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From NPR and WBZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I've got a juicy dump truck voice. I'm Bill Curtis. And here's your host at the Studebaker Theatre at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much.
We really do have a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Amanda Seyfried, who used to be known for starring in things like Mamma Mia and the TV show The Dropout and Mean Girls. But after an appearance on The Tonight Show last week, she is now world famous for doing Joni Mitchell covers on The Dulcimer.
So maybe instead of questions, we'll just have her do the whole blue album. But first, we want your help, so give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. This is Cameron from Bath, Maine. Cameron in Bath, Maine. How are things in Bath? Up! Up!
Pretty cold, pretty windy. It's the city of ships, not great sailing weather. No, no. Are you a sailor? No, but I have two retired parents who just bought a pontoon boat, so I'll get back to you in a couple months. Wow. What does one do with a pontoon boat? I've never known. You put their parents on it and you push it. Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad. They're back a day later.
Good luck. Well, Cameron, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, the comedian whose album Party Nights is available now on Spotify, Apple, and other streaming services. It's Emmy Blotnick. Hi, Cameron. Next, it's the actor and writer you can see in the show Two Square at the Oklahoma City Improv Saturday, March 15th, and at Comedy Sports Philadelphia on April 5th. It's Peter Gross. Hello. Hi there. Hi.
And finally, making her debut on our panel, we are thrilled to be joined by the comedian whose third comedy special, Crushing It, is streaming on Netflix. She's about to kick off her national Taken Care of Biscuits tour this month. Please say hello to Fortune Feimster. Hi! Thank you.
So, Cameron, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. Of course, your job is to correctly identify or explain just two of them. Do that, you will win our prize. The voice from anyone on our show, you might choose for your voicemail. You ready to go? I'm ready. All right, let's do it, Cameron. Here is your first quote. Is it finally time to freak out? LAUGHTER
That was a soon-to-be retiree quoted in Market Watch, worried about the rapid decline of what? Would that be the United States of America? I knew it. I knew we laid ourselves a trap as soon as I read that aloud. We're looking for something specific that was definitely on a significant downward trend this week. Oh, the stock market. The stock market. Yes, the stock market. Yes.
Things are so bad with everybody's retirement accounts that, and this is true, one prominent brokerage site now has a pop-up when you log in warning you just not to look.
They really do? They really do. That's right. Things are so bad, ladies and gentlemen. Your 401k has a bouncer. It should just be like a picture of a dog with like a little hat dancing back and forth and you just look at it for a minute and then you go, eh, whatever. I'm not going to check my balance. Or like messages like, you know what's really important? Family. You know? This is really hard for people who don't know when the stock market is good also. Right.
You're just completely oblivious. Sometimes you look and you're like, it's sure moving, this line on the grass. Yeah. Today it's green. Tomorrow it's red. It's so Christmassy. Yes. It looks like it has a heartbeat. Fortune, are you concerned at all about this? Do you have stocks or money? No, I love losing money. Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah, I got an email from my Raymond James guy who's here in Chicago. Really? Yeah, he asked if I wanted a hug and I said yes. Now, we might be on the verge of another Great Depression, right? But according to this American Girl book I've been reading, it is going to be awesome.
No, the depression was great. You can live in a boxcar, travel for free. Every windowsill will have a pie cooling. I couldn't afford American girls before this. And the best of all,
Those of us who will survive it will get to be insufferable to everyone else for the rest of our lives. Oh, yeah. Back in the Great Depression of 25, me and my four siblings all had to share one vape pen. We had to share one Netflix account. It was horrible. Our tokens were non-fungible back then.
Cameron, here is your next quote. Focus on a nature scene with a sunset. That was something that computer programmers came up with to help relieve the anxiety that what has been feeling. AI? Exactly. AI. A new study has found that AI can get anxious and depressed.
right? It can worry. That's trouble for those who use chat GPT for its main use, cheating on their homework. Now it's the one saying, oh man, oh man, we're going to get caught. You have to write 500 words about Watership Down and it's like, what's the point? Exactly. That sad book where the rabbits get killed. We have nothing to live for. I live in a
But why are they? Why is it really like, is it because we're so anxious that it is aping us and being pretty much because if you remember these things work entirely by absorbing all this information and how humans have reacted to this information. So you heard the quote from Bill, right?
Because it was being made anxious by the prompts that make humans anxious, they thought giving it mindful and meditation exercises would help, and it did. Oh, so they're like listening to calm. Yeah, exactly. But I don't know how this can be. I would think a computer would freak out even more if you asked it to take deep, calming breaths, and it realizes it doesn't have lungs. LAUGHTER
I feel like we can just stop AI now, right? Yeah, it's done. If we are inventing something that is mechanical and is separate from us, but it is acting like us and achieving our worst parts of ourselves, I think this is the time to step back and be like, that was probably too much. Just wait until it gets angry.
Right now it's just sad, but there are other stages. That's true. Is vengeance one of the stages? I hope not. All right, Cameron, your last quote is from the host of a brand new radio show on Apple Music as he introduces the next song. Kylie McNogue came to the palace to perform the locomotion, and it is music for dancing.
So who is a new side gig as a radio DJ? Would that be the King of England? Yes, King Charles III himself. Of course. The King's got his groove back. This week, Apple Music debuted King Charles' new radio show, The King's Music Room.
And I gotta tell you, it's actually really good. I'm not kidding. He plays Bob Marley, Beyonce. He plays world music. Here, this is just a bit of it. The song is the locomotion. It has that infectious energy which makes it, I find, incredibly hard to sit still.
It is fun! Plus, it is going to be so much easier to get knighted now. All you have to do is be the 100th caller.
Can it be a video thing and he has to dance after he plays songs? No, actually, Dave, of course, because it's 2025, they also videotape it and put that online. And it's great because, yes, I will confirm, he does the whole show wearing the complete royal regalia, right? So at one point when he gets really excited, he starts twerking with the orb. Oh, wow.
After this, we've got traffic on the wilds. Exactly. And the Powerball numbers. We're going now to Reginald Pips in the sky. Reggie, what's going on in central London? That's really funny. No, it's great. He is, I mean, I... Not what I said, just in general. I don't know. It's an absolute cluster of **** around the palace. Bumper to bumper carriages.
Bill, how did Cameron do in our quiz? Cameron from Bothmane did very well, 3-0. Congratulations. Good job, Cameron. Thank you, everybody. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Fortune, a new study finds that you can boost your brain's performance simply by chewing what?
Gum. No, if that worked, my mother would have been a genius. On thoughts. Chew on thoughts? Just like chewing, like, hmm, let me chew on that. Just thinking. No, I'll give you a hint. Now, that explains how the beaver I saw got today's wordle in two. Wood. Yes, wood. Chewing wood can make you smarter. Research finds that chewing on a piece of wood significantly increases brain activity, especially in the part of the brain that asks questions.
Why am I doing this? How do they figure this out? Like, what's the study that's like, here, chew on this gum, now do this puzzle. Chew on this stick, now chew the... Oh, the stick guy did pretty good. Yeah. The hypothesis is that chewing on something hard like wood increases blood flow to your head, which in many people is where the brain is located. LAUGHTER
Wouldn't this just be a toothpick? No, it has to be harder. It has to be something that really takes effort. Like a floorboard? Yeah, exactly. So you can't be just like a whimsical guy sitting on a porch whittling and chewing on a toothpick. No, no, no. You've got to be at the Home Depot with a knife and fork. Coming up, our panelists are music to your ears in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. ♪
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And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Or you can head over to npr.org slash wait, wait, form.
Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Terry Evans, and I'm from Hewitt, Texas. Oh, wow. Which is just outside of Waco. Oh, that's great. And what do you do there? Well, I live with my librarian husband for 32 years, I guess. And we have two kids, and shout out Michaela and Chandler. And I work for Baylor Student Media. You said that your husband was a librarian with some pride. Yes.
Because he's really smart, and he's now been elected president of the Music Library Association. Oh, that's very exciting. So when somebody asks him for music, he'll say, I'll dial that up on Spotify for you. You betcha. Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Terry. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Terry's topic? Behind the Music.
Speaking of music, getting into the music business isn't easy. People will do anything to get a leg up, a foot in the door, a toenail in the window. Our panel is going to tell you about a surprising new tactic someone...
might be able to use to get ahead in the music biz. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. You ready to play? Yes, sir. All right, let's hear first from Peter Gross. Typically, when you put out a want ad, you explain the job, list the responsibilities, and state the salary. But if you're KISS bassist Gene Simmons, you tell someone how much they are going to have to pay you for the privilege of working with you.
Simmons is going out on a solo tour this month, and he put out a call for help explaining that he's looking for one person in each city to join his road crew for the day for the low, low price of $12,495.
Now, before you scoff, there are some great perks. You get to meet Gene, and for free, they will throw in being laughed at and called a rich idiot by the real crew members. But you'll be the one laughing when you get to sit down and have a special one-on-one meal with a man accused multiple times of sexual harassment who once released a solo record called And who told an interviewer in 2022, I don't have friends. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE
The going rate to be an assistant to Gene Simmons of KISS is $12,500, which you pay him. Your next music business breakthrough comes from Emmy Blotnick. The chaos began with an innocent request from Virgin Airlines corporate office. They were seeking to refresh their in-flight safety video with a catchy new song, and for the first time ever, they were open to submissions from anyone, anywhere.
One aspiring musician from Bangor, Maine believed this was his golden opportunity to break into the music business. The multi-instrumentalist Robert McMagnus, who records under the alias McMadness, went to work producing as many demos as he could. He composed 24 original in-flight safety songs in just 24 hours with titles such as
"Seatbelt low and tight tonight," "Fasten like an assassin," and "Talking tough 'bout stowing stuff." Just to be safe, McMadness uploaded each track 300 times from 17 different email accounts. The tonnage of these files crashed the server so quickly, no one else was able to submit.
A spokesman from Virgin Airlines offered their apologies that the song contest ended prematurely. He added, while none of Mr. McMadness' songs were family-friendly enough for in-flight usage, they were so impressed with his output that they've begun contract talks with him anyway. A man goes all out to make sure that his is the safety song played on an airline. Your last musical moment comes from Fortune Feimster.
Legendary background singer Barry Cooter has sung vocals on some of the most iconic country albums to come out of Music Row. And he did this without a single connection to the music business. Not an agent, not a manager, nothing but his biscuits. Years ago, he snuck into a studio by posing as a delivery man for a made-up bakery, Barry's Biscuits. He first tried to get in under the name Cooter Cakes, but that didn't even get him past the front door. LAUGHTER
It was the amazing smell of these biscuits that allowed him to skate right past security and then the secretary and straight into the recording studio. And who happened to be in there laying down a track? None other than the Elvis Presley, who we all know.
all know loved him some biscuits. His whole team started devouring these treats, leaving Cooter the opportunity to step up to the mic and show off his vocals. For decades, Cooter had quite the career. That is, until singers started cutting carbs. All right. So, let's say...
Let's say you had aspirations to get into the music business. You might do one of these things. Is it from Peter Gross, go work for a day as an assistant to Gene Simmons simply by paying him more than $12,000 for the privilege? From Emmy, absolutely go all out to break into the music business via that common first step in airline safety video. Or from Fortune, just bake biscuits so good they cannot keep you out of the music studio. Which of these is a real tactic?
used to get into the music business. I would not put it past Gene Simmons to charge somebody to work for him. The audience apparently has the same opinion of Gene Simmons as all right-thinking people do. Well, we spoke to a music journalist who told us about the real story.
You'd have to have $12,000 of disposable income and then a huge Gene Simmons pay. Yes, that was Ilana Kaplan, a music editor for People Magazine, telling us the two conditions that you'd have to have in order to take advantage of this remarkable opportunity of spending a day with Gene Simmons. Congratulations, Terry. You got it right. You're going to point for Peter. You just told the truth. Good job, Terry.
And you've won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Congratulations and well done. Thank you.
And now the game where we ask famous people to answer questions about something they know nothing about. We call it Not My Job. Amanda Seyfried is an Emmy-winning actor who starred in, among other things, three of the most profitable movie musicals ever made. But she has said that despite her many successes, all she has ever wanted to do was play a cop on TV, a dream that has finally come true on her new show, Long Bright River on Peacock. Amanda Seyfried, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thanks so much.
So, let's start there. We heard that was true, that you've always, through your remarkable career, starting with Soul Proppers and then Mean Girls and through the Mamma Mia movies, everything you've done, that you've always had this secret desire to play a cop. Is that right? Yeah, it just seemed so far-fetched. I was like, that would be fun. That would be fun. Were you influenced by watching cops on TV when you were growing up? Were you like a Law & Order SVU girl? I had this weird obsession with the first 48. I would watch two episodes before bed every night.
I think that's probably why I was so anxious in my early 20s. But yeah, sure. I mean, I just think it's cool. And I never wanted to play detective. Don't get me wrong. Those are, they're cool, but they're everywhere. Beat cops is where it's at. Yeah, really? I just feel so slight that like no one would believe me with that kind of authority. So I just wanted to prove myself and everybody else wrong. Wow.
So your model for the cop you wanted to be was not like, say, Kojak, but like the little bunny in Zootopia. That's exactly who I modeled my haircut for. Wow. Yeah. I can see that. Yeah. In preparation for this role, you did something, I am told again, that I know a lot of actors do, which is you did a ride-along with real Philadelphia police. Is that true? Yeah. I had no business being there.
But I went and it was something. Yeah. I have always... I know that many actors who are dedicated to doing a good job do that experience. They go for a ride along or spend time with police. And I've always wondered what that's like. I mean, you're sitting there, you're driving down the streets of Philadelphia.
And the cop in the front seat turns to you and goes, so, mama mia, I heard that was a really fun set. Was it? I mean... Pretty much, yeah. There's like a give and take, and I don't want to be greedy, but I'm also like, I want to see what's next. Like, yeah, let's go to the Wawa. Let's break up the...
They let me choose which place we were going to go next. Did they really? Well, there's a wellness check. You want to do that? And I'm like, that could be anything. We should go.
And it turned out to be a dead person. So the wellness was pretty low. Yeah, not a lot of wellness there. I can't wait to do it again, actually. Sure. It occurs to me, though, I mean, well, the cops have you, that you could come in handy. Like, if a gunfight got for a bit to break out, they could shout, put down your weapons. Amanda Seyfried is here. There's like a third Mamma Mia movie on the line.
And if that ever happened, listen, I'm for it. I'll do anything to save a life. Right. Quote me on that. All right. Speaking of Mamma Mia, we have read, this might be urban legend, it might be true, we have read that like when you were making that movie and its sequel and these beautiful places, that the entire cast was drunk the entire time.
No, it really was debauchery. Yeah, it looked like, I mean, it's...
It seemed like part of the appeal of the movie was just imagining being able to make it with you guys because, boy, it looked like fun. It really was. Actually, those images that came out a while back of us in our most drunken state were
At some party where we did karaoke in Skopelos, it just looks like the most fun anyone could ever have, especially because Meryl Streep is at the center of every photo. And I wish I could say, oh, wasn't that fun? But my grandmother got drunk that night. And it was a memory that I will never... I just hold it so close, and I really look forward to a third. So, just so...
we could keep getting drunk together. Right. So you won an Emmy for playing Elizabeth Holmes in the dropout, the story of her and Theranos, and perhaps the single most iconic moment in the show is when you, as Elizabeth, kind of dances into your boyfriend's office to Lil Wayne to either seduce him or cheer him up or both, and it is somehow the most awkward thing I have ever seen. And my question is, how does someone who knows how to dance dance badly? Right?
I'm going to be honest. I'm not a good dancer. I really am not. Peter, she thought that was really good. Really? Oh, God. That was like the best dancing she could do. I don't know. I was wearing a...
Who can dance well or take themselves seriously when they're wearing that puffy vest? Yeah. It is hard to dance in puffy vests. Right? It's like a Silicon Valley mating ritual. When that really happened, presumably it did, Lil Wayne felt a horrible twinge somewhere. He just knew something was wrong. He was more uncomfortable than you were. And as far as I know,
I tried to find this out. You have never met Elizabeth Holmes and she has never reached out to meet you. Is that right?
Yeah. Yeah, there was like a trial or whatever. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know, the legal... Thing. Legal things that separated us from having our fateful love fest. I don't know what I... I probably would have been like, well, it's just pretty cool, actually. Because I'm so easily influenced. But, yeah, so it was better that I didn't. Because then I wouldn't have been able to make fun of her, too. Yeah. Because part of the show is getting...
getting on the inside and trying to, you know, breed some kind of compassion and show a three-dimensional person. But the other part is like making fun of her. Like with the scene. That was, you did both exceptionally well. Well, Amanda Seyfried, this is a joy to talk to you. And we have asked you here to play a game we're calling...
Mean Girl meet Nice Guy. So, you began your career by starring in the classic movie comedy Mean Girls. So, in honor of that, we found three questions about some guys who were actually really, really nice. Answer just two of them correctly, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Amanda Seyfried playing for? Michelle Musara of Cleveland, Ohio. All right. All right.
You seem a little, I hope you were warned that this would be happening. Get some wine, girl. Right. Yeah, okay. All right, yeah. You're right. All right, here we go. Here's your first question. Mr. Rogers was possibly the nicest person of all time. After Mr. Rogers filed a police report that his car had been stolen, what happened two days later? A, he was arrested.
PBS pledged money to him to buy him a new car. B, neighbors complained about all the people clogging up their street hoping to give him a ride somewhere. Or C, the thieves returned the car with a note that said, if we'd known it was yours, we never would have taken it. C? Yes, that's what happened. Yeah. He's that nice. He was that nice.
He was so nice, he could turn other people into nice guys through osmosis. He was amazing. All right, that's very well done. Here's your next question. During World War II, Canada famously treated their POWs so well that some of them didn't want to go back to Germany when the war was over. According to one captured German corporal, that great treatment at the POW camp included which of these? A, the government brought in a famous chef to make authentic schnitzel for them.
B, the guards would regularly lend the prisoners their rifles so they could go hunting. Or C, upon request, Canada would fly in a soldier's wife and kids so they could all be POWs together. Nah, it's A. I'm afraid it was actually B. They gave them rifles to go hunting. Oh, I thought that was a good, boring one. Really? Can't be B. No. That was their version of a trust fall. They hand them a rifle, close their eyes, turn around. All right, anyway.
Here's your last question. Sometimes it's hard to tell whether or not someone is nice, like the man who helped out a woman in Wales one day by hanging up her laundry to dry, washing her floor, putting her groceries away, and taking out the recycling. But there was one catch. What was it? A, he had broken in her house to do these things while she was away at work. B, the whole time he was working, he told her how bad her clothing and food choices were. Or C, after he finished, he told her, now you have to come do my house. What do you guys think?
Yeah, I mean, A seems like the obvious choice. No, I'm not going to overthink it. A. Yes, you're right, Amanda. Thank you. He broke into her house.
And he did all those things for her, and then she came home and found him doing them. Now they're married. She likes a bad boy. Yeah. Bill, how did Amanda Seyfried do in our quiz? Mamma mia, two out of three is a win. Congratulations. Well done.
I had some hate. You did. You had some hate from this fabulous audience. Amanda Seyfried is an Emmy-winning actor who you can see right now in Long Bright River. All episodes are streaming on Peacock now. Go watch it. Amanda, thank you so much for being with us. What a pleasure to talk to you and see you. Thanks, Brian. Hey, have fun with you guys. We will. Bye. Bye. Bye.
In just a minute, Bill has the perfect treat for people with peanut allergies in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Peter Gross, Emmy Blotnick, and Fortune Feimster. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute...
Bill expresses his truth the only way he knows how, with limericks. If you'd like to play, give us a call. 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Peter, bad news in nutrition. This week we found out what popular treat contains potentially dangerous levels of heavy metals and pesticide residues? Popular treats. Especially this time of year when they tend to show up. In the spring? Yeah. Ramps!
Everyone's eating ramps in the spring. No, sorry. It's not when they grow. It's when they are sold. Oh, peeps. No. I'll give you a hint. They could just embrace this and say thin mints now with even more copper. Girl Scout cookies? Girl Scout cookies. A new lawsuit alleges those cookies sold by the Girl Scouts include, quote, dangerous metals and pesticides. I don't care. I'm still going to eat them.
I just love the Samoas, which have the chocolate coating and the lead filling. This is why you got to freeze them. That's not going to get rid of the stuff that's inside. It doesn't make it go away? No, sadly. All right, whatever. No, but it's colder. It's cold. Frozen iron is good. Yeah, exactly. Peter, officials in Brazil, sadly, are cutting down part of the Amazon rainforest to make way for what?
Something Brazilian, like a thong factory? No, something... That's nice. You got to make them somewhere. That's true. You might as well save money on shipping. Yeah. I'll give you a hint. Greta Thunberg is going to be so mad when she shows up for this one.
Like an environmental summit? Yes, a climate summit. Oh, God. Wow. A new four-lane highway cutting through thousands of acres of protected Amazon rainforest is being built for this year's climate summit in Brazil. And before you start complaining, the road will have a bike lane. Oh.
So they decided to hold this year's COP 30 climate summit in the remote Amazonian city of Belem, presumably to show what might be lost if we don't fix things. And somebody said, hey, you know what would really show them how bad it could get? The new road is called Avenue Liberdade, which is Portuguese for whoops. And you have to get there in cars that are powered by styrofoam. Exactly right.
Well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. That's true. And that's, in fact, interestingly enough, one end of the road is in hell. Fortune dog owners pride themselves on knowing exactly what their dogs are feeling at any time. But a new study proves that. What?
Dogs are so dumb. That may well be the case. But actually, the discovery was about the people, not the dogs. Oh, okay. That their owners are dumb. I'm going to give it to you because the answer is, it turns out that owners have no idea what their dogs are thinking or feeling at any given moment. We just don't. Sweet.
A new study shows people actually have no idea what their dogs are feeling. As far as you know, that tail is wagging to express profound disappointment in you. Oh, no. That would be terrible. I know. But in the study, this is what they did. They showed people videos of dogs reacting to something.
And the people could only accurately ascertain what the dogs were feeling if they could also see what they were reacting to. If that was taken away, their guesses were no better than just like random. Oh, you think this bowl of treats made your dog happy? Oh, wow, you're like a dog whisperer.
I think this study is projecting. Really, you think? Yeah, I think I know my dog's feelings. You do? Yeah, he tells me them. How does he tell you? Little licks and kisses. All his feelings are, I want to lick your face. Yeah. Yes. He just feels that all the time. He feels what's in your mouth. Yes. In case there's any food in there, because that's the thing.
This is not hard. Dogs have three emotions. Three. One. I'm eating. Two. Is that something I can eat? Three. Oh, it isn't. I have those same, that's my only feelings as well.
Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago or come see us on the road. Hey, Spring Breakers. You want a real party? Next week we'll be in Orlando, Florida at the Walt Disney Theatre. For tickets and information, just go over to nprpresents.org. Thank you.
Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, this is Cody in Madison, Wisconsin. Hey, beautiful Madison. I love it there. What do you do there? I'm a researcher for the U.S. Forest Service here in Madison. I'm glad you're still on the job. Me too. I assume you're the last one left. That's right. That's right. Just me holding up the fort. Exactly. And when they let you do your job, what is it exactly?
So we research wood, you know, to make safe, dependable products, you know, for houses, buildings, packaging, all those good things. And people eat them. Yeah, I was about to say, in all your research on wood, have you ever come across any scientific findings indicating that chewing on wood makes you smarter?
Not yet, but then maybe that'll be my next project. Right. Well, if things get dicey in the next few minutes, just grab a wooden spoon. Here we go. Cody, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Here is your first limerick. My new ride is sealed tight as a jar. I've got keys, but I can't get too far. New tech is a scandal. I can't budge the handle.
I cannot get into my car. Car, right. Drivers everywhere are fed up with how complicated the door handles are these days. Gone are the days of the simple just like grab it and pull. Now, if you want to get into the car, you need to push like a concealed button. Or if you have a Tesla, whisper five things you did for Elon Musk this week. Ha, ha, ha.
I can't remember the last time I saw an actual key for a car. No, no. Yeah, they're gone. My new car, if you walk up to it, it knows you're coming and opens up its handles for you. It says, oh, I'm unlocked. And the funny thing is that it has a timer, and if you don't grab a handle, it locks it. So if you're me and you're not particularly quick and sensitive to potential insults, it feels like, oh, Peter, welcome. Psych. All right. Here's your next limerick.
At our club, we make sure that this show rocks. We ban faces that register no shocks. Once you wrinkle and crack, we'll invite you all back. But don't come if your face has had... Oh, geez.
Botox? Botox, yes. Good man. A comedy club in the United Kingdom says that the stand-ups who perform there are tired of playing to Botoxed people and their, quote, frozen faces. Yeah.
Because it's impossible to tell her not whether their jokes are landing. They come backstage saying, I did all my best material, but the front row just looked constantly surprised. It sounds like maybe these aren't the best stand-ups in the world. Yeah, I didn't know Botox kept your mouth from making noises. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I can imagine that. I mean, I've never tried it, but I know it paralyzes your facial muscles, so I imagine even if you do laugh, it doesn't sound great. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Right?
We're like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Help me. I turn away anybody who's had, if they've got big rocking jugs, they're not allowed on my show. Really? I don't know. I don't make the rules. All right. Here's your last limerick. In big boxes, they pick up the slack. They're called peanuts and help people pack. Dissolved, they look spreadable, yet they're not edible.
Stop munching them like they're a snack. Exactly right. Experts are worried about a new TikTok trend, yet another one, where people are eating those biodegradable packing peanuts, arguing that they're edible because they dissolve in your mouth.
Okay, a rule of thumb: if you have to argue that something is edible, you have already lost the argument. But are they healthier than Girl Scout cookies? That's the question! At this point, play it on the safe side. Eat the packing peanuts.
This makes a lot of sense, though. I mean, I think at this point we're all like, enough with ingesting microplastics. I want macroplastics. Bill, how did Cody do in our quiz? Cody, Cody, Cody got a perfect score. Well done, Cody. Thank you. Must be all that wood you work with. Congratulations, and keep up the good work. Take care. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
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Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Emmy has three. Fortune and Peter each have four. Okay. All right, Emmy, you are in second place. So you will begin fill-in-the-blank. On Thursday, President Trump withdrew his nominee for the director of the blank...
Is it the Center for Disease Control? Yes, it is. The CDC. On Sunday, Mark Carney was sworn in as the new prime minister of blank. Canada. Right. This week, a judge in New York blocked White House efforts to deport legal resident Mahmoud Khalil over his participation in protests against blank. The war in the Middle East. Yeah, war in Gaza. After the International Criminal Court issued a warrant for his arrest, former Philippine President Blank was taken into custody there.
Rodrigo Duterte. Very good. Yes, this week in Australia, one of the highest concentrations of dinosaur footprints ever recorded in a single fossil was discovered in a blank. Nightclub. No. In a high school where the slab had been sitting there for 20 years without anyone noticing all the dinosaur footprints. Yes.
This week, RFK Jr. said that vaccinating against blank flu could have unexpected side effects. Bird flu? Yes. On Tuesday, Fashion Weekend, blank came to a close. Paris? Yes. This week, a man in Florida was arrested for stealing a pair of diamond earrings worth $700,000, but police had to wait a while before gathering the evidence because blank. He ate them. Yes, he did. Oh, wow.
Nice job. Very well done. The salesperson should have known that something was up when the man said, whoa, these diamond earrings are so beautiful. Do they come with any kind of dipping sauce? Bill, I think he did very well. Very well. Seven right, 14 more points. Total is 17. Hard to beat. All right. Read it and weep. Winners. Yeah, I don't watch the news enough for this. Okay.
Well, you know, it's okay. But are you ready to try this? We're going to go next, all right? Yeah. Here we go, Fortune. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Russia rejected a U.S.-brokered cease-file deal with blank. Ukraine. Right. On Tuesday, the House passed a temporary spending bill aimed at averting a blank. Shutdown. Right. As part of his ongoing trade war, President Trump imposed a 25% blank on steel and aluminum imports. Tariff. Right. On Thursday, it was announced that the return of the astronauts stuck on the blank would again be delayed. The moon. Moon.
No, the International Space Station. Do we not go back? Not yet. Not yet. This week, the band Tool was booed offstage at a music festival organized by blank. Oh.
King Charles. No, by the band. Good guess, though. By the band Tool. Following multiple crashes, sales of tickets for Blanks have dropped considerably. Airplanes. Right. On Thursday, it was confirmed that comedian Nikki Glaser would return to host the 2026 Blank Awards. Golden Globes.
Right. This week, a newlywed couple in the Maldives are closer than ever after they shared a blank on their honeymoon. Bed. No, they shared a single life jacket after their ferry boat sank. Oh. After the ferry carrying 50 people sank, the newlyweds shared a single life jacket until help finally arrived and they were rescued somewhere. Jack from Titanic is like, oh, come on. What the hell?
There was room on that door. She had a life jacket on. Bill, how did Fortune do her first time on this quiz? Fortune's a player. Five right, ten more points. Fourteen is her total, but she trails Emmy. Oh, man. Good job. Whoa. How many of them does Peter need to overtake Emmy and win the game?
Peter needs seven to win. All right, Peter, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the Trump administration announced massive layoffs at the Department of blank.
Education. Right. On Tuesday, officials in New Mexico and Oklahoma confirmed cases of blank linked to the outbreak in Texas. Oh, measles. Right. This week, the EPA was directed to roll back a Biden-era rule mandating less pollution from blanks. Carbon monoxide, right? Less pollution from what? From cars. Oh, from cars, yeah. And just about everything. Saying that the paper's freedoms have dangerously eroded in the past year, an editor of The Blank resigned on Monday.
Washington Post. Right. This week, an Arizona dentist who used household pliers on a patient told the disciplinary board blank. They asked for it. No, he said, quote, it was a bad choice. I will acknowledge that. Tuesday marked the five-year anniversary of the WHO declaring blank a pandemic. COVID. Right. This week, after a mom in Wisconsin ate summer for four-year-old ice cream, the boy responded by blanking. Throwing ice.
Up in her face. No, by calling the cops on her. After catching his mom eating ice cream, the young boy called 911 and told the dispatcher, come and get my mommy. She needs to go to jail. Which is really kind of sweet. So the police, you know, they heard the call. They stopped. They got some ice cream. They brought the toddler the new ice cream. And they arrested the mom after planting a bag of drugs on her. Aw.
Bill, did Peter Gross do well enough to win? Well, he got five right, ten more points, 14, which is a tie with fortune. But Emmy is our winner. Yeah. Yay, Emmy. Well done. Watch me now. Coming up, our panelists predict after his new radio show what will be the next surprising new job for him.
for King Charles of the United Kingdom. But first, let me tell you all, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Kotka writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shana Donald, thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre, BJ Liedemann composed our theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King.
Special thanks this week to Mohamed Elshehi and Monica Hickey. Our mean girl is Peter Gwynn. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog and the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, that's Michael Danforth. Now panel, what will King Charles do next? Emmy Blotnick. Reviews of fast food burgers from the driver's seat of a parked Nissan. Ha ha ha.
Peter Gross. He's going to force his radio show on the countries of India, Bermuda, Jamaica, Gambia, and the Falkland Islands, whether they want to listen to it or not. And Fortune Feimster. He's going to be a beat cop with Amanda on a new show airing on Peacock. Well, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Peter Gross, Emmy Blotnick, and Fortune Feimster. Thank you.
Thanks to all of you for listening here at the Studebaker Theatre in downtown Chicago and wherever you might happen to be. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week from Orlando, Florida. This is NPR.
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