#2707 RHOBH S1409 Part One: Meme to Me
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Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on your bravs. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going?

Good. I'm doing well. I think you just muted yourself by accident, by the way, when you touched your microphone. So in the meantime, I'll just say blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's that kind of warning.

Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. We're so excited. We're both doing the show from New York City in our beautiful hotel rooms. And we are going to be doing the crappy awards this Saturday at the Town Hall on Broadway. We're so excited. We're having so much fun putting it together. I don't know how this learning lines thing is going to go, but hey, we're going to roll with it. And you can get streaming tickets for that. It's almost sold out. I mean, it's basically sold out. There's like 20 tickets left. So if you can't get tickets, stream it.

okay it's gonna be streamable you can get the links over on watch what crappens.com we're also gonna be on watch what happens live thursday night as bartenders with miss patricia and madison uh damn it madison um austin from southern charm so that should be fun times we're excited to do that and also we're on tour next week we're gonna be in salt lake city and denver and we have

A ton of cities coming up. So go to WatchWhatCrappens.com to get your tickets. That's also where you'll find Patreon links for Traders Recaps. And guess what else? For video, which we're on right now. You can see our faces. So thank you, everybody. Wow. So Beverly Hills, huh? What did you think of Beth Hills? It was, you know...

You know, what I liked about it is that it took the tradition that was started with Roni and it said, we're going to move forward with it, which is dead birds on beaches. So, I mean, if there's ever been a sign for the like return of Lisa Vanderpump, it's gotta be all these fucking broken birds that are like littering the beaches of North America. Not only that, we had the bird crashing into Kyle's house over and over again. Oh,

It's Kyle in her I'm at home alone montage getting startled by a bird. So funny. And sometimes you just need to listen to nature, you know, because you know that bird was just like, bye, Kyle. Goodbye, Kyle. Goodbye, Kyle. Yeah, it was fun. What did you think about the episode? I loved it. Good.

I thought that was really good. I loved it. I was so proud of Kyle, oddly enough, for not freaking out and crying. Although I did miss it because I'm loving Kyle's descent into madness. I love when Kyle is just a crying temper tantrum throwing mess. It's like my favorite version of Kyle. So I was kind of sad to see her grow up a little bit, but I thought it was nice. I mean, all those people drove to Ventura County. Nobody complained.

about how long it took. I thought that was nice. That's very rare in a group of LA people. I mean, Ben comes to the Valley to have sushi and I hear about it for a week. You do. And you know what I have to say, you know what? Actually, you know what I really loved about this episode is that we finally got to see Garcelle's beach house. I was like, I wonder what this house looks like. I wonder if we can finally get a tour of it. I just don't feel like I've seen it enough. Yeah.

I wonder if that was handed to her or if she actually worked for that her entire life. You know what I wonder? Did she do it herself? Yeah.

Can I see what the tiles look like again? I don't think I've seen it so far this season at all. I hope they give us a slow motion tour of this house because we have not seen it. That said, gorgeous place. It's so nice. And she should be proud. You know, that's an amazing accomplishment. I want that house. What am I not doing? We speak out of jealousy, but it's just funny because, you know, it's like, well, if you think about it, Below Deck does this every single week, every single new charter every

they do a boat tour for the guests and they just guide us around that boat like we haven't seen it all season. It's like, yeah, we know where the salon is. We know what the bedrooms look like. Here's a flash, a very flashy slow motion shot of Robert Goulet's butt toilet or like butt bidet or whatever it is on that show. The golden butt bidet, you know. For Robert Goulet, the Goulet bidet. The Goulet bidet.

They're always like Robert Goulet style, you know? So we opened this one. This is episode nine, for those of you counting. Ding. We opened this one with a Trixie Monocle song. And she's like, I want to see the sun come up.

I was like, she must be on the drive to Ventura County because this is someone who's waiting in traffic this time. I've been waiting my entire life to find the exit. You know, the...

this whole, like, I don't understand what all of this has to do with wanting to see the sun come up. Like some people wait an entire life to have a life like mine, a life where you've never seen the sunrise. It's a depressing song, but also it's like girl pop, but it's like, girl, get out of bed. You know, I got the whole thing is just like, well, I live another day. I love my life. I could be dead any moment. I love my life. Set your fucking alarm. Yeah.

Wake up an hour earlier, you'll see the sunrise. It's nice, but it's not that... It happens literally every day. Yeah. Are you in a hole in prison? What's happening? I know, we speak with sun privilege right now. Actually, they left...

They came to turn down my room last night and they closed the blinds in here and I didn't know. And it was completely dark. And I was like, is the world over? I woke up like, has it finally happened? Because I've watched so many end of the world things that everything, it's like the city's on fire. This place is, you know, every bad news that happens,

I'm like, okay, well, I guess now's the time. You know, I just kind of brush my teeth because I don't want to get to heaven with dirty teeth, you know. And it turns out they just closed the blinds. I had a very depressing morning. So actually, the song is speaking to me. I just want to see the sun come up. I was like, just one more time. Please let me do Watch What Happens Live before you take away the sun.

So the moral of the story is Trixie Monocle wrote this song while having blackout curtains installed. She's like, no, I want sheer curtains.

So we see Kyle. I feel like this happened a lot this episode, where we see this picture of Kyle and Mauricio and the family. Is it in my imagination? Because I watched this a few days ago, so it's a little hazy. But I felt like there were multiple transitions in this episode where they kind of sliced and diced up this photo and had it go sliding across the screen. Is that just in my head? I think it's just in your head. It is what they're doing with Kyle.

I mean, every time they show Kyle, they're like, poor Kyle. Kyle's family isn't at home anymore. Like, I get that that can be a sad thing. I'm not taking away from that, but...

She still has like a huge family. Like she's on the phone with her kids all day, every day. And she's like, look at me, nothing to do. I'll go on DM and find someone else to date. You know, you've like, be quiet, Kyle. I can't, I can't. She's acting like she's Miss Havisham. It's like, ma'am, you want like in the prime of your life, go out, go take a Pilates class, go read a book, go to the library, take, pick up a hobby, take a cooking class, go to the video store. I know they don't exist anymore, but there is one still in West LA. Go there, find a video and just do something. Like it's really not that hard. Yeah.

Call Jamie Lee Curtis. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, pick up the acting. And the way they do it, too. I'm like, has this family been kidnapped? Are they being held ransom? They just show these slow pictures of Mauricio always looking so vacant. You know, I've never seen somebody take pictures looking so vacant so consistently. Every time they show a picture of Mauricio, he's just like, uh, uh. Vacancy is kind of his job, though. Yeah.

It's called real estate. You know, they show these slow pictures and it's like this whole family, gone. Kyle only gets to cook dinner for this family five nights a week now instead of seven. No.

Yeah, for someone whose daughters all still live at home, she really complains a lot about being an empty nester. Like, doesn't like Sophia and the other one, like Sophia and Alexia and Portia, don't they all live at home still? Is that just me? I think they have live at home energy. I think a couple of them have moved. I think only Portia lives at home, right?

I don't know. Like, I get the loneliness thing. But as someone who spends a lot of time alone, like, unless you're finding an M&M in your belly button and being like, was this from last week? I'm going to eat it anyway. I don't want to hear from you. You know what I mean? Like, you haven't really suffered like the rest of us. You know, I just made myself mad and I'll tell you why.

Because I don't know why it took me so many years to realize this, but we always talk about how Kyle copies her successful friends. And we all know the Kardashians, everyone starts with a K. They're like a jeweler. Every Kardashian begins with K. And... Like, I don't know why it took me so long to realize that Kyle was totally copying the Kardashians, but just by having all her daughters' names end with A. Yeah.

Alexia, Portia, Farrah, Sophia. Well, it's good because whenever your car's broken, you know, you have a AAA to come...

That's what they had to do. They couldn't just end with just two A daughters. They're like, I don't want to have just AA. Let's get to AAA. Let's get to AAA. I want my flaps fixed for free. By the way, guys, in case you're wondering about the humor today, it's not going to get better than this. Okay. So, yeah, we see the sad family. Like, they've all been kidnapped. And then Kyle's like, hey, Siri. And Siri's like, please stop talking to me. She's like, Siri. Okay.

Because, you know, they added this new like Apple intelligence to the phone and I'd like this. She's sassier now. She's just like, you know what? I don't like you. Okay. I'll only answer if you stop crying. How about that? Listen, Kyle, you can't complain about how lonely you are. And then when the robots reach out to have a conversation with you, you shun them. Okay. Like beggars can't be choosers. If the robot wants to talk to you, you talk to the robot.

I'm so glad my mom doesn't have my name in the phone like Kyle does, like with the label. Because Kyle is like, hey, could you call Portia my love bug? Oh, my God. Mine would be like, call Ronnie that ungrateful little asshole. You know? I don't want to hear it. Call Ronnie the calorie consumer. So she calls Portia as while she mixes agave and powder in a bowl, which is like...

So, so California. So Portia, Portia's like, hi mom. And she's like, hey honey, how was sleeping at dad's? It was good. I didn't have to eat agave and powder for breakfast again. So I was really happy about that. I thought dad had a stroke or something overnight, but it turns out it was just his regular resting face. Yeah.

And then Kyle's like, you know, the thing about having a big family is that there's always somebody home. But nowadays, there's just so many days where I'm alone at home all by myself. And then we just see a montage of Kyle doing things alone, like moving a chair that time. Remember? It was a big scene. I'm glad they flashed back to that.

Carrying a bowl. And the best part is she, at one point, Kyle goes like creeping up to her own window. I mean, you could not act like a baddie woman more than, a baddie person, it's not a female thing, but you could not act like a baddie woman more than Kyle walking up to that window. And so it was just funny enough watching her go up to that window. But then the fact that a bird came out of nowhere, I was like, oh man.

It's a Vanderpump fan. The bird's just like, I'm going to get this bitch. I'm going to get her one day. The way she was just creeping up to that window, I was like, are you auditioning for the next Halloween movie? Why are you doing a horror movie right now to this window? And why are you so extra that you're trying to fly into Kyle's house of all houses? Oh, God. That poor bird. Oh, God. It was a faresnic bird.

This got terrible wicker baskets. So... Or bad closet organizing. You remember when she was like, oh my god, Faye did my closet. And we walked in and they were all like target shelving. I was like, wow. It was all wrought iron furniture. With like brown and red accents or gold. So...

This is my favorite kind of episode where not much happens and we just talk about Faye's wicker baskets. So Kyle's like, it just feels lonely sometimes. I'm like, Kyle, you also have two sisters who live in the same city. Like, I just feel like there's so many options for her. And I just am not gonna, I just can't feel bad for this storyline right now. Here's who I feel bad for, the bird. Why isn't she going out there and trying to help the bird? Literally, the bird just keeps banging up against the window. Like, the bird is trying to...

Harm itself. Go help it. Go talk to the bird. No, let me tell you something. That bird does not need help. That bird is also being really annoying, right? I don't like the bird storyline either. I love the bird storyline. Well, you know that...

I live in kind of the country. Well, not the country, but for me, it's kind of country-ish in Texas, and there's so much wildlife. And you know I go out there and talk to it. I have that peacock that comes to visit me every day, and he's getting so sweet. I call him Frank. I don't know what his real name is. But I go out there and I talk to him. You know, I have a little squirrel that I go out there and talk to and feed. I mean, I just love it. So I say, open the door. Let the bird in. It obviously wants to do something. No, because a bird that keeps going after a window, ugh.

When I was a child, there was this one Robin that I tell you, it was like every spring. It was the most annoying Robin. This Robin. Because there was just something, you know, this Robin would always come from my window and would come over and over. It was like, oh God, it's like at a certain time of the year,

Like, it's springtime, hormones kick in for this robin, and I don't know if it was trying to mate with its reflection or attack its reflection or just stupid. But it was like, every spring, this robin would just start banging on my window. And I don't know, I think the fact that it was a robin just made it all the worse. Like, the fact that it was like this bird... You just see this red...

red chested bird that's like hi and I mean like it just it would never go away I would like I remember one time I drew a picture of a skull and put it on the window thinking that would scare it thinking that like a robin would be scared by the same things that humans are had no effect but I put I literally had a skull in my window to get rid of this robin and it would just come back yeah I drew a skull I drew three skulls and I put them all up there you should have put like a chicken a chicken bone you know like when you eat a chicken leg or something you should just like hung a little bone there like warning

People who came to visit our house must have thought I was a deranged child. He's like, why does your son have a picture of three drawings of skulls in his windows? I was like, to scare off the robin. It's tormenting me. Is your son's room poisonous? So we go to... We go back to this conversation with Portia, who does not want to be on the phone with her mother. I mean, this...

porsche just leave porsche alone you know what i mean like she's taken enough of your kyle like just literally live her life you know she goes to her dad's one night you can't just leave her alone so porsche's like oh my god oh kyle by the way this is like how's your porsche because you know who bought that for you so you better answer your phone when i call yeah you know kyle is kyle's doing some like high level manipulation which is she buys her daughter

an excessively expensive car for the age. It's disproportionate to her age. Like, I think you cannot... Like, that car is like $90,000. Again, start with a Nissan or something. A Hyundai. Like, I don't care what it is, but...

Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. It's not fair. So she calls and reminds her, do you remember the car I bought you? Can I come to lunch with you and your sisters? And Portia's like, oh, yeah.

Oh, well, I'm just supposed to be with my sister. Can I come? I mean, where are you going? Gina, where are you going? Like, in case I want to come? Kyle, if they wanted you to go, they would have told you. You're not invited. And then Kyle at least has the emotional intelligence to be like, I think that they want to talk about the divorce. They want to talk about your crazy ass and how they can block you. Yes. While keeping their cars.

Yeah, Kyle. We need to find something for Kyle. Can we introduce her to origami or something? Or just give her something to do with her hands. I'm not sure what it is, but she's spiraling. Yeah, she really is. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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So then we see how depressed she is because she walks around with her tea or whatever, her bowl of powder, whatever she's doing. So then she FaceTimes Erica Girardi and just keeps posing herself in the FaceTime picture to get the perfect pose. And I just love when thin people are so insecure. I mean, this girl works out 20 times a day. She looks amazing. And even she's insecure. So, you know, to all the t-shirt pullers out there, you know, you pull out your t-shirt to take a picture.

I felt validated. So thank you, Kyle. I'm a huge Kyle stan after this episode. It was a great one for me. What a twist. So she FaceTimes Erica and Erica is in her standard FaceTiming uniform, which is a robe and like a towel in her hair. For some reason, that's like the only way that Erica seems to answer FaceTimes. She's like, hey, how's it going? So first of all, I have to tell you,

I am of the view that there is too many people I have taken to calling from the board of directors. There are too many people in this situation, and this is between you, the two of you, and your friendship together, and the rest of us need to butt the fuck out. Oh, yeah. I'm telling you. Like, full Minty B.

Okay. Is that like mental break? I like that Kyle's hung out with Kesha one time who has a dollar sign in her name and now Kyle's on the street. What is Mentibie? I mean, God, I know we sound old, but like, is that like, is that slang for mental breakdown? Okay. That's my thought. Like full-blown Mentibie. That expression is on fleek.

So remember when Kyle Richards ruined that for pop culture, like on fleek was like the thing. And then Kyle came on to Beverly Hills and was like, this is so on fleek. Like, well, that was fun. It was fun while it lasted. Yeah. She's like, so demure. Please stop.

Please just stop. I'm shocked she hasn't said that yet, to be honest. She will. We're a little behind, you know, but she will. I believe in her. So she's like, oh my God, in all my years, I've never treated like this. I've never felt this bad with a group of girls. Kyle, nobody did anything to you. They're asking you questions, you little weirdo. What are we in a cult? What are we in a cult? You're the lady with the A-hats on everything.

She's like, people don't understand the duress I've been going through. First, I had to go to Chuck E. Cheese. Then I had to go to a spa day and I had to walk out of the spa day. It's been the worst two days of my life. I got questioned about memes. It's been terrible.

So she's like literally insane. I've had my marriage question, my personal life question, and now my character, my integrity. Now you can all fuck off. That's where I draw the line. That is where I draw the line. And Erica's like, oh, figure it out. You know, if you want to figure it out, you can figure it out. If you don't want to figure it out, you don't have to figure it out. Did I not just make it very clear? I don't give a fuck. So please stop calling me.

All I know is I'm going to say what I have to say to Dorit and I'm not going to continue to discuss this and go down this situation anymore. And if she wants to move forward, great. And if she wants to keep on doing this, then I'm going to disengage from her and that's it. But I'm not going to talk about it anymore. I'm not going to do it.

Kyle, I'm not at a Weight Watchers meeting and I'm sick of being asked to weigh in. I'm not doing that, Kyle. Please stop talking to me. Do you remember when Erica was all depressed after Tom and she moved into her little hovel in West Hollywood where she currently... Her sad, sad little hovel that's so... Her igloo. Her igloo. And the paparazzi was always out there taking pictures and she just went out to try and get her Taco Bell delivery from DoorDash or whatever. And she just looked...

Like hell. I mean, you know, we've all had those days where we're depressed. But I love that that's how she always looks when she answers the phone. And it kind of makes me like Erica, that she's kind of one of us. You know, she's just between the times that she has to be somewhere, she's just absolute trash. Like she's got a little crunchy tortilla supreme or whatever on her. On the corner of her mouth. I mean, it makes me like her more because every time she answers in that dirty bathroom and she's just kind of lying in bed like, oh, God.

Do I have to answer the phone? Liar, pretend you mean. Just pretend you mean. You're really having a lot of plot twists on this episode so far. You're like, guys, I'm a stan of Kyle now. Erica, she's one of us. I think I love her. This is huge. I like also... Erica's so funny because she's like, they're talking and she goes, I will leave you with this. Who says that in a phone call? That's like what you say.

That's what you say when you sign off on the news or something. And she's like, Kyle, I will leave you with this. If you two come to some resolution, that's between y'all. All of us weighing in is bullshit. Good night and good luck. I like it because she's told Kyle 20 times she doesn't want to talk about it and Kyle won't stop talking about it. So she's like, I'll leave you with this, stupid. It's done. I said good day, sir. I said good day.

So Kyle just sighs. She's like, here I am, alone again. The sound of sidelines. And a bird just like slams into the window. I feel like that bird, if you really think about it, it's probably like a carrier pigeon that Kathy sent. She's like, oh, I think Kyle would like this. I'm going to send a note with a carrier pigeon. She's like, oh my God, the bird's trying to get me.

So the bird is holding like a little scroll. Kyle opens it and it's a drawing of Kathy at lunch with her daughters. She's like, "Normit! You haven't invited Kathy!" It's the latest song from Morgan Wade. Kyle, I was trying to be real to get you a message.

I do feel like we've been robbed of Morgan Wade. I mean, she was really such a good character last year. I miss that. Hey, Kyle. How you doing, baby? Let's get tattooed together. You're a good tattoo guy. You're real pretty today, Kyle. I want to get a tattoo of you and your face because you're so pretty right now. I like spicy shrimp. I like boiled shrimp.

I like Beale trip. I like Beale trip. You want goldfish in? You want goldfish in, Cal? I just gained a squirrel, Cal. So Dorit goes to a restaurant called Cousette, which is beautiful, you know, and tragic because Les Miserables. Yes. Yes, indeed. It's Cousette. I have a question.

I don't know if you'll know the answer to this, and I feel like I'm putting you on the spot. Is Cosette in that new place in the valley that they took over the Sportsman Lodge and made it the nicest mall of all time? Do you know what I'm talking about? Where is it? You know, it's like Coldwater Canyon in Ventura. They put up a beautiful mall. Oh, yeah, yeah. I go there all the time. Yeah, I love it. That's where the Ben Ewins is. Yeah, that sure is. I don't think Cosette's in there. I have to say...

You know, I've talked a lot of shit about the Valley, like a lot of shit.

And this may be my new favorite mall in Los Angeles. It is so gorgeous. And it has like everything you need. And it's not even that big. It just has what you need. And it's so pretty for a mall. Yeah, it's got the Air One. It's got the Sugarfish. And it's got a couple little stores, a candy store. One of those really fancy candy stores. It's got a Roberta's Pizza. Roberta's. I love Roberta's. Oh, my God. Amazing pizza. What bread? What crust? By the way. I mean, the chew, the crunch. God, Roberta's.

God damn it, I love you, Roberta. I just want to say, I just answered my own question, Cosette is in fact in this beautiful mall. I've never even noticed it. Yeah, I just, I don't know. How am I not past that and being like, because I think it's upstairs. Oh, my dear Cosette, I don't feel any pain. So, the bartender's like, hey, what do you typically lean towards? Light and fresh or heavier red? I'll just fucking pour it. Or I typically lean towards...

Whatever I lean toward, make sure there's no carcass on it. Here's what I lean towards. Alcohol. Pour it. Okay? More alky, less talky. So, Boze arrives, and she's like, hello, boo. Oh, my gosh, how cute are you? And Dorita's there. She's like, oh, you always look so fly. Yeah, Boze is like, you look so fly. She goes, no, you're so fly.

Yes, you look like you're in a loyalty program for American Airlines because you're very fly. That's what that means, right? So she's like, hey, Booski, should we talk about you first? And it's like, no, I couldn't. Let's talk about me last. PK, severe alcoholic, killing me. Let me tell you, a life with not only a moderate alcoholic, but a severe one. I just can't, Boos. I really can't. What do I tell Jiggy?

You know, it's absolutely terrible seeing what alcohol has done to him. Anyway, cheers to you and me. Let's drink these alcoholic drinks. So... Bose, because Bose is like, she's like, are you sure you don't want to start? Because I'm feeling an energy. And she goes, well, Bose, now that you say it, I feel like I have been holding up the walls. I've been feeling like I'm just not strong enough. I can fight back.

I am. I'm strong, but there's only so much fighting you can do, Bose. I'm holding up the walls. And she's like, Bose has become my ride to die. She's proven to be someone I can talk to. Doesn't talk back. Listens. Nods. It's all I really need. Cool.

And Boze is like, well, I don't want to keep bringing up the Kyle thing, but what a bitch, am I right? So, listen, there's something that keeps bugging me about something that's being said. Tell me, Boze, tell me. Well, you said that Kyle was one of the first people you told about your divorce. But then she keeps saying she doesn't even know you're having problems. What?

What do you think about that one? So we see a flashback of Dorit sharing her separation with the group. And then three weeks earlier, we see, you know, Kyle's vein popping out and Dorit saying like, you knew we were not getting along. We're separated and we're not getting along. And he goes, Erica shared with me that you guys weren't getting along. I did not know that. But,

Then six weeks earlier, and we see it sort of again where Kyle's like, you guys aren't getting long. I didn't even know that. So Dorit's like, there was a point in time. This is a year and a half ago where I was in a really bad time and a moment with PK. And there was a select few people that I trusted enough to open up to Kyle and to open up to. And Kyle was one of them.

And so then we see a flashback where she opened it up to Kyle. And she's like, Piquet has been spending so much time in Lundin.

I just, I feel like we're not connected. I feel like my arms are up. There's a roof on it. I'm holding up the house, Carl. And look, in Carl's defense, because I'm a huge Carl stan now, Carl just doesn't listen to anything. And we've known that for years. Remember when she didn't know who Nanny Kay was? Yes. It's like, I've been raised by Nanny Kay. Nanny Kay, basically my mother. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Nanny Kay died. Who's that? Who?

Who? Kyle. So bad. And then Kyle, yeah, because Dorit has this whole thing about like, I feel like we're disconnected. I'm worried about our relationship. And Kyle's like, oh yeah, I've had those thoughts. I think it's normal to have those thoughts. It was like this kind of generic line to say, yeah, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. You're fine. You're fine. Dorit's like, she was well aware. So Bose tells us, Kyle continues to lie. She's lying about the depth of her relationship with

PK and what she's saying about Dorit and she's clearly lying about the depth of her knowledge about what's going on with PK and Dorit's marriage and if Kyle is afraid of looking bad she's looking worse now can I tell you Bo's coming for Kyle in season one is so nice it feels great it really is nice and so she's like well today PK and I decided to separate there was a room there were walls there were my arms holding up a roof

And under that roof was Piquet, his sponsor, which is a bag of Pringles, and me. And that bag of Pringles said, we're getting separated. I'd never even known before that Pringle told me. It was quite adorable. He put little googly eyes on it and everything and said, this is Mr.

Mr. Barbecue Flavor. And I thought, oh, what an interesting sponsor. He had a lot of things to say. So she's like, I don't know if it's the sponsor's fault for making PK leave me or if PK came up with that idea himself. Okay, don't blame the sponsor. And this happens when people start slowing down on the drinking. All the friends are like, you know what happened? Everything went to shit because you got sober. Thanks a lot. Mm-hmm.

You've ruined my life. You and your sponsor. That little monster. The sponsor, unfortunately, was Mauricio. No, I'm just kidding. It's like, ah, I think you guys should separate so PK and I can, like, go to strip clubs. Okay, great. Um...

I don't think that she should blame. She shouldn't blame the sponsor either because the sponsor only knows what PK tells him or her. And so, you know, they have a totally skewed view and I don't, it's weird that the sponsor was there for this conversation. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe that is like in a tough conversation. If you're in recovery and you're relatively new to it, maybe it is normal to have a sponsor there. I just feel like the sponsor should be maybe there for you. Okay. I'm talking out of my ass, but I don't really care.

I feel like the sponsor should be there for you to catch you if you're struggling in that moment. The sponsor, I don't feel like, should be there for you to mediate your relationship with your wife. The sponsor should not be living your life for you. The sponsor should not be breaking up with your wife for you. That's crazy.

The sponsor should not be weighing in on this discussion. The sponsor should be there observing. So that way when afterwards, when PK is like feeling a certain sort of way, then the sponsor can say when she said this, how did you feel? But unless the sponsor is actually a psychiatrist, but even then I feel like it's probably not. Yeah. Like a therapist or something, but a fucking sponsor. Hell no. If my husband broke up with me in front of a sponsor, I would kill him right there. And the sponsor, I'd kill them both.

I choked those wrinkles. Now, maybe she meant that PK literally got like a sponsor. Yeah.

Like he got like a FabFitFun box. There was a representative there from FabFitFun and he said the best thing for his brand would be to have a divorce. You know, we love our FabFitFun over here. I do it. Now, if I got broken up with by a FabFitFun box, I'd take it. I'd be like, oh my God, is this a cinnamon candle? Okay, you can go. You can go. But thanks for all the great years. I love this scarf.

I'm going to put it out for you real simply, babe. I've got a new sponsorship. Here's how I feel. I'm feeling fab. I'm feeling fit. I'm not feeling fun, babe. So, unfortunately, I've got to get the fun back. So we're going to have to separate. Well, I'd like a fab fit fun box, too. I'm the influencer in the... I got you a fab fit fun box. Open it up. All right.

Divorce papers? That's right. The sponsor's like, now they're bad. From the law firm of Fab Fit and Fun. That's quiet. Tunisian law.

So she's, Bozo's like, ah, what a burden for you to absorb, put up with, defend all the things going on, and him, for that to be the payback. I've spent all these years protecting you, pretending for you, and now you want to tell me we should take some time apart? Give me back all those years. How about that? Give me back all those years.

Now, that's who you want there when you're getting a separation. I want those to do it for me. You want that person to do that. Listen, I've had it with you. I've added up your hours. They've barely come to 40. And what are you doing? Out there taking a cigarette break? We're done. This marriage is over. I've come up with paperclips. I've come up with folderclips. I'm trying to think of things that she could have marketed, and I'm really failing. Paperclips and folderclips. What even is a folderclip?

You don't have to know because she invented it. It's brand new. I quit this job. I'm officially out of shit. Who the fuck have I been married to? And severe alcoholic, that's who. Sorry, I need the answer to my question. So now we go to Garcelle's house and she's getting dressed and everything. And she's FaceTiming Sutton. And she's like, by the way, Sutton, random that Kyle wants to have dinner tonight. May I also add, ha ha ha ha.

Considering that we are going to be seeing each other tomorrow. And basically, the women are all going up to Garcelle's beach house, which we've never seen before. That's tomorrow. But Kyle, the night before, suddenly is like, hey, Garbanz, you guys are really cool. And I'm having a little bit of a men-tb. So let's have dinner together. Yeah.

And Sutton's like, wow, well, Kyle has asked us to dinner, but it's not all of us. It's just me, Garcelle, Air, Aka. And then we see the flashback of her doing that. She's like, you know what she's doing? She's rallying her troops. She's going to make us feel sorry for her so that we stay on her side. I love that. I love that Sutton

like clocks this and um what's also funny is that Sutton is not on Dorit's side so you just sort of assume that she's going to ally up with Kyle but she's also not on Kyle's side so I'm I'm all in favor of this I love Sutton's just you know burning down burning it all down this season because they show in the preview of coming up and Sutton just becomes the ultimate villain of the season and I love it I feel like that's her rightful place you know

Someone just told me, I cannot remember who said it, maybe told both of us. I literally cannot remember, but someone told us, I think, like, oh, I know someone who used to work for Sutton and she was awful, more awful than you can imagine. I was like, yeah, that's why we love her. Like, yeah.

You think we don't watch the show? We see the show. This is every single thing that I love about Sutton. I know that she's got to be a monster to work for. And that is like the best. I just love it. The way her eyes flash when she changes her, you know, when she starts getting mad about something or she gets defensive, her eyes literally glaze over and they just go into that little squint. And I'm like, oh, little laser, little Southern laser is going to come out of there and get you. They're going to get you.

So she's like, Garcelle's like, well, every time we talk about the text, she's just so riled up about it. I mean, how do you think Erica feels about this? And she's like, well, Erica's going to be like, well, I don't care about the text. If you want to run off, just run off. I don't give a fuck. I thought that was actually a pretty good Erica that she did. Sutton did a good Erica, and she pretty much summed up. It was a good Erica both in terms of voice and character.

Yeah. So Kyle does what she does best to make herself feel comfortable. She goes to a place that's decorated like Lisa Vanderpump's living room. And it's this place with just giant pink flowers hanging everywhere because that's Kyle's thing. And so they go to the restaurant and she orders an oat milk vanilla latte. I don't know.

I don't know why that's important to me, but you know what? I'm over oat milk. I've just had it. I'm back to just regular milk. I've had it. I'm sick of trying to pretend that this is all great. I am oat milk ascendant, I think, because I'm obsessed with Blue Bottle, and I love their iced Nola, which...

Like the default ice Nola comes with oat milk and I've tried it with other milks. I was like, oh, milk, but it turns out that I really have grown to enjoy the nutty flavor of oat milk specifically because

in a coffee drink. I don't think I, I don't like it as like a, with cereal. And I definitely do not like an oat milk based ice cream. It's just like you're at that point, you're just eating ice. That's what I don't like is the ice cream. I do like the oat milk and cereal. It's really good with fruity pebbles. I mean, here's my thing. I'm just, I'm sick of like substituting things. I don't need to, you know what I mean? Like,

I'm fine with half and half. I like half and half. It's the creamiest. Like, why am I trying to have something to compete with half and half? You can't beat half and half. I mean, if it's a street fight, half and half is going to kick oatmeal's ass. No, oatmeal, oat milk. I have a question, Ronnie. And this is going to come back to the half and half. What do you think is the most romantic food you could find in your refrigerator? Butter. Why is that? I don't know. It just felt romantic.

I love butter. I mean, butter makes everything good, right? I feel like butter is like the perfect thing to date. It makes everything taste good. It stays hard. And then it gets soft when you're done with it. And then otherwise, I mean, it just makes everything taste delicious. It can make meat taste good. It can make vegetables taste good. It's good on its own if you're drunk. Yeah.

Because I was playing a party game and we had to answer that question. And my friend said half and half was the most romantic thing in the fridge because it's like two halves coming together. Yeah.

And I was wondering if maybe you were going to say that also, just because you were being very pro half and half right now. No, I guess I should have guessed that since we were talking about half and half. But no, I do see that, you know, and it's also compromise because like half and half, you know, it's like not full heavy cream, but all compromise, which is what relationships are about, which is why I'm not in one.

I'm a heavy cream kind of a bitch. You're in a heavy cream relationship. So, okay. So, Garcelle arrived. So, now it's just Kyle and Garcelle are the only ones there. The producers have clearly held Erica and Sutton in the parking lots. That way, Kyle and Garcelle can have this conversation. Also, I want to point out, I believe...

It was like the way this restaurant is set up is that like the table, the booths are kind of like all clustered next to each other. So I think it was on Kyle's shot, the entire scene, this entire scene, there's like a guy whose head is like right next to Kyle's. It's just right in frame. And I was so distracted by it. Did you even notice that? No. It was like a big head. It just keeps kind of banging into Kyle's head. It's like, damn it. Yeah.

It's like literally if I was podcasting with you right now and then there's someone was like over your shoulder right there the entire time. I was like, is anyone noticing this? There's a man's head right there. So Garcelle comes in and like the true hero she is at lunch is like, I'll have a kettle, one martini. Don't fucking argue with me. Just bring it. I have to deal with Kyle. All right. So Kyle's like, well, hold on. I'm better than the last time you saw me. You know, I just have so much going on.

My kids have left me. There was a bird that was hanging out with me, but even he left or died. I'm not really sure. Kept banging his head against the window, but it's just been so hard. But, you know, I just don't like it. French door. French door. I have to learn how to open.

She's like, I don't like that. You know, Bose was questioning me and then Sutton was questioning me and then I have to show a text to everyone. And then Erica was like, hold on a minute. And then, you know, Garcelle went to Bose the day after Chuck E. Cheese. And I was like, you mean, I mean, you don't even know her. You don't even know her. Why would you go to her house? You literally said you were there. I mean, I thought she was going to be a little bit more subtle in the rallying the troops thing. But she's literally like, why would you go to her house?

Kyle, you went to Boze's house first, actually, to make your case. Also, Kyle, you sitting down being like, I just have a lot going on. No, you don't. We just saw you getting scared by the bird. You're walking around with your agave and powder bowl through your house from room to room, getting startled by birds outside. You have nothing going on. That's your whole storyline is that you have an empty nest.

You're alone and you're trying to tag along to your 16-year-old daughter's lunch date. So please stop trying to act like you are really weighed down with so much. Yeah. And Garcelle's like, well, I don't feel like me sharing that information was a violation to Kyle or a betrayal to Kyle. Kyle at Chuck E. Cheese read the text aloud. And that's a sentence I never thought I'd say. But here we are. And let me just add something.

Wow. Wow. So Kyle's like, I mean, Dorit was coming in and then they're like, they're like, okay, you all sit in a circle and then we're going to like show it to everybody. And I'm like, what is this? What kind of like interrogation is this? And Garcelle's like, who said that? Well, like what, what, what, what kind of cult is this? That's like my new thing. I'm going to say that you guys are like a cult, even though I've been the one who's been like the leader of like a clique for the past six years on this show, but whatever you guys are the cult.

And Garcelle's like, just admit you talk a little shit with PK. And it's normal. That's what we do. And she's like, but I don't. I really don't. I really don't. And you can tell because I'm not licking the corners of my mouth. Right? Okay. So what happened was when you read that text at Chuck E. Cheese, again, shocking. I keep having to say this. But when you read it, you know, you said, I never said anything. I never say anything you told me and never will. And that sounds, Kyle, more like more than memes. She's like, uh.

Um, so you can't play this game with Garcelle. Garcelle is just going to tell you the truth. And Kyle is just, she doesn't know what to do because she's used to being surrounded by people who just let her go with her bullshit. You know, and this is the first time that anybody's like, no, Kyle, you're ridiculous. You know, like, no, Kyle, the first season. I love it.

Yeah, Kyle's like, well, first of all, I said, like, obviously I've known the man for like seven years, like eight years, like whatever. And of course I have text messages. It's like, but nothing about her relationship. Garcelle's like, I don't know if her story is shifting or if I heard it wrong because all this time Kyle is just really defending that it's just memes and jokes. Ha ha.

And then we see like a montage of her saying memes and jokes. It's actually a very funny montage because it's just her going, guys, all we do is send memes and jokes. A week later, guys, it's just memes and jokes, memes and jokes, memes and jokes, guys, just memes and jokes.

But then, of course, today, she's like, well, of course we have more than memes and jokes. Of course we do. She's like, okay, Kyle. So Kyle's like, well, you know, anyway, I thought to myself, like, I've been scrutinized. My marriage scrutinized. My sexuality scrutinized. You know, like, everything, like, scrutinized. Like, my character. Like, is this a cult? Is this a cult? A bird just slams into her head. Ow!

Wow. It's like I'm watching the Denise Richards storyline all over again. I totally feel bad for her. So Garcelle. Oh, and this was so good when they showed that because she's like, why are you so triggered, Kyle? And she's like, I would never do anything like that. You know, I was like, I've been a good fucking buddy here. And that's why I don't appreciate the accusation. You know, like it's not helping. It's not helping us. And then the editors gave us something they've never given us, which is a Kyle is guilty scene. It's so good. But you know what was brilliant about it?

They set it up in a way where they have no blood on their hands because Kyle says, I pride myself on being a very truthful person. And then we see a montage of Kyle grilling people and demanding them be open and honest. So the fact that they set it up with that line by her, they can say, no, Kyle, this wasn't a montage to show what a hypocrite you are. It was a montage of how open and honest you are and how you demand the same from others. So it was just so smart the way they did it.

The hypocrite montage. So then we see 2020 when they're grilling Denise Richards about potentially hooking up with Brandi Glanville, which was also questioning someone's sexuality, you know? And Denise is like, every single dinner I have been on the receiving end, although it feels like being attacked. God, I miss Denise Richards' sentence structure. And Kyle's like, well, when things are brought out in the open, they're out there, they have to be addressed in this group, and that's just it. Yeah.

And then we go to the Erica divorce scene and Dorit's like, I would like to have the conversations with Erica. And Kyle's like, I mean, she's not going to like the questions, but that's like what's going to have to happen. She's going to have to answer more than she's comfortable with because you know what? We deserve to know the truth.

And 2022 said, I'm not playing the victim. So I'm just talking about being more honest in the group. Okay. Open, honest, open, honest, open, honest, open, honest. So we see this beautiful montage of Kyle pressing for more information and saying, like, I don't care if it's uncomfortable. You have to give us the truth and you have to, you have to receive these questions. And then we come back and she goes, so for me to be questioned by these women that know me is extremely frustrating to me.

It was beautiful. So beautiful. Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two.

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