#2682 RHOSLCS5E15 + Sold on SLC Part One: For The Record
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At Georgetown SCS, the learning never stops, and neither do you. Write your next chapter. Be continued at scs.georgetown.edu slash podcast. ♪ Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Is, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one, the only, and safely in Texas, Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Yes, I'm good.

That was a harrowing evening. Jeez. That was a harrowing evening last night. Oh, my God. The whole night. That was some scary shit. I hope everybody's taking care of themselves.

In Los Angeles, what ended up happening with you?

And like where we live is relatively, we're relatively safe from that, but like not

The evacuation zone was just a little bit too close. And we were concerned that if it expanded into where we are, that if we get out on the road to evacuate, everyone else would be doing it and we'd just be stuck on the road. And there were these horrific visuals the other day of people getting stuck in a traffic jam and trying to get out of Pacific Palisades. So then my cousin called up and he was like, Hey, we're down in Oceanside, California. We're in a hotel. We'll book you there.

Why don't you guys come down here? We'll book you a room. And we're like, you know what? Yes, we're going to do that. So we packed up our bags. My cousin booked us rooms. We drove down to this hotel and,

And of course, because this is Watch for Crap-Ins and this is the way life is, we are currently in the hotel that the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills stayed at when they played Duck, Duck, Goose. We are here. That same hotel next to the Tom Cruise house. Like, I literally saw the Tom Cruise house. Not Tom Cruise house. The Top Gun house this morning. Which, by the way, they serve hand pies out of. They've converted the Top Gun house into, like, a pastry. Like...

There you go. And yes, I will be getting a pastry from the Top Gun house later today. But I was like, of course, this is lice. Hell yeah. Is it called Top Bun? Top Bun. Exactly. I'm like, of course, I evacuate wildfires and wind up on the set of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. But...

In all seriousness, though, I mean, you know, there's still winds are supposed to pick up again tonight. Like it's still going to continue on. It's it's so scary out of the woods. Yeah, it was very scary for you. I was over here just kind of watching it. And then everybody's calling like, are you sure you're OK? Because, you know, no matter what's going on, my general attitude is like, what can you do?

And it was on the, well, yesterday as we were recording, it was on the West side and it was blowing West, which got Malibu. I mean, it got the palace. It got so much. It got so crazy. Yes. But everybody's telling me, no, don't worry where you, where your house is. It's not even close. I mean, when the wind's blowing West, there's no way it would make it that far East. And so I'm like, okay, you know, what can you do? And I'm just checking on my friends. We're of course all on group chats and stuff. So just checking in and I'm getting all these videos from people and I'm like,

And then before you know it, of course, look where it shows up. I'm putting a picture on for people on demand. This is my house. The little house doesn't run here. And this is the fire. This is the fire. Okay. This other fire down here, this is the Hollywood Hills fire that broke out. So it breaks out in Hollywood Hills. And I'm thinking, well, I'm still okay. Cause it wouldn't jump the hill and move down. That's not how fires work. Right.

And it did well, this was me. So I ended up sitting on that fucking ring cam because I have a ring cam that faces the Hills. So I'm watching the helicopters go over my house and pour water because it was down the street. It was like a mile and a half down. So I was saw what they were doing through the ring cam. And I'm just sitting there watching like, are you fucking kidding? Am I going to watch my house burn down two weeks after I finished it on the ring cam? This is so me because, you know, I lived in New York for nine 11 and I

happened to be visiting Texas when I 11 happened. I wasn't, I wasn't in New York. So when I finally got to travel back because there were travel bans and all this. So when I finally got to come back, we lived in Brooklyn on Kent Avenue, right across from the world trade center, right across the river. So that was, that was it. That was like, I came back to just devastation and that smoldering still. And I mean, it was just.

And I was like, wow, I'm just fucking repeating history. I don't even know the idea of what it's going to look like when I come back. But the pictures and the videos are just. Yeah, it's it's.

It's so sad. It's shocking to think that the town of Pacific Palisades is just like that entire downtown area has been reduced to ash. It's crazy. The videos of people driving through that and then Eden Canyon, everything happening over there. I watched some really heartbreaking footage of like a whole senior like facility where all the seniors had to be moved out. They're all sitting in a

like a 7-Eleven parking lot and they were just in their hospital gowns and some of them were on hospital beds or in their wheelchairs and it was cold and I just felt so bad for you know these elderly people who you know the air is so terrible and luckily like people came out and then they were safe everyone was the good part was I was safe but it just sort of

You know, we have so many vulnerable citizens and, you know, we were fortunate in that we were able to come down here, but other people are not fortunate. And so it's just, it's so scary. I'm so glad your house is okay. The fire that broke out near you was actually like extinguished, I think. Um, or it was like contained very quickly, which was like a rare, like a rare win. Um,

And then I also seen on the internet and I have not verified. It's just all those thoughts that are going through your head at first. Cause I can't tell I'm on the app. So I'm just seeing, okay, well there's another one. Cause they're popping up all over the place. So the map was just like, okay, well I'm surrounded because they were in Pasadena or Altadena rather. And then, so that's to the East and then they were to the West and then they were to the South. And it's like, oh Jesus, you know? And so when this popped up right there, I was like, well,

- Yeah. - We're fucked, you know? So it's just watching it and writing it out and just spending the night talking to friends and making sure everything's okay. So, and everybody's okay. Everything is not okay, but making sure everybody's okay. - It's so scary. - Seeing, you know, what we can do to help each other. I had two friends like, "Go move to my house." And then they couldn't do that because, you know, then this happened.

So it's nuts. So, you know, everybody, bless you. And, you know, we record this show when natural disasters are going on all around you and us, no matter what it is. So we're going to do the same today. Honestly, so many people reached out to us. And really, like, thank you so much. We are both very fortunate. One person did tweet at us and said, like, well...

California wanted this to happen. And then I say, fuck you. I immediately block yourself. Who the fuck do you think you are? And don't like, why would you ever say that to anyone, whether it's California, whether it's in any of the States that are like dealing with horrific, horrific natural disasters, which are happening more and more frequently. Why would you ever send something like that? Get a life and go throw yourself into the wildfire. How about that?

But to everyone else, thank you so much. Hypocritical liberals blaming global warming. Go fuck yourself. How about that? Go fuck yourself long and hard. Like, who says shit like that while something's going on? People are losing their houses. People are losing their houses. And, you know, luckily...

Luckily, it has not turned into like a crazy casualty event, but people have died. And so like, you know, go fuck yourself person on Twitter. Yeah, seriously. Fuck yourself long and hard. You know, the good news. And, you know, the rest of you who are fucking yourselves in a good way. We all need that right now.

So, yeah. So our hearts go out, you know, obviously to everybody. And does it seem kind of macabre that we come here and laugh? Yes. It's not macabre. So we are going to continue. Yes, that's what we're. Gallows humor is coping mechanisms. That's what we're doing today. Mechanisms, as we will probably discuss later on.

You know, people have different coping mechanisms. So today we're talking, obviously we're recapping, by the way, a totally bonkers, of course, episode of Salt Lake City. And we had been recapping Sold on SLC as our bonus episode. But as people say, our dance card is very full. We have so many shows with the traders coming back. So what we're going to do is we're going to touch on Sold on SLC today.

after the SLC recap on this episode. And because by the way, the sold on SLC episode was great. And so it was amazing. It was really wonderful. So for those who've been, we're going to, this might be a 10 part episode. It might be what we're saying. So also we, I just got some golden shoes in the mail. Very excited for the golden crappies that are coming out, you know, come,

Coming up in a couple weeks on February 1st in New York City on Broadway. We've got a big Broadway show planned. So we know a lot. We're almost sold out there. We cannot wait to come. If you haven't gotten your tickets, this is not one that you want to miss. It's going to be amazing. We're also starting this tour in a couple weeks before that. I mean, we're starting in a couple weeks, basically. A week from tomorrow, right? No. Is that right? Two weeks from tomorrow. No. No.

Okay, two weeks from tomorrow, we start in San Francisco, and then the next day, we are in San Diego. And then the following week after the crappies, we'll be in Salt Lake City and Denver. So find your tickets for all of that at WatchWhatCrappens.com. And that's also where you'll get video, which we're on today. So join us there. Thanks for your support, everybody. Let's get on with this.

of a brilliant show. Oh my goodness. I mean, wow. Oh my goodness. If there was anything, like if you need a distraction from anything going on in this world, whether it's wildfires or not, turn to Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. So we are in...

Talk about giving you hope. I mean, yesterday, our second recap that we did was Real Housewives of New York that came out this morning. And I was just a bitter bet. I was so horrible. I apologize to anybody who had to suffer through that. But, you know, like we're watching the world burn down and we're talking about these vapid

idiots, Brynn and Aaron. And I'm like, you know what? I can't take it. So I'm sorry. That probably wasn't very pleasant for you guys. And I was thinking this morning how I was checking the fire, you know, it was up all night. So I slept through the morning. So I woke up checking the fires and everything. And I was like, fucking Aaron and Brynn. And I was like, you're more upset this morning about Aaron and Brynn than you are about fire. I mean, does that say where my priorities are? I was still mad this morning. You know, you've got, it's like wildfire versus dumpster fire. What can you do?

But I believe it or not, I actually I enjoyed the Roni episode. I mean, it was not an amazing episode, but for them, it was a pretty good episode and that there was stuff to be interested in and be engaged in. So actually, it was all right with that episode. But listen, I'm happy. I'm happy that it brought my friends happiness, you know. So thanks, show.

But I don't need to open that can of worms. I'm just saying, because I thought it was so funny that I was still mad this morning. And I felt bad for doing such an angry recap. But then I watched this and I was like, wow. But then you see how it's really done. You know? So we still got it. Well, Salt Lake City, so good.

So we're on day three of Puerto Vallarta, the Puerto Vallarta trip. And we start with Brittany trying to turn on the coffee maker. She doesn't know how to do a Keurig. And I think that really does. We didn't realize it. But now saying it, it really sets the tone for the episode. It really says so much about Brittany. All you have to do is drop a little thing into another little thing. And she can't even do that. So it just really speaks to her ineptitude on all fronts.

I could watch Brittany try to work that Keurig for an entire season of shows. Like give the woman a spinoff.

That was the best shit I've ever seen. I rewound it. And was there milk in the Keurig? What kind of Keurig was that? I think there was milk in it. She probably poured milk in it. Knowing Brittany, she probably did it. And then when the hotel staff was like, ma'am. Ding, ding, ding. Jared likes lattes. I have an announcement. Jared likes lattes. She probably called up the hotel and was like, I'm sorry, my Keurig isn't working. They're like, well, ma'am, you poured milk into it. You broke it. Okay, well, I just want to say something.

Jared and I have been making coffee together. It's like, ma'am, that has nothing to do with this situation.

So then we go to Angie and Lisa and Bronwyn eating breakfast and Bronwyn, you know, is saying, "How'd you sleep?" I said, "Fine, whatever." So then we go to Lisa and she's like, "You know, I didn't sleep great last night because I took everything that was said at the dinner table and I had to work through it and then it was really difficult for me."

And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, at that dinner, Bronwyn came into my room and let me know that she was talking about me with Angie and Whitney and Heather. Fucking Bronwyn, man. Starts it.

And then goes to turn it on everybody else immediately. What a little snake, man. What a little snake. So we see a flashback of her. She's in her pajamas and she's in full frown nod mode, right? She's like, so today I came off the boat and I did not feel super close to you. And I did not feel like everything was great after last night. So there was a conversation that I was a part of and where not nice things were said and I regret it and I'm not happy about it. But all you have to say is,

All you have to say is, listen, I felt bad. I went and I kind of talked shit about you afterwards. And I think I was reacting like, but like she loops in everyone else. And I don't think that's fair. She should have just died on her own sword and then moved on. But she's like, no, I'm going to take accountability for this. And I'm also going to drag other people in who probably won't take accountability because they'll be blindsided and they're going to look like shit.

Well, but she also lied, which is her usual MO, which I know people still don't want to face in the fandom. But this woman is such a fucking manipulator. I love her. She is such a liar. She went back and took lies to her. That's not fair. You know, that's not fair. If she just told them we were talking shit and whatever, this is what we said. That's one thing. But she went and she fucking lied about it. I mean, she is the worst. But I have to say, I'm used to her now. So I was cracking up. She's so good. Okay. Of course she did. You know, of course she fucking did this.

So Lisa's like, you know what? We're going to have a conversation about this. And it just sucks we have to do it on ATVs. Because I Googled luxury experience and ATV came up. I should have Googled how to bury bitches. Honestly, maybe it's my own bias. I kind of feel like ATV writing sometimes leads to burying bitches. I don't know. I feel like everyone gets flung off of them at all times. So then we cut to... Have we not watched Real Housewives of Orange County? Have you not watched...

invite only Cabo. Excuse me. That's like my main reference. I mean, the girl got flung off that. Yeah. There are a lot of people flying off ATVs on this. So then we cut to Mary and she's in her room and she's have, it's a nice moment where she basically is like normally on a trip. I check on Robert and I'm can't do that. And so it's like torturous, but at the same time, it's comforting knowing that he's somewhere that's safe, which is nice. And then we go to Heather and

So, we go to Heather's room, and Meredith walks in. Meredith is really on one this episode. I mean, she's always on one on vacation anyway, but she's really on one this episode, which is great. She's really, for someone who's really bothered by the rumor about her, she really does a great job of amplifying it and putting it in the center of this episode. So, she's like, she's, you know, asking what Heather's going to wear, and then she's like, well, by the way, I wanted to check in because, well, last night was a little odd.

was, you know, what was going on with Brittany? Her behavior towards me was weird last night. She kept being like, how are you feeling? How are you feeling? Which was just weird. And then we see a flashback where Brittany's like, Meredith, how are you doing? I heard you crying last night and throwing up and possibly slitting something. You okay? You okay? What's going on? What's going on?

And so Meredith is like, well, I felt something was off there for sure. For sure. I know. The implications of Brittany's statement seem to be that I have an eating disorder or that I'm bulimic or that I'm emotionally unstable or that I don't even know how to bring the airplane into the hangar for my toddler. It's enough and it needs to stop. Do people without strength

Cut one lemon with an entire family. She's implying that I would cut a lemon without my entire family present. She's like, and then what was so weird is that she went to everyone right in front of everyone. She asked me if I need a sleeping pill. And I said, no, I don't need anything from you. I mean, are you kidding? It's like asking big pharma if they need a cold medicine, you know, if they need cold medicine. No, she doesn't need anything.

She's got that shit running through her veins. Do you need some? I mean, I don't take sleeping pills. I mean, maybe two times a year on an irrational flight or something. Like, the fact that she did literally do that. She's like, I don't even take sleeping pills. I mean, maybe two times a year. Maybe early this evening I took one.

You mind if I go take a little nap on the boulder right now while I'm standing here? So she's like, it seems like everyone thinks it's okay to talk behind me behind my back. But I'm a woman now. I've just become a woman. So I will not stand for this. I'm not a girl, but I'm not yet a woman. Okay? And it seems like everyone thinks...

I have been brought mincemeat. How dare you? You know, it's not... Everyone thinks it's okay to talk about me behind my back and spread lies and intimate things that are not true. And the thing is that when the same story keeps coming up, you know, sooner or later, people believe it. By the way, Angie, Greek Mafia, am I right, everyone? Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

And she's like, I freaking threw Angie out in support of her. And you threw Angie out because you wanted to and you had an excuse. And it was also the best episode of the season. So let's please not try and get any apologies for that. One of the best episodes of all time across all franchises is the Bat Mitzvah. So she's like, and now she's like, oh, so I'm unstable because I was on the phone sobbing with my husband.

Because I was upset about slut shaming. I was crying because of the slut shaming. I like that she dropped the slut shaming thing.

Cause I thought that I wish he'd kept the slut shaming thing. Cause I'd love that. I was crying because there was so much slut shaming going on. So now they're going to, uh, they all are hopping into the Sprinter van to go to their ATVs. And, um, you know, there's sort of patterning. Bron was talking about how she was like, whenever Todd sees something that I'm wearing, he's like, is that new? And I'm like, no, I've had it for a while. You just haven't seen it. And he's like, no, I was talking about the iPhone. He's like, what is that thing? And I'm like, Todd, Palm pilots are in 2002. Okay. Time to get with it. Yeah.

One time he picked up a phone book and he said, "Is this new?" I said, "No, Todd. I haven't been phone books for 20 years, Todd." One time he asked me why I was wearing such funny little Christmas ornaments in my ears. I said, "Todd, they're called AirPods. Everyone has them." You know, I caught Todd having an emotional affair with somebody. You know how I caught him? He left papers in the fax machine. I said, "Todd,

You left papers in the- he said, "Well, it was new technology, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?" Well, the worst part is that after I introduced him to AirPods, he got very confused and put two Werther's Originals in his ears. Oh, God. Required a visit to Urgent Care to melt them out. I love that you have a Werther's Original every week ready for the talk. You know it's gonna come.

Let's just get out of the way. Every week. So that way I can say it 12 more times. Awkwardly. You know, I love to kill a horse. You're like I am. Every time I saw my meme, I always made sure I was loaded up with the butterscotch every time. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

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Okay, so Bronwyn's, she's talking to Heather. So Heather's like, oh, that's an old tactic, right, girl? So Lisa's like, okay, I have questions. Okay, everybody. So Bronwyn brought something up last night. And everybody just looks at each other like, here we fucking go. Here's another Bravo, another Sprinter van Bronwyn drama. Sprinter van drama for SLC. Sponsored by Bronwyn.

Yes. So you guys had like a conversation with Bronwyn? Like, what did you all say about me? And Angie's like, well, what did she bring up? And Bronwyn goes, well, after dinner, I went into Lisa's room to make sure she was okay because she was crying at dinner. And I said to her, I was upset.

About how the conversation went. And when I was talking about my marriage, we were not in a good place after I got off the boat. And we all talked about whether you were defending me or not. And Angie said, maybe everyone's mad at me, like that maybe I've made this up or something like that. And that's the lie. That's where she comes out. Angie barely said anything in that. I'm sorry. You're right. Angie barely said anything.

Yes, and then we see the flashback to what actually happened. And Bronwyn's saying, you guys, you saw last night, Lisa's much more supportive of Brittany than me, right? And then Lisa and Meredith kind of stood up for Todd. Well, this is all, all this is, this, well, is this all he can do? I mean, what have you done to make him this way? Remember when they said that? And Angie's like, well, maybe she didn't take it as serious as it is. I don't know. I am Greek. And Bronwyn's like, so you don't think she believed me?

You think she don't believe me. That's what you're saying. That is. No, she never fucking said that. But now you're saying that she said it because it came out of your mouth and kept nodding. So you affirmed it to yourself with your own fucking nod. Lady. And didn't she do this earlier? She affirmed it with her own nod. Didn't didn't she do this earlier this season about what?

What was it? Where she's... They were sitting at a table. Maybe it was at the Audrey Hepburn thing where she's like, oh, maybe I'm like a snob now. She definitely did the same thing. She does it all the time. That's how she operates. She reads into something and then confirms it to herself. And then that becomes the narrative. So... Well, and she'll confirm it out loud, which is the funny thing. No one has learned that you have to jump on Bromwood really fast and say, no, that's not what I'm saying. Because she's just nodding the whole time. And so she's like...

It's the weirdest form of manipulation. And I'm going to steal it, too. Like her whole like, oh, so you're buying this, right? You're buying this for me, right? You like this on me? You love it on me? Great. You're sorry, right? Great, great. And she just assumes that consent. And it's very tricky. It's hilarious.

And it works on these ding-dongs for sure. And just like, okay, let's back up here. By the way, actually, she goes, what do you mean transparent? Because Bronwyn says, I said I want to be transparent always. What do you mean transparent? There was nothing transparent about having a conversation behind closed doors. It's time for Todd to buy you a dictionary. I love that. Dictionary. Dictionary.

So Angie's like, okay, let's back up here. Beep, beep, beep. That is how Greek trucks sound when they back up. There is nothing transparent about having a conversation. Oh, no, you already said that. You didn't feel supported by everyone. And that's how it started first. Okay, that is how it started. She goes, well, I didn't.

I didn't. No, I said that I didn't. You know, and it was less warm with Meredith and Lisa. That's what I said. Well, that is offensive. That's what I said. I'm telling the truth about everything, you see, because that part is true. That's offensive, but that's fine. I'm sorry you feel that way. And Lisa's like, oh, the point is, she came and sat down and told me that you two and Jean Whitney, but not you, Heather, came and talked to her about Meredith.

No, no, I didn't say that. I didn't say that. I said that we all talk. I said that. That's not how that happened. Listen, and I have receipts, proof, screen time line, screenshots to prove that that's not what that happened. Okay, well, if you would shut the fuck up, we can tell you what happened, Lisa. You're not the only one that gets to talk. Listen to what Angie has to. But Angie has to what? What? Do you want to finish your sentence, Whitney? I did.

Huh? Huh? Oh no. So Lisa's like, okay, you know what, Winnie? Don't do this. You're not the only one who gets to talk. Okay, you guys keep getting away from the point and the point is there's no Vita Tequila in this van right now and I'm getting really upset about it. You asked a fucking question and you won't let us answer. So shut the fuck up, Lisa. No, you shut the fuck up. You're a fucking bitch.

Yeah, well, you're a fucking cut fitness. That's too far. That's too far. I just Todd just texted me and said too far. Okay, simmer down. Todd says simmer down.

"You know what? That's your trash mouth. That's why I call you trashy, okay? Because that's a step beyond 'bitch,' which is what I called you, okay?" And she's like, "Oh my gosh. You know what? I really want to address this, but maybe I should have waited until we got to our excursion because now I have to listen to her 'Oh my god, you're a cut fitness!' like for another straight hour. Like, I don't want to hear Whitney talking. Like, I mean, can someone give her a gag? I'm sure she's used to using a gag with Justin. How- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how- how

I've been in your inner space. You've never been in my inner space? No, I shrunk down and then I was like injected into your blood and then I was all into your veins because I was in your inner space. Meg Ryan's husband is so nice.

We almost crashed into your liver. So Whitney's like, Lisa's like, what are you even talking about? Well, when I was your last resort, I was your friend. He goes, no, Whitney, no, I'm not listening to you. I don't respect you. So I'm not listening to you. Remember when I said that you have a trash mouth and that's why I call you trashy? Yeah, that's why. I love that Lisa said that. You have a trash mouth. That's why I call you trashy. It's like her inside the actor's studio. Yeah.

Why did you call her trashy? That's the reason I call you trashy, do you want to know what it is? So Whitney's like, "Wow, oh wow, wow, what the truth is!" And Angie's like, "Wait, wait, really quick, Brittany, why are you recording our conversation?" Because what we didn't mention is we see Brittany recording the back of her seat. Like, what the hell is she doing? It's like, "Turn your fucking phone off!" And then when I tell you

Bronwyn almost jumped over the seat to kill this woman. Wow. She went crazy. Bronwyn went the craziest out of anybody. I was like, "Get her, Bronwyn." I thought Bronwyn was going to beat the crap out of her. And Brittany's like, "What? I'm not recording the conversation." "Yes, you are." And she goes, "I'm just sending a video to Olivia." Please tell me it was Olivia Aiden.

So then we see a flashback to two minutes earlier. So they clock her and we see Brittany starts recording in the back of the seat two minutes ago and she holds up the phone and she looks back at the girls like she's obviously recording, you know? And I'm just like, you are doing this with people arguing in the back? She goes, oh my gosh, no, like...

She just got like 100% on her math test. And you know, we are talking again. So anyway, I just wanted to give her a congratulations. I was like, here, since you got 100% on your math test, let me send you two minutes of footage of old ladies bickering.

And Brom was like, "So send her a fax like Todd would do." And then Angie's like, "No, you were recording the fight." She's like, "I did not, you guys!" And then they just all go in on it. And they're like, "Yes, you did." And Meredith is like, "Let's see the video. I would like to see the video. Please, let's see the video." She's like, "Guys, listen, I was trying to get something off the video to say, I don't know what this is. I thought this was a Snickers bar turns out it's a camera. I don't know."

Let's see the video. And Angie goes, swipe to the left like you do on Tinder and then press play. And play it on full volume. Now, if you happen to have a clip of me saying receipts prove timeline, please, you can play that at full volume too.

And Brittany's like, but I had the camera backwards. I mean, I was trying. And he's like, wow, Brittany. Wow. Delete and then delete from your deleted. Okay? Delete, delete it. You need to leave. I've had enough of you. You need to leave. I remember what she... Meredith's head. I don't know how Meredith didn't hit her head on the back of the seat. Or the camera, because she was like, you need to leave. You are... She...

I was like, oh my God, get your forehead out of the camera. Are you insured? Is the camera insured? Girl. I love Meredith banning Brittany from a moving vehicle. You need to jump out of this vehicle right now. So...

Push her out. This is insane. Push her out. My forehead thing's going to push her out if somebody else doesn't. Her vein was like, boom, boom, boom. It was like a fist coming out trying to hit somebody. You are vile. You're recording us. You are vile. And Mary's like, yeah, she recorded it. The only one who's like chill is Mary because Mary's already like, I told you this girl sucks. I don't have to even get mad because I already knew. Mary clocked her a long time ago. I am hot enough.

And Brahma's like, we are talking about something that I said that's so fucking private and whether or not she believed it and you're going to record me? Are you recording me now? Are you recording me now? She's recording me now. She's setting up a light kit. Look, everybody, she's doing it. She's producing a film. I'm like in shock. It's not on purpose. I was just merely trying to do, you know, put myself on tape. You know, I heard that like Pocahontas, there's an opening in like the Ozarks. I just need to get on tape for the audition. That's it, guys. I don't know what you guys are talking about.

She needs to go. Oh my god, you guys, it was a fucking accident. I was just, you know, a little... No, that was not an accident. Three videos, that is not an accident. It was. It was not an accident. It was because you just went down her first water slide. I wanted to congratulate her, guys. I mean, I don't know what you want from me.

on for me. Imagine being your kid, being her kid, and getting 100 on your math test, and your mom just sending you a video of ladies screaming, fuck you, C-word to each other. Well, just wanted to make sure you know that I love you. Brittany, that was not an accident, okay? When I wore a bolero jacket to my friend's wedding, that was not an accident either, okay? I understand when people do terrible things on purpose. And Angie's like, Brittany, you have to take accountability, pita, spanakopita.

So she's like, "I am, I'm trying to delete it." "Did you post this or send it to anyone?" She's like, "I never, I have never done that." Which wasn't the question.

And which means she probably has been doing it this whole time. So Bronwyn's like, "So did you do it or not?" And Heather's like, "Well, what if she's recorded us at other times? Did she record us last night?" It's literally the worst invasion of privacy that we can imagine, even though we are actually all being recorded by Bravo. We are deeply traumatized by friendship betrayals and something like this just brings it all up to the surface.

Well, now you brought up something interesting because part of the online discourse about this is why are they bitching? They're being recorded on TV. Who cares if she's also recording on her little phone? I think, you know, I think the argument that I like the best against it is that it's consent. You know, they know they're being recorded for the show. You know, you have the the show can cut very personal things out, you know, or something that.

You don't want I mean, I don't know. They probably never do do that. But the show can cut it a different way than you could getting all this raw footage and making it look like however you want and selling it to whoever that's selling is also part of it. Well, there's also an intention and the selling. So consent is number one. Number two is that, um,

They know Bravo's plans for this footage, which is that they're going to turn it into a show, and the show elevates their profile. They get paid for being on this show, and even though they may not have control over how the show is edited, they understand what they're in for versus...

Brittany, who may be profiting off of them, and they're not getting a cut out of it. And on top of that, more importantly, is that she probably is sending it to tabloids, which creates noise in their lives. And they have to now deal with rumors. They have to wonder how this rumor got out. And they have to wonder if there's betrayal. I totally get it. But there is something funny about saying that this is a private moment when it is still being broadcast out to America. Yeah.

Right. So, Brittany's like, "I never record, ever!" And Bron was like, "How do we know that now?" And Lisa's like, "We haven't even done that to each other! We hate each other!" And Whitney goes, "Yeah, even when we're hating on each other, even though I think Lisa is the biggest cut fitness in all of this Sprinter van, I still would never record her privately and sell it."

And Brittany's like, well, obviously there's a trigger here. So look through my videos. And Heather's like, a trigger. And Meredith goes, it's not a trigger. Cut to Heather going, this is such a trigger for us. This has happened to us before. We are still traumatized. Don't record your friends when they're fighting in a sprinter van on a girl's trip. If you're not, bravo.

Clearly we see who has issues here and it's not me. I did not take a sleeping pill or vomit. Now it's clear case closed. The only one who's vomiting here is your thumb vomiting onto the record button on your phone. So I love that Meredith keeps bringing it back to herself every single time. Like, how dare you, Brittany? How dare you insinuate those things? That's right, girls. She's like, I am vindicated.

So Heather's like, who are you going to send that to? She goes, no one. We were saving them for later. Or we're just, you know, Olivia and I, we're just going to laugh about my friends calling each other the C word. That's all, guys. Do you think that's what she meant? Because I think that was a little slip when she said, we're saving them for later. And I thought maybe I misheard that, but they played this again later. And she definitely says, we're saving them for later. I mean, there's part of me that does wonder if she, like...

I'm not trying to give Brittany any credit here because I do fully believe she was selling them to the tabloids. But like, I could also imagine that she has like a friend who's like not on the show. Who's like, you have to tell me about all this crazy fights they have. She's like, okay, I'll like, I'll record the next one. And you can like hear what goes down. So I can imagine like, in fact, she should have, maybe she should have said that. And she was like, honestly, my friends are curious, but, um,

I still think she's selling them, but I can imagine a world where that's the situation. And so Bronwyn's like, no, no, no. Her story's changing. Her story's changing. That's not what she said. And Meredith is like, I'm not lying. I'm not dishonest. Taxation for representation. We're here. We're clear. Meredith is full on goat lady over there. That's not recording us. So Brittany is like, guys, if you hold up the phone, if you hold up the photo,

it could take a little video and i was just like i was holding it too long i was so scared it was like so much was going on i mean guys what if i don't get pocahontas listen up steve jobs i don't need to know i don't need to know how the iphone works i know raven brahman said that she's like i don't want a video this this is i am so disgusted i had you even in my home wow candid camera punks all happening at once at my table near my toddler

And Brittany's like, guys, just look, just look. You are fine. Mary goes, get her, Meredith. So Heather's like, there are YouTube channels dedicated to cyber shit. If you get caught secret recording, did you know that? And Brittany's like, I don't know what it means to record. What does that mean? I've never recorded anything in my life. What does that even mean?

You don't know that you can't secretly record people? There's wiretapping laws. Now, that's different than regular tapping, which is when a Mormon puts his penis on a doorknob and then has someone start tapping on the door until he ejaculates because it's illegal to have sex with doors. I don't know.

I just think these are words I don't understand. Guys, I have a really big audition. Okay, well, don't record your friends secretly to mock them. Okay? So that's the worst thing. Say sorry and be done. And Anne's like, say you're sorry and be done. And Brittany's like, see, I mean, you guys are putting intentions into my head. It's like, don't secretly record your friends. She goes, done. Done. And Heather's like, done? We shouldn't have to tell you this, Brittany. I've been fighting. I've been defending you. She goes, well...

you do then, Heather. You do, you do. And Meredith is like, she's like, then stop defending me. I don't care. And Meredith is like, well, are you defending her commentary on me? Is that what we're defending? My God, Meredith is still back there on the pulpit. Because let's not forget, this is truly about rumors and nastiness about me vomiting and crying. And so Heather's like, well, I didn't know she was secretly recording us. She is vile. Vile.

And so Heather's like, yeah, she really fucked up. I mean, I've defended her. I've been her friend. And now I'm feeling ashamed and embarrassed that I introduced her to all my friends and I put them in this horrible situation. This is like indefensible. This is a bad look on Heather because Heather has been the one who's really led the anti-Monica crusade. Like, this is a violation of

you know, she cannot be in our group. So she's really been like anti-mole. And so the fact that the person she brought on is doing this behavior, it's like, it's bad for her, at least in her mind. I mean, I don't. But she's also the person who brought on Angie Harrington, whose husband had that secret account that he was attacking. You're right. This really does happen to other people. So actually, you're wrong.

Technically, it was Lisa. Angie came on through Lisa in season two. Because remember they had like the catering. Oh, really? They had a catering fight. Remember? Like, you stole my caterers. Oh, right, right, right. But either way. Meredith is like, you are vile. Stop it. Stop it. No, you stop it. You record your friends. You make up lies. You make character assassinations of people. You utterly disgust me.

I will never trust you again. I will never, ever. You know what, Brittany? I will be worried every time I'm with you that you're recording. Are you getting me now? I look really good. Record this. Record this. I am so worried that every time I'm around you, you're going to record me and you're going to hear such things as Vita Tequila is the most popular tequila in the United States. It's beating out Casamigos by George Clooney. Oh my God, that's terrible that you would leak that onto the internet.

You are mine! And Bronwyn's like, why the fuck do you need that video on your phone? On the heels of saying, you know, how concerned you were about Meredith's mental and physical health? What is that about? I am concerned about it. I mean, on the heels of also you saying Angie's marriage is fucked up or maybe she's a slut. Are you nuts? Let me tell you something. I would like to buy a V. I'll solve the puzzle. Okay.

Which is also another thing that Bronwyn started. I mean, Brittany did say that behind her back, but she thought she was just talking shit, you know, because Angie yelled at her and Bronwyn went back and made that a whole thing too, calling her a slut.

So Meredith is like, "Are you nuts?" So Brittany's just, or Bronwyn, you know, now Brittany's in a full-on sob. So they stop the Sprinter van and she runs and she's like, she has this amazing... Let me get this on Instagram. She has... "The colors of the wind." "Have you ever seen a coyote secretly record the blue corn moon?"

So she does a full on Leanne lock-in, been caught. So now I'm going to do a melodramatic sobbing out of the sprinter. I mean, it was so amazing. She's crying out of the sprinter. I mean, the fact that this lady comes sobbing out of a sprinter van at an ATV rental place and she sits in the corner and she's like, and hyperventilating. Oh, this is like gay dreams right here.

And of course they all fall for it immediately because she grabs the victim club. As she should. You know, she starts crying. So you can't yell at somebody when they're crying, right? So Angie's like, uh-oh. Oh, guys. Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, you guys. That was a lot, you guys. That was a lot. Mary's like, oh, who cares? We've all been through that. And she's like, you know, even if you're a fucking hard ass, that would have been hard. Mary goes, no. Like, you guys can feel sorry all you want, but she deserved that.

- Mary's so unbothered. She's like, this is like, not, she was like, I told you guys so. So Whitney gets, she's like, okay. - So Whitney goes to comfort her, you know, Whitney's like, I'll do it. So she's like, Brittany, I've absolutely violated our trust. But that was a lot of yelling for one person to take. And we probably took. - You can do it Whitney. - What? - You can do it. Two.

I did it. What? Well, I think that she just doesn't think it's a big deal. She doesn't. I'm not trying to be rude, but she's not the sharpest tool in the shed. And Heather goes, well, that's rich coming from you, Einstein. It was such a sitcom line in that moment. I loved it. So Whitney goes over to Brittany. Brittany's like... She has like her hands on her face. Oh!

So Whitney's like, I know that was a lot. Are you okay? She's like, no, I'm not okay. I'm so sorry. I feel like in that one moment, take a deep breath. I broke everyone's trust. I'm not doing anything. I don't have bad intentions. It just breaks my heart. It breaks my heart.

So what was your intention on filming the back of the seat then? And Brittany's like, I swear on my life, I wasn't trying to record the girls. I was trying to flirt with the back seat. You know, I just have to keep, I have to keep my, I have to keep, what's his buns, Osmond jealous. I just said, look, I'm doing the back of a back seat. What do you think of that? I mean, is that so wrong? Is that so wrong? You don't understand. There's so many pressures. Now that Jared is back into my life, I want to make him feel comfortable. I

So I'm thinking about like reupholstering all my chairs. That's it. I just want to reupholster my chairs so that we look like, um, I don't know, a tour bus because he's from a musical family that tours. So I was like, how can I get Sprinter Van fabric onto my chairs? That's all, guys. That's why I was doing it.

So she's telling the producers, I swear on my life, I'm not trying to record the girls. And the producer's like, well, but it is weird that you're recording the back of the seat. But where did you hear that? I mean, why was I recording the back of the seat? And she's like, well, I know. I mean, it was for a while. And she's like, no, it wasn't. It wasn't for a while at all. It was for one second. Dong. Flashback. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah.

24 seconds. I mean, the back of the seat was like literally for like a second and a half. Like maybe, I don't know. Maybe it wasn't even recording. Like I'm facing forward. Like, I don't know. Are you sure? I'm pretty sure I wasn't leaving. I don't think I was even in Mexico. I'm pretty sure I wasn't there. I was at an audition. So, nope.

So she's telling Whitney, the camera was turned around at that point. I mean, I was just trying to get it, you know, while I was holding record, I was trying to get it to flip on my face so I could do like a love you. I'm proud of you. I'm thinking of you. Someone just got called to cut fitness, but it wouldn't turn. And so I stopped recording, not realizing that a video was also recording audio. Videos record audio now. What is this? Did you send it? Send it. Kyle, get out of here. And Brittany's like...

I didn't even send it. Send what? You can send videos? I didn't even know you could do that. And Whitney's like, but wait a minute. How do we know that you haven't already filmed it, deleted it, and then sent it? Look at my deleted. Look through everything. Look at all my hidden photos. Look at all my deleted. All my deleted. I'm like, is that even a thing to say that you're deleted? Yeah, but

Look at my deleted. Well, it's hard to say look at my deleted because you could delete a deleted. How does one delete the deleted? So Brittany's like, but you're going to see a lot of embarrassing stuff. So if you want to like, if you want to, if you want to like do it,

To delete the deleted, I would have to have deleted those too. Because if I'm going to delete the deleted, I will also delete and delete the embarrassing stuff. So why would I delete this deleted, but not delete the other deleted? And so what I'm saying is, look through my phone. Look through the deleted deleted. Look through. You're going to see a lot of stuff. You're going to see a lot of scandalous photos of Jared Osmond. You might see me singing an impeccable serenade from Miss Saigon. So what? Just look at it all.

Did you get the impression that she so wanted her to look through her phone? She's like, do it! Look through my phone! And he's like, no, it's okay. No, look through it! It's so embarrassing to me! I look amazing in these pictures. Will you see archival footage of me as Ariel in Disneyland? Perhaps! But that's gonna be on me. That's my crusta bear.

Well, I feel bad for Brittany, but I'm not buying this little naive "I didn't know how to flip a camera around, but I can delete a deleted video with .2 seconds." Like, come on! It's true. Because let me tell you something. If you don't know how to turn a camera around, you don't even know that there's a deleted section of

of your phone, right? You probably think you hit trash, it's gone. So the fact that she knows that there's a whole deleted section and you can go in there and you can delete, delete it. She knows all the functionality there, but like doesn't know how to turn around. And based on the number of ridiculous selfie videos she does, I would say, I think she's pretty aware of how to turn the camera around.

Yeah. And it sounds like she knows very well what her deleted are and that she looks through them. You know, it's like it's your way to keep a file on your phone that's not public facing. When you open your phone in public, people aren't seeing your, you know, pootie video. Well, what's amazing about this cast where it shares a lot of DNA with Rony is that they can have this crazy fight in the Sprinter van. And then they're like, OK, let's go on the ATVs. Yeah.

Yeah, next scene. So now it's the ATV thing and nobody will pair up with Brittany. And so Heather's like, well, we can all go in this one. Come on, Brittany, come over here. And then they're like, nope, sorry, ma'am, only two per thing. And she's like, oh, God, now I have to ride with her? She's the least popular person here, which we know is Heather's kryptonite. Yes.

That's what she hates. She wants to be with the big dogs. Okay, I'll go with Brittany, but I want her hands at 10 and 2. Not secretly recording the back of the chair or the dash or me screaming for my life. So then Mary's like, where are my goggles? Have you seen my goggles? And Bronwyn's like, they're behind your neck.

And Angie's like, I don't love my hair blowing in the wind and I don't love the wind in my face. I think it causes wrinkles and split ends. I don't know why that's funny. It's like this is her life hack.

So Heather's like, "Wind." Yeah. She's like, "Avoid wind. It will destroy you." So then we go to Heather and Brittany just riding in silence while everybody else is having fun. You know, everybody else is like, "Woo!" But then it's just silence with them. And Heather's like, "Well, this is fun, sitting in silence with the most hated person on the trip. Oh, look, here comes a wobbly, never-been-stressed-tested bridge. Let's just keep on coming." So you come to this rickety bridge that they have to drive across.

I don't like that. I would not have done it. Okay. No, I know that I'm sure several go-karts or ATVs have gone across it, but I don't want to be the one that causes the bridge to go out because that bridge is not lasting much longer. Okay. So, and we haven't had a full-on disaster yet on Housewives. We have had the New York Cartagena trip, which was pretty bad. Yeah.

with that boat. But we have not had like a full on falling off a bridge disaster, but if any cast is going to do it, it's this one. I mean, you know. Seriously. So they're all freaking out. The only one who's like not freaking out seems to be Meredith. She's like, well, we're all girls. Meredith is even fine with it. So they get to the other side and

Meredith, who's never taken a pill in her life, was like, "Eh, it's fine." So now they go to this cave, this waterfall thing, and they have to walk to this waterfall thing. And they're all jumping off this little cliff. And Mary's like, "Wow, wow, Brittany, your turn. Your last jump, babe. Your next one's going to be on a plane." I know. She's like, "Good luck with your diarrhea throwing up after you jump in there, both of you," as Whitney and Brittany jump in.

So, Lisa is like, guys, do you think if she jumps off the rock, we're going to forget that she recorded us? And just like, yeah, it is wild to me how quickly she bounces back. Yeah, that's why Jaren feels it's okay to break up with her and get back to her because she bounces, you know?

"You know what? It's like Britney's living in a parallel universe where everything's all rainbows and unicorns. But like, just 'cause you look super hot in a bikini doesn't mean I forgot you were recording us an hour ago. But she really does look good in her bikini." That's really all that matters to Lisa. So now they all go and they arrive at lunch. Lisa's like, "I don't want to forgive this girl 'cause she's hot, but I'm going to. But I'm forgiving this girl 'cause she's hot. Like, how can you not?" So they all sit down at lunch.

And, you know, they're all like, oh, this is nice, you know. And Mary goes, Brittany, why are you so quiet down there? Like, obviously she knows. Brittany goes, I'm just internalizing. Internalizing what, babe? Everything. Why? What part? The part where you got caught? Yeah.

It was just such a violation of trust. Like, absolutely. Like, I've supported you. I've defended you. This is an indefensible thing. And Brittany's like, oh, my gosh. The beautiful Mexican seat back scenery.

And Brittany's like, "I did this!" And she starts making poses like she was just trying to take pictures of scenery behind her head, which is an obvious lie. And so they're like, "Oh my god, stop changing your fucking story!" You know? And Heather's like, "I cannot help you if you continue to lie!" And she's like, "Don't defend me then! I've already told you my intentions!" "Brittany, the story's changed like four times now!" And we really—they show a montage of how many times the story has changed. And we've witnessed the story changing, but even just

Even having witnessed it, seeing it lined up four times in a row is so hilarious, and how clunky she is at lying.

Yeah. So Meredith is like, is this a joke? What are you doing here? Because it feels like you're starting all kinds of stuff with everybody. You started all kinds of, you said horrible things about me that were false. She's like, horrible things? Seriously, Meredith? Well, I don't know why you tell anyone I threw up because I told you I didn't throw up. Let's be clear. You are a liar. By the way, I want to say,

I didn't mention this earlier, but like when Meredith is like, that's implying I've been eating disorder. I believe you. I, when I heard it, I thought it was like, oh, Meredith got wasted and wound up throwing up. I did not take it to that place. Did you take it to that place?

No, I thought Meredith, like she's saying that Meredith is going through withdrawals because she couldn't get her drugs on the plane. Okay, we'll just leave that alone. So Meredith is like, well, I don't know why. But, you know, I think that Meredith is smarter than that. I think you can take pills on the plane. And if she's popping pills, those are most likely prescribed. She doesn't pop pills. That's an irrational flight, guys. And luckily, we're domestic, right? No, we're in a different country. Oh, well, then I probably took a pill.

So Meredith is like, I don't know why you tell anyone I threw up because I told you I didn't throw up. And let's be clear, you are a liar and I'm not okay with it. Period. But there's only one thing that I haven't come clean about on this trip, guys. What? And I dare not even say it because I just want to go home. I want to go home. Brittany, I want to hear it. Okay. The one thing I've not been truthful about is... Is...

Jared. Jared and I, we do have a physical relationship. I was laughing when I was watching. Mary just goes, girl. When I was watching it, I just like...

I was speaking back to the laptop and I just, as a joke, I said, Jared and I are back together. So then when she actually said Jared and I, I was like, oh my God, I was just joking when I said that. But of course it was about Jared. Yeah. She's, she's a joke. So then Mary, Mary's so funny because mostly on this show, I think the criticism, well, there've been a lot of criticisms of Mary over the year, but yeah,

I think one of the biggest ones is that she's so checked out. Like, she's not paying attention. She doesn't want to be there. But she is so checked in this year. It's hilarious. She's the only person actually listening. And she's like, what are you talking about? Like, that has nothing to do with recording us. Like, are you okay? But everybody else immediately falls for it. And Brittany's like, I wanted to keep it private, Heather.

Heather, you understand, right?" And Heather's like, "Give me your hand." "Angie, I totally get the point of this in a way you'll never understand everybody else who doesn't have two books about escaping Mormonism." And by the way, I just want... Now, with someone with a book coming out in about three weeks...

It covers this topic. I just want to say, cue up a Heather monologue. Heather's like, oh, good. I found a way in, an angle where I could possibly redeem Brittany, and I don't have to be embarrassed that I brought this woman onto the show. But by the way, before we get into that, I do want to give credit to Angie, who tells us, I mean, Jared's sleeping with everyone else in Salt Lake City. Thank God he's sleeping with her, too. At least she's not left out. So Heather's like...

She's the only person who can't get that Costco sample. So Heather does. She clasps Brittany's hand because I do believe Heather's like, oh good, we can redeem her. We can fix this. And so she's like, I totally get it. In a way you'll never understand. And Mary's like, what is she talking about? We already know that she's in a relationship. No! But for

But for her to say she's in a physical relationship with Jared, even after she's been married twice, had two daughters who don't speak to her, and is basically a heathen on all fronts. Oh, God. This is the last straw in the heathen wagon. And she's about to throw it out. And that's a lot, guys. It's a lot that she's going through. You know?

It's so hard for her to say that. And her saying that, it's like coming out of the closet. And she's coming out of the closet with some very split ends. It's just humiliating, guys. And Angie goes, "The Mormon closet." And she goes, "It's a big deal, Angie."

Oh, please. You do not get the same thing. You're coming out of the closet. It's a totally different thing, ma'am. Okay? You're acting like you being a hypocrite about your religion and professing how religious you are and then going behind everybody's back and doing this. It's not the same as coming out of the closet. Sorry, you don't get that. Especially when I think you're the only one who thought you were in the closet.

So Heather is like, she's like, it's a big deal. You know, it's a big deal. You know, it's a big deal. Fellow Mormons. Cause you got exposed. Cause you got pregnant Bronwyn and everyone knew you were doing it. And probably it's like, but,

Brittany's like, I love that Heather's doing this very serious thing and she's doing her finger in the hole thing. She's like, you did this. Remember? You remember the shame Bronwyn from your finger going in that hole like this. Fellow people who were shamed by the Mormon church, you understand that Brittany's about to get shamed and therefore this exonerates her from eavesdropping. Brittany's like, you guys,

And she's smart, Heather, because she knows. She's trying to help Brittany, and so she's trying. And she got Bronwyn where she wanted her, because now Bronwyn can make this about herself and have a monologue about herself. She's also giving Brittany a very good assist, because I guarantee Brittany did not even think this far ahead in her distraction. I thought Brittany thought she would just say,

guys, we are in a physical relationship and it's just really hard to keep this on the inside. That was probably the extent of what she was going to say. And Heather's like, no, let me add some more heft to it by saying that, you know, you're coming out of the Mormon closet and you're about to be shamed by the church and your life is going to be ruined right now. She's like, here, run with this instead.

Heather, thank you so much for standing up for me. Why is there a QR code on your head? Oh, it's a pre-order for my book. Okay. Just sit back. I got it from here. So Brittany's like, you know, there's so much shame, guys. Like to grow up active LDS and everyone in my family's LDS and I've got two brothers that are bishops and I've got...

you know, nieces galore that look up to me. And I just, I have the whole ensemble of Miss Saigon touring companies. It's just always looking forward to seeing what Ellen's up to. And I just, I have a whole congregation. You just have no idea what a big deal it is. I've got bishops and nieces galore. I've got a whole congregation too, but I want more. Brittany, come on, stop singing. Why are you

Why are you combing your hair with that fork? Stop combing your hair with that fork. Shut up, Mary. Bryn, are you talking to an eel right now?

And saying it out loud is going to change my life forever. Here's my deepest, darkest secrets. Take it or leave it. I don't. There it is. It's going to change my life forever. Well, a little bit more than me saying that I was dating about 10 guys at a time. And how much I loved wine as I guzzled on camera. But still, this is awful for me, you guys. Guys, I just got a text.

I've been dropped from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's version of Moana. It's terrible. So Whitney's like, Brittany, I completely understand. I was shamed for leaving the Mormon church for having an affair with Justin. Like, I understand completely.

Yeah, it was my op-ec. Your church is my op-ec. Yeah, it's my op-ec. It's my op-ec. But what did you think people were going to think when you were drinking margaritas and showing up in red lingerie dresses to dinner? Ha, slut. I'll tell you what I thought. My op-ec!

And so Bronwyn's- so Whitney's like, "Yeah, you were drinking margaritas." And she's like, "Oh my god, I'm so screwed, you guys! I'm just so screwed!" And Bronwyn's like, "Okay, everybody, gather around. It's Bronwyn time."

I understand what it feels to be shamed. And with my daughter, nobody was happy for me. Nobody supported me. But I did it. They wanted me to put her up for adoption, but I didn't. And the best thing that ever happened to me, the proudest thing that I ever did was get a $4 million ring on my anniversary to a man I can barely stand.

But also I had a daughter, and that was pretty great too. The best part of waking up is having a daughter in my cup. I say it's not Folgers. Okay, let me tell you something. The thing I'm most proud of in my entire life is the thing that almost cost me my relationship with my family that I've had to explain for my entire daughter's life. So I actually do understand. And I'm saying this to you with all the sympathy and love

in the world, you've got to stop internalizing that shame, but you've also got to really stop saying I'm going to shame other people to keep a secret from myself. And another thing, I still fucking hate you, by the way. And also please stop calling Lisa a stupid whore. Remember when you called Lisa a whore? You did. You did. See Lisa? She admitted it. She admitted it.

So, then Heather's like, "These are the women." Heather is not going to be out monologued. She's like, "I'm the monologist on this show. Excuse you." "These are the women that gave me a bridge out of the space where you're in, where I was rejected by everyone. My neighbors are Mormon. My best friends are Mormon. My grandparents, my extended family. I went to buy a puppy at a puppy mill and they were Mormon. They wouldn't even come with me." "Guess what? I got an Uber the other day. Mormon."

Went to Reebok. Mormon. Mormon. Let me tell you something. I went to Kava and I said, excuse me, could I have some extra sauce on that? She said, sure, because I'm a Mormon. Everyone, Mormon. I tried to join the mermaid movement and they wouldn't even have me. I was kicked out by a merman. A merman, a Mormon merman. I went to an Ethel Merman convention and guess what? Everyone there was a Mormon. I couldn't believe it.

Mormon singing merman. Do you know how hard it is getting kicked out of a room when someone's singing, there's no business like show business? Actually, I do. Okay, Brittany, you know what? We're not going into your IMDb right now. It was sort of a weird rendition because they said there's no business like show business, but then they said a business full of queers and heathens. It was a strange new addition, but you know, it's fine. I rolled with it.

Yeah. And like, these are the women who stuck by me. Yeah. This is our good time, girl. It's like, yeah, there's an example of Lisa being there for somebody, slut shaming them the first episode of their season. Because no one understands who we are better than each other. And Brittany goes, for that, I really am sorry, you guys. I am really, really sorry.

for being a wonderful performer and part of the Disney family. And Heather's like, well, I don't think you have a mean bone in your body, nor do you have a working brain cell, but I think you've messed up. You do have a very douchey bone in your body, though. And his name is Jared Osmond. So there's that. But, you know, and she's like, well, sorry. I'm sorry, Meredith. If you feel like I've betrayed your trust,

Meredith goes, not Phil. Yeah, Dad. Yeah, I'm sorry if you feel like I construed something into insinuating that you have an eating disorder. Heather's like, you guys, let's take a breather. Let's go shopping. The power of tchotchkes to bring us all together. Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two.

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