Shownotes Transcript
The days are getting longer. The sun is out more. I just went up to my garden box and she is blooming and it made me realize spring produce is now here and I am so excited for cooking with fava beans and fresh herbs.
Whole Foods Market has what you're looking for with great everyday prices. At Whole Foods Market, you can save every day. Look for the yellow low-price signs that help you save money without compromising the quality you expect from Whole Foods. Find responsibly farmed Atlantic salmon, no antibiotics ever, ground beef, and boneless, skinless chicken breasts. Plus, more throughout the store. Yellow really means savings at Whole Foods Market because their sale signs are also yellow. So basically, whenever you see yellow, you know you're saving money.
I use Whole Foods all the time for little parties that I have to get, you know, charcuterie plates put together. They have the best ingredients. I just love this place. Save on the best of spring with great everyday prices at Whole Foods Market.
One of the reasons we love watching Bravo shows is for the luxury. I mean, come on, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Most of the time I can just watch it for the shots of the gorgeous city and the houses. And let's not forget Lisa Barlow's $60,000 ring that she lost. Oh, heck yeah.
If you're looking for a way to experience luxury for yourself, try Virgin Voyages. Over $1,000 in value is included in every sailing. Everything they offer, from their menus created by Michelin star chefs to their cabins designed by top international firms, is the pinnacle of luxury.
of luxury. Virgin Voyages cruises are kid-free and catered to adult tastes, and they have some incredible destinations. We're talking Caribbean escapes, Iceland and the British Isles, Miami, New York. You can even live out your below-deck med fantasy with our Lux Voyage in the Med.
I am so excited to go on my first Virgin cruise. You know, the idea of a kid-free ship is very appealing to me. And all these menus, it's like definitely a boat made for Ben. It looks like a giant, gorgeous club with fabulous rooms. I cannot wait to go. Book now at virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor.
Craving your next action-packed adventure? Audible delivers thrills of every kind on your command, like Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir, where a lone astronaut must save humanity from extinction, narrated with stunning intensity by Ray Porter. From electrifying suspense and daring quests to spine-tingling horror and Rome
That's audible.com slash wondery U.S.
Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about crap on Bravo we love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today to celebrate...
a day of drinking soft it's ronnie carom hi ronnie how's your non-alc day going good non-alc so far we are here to talk about summer house which i loved last night um but before we do that you know the drill we've got some live shows coming up next week we have boston and detroit and chicago and guess what
We are here to tell you what we are going to recap. So in Boston, big day, honey pies, Boston, we're going to recap real houses of Beverly Hills and very excited because we haven't been able to recap that on a live show yet. So Beverly Hills next week in Boston, Detroit, we're going to do something really fun. We're going to do a classic recap of it's not about the pasta. It's the episode.
Vanderpump Rules. And it's easy to remember because the episode is called It's Not About the Pasta. That's from season six. And then on Saturday night in Chicago, we are going to do Summer House. So that's the homework. Okay. Beverly Hills, Vanderpump Rules, Summer House next week. And then in May, we
We cannot wait to make our big return to Texas. We have the big Austin show coming up on May 9th. And then on May 10th, it's Dallas. We have had some of the craziest, wildest times at our Texas shows, especially our Dallas shows. We have had wild times at our Dallas shows. So come join us. It'll be more fun than a night out at the roundup roundup or the roundup. Um,
And then finally after that, we have Las Vegas, which will be fantastic. So go to WatchYourCrapins.com to get your tickets, won't you? And then also be sure to join us on Patreon, patreon.com slash WatchYourCrapins, where we are doing White Lotus recaps. We got the big season finale this Sunday. So come listen to our recap next week of that. And of course, there's Craps on Demand where you can watch us, not just listen to us. So that is like everything. And it's like so much. I'm like so cool.
And even if you do none of it, we still love you and we're still happy that you're here. So that's it. Yeah, that's it. Okay. Bye. Yeah. Yeah. You do that. Channeling page. Yeah. 1000%. So I loved this episode of summer house because this was a special episode where almost all of it took place.
um outside the hamptons which i feel like we it's it's always i i love it when that happens i don't know why it's like going on vacation from the vacation home i was very delighted by it but it was a good field trip episode which i liked i like a good field trip and it was multiple field trips right because do we have yeah is this the one where we had the carl opening
It was the Carl opening. We had a date in the city. We had kickball. Like this episode had everything. It's like this is normally on Bravo shows. They have to stop everything to do a vacation somewhere. So that way the cast is forced to be together. But since the cast is already on vacation, they have to invert it and have an episode once per season where they're all like in real life. Yeah, I liked it too. They even got little Bailey in there.
I know. Bailey had a big comeback. I was so proud of her. I was afraid they wouldn't even give her a title, but they gave her a title. We had guest stars. I mean, this episode had it all. We had Jasmine and Silas from Summer House, Martha Stewart, Martha's Vineyard. We had Jason from Winter House. It was really like...
It was huge. And they all went to Jersey. So that's friendship right there. They all went to Jersey. They went to New Jersey to a house that looked like it would be in the Hamptons, like Summer House. That was the funny part. That was the most meta part of it, that they left their summer house to go to a fake summer house so that Carl could promote his fake alcohol as opposed to where
where Kyle promotes his real alcohol in the real Hamptons. So it was great. I loved everything about this. Yeah, it was a good one. Okay, so we pick up where we left off, which is Emerald Jesse and Amanda and Gabby by the pool the day after the foursome, the toe-sucking foursome. So Jesse's like, you know, I went to there. I went into his room. He was having a threesome. You know, I could have had a foursome, but, you know, Jesse is better. What's her face?
Lexi is better than foursomes. Wow, you should write fucking cards for Valentine's Day. That is so flattering. Could have had a foursome, but I didn't. You're better than a foursome. Yeah. Little does he realize that that family is so incestuous that he's basically having a foursome every time he's with Lexi. He's dating a foursome already. And in that one, there's a mom and a sister and a dad. Yeah.
So, Emeril comes outside and just like, "Hey, hey, how's your Johnson?" He's like, "Never been better." Which is, I think this is one of the few questions that Emeril gets asked.
as usual again emerald just seems to like live in a weird alternate reality where he like shares the same space as everyone else but i don't think anyone ever seems to realize he's there this is like except for this like little storyline with the toe sucking but other than that he just is like occupying space on a show without ever being referenced well for emerald it's just like a cheap room to fuck
You know, it's like I'll share I'll just share this house because it's like cheaper than getting a hotel room every night in the Hamptons. You know, so that's kind of his only thing. And he's he's made his entire personality about fucking randos. So that's it. You know, but it's also weird because that's his entire personality. But then he gets really tight lipped about it.
now and i know that it's because jesse's involved and he's not outing jesse but he also seems kind of annoyed because they're like so hey you want to have a conversation in role like we're gonna have a conversation do you want to have a conversation first or should we just start asking you about your dick like what do you want and he's like okay i mean i guess we could just wait for that a second he's kind of annoyed like oh god all these people do is ask me about fucking because that's all you've got
Yeah. I mean, we don't really see Emeril having any meaningful interactions with anyone in the house. And I don't know how much that's on the house. I don't know how much that's on him. I also don't know how much of that is on production because I actually feel like if production, I feel like
I feel like he's not having meaningful interactions. I think that if he were, production would have really amped up the fact that he had bonded with these guys, they'd become friends, and now here is a moment where Emeril kind of later on sort of like...
you know says talks about the toe sucking thing it's kind of like a betrayal of friendship but because there is no but there is no friendship and there's no stakes to this relationship it just sort of like lands like oh okay emerald said it so i think that's just my theory of saying that i don't think there are any meaningful interactions between emerald and the house and it's reflected in the fact that they can't even drum up any sort of interpersonal drama over the fact that he said he talked about this behind jesse's back
yeah because someone else gets the credit anyway for leaking it which I think is like Bailey right or at least in the audience Bailey did great work yeah Bailey did a good job I like Bailey Bailey dissed everybody called them old left and now still gets good good drama scenes I know I like when Bailey came back I was like oh my God it's big
Bailey. And I was like, I don't know why I'm having this reaction. She did nothing in her one episode. But I was sincerely happy to see her. I know. It's a reaction Danielle has never gotten. And how long has she done this show? But Danielle comes back for a cameo. And we're like, oh, Jesus Christ. And Bailey, who's been there for five minutes, is like, oh, my God. Look, it's Bailey. She's so great. How cold was it?
how cold was it that danielle was not invited to well maybe she was invited but she wasn't there and we all know she would show up to the non-alcohol party right like she'll show up to anything yeah yeah she would have shown up uh wait you're gonna have balloons there so uh west is like so um what's your favorite food emerald and he's like smash burgers get in
Hey, nice. Hey, did you smash last night? How many people did you have sex with again? I'm into veggie burgers. Yeah, Emeril's. We will just have to take Emeril's word for it because anytime we see Emeril's favorite food, it's just an arrow pointing to something off screen. I don't actually get to see it.
So Jesse's like, nice. Did you smash last night? Come on. Tell us how that went. Tell us how that went. And so he's quiet. He's like, I just had sex with the two guys. Okay. And Emeril's like, dude, this guy was in the room. Like, why is he acting like he was not in the room? I mean, it seems like to him, like nothing happened. So are we supposed to all pretend nothing happened? Because he was in the room. Right. Someone's toe went in someone's mouth. Right.
I still believe there was more than a toe sock for 37 minutes. 37 minutes. Yeah. And I also think, to be fair, even if there wasn't, if you're fresh in a new relationship and then you find out this guy who's claiming to be nothing, he just only wants to be into you, then it turns out he went to perv out to just sit and watch a threesome happening. I don't know. I just feel like that's just a red flag, obviously. So, not
Not that it's bad. Everyone has their kinks. It's fine. But I just feel like if he's saying one thing, if he's selling one kind of version of Jesse Solomon to Lexi, but then the truth is that he wants to hang out and have light interaction with a threesome. I don't know. I just think that he's...
He is selling a bill of goods to Lexi. So Carl walks out. He's like, oh, hey, good morning, guys. This is the latest I've ever slept in the house. Yeah, because I wake up at 7 a.m. and I jog and go to Bears Booth. So the fact that it's like,
8.05 in the morning. Whoa. I'm just like, party Carl's back. Am I right? Yeah. This morning, instead of boot camp, I chose booty camp, which is a reference to the pirate party. Anybody? Anybody? Carl's back. Carl's back.
So then Carl is going running with Guy Liner, which I like. And so they're talking about running and all that stuff and how Carl had a girl there last night. Live the lemur. The lemur obsessed magician. Magicians are dope. Check from yesterday.
Yeah, future magician. Yeah, magician enthusiast. Yeah, so they're talking about Lil and everything. And Wes is like, yeah, so did that chick, you know, did she go home? Did that go well? Yeah, it went great. I love Lil. Yeah. And Gabby's like, yeah, I mean, you guys were taking couples photos. He's like, yeah, yeah. We took some pics, and I was like, please, is there a filter on this camera? Can we get a soft focus, please? Yeah.
Release that one. Anybody? I don't want to. She carries cards. She doesn't know magic, but she'll know it someday. Someday magic. Now Craig and Paige are in their room and Craig's like, hey, hey chicken, are you ready to go home and see our daughter, the cat? That's going to be so fun. I'm sorry, but none of this was from your popsicle sperm. So please stop taking credit for my child.
Yeah. And we see a picture of Daphne, Paige's cat, and the cat's like looking at the camera like, ew, gross, Craig. So then, and also, meow.
So then Paige is like, well, I got to do my podcast at seven. He's like, okay, well, yeah, that's cool. And she's like, recently, it's just been like, I feel like Craig is attacking me, but in a really Southern way. He says really nice words, but I feel icky about myself inside and I don't know why. And then we see a flashback of him being like,
Well, I hope that, you know, as your tour goes on, that, like, we make our relationship a priority when we are on tour, which is his way of saying, like, he's using, like, we and our, like, we're both in it together, but he's basically being like, don't forget about me. I'm a priority. Yeah.
Yeah, they kind of did her dirty with this edit because it makes it look like she's complaining when he's just saying, I want to be a priority. But he also said, like, I mean, come on. Like, you know, it's just not realistic to think that you could keep up this work schedule when we're, like, committed or whatever he said. Or, like, if we stay together, whatever, which is why she's feeling attacked. So he's like, hey, should we, like, stop and eat on the way home? And she's like, let's just try to get home.
Okay. I, it's hard enough to be in a car with you without watching you eat like a Charleston man. Yeah. No, I'm not, I'm not saying we sit down. I just, I want to stop and get food somewhere. How about this? Why don't we go to a restaurant? You can sit down and then I'll get in the car and I'll just go home and then I'll see you someday. If anyone ever finds you. No, but like I can eat in the car. Craig, I don't have windshield wipers on the inside of a car. I haven't invented that yet. We just cleaned the car.
And so she says that like Giggly Squad is going on a 60 city tour, which again, I don't understand how they were able to do that. And she's like, I'm just like nervous to do the actual job. And I feel like I can't even talk about it with Craig because he has no interest in like
you know, talking about things in my career, unless it pertains to him and our relationship. Um, which is funny because Craig really prides himself on being a career person, career oriented. And he gets very upset when Austin does not support his career. And it's funny that he then in turn has, is so completely unsupportive and is so needy about page and her time and her career. This isn't fair. Look, I have always supported your career ending. Yeah.
So he's like, I can go make eggs. Do you want eggs? Do you have eggs? How many eggs do you have? Do they have follicles? No. Can we put some popsicles in your eggs? No. No. No. It's like, die. Die. No. Die. Let's die. Die. Die. No. No.
So now we go to the group. They're back to the group at the pool. And Carl's like, oh, hey. So I know Carl and Maddo, you're going to be in Italy for a wedding. But I'll have a friends and family event for the soft bar. So we're trying to get a final head count. And if you guys can join, let me know. Maybe if your plans to Italy are just soft plans.
and a hard plant, maybe you could come. Uh, maybe, uh, huh. Maybe you want to like ask if Andreas wants to fly back before his wedding, uh, uh, to, uh, the soft launch. Huh? Uh, cause that's, I think where they were, I think they went to Andre and Lexi. Uh,
Andrea and Lexi's wedding, right? Which I think I thought more than just that. Why wouldn't they say that on the show? He was a cast member on the show. Why wouldn't they be like, oh, they went to Italy for this fabulous, gorgeous man's wedding? Yeah, we all watch it on social media. So Amanda asked if he invited Lindsay. He's like, yeah, I did. Because, like, you know, I want to invite everybody.
And like, I mean, that's what I'm like, oh, you know, that's what I'm doing. I'm opening something that's like really inclusive to everyone. And Lil gave me this great idea, which is to make it especially inclusive to magicians. So free top hat when you come to the soft launch. Yeah, like, of course, Lindsay's invited. I totally want her to eat shit when she sees me serving non-alc out of a van trunk.
So, yeah, she can see how difficult it is to pour a few different cheap non-alcoholic elements together and make a very nice, simple cocktail. So he tells us, soft bar is a mindful consumption bar, which I'm sorry, I'm never going to be okay with that. Fuck you with your mindful consumption. All the drinks are going to be served out of reusable bags from Whole Foods. So it's pretty mindful.
Yeah, so we're being very mindful. Like, we are thinking about high-concept things like taking, you know, lemons and ice water and sugar and mixing them together, and we're calling it a mindful...
It's a mindful margarita, non-alcoholic version. It's like, Carl, that's lemonade. All of our mixologists are going to be doing Sudoku as they shake the drinks. So it's pretty good. It won't pour until they complete a Sudoku cover. A Sudoku problem. So it's mindful. We've just...
We just brought in Lil as one of our, we call them mindfulness ambassadors. She is literally a sorcerer's apprentice. She is learning magic as we speak. And she is going to actually introduce some mind reading consumption. And so we're really excited about that. Yeah. It's a thing of a cool cafe and a bar, but like no alcohol.
I'm really excited. I'm nervous. I put a lot of work into this. I put over $100,000 of my own money into this. Okay, so I just read this in Reddit. Um...
Which was funny for everyone asking it. Oh, no, this was from our Facebook page from Kelly for everyone asking if soft bar is open. No, it is not. However, you can invest in it if you want. Laffy face. And it's a picture of soft bar, a new kind of space offering superior non-alcoholic functional coffee and cocktails or coffee does pushups. So plus experiences like you can come here and you can have experiences. It's crazy. It's like a park.
but where alcohol should be served, but it's not being served. If that makes any sense. Functional coffee. What is, you know what? I'm so glad he pioneered this because I've been realizing all this time I've been drinking dysfunctional coffee. And every time I drink it, it's like winds up all over my cheeks. And I'm like, why is, why can't I drink this? Oh, it's dysfunctional. I just look at my own coffee and I'm like, you lazy son of a bitch. Can you do anything right? Look, you're just laying there.
Do you even know what your job is? You're supposed to hydrate me and instead you're making me caffeinate and pee all the time. You are dysfunctional. Yeah. So Softbar has a video of Carl getting out of a van, as you can see in the screenshot right here. He's getting out of the front seat of the van and it says, welcome to Softbar. Soft. Um,
$136,600. That's $136,600 of $1.24 million of our Mexico has been raised. And he put $100,000 of that in himself. So, you know, come on, guys. Donate to Softbar. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Krappens commercial.
It's springtime. I've got a travel itch, which works out well since we are actually traveling for tour and being on tour for our show. That means I've got to come up with a lot of good looks for myself because I want to try to look as cool as possible on stage. And thankfully, I have been able to find all sorts of first class quality stuff at the
an economic price tag from quince yep quince quince is where it's at lightweight shirts and shorts from 30 bucks pants for any occasion comfortable lounge sets and the best part all quince items are priced 50 to 80 percent less than similar brands by partnering directly with top factories quince cuts out the cost of the middleman and passes the savings on to us and quince only works with factories that use safe ethical and responsible manufacturing practices i
I love that and you know what I also love is that not only do I get great apparel there you can also get like luggage and duffel bags and things like that so like it's truly like a great place to go for your travel needs for your next trip treat yourself to the luxe upgrades you deserve from quince go to quince.com slash crappins for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order that's
Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash crappins to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince dot com slash crappins.
Today, the beverage aisle looks a lot different than it used to. America's beverage companies are working together. We're delivering the options everyone wants. In fact, nearly 60% of beverages Americans buy have zero sugar. You'll find more variety than ever, including more of your favorites, now available with zero sugar. You'll also find more sizes and clear calorie information on the front of every can, bottle, and pack.
We know when it comes to finding balance, the more choices, the better. Look, I mean, I'm not opposed to a non-alcohol, you know, mocktail situation. There are like some amazing, amazing non-alcohol and cocktails out there. I just feel like... I just... I don't know if I love all this branding. I just feel like...
You'd go to like a, I don't know. I feel like investors don't group invest on Facebook. $1.24 million now. I'm not giving that to you, sir. Move it on. It's a lot of money. Listen, I've been soft for years and I haven't gotten any money. I just feel like, you know, the thing like, okay, so he's creating a space for people. How about I'll give you $100,000 to get me hard. Sound fair? Here's my concern for Carl. Okay. Okay.
I think despite all our mockery, I do think it's nice that he's creating a space for people who are sober or pregnant or whatever, who are not drinking, that they can come and still socialize and have, there's no alcohol, but they can still have cocktails or whatever, mocktails, non-alcohol, etc. But the problem is this. It's like you're now catering to more of a niche market. And on top of that, I feel like at the end of the day,
The bars that I'm going to go to are the ones that are close to me. So you're already taking a smaller segment of the population. And then you have to imagine they are geographically dispersed all throughout Manhattan and the city. So if I were sober, but I didn't live near this bar, I'd be like, oh, that's a cool idea. But I'm not going to schlep over to Soft Bar every single time I want to have a night out. So that's why I feel like there's something really kind of missing in this. I think it's like...
The gravitational pull, I just question it and I just-- - Look, there's a market for this. A lot of people are clean and sober and would like a place like this. I think there are places like this. This is not the first world of its kind. There are a lot of places that do well. So I don't think the idea is necessarily terrible. It's just Carl. So I don't really trust much coming out of Carl 'cause we've seen Carl's track record for 10 years.
So, or eight years, whatever it's been. So, I mean, we know Carl's track record. So it's just easy to make fun of because it's like, Oh, it's about to open when I raised $1.4 million off Facebook. Okay. Yeah. And I just also feel like, like, you know what? I think the entire couching of, of this like sort of new age therapy language in it, like it's mindful. It's a mindful like consumption, like, like,
I hate that so much. I almost feel like if like the whole idea, the germ of the idea was that if you're sober, you can finally go to a place like go to a sports bar and there's not like the pressure or the temptation or everything that comes the baggage of alcohol there, but you get to still have the experience for the rest of your life.
for the non-sober people you get to have your own safe space for it but like but now you're catching it all this like mindfulness and it's like well I feel like I have to imagine that if I weren't drinking I'd be like can I just have a bar can I just have like my non-alcoholic bar do I have to have all this like stuff in here about mindful consumption does everything have to feel like cafe gratitude you know
But I don't know. I'm not in those shoes, so I really can only speak to a limited degree about it. I'm not in those Jesus sandals, so... Yeah, I'm not in those Gladiator sandals. I just, I don't know. He's like, guys, the theme for my soft launch is going to be soft garden party. Look, I'm no Barbara Corcoran, but if I were, I'm not sure I'd be asking for equity in this one.
Yeah. So Sierra's like, oh, so we have a theme of this. He's like, yeah, I have a Hampton Chitney from Seaport to the event in New Jersey. So there's the Chitney. Get your diapers. Everyone's like, wait, so we have to go to the South Street Seaport and then go to New Jersey? Great. Those are two places a New Yorker does not want to go. I'm telling you that right now. Both of those places. South Street Seaport and New Jersey. Yeah.
That's like in LA being like, okay, so we're going to meet at the Santa Monica Pier. Yeah, meet by the Ferris wheel. And then take a bus to the Inland Empire. Yeah. We're going to Riverside. Look, there's no guarantees with this, but I'd rather fall flat on my face going forward in something I truly believe in and passionate about than...
selling dental equipment so that's where i'm at you know i just part of me too and we we've kind of hounded on this soft idea a lot too i think part of what bugs me is the like capitalizing on sobriety so soon i just feel like it's hard enough to be sober without making your whole persona a
You know what I mean? I think you kind of need to give yourself a break. I think like if in sobriety, you know, there are certain rules like that you learn in AA. Like if there's a certain amount of time where you have to just be alone, then there's a certain amount of time when you can get a plant. Listen, I watch a Sandra Bullock movie. So I know.
And then after that, you can get like a pet maybe. And then after you keep that alive for a while, then you can date, you know? So I think that there should be like some, some kind of rules with just for yourself and your own sanity before you're investing one, one and a half million dollars into a business. Yeah.
Here's actually another one of my concerns. Believe it or not, I do have a conscience and I do kind of feel shitty about just bashing this over and over again because I do see that this is something that's like a carrot on a stick for him and it does seem really good that Carl finally has something that he's really excited and working towards. There's part of me that as a human, I do want to cheer her mom on and have success, but I just feel like I know his track record. But I feel like there's certain things in people's lives that
that happen that are very momentous and very important. It's like getting sober, having a child, getting into shape, things like that, where then it becomes, it's so exciting for them as it should be that it kind of becomes like their whole identity as sort of what you were saying. And so what happens is you see things like Shark Tank where someone's like, or just not even Shark Tank, you just see people who are like, I'm a new mother and I just realized that
I'm going to come up with a new, here's a new thing that I'm going to sell. And like people are always coming up with these new ideas, these entrepreneurial new ideas based off of their very new fresh habit.
not always realizing that that like it's that the excitement is going to wane a little bit and then sort of normal life is going to come in. And then that thing that you were so excited about that you wanted to make into a business no longer has the same gravitational pull for you. And also that you're not the first one. You're not the first one to do that. Like you're not the first one to get into shape and realize I want to start
you know, hawking this kind of thing for fitness or like, I'm sober now. I want to open up a sober bar. Like I guarantee, I know this sounds so obnoxious and cynical. I guaranteed Carl's not the first one. I mean, when you talk about that, we, this is a concept that has happened before, but I also feel like he's probably not the first one who has thought of this. And there's probably a reason why this has not become like a big deal thing in the
America, you know, and, and if he's the one to prove it wrong and to break the mold and to break through them, all the power to them. But I just think that like, sometimes people get really excited about profound changes in their lives. And then they think like, I'm going to like innovate in this space. And the truth is, I think a lot of people have that feeling and they don't realize that you're like, the best idea is already out there. It's on a show called secret lives of Mormon wives. They're called soda shops. Yeah.
And that's what you should be doing. You should be having a party place. It's like a crazy soda shop that you get together. All your friends get together. You have fun. And that's it. So he announces the garden party thing. And he's like, okay, guys, small talk was great, but it's time to go. So Kyle's in the kitchen now. And he's alone. He's on the important storyline of the day. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Is that banana bread? What's the dealio? That's why he went jogging with full-on guyliner on, because he's like, I think I need some banana bread, and I don't want to wait. He's like, I am not going to waste any time wiping this mascara off, because that's...
He's like, I can't eat the banana bread till I have my morning run. And I'm not delaying this run. I need to get into that banana bread. Yeah. So everybody packs up to go and Paige is excited that they just get to leave their suitcases at the top of the stairs because men will take them down for them. And then, um,
Craig is like, hey, you want to switch hats? Okay, I'm going to switch hats with you, Jesse, okay? And then I'll have Paige bring you this one next weekend. And Jesse's like, yeah, Craig's the kind of guy who's going to give you the hat off his goddamn head.
Yeah. That's why he's my number one priority. He's like, wait, are you guys beefing? He's like, no. Anytime Craig tries to beef, I just like make it a joke. Like, and he's like, oh, is everything a joke to you, Paige? And I say, yes, that's why I have a career out of it. He's like, I never said that. I even made a joke.
It's crazy. So she tries to make light of it. But she goes, by the way, Jesse, is Craig your number one priority? Just want to make sure before we get on the road there. He's like, oh, could be. Could be. So then in the kitchen, Craig is saying bye to Kaimanta.
And Kyle's like, dude, I'm just eating your banana bread. Fucking mind blowing. It's fucking mind blowing. Have you considered that maybe we could put this out with Loverboy and you could be a spokesperson for it? He's like, sorry, I'm already talking to a banana bread company. So, dude, give me a chance. Give me a fucking chance, bro.
Where has all the banana bread gone? Whoa. Just wanted to close that Paula Cole loop that you opened up before. I'm listening to a lot of Cole trying to support Amanda. She only has two songs, but they both apply very well to banana bread. And Craig's like, why don't you take the banana bread home? It's a nice loaf. And then he's going to get in the car and be like, I'm hungry. Why'd you give away your banana bread, Craig?
Fucking moron.
Yeah. Craig is the one who wants lunch. Take your banana bread. Where did the banana bread even come from? Did he buy it? Did he make it? What's happened? I want to know the backstory. It's just a Southern thing to bring. Like, Hey guys, I just came from the South, brought some banana bread. So I'm a big banana bread maker over here. So I respect anybody bringing in a loaf of banana bread. Cause that's one thing I can do. Okay. I went on a big banana brof. Brof. It's a banana. I'm a banana brof.
I went on a big banana loaf journey. I think it was last year and I made several of them. And I now believe I have found the recipe that everyone should use. And if you are interested, then go check out my website. Did you have any of mine at Christmas? No. God damn it. I didn't know there was banana bread. I cooked like 20 things, okay? I had banana bread. Fresh banana bread straight from the oven. God damn it.
So I'll have to make you some for when you come to Texas to visit. Please do. Welcome to the South. Here's some banana breads. Okay. I know. We'll hand it out to the audience. Banana bread for everyone. Okay. So then Sierra and Jesse are hugging by the car. And Jesse's like, I could really get used to hugging you. God fucking 10. You're fucking 10. It's just, yeah, don't get used to it. He goes, yeah, it was great hugging on you this weekend. God, still loved it. Loved hanging with you, Sierra. Yeah.
So fun. So Paige hugs Amanda and tells her to have so much fun. And then... Have fun at the wedding of the train I missed.
Yeah, have fun with the male model that does nothing but actually love on and adore the women that are in his life. Yeah, enjoy my version of Gwyneth Paltrow's sliding doors where you get the good part of the movie, okay? I'll be driving home with a loafless Craig. Yeah, I'm so excited.
And what's the name of the guy that she was rumored to be dating? Was he like part of Barstool Sports or something like that? Joe Bonino. Whoa. Joe Bonino. No. Joe Bonino? Well, don't tell Margaret and Joseph. You know what? I don't care. I can share a joke. She'll spiff him up, okay? Because, you know, he loves that seafoam polo shit. I'm like, Joe, put on a better shirt. You know, I need Pedro's help around here with him. I forget the guy's name already. His name is... So what? Who cares? So what?
So now we're in New York City and my favorite thing we see flashes of people doing work and so we see West at work over complex and he's like um okay everyone I'm downloading you guys on this thing on Tuesday it's called bucket list challenge and it's basically like asking people questions about the United States and geography I'm like what does that have to do with a bucket list that's not what a bucket list is the bucket list is like what you do before you die you know
Right. It's not like, oh, I'm about to die. It's like that Danny Glover movie where he's like, I'm about to die, so I'm going to do the things on my bucket list. I'm going to jump out of a plane. Yeah. So then this girl goes, oh my God, Wes. Hey, how'd you get into my movie? Sorry. I can pass it up. Oh, bucket. Is this things that will make you puke in a bucket? Okay. Craig. I'm sorry. I had to break up with you, Craig. It was on my bucket list. Plain Danny Glover. Okay.
So this girl goes, oh my god, Wes, you've been to all the states, so this is perfect for you. So apparently you can't ask geographical questions about the states unless you've been to all of them. I mean, it's like, yeah, that's why it's a good fit. It's a good pitch. Really good pitch. Good fit. Good fit for me, because I know what it's like to drive on a highway through Iowa. So... Then we have Carl working on a softball.
He's doing a meeting and he's like, so business, business, business. Just want to talk to through our friends and family that. So you guys need some questions or answers on ice, right? And the guy's like, yeah, before the call, before I call the ice guy, I just need some measurements because he has a custom ice. So it would fit perfectly into our glass. Yeah.
Who knew ice was so complex? That's why your business is costing $1.4 million. Girl, measure a Solo Cup. You know what I mean? It's an outdoor party in Jersey. What the fuck kind of glass do you need? I don't need measurements for your ice. Get the fuck out of here.
hexagonal ice only so now we have lexi sitting at a table uh on a skyscraper somewhere and uh she's like nobody in the house actually okay this is a serious thing that she says but she introduces it as if she is like about to announce that she got like a movie role she's nobody in the house knows this but my grandma's not doing well right now i was like oh okay fine with the canada
I wanted to rally. Huge secret. Huge. I'm trusting it with you, America. So Jesse comes up and he's like, hey, Lexi Wood? Is that you? Wow, it's Lexi. It's Lexi Wood. Oh my God. Hi, you got me flowers? Wow. Well, I got them for your mom, so I had to get them for you too. Got your dad a cock ring he's been asking for and your sister a nice boob. So flowers are the least I can do.
lexi is like okay and then like her sister and her mom show up and like receive the flowers thank you so much these are wonderful her sister smells them her sister smells them like she's like they smell so good don't they like just getting reports getting notes from her sister on how they smell um my sister got lipstick all over the flowers sorry
I really only told Jesse because I trust him and because he's become my person. Nobody else can know that my grandma's sick. Nobody. I'm not like Little Red Riding Hood, okay? I'm not just like skipping through the forest telling everybody I'm going to my grandma's house. Nobody can know. I'm excited and scared. So then there's Thunder. And Lexi's like, I'm either.
but that's okay he's like yeah well if we get struck by lightning oh my god you might hear something so funny my great-grandfather was struck by lightning i think like twice i've literally never told anybody that before this is like crazy but you're like my person and i just like have to tell you this so uh jess is like i'll protect you from the lightning cost i don't remember my dick
So he puts his arm up like that's going to do anything. And she's like, OK, wait, like so Carl's thing. I had to text him and be like, I couldn't go. And he said he was going to like save me a gift bag. So that's like really sweet. He's like, oh, I think you're going to want a hoodie for that because like it's about to rain. Oh, 100 percent.
So now I'm starting to sprinkle and she's like, so tell me about last weekend. Like you had the party and he's like, yeah, we had Craigie Beast in town and I'm just like trying to remember what else happened. Hold on. Let me just flag down Waitress Beast. Hey, Waitress Beast. Can I get another cocktail? Thanks so much. Oh man. Why are you tapping your toe? Yeah, just got the telltale toe going on right now. So then...
Then they decide to move inside and he tells us, I mean, listen, given what she just told me about how jealous she can be and whatever, like, I just don't want to make a big deal out of nothing. Like the toe tuck thing was like not sexual and it's like a complete joke. And like, if I was like trying to have a foursome, like, first of all, I wouldn't have been, wouldn't have been like with in rule. Okay. Like, I think it's safe to say it's just like not something I want to be a thing. I mean, I'll do it, but I just don't want it to be a thing.
You know, beggars can't be choosers. You know what? You may not have wanted your foursome to be with Emeril, but that's what you got. So you take it. And that's, you know, so your logic does not work. Yeah, exactly. And your whole like, oh, no gay. Hey, no gay here. Okay, bro. No gay here. Yeah, no homo. Thank you. I knew that didn't sound right. No homo. No homo, bro. No homo.
This is a mini-meditation guided by Bombus. Repeat after me. I'm comfy. Comfy.
I'm cozy. I have zero blisters on my toes. And that's because I wear Bombas, the softest socks, underwear, and t-shirts that give back. One purchased equals one donated. Now go to bombas.com slash wondery and use code wondery for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash wondery and use code wondery at checkout.
Have you ever wondered how a circus performer could become the most powerful woman in the Byzantine Empire? Even the Royals is a podcast from Wondery that pulls back the curtain on royal families, from ancient empires to modern monarchs, to show you the darker side of what it means to be royalty. Before we get into the podcast,
Before she ruled an empire, Theodora was a teen sensation in circus shows featuring dancing bears, burlesque performers, and blood-soaked chariot races. But when her star came crashing down, she clawed her way from rock bottom to the very top, using everything from comedy to espionage to get there. Empress Theodora didn't just survive. She revolutionized women's rights across the Byzantine Empire.
like changing laws to let women divorce men, own property, and bring abusive men to justice. For all her work in pioneering, she's remembered as the most powerful Byzantine empress in history. Follow Even the Royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Even the Royals early and ad-free by joining Wondery Plus.
So Lexi asked how the rest of the week is sensing something's wrong. And he's like, oh, well, you know, I can tell you this, like every night we're not together is like a super shitty night. I can I can promise you that right now, you know, so, you know, like you just like you make me feel so great. You know, you make my toes curl and in a good way. And.
And I just wanted to tell you, you know, I think I'm ready to be your boyfriend. You want to be Lexi Wood? You want to go steady? You want to go steady with Jesse? Want to go steady with Jesse Solomon?
Oh, my God. You're so sad. So you're basically going to come do this so she can't be mad at you for getting your toe sucked. And then you can say, but we weren't together. We weren't going steady until I asked you when it was raining and I'd already had my toe sucked. So I technically didn't do anything wrong. It's so clear. It's so transparent. Yeah.
So, of course, she says yes. And she's like, I definitely knew it was coming, but I loved it because I'm, like, romantic. I'm, like, super open with him. I'm, like, super vulnerable with him. And, yes, I have, like, emotions for Jesse. And, like, obviously, I'm, like, a little bit scared. But, like, when you're putting your trust into someone, I just think, like, if we're meant to be, we'll figure it out. Oh, I'm Lexi Wood. You can do it. As Sabrina Carpenter would say, don't make me look stupid.
So now we go to New Jersey Hall.
and it's going to be Carl's big soft bar bench. And so we meet some of the people on his team and everything. And this one guy, Richie, is like, hey, you want a drink? He's like, yeah, what's like the calming one? He's like, oh, the high road. Yeah, let's do the high road. Which, by the way, you know which one's the calming one because it's your cocktail. No, but he doesn't. That's the thing about Carl. He doesn't fucking know what's even going on in his own business. That's so him.
I can't tell he's either doing like a really cheesy commercial or he's again expressing his ineptitude at being someone who sells. Yeah, I don't think he knows. I think it's like, oh, it's a calming one. Totally into this. Totally into this stuff that I have nothing to do. But also, by the way, it's so passive aggressive. The calming one is called the high road. That's got to be a barb towards Lindsay, right? I'm just gonna take the high road. I'm just gonna stay calm and take the high road.
So, yeah, the goal today is South Bar Friends and Family event is to announce the brand official. If I hear Carl say friends and family one more time, I swear to God, I'm going to...
I'm going to send someone over there to knock over all the tables. He's specifying so he can have multiple opening events to get people into going, right? Like, no, it's like business associates day. So all my friends need to come support me. And now it's like soft, soft opening day. Now it's like the van just got new wheels day. So is that opening? Yeah.
So this guy's like, yeah, try this. It's passion fruit, chamomile, wine white, peppercorns. Oh, it's fucking delicious. Fucking gross. Passion fruit, chamomile, and peppercorn. I'll take the low road. Okay? Is that where the Diet Coke is? You take the high road and I'll take the low road. So... As Sabrina Carpenter would say, I'll have espresso.
And I should also say, please. So Carl's like, oh. Sorry, you had to complete it. Please, please, please, please. I love that song, actually. That's like my Sabrina Carpenter jam, that song. Please, please. I love that song. Please.
I'll always think of Taylor crying on Love Island USA when they played that song. And I'll always think of someone on Twitter when Taylor was crying over that song and they played that song and the next day she got back with Aaron and someone on Twitter said, NBCU is so mad that they paid all those thousands of royalties for that song only for them to get back together the next day. That's just one of the smartest tweets I've ever read. Please, please, please, don't do me wrong. You know, do, do, do, do, do.
Give me a drink with non-algae and some peppercorns in it. I like Sabrina Carpenter, but I still find it weird that her voice is so like wispy, wispy, wispy, but then her talking voice is like, hi, I'm Sabrina Carpenter. I can't get over that.
I was actually surprised because I listened to that podcast Song Exploder where they did that song, where they went over this song, Please, Please, Please, which is why I like that song because I heard it on that podcast. And, you know, they play some of the just regular tracks without the whole thing being produced or whatever. And she has a beautiful voice. I was shocked. I mean, I knew she could sing, but I didn't know. So many singers, they just...
make that ethereal you know auto-tune-y reverb sound and you don't know they can actually sing you know they just sound kind of like everybody else you can actually sing i was very impressed you go sabrina you knocked me over with a sabrina carpenter would say feather that's that well you know she's a crappens listener right right right no i'm just making that up i just i'm like i'm gonna start i'm just putting it into the universe okay so carl is like
Paula Cole's like, wait, I thought I was going to be the one that we're going to talk about all episode. Please, please, please. Drag door eats ass. Please. In many ways, Paula Cole walks. So Sabrina Carpenter could run. Let's let's. That is the theory I'm going to hatch. And I actually think it has some merit. So now.
No, look, Paula Cole sort of had that like country pop kind of vibe that Please Please Please has. Think about it. Well, think about it. Okay, Paula Cole. I'll think about this. Okay, we're putting this on Instagram later. Did Paula Cole? Did Paula Cole have an influence on Sabrina Carpenter? People chime in.
All right. So Carl's like, oh, guys, let me talk about my concept. Okay. The vision, the concept to serve our drinks is to show what we're about to my friends and family only today. Okay. And you know what? This connects on a deeper level. It's more than being non-alcoholic. It's about like, I want to change, you know, not only my family cycle, the addiction, the illness, but I want to break the cycle for other people.
Okay, well, that's a very nice concept, but I'm not paying $25 for passion fruit and chamomile. No, I'm not going to do it. I'm going to break the cycle of paying for stupid things for stupid things. I'm going to break the cycle. I'm going to start a new cycle of buying chamomile tea at home and putting peppercorns in it at home. Okay.
like this is i can't stand this like this is all well meaning this is all sounds very nice and everything but the truth is it's like you're serving non-alcoholic drinks but you're making it sound like we're breaking the cycle we're gonna change like you're you're making you're almost like guilting us like if we're against this we're actually for keeping cycles going and it's like business like just have a business bro like i don't need your guilt trip and also breaking the cycle shouldn't bring you money anyway just why does it connect on a deeper level
it doesn't it's just stop it stop trying to sell me with your trauma i'm not buying it sir okay i'm not fucking buying it so then um emerald people start arriving you know and little's there she's like oh my god this is like so lean this is like a park in jersey this is where lemurs would run just saying pick a card pick a card pick a card as emerald shows up bunny
I had a bunny in this hat. It was supposed to fall. I can't find it, but I still carry the hat around in my purse. So,
Unfortunately, we're going to have to suspend all high road servings because there is a rabbit in the punch bowl. But he goes, thanks for coming. He tells her, thanks for coming. I love the outfit. And she goes, thank you. I made it. Don't look closely because there's safety pins everywhere. And the way that Carl looks at her when she says she made her outfit, he just kind of looks it up and down like, oh, no.
Lindsay's going to see this. I got a vibe that he was like, yeah, I don't love that you're making your own clothes. What are you, Molly Ringwald in the pretty in pink? Yeah, yeah. I loved when Emeril showed up because he showed up on, he like drove to New Jersey on his motorcycle. He's like, I was like, really? You're just going to show up like the Fonz in every single scene?
um every single scene which i the reason why i paused there is because i just remembered i saw the fonts maybe that's why i just referenced the funds i saw henry winkler at the airport on monday when i got off my plane and he was wearing a bright green suit with like a yellow shirt it was the most amazing thing i'd ever seen that's my little story anyway i just love that emerald showing up in school but emerald showing up on the motorcycle like a badass to this like this friends and family event for soft at a
Nice house in New Jersey was so ridiculous to me. Yeah, that's a motorcycle guy who fucks a lot. You know, he's like, hey, guys, I'm breaking my own family cycle of driving cars. So Carl's like, oh, so when it comes to loyal, I don't even know what I'm looking for exactly. Oh, no shit. That's only been the story you've been saying for 10 years on this show. I just think that like after the previous relationship.
Where I thought, like, that's the one for me and I was going to get married. Like, you kind of got to, like, go back to the drawing board. Like, that's what you do. That's why you're at Carl 9.0 because you've been drawing on that board a lot. Wait a minute. Please tell me we're not getting another Carl 9.0.
You know, like things are really hard on me right now and I'm not really ready to commit. So, duh, Carl, we've heard it for nine years, brah. Which is, by the way, you're right. It's just funny that Carl thinks he's coming up with a fresh shtick when it's Carl soft point. Oh, so I like this part when he's like back to the drawing board. So, Lil, how was the bus? That's cold, bro. You literally have a van sitting right there.
I know. The girl that you like, you're going to put her on the fake jitney? Really? You made her go to South Street Seaport? Jeez. Well, I pulled out my cards at South Street Seaport, but I couldn't guess anybody's card. I got a couple of things thrown at my face, but I got them to stop when I said, I made this dress. And they all went, aww. And then just kept walking. So that was fun.
So, Jesse and West arrive and people are arriving. And of course, Jesse's like, so there's no booze here whatsoever? Like, nope. So then Gabby is there. Everyone's hugging and Carl's like, hey, thanks for coming. She's like, yeah, it's New Jersey. He's like, yeah, I can't believe it. What's a girl from Westchester doing in New Jersey? Which is a question I often ask myself anytime I cross the state line. Yeah.
And she's like, yeah, everyone wants to know that. I'd like to know that too, actually. He goes, well, we're here because it's Friends and Family Day. So please try all the different bevvies. My first would be soft spritz. It's like spritzer, but the bubbles, like it's been sitting out all day unopened. So it's soft. We believe in like really soft bubbles here, which means we forget to put lids back on things. So, yeah.
Please enjoy the soft spritz. You mean seltzer? Water. You mean flavored seltzer? You know, like, things become a spritz when you add the spritz to it. So when you take the stuff out of the spritz, it just goes back to being what it was originally. Oh, excuse me. This is mindful. This is a mindful spritz. Emeril, you're going to have a drink? Be sure to get it with benefits. Okay. Yeah, that's how I get everything, bro.
You may have heard of La Croix, but since this is mindful, it's called La Cry. Think about it. La Soft. So all these beverages come with a mushroom benefit. If you want it. If you want it. You could benefit from a mushroom. So who can't? All right. Isn't that... Implying there's a microdose element to this. Isn't that...
I don't know. Listen, I don't know. I don't know what the rules are. And some people are just so sober from alcohol. Some people are sober from Coke. You know, there's different kinds of sobriety. But now that's a selling point, though. So if you're going to do magic mushroom infused drinks and cannabis infused drinks, now there's a bar. You know what I mean? Because you can still go get fucked up. Exactly. I don't know that everybody would consider that sobriety. Well, that's what. So now.
Now it all makes sense. Now I know why it's quote unquote mindful. The mindful is just, you know, fun wording for saying you can do shrimps. Yeah. Yeah. You're doing. So have my ayahuasca drink at the sobriety soft bar. That would be great.
So he's like, yeah, it's super uplifting. So then Carl's mom, Sharon is here. Fucking enabling. Sharon is here. And she's like, Hey guys, I want to talk to the boys. Hey boys. Hey, Western Jesse. Oh God. It's so good to see you. You know, Carl's being so strong. Isn't he? After all that crap and the breakup that, that Lindsay did to him. Yeah. And she was mean to me too. You know, boys, she was real mean to me too. You know what? Sharon, fuck off. Like, honestly,
Like, seriously. Not Sharon. Sharon's not cool either. I don't think it's very nice how you conspired with your son on camera to gaslight somebody when he was being an asshole and ready to break up with her for months. And then you tried to make it sound like she's abusive and all this other crap. Sharon.
Oh, I'm going to get Sharon a pass. She's a mother. She's allowed to be mad at her daughter-in-law or future daughter-in-law. I think that's actually a right of passage. I think that she were... Of course she has the right, but I have a right to tell her to fuck off, too. Not Sharon. Sharon can fuck off. There it is. We're taking that shit. Get out of here with that. Your son never does anything wrong. Did you see the season, Sharon? Have you seen the past nine seasons, Sharon? Please.
I was sad because Sharon didn't get to do her signature move, which is that she pretends to do a little curtsy, but she goes, she loves to do that. So yeah, she's like, yeah, she was mean to me too. But like, by the way, none of this, like you, you watch the show. Clearly you all know what Lindsay's about. You knew she was going to be mean to you. I will say this. I will like, you can't be surprised that Lindsay could be mean to you. That's her thing.
You should have told your son a long time ago, like, don't date this girl because she's going to be mean to you and she's going to be mean to me. I don't have a little class. You know, you're showing up on your son's show. Just like, why do you why is your first thing to be like, what a bitch Lindsay is? You know, come on, man. Your son's already taken the cross. OK, there's no room on the cross for you, Sharon. OK, you're going to have to wait for a new carpenter to show up. Fuck out of here.
leave sabrina out of this so um as sabrina would say on my way okay so bailey shows up which is exciting and she meets people and that's we're happy for bailey to be back in the mix and then carl and emerald say hi and carl's wearing white pants and uh sierra's like oh hey carl these are my favorite pants yet
which is, I think she was trolling him. I think he was like, Oh, thanks. I thought you liked them. I kind of like the new fashion of the guys that they're all kind of in the great Gatsby. It's like the 1920s are back. They're all wearing like really, really like flowy, silky, high-waisted pants. Like they're in anything goes. I kind of like it. It's working for me. So they're like white pants, but they're like high-waisted. So, Carl 10.0, here we go. Oh,
The great Carlsby. Daisy. It's too much for me, Daisy, right now. So, Sierra, Carl would never be the great Gatsby. Poor Carl. He'd be like, hey, so about that bootlegging, I'm just not sure that was the right moment for me yet. Like, oh, God. Yeah. He's a great depression. Hey. Oh, there's a green light across the bay and it's just like a lot right now.
So Carl is like, you hug me while you're wearing sequins. I need it to be a little softer. Please be a little softer. Can we do less flapping and more like petting? That would be nice. So I had a big party to invite Lil over because I love her so much. So Carl is basically, he thanks Bailey for coming. He goes up to Jesse and
And he's like, I'm like, there's something about like Carl trying to be like cool and down with like Justin West that always lands so inauthentically for me. And it's always hilarious. He's like, Hey, what would Jesse Solomon do? Right? Like he's veering into that kind of like dad territory. Like a dad is trying to be cool. Yeah. It tickles me. God, if you kids want to ride in the van, I'll put a new driver sticker on the back. Oh,
Cool dad. Cool dad. So then page, then we find out what this cast really thinks. Cause they're all there to support Carl, but even this cast,
So we expect it from Paige, right? But everyone else is like, damn. So Paige is like, I'm so proud of Carl. I'm so happy for him. I mean, it seems like he's just so passionate, you know? Now, is this an idea that people can say, this is a bad idea? This idea is never going to work. Is this a complete harebrained shit idea that he doesn't have money or skill to finish? Sure. But it makes him happy. So I'm fine with it.
And Jesse's like, yeah, I'm a Carl fan. I just want to see him happy. Carl Beast. And Wes is like, you know, as human beings, we all need to work towards this.
to work towards and to build. And I think it's super healthy. The implication being like shitty idea, but cool that he has something that he is occupying his time. Right. And then the real thoughts. Jesse's like, oh, you know, I think that any bar concept is a high risk endeavor. Like, especially when your highest margin product is alcohol. And Wes like, yeah, I don't fully under grasp. I don't really grasp what the long term goal is, but yeah,
I'll support Carl no matter what. You know what? Can people say, oh, it's a bad idea? Oh, it'll never work? Sure. Do they say it often? Sure. Do people say, wow, good luck blowing away $100,000? Of course they do. But you know what? At least he loves it. Yeah.
Yeah, you know, even if this place doesn't make a fucking dollar, that's Carl, right? So I just want Carl to be happy. I mean, if he's sitting on a bus bench, sleeping on a bus bench, pretending he's watching TV from a bus bench, you know, good for him. Good for you, bro.
You know, if we can support Kyle being a DJ and by extension, Craig sewing a goddamn pillow, which is just a square and takes about five minutes to do, then we can support Carl's bar with no alcohol. Okay. You know, we all have things, you know, it's important to have comedy in our lives. Yeah.
Listen, we can say what we want about Kyle being a DJ, but Kyle actually has the audience for it, and he's promoting his drinks at the same time. So Kyle's booking DJ gigs, which, of course, people will just go listen to you DJ. Why not? They get a picture with you, all that stuff. And then plus they'll buy your lover boy. So his is actually kind of smart, even though it is mockable. He's already put his into action. Yeah, it's just mockable. He took classes. And it didn't cost a million dollars. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, am I mortified for anyone who goes to a DJ Kyle Cook concert? Yes. Will we still invite Kyle Cook to do a set before one of our live shows one day? You bet. You bet. Would I mock anyone who goes to a doubleheader of DJ Matty Reese and Kyle Cook? Yes. Would I be that person? Quite possibly. I might be the one who would attend that show. I'd go. Yeah, I want to go. I want to check them out.
Okay, so Sierra and Paige are on the phone with Lindsay, and they're like, oh my god, did you get invited to this event, old lady? I mean, has the snail mail arrived? I mean, I'm assuming that you still don't have a computer. So, did the snail mail arrive in time for you to get the invitation? She's like, did you receive your invitation at misslindsayhubbardatprodigy.net? Yeah.
And she's like, I'm busy. I have to paint the walls and watch them dry. Oh, you're Erica Janning it? Yes. So Carl's like, oh, I'm sorry. I just, you know, I'm just, you know, Sarah, I just want to tell you a little bit more about this concept, which is that like, we want pregnant women to come to the soft bar too. And like one of these days I'll get a pregnant woman to try some of these drinks. Yeah.
Although what is funny is that we find out later on that all the snacks and hors d'oeuvres served at the event were food that pregnant women could not eat at all, which is the most like...
This is why it's good to have people from different backgrounds in your workplace. Because, you know, sometimes we get into our tunnel vision. I'm just going to say it. Just put that out there. I think at this point he's just making a Lindsay dig, right? He's like, well, one day I hope we can get a pregnant lady here. I'll be honest. Yeah, but he's – it's a dig, but he also is trying to make that a selling point. Because he's like, got to open up the umbrella as much as possible to get everyone in here. Ha, Big Ten event. Ha, friends and family. Yeah, and guess where pregnant women drink? Home. Okay, I asked my mom.
Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two.
Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney. Put your hands together for Carly Clap. Catherine DiBernardo has our heart-o. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. Dana C. Dana Do. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Etcho!
We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas. She don't miss no trickleless. Hava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie. She has no last name-y. We could all learn from Jennifer Kearns. She's our kind of mess. It's
Jennifer Messer. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trach. Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Mannock's door. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey Bee. Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay Dee. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox.
Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg. This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love-a-ya Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson. She sure is swell, it's Raquel. Yes, we can-a, it's Savannah. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. The Bay Area Betches.
Betches. And our super premium sponsors. She's the VIP. It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.
Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. It's our queen. It's Queen Laifa. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Know your worth with Jason Kerr. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. She's not harsh. She's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie. My favorite Murdo.
Karen McMurdo. She gets an A, it's Kelly B. We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Shadley. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Lola Alcalani. The Incredible Edible Matthews Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. We're on the floor with Molly Dorsett. Give him hell, Miss Noelle. There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud.
She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke. Shannon, out of a can, and Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Kutar. We love you guys.
If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.