My Professional Organizer - Janelle Cohen
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Guys, I'm a professional comedian, allegedly. So believe me when I tell you I know what is and is not a joke. You know what's not a joke anymore? Boost Mobile. I know what you're thinking. Don't they sell those burner phones I used to call my mistress with? No. I mean, they did, but that's not what I'm talking about.

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We'll be right back.

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For 25 years, Brightview Senior Living has been dedicated to creating an award-winning company culture so residents and families receive best-in-class services. Across our 50 communities, Brightview associates help deliver peace of mind, safety, security, transportation, daily programs, delicious food, and high-quality care if needed.

Discover how our vibrant senior living communities can help you live your best life. Visit brightviewseniorliving.com to learn more. Equal housing opportunity. Do you think it's weird when you have to go into other people's closets? I'm so used to it now, and I love it. I feel like I get to learn so much about people. Are you folding their underwear too? With gloves. Okay. I wouldn't want anyone near my underwear. Yeah.

Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Tosh Show for show. Tosh Show time. Here we go. I'm in a great mood because I survived the weekend. Glad to hear it. My son...

And my wife went to New York City to watch a bunch of Broadway plays. My son enjoys singing and watching plays. And I had an idea. I said, why don't you guys just go to New York City? He's never been. This will be his first trip to the Big Apple. And she was like, I don't know. This will be my wife's first time away from our daughter, who's just now over a year.

Anyway, they did a wonderful time. And she was so busy there and she loves plays that it didn't even bother her that she was being a horrible mother to her baby daughter. But anyway, I had a great time.

I had a great time with my daughter alone and I don't have nannies and I'm, and I don't ever look down on people that do have nannies. All of our friends have nannies. Here's why I don't have an, it's a very simple reason.

I just don't want somebody else in my house. That's it. I just don't want another body in my house. Right. But staying home with my daughter all weekend was so enjoyable because this is what we did. Every time she took a nap, I just took a nap with her. I was like, this is great. Oh, it was great. Just double naps every day. Best weekend of my life.

I mean, not only did you survive it, you're well rested. Oh, here's the thing. My wife gets back and she's a little emotional, you know, hugs her daughter. And, you know, how did she do? Yeah, we FaceTimed a bunch throughout it. It just went fine. I was like, am I going to lie? Am I going to lie to my wife and say how much that her daughter missed her? Because she didn't. She didn't miss her.

Like, she was happy the whole time. Don't get me wrong. If my wife is in the room, that's who my daughter wants to go to, you know, for attention. But when she's not there, it's like, all right, now dad's number one. And I hated to say it to her, but I was like, listen, if our daughter was kidnapped, if the kidnappers were good people, our daughter wouldn't care. Yeah.

That's right. It's just the reality. She'd be fine. I agree. She'd be like, yeah, these new people. Look at them. They're awesome. Happy every day still. So, I mean, that's a tough thing to say to your wife when she gets home is that you're not needed. But...

I think you know what I'm trying to say. All right. I hear we're going to open the floodgates to some comments. That always gets me in a great mood. I got some feedback here. You got feedback? We got feedback. All right. Who are we starting with? This is from the Michelle Wee episode. Uh-huh. I'm a college English professor who teaches interview tactics, and I show students Daniel Tosh. This is an outstanding interview. Thank you, Daniel. Please keep being you and showing everyone how it's done. You are awesome. Hey, look at that. I'll tell you what I want, though.

Once you send me an honorary degree or I send you a cease and desist letter for using my videos without my permission. How's that? This one is from our YouTube comments. Okay. Okay. Came all the way from Spotify to tell you, I hate this episode.

Well, thank you for being a fan and listening to the show on two platforms. I think all of our listeners could learn from that person. You know, wherever you listen to your podcast, why don't you listen to it on all of them at once? If you sync it up, it'd be amazing. No, don't sync it up. Get a little crazy. Who's paying so much for you to shove pro-choice into every other sentence? It's ruining the show. Well, I wasn't even going to bring up.

in this episode, and here you go. Now I have to talk about it. And if I'm going to be completely honest and transparent, I actually receive kickbacks from the abortion industry. Yeah.

Anytime someone from out of state comes to California, the great state of California, and has a legal safe abortion, what do we get paid, Eddie? $17.50. We get $17.50 if you use the promo code TOSSHOW. Yep. Make sure you use that. That's so stupid. This next one hits somebody on the crew here. Oh.

Oh, don't know of having the ghost question 25 minutes into the conversation is Tosh messing with people or just another Dylan fuck up weeks of the ladder. Come on, Dylan. Does Dylan even still work here? Nah, that's a yep. Oh man, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan's good for one fuck up per week, which isn't good for a show that's on once a week. You know, it bothers me too, though, when people are like, uh,

Oh, you don't ask the ghost question anymore. And then they're like, oh, you did. It was just later. You say it's the first question, but it's never the first question. I don't get comedy. Why do you listen? I don't get it. I don't get why some of these people listen to the show. You are so fucking dumb. Stop. We don't unsubscribe. Did he make the stupid border bigger just because he knows people don't like it? The border is beautiful.

End of discussion. Everyone knows it. It's a game changer in Hollywood. So sick of talking about the borders. You know who appreciates the sleek, minimalist set that we've created without all the tchotchkes? Today's guest. Enjoy.

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Discover how our vibrant senior living communities can help you live your best life. Visit brightviewseniorliving.com to learn more. Equal housing opportunity. Are you catching the big game or making big mods? Going on that first date or installing that first brake kit? Binging that new show or watching install videos? When you're a real car lover, the choice is obvious.

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My guest today will come to your home and help you put away your clothes if you pay her. She is an organizer to the stars, which means she has worked with numerous assistants tasked with arranging shelves of $10,000 handbags. Please welcome professional organizer Janelle. Hello, thanks for having me. Thank you for being here. Now, as you can tell probably from my set, Janelle is a professional organizer.

I hate clutter. Yes, minimalism. Every podcast or show, interview show where they just have tons of knickknacks surrounding them and they say, oh, it makes it more interesting to look at. And I just, I just reply, oh, I don't care. Yes, and also it's just like distracting, I feel like. Knowing that I was interviewing you today-

I went into my wife's nightstand. Okay. This is what was in right next to her bed. This is what was in her nightstand. Okay. I know what those are. Yeah.

These are all, these are nipple covers for when she was lactating. She hasn't breastfed. She hasn't needed these in so long. We're not having more children. These are, this is just right next to her. I'm like, why the fuck do you have a hundred nipple? By the way, they stink to high heavens.

I don't like it. I'm just like, this is what I live with. I'm just so grossed out. Why don't you just take them and throw them away? I did. Okay. Or you brought them to show me. I brought them to show you to make fun of her, and now they'll hit the trash. I normally don't go into her stuff because it enrages me. You grew up in Los Angeles. I did. The Valley. Are you messed up? Oh.

I don't think so. I think I'm pretty well adjusted, but maybe if I moved somewhere else, I'd be. Are your parents still together? They are. And my dad is born and raised in Hollywood. Wow, that's pretty neat. Yeah. Just a bunch of normal LA folk. Yep. Where'd you go to college? UCLA? Yeah, I went really far. Oh, wow. Yeah, I've really seen a lot of the country. To study musical theater.

What's that cost? Well, I will say because I went to UCLA and I'm in state, it was not that bad. But if I had chosen any of the other schools I had applied to. Not that bad. What are we thinking? What kind of number are we putting on that? Honestly, I don't even remember. But I feel like I don't really have student loans. How many productions were you in before you realized singing and dancing is an embarrassing way to move the story forward? A few too many. A few too many. Yeah.

Do you still get into it? Honestly, I never really, I went to musicals growing up and I was into it. My mom was very into musical theater, still is. I never really was like a huge musical theater obsessive person. I always did it as a skill, like as a job, but since I was young, but I never really like went to the theater just for fun. Your favorite play. What's your favorite play? Um,

I really liked Come From Away. Have you ever seen that? No, no, I've seen nothing. You know the one I want to see? That propaganda one from China. Oh, Shen Yun? Yeah. You ever seen Shen Yun? Never, but I've always been so curious. I heard it's just propaganda, right? It's just Chinese propaganda.

Couldn't tell you, but those posters really get you. They spend a lot on their billboards. They set up tents in Santa Monica. Yes. That's where they put it on. They really go hard. How did you pivot to becoming a professional organizer? My mom has this amazing walk-in pantry, my mom and dad, and you couldn't walk in it. Just a shit show, terrible, awful. So for Mother's Day, I guess it was seven years ago now, six years ago, I redid her pantry. And I took pictures before and after. I was like so proud of it. I put it on Facebook.

And people were like, you come do that for me. I always wanted to be an entrepreneur and start my own business. I just was kind of stuck in musical theater and didn't know what to, how to get out. And it very quickly turned into a profitable business like overnight. That's pretty good. So zero struggle. I mean, zero struggle. No, but I mean, huge learning curves and everything, but it definitely was something that just kind of fell into my lap. I said, okay. And I just went for it. Did you only take on rich clients?

Actually, at the start, no. But now? Now, yeah. And what do poor people have to do? Just like... Oh, come on. Poor people can be organized too. It's easier if you've got a larger place. Yes, it's definitely easier if you have a larger place and a lot more space, but also then you have more stuff. So... At what age did you realize you might be a type A with OCD?

I would say I always thought it was like more recent, like in the last five years. But then when the pandemic happened, I was looking at all my old childhood videos and I found a video of me folding and ironing at two years old. So I would say, oh, I've always been that way. By the way, is OCD, do you hate when people throw that term around? Well, it's funny because I did share that in an interview one time that I had OCD and whatever, and people came for me online, but I actually am clinically OCD and take medication for

for it. So it doesn't bother me. I think I've used it as like my superpower. People have always accused me of being OCD. Do you have OCD? Maybe. I've never been diagnosed. I just feel like it's just something that fucking dirty people...

my wife, like to say to me to try to hurt me. Even though it's like a beautiful thing to be clean and neat. Right. No, no, it's their way of taking a shot at me. Like, oh, everything has to be so. And I'm like, just accept that you're gross. Well, it is interesting because I've met, I have friends who have OCD who are not clean and share nothing in common with me whatsoever. So I'm just grateful that my OCD turned into something that could make me money down the line and make my life neat and clean.

So, I mean, I'll take it. You've always been organized. I mean, I question some of my choices back in the day when I look at my room from growing up or whatnot, but I've always been very hyper-focused on my surroundings. Like, that has always very much mattered to me. Are you good at getting rid of stuff? Oh, I get rid of stuff before I should. Are you preaching minimalism or no? I'm preaching have what makes you happy. Ugh.

I just want to get rid of shit all the time. In my personal life, literally everything is gone instantly. Actually, not that long ago, I did like a clean of the kitchen, threw away a $600 check that my fiance had just gotten that day. And he was like, I didn't even have a chance to open the mail and you already had thrown it away. Why is he getting checks in the mail? It was like from the government. It was like a return or something. And he had to like go through getting it resubmitted and everything.

Everything. It was a nightmare. Who is this? This is your husband? Fiance. Fiance. Soon to be husband. When are you getting married? In June. Oh, that's neat. Yeah. Now, are you planning everything? Are you a bridezilla? No, I'm not a bridezilla, I would hope. I have a planner who's doing most of it. Uh-huh. Outside? Outside.

Yeah. Religious? I'm Jewish. Uh-huh. So we'll stand under a chuppah and break the glass. That's kind of fun, though. Yeah. That part. It is. Then once it gets into a lot of routines, I'm like, all right. Yeah. Can we eat? Yeah.

What's the best way for someone who's a total disaster to try to get organized? Start small. Start with one small pain point, like a junk drawer, because I think organizing is something that once you start, you see the benefit and you kind of get addicted to it. So if you start with one little thing and you can see, oh, wow, I really did that, then you're more likely to move on to other areas of your home. Do you think you could kick the shit out of Marie Kondo? Absolutely. I'm sorry, Marie. Yeah.

That's okay. I do. Are you tall? 5'7". Oh, no. That's not tall to you? No. I mean, it's taller than the average. 5'5 is the average? Yeah. What's the average? I guess. 5'5". Well, how do you know it's taller than the average if you don't know what the average is? Because I'm taller than all my friends. Oh, and that's what you consider the average? And like a pair of pants is hard to buy because I have long legs. What's your inseam? I don't know. How do you know? I just hold it up and I hope for the best. Ha ha.

What is your... Straighten up. That's your system. Yes. What is it? I mean, it's just my business name, Straighten Up by Janelle. What's the difference between you and Marie? I think she's amazing. She started the whole movement of organizing. Right, but her thing was like, if it brings you joy. Yeah, I don't believe in any of that. You don't believe in joy? No joy. Well, I think that some people can't necessarily connect with joy. They look at it and they're just like, oh no. And so then they keep it. And you're like...

Like, so you have to bring up other things. Like, do you need it first? Like, I have a bunch of like little rules that I bring up when I'm doing an edit with people to help them figure out if they want it, like it, need it. Some people don't, can't decide. Like, they're so paralyzed by decisions.

And so I have all these ways to kind of pry it out of them. But when it comes to joy, I don't really agree. And I try to come in and make it really fun. So I'm like, let's put music on. Let's make it a party. Like I come in no judgment. What kind of music do you go with? Whatever they want. You know what I like to do when somebody comes into my house for like the first time and they don't really know me? I like to just have in every room in the house, the Sonos, I hit all and I just start playing Limp Bizkit. And I just want to confuse the fuck out of them. Okay.

That's beautiful. And just like, is he listening to Limp Bizkit? Should I do that every time I go to do an edit? Turn that on? It's 2024. Do you think it's weird when you have to go into other people's closets? I'm so used to it now. And I love it. I feel like I get to learn so much about people. Right, but they don't, that's uncomfortable, isn't it? They're usually there with me. They're like, they're open to it. They're ready for it. Are you folding their underwear too? With gloves. Okay. I wouldn't want anyone near my underwear. Yeah.

I always ask. Like, we set boundaries. If you ask, hey, hey. Like, what drawers can I not open? If you said, hey, can I touch your underwear? I'd go like this. I'd go, no! And you'd be like, whoa, Jesus.

Some people, like I walk in, they're like, okay, you can't touch that. You can't touch that. And then other people are like, whatever you say, you tell me to jump off a cliff. I'm jumping off. Like it's very, it goes very different ways. There's a lot of your system just informing people, like go to the container store. I do it. I do it all. I bring it all the things. My assistant shows up with like a car full of stuff to the brim. What about garages? Do you tackle garages? Yes. But typically my assistant handles them. He's actually doing a garage today and tomorrow right now as we speak.

Oh, man. I like that. He's the king of garages. I mean, I like built-ins in a garage. Oh, I design them and put them in. Okay. Yeah, yeah. With doors. I don't want to see the stuff. Yes. How many surfboards in a garage would you say is too many? If it doesn't fit on an organizer? No, it's organized. Oh, so then however many, as long as it fits. Okay, good.

It's time for some real talk. Transparent or opaque storage bins? I personally like opaque. A lot of my clients prefer transparent so they can see what they have, but I don't want to see any of it. Have you seen those new things where it's like a QR code and you put it on the bin in the garage and you just scan it and it'll tell you what's in that bin? I don't want that kind of shit. Oh, it's so cool. I don't like that type of level of technology. Really?

Okay. It's too much. It's really awesome. You passed my wardrobe stylist on the way in. She comes to my house once every three or four months and just goes through my closet and just grabs stuff and gets rid of it and goes, you can't wear golden goose shoes anymore. That's true. You look like an old out of style person. Grabs them. They're gone. And I'm like, yeah, weren't they like $800? And she'll take 10 pair of them. They're gone. I'm like, yeah, okay. I don't

I don't like it when you guys stage closet so perfectly and there's only nine things. It's like nobody has nine things. That's not fair. And they're all the exact same color. Like, knock it off. I have not encountered that. Usually when I'm going into someone's house, there's like too many pairs of jeans to deal with and there's too many of stuff. Of course. I'm talking about once you put your stamp of beauty on it and we see these shots. It's interesting because other professional organizers that I've seen online, sometimes that is the...

the thing, you know, where you go and you're like, there's just like no freaking way that this is how people live. I feel like

uh, that my clients, it's realistic. I try to make sure people get rid of shit that they shouldn't be wearing or that they shouldn't have, but keep what, what they should and what they do love. I spent a fortune having a drawer organizer person come in and line every drawer in my house, every cabinet in my house, my clock with leather lining and the dividers for everything. It's so beautiful. That's everything. I want to come see. Oh, I'm sure you have

photos. Let's see it. It's not even, this is, I just snapped, but like, just so that you can get the idea, every drawer is, you know, is right. That's...

That's amazing. She just kept saying like, well, I could do the kitchen or we could do the whole house. And I'm like, do the whole house. Just once you start, you can't stop. But the amount of money that that costs. Oh, I'm sure. What do you think that costs to have my drawers lined? Guys, go ahead. People see on the other side of the curtain are people that live in the normal world. In the entire house? Yeah. 20 grand. Oh, fuck you. She wouldn't take a shit in my house for 20 grand. $65,000.

I bet you it was between $60,000 and $80,000 for the house.

I remember as a kid fantasizing about financial success, saying, if I could have a new pair of socks every day, that would be heaven. Yes. If I never rewore a pair of socks. That was me as a child. That's when I knew I had a little bit, I wasn't the same as some of the other kids. Yeah, that's true luxury. Yeah, that would be. I still don't, I haven't achieved that level.

It's too much of a headache. Although I do like those stance no-shows. Oh, yeah. I'm doing the Bombas ones. I like Bombas, too. I used to love Lululemon, and now I stopped liking them. I don't like them anymore. I don't like them anymore, either. Hoarders. You ever actually worked with a real hoarder?

When I first started, yes. Once I had one experience with that, it was so overwhelming. Someone who's a hoarder doesn't need a professional organizer. They need a therapist or they need someone who like specializes in that. They need a wood chipper. It was so anxiety inducing. I can't even explain it. And so immediately I was like, okay, now I need people to send me photos of their house and their space before I go into it so I can vet it. So now I vet it. And if it feels like it's a project that is like

hoarder vibes. I'm like, I'm so sorry, but this is just not my specialty. Eddie, you know who the, my favorite woman in my life is? I would say your wife. No, no, it's not my wife. Your daughter. Your housekeeper. It's my housekeeper. Mine too. If any level of success that I got to, this is how I rewarded myself. Rufina come an extra day.

That's coming extra day. And now my wife is like, we can't have her here every day. I'm like, yes, we can, but she doesn't, my wife. So I have to not let her come every day, but I have her car. And she knows that she's the most important woman in my life because I'm like, this is the only reason that I worked hard was that I can have you.

To make sure everything is clean at all times. I think a housekeeper all the time is the ultimate sign of luxury. I don't want a cook in my house. Just someone to keep it clean all the time. Right. There's DoorDash. Yes. I can have food brought over. Yep.

Here's why I don't want you in my house. Tell me. Because when anytime somebody comes over like they tell me immediately what other clients they've worked with and I don't want to be added to that list. I get that. And I assume you've found some pretty weird things in celebrities homes. All the things.

But I've also signed a lot of NDAs. Right, but you can talk in generalities. Of course I can. You ever seen a brick of cocaine? No. Actually, I haven't. All right. I don't know why. I've seen cocaine, but not a brick. Sure. You've seen drugs? Oh, all the drugs. Guns?

Tons of guns. Tons of guns? Lots of guns. I don't have a gun in my, I do have guns. I have tons of guns in my house. Tons. Sorry. I went to one house and there was a huge gun safe that was like double the size of me. It also had, it was like custom organized, the thing. It had like all these pockets. I was like, whoa, this is the next level. Sex dungeon? I don't know.

I don't know what it was. No, have you ever seen a sex dungeon? No, I haven't. All the sex toys. Toys? Tons of toys. Do you want to know the weirdest things I see? I see baby teeth. Like people save their kids' teeth all the time. Use pregnancy tests and pet ashes.

Oh, I have a set of pet ashes in my house. I see them literally in every house. A nice little wood box. Usually it's like the top of a closet and they forget to tell me. So then it's like all of a sudden I'm discovering like dog ashes. No, I don't. And I'm not doing anything. Usually it's like a bathroom or a closet. I one time threw, I was at a funeral and we were throwing somebody's mom away. You know what doesn't turn to ash? No. Teeth.

So there's teeth in there? There's definitely some chunks. I'm pretty sure I saw some teeth. I'm pretty sure. All right, let's talk about fancy people. Okay. Celebrities. Blake Griffin and Carl Anthony Towns. Were they dream clients because of their height and ability to utilize vertical space? No.

You know what's funny is that they're like the hardest clients I've organized because their shoes don't fit on a standard shelf. Nothing fits on the shelf though. But is that all they have too much of is just shoes? Everything. Oh, really? Yeah. I used to see Blake in my neighborhood a lot. He always made me laugh because one time he posted, do you remember when there was that dress that was online that was like which color it was? Yes, white or gold, blue or whatever. And then he posted a photo of himself, but what color am I? And that just made me laugh forever. It was great.

So to know that you're self-aware, people are like, eh, his color is a little different. Yeah.

Always made me love him. He has great taste. Does he? Very good taste. Oh, that's interesting. And he's very, very organized. You wrote a book just about folding. That sounds like a page turner, but... By the way, do you care what people dog ear when reading it? What are your thoughts on that? I never even considered it. Like a fold on a... I mean, I guess if they're using it, then it's fine. Encouraging people to buy a book. Isn't that kind of cluttering? Or where are you at on books?

I personally have a Kindle, but I have a bunch of coffee table books.

So many coffee tables. I wrote a coffee table book. It's a coffee table. It's a coffee table book. Okay. Now let's talk folding towels, for instance. I like a roll. Oh, sometimes I like a roll. Okay. I like, I'm not, I think there's so many different ways to do it. I love Turkish towels. There can't be enough Turkish towels in a home, I say. I mean, nice, fresh, clean, fluffy towels. Well, the problem with Turkish towels, though, is that they're not really fluffy. Oh, those are like the thin ones. They're almost like drying off the sheet. I like those for like the pool.

or the beach or whatever. I keep them by the pool. Yeah, yeah. Like rolled up in a little basket. I think that's cute. A big basket. You can't let people know that you only got like 10 Turkish towels. You have to have 50. Got it, got it. Do they all match? No, they're like, they're all like different like theme, Moroccan-y, feel-y, I guess. I don't know. They all vibe together. They vibe together.

You guys liking this, huh? So good. No, I'm in my element. God damn it. By the way, I used to know how to do that fold trick where like you grab two corners and like, but that was like when I was a kid. I thought it was neat. You don't fold clothes like that. No. No.

I file fold. So it's like when you're looking into a drawer, it's like you're looking, like you can look for your clothes, like, you know, like papers in a file cabinet. I do that with sweatshirts only. Yeah. Only sweatshirts? Uh-huh. Not everything? No, everything else I like to hang. Oh, that's, I mean, that's ideal. Yes. I mean, if you could hang everything. Well, I can. Do you fold your underwear? Rufina does. Okay, great.

But here's the thing with folding the underwear. Like, you can't lay a bunch of underwear down and then fold them over. And then it's like, oh, now I pick one up and they all... Oh, no, no, no. I fold them into little pouches. No. So you could, like, throw it. It's like a little underwear pouch. Like if you had a little mini...

a t-shirt gun in your room, you could have a party. Absolutely. When I first started dating my fiance, we had only been dating a few months and I waited a few weeks. And then I was like, I'm so sorry. I have to redo your room or I can't keep coming over. It's driving, giving me anxiety. So I read it, everything refolded, everything did his underwear in the little pouches, whatever. A few weeks later was his birthday and

And we were about to do a shot and I was like, where did everybody go? And I walked into his bedroom and he was standing around his dresser with a bunch of like his 31-year-old friends. And they were all looking at the underwear and throwing it. Like, this is so cool. I was like, this is how I know he's my guy. He appreciates me folding his underwear in pouches and is show and telling it. Is he tidy? He is.

very much appreciates organization, very much. He notices everything I do. There are some things he does that makes my skin crawl. Like even last night, basically our chore thing is that he empties the dishwasher and I fill the dishwasher. And last night I happened to be in the kitchen while he was emptying the dishwasher. And my mind was like, how? We have a one bedroom apartment. We have a very small kitchen and

he probably put 99% of the stuff in the wrong spot. Oh, that's just, that's embarrassing. How, how are you doing that wrong? Like I truly cannot comprehend, like why are the mixing bowls with the pans and then like Tupperware is with the mixing bowl. I can't comprehend. And I just stood there and I was like, how, how does this make any sense? Like, what are you doing? I get upset when

When my wife unloads the dishwasher and she starts at the top, everything has still some water residue. So now everything is splashing down on the stuff that's in there. That's a very good point. So start at the bottom. And work your way up. Work your way up. That way I don't have to re-dry everything. Or, of course, she doesn't do that. She just puts away things that are wet. Right.

I honestly never really thought of this, but I'm definitely going to double check that when I get home tonight and be like, watch how he's unloading it. Well, I mean, the problem too is I've got a dump. I have little kids, so I have every version of sippy cups. Lord knows they're getting diseases from these straws that I've never properly cleaned.

I spent eight years building and rebuilding because a fire burned it down halfway through. I'm sorry. My contemporary home that I love. And when I started this process, and this is 15 years ago, I was single and just happy. Then I married, children, more pets. So what do you do? What do you tell people when one person is so organized and the other person is just a horrible c**k?

Yes. This is an age-old problem. I feel like when I get brought in, people always call me also a marriage counselor because usually the person bringing me in is the unorganized half of the couple. Oh.

Oh. Because they're like, I suck at this and my partner's going to murder me, so I have to do something to try to make this better. So typically that's when I come in. I'm a gift to the other partner. Okay. But I usually tell people to try to stick to their own stuff. Here's the, I have a son. But that's hard. I don't have kids.

don't have kids yet. So I know that when I have kids, it's just gonna, I'm, all my opinions are going to change and I'm going to have to rethink everything. Well, I, I'm, you know, I'm one of these people like, oh, how do you keep your, you know, them from, I have an indoor garden that has some rocks and a fountain and they're like, how do you keep your kids, uh, from, from messing with it? And it's like, every time they go near it, I scream. Yeah.

That's going to be me. I'm like, knock it off. And guess what? Yeah, no, because I have a tone that they know. The problem I have now, though, with my son, he's at an age where I, and especially this new world of letting boys be boys or whatever they want to be. I'm trying to subtly, without anyone noticing, shame him with not being

needing to have so many stuffed animals. Love these. Oh, good. Well, right. But you can't do that to a kid. You have to let a boy, you can't say, oh, boys don't need to have a thousand stuffed animals. Well, do any kids need to have a thousand? No, no. He doesn't have a thousand. What I do is I just, I just, I throw them away. Yeah. I just throw them away constantly. I just keep throwing them away. I just want him to get to an age where he's embarrassed and

That he has stuffed animals. And I know that's wrong. I shouldn't want that. Maybe he'll be like you and he'll have a little OCD in him. I know. That's my wife fears that I'm putting it out. Cause I get, he doesn't like to get dirty sometimes when he plays and she goes, that's because you're telling him he's dirty. Right, right, right. I also am trying to teach him to sit to pee.

That's where I have no opinion. What do you mean you have no opinion? You're a woman. You want to sit on a dirty toilet? You want to come over to my house? And all of a sudden, oh, there's... Oh, guess what? Absolutely not. But if you know that my boys pee sitting, you're going to be like, oh, it's probably a little cleaner. Here's where I give up with her is the shared space. And a shared space area. We put everything away, Rufina and I. But the refrigerator, what's your refrigerator look on the inside?

If I do it? No. Right now, who cares? Is it organized? Yeah. Completely? I mean, there's labels on the whole thing. You have glass Tupperware? Yes. I'm a glass Tupperware girly. I'll show you my refrigerator. Okay, let's see it. This is the area that I just...

I lose. I put labels in my fridge, cheese, milk, like literally where everything should go. My fiance just shoves it all in there. And then I have to pull it all out and redo it like every single day. This enrages me what I'm looking at right now. But this is, this is a, I just give up and I let her, and it's not horrific.

But it is, it's nonsense. There's no reason for stuff. And I just have to because there's, I'm so outnumbered. You have a Lazy Susan in there though. That's impressive. That's a hot sauce, Lazy Susan. I love that. Yeah. You know, you know this. That really caught my eye. I call my, my wife, she has a nickname. We have a name. I call her bitch. And I just, I just realized that I can't always say that in public because people don't,

They don't know that it's out of love. Well, and in our house, bitch is gender neutral. Got it. She calls me bitch. You can be bitch. Bitch, you fucking... Anyway, she gets me... I don't know fucking what a hot...

have a Lazy Susan full of the 50 best hot sauces that every man needs. Do you like hot sauce? I guess. You're not passionate about hot sauce. Do you want to know how long? I don't like people to come over. So do you know how long it's going to take me to go through 50 bottles of hot and know which one is right for this fish taco? It's just stupid. What a burden. Her gift is just stupid. Janelle, do you believe in ghosts? Uh, I

I have no opinions about ghosts, strong opinions about aliens. Oh, interesting.

Wild card, right? Where are you at on aliens? They're here. They're here already? I think they're here. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, no, I haven't even thought to discuss the topic of aliens. There's a million documentaries right now. I've seen them all. You like sci-fi? No. Hate it. Hate sci-fi. Oh, I hate it too. Like real documentaries about real aliens and like space. Right, but there's not real aliens yet. You don't know that. Well, I do, but...

So it's just sci-fi, right? I guess. All right. I give everyone a gift on the show and it's just something from my house. Great. So your clutter becomes my clutter? That's literally what I've done. And I mean, I've done it. I've enjoyed it. And sometimes it's genuine. Like I put thought into it. Are you excited for what garbage I'm going to give you? We're going to see how long it lasts in my house. Yeah.

but it's going to leave here. Yes. In your, in your car. Yes. Yes. I'm prepared. I was mentally prepared. You were? I was, they prepared me for it. They're going to, he's going to give you something. You're going to have to take it. At least it's not this nonsense. I'm very grateful. It's not those. No, uh, here's what you're getting because I don't, it, it's this chair.

Now, let me tell you about this chair. This was my office chair on Tosh.0 for 14 years. A lot of people think it's uncomfortable. It's not. It's got springs. I looked it up yesterday. What does it cost?

$1,800. Wow. This chair. It's not a piece of shit, but guess what? My wife's like, what are you doing with the chair? I go, I'm getting rid of it. I'm like, we don't have a place for it. Why do I just have a chair in my house? So then I bring it here and he's freaking out about it. John, he's like, why do we have an extra chair in here? We don't have enough room as it is. I'm like, I'm going to give it away to the right person.

Is that me? Yeah, because it's sleek and modern. It is. It is actually very much my style. You're going to have to find a place for it. We're going to have to find a place for this in my one-bedroom apartment. Oh, man, it's going to be nice. My cat's going to like it. Nope, your cat won't be able to do anything to this thing. I know, that's why. It's great. Nice. This chair is now out of my life. Thank you so much. What do you think about that? Digital clutter. Do you tell people to do stuff with that or no? Yes. Yes.

I get asked it all the time. And to be honest, I feel like I haven't nailed it myself. So it's just hard. Yeah, like if I showed you that I have 3,873 emails unopened. I might have more. I'm the worst. I'm the worst. That's the one thing I'm... I have my shit together, but when it comes to responding and emails, I'm the worst. I don't reply. Do you reply to everybody? No. I forget. I'm terrible. I feel like if I've read it...

In my head? Sometimes you've replied. I've replied. Yes. I always do the thing where I read it and then I go back and then I unread it so that I'll remember to respond. Nope. So now I just have like, I have 10 unread messages at all times. You have your read receipts on? No. Isn't that embarrassing? Never. Pete does it. Yeah.

I could never. What about flashlight? You ever have your flashlight accidentally on? No. That to me is embarrassing. No, I would never. I'm not like. That's like having something in between your teeth at this point. That's just. You're walking around with a flashlight on. Yeah, no, no. God damn it. What's your favorite HGTV show? My favorite HGTV show. You know what? I like House Hunters. Well, sure. Traditional. That's good. It's easy. It's bullshit. It's fun. They shoot it out of order. They never get along.

the couple's never on the same page. No, I'm just saying, I'm giving you like behind the scenes. Oh, yeah, yeah. They've already bought the home and then they shoot the episode and you go look at two other homes. Yes. What about Chip and Joanna? You like them? Yeah, I used to watch their show all the time. I like all that stuff, but. Yeah, but what about her sticking a fucking clock on every wall? I mean, that's not my personal taste, so. Yeah, it's no good. I think that what they do is awesome, just not my style. Well, somebody had to fix up Waco. Yeah.

That's where they're from, right? Yeah. They're a bunch of Waco right-wingers. What will be your show? Let's figure it out. I feel like it would be kind of like what I do on a daily basis. Kind of take all their shit. It's going to be celebrities? Yeah.

No, I think maybe, I feel like regular everybody people. Those people are so boring to watch. You know who like my specialty is, is I do a lot of like YouTubers and TikTokers and like young people who like come into a lot of money. Real fast and they just buy those McMansions. Huge McMansions. And they're like, what the heck do I do? And then they fill it with a bunch of really random stuff. That's what I do. And they don't even have drapes yet. That is.

literally exactly what I do, what I did yesterday, literally. And I like to like come in and be like, okay, this is what you need to have a functional house. These are the things that are, you know, so I would do something kind of like that mixed with the organizing. And what about people that go tiny? What do you think of them? I don't know how they do it. They probably have a storage. Do you like that though? Do you like those tiny houses? No. You ever been in one? I have. You have? I have. Where?

My ex's family was like into them for a while. And so they were like going to build some. So I saw like some... Were they just doing it for like to sell or like to live in? I don't know. They were flipping tiny houses? Yeah. Your ex's parents? Yeah. I wish I wasn't talking about that. Oh, that's funny. Yeah.

Do you think you need somebody to balance you out or do you think two people in the same world would be a bad thing? I think that if he didn't like appreciate my crazy and value it and let me just run with it and like do it, it wouldn't work. But I think if he was equally as opinionated, that would be terrible. I'm crazy. Is he fine if you're the breadwinner? Yes. But he's...

very smart. Is he motivated? Oh yeah. Oh, that's annoying. Yeah. Well he's, it's great because since we've been together, I feel like I've been able to take my career to the next level purely because like,

We can, we love to like brainstorm things together. Are you guys competitive? No, no. Just more like we love to brainstorm together. You guys get in fights? No. I don't get in fights either. You know, people say marriage is work. It's not, right? No. I can't imagine. I don't work at all. I don't do anything like, I mean, I yell at her sometimes and she yells at me, but like, there's no work. Yeah, no. I would just get divorced. What should we all do immediately today?

to make our lives a little more organized. Get rid of something. Get rid of something you've been holding on that you don't need.

That's easy. I'm getting rid of this sweater as soon as this interview is done. There you go. One thing, like you open up your cabinet to grab a mug and there's like one that's chipped or you hate it or you never use it. It's terrible size. Just like get rid of it. I have a chipped plate. And you just keep it? I put it on the bottom stack and we never get to it. So just get rid of it. I know, but I like- Are you going to serve someone with a chipped plate? No, but I liked the height of the plates. Couldn't you just replace it?

Do I want to? Just get rid of it. It's going to be okay. You're going to survive. It's Heath Ceramics. Oh, that's beautiful. I don't want to get rid of it. That's beautiful. Yeah, you can't. That's maybe a little different. Maybe you need to like touch it up or something. You can't touch it up. Janelle, thank you for being on the show. And if I ever have some more old furniture, I'm going to send it your way. Thank you very much. Okay.

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For 25 years, Brightview Senior Living has been dedicated to creating an award-winning company culture so residents and families receive best-in-class services. Across our 50 communities, Brightview associates help deliver peace of mind, safety, security, transportation, daily programs, delicious food, and high-quality care if needed.

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And with eBay guaranteed fit, your part is guaranteed to fit your ride every time or your money back. Keep your ride or die alive at ebaymotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. All right, I want to thank Janelle for being on the show. I want to congratulate her on her upcoming nuptials. I really hope, I hope this one sticks.

Carl, I think per Janelle's request, I'm going to get rid of a few of your chew toys. What do you think about that? Huh? High five. All right. That's a no to that. We're keeping all of your chew toys. I think we have time.

For our favorite segment, hello from Toss Show. That's where I say hello to one of our subscribers. First one is to the Petty family. I hear the mom forces the kids to watch every week because she wants them to have a good sense of humor. I just hope they're age appropriate. 15? I think that's a good starting age for this podcast. Right? Yeah.

Maybe 13 if they're super mature. If they've got a good body, sure. That doesn't seem right. Who else? Tarika? Oh, hello to Tarika. She's pregnant. She still goes to work. Wow. Yeah. Hasn't told her company yet. She just keeps just pretending that she's got some...

allergic reactions to things. She's, you know, you ever see those sitcoms where they like a star gets pregnant, but they don't want to put it in. So they just kind of like always have a box in front of them. Apparently that's what Terica is doing at work. Just hiding her pregnancy to the very last minute. Good luck with that. We've got some plugs, boyswearpink.com.

The cutest toddler clothing line. What else? My tour dates. Come see me. Come say hi to me and Carl. What else? We got the goat coming out May 9th. That's going to be exciting. I think I'm going to crash a few viewing parties. I'm sure they're going to be popping up all over the SoCal area. I just come in like, hey guys, just checking out your goat viewing party. Just wanted to say hi to Goat Nation.

Goat Nation. Oh, yeah. All right. Here's one of my kids' bedtime stories. See you next week. Are you just retelling tonight when I told you to come in the hallway and look at the spider? Yes.

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For 25 years, Brightview Senior Living has been dedicated to creating an award-winning company culture so residents and families receive best-in-class services. Across our 50 communities, Brightview associates help deliver peace of mind, safety, security, transportation, daily programs, delicious food, and high-quality care if needed.

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