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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm the original, big, beautiful Bill. Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you.

Thanks, everyone. Great to see you again. We've got a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Ego Wodim, the Saturday Night Live star, who's also guest-starring in the latest episode of Poker Face on Peacock. That's the show that gives every star in Hollywood a chance to do what they've always dreamed of, murder somebody. I'm Ego Wodim.

We won't ask that kind of commitment to the bit from you. Just give us a call and play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant this week. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, I'm Olivia Zastrow and I'm calling from Chicago, Illinois. Chicago? Great to hear from you. What do you do here in the greatest city in the world? I am an analyst for a commercial real estate firm. Oh, really? What do you analyze?

Mostly Chicago office buildings. Oh, so it's like you walk outside, you look up and go, that's a tall one. Exactly. Well, welcome to the show, Olivia. Thank you. We found out what her job is. What more is there to talk about? Olivia, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, a comedian headlining the Gramercy in New York City on May 29th, and the Houston Punchline on May 30th and 31st. It's Hari Kondabolu. Hello, Olivia. Hello.

Next, a comedian you can see May 30th and 31st at Hyena's in Dallas and June 6th and 7th at Soul Joe's in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. It's Dulce Sloan. And a comedian whose latest Netflix special is called Home Free. It's Tom Papa. Olivia. Olivia.

Hi, Dan. Hi, Olivia. Olivia, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis, of course, is going to start us off with three quotations from the week's news. Your job, simply, correctly explain or perhaps analyze two of them. Do that and you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose. You ready to go?

I'm ready. All right. For your first quote, as we are now in one of the busiest travel weekends of the year, well, here's a traveler for his advice for flying out of a certain airport. Hope for the best. That traveler was speaking to New Jersey News 12. He's a teensy bit nervous about traveling through what airport this weekend? The Newark Airport. The Newark Airport. Thank you.

Newark Liberty Airport, aka the airport of New Jersey, aka the New Jersey of airports, has become a travel disaster. Over the last few weeks, there's been a shortage of air traffic controllers. The radar seems to just turn off at random moments. There have been dangerous near misses on the tarmac. But Memorial Day weekend will test the theory. Maybe the problem was not enough planes in the sky.

My daughter was coming home from college. She goes to college in New Jersey. And she had to fly out of Newark. Yes. Because she has a pet rabbit. And rabbits are only allowed on Alaska Airlines. And...

Sounds right. And the only place that it flew out of was Newark. Right. And she's also scared of flying. And I said, and she's coming home for the summer. And I said, well, you're going to have to go to Newark. And it was the day after they lost all the planes on the radar. And she doesn't have a rabbit anymore. Really? Oh, my God. Ha, ha, ha.

She gave her the rabbit. She went to LaGuardia and took JetBlue. Yeah. You know, it's interesting, Tom. Like Tom, I grew up in New Jersey, and my very first airport flight was out of Newark Airport, and it's interesting to me that if I were to go there, it might also be my last. Yeah. All right. Y'all spend a lot of time calling the South backwards, but Atlanta ain't never had these problems. That's true. It's just a bad story. While we're flexing cities. It's just a bad story. Like, what happened to Peter? Well, he was flying back into Newark.

It's like if it was into Paris or he was on a flight to Hawaii. You're like, that's a shame. Things were going so well. And you're like, no, he crashed on his way into Newark. They're like, well, he's in a better place. All right. Moving on. Olivia? Yeah.

Olivia, as I'm sure you'll be able to tell without me explaining it, just by virtue of Bill's amazing imitation, your next quote is from Tom Cruise. You gotta see the movie. Mr. Cruise is on a publicity spree trying to get you to see what some are calling Hollywood's final action blockbuster. What is the movie? That is Mission Impossible. Yes, Mission Impossible, the final reckoning. Thank you.

Hits theaters this weekend, but you know that because statistically it is most likely that Tom Cruise came to your house to personally drag you there himself. His publicity tour has been absolutely relentless. He is jumping out of helicopters to promote the film. He is standing on top of the biggest cinema in London, which puts him right at eye level with the rest of us. Ha, ha, ha.

Wee man, wee man. Tiny ass man. Yeah, I can make that joke because I'm on the radio.

And I don't know if you guys saw it, but this video went viral this week. Like I said, he's everywhere. He's trying to get people to go to the theater. So he's like, he filmed this video of him eating popcorn at a movie theater screening. And it looks like he's like punching himself in the mouth with every bite. Seriously, all he talks about is how much he loves to go to the movies and eat popcorn, which he then demonstrates by placing some in his nutrition intake orifice. Yeah.

And then activating his furnaces. It's true. The whole time he's doing it, he's like, look, I'm just like you. I'm just like you. I'm a regular person. No one eats popcorn like that. Normal people get a fist of it and just start nibbling around. Yeah.

I'm not sure if... I think Tom Cruise might have died several years ago. This is all AI at this point. It might well be. Why is he on this type of... Do they really think that nobody's going to go see his movie? Why is he doing all of this? Well, apparently he and his, I guess, allies and partners believe that you really got to... They want to keep people going to movie theaters to see these movies instead of waiting a month and watching it more or less for free at home.

Right. When's the last time you went to the movies? Are you asking me the last time I went on a date time, Papa? No. Because it sounds like you want me to cry on the radio. No. But when's the last? Because I keep saying, like, what's happened to the movies? Why aren't people going to the movies? I don't remember the last time I went to the movies myself. I've been to the movies recently. What'd you say? I don't remember. E.T. Yeah. Not E.T. No, girl, no. Oh, I went to go see one of them days.

I haven't seen Sinners yet. I'm supposed to go on a date, but if that boy don't text me back, then them vampires gonna win. Here's the crazy thing. So Tom Cruise is out there, right, and he's trying to get people to go into movie theaters. You know who else is doing that? Nicole Kidman.

They should meet. They might hit it off. Olivia, here is your last quote. I have not written and will not be writing a book called Nightshade Market. That was the author Min Jin Lee commenting on the Chicago Sun-Times summer reading list that got a lot of attention this week because it is comprised almost entirely of books that do not what? Books that do not exist. They do not exist. They're not real. Yay!

In the worst literary news since the last time J.K. Rowling did something, the Chicago Sun-Times did what every junior high school student does when they just didn't get around to the homework. They had AI do it.

The Sun Times published a list of 15 books that it thinks you should read this summer, and 10 of them were fake. Completely imaginary, complete with imaginary descriptions, which was heartbreaking because I was so excited to read James Joyce's 10 Surefire Ways to Shed Belly Fat. LAUGHTER

But if you had asked AI, if you went back to AI and you said, hey, half of these are not real, they would say, give me a second, now they are. Yeah. Boom. Pump them out. So the Chicago Sun-Times got into a lot of trouble, as you can imagine. But it turns out this isn't new.

The New York Times bestseller list has been generated by AI for almost a decade. I mean, come on, do you really think there's actually a book called Fourth Wing about dragon sex? Oh, I love that one. What? Yeah, it's good.

I know it's hard to envision it, but once you read a couple pages, you're like, oh, right. Dragon sex. No, I've seen Gang of Thrones. Dragon sex is the least crazy thing that's ever happened. Bill, how did Olivia do in our quiz? She's from Chicago, so she got them all right. Olivia! Congratulations, Olivia. Yay! Yeah! Yay! Thank you so much. Olivia. Olivia. I'll look for you hanging around our skyscraper. Talk to you soon. Thank you. Bye-bye. It looks great.

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Dulce, this week we learned a hot new tip to help you declutter, right? Hot new tip is all we need to know how to declutter your home. All you do is you walk around in your house, you pick up an item, and you ask yourself if you would still keep that even if it was covered with what? Poop. Right. That's the technique. Poop.

Do you like the Marie Kondo method but wish it would make you actively gag? Well, try the Marie Kondo method. It's simple. When deciding whether or not to throw something out, imagine if you would save it if it were covered in poop. But be careful. If you're doing this at home and your partner says, ah, hold on, I don't know. I just have to know for sure. Get out of the room.

As a person with a child, I don't like this particular way. Yeah, I know. I had the same theory because it was like, whoa, wait a minute. I mean, if I could, my children are always covered with poop and I would throw them away if I could get away with it. Do they specify what kind of poop? That's a good question. Their own poop? Who knows? People poop, cat poop, fish poop.

Bird. I get in my car all the time. Yeah. And bird poop on that all the time. And yet you keep it so that you know that you value it. If it's human poop, there's nothing on earth I would keep. Really? You'd be free of all earthly distractions. All of it. I would get rid of, yeah, if I had a stack of gold bars and then someone came in and did that on that.

I wouldn't have that anymore. I'd figure it out. Gold bars? There's a hose somewhere in this house. Coming up, the one thing you should absolutely not do while brushing your teeth. That's our bluff listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. ♪

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Tom Papa, Dulce Sloan, and Hari Kondabolu. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you all so much. It is time.

Right now, for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game, that's what we do now, call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT if you'd like to play any of our games on the air. You can always check out the pinned post on our Instagram page. That's at WaitWaitNPR. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, this is Simon from Asheville, North Carolina. Asheville, North Carolina is one of my very favorite places in this...

Green Earth. Do you enjoy just like the beautiful outdoor life in Nashville? I do. It is a beautiful place. We have the mountains. We have the mountain biking.

Despite everything that happened last year, it's still my favorite place. Well, me too. Well, thank you so much for calling, Simon. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Simon's topic? Truth and consequences. We all know the basics of dental care. Don't forget to floss. Don't eat too many sweets. Don't take fluoride advice from RFK Jr.

Sustained. But this week, we learned about another unexpected oral hygiene oopsie. Our panelists are each going to tell you about it. Pick the one that's telling the truth, and you can win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I'm ready. All right. First off, let's hear from Dulce Sloan. We all have fond memories of the wisecracking opera-singing drag icon known as Bugs Bunny.

botched procedure at a dentist office in Colchester, Vermont, had the whole town asking, what's up, doc? Vita Evans went to local dentist Dr. Kurt Yash in the spring of 2022 to get a set of veneers. Her and hundreds of other people in town got a shiny new set up for years because Dr. Yash was new to town and running a special.

Well, after six months, Vida noticed an odd taste in her mouth and her two front teeth were starting to become larger and longer. While out shopping one day, she noticed other people with the same affliction. Her wife also noticed and very gently said to her, y'all need to call that dentist. This place is starting to look like a rabbit's den. Vida immediately called the dentist's office. The assistant apologized profusely and explained that Vida was one of many with this Bugs Bunny Syndrome.

It was caused by a defective adhesive and they would fix the problem free of charge as long as Vita promised not to lead a bad Yelp review.

Everybody in one particular town ended up looking like Bugs Bunny because the adhesive on their veneers all failed at the same time. Your next story of a dental error comes from Hari Kondabolu. When Chicago dentist Jonathan Freeman renovated his practice, he went all in drilling a big screen TV into the ceiling so his patients could watch shows.

However, after spending a fortune on his giant TV, Dr. Freeman bought a discounted package deal from a company called Humpty. Their direct-to-dentist package offers specialized TV shows licensed only for dentists with things you've never seen, like Truck Swap, The Great Serbian Baking Show, and of course, the last season of The Office.

At first, his patients were resigned to watching Humpty programming, but they started drifting to one show, The Secret Lives of Central Nova Scotian Wives. Dr. Freeman's patients are so hooked on the show, they will do whatever it takes to get to the dentist. Patients are even opting out of anesthesia and raw-dogging their wisdom teeth surgeries to not miss out on episodes.

They are considering moving the show from Humpty to a more popular streamer like Strevy or Smudge Direct. Are those real? Who can tell? A dentist's exclusive TV programming brings people to ruin their teeth just so they can watch it from the chair. Your last story of a mouth mistake comes from Tom Papa. Electric toothbrushes can do a lot of things.

Time your brushing, enhance deep cleanings, and now catch your lover having a secret dirty affair while you're at work. Paul Jones, a private investigator of ARF Investigators, worked with a client who became suspicious of her husband after noticing the unusual times he'd brush his teeth.

She knew he wasn't great at dental hygiene. Sometimes he would forget he brushed his teeth, walk back into the kitchen and eat a stack of Oreo cookies like a hungry diabetic raccoon. But the smart electric toothbrush app connected to his electric toothbrush showed he was consistently brushing his teeth late in the morning on Fridays when he should have been at work.

The private investigator exposed that the husband had started an affair with a work colleague and they'd meet every Friday when the wife and kids were out of the house. Four out of five dentists agree.

That when a digital toothbrush says someone brushed their teeth at 10.48 a.m., when they were supposed to be at work at 9, they're probably naked. All right. Somewhere...

Someone was a little too devoted to dental hygiene. Was it from Dulce Sloan, everybody who went to a particular dentist all of a sudden one day looking like Bugs Bunny? From Hari Kondabolu, people who saw a particular dentist ruining their teeth just so they could watch his TV programming on the ceiling? Or from Tom Papa, a man whose cheating ways were betrayed by his own smart toothbrush? Which of these is the story of a dental mishap that we found in the news?

I'm going to have to go with Tom Papa. I think the toothbrush was perhaps harder than the teeter. You're going with Tom. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to an expert on the real story.

As a professional, he's always home at 10 a.m. on a Friday. Yes, it is alarming. But we would definitely want to look into it a little bit more. That was Jordan Alexander Shear of R.A. Private Investigators and Security Incorporated confirming that, yes, that would be suspicious behavior. Congratulations, Simon. You got it right. Tom was telling the truth about the cheater. You're going to point for Tom. You've won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Well done, and congratulations. Thank you. Thanks for playing with us today. Take care.

And now the game where we ask talented people to take a break from using their talents. It's called Not My Job. Ego Wodim grew up in Baltimore and headed out to USC to study biology, but got involved in the Los Angeles improv and comedy scene and ended up joining the cast of Saturday Night Live in 2018, which is great for all of us, but kind of sad for medicine, which could use a genuinely funny doctor. Ego Wodim, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much. Yay!

Thank you, it's so much fun to talk to you. I was delighted to find out that you are a Baltimore girl. I love Baltimore people. Do you carry that with you proudly? Can you do the accent?

Um, I can, um, I'm trying to think of something to say. Hot dog. That's hot dog. Yes. Okay. Thank you for translating. Yeah. But yeah, yeah, I can, but I need a, I need a prompt. I don't have, I don't have a Baltimore thing in my back pocket. Okay. Uh, well, here's something, uh, Hey, as a person from Baltimore, can you tell me how much you love old Bay seasoning?

I'm obsessed with Old Bay. I put it on everything, including my fruit. I've got Old Bay merch. I've got Old Bay tote bag socks.

Mugs, oversized Old Bay, no food in my home, but that Old Bay to go on it should it arrive. Right. And if you run out of everything else, you'll just survive on Old Bay. Does Old Bay know this about you? Because they probably could use a celebrity spokesman of your stature. I actually just got to tell the Old Bay team that earlier today, so fingers crossed I get to be the face of Old Bay. Woo!

Did you call them up? Did you go to their offices? Did you bang on the window like Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate yelling, Old Bay! Old Bay! You know, I didn't, but I should have. Where were you? I'm sorry. I couldn't help you. We've loved you on Saturday Night Live for a long time, and I wanted to ask about this character who appeared just this spring for the first time.

Miss Eggie, your stand-up persona. You see? - Oh, thank you, guys. - You see? And this thing happened, I believe it was the first time Miss Eggie appeared, that instantly became like a classic Saturday Night Live moment. Because one of Miss Eggie's bits is that she's always turning to the audience and asking them to finish her thought, right? And you were, Miss Eggie, I should say, was doing this bit about all the terrible men she's known.

And you said, and these men ain't, and you held the microphone out to the audience, and the entire audience on live TV yelled a certain expletive. Yes. Which was an amazing moment, but my question for you is, what in the world did you expect them to say? Yeah.

Well, here's the thing, guys, and I've said this many times now. The audience is not supposed to say anything at Saturday Night Live. They never have. They likely will not be prompted to again in the future. They're supposed to watch. They're just supposed to watch the piece and laugh and cheer. You know, everyone keeps saying that's such a well-known phrase, men ain't ass, but I'm like, I don't know.

I don't know that I've heard that particular phrase. I've heard he ain't that. I've heard they ain't that. I've heard... But I have not...

It was meant to be worth it. It was meant to be, they don't know, because they've never seen me perform before, and then I say worth it. But they were amazing. I love that first crowd. Very enthusiastic, but very locked in. So I'm grateful to them. No, seriously, people will talk for years about, like, you know, Elvis Costello changing a song at the last second and Miss Eggie getting the FCC fine. I think those will be like...

Huge moments. I want to ask you before we go on to the game, of course, about Poker Face. You're on this week's episode. This is the Murder of the Week show. It's a huge hit. Natasha Lyonne travels around the country solving crimes. I don't think it's a spoiler because part of the show is you find out who the murderer is in the very first few minutes. You're not the murderer. Was that disappointing? They said, oh, we want you to be on Poker Face. You're like, yay, but you don't get to kill anybody. No.

No, I was just happy to be asked to be part of Poker Face. I was like, hell yes. And then I was asked to eat cheese, which I can't

I can't have as much cheese as they would have liked me to have. Okay, this is good. This is good dirt. Okay, so people will see the episode this weekend. It's out now. You play the PA baseball announcer for a minor league team who a sponsor is a cheese company. And the gag is your character eats a lot of cheese.

A lot. And you're telling me that you're on set and they're saying, okay, now you have to eat more cheese. And you're like, no, you don't understand. I can't eat this much cheese. Yeah.

We had a conversation before where they told me the plan was for me to eat a lot of cheese. And I thought, oh, wow, of all the roles, I'm getting the one I can't do. But here's the thing. I raw dog cheese all the time. I'm lactose intolerant, but I go raw with the cheese all the time. And I, without a lactate, that is. And

we don't die but at a certain at a certain point we i would have a problem and so they decided to swap out the cheese for i believe it was vegan cheese um which just created a different problem but sounds like you were farting either way

Yeah, no matter what I was going to be farting, I was farting. Yeah, and if they kept it up, you might in fact have killed someone. So, you know. Yeah, exactly. Well, Uncle Wotum, it is a pleasure to talk to you. We have asked you here to play a game we're calling... You'll Never Wear Out Your Welcome. So you're a great guest star on Poker Face, so we're going to ask you three questions about

bad guests answer two to three questions correctly, you win a prize for one of our listeners. The voice of anyone they might choose for their voicemail. Bill, who is Eggo playing for? Kara Young of Houston, Texas. All right. You ready to play? Hey, Kara. I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Come on. Let's get this for Kara. Here we go. Here's your first question. Rock stars, of course, are known for being bad guests at hotels, none more famously than The Who's late drummer Keith Moon. He was once banned for life from all

I'm going to say C. You're right. Lincoln Continental's

Do not float. We also found out, by the way, that Rod Stewart and his band were also banned from all holiday inns, and they got around it by checking in as Fleetwood Mac. Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry. You just gave up the next one? I just gave up the next one because... Oh, no! This is what happened. Well, Kara... No, wait a minute. We've got to give that to Kara. We're just going to go through with it because what happened was we had talked about this and then since we talked about it, it got written up as the next question and I didn't know that. So can you imagine my shame just now looking down at my script and seeing this question? But what we're going to do...

is we're just gonna go through with it because this is show business and the show must go on. Fleetwood Mac. Yeah. Alright, here's your next question. Singer Rod Stewart also received a lifetime ban from Holiday Inn but found a way around the ban. What was it? A. Stewart would comb his hair making him unrecognizable. That sounds believable. B. They'd make local promoters check in then let the band in through the back door. Or C.

He and his band would check into Holiday Inns as Fleetwood Mac. - Huh, this is tough. - It's hard. - I don't care. C, it's C. - Yeah, that was right. I don't know how you knew that. - Crazy. - Wow. - So that was a first, by the way. That's never happened before, so congratulations all of you here to see that. That was interesting.

I feel like we're all lying. Yeah, we're all living a lie, but it doesn't really matter. Here's your last question. Salvador Dali was a frequent guest of Paris' La Maurice Hotel, where he often stayed for months. At a time when he left, the staff was forced to repaint the room. Why? Ew. A, he would blow his nose on the wallpaper. B, as soon as he moved in, he painted everything black, including the lightbulbs.

Or C, because he always traveled with his two pets, two full-sized ocelots. I'm going to say, and this is very chaotic, but it's B. You're going to go with B. As soon as he moved in, he painted everything black because that was his taste. No, it was actually C.

Ocelots, you see, are kind of wild cat. And they cannot be house trained, just so you know. So, Bill, how did Eggo do in our quiz? Well, I didn't hear everything. But I believe it's two out of three. Yeah.

66%, not bad. - Not bad. It's a winning score around here. You've done it, you've won, congratulations. - Thank you so much for giving me the answer. - You're welcome. - Grateful that I was able to do that for you.

Ego Wotim is an SNL cast member who you can see in the latest season of Poker Face on Peacock. Ego Wotim, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you. Take care. We'll see you next season. Bye-bye. See ya. In just a minute, we go up, up, and away in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Tom Papa, Hari Kondabolu, and Dulce Sloan. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Coming up. Thank you, everybody. Thank you.

Coming up, if anyone present knows any reason why we should not play the Listener Limerick Challenge, speak now or forever hold your peace. Or if you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Hurry, the Wall Street Journal profiled people who bought Apple's Vision Pro virtual reality headset last year. And all those people agree on one thing. What? That it made their head hurt. That it made their heart hurt.

They made their eyes hurt. All of which might be true, but it all ended up with them feeling what? Nauseous. Sounds right to me. Again, so a year ago they bought this thing for $3,500 and now they feel what? Cheated. Right. They feel terrible regret that they feel they shouldn't have bought it. $3,500. A year ago Apple launched their revolutionary Vision Pro virtual reality headset with the promise of never having to look at the real world ever again.

But for a lot of the early adopters, the virtual reality they're most interested in is the one where they did not spend $3,500 on an Apple Vision Pro. One Vision Pro owner, a guy who's paid full price for it, described the experience of using it, and this is a real quote, you put on what feels like a 500-pound MacBook Pro, strap it to your face, and have people laugh at you. LAUGHTER

The only reason people don't like it, let's be honest, is that they haven't realized how to have sex with it yet. Yes. That's true. That's the real thing. It really is. I mean, I didn't like PlayStation for a long time, but I figured it out. Somebody!

Dulce, a question for you. What? Yeah. Okay. Dulce, according to an evolutionary biologist, evolution has, in fact, created a perfect animal, a flawless predator that can flourish in almost any environment. What is this perfect killer? Me!

That's why we asked you, Dulce. I'm so proud of you. No, no, not that. No, it's not you. No, it's perfect evolutionary design. It is designed incredibly perfectly for what it does. It is the perfect animal. Kitty cat. Yes, kitty cat. Your floppy fur bag of a pet really is nature's most flawless creation. Great. Now they'll be even more insufferable.

In an interview with Scientific American, no less, biologist Anjani Goswami points out that all cats are exactly alike except for their size. Your house cat is a miniature lion, right? And that is because the design of cats is essentially perfect. You cannot improve them, not even with an adorable little rhinestone collar. I have a cat. I can assess that as accurate. It's true, yeah. All the cat owners right there right now are going, yes, we knew that. We knew that. Queen us is perfect.

And if you were to die and nobody come and get you, the cat will eat you. Yeah. Why do they always say that like a dog wouldn't do the same thing?

Well, I've never, I'm sorry to disagree, but I've never woken up from a nap and had a dog chewing on my leg, and I have had my cat do that. Her proof is that there's only one kind of cat, while most other kinds of animals have lots of varieties. There are hundreds of kinds of bats, for example. So why, Dr. Goswani said, is because, and this is a real quote from a real scientist, they suck. You see, none of them have figured out the right way to be a bat.

I don't know, guys. Maybe try sleeping right side up.

That's true. There is a wide range of, like, dogs. Like, I have a black lab and a pug. And the pug is like a bag of marshmallows with eyes. And the lab, you look in the lab's eyes and it's like, oh, this is so intelligent. I think, do dogs have souls? And then I look in Frank's eyes, the pug's eyes, and I think, no. Yeah. But humans did that.

Humans took wolves and turned them into pugs. That's true. I don't think so. I think they, I know what you're saying, but I don't think you can trace a wolf to pug. I think it's more like bag of laundry to pug. That's what happened. I'm not a scientist. One day, God knows how many hundreds of years ago, somebody left their laundry in the dryer too long. And it became sentient and now it can't breathe. Right.

Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks right here at the Studio Baker Theater in Chicago, or come see us on the road. For example, we'll be in Des Moines, Iowa on July 10th, and Salt Lake City on July 31st. Ticket

Tickets and info are all at nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is Annalicia, and I'm calling from Harlem, New York. Harlem, New York, a lovely and wonderful place, way uptown. What do you do there in the Big Apple?

I work in finance like a lot of people, but outside of work, I also teach kids cooking classes. Do you really? That's really great. Yeah. What do kids most like to cook? Is there a trend? Anything where you can smash something. You know, smashing strawberries, making falafel, you know, all of the really hands-on stuff. Right. Their favorite implement is, of course, the hammer.

Welcome to the show, Annalicia. Bill Curtis, of course, is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. Ready to play? Yes. Here is your first limerick. A big blimp with what seems like a metal skin. And it soars, so I guess I'll be stepping in. Sure, planes are all right.

But I'll book my next flight on that old-fashioned airship, the... I don't know. I don't either. I know. It's a kind of airship. It rhymes with metal skin stepping in. You know, a famous one was made of lead. Lead? Lead. Oh! Oh. Oh.

I'm lost. I really don't know. You really don't know this. I'll give it to you. It's zeppelin. Zeppelin. Not a common word.

So, you think planes are too unsafe at this time? Well, step into this Zeppelin. The Washington Post reports that a bunch of startups are trying to bring back the Zeppelin. Of course, the last commercial Zeppelin blew up in, like, one of the most famous disasters in history. But these guys today say, first, the tech is now much safer. And second, come on, what are the chances of that happening twice? Um.

These Zeppelins, you'll be happy to know, will be filled with helium, which unlike hydrogen, doesn't burn. So when one of these blows up, the horrified newscast reporter will be saying, For humanity! Ten flights a day out of Newark. Exactly.

All right, here is your next limerick. When bath time is long and monsoony, our skin tends to get quite cartoony. Though fingers will shrivel, the imprint stays civil. It's steady each time they get... Rooney. Rooney, yeah. Science is discovered just now. Eee!

That fingers always wrinkle the same way when they get wet. So wrinkled fingers are just as individual as dry ones. Information that could be huge for solving crimes. Don't be surprised if the next time you're at the police station, they take your fingerprints and say, now into the tub, perp. On Alicia, here is your last limerick. My taste buds are not being fickle. They love a dill, garlic, salt tickle.

Sweet and sour is fine, but now add some brine. This lemonade's great with a

Pickle! Pickle, yes! Pickle lemonade is officially the drink of the summer. It's a combination of sweet lemonade and briny pickle juice, the kind of drink that will make you say, wow, there is something wrong with my lemonade. Though not universally loved, the drink is popular enough that Popeye's Chicken has already added it to their summer menu and replaced their similar but less successful Mustard Sprite.

This sounds like a bunch of rich people got together and was like, hey, what's something we can give these poor people to really kill them? We already make this chicken full of salt, but how do we get it in the drinks? Also, my brother's got this pickle business and it's not moving anything. Oh.

That's probably it. Yeah. Bill, how did Annalisa do in her quiz? Very well. She won with two out of three. Congratulations. Yay. Thank you so much for playing. Thank you. Bye-bye. If it kills me.

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Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us this score? Hardy and Tom each have three. Dulce has two.

All right. That means, Dulce, you are in second place. You're going to go first. Dulce, the clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the House of Representatives voted to pass President Trump's so-called Big Beautiful Blank. Mega Bill! Right. Voting four to four, the Supreme Court declined to allow state funding for a religious blank in Oklahoma. Charter school? Exactly right. This week, the FDA hinted they would soon crack down on off-brand versions of blank and other GLP-1s.

Oh, uh, semi-glutides? Oh, yeah, yeah. Ozympic? Yeah, ozympic, yeah, that's right. This week, a teenager in Oklahoma who was caught cashing $500,000 in fraudulent checks said he was doing it to pay for blank.

Roblox. No, his lawyer in another fraud case. Come on, young man. On Tuesday, Kid Cudi took the stand at the trial of disgraced hip-hop mogul Blank. P. Diddy. Yes. After 46 days of Blank match between Grandmaster Magnus Carlsen and 150,000 online opponents working together and did in a draw. Chess? Yes, chess match. This week, visitors to an amusement park in Louisiana are suing after their kids were injured by Blank.

Alligators. No, by a prosthetic leg that flew off someone during a ride. According to the parents, the prosthetic leg came flying off one of the roller coasters way up there, hit two of their kids, bounced off the ground, and then hit a third. They're fine, but this is why they always tell you to keep your arms and legs inside the ride. Bill, how did Dulce do on our quiz? Five rights, ten more points, total of 12. Puts her in the lead, right? All right. Very well done.

Let's arbitrarily pick Hari Kondabolu to go next, so hurry, fill in the blank. On Sunday, Blank revealed he had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Joe Biden. Right. During a meeting at the White House, President Trump ambushed the president of Blank with false claims about white genocide in his country. South Africa. Right. On Wednesday, the Blank dropped 800 points. Dow. Yes. This week, Louisiana authorities said they're searching for 10 inmates who escaped through a hole and left a note that said Blank.

See ya. No, it said... That would have been good. What they actually said was, too easy, LOL. After being banned in 2020, hit game Fortnite has been returned to Blank's App Store.

iPhone. Yeah, yeah, Apple. Very good. Best known for playing Norm Peterson on Cheers, actor blank passed away at the age of six. George Wendt. Yes, Chicago's own. For the second time in two years, a man in Texas is suing a fast food chain for a million dollars because they blanked. They got his order wrong.

I'm going to give it to you because they put onions on his burger. The man is suing Whataburger after he asked for no onions on his burger and got onions. He claims the mix-up caused him personal injuries. Meanwhile, the employee responsible for cutting the onions is like, if he's the one with injuries, why am I the one crying? Bill, how did Harry do in our quiz? Six right. Twelve more points. Total of 15 puts him in the lead. All right. Woo!

How many, then, does Tom Papa need to win? Six to tie and seven to win, Tom. Okay. Here we go, Tom. This is for the game. Citing their continued military offensive in Gaza, the U.K. paused trade negotiations with blank. Israel. Right. On Tuesday, the White House announced plans for a new $175 billion blank defense system. Dome. Nuclear dome. Nuclear dome to...

Guard against missiles. Golden Dome. On Thursday, the Treasury Department announced it would phase out the blank by next year. The penny. Right. On Tuesday, scientists warned that melting ice could lead blanks to rise by 12 inches every decade. Seas. Yes. This week, the Indy Motor Speedway held a race between six souped-up blanks.

Souped up. Oh, I knew this one. Pass. I don't know. Souped up wienermobiles. Oh, it was wienermobiles. It was wienermobiles. On Thursday, the first blood test to diagnose blank was approved. Cancer. Alzheimer's. On Tuesday, the NFL decided against banning the controversial blank play. Statue of Liberty. No, the controversial tush-push play. After being reunited with the class ring he lost on a trip to Spain over 50 years ago, a man in Georgia blanked.

Lost it? Yes, he immediately lost it again, Tom. It just proves the old saying, if you love someone, let it go. If it comes back, immediately let it go again. Bill, did Tom do well enough to win? Well, Tom got close. Five right, ten more points. Total of 13 means he's in second place. And guess who's the winner today? Harry! Yay! Yay!

Never would have made it. In just a minute, our panelists are going to predict what will be the title of the movie that Tom Cruise makes when he is 100 years old.

Wait, wait, don't tell me. He's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godeker, Reza Limerick, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer The Bride, Mills, Miles Dronenbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Robertson, Mohanad Alshehi, and Marguerite.

Monica Hickey, non-special thanks to Peter Gwynn. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what movie will Tom Cruise make when he is 100, as he has promised? Harikanda Bolu. Grim Reacher.

Dulce Sloan. Miss Impossible 100 from the chopper to the walker. And Tom Papa. Vowel Movement Impossible.

Well, if any of that happens, panel, we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Hari Kondabolu, Dulce Sloan, and Tom Papa. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theater. You guys are the best. Thanks to all of you for listening wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week in Boston, Massachusetts. This is NPR.

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