#2753 Summer House S09E4 Part One: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle
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At Georgetown SCS, the learning never stops, and neither do you. Write your next chapter. Be continued at scs.georgetown.edu slash podcast. ♪ Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today on this wondrous Thursday, Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Good.

Got some extra pep in your step today. I do have some extra pep because I just had a bagel. It's bagel Thursday for me and I'm just like full of life and happiness. And I got to talk to you about cameras before we started recording.

yeah we had a fun time so uh very excited to talk some summer house today before we do that um some housekeeping first and foremost as you may know we are going to cincinnati minneapolis and toronto next weekend um and we're doing live shows i'm not just going there for fun we're doing live shows uh

Obviously, tickets are at WatchWhatCrapHas.com. Please come join us. We are here to tell you what we are recapping on each of those nights. So the first night in Cincinnati, we will do Summer House. The second night in Minneapolis, we will do Southern Charm. And the third night, which is a Sunday in Toronto, we're going to do a classic Real Housewives episode. We are going to do...

December Berkshires County Rony. We, you know, it it's the Berkshires episode. It's the, I made it nice. It's the, you know, you stole my hair episode. It's, it's, it's the episode. We're doing it on Sunday in Toronto. So it's going to be three great shows. We love doing all three of those shows in person, um, on live shows. So we're going to have a great time with it.

So definitely go to WatchForCrapins.com to get your tickets for that. And then Patreon, of course, you can watch us. Hello, everyone. With Crapins on Demand at Patreon.com slash WatchForCrapins. If you sign up for Patreon, we are making this announcement all week because we really want to make sure that you don't get impacted by this. Apple has introduced...

attacks. And in this era of tariffs and surcharges, of course, Apple adds attacks to Patreon. So if you sign up through the Patreon app that you got from the Apple store, you are going to pay a surcharge. But if you just go to the website, if you just go to patreon.com and sign up that way,

You don't have to deal with a surcharge. So go to the website, use your browser and go to the website. And there have been questions. If you're already signed up on Patreon, this won't affect you. It's only if you sign up.

So yeah, don't give Apple that money for doing nothing. Go find it through the website. Traders finale is tonight, which I am. That's also probably why I have a pep in my step. I cannot wait to see what happens. We are recapping it like we have all season and that's exclusively on our Patreon. So yeah, that's all the really fun stuff to talk about for today. Yeah. Exciting times guys. Okay. So here we are with Summerhausen. Summerhausen.

Season 9, Episode 4.

It's a big day because it's a gender reveal. Whoa. It's a gender reveal. It's also a big deal because this is the episode where Hannah Burner makes her triumphant return to Summer House. Not in a physical form, but in spectral form. Because she is haunting Kyle Cook this episode, and it is hilarious. Well, it's super interesting that this is her kind of comeback to Summer House in ghost form. Because she's getting ripped apart right now on...

Oh, internet. Have you read? What happened? What happened? I did not see this at all. So, Paige and Hannah were on the red carpet for the Oscars interviewing people. And it was, you know, maybe a little cringy. And they had Megan Thee Stallion, or as I call her, Megan Thee Stallion, um,

on the red carpet and they just couldn't shut up. They were talking over her and Hannah's like, oh my God, I'm going to cry. You know, I love your music. Every time I listen to you, like I listen to you when I want to fight someone. I listen to you when I want to fight someone. This poor lady's just like, uh-huh. And she's taking it pretty well, but they're like fanning out all over her acting skills.

So first, they were just getting ripped apart for being bad interviewers. People are like, don't put podcasters on the red carpet, which I don't know, as an overall blanket statement, I don't know that that's fair. I know that you shouldn't put me on the red carpet because I'd be like, oh, my God, what's your favorite color, Eminem? Do you think Eminem's really talk? Have you ever put an Eminem in your belly button to save it for later? Like, I'd be crazy. I would not be able to do it.

I've done red carpet work before and that was literally like, I did red carpet once and I asked Padma Lakshmi, I said, I'm going to a potluck later tonight. What should I make? And she was like, um, wow. I don't understand even what that is. Actually, she was really nice. Go on, Rami. So, well, if you want some pot belly unluck, just cook something Gail likes.

You know, it was kind of cringy, but it was our first time, whatever. I didn't think that much of it, but there have been thread after thread about these two. So then Hannah today came out with a big apology on... Which, this is what I saw. Yeah, she came out with a big apology, like, oh my God, I met one of my idols and I got to speak to her and it's always been my dream to interview her. And so I used the word fight because I guess people are, you know,

inferring like a microaggression because she, you know, she said she uses that music to fight or whatever. I mean, I would have said to fight with violence. Yeah. I wanted to know. It's so funny. Two E's in your name. You know, I would have asked, I would have been dumber. Let me just, I started to read this. I started to read it. She posted something that was like, it was always been my dream to interview Megan, the stallion. And I interviewed her and then I just stopped reading it. Cause I was like, Oh, she's just having a moment where she was like reflecting on being at the vanity fair. Moving on. I had no idea she was apologizing for something.

Yeah. It was like her apology for microaggressions or whatever for Megan, the stallion. And, uh, I thought, wow, she's having quite a week this week. Wow. Uh, so yeah, that's, what's going on with that stuff. Uh,

But yeah, just don't put me on a red carpet. That's bringing it all back to me. Just don't ever do it. It's just not a good idea because I saw that and I was like, oh, no, she's probably Oprah compared to me. You know, you don't know. Gays can get away with a lot more things on a red carpet because if you watch like this is OK.

this is what we can get away with on a red carpet oh my god your ankle i die it's like a beautiful little mount everest but on your foot in the best possible way it's iconic if you put it sideways it looks like the logo for toblerone which i know is a different mountain but if you think about like that's honestly like my favorite candy bar and like people be like oh my god i love you i love you if we're gay guys they you could do it but anyone else that's like

"Why are you talking about my ankle?" I know. I'd have been like, "Oh my God, girl, you're the reason women used to have to hide their ankles, because that is scandal. That is scandal." Your ankle is living. "Hey, ankle. Here, put the mic up to the ankle. Icon, mother!" What do you have to say about that? Your icon is, your ankle is a sleigh right now. Toblerone. "I wanna fuck your ankle." Like, I just get so weird, you know? Matterhorn. "Can I rub your ankle?"

I don't know why that's where I went. But the point is this. I think we would be a disaster on the red carpet, but I think it would be fun. It's hard work. Don't put that out into the universe. No, I'm not doing that. And yeah, it is work. No, no, no. I'm not trying to solicit it. I'm not trying to solicit it. I just think it would be fun. It's hard, but it's fun. Yeah.

like everything. Okay. Oh God. My Botox is so wearing off. Look how much I can move my face. This is disgusting. This is supposed to last three months. How much am I supposed to pay for Botox for fuck's sake? My, my eyebrow muscles are okay. I'm going to do the rest of the podcast. Just holding my eyebrows like this. All right, Ben, go ahead. Sure. I'll do it too. In unison as support. I'm going to need to hold my face like this for summer house. It's summer house day. So let's get into it. So yeah,

Sierra has just learned about the text from Kyle. And Paige has just said, "You're lucky I don't buy Loverboy and sell it." So now a big group is sitting outside relaxing and Jesse's like, "You know what, guys? No beef this weekend. Just vibes." Just vibes. Just vibes. Good guys. Paige is like, "I'll tell you what vibe I want. Fuck Kyle."

So Kyle comes out, he hugs everyone and rule and everything. And Jesse's like, daddy's home. So why is Jesse like, how is it that Jesse is so young? I mean, he's so young, but he's like a divorced dad, you know, like dropping his cheerleader daughter off at like a party, a senior party. I mean like, Hey girls, Hey,

Hey, he's like, I'm buttons one extra button before he goes in. Yeah. Why does he give those vibes? It's so creepy. He really does. He really also has the vibe of like a baby Bjorn dad. Like he's ready to go into that. Like as much as he's like, I love girls. I love, you know, you can see Jesse in like seven years walking around barbecues with a little baby strapped to his chest.

the whole time. And there's nothing wrong with it. It's just, I really can see it, which is good because he has that sort of chest dent that he talks about. That's perfect to sort of nestle a little baby right in there, you know? But that's kind of his vibe. He's like a dad. I'm not going to even put that image in my head. What, a nestled baby? No, just Jesse jumping over into dad mode. I don't think I'm ready for that. I need time, you know? This is Summer House. This has taken nine years to get someone into parent mode. I need my time. No, he's going to be one of those. You've got to ease me in.

he's gonna be one of those people that's like boy boy boy boy boy boy boy suddenly dad and you'll be like wait what happened and then he'll that'll be his personality he's like i was such a boy but now i'm like a dad it's awesome but then he's also the dad that winds up hitting on the babysitter i mean we know the trajectory it's all right there

Yeah, I'll be like, juicy booty. Someone needs a diaper change. Someone's got juice in their booty. He'll just like use the same terminology, but change the meaning. Yeah, like in a non-creepy way, he'll just take everything. Okay, so they're like, where's Bailey? Bailey's not here this weekend, which I don't know.

if anyone else noticed, but they did. And, uh, Lexi, I guarantee that's the last time they're going to ask. That's the last time we're going to hear that. Okay. Go on. It's over. Lexi's like, she hates you now. She's like, she's, she's having boyfriend issues. I think. So Danielle's come, Danielle's still here. So she's, she comes up and, uh,

it's just hugs. You know, it's a lot of hugs. Kyle's like, whoa, Dave, you need a hug. We need a hug. She's like, I know it has been so long since I've been here. Really been working on my... Oh, hey, everybody else. Lover boy. Lover boy.

all right, everyone, we're going to do a scavenger hunt to find out the gender of my baby. So I'm like, they are all good sports because no one even groans or rolls their eyes. And you can tell that Kyle has really pissed off Paige because she's so preoccupied being mad with Kyle. She doesn't get to roll her eyes at this gender reveal because you cannot tell me that Paige likes a gender reveal. I,

I just don't believe this on Summer House, a gender reveal scavenger hunt. You want me to, you want this to believable, you want this to be believable, you need to like lose your baby and then have everybody scrambling to find your baby. Cause that's natural. You know what I mean for this cast? So let's be like, "Um, I lost my baby. I got on the phone at the subway and next thing I know I was on the train and I was like, 'Oh my God, I left my baby on the bench. Everybody find it!'"

I have to say, I've never been invited to a gender reveal, and I want to be invited so that way I can not go out of protests. I feel like it's really important to send this message out in society. I cannot support a gender reveal. I will not support one, and I don't care who it is.

And I know someone will reach out to me and say, but I actually had a gender reveal. It was really fun. I guarantee none of your guests thought it was fun and no one wanted to be there. Well, I've been to a gender reveal, but it turned out to be a circle jerk. I just didn't really understand the terminology until people turned it over for babies. It's like, oh, so I guess this is a gender reveal, huh? They're like, no, actually, that has to do with dyed smoke.

Oh, sorry. Sir, please put your penis away. This is... This is a... Yeah. So... Lindsay's like, the whole point of celebrating this is because I just spent such a long time. And then she like just burps. She's like, sorry. I just spent a lot... Things just happen in pregnancy. Anyway, I just spent a long time hiding this and now I want to celebrate as much as I can. Sure. Okay, fine.

I don't know. I feel like it's a lot of celebration. I think it's like hiding sexuality. It's like hiding anything else. It's like when you finally come out of the closet, you're just like, give it over. Where's the nearest wiener factory? You're just like, I'm so gay. Oh my god, chaperone! I love chaperone! I love Cher! I love Cher, too! Have you ever seen Big Business? Oh my god. I'm tearing up my Linkin Park posters. I'm putting up chaperone.

Just do it all at one time. It took me so long to get here. Although it only took me until I was 15, but I was still really excited.

Hence the gender reveal party I told you about earlier. Okay, so next up, Danielle's like, I feel like a gender reveal usually includes the baby daddy for one. You know, I mean, I just spent such a lot, you know, Turner, like, I don't think Turner's coming to this. In fact, I know he's not coming to this, but you know who is? Her ex-fiance. So maybe she's just trying to rub it in Carl's face.

Shut the fuck up, Danielle. Do you have any loyalty to anybody on this show? Don't start shaming somebody because I'm glad that she didn't bring fucking Turner to this. And I'm glad she's going to raise that damn baby alone. What kind of lady are you? Leave her alone. Yeah. And Ted Turner's old. He doesn't have time to go to these things. So I say, is he still with us? He's still popping out children. Men will still get the baby till they're 90 years old. Al Pacino. Yeah. Here's what I got to say.

I don't think that Lindsay's doing this to rub it in Carl's face. She's doing it to rub it in America's face because she's been trying to have this baby for so long. And so I don't like a gender reveal. I think it's excessive and annoying and stupid and like no one like you're you have to force enthusiasm for something you don't inherently care that much about. It's like, okay, great. But that being said, Lindsay's been trying to get a baby, get pregnant for a long time. And so she is she does want to milk it. And I get it because that's what Lindsay does.

And so for Danielle, who knows Lindsay so well, to think that Lindsay might actually be doing this from a place of passive aggression, I think it's actually pretty shitty of Danielle. She knows she's not, it's not from a place of passive aggression. It's from a place of wanting a huge amount of attention. That's it.

Well, Lindsay's not passive aggressive anyway. She's just straight up aggressive. So I don't think you should ever accuse her of passive aggression. You know, she doesn't care. And if Carl doesn't like it, go home, Carl. Okay. So, and you know, Carl's actually pretty chill about this. I'm going to give credit to Carl. He was, he was, he was a sport. I would say Carl. Yeah. He's still Carl this season. He's Carl 9.0. Y'all.

y'all. So Lindsay's like, okay, everyone, here's how it works. If you think I'm having a boy, you're going to go stand by the blue team and get a blue shirt. And then if you think I'm having a girl, you're going to stand by the girl's side and put on a pink shirt. And then there's going to be clues in treasure boxes. You're going to find all the clues and then we're going to come back to the big box. You're going to find out what it is. And if you're wearing a blue shirt, but it's actually supposed to be pink, you'll put on a pink shirt. But if you're wearing a pink shirt, it's supposed to be

blue, you can put on a blue shirt and then you'll know what the baby is. And then for dinner, we're going to have something that's going to be either blue or it's going to be pink, depending on what's in the box. Because again, the rules are you have to get into the thing. It's like, okay, we get it like pink and blue. Just, just tell me where to stand and show me a color. And then we can get this process over with. It's so heteronormative. Where's the t-shirt for taco contract? You know, where's the taco? I vote that baby's going to be a taco. Now that would be special.

So, um, West then says, cause it's a scavenger hunt. She says, these clues are gonna be in little treasure boxes. West is like, is it riddles? No, they're just going to tell you where to go next. Of course it's a scavenger hunt. You idiot. Yeah. So they get their clues and, um, they run around.

figuring out where stuff is. And Carl's like, oh, yeah. I mean, it's a little weird. Yeah, sure. It's like a little weird, you know. But I'm just going to be happy and supportive because I'm Carl 9.0. And it's important for me to just be like in good spirits, you know. Because like last summer, I did not have a fun time. And then we cut back to a scene from last summer where he's like, you started insulting me and then telling me I'm literally doing drugs. I will not allow that.

I don't know, why are you yelling? Why are you yelling? Maybe it can help me understand? I don't know. Can I be upset? You're always allowed to be upset. Why am I not allowed to be upset? Well, why can't I be upset too? Like, maybe I can understand if you lower your fucking tone? Take a fucking lap?

By the way, it's important for me to have vibes, guys. Good vibes. Good vibes, guys. Like, what am I going to do? Sit in the corner and go like, I don't want to be a part of this. Well, you just spent the last two years doing it. I don't know why it would be any different now. Have you seen the show recently? It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crap-N's commercial.

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I have a big announcement guys. My coffee, I'm drinking cold brew today and I didn't want to say anything but my cold brew is pregnant and I want to do a gender reveal. If the straw is blue, it's the coffee is boy. If it's pink, it's a girl. Ladies and gentlemen,

It's a girl. It's a girl. I've got a pink straw, everyone. Congratulations on your heteronormative coffee. My coffee already wants to dress like a princess because that's what society told my coffee to do. So we're just so happy for it. It's so happy. What's that? I'm not really sure if it's a boy or a girl, but my baby definitely loves a little mermaid already. So who can say?

Wait, what's that? You want to dress like Elsa for Halloween? Sure. Anything for you, coffee. My baby, we just got a sonogram, and my baby is wearing a poncho and a headband. My baby officially identifies as an art teacher. Okay? So we're just going to go with that. Okay.

uh don't buy our teacher's name and and just to this is we're just you saying that it's so funny because my art teacher in elementary school her name was pepper crowfoot

Guess what? Well, my speech and debate teacher is not really art, but it was my art. It still is. And let me give you a speech to describe how much it meant to me. Her name was Norma Garrett, which is the same as Facts of Life. And I ended up moving in with her when I was kicked out when I was 15, when I came out of the closet. Look at how this is becoming. I came out of the closet when I was 15 episode. Guys, let's all pull out our wieners.

Do you know what my speech and debate teacher's name was? Diane von Furstenberg. Wow. Okay.

She's like, "Okay, let me teach you how to give a speech. Rap dress." Here's what you do. You make your point, then you say, "That's a rap," and then you wink, and then you say, "Get it." It works every time. Thank you, guest speaker Diane von Persever for coming into my class. So the first clue is, go to the place Carl likes to cry.

Kyle's tears are like, God, they're omnipresent. You could go anywhere and there should be a box because that man literally cries everywhere. But it's his car. So I guess they're like, it's your car, right? Another clue is when Lindsay needed a break last year, where did she go without any fear? The front gate. That's the front gate. So they go to the front gate. I thought, wow.

And then, um, then the next one is they're still looking for places that Kyle cries because he cries everywhere. And then, um, and then they're realizing they have different clues. They're just like running all around. Here's another clue. Go to the place. The bedbugs love to stay at their favorite spot every night, every day. And Amanda's like my room home of the bedbugs. Amanda's room. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, then let's see, they're running around the loop, looking for the next clue. And, uh, this is where the boys whip out their cocks, find the clue and it will take you to the box. So then they're like, okay, where do they like to pee? What'd you say? The backyard. That's where they pee. Right. But Kyle, and I liked that Kyle said, but I pee over the railing. Well, I guess I pee everywhere. So I pee the most. And if he's drunk when he does it, that it took the girls to find it. Right.

Yeah, exactly. So they find it and it turns out, okay, so they get to the box and the pink team gets the box and they open up the box and it's pink. It's pink balloons. It's going to be a little girl. Yay. Now everyone has to wear pinks at dinner. Oh, I should have worn my pink shirt, Ronnie. I forgot again to wear my new pink shirt in honor of Lindsay's baby reveal. I wore my light blue shirt because I'm team blue.

Well, I'm upset because I literally just made a pink shirt and it could have been thematically appropriate for this episode. We can press stop and put it on. No one's going to stop you. So she, you know, it's going to be a girl and they look deeper into the box and they're like, oh my God, it's a box of condoms. So that was nice. They look even deeper. They're like, wait a second.

is this a marshall's commercial in here yeah wait marshall's is selling plan b boxes now what the hell so uh amanda's like oh my god my tummy hurts from running and there's a chef there so he's gonna make them some dinner and stuff which you know look that's great i would prefer to hire somebody to clean this up that's a lot of people to clean up after if i'm gonna spend the money i'm getting a maid

Yeah, yeah, I agree. So Kyle and Carl are talking outside and Kyle's like, so bro, is that weird for you? He's like, well, it's a little awkward, but I'm also like happy for her. I was like, it was a good exercise. And it's just like, you know, I'm just like looking forward to like some closure. Honestly, I just like, you know, I was like, I was like, didn't know how to even say anything because I got to say, like, didn't know. I didn't want to make it weird. So like, oh,

it's like yeah man like well uh makes it a very clean next chapter you know what i'm saying yeah no yeah totally uh oh i'm not really involved in any of this i just have one question uh has lindsay called her baby cocaine baby yet because it was really rough trying to let it go trying to let it go what was carl saying last episode or two episodes ago when he was like he came up with an excuse for why he didn't say hi to lindsay he's like oh i'm just like not sure if uh

I'm not sure if she's ready to hear from me or some bullshit like that. It's so ridiculous. So they've checked in and now Carl is showing Carl his phone. He's like, can you believe this? And we see the headline that says, Hannah Burner claims ad for lover boy competitor led to summer house firing.

which is so silly because it's like, Hannah still hasn't watched that season. She's like, "Must've been the ad, must've been the ad." And Carl's like, "Yeah, Hannah's going on a podcast talking shit about me and my business. And she's saying publicly that I got her fired. I mean, what the fuck, man?" Carl's like, "Oh, yeah.

That really sucks. That really sucks. He's like, yeah, because I value and put so much trust into my friendship with Paige. And I'm like, she's always played Switzerland, which I kind of respect. But you know what? At some point, you got to choose. You know, I mean, it's fucking ridiculous. Like, where do you stand in this? You know, are you the little hot chocolate bitch? Are you for watches? Switzerland fight. Switzerland fight. Like, at some point, are you like Halls of Medicine or Ricola? Right.

So, by the way, she literally does not have to choose. There's no reason why she has to choose right now. She is doing the most sane thing, which is navigating her relationship with one work colleague and another work colleague. And the other work colleague is she's closer with and arguably more successful with. So the fact that she's being so nice to you is a privilege.

I just say stop being such a wuss. If you've got a problem with Hannah doing this, fucking call Hannah. Like, why are you such a wuss about it? Like, why do you need such a proxy to do it? Stop crying. I mean, listen, spoiler alert, Kyle spends the rest of the episode, he's crying more than half of this episode. Like, get the fuck over it. Grow up, brah. Jeez. I also guarantee there's a small- I would still fuck your ankles out. Sorry. Go ahead, Ben. Your ankles hot right now. Um,

I also am going to wager to believe that 95% of the viewing audience either was not aware of Hannah's interview, or if they had read it, they were like, oh, maybe interesting theory and moved on with their lives. They literally didn't care. Maybe there are some people who have, maybe there's some like diehard Giggly Squad fans who have pestered Kyle, but like, you know, he's really blowing this. He's actually amplifying this theory by bringing it onto the show right now.

Yeah. I'm going to sneeze. I'm going to sneeze at a protest. Protest sneeze. Oh,

Oh yeah. I was going to try to do it off camera, but I couldn't, I couldn't touch the buttons quickly enough. He's like, well, you know, I'm trying to give her leeway because like, I know she can't control people on their life. Say, but like I was her, you know, like her friends going on podcast, talking shit about me and my business. And like, I was just spiraling. I was like rage texting page. You know, I think I boiled over. I think I boiled over, bro.

Well, hopefully she's not mad at you because, wow, Wednesday date. Like, when I die on my gravestone, it's going to say, here lies cocaine Carl. Took me on a Wednesday date. Like, this shit haunts you forever. Yeah.

So now Lindsay and Danielle are setting up dinner. This is so cute. And then Amrul is, he's just, he's asking about like what to wear and everything. Cause he's like, we're not dressing in pink and blue anymore. Right. And Lexi's like, yeah. Cause like now we know. So now we're like all dressing in like pink. So, and then West is sweaty. That's the update. And then Danielle and Lindsay are talking. Nothing new news.

Nothing new news, Wes is sweaty. Lindsay's like, "Oh my God, can you imagine this child's first birthday? It's gonna be like amazing." I can't imagine it and it's gonna be wild. It's gonna be a lot. Sounds fucking hellacious. I think that baby is gonna be chain smoking by the time it's first birthday.

One can only hope. Meet me at Pizza Beach. We got some business to discuss. What about... All right. We got to talk about things over at Julan. So... Hampton Social. So Wes doesn't have any food, so he goes straight to the food and just starts eating it in secret, like looking at the cameras as he kind of chows it down.

And Danielle and Lindsay are getting ready and being cute. And then Lindsay goes to the kitchen and Kyle and Amanda are reading the phone. And Amanda's like, Lindsay, Turner texted you and Kyle and I are both so nosy. We were like reading it. And he's like, wow, wow. We just like lit up. He's like, are we saying his name? Or like, are we not saying his name, Lindsay? Like, are we allowed to say Turner? Turner. Did I do it wrong? Yeah.

danielle says yeah are we allowed to say turner because i was gonna be like a bdt baby daddy turner because it's like it's like saying turner that's like a funnier way of saying turner anyway club send it tonight guys meet you in the living room god danielle how did they ever let you go uh so lindsay's like oh my no it's kind of strange

My ex-fiancé is here and not my real fiancé, but like, you know what? I've never been with anyone so private. Sorry. Sorry, things happen. Oh, Sarah, it's a little burp.

So anyway, now everyone's getting ready for dinner and West again is talking about how he hasn't eaten any food. He's still going back to that buffet table. And then Danielle and Kyle and Emeril are in there all like gathering and Danielle's talking about how she loves everyone's outfits and stuff. And then Lindsay's like offering some champagne. She offers some champagne to, she says to Carl, by the way, there's some champagne there if you want. And he's like, oh really? Yeah.

Is it N-A? N-A? Not alcohol? She's like, yeah. I was like, oh, right. Thank you. Thank you for being soft. Oh, that's a sweet moment. Yeah, thank you. That was like the softest you've ever been. Thank you so much. Thanks for the champagne. Yeah, it's a tender champagne. I need tender bubbles. What's odd is that now we're both N-A again. We're both N-A. Yeah. So...

We actually are kind of vibing right now. Oh, no, no. Tiny bubbles, tiny bubbles. Shout out Don Ho, tiny bubbles. Shout out Hoku. So, um,

You know, they're, they're, everyone's complimenting the decorations and stuff. There's so much pink stuff. And then there's some cheersing with Danielle and Emeril. Danielle totally wants Emeril. I don't care what anybody says. She's like, yeah, tell me more about it. Tell me more about it. Emeril. Wait, you're telling me the girl, the woman who hooked up with the balloon guy is now hot for some other random dude. Yeah. Danielle wants the D. Yeah. Danielle. I'm just, it's, it's a strong, it's, it's vibes guys.

and he's like, hey, here's to a great weekend, everybody. And she's like, yo, welcome to the house. We love sex swings here. Don't we, guys? Don't we? Don't we? God, it feels so good to be back. I can't believe that one week I was away from this house. It's just been...

the world's changed so now danielle's talking to jesse at the sink and um she's like oh she's doing dishes or something she's like oh my god touch your shoulders before and i was like oh my god i guess i shouldn't do that because like before when we were outside i mean i just met lexi and like that's so awkward because like you guys are together but like i'm touching her boyfriend like i want to be you know like i want to be respectful and everything you know

Yeah, it was just like sort of weird because I felt bad when I touched your shoulder because I was like, I shouldn't touch a shoulder in front of someone who is here as part of a social studies project to learn what adults do. And then I realized, no, she's actually part of the house. So it was weird. I shouldn't have touched you in the first place. My bad. He's like, well, yeah, but if that's not okay, then I'm like seriously worried. And you know what? I'm not sure that it is okay. So...

Listen, why is he already painting this girl out to be psycho? Now, she's not really helping it with like being jealous after the first week and stuff. But he could have avoided all of this by just saying, okay, you don't want to have sex until we're dating. Then let's just not have sex yet and take it slow. Like, what's the harm with just like getting to know someone? Is your penis really that? Like, I must be. You've already had like three other girls on the line. So why can't you just say, okay, well, then let's just kind of take it slow and not, you know, not bang yet.

But also, like, look, you know, jealousy is never an attractive trait. I'm not gonna... What I'm about to say is not in support of jealousy. But why is it that you're allowed to love-bomb and smother someone with affection, and that's, like, actually okay, but then when she's, like, when she gets jealous, that's not okay? The point is, you guys are both, like, overdoing it, and you both need to chill out and move on and relax and put those tongues to rest for a moment.

I hope they break up quickly. Are they still together? I need to know. Should I look it up? I hope not. I mean, they're sowing the seeds. The show is sowing the seeds for classic fuckboy behavior, which is like, whoa, like she's crazy. Like, I think here's what it is.

I guess what I was trying to articulate before is that like, oh, he's now going to paint her as almost a crazy. Oh, she's so jealous. Wow. She's so jealous. Look how crazy she is. You're the one who love bombed her. You're the one who aggressively pursued this and were and like established a tone of like we are like intensely in love right off the bat. And then you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Look how crazy she's acting. She's acting like we're intensely in love. I do not stand for this. I do not stand for this. Okay. So here's what I typed in.

R-J-E-S-S. And then a bunch of things popped up that said, are Jesse and Lexi still together? That's the first Google result. You know what? I'm so proud of us, America. You know, I know it looks like we're going down the drain right now in a lot of respects, but I still believe I look at our search algorithms and I still believe. Well, what was the first thing you typed in? You typed in R? A-R-E-S-S.

A-R-E, the word R, and then J-E-S-S. And it popped up immediately. Oh my God. Yeah. Same. Are Jesse and Lexi still together? There's also, are Jess and Harry still together? And are Jess and Sammy still together? Ooh, Jess and Sammy. Ew, gross. Love Island reference.

Oh, okay. Well, I'm not going to look at it because I don't want to be spoiled. Honestly, you can't be spoiled by two pieces of people who are already spoiled themselves. Just the curdled milk of people. Yeah.

So let's see here. So Jesse's like, oh, this is very different from every other relationship, you know, because like I'm rusty, you know, and she said she's jealous and I'm willing to change guys really, you know, but hopefully for the better. But I just don't want to change who I am and my character like for someone I just. But why does your character have to be, you know, banging a ton of people? Now, as far as the flirting with the housemates and stuff, you should just say that's my friendship.

What character and what personality does Jesse actually have beyond smiling? He makes up songs about himself. That's something.

Yeah, and he sort of speaks like this a little bit. That's like his personality. He smiles. So then everyone's gathering at the table at long last, and Carl is like, okay, lose it up, lose it up, Carl. He's making jokes, and Sierra's like, she's like, by the way, Carl, are you wearing white pants? Like, I am, but they're baggy as fuck, so they're like legit. It's weird. It's weird having like an extra centimeter. I don't know what to do with all this baggy space. It's like you could put an airplane in there. There's so much space.

It's wild actually being here for a summer where my balls are actually producing sperm again. It's crazy. There's fabric that's not touching one millimeter of my calf, and it's very strange. I practically ride a skateboard now. My pants are not elk. So then Lindsay is like, hi. Hi.

Hi, everyone. Okay, everyone. Everything. This is like pink food. So, like, thank you for participating in my entertainment, which was watching you guys run around the house. So, guys, please enjoy my pink food. I did not actually see what they were eating, but what I want pink food is pink. What?

How do we feel about pink food? Because, for instance, orange food tends to be delicious. Almost everything orange is great. And brown food, too. Brown food is really good, even if it's ugly. And green. But pink? What do we have in pink? Penne alla vodka, maybe? Well, they have crab legs. So those are pink. Oh, that's good. And they have some pasta with some cream sauce, like some red cream sauce. That's good, too. And that's all I really noticed. But, I mean, I guess what you can have, like some watermelon, you know, that's maybe a little bit overripe.

or under ripe i guess would be pink some sad watermelon i got everyone's sad watermelon in honor of pink worse i think what would you do if it was blue what would you do if it was a baby what would you do your folks all right everybody we're just having expired cheeses it would be blue cheese it'd be blue cheese and blueberry and then i don't know where that gets you really

Some completely raw, you know, steak. Purple cauliflower maybe? Yeah, I don't know. You're just fucked at that point. You just give up. So, thank you for participating in my gender thing. It means so much to me. And so everybody's congratulating her, but it's a gender reveal and nobody here has any interest in this. So it becomes super quiet.

So then Kyle's like, okay, well, what are we going to name her? That's my question. I think we should name her Send It. Send It. And Paige is like, um, Lindsay, are you going to take my name suggestion into consideration? I think you should because I have great taste. And she's like, um, well, we actually have a name that we really like. And Paige is like, oh, really? We do? Better than Hortense? That was my choice. And she's like, yes, we do. And so Kyle's like, Paige, Paige, what was your name suggestion? Paige, Paige. She goes,

Dale. And by the way, I support it if only to keep the memory of Tinsley Mortimer's mother on Bravo alive and well. That baby is going to come out and be like, feed me, honey. Not with that thing. Get me a bottle for Christ's sake.

Now, I know I'm a newborn, but I just want to say, Mother, when you look at me, don't think about your expired youth, because that went away a long time ago. So give me something you're not going to use. Any more eggs? How about that?

Kyle knows that he's in trouble, right? Cause Paige is ignoring him and won't answer him and won't look at him and stuff. He has to really try to get that answer out. So he's starting to like, you know, his eyes get really wide and he starts doing his like internal freak out of like being confronted over things that happened when he was drunk. We've seen it for nine years now. So here he goes down his shame spiral.

And now they're talking about, you know, they're just making little small talk about Lexi and her family. Paige is like, where'd you guys go to dinner last night? She goes, Pier 16. No, I know that's the age of your peer group, but where'd you go to dinner? Pier 16?

So Jesse's like, well, he's totally with drinks. And then we went back to her apartment, drank for probably four or five hours. And then we went to the club at like 2:30 and Kyle's like, you went to the club with their parents. This was all a parent's day. And she's like, yeah, yeah. Her mom put on jean shorts and a blazer and her dad was wearing all black. It was, I already commented on her mom's post. You look hot as fuck.

I want to slap your ankles with my wiener. Lexi got mad, but you know, it's something I'm working on. They're like, so wait, you're, were they just down for the week? And she's like, um, so my mom and my sister actually like work with me. And so like in the last year, they've just been here like more, like just because like I need them for like meetings and like selfies and stuff. And they're like, so do they have like their own apartment? No,

They just stay with me. It's great. And Wes goes, oh, fuck yeah. It's literally like the other two. I don't know if you ever saw that show, but that's literally the setup of that entire show is this. So Lexi describes her family situation. She goes, my relationship with my family is definitely closer probably than most people. We're all friends and we're all business partners and we're all family. I don't think I've ever really partied without my mom and my sister. So it's kind of like, great. Hmm.

- I would run. I would run like hell. This sounds like bloody hell. Like, "Oh my God, tonight we're gonna go out with my parents. My mom's wearing short shirts and a blazer." - No, we're broken up, okay? I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I can't. - Please, please. - Here, just give your sister these before. Just give your sister these as a goodbye present. Makeup wipes, okay? Thank you.

I'm like, club owners know my parents' name. And I'll literally be like rolling up with my parents and they're like, slay, slay. And like probably say every guy I've dated has met my parents like so casually because like obviously I'm always with them.

The power of Christ compels you. The power of Christ compels you. This girl needs an exorcism. This is awful. I hate everything about this. Look, I love my parents. I love my brother. I love my family. I love doing stuff with them. But like this whole thing where she's just like, she's like, guys,

How awesome is my family? Like, that's what the vibe is that she's giving. And you just know, like, if you're going to have a friendship with her or like date her, you have to sort of be down with that whole family. And like, no, no, no, no. Saying no to all of this. And, you know, and I know that people are close to their family, but this is too much, you know? And you know that anytime you do anything wrong, you're going to get the mom and the sister on your ass. And then later you're going to have to have the talk with the dad where he's like, you know what, champ?

you disappointed us today all right yeah okay buddy all right champ that's where you think it's all very sick about my little girl there buddy okay yeah it's i don't like it people shouldn't live actual sitcom lives and that's what this is so danielle um now we're back at dinner and danielle's like so would you guys consider yourselves exclusive now that you met the parents jessie and he's like oh danielle i mean you're being so silly i mean

i think it feels like we're both only like just pursuing each other but like we'll discuss and you know let you guys know how it goes right man it's like amanda's got her face right now she's like chewing like this big crab like she's like no do it right now

Well, what's up with you guys, by the way? And you know, same old, same old. Why didn't you ask Kyle? What's up? He's had a lot to say this week. And you know, when Paige gets mad, speaking of cartoons, cause I was actually studying Paige's eyebrows yesterday. Cause I was like, what's happening with her eyebrows? Why is one curved and then one's in a triangle?

But then as the episode went on and my study continued, I realized they're actually both curved, but she has such an anger eyebrow that it will go completely angular. One was curved and then the other was completely in a triangle. And she was like, yeah, ask Kyle about it. He's had a lot to say this week. And Kyle's like, uh, so you're upset. She's like, yeah, yeah, Kyle. About what?

"Oh, you raged texting me last week talking about Hannah and Craig?" She starts getting her accent when she gets mad. She did get her accent. She did. She really came out real strong. And so Paige is like, "My best friend and my boyfriend?" And Kyle's like, "Uh, 'cause somehow you're in the—" And guess what? "Somehow you're in the middle of it all again." She's like, "How am I in the middle? I said nothing, Kyle."

Well, I was heard that your business partner is still out there lying about why she's no longer in the house, okay? Then that's just what happens. Like, well, it's two different experiences. You'll never agree. It doesn't matter because you guys aren't going to be friends, so it doesn't matter.

Well, we all know that Kyle did not get Hannah fired. Hannah used to be part of our summers and I was really good friends with her and Paige, but unfortunately, Hannah and Kyle had a big falling out, which in turn affected me. We

And we see flashbacks of Kyle and Hannah fighting over garbage. What a fun time. So then Amanda is just basically saying that her worst nightmare would be if this affected her relationship with Paige. And Paige is like, I don't even care about the Hannah stuff. What I'm saying is that history is repeating itself again. But it's just a new player and now it's Craig. And now you aren't going to be friends. And it's again me and Amanda there to pick up the pieces. And I'll be damned if I let what happened to Hannah and Amanda happen to me and Amanda. And I'll also be damned if you catch me

wearing tight jeans. They're out right now. Loose jeans. They're in. Oh, good. Hit it. Nailed it. Nailed it.

Listen, the way Greg went about it hurt me, okay? There are multiple lies. Multiple lies, to be honest. You know what that did to Loverboy's stock? You know people who drink Loverboy are really worried about my personal reputation and what Hannah Barter says. She's like, what was Greg supposed to do? You know, he went about it in the right way, Kyle. He told you he was doing it, and then he did it.

But he didn't say he was doing it. He said they approached him and none of the things he said is true about me. And Kyle said that he thought he had an opportunity to talk to him about it in between. And then he was like, I don't know. And then also it was claimed that he gave me a chance to calendar and he asked if he could invest in Loverboy. And I said, just give me a second to come up with a proposal. And then Sierra's like, okay, well, I would invest with you guys if you gave me the opportunity to. Yeah.

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