#2768 Below Deck Down Under S03E07: Letters From a Go-Go Poet
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Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on Ye Olde Broves. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good. Excited because we are still on the road this weekend. We are going to be in Charlotte doing Southern Charm season finale. Then we're going to be in Atlanta doing a classic episode of Real Housewives of Orange County. Ben, what is it again?

Oh, geez. Oh, geez. Look at that. We'll tell you in a second. And then following that, we are going to be in Washington, D.C., Philadelphia, Boston, Detroit, Chicago, Austin, Dallas, and Las Vegas. You can get links for tickets and our schedule over at WatchWhatCrapens.com, as well as a link to our Patreon, which is where you find the videos, like we're doing right now. Hi. Hi.

and you can also find our bonus episodes. We did full Traders Recaps, and now we are doing some Airport Snaps, which is where we judge the fuck out of people in an airport. That's super fun. We just did one in Cincinnati that was really good. So go check those out, and thanks for being here, everybody. Today is below... Oh, did you find it? Yeah, I found it. I found it, everyone. The episode we are doing in Atlanta is...

Orange County bringing up old ghosts season 11 episode 16 which is uh it is the Ireland episode it's one of the two Ireland episodes this is the one where they uh I think that they get Kelly drunk and then there's a fight in the bus at the end of the episode

So it's a really classic, hilarious show, and we are going to have a lot of fun recapping it down in Atlanta. Yeah, so come check that out. So let's hit up some Below Deck Down Under Season 3, Episode 7, Declaration of Love.

So it's 7 a.m. or it's right before the charter and Harry's checking in on Brie and asking if she slept well. I mean, the chemistry is off the charts with these two. And she said she did sleep well. So that's a love story if I ever heard one. Yeah. And he gives her a little peck and she's just like, make a move, make a move.

Do something. Then we go to Serena and Alicia, who is the new sous chef. And they're very excited for their first day. And then Johnny comes in all creepily. I mean, I know he thinks he's romantic. He doesn't come off as romantic. Yeah.

He really does come off as a salty and I need him to back down a little bit. He's like, hello. It was so nice dancing with you yesterday. And she's like, yeah, it was good fun. Yeah, yeah. I hope I didn't make you feel awkward or anything. Do you feel better now that my hand is on your boob? How does that feel? I know.

I hope I didn't make you feel awkward or anything when I went in and tried to kiss you after knowing you for 35 minutes. Just say, I'm sorry for making it awkward. Not, I hope I didn't. Because it's like, you did make it. You know you made it awkward. You know you made it awkward enough that you are coming down into the galley the next day to have to say this. So I hate when people are like, oh, I hope I didn't make it awkward. It's like, of course you did. And now I have to pretend like you didn't. Well, she doesn't really feel like it was too awkward. She's like, whatever. You know, she's like, okay.

I think she actually likes him. Yeah, she seems to like him. And he's like, I know it was too much, especially for your first day. So day two, impregnation. Meet me on deck. She's like, no, there was nothing wrong. It was quite good fun. It's just that it's my first day on a reality show and I don't want to totally embarrass myself this quickly. Just wanted to make sure that the rest of the guys weren't fuckwits. And they are. So full steam ahead. I know, right?

He's like, last night I went in for a kiss and it was a little bit out of character for me. You know, in Greece, we have Greece, green gods, Aphrodite, Eros, and they're definitely knocking on my door from being cold in my heart. You know, the arrow pretend to get shot in chest with arrow or Cupid Dionysus yogurt. I feel warmer. You'll see. I have heart and love in me now. Even his view of love is so violent. He's like, and then I love my shooting heart.

She fall down, she bleed all over ground, and we marry. Jesus. Calm down, sir. So Jason is announcing that the jet ski replacement has just arrived. Thankfully, it's wearing a kimono by Captain's Lounge. Please pick that up.

It's a beautiful accessory for your jet ski. So Ray and Marina are doing some rooms and the vet crew's doing jet skis. And now Serena is announcing it's time to do the fridge and freezer. Just going through like moldy veg, basically. And so they do that.

So then Vian and Lara are catching up and she's asking how his night was. And he's like, he's basically like, well, I told her, I told, I told Zarina I was interested in someone else. And she's like, oh, and Zarina took it okay. She's like, well, yes. And then she caught me off guard before, just before my cabin. And she was like, kiss me now. And so we kissed and, you know, but it wasn't me. She was, she was kissing me. And she's like, so you just like, why would you do this? And he keeps on acting all passive. This is,

Such the classic thing. This is like a Carl Radke thing. He's like, no, I didn't kiss her. She kissed me. I just happened to be there. Like, sir, we saw you. You two were both kissing. And if you didn't want to kiss her, you could have walked away. You know exactly how to diffuse that situation. And you're acting like, oh, no. And this is not a victim-blaming situation because this is a situation where he...

was he is enjoying doing this. This sounds like problematic language, but I'm totally backing it when it comes to Vian because I think he was totally down for it, but he doesn't want to have any of the responsibility or the accountability that comes along with this. - Well, he has none. I think he has no accountability with this because she pulled him into the thing. She kissed him. Yeah, he kissed her back, but he had just told her he's not into her. So, and he's like, well, she knows what she's standing with me.

And Laura's like, don't mess with my girls. But yeah, I mean, I think Serena knows, right? Serena doesn't seem to be, you know, thinking they're married or anything. I think Serena's like, okay. But I'm just saying on his part, like he's the sort of person that he's like, oh yeah, no, I said this last week, you know, he's the sort of one who's like, he's going to establish these boundaries solely that way he can say he's established the boundaries. And then when stuff happens, he'd be like, but I established a boundary. You can't be mad at me.

But he did establish a boundary, which is unlike, I think a lot of these fuckboys do the thing where they're like, well, I'm not sure, and I'm not sure I want a relationship. And that's their boundary, where they're like...

They're kind of trying to have their cake and eat it too, which is our saying for the week. Lovely saying. In case anybody wants to really argue what it means deeply. But yeah, I think he wants to have it both. You know, most guys want to have it both ways on these shows where they're like, I'm just not sure I'm ready for a relationship, but we can see where this goes. Where he was like, no, I like...

That other girl. You know, I like Forrest Gump. And then, you know, I think that was a little clearer, at least. I don't know why I'm standing up for Vian. I know. I'm surprised because, you know, Ben did this on Below Deck. Remember when he was with that lady, Sunny? And I hate to bring us back to Ben and Sunny, but he basically breaks up with Sunny and then she's like, fine. And then he's like, oh, well, now I'm going to start making out with you. It's like, it's...

It's like, I think some weird... It's a weird... Not strategy. It's like a thing. It's a tactic that I feel like fuckboys do when they don't want to be held responsibility for the emotional elements that come with a hookup or a relationship. And I just think it's just like...

What I hate is Vian just acting all passive in it. Like, oh, he wasn't even part of this. He was, you know, he just got roped in. It's like, you were an active part of this, Vian, and you're acting like you're not. And I'm just not here for it.

It's the only thing you've been active with this entire episode, I'd like to add. Well, I guess my thing is Vian's such a douchebag and such a sad worker for the rest of this. There's so many other reasons to be mad at him. But I think for this show, he was at least pretty clear. Whereas most guys, I think, would just lead...

all three on whereas he was at least like no i like this one and now i'm gonna write her you know i'm gonna write her letters on the little free notebook you get on your marriott nightstand yeah well okay i'll give him credit for being a little a little clearer than most of the boys but i still think that like he's he's just turning he's just going down very rapidly for me also serena's just getting on my nerves because like he said no like

get some self-respect serena like i love serena so i don't like watching serena be like oh but let's see if i can still try it stop it just stop it uh so uh now we go back to the galley and uh she's talking to elizia and she's like so have you done some cooking she's like well i don't want to disappoint you you know i've got a passion for it but i'm not really a chef just hand me a chili and something green let's get going shall we i know

It's like, well, I wouldn't expect you to be a chef at 25 anyway. She's like, well, I'd love to learn anything I can from you, but whatever you need, I'll do my best to help. Now tell me, what is salt? It's like, oh dear. So basically Zarina's going to have her start off making crew food and then go from there. And then Alicia tells us about her background and she says that she has no official training, but she has a lot of passion, which...

is great, but if I'm on a five-star yacht, I want to be like, well, this soup tastes like mud, but it also tastes like passion, so I'm going to keep eating it. I want the training, too, not just the passion. Well, you know, some of us just watch...

you know, Food Network. Okay? Still learn to cook. Watch a couple of YouTubes. You can learn. Can you learn to cook on the Food Network these days? Can you? Searing commentary from Ben Mandelker. Anyway, she's learned to compete against Guy Fieri and learn how to chase a can down a grocery aisle or whatever the fuck he's doing these days. You can learn to mix bubble gum and duck confit together in a box. So her other big story is, the thing I'm one of four sisters.

And I have a twin sister and she plays such a pivotal role in my life. I'm obsessed with her. I want to be her, that goddamn bitch. One day I'll be her. So I've decided to cook and just try my own thing, you know, because before all I would really do is put pictures of my twin sister, which were basically me, but then I'd put pins through their head every day. And I started to get a headache and I said, God damn it, Karma, can you pay attention? We're twins. Nobody could tell us apart unless it came to our report cards or boys that wanted to date us or cars that our parents bought us.

Yeah, you know, we were both like so together and then my identity was bound to her completely. And then she moved on. She got a boyfriend, moved to Australia, did everything she could to get away from me. And I kind of hit a low point and I started going out more, partying more, doing anything to mask the feeling of being alone, which is my way of saying I wound up in the gutter and food saved me. Thank you. Thank you. I'm a chef.

And she's like, and you know, now she's got her own life. She's out in Australia, which is wonderful. And it's now time to grow up and learn how to make things that have a taste that hides the poisoning that I'm going to feed her one day on her goddamn wedding night. It's great. It's going great. Now that my twin sister has moved off to Australia from England, it's time for me to establish my own identity by being on Below Deck Australia. LAUGHTER

They're like, what's your name? Ashley. I'm sorry. I thought your name was Alicia. No, I'm Ashley. I'm very happy. I have a boyfriend. Please let me embezzle your money. She's just going to do one of those shows where she turns into the twin. Oh, yeah. There's never was a twin. The best. I love I love twin intrigue. It's so good. Played by Sarah Michelle Gellar.

it is always good whether like whether it turns out there's a secret twin or whether there's you've always known about the twin but like they have a competition it just always works out well in stories yeah has there ever been a dull twin adult oh yeah there's a lot of real houses in new jersey yeah i mean how can you call them dull one of them their mother one of one of them had a husband who the mother right that's true and they did they would meet and have culottes at dunkin donuts

Yeah, they're exciting. They're exciting twins. So Harry and Johnny are talking about the new girl because Harry's so, you know, thirsty for the tea. He's like, so you and the new girl tell me the tea. Won't tell anybody except Brianna and all the girls in cleaning, of course. What's going on? He's like, I like her. Oh, my heart. I've been shot. I'm bleeding. Bleeding on the ground. Fucking heroes.

Death by cupid and he's like well, you know don't remember there's no rush is there my recommendation give her a kiss and then give her a second kiss two weeks later and he's like got it and

So then Marina is asking Bri about her and Harry and she's like, "Well, I think we're both kind of shy and it's kind of tough. I mean, where are the conversations? This morning he passed by me and kissed me on the ear and he still hasn't talked to me about it. What did it mean?" I know. She's just in an existential spiral because of Harry, which is amazing. Just quietly on the side of the show. It just always cuts her being like,

Huh. I'm having some trouble opening up the peanut butter. Does this mean something about me and Harry? What does it mean? And she's like, you know, I was hoping to see where Harry's head's at, but oh my gosh, it's just, I'm just going to get tired of this questioning game. I mean, this morning he said, how's your morning? What am I supposed to do with that?

Did he meet this time zone or in America? Because it's not morning in America. It's so confusing. So then Vian is talking to Zarina and he's like, well, I think that Lara's angry at me. She's like, well, what did you do to her? He's like, I didn't do anything. And then Lara walks right in with that. She's really growing to hate Vian, which I love. Like, we've been waiting for this. I think we thought this was going to happen a few episodes ago. So it's been kind of like...

Come on, Laura, be exasperated. And she's getting there. So I'm very happy. And she just sees him and she's like, he's been kissing too many girls, including you, Sabrina, you slut. Yeah. And he's like, too many? What did I kiss? There's six girls on this boat. Oh, and you're going to get through all of them, I'm sure. And he's like, well, are you going to apologize to me, Laura? And she's like, no, I apologize to you, you slut.

Wipe your face. Why is it always oily? How is your face oily every single time I see you? And that's one of the things I wonder about him because, you know, I'm a big fan of Argan oil. That's what I put on my skin. So I have an oily tint to me as well. Not tint, but sheen. I have like an oily sheen. I never think of an oily sheen. Really? Ever.

well sometimes i never think like fresh out of the shower and i'll be a little sheeny but uh it's because i love an argon oil you know but i don't know what his deal is because he's all have you noticed he's always shiny look well it could be that it's like massively hot and humid there and maybe he just has oily skin he might just have he just might have he just might be an oily skinned person he's just so sexual he's always lubed he's always ready he's ready so

So Zarina tells us, at this point, I think Vian and I are just flirty friends and that probably shouldn't drink around each other. And Vian is obviously a shit stirrer. So let's be clear. I would definitely hook up with him though. A little muscle man. I've been waiting two seasons on the show to get some good action. So then Marina is like, finds...

a singular hair in the middle of the bed under the comforter. I don't know how she did that. That's like some kind of bullshit. - But can we talk about how she did it? I don't really understand Marina's process here. I know everybody's like, "Oh my God, Marina, you're amazing in housekeeping." If I saw this in housekeeping, I would decapitate her. Okay, this is what she did. - Whoa. - Sorry. It's an extreme day, okay? I locked myself out of the house. It's been a rough morning. So,

Here's how she did it. She's at the foot of the bed. She gets on her knees at the foot of the bed. She untucks the comforter and then she puts it over her head and slides up halfway into the bed and then slides her head back out the bed and goes, look, I found a hair. How many hairs do you think are in there now? Exactly. Just left 10 more hairs, at least at the very least 10 hairs. It was way more hair now off, off of the head or the hair. Well, the hair's already off. Um,

So, I agree. I felt like that was a counterproductive way to remove a single hair. You know, like it was a Pyrrhic victory, as they would say, which is where you win the battle, but you lose the war. The reason why I know this is because I went on a cruise once.

And back in 2018, everyone may remember I was gone for a week. I went on a cruise with my family and one of the stops was Albania. And I was like, well, I'm going to go to Albania. When am I ever going to go there? And this is, as you may remember, I asked my tour guide if he had heard of Bliona, who this is a real deep cut, because if you know who Bliona is, one of the stars of Euros of Hollywood. Fuck you, I'm famous, famous. Yeah.

A fully underrated Bravo show that only had one season. Bravo had like a series of great one season wonders back in like around 2015. Anyway, the tour guide was very proud that there was a battle in Albania where this Albanian leader named like Scandaval, something like that. Scandaval won against the Ottomans. He was like, dude, a pure victory is when you put an apple against a pear and a pear wins because it's got some fuzz on its belly. Yeah.

I'm a lawyer and a storyteller. I'm sorry, I went into Craig. But anyway, the point is that there was a battle that happened in Albania that was like won the battle, staved off the Ottomans for like a heartbeat. But then like the Ottomans came through anyway and they lost the war and it became known as a Pyrrhic victory. That is your history lesson today, everyone. You're welcome.

The Ottoman also lost the war of the couch because the couch always gets it back and the Ottoman doesn't. The Ottoman is just kind of there. It's like optional. Sorry, Ottomans. Sorry for your empire. Ottoman. I mean, it's funny to think that our little sweet Ottomans next to our sofas had an empire at one point. They did. And now they're like, God damn it. You guys remember the time where we were actual beings and we weren't just things that people put their feet on.

Now they're just like sidekicks to sofas. They're like, there was a time when we were the leaders. Sofas were our sidekicks. That doesn't even make sense. God, no one cares if I get a stain. Yeah. By the way, I think I just want to say, because I know I'm going to get some emails that...

the, the leader whose name I forgot, Scanda, Scanda, something very important person in Albanian history was not part of this battle for the, the, it was King Pyrrhus. And so that's why it's called a Pyrrhic victory because it was King Pyrrhus who did love that victory. Okay. So it was great story, everyone. And, um, this all of course, uh,

relates to below deck because this is of course a great illustration of the parric victory is Marina's hair coming out while she removes a single hair under a comforter. If King Pyrus knew that one day this is what he'd be reduced to. Below deck recap. Oh God. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

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So Sabrina is talking about making toasties for crew lunch and Alicia's like, is there a toasty machine? Excuse me, you lazy. Apparently there is a toasty machine. What is a toasty machine? A toaster? Is it a toaster? I assume it's a toaster. You know, but the thing is this, you've got a flat top, make it on the flat tops, right? Like I've become, I'm a latent life convert to toasting bread in a skillet. I, this is something I never even really knew was a true option until

until I was listening to a podcast called The Recipe, which I love with Kenji Lopez-Alt and Deb Perlman. And they talked about toasting bread in a skillet. And I was like, I'm going to try it. And I'm telling you, if you've got like a nice piece of bread and you toast it in a skillet, it is life-changing. It is so much better than a toaster or a toaster oven. That's how I make my bagel sandwiches. You just put it right into a skillet? Yeah. Yeah.

I've made you one before. Get out. Yeah. It gets such a beautiful char. Yeah, you put some butter on there, though, the way I do it. And then you, like, cook the shit out of those bagels until they're nice and brown and toasty and buttery.

Okay, so there's a toasty machine. So now it's four hours till charter, and Vion and Adair are washing the deck. And Vion's like, oh, I think I should share something with you. And she's like, up here, of course, light, bud light, whatever it is, I'm down. No, yes, but I don't know if you know what's going on.

I really don't know what's going on. What are you trying to say to me? You have to give me a little bit more context. And he's like, well, it's a little bit of a thing going on with Marina and Zarina. Oh, they rhyme. Yeah, I got that. I know about that. Okay, back to work. No, no, no, no, no. There's more to it than that. How can there be more to it?

I used to date a guy named Bill and I also dated another guy named Will. It was the most confusing shit I ever heard in my life. Is that what's happening to you? Yeah, one time I was texting a guy named Bob and a guy named Rob. Turned out they're the same person. How does someone named Bob, how do they have two different nicknames? Bob and Rob? Why don't you choose one? You know what I'm saying? Then I got back on Tinder and I met a Rob Bob. What the fuck? Turns out Bill and Will are also the same nickname. What the hell?

Try to date a Billy Bob after you've dated a Bob Robb and a Bill Bob. Oh, God, I was so confused when I watched The Hobbit. I was like, Bilbo Baggins, that's like half the guys I just dated.

So he's like, actually, there was between me and Marina and Serena. And she's like, oh, and you? Oh. And he's like, but I told them it's not going to work. And she's like, so what? Do you just feel bad? Like, what's the story? I've got, I'm crapping in the mud. Like, what do you want? And he's like, no, it's the other part of the story. So she asked me, is there anyone that you're into? And I said, yes, but unfortunately, we are working together. And she's like, ah,

Oh, that sweet Harry's gonna love that. He's like, no, I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. He's like, no, no, you won't make me feel... I come from the world of mudding. I don't get uncomfortable. He's like, okay, well, I think you're really fucking cool and I thought I'd share that with you. Oh, thanks. You know, well, we still have a lot of time to go slow, so let's go slow. This is like...

This is the first time we've seen so many people promote slow romances on Blow Tech. Although in her case, she just wants no romance. Let's be honest. Yeah. I mean, look, we are a great team and everything, but he's not really my type of guy. Okay. I want my guy to have a Southern accent, a big lifted truck. I mean, you know, at our wedding, I want him to sing. I hope you damn something like that. You know,

What's it got on his iPhone music, you know? I need something like with trucks in it. Want it to be about trucks or Jesus. It was bullshit. What do you even listen to? He drives a Mini Cooper. She's so disinterested in him. This is so funny. She goes, you think...

You think when he's going to pull up, he's going to roll down the window in his lifted King Ranch? No, he drives a Mini Cooper. Stupid puss.

So then preference sheet meetings. All right, everyone. It's another group of ladies. Caroline is a trial attorney and a philanthropist, and she's reuniting with friends from San Diego and Pith, Australia. So on night one, they want to have a tropical themed evening. And then on day two, they want to go on a biking tour and visit a tortoise sanctuary, which I knew, Ronnie, you were excited about because it was like cute animals. And then they also aren't really cute. But this was a cute tortoise, though.

This is actually a really cute tortoise. I think tortoises are, I agree. They're not that cute, but this, but they're, well, they're inherently, I think that turtles and tortoises, they have like an inherent cuteness. Cause they got that big, that big old shell.

And that big old shell is so cute. It's cute. But the thing is, they're so big that they kind of lose the cuteness of a little turtle. Yeah, I remember when I had that little pig Spanky and I had to take him to that farm. They had a tortoise that was as big as a backyard. I was like, holy crap, it looks like a spaceship. I think the best thing about tortoises is you go see them when you need to feel young. Because as you get older, especially somewhere like LA, there's fewer and fewer aging people because, you know,

they move but um you know you just see young people everywhere and then it's nice you know you can go see a turtle and be like gosh you're 200 years old fuck yeah i'm only 49 so suck my dick turtle there's a neighborhood there's a neighborhood turtle around here uh tortoise uh although i haven't seen it in forever maybe the owner moved away but uh you know you go walking down the sidewalk and there there would be the lady and her tortoise would be down there and like

It was pretty cute. I'm actually going to say tortoises are cute because you know what? They eat grass like it's an ice cream cone. When they see a blade of grass, they're like, they're so happy. It's like they've never, they're like, oh my God, do I get to have grass today? And they just sit there and they chomp on that blade of grass and they're just so delighted. It's adorable. We're going to get to see them in a minute. So they also want to tour with a picnic on the iconic Anzolzal.

And then they're going to go on the Tinder. And then they're going to go to Coconut Grove for a picnic. I mean, this is amazing, guys. And then the picnic can go set up when the guests are away. And then maybe we can send a crew with the bikes so that we're on radio contact. And, you know, everything needs to be coordinated because this is a whole day of traveling around. It's going to require a lot of coordination, okay? And Vian's just kind of staring out into space. He's like, what rhymes with love? Love. I know.

I know, he's falling in love. So then Jason starts telling us more. He starts telling us about, I guess, this island or location called La Digue, which sounds like he's saying "La Dick." And he's like, "Well, La Digue has the number one beach in the world at the moment. And it's just beautiful turquoise water and white sand and granite mountains and tortoise sanctuary. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. And that's why people travel all around the world to go to the Seychelles.

which is why it's a shame that they wound up on our charter boat, because you pay a lot of money to have really mediocre service. Oh, well. Unfortunately, the trip to Ledeck is being planned by a man who can only think with Ledeck. So good luck. Good luck to him. Shake sail Ledeck.

So, yeah, I wasn't able to charge. So there is like talking to Johnny and still use your chest. OK, you keep holding. He's like, I've been shot. And she's like, well, how about this? You ever been to a Waffle House? It's like, no. What? You would love a Waffle House. You eat waffles and wait for somebody to fight. It's amazing.

He's like, I don't even know what waffle is. Oh, God. So then... So Zarina tastes Alicia's soup, and the seasoning is not really strong, but she's young, and she's new, and she's green, etc. And then Vian... Everyone's working, of course, and Harry's like, where's Vian? While everyone is slaving away, Vian is writing Adair a love note, and he reads us, or tells us, he's like...

He's like, "Adeya..." Well, country music is... Sorry. Country music is playing in the background here. That was not part of his... That's not part of his poem, but he's like... He's like, "Clearly those beautiful green eyes and beautiful smile have taken over, and all I'm thinking about is the next time I'm going to see you again. To feel these crazy butterfly feelings in my tummy again, your presence light up a room."

I love you. When you're going to see her again, you're her boss. You see her every five minutes. Yeah. And this definitely goes to show, you know, everybody's saying, like, don't give a man too much attention because they're not interested in that. You have to pretend you don't like him. I mean, in this case, she really doesn't like him. But look how well it works. Like, he's got people who like him all over the place. And he's like, nope, nope, nope, nope. They like me too much. And then the one that doesn't like him is like, oh, my God, I have to marry her. I can't stop thinking about her.

Yeah. And you know, this is, this is probably the most unappetizing gesture for a dare. I mean, this, she said she wants a guy in a truck and to give like someone who's going to give her a beer and go shoot pool or something like that. And then just get this love poem. Disgusting. This is mini Cooper love one-on-one. Yeah. So now, um,

everyone's noticing Vihon's not there and they're doing provisions and stuff and Laura's lifting all these heavy boxes and Johnny's like don't lift there's so many men here why would you lift and she's like but where

I do not see one. If you could show me one, that would be nice because, you know, Vian's off writing letters. God knows where all these guys are. So she just does it. And they're talking about air conditioning. And Vian's like, she's like, Vian, could you maybe do this? Because I'm doing these back and forth. So maybe could you carry some stuff? And he's like, but we have to carry it all the way down. So he picks the down, the down slope. So the women, by the way,

The stews are going to the provisioner and to the boat with the stuff. And Vian's just standing there in the doorway while everyone else is bringing stuff down to the alley. But basically...

The stews are supposed to be doing the interior part of this. Instead, they're out doing the deckhand part of it. Yes. So he's getting worse every week, this guy. I mean, he's getting worse and worse at his job. So then Lara's like, bye. Vion's a princess. And he's like, oh, how am I a princess if I'm fucking helping? Would a princess stand at a dock and watch people pass by with boxes? Yes.

Would a princess isolate herself away and write love letters to admirers? It's like, yes, actually. So then Laura's like, the boys can have boys. She's going to give everyone Hawaiian shirts for tonight because it's a charter, which means it's time to have the guys come out shirtless again. Every single charter she does this. Well, now she's getting worse. Like she says, she's putting metallic booty shorts, like these skin tight little short shorts for the guys.

I mean, look, every time it's getting to be like they're going to start getting pissed soon. I mean, Vian does get pissed, but not really because of this. He's like this for personal reasons. But I ain't doing that. Fuck you. I'm not wearing fucking booty shorts every night without shirts. I'm not even paid to do this job. This is your job. Why are you putting me in a costume job to pass plates? That's your job, ma'am.

So then Lara meets with the stews and she basically tells Marina that she's going to stay on housekeeping because she's really good at it. And Marina is, of course, upset about it because this is what happens. This is the lot in life on Below Deck. When you're good at laundry and housekeeping, you get stuck there the whole season and then you complain about it. Yeah, and she's like, oh, I'm pissed. You know, compliments will go so far when you don't see the light of day for three days. It's not fair. Yeah.

Well, don't worry. You just left about a whole head of hair in a bed. So maybe you'll get moved off that job. Yeah, seriously. And Laura's basically like, I've got a job here and I've got to choose the best people for the job. So it is what it is.

So now it's 30 minutes to charter, last minute looks and everything, double checking toiletries in the shower, etc. And then Harry's asking Alicia if she's ready for her first charter. And she's like, yeah. And so they're all getting ready. And then Johnny finds his booty shorts. And he's like, oh, I found booty shorts in bed. Should I wear for Alicia? Hey, you have the same bro. And they're like, oh, God, more booty shorts.

Another night of booty short service for the guests. So he's like, he asked how Lara's doing. And she's like, oh my God, I'm kind of hot, but fine. He's like, is it as hot outside as I am on the inside? And she's like, oh my God, if you need a fan, go to the galley. All right. They're all down there. Yeah. So, okay. So Lara's talking to Zarina and she's like,

She's like, you know, I really like Vian, but every time I see him, he's just chatting to Adele. Like, he just doesn't fucking do anything, you know? And Vian's like talking to Harry and he's like, Adele makes me just so nervous, bro. I mean, look, look, I wrote this letter for her. Harry's like, really? Well, you better take it a little bit slower. Before you send that letter, I would hold onto it for another week and a half and then give her one line at a time. Letter? A letter of third base. You can't do that. What?

He's like, but read it, bro. Because it's got a lot of depth.

Oh, poor Vian. It does not have a lot of depth, Vian. Poor, sad, go-go Vian. So Zarina is like, oh, Jesus is so hot. Can someone turn the temperature down? My tits are sweating. So now the guests arrive, and we learn a little bit about Caroline from her bio that pops up. She's from La Jolla. She's a trial attorney, a philanthropist. She has her own parking spot at her favorite winery in Napa. So she's also a drinker and a driver. I know.

So she's also an alcoholic. Good for her. So Carolyn, thankfully a lawyer because she's got to get herself out a lot of DUIs. I know. It's like way to throw Carolyn under the bus. You know, she doesn't have a parking spot. She knows when they asked her to fill out the form. She's like, well, you know, they love me out there. I practically have a parking spot. You know, that's just what I am. She probably drove her car through the wall.

So they come on board and everyone says hello. And then one of Caroline, Caroline says to one of her friends, like, hey, just so you know, the captain is majorly checking you out. And it cuts to Captain Jason looking like as far away from the women as possible. Yeah, he's into you.

All right, I need to crack on with the platters. Maybe we should do like a little hummus plate or something. So Alicia starts making that. And meanwhile, Adair's doing the tender and people are doing the dark. And now they're en route to La Dick. Damn right we are. I've been en route to La Dick for a long time. And I find it each and every time I try to find it.

So Alicia has agreed to make Thai food for the crew lunch. Surely this is going to work out great.

And Serena and her talk about how great they are at working together and stuff. And Serena's like, you know, a leash is amazing. Normally I like to sit on a counter and really ask the person, what do you do? What's your favourite colour? Where have you gone to school? Do you know what chiffonade means? Do you like French bulldogs or chihuahuas? What's your favourite kind of knife, paring or chefs? You know, sort of stuff like that. But I learned with the last one that that makes people run away. So...

So I've just decided to hunt a crew food to see if anybody dies.

I've learned a really important question to ask in these moments on the counter is to say, when you put on a shirt, do you put your arms through the holes first? Do you put your head through the hole first? Or do you do a weird thing where you drape the shirt over your entire body and keep your hands directly at your side? And then once your shirt is on, you slither your arms up through the shirt and through the arm holes like a regular lunatic. Because then I might know we have a problem. Hmm.

So the ladies are being wacky. They're like cracking up. They're like, how do I open this door to go to the outside? What is not open? Honey, you need to press the button. I press the button. Oh my God, it opened. Oh my God. It's closing again. Try and open it with my butt. Oh, I wouldn't open. I'm falling. You know, I got a parking spot at this doorway.

So then Harry's asking where Adair is and everything. And Adair walks through. She arrives. This looks yummy. So they all...

It's just, they're talking. I don't know. Nothing really happens. Vian is basically, he's just crushing. And he's like, we've put everything out there now that we can, you two. So Johnny and Adair go down for two hours. So they're going to go and have a break. I don't know why I felt compelled to read that, but now we all know exactly when they took us. That's what happens. It's like, I thought what you said when I started reading it, I thought he was saying now, now that I've put it out there that I'm really into you. Uh, but no, he was like, no, we put the water toys out on the ocean and you can take a break. Yeah.

So Laura checks in with Bree. She's like, what's going on with Harry? She's like, I don't know. We've been out on a date. I told him my parents owned an ice cream shop and then nothing. It's just like, hi, bye. How was your night? I mean, what is that? She goes, oh, so he needs to get into gear then. Yeah, I mean, I think it's fizzling. What if it's fizzling? I think it's fizzling, yeah, but we haven't talked about it. If a fizzle fizzles in a forest, but there's no one around to hear it fizzle, are you even drinking a Diet Coke? I need more communication.

All right, well, I'm just going to sit over here and fantasize about going to my cottage in rural England with my dogs because you're annoying the hell out of me. Thank you so much. So basically what's happening to you is what's happened with Harry and every woman since he's ever been born. You're bored. She's like, maybe. Maybe.

So now Vian is talking to Harry about this love letter situation. He's like, would you like me to read it out loud? And Harry's like, yeah, absolutely. But read it very slowly. You don't want to go too fast. He's like, all right. Adair, you speak your mind and there's no filter. And that I love. I love that the most. Never change that as it is what makes you you. That is what makes you you. I mean, your accent. I love your accent. And Harry's like, oh, American accents. It's like, yeah, makes my heart skip a beat. Well, you are special.

And Harry's like, he likes her accent. I mean, she's got no inside voice. And she's like, hey, back around here, swing that truck over the load. No one likes that accent. Harry was way too accurate with that. So funny. Oh, my God. You've got the most romantic voice I've ever heard in my life. No, I've heard that before.

Swing that jet ski back around the corner there, please. Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. Acorns is a financial wellness app that makes it easy to start saving and investing for your future. Saving is so incredibly important. Things are so unpredictable. Things can change in a dime. And that's why I save my dimes by savings. And I save my dimes by saving my dimes.

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and people helping truckers fill up and get maintenance at our convenient locations. They're part of the more than 300,000 jobs VP supports across the country. Learn more at VP.com slash investing in America. So now they all, speaking of which, water toys, party, fun times. Laura's telling Bree they need to set up the dinner at a certain time. And then Vian's trying to flirt. So he's like, Sue, I dare you.

Was your break good? Yeah, I showered and washed my hair. It was real nice. I was trying to get more mud into it, honestly, but I couldn't do it. Oh. So then Laura's like, well, you know, I didn't really want to get the boys in the underwear, so why don't we put some palm leaves on the front and the back? How about that, Bree? Do that. And she's like, oh my god, they're gonna love this. So Laura's like, well, they requested Seychelles Island themed dinner, so you know, do silver hot pants scream Seychelles? Not really, but

the women are gonna love it i get to demean harry again so it's worth it so uh then zarina's telling uh zarina's telling jason that the the boys are gonna be in in booty pants again and she's like oh by the way i don't think i told you jason but

I filmed the boys just sitting, having a laugh on the job. This is my polite way of tattling on them and saying they're not doing their shit. Because while Harry and Vian were reading that love letter, they were on like a monitor in the galley. And so Serena totally recorded them as she should have for proof when she needs it, when they accuse her of like not pulling her own weight for some reason. Yeah.

So Serena shows the captain. She's like, oh, I forgot to tell you. You've got some videos about the boys sitting around. And he's just like, meh, they love a chat, the old dick. What are you going to do? So he doesn't really care. So then, you know, he probably cares more that they're tattletailing, honestly. So then Lara's like, you know, Vianne, can we get someone to set up for dinner? And he's like, no. And she's like, why? He's like, because Harry's down and I need a dare for water toys. And...

Part of our love story. I can't let it get out of my sight.

He probably is like, I want to have time alone with Adair so I can flirt with her. She's like, yes, I just feel like it's a bit like the boys are all kind of just like chilling. It's just a bit annoying to see us getting it done as quickly as possible. And then Adair's always just like wandering around like she's got nothing to do. He's like, well, that's crazy. And he's like, no, it's just like, that's just the way things are with you guys. Someone could be doing this, you know, things like that. You could be productive and not standing around reading poetry to each other on the closed circuit television. Yeah.

Yeah, and he's like, but then if we're going to walk off deck and start giving you a hand in the interior, then they're going to start taking the piss out of that. She's like, well, and he says, well, you know, this is honestly, this is very gray for me. This is a very gray area. And she's like, um, okay, well, I don't even get to send my girls to eat. And he's like, but what else is there for me to do? And she's like, give them a kick up the ass and have them do more. And he's like, okay, he's like doing that kind of stupid blink, but he's starting to simmer. Yeah.

Yeah, and this happens like on every season of Below Deck. Or I guess starting to boil. Summer is when you calm down, right? So you're starting to boil. And every season of Below Deck, the bosun is always such a dick about helping out. This is the time you need service. You have six people on your boat that need to be served dinner, and you need to help. There's a lot. And you've got multiple levels. Why not help? Because the guys aren't doing anything. The boat is angered. The toys are in. Nothing's being cleaned right now. Everyone's just standing around.

So, Lara is very annoyed. She's like, I've never worked with anyone like Vian. He hasn't shown any initiative. He's all about himself. And he doesn't have the passion for the job. He will get a smaller booty short than usual tonight. So, Vian's like, I mean, how does Lara even have the free time to monitor my deck crew? Because obviously your stuff is not getting done. So, I wonder where the problem is.

So then Serena and Laura are planning the lunch thing and Vian is saying, you know, he's talking to the guy or he's talking to the crew, his deck crew. And he's like, you know, with the interior, I feel like we're helping them a lot, but obviously they see a difference. So I don't get it. But my advice would be to just don't stand around and make it look like you're not doing anything. So just walk in circles. No leaning. If you've got time to lean,

You've got time to pretend that you're not leaning so Lara doesn't ask you to do shit because it's not our job. So rather than actually help out, he's telling his crew to pretend like you're working so you don't have to actually work. Yeah, he's not saying help out more. He's saying pretend you're busy so you don't have to help.

Yeah. So Johnny's like, well, if you need help, tell me. I mean, I'm not going to say no, fuck you. Johnny's like, I'll help. He's like, no, no, no. Don't. Don't help. Pretend like you're going to help. He's like, I feel bad saying this, but because it's not the truth. And Adair's like, well, you're really hurting my feelings right now. And he's like, I'm so sorry. Fuck. Love story. So Johnny's like, I don't care who's right or who's wrong. Here's what's right. My heart. And this is on the right path.

You can argue with duties, but you cannot argue love. So Jason... He's having a very emotional charter. Jason calls Vian to the captain's area, the captain's region of the boat. And he's basically saying, hey...

We're going to get dropping off guests at Ledeek at 11 at 11. They're going to get off and then they're going to, I guess, go on their tour or whatever. But landing at 11, you figure it up, organize this whole tour thing, etc. Leave the team, talk to Laura, talk to the chef, figure this out.

So then, let's see. So now Johnny is really hungry, right? And so Laura's like, okay, well, once Adair's had dinner, then she can move up to cabins. So Laura's like, well, we're going to serve the first court in a Hawaiian shirt. The second course, you'll have the shirt open. The third course, you're wearing this. And we're serving a fourth course, which is just your balls on a plate. Just like all of your testicles on one giant plate. It's just a progression. So then Johnny...

Johnny is like, "Well, I don't know if I'm gonna fit into that." And he starts eating some of this Thai curry and he starts... His reaction to spice was hilarious 'cause I feel like normally when people eat spicy things, they're like, "Whoa!" You know, they do that thing that you fan your mouth, which is funny because it's not like that really ever helps anything 'cause you're not really creating any sort of wind currents, but it's kind of like a gesture like, "Guys, my mouth is on fire." But he starts acting like he's having a reaction. He's like, "Oh, ugh! Ugh!"

I thought an ant was going to pop out of his chest. Did you ever see that video of cats tasting things for the first time? They'll be like, no, I wish I had. We let a cat taste ice cream. And the cat's like...

That's how Johnny was. Their face just freezes with their mouth open. Like they're petrified. Their taste buds don't know what to do. It was so fucking funny. And he's like, I'm crying over here. And Harry's like, I'll try it. Oh my God. God, it's really hot. Jeez. And Johnny's like, I'm hungry. I don't care. I'll eat it.

And they're all like these big burly guys and they're all just like dying with the spicy food. They're like, ah! And Alicia's like, sorry, I love spice. And Harry's just like, oh, he's going to eat it because he's in love. So it's like the curry warms up my whole insides. It almost came out of my eyes. Keep on eating. Keep on smiling. I do it for love.

Curry eyes. So then Alicia's... She's so proud of herself. She's like, yeah, it's a pretty diabolical curry. So she's... It's so funny because she's like just smiling. So now it's time for service, time for the food to go up. Zarina's making an enormous snapper. She has this big ass snapper that's salt baked. It's a big fish. I feel like Zarina does a good fish. I feel like whenever she has to do some nice...

or whatever, she really kills it, right? Yeah, she does great with fish and soups. Loves the soup. So they've climbed 707 stairs today, we see on the screen. And so Marina's showing Adair how to clean and stuff. And then Lara presents the snapper with mango salad. Bon appetit.

And then the guys come out in their shirts. They're buttoned. It's crazy. It's first course. So then Alicia is asking to clean stuff. So they're doing great in the galley because Alicia's like, please let me clean things. So Serena's in love.

And then Alicia's like, you know, it's a lot of work and it's a lot of adjustment. But, you know, God, Serena's a good boss to have. You know, it's really nice to be around a woman who doesn't look exactly like me in Excel in every single goddamn way. So that's nice. And then Marina, meanwhile, is talking to Adair. And Marina's like, so, do you have type? And Adair's like, well...

I thought I do, but I don't know. I don't know how well that's working out for me. I mean, it's probably time for me to switch it up. She's like, what's your type? I don't know, like a redneck vibe. And Marina's like, oh, like, woman, bring me a beer. Like gross ketchup on white tank top, you know, just like sitting in lounge chair, throwing tinfoil at TV, watching football and picking nose. Yeah, exactly like that. That's perfect. I love that.

Yeah, I just want someone to tell me, bring me a damn beer. Sometimes that's just all you want in life. And she's like, I was fucking joking there. That is so sad. But that's what I like. You want someone to show up in a pickup truck covered in mud doing like donuts in the parking lot and going off and drinking and driving down the... Yeah, that's perfect.

That's perfect. That sounds like the dream. Sweat stains, ball hair, booger rockets, you know, typical guy. That's what I'm into. Sick roast. God.

Hey, you ever see Panic Room? Remember how Dwight Yoakam looked in that movie? That was so fucking hot. So now the next course is served and the shirts are open. And the guy's like, wait a minute. Now their shirt's open. And Vian's like, don't worry. There's one more dish to go. Don't spoil it. Jesus. This is a progressive surprise dinner. Don't tell them what's coming. Don't tell them.

So then it's going to be a local chicken curry with a caramelized pineapple. Enjoy.

So right now, Vian's totally fine with getting into the booty shorts, which they're currently, which they're doing right now. And he's like, get the shirts off, boys, boys. You know what? Let's do it for the tip. Because when you earn 2,500 euros, you're not going to fucking care about wearing this shit. So just put it on. So he does. And he comes into the kitchen. And Serena's like, whoa, hold on a second. Please, nobody stare at my eyes. Oh, man. Well.

Wow, that's really beauty. So then Adair, meanwhile, grossed out. She's like, oh, I see your inner thigh hair and I couldn't even imagine eating my cake and turning over and have that silver crotch in my face. No, thank you. Whatever happened to Levi's? So the guys are taking forever, by the way, to get into the booty shorts. They're taking forever and they're sitting around a lot. During this entire thing, the students are going up and down the staircase.

Zarina's plating, Alicia's plating. Everyone's like working so hard. And the guys are just sitting there joking around, taking their time. And Lara's like, hello, hello. Come on, hurry up, everyone. You know, just because you're strippers doesn't mean you have to be lazy. It's like, I don't really understand the correlation between those two concepts, but fine. She's like, come on, come on, come on, do this, hurry up. So Lara's basically bossing them around because they're dragging their asses. And she's like, get up there.

Yeah, and Vian is not liking that. So he's like, look, I don't like this because my butt cheeks are hanging out. Let's just get it over with. She's like, you just did a strip tease the other day. You rubbed your whole tank on a woman's face. I think you'll be fine. And he's like, well, but I wasn't so naked. I had underwear on. Okay, your underwear were the same size as this. And she's like, I thought you were a world-class stripper. No one said world-class. They said beefcakes. It's not world-class.

So his whole thing is that the underwear he was wearing fit him better than, so he's like self-conscious or he's claiming to be self-conscious all of a sudden about he's like a stripper diva. He's like, well, I can do it when my booty shorts fit me. Right.

and we're like why is he all of a sudden being so particular about his booty shorts i mean look we're all are we all know what it's like to put on a shirt that's like you're like oh god i hate the way i look in this shirt or something like that so for a moment i was like oh i can understand it but then he says i'm her equal on this boat and she's bossing me around like i'm one of the minions it's annoying like this is really pissing me off i'm like oh yeah so it's not about the shorts it's because you're fragile

Because, listen, I mean, I've never had a job where I haven't been asked to put on like really skin tight booty shorts and that's it. You know, so I know what it's like. Like you really need to get the right ones. And I think if you had started this by saying, listen, you've had us naked every dinner and it's starting to feel creepy. Like, can we just not be naked anymore? Like if you had started that, I think that everybody has the right to be like, girl, I'm not getting in booty shorts for every single dinner.

I think everybody has that right. But the fact that he was all gung ho and like, let's do it for the tip. And now he's mad that he's getting bossed around. And now he's using it like, how dare you treat me like this? It's like, OK, no one's buying it, buddy.

Exactly. So they go up, they do it, everyone's amused, etc. And afterwards, Vian's really upset. He's like, that was not fun. Fuck this. Harry's like, well, why did you do it then? He's like, what are you going to say? No. He's like, well, you could have said no. He's like, but why could we not be in our Hawaiian board shorts? It's...

It's kind of funny because he's like, I hate being bossed around by Lara. But unfortunately, I have to listen to everything that she says. It's like, well, you can't play the card like we're equals. You can't boss me around. Then why are you saying that you had to listen? You could have just said, no, I'm not going to do it.

Yeah, and Harry's like, well, what's the difference between that and speeders? I really don't get it. And he's like, well, I feel uncomfortable with my butt cheeks all hanging out, you know. The whole thing is going up my butt crack. I mean, it was too far. It was too far. And Harry's like, okay. He's like, he put them on, he looked at himself in the mirror, and he was like, yep, I'm going to wear them. And he served them. And so obviously this is about something else.

Yes. And to be fair, I think also Harry is lacking empathy in this department because to him, booty shorts is like wearing a full tuxedo. Cause like normally it's a budget smuggler.

So it gets smaller. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Skimpier, I should say. He's like, this is the parka of swimwear. I don't really understand. It's the hoop dress of swimming. So Zarina's asking him how it went. And he's like, oh, I think it went a bit too far. I mean, that's just not usually a piece of clothing. She's like, and Zarina's like, but like, was it a good fit? They are quite tight. I just didn't feel comfortable in them. She's like, well...

She knows she can't help but arrive. She ordered it off of Seychelles Amazon, and this is just what they had. And I don't think she wrote to them saying, like, please give me the smallest and tightest booty short. He's like, but no. And Harry's saying, like, yeah, but no one's forcing you to do anything. You know, it was peer pressure, yes, but you don't have to. You're your own person. Yeah, and meanwhile, Serena puts the shorts over her clothes. It's not that tight. Do I look as hot to you now as you look to me in these things? Come on. He's like, oh, God.

So Harry's just like, "I don't think it was her intention to hurt you." And he's like, "I need to leave." He's getting mad that no one will be on his side because he's trying to do this like, "I'm a victim of harassment." And they're like, "Okay, sir."

And no one's on his side. And the reason why no one's on his side is partially because he's a lazy worker. So if he had been like a really good worker, he would have built up a lot of like a social capital on this boat, but he's not a good worker. So he's his laziness chews into all of his social capital and he doesn't realize that. So now in this moment where he wants to spend some social capital to get people on his side about the booty shorts issue, everyone's like, no, you were lazy. So.

Yeah, and again, because I know that people are going to be like, well, if the roles were reversed, if the roles were reversed, I would say, no, you can't have the ladies coming out here serving the bikinis every meal. That's creepy. And the guys would be a lot creepier about it. The guy guests would be a lot creepier about it. And also, if like I said earlier, if he had said earlier, like, I'm not comfortable with this, I don't like it. And she made him, then that would be different. But the fact that he okayed it, went through with it, and now is like, what? Yeah.

This is just unfairness. I don't think it's... Well, if the roles were reversed, it'd be a whole different story. Of course it would be, because it's a different context. But they're not reversed. So therefore, Vian, you suck. Yeah, Vian sucks. So then we get a romance scene with Harry and Brie. So he's like, all right, here we go. Brie, how was your day? How was it? She's like, good. He's like, first day of charter? She goes, yeah, they're nice. And he's like, is that so? Yeah, really nice.

All right, bye. She's like, oh my God, what does it mean?

Why is Harry walking so slowly out of the room? Just try and take it a little slower. That's all. Don't mind me. One step at a time. So now Vion wants to slip the letter to Adair, but he doesn't want to put it on the bed because then Marina will see it and then she'll pick it up. And Harry's like, I think if you write it to Adair, she won't pick it up. And he's like, oh, I just need it in the right hands because I've had a thing with Marina, you know? Like, do I write my name with, like,

And it's like, no, please don't write love. Please, please. You've got at least three years of courtship before you do that. Listen, I don't want Marina to find this letter. So I'm going to put it in the most discreet place. Exactly where you put your foot when you walk into her room by sliding it under the door. Like, right. If it were on Adair's bed, that would actually be more discreet than just sliding it under the door and just having it right there in the middle of the floor for everyone to see.

And Vian's all nervous. He's like, oh, my God, I just don't want Marina to throw it away. God, that was an epic opus I wrote. So much thought and so much time, so many words. You know, it was very hard to write. I've just had butterflies in my stomach.

So, uh, he's, so then, uh, he slides out onto the door. Uh, Jason checks in with Alicia to see how her first day was and it was good. And then Marina goes in the cabin and of course she opens the door and she steps right in the letter and she's like, what the, and she's like, there's a letter. And so she doesn't throw it out because she's not, she's not the crazy person that, uh,

that Vianna's trying to make her out to be. So she's like, I dare you got mail. It's like, oh, finally a mail around here. Did you bring a beer? No, like, let her mail. Oh. Did he ask me to bring him a beer? No, I don't want to read it. She's like, um, well, it's three pages. It's very Ross from Friends. I don't know what that is. What the hell? I don't know.

reference it to grace under fire or something can you include something that involves ducks and dynasties i like that this young girl would be referencing reruns of grace under fire can you mention brett butler

You got any original flavor, Roseanne? Reference that. I don't like long letters. The longest thing I like to read is the license plate. So, meanwhile, Bree is checking with Lara. Bree and Lara are looking at the fish in Captain Jason's

room and uh they're looking at that and Laura's telling them pretty what the names are and she's like yes and this one right here this this relaxed one his name is Vian because he's not he's just floating around not doing much and wearing booty shorts I've never seen booty shorts on a fish before yeah it was hard to find but you know Amazon really has everything

Now Adair reads her letter and it is so fucking funny because he reads it. They put him in like a little bubble of him reading the whole letter. You know, he's like, Adair, I know we are working together and spending a lot of time together and I want to keep it professional at all times, but I won't lie in saying Adair.

I don't have no feelings for you. Oh, my God. Don't write a lot of double negatives there. I won't lie in saying I don't have no feelings. Well, first of all, it's grammatically questionable. But so I won't lie by saying I don't have no feelings. Now, he might be just trying to talk like someone that she can understand. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't have no feelings for you.

I just want a man to look me in the eye and say, listen, I don't got no feelings for you. Well, if you say I don't got no feelings, that means you do not have no feelings. That means you do have feelings. But he says, I don't want to lie and say I do have feelings for you. So is this letter saying...

That like, if he says he has feelings, he's lying. Is this a letter saying, I want you to know I'm not romantically attracted to you. I think technically that's what he knows. It's go, go boy English. Nobody knows, you know? So he's like, there's still so much I would like to know about you. I feel like we have only touched the surface of what lies underneath. I hope I get the opportunity to not, not explore those things.

No, I'm shallows that are maybe depths, but not too shallows with you. I hope I get to explore those depths, specifically the ones in your vagina with my penis. She's like, oh, and so you're kind of looking at it like Jesus Christ is longer than the Bible. And we're in this like, girl, you better spill the tea. She's like, well, I think it says something like your energy is bright in a room and something like that. I mean, I guess that's what he said.

She's like, it's sweet. She's just eating herself. Beta.

So, Harry is talking to Lara and he's like, so, by the way, I'm sitting on your bench. How do you feel? And she's like, good. He's like, so, what's the lowdown? What's the gossip? Should I do something else for Bree? You know, I don't want to go too fast, you know? So, I was kind of thinking of maybe walking up to her, smiling, and then walking away. I don't know. She goes, well, listen, what are you doing right now to make her interested? Are you doing anything? Have you...

Do you even flirt with her? I said, flirt? That's like second base. That's right before third base, which as we know was touching her shoulder. I mean, it's basically like going on to the dark web. Not that I've ever done it, but I mean, I've done things like this. Don't tell anybody. I don't want anyone to find out, but I've done things like say, how was your morning? She's like, yeah, I just...

you know, you have to be careful because otherwise a girl can just kind of float off. And, you know, the thing is this,

She's like a mortal, so don't really fuck this up. So make a move. She's like, oh my God. She's like, I don't think she knows that you like her. So he's like, I'm so shocked right now. I can't believe what Laura's saying. I mean, last charter season, I moved too quickly with Margo. And now I'm being told to move too slowly. Well, the difference is you were moving quickly with someone who didn't really like you. That girl just wanted you in the friend zone. This girl does like you. So you can move quicker. Yes, exactly. Quickly.

You can move more, not slowly. You know, I'm not lying when I say I don't go no faster. So the crew is waking up. It's the morning and everyone's saying hi, morning, hello, hello, Adair and beyond. Have like a little hug.

And Vian is because she's like, because she hugs him. He's like, oh, good. She's not mad at me about that. No. And he's like, no, I have a chance. I'm on cloud nine. OK. And then they're talking. Jason's telling everyone, get ready because the pick is the day of the big picnic. They're going to leave at 11. There's a lot of organization that needs to be done. And surely Vian has been focused on that.

since he learned about the plan. Yeah, so now it's Larissa, Rina, and Vian. And they're like, okay, well, what's the plans for the thing? And he's like, I mean, you see it there. They're going on a bike ride. And they're like, oh.

So do you have a plan? He's like, yeah, people will be with them on bikes, probably Marina and Adair. And she's like, but I'm going to do the picnic. And he's like, OK, so Adair riding then and Johnny on the beach and then chef, you, me. I mean, who cares? You know, beach, bike, duh, there's radios. People can just communicate. And she's like, Adair's like, but will the radio work? And he's like, yeah, probably. Yeah.

I just need you to tell me what time I should be there to cook the lunch for everyone. He's like, well, you could be there, I don't know, like 12, 4pm, 7pm, 1pm? Tomorrow? Yesterday? I don't know. Let's just say 12 of Sunday. And she's like, okay. And so Lara's like, I mean, what's going on in his head? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for the guests.

I mean, what are they going to do? You need to make sure that the sandwiches are fresh when they get back from the tortoises. So then meanwhile, Harry's like, okay, I'm going to step up my game. So we text Bree and he says, I wish we had more time to talk while on charter. Your kisses and hugs are the best part of my day. Wish we could have a proper snuggle together. And she's like,

Oh, this made my day. Does he like me though? I'm really still so confused. So she writes back saying, this made my day and I always look forward to your hugs and kisses. And I love that. She's really happy because he finally decided to flirt with her.

So now it's the picnic time. So Laura's sending some people to set. She's telling Serena to set up with Johnny and she'll go with the guests and do the bike ride with the dare in them. And so Jason's radioing to get it's getting swelly. So they're going to have to go in a taxi.

Okay. So they all start going over there and Breck, well, first breakfast is served and Serena's like, um, so first one you're going to be making this is smoked salmon. Well, basically she's just cooking with Alicia, right? So they cook. Can I say something? Can I say something? I know this is totally going back, but I forgot to mention it because this was, I thought notable. Um,

Just with Vian complaining about everything, this is, this is, I'm totally stopping the flow, but I'm, I'm just, this was bothering me enough that I was just about to talk about making finger sandwiches. Don't worry. This bothered me enough that like I was thinking about it in the bathroom last night. I was like, you know what? I have to make this point on the podcast. And then I almost forgot to.

But what I thought was so funny and what I really love about Blow Deck, they are so smart with their editing. This show is really a very sophisticated show, a way that they really tell, story tell with very quick things. We saw that whole scene of Johnny and all the Deckys eating that spicy curry and they're all sitting around, they're in like a bank, they're in their bank hat. They're like losing their minds because it's so spicy. They're coughing, they're sneezing, but they're all just sitting there. They're doing their thing. And there was this really quick shot

I've been the middle of the service that Brie and Laura, did you see this? They've had, they both had like mugs of the curry and they had to like sneak a few spoonfuls off to the side and they were like, Oh, thank God. And they just were eating it. And then they went back to work. And I, I love that because this told the story of how these guys on the deck have all this time to, to laze around. And they're like, Oh my God, so spicy. And meanwhile, these girls are like, whatever, fuck the spice. And they just pie.

pile and go right into it. And I just have to say, I love that. I love that little scene because it told so much between the two departments. And I know it has nothing to do with what's going on with the story right now, but it does speak to the larger story about why Vion is setting such like Vion acting so insolent that he can't let other people help out, you know, and he's like, oh, but why, why do we always have to help out? When meanwhile, your people are down there in the, in the crew mess and,

It's just sitting around being, they have the luxury to be coughing over their hot curry. So anyway. - Yeah, you got to sit there and marinate in your assholes being turned into rings of fire. - Exactly. - So now it's time to load up the tender and get stuff across. So they're packing and Vian's like, oh my God, you guys are so on top of it. I don't even have to give you direction. So I'm not going to, I'm tired.

Geez. Yeah. So then one of the guests is like, he literally backs out of this picnic. Yeah. This guy's the worst. So now one of the guests is like, wish you were coming, Captain. He's like, someone's got to look after the ship, don't they? I'm working on some kimono designs. I'm thinking this time they'll open the front and have like a silk belt or something like that. You guys go ahead.

i might not be at the tortoise sanctuary physically but i will be there fashionably ladies and gentlemen please welcome my new line of tortoise kimonos debuting today on david so now um harry has to help with rooms and then uh the water taxi is loaded up and so everybody heads over there so

And Vian decides that he has time because he's backed out of doing anything. So he's going to make a romantic thing for Adair. Well, he's not going to make it. He's going to make somebody else make it. So he's like, you know what goes like cheese plates. So I'm going to make a cheese platter for Adair. And Harry's like, okay. And he goes, and then I'm going to give her a hug and I'm going to whisper in her ear.

Would you like to go on a date with me? I don't care if you're farting due to the dairy. I would love you anyway. And Harry's like, wait, you have to do that? Right in the ear? Like, do you want to go on a date with me? I wouldn't do that. It's very close. Ear work is like year four.

That's very close to your lips touching. And that's not even home base. That's Grand Slam, the kissing. He's like, yes, but that's what I want to do. And he's like, wait, you want to kiss her after you whisper? Are you even allowed to do that? Is that legal? He's like, yes. Okay, I'm going to shower. So this guy has backed out of the picnic. And now he's spending his time hatching a cheese plate romance. Also...

While in the meantime, the people who have arrived on the coast, Johnny and Bree...

They weren't even told what the landscape was going to be. I think they thought it was a beach picnic. So they are barefoot. They don't even have shoes. So they have to walk through streets and all sorts of surfaces with prickly and scary things, you know, that's like hurting their souls. Like, and it's also hot cement. It's so why wouldn't they have shoes? So didn't they? Weren't they going on a bike ride? Who rides bikes barefoot?

Well, they know they didn't have shoes because they thought they were setting up a beach picnic, but it wasn't. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. The beach part. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if we were there yet or not, but either way, I'm like, I was like so mad that they were not, they were not told to that where, where this picnic was supposed to be. So Harry's like, so what do you want me to do while you take a shower? And he's like, I don't care. He's like, I guess I'll show me some stainless or something.

So he's taking all this time and squandering it instead of like getting out of work and stuff. So then Vian goes to Alicia in the kitchen and he's like, so Alicia, are you good at making cheese boards? And she's like, um, I mean, is this for you? And he goes, no.

And she says, is it for the guests? And he's like, it's for a date. And she goes, oh, did you ask Adair out? And he's like, no, not yet, but I will. She goes, well, I mean, do you think she'll say yes? I mean, was she not slightly put off by the fact that you've gone through half the crew? LAUGHTER

She's like, well, I've been here for 36 hours and my twin wouldn't have said that, but I'm not my twin. He's like, no, I haven't. He gets really defensive. He's like, no, I haven't. She's like, oh, so it's just a rumor then. He's like, I'm not into any of them though. She goes, yeah, you should make your own cheese board. And he's like, oh, whatever. And he's like, no respect. And he like storms off. Why the fuck should she stop? She's actually working. You're doing nothing.

And you've got Harry also doing nothing. Make Harry cut a fucking cheese board. And I love her now because she's like, get the knife out. I'll show you where the cheese is. But I'm busy. I mean, who the fuck is this guy? I know it was great.

I love that she was not intimidated by the fact that he was a superior head of department or anything. It was so obnoxious. I mean, she's doing work. So he's like, surely you're not busy. You're a sous chef. No, baby girl. This is not going to work like that. Yeah, well, it is going to work like that because she's actually working like that and you're not.

She doesn't work for you, you fucking weirdo. So, and it's not romantic when you're like, oh, guess what? I had some underling make you a cheese plate. Go fucking order a cheese plate, then. You're docked. Yeah. So then, meanwhile, we see this is where...

Everyone is arriving for the picnic setup and everything. And they don't have a cart to haul anything. Because, again, I don't think they were told that the beach picnic is not actually just like on the beach where they're landing. So they don't have a cart. They don't have shoes. And they have to carry all this heavy shit barefoot through the streets of La Digue. It's terrible. So I don't know whose fault this is because don't they pick the beach picnic –

Wouldn't that be kind of an interior thing? Is that a deck thing to pitch? I think it's usually the, I think it's the deckhands. Cause haven't we seen before in other shows where like the bosun goes scouting the beaches and stuff, maybe because it was a water here's, here's where there could be some grace because there was a water taxi that went to water. Yes. I know I'm from New York, but because there was a water taxi, it maybe it dropped them off in a different place than where they would have dropped off with the tender. So maybe that was it, but there's still, I don't know. I still think the beach, I,

I still think that like Vian was like, like there wasn't a moment where Vian said, okay, they're taking a water taxi. Where are they going to land? Like there was no thought of like anything. He's just like, okay, they're going off and they're going to figure it out. Yeah. While he's arguing about cheese plates that he doesn't want to make. So they start setting up and now Vian's still going off to himself. But he's like, you stupid fucking person. Yeah.

Which I was proud of him for at least not saying bitch because I was prepared. I was prepared. And he's like, I'm fucking pissed. I'm pissed off about this. Oh, well, you're not pissed enough to pick up a knife and start cutting some cheese. And let me tell you something else. I don't think any girl wants just a cheese plate to herself. It's weird. And it's far. I think it's a strange. Well, it's weird because the cheese plate kind of feels like the date.

Like if I'm going to, if you're going to romance someone and you're going to sit down with a cheese plate, that is the date. So then why are you asking for the date with the cheese? Yeah. Who's like, here's a cheese plate. Now hug me and let me whisper in your ear. I'm in love with you.

Yeah. And again, it's such a misread of who Adair is. I don't think she wants cheese plate. I think she wants like ribs and I'm not even saying that as like, and she wants to like, you know, watch the mass car shit and like go get wings. Okay. Yeah. She wants something a little messy, you know, and God bless, you know, she should, she deserves it. So, um,

I mean, it sounds like it's going to be like, I'm sorry. What is this cheese? It's not flat and it's not shiny and yellow. So I'm not really sure. Where's the breading? So anyway, there are the Laura. Meanwhile, is with the guests and they're doing this bike ride to the tortoise sanctuary. And it's taking a long time. It's a long bike ride. There's traffic, you know, Caroline almost drunkenly drives into a truck. I got a parking spot on that truck.

But they arrive at the tortoise sanctuary and we meet the tortoise and they ask if the tortoise has a name. And the tortoise is named David, which I thought, why do they name those tortoises David? That is hilarious. I love when they... I think I've said this before. I am so amused when people give animals...

kind of like plain American names. David. Yeah. Like formal too. This is David. He's a tortoise. He's so cute. So they pet the tortoise and stuff. He's 114. So everybody loves him. They give David the treatment as if he were the primary charter guest. Did you know? They put the whole thing up on the screen. They're like, David, 114 years old, enjoys pets from younger women, loves green vegetables. Kayla gives him gas. It's like his preference sheet. Yeah.

So now the bike ride is taking forever. And so Lara is trying to radio Serena, but of course the radios don't work, even after Vian assured them that of course they're going to work. So...

She's stuck on the beach trying to make the food and get it ready. Now there's flies all over everything because she's ready for them to arrive and they're not arriving. Nobody's getting radios and everything's melting and it's becoming a disaster. And now it's 1223, 71 minutes since arriving to the beach. And she's like, well, I was excited when I was setting up, but now I'm getting a little bit worried. You know, it's not your food flies. All right.

I think this is one of the most unorganized beach picnics I've ever been a part of. Like, Vian, what is this? And yeah, so it's a disaster because she put everything out way too early and now everything's melting and the flies are attacking it. And who knows when anyone's going to be there because everything's delayed and no one can communicate. And it's all Vian's fault while he's on the boat.

making cheese platters and i can't wait for next week when they when the two women just tear vian apart on on the boat because yeah i hope they do this fucking guy that's what they show in the previews they show zarina and laura basically confronting him vianna and basically telling him he's like

like totally inept and I'm here for it. Love it. Well, that's good. Well, that brings us to the end of below deck down on to everybody. Thanks so much for being with us. Grab tickets for the live tour. We'll see you this week in Charlotte and Atlanta. And then the following weeks, a ton of other places to go to watch what crap and stock on for ticket links. And thanks for everybody who's watching this on Patreon right now. We love you guys. We'll talk to you later.

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