#2775 Below Deck Down Under S03E08: Bat’s Entertainment!
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Watch what happens when there's so much that happens.

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me, as usual, is the wonderful Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. Well, hello. What's going on with you, baby? You know, it's Tuesday. It's Below Deck Day. Very excited to talk about it. In case you didn't hear, one of our many announcements is that we're covering White Lotus on Patreon now. So if you want to hear the rest of the season recapped...

And if you want to hear a recap of the season so far, go to patreon.com slash watch what happens and get involved with that. It's gonna be a lot of fun. Also, this weekend, we're going to D.C. and Philadelphia on Saturday and Sunday, respectively. In D.C., we're going to recap the part one of the Southern Charm reunion, which should be really fun. And then in Philadelphia, we're going to recap the latest season.

So thanks in advance to everyone who's going to be tuning in wondering where our Summer House recap is on Thursday. If you just wait just a few days, we'd really appreciate that. Go get your tickets at watchwhatcrappens.com. And then after those shows, we continue onwards and upwards. We're going to Boston, Detroit, and Chicago in April. And then in May, we're going to Austin, Dallas, and our very first episode.

ever show in Las Vegas, which that's going to be a wild one. So, um, yeah, watch crap is not come for those tickets. And then, uh, also we're adding top chef to the schedule this week, which is going to be fun. And, um, yeah, it's,

We are adding the last two episodes of White Lotus. We've just put a White Lotus catch up over on our Patreon. And we're going to do the last two episodes over at Patreon. So go join up at Patreon. Also, Hannah and Daisy from Below Deck Yacht. Hannah from the Below Deck Med. And Daisy from Below Deck Sailing Yacht.

are teaming up to take people on their own private yacht tour of the coast of Croatia. It's going to be amazing. They're going to be partying with people. They're doing basically you and seven of your friends go on this yacht and party with Daisy and Hannah. So it sounds like an amazing vacation. So if you guys want to find out more about it, email them over at partywithdaisyandhannahatgmail.com. Partywithdaisyandhannahatgmail.com.

I want to go. That sounds really fun. Yeah, that'll be fun. Croatia is beautiful. Hell yeah. Your own below deck experience without douchebags and cameras everywhere.

I know what a dream. But today we are going to talk about a blow deck experience with douchebags and cameras. We're talking about below deck down under someone came up to us, I think at our Charlotte show and made a really, really strong observation. And she said, and, and she said it so with pure kindness, she was like, you guys have not been doing, have not been highlighting the fish cameos and blow deck down under recently. And we're like, you know what? You were absolutely right. It

We will highlight those fish because this show gives us so many wonderful aquatic cameos and they deserve to be noted. They deserve to be highlighted. And I don't know about you, Ronnie. There was one fish in particular to this week that really caught my eye. I wonder if you used to know. Well, there was the fact, well, there was, there was definitely like some good blowfish content, which I appreciate both. By the way, there was some blowfish on the latest white Lotus too. There was a big old dead blowfish, which, but there was a living one in this one.

I didn't see the blowfish. I wasn't calling him fat. It was kind of like a triangular big fish. Like, let's say maybe triangular. Is that which one? There was definitely that. I saw that. I saw my favorite fish of the week. Fish of the week goes to...

there was like a fluorescent green, long skinny fish. Did you see that one that just sort of sat there? It was like, it looked like, is it called a pencil fish or whatever? It was just, it was like long. It looked like a flute or a piccolo. And it was just there fluorescent green and just hanging out by some pebbles. And then we just got a big long shot of it. And I said, well, you know what? We didn't get the moray eel this week, which by the way, that's not right. We should get the moray eel. But if we get that pencil fish, which I'm not sure it's a pencil fish, but I'm calling it a pencil fish.

If we get that every week, I will be a happy man. Cause that was, that was a star right there. That was a wall fish, which is like just the fish. It's like completely flat. How did those fish live their lives? I mean, their goal weight, but you know what? I'll bet they sit there and they talk about themselves badly. They're like, Oh my God, I'm just so huge because they are huge, but they're only huge in one angle. You know, and the other way there, I mean, they could fit through two sheets of paper. These let's like go through.

I bet they're really insecure. It's like you're big in all the wrong places. Yeah, those flatfish are crazy. Like a flounder. But my favorite of the whole year has been, there was this crab. It was huge. And it looked like kind of a drag queen crab. I mean, it looked like it was wearing jingles and bangles and like a wig. I mean, this crab was amazing. And I've been looking for another shot of that crab and I haven't seen it.

Yeah, there were I feel like I saw a crab recently. That was really a really good crab. Was it on last night's episode? I also want to amend something. I said pencil fish. I meant needle fish. I think what we saw was a fluorescent green needle fish. And it was just it was just a real star. But but yeah, that crab. I think I know which one you're talking about.

Oh God. If you saw it, you would never forget it. You would definitely never. Cause it was, it looked like it was literally wearing tons of jewelry and it had so much like, I guess, moss on it that it looked like it had a shawl. I mean, it was a great grab and it just kept coming in and out of its hole. Like it was like cameras that would like come out and then it would go back in. It's like, that's all you get.

you know there was a lot of clown fish content there was actually one shot like a really extreme close-up of a clown fish and i appreciate that we all love clown fish fishes they really you know ever since finding nemo clown fishes have really you know they've really come up in the world but they're so on the nose it's like they're on the nose and they're also like i get frustrated with clown fish because of finding nemo because that fish it's like i'm trying to eat my cereal and i have to feel guilty about you going missing you know what i mean and that's how i feel about nemo

Yeah, I kind of feel like Nemo, like, stay put. Like, this is kind of your fault. I don't know. Why should I feel bad? They warned you. Like, the survival of the fittest. Sorry. And how many people have you put in danger due to your stupid decisions? But you get a movie. You know what I mean? You get like a whole movie about it.

Meanwhile, the entire ocean has to be turned upside down just to find you because you were reckless, Nemo. And so therefore, I don't find clownfishes as cute anymore because I do get annoyed at Nemo. And I just feel like it's people's... You know what it is? It's also like no one really thought about clownfishes before Nemo came along. And then all of a sudden, Nemo came along. Everyone's like, oh, they're so cute. And everyone acts like they always thought clownfishes were the cutest. You never thought they were cute until Nemo came along. I don't feel like... Yeah, I mean, I always thought they were pretty, but I mean, here's the thing, like...

I think it's unfair because those fish are like just naturally well-dressed. And so everybody's nice to them. It's like people who were born like with model looks, everybody's like, oh my God, they're, they're really an asshole, but God, they're really good looking. Like that excuses something. You know what I mean? And clownfish, what do they have to work for? Nothing. Cause they come out with like these perfect outfits. They're all the same size. They all look,

perfect they're all like wearing these fabulous clothes and everybody's like oh wow that fish automatically gets my respect and I'm like that fish didn't have to do it you want to talk about fucking fish privilege the clownfish has it they do but you know what's great about the clownfish is that they have staggering insecurity because they're called clownfish and there's no reason for them to be called a clownfish they don't look anything like clowns

Yeah, like they're they're 100% not clowns. Like they should be called like the Missoni fish or something like that. Like they've just got beautiful Chevron all around them. And like the fact that someone said, Oh, they're a clown. They have to live with that because no matter how beautiful, how popular they are, how well dressed they are, at the end of the day.

they're a clown and that's kind of, that's hard to live with. Well, I think that they were born to like an ugly doctor and the mom passed out after birth. She was like, Oh my God, it was a difficult birth. So she passed out. And then the doctor was like, I'll name it for you. Clown. You're a clown kid. You're never going to make it with your fabulous outfit. And that's all you've got. You shallow clown. And then, so the clown had to spend the first clown had to spend the rest of his life proving its worth, you know, which never really did. So the word clownfish stuck, you know, they never had to make an effort because they're just adorable.

I think the doctor was so mean to that fish also because it's like clearly that like the doctor and the mom were,

They were like, it was like husband and wife, right? Like if you delivered his own like fish child. And then it was like obvious when like the fish came out and was like, it was like supposed to be a goldfish cause they're both goldfish. And then all of a sudden, wait a second, what are these bands of white that are going around? Who have you been sleeping with? And it turns out like the mom was sleeping with a halibut. So he's like, I'll never accept this bastard clown of a child. Yeah. And like, well, we can't put bastard clown of a child is its name. So we'll just go with clown. It's a clown fish. Yeah.

And thus we got these stupid fish. Okay, so we open with this episode. It's called Rumble in the Jungle. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Season three, episode eight. Why is it called Rumble in the Jungle?

Because they have like a Fear Factor jungle theme thing later on, and they start in the jungle. And there's jungle around. R.I.P. George Foreman, because wasn't the rumble in the jungle his big thing? Anyway, so this episode, by the way... The grill was his big thing. I know, but wasn't the rumble in the jungle... Wasn't that George Foreman? No, he was like, grilled chicken without any fat. And I was like, you're a lot...

You're a liar, George. The rumble in the jungle was George Foreman versus Muhammad Ali, where they both presented competing patents about grills. I don't like that violent sport.

Okay, well, good news. No boxing here. However, this was also the episode really that finally locked in truly that Vian is terrible. I remember the beginning of the season, we actually thought he was okay. We're like, oh, he seems like he should be a douchebag, but he's actually all right. And then this episode, he just was inept and he whined the entire time and did no work. And he's just awful.

Yeah, I think Below Deck has just gotten us to a point where if someone doesn't commit assault, we're like, oh my God, good for him. I know. He's doing great. Yeah, we're like, he's a great bosun. He may have other faults, but at least he didn't do that, you know?

Yeah, he sucks though. And he really bungled up. It was a bungle in the jungle, which is a song, where he really messed up this picnic because he didn't even go on it. He sort of didn't even do any scouting. He didn't get any information. He didn't get any reconnaissance. No one knew what to do. Timing was wrong. No one knew about the surfaces. No one knew how far it was from the beach thing. I don't even have to tell you. It's just a disaster. And it's really all his fault. And he is on the boat.

asking the new girl to make cheese plates for Adair, and he's just resting and looking himself in the mirror. Yeah, and he's so lazy. He's so lazy. And they really highlighted that in this episode, which was fun. So we are still at the group trip that he didn't plan. So everybody's out looking at the tortoises. David. Yeah. Yeah.

Tortoise David. I feel like all the, and again, I stand by this, that if you have aging guests, take us to a tortoise place because our skincare regimen looks so amazing compared to theirs. We're like, wow.

They're all 100, you know? That's where I want to party. Like, take me to a place where there's like a good 150-year-old party, you know? That's where I want to feel like young and hot. So they're doing that. Meanwhile, Serena's stuck with the food and waving flies away because she had to put up the food too early because nobody is coordinating this trip. So she's getting all mad and she's like, "Oh my God, I was told lunch would be at 12 instead of 12:30. I mean, what is this?"

And, you know, she shoos away the flies and I felt bad for the flies because they finally got a decent meal. It's not poop. It's not a pile of poop. And there are already getting shoed away. Yeah. So meanwhile, Vian's just like in the, he's taking a shower. He's looking himself in the mirror. I mean, he really is. And, um, and so he even tells himself, Hey, handsome in the mirror. Yeah. It's like, do people, I didn't know people really did that. That's just so funny.

hey handsome yeah i do that let me hear yeah actually well uh i'll tell you who doesn't do that the clownfish the clownfish knows i bet he does sort of his sort of pasts oh fish are the most oh my god fish are the most narcissistic because they have glass homes like when they're domesticated you know they've got like glass homes so all they do is look at themselves all day

Don't talk about a fucking narcissist. It's a clownfish. Trust me. You know what expression fish hate? People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. They're like, I can't even. Why do you keep saying that to me? I don't have hands. Yeah, they're like, also people without hands shouldn't throw stones. Great saying. Fucking asshole. Yeah, thanks. Thanks for making a saying that does not apply to me. Now please get away from my tank so I can continue to stare at the hottest person in the world. Myself. Hello, handsome.

So, um, so Laura starts heading over to the beach picnic, et cetera. And meanwhile, Alicia is, she's just snapped at, well, she didn't really snap, but she was sassy. She was shady, um, to, she wasn't shady, but she was snarky to be on because members, he asked about the cheese plate. Are you worried about all the Alicia fans coming for you? No, I just want, I just want to make sure I, I don't like using the wrong word if I, if I can help it because I'm at, I like to, um,

I like to be able to make fun of people on Bravo for using the wrong word. But so the more I use an incorrect word, the more I lose my wrong word shading capital. And so I want to build up that bank of wrong word capital. That's funny. So I'm trying to use the right word here. So anyway. Alicia felt a slight sense of perturbance at V-Harm. Alicia was taken by the pulchritude of her face. So...

So Alicia, basically she sassed Vianne and she's like, she had said like, oh, like she's going to be into you even though you've gone through half the crew, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, which was admittedly out of place, even for, even though we don't like Vianne. And so now she's stressed about it. She's like, oh, my goal for the charter season is to basically make the best impression, but fuck me. I've already pissed off the bosun and usually have zero filters, but I'm, so I'm not surprised by this, but I'm,

I should not have had that at best. Like, eat some humble pie and apologize. And by the way, something I'd like to say about Alicia is, I mean, I like her so far, but for some reason I was really turned off by, she had taken her hair and she'd like turned it into like these big spools of hair where the hair was all dangling down. And all I could imagine was just hair in all the food. I don't know why. I don't know why. When the hair is like in a ponytail, it feels better. But like it was all up and dangling like a weeping willow. And I was like,

I feel like this is not what I feel like as a chef, you shouldn't have your hair like that. Am I incorrect in that saying that? Yeah.

Well, I don't know. Cause I like her hair because I like that. She does the two little buns on her hair. Like the lady in Sweeney Todd, who turns people into meat, like they're serial killers, but they turn people into meat pies. So I like that. Cause I'm like a badass. Here's where I kind of lost a little respect. This part where she apologizes to that douche bag. You don't know that guy, anything. And don't fucking apologize to him. I like you right now, but now you're like kind of erasing it with an apology. So I don't like that. So she sends him a text. And meanwhile, um,

Vian and Harry are serving themselves lunch and Harry, you know, Vian serves a ton and Harry's like, "Come on, leave some for me!" And he's like, "Oh, come on, it's not too much." And so Jason is talking about having to relocate the boat because Captain Sandy's nemesis is here. The wind. The wind. The wind. It's here, guys. Yeah. There's a swell. There's a swell. Nerma must have jumped into the ocean.

So, Norma must have done a cannonball day. Cannonball Wednesday. Bloop. Oh, you better watch your ass or I'm going to spank you. I mean, spanks you. Bloop. Well, you would like to spank me because you've got nothing else to do in your life because it's sad and boring. Okay, you already lost this text fight because all I saw were three dots pulsing for too long. You lose. Bloop.

Love you, bitch. I'm out of practice. Sorry. I've been on vacation. So Jason is leaving the boat to go check out Koma Waters. So then Vian's like, what does it mean? What does it mean we need Koma Waters? And then his food slides off the table onto the floor and the dish breaks because, you know.

he doesn't because the thing is he sort of like sort of throws his food the plate on there and then you know like i don't know so then it just slides off he's just so inept at everything

And of course he makes a huge mess and everything. So Jason is saying that they're going to be going to Lodique. You know, this is our first time in Lodique and it's paradise, but the weather we can't control. So we're going to go because, you know, we have to find new Anchorage because that's what we have to do. So then everyone is, they're biking over to this beach picnic. There are flies everywhere. It continues to be a disaster. And,

But they get there and by the time they get there, they've made it look all nice. And Serena is saying, you know, like, I wanted to bring a little bit of England to the Seychelles. There's little finger sandwiches, lobster rolls and tiny little cupcakes that have the Gallagher brothers frosted on top of them.

So the ladies all love their lunch, everything worked out great, guys. And then Serena's like, Laura, because she's done like kind of this big tomato tart and all this stuff that they're doing with their hands, or cutting it and taking it with their hands. And so Laura's like, "So what are we serving these people with?" She goes, "Oh, there's no tongs or anything. You know, I just, that's just how we're doing it today. There's nothing to serve." And Laura's like, "Um,

not ideal because now this is cemented as Laura's biggest storyline of the season. Why won't this fucking chef use serving things? I know. She's so confused about why she can't just get this woman to use a tongue or a spoon. She doesn't get it. I don't either, really. It's an ongoing issue. So, um, the picnic is there. They're, they're, they're having fun, taking photos, eating food, having a great time. And then, um,

Now, Johnny is taking photos of them. Apparently, this is kind of his specialty, is he takes photos of the guests. He's always like, beautiful, beautiful pose, pose by the rock. Oh, fabulous, beautiful piece of spanakopita. He does a very weird pose himself, though, as he's taking the pictures. I don't know if you noticed, but he...

bends all the way over like he's touching his toes and then takes a picture that way. I did not notice that. Why are you taking a picture like that? It's like dropping the soap. He's lucky I wasn't around. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

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So then Zarina and Bri are just heading back to the boat, and Zarina's like, "I literally didn't realize I could sweat from some of these areas. It's behind the knees. It's like Niagara Falls coming out from behind my knees right now. Isn't that lovely?" That's disgusting. I'm so glad I'm not there. Like, it looks like paradise. I think I'm really gonna be a big fan of VR once it becomes, like, good enough that we can just sit around and, like, be on VR all day.

Because I can see all this beauty, but not have to feel the heat of it. Not have to feel the gross sweating behind my knees. Not that I've never felt sweating behind my knees before, but that's how I know it's disgusting. Yeah. This is definitely one of the most humid seasons of Below Deck we've ever seen. I get sticky just watching it.

Yeah. So Johnny is doing his direction. He's like, don't be afraid to lean on rock. There. There is the confidence we love. Lady leaning on the rock. Photo by Johnny. Like a beautiful young Artemis in her prime.

So, now there's more making food, and Alicia's basically... She's really stressed because she should be making food, but now she's stressed and distracted because she's thinking about how to craft an apology to Vian, which is so stupid. And, like, yes, she shouldn't have to apologize in the first place, although she is...

Like hierarchically, she should have said that to someone who's higher up and she's doing the right thing. She shouldn't have to do this. She shouldn't do it, but it's technically the right thing. But the point is that he put her in this position in the first place and he should have never walked in there and asked for a cheese plate while she was working and it was on charter. And so like that she was even put there in the first place is where the real fuckery is.

And now she's sitting here in a situation where she has to focus on Vion and his emotions rather than the food. Yeah, because if we're going to talk about hierarchy, he shouldn't be trying to fuck one of his underlings either and writing her love letters and making her cheese plates because, you know, power imbalance, etc. So I'm not going to stand up for him. Fuck him. I don't think she should ever apologize to him. And if he can go hit on an underling, she can make fun of him for it because he's the first one he threw the rules out. So fuck that guy.

Yeah, fuck it, for sure. She sends the message, and he gets it, and he goes, oh my god, she sent me a message. Listen to this message. I feel so bad for being rude earlier. I follow your heart, and who's me to be saying anything? Oh, well, she's just playing a game trying to make someone jealous. Terry's like, uh, who is she trying to make jealous? And he's like, oh, really? Me. Wait, how...

would Vian be jealous from this tech? Like, why would she be trying to... He is like literally so stupid. And Harry's like, do you reckon? He's like, well, I mean, fuck it. Look, what does it have to do with her? I mean, look, follow your heart. And who's, who's meant to be saying anything? Like, what does it even make sense? She just wants me to be jealous. She wants me so badly. Yeah. And Harry's like, that's her apologizing. He goes, no, you know what I think? She's like, okay, I'm going to flirt with the one who's been taken and make all the other boys jealous.

"Oh my God, you are so stupid. You are literally so stupid." And then it dawns on me, he just literally doesn't know words. He doesn't understand. He doesn't. Follow your heart. And he doesn't understand even what she's talking about. He's literally an idiot. And I love what he just has this big blink, blink in his eyes where he's like blink, blink, blink. And at this point, at least we know he's just stupid, you know? Yeah.

Yeah, I literally am – I can't even follow his logic and how he's interpreting it. I think your answer is the best one, which is that he just doesn't understand the words. So he's built this case that the case itself doesn't make sense because he can't make sense of this. So Harry's like, oh, I don't know how delusional you have to be to think that if you get a taste of my girl, she likes you. I mean, this isn't The Bachelor. It's a super yacht.

Now, I hope tonight I can give my tragedy story to Bree and she'll fall in love with me and give me a rose. Exactly. Cut to a scene of Harry asking if he can reserve a master bedroom. So then everyone heads back and Marina is asking Alicia for help or whatever, or she's asking for help.

and they're all getting ready and there's gonna be some drinks that are handed out and Jason's asking how everything went and Vian's like, "Oh, it was amazing!" He's like, "Okay, so what's the plan now?" He's like, "Well, I'm gonna go pick up Johnny and Adair and all this stuff and like, God, Captain Jason just wants me to be jealous. Like, why is he all up? I thought he was straight but it looks like he's coming on to me. It's like out of control." So Serena comes back complaining, of course. She's telling Alicia, like, "Oh my God, it was horrible. It was the most unorganized mess."

It was terrible. Just make some crew food. All right, let's just do a tomato mozzarella salad. Keep it simple. So then Vian is complaining about being exhausted. Oh, no, no, sorry. Johnny is telling him he's exhausted. And he's like, you know, it's the long distances. Too much walking. Too much carrying.

And imparting such wisdom as, feel free to lean against a rock. Using my art, my craft. It was not easy, but I changed a woman today. A woman became an artist today. Thank you.

her name was neva dollars so um zarina is uh she's cooking she's getting pre she's prepping some food and she announces that she's like so i got a recipe from a local woman about this bloody bat and it turns out she's literally cooking bat which i was not expecting

but apparently it's a local delicacy in the Seychelles. - Yeah, one of the ladies requested bats and I think it's the Australian lady. And so they're gonna have a fear factor night where they have a bunch of grody things and then the ladies eat crazy things like bats. I can do that at home. You know what I mean? I don't wanna go put my hand in spaghetti and pretend it's something disgusting on a luxury yacht.

I am open to eating local delicacy. Like if I were in the Seychelles and they said bat was a delicacy, I would eat the bat. I would do that. But what I'm not, I don't think what, I don't think I want to have a fear factor experience. Like you just said on a super yacht. Like if I want to have a fear factor experience, I'll, I will literally go to like Sizzler or something, but I don't take a shower where there's full length mirrors. You know what I mean? Yeah.

But I'm not doing that on the super yacht. I want to have a luxury, luxury factor experience. It's like, all right, teams.

you have five minutes to sit on the chef's lounge and go yeah the real fear factor is going to like the breakfast day at the Hyatt place or whatever you know oh God if you want dry from how much how much dry how many how much dry crumbly eggs can you eat in five minutes it's just salty and dry I've eaten a lot of them I've eaten a lot of those interviews

Okay, so now, what's happening now? So Jason- So she's making the bat. Okay, so Jason, it's time to do the anchor, right? And so Johnny's over there like, anchor, you look beautiful. I just need more from behind your eyes. But the anchor is kind of sticking. It's not coming up. And meanwhile, Vian is just going through pictures on, not Brie, is it Brie's phone? What's that girl's name? I'm sorry, I'm a little- Adair. Adair's phone. They're going through pictures. She's like, ah!

Look at that. That's a turtle. He's like, wow, I love turtles. She's like, me too. You know, turtles drive pickup trucks. I love them. Hey, you think this tortoise dips?

He's like, oh, my God, I'm in love with you. I love your accent. And meanwhile, Johnny is trying to figure out the anchor. And meanwhile, meanwhile, Jason can see all this through the CCTV. So he's like, hello, are we paying attention? And Vian's like, paying attention to tortoises. Am I right? God, I've never wanted to own a family of tortoises more than with someone like you, Adair. He's like, yeah, right. Yeah, it's pretty cool.

And so he's like, are you kidding me? I can see everything on CCTV, which as we all know is a cable channel dedicated to C.C. Peniston. They're on there. It's crazy. And there's no sense of urgency. We're in a crowded anchorage. We've got a swell coming in. I need all eyes on deck. It's not acceptable. So I'm going to lay into him right now. Hold on. Let me get on the radio. Hey, Vion. Why are you guys standing around? Wow. He really heard it from me.

And another complaint with Jason this season, what the fuck Jason? And then still Vion never gets in any trouble. He tells him like, don't do that mate. But then who has to wear the disco ball from hell? Not this guy. He gets away with that every time. Last time he almost drowned somebody by putting a wave runner that was leaking into the ocean. You gave the disco ball from hell to somebody else. And now he does this and you still never give him the disco ball. What the fuck, bro?

Yeah. Is it, are you only allowed to have it once? Cause he had it in the first, after the first charter, I think. So maybe he didn't want, he doesn't want to overdo it, but yeah, this guy needs like a disco ball. He needs like a few different disco balls attached. So, um,

uh so they they go because the anchor stuck so basically vian like he just like goes and goes to that little hole and fixes it and everything so then meanwhile um zarina and alicia are cooking and they're really happy and then alicia tells zarina that uh that vian came in and said can you make a cheese board and zarina's like really put off by it and i was really hoping that

That Zarina would hold his feet to the flames about this a little bit more. I feel like it didn't come up again. And I was like really ready for this to become like a thing. Like, why are you pestering my sous chef about a cheese platter for your date? You know, I thought this was going to be part of her wants a cheese plate. You know what I mean?

Part of her is like, oh, so the cheese plate was for me. Did you make it? Was it amazing? She's like, no, it was for Adair. She's like, fuck him and his cheese plates. So she's like, I don't understand why he's asking for a date stuff while we're on Charter. So then Vian is trying to make some romance happen with Adair. They're just like staring out over the water. And he's like, did you keep the letter I wrote you? She's like, yeah, I've never had a letter written in pictures and fingernails before. He's like, yeah, I like writing. I have a little book.

And in it, I write things, my deepest, darkest thoughts. Here's one. I got $5 today because I slapped someone in the face with my penis. Was it worth it? It was. I bought cigarettes. She's like, oh my God, that's so romantic. Here's something else I wrote. I said, a little bit of Monica in my life, a little bit of Erica by my side, a little bit of Rita's what I need, a little bit of Tina's what I see.

Oh my God. What are you? Do you have a land filled with gays? Cause you sound like a gay Lord right now. So then there's more cleaning happening. And Brie is Brie. So Brie is like Brie and Laura are talking about like an energy drink. They're talking about like, oh yeah, we have to do our energy thing. We always have to do it before dinner service. It's kind of like they're expressing that they've already come developed a little bit of a ritual before they do dinner service. And then Marina is all sad because she witnesses it. And she's like, I am sorry.

I am alone. You know, I don't get to do fun things. She's all sad because she's in the laundry room and she feels left out. - And I think this is unfair because she was, they were told, I'm not going to have a second or third. I'm going to decide as we go and have you guys switching it up so it doesn't get too old. And then she keeps one person down at the laundry the whole time. I don't think that's nice.

but but that being said it's only been yes i agree she said she'd switch it up but this is marina's only so she's done two laundry charters in a row she's acting like she's been down there for like seven charters it's only been like you're on one bonus one right now so i think it's like when you're in solitary confinement you know it makes it worse it makes it seem longer it's torture

Yeah, I guess it is. I don't know. I kind of feel like everyone likes to deal with the guests, but I feel like I would, I think I might want to do the laundry more, to be honest. No, they all say that. You don't have to deal with that. Don't they all say that? You don't have to deal with the people. Yeah, I guess they do all say that. I like dealing with the people.

So, Brie is like, oh, you know, I know we have to do it. Wait, what are they talking about? Our daily? Oh, the energy drinks. Yeah. Okay, so then Jason is talking to Serena, and he's asking how the picnic went. She's like, well, you know, the organization wasn't great. You know, we were just told so many different things. And if I'd been told those things by a boyfriend instead of an idiot bosun.

They might have landed differently. But where we're at now is Vian kind of sucks. And he's like, uh-oh. Let me tell him off. Let me find the best way to tell him off. Hold on. Vian, Vian, Jason. Vian, Vian, Jason. You're doing great, mate. You're doing great. Everything's going great. Bye. Love you. He should be trembling in his boots now. Love you.

You'd be terrified. I just don't know how we could not follow the simple plan. Organize, lead this excursion and be there. There's no bringing it up now, but we'll go to bed and I'll bring it up after the charter. And when I bring it up at the charter, I'm going to say, now listen here, Vian, I heard about what you did. And what I've got to say to you is your hair looks great. All right.

Better work next time. And he's like, so when the guests came together, everything was there. Everything was working. Oh, my God. The charter guests didn't even notice. They felt so young after hanging out with tortoises. They were literally just taking off their tops, hitting on teenagers on the bar. That's really all they cared about.

So now we're approaching dinner and Lara is designing this Fear Factor game and Harry comes up with this idea of like, hey, why don't we take some pails, put some garbage bags over the top, cut out a little hole and I have to reach in and feel things. It'll be fun. And it's like, great. And Lara's basically says to Vian, could you get me some pails for this?

So now then she talks about tonight's dinner, which is going to be jungle themed and yada yada, Fear Factor, curry. Finally, I'm the artist my mother never knew I could be, putting hot dogs into jugs that people will reach into and be disgusted by. God damn it, I've made it.

I know, right? So Vian comes, now we're getting even closer to dinner, and so they're up on deck, and Vian's there, and Lara has him blowing up some inflatable crocodiles, and she's like, "By the way, do you have any of those buckets?" And he's like, "Sure, how many do you need?" She's like, "Well, I need four of them." He's like, "Oh, right."

And then he kind of is like… He just sits there. Yeah. Okay. He's sitting down to blow down his alligators or whatever, and she's like, "Could you get me four pails?" And he goes, "Sure." And then he blows very slowly into an alligator, and then he's like, "I'm gonna go take a shower." And then he gets up and leaves! He just leaves! Just leaves!

And so then he's like, oh, Harry will take over for a second. So then he just pawns it off onto Harry, you know? And Harry's like, well, what, like, I don't know, what am I supposed to even be doing? She's like, well, I've told him a million times. And every time I tell him, he's just like, eh, I mean, he said how many buckets? How many times do I have to tell him how many buckets? Four buckets. Four simple buckets.

Yeah. And Harry's like, "All agree, I agree, I'll get it all under control, you can count on me!" So Harry goes and is now in charge of buckets. So, Marina is trying to get some goss from Bree. She's like, "So, how are you guys together?" And Bree's like, "Well, you know, Harry's like, you know, 'I think about you as I lay in bed,' you know, nice stuff, but I just want to know where his head's at.

I think about you as I lay in bed could mean a lot of things, you know? I think about lots of stuff when I lie in bed. The answer is to crossword puzzles I'm never going to finish. You know? What are taxes? How do I pay those? Do horses ever talk to people?

So, um, Harry asks Alicia to cook some spaghetti for the Fear Factor buckets, and she says yes. So, for everyone who's worried that there'll be no spaghetti, it's happening. And then, um, Vian is like, I lost my belt! And Adair's like, well, maybe it's in the laundry, I'll find it in five seconds. Like, ooh, please do! Um, and

and um harry is like he's saying harry's talking to them and he's like look i feel like i'm a one man team at the moment we can you he's basically like can you help me out i'm getting i'm courting spaghetti i'm finding buckets all the really hard stuff can you help me

What are you organizing? And so he tells her and Laura's like, we need to cover the pears with black bin liners with a hole in the top. They put their hands through. They're disgusted. It's like, we should mash up some bananas. So they're getting a bunch of stuff in there.

Cut to Lara in like five years, just in the corner of a room on a rocking chair being like, full buckets, trash can over the top, full buckets, trash cans over the top. She's like, how many times? She has to tell people this so many times that she's just going to crack.

So Serena is cooking with Elisa, you know, as it goes. And then Johnny comes in and they're, you know, she's kind of flirting with him. And he's like, how was your day? You seem happy. She goes, I am happy. He's like, you're so cute. Let me kiss your hand. I'm going to take care of you one day. If there is ever a rock to lean on and you are not leaning on it, I will remind you, lean on the rock.

And it would be very creepy, except for the fact that she seems to enjoy it. I mean, I do find that Johnny is very attractive. This is too much. I think it's really... It's too much, especially in the galley when she's working. But...

She's, you can see she's excited. She literally tells us, she goes, the energy that Johnny's giving me is intense. I mean, it just gives you fanny flutters. You know, just like little purrs, like, like, and I just like, oh, it's just like a sexy Greek man. I mean, I love it. Fanny flutters? It's a British thing. Fanny flutters. Isn't your fanny your butt? Your butt starts fluttering? Not in Britain. Fanny has different...

It's a different location in the same area if you're a lady, but it's not your butt. And it flutters. Why would they rename a butt a vagina in America? I mean, why would they rename a vagina a butt? Is that what I said? I don't know. I'm lost today. But it's very confusing. Yeah.

You know what, it's just one of those weird things that happens across the pond. You know, like when you go across the Atlantic Ocean, the vagina becomes the butt, the butt becomes the vagina. It's just a weird thing. There it is. Like kilometers to miles I get, or centimeters to inches, whatever. You know, that stuff I kind of get. But vagina to butt? I mean, good lord. You're gonna make a lot of English people very uncomfortable when they travel here. And they're like, yeah, do me and my fanny. And they're like, ow! What the hell, bro? Yeah.

I don't... Yeah. I learned this because Mora... Do you remember Mora from... On Love Island USA, Mora would do like the after show. She's like, Hi, I'm Mora. Hello. We're going to learn. We're going to meet all the people who got kicked off. So when she was on Love Island, she kept on always saying like, Oh, Curtis gives me fanny flutters. So it's kind of a thing. It's kind of a thing that...

I like to say because of Maura. - I was gonna say, many flutters in America are not good. That means you probably had some bad food and you're about to go poop for a few days. - I know. She's like, "Oh wow, what a handsome Greek man. Gives me diarrhea." - That's really hot in Britain. - They're like, "That's a compliment."

So Elisa's like, yeah, you know, Fanny Flutters. And if that comes in the form of a sexy Greek man, go on then, go on.

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and people helping truckers fill up and get maintenance at our convenient locations. They're part of the more than 300,000 jobs BP supports across the country. Learn more at bp.com slash investing in America. So, Laura, it's like my vision for this evening is to gross these guests out as much as possible, just like Pollock did, just like...

I'm too stupid to think of other artists today, but there you get it. Litchis, blueberries, red food colouring, cockroaches. I don't know, maybe I'll put Vian in a thong again just for the fun of it.

You know, I just want these guests to cringe. So I'm setting up a camera. I'm going to watch them. I'm going to have them all watch Harry flirt with Brie. So then Lara radios and says everyone is seated for dinner and everything. And so she asks Adair and Marina to go clean cabins. But because...

Vian wants to flirt with Adair, he goes down to the cabins, and then Johnny goes down to the cabins too, and they're all just like in the cabins cleaning and being silly. And Vian of course immediately starts fucking around with Adair and not really working. So, Marina's getting super pissed, because he's like, "Oh, this is called a turndown, huh?" And she's like, "Yeah, it's a turndown, took it right, okay?"

And they're like, hee, hee, hee, hee. And then so Johnny starts helping. And he's like, oh, my God, you guys, have we heard what sound Turtlone makes when it is getting flittered in its fanny? And they're like, no. And he's like, it sounds like this. Let me watch. I've looked up tortoise porn on iPhone. Let us all gather around. So they start listening to the sounds that turtles make and cracking up.

Yeah, this happened to me once. I definitely once had an afternoon where I did look up a lot of tortoises having sex, and it is actually very funny. And they play the sound over and over and over again. The post-production just adds in the sound, like a... for the rest of the scene. They even go to commercial with the tortoise going...

So we cut back to the guests having dinner and this lady's like, so my friend's from college and someone goes to nursing school. She goes, no, no, no college. Well, look, it took me 11 years to get my bachelor's degree. So yeah, that was still college. And she goes, okay. So you were partying in college. She goes, well, I mean, I went to four different colleges. Yeah. It took a while, but guess what? I have my doctorate now. So got it yesterday. 72. I'm proud of myself.

Yeah, I'm wondering what the doctorate is in. Doctorate's in partying, not gonna lie. So everyone is downstairs and they're goofing off. They're laughing to the tortoise sounds. They're just like a bunch of teenagers, right? And they need to be doing service. And Harry is kind of a brown noser.

I mean, justifiably so. He's dealing with an inept boss and, you know, they're all just slacking off and everything's on his shoulders and he's fed up. But he's like, every single decade is in the interior. And Lara's like, are they actually cleaning or are they just pissing around? Because I need help bringing these hot dogs in the shape of severed fingers up to the guests. And he's like, yeah, well, I think there's a lot of pissing around.

So Marina's losing her mind because she's trying to clean, but they're all like being silly. And she's kind of like, I don't want to be, I don't want to be in housekeeping on this trip. And this is even worse. So yeah, if I hear one more turtle sex noise, I promise to God, I'll whoop your ass down to the crew mess. I mean, poor Marina. She's like, oh my God, I'm the only one on this boat and not getting laid. Even the turtles are getting laid. What the hell?

So then Laura presents the main meal, which is roast chicken, garlic prawns, carrot and butternut puree, and tender stem broccoli with a Parmesan crisp. Shockingly, not a soup served with the fork. I don't get it either. Let's just roll with it. Let's roll with it.

Just enjoy the proper utensils while you have them. So then Harry and Brie are flirting and Harry's like, you look nice and pretty. She's like, thanks. I missed you. I miss you too. What does it mean? What does it mean?

You know, it's a thing, you know, what Bree and I have is something special. And, like, we have chemistry and we have sparks. And to think that I'm dating a model. I mean, I almost messed it up to think that this fizzled out, almost fizzled out before it even got started. And not even with a regular person, but a model. Yeah, it's like, I would feel so shit if our relationship fizzled before it even started. I've got to come up with something.

Extremely sexy to do. Extremely sexy. So let's see what he comes up with. So then a guest is asking Jason about the Bahamas and she's like, well, there have been a lot of sharks, shark attacks in the Bahamas. And he's like, there's a chance of getting killed by a coconut about 50, 150 times more than getting killed by a shark, ladies. Turns out that around these parts, coconuts have a right to carry a concealed weapon. So it's very dangerous.

Do you think it's because more people have a chance of standing under a coconut tree than they do of being around a shark? Probably.

i don't know maybe that's going to be what happens um uh at the on the white lotus violent coconuts well i just wonder who comes up with these things like the shark commission like there's a commission of sharks like oh really they're saying we're dangerous well it's more dangerous to get killed by a coconut tell them that but tell them to put that in their pipe and smoke it with their opposable thumbs

Yeah, this is definitely a piece. This is definitely some study that was put out by like the shark lobby. Okay, because this is yeah, I'm gonna say right now. I think more sharks kill. Maybe people have coconut allergies. Does that count? Oh, that's true. I don't know. But I think that's not fair. You're actively doing on top of your head. Yeah, because I feel like if you die from a coconut allergy, then you're like actively doing something to the coconut as opposed to coconut doing something to you, you know, because you're eating the coconut. It's fighting back.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I just don't know who comes up with this shit. They're like, you know what? They're calling sharks dangerous. Well, butterflies, butterflies can change the future. I mean, if you step on a butterfly that can change the outcome of everybody else's life, go tell them that. Go tell them that if they step on one butterfly, it can change someone's entire trajectory. And then we've got all of these huge things just because sharks don't want to be called weed. I just want to say there is an entire Wikipedia page called Death by Coconut.

says coconuts falling from their trees and striking individuals can cause serious injury to the back, the neck, the shoulders, the head, and the crack. And it can occasionally be fatal. Following a 1984 study on injuries due to fallen coconuts, exaggerated claims spread concerning the number of deaths by fallen coconuts. Fallen coconuts, according to urban legend, kill a few people a year. The legend gained momentum in the 2002 work of a noted expert on shark attacks was characterized as saying that

"Falling coconuts kill 150 people each year worldwide. "The statistic has often been contrasted "with the number of shark-caused deaths per year, "which is around five. "And concern about the risk of fatality "due to falling coconuts led officials "in Queensland, Australia to remove coconut trees "from beaches in 2002, "and one newspaper dubbed coconuts the killer fruit." Wow, well, that's the news. Yeah.

Well, teenagers also die from sniffing wide out. Okay. I just looked that up because I was like, what else is really dangerous that we're not talking about? Wide out, which we're all still using every day in this day and age.

So basically Harry's like, "Yeah, it's been hot today." They're making small talk. He's making small talk with Serena. And he's like, "You know, there are a few things that can be improved on probably with Vion, because Harry is a tattletale, you know, and if I didn't hate Harry, I would prob- I mean, I don't hate Harry. If I didn't hate Vion, I would kind of be anti-Harry because he really is a snitch and we all know what happens to snitches, okay? They get snitches. They get coconuts.

They get stitches after sharks throw coconuts at them and they die. Yes. Okay. Yep. That's exactly right. Because when you tattle on a coconut to a shark, who's going to get hurt? You. So, yeah. Now, Harry's been a tattletale this entire season, but he's been...

for the greater good recently. So we're going to let it pass. So he's saying that communication is really bad. There's no schedule and he just wants, you know, and you know, like beyond needs to be more of a boss, et cetera. And so now they've got all these plates to go up for, uh, for dessert, like a lot of plates. And I've got almost every plate except they need one more person. And so, uh,

Lara's like, hello, hello, Adair, Adair, Adair, I need Adair. Because don't forget, Adair is a dex too, and she's supposed to go back and forth. But Vian keeps acting like she's like a deckie, primarily, who he like leases to the interior for like five minutes every night. Like they get to have her. But like they're supposed to equally have Adair. But he really takes like, he sort of,

He's always the one to say, oh, you don't have to do that. Or you can just go to bed. And Lara needs her. And so now Adair is with Vian. And they're distracted. They're goofing off somewhere. And everyone else is standing up there in the galley waiting for Adair.

And, uh, cause they can't bring the dessert out. Right. So they keep radioing them, but they're fucking around instead of listening to the radios and it's getting very dramatic and below deck. Harry's like, "Come on, any crew, any crew, we're dying here. We have place to carry. I have a family to raise one day with Brie." She's like, "Oh my God, he said he wants to raise a family with me. What does it mean?"

And then, you know, Vian and Adair are talking about pedicures. He's like, I think I want to go to pedicure tomorrow. And finally, like, Alicia just, like, darts to her room and puts on her blacks so that way she could bring it up. And then finally Adair and Vian sort of, like, sauntering in, like, oh, did he hope? They're like, well, finally you're here, but it's too late. We already got it figured out, you know? Like, that sneer. Like, fucking...

Idiots, you know. He's like, "We were just finishing Cabin's Maid, I had to dry showers and shit, you think that's easy while discussing pedicures? Come on, man." And Laura's like, "Oh yeah, I bet you did a lot of work." And he's like, "Okay, but Adair, are you going to bed?" And Laura's like, "No, can Adair do her job, please?" "That would be great." She goes, "Yeah, I'll do this and then I'll go to bed." Listen, Missy.

Yeah, listen, Missy, you better get your ass to work. I know. Thanks for doing us the honor of gracing us with your presence during your job. Thank you so much.

So then Vian goes to like get a hug from Zarina afterwards. And she's like, don't touch me. You fucked up. Really fucked up, Joe. And he's like, are you sassy, Harry? Sassy Lara? What did I do wrong? He's like, doesn't matter. You know, it's just like everything today. A lot of communication stuff. I feel like there's just been pressure from your side, putting it on the interior and they're really slipping up both on your side. And it's just getting really mixed up. And then I just feel like in the galley, I'm just left there. I,

I don't understand why people cannot communicate. Because she's complaining about communication, but what she's communicating also needs work. Because she's like, you know, I just feel like you're kind of putting pressure on the interior and now they're slipping up.

no say you're fucking flirting on the job and you're not you're going down there while she's supposed to be working nothing's getting done you guys aren't on your radios we needed people up here my fucking sue had sous chef had to get on a different outfit to do your job because you were fucking around off your radio like why why isn't it ever specific just like random you're putting pressure on interior i don't know what that means i mean there's communication needs work yeah like just stop being fucking lazy

yeah they need to specify what he's doing wrong because i feel like every time they tell him it's just like well you know your staff is up no you're up you're not doing anything right you're flirting instead of doing your goddamn job and you're making that girl flirt instead of doing her goddamn job and you don't have your radios on but it's not it's always like some weird like

you're putting pressure on your staff and it's also from Laura and he's like what what does that mean I'm putting pressure on and so Laura takes dessert up and um they have dehydrated strawberry dust which have no one didn't snort that up is beyond me I mean yeah Fear Factor starts early so then um afterwards after serving this dessert the the deckies are sitting in like the little booth in the crew mess and Harry's like

Did you not hear the radio calls? It was like anyone that was trying to get people to come couldn't find anyone. And Bian's like, why is she angry with me, though? I mean, Serena, how am I putting pressure on the interior? And he's like, well, I'm confused at the time. I don't even know what time I'm supposed to go down tonight. I don't even know what time I'm supposed to go to sleep. You know, Brie got excited when he said, what time am I supposed to go down tonight? She's like, oh, finally, a sign. Oh, never mind. He's talking about going to bed.

So Vian is like, he's like, well, this is actually going to make me angry because like when he was on nights, there was like no problem. You know, when Johnny was on nights, there was no problem at all with, you know, but like everyone knew what they had to do, like going to bed, nothing, zero complaints. But now that you're on nights, there's like a wake up, there's a complaint. And is it Laura that's complaining about someone not being there eight in the mornings or two comments? Is it you? He's like trying to turn it around like this is Harry's fault. Yeah. He's like, yeah, when Johnny goes and works the nights, nobody complains about anything. Yeah.

And Eric's like, "Wait a minute, what am I doing?" He goes, "Well, I don't know, but every now and now I wake up and there's a complaint. So if it's not Laura complaining about not someone, then it's eight in the morning. Like you can't do cabins." And he's like, "What? You're not making sense."

And he's like, "But I just..." Harry's like, "Just tell me what to do. Just give me like a specific list of what you want me to do." And he's like, "It's not rocket science. Come on, guys. You know, like, just come down at one, come back at nine. It's got nothing to do with the list." And he's like, "Well, I know how it works. I'm not dumb. Or I just want clear communication. I want the schedule saying this is what the night person does. This is the hours they do. This is what the morning person does. This is it. Maybe you should write it down."

And Adair's like, "I like things and writing." So Vian's like, "Oh, you know, people are really just pissing me off. Okay." So then he goes and he like writes down a schedule on the whiteboard, which is what he should have done all along. And he's acting like he's definitely doing that thing where Harry's like, "I just would love it if you could write down a list." He's like, "No, I'm not going to do what you say. I'm the one around here. So guess what I'm going to do? I'm going to write it down in a list." It's like, yeah, that's what he was asking for.

So then everyone's in a bad mood right now. So Alicia comes in and she's like, so is this a bad time to ask if anyone wants to try cream for the cheesecake? And they're like, fuck no. When is it a bad time to eat cheesecake cream? Get in here.

And then Vianna's like, "Alright everyone, look. Trash, towels, drinks, sun deck, rinse over the sod when possible." It's that simple. It's like, yeah, so then why have you not written this down? Because they clearly need to know what to do. And in fact, it was like two weeks ago when Lara was like,

"Do you have a list where you write down, like, a checklist of doing things like cleaning, cleaning broken glass that's lying at the bottom of a table, things like that?" He's like, "No." And he made Harry come up with all the stuff, because he didn't know how to make a list, remember? Yeah. So Harry's like, "Well, don't get angry with me!" And he's like, "I'm not getting angry, I'm just saying!" So then Serena is telling Lara and Bree that she snapped at Vian, you know, and she's like, "I mean, joke around when you're done with your job. I mean, I'm a feisty bitch today."

So Jason tells them, you've got some fun coming up. And Laura says, you know, there's going to be an eating challenge, a sensory challenge. It's jungle. It's wild. It's adrenaline. It's art. It's art. So Harry's annoyed. So he's muttering to himself. He's like, for fuck's sake. And Jason hears it. He's like, hey, normally you're all happy and, you know, swinging your limbs around. Everything all right? He's like, yeah, yeah, no, yeah, yeah, it's good. Which is that thing you do when you...

I want to be on the record for saying that you didn't immediately tattle, but you're basically saying, ask me again and I'll tattle. Yeah, he's like, why don't you come into the bridge, mate? I'll put on a kimono. I'll put on my feeling kimono. And he can express your feelings. Now, when you tell me your feelings, here's the little megaphones. That way everyone in the hallway can hear you. Got it. Okay, right. He's like, you know, it's just, you know, the...

you know, it's the scheduling's all over the place. Like even tonight, like last year we had agreed up here, break down here, things there. And like, that'll probably be a good idea this time around. And, um, basically Vian is in the hallway and he overhears Harry and he's like listening in. And this is kind of sucky too, because now like Jason has pulled Harry to the side, but didn't like, I don't feel like Jason protected Harry by closing that door. And so now Harry's gonna get in trouble with his boss.

Yeah, so he hears that he's being tattled on and the dude's like, what are you doing? Spying? Come on. He's like, no, I'm not spying. I'm just getting things for my book.

So then Harry just basically says, you know, there's a lot of negativity and it's bringing everybody down. Now, Jason, even though Jason's kind of making Harry tell him, Jason hates this shit. Like he does not want to get into interstaff stuff. He just wants to like work on kimono designs, you know? Kimonos and skateboarding. It's like negativity from who? And he's like, well, Vion says something, then Johnny follows it. And then I follow that, you know, it goes through a chain. And he goes, well, then the, what you need to do is get positive. Yeah.

But Harry's always positive. That's not the problem with the positive person. It's the problem with the negative person.

And the thing is this: Jason knows that Harry's always positive, Harry's always happy-go-lucky, and like "Ho ho ho, I just put a Nanka down!" And the fact that Harry is moving around and seems upset, Jason knows something is fucked up. Like, something has gone wrong in the department. Yeah, so Vian's like "Oh my god, what the fuck is going on? What are you even saying? Loyalty is extremely important to me, and I don't really know if I can trust this guy anymore."

So now it's eating contest time. It's the fear factor moment. Yeah, so they try all these things, like the eyeballs, the hippo eyeballs that are just like leeches with like something in them, like blackberries or something, or a blueberry, and then the fingers, whatever, they eat their bat. But Vian is still moping around. He's like, it's actually upsetting me, bro.

Like, that's one person on this boat that's, like, fucking all this. Like, there's no communication. Like, I don't know how many times I need to sit down with this girl. Like, now I'm putting pressure on them? Like, what? So is he angry at Lara now, or is he angry at Harry? He's angry at everybody, because everybody, he feels like everybody's talking about him, and he's not doing anything wrong, so now it's just this big ball of mess where everybody's trying to make him look bad.

bad, you know, he's one of those. It's like, if it's everybody on the boat, babe, maybe it's you, you know? But he's just gonna blame everybody else, because that's how he rolls. So then, he's like, "So, Adea, we can clean up all this crew mess stuff." And she's like, "Uh, can I just sweep and be done?" And he's like, "No." She goes, "Yes." And he's like, "Uh-uh." And she goes, "Okay, I'm going to bed then!"

So now there's more of the grabbing into the buckets, full of buckets with the garbage bags. They're grabbing it and stuff. And they're like, oh my God, what is it? What the fuck is it?

So then the next drama is Adair with Marina. She goes, "You know what? Like, you should be on service next time. Like, I'm never on service." She goes, "Oh my god, I love service so much. I just want to be on service." And Adair tells her she's being too nice about it. And she goes, "Well, maybe Lara has a better bond with Brie, you know? And she wants to be with Brie more. Like, I don't know. I don't know. But I've been so professional, very dedicated, and extremely sexy."

And this is becoming embarrassing, you know? Like after a while you question yourself, what you're doing. Your story is on date night. So then Alicia is in the galley and Johnny is, of course, flirting with her. And he's like right up on top of her, basically. And she's like, oh, oh, you got my hoover. Thank you for getting the vacuum. He's like, I'm ready to get married. Have children.

Tell them how to lean up against a rock. Be a good husband. Everything. Maybe cheat on you, but who knows? We'll see what happens. I'm Rod Hoover, just as husband would. Let us make baby. She's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So then Harry asks Laura if he could have a guest cabin so that he could set up a snuggle. And she's like, a fuck? He's like, no, a snuggle? What are you kidding? That's like a 10-year anniversary type thing you're talking about. Come on.

Oh, well, I'm so glad you guys are finally going to get a little bit more physical. Physical? No, I'm just, I want to buy, I bought a bag of snuggles and I want to put it on there. I know that little white bear is so cute, isn't it? I think that Brie will really like it. I want to be able to lay on the bed with Brie and then have a partition between us so we have to judge each other based only on a certain personality trait. We're trying to make a lover's blind moment.

So, okay. So, um, Laura's giving some, um, some orders to people and Laura, people go to sleep, but Laura stays up and she decorates the crew mess, um, to say happy birthday to Marina. Her birthday is the next day, as we mentioned. And then Harry is up late working because, you know, it's Harry and Leon, of course, is lazy. So, uh, it's the next morning and,

and everyone is waking up and Marina goes in and sees everything that says happy birthday and she feels so much better. She's like, oh my God, oh, I can't believe it. I finally feel seen and loved. Oh goodness. I still want to be on service though. Don't get it twisted. Yeah, they all just start throwing dirty underwear at her head. I got these clean. She's like, okay, that was short-lived.

So, Vion is like, "Oh my god, I'm gonna have Harry doing..." You know, look, I was mad at Harry yesterday. You know, "For fuck's sake, bro, why are you making my job harder?" And Adair's like, "Do you want another coffee?" And he goes, "Yeah, of course. Make me another one." So she comes down to make a coffee, and Jason's down there in the crew mess, and he's like,

Who are you making coffee for? And she's like, me and Vianne. And he's like, you're on deck. And she goes, mm-hmm. And he goes, uh-huh. And are you on break? And she goes, no. And he goes, okay. So how can you have coffee when you're working? She's like, because I'm going to bring down my glass, okay? There's an empty glass. There needs to be some coffee in it, so I'm putting coffee in it. What is confusing here?

I think you guys are missing the point. Like, you're on deck, not break. Yeah, but, like, coffee will be on break. But we're going to go up there and be on deck, but have a coffee with a break. We're having coffee breaks on deck. That counts as being on deck, right? If you have a coffee break up on deck, it's like, that's not what it's about. That's why it's called the real world, okay? And Lara's just there. She's just cleaning a surface and shaking her head. She's like, it's not a retreat.

So, yeah, so that's, Adair is so dumb. And I love that Vian is talking about like, oh, Harry's not doing his job. He's just making my life more difficult and like actively sending Adair to get coffee and not helping out on the deck at the same time. So he's complaining about Serena to Laura. He's like, I mean, Serena came to me very angry saying I'm putting a lot. She wasn't very angry, first of all.

saying that I'm putting a lot of pressure on the interior. She goes, well, you know, sometimes there's not really much structure in the deck crew, you know, like they're running around doing their own thing. And Adair in the crew mess and Captain sitting there while she's making coffee. I mean, it's 20 to eight, you know, do you think someone that has been up for an hour working needs coffee? And he's like, probably not. Never mentioning that it's his coffee she was making because he's him.

you know that's right because you know he's like well someone needs to take control because that's your job you're in charge of that team they need to know i mean it's crazy that he says someone has to take control that's the point dude you idiot he's she's like they need to know that there's repercussions if they haven't done it i mean at the moment they're just living the dream this is super yacht it needs to be perfect it's not he's like jesus christ i'm not lying i promise you i ran up those stairs i'm running up these stairs he goes

"But this is going around in circles and circles." It's like, "No, it's not. She's telling you, get your shit together. You're embarrassing." - Yeah, it's going in circles because you don't change anything. So she's like, "Whatever, just take me back to my own boat." So now he goes to complain about Lara. So now it's everybody against Vianne, you know? So he's like, "Oh my God, she says I have no structure? I mean, are we even working on the same boat?" And John D's like, "If they want drama, let them drama. We know drama. We are TNT."

So people wake up and they're going to go, they have to get up there for breakfast and everything. And then it's time for anchors because they're going to drop off everyone. And Johnny goes up to the captain and he's like, excuse me, Captain Jason, I just want to ask for permission today after drop off.

May I take Alicia to vacuum store so I can show her all the hoovers? Yeah, sure. I don't care. I would like date night with Alicia. We are visiting wedding chapel and birthing. All right. Well, that's romantic. Would you like a kimono?

So Adair's like, Captain, Captain Adair, I'm off on the tender headed to the marina. And he's like, all right, great. Great to hear that. Hopefully you can find some coffee out there. So then Johnny comes into the guy into the galley and he's like, oh,

are you here to flirt with my sous chef again? I mean, how many vacuum cleaners can you bring in here? We've got six already. I'm running out of room to cook my soups for forks. You must ask about our marriage. It is hierarchy. You need to ask. And she's like, okay, hierarchy. Boss lady, can I go with this semi-hot person to eat things? And she's like, oh my God, I have so much power right now. Let me think about it. Better you than me. Do you mind wearing goggles on your head that will

camera all of this back to me just so I can live vicariously as you're fed by a man

Johnny V. Ah. So then now it's time to docking, docking, docking, docking, docking, docking, docking. And they dock. And then the guests leave. The primary, she has a whole speech. I have to say she really nailed her speech. She was like, I have to say this was one of the greatest days of all time. When we started this charter, we had three main goals. The first was to connect with old friends and connect with new ones. Second was to explore exotic lands. And it just goes on and on. I was like, I'm exhausted. Do you have three? Yeah.

she has a lot of points to make, but she, she was like, she clearly had practice. And you know what? Good for her. You're on TV. Way to, way to nail it. They leave. And, uh, Jason calls beyond to the bridge. And, um, uh,

Meanwhile, while he's going up there, Harry's asking Johnny how he's feeling. Johnny is just exhausted. And Harry's like, well, I don't like all the negativity on deck team. It's not helping me work, period, if the leaders are like that. The whole team's like that. Like, yeah, but you're being negative right now, Harry. Yeah, Harry is kind of causing a lot of the negativity because he's running around tattletailing on everybody, you know? And that's not to say V-Hon doesn't suck. Obviously, V-Hon sucks. But Harry's not really...

helping the vibe, you know? So Jason sits them all down for tip meeting and he's like, all right, shopping your team up. All right. Like I caught a deer down there getting you and her coffee this morning. And that's the moment I need you to step up and say, no, we don't need coffee after 7am. All right. Do you understand? He's like, blink, blink. Okay.

It's like not teaching your team the right way is not a leader. At the moment, I'm talking to you like a head of department. But the next step is for me talking to you like a customer for a kimono, a beautiful kimono. Would you like to touch it? It's wonderful. And he's like, why didn't you go on the beach trip? And he goes, there were five already. Yeah, but you were the one assigning people, babe. Why are you acting like you have nothing to do with any of this? And Jason's like, well, it would have been nice for you to pencil that in.

All right. So you could see how it was done and nobody knew how it was done. You know, and I don't want to nitpick everything, but it's also come to my attention that you wear bathrobes instead of kimonos. I'm not going to stand for that. All right. And there's negativity and there's moaning and you're moaning to everybody. You've got to stop it. You know, I heard that because Harry moaned it to me.

He only moaned it to me because you already started the moaning train. Okay? So if it's not sorted out, I'll make changes. And you know you're qualified to be here, so do your job. But now you've got to be a good leader and actually lead. He's like, which I am! Because Vian whines so much. Like, we can't emphasize how much he is whining during this episode. He's like, I'll do my best to lead the team better, to help the interior as much as I can, but it's not my fault.

He's like, "Thank you very much." So he never takes accountability. It's so annoying. - It's the worst. - And Jason's like, "Well, there's negativity." And he goes, "Well, I'll do my best to lead the team better and help the interior." And he's like, "Okay then." So then Vian to himself is like, "I don't have time for this bullshit," as he walks off. So, oh, that was before tip meeting, sorry. - Yeah, it was just like a private meeting. - Yeah, so it was a private meeting.

Those are private answers. So then Jason has a meeting and he, you know, he says, oh, it's good. But, you know, communication is a problem, as we all know. This vague thing is happening about communication. So improve it, even though I'm not going to give specifics about what needs to be improved. So he gives the helmet to Marina and he's like, there's...

I can't give it to her for being a bad worker because she's great at working and it's her birthday. So let me give her the helmet. So she gets the helmet and she's not happy about it. I need a consistent helmet award where the helmet is given to the person who fucks up. That's it. You can't be like, this is the worst thing and you just have to get over it and wear it, but then be like, but also you're the best worker and it's your birthday. So you have to wear it. What the fuck? It's not fair. I know.

So she gets it and Jason's like, "Alright, now I want the heads of department to stay back." "Okay, now each of you stand there. How tall are you?" "I need to know what size kimono I'm gonna give you all." "Each of you is getting a complimentary one. I want you to wear it on charter and really try to sell it on the guests." "Thank you so much for your participation in this." He's like, "Now listen, when you see Dick Hand standing around or in the crew mess getting another coffee..."

It's getting to me. It's getting to me. And Vion's like, yeah. And he's like, okay, so you guys have a chat. I'm not going to lead this at all while I'm talking about leadership. You guys figure it out. Goodbye. So he leaves. And I was like, come on, man. I think that this is, I think it's a point where he should be in the meeting with the heads of department. I think so. Obviously the problem is their communication. How do you know how bad it is if you're not sitting there in them in there, listening to their communication?

sit in there exactly so zarina starts it off and she's like saying she needs more support she wanted more information about the picnic she didn't know simple things like the walk from the catamaran to the car and how the car's gonna be set up she would have packed things differently would have made her life easier and he's like but i couldn't say to you hey this is how it's going to go because i've never been there like well why didn't you go why didn't you scout it out why did you do some googling why did you do some basic research and lara's like

He said, but that's the thing with last night. I felt like I came to you and I said, could you please take control of the game thing? And how many times do I have to say, four buckets with garbage bags on top? It's that simple. Yeah, and then there's service, you know, like what we're doing, when we're going, who's serving who. And, you know, the deck team is having so much fun and I need the support from you to be like, let's do this, you know.

And he's like, "Oh, really? Well, this is why I have confusion, because, like, how much time do I allow someone to be in the interior? I can't be everywhere."

And she's like, "Have my back." And he goes, "But I do." And she's like, "No, I don't think the deck team respects you, and I don't think they do what you say." And Serena says, "You need discipline. You know, there's time for banter and fun." And he goes, "No, this is not how I manage. I prioritize sleep, eat, and, you know, listen, we don't just make beds." Love letters. Love letters and cheese boards are also in there. He's like, "Write in book." Because, you know, we're not just making beds. I work with cranes, jet skis. Yeah, you're not even doing that right.

The fucking chain was fucked up today while you were looking at pictures and you put out a leaky thing and could have killed someone in two feet of water. Sure.

He's like, I want you to go out there and work for an hour. So it's like, well, if that's so hard and being in the interior is so easy, then it should be no sweat off anyone's back to go help bring a plate upstairs. So then Zarina's like, you have an explanation for everything. You've not once said, yeah, I fucked up. Not once. And Lara goes, ugh, just madness. And that's where it ends. Another meeting where nothing gets accomplished because he's not listening to shit. Yeah, Jason needs to be there for this stuff. That's crazy.

Yeah, this guy's such a piece of shit. Oh my God. I hope he gets fired. Truly. Anyway, well, it's just another blow deck and another shitty bosun. That's the way it goes. Thanks everyone for being here. Go to watchcrapis.com to get your tickets for our live shows or join our Patreon to see our White Lotus recaps, etc. And we will catch you in the next episode. Bye everyone.

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