowers are being given right now. Okay, here we go. Here we go. The Workaholics TV on...

on Instagram, that account. I think it's Workaholics Daily. Fuck, I'm blanking. You guys know that account. They post shit about Workaholics all the time. They're fucking awesome, and they just post nonstop stuff. And the other night, I just fell into a little hole, like looking at old clips of episodes that I've completely forgot about, where I'm like, oh, shit. And it just sort of transports you back to when we were shooting those episodes. And one of them was a drunken... When we used to get just blackout drunk and...

watch the whole season of workaholics and do the commentary, uh, which was super fun. And I remember, uh,

Well, I listened to it and, uh, Isaac comes in the room and we start talking about Isaac. We're like, give it up for Isaac, our manager. And we're like, he's, he's old as fuck. He's 41 years old. I'm like, he's a young looking 40 year old. And then Isaac's like, I'm 41 now. And the man is 51 now. And we've known him forever.

Finish him. He is still the oldest guy we know next to Ders. He charges. Ders is pit sweat. And he still isn't afraid to get ridiculously way too drunk with me at a nice steak dinner. He's the man, dude.

I'm sorry to the fans that we couldn't wrangle Kyle. He's busy prior commitments. We miss you, Kyle. We do. Greatly missed. Super big time missed. The Rugaloids are pissed. Especially, thank God they finally knew that director Steve Barron

Directed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles amongst Coneheads. I feel like we honored Kyle pretty well during that segment. He would have loved that. There's a lot of this that Kyle would have just loved, but not here. His fans will have a lot to talk about on 4chan later. I think they'll be good. Cueing on. Cueing on.

What is a new check in that photo is just the three of us. No, it's how it's supposed to be. See ya. Yeah, good. It's what the fans want. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I miss him. I miss him. And if you want Kyle back, make sure that you boycott what we do in the shadows because that will get him back quicker. I think so. Oh, wow. Is that what's happening? Can I apologize? Or can I urge you to do a take back real quick? Nah.

We love Kyle. We love what we call shadows because we just don't have time to say the whole name and also forget it. Yeah, it's too bad he's not here. I apologize to the fans, but I'm not a bitch. Deal with it, asshole. Yeah, get him. And that's another episode of This is Important. But not to Kyle. Freaking see ya.

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