#2763 Summer House Live in Cincinnati: Faptain Kangar-rude
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Hello!

It's been a few years. We've only been doing this 13 motherfucking years. I'm still in a press record. It's so exciting to be back in Cincinnati. We haven't been here. Yes. You guys, this is a wild crowd. Yes. Thank you for coming out. Of course. They told us the Countess had just been here. Did you guys come see the Countess too? Yes. You know, you guys are a wild crowd. Fuck no. This side is like, no. No.

He's not aware. - I forgot that about this venue too. It's kind of an L, it's a V shape, right? So one side feels one thing and you all feel another total different thing. - Yeah, we can pitch you guys against each other. Now I knew, like we knew you guys would be a crazy crowd because to this day, there's only been one show in all of the history of Watcher Crappens where someone got arrested and it happened here. It happened here.

We're so proud of you guys. Yeah, you guys have done great work. We got here and there was a box of Narcan from a local company to give out. Really? They're like, will you take a picture with some Narcan? I'm like, fuck yeah. I was telling him if anybody has a peanut allergy, they're like, Ronnie, this is not an EpiPen. You can try.

And it really is, it is awesome to be back. I actually came in last night. Since I had to come in from LA, it takes like, you know, you have to go like all these different routes to get here. So I came in early so I would, you know, be here on time. And I've had such a fun 24 hours here in Cincinnati. I went to a yoga class. Everyone's like, yeah!

I have to tell you something. It got quieter for yoga, though. They were like... It was so hard. It was like hot Cincinnati yoga, and I was not expecting that. I've never done hot yoga before, and I was like... Once again, I was the only one in the class falling over, and I felt like this weird obligation as someone from L.A. to be really good at yoga. I was like, guys, I'm from L.A. I know yoga. And I was falling over, sweating. I had a puddle around me.

But it was really fun. There was a super hot guy there. I was like, good for you, Cincinnati. Hot guys at yoga. I don't believe in yoga because if that shit worked, Buddha wouldn't be so fat. That's it. You think his ass was doing the down dog? No. I came today. I was sitting next to a meemaw on the plane. She was really cute. And she's like, I need to fit this under my seat. I said, just put it. Do you want me to put it in the overhead thing? And she's like, no, they're cookies. And I was like, well...

Obviously, Ronnie. No, first rule cookies. I was like, no one's going to eat them in the overhead. And she's like, no, they're important cookies. And I said, how come? And she said, because I'm going to visit my brother who has dementia. And I was like, oh. And she said, and I'm hoping that the cookies will make him remember things. Isn't that sweet? I was like, yeah. Every time I take a peanut M&M out of my belly button, I'm like, I remember that Amy Grant concert.

I totally remember. So I was like, that's so sweet. I hope he remembers them. And she's like, yeah. And I was like, they must be really good cookies. And she's like, they sure are. And then I just stared at her like, you're not going to give me a fucking cookie? What do I? So I was like, what were we talking about?

Shut up. It was for a cookie. It was for a cookie. What we will do. I got a fucking Biscoff cookie after that, and I just crunched it very slowly looking at her. I did that thing on the airplane. I love when this works. You know, when they come around with a little basket of snacks, you know, like you pay like hundreds of dollars for a plane ticket. They're like, here's a bag with one cookie in it. Yeah.

Here's an old ass Dorito. Yeah, so I got like a bag and then when she came by I was like, excuse me, do you have like another, can I get like another bag of cookies? And she's like, sure. And then they give you like five. I was like, yes, that's like the best feeling of all time. Also, today I went to Grater's Ice Cream. It's like an Ohio ice cream, right? Right? Love it. Not to be confused with Jenny's, also Ohio. Okay, this is clearly Jenny's side. This is the Grater's side.

Ice cream fight! Fight, fight, fight, fight. I thought I was being so clever. I walked in and I was like, it's my first time in Grater's. Because it was. And I went up to the lady and I was like, it's my first time here. And I thought she'd be like, oh, honey, come on over here. Let me give you a big thing. And I was like, what are you guys known for? She goes, chocolate chip. And I was like, okay. Okay.

I'm so glad when people who have ice cream don't pretend to be happy. I'm so sick of fucking happy ice cream people. We're not eating this because we're happy. We're eating it because we're fucking depressed. I know. I was like, I was trying to get, you were trying to get a free cookie. I was trying to get some free ice cream from this lady and it didn't work. That wasn't free. That was homemade. She should have given me that shit. She should have. I offered to put that in the bag above. Yeah. Well. Stick her ass in some napkins. Lessons learned. Well, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo. Bravo.

You know, the first time we were here at Ludlow Garage, we did Summer House. Yes. Years and years ago. It was our first Summer House live recap, in fact. Yeah, and we were like, people are going to hate this. They're going to bitch.

They didn't hate it. They did bitch. Yeah. Y'all still bitching. But you know, how many Housewives can there be? And right when we went on tour, they were like, we're not going to show Housewives anymore. I know. It's all over. I know. But we love Summer House, and I love that since then, Summer House has become such a big popular show because it is a hilarious show. And this season, have you guys been enjoying this season so far? Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty good so far. Yeah.

Why lie? I mean, this is a pretty good one, you know, as far as, you know, like, whorish people going around and stuff. But I do appreciate what they're bringing to the art world. Kyle is now a musician, so that's something. He's going on tour. Did you know that? Yeah, he's got Sandy Sundays. And also, like, honestly... They're disgusted over there. Yeah.

- Can I-- - Besides, like, I'd see that. They're like, "Fuck that." - Can I tell you something? The world is such a shit show right now that it's literally refreshing to me that, like, one thing I can hide away in is a stupid feud about a spritzer. Like, that's-- a spritzer feud is really-- I need that right now. I need it. - Well, the other art coming up is Carl is releasing a book. - Oh, yeah. - Have you heard about this? - Did you know about this? Ronnie just told me about this right backstage.

Okay, wow. Oh, hate literature all you want. Carl Radke. The book is called Cake Eater. Yes. Cake Eater. First of all, no you're not. Yes. Last time we checked, you were not eating any cakes. So he, Ronnie just sent this to me like literally ten minutes ago. The cover says, getting high, hitting low. And trying to stay in the middle.

A journey to self-discovery. And then it's a picture of him holding a cake, sadly. He's like, and then half his face is covered in the cake. White jeans, I'm sure. All these years, his jeans have been made out of cake.

We just never realized. He'd actually get laid if his jeans were made out of fucking cake. We're like, why are his skinny jeans so skinny? It's like, because they're made of frosting. Yeah, I'd blow Carl if it was cake. So anyway, Ronnie just sent this. I got so excited because I had no idea that this was happening. You're so smart to put it on your computer because I just look like I'm texting. I'm like, thanks for coming. So...

So I guess he announced it on social media or something, but he has actually, he's written some paragraphs to explain this book. And this is real. We were reading this verbatim. Carl is like that Bronwyn from Salt Lake City. She can't just make a post. Like, look, I'm at the Golden Globes. It has to be 10 pages of like, well, like the font on her picture is this small. You're like, bitch, I'm trying to read this. When you said Bronwyn, I was thinking Bronwyn from Orange County. And I was like...

Do you know? Okay, sorry. We're never going to start this recap. Did you guys see that she posted a thing being like, it was like a few months ago or two months ago. She was like, five years ago, I began my journey of sobriety. It began when I went to the Watch What Crappens Golden Crappies. And the audience booed me. But the audience only booed her because she was standing up for Tamara. So the audience was like, boo! She's like, I'm here!

Like, stood up and started yelling at everybody. And she's like, I'd like to publicly apologize to Watch Out Crap. And I was like, are you kidding? That's our dream. She apologized to everyone except for Tom Sandoval that was there that night. Okay, so Carl, so he released his book, and this is what he has to say about it. He says, To everyone who has followed me, reached out to me, shared their own stories on recovery, or just given my mom a really cool hat.

This book is for you. Thanks for announcing Cake Eater. I am proud to announce that my book, Cake Eater, will be out soon. You may be asking, why Cake Eater? Or why a book? Why Cake Eater? I want to call the editor and just be like, why Cake Eater? Because you know she eats cake. She's like, you know who needs a book? Carl.

So she's like, he says, cake eater. You may be asking why cake eater? Oh, being from the South Hills of Pittsburgh and Upper St. Clair. Oh, I'm already so excited to find out the rest of the sentence. Gotta happy. Let's see where this goes. Other locals will know that cake eater is a privileged upper middle class person who has handed everything.

Well, I was called this many times. That wasn't my reality. Yeah, you guys, no. Just because he appears at the Hamptons every single summer on a TV show and has not had to have a job in seven years does not mean he is an upper middle class privileged man.

Finally a book that teaches us you can be bullied when you're privileged to. So for anyone who's been looking for a book with a title that has a hyper local reference specifically of the upper St. Clair region of South Hills of Pittsburgh look no further than Cake Eater. We're coming at ya. All right. Shall we? Yeah. All right.

Previously on Summer House! Another summer in the NFL! Ah, summer! Ding ding, everyone! I have an announcement to make. Um, guys, my journey started years ago. First there was Ever, and then I got a taco contract.

And then I demanded a man make me sandwiches. 15 minutes later. And then there was Julan. 15 minutes later. And then a bunch of other random guys that didn't deserve me. 15 minutes later. And then there was Carl's finger. 15 minutes later. And then there was Pizza Beach. 15 minutes later. And then there was the rest of Carl. And now, in the summer of Lindsay, I... You look pregnant, by the way. Carl! Carl! I'm having a... Dude.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is like really hard on me. Yeah, I just, I want you to be softer, not pregnant-er. And I just, I don't like, I like don't even know how to say hi to you. You just say hi, Carl. Doorknob! No. Hi. Fish tank! No, that's not it. Skinny jeans! I can't do this. It's too hard. Stressful.

So, West, you had sex with me even though I wanted a boyfriend, and then you talked shit to me in the New York Times. -Yeah, well, about-- -You suck. You suck, West. Your hair is fucking stupid. Yeah. I'm just like a boy with a girl. I don't-- You don't even have riz. You're riz-less.

Wristless motherfucker with stupid fucking hair. Fuck you. That hurt. That like really hurt. I don't know what to say. And then we have Imrul who says, Hey, I'm Imrul. I'm the new guy, Imrul. I ride a motorcycle and I fuck. I fuck a lot. I'm getting a blowjob right now. Five people, sex swings, lube, raw, unraw, all the things. Upside down, inside out, in a circle, circle jerk, square jerk, triangle jerk, all the shapes.

I fuck. - Do you want some hand sanitizer? - Hey everyone, I wanna welcome everyone, the new person in the house. Everyone, please welcome Bailey. Bailey? - Bailey, where you at? - Where's Bailey? Oh, where'd you want? - Hey, I'm Lexi. - Hey, I'm Jesse. - People bully me 'cause I'm a model.

What's going on? I'm Jesse Solomon. You've got a juicy booty. You like it? Yeah, Papa like it. Wanna touch it? Yeah. Yeah, I do. Yeah. You can touch it when you're my husband. And scene. So, Dom, that was a little long for those husbands along for the ride.

All right. Well, where we left off, Kyle has just done his annual rage texting of someone. This time it was Paige. He rage texted her about both Hannah and Craig, and she was not having none of it. And now they're going to talk it out on a beach in Hamptons. Let's go over and talk about it on the beach. Now listen. Please.

First of all, I'm not Hannah and I'm definitely not Craig, thank God.

Just want to just remind you of that. And like I told Craig to like not do this and if you're gonna like do this then like you have to have a conversation with Kyle and like I don't understand why you've been talking to me. Like I don't even like talking to you when you're not rage texting me so this is even worse. I mean Kyle, I'm so supportive of you. I pretended to like monk fruit sweetener in my alcohol for six years. So Danielle's watching from afar. She's like, oh my god, that body language does not look great. I'm wacky, Danielle!

Danielle, your body language isn't great. Danielle's like, "What are they doing? "I'm looking good." "This beach looks so different since I was last here." "How time passes when you're gone for a week." "All right, well, you know what? "It's not even like, it's like competing with me, all right? "It's just like, it's a competitor. "It just hurt, you know? "It hurts that he's competing with me. "Does that make any sense?" "No, it doesn't."

I broke down crying. I cried after we had a text exchange. I sobbed. Wait, you cried? No. Hold on. Let me just privately laugh to myself. I'm just saying it felt like you stabbed me. It felt like you stabbed me. I wish. Have you ever been stabbed before? Do you want to be?

I know you're on person and I know you have no control over all the clothes people in your life are gonna say. It was just like not wrong of me to be smacked out of it. Alright, look, look, look. I just don't want to be in the middle, okay? It's like being fashion meat between two poorly dressed buns. I want to be your friend. You're a whiny, entitled alcoholic that refuses to grow up. In another timeline, I'd probably be dating you right now.

Listen, if you came to me and said, would you be willing to be in the middle of a Coca-Cola feud? I would say yes. But a spritzer feud? No. I will not do this. But yeah, like, if he genuinely... I'm going to talk to him. Like, if he genuinely doesn't understand, I've got a detailed pie chart to go over with him, you know? I'll cry in a way that he understands. You know, I knew that Kyle and I were going to be fine because he's probably too drunk to remember we were in a fight in the first place. So whatever. I just told him to talk to Craig and Hannah. Whatever. I'm more...

The rest of my thought doesn't even matter because Kyle doesn't even deserve it. Oh, wow. You've stopped sobbing. Do you need to make a wee-wee before we go? We're in your bathroom. The earth. I do. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

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So they're fine, obviously, so they go back to the group and now that that's all settled, now Lindsay can do the, "Guys, can we talk about my pregnancy? Oh my God, look at that seashell. Who has bigger boobs, me or the seashell? I'm like so pregnant."

You guys, I have a question. Since I'm pregnant, do you think my belly button's going to pop out and be an outie? Yes, I have a question. Who looks more pregnant, me or the horseshoe crab that's dying over there? Just wondering. I hope you have an outie. Outies are fucking hot. Thanks, Jesse. Yeah, oh yeah, it's cool that you're pregnant. It's so cool that you're pregnant, Lindsay. And then it cuts to Lexi. She's like...

Yeah. Lexi's like, um, do you think my belly would pop, my belly button would ever pop out? I've been so worried about my belly button and now they're talking about belly button. Because they're all like, wow, Lindsay, your boob is, Lindsay, your boob is bigger than I've ever seen it before. Uh-huh. That's really good. And Lexi's like, Lexi's like,

Yeah, but I can kind of see where Lexi's coming from, because Jesse's like, "Wow, nice cans. You guys should touch your cans to each other. You guys should touch them, raw dog it. Yeah, pull your tits out. Just raw dog them right now." It's because I'm pregnant. I tried to weigh my boobs in Italy because I was on a pregnancy vacation there, and it was in kilometers instead of pounds, so I still to this day don't know how much my pregnant boobs weigh, because I'm pregnant.

You measured them in kilometers? Those tits run fast. Fast tits. Lexi's like, I'm Canadian. I know what those measurements mean. And then it cuts to Lexi just looking down at herself and she's like... My biggest insecurity right now, I've had agents in the past be like, you know, you can never get a certain job because of your body type. And I'm like, just because I don't have... It's like...

Guys, I just found out I can't do gay porn. It's not fair. I've always been shamed for not having an ass. They're all talking about them. I cannot get behind a bullying project of this girl. This is not the Trevor Project, ma'am, okay?

So then Lindsay's still talking about all this stuff and Wes is like, okay, I have a serious question for you. Like, what sport do you think you want your daughter to get into? Or like, do you want her to go into patch? Oh my God, are you about to see pageants? Are you about to see pageants? Like, I didn't know. Daniel's like, pageants? And Lexi's just like, now pageant girls are getting, ah!

So Lindsay's like, "Well, I grew up in the suburbs, so like, raising a child in the city is gonna be like, really different." And West is like, "Yeah, like a lot less, um, like, yard activity." How are you supposed to potty train a kid without an outside? I mean, you know, yeah, like, we don't even like, live together, yeah, Danielle? You don't live together, Lindsay? Yeah. But like, wait. Fucking Danielle, okay?

But I mean, like, if I weren't pregnant, we wouldn't be living together anyway. So, like, we've only been dating for, like, six months. You don't live with this man and you let him put a baby inside of you? She's like, well, you didn't live with the balloon guy and you walked around with, like, a poodle twisted in your vag for, like, months. Excuse me. She is a CEO and founder. Please show some respect. Did you guys see Meghan Markle has a new podcast out for founders? Who else was like, Danielle, you better get booked?

Oh my God, the Meghan Markle. Can we cover the Meghan Markle cooking show, please? Yes. Do you guys see it? She's like, you know what I love? Jam. It just makes me feel so one of the people. I taste this jam and I feel like maybe I could be walking on a sidewalk. The first 20 minutes was her putting things into successively smaller plastic bags.

My favorite thing to do is take Epsom salts and just put them in a bag, and then put that bag in a smaller bag, and then I cut it in half, cook it with some pasta, and put it in an even smaller bag. I just want my guests to feel at home. People hate that girl. I was watching her make toast, and there were eggs being splattered on the window. I was like, man, they even found her set. They hate her.

So Lindsay's like, "Um, yeah, we don't have to live together to have a baby because like, you know, like having a baby puts enough pressure on a relationship without having to live together too." But what is he gonna move in, Lindsay? I can't deal with this. Is he ever gonna move in? Like, how do you know that he's even suitable for you if you don't even live with him?

It's like, yeah, well, to move in together, we need to have a normal pace to this relationship. You're pregnant. You're six months pregnant. I'm like, Lindsay's like, we need to take it slow. First, we have a baby. Then we go to coffee together. Damn, girl. But Danielle's still such a judgmental asshole. I'm allowed to be because I'm not her friend. If that was my friend, I'd be like, you go, girl. Don't you ever marry that man unless he fucking deserves it. Why should you move in with a man?

But I'm me, so I get to say it. But yeah, Danielle sucks. I mean, look, Danielle, look, I can imagine being concerned with my friend who just got out of whatever term relationship it was with Carl and then being like, and suddenly I'm pregnant with a new person. I can imagine being like, whoa, what's going on? And I do love that Lindsay's response to make sure Danielle feels like everything's okay. She's like, well, he found our baby nurse.

He looked up a restaurant on Yelp once, so he's pretty much pretty active in this. Yeah. And Danielle's like, I mean, normal couple pace? I think the ship sails on that one. I mean, if it's going well, why wouldn't you want him there physically all the time? Why give him the opportunity to not be there? Does that sound like kidnapping? It's not kidnapping if you're in love, right? Hold on, my ring cams. My ring cams.

Oh, shit. The UPS guy is trying to untie himself. Hold on. He's really cute. We might have something going. I think the reason why Lindsay doesn't want him there is because she wants the relationship to last.

Well, at this point, look, you're saying if it was your friend, you'd be worried. But if it was me and I was like, I'm going to have a baby, you wouldn't be like, move in with a guy. I mean, for the baby's sake, nobody needs to see me with somebody else. Just a baby. Just say, do you have a maid? That's all you need to ask. I'd just be like, it was great being friends with you. We had a great time.

That's the role of a gay man. Every time you left town, I'd be like, guys, Ben's out of town today. Thankfully, little Rondal is here. Rondal. Little baby. It's like Muppet Babies. It's like Ronnie up here. Who's the best housewife? He's a vanderpump. Good job. Here's an M&M. Go to your room. Hey, let's play some can jam. So now it's time for the... Why is everyone shocked that Turner and I don't live together? Like, for once, I'm not moving too fast. I'm pregnant.

I mean, I'm doing all the right steps. Thanks to Carl, I had a bachelorette party. And then I got to plan my wedding, and now I have a baby. She's actually kind of done everything right. It's just been with different people.

Yeah, at this point, like, Lindsay's want, look, she's put a lot of time into those PowerPoints. Just let her have the baby. Remember, she made that to-do list. There was a list. There was a PowerPoint. She was like, by 2025, I want to have a bachelorette party. I want to have a man. I want to have a baby.

I want to have an apartment. I want to be an influencer, whatever the fuck. She's done it all. Yeah. And in every step of the way that she's like, I want to have this, I want to have this, I want to have this, she's really only been stuck with Danielle. So I'm just like, let her have her baby. Let her let this step of it come true, and it'll all be good. So now the guys start playing, you know. What is this game, Cam Jam? You throw Frisbees into a trash can?

Throw your trash into a trash. How about let's make a game out of that, you fucking beach ruiners. Why can't they just sit still? Every time they go to the beach, they always have to play one of these stupid games. Just sit still and tan, okay? I need more cans talk. Why are people always moving around at the beach?

So Jesse is checking in with West and everything or West checking in with Jesse and he's like, I haven't seen you talk about Lexi today. He's like, don't worry. I actually talked about her quite a bit in the car. It's like, oh, thank God. Thank God.

He's like, you know, I mean, that girl talking to me, like she wants to be with me. You know, it's like really, she's jealous. Like that kind of scares me. That really does kind of scare me. You know, when she told me she really only wanted to be with me when I was in a relationship. So I fucked her and now I'm refusing to be in a relationship with her chicks. Am I right? It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy how when you love bomb someone that they can start to get jealous. Crazy. Crazy.

So, Wes is like, well, she does kind of owe you, you know, after, like, taking my guy, you know, if I had to go to club solo. And then Jesse gets, like, all sad. He's like, yeah, by the way, last night I thought it was interesting that you left everyone behind. It was just, like, weird. Like, in summer, you shouldn't have to do that. He spent the night on a sofa somewhere else. He didn't cheat on you. He's like, I'm terrified of Sierra, though.

I had to, I had to sleep on the couch. Why haven't we talked about what West is wearing, by the way? Listen, I saw this teenage boy today, you know what I'm gonna say, with the hair, he's got the perm and the hair come forward, and I just walked past him and, you know, did like every older person does. I just went, "Fucking idiot."

And laughed, you know? But I can't imagine being like twice that age and being like, I'm perming my hair and then I'm combing it forward. It's going to look great. You know what I should do is get a grandma scarf and tie it around my head and then put a sun hat over it. Yeah. With a sleeveless tennis sweater from 1930. Stop trying so hard. You're already youngish. You're already thinnish. He's got the fame bug. He's already, you know, we're losing him. We've lost him. He's gone.

He's just an empty husk now, just trying to make his way onto Traitors some season. Let's be honest. He won't get there. Traitors has too much taste. They're going to be like, no, ew. Alan will take one good look at that fashion and be like, it knew. First murder, Alan commits. Yeah, let's just say right now, no West on Traitors, okay? Anyone else? No West. Jesus.

Every round table, he'd be like, but I didn't do anything. I don't understand why people think of me like that. That's what he sounds like. If you're standing in the next room and you can only hear the vibrations through a wall, that's how Wes sounds. So... His lip biting. It would take him so long to accuse someone at the round table, too. He'd be like, um, I just, um... I'm like, um, really, um...

I'm like scared to say this. I'm like, okay, I'm done with the traitors. You're like, well, you know, like I thought maybe we had something, but maybe we don't have any. We're not trying to date you. Just say who murdered whoever else. By the way, I was just going to say, Ronnie, you were so right the other day on the podcast. That's all you needed to say. Stop there. That's it. Shut up over there.

Well, it's not like I doubted you on this, but I finally got to see it with my own eyes. Gabby from The Traders. Her social media has just been so wonderful. She's so good. I listened to her podcast. Have you guys ever heard her podcast? Long-winded with Gabby. She's like, I don't want to fucking do this podcast today. But I fucking have to.

'Cause I have contracts and agents. So here I am talking to you long labia motherfucker. Today she was like, so I got a call from my psychiatrist 'cause I'm crazy.

And the traitor psychiatrist called my psychiatrist. She was like, just so you know, this show has themes of deception and lying and murder. And I was like, stop. It's a game. Love her. Check it out. Long-winded with Gabby. What's her face? Okay. My lady is so long. I was like, for me, it's like a horror show and a podcast. I love it. I've learned so many things.

Okay, so Jesse's still having his heart-to-heart with Wes and he's like, "You know, it's just so weird, bro. Like, you're just so secretive now." And he's like, "Do you think I'm losing myself?" And he's like, "No, you're still cheesy and badly dressed, you know? It's just that gaslighting women is more fun when it's a team sport, bro. Don't leave me here alone." It's like only the second weekend in the house. He's like, "Man, what's going on this summer? You've changed."

So now they come back from the beach and our old friend, the stubborn door's back. Last weekend, it was like, they were all so happy. They're like, oh my God, like the door's working. And I think we've all been there with stubborn doors where the door gives you like that moment of hope. You're like, thank God things are fixed. We'll never go back to the dark days of you being a stubborn door. Sorry, I jammed the lock. I just didn't want any guys trying to get out. I'm looking for some D, I'm home.

So they're all getting ready to do dinner things and West says that they're going to go to dinner with Carl Beast. Where did Carl Beast come from? Was that approved by the community? But he doesn't even come up with original ones for everybody. He goes, Carl Beast, Jess Beast, Paige. Ah, fun fact. Growing up in Pittsburgh, specifically the...

South Hills, near Upper St. Clair. Carl Beast actually means that you're a very, very poor person. So Danielle and Lindsay are talking. Oh no, sorry. Lindsay calls Turner, her guy, Turner. And she's like, oh my God, is this Turner? And he's like, yeah. And she's like, Danielle says hi, babe. And Danielle's like, hi, stop trying to run. I can see you.

And everyone's still, all this activity's happening in the house. Emeril comes into the kitchen and Kyle's like, "Whoa, did you change since I last saw you?" It's like, "You are living in a house. People change clothes."

You were at a beach. He's not wearing a bathing suit anymore, yes. So they're getting ready and poor Carl, you know, and I get it, like when you're fucked up a lot of the times, you don't know how to do things not fucked up. You know what I mean? And he's still new at it and he's still learning. Thankfully, I've only ever shopped at Old Navy, so it's like the same for me wherever I go.

But Carl doesn't really get that. And so he walks into the room. He's like, hey, everybody, ready to go out? And they're like, whoa. And Lindsay's like, um, are those Crocs? And then he goes, yeah, these bright green Crocs. And he goes, oh, they're like little clog things.

Crocs. They're Crocs. Oh, I guess I'm just a cake eater then. This is what you want to be. And he goes, am I going to get made fun of again tonight? Carl, you can't even wear Crocs? Come on. Be soft with my Crocs. Thanks to Crocs, they're an advertiser. Love your stuff. We love the Crocs. So Jesse is now saying bye to Lexi. He's like, bye, scene of it. You're not going to come out? She's like, no, not me. But I want you to text me how much you love me nonstop. But not about boobs.

So then one half of the house goes out to dinner, the other half stays behind and they have fascinating conversations such as, "Kyle, Saint Desira, were you napping?" Yeah, I was in my bed, I was like setting the mood. I lit some candles, I turned off the lights, I scrolled, I threw dirty clothes on my bed. Then I was like, "Fuck those fucking dirty clothes." I threw them on the fucking floor after that.

But then I picked him up and I put him on my bed again. And then I like fucking rolled around on him. What are you doing? Kyle's like, they're like, Sierra, what's your storyline this season? She's like, clothes on the bed. Fuck do you think it is? Kyle's like, I'm just trying to find a way to prolong this spritzer fight. So can I talk about it a little bit? They're like, no.

So Sierra's like, what's the vibe with y'all? Because, you know, Craig's going to come. And he's like, well, I had one idea of friendship and he had another idea of friendship. So, you know, am I the first person to catch Craig blatantly lying? No. And by the way, he continues to lie about getting kicked out of my wedding. No doubt. Oh.

So we did get kicked out of that wedding after all. And to get kicked out of Kyle's wedding, Kyle probably got kicked out of his own wedding. That little guy's too drunk. Get him out.

That wedding's caused a lot of drama. I love that. I love that for that wedding. So you know why he got kicked out, right? Do you remember? Why Craig got kicked out? Did he get drunk and start berating someone like everyone on Bravo seems to do? Yeah, but it's really good. Okay, so they were getting married at the parents' estate or something, right? Right, in New Jersey. And so only the bridal party could pee inside, and everybody else had to go in a porta-potty.

And so Craig tried to go inside. I love this show. I love Craig, too. What an idiot. So he's like, I'm going inside because why would I go to a porta potty? I'm rich. And the brother-in-law was like, no, you have to go in the porta potty. You're not in the bridal party. And so the sister-in-law's like, yeah. And then Craig's like, yeah, fuck you. And he started yelling at the sister-in-law until she started crying and he got kicked out because he wouldn't piss in a porta potty.

That's like some Ramona singer level shit.

So good. So Craig is coming next weekend. Emeril will be coming tonight. But I'm sorry, I have to interrupt you. So sorry. One more point. Let's all remember that Paige et al totally blasted Lindsay for this shit all those years ago. Never fucking forget. You know? Paige may be like cuter and more fun and funny, but Lindsay's usually right. Listen to Lindsay. I said it. I don't fucking care. And Olay, you already kept me from cookies today.

Think you're going to scare me? I stole those cookies too. What if I did? What if I was like, and then I pushed that old lady down and I took a fucking cookie?

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So now we go out to the people going out to the restaurant and it's like Jesse, West, Carl,

Amanda and Paige. So they're all sitting down. They're all talking. And Paige is like, oh, by the way, Lexi's not here. How do you feel about that, Jesse? He's like, it's great, Paige. I love it so much. You're looking wonderful tonight, Paige. You're looking sexy with those earrings. They're like, okay, so you're right back at it. Great. Love to hear that. Yeah. And Jesse's like, well, I mean, I need to hear Paige. What if we get married, huh? And Carl's like, oh, you and Jesse? Whatever happened to us?

I'll marry you when I want to eat on a fucking Wednesday. On a Groupon day, Carl. I'll cheat on Jesse with you, Carl. In 60 years. So then we see six summers ago, Carl and Paige making out in the pantry. That was disturbing. Paige was so young and fresh back then. And Carl was like, come, come into the closet. I know. Can you imagine going into the pantry with Carl now? He's like, oh, oh.

So, uh, hold on. It's like, oh my God, are you trying to kiss me? No, I'm just actually trying to reach those lorna deans behind you. Yeah, I love these cookies. Are they cookies or are they biscuits? I don't know. It's just really, really hard being in a closet after what Lindsay put me through. Oh, shut the fuck up. Burn the closet.

So, West is like, "So, when did you last have sex?" He's like, "Guys, I just came to the house this summer because I want to learn and be single." And, can I be honest? I looked over at Lindsay and she's the last person I had sex with. And now she's pregnant. You do the math. And I know it's been a lot of months, but I do take a while. I'm a late bloomer.

Yeah, guys, this is really hard for me. Like, can everyone just hold my hand right now? I need everyone to be really tender because I've got to sit and say, I haven't had sex in a year. And they're like, whoa, gross, stupid. Why would you do that to yourself? I couldn't do that. I even have sex with Crank.

Jesse's literally, he's like, but I mean, Carl, you could walk outside here in the Hamptons and have sex with whoever you want. And it's like, cut to count, just the way I'd be like, you're damn right he could. Right here with you in Sag Harbor. And let me tell you something, nothing's sagging in this harbor. Get over here, boy. Well, guys, just like emotionally, it hasn't felt right. And no one can appreciate a half a boner like Lindsay could. So...

You know, other girls make partial impotence sound like a hindrance, but Lindsay would just dance and she would just aim and dance like nobody's watching, you know? Miss that girl. What were we talking about? West is like, damn, he needs like a subscription to browsers or something, like some porn. Did anybody else Google browsers after that? Straight people are crazy.

Everyone knows what Brazzers is. I mean, I felt like gay people were the perverts. That's what I always learned growing up. Like, you're perverted. You're going to hell. I'm like, we're going to hell? You've been to Brazzers? Good lord. They're next coming out every place. I don't have a subscription to Brazzers, but I do have a subscription to Braziers, which is like women moderately dressed. So I don't want to get a boner because I just want to be soft. Oh.

I just renewed my subscription to ankles. Ladies lifting their skirts in their twenties. So, Paige is like, "Oh my god, I just love this juxtaposition so much." You know, Carl became a priest and Lindsay's pregnant with her third child. Yeah, I haven't really been dating in like the past seven or eight months. My focus has just been trying to take care of myself, which is what I've been saying for five years on this show.

Just want to get rid of all this anger and resentment I have towards the person that I dumped. Yeah. It's like, been so hard having so much anger and resentment to the woman I embarrassed on national television. You know, when you get dumped, it's hard. But when you're the dumper, you get so much anger. It's really rough. It's really rough, guys. So they cheers and stuff. And they're like, oh, wow, yeah. To like West getting some cuddy. What's that? I've never heard that term. What did you say? What did you say? What did you say?

I don't hear you. Oh, sorry. To Carl getting some Cuddy. Cuddy? What is Cuddy? Is that correct? Did I write that correct? No one here knows what it is either. We all need a browser subscription in here. We're like, Cuddy! I assume anything with two syllables and two double letters is slang for pussy, right? Cuddy, pussy, buppy, guppy, putty. Guppy? Yeah, like, bro, I got some guppy last night.

That sounds like an offense that could put you behind bars. Yeah, that's straight people shit. It's a baby fish. Gross. So now they're asking somebody else if they're dating. I don't know. And Amanda's like, oh, West. And Amanda's like, that's a wild question to ask West if he's dating West. How many girls are you fucking? And he's like, guys, technically speaking, like,

People just mostly make fun of my hair and my outfits, but I do have a dating show coming out on the internet, so that's... That is not your dating life. What the fuck are you talking about? Get that scarf off your car. I know. He's trying to promote it. He says he has a show called West Date Ever, and we see footage of him on a quote-unquote date with Hawk Tua. Yeah.

But it is actually kind of fitting because you know everybody who goes on a date with West says that at some point. They're just like... Did you ever know, and then they're talking about how old they are because Paige is like, oh my god, I'm so old, I've never even seen the original Hot 2 Wild video. I saw it recently, have you seen it? I have, yeah. I still don't understand why she's a thing, but I have seen it, yes. What are you, the first person to spit?

I could have been rich years ago. What the hell? I didn't know that would make you famous. Anything these days. So West is like, yeah, right now my job is really tough because I have to fly around a lot and go on dates with Hawk Tua. The worst thing is that now I just throw away my recycling and I used to take time to wash it out, but now I don't even do it anymore.

I'm so busy I can't even wash out like Chinese takeout containers anymore. It's like you poor fucking thing Wes. So now they're talking about Lexi and Jesse and Carl's like yeah is it official yet? No Jesse has some concerns Jesse tell him. Yeah she'd made a few comments where he took it like you might be a jealous girlfriend right? And she's like yeah and he asked if you were going to keep commenting on my photos please keep commenting on my

Poor Amanda. She needs that. She's married to Kyle. She needs all the validation she can get. Sad but true. I'm going to start commenting on her photo. She's like, I'm selling these nice new sweaters for Christmas time. Nice cans. Hashtag rock tour.

Hi, y'all. So they're like, well, I mean, she really likes you, obviously. You know how you can tell? Has she called you Cocaine Jessie yet? Or suggested you'll never have an idea that's profitable? You know, hock to a... It actually means something quite different if you live in a certain part of Pittsburgh in the south part of...

It means that you have a library card. Only the working class. Only the working class with Bentleys. It means you. So Jesse's like, yeah, guys, you know, I thought I'd be leaving this weekend exclusive with her, but I just don't know anymore. Shut up. Why are you acting like that with her then? When you're around her, you're like, I don't

I don't want to look at anything but you and your juicy booty, baby. If we're going to be together, we're going to be together. And then he gets away from her. He's like, fucking stalker. Get her away from me, guys. What do I do? Seriously. What do I do? So back at the house, Kyle is at his little DJ set up at Club Send It. And he's like, ladies and gentlemen, the Chevy Lumina has arrived.

I laugh at him, but I know I would 100% be doing the same thing. Anytime anything shows up at the door, I'd be like, hold on, guys, I gotta get to my DJ setup. Ladies and gentlemen, an Amazon box has arrived. Please pick it up. So Sierra's like, hey, Paige, you wanna do a TikTok? I'm just like, no.

Do it, Paige. No talk. Come on, Paige. Do a tick. Dine a fire talk. Dine a fire talk. I'm not doing that shit. So Paige won't do it. So the rest of them do a tick-tock. I'm surprised Wes wasn't there, actually, because that seems like the worst thing. Elbow dance. I'm into it. And then, yeah, they all go out. They party. They come back. And then we get, I guess, the new tradition on this season, which is that Imrul brings back a ghost.

- He fucks a ghost. - He brings back a little arrow. I mean, he really likes them thin. Every one of them has just looked like this. - I know. - It's like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. - At this point, I'm like, is he just boning a door? It's like, you see a door open and it's like, Emeril's visitor. - Carl's like, hey, Casper, the ladies are in there eating some bagel bites, all right, if you want some. I'm sorry I didn't catch your name. And Emeril's like, don't worry, she'll catch plenty tonight.

Which, by the way, it really sucks for these visitors because if they're hoping to get on TV and then they're getting edited to be basically like Niles' wife on Frasier, that sucks. Yeah, because you know they're signing those releases. They're just like, no, we're not giving you the pleasure. Well, there's a lot of releases happening there. Legal releases, guys. God, stop watching Brazzers.

So now Lexi and Jesse are in bed and he's like, "I'm gonna go." And she's like, "Where are you going? No, no, no, they're trying." He's like, "Oh, sorry, I tried to get into your pants. You can't really blame me for trying, right? I mean, you've got such a juicy booty." And she's like, "I've always been so insecure about my booty. You wanna talk about it?" He's like, "Oh." So now it's the next morning. The ghost has left the house.

And they leave early, too. What is Emeril doing to these girls? Oh, no. I'm not like that. If I sleep with somebody, I'm sleeping in. I don't care where it is. It could be on a bus bench. I'll be like, give me a bagel. Yeah. So we see a trail of lube going to the door. I mean, you saw, was it last week when Wes fell down the stairs a little bit? You know why. You know why. Right.

So Jesse and Lexi wake up and he's like, you're so pretty. Like every time I look in your eyes in the morning with no makeup, I'm like, God, this girl's so fucking pretty. But also, why does her nose look like a twig? Is that in my mind? And she's like, it's called contouring. My gold nose is a pinky finger. So are you feeling? Her nose is beautiful, but she contours it like this.

It looks like snot dripping from her eyebrows, just down her... Well, the family that contours together stays together. That's what we've learned from her family. No, that other girl, her sister doesn't contour. She just does... What's the opposite of contour? Where you're just like, make it look like one big... I believe that's called a pro-tour. She just gets that lipstick and puts it all over her face. She doesn't care. This is my sister Tiffany. She's like, oh gosh! Oh my gosh!

That girl's crazy-faced. Yeah. We need more Tiffany. I want some Tiffany on this show. I know. I mean, she does come on looking like she's doing Phantom of the Opera with makeup, but... Did you know... If the chandelier fell on to Carlotta. Okay, so... Did you know that Lexi has a podcast with her mom and her sister called The 69 Girls? I can't. With your mom? Come on. I can't believe I missed that compelling content.

I was so distracted by Carl's press release.

His press release. On one episode, we're getting Cake Eater and 69 Girls. Yeah. So, Jessie's like, yeah, you're so pretty. Are you feeling good about us? Because I feel great about us. That's why I told everyone you're becoming a raging jealous bitch. Anyway, what do you think? She's like, yeah, I'm pretty good. Although, I just started to realize you're not famous. And I've been dating famous guys.

"So, I just want you to know, like, I can be jealous." He's like, "I know." He's like, "Okay, but now that we're in bed, we can talk about it." 'Cause like, being a model, like, basically my entire existence since I was 10 years old, I was completely picked apart. It's been like, so hard. Like, I'm never good enough, and like, everyone keeps saying, "Oh, Jesse's a boob guy. Jesse's a boob guy." He's like, "What? Who said that I'm a boob guy?"

Cut to... Nice game! What? Are you getting a charley horse? I had one this morning in bed, thanks to yoga. Just be careful. That was nice. Okay. For those listening at home, Ronnie just circled the chair. That was nice. That was adorable. Hey, by the way, you feeling good about us?

I'm feeling really insecure and it's like so hard being so pretty. So he's like, wait, who says I'm a boob guy? That's ridiculous. She's like, everyone. Well, no one said that Jesse's a boob guy, right? Because we see clips that prove that they didn't. But you're right. He is like, hey, nice tits. He's like, Uber's here, guys. Love your cans. Love your cans. Hey, Wes, don't worry about not doing the recycling because I will always take care of some cans.

So he's like, "I'm not a boob guy, I'm a butt guy." "Yeah, show me that juicy booty." "Yeah, juicy booty." So then, uh... So she's like, "Well, I've always been insecure about my butt too. What do you think about my elbow skin?" He's like, "It's hot. Can I put my dick on it?" "I'm only giving up this waddle when I'm engaged." So then, uh, everyone else is waking up and everything, and Paige is like, "Wait a second. Something smells oily. Was there someone in here last night?"

Was there a person in this house that we just never saw? I mean, I know, I seem to remember saying hi to something, but I thought that was a floating vase. I could have sworn I woke up in the middle of the night and I just saw slimy footprints on the door, on the floor, and then a floating bagel bite being chopped. Wait a second. Was that sex swing always there?

Oh, that's just me, guys. That's just me. It's just Emeril. So now people go to the pool. Oh, well, first Jesse lets out a big, long two-minute fart. Sneak preview of my hotel room later tonight. He's like... Whoa, I wasn't even done farting and I got a text from Lexi. Farting makes me insecure. He, he, he, he, he. I have, like, really small farts.

- It's so hard to have model fights. - So then Sierra, they're talking about the fact that Emeril brought back another girl and Carl's like, "Yeah, it was crazy. "He was like making out with her at the table "and I was like, that kind of world is like so far now. "Like I can't just like meet someone at a club "and be like, oh, you're hot and start making out. "Like how do you even do that?" I'm like, "Carl,

You're sober. You still get erections. Come on now. He's playing it too hard. He's playing his whole, I'm not a douchebag anymore. I'm Carl 9.0. He's playing it a little too hard. It's a little bit too much. Fix your boner. At this point, just fix your boner. Because we already knew it was a problem last season when Lindsay's like, we've tried like seven times to have sex. And he's like, oh, it's because you don't like my idea of brick and mortar. LAUGHTER

No one ever stopped getting boners because they were afraid of Elise. I'm just telling you that right now. Who's Elise? Actually, remember Elise? Who remembers Elise? Elise Sloan? From New York, yeah. She was great. God rest her soul. So, anyway, they all go out. There's been an Elise murder in here tonight. What did Elise do? She's the ghost that came in. Hi, I'm Elise. I'm here to fuck a moron.

So they all go out to the pool, they're hanging out, and they start asking, they're like, wait a second, we just realized we have a new person living with us. I guess we should ask him questions about his life. So Emeril, what's the deal with you? And he basically is like, yeah, I was married. It actually was, I was a totally different person back then. I met this girl, and I really loved her. I didn't just marry her for a green card or anything. So we went to City Hall, she took the ball gag out of her mouth.

They said, we've never seen someone in all latex here, but we'll let it slide. I said, a lot of things slide in our relationship. I mean, I will never forget the moment we exchanged cock rings. It was... It was special. It was really special. And then I just realized, you know, I just had to fuck more people. And she was like, do it. So it wasn't for a green card, you know. And it's basically because I came here as an illegal immigrant. And Kyle goes...

So, what do they call that? A documented? In this world, where you're talking to fucking Emeril, listening to this story, and you're still more embarrassing, Kyle. Come on. I have a question. If you're an illegal alien, are you allowed to promote Loverboy? What?

So they're shocked that this guy's actually married or was married. We don't know still, I guess. I think he's still married, but now they're just fucking other people? No, I think they're divorced. And now he was like, I realized after that marriage that if it's not the one, I might as well fuck everything inside until I find the one. Yeah, why not? Welcome to the gay life. Okay, so try it. You might like it.

So he's like, yeah, he really, they give him a big long monologue. It goes on and on here. And this is the cast's face. They're like, nine out of 10 of us have fucked Carl and we're still grossed out by you. I know. We thought it'd be like funnier than that. I know, they thought it would be fun, you know? Because it's like the golden girls, like Blanche comes and she tells like her slutty stories.

And they're always good. But it's like if Blanche just came in and she's like, "I fucked a lot of people." And just ate cheesecake, you'd be like, "What the fuck is she doing?"

"Hope I didn't keep anyone up. We were fisting." You're like, "Aww." - Yes, goes too far. Blanche going way too far. - So they-- - And Carl's like, "Wow, you know, I appreciate you sharing that. You know, you're like the wind to my non-working wang." He's like, "Feels great." - "I don't even know what that's like to fist anymore. I can't even go into a sex club anymore and know what to do. Ugh."

But I did vote for Obama. Never the better to believe. Hope. Every gay guy who passed out was like, I was wondering what that was. I was like, wait, what was the connection? It was like hope. And every time I passed it, I was like, I'll vote for you out of solidarity, but I'm not ready for that.

So everyone goes home. We go back to the city. And then the main event happens, which is a date with Paige and Craig. By the way, anyone who watches TikTok, I learned on TikTok today, because I didn't bring my little steamer thing, that if you have clothes and you just rub them really hard with friction, it will iron the clothes. Like the heat will iron. It doesn't work. It's still flipping up. So in case anyone's wondering why I'm giving myself nip jobs, I'm trying to make myself...

Presentable. That's how the pioneers did it when they Heather Gay's Heather Gay's great great great grandfather only made it to Salt Lake by doing self ironing. So so Craig and Paige go to an Australian restaurant and based on Australian restaurants on Bravo I would say not a good sign. Not a good sign.

Alright, so they go in and, you know, they have to order and Paige is like, oh, this is like a legit kangaroo? She's like, oh, this is actually Australian. It's not just a cute name. He's like, does that freak you out? Like, you gotta try new things every once in a while, you know? Like, I've tried lion before.

fuck off how do people watch Craig for five minutes and think that guy's so cute he ate a lion you know why are we stringing Jimmy John's up you know get Craig it's the circle of life so Paige is like I'm trying to think of like what's the grossest thing that I've had maybe a lean cuisine once have you tried squirrel you can't eat a squirrel Craig that's a rodent so we're penguins and we eat them

We don't eat penguins. No, that's why there was that movie called The Dinner of the Penguins. It's called The March of the Penguins. It sounds nothing like that, Craig. Stop making stuff up. With mustard. No, Craig, now you're just making things up. So, you know, you gotta do what you need to do to feed your family. By the way, so the waitress comes over. I love this. The waitress comes over and they go, Can you tell us more about the kangaroo? Yeah.

And the waitress goes, well, it's kangaroo, and that's it. Okay, we'll have that. Yeah, I'll have kangaroo and a cappuccino. What the fuck? The signs were everywhere, people. Everywhere. What kind of palate do you have? And so... Paige is like, getting a cappuccino after breakfast is frowned upon in Italy, and also just in my personality. Yeah.

He'd have that if you were Italian. He's like, "I'm Dutch, so I don't care. I do what I want." She goes, "Yeah, well, do you still listen to your parents?" He goes, "I'm 36 years old."

Yeah, well, in my 31 years on this earth, my mom has never been wrong once. So why all of a sudden when I got married and have kids, would she ever be wrong? Because I'm going to be your husband and I'm going to have a say in things. Oh, honey. No, you're not. You're dating page disorder. And any husband standing out there really thinking that that's going to happen, fuck you too. We don't marry you to give you a say.

Fucking dumbasses. If you were getting your way... Not you. If Craig were getting his way, he would still be punching walls in Charleston. Paige was like, you're going to start wearing polo shirts and make money. Thank you very much. Sometimes I feel guilty about certain decisions because of my parents. Like dating you. My mom's disgusted. But I still do it. Or like, Lindsay had a baby and my first reaction was... And then my second reaction was like...

"Sesame is coming out of that." And then my third reaction was, "Ew." And then my fourth reaction was, "Stop reacting, ew." And then I thought, "My mom's gonna be mad that Lindsay had a baby before me." He's like, "You wanna have babies?" She's like, "No." I just, I don't want to embarrass my mom, and I just, I don't want to be 75 like Lindsay when I have my first baby. It's so hard when you're having a geriatric pregnancy, and you're actually a geriatric.

"Well, you shouldn't be having a baby because your parents want to be grandparents. You should be having a baby because I want you to have a baby." "You shouldn't do it for your parents, you should do it for a man." And he's like, "Oh, you know, I just think it's like a bummer sometimes 'cause like, we both have like single lives, but then like we need to be together. And like you wear so many shoes and you could be barefoot in the kitchen."

The bag design. So it sounds like you're ready for the next step. And he's like, I'm not ready for the next step. I'm just ready for you to take off your fucking shoes and have my baby, you fucking complainer. I brought you a gift. Oh my God, it's a red cape with a white hat. Thanks, Craig. Thanks, Craig. But seriously, listen to how he's talking. He's like, no, I don't want anything to change, but you know you can't still have a career like this once we have babies.

Better learn to sew your fucking mouth shut, sewing down south. My God. What the fuck is wrong with him? Well, there clearly was a lot of tension, but thankfully the kangaroo arrives to... Paige is like, ew. So he's like, by the way, this is kind of like a health check on the relationship because we're happy now. And cut to her frowning.

And like, let's continue because we put effort into it that we make each other priority no matter how busy we get. Yeah. Well, you know, that's why I feel like you're bringing it up because I feel like there's a change of you being like maybe not happy, which is wild because I'm Paige and you're Craig and you should be so fucking happy to even be sitting here having a meal with me. Yeah, but all I'm saying is like you're like legitimately more successful and busier, which is awesome. She's like, is it?

I know.

She's literally selling out Radio City Music Hall multiple nights in a row. And he's like, come hang out by my pool in Charleston. Girl. Got a friend from college sewing you a couple of pillows. Sit down, sir. So she's like, well, it just makes me feel like if I get more successful, like that's a bad thing. And he's like, yeah. She's like, wait, are you breaking up with me in an Australian restaurant? Do we have to call Ashley Darby? He's like, uh-huh.

I just never thought I'd be in such a submissive relationship. Really, have you not watched the past ten years of your show? When have you not been a fucking wuss? Cut to Naomi. Craig, are you ever going to leave the house? You've been here all week. You haven't taken a shower and all you've done is stare at that stupid sewing machine. Get a fucking life. You smell. He's like, what's the matter with my sewing? Yeah.

You've been in nothing but submissive relationships. Now put the gag back in your mouth. And she's like, should I apologize for being strong and independent? And he's like, yes. That would be nice. So he's like, I just want you to be everything you want, but then I just want you to give it up to bear my popsicle children and clean my house. She's like, gross. So it just ends. I just wish that she would have just murdered him maybe, like killed him.

Slam his head down on the table. Yeah. So that's pretty much that, huh? I thought I had more because I was about to go previously on Summer House. I wrote that all at the end. But yeah, that brings us to the end of Summer House. Next week on Summer House. So here's the thing. So the reason why I'm a cake eater is because...

I've had so many struggles in my life. My teeth have been yellow for so long. I'm kind of, I'm kind of losing my soul. Are you eating cake right now? Lindsay's trying to steal my soul. That brings us to the end of Summer House. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having us back and we'll see you next time. We love you. Good night, everyone.

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