Loneliness is a discrepancy between the social connections one needs and those one has. It is subjective and differs from objective terms like isolation.
Loneliness can manifest as social withdrawal, anger, irritability, and can lead to various illnesses such as substance use disorders, addiction, violence, and chronic diseases.
The three dimensions are intimate loneliness (longing for a close confidant or partner), relational loneliness (yearning for quality friendships), and collective loneliness (hunger for a community sharing purpose and interests).
Weak social connections can reduce lifespan by 50% and are as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. They also increase the risk of coronary heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, dementia, depression, anxiety, lower quality sleep, immune system dysfunction, and impulsive behavior.
The stigma around loneliness stems from the shame associated with it, making people feel they are not likable or broken if they are lonely, preventing them from admitting it to themselves or others.
Loneliness and social disconnection are root causes of societal polarization. When people are deeply connected, they are more able to listen and give others the benefit of the doubt, fostering dialogue and understanding.
Motive attribution asymmetry is the bias where individuals believe their own actions are driven by love, while perceiving the actions of others as driven by hatred.
Human connection can heal trauma by allowing people to channel love, which helps them accept themselves and shed shame. Relationships are the most powerful form of healing, eclipsing even medical prescriptions.
The biggest barrier is the shame associated with needing others, which is contrary to the cultural emphasis on independence and self-sufficiency.
Human decisions are primarily driven by either love or fear, which manifest in various ways such as generosity, kindness, empathy, insecurity, anger, and indifference.
Have you ever struggled with feeling lonely — even when you’re surrounded by people you love? I have. It’s painful and confusing. In this episode, I talk to Dr. Vivek Murthy, a physician and the 19th surgeon general of the United States, about loneliness and the physical and emotional toll that social disconnection takes on us. We talk about his new book, Together, and what it takes for each of us to tilt the world toward love and connection.
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